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Téodor's interior monologue Tuesday, August 14, 2007 • read strip Viewing 152 comments:

The industry would be swarmed with applicants if the chicks did not get pumped with their heads in the shitter.

you say that as if the industry were not already swarmed, despite the toilet sex requirements.

What's wrong with toilet sex? Seriously.

The seat is pretty cold in the morning, guys.

what about the afternoon?

I just realized why while my wife usually avoids the bathroom right after I use it, she seems to always go in just after I do in the morning.

I suspect we'll see Hermish Glockensmermer Ippy in the next Friday Facts. Phillipe is committed to his journalism. Monday to Thursday spent for our three minutes reading on Friday.

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wow, Teodor really needs to get in shape. you know you've got it bad when you make ray Q Smuckles seem athletic and lithe.

WELL YOU AND I SHOULD PROBABLY LOSE SOME WEIGHT!

No, you see Ray made some calls

Fantastic little animato-icon there btw.

Teodor does parkour. You get a free ride on looking like that naked sitting down if you do parkour. Deep down, every girl likes a boy that's nice to hug.

Though I love Ray, sometimes I miss the strip being all the time focused on Teodor's nonsense.

Today has brought me such nostalgia.

Hell of chubbies for Numfar and the Dance of Joy

Philippe is delighted

Phillipe is ridiculously delighted.

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Ray might've been sleep wanking again

"gettin out the 'ol gardenin glove" so to speak

This is no laughing matter. The sin of onanism, while sleeping or not, is punishable by being beaten by the hand of god.

If god wants to beat me off so be it

Needs more chubbies, gross as it is.

"Nice work down there, by the way."

Phillipe is so cute in the last 2 panels

Man Teodor must be desperate because hand to god Starbucks uniforms are about as de-sexualized as they come

only if you happen to be wearing clothes underneath them

Dear GOD I hope this is going to be a story arc.

Phillipe looks so happy whilst Teodor is thinking about chicks getting laid with their head in a toilet. Same planet, different worlds.

surely he is thinking of kings and tractors and dinosaurs.

Perhaps a dinosaur king named Hermish who rides a tractor?

I would definitely drink that guy's piss.

(aperson has this set as a macro.)

Sometimes a new body to look at is we've got to get us out of bed in the morning.

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Did I seriously just get linked to a picture of a hot barista on a paysite ? On achewood ?

In panel 3, T�odor is being honest with himself...about everything.

It's interesting that Phillippe just sorta STARES at him as he walks out the room.

I think hes actually talking to him, but Teodor simply no longer cares

[IMGS OFF]

yes! YES!!

no! NO!!

heeeeheehee

haha, that was excellent. i burned my chubby allotment on this page, so i must acknowledge you this way.

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ow! OW!!

You two are funny.

Yaaay

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Good!

It's the look on a child's face when their wishes come true.

Also, this alt text perfectly describes 45% of my friends.

In Japan, Chicks with Dicks are called futanari. I like it; it's got a ring to it. You could say it in public and not immediately give away your unique taste in pornography.

"Gents with Implements." That is awesome vague and likely terrifying.

In France it is considered rude for a chick to have a dick.

Yeah except in a group of people there's always that other other guy and then you're all like, "Damn it, why did he have to go and know that word?"

Am I right, folks?

i miss teodor sometimes, i wish we could see more of him. this is a welcome strip.

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I'm awaiting the inevitable Todd T. Squirrel internal monologue strip. I may get it framed.

He forgot: Nerds with turds.

Though it is a pretty gross website.

i'm still waiting for goats with boats.

Or Females with Tails.

chaps with saps

that doesn't even make sense.

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goddamn lame limits.

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One Chubby, bestowed out of pity by Assmen with Compassion and Pardon my Hard-on.


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An offshoot of Seuss porn.

The only good Seuss porn is the stuff he did himself.

And so ram her he did
rammed it right up her ass
while she screamed like a kid
that crass sass-ass lass

Twits with clits

The sheer look of happiness and admiration on Phillipe is priceless. It's like his whole day has been made with the discovery of the world's worst name. Ah, to be five again.

and an otter.

if I would just remember to wear my tin-foil helmet more often, I might prevent Onstad from stealing so many of my thoughts.

i can't count the times i've tried to spin my laziness into grandiosity.

Yay! Naked Teodor! The true meaning of chubby.

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Jocks with Rocks? Seriously? How did you even pass up Jocks with Cocks?

It is assumed that a jock with a cock is not an unusual or novel thing, really.

But Doggs with Hogs is?

Nonsense!

DICKS WITH DICKS

If you'd take off his boots, you'd see the dicks growing out of his feet.

DO NOT READ THIS.

Picking up on some comments from last week:

Pukes on Cukes
Misses who Pisses
Flakes on Cakes

or, for your scatological pastry crowd:

Makes on Cakes

YOU WERE WARNED.

it's spelled "missus" (not that you or anyone would be expected to know that, but rather i just wanted to flaunt that i knew that useless bit of information).

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First: My apologies to everyone else; there's no way to contact other users directly, as far as I know.

Joeyramoney, in the last week you've given me dozens of lames on old comments. This gives the appearance of a campaign of retaliation. Read back a couple weeks before this, and you'll find that I called myself a dick (as opposed to a fucker) for picking on some grammar or whatever in someone else's comment. You may choose to be offended by my comment above, but it is uncalled for. I was welcoming you into the fold of grammar-pickers.

BTW, I knew about "missus." I was using the plural of "miss" with the singular verb on purpose. It's fetish porn, not Shakespeare.

Then you have a subject-verb disagreement! A singular "pisses" while plurals "piss."

Yay! :D

Did I mention his four dicks?

I heard that motherfucker has, like, thirty god-damned dicks.

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He once held his opponent's wife's hand in a jar of acid. At a party.

He'll save the children but not the British children.

Jocks with Rocks in their Cocks (this is actually a med school training video on dealing with kidney stones in athletes)

rocks for jocks is a colloquial name for easy geology courses in college! :D

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Funk my junk, punk!

Dis my dog, fluff my hog.

for some reason this made me thing of
'Junkyard Dawgs' it would be a terrible porno. with a great name.

philippe thinks that teodor is way cool. so much so that his head turns to follow him wherever he goes.

In France it is considered rude not to write a note when you are sending links of chicks with dicks at four in the morning.

shoot, there already was a france joke earlier

pretty damn right on with the alt text...

circus penis is still one of the single best comedy names ever created, in my opinion. that probably says more about my sense of humor than about onstad though...

i'm sorry i gave you a lame

Who is that comic who looks like Circus Penis? CC something... Aha! Louis CK.

The worst name is clearly Butt Ruppskins

I disagree. The worst name in the world is "Masturbates Furiously".

Especially for a girl

better knock the quality of your comments up a level here pretty quickly before 'gormster' becomes known as the worst name

OH SNAP!

I don't understand why that would be such a terrible name for a girl. She could go by the name 'Mae Furious' and no one would be the wiser. In fact, that's an awesome name, and I think I'm in love with another hypothetical furiously masturbating girl.

ATTN Philippe, CC Teodor: There is a professional car racer named "Dick Trickle."

Also I kind of hope "What did you think about today" continues with other characters, perhaps with little threads running through it that seem insignificant until the last chapter, when suddenly minor things like Philippe wondering about the Worst Name all come together, and we all turn back and see the little hints dropped all over and go "ohhhh."

Yeah, what did you think about today is all kinds of awesome and so much can be built from it.

If it wasn't for seeing new bodies I don't think I would have gone to one day at school.

I read the news today oh boy

Unfortunately it seems he has not made the grade

man i hope they bring circus penis back he was pretty awesome and that storyline felt like it kinda tapered off.

I dunno, he kind of seemed like an impatient douche.

Agreement!

"GUYS WITH A SURPRISE"

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Is Chaps in Chaps too obvious, or did someone else already say it and I missed it, or did I somehow manage to have an original thought?

British variants are unintelligible as this board is all Yanks.

I had basically no idea that the Circus Penis sequence had left such a mark on Tedore.

yah srsly! where is the strip that has circus penis ditching T?!

He was totally queer for him

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maybe, at least. i'm a little rusty.

"did"
"sensed"
"had"
All past tense, so all good there. "Have" would be incorrect.

Should be "he" as you rewrote it, not "him" as written.

But, considering it is an interior monologue in a webcomic about a stuffed bear, it doesn't fucking matter.

i think stuffed animals arent allowed to take showers

true. in Calvin & Hobbes, Hobbes took baths in the washer.

Ho's with webbed toes.
Schlomo's with ho's (for the hassidic market)
Jocks containing cocks (Jocks being in this instance underwear)
Hillbillies with stiff-willies
Hacks with sacks (the touching story of two underpaid journalists who get it on)
Bitches in Britches

and for the eccentric:

Hermish Glockensmermer Ippy and his wonderful Stiffy.

Forced rhyme is for the weak and Steve Miller. Ippy and Stiffy?

Hermish Glockensmermer Ippy and his Itty Bitty Tippy.

*itty bitty uncut tippy

Anyone else notice that Teodor's bed sucks? It looks like he's sleeping on a bare matress.

You mean, besides the bed clothes he is clearly sitting on in panel three?

Anyway, it is a bear mattress.

I think it's A Thing of The Cure.

kind of like baths (and not showers)

sit-down baths only. otherwise, so not goth.

I would at least expect him to have a poster featuring The Cure hanging somewhere in his room, but perhaps that would make it even MORE depressing.

definitely stuff stacked on crates. at the very least.

Who needs posters when you've got driftwood?

Cure Poster Update: It's on the ceiling above his bed.

No other alt-text so perfectly summarises the key aspects of my personality.

I like that Phillipe just sort of admires Teodor as he walks into the next room. All happy his question got answered

Today's Blogs

Philippe: Things are great! Hi!
Lyle: glases are rad
Nice Pete: A great sneezing besets me.

the alt text fr this could be a ridiculous album from a band i've never heard of

Last panel? I seen that.

"The indulgence of thinking we're geniuses because we're lazy"

best. alt. text. ever.