stuntman
+0 -0
A comment left by stuntman was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by epitaph, esoominim, G3K)
A comment left by stuntman was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by epitaph, esoominim, G3K)
storableprawn
+6 -0
Why you got to lame a guy? I gave this strip a five. Doesn't mean it isn't creepy.
Why you got to lame a guy? I gave this strip a five. Doesn't mean it isn't creepy.
dovey
+50 -0
Why, fine people of Acheworld, I believe that it was perhaps Mr. Onstad's intent to deliberately make this comic strip creepy , the entire time!
Why, fine people of Acheworld, I believe that it was perhaps Mr. Onstad's intent to deliberately make this comic strip creepy , the entire time!
drskradley
+0 -0
Madness. I won't believe it.
Madness. I won't believe it.
earendil
+0 -0
Ohhh, you're just begging for it.
I won't though.
Ohhh, you're just begging for it.
I won't though.
miku224
+1 -1
HABEEB IT!
I'm sorry. Someone had to.
HABEEB IT!
I'm sorry. Someone had to.
miku224
+0 -0
Had to respond to the wrong comment, that is!
Had to respond to the wrong comment, that is!
saucy_jack
+8 -0
Your avatar makes this seem like a charming rampage rather than a fuck-up.
Your avatar makes this seem like a charming rampage rather than a fuck-up.
daidai
+0 -0
A dance rampage
A dance rampage
paco
+0 -0
It's lucky I'm not on anything right now, because your avatar is the sort of thing I would end up staring at for hours if I was.
It's lucky I'm not on anything right now, because your avatar is the sort of thing I would end up staring at for hours if I was.
farqussus
+1 -0
See that's slightly better crafted sarcasm than mine. I must stop letting my knee do the reacting.
See that's slightly better crafted sarcasm than mine. I must stop letting my knee do the reacting.
opalleye
+0 -0
Chubbied for the avatar alone.
Chubbied for the avatar alone.
lizard
+0 -0
Yep. Awesome strip, and the whole "moment when a young boy has truly died" thing has me utterly gutted, frankly. I can't bear it. I am such complete troll fodder. Come get me.
Yep. Awesome strip, and the whole "moment when a young boy has truly died" thing has me utterly gutted, frankly. I can't bear it. I am such complete troll fodder. Come get me.
farqussus
+2 -0
RREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY?????????????
RREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY?????????????
straw
+70 -0
Chuck knows that when [the blood congeals perfectly on the hard tile floor]* and sees that he has returned, she would be [a neglected grandmother standing naked to the winter wind]^.
*Mary comes home early
^overjoyed
Chuck knows that when [the blood congeals perfectly on the hard tile floor]* and sees that he has returned, she would be [a neglected grandmother standing naked to the winter wind]^.
*Mary comes home early
^overjoyed
andrew_
+0 -0
A comment left by andrew_ was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by randombeing, cellphonedick, habnabit, Afkpuz, scraggg, Doc_Rostov, Shinkicka)
A comment left by andrew_ was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by randombeing, cellphonedick, habnabit, Afkpuz, scraggg, Doc_Rostov, Shinkicka)
baryonyx
+19 -1
Jonathan sighed, leaning on the railing. Though the [silence of a limp body lying on the concrete which you truly know will never be able to aggravate you ever again]* was beautiful indeed, it would never compare to how beautiful [the reflection of a man, bound and gagged, in the blade of the broad kitchen knife which he realizes in a moment will take his life]^ was at this moment.
*sunset
^she
Jonathan sighed, leaning on the railing. Though the [silence of a limp body lying on the concrete which you truly know will never be able to aggravate you ever again]* was beautiful indeed, it would never compare to how beautiful [the reflection of a man, bound and gagged, in the blade of the broad kitchen knife which he realizes in a moment will take his life]^ was at this moment.
*sunset
^she
spinynorman
+37 -2
As the warming rays of the morning sun fell across Frank's face, he sat up in bed, smiled, and turned to look at [handless, jawless gas station clerk with opened chest cavity, his organs marinating in fresh shit]*. He sighed and reached out, hesitated for just one moment, and then stroked [the damp clay down by the binty crick where the bright wet orb laughs and dances on moonless nights and sings its songs of childrens and cold gray dawns.]^
* His girlfriend (will imagine woman's name later
^ Her hair? (further research needed)
As the warming rays of the morning sun fell across Frank's face, he sat up in bed, smiled, and turned to look at [handless, jawless gas station clerk with opened chest cavity, his organs marinating in fresh shit]*. He sighed and reached out, hesitated for just one moment, and then stroked [the damp clay down by the binty crick where the bright wet orb laughs and dances on moonless nights and sings its songs of childrens and cold gray dawns.]^
* His girlfriend (will imagine woman's name later
^ Her hair? (further research needed)
luckypyjamas
+3 -1
i'm just waiting for dr. manflesh to pop in on one of these
i'm just waiting for dr. manflesh to pop in on one of these
jordstar
+1 -0
I'm glad I searched text for "manflesh" on this page before adding a redundant comment about how Nice Pete is cribbing from the DR_MANFLESH school of search-and-replace.
Wait...
I'm glad I searched text for "manflesh" on this page before adding a redundant comment about how Nice Pete is cribbing from the DR_MANFLESH school of search-and-replace.
Wait...
peterjoel
+29 -1
[ The small spots of congealing blood emerging as beads along the cracks in the bathroom tiles ]1's not dead.
That's what I told myself in the days after the accident. [ Crippled piglets futilely suckling the teat of a dead sow ]2's in stasis, and perhaps someday, perhaps when we return . . . I used the title [ The Death Sound and I have cut my body ]3.
For a while, I was "acting" in name only. [ The final life-twitch of the impaled body of the carpet cleaner salesman ]4 pretty much ran things. After a month or so I began to recover enough to notice what was going on around me. Most of the [ experiments using desiccated spleen and woven ligaments ]5 were sad, resigned. There was only one [ thing to do with a person who is not yet dead ]6 who looked the way I felt. [ Fresh bile leaks from the new hole I made ]7.
[1] She
[2] She
[3] Acting Captain
[4] Tuvok
[5] crew
[6] person
[7] Seven
[ The small spots of congealing blood emerging as beads along the cracks in the bathroom tiles ]1's not dead.
That's what I told myself in the days after the accident. [ Crippled piglets futilely suckling the teat of a dead sow ]2's in stasis, and perhaps someday, perhaps when we return . . . I used the title [ The Death Sound and I have cut my body ]3.
For a while, I was "acting" in name only. [ The final life-twitch of the impaled body of the carpet cleaner salesman ]4 pretty much ran things. After a month or so I began to recover enough to notice what was going on around me. Most of the [ experiments using desiccated spleen and woven ligaments ]5 were sad, resigned. There was only one [ thing to do with a person who is not yet dead ]6 who looked the way I felt. [ Fresh bile leaks from the new hole I made ]7.
[1] She
[2] She
[3] Acting Captain
[4] Tuvok
[5] crew
[6] person
[7] Seven
earendil
+0 -0
Very Yes.
Very Yes.
mendenbar
+0 -0
A comment left by mendenbar was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by achilleselbow, perhapsmaybe, peterjoel)
A comment left by mendenbar was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by achilleselbow, perhapsmaybe, peterjoel)
achilleselbow
+0 -0
The pencil part was just lazy. No one has topped Straw's prose.
The pencil part was just lazy. No one has topped Straw's prose.
minortough
+0 -0
Baryonyx' comes real close. Chubby to you sir!
Baryonyx' comes real close. Chubby to you sir!
straw
+0 -0
I agree, Baronyx' entry was damn funny.
I agree, Baronyx' entry was damn funny.
baryonyx
+1 -0
Aw shucks guys, what can I say.
Aw shucks guys, what can I say.
dapooka
+0 -0
You are all sick and twisted psychotics.
This is not a bad thing.
You are all sick and twisted psychotics.
This is not a bad thing.
flazisismuss
+0 -0
The economy of Straw's contribution lends it a haiku-like grace. Without grace this whole endeavor would be a bit sickening. Oh, wait.
The economy of Straw's contribution lends it a haiku-like grace. Without grace this whole endeavor would be a bit sickening. Oh, wait.
mendenbar
+0 -0
the pencil part was merely a statement of fact.
the pencil part was merely a statement of fact.
laserblade
+1 -0
Spinynorman did a damn good job, too. Very Joycean.
Spinynorman did a damn good job, too. Very Joycean.
drskradley
+0 -0
Yeah, his was my personal favourite too. The footnotes did it for me.
Yeah, his was my personal favourite too. The footnotes did it for me.
tekende
+0 -0
Yes, I enjoyed very much "will imagine woman's name later."
Yes, I enjoyed very much "will imagine woman's name later."
spinynorman
+0 -0
I was tempted to write "she-bitch" but I decided against it.
I was tempted to write "she-bitch" but I decided against it.
eatmorekix
+2 -1
Chuck gazed lustfully at Mary's heaving [the entrails of a young rabbit left in the mailbox of an enemy].* His mind raced with thoughts of how he would soon [let the little boy starve to death in his specially constructed box, and then get to play in his blood].^
*breasts
^make love to her
Chuck gazed lustfully at Mary's heaving [the entrails of a young rabbit left in the mailbox of an enemy].* His mind raced with thoughts of how he would soon [let the little boy starve to death in his specially constructed box, and then get to play in his blood].^
*breasts
^make love to her
comrade_tom
+0 -0
a few posts too late sadly.
a few posts too late sadly.
daidai
+0 -0
You! You blow your chubbies too early !
You! You blow your chubbies too early !
daidai
+0 -0
Pop your chubbies?
Pop your chubbies?
thegrayhoodie
+0 -0
*ahem* Release your chubbies prematurely.
*ahem* Release your chubbies prematurely.
bourbonsamurai
+0 -0
I like that he gets a victory cigar for just imagining.
I like that he gets a victory cigar for just imagining.
dangelder
+1 -0
In [moment of terror before the car finally overcomes the pedestrian], he [smell of hot air leaving the chest cavity].
* Love
* Loved
In [moment of terror before the car finally overcomes the pedestrian], he [smell of hot air leaving the chest cavity].
* Love
* Loved
autrepoupee
+3 -1
That morning, before [a coca-cola bottle filled with dog's blood and horsehair]* left the confines of their marital bed to go to her prosperous job as an independent girl lawyer, she gave her new and dashing husband Count Crabtree a [screaming face of a young girl dressed in her mother's pearls and heels, an interrupted playtime, an interrupted daytime deathtime hogtie head's descending and the seed of the Chemus Witch of Rosy Fingered Dawn creates new life inside of her backwards maw]**.
*Marylou
**peck on his sweet, warm cheek.
That morning, before [a coca-cola bottle filled with dog's blood and horsehair]* left the confines of their marital bed to go to her prosperous job as an independent girl lawyer, she gave her new and dashing husband Count Crabtree a [screaming face of a young girl dressed in her mother's pearls and heels, an interrupted playtime, an interrupted daytime deathtime hogtie head's descending and the seed of the Chemus Witch of Rosy Fingered Dawn creates new life inside of her backwards maw]**.
*Marylou
**peck on his sweet, warm cheek.
unquotable
+1 -1
only Onstad can describe women with such candor
only Onstad can describe women with such candor
heccibiggs
+2 -0
How does he write women so well?
How does he write women so well?
paperboy_2000
+13 -0
Sounds like a real [bodice]1 ripper!
1. Jack the...
Sounds like a real [bodice]1 ripper!
1. Jack the...
professorhazard
+0 -0
Nathaniel, what WILL become of you...
Nathaniel, what WILL become of you...
paperboy_2000
+0 -0
Hmmm? Oh, I'm sorry. I was just pondering what drifter's corpse you took those shoes from.
Hmmm? Oh, I'm sorry. I was just pondering what drifter's corpse you took those shoes from.
professorhazard
+0 -0
/buys myself a spritzer
/buys myself a spritzer
tekende
+0 -0
I'm curious. What is your avatar? From whence did it hail?
Because, and I've been sitting on this for a while, not wanting to offend, I hate it. The vast difference in hair colors there bothers me to no end. I'm sorry. I had to come clean.
I'm curious. What is your avatar? From whence did it hail?
Because, and I've been sitting on this for a while, not wanting to offend, I hate it. The vast difference in hair colors there bothers me to no end. I'm sorry. I had to come clean.
bourbonsamurai
+0 -0
Is it...Chris Elliot from Cabin Boy? Because that is awesome.
Is it...Chris Elliot from Cabin Boy? Because that is awesome.
paperboy_2000
+1 -0
I think tekende was refering to the good professor, but, yes, it is comic genius Chris Elliot from Cabin Boy. And it is awesome that you believe that to be awesome.
Your avatar is... a samurai having a bourbon? Without the name, I would guess it to be some sort of a giant man in a tunic.
I think tekende was refering to the good professor, but, yes, it is comic genius Chris Elliot from Cabin Boy. And it is awesome that you believe that to be awesome.
Your avatar is... a samurai having a bourbon? Without the name, I would guess it to be some sort of a giant man in a tunic.
bourbonsamurai
+0 -0
It is actually a giant viking statue that guards a dump in Virginia. Somewhere I have a picture that matches my name, perhaps I will one day swap it out. But for now, the viking pleases me.
It is actually a giant viking statue that guards a dump in Virginia. Somewhere I have a picture that matches my name, perhaps I will one day swap it out. But for now, the viking pleases me.
baryonyx
+0 -0
It's always looked sort of like a humanized version of Lyle to me, though I'm sure that's not it.
It's always looked sort of like a humanized version of Lyle to me, though I'm sure that's not it.
professorhazard
+1 -0
Lyle and I share many traits; I have often thought that we are like chocolate-covered pretzels, he and I - complicated and salty on the inside, dark and associated with fecal humor on the outside.
Lyle and I share many traits; I have often thought that we are like chocolate-covered pretzels, he and I - complicated and salty on the inside, dark and associated with fecal humor on the outside.
professorhazard
+0 -0
It's a drawing of me that I use as my avatar. I guess we won't be hanging out much because, as shown, my hair is bleached blonde and my beard is brown. Never known it to fundamentally offend anybody.
Photos of me with comparative illustrations can be seen here: https://professorhazard.deviantart.com/
You can find fan art people have drawn of me in the Favorites area, and if you look far enough in my gallery, you'll find a nice picture I drew of Ray in the hot tub.
It's a drawing of me that I use as my avatar. I guess we won't be hanging out much because, as shown, my hair is bleached blonde and my beard is brown. Never known it to fundamentally offend anybody.
Photos of me with comparative illustrations can be seen here: https://professorhazard.deviantart.com/
You can find fan art people have drawn of me in the Favorites area, and if you look far enough in my gallery, you'll find a nice picture I drew of Ray in the hot tub.
heccibiggs
+0 -1
Well, someone saw an opportunity to shamelessly plug their devART gallery.
Well, someone saw an opportunity to shamelessly plug their devART gallery.
professorhazard
+1 -0
Who was it? Can you help me figure it out?
Who was it? Can you help me figure it out?
falseprophet
+0 -0
It's just like MathBlasters! Aw yeah, we doin this!
It's just like MathBlasters! Aw yeah, we doin this!
rowboat
+1 -0
Gotta hand it to you, man - your Ray is a treat.
Gotta hand it to you, man - your Ray is a treat.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Slide on into the pool, rowboat, and take a puff on that J. Ray don't mind.
Slide on into the pool, rowboat, and take a puff on that J. Ray don't mind.
rowboat
+0 -0
To get high with Ray in a hot tub....
I may be slipping too far into this fantasy. I think I need to rein myself in.
To get high with Ray in a hot tub....
I may be slipping too far into this fantasy. I think I need to rein myself in.
shades
+1 -0
it makes me uncomfortable that Nice Pete is left handed
it makes me uncomfortable that Nice Pete is left handed
cousinted
+0 -0
A comment left by cousinted was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dovey, NeoNaoNeo, Satyr)
A comment left by cousinted was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dovey, NeoNaoNeo, Satyr)
jordstar
+0 -0
It makes me uncomfortable
It makes me uncomfortable
dovey
+0 -0
It makes me
It makes me
grombly
+1 -0
It makes
It makes
deovalente
+8 -0
IT'S.
*John Philip Sousa's Liberty Bell begins playing here*
IT'S.
*John Philip Sousa's Liberty Bell begins playing here*
jlowe424
+2 -0
....*in a British newscasters voice* Monty Python's Flying Circus
....*in a British newscasters voice* Monty Python's Flying Circus
nokococo
+2 -0
And now for something completely different.
And now for something completely different.
the_doz
+0 -1
It makes me uncomfortable, that Nice Pete?
It makes me uncomfortable, that Nice Pete?
forshame
+0 -0
...A Cat writing a Novel
...A Cat writing a Novel
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
...up his brother's nose.
...up his brother's nose.
brycemidas
+0 -0
...A Fly Marrying A Bumblebee...
That's very funny
They don't know they're ugly
...A Fly Marrying A Bumblebee...
That's very funny
They don't know they're ugly
dr_strangeglove
+2 -0
I TOLD YOU I'D SHOOT. BUT YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME! WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME!?
I TOLD YOU I'D SHOOT. BUT YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME! WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME!?
dapooka
+1 -1
Joy!!!!!
Joy!!!!!
dapooka
+0 -1
Happy!!!!
My avatar requires me to do this.
Happy!!!!
My avatar requires me to do this.
blindspot
+0 -0
it puts the lotion in the busket.
it puts the lotion in the busket.
tekende
+1 -0
The busket?
The busket?
falseprophet
+2 -0
It is a combination of a basket and a bucket that you would find only in the finest cyberpunk novels.
It is a combination of a basket and a bucket that you would find only in the finest cyberpunk novels.
tekende
+0 -0
That is actually pretty believable.
That is actually pretty believable.
dovey
+1 -1
I am sorry I did not mean to lame you that was a bad thing I did.
I am sorry I did not mean to lame you that was a bad thing I did.
hrm
+0 -0
I am left-handed :(
I am left-handed :(
dr_strangeglove
+0 -1
me too man.
I've got a plus side though! Letters on a keyboard are in such a place where I can type my last name solely with my left hand!
Who wants to take some guesses as to what my last name is?!
me too man.
I've got a plus side though! Letters on a keyboard are in such a place where I can type my last name solely with my left hand!
Who wants to take some guesses as to what my last name is?!
straw
+0 -0
Craven
Craven
lateadopter
+5 -0
Beard
Waters
Freed
Cave
Case
asdfggqw3ertvb
Beard
Waters
Freed
Cave
Case
asdfggqw3ertvb
lateadopter
+0 -0
Oh, and Fraser.
Oh, and Fraser.
baryonyx
+2 -0
Tassadar.
Tassadar.
myrrdisparo
+0 -0
From Adun?
From Adun?
baryonyx
+0 -0
From Aiur.
From Aiur.
dr_strangeglove
+0 -0
MY LIFE FOR AIUR!
MY LIFE FOR AIUR!
bjorntd
+0 -0
MY LIFE FOR NAZGU-- I MEAN AIUR.
MY LIFE FOR NAZGU-- I MEAN AIUR.
myrrdisparo
+0 -0
True. I need to play Starcraft again. I'm getting all rusty and whatnot. Now I'm left wondering who Adun was.
True. I need to play Starcraft again. I'm getting all rusty and whatnot. Now I'm left wondering who Adun was.
baryonyx
+1 -0
Adun was the great Protoss hero who formed the discipline of the Khala, ending the Aeon of Strife, a long and bloody Protoss civil war triggered by their abandonment by the Xel'Naga. The Protoss phrase "En taro Adun" translates into "In honor of Adun" and was eventually replaced in the lexicon by "En taro Tassadar" after Tassadar's martyrdom against the Overmind during the fall of Aiur.
Go ahead, laugh.
Adun was the great Protoss hero who formed the discipline of the Khala, ending the Aeon of Strife, a long and bloody Protoss civil war triggered by their abandonment by the Xel'Naga. The Protoss phrase "En taro Adun" translates into "In honor of Adun" and was eventually replaced in the lexicon by "En taro Tassadar" after Tassadar's martyrdom against the Overmind during the fall of Aiur.
Go ahead, laugh.
myrrdisparo
+0 -0
I distinctly remember some Protoss saying "En taro Adun, cerebrate" to Kerrigan. I may be wrong, because I think it was Tassadar who said that, and Tassadar was dead before the Queen of Blades came to being. I'm confused but amazed. A chubby for you.
I distinctly remember some Protoss saying "En taro Adun, cerebrate" to Kerrigan. I may be wrong, because I think it was Tassadar who said that, and Tassadar was dead before the Queen of Blades came to being. I'm confused but amazed. A chubby for you.
baryonyx
+1 -0
No, I think that's correct, as Tassadar was not dead by the time Kerrigan was created. They encountered one another on Char where Tassadar was living among the Dark Templar, before the Zerg invasion of Aiur.
I don't deserve the responsibility of a long-term memory center.
No, I think that's correct, as Tassadar was not dead by the time Kerrigan was created. They encountered one another on Char where Tassadar was living among the Dark Templar, before the Zerg invasion of Aiur.
I don't deserve the responsibility of a long-term memory center.
wasteofspace
+6 -0
stewardesses
stewardesses
dr_strangeglove
+0 -0
you're all so wrong.
although I'd love to be mr. Tassadar.
you're all so wrong.
although I'd love to be mr. Tassadar.
lateadopter
+0 -0
Okay, with that clue, I'll hazard:
Wasted
It just occurred to me that you could be placing your hand in a non-standard position on the keyboard, or typing in a non-touch-type way (e.g., hunt and peck), or you could have really big hands. In other words, the clue you provided does not really narrow down the possible combinations of letters that could be in your name.
Okay, with that clue, I'll hazard:
Wasted
It just occurred to me that you could be placing your hand in a non-standard position on the keyboard, or typing in a non-touch-type way (e.g., hunt and peck), or you could have really big hands. In other words, the clue you provided does not really narrow down the possible combinations of letters that could be in your name.
dr_strangeglove
+0 -1
completely standard, my dog. pinky on the "A", pointer on the "F."
hint: think modern Western Literature, folks!
completely standard, my dog. pinky on the "A", pointer on the "F."
hint: think modern Western Literature, folks!
dovey
+0 -0
Gatsby? Although that'd be a bit of a stretch on the left hand.
Gatsby? Although that'd be a bit of a stretch on the left hand.
dr_strangeglove
+0 -1
I'd give better hints, but that would probably make it way too obvious. So here it is: My last name is Saavedra. Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, author of Don Quixote, arguably the first truly modern western piece of literature.
I'd give better hints, but that would probably make it way too obvious. So here it is: My last name is Saavedra. Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, author of Don Quixote, arguably the first truly modern western piece of literature.
drskradley
+0 -0
Oh of course. I was about to say Saavedra. Truly I was.
Oh of course. I was about to say Saavedra. Truly I was.
drskradley
+7 -0
(I was not)
(I was not)
audhumla
+0 -0
and here i was going to guess taft
and here i was going to guess taft
jlowe424
+0 -0
Sad As A Vast East Desert Red Art? That's an awkward name...can we just call you Saavedra for short?
Sad As A Vast East Desert Red Art? That's an awkward name...can we just call you Saavedra for short?
lechatbotte
+0 -0
Oh. I didn't know that Cervantes had a second last name. But I'm pretty sure he actually wrote "Don Quixote de la Mancha" which was published in four volumes. While I wouldn't begin to call it "modern", it certainly was Western, and spawned much of the anti-romanticism that we now call "modern". (Am I the only one bothered by the Musical version "Man from LaMancha" being so anti-realist?)
Anyway, I've a mate a few streets over named Saavedra. I shall now proceed to razz him properly. Yes, I shall.
Oh. I didn't know that Cervantes had a second last name. But I'm pretty sure he actually wrote "Don Quixote de la Mancha" which was published in four volumes. While I wouldn't begin to call it "modern", it certainly was Western, and spawned much of the anti-romanticism that we now call "modern". (Am I the only one bothered by the Musical version "Man from LaMancha" being so anti-realist?)
Anyway, I've a mate a few streets over named Saavedra. I shall now proceed to razz him properly. Yes, I shall.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
fred.
ted!
bea. (hah)
bret/brett (c'mon, people.)
brad
greg
zed
qbert...regular bert.
no..
*gives up*
s'all i got.
fred.
ted!
bea. (hah)
bret/brett (c'mon, people.)
brad
greg
zed
qbert...regular bert.
no..
*gives up*
s'all i got.
hubajube
+9 -0
Ravers eat sassafras e
bad aftertaste
get wasted
attract Feds
Retards scatter
afterwards get arrested
Ravers eat sassafras e
bad aftertaste
get wasted
attract Feds
Retards scatter
afterwards get arrested
jbushnell
+0 -0
I'm not so sure that I'd describe the aftertaste of Sassafrass E as "bad" so much as it is just... strong?
I'm not so sure that I'd describe the aftertaste of Sassafrass E as "bad" so much as it is just... strong?
contrasoma
+6 -0
Greaterbadgerwaste. Bob Greaterbadgerwaste.
Greaterbadgerwaste. Bob Greaterbadgerwaste.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
Sweetdwarfs
Sweetdwarfs
lateadopter
+0 -0
Like sweetbreads, only crunchier.
Like sweetbreads, only crunchier.
phy
+1 -0
Asswax.
Asswax.
synnah
+0 -0
Worthington-Bumcheeks
Worthington-Bumcheeks
drskradley
+0 -0
Come now. You know all too well that is Incorrect.
Come now. You know all too well that is Incorrect.
synnah
+0 -0
Do I? I'm pretty stupid, man. You shouldn't assume things about me.
Do I? I'm pretty stupid, man. You shouldn't assume things about me.
farqussus
+0 -0
weaver
weaver
hubajube
+0 -0
Abba
~a Watergate era carcass
Abba
~a Watergate era carcass
hubajube
+17 -0
Ebert
Ebert reverberated
A fat effete gasbag farted
Gag! Febreeze!
Ebert
Ebert reverberated
A fat effete gasbag farted
Gag! Febreeze!
forshame
+1 -0
i haven't the chubbies for you sir... but I suspect you may need sunlight more...
i haven't the chubbies for you sir... but I suspect you may need sunlight more...
paperboy_2000
+10 -0
A crafted verse deserves a great grade
Reader raves are a far sweeter reward
A crafted verse deserves a great grade
Reader raves are a far sweeter reward
lateadopter
+0 -0
I've learned to be chary with my chubbies, so I had one left for you.
I've learned to be chary with my chubbies, so I had one left for you.
paperboy_2000
+0 -0
Saved a few erect tadgers
Averted a dreaded fate
Saved a few erect tadgers
Averted a dreaded fate
drskradley
+0 -0
Fucking hell. And no chubbies left.
Fucking hell. And no chubbies left.
daidai
+0 -0
I like to imagine you actually look like your avatar.
It is very funny.
I like to imagine you actually look like your avatar.
It is very funny.
daidai
+1 -0
In case you are your avatar -- please don't kill me with a piano string.
In case you are your avatar -- please don't kill me with a piano string.
nokidding
+0 -0
wow. hats off. you have invented the left-handed haiku.
wow. hats off. you have invented the left-handed haiku.
kelissamunz
+0 -0
West?
West?
lechatbotte
+0 -0
Qwerty or Azerty keyboard? (Or is it a Dvorak holdback?)
Qwerty or Azerty keyboard? (Or is it a Dvorak holdback?)
hrm
+2 -0
Mr. Stewardesses
Mr. Stewardesses
boscostacy
+20 -0
We always knew he was sinister.
We always knew he was sinister.
baryonyx
+0 -1
My chubbies were spent too frivolously on this page, but the Latin student in me commends you.
My chubbies were spent too frivolously on this page, but the Latin student in me commends you.
kenyot
+0 -0
I think you were paying attention to the wrong things.
I think you were paying attention to the wrong things.
varnish
+2 -0
How splendid it was to simply [watch the gills flutter on a sun-caught perch]*, Chuck thought.
*be with Mary
How splendid it was to simply [watch the gills flutter on a sun-caught perch]*, Chuck thought.
*be with Mary
contrasoma
+4 -0
It's a little known fact that DH Lawrence used this method to create sexual frisson, albeit using a particular strain of Prussian pipe tobacco as a placeholder instead of Pete's rather specialized interests.
It's a little known fact that DH Lawrence used this method to create sexual frisson, albeit using a particular strain of Prussian pipe tobacco as a placeholder instead of Pete's rather specialized interests.
drskradley
+6 -0
I resultingly visualised the moment when a young boy has truly died, his hair moving in the breeze, yet his body perfectly still. I can see the cinematic attraction.
Dear Lord, please tell me I'm seeing the cinematic attraction.
I resultingly visualised the moment when a young boy has truly died, his hair moving in the breeze, yet his body perfectly still. I can see the cinematic attraction.
Dear Lord, please tell me I'm seeing the cinematic attraction.
contrasoma
+4 -0
You won't get any solace there - God's a big Pasolini fan.
You won't get any solace there - God's a big Pasolini fan.
tekende
+2 -0
R...Roman Polanski? Is that you?
R...Roman Polanski? Is that you?
boredom_man
+1 -0
Gus Van Sant.
Gus Van Sant.
deovalente
+2 -0
People kept saying during the Showbiz comics that they knew people like Showbiz. I know people like Nice Pete, only having committed fewer murders.
People kept saying during the Showbiz comics that they knew people like Showbiz. I know people like Nice Pete, only having committed fewer murders.
spectre
+0 -0
Or so you hope.
Or so you hope.
deovalente
+0 -0
True. I'm the Pat to his Nice Pete, though, so he's not going to murder me. Murder is a special thing you do when you want someone to die.
True. I'm the Pat to his Nice Pete, though, so he's not going to murder me. Murder is a special thing you do when you want someone to die.
gregchant
+3 -1
[citation needed]
[citation needed]
falseprophet
+2 -0
When I first read the fourth panel I read Nice Pete's description of a woman as "just a-screaming 'Clear Area!' with a wig on." That is because a basketball court must not be full of upright bodies or else you are not the winner.
When I first read the fourth panel I read Nice Pete's description of a woman as "just a-screaming 'Clear Area!' with a wig on." That is because a basketball court must not be full of upright bodies or else you are not the winner.
falseprophet
+7 -0
Like so ...
[IMGS OFF]
Like so ...
[IMGS OFF]
straw
+5 -0
That is the power plant at the center of a perfect universe.
That is the power plant at the center of a perfect universe.
snowman
+1 -0
is that rudy giuliani in drag?
is that rudy giuliani in drag?
falseprophet
+0 -1
DING DING DING WE HAVE A WIENER!
DING DING DING WE HAVE A WIENER!
mattfish
+7 -1
Here, I'll format it as an analogy for the SATs
"the moment when a young boy has truly died, his hair moving in the breeze, yet his body perfectly still" : "Mary" :: "watch mentally ill men take long, cold baths without suds" : _____
A. watch mentally ill men take long, cold baths WITH suds
B. watch mentally SOUND men take long, cold baths without suds
C. watch mentally ill men take long, WARM baths without suds
D. have consensual sex
A%u25CA B%u25CA C%u25CA D%u25CA
Here, I'll format it as an analogy for the SATs
"the moment when a young boy has truly died, his hair moving in the breeze, yet his body perfectly still" : "Mary" :: "watch mentally ill men take long, cold baths without suds" : _____
A. watch mentally ill men take long, cold baths WITH suds
B. watch mentally SOUND men take long, cold baths without suds
C. watch mentally ill men take long, WARM baths without suds
D. have consensual sex
A%u25CA B%u25CA C%u25CA D%u25CA
mattfish
+0 -0
My answer sheet bothered assetbar, here's another copy
A O B O C O D O
My answer sheet bothered assetbar, here's another copy
A O B O C O D O
retinarow
+6 -0
My band is actually called Aobocodo.
(not actually)
My band is actually called Aobocodo.
(not actually)
wulvaine
+0 -0
It's kind of like an avocado, only much more academic.
It's kind of like an avocado, only much more academic.
hamscout
+0 -0
Are they from:
C eh N eh D eh ?
Are they from:
C eh N eh D eh ?
hamscout
+0 -0
Dammit, that came out all wrong...
C- eh N- eh D- eh *
* still not funny.
Dammit, that came out all wrong...
C- eh N- eh D- eh *
* still not funny.
infinitejest
+4 -0
I suspect it is unlikely that Teodor will ever wonder of Nice Pete "how does he write women so well?".
However, Pete collaborating with Mr Bear would be intriguing...
I suspect it is unlikely that Teodor will ever wonder of Nice Pete "how does he write women so well?".
However, Pete collaborating with Mr Bear would be intriguing...
falseprophet
+55 -0
The [Sm]Other[ed] Boleyn Girl , by Nice Pete with Cornelius Bear
The [Sm]Other[ed] Boleyn Girl , by Nice Pete with Cornelius Bear
xi
+2 -0
chubbied officially, dry humped hard and long unofficially.
chubbied officially, dry humped hard and long unofficially.
falseprophet
+1 -0
Well hell I mean for sure, unofficial is the entire point of dry humping which was a convenient method among early teens to enjoy the physical act without the danger of creating after-party babies but since the growth in population of The Blowjob as the new official unofficial in the wake of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, dry humping has been so difficult to orchestrate since the 90s.
Well hell I mean for sure, unofficial is the entire point of dry humping which was a convenient method among early teens to enjoy the physical act without the danger of creating after-party babies but since the growth in population of The Blowjob as the new official unofficial in the wake of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, dry humping has been so difficult to orchestrate since the 90s.
flazisismuss
+0 -0
It's almost hard to remember a time before the blowjob at this point. Yet another positive legacy of the Clinton years - that was all so much fun.
It's almost hard to remember a time before the blowjob at this point. Yet another positive legacy of the Clinton years - that was all so much fun.
miku224
+1 -0
So many chubbies, sir. So many chubbies.
So many chubbies, sir. So many chubbies.
justa
+1 -0
Love Teodor's response to Nice Pete's initial question. You can almost hear him thinking "Wait, what kind of twisted Nice-Pete related thing am I going to become embroiled in by answering this?"
Love Teodor's response to Nice Pete's initial question. You can almost hear him thinking "Wait, what kind of twisted Nice-Pete related thing am I going to become embroiled in by answering this?"
brian
+4 -0
Nice Pete writes a lot like David Foster Wallace.
Nice Pete writes a lot like David Foster Wallace.
flazisismuss
+0 -0
Except the sentences are shorter, and the story a tad less self-indulgent, even if it is a story fueled by a serial killer's memory for bloodlust.
Except the sentences are shorter, and the story a tad less self-indulgent, even if it is a story fueled by a serial killer's memory for bloodlust.
loneal
+1 -0
Chuck held [the moment when a young boy has truly died, his (the boy's) hair moving in the breeze, yet his (the boy's) body perfectly still] in his (Chuck's) arms, considering lobsters all the while. Soon they (Chuck and Mary) would move to Africa together via cruise ship, the name of which would strike Chuck as ironic and which he would rename with the antonym of the original name, an act about which he would be slightly self-deprecating, but ultimately self-congratulatory, but tonight they (Chuck and Mary) would lie in bed and [watch mentally ill men take long cold baths without suds].
Chuck held [the moment when a young boy has truly died, his (the boy's) hair moving in the breeze, yet his (the boy's) body perfectly still] in his (Chuck's) arms, considering lobsters all the while. Soon they (Chuck and Mary) would move to Africa together via cruise ship, the name of which would strike Chuck as ironic and which he would rename with the antonym of the original name, an act about which he would be slightly self-deprecating, but ultimately self-congratulatory, but tonight they (Chuck and Mary) would lie in bed and [watch mentally ill men take long cold baths without suds].
tommycrashwreck
+1 -0
Make sure this is the fourth part of an aside to an aside, and that the original text as well as the original aside to which this aside is an aside have been swallowed up by DFWallace's forgetful structure, so that the current aside has become the new main body of the work.
Make sure this is the fourth part of an aside to an aside, and that the original text as well as the original aside to which this aside is an aside have been swallowed up by DFWallace's forgetful structure, so that the current aside has become the new main body of the work.
infinitejest
+0 -0
I really have to give you a chubby for this, given my user name.
I really have to give you a chubby for this, given my user name.
hbaranov
+0 -0
You should never be bound so.
You should never be bound so.
xi
+3 -0
I was laughing out loud at panel four, and even through halfway through the last one... but... but... it turned into an awkward chuckle and finally distraught silence when I read "watch mentally ill men take long, cold bath without suds".
I mean... holy god.
I was laughing out loud at panel four, and even through halfway through the last one... but... but... it turned into an awkward chuckle and finally distraught silence when I read "watch mentally ill men take long, cold bath without suds".
I mean... holy god.
spinynorman
+1 -0
I've said it before - Nice Pete is basically a lose hose flopping around, spraying the creepiest shit you ever heard all over the place. I mean, this plus comparing women to the sound of "birds burning in a shoebox"... Pete is creepier when he is not directly homicidal, just Disturbed.
I've said it before - Nice Pete is basically a lose hose flopping around, spraying the creepiest shit you ever heard all over the place. I mean, this plus comparing women to the sound of "birds burning in a shoebox"... Pete is creepier when he is not directly homicidal, just Disturbed.
brycemidas
+0 -0
Are you trying to say that Pete gets Down with the Sickness?
Are you trying to say that Pete gets Down with the Sickness?
hbaranov
+0 -0
'gets Down?' He never got 'up' I think.
'gets Down?' He never got 'up' I think.
bjorntd
+1 -0
This art is from... HISTORY!
I wonder how many of these little chats Teodor and Nice Pete have, and why they seem to be in the same house so often. Don't they live separately?
This art is from... HISTORY!
I wonder how many of these little chats Teodor and Nice Pete have, and why they seem to be in the same house so often. Don't they live separately?
tekende
+0 -0
Yes, that would be why Nice Pete had to call Teodor rather than just go find him in another room.
Yes, that would be why Nice Pete had to call Teodor rather than just go find him in another room.
wittyname
+0 -0
I like to pretend that 'A Marvelous Romance' is the title of the a marvelous romance novel, but deep down I know it is not.
I like to pretend that 'A Marvelous Romance' is the title of the a marvelous romance novel, but deep down I know it is not.
spectre
+0 -0
Well it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies.
. . . can't get that song out of my head now.
Well it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies.
. . . can't get that song out of my head now.
autrepoupee
+5 -0
peter sotos actually uses this method but backwards
peter sotos actually uses this method but backwards
colorlessness
+0 -0
Too awesome for the Peter Sotos reference.
Too awesome for the Peter Sotos reference.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
I've never been prouder of an internet community in my life than when I got 5 chubbies for a Peter Sotos reference.
Acheworld, you have done me right by me !
I've never been prouder of an internet community in my life than when I got 5 chubbies for a Peter Sotos reference.
Acheworld, you have done me right by me !
colorlessness
+0 -0
You should go over to the Susan Lawly message board then, they chubby that sort of shit all the time.
You should go over to the Susan Lawly message board then, they chubby that sort of shit all the time.
lateadopter
+2 -0
I think the disturbing part is Teodor's blase response to Nice Pete's utterly dehumanized description of a woman. The boys have just gotten so used to Nice Pete that they don't even blink anymore.
I think the disturbing part is Teodor's blase response to Nice Pete's utterly dehumanized description of a woman. The boys have just gotten so used to Nice Pete that they don't even blink anymore.
erinye
+1 -0
Seriously.
How does Nice Pete write women so well?
Seriously.
How does Nice Pete write women so well?
boredom_man
+0 -0
It is, ultimately, your avatar in this conversational thread that will be the difference between Nice Pete Chuckles and Nice Pete Nightmares for me.
It is, ultimately, your avatar in this conversational thread that will be the difference between Nice Pete Chuckles and Nice Pete Nightmares for me.
deusoma
+1 -0
If I were aware that the person I was talking to had a history full of gruesome murder, it wouldn't matter how fucked up his choice of conversation is, I'm not reacting badly. "Incredible death" is not something I want on my schedule.
If I were aware that the person I was talking to had a history full of gruesome murder, it wouldn't matter how fucked up his choice of conversation is, I'm not reacting badly. "Incredible death" is not something I want on my schedule.
bourbonsamurai
+0 -0
Then you should stop your two-timing! You have been warned!
Then you should stop your two-timing! You have been warned!
drskradley
+0 -0
You should also stop causing epilepsy with your avatar. Guys like Nice Pete don't take kindly to his loved ones being forced into fits.
You should also stop causing epilepsy with your avatar. Guys like Nice Pete don't take kindly to his loved ones being forced into fits.
drskradley
+0 -0
That's right - CAUSING epilepsy. Yes, I just thought about how ridiculous that is. But gosh darnit, Deusoma is doing it.
That's right - CAUSING epilepsy. Yes, I just thought about how ridiculous that is. But gosh darnit, Deusoma is doing it.
deusoma
+0 -0
Yeah, I should probably go ahead and change it anyway. They had an episode where it actually was lupus a while back.
Yeah, I should probably go ahead and change it anyway. They had an episode where it actually was lupus a while back.
dapooka
+0 -0
But if you change it, how can I look forward to the spontanteous Frye & Laurie reunions simulated between you and Spinynorman?
But if you change it, how can I look forward to the spontanteous Frye & Laurie reunions simulated between you and Spinynorman?
spinynorman
+0 -0
Man, how have I never noticed that.
Man, how have I never noticed that.
lechatbotte
+0 -0
Befuddles me, Jeeves.
Befuddles me, Jeeves.
baryonyx
+6 -0
I for one have an appreciation for the unnecessary comma in "I see. A, 'writer's trick.'" It goes a long way in conveying precisely the way in which Nice Pete speaks.
I for one have an appreciation for the unnecessary comma in "I see. A, 'writer's trick.'" It goes a long way in conveying precisely the way in which Nice Pete speaks.
retinarow
+0 -1
Yes, I, agree,.
Yes, I, agree,.
spectre
+0 -0
and thinks
and thinks
bjorntd
+0 -0
The prescriptivist in me absolutely hates the whole "comma as breathing space" syntax that he's supporting here, but I suppose I'm allowed to be a bit of a pedant now and again.
The prescriptivist in me absolutely hates the whole "comma as breathing space" syntax that he's supporting here, but I suppose I'm allowed to be a bit of a pedant now and again.
hbaranov
+0 -0
He should have used ellipses.
He should have used ellipses.
tekende
+1 -0
No. It doesn't have the same effect.
No. It doesn't have the same effect.
lechatbotte
+0 -0
An ellipse just sort of trails off... and on... again. It's dreamy and stoned.
A comma, it, breaks harder. Like the crackle of dry bones in a bag. So much more Nice, Pete.
An ellipse just sort of trails off... and on... again. It's dreamy and stoned.
A comma, it, breaks harder. Like the crackle of dry bones in a bag. So much more Nice, Pete.
phthoggos
+0 -0
Nice Pete's violence against English usage is less well-known, but even more horrific than his violence against individuals.
Nice Pete's violence against English usage is less well-known, but even more horrific than his violence against individuals.
budenhagen
+0 -0
Jesus CHRIST!
Jesus CHRIST!
breadcrab
+3 -0
It'll be okay, Face of Philippe.
It'll be okay, Face of Philippe.
parkman47
+0 -2
10000000000000000x better than DPM from the previous strip... welcome back, chris!
10000000000000000x better than DPM from the previous strip... welcome back, chris!
hardelicious
+1 -0
I really [removed clothing with trauma shears, then placed into bathtub filled with ice before slowly lowering myself in next to]* today's strip.
*"enjoyed"
I really [removed clothing with trauma shears, then placed into bathtub filled with ice before slowly lowering myself in next to]* today's strip.
*"enjoyed"
nickgranger
+0 -0
It is never fun when Pete calls.
It is never fun when Pete calls.
baryonyx
+1 -0
But you sure as hell answer if you know what's good for you.
But you sure as hell answer if you know what's good for you.
jordstar
+0 -0
That is the creepiest description of a woman I've ever read. It's the kind of creepiness that, were someone to steal it and use it, expanded, in a film, could give a generation nightmares a la Hannibal Lecter.
That is the creepiest description of a woman I've ever read. It's the kind of creepiness that, were someone to steal it and use it, expanded, in a film, could give a generation nightmares a la Hannibal Lecter.
loneal
+1 -0
This is made even creepier for me by the fact that my mother's name is Mary and my uncle's name is Chuck. This is like the time someone suggested the game "Fuck, Chuck, or Marry" and I emphatically said, "Neither."
This is made even creepier for me by the fact that my mother's name is Mary and my uncle's name is Chuck. This is like the time someone suggested the game "Fuck, Chuck, or Marry" and I emphatically said, "Neither."
achilleselbow
+2 -0
Women are clear, like a horrible toy with no color in the plastic.
Also, there are many ways to read Teodor's hesitant response to the initial question, focusing either on his uncertainty regarding Nice Pete's motives, or his previous interest in Hiram the Blacksmith.
Women are clear, like a horrible toy with no color in the plastic.
Also, there are many ways to read Teodor's hesitant response to the initial question, focusing either on his uncertainty regarding Nice Pete's motives, or his previous interest in Hiram the Blacksmith.
joeynarcotic
+0 -0
Nice Peter scares the shit out of me. I love him.
Nice Peter scares the shit out of me. I love him.
johnnyc
+2 -0
Do not call him Nice Peter, you do not know how poorly he takes to that.
Do not call him Nice Peter, you do not know how poorly he takes to that.
qeramah
+1 -0
It's been too long since we've had a Nice Pete strip.
This is refreshing.
It's been too long since we've had a Nice Pete strip.
This is refreshing.
sn0wman
+3 -0
With Nice Pete, it must be specified that the sex will be consensual.
With Nice Pete, it must be specified that the sex will be consensual.
rogergs
+2 -0
The trick also works in reverse for the rest of us.
Hunting for the final roll of duct tape that would fit in the toolbox, Wilbert couldn't stop thinking about [Scarlett Johansson][1]. Would he [gently caress the down in the small of her back][2]? Or perhaps just cut to the chase and [have consensual sex in a Guccione bed with black, slick sheets][3]. Blood drained from his head and he felt dizzy just thinking about it.
[1] the hogtied seventh-grader
[2] cut V-shaped slices from his ears and cheeks
[3] sever his head and install it on the computer desk
The trick also works in reverse for the rest of us.
Hunting for the final roll of duct tape that would fit in the toolbox, Wilbert couldn't stop thinking about [Scarlett Johansson][1]. Would he [gently caress the down in the small of her back][2]? Or perhaps just cut to the chase and [have consensual sex in a Guccione bed with black, slick sheets][3]. Blood drained from his head and he felt dizzy just thinking about it.
[1] the hogtied seventh-grader
[2] cut V-shaped slices from his ears and cheeks
[3] sever his head and install it on the computer desk
chuvak
+0 -0
Wow, make your own Ellis novel. Nice.
Wow, make your own Ellis novel. Nice.
poing
+1 -1
This is the best Achewood strip in over a year. The way nice Pete delivers his line in panel 4 with such conviction is so precious.
This is the best Achewood strip in over a year. The way nice Pete delivers his line in panel 4 with such conviction is so precious.
loneal
+1 -0
P...Poing? You okay there, buddy? Can I get you anything? Glass of ice water? Smelling salts?
P...Poing? You okay there, buddy? Can I get you anything? Glass of ice water? Smelling salts?
drskradley
+1 -0
The man has Reasons for What He Does.
Or she does. I'm a product of a sexist culture, I automatically assume someone is a man.
The man has Reasons for What He Does.
Or she does. I'm a product of a sexist culture, I automatically assume someone is a man.
dovey
+1 -1
I don't think any feminists will hold it against you that you assume that a total dickwad is a man.
I don't think any feminists will hold it against you that you assume that a total dickwad is a man.
loneal
+0 -0
It's true! Dr. Skrad, you get double points today. Point 1 for being all patriarchy-examining, and point 2 for not insisting on Poing's stated female gender.
Does that make any sense? I just took some Ambien like twenty minutes ago and it is really kicking in hard. Is this what it feels like when Ray knows about 45 degrees? There's weird splotches of color everywhere. I need to go to sleep.
It's true! Dr. Skrad, you get double points today. Point 1 for being all patriarchy-examining, and point 2 for not insisting on Poing's stated female gender.
Does that make any sense? I just took some Ambien like twenty minutes ago and it is really kicking in hard. Is this what it feels like when Ray knows about 45 degrees? There's weird splotches of color everywhere. I need to go to sleep.
seanbad
+0 -0
Just don't be surprised if your significant other insists that you sleep in another room. Ambien does weird things to a person. I'm told I tried to choke my wife?
Just don't be surprised if your significant other insists that you sleep in another room. Ambien does weird things to a person. I'm told I tried to choke my wife?
loneal
+0 -0
Yes, apparently I have left some embarrassing phone messages while under the influence of Ambien.
Yes, apparently I have left some embarrassing phone messages while under the influence of Ambien.
drskradley
+0 -0
My mother was a feminist.
And, being a comics fan, a blog has opened my eyes to how messed up the gendered world currently is:
HERE
Perhaps not mind-blowing to anybody else, but I never did Women's Studies or anything so this blog explained it well, I thought.
My mother was a feminist.
And, being a comics fan, a blog has opened my eyes to how messed up the gendered world currently is:
HERE
Perhaps not mind-blowing to anybody else, but I never did Women's Studies or anything so this blog explained it well, I thought.
loneal
+0 -0
It really is eye-opening, isn't it? That stuff is right in front of you, and you don't notice it until someone else points it out, and then you see it motherfucking everywhere.
It really is eye-opening, isn't it? That stuff is right in front of you, and you don't notice it until someone else points it out, and then you see it motherfucking everywhere.
mnemonicdevice
+0 -0
That one's going to haunt me.
That one's going to haunt me.
chuvak
+21 -0
Q: What does nice pete see at the strip club?
A:
[IMGS OFF]
Q: What does nice pete see at the strip club?
A:
[IMGS OFF]
achilleselbow
+0 -0
If you could only somehow have depicted the smells emanating from their horrible large middles.
If you could only somehow have depicted the smells emanating from their horrible large middles.
peterjoel
+2 -0
Please don't do that. Photoshop was never meant for such as that.
Please don't do that. Photoshop was never meant for such as that.
tekende
+0 -0
Yes, that would be terrible.
Yes, that would be terrible.
bjorntd
+0 -0
BOO TO THAT.
BOO TO THAT.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
How do you know woman smells are bad?
How do you know woman smells are bad?
phthoggos
+0 -0
THEY MUST BE
THEY MUST BE
tekende
+1 -0
WHY FIND OUT
WHY FIND OUT
tommythebrat
+1 -1
I find it funny that Theodor is the only character who is actually troubled that Nice Pete is a serial killer...who kidnapped Phillipe once....and tried to murder him with a USB-connected kitchen knife....
I am just saying that there are better things to base a relationship on than constant terror. Like say a shared interest in Japanese cultur, perhaps?
I find it funny that Theodor is the only character who is actually troubled that Nice Pete is a serial killer...who kidnapped Phillipe once....and tried to murder him with a USB-connected kitchen knife....
I am just saying that there are better things to base a relationship on than constant terror. Like say a shared interest in Japanese cultur, perhaps?
the_prophet
+0 -0
To many of us, constant terror and Japanese culture are inextricably connected, myself included.
They are both however, things I base my relationships on.
To many of us, constant terror and Japanese culture are inextricably connected, myself included.
They are both however, things I base my relationships on.
hellofditties
+0 -1
OH...OH MY GOD! THIS STRIP! THE... THE PERFECT THING TO SAY, EVER!
SPLUT!
OH...OH MY GOD! THIS STRIP! THE... THE PERFECT THING TO SAY, EVER!
SPLUT!
hellofditties
+0 -0
The splut was my head exploding from the Awesome, of course. Please do not lame me. I am still coming to terms with the fact that I am a screaming clear area with a wig on.
The splut was my head exploding from the Awesome, of course. Please do not lame me. I am still coming to terms with the fact that I am a screaming clear area with a wig on.
jalhalla42
+0 -1
Pete's next book: A Perplexing Mystery
Pete's next book: A Perplexing Mystery
dovey
+2 -0
Followed hotly by An Astounding Science-Fiction.
Followed hotly by An Astounding Science-Fiction.
tekende
+0 -0
And then A Magical Fantasy
And then A Magical Fantasy
dasilodavi
+0 -0
This one gets a five from me. I didn't find it particularly "funny" per se, but it gives a great deal of insight into Nice Pete, not just in the last panel but in the entire act of him attempting to write the next great American love story, a cold mimicry of things he perceives as acceptable in society.
This one gets a five from me. I didn't find it particularly "funny" per se, but it gives a great deal of insight into Nice Pete, not just in the last panel but in the entire act of him attempting to write the next great American love story, a cold mimicry of things he perceives as acceptable in society.
hrm
+0 -0
Imagine if the book were published, but Nice Pete forgot to replace some of the things he loved.
Imagine if the book were published, but Nice Pete forgot to replace some of the things he loved.
billylk
+0 -2
[IMGS OFF]
Disapproves
[IMGS OFF]
Disapproves
comrade_tom
+0 -1
How dare you speak for Mr Nicholson.
How dare you speak for Mr Nicholson.
bjorntd
+2 -0
THE ONLY PERSON WHO SPEAKS FOR JACK NICHOLSON IS YOUNGER JACK NICHOLSON
THE ONLY PERSON WHO SPEAKS FOR JACK NICHOLSON IS YOUNGER JACK NICHOLSON
hbaranov
+0 -0
What about Jack Nicholson from Space? Is he younger because of the dreadful genetic splice incident and then the subsequent light speed journey around the sun?
What about Jack Nicholson from Space? Is he younger because of the dreadful genetic splice incident and then the subsequent light speed journey around the sun?
jlowe424
+7 -0
I held [a starving stray dog, lured with kind words and fed canned food mixed with broken glass]* and realized I felt the same [the sensation of telling a boy you've killed his parents because he couldn't scream loud enough; he can never scream loud enough]** as I did when I first met [a young prostitute, desperate for money to feed her child but still young enough to know shame, being paid to break her own fingers]***
*Mary
**Love
***Her
I held [a starving stray dog, lured with kind words and fed canned food mixed with broken glass]* and realized I felt the same [the sensation of telling a boy you've killed his parents because he couldn't scream loud enough; he can never scream loud enough]** as I did when I first met [a young prostitute, desperate for money to feed her child but still young enough to know shame, being paid to break her own fingers]***
*Mary
**Love
***Her
tekende
+0 -0
Cheese and rice!
Cheese and rice!
jlowe424
+2 -0
I wish I was still in my senior year of high school, taking a creative writing class and getting sent for psychological evaluation after being "inspired" by a comic strip like this. Patrick Bateman would've come to my book signing, but he had to return some tapes.
I wish I was still in my senior year of high school, taking a creative writing class and getting sent for psychological evaluation after being "inspired" by a comic strip like this. Patrick Bateman would've come to my book signing, but he had to return some tapes.
dapooka
+0 -0
Jlowe424, reading these two comments and seeing the Corinthian as your avatar is isn't helping me think you are a nice guy.
I'm getting a case of the not-so-rad chillies.
Jlowe424, reading these two comments and seeing the Corinthian as your avatar is isn't helping me think you are a nice guy.
I'm getting a case of the not-so-rad chillies.
tekende
+0 -0
Teodor is indeed a man who loves women. Can't keep his mind on nothin' else. He%u2019d trade the world for a good thing he%u2019s found. If she is bad, he can%u2019t see it.
She can do no wrong.
Teodor is indeed a man who loves women. Can't keep his mind on nothin' else. He%u2019d trade the world for a good thing he%u2019s found. If she is bad, he can%u2019t see it.
She can do no wrong.
tekende
+0 -0
BBCode raped my hilarious Michael Bolton reference. Oh, curses upon you, BBCode!
My reference! My reeeeefffferennnnnceeee!
BBCode raped my hilarious Michael Bolton reference. Oh, curses upon you, BBCode!
My reference! My reeeeefffferennnnnceeee!
bjorntd
+0 -0
Assetbar screwed up, Tekende completely hates BBCode.
Assetbar screwed up, Tekende completely hates BBCode.
lateadopter
+0 -0
I had sympathy with your BBCode troubles, but then you claimed that was a Michael Bolton song. Now, I will not join your fan club until you apologize to Percy Sledge.
I had sympathy with your BBCode troubles, but then you claimed that was a Michael Bolton song. Now, I will not join your fan club until you apologize to Percy Sledge.
tekende
+0 -0
Man I wondered why there were two different artist names comin' up on the Google search.
Man I wondered why there were two different artist names comin' up on the Google search.
sn0wman
+0 -0
A comment left by sn0wman was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, loneal, smugairle)
A comment left by sn0wman was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, loneal, smugairle)
falseprophet
+0 -0
My Manwiiiiiiich!
My Manwiiiiiiich!
wittyname
+0 -0
I don't know why I'm compelled top tell you this, but I read your webcomic in one sitting yesterday, tekende. It was... okay. I probably should explain why it was just okay, but this is a weird enough comment anyways so I'm going to cut it short.
I don't know why I'm compelled top tell you this, but I read your webcomic in one sitting yesterday, tekende. It was... okay. I probably should explain why it was just okay, but this is a weird enough comment anyways so I'm going to cut it short.
tekende
+0 -0
Yeah, it is not the Greatest Comic on the Face of the Earth. Just...I didn't write all of it, so I can't be blamed entirely. I just drew the pictures.
But thanks for reading it!
If you would like to explain why it was just okay, you can e-mail me, I guess? springertekende@yahoo.com
Yeah, it is not the Greatest Comic on the Face of the Earth. Just...I didn't write all of it, so I can't be blamed entirely. I just drew the pictures.
But thanks for reading it!
If you would like to explain why it was just okay, you can e-mail me, I guess? springertekende@yahoo.com
catgrl131
+1 -0
You have a comic?
Hot Dog! Post a link, please, so that I may gaze upon the contents and judge it as I see fit.
You have a comic?
Hot Dog! Post a link, please, so that I may gaze upon the contents and judge it as I see fit.
nbgreene
+0 -0
A comment left by nbgreene was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, kylank, glue, cellphonedick, Justa)
A comment left by nbgreene was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, kylank, glue, cellphonedick, Justa)
bjorntd
+0 -0
Ha ha what
Ha ha what
justa
+0 -0
Come on man Nice Pete ain't even been to Vegas since 1978.
Come on man Nice Pete ain't even been to Vegas since 1978.
nbgreene
+0 -0
I dont think pete was involved. Seems more like philippe and lyle got bored of electrocuting pat's dick. am i the only one who thought of them when i heard this story?
I dont think pete was involved. Seems more like philippe and lyle got bored of electrocuting pat's dick. am i the only one who thought of them when i heard this story?
stevepants
+0 -0
hahahaha pete is fucked up
hahahaha pete is fucked up
al_batross
+0 -0
Nice Pete clearly needs to have his own Madlibs brand.
Nice Pete clearly needs to have his own Madlibs brand.
neonfreon
+0 -0
nice pete is definitely one character i would like to see spin off into his own comic strip. seeing someone as fucked up as him makes me feel better about myself.
nice pete is definitely one character i would like to see spin off into his own comic strip. seeing someone as fucked up as him makes me feel better about myself.
lateadopter
+41 -0
CHOOSE YOUR ADVENTURE
A serial killer calls and asks you to come to his house.
A) You go to his house. Go to page 23.
B) You do not go to his house. Stay on this page. He will come to you.
CHOOSE YOUR ADVENTURE
A serial killer calls and asks you to come to his house.
A) You go to his house. Go to page 23.
B) You do not go to his house. Stay on this page. He will come to you.
xi
+0 -0
Gorgeous.
Gorgeous.
bourbonsamurai
+0 -0
Possibly my favorite comment ever, lateadopter.
Possibly my favorite comment ever, lateadopter.
contrasoma
+0 -0
Out of chubbies - I offer a tip of the hat instead.
Out of chubbies - I offer a tip of the hat instead.
supergeorgina
+0 -0
I love Nice Pete's demeanor throughout. He is a professional weirdo, through and through.
I love Nice Pete's demeanor throughout. He is a professional weirdo, through and through.
evolume
+0 -0
this is the most terrifying thing i have ever read in a comic strip.
this is the most terrifying thing i have ever read in a comic strip.
stopeatingmyeyes
+0 -0
https://achewood.com/index.php?date=01032007
teodor should've known
https://achewood.com/index.php?date=01032007
teodor should've known
mc_white
+0 -0
Does anyone else have nightmares that end with Nice Pete staring at you with his head cocked ever so slightly as in panel four? Or is that just another sign that I'm way in over my head with this cocaine?
Does anyone else have nightmares that end with Nice Pete staring at you with his head cocked ever so slightly as in panel four? Or is that just another sign that I'm way in over my head with this cocaine?
bourbonsamurai
+1 -0
If you're still able to sleep and therefore have nightmares, you've got some breathing room on the cocaine thing.
If you're still able to sleep and therefore have nightmares, you've got some breathing room on the cocaine thing.
daidai
+0 -0
This strip is [the feeling I get when I see a gypsy woman caught pickpocketing and is then smacked].
[]-funny
This strip is [the feeling I get when I see a gypsy woman caught pickpocketing and is then smacked].
[]-funny
tombsgrave
+0 -0
Awesome strip. At least Nice Peat has a healthier attitude about women than Dave Sim.
Awesome strip. At least Nice Peat has a healthier attitude about women than Dave Sim.
tombsgrave
+0 -0
Pete, I mean Pete. Nice Peat is... oh God, I don't want to think too much about where that peat comes from.
Pete, I mean Pete. Nice Peat is... oh God, I don't want to think too much about where that peat comes from.
cellphonedick
+0 -0
Out of 214 comments, not counting my own, there are only 29 lames registered on them. This seems very low, and it makes me happy that people are not being very lame, not very lame at all.
Out of 214 comments, not counting my own, there are only 29 lames registered on them. This seems very low, and it makes me happy that people are not being very lame, not very lame at all.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Lie-Bot, whats the lamest thing a person can do?
Lie-Bot, whats the lamest thing a person can do?
featurelessvoid
+2 -0
A person writes erotic fan fiction in which one of the main characters is Ray Smuckles's mom and another is Chris Onstad. In the final scene, they both climb on a motorcycle and jump over a pool containing a shark that's busy mauling Philippe. They narrative pauses for a three-paragraph observation of how the hapless otter is Five. The person then posts this story to Acheworld. With illustrations.
That, comrade_tom, is the lamest thing.
A person writes erotic fan fiction in which one of the main characters is Ray Smuckles's mom and another is Chris Onstad. In the final scene, they both climb on a motorcycle and jump over a pool containing a shark that's busy mauling Philippe. They narrative pauses for a three-paragraph observation of how the hapless otter is Five. The person then posts this story to Acheworld. With illustrations.
That, comrade_tom, is the lamest thing.
catgrl131
+1 -0
Oh holy crap and wow we need this to be a Thing
Oh holy crap and wow we need this to be a Thing
achewood
+0 -0
A comment left by achewood was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by nokidding, randombeing, invidious, snoozebar)
A comment left by achewood was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by nokidding, randombeing, invidious, snoozebar)
andyfaewatford
+6 -0
That's it! I've done it! It's been hard in places and my eyes kind of hurt but I have now read all the strips on this site, in order. Today is the day that I caught up with today, if you see what I mean...
I'm not expecting a medal or anything, just thought I would put this comment here for my own amusement. Not like anyone's ever going to read it right down here at the bottom of the page anyway...
Yeah, good on me.
That's it! I've done it! It's been hard in places and my eyes kind of hurt but I have now read all the strips on this site, in order. Today is the day that I caught up with today, if you see what I mean...
I'm not expecting a medal or anything, just thought I would put this comment here for my own amusement. Not like anyone's ever going to read it right down here at the bottom of the page anyway...
Yeah, good on me.
straw
+1 -0
As a congratulations, I will dole out some chubbies for you on the comments you no doubt have strewn hither and thither throughout the archives, as my allotment for this comic has been met.
As a congratulations, I will dole out some chubbies for you on the comments you no doubt have strewn hither and thither throughout the archives, as my allotment for this comic has been met.
bourbonsamurai
+1 -0
Hooray andy!
Hooray andy!
andyfaewatford
+1 -0
Aww, shucks. Thanks guys...
Aww, shucks. Thanks guys...
dapooka
+0 -0
Hooray. Exactly one month behind ya, but catching up fast.
Hooray. Exactly one month behind ya, but catching up fast.
ih8jonmayr
+3 -1
This book will be printed in [the blood of a virgin]*
*ink
This book will be printed in [the blood of a virgin]*
*ink
gmm
+0 -0
This one is just straight up amazing. Teodor is unsure about if he is a man who likes women. Nice Pete is fucking insane.
This one is just straight up amazing. Teodor is unsure about if he is a man who likes women. Nice Pete is fucking insane.
ladybug
+0 -0
If that isn't a well deserved five, I don't want to know what is.
If that isn't a well deserved five, I don't want to know what is.
ham_shoes
+0 -0
Hallmark meets Titicut Follies.
Hallmark meets Titicut Follies.
lolgolfer
+0 -0
This strip is like Lawrence of Arabia with cats.
This strip is like Lawrence of Arabia with cats.
masterbbb26
+0 -0
glad to see Pete again. this comic was missing the touch of a god damn lunatic.
glad to see Pete again. this comic was missing the touch of a god damn lunatic.
The subtext in this romance novel is beautiful.
i don't think this one is going to be flying off the shelves
If he left in the stuff in brackets, but kept them in brackets without editing it, thus breaking the fourth wall of his writing style - people would definitely buy it. It's the writings of a methodical killer: people eat that shit up.
However, it would be hard to follow with his next release.
Is Nice Pete a conduit into Mark Z. Danielewski's brain?
Nah. His footnotes would have to be about six paragraphs longer to hang with Danielewski.
That all gets taken care of in the editing stage. It's a writer's trick.
Thank you for finding the next book I'm going to read.
Hopefully your first time was as delightful as I fondly recall.
Danielewski's style with Bret Easton Ellis's content.
I bet Nice Pete LOVES Genesis.
The lyrics are as positive as anything I've heard in rock.
D'ya like... Huey Lewis?
Huey's too...black-sounding for me.
Are you thinking of Huey P. Newton?
He put out that song that goes: "And I'm black y'all. Yes I'm black y'all. And I'm blacker than black 'cause I'm black y'all."
Note: He put out no such song.
Also, there was the time that Martin Luther King, Jr. came out of his coma, started a third-party presidential campaign and was ridiculed on FOX, so Huey hit the FOX commentator with a chair.
Or was that Huey P. Long? Nevermind.
MLK came out of a coma? And someone got hit by a chair?
I think that was Huey Freeman.
No, I was quoting American Psycho.
Ha!
"You're a [fucking ugly bitch.]* I want to [stab you and then play around with your blood.]^"
*beautiful woman
^make love to you here in the kitchen
It seems out of character for Pete to love "fucking ugly bitch[es]".
"You're a [pile of the intestines of a man who died with honor]*".
* beautiful woman
You're a [toilet seat that smokes a cigar]*.
*toilet seat that smokes a cigar
I'm guessing some one hasn't seen American Psycho. .
It's hip to be square.
There is no denying that.
it's square to have hips.
chubbied mostly for how your icon works with your comment :)
Guys, please stop making me drool. Seriously.
this is a good post because danielewski is so one trick pony horse town and the comparison is apt
if it bleeds it leads.
Unless his next release is a graphic novel.
You have obviously not been aware of Garth Ennis' sales, then.
I have not, no. I have the chance to be now, though! Watch this space (for 'yeah I've read it now' quotes)
One year later I will post here because I feel sad that people have been watching this space but it is empty.
I love Ennis as a writer but I think I hate him a little as a person. That is all.
if this is true, if when it was published he left the stuff in brackets and used footnotes, i would buy it. i would buy every copy.