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The Isosceles Lock Monday, May 3, 2004 • read strip Viewing 89 comments:

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the Isosceles Lock.

A comment left by blastradius was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Vymora, Drake, wittyname, CanusDivinus, rhino, TheGreatestCape)

You're going to hell for mentioning that. You know that, right?

It's not actually quite the same?

I can't believe there were 6 people on the internet that didn't know about this already.

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by riotdejaneiro, NeoNaoNeo, Mangtastic, 7th_shot, d3lvn, atticusonline)

you can't make a tetrahedron with four lines dude think about it.

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by NeoNaoNeo, Mangtastic, 7th_shot, d3lvn, atticusonline, VictoriaW, tessebatt)

He could be a Flatlander.

ilu

Think like the women are the atomic bonds and thus full of win.

Forget the tetrahedral version. Think cube. Granted, som guys would have to pick up the slack by suckin on balls, but this would be epic.

4-CORNER SIMULTANEOUS 4-WAY SEX CUBE

YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

I have borne witness to one of these, it enhances the strip so much

Wait but that sounds pretty bad

What, they didn't let you join in?

A comment left by asherdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Zefiel, dangelder, mikeronomicon, bearattack, Catachresis, antecen, lucidaconsole, atticusonline, lk, Mo_Rose, littlefatdog, heatbag)

A comment left by catachresis was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by kylemcjuicy, lucidaconsole, VictoriaW)

No man should be without slideshow for scientific purposes.


I'm pretty sure that Ray was probably just waiting for the moment when the Isosceles Lock subject would need in depth explanation.

and since it's ray, it ain't gonna be Power Point

A comment left by estutius was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by beansdooma, daidai, heccibiggs, Narcolepticdog, blastradius, wittyname, tttt2, rowboat, king_of_pwns, farqussus, vermy, ravindra108, joamiq)

Thanks for explaining the joke!

I have set up this exact slide, as a drop-panel from my ceiling, and the next time someone so much as mentions ABBA, raccoons, or fellatio, BAM.

FLUT

holy daikon root batman

The beauty of it is you can be the one to bring it up. In principle, Ray might not even think that Beef as seen through a kaleidoscope looks like an Isosceles Lock - he just has to make a metaphor - any metaphor - which refers to it, and then wait for Beef's dismissive query. Even if Beef thinks that it's implausible that he appears as Ray suggests, the implausibility is trumped by that of the mythical "fellatiouroboros".

He also has a diagram of the human reproductive system and a map of Middle Earth.

Don't forget the diagram showing how a small fighter could penetrate the Death Star's defenses.

Isn't it a diagram of an enlarged prostate?

Enlarged AND infected.

it's even got a trademark, complete with the last names of the dudes from ABBA

Speaking from 2009, there has recently been an entire series of beer commercials that ripped this idea off. With the guy drawing pictures and charts out of no where.

A comment left by catachresis was marked as spam and excluded. catachresis: What a douche. (reported by GeyserShitdick, Zem, heatbag)

Retarded and awesome? Kinda like Ray right now (right now is 6 May 2007, no matter what you out there reading this might think)

I am a projectionist wasting my time at work on Achewood forums, and the film I'm projecting tonight, Shortbus, actually features the isosceles lock. Was John Cameron-Mitchell inspired by Achewood? No doubt.

SHORTBUS! you work at a hip cinema sir. wish we had one of those where i live. been tryin' to see that movie fo' eva.

Weird, I just watched it tonight. It was only alright.

yeah, finally caught up with it, and yeah.

Really more notable for an actor performing auto-fellatio outside of an Andy Warhol movie than anything else.

Amongst my friends the Star Spangled Banner scene was more of a talking point.

In all sincerity, I found it deeply moving, especially the scenes with the voyeur and the dominatrix.

I have gotten a lot of sideways looks trying to explain to people how I know the name for this technique. The wierd thing is, the triangle is hypothetically equilateral, not isoceles, right? Even the one in Ray's slide.

Also, I still can't figure out how exactly that works.

The odds of finding three men who are exactly the same height are extremely slim. In reality the triangle is almost certain to be scalene.

and besides, an equilateral triangle is isoceles. AT LEAST two equal sides. Oh my god, why are we talking about this?

I think the assumption is that the two dudes from ABBA are of the same height. According to IMDb, they differ by half an inch, so for all intents and purposes, they form an isosceles triangle with a third dude of any height.

Their respective heights are not important. To form a true isosceles lock, 2 of the 3 participants should measure the same distance from the lower lip to the base of the penis.

If all 3 partipants sport the same distance from lip to penis, it is known as an equilateral lock . This is relatively rare but apparently less enjoyable than the isosceles the lock. I guess it's a power thing.

A scalene lock is apparently very disappointing and not worth attempting - even if you are really into the idea of experimenting with gay orgy sex positions.

Also, Roast Beef is a cat.

the usage of the word isoceles does not refer to distance or measurement, but rather to the fact that two of the sides in this triangle are the dudes from ABBA, while the third side is roast beef. thus, two equal (or at least related) sides, and a third interloper.

the copyright on the slide really makes it work.

Thank you for seeing that.

"You try to steal my ideas for how to suck a man's dick I will sic the patent office on yo ass."

"Isosceles Lock" is an excellent Greco-Roman porno name.

From someone with a childhood pet giraffe named Isosceles and who lived on Via Lock?

There is something extremely rad about a pet giraffe named Isosceles. I know this is not an accurate name for it's dimensions.

Ray has the slide show ready, just in case.

You have to be ready to explain such things, at all times. Ray knows this.

Agnetha I will not be at home again this Evening

Nice Onomatopoeia.

*FLUT*

I told some friends about the Isosceles Lock. Some were concerned, some were kind of excited.

When utilizing more than three participants for an Isosceles Lock, The resultant polygonal formation is typically referred to as a Daisy Chain.

Oh, okay, that's it. I was wondering if Daisy Chain was the term when chicks do it or what. Thanks for clearing that up.

Flut!

Still, I don't think three dudes can 69. Perhaps they can 'sigma over 69'.

This would make sense because performing the Isosceles Lock is a standard deviation for Swedish pop bands.

three dudes can 69. the penis enters the mouth upside down, the head goes between the legs. it is a slight stretch for the skin on top of the penis, to be pulled to such an angle, but not so uncomfortable it cannot be enjoyed.

i have never done this, i just have a very good imagination.

It's no longer truly a 69. The closest way to represent the Isosceles Lock numerically is 683.

Ray knows that lovemaking is 90% geometry and 5% PowerPoint.

What's the other 5 percent?

Blood sacrifice.

Oh god this comment is fantastic. The name, the avatar, the unexpected brutality... God I wish I could chubby it harder.

usversusthem wants to 69 with that comment.

Like, so hard.

Fuck I love this strip, I bet this strip is followed by a 3 hour lecture on how 3 dudes do the 69, and perhaps even a video demonstrating it.

Because Ray is comfortable enough in his sexuality to display that kind of thing.

flut

I just really like ABBA.

"Isosceles Locke" would be a good name for a Thomas Pynchon character.

... visions of Beef sitting down to watch a home movie warning him of the dangers of performing this maneuver, a la "Johnny Dangerously" scene.

I have drawn out similar diagrams in order to plan massive theoretical orgies. My compliments to the dudes from ABBA for paving the way.

I'd love to see the genesis of this strip. How did it come together? 69ing with the dudes from Abba leads naturally to the slideshow, but I mean.

The kaleidoscope combined with a coonskin cap? What? How did those two elements combine?

Merely mentioning the Isosceles Lock causes the screen to fall and the projector to start up.

For my part, I am glad that the scene cut away at that point.

In mid-January 1979, Ulvaeus and Fältskog announced they were getting divorced.

Fuck! Now I know why.

I would rate this strip over 5 were that possible. It is at least a 2.9 on the scale of scale disruption.

That's... kind of cool, Ray. Why did you think of that though. Why would you think of that.

I keep thinking the circles represent their gonads. As this is the most important part of a man involved in the Isosceles Lock.

They make such good music and man-triangles.

I like to imagine that Ray has secreted slideshows in many different places in his house, each pertaining to ever more elaborate and irrelevant phenomena

Revolutionized what exactly? I think the genius is in the fact that it is up to us, the reader, to decide the content and direction of said revolution...