mirzabah
+14 -0
Cockroaches automatically win that game because they do not sound like birds burning in a shoe box.
Cockroaches automatically win that game because they do not sound like birds burning in a shoe box.
proof_man
+2 -0
the joke in the second panel could still be taken as an idiom. if we accept that philippe is now a major BA.
the joke in the second panel could still be taken as an idiom. if we accept that philippe is now a major BA.
cbtbone
+3 -0
The early afternoon crowd at Laszlo's is a talkative bunch.
The early afternoon crowd at Laszlo's is a talkative bunch.
scraggg
+0 -0
Oh God that is the best icon I have ever seen.
Oh God that is the best icon I have ever seen.
mattfish
+3 -0
it's the best icon my resolution won't allow me to make out
it's the best icon my resolution won't allow me to make out
johnnyc
+2 -0
IT DRINKS YOUR MILKSHAKE
IT DRINKS YOUR MILKSHAKE
semiquaver
+0 -0
Perfect avatar/comment synchronicity.
Perfect avatar/comment synchronicity.
pogo
+0 -0
Same here, just a smudge appears, but wait, it's "There will be Blood" I think.
Same here, just a smudge appears, but wait, it's "There will be Blood" I think.
anitrophaeron
+0 -0
Hmmm...I suppose you're right. Until now I thought it looked a little like Jules and Vincent from Pulp Fiction.
Hmmm...I suppose you're right. Until now I thought it looked a little like Jules and Vincent from Pulp Fiction.
cbtbone
+0 -0
Yeah, sorry guys. It is from "There Will Be Blood." While we're on the subject, is there a fun and easy way to make my avatars not all blurry?
Yeah, sorry guys. It is from "There Will Be Blood." While we're on the subject, is there a fun and easy way to make my avatars not all blurry?
catgrl131
+1 -0
Try what I did!
JUST 10K UP FRONT!
Try what I did!
JUST 10K UP FRONT!
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I'm guessing you chickened out and changed your avatar, after all. Either that or I really need to see There Will Be Blood, if only for the Autobots. And Daniel Day-Lewis.
I'm guessing you chickened out and changed your avatar, after all. Either that or I really need to see There Will Be Blood, if only for the Autobots. And Daniel Day-Lewis.
geysershitdick
+0 -0
I like to imagine that the guy who thinks you should wear a tuxedo while shooting fish, the fellow who has trouble losing weight, the dude who lost a brother in a book judging-related incident, and the man with the particularly fecund wife are all, in fact, the same person.
I like to imagine that the guy who thinks you should wear a tuxedo while shooting fish, the fellow who has trouble losing weight, the dude who lost a brother in a book judging-related incident, and the man with the particularly fecund wife are all, in fact, the same person.
greyfield
+0 -0
The question is, who on earth goes to a comedy club at two in the afternoon?
The question is, who on earth goes to a comedy club at two in the afternoon?
kvanever
+0 -0
Anybody want to explain the one in panel five to me?
Anybody want to explain the one in panel five to me?
littlefatdog
+6 -0
If the building you're in is on fire, you should hurry up and judge the book whatever way you can and get out! Many brothers have been lost due to indecisiveness over methodology of book judging.
If the building you're in is on fire, you should hurry up and judge the book whatever way you can and get out! Many brothers have been lost due to indecisiveness over methodology of book judging.
silver_lake
+0 -0
I completely concur. Chubb'd.
I completely concur. Chubb'd.
mashuren
+15 -0
If the building's on fire, you should probably just judge the book by its cover instead of taking the time to leaf through it first.
I lost a brother that way. "Just one more paragraph!" he shouted at me, through the smoke, but by then it was too late.
If the building's on fire, you should probably just judge the book by its cover instead of taking the time to leaf through it first.
I lost a brother that way. "Just one more paragraph!" he shouted at me, through the smoke, but by then it was too late.
jamers
+10 -0
In his defense, he was reading The Brother's Karamazov , and he hadn't quite pinned down Alyosha's character.
Damn you, Dostoevksy, for your engaging characters and compelling story lines!!!
In his defense, he was reading The Brother's Karamazov , and he hadn't quite pinned down Alyosha's character.
Damn you, Dostoevksy, for your engaging characters and compelling story lines!!!
professorhazard
+4 -1
It's a special kind of self-loathing that results from realizing you did everything right - spelled all the names correctly, underlined the book's title, and even made a pretty nice joke - and then you see that you put an apostrophe in the word "Brothers".
But it's cool, it's cool. At the end of the day, The Brother Is, in fact, Karamazov.
It's a special kind of self-loathing that results from realizing you did everything right - spelled all the names correctly, underlined the book's title, and even made a pretty nice joke - and then you see that you put an apostrophe in the word "Brothers".
But it's cool, it's cool. At the end of the day, The Brother Is, in fact, Karamazov.
jamers
+1 -0
I would like to take a moment and quote Charlie Brown here....
AUUUUUUUUGGHHHHH!!!
I would like to take a moment and quote Charlie Brown here....
AUUUUUUUUGGHHHHH!!!
johnnyc
+0 -0
A friend of mine actually created a character map of all of the characters in The Brothers Karamazov . He was having trouble keeping track of all the nicknames, names and relationships. I don't blame him at all.
A friend of mine actually created a character map of all of the characters in The Brothers Karamazov . He was having trouble keeping track of all the nicknames, names and relationships. I don't blame him at all.
professorhazard
+5 -1
Would you say it was hard to... juggle all the information?
Would you say it was hard to... juggle all the information?
tekende
+0 -0
I don't see what you did there.
I don't see what you did there.
jamers
+0 -0
The Flying Karamazov Brothers
The Flying Karamazov Brothers
odei
+0 -1
"international fame in the world of juggling"
I do not understand some hobbies.
"international fame in the world of juggling"
I do not understand some hobbies.
spinynorman
+0 -0
To be fair, the fire joke really confused me. Then again it was really early in the morning and it was pretty tough following five-year old logic, if it may be called "logic."
To be fair, the fire joke really confused me. Then again it was really early in the morning and it was pretty tough following five-year old logic, if it may be called "logic."
professorhazard
+1 -0
I thought the joke was saying that if you see a building on fire, you should assume it is on fire, as opposed to wondering if it really is on fire just because it appears to be. However, the above comments have convinced me that this was not the joke's intent.
I thought the joke was saying that if you see a building on fire, you should assume it is on fire, as opposed to wondering if it really is on fire just because it appears to be. However, the above comments have convinced me that this was not the joke's intent.
spinynorman
+0 -0
That's what I thought, too. Glad to hear I wasn't the only one.
That's what I thought, too. Glad to hear I wasn't the only one.
biff
+0 -0
I thought that at first too. After hearing the other interpretation I am still not convinced it wrong. And I think it is funnier that way anyway.
I thought that at first too. After hearing the other interpretation I am still not convinced it wrong. And I think it is funnier that way anyway.
biff
+0 -0
There is an "is" missing from the above post.
Here is is:
[t]is[/s]
There is an "is" missing from the above post.
Here is is:
[t]is[/s]
biff
+0 -0
Oh yeah, that made it better. :p
Oh yeah, that made it better. :p
professorhazard
+1 -1
Get your head out of your ass, man.
Get your head out of your ass, man.
wittyname
+0 -0
I like this edgier and new professor.
I like this edgier and new professor.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Y'see, it's funny because his avatar depicts a man with his head inserted into his own ass.
Y'see, it's funny because his avatar depicts a man with his head inserted into his own ass.
tekende
+0 -0
Yeah, I tried to make the same joke (more or less) the other day and got lamed for it too. I think people thought I was being pissy. Oh well...not our fault if other people don't pay attention.
Yeah, I tried to make the same joke (more or less) the other day and got lamed for it too. I think people thought I was being pissy. Oh well...not our fault if other people don't pay attention.
biff
+2 -0
Apparently some people have difficulty discerning what my avatar depicts. At least, as I have been told.
I appreciate humor based on me having my head up my ass. After all, I chose it as my avatar on purpose.
I apologize to anyone who gets lamed just because I have my head up my ass.
Apparently some people have difficulty discerning what my avatar depicts. At least, as I have been told.
I appreciate humor based on me having my head up my ass. After all, I chose it as my avatar on purpose.
I apologize to anyone who gets lamed just because I have my head up my ass.
professorhazard
+3 -0
A surprisingly clear-viewed statement, courtesy of the man with his head up his ass.
A surprisingly clear-viewed statement, courtesy of the man with his head up his ass.
irondave
+0 -0
Yeah, to me it looked for the longest time like a view from behind of a head wearing sort of a ... wreath? A tole? I don't know, a headband thingy.
Yeah, to me it looked for the longest time like a view from behind of a head wearing sort of a ... wreath? A tole? I don't know, a headband thingy.
jamers
+1 -0
At first glance, I thought it was some sort of bull with white horns.
At second glance, I realized you had your head in regions better left unexplored.
At first glance, I thought it was some sort of bull with white horns.
At second glance, I realized you had your head in regions better left unexplored.
girdag
+0 -0
Great, now I'm imagining Phillipe with Jimmy Carr's voice. And I hate that smug git.
Also, could anyone explain the joke in the fourth panel for me? Am I just being slow?
Great, now I'm imagining Phillipe with Jimmy Carr's voice. And I hate that smug git.
Also, could anyone explain the joke in the fourth panel for me? Am I just being slow?
irondave
+0 -0
I think the idea is that if you call it something other than "dessert" it's not as fattening.
I think the idea is that if you call it something other than "dessert" it's not as fattening.
chuvak
+5 -0
I thought it was that pudding just sounds unappetizing, and therefore you wouldn't want to eat it. Having had the dessert the British call "pudding" I can for sure state that it is so fattening it makes you fat if you breathe next to it.
I thought it was that pudding just sounds unappetizing, and therefore you wouldn't want to eat it. Having had the dessert the British call "pudding" I can for sure state that it is so fattening it makes you fat if you breathe next to it.
abreez_e
+21 -0
Joke post-mortem: A verb was deliberately omitted.
Instead of eating dessert, English people say pudding.
Saying pudding involves less ingestion of sugary post-main substances and you are on the road to being svelte and lissom, just like an English person.
Joke post-mortem: A verb was deliberately omitted.
Instead of eating dessert, English people say pudding.
Saying pudding involves less ingestion of sugary post-main substances and you are on the road to being svelte and lissom, just like an English person.
girdag
+0 -0
A chubby for you, sir, that then makes sense. I bow to your greater intellect.
A chubby for you, sir, that then makes sense. I bow to your greater intellect.
hellofyellin
+0 -0
Chubbed for usage of lissom.
Chubbed for usage of lissom.
spectre
+0 -0
A comment left by spectre was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by missbee, BionicSheep, Flyffe)
A comment left by spectre was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by missbee, BionicSheep, Flyffe)
brokeaccount
+0 -0
A comment left by brokeaccount was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by missbee, gothfae, InspectorGadget)
A comment left by brokeaccount was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by missbee, gothfae, InspectorGadget)
irondave
+1 -2
Quote:
Here you have nicely summarized our "Red State - Blue State" divide. We are indeed about 50-50 on these points, hence our very close national elections.
Quote:
Damn weird United Statsians. Half of you won't touch anything that still looks like it came from an animal, and the other half won't eat something if they didn't haul it out of the woods themselves and gut it with their teeth.
Here you have nicely summarized our "Red State - Blue State" divide. We are indeed about 50-50 on these points, hence our very close national elections.
whoisspain
+0 -0
However, in neither area does chicken taste like it used to.
However, in neither area does chicken taste like it used to.
straw
+0 -0
Or should.
Or should.
hellofyellin
+0 -0
This truly makes me sad. It's a bit creepy that I have never really tasted a chicken-y chicken, a true pastured chicken. Once I get settled, I'm going to look for one, and cook it up real good, to see what I've been missing.
This truly makes me sad. It's a bit creepy that I have never really tasted a chicken-y chicken, a true pastured chicken. Once I get settled, I'm going to look for one, and cook it up real good, to see what I've been missing.
chuvak
+2 -0
I'm with you on the heart eating. That's OK. But Yorkshire pudding DOES NOT taste like pancakes. I don't care if it's made out of fucking care bears and win, it tastes like pure hell.
I'm with you on the heart eating. That's OK. But Yorkshire pudding DOES NOT taste like pancakes. I don't care if it's made out of fucking care bears and win, it tastes like pure hell.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
i laughed very loudly when i read the last sentence of your comment while i was at the library. people stopped reading books and children stopped crying to look at me.
care bears and win
too great.
i laughed very loudly when i read the last sentence of your comment while i was at the library. people stopped reading books and children stopped crying to look at me.
care bears and win
too great.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Greater than the idea of pushing Care Bears into a meat grinder, whose crank plays a music-box melody when turned?
Greater than the idea of pushing Care Bears into a meat grinder, whose crank plays a music-box melody when turned?
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
oh. my. dogg.
that is terrible...and also great..but i still think things tasting of care bears and win is greater.
oh. my. dogg.
that is terrible...and also great..but i still think things tasting of care bears and win is greater.
professorhazard
+0 -0
ohh long john
ohh long john
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
why i eyes ya
why i eyes ya
pyromancer
+1 -0
Can you describe a Spotted Dick?
Can you describe a Spotted Dick?
whoisspain
+1 -0
I don't think us Brits can get too uppity about American squeamishness, seeing as the Europeans look down on us for getting all Scarlett O'Hara over a perfectly ordinary horse burger.
I don't think us Brits can get too uppity about American squeamishness, seeing as the Europeans look down on us for getting all Scarlett O'Hara over a perfectly ordinary horse burger.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
I really like horse meat actually... I only found that out because I was on a day trip in France with my family when I was a kid, and at the end of the day we'd done the usual hypermarché thing and while we were in the car park my dad walked up to a burger van and got us all some burgers. We ate them, talking about how delicious they were, and then drove off towards the dock to catch the ferry home. Only when we drove around the other side of the van did we see that on the back it had a massive painting of two horses galloping through a field with the words LA VIANDE CHEVAL.
I really like horse meat actually... I only found that out because I was on a day trip in France with my family when I was a kid, and at the end of the day we'd done the usual hypermarché thing and while we were in the car park my dad walked up to a burger van and got us all some burgers. We ate them, talking about how delicious they were, and then drove off towards the dock to catch the ferry home. Only when we drove around the other side of the van did we see that on the back it had a massive painting of two horses galloping through a field with the words LA VIANDE CHEVAL.
sncether
+6 -0
Which is of course the French for "You can run, but you can't hide".
Which is of course the French for "You can run, but you can't hide".
woodenteeth
+0 -0
oh yeeeeeeaahhhhh. virtual chubby for you.
oh yeeeeeeaahhhhh. virtual chubby for you.
professorhazard
+1 -0
I thought it was French for "Quarter Pounder with Cheese".
I thought it was French for "Quarter Pounder with Cheese".
thorfinn
+0 -0
A comment left by thorfinn was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, wigglestick, I_Love_Kate)
A comment left by thorfinn was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, wigglestick, I_Love_Kate)
hellofyellin
+0 -0
I find it strange that many of you Brits don't consider yourselves European. Is this a strictly a matter of geography? Please explain, I'd like to understand.
I find it strange that many of you Brits don't consider yourselves European. Is this a strictly a matter of geography? Please explain, I'd like to understand.
lawbot
+0 -0
As a matter of strict geography, we are part of Europe, but not of continental Europe. As a matter of fact, we are European.
The basis of this attitude is that many britons are intensely xenophobic, and so make as much as possible of what are relatively small differences. In fact, British traditions are identifiably distinct from the main body of European culture, but that's all it is - a branch.
As a matter of strict geography, we are part of Europe, but not of continental Europe. As a matter of fact, we are European.
The basis of this attitude is that many britons are intensely xenophobic, and so make as much as possible of what are relatively small differences. In fact, British traditions are identifiably distinct from the main body of European culture, but that's all it is - a branch.
missbee
+0 -0
Didn't mean to lame you, dude. You made good points.
Didn't mean to lame you, dude. You made good points.
cmr
+0 -0
A comment left by cmr was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by divot, lawbot, Flyffe, I_Love_Kate, Satyr, Dasuta)
A comment left by cmr was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by divot, lawbot, Flyffe, I_Love_Kate, Satyr, Dasuta)
brokeaccount
+1 -1
No... But we are Britons.
I'm willing to concede to US Americans. Or Yankees. Or Usonians. America's a pretty big continent.
No... But we are Britons.
I'm willing to concede to US Americans. Or Yankees. Or Usonians. America's a pretty big continent.
thorfinn
+0 -0
A comment left by thorfinn was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, lawbot, Flyffe, Satyr)
A comment left by thorfinn was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, lawbot, Flyffe, Satyr)
professorhazard
+2 -1
I prefer to just help usher in the world of the 31st century by calling myself and others Earthicans.
I prefer to just help usher in the world of the 31st century by calling myself and others Earthicans.
flazisismuss
+0 -1
I am not acknowledging the suzerainty of the United States, at least while Bush is in the White House, so I describe myself only as a Californian. Until I can find a way to move out of this shithole of a state - then I'll have to think of something else.
I am not acknowledging the suzerainty of the United States, at least while Bush is in the White House, so I describe myself only as a Californian. Until I can find a way to move out of this shithole of a state - then I'll have to think of something else.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Don't get sore just 'cause you know I'm right. Take it like a man!
Don't get sore just 'cause you know I'm right. Take it like a man!
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Or to put it a less childish way:
People from the continent of Africa are called Africans. People from the country South Africa which is on the continent of Africa are called South Africans in order to differentiate the people from the country with the word "Africa" in it from the people who live on the contient called Africa. Therefore the same ought to apply to America and the United States of America.
Or to put it a less childish way:
People from the continent of Africa are called Africans. People from the country South Africa which is on the continent of Africa are called South Africans in order to differentiate the people from the country with the word "Africa" in it from the people who live on the contient called Africa. Therefore the same ought to apply to America and the United States of America.
irondave
+0 -0
I took no offense, and here is why: Twenty-plus years ago a very popular news anchor in St. Louis would from time to time make the very same point. You will notice that the usage has never really caught on. Your view is reasonable, yet quixotic.
Politicization follows:
I also can't help but note that many of the people in the US who pay lip service to this idea are the ones grousing the loudest about the most obvious agent for bringing this usage about: NAFTA and its expansion to our other American neighbors.
I took no offense, and here is why: Twenty-plus years ago a very popular news anchor in St. Louis would from time to time make the very same point. You will notice that the usage has never really caught on. Your view is reasonable, yet quixotic.
Politicization follows:
I also can't help but note that many of the people in the US who pay lip service to this idea are the ones grousing the loudest about the most obvious agent for bringing this usage about: NAFTA and its expansion to our other American neighbors.
wittyname
+0 -0
And then chaos fell on Assetbar.
/plays ominous music
And then chaos fell on Assetbar.
/plays ominous music
brokeaccount
+2 -0
For a moment I got NAFTA confused with NAMBLA.
Both are pretty bad, though.
For a moment I got NAFTA confused with NAMBLA.
Both are pretty bad, though.
irondave
+0 -0
Perfect.
Perfect.
lawbot
+1 -2
I do no like you, and I do not respect you. Also, I do not think your parents raised you well.
I do no like you, and I do not respect you. Also, I do not think your parents raised you well.
dagdaollathir
+1 -0
I think you're getting English cooking confused with Scottish...
I think you're getting English cooking confused with Scottish...
hbaranov
+0 -0
Your anger toward British cuisine, whilst common, is unjustified.
Your anger toward British cuisine, whilst common, is unjustified.
heccibiggs
+1 -0
Fuckoff Yorkshire pudding is amazing!! I didn't read any of your comment after than, I will continue to do so now.
Okay no one I know has eaten bread and dripping since like the late 50s. I'm guessing you visited the North.
Fuckoff Yorkshire pudding is amazing!! I didn't read any of your comment after than, I will continue to do so now.
Okay no one I know has eaten bread and dripping since like the late 50s. I'm guessing you visited the North.
lawbot
+0 -0
No, no you haven't eaten "the dessert the British call pudding," because there is no one such dessert. It is a name of a course in the meal. It would be like me saying I had eaten the dish americans call "entree" (erroneously).
No, no you haven't eaten "the dessert the British call pudding," because there is no one such dessert. It is a name of a course in the meal. It would be like me saying I had eaten the dish americans call "entree" (erroneously).
chuvak
+0 -0
I'm always confused by the variety of things people in the UK and Ireland will call pudding. I like black pudding and white pudding, which I ate in Ireland and am assuming is made out of meat or blood or something that I don't want to know what it is... but Yorkshire pudding was not OK with me. Not at all.
I'm always confused by the variety of things people in the UK and Ireland will call pudding. I like black pudding and white pudding, which I ate in Ireland and am assuming is made out of meat or blood or something that I don't want to know what it is... but Yorkshire pudding was not OK with me. Not at all.
lawbot
+0 -0
That is because you are not OK with yourself.
That is because you are not OK with yourself.
chuvak
+0 -0
Perhaps I've only had bad batches. I will try it again and be penitent for my rash remarks. But if it sucks the next time, you and me have business.
Perhaps I've only had bad batches. I will try it again and be penitent for my rash remarks. But if it sucks the next time, you and me have business.
whoisspain
+0 -0
Did you have it with roast beef and gravy? Really it is one of those foodstuffs that need to be eaten with something rather than eaten by itself.
Did you have it with roast beef and gravy? Really it is one of those foodstuffs that need to be eaten with something rather than eaten by itself.
morelaak
+0 -0
more like the dish we call "fast food".
oh wait...
more like the dish we call "fast food".
oh wait...
wigglestick
+0 -0
English protestations over American standard usages that have been established for decades, sometimes for a couple centuries now, are a bit silly. In this case, "entree" used to refer exclusively to the "entry" (first) course of the main courses. Now, Americans use the word "entree" to mean the main course since there is only one main course. No one in America eats a full course dinner anymore, and I'm betting that very few people in the U.K. do either, unless it's at a formal state dinner. In any case, these usages are becoming deprecated.
21st century, my friend. Don't let language evolve out from under you.
English protestations over American standard usages that have been established for decades, sometimes for a couple centuries now, are a bit silly. In this case, "entree" used to refer exclusively to the "entry" (first) course of the main courses. Now, Americans use the word "entree" to mean the main course since there is only one main course. No one in America eats a full course dinner anymore, and I'm betting that very few people in the U.K. do either, unless it's at a formal state dinner. In any case, these usages are becoming deprecated.
21st century, my friend. Don't let language evolve out from under you.
lawbot
+0 -0
I don't. It's why I use English, not America's strangely old-fashioned tongue peppered with neo-logisms and strangely evolved, and typically pretentious, usages.
I don't. It's why I use English, not America's strangely old-fashioned tongue peppered with neo-logisms and strangely evolved, and typically pretentious, usages.
smilebuddha
+0 -0
I'm late to this party, but: look who's being a dick about terms.
I'm late to this party, but: look who's being a dick about terms.
irondave
+8 -1
This has the feeling of a clearance sale on jokes that can't otherwise be worked into the strip or a blog.
This has the feeling of a clearance sale on jokes that can't otherwise be worked into the strip or a blog.
chuvak
+2 -0
EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!! JOKE WAREHOUSE ON ROUTE 17 - GET YOUR JOKES FROM THE SUPPLIER!!!
EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!! JOKE WAREHOUSE ON ROUTE 17 - GET YOUR JOKES FROM THE SUPPLIER!!!
tekende
+1 -0
ROUTE TWO IN WEEKAPAUG!!!
ROUTE TWO IN WEEKAPAUG!!!
dr_strangeglove
+2 -0
AFRICAN AMERICAN!? HAIL A CAB!
AFRICAN AMERICAN!? HAIL A CAB!
tekende
+1 -0
CONFUSE YOUR NEIGHBORS!
CONFUSE YOUR NEIGHBORS!
puguglypress
+0 -0
All humorous video clip of a really dorky black guy unable to hail a cab and getting splashed with water
All humorous video clip of a really dorky black guy unable to hail a cab and getting splashed with water
josher
+0 -0
I get that feeling also, but they are good jokes so I don't mind.
I get that feeling also, but they are good jokes so I don't mind.
slanger
+0 -0
It has the same feeling as the "jokes" that were in one of the subscriber-only comics. An example: "A man with a parrot on his shoulder takes a seat at a bar. The fellow sitting next to him turns and says 'so, can I touch his dick?'" Chris' comment on it is that it's his best attempt to write actual "joke" jokes, and that he has no idea how to do so.
Did I just write an ad for Achewood, Subscriber Only? YES I DID!
It has the same feeling as the "jokes" that were in one of the subscriber-only comics. An example: "A man with a parrot on his shoulder takes a seat at a bar. The fellow sitting next to him turns and says 'so, can I touch his dick?'" Chris' comment on it is that it's his best attempt to write actual "joke" jokes, and that he has no idea how to do so.
Did I just write an ad for Achewood, Subscriber Only? YES I DID!
lawbot
+0 -0
YES
YES
chuvak
+2 -1
I am highly amused by the man in the audience that lost a brother who tried to hard to judge a book in a burning building. It is heroic that someone took the time to judge literature by its full battery of characteristics despite the conflagration in aforementioned building. Applause to that man, a true American patriot.
I am highly amused by the man in the audience that lost a brother who tried to hard to judge a book in a burning building. It is heroic that someone took the time to judge literature by its full battery of characteristics despite the conflagration in aforementioned building. Applause to that man, a true American patriot.
spectre
+1 -0
See, when the building is burning, you have to decide which books to save: the works of Nabokov, the workout guides or WORKING by Studs Terkel. As debris begins to fall from the ceiling, one looks for a way to speed up the decision-making.
See, when the building is burning, you have to decide which books to save: the works of Nabokov, the workout guides or WORKING by Studs Terkel. As debris begins to fall from the ceiling, one looks for a way to speed up the decision-making.
whoisspain
+4 -0
I saved How to Weep the Weepy Weep Way: The Novelisation
I saved How to Weep the Weepy Weep Way: The Novelisation
wigglestick
+0 -0
I have to know what that is.
I have to know what that is.
tekende
+0 -0
I'll hit you with a rock!
I'll hit you with a rock!
blastradius
+0 -1
I did not picture an American going to those lengths to judge a book ... not unless it was a comic book.
I did not picture an American going to those lengths to judge a book ... not unless it was a comic book.
loneal
+0 -0
Oh dang, my boss's name is Lazslo. This explains so much.
Oh dang, my boss's name is Lazslo. This explains so much.
farqussus
+0 -0
The 2pm crowd at Laszlo's is particularly sophisticated.
The 2pm crowd at Laszlo's is particularly sophisticated.
falseprophet
+5 -0
They came for the 1 pm Junot Diaz book signing but then Philippe is five.
They came for the 1 pm Junot Diaz book signing but then Philippe is five.
syx
+0 -0
Chubby for correct spelling.
Chubby for correct spelling.
falseprophet
+1 -0
Of "Philippe" or of "Junot Diaz"? Because technically, there should be some apostrophes over some vowels up in there but assetbar is intolerant of that kind of Mexican magical realism.
Of "Philippe" or of "Junot Diaz"? Because technically, there should be some apostrophes over some vowels up in there but assetbar is intolerant of that kind of Mexican magical realism.
spectre
+0 -0
Come for the pierogi . . . stay for the comedy!
Come for the pierogi . . . stay for the comedy!
skoora
+2 -0
Phillipe stars in...
The Otter Kings of Comedy!
Phillipe stars in...
The Otter Kings of Comedy!
nikopol
+3 -0
Phillipe channeled Billy Idol before, maybe now he's channeling Steven Wright.
"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
Phillipe channeled Billy Idol before, maybe now he's channeling Steven Wright.
"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
gregchant
+1 -1
Lost a brother that way
Lost a brother that way
lawbot
+0 -0
Loopkin?
Loopkin?
chuvak
+0 -0
I woke up this morning and everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate.
I woke up this morning and everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate.
nikopol
+4 -0
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
johnnyc
+0 -0
I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.
I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.
sn0wman
+0 -0
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...
Eventually.
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...
Eventually.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Damn, the audience are really feeling him. Is it easy to tell your innermost secrets to a five-year-old stuffed otter?
Also; notice how they're clapping, not laughing. Are these even jokes?
Damn, the audience are really feeling him. Is it easy to tell your innermost secrets to a five-year-old stuffed otter?
Also; notice how they're clapping, not laughing. Are these even jokes?
bjorntd
+4 -0
It's part joke, part performance art, part revelation.
It's part joke, part performance art, part revelation.
falseprophet
+1 -0
Clap clap clap I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter clap clap
Clap clap clap I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter clap clap
synnah
+1 -0
Alt-Text: "If homeless people are so clever, how come they canâ%uFFFD%uFFFDt fly?"
Assetbar backfires on Onstad!
Alt-Text: "If homeless people are so clever, how come they canâ%uFFFD%uFFFDt fly?"
Assetbar backfires on Onstad!
bjorntd
+0 -0
You beat me to this by four minutes you terrible man.
You beat me to this by four minutes you terrible man.
synnah
+0 -0
I apologise. Here you go: £%u20ACöä'
I apologise. Here you go: £%u20ACöä'
synnah
+1 -0
WHERE ARE MY DIAMONDS, ASSETBAR?!
WHERE ARE MY DIAMONDS, ASSETBAR?!
bjorntd
+8 -2
WHERE IS THE MONEY, LEBOWSKI?
WHERE IS THE MONEY, LEBOWSKI?
professorhazard
+0 -1
Bring us ze money or ve kill ze girl, Le-boh-ski~.
Bring us ze money or ve kill ze girl, Le-boh-ski~.
opprobrium
+0 -1
yah, and ve cut off your chonson.
yah, and ve cut off your chonson.
professorhazard
+0 -0
... excuse me?
... excuse me?
opprobrium
+11 -0
VE CUT OFF YOUR CHONSON!
VE CUT OFF YOUR CHONSON!
spinynorman
+0 -0
Trying to phonetically spell fake German accents from a Coen Bros movie is sure to end in shame and confusion every time.
Trying to phonetically spell fake German accents from a Coen Bros movie is sure to end in shame and confusion every time.
professorhazard
+1 -0
Give the dude some credit. I had to set him up for the all-caps line so it would perfectly complement his avatar.
Give the dude some credit. I had to set him up for the all-caps line so it would perfectly complement his avatar.
opprobrium
+0 -0
suck it, norman.
suck it, norman.
opprobrium
+0 -0
dammit, i'm sorry. it's been a crappy day, sorry i snapped.
dammit, i'm sorry. it's been a crappy day, sorry i snapped.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Outstanding avatar/comment synergy.
Outstanding avatar/comment synergy.
hellofyellin
+0 -0
Yah und mebbe ve shtep on it and ve sqvuish it.
Yah und mebbe ve shtep on it and ve sqvuish it.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
as a wery old, i can fathom the scene to be with me.
as a wery old, i can fathom the scene to be with me.
hellofyellin
+0 -0
Looking always as I ever did.
Looking always as I ever did.
hellofyellin
+1 -0
Zehre ver zwei peanuts valkeenk dahn ze strausse, und von vas assaultetd.
...
Peanut
Zehre ver zwei peanuts valkeenk dahn ze strausse, und von vas assaultetd.
...
Peanut
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
*chortles*
[cues up Deutschland Uber Alles]
*chortles*
[cues up Deutschland Uber Alles]
dtuba
+0 -0
They're gonna kill THAT POOOORR WOMANNN
They're gonna kill THAT POOOORR WOMANNN
synnah
+0 -0
Oh, they're there now.
Oh, they're there now.
bjorntd
+0 -0
This only partially consoles.
This only partially consoles.
awko
+2 -0
That Assetbar is no longer content with ruining our witty comments and is now beginning to go after greater targets.
That Assetbar is no longer content with ruining our witty comments and is now beginning to go after greater targets.
riazm
+0 -0
I love this alt text, I read it on the actual site where it says:
If homeless people are so clever, how come they can't fly?
I love this alt text, I read it on the actual site where it says:
If homeless people are so clever, how come they can't fly?
bjorntd
+0 -0
It would appear that Assetbar is no friend of Mr. Onstad's alt text today. I get hell of angry diamonds peeping at me.
It would appear that Assetbar is no friend of Mr. Onstad's alt text today. I get hell of angry diamonds peeping at me.
slanger
+0 -0
That is one hell of a mental picture! A !
That is one hell of a mental picture! A !
thorfinn
+1 -1
And another falls victim to assetbar's anti-plus sign ways.
And another falls victim to assetbar's anti-plus sign ways.
dirtfarm
+14 -0
[url]https://www.bendependent.com/dirtfarm[IMGS OFF][/url]
[url]https://www.bendependent.com/dirtfarm[IMGS OFF][/url]
opprobrium
+0 -0
that picture is pregnant with laughs.
i know who's winning this game...
that picture is pregnant with laughs.
i know who's winning this game...
clever-nickname
+0 -0
Certainly not I, because the last panel made me lose the game.
Sorry, guys. I lost the game.
Certainly not I, because the last panel made me lose the game.
Sorry, guys. I lost the game.
thorfinn
+0 -1
And this in turn caused me to lose the game
And this in turn caused me to lose the game
achilleselbow
+1 -0
At first I thought the homeless guy was trying to force pizza into the old man's mouth.
At first I thought the homeless guy was trying to force pizza into the old man's mouth.
chuvak
+0 -0
I see a man flying with a hammer and a heart tattoo on his ass pooping on a car. Daddy like.
I see a man flying with a hammer and a heart tattoo on his ass pooping on a car. Daddy like.
professorhazard
+0 -0
That's a squeegee. Take time to learn to recognize the staples of homeless-based humor.
That's a squeegee. Take time to learn to recognize the staples of homeless-based humor.
biff
+0 -0
And that is the point. He is shitting on the window so you need to have him wash it and then pay him a dollar.
And that is the point. He is shitting on the window so you need to have him wash it and then pay him a dollar.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Because even in a world where the homeless have super powers, they would still be preoccupied with making very small sums of money. Put a tuxedo on a bum and give him a hundred dollars, and tomorrow a man wearing a tuxedo with a hundred dollars' worth of booze in his veins is going to be wiping your windshield for quarters.
Because even in a world where the homeless have super powers, they would still be preoccupied with making very small sums of money. Put a tuxedo on a bum and give him a hundred dollars, and tomorrow a man wearing a tuxedo with a hundred dollars' worth of booze in his veins is going to be wiping your windshield for quarters.
spectre
+0 -0
And if you ever need a plasma transfusion . . . you might just see some of that $100 of booze come back to you!
And if you ever need a plasma transfusion . . . you might just see some of that $100 of booze come back to you!
falseprophet
+0 -0
I first read the joke in panel two as something a mafioso would say to intimidate a deli owner who has defaulted on his loan.
But that is silly. Philippe ended the mafia.
...Unless, in doing so, his soul became tainted by the spilled blood of the innocent.
I first read the joke in panel two as something a mafioso would say to intimidate a deli owner who has defaulted on his loan.
But that is silly. Philippe ended the mafia.
...Unless, in doing so, his soul became tainted by the spilled blood of the innocent.
farqussus
+1 -0
I think Onstad might be drawing parallels between we of the assetbar and they of the Laszlo crowd.
I think Onstad might be drawing parallels between we of the assetbar and they of the Laszlo crowd.
bjorntd
+1 -0
I think you're projecting.
I think you're projecting.
odei
+0 -0
How rude!
How rude!
tbtabby
+2 -0
If Comedy Central can give TV shows to Carlos Mencia, Sarah Silverman, and Larry the Cable Guy, they'd BETTER make an offer to Philippe soon.
If Comedy Central can give TV shows to Carlos Mencia, Sarah Silverman, and Larry the Cable Guy, they'd BETTER make an offer to Philippe soon.
norrin
+0 -2
Hey now, Sarah Silverman is funny. Her show is by no means great, but she is a funy lady.
Hey now, Sarah Silverman is funny. Her show is by no means great, but she is a funy lady.
bourbonsamurai
+0 -1
Yes, one of those things is not like the others.
Yes, one of those things is not like the others.
professorhazard
+0 -0
In the interests of honesty, I'd be remiss in not stating that I find Larry the Cable Guy to be a pretty funny guy. Not that his content is particularly amusing. I just like listening to his accent slip (Daniel Lawrence Whitney - born in Nebraska, raised in Florida).
In the interests of honesty, I'd be remiss in not stating that I find Larry the Cable Guy to be a pretty funny guy. Not that his content is particularly amusing. I just like listening to his accent slip (Daniel Lawrence Whitney - born in Nebraska, raised in Florida).
autrepoupee
+2 -0
Her show can be pretty funny sometimes, and she's giving some work to underutilized comedians like Jay Johnston and Brian Posehn. Also, it's just nice to see a woman making jokes that aren't just about her period, her gay male friends, and her parents. Margaret Cho, for example. Or Kathy Griffin. I do not like either of those people much at all.
Her show can be pretty funny sometimes, and she's giving some work to underutilized comedians like Jay Johnston and Brian Posehn. Also, it's just nice to see a woman making jokes that aren't just about her period, her gay male friends, and her parents. Margaret Cho, for example. Or Kathy Griffin. I do not like either of those people much at all.
loneal
+0 -0
Margaret Cho is a national hero, sir.
Margaret Cho is a national hero, sir.
autrepoupee
+1 -0
I'm a lady, a lady who hates Margaret Cho. Cho, cho much. I did like your comic though! I just read through it and it was very sweet. I hope that is not creepy.
I'm a lady, a lady who hates Margaret Cho. Cho, cho much. I did like your comic though! I just read through it and it was very sweet. I hope that is not creepy.
loneal
+0 -0
Oh shit! That is nice of you. I gotta get rid of all that shit in my profile, I put it there whenever I created my Assetbar account and then promptly forgot about it.
Oh shit! That is nice of you. I gotta get rid of all that shit in my profile, I put it there whenever I created my Assetbar account and then promptly forgot about it.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
Aw, it was good though! Don't worry, I think I'm the only person who actually reads through people's Assetbar profiles. I have a lot of free time, clearly.
Aw, it was good though! Don't worry, I think I'm the only person who actually reads through people's Assetbar profiles. I have a lot of free time, clearly.
wittyname
+0 -0
Now I'm intrigued! Link?
Now I'm intrigued! Link?
loneal
+3 -0
Nope, that shit is deleted. One of many creative writing projects that I reject as soon as it is born. I think it is a common thing among Creative Writing students. It is why we never have children.
Nope, that shit is deleted. One of many creative writing projects that I reject as soon as it is born. I think it is a common thing among Creative Writing students. It is why we never have children.
bjorntd
+1 -0
Well, as a fellow creative writing aspirant, I thought it was plenty good. I just sympathized with the mortified feeling that you get when someone approaches you with your work. It's like "oh god I'm gonna get asked questions I'm gonna get asked questions I'm gonna have to LIE." But really they say something innocuous like "Great job on this" or "I enjoyed it" and you're left sort of disappointed that you couldn't talk about your own creation on a deep level. Even if you had to lie.
Well, as a fellow creative writing aspirant, I thought it was plenty good. I just sympathized with the mortified feeling that you get when someone approaches you with your work. It's like "oh god I'm gonna get asked questions I'm gonna get asked questions I'm gonna have to LIE." But really they say something innocuous like "Great job on this" or "I enjoyed it" and you're left sort of disappointed that you couldn't talk about your own creation on a deep level. Even if you had to lie.
wigglestick
+0 -0
You work fast.
You work fast.
tekende
+0 -0
I hate Margaret Cho as well. Her entire act, as it were, can basically be summed up by scrunching up your face and screaming "GAY MEN!" over and over.
I hate Margaret Cho as well. Her entire act, as it were, can basically be summed up by scrunching up your face and screaming "GAY MEN!" over and over.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Don't give Comedy Central too much credit re: making business decisions. They green-light things that someone who enjoys the reflective surface of a spoon would consider a comedically risky proposition. Little Bush was renewed for a second season.
Don't give Comedy Central too much credit re: making business decisions. They green-light things that someone who enjoys the reflective surface of a spoon would consider a comedically risky proposition. Little Bush was renewed for a second season.
spinynorman
+1 -0
Those are the worst commercials I have ever seen in my life. I would rather watch apes being sexually abused and then spontaneously exploding than watch another Little Bush commercial.
Those are the worst commercials I have ever seen in my life. I would rather watch apes being sexually abused and then spontaneously exploding than watch another Little Bush commercial.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Oh yeah, I do need to specify that I like apes just fine and would not like to see either of the above mentioned things.
Oh yeah, I do need to specify that I like apes just fine and would not like to see either of the above mentioned things.
professorhazard
+4 -0
I, too, would prefer to watch a Terry Gilliam cartoon.
I, too, would prefer to watch a Terry Gilliam cartoon.
spectre
+0 -0
Wasn't it CC that had THAT'S MY BUSH with Timothy Bottoms as the leader of less-free-every-day world? That was fun, at least for a while.
Wasn't it CC that had THAT'S MY BUSH with Timothy Bottoms as the leader of less-free-every-day world? That was fun, at least for a while.
tekende
+0 -0
It had its moments.
It had its moments.
bjorntd
+1 -0
Watching a [i]Little Bush[/b] cartoon is not unlike the unpleasant feeling that you feel when you hear Real Bush's sound clips. You keep hoping to wake up in a cold sweat. Eventually you sympathize with the show for trying so hard, as if you were suffering from Stockholm syndrome.
HELLA POLITICIZED, YO.
Watching a [i]Little Bush[/b] cartoon is not unlike the unpleasant feeling that you feel when you hear Real Bush's sound clips. You keep hoping to wake up in a cold sweat. Eventually you sympathize with the show for trying so hard, as if you were suffering from Stockholm syndrome.
HELLA POLITICIZED, YO.
divot
+1 -0
Dude, there's a new series of Rape An Ape?
Dude, there's a new series of Rape An Ape?
lenoxus
+0 -0
Nah, just some cameos in the spinoff Abuse Kangaroos.
Nah, just some cameos in the spinoff Abuse Kangaroos.
nymphadoria
+0 -0
First wives tend to be cockroaches.
First wives tend to be cockroaches.
farqussus
+2 -0
No way! Cockroaches are harder to kill.
No way! Cockroaches are harder to kill.
spinynorman
+1 -0
Have you tried a hammer?
With either?
Have you tried a hammer?
With either?
farqussus
+0 -0
Yes. They are both quite agile.
Yes. They are both quite agile.
odei
+0 -0
My auntie's ex-husband and current husband both have scars.
My auntie's ex-husband and current husband both have scars.
solobuttons
+1 -0
I like that one audience member tells Philippe to "tell it like it is" regarding barrels/tuxedos. Philippe is so doing that. That's really how things are.
I like that one audience member tells Philippe to "tell it like it is" regarding barrels/tuxedos. Philippe is so doing that. That's really how things are.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Phillipe needs his own sitcom. Reeeal bad.
Phillipe needs his own sitcom. Reeeal bad.
chuvak
+0 -0
This strip poses a difficulty for me. I have a sorta voice in my head for all of the Achewood characters; Ray is deep and scratchy and kinda black sounding, beef is slightly more nasal but still reasonably deep voiced and speaks quietly, etc. But I have no idea what I think Phillipe sounds like. Anyone got any suggestions?
This strip poses a difficulty for me. I have a sorta voice in my head for all of the Achewood characters; Ray is deep and scratchy and kinda black sounding, beef is slightly more nasal but still reasonably deep voiced and speaks quietly, etc. But I have no idea what I think Phillipe sounds like. Anyone got any suggestions?
professorhazard
+1 -2
He sounds five.
He sounds five.
chuvak
+0 -1
Thanks, noted.
Thanks, noted.
anitrophaeron
+0 -0
I hear Slippy's voice from Starfox 64 when I read Philippe's lines. I agree about Ray's voice with the note that it became slightly but noticeably raspier when he found out about his relation to Rustmouth.
I hear Slippy's voice from Starfox 64 when I read Philippe's lines. I agree about Ray's voice with the note that it became slightly but noticeably raspier when he found out about his relation to Rustmouth.
professorhazard
+1 -0
Thanks, Teodor! I thought they had me!
Thanks, Teodor! I thought they had me!
echidnaboy
+4 -0
Do a tuxedo roll!
Do a tuxedo roll!
mjfitzge
+3 -0
phillipe's voice (like ray's and every other achewood character's) sounds exactly like mine, since i read the strip out loud.
phillipe's voice (like ray's and every other achewood character's) sounds exactly like mine, since i read the strip out loud.
sncether
+1 -0
Oh shit! Ray is about to be attacked by a giant finger! Look out, Ray! When did they start animating this comic? oh, wait
Oh shit! Ray is about to be attacked by a giant finger! Look out, Ray! When did they start animating this comic? oh, wait
professorhazard
+0 -0
Poor kids love playing this game at the library
Poor kids love playing this game at the library
heccibiggs
+0 -0
You read out loud?
Either you live alone, or everyone hates you.
You read out loud?
Either you live alone, or everyone hates you.
mjfitzge
+0 -0
actually both. the former because of the latter.
actually both. the former because of the latter.
a-halter
+0 -0
Shooting fish in a tuxedo, hilarious.
Shooting fish in a tuxedo, hilarious.
pyromancer
+1 -1
I don't think I'd have the heart to shoot a fish that went to the trouble of donning a tuxedo...
I don't think I'd have the heart to shoot a fish that went to the trouble of donning a tuxedo...
professorhazard
+14 -0
James Pond remains safe in obscurity for another day.
James Pond remains safe in obscurity for another day.
irondave
+0 -0
Ouch!
Ouch!
jamers
+0 -0
Someone chubby this man and his pun!
Someone chubby this man and his pun!
professorhazard
+0 -0
Thanks, but it's not my pun, jamers. Are you five years too young to know about James Pond ?
Thanks, but it's not my pun, jamers. Are you five years too young to know about James Pond ?
jamers
+0 -0
Huh. I was around then, but I've never heard of James Pond. I... I think I have a new hero!
The gameplay revolves around finding objects to perform specific tasks, such as keys to rescue captured lobsters, or sponges to bung up the holes in leaking oil tankers. James must also fire bubbles at his enemies to trap them, before popping them to finish them off.
If only James Pond were around for Exxon Valdez...
Huh. I was around then, but I've never heard of James Pond. I... I think I have a new hero!
The gameplay revolves around finding objects to perform specific tasks, such as keys to rescue captured lobsters, or sponges to bung up the holes in leaking oil tankers. James must also fire bubbles at his enemies to trap them, before popping them to finish them off.
If only James Pond were around for Exxon Valdez...
achilleselbow
+0 -1
...you said "bung".
...you said "bung".
professorhazard
+0 -0
You must have really enjoyed the Dirty Jobs episode where Mike tried his hand at being a cooper for the day.
You must have really enjoyed the Dirty Jobs episode where Mike tried his hand at being a cooper for the day.
tekende
+0 -0
Dude! When I was a child, I had Super James Pond on the SNES. It was a pretty great game!
Dude! When I was a child, I had Super James Pond on the SNES. It was a pretty great game!
thorfinn
+0 -0
I had it as well, James Pond was awesome.
I had it as well, James Pond was awesome.
blueloggy
+0 -0
It turns out I'm eight years too old to know about James Pond.
Leisure Suit Larry, on the other hand...
It turns out I'm eight years too old to know about James Pond.
Leisure Suit Larry, on the other hand...
professorhazard
+0 -0
Never was a fan, but we can have an hour-long conversation about Space Quest, if you like.
Never was a fan, but we can have an hour-long conversation about Space Quest, if you like.
hellabosque
+1 -1
he is Five.
he is Five.
bobodante
+0 -0
Kids say the darnedest things, right Cos'?
Kids say the darnedest things, right Cos'?
stevepants
+0 -0
'i gotta try that man notin's workin' hahaha
'i gotta try that man notin's workin' hahaha
katal
+0 -0
heh!! Tell it like it is, Onstad!
heh!! Tell it like it is, Onstad!
hatticus
+3 -0
I will now be retroactively reading the Achewood archives with Phillipe's voice as Mitch Hedberg. This may have an adverse affect on his "cute" factor.
I will now be retroactively reading the Achewood archives with Phillipe's voice as Mitch Hedberg. This may have an adverse affect on his "cute" factor.
straw
+0 -0
Or a positive one!
Or a positive one!
iidebaser
+0 -0
A comment left by iidebaser was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, FirePowa8, leahpidoptera)
A comment left by iidebaser was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, FirePowa8, leahpidoptera)
tombsgrave
+0 -0
Phillipe's talent is as astonishing as it is unnerving. That last bit is nihilistic as all-get.
Phillipe's talent is as astonishing as it is unnerving. That last bit is nihilistic as all-get.
kharmsengine
+0 -2
booyakah
booyakah
odei
+1 -0
shah
shah
nickgranger
+0 -0
i like his little ears
i like his little ears
tekende
+0 -1
Okay, everyone, there is a Yahoo group set up for the attempt to organize the Great Southwest Acheworld Meetup.
So if you are in the US southwest (Texas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, etc.) and are interested in joining other Achewood fans to turn the mother out, then click here and join.
Okay, everyone, there is a Yahoo group set up for the attempt to organize the Great Southwest Acheworld Meetup.
So if you are in the US southwest (Texas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, etc.) and are interested in joining other Achewood fans to turn the mother out, then click here and join.
professorhazard
+0 -0
I am interested in hearing what sort of activities will be involved in this attempt to turn the mother out.
I am interested in hearing what sort of activities will be involved in this attempt to turn the mother out.
tekende
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I don't know. The plans haven't really gotten that far yet. We're still trying to get enough people signed up to the group.
I predict lots of alcohol, though.
I don't know. The plans haven't really gotten that far yet. We're still trying to get enough people signed up to the group.
I predict lots of alcohol, though.
thorfinn
+0 -1
I wish I lived in the SW, this sounds as if it could be quite the shindig.
I wish I lived in the SW, this sounds as if it could be quite the shindig.
tekende
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Well, it needn't be limited to just the southwest...anyone willing to travel could attend, I'd imagine.
Well, it needn't be limited to just the southwest...anyone willing to travel could attend, I'd imagine.
cpnglxynchos
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i'm from Colorado and will be going to school in Arizona. it will be a trek but!! i will be there.
BY GOD, I'LL BE THERE.
i'm from Colorado and will be going to school in Arizona. it will be a trek but!! i will be there.
BY GOD, I'LL BE THERE.
biff
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I am pretty sure it will involve some form of alcohol consumption.
I am pretty sure it will involve some form of alcohol consumption.
irondave
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We will be referring frequently to the flowchart.
We will be referring frequently to the flowchart.
comrade_tom
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Man 2pm, Phillipe must be headlinin'
Man 2pm, Phillipe must be headlinin'
professorhazard
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At 2:00 PM, I think most comedy clubs will let basically anybody take the stage.
At 2:00 PM, I think most comedy clubs will let basically anybody take the stage.
cpnglxynchos
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are most comedy clubs even open at 2pm?
are most comedy clubs even open at 2pm?
wittyname
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Maybe Phillipe snuck in and is playing a premade tape.
Maybe Phillipe snuck in and is playing a premade tape.
cpnglxynchos
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that..is the saddest thing.
that..is the saddest thing.
hygraed
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Philippe is fucking KILLING IT.
Philippe is fucking KILLING IT.
baryonyx
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I heard two drum beats and a cymbal after every panel of this strip.
It didn't make much sense for the shot of the door, I guess. And panel five was sort of a "ba-dum, tshh...?"
I heard two drum beats and a cymbal after every panel of this strip.
It didn't make much sense for the shot of the door, I guess. And panel five was sort of a "ba-dum, tshh...?"
jawsh
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philippe's standup is what i think demetri martin's would be if he'd been into the occult as a pre-teen
philippe's standup is what i think demetri martin's would be if he'd been into the occult as a pre-teen
epicurus
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You saying he wasn't ?
You saying he wasn't ?
shades
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honestly, Philippe is borderline intolerable for me at this point
honestly, Philippe is borderline intolerable for me at this point
epicurus
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I was actually enjoying those until the last two. Can someone explain 'em to me?
I was actually enjoying those until the last two. Can someone explain 'em to me?
wittyname
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Someone (or two) said above:
It is okay to judge a book by its cover, instead of giving it a good read, when the house you are in is on fire.
I have no idea where the last panel went.
Someone (or two) said above:
It is okay to judge a book by its cover, instead of giving it a good read, when the house you are in is on fire.
I have no idea where the last panel went.
bjorntd
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The otter is comparing women to cockroaches. Smelly, annoying vermin.
The otter is comparing women to cockroaches. Smelly, annoying vermin.
wittyname
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Women or the cockroaches?
Women or the cockroaches?
jamers
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Your avatar suggests you appreciate the comparison...
Your avatar suggests you appreciate the comparison...
johnnyrocker
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It took me about forty reads to get the joke in panel five.
It's actually really funny now.
I still don't really get the pudding one though.
It took me about forty reads to get the joke in panel five.
It's actually really funny now.
I still don't really get the pudding one though.
i_love_kate
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He is stating that instead of consuming dessert, English people simply say the word "pudding". The amusement lies in the pragmatic meaning of the first clause. It is implied from the second that in its complete form it would be "Instead of saying dessert," but instead the punchline affirms that the missing verb is indeed, "eating."
He is stating that instead of consuming dessert, English people simply say the word "pudding". The amusement lies in the pragmatic meaning of the first clause. It is implied from the second that in its complete form it would be "Instead of saying dessert," but instead the punchline affirms that the missing verb is indeed, "eating."
cpnglxynchos
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right.
right.
dasilodavi
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I think laughs are harder and more rewarding to obtain than applause.
I think laughs are harder and more rewarding to obtain than applause.
kylemcjuicy
+1 -0
a comic once said that if you get laughs your a comedian and if you gets applause you are a motivational speaker. Phillipe appears to be the latter.
a comic once said that if you get laughs your a comedian and if you gets applause you are a motivational speaker. Phillipe appears to be the latter.
comrade_tom
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wise words, with a name like lazlo's id be expecting the clientele to be clicking their fingers in approval beatnik style.
Beatnik stand up comedy.... the final frontier?
wise words, with a name like lazlo's id be expecting the clientele to be clicking their fingers in approval beatnik style.
Beatnik stand up comedy.... the final frontier?
achewood
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This is a phenomenon known as "clapter", a choice that an audience makes to react to jokes with support rather than laughter.
This is a phenomenon known as "clapter", a choice that an audience makes to react to jokes with support rather than laughter.
carlyle
+0 -0
I wanna be the heckler.
I wanna be the heckler.
A comment left by sizone was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tttt2, mtrott, lk, retinarow, nonorganon, turing)
Wherever his "polyglot palindromes" came from...I think he gets to be unusually smart here and there as a way of Achewood showing some faith in kids. C&H-ish.
I like to think that all the non-laughter replies are from the same man, who is probably drunk as a lord.
Just because the replies are applause and not laughter does not mean that I was too lazy to check.
I was startled and intrigued by this new facet of Philippe's personality, and I have to say I'm a little disappointed that it hasn't been explored much further yet.
Phillipe has a tutor:
[IMGS OFF]
Hey, did somebody step on an otter?
A comment left by professorhazard was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by jacalope, mortshire, Darthemed)
Some of the statements on this assetbar may contain information created and maintained by other organizations. Please note that assetbar does not control and cannot verify the relevance, timeliness, or accuracy of these outside statements. Not all readers are guaranteed to participate in coitus.
Not even coitus interruptus? Not even coitus unsatisfactorius?
...coitus?
[IMGS OFF]
Don't be cute, Jeffrey.
[IMGS OFF]
I believe it's "don't be fatuous ". Sorry to be a stickler, but I love that movie too much.
It's a good movie to love too much.
And thorough.
I think Philippe reminds me more of this gentleman:
[IMGS OFF]
I sense a black square with a white X in Philippe's future.
[IMGS OFF]
Whoa, for a second I thought you had two avatars. But that would of course be IMPOSSIBLE.
Anyway, here's a chubby for the fine work.
This is one of the sadder things.
But it's not the saddest thing.
How can I make that my avatar?
Oh no, never change your avatar!
right on. exactly what i was thinking.
oh yeah, joke #4 especially just screams "where did you get that banana?"
re-read that joke in Hedberg voice; very effective.
Do you perchance think Gallagher is funny?
I think Black Gallagher is funny.
purple horseshoes? yellow moons? THAT leprechaun's on ACID!!
I got warrants! *runs*
Y'awl ready t' smash some frewt?!
https://www.avclub.com/content/node/76088
Oh, Gallagher. What the fuck wormhole did you trip and fall into.
There's a reason they say all the good comedians die young. If they lived to be Gallagher's age, they wouldn't be considered good comedians any more.
I prefer the Gallagher Bros. They's right good for the larfs ey
Blallagher?
From him being a fucking G. Deal with it.
Chubby for the man who uses phrases similar to mine.
A comment left by spinynorman was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by blastradius, riotnrrd, hellofditties)
oh snap!
Your posts are usually commendably witty, but is it weird that they read as at least 20% more awesome because of your avatar?
That one wasn't all that witty, so I have no issue with my avatar imbuing it with a certain level of comedic verve.
And just who is your icon, anyway?
He is none other than Stephen Fry, I believe in one of the opening street conversation bits from an episode of "A Bit of Fry and Laurie, judging by the background.
Ah yes, a trip to Wikiland reveals quite a bit about Fry. I did see about five minutes of Jeeves and Wooster, hated it. Don't remember him from Black Adder. Hope to catch some of his other work one day, Allah willing. (Death to Amerika)
That's a bit quick to judge don't you say? I guess in the few minutes that you watched it there wasn't a constant stream of sub-par jokes like in sitcoms or stupid frat-boy comedies. Sorry if you had a totally legit reason for hating the show but I think it's sad that people hate shows/movies with great story lines and a hilarious script because it's a little slower paced or subtler (and for the record, I do enjoy sitcoms and stupid comedies from time to time). Plus, it's one of Stephen Fry's funniest roles.
Well, it's not a perfect show. There are perfectly legitimate reasons to hate it. The humor's a little smarmy, for instance. And you do have to get into the storyline. Five minutes from the middle of an episode, taken in isolation, wouldn't be that funny. Not to say I don't like the show, but maybe you're going a little overboard by personally attacking someone who doesn't?
That's okay, I didn't take it personally.
Well I exaggerated a little. I watched a show or two, really giving it a chance, because I usually like strange Brit humor. But the characters were just too smarmy and overdone for my taste at that point in time. Say, didn't one of the actors become House?
Yes he did. Hugh Laurie played Wooster and later played House. And sorry, I didn't mean to personally attack pogo, I was just defending the show!
Well I'm glad there's no hard feelings and stuff.
Big hug, everyone!
Swarmy was just the ticket to do the literary characters they were playing justice. I've yet to see Laurie take on a role that I didn't like, and Fry, well it's more like love! (His blackadder bit is better than Jeeves, but couldn't we all use a Jeeves to sort things out for us?)
If you haven't seen Stephen Fry on Blackadder, you haven't seen Blackadder.
Be consigned to Room 101 for Ignorance.
-This message brought to you by the Ministry of Love-
Gimme a break, why would an American from the Midwest have ever heard of a minor British comic actor?
Any denizen of Acheworld could be expected to have heard of him from Monday's strip, and the subsequent extended discussion in Assetbar.
A major British comic actor. He's done a lot of American stuff. V for Vendetta? Whose Line is it Anyway?
it's like, "Hey! You got me all wet!"
[IMGS OFF]
spinynorman gets very nice on this stuff
How do you read Achewood?
WHILE NOT WEARING PANTS
PANTS THESE DAYS? MOSTLY NONSENSE.
Pants are an evil perpetrated upon us by an uncaring society! Down with the pants!
THESE ARE NOT, MY PANTS.
WHOSE PANTS, ARE THESE ANYWAY?
THESE ARE NOT MY, PANTS!
BLEEUUUGHHHHH~~
ARE YOU LISTENING TO WHAT I SAY??
Like everyone else. At fucking work.
Or in class.
I read it in my study actually. Some of us have a modicum of taste.
Do you have a smoking jacket, and a pipe with bubbles?
You can't call him Heff.
I print a years worth of strips onto parchment and bind them in a leather and oak cover. I then let this book rest in the attic for 2 years to imbue it with that special must. After it has aged I take my white cotton gloves and tiny reading glasses and pour over the volume on a hot summer afternoon. I recommend that it be served with neat spiced rum or bourbon.
A comment left by lawbot was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ishuta, dangelder, BoscoStacy, Steinhauser)
If you can't comprehend it, how did you determine it to be misogynistic?
It's not even slightly misogynistic. And trust me; I know misogyny when I see it.
Who told you that you could post that? It's your job to say nice, pretty things. Just leave the strong opinions to us guys, OK? OK.
Hey, rowboat!
*ssssssip*
Up yours rowboat.
heccibiggs. Have my retarded baby heccibiggs.
That's cute. Was that a fuzzy navel or some kind of daiquiri?
Aww, look at her trying to be all strong and independent. Isn't it cute?
Did you just drink his milkshake?
[IMGS OFF]
I have to know - is that Photoshop or is that our shameful history?
That's from https://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/posters/index.asp They have a whole shitload of great propaganda posters.
this looks shopped -
i can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in my time
This made me want to post the ASCII art headache guy, just because.
it's from www.whitehouse.org
i should have provided citation when i posted it.
Ladies are inferior to cockroaches because they are not starting out pregnant is not misogynistic?
Ladies are better than cockroaches because they at least have some non-pregnant time is not misogynistic?
Phillipe is really getting some comedy chops working. I mean, look at that sassy little comedian eyebrow.
[IMGS OFF]
Little guy has panache .
Hooray for the perfect word. in italics .
Italics make everything better. I think most Achewood readers have learnt perfect italicization from the comic.
Thank you, Chris Onstad, for blessing us with this.
I much prefer italics to doing *this*.
saves you looking like a sucka' fool considering Assetbar's dastardly ways though it really isn't hard to properly tag a word of phrase. why a few weeks ago i tagged a few choice words and phrases on the faces of buildings downtown.
hizzah for doing similiar things
I really want to see an assetbar-style graffitied wall now.
b]cpnglxyncho[/b]
oh goddamnit
Hahahaha okay we have to make this a Thing.
man, why i gotta make a thing.
[IMGS OFF]
YES. Someone give this magnificent bastard some chubbs for defacing public property in the name of internet geekery.
And his hand on his hip in panel 3 is just so damn SASSY!
I'm stealing this for my icon. I hope you don't mind.
Oh dear! You're unrecognizable now! I am having problems with this.
It always freaks me out when people change their avatars. I'm afraid to ever change mine.
I'm sorry! I'll eventually tire of it and likely go to my little BoatGent.
A comment left by asherdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by johnnybaverage, straw, Norsef, facehead, lawbot, Dezufnocosem, professorhazard, mikeronomicon, re5urgam, flazisismuss, GeyserShitdick, BoscoStacy, equinn2006, mtrott, catgrl131, farqussus, woodenteeth, bhaines, proof_man, jaypage, ElZilcho, Justa, gardenhead_, Hidden_7, Methadone, Boyd, smilebuddha, BjorntD, Doc_Rostov, boswelljn, perogies, biff, Dasuta, pogo)
A comment left by professorhazard was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by NeoNaoNeo, achilleselbow, VictoriaW)
Lawbot! Find fault with asherdan's comment, please!
A comment left by lawbot was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by NeoNaoNeo, achilleselbow, shounenhero)
What's that, lawbot? Are you telling us that your misbehavior on this board is just a simple cry for more Dick?
[IMGS OFF]
Yes that is quite true dangelder, quite true indeed. I am in fact repressing hidden feelings for Dick. Why oh why is mine so small? Also, you own Assetbar.
[IMGS OFF]
Lawbot thank you for explaining it so candidly. I wish you well.
I didn't do that on purpose.
You have a talking-about-penis problem. Why did you bring it up so unnecessarily? Was it your own anxiety about your penis? Is it your anxiety about your gender identity?
Hey assetbar, lets play the penis game!
*Ahem*
penis
Do you mean, "Penis, penis, bo-benis, bannan-bana bo-penis .... Penis!" ??
Man, you don't know the penis game? It's pretty awesome. First of all, you have to be in a public place. Person #1 says "penis" as quietly as they can, then person #2 says it a little louder, taking turns (with as many people as there are that want to play), getting louder and louder, and whenever a person gets too ashamed to continue, they lose. Last person standing wins. I myself have witnessed a game in which each person was extremely proud and stubborn, so I bore witness to about 45 minutes of two ladies screaming PENIS!!!!!!! at the top of their lungs until person #2 lost her voice. It was pretty frikkin' sweet.
Hmm, since I'm a guy, it might be more fun to shout VAGINA. But making a public spectacle is really not my cup of tea, thanks.
Aww, c'mon! I'll start! penis...
penis.
penis.
Penis.
PENIS.
This word doesn't look right to me anymore. Everytime I look at it now I think that it's either not a word or spelled wrong.
PENIS!
PENIS!
You play the vagina game by pronouncing the vagina "va-Hee-nah." That is the only acceptable way.
Ju gringos got no love of vaginas, man.
Us homosexuals have no love of vaginas.
Ju 'omosexuals got no love of Benedict XVI, man.
Tuesday. I find I've started a band called the Nazi Popes.
Nazi Popes
Nazi Popes
Nazi Popes
FUCK OFF!!!!!!
Your current avatar is so perfect.
Great attempt!
A comment left by lawbot was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by NeoNaoNeo, InspectorGadget, whoisspain, Methadone)
Analysing..... Analysis complete.
The boy was taught by a, Mr. C. Bear, who, it has been noted, is possibly the most mature character in Achewood, in both physical age and perceptions. It can therefore be assumed that the aforementioned taught Phillipe the dark secrets of his craft.
By the by, I deserve to get fucked sideways for misspelling everyone's favourite otter's name.
Wait, shouldn't that lead to punishment, not reward?
so who's going to do up a photoshop of me and asherdan touching fingertips on the ceiling of the sistine chapel?
also now we can make a lot of assetbar posts like this:
Quote:
I didn't insert my lame-ass, out-of-character one-liners into the mouth of a character in an otherwise usually funny webcomic.
Tall and lean
Sharp and clean
With him there's no in-between
It's --
Sir Mr. Doctor, I'm glad I took you off my ignore list, for this is hilarious.
Asherdan's right for once. You get heckled much 'dan?
Damn man, do you draw strength from being the opinionated tick on the ass of society? I can't believe I have to keep saying this but dude, move out of your mom's basement. Try to get a date. If you're lucky, you can find a prostitute desperate enough for cash that you might even be able to get laid before you die.
A comment left by spinynorman was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Moolah, evolume, wittyname, goocifer, mortshire)
They locked me up 'cause I hit my old lady. What can I say? The bitch had it coming.
(This joke is popular with convicts in wooden crates.)
Nice try, kid.
(you are 9 years older than I am. I feel stupid for posting this.)
In the brotherhood of screen names preceded by unearned honorifics, we're all on equal footing.
That being said, Doctor Strangeglove is not a real doctor. Do not let him touch your genitals.
muwahahahahaha
But is Professor Hazard an actually professor? And if he is, is he allowed to touch my genitals?
So many questions.
I'd explain my backstory, but it is complicated and largely uninteresting.
Long story short - I could touch your genitals. But I won't.
Man, I wish I had a backstory for my handle.
Actually, I guess I do!
Yes, there are Sexual Harassment regulations at his Laboratory (pronounced la-BOR-a-tor-y, in the accepted manner of us Angry Scientists). (It is not politically correct to call us "mad." We are "Angry." And so would you be if you had to buy laser cannons and monster stem cells at today's prices.)
Age, when online is irrelevant because you are as old as you feel (and by extension post at).
You feel 108? Tough break.
I feel like being a liar.
I feel 18 because I am 18.
I feel like makin' love.
Makin' love to you.
Looks small, IS small!
That would also be great for the transit lane!