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The Contest Begins. Sunday, August 2, 2009 • read strip Viewing 381 comments:

A comment left by nice-on-water was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Shinkusan, MC_white, apocowarg, daidai, cunty, woodenteeth, coffeecoaster, atticusonline, LexSenthur, ursinus05, SPECTRE)

A comment left by nice-on-water was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by apocowarg, daidai, cunty, woodenteeth, twells, 3n, LexSenthur, ursinus05, SPECTRE)

I saw it too, and I knew, in the second that it took me to avoid writing "F1R5T!!!!111", that I was gonna lose it. I won't lame you for taking it, man. It's a tough call.

Thanks man. Maybe...maybe I can grow from this. Maybe others can learn.

We're 1572 strips deep, son. The Assetbar First Post has the Kobayashi Maru untenderly by the balls as far as no-win situations go.

I think the first post was lamed into oblivion by instinct, or a sense of duty. I fully expected it, in any case.

And yup, post #2 was lamed. You people.

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CH has no need for Kleenex. Dude is so raw he has no need to wipe away the tears running down his face. He can weep openly and no man would dare mock him for it.

Run away screaming in terror perhaps, but certainly no mocking.

As for the *ahem* other major use of Kleenex... let's just not go there.

Quote:
Dude is so raw he has no need to wipe away the tears running down his face.

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Stop being so goddamn fucking clever, you funny bastard.

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And there goes my first (and second) attempts to post an image to Assetbar. You'll just have to trust me that my bit of pshoppery was hilarious, and chubby this excuse in its place.

Let me try [IMGS OFF]

Yeah, just host it on a better website that assetbar can handle.

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Lame away, please.

For you Shelby --

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Since its not mine, I can say it's sublime.

I thank you, Assetbarbarians, one and all, for your monumental efforts to get my now-anticlimactic retort up here. :)

A facebook url? Aint gonna work.
Let me try...

[img url=https://127.0.0.1/img.png][img/]

TCP-IPCODE!!!!

And yet you managed bold?

and caps-lock

Well, that goes without saying, dun'it.

Oh yeah, assetbar and blogspot totally hate each other, pass it on.

I dunno what you guys are doing wrong.
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ugh. i laugh so hard at this.
why this always happening to me??

Whaddya mean, "you people" ???

I mean ::racist slur::

my heavily-lamed frist pots learned me damn quick exactly how unforgiving this place can be.

she is a tough lady to love, Assetbar.

Them some butt-ugly dykes, talk about tough lady to love.

Those were women? I don't wanna cum.

I've pulled it off before. My greatest victory, I think, and this might require some checking, was not being lamed on the one with Connie and Polly The Next Morning, laying in bed.

so have i, quite recently, but i'm not gonna say where, 'case The Lame Train decides to come a'callin'.

If people honestly go back 8 months or whatever it was and lame me, then they're lame enough that it doesn't even matter.

That brings up the question: is there a statute of limitations on laming?

There ought to be. Something like that is just downright crass.

I say it doesn't matter when a post was made, you can lame it the first time you come across it. But I definitely agree that going out of your way to lame a random post by someone just to spite that person is of low class and should be avoided.

But I will stress that in my case this has not yet happened and so I commend all those that have read this and also I'm not accusing anyone of doing that. But it's possible.

You can avoid lames when posting first, if you first having something to say.

I'm Mr. Hostility, and (thonk! thonk!) I'm knocking.

You can't ever pass up a frist pots opportunity. I think this is well established.

I've only had the chance once and you bet your ass I took it and you bet your ass I had nothing to say and you bet your ass it got lamed. It was at Christmas time and I have never regretted it.

Speak it, Ginsburg! We are Proud Lame First Posters! Fuck all you!

STOP TALKING ABOUT LAMES GOD DAMMIIIIIIT!

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOT UR CRY CRY FACE

STOP SCREEAAMING

But probably not.

A comment left by carrollhach was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by nabeel84, MortisInvictus, Stonecrab, Art-Vader, Aki, mystkmanat, Comrade_Tom)

abate is generally used as a transitive or intransitive verb.. I'm not a grammar whiz so maybe someone can help me out here but I don't think it can modify another verb e.g. to abate sucking? If it can, it would more or less mean to 'stop' sucking, as in, I thought that Onstad had stopped sucking, but I was wrong... What you meant is that you thought that Onstad had abated not sucking, but there too, that would imply that Onstad sucked to begin with, then abated sucking, and then started sucking again.

Onstad teasing with sapphic errotica has clearly made carrolhatch a master abater.

yeah, "onstad's sucking had abated" seems like a more natural usage of "abate."

Sucking has abated.

The Dude abates.

oh for christ's sake choco I'll give you the chubby if no one else will.

Cartilage Head has a wide variety of personalized communication cards.

Presumably most directed at Mary and the rest are kind of catch-alls for cowards like Ray.

"Make bathroom, Mary"

"Good, Mary"

"Stop fornicating that squirrel, Mary"

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the two images here have made me laugh SO hard

oh my god

oh my goooood

Todd must have purchased his van in England.

Japan.

I belive it was a nice gentleman called mr. Dick that bought him the van.

I figured maybe he only had one that just always said what he needed it to.

It almost seems like Cartilage Head could be one of Lonis F. Edison's few intentional customers, but I feel like it's more likely that he gets all of this stuff from the same place he came from.

Or could both be true? Is Cartilage Head himself, perhaps, Hecho in Mexico? Could Lonis Edison have created him in a Frankinstinian attempt at producing life and panicked upon seeing his mutated, tearful visage, abandoning him, but now sending him a variety of inventions in his guilt in an attempt to assuage both Cartilage Head's sorrow and his own guilt?

Maybe it doesn't just say what he needs it too, it just says what he's vocalising in his head. Of course this could always lead to unfortunate problems...

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Angrily accusing someone of being a cheater through text? Teodor's internet experience could pay off big time here.

We don't know for sure that's Teodor, though. It was never shown who was on which side.

Smart money says it is.

You and your freakish talking currency may be wrong.

goddamnit don't want no jhonen vasquez on my comic

i got much respect for the man.
this is not his comic. (fellow Chaunceys, ya with me?)

Actually you'd be pretty surprised how well "Veteran's Day Poppy" by Captain Beefheart suits the second half of this one. Sadly though I have no musical saw centered songs. I guess a good tango would do in a pinch.

The jumpy first part or the outro that goes "boh bwaaaaan.... bom boh bweah-be-bweah, boh bwaaaaan.... bom boh bweah-be-bweah" etc. ?

Mostly the long outro, as that's what was playing while I read it. It's sort of pensive and tragic and somber...
Actually I'd nominate it for the Trouble Man and No-Nos scene theme song. What else conveys the burning down of Heaven?

We've already been there.
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Godspeed! You Black Emperor
-The Dead Flag Blues

I think you jumped the gun on the exclamation mark there, word-wise. But it's not like the bastards don't invite it, really.

All credits go to echidnaboy

For a moment I thought I had done that, but... No. Couldn't be. I never get the font right.

Ah, it was this one:

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Imagining Nice Pete voiced by Emo Phillips is bringing rise to feelings .

If it pleases the court, I believe I have a better Cartilage Head song than The Dead Flag Blues:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OaBAbBVQEA

Dark Night of the Soul (f. David Lynch) - Sparklehorse & DJ Danger Mouse

And the lyrics (no guarantee on their authenticity):

Dark dream world
All alone
Shadows movin'
Shadows have long gone by
Shadows have long gone by
Dark night of the soul

Our souls
Time slippin' by
I call out your pain
All alone
Shadows movin'
Shadows movin'
Shadows have long gone by
Dark night of the soul

If you had only liked my face
Where are you baby
Where are you baby
Dark dream world
Shadows have long gone by
Dark night of the soul

Distant bell ring
But steps echo
No one on these streets
Callin' out your name
Where are you baby
It's a dream world
Dark dream world
Dark night of the soul

As below, for Mr. C. Head I propose Tom Waits' Poor Edward :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrbddZuN_8Q

Weird, your chubbiness is infecting the white spaces of your shoop...

!


Kiss me, you're beautiful

The actual font is Interstate (some Bold version), but I think there are free ripoff versions that look close enough.

Vista provides Blue Highway which I use for basically everything.

Hmph. I don't know the song. I'm fine with my choice, thank you very much.

I feel that most post-Raindogs Tom Waits is appropriate for Mr. Head (his first name is Cartilage, right?) Maybe "Misery's the River of the World"

No, too abrasive. Poor Edward , on the other hand/face...

Yes.

Just had to get my image in this chain

Quote:
Mr. Head


Isn't that what they call your dad down at the truckstop?

The truckers aren't very clever.

My vote is for the second half of "Charles Gocher Sr." by the Sun City Girls. In fact, if I were to nominate the official band of Surreal-Vibes-Achewood, the Sun City Girls would be it.

You know, you're the second person I've met in my life who's heard of the Sun City Girls. My friend who also turned me onto Achewood is a major fan.

Marlene Dietrich played the saw quite a bit in WW2 might want to look up her stuff.

On a side note "playing the saw"ranks as the third most popular 40's passtime after being a soda-jerk and genocide.

Marlene Dietrich, that awful woman!
Truly, she was the Grace Jones of her day.

Wozzeck, Wozzeck, Wozzeck; a rare lapse of your usual erudition (with which I must take umbrage).

She's Marlene-mother-fuckin'-Dietrich for cryin' out loud! Without her, there'd be no Lili VonSchtupp.

Yeah man, you take umbrage with that lapse of erudition!

I see your umbrage and raise you one righteous indignation.

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Speaking of Beefheart, "Hothead" would work as Sapphic erotica I think

doo DAO doo DAO chkchkchkchk

Totally a bull's sexrhythm.

The Music Tapes covering All Tomorrows Parties on the singing saw is my go to saw song in a pinch

How can I head this?

With your eads.

Stop your misspelling, I can bead no more.

You must head his warning.

it was on the old elephant6 website for download, but it's gone now

I think I speak for all of us when I say: Whaaat?

Your average jelly-skulled performance artist might be content with any WWI-era aircraft. Some staid old number...a Spad, perhaps an Albatross. Something functional, the type of plane you'd pick Grandma up in after her swim aerobics, if the plane had a second seat and all. Not Cartilage Head; for a man of his discerning taste, only a Fokker Triplane would do.

He's thinking Red Baron all the way. When aces had class. When their helmets were thicker than their plane's body.

Is it the Cadillac of anachronistic killing machines?

I say, "Nay! It is the Rolls-Royce Phantom I Jonckheere !

Wozzeck, you have made my day. God bless you.

Ditto. That is a magnificent bastard of a car.

shit yeah it DOES have a gargoyle for a hood ornament

That is the Spirit of Ecstasy. It is not a gargoyle. I am disappointed in you Mockereo.

Being the Spirit of Ecstasy and being a gargoyle are not mutually exclusive.

I'm not much of a car fan myself but when I followed that link... I may have fallen in love.

It is as if some mad genius took all the best elements of Gothic architecture, a fortress, a speeding locomotive, and Dracula. This is a car which could frighten peasants just by being parked .

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Taaaaaaacky.

I would like to see a wacky comic crossover where Snoopy encounters Cartilage Head in his tri-plane. Cartilage Head gets on his six, but doesn't fire. Just tails him and weeps. Does that weird cracking thing with head every now and then. Until eventually Snoopy, overcome with gross existential horror, just drives the nose of his plane right into the ground. Big explosion.

The last frame is Cartilage Head taxiing his triplane, and there's a fresh stencil on the side of Snoopy sitting on top of that damn doghouse.

in the words of Lawbot:
YES

I'd Fock her Triplane.

> I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company.

> That's true, but these Fokkers were flying Messerschmidts!

Thank you for referencing that wonderful joke.

Hamscout is a foremost connoisseur of Messerschmidt-themed humor for reasons that are for me to know and for you to find out.

I sez chuck in south corner, tacodor north

I'm not so sure. Chuck's the high roller what with age and experience on his side. He may be adapting his format to Teodor's to provoke him. Also, I envision Teodor bitching more about perceived "copying", as Chuck is Nearly One-Hundred And Does Not Care.

I agree with this Srikamaraja chap. Chuck would probably be quick enough on the draw to purposefully copy. And he seems more likely to use "Hungarian Plutocrat."

Oh shit, wait! Mid-comment, I realized it might be the reverse, solely because North Corner references prosciutto. Not only does Teodor like food and cooking, but he seems to dig prosciutto or prosciutto-based ideas. The most recent example could be this https://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uuafPSHk2

My read on it is that from looking at Teodor's cook book manuscript Chuck extrapolated what Teodor's style was likely to be. Chuck may be throwing Teodor off balance by preemptively emulating/copying Teodor's style.

But doesn't Chuck think his dueling with Ray? He wouldn't be expecting Teodor's style.

What nonsense is this? South corner mentions Highland dancing, the Highlands were a key component of Chuck's pre-competition research. Case closed.

I don't care who is in which suit, those are both pretty weak openings if you ask me. Bring back Cornelius!

I mean seriously, you don't get rugby-thickened legs and still keep them alabaster white, no matter how bad the scottish weather is. Both of them are making the mistake of style over content. In a write-off you need to keep it simple, otherwise you're going to trip yourself midflow, and that crowd is gonna get even uglier if you're spent before the climax.

I can't decide how to respond to this. I'm gonna go with my default.

HEYO!!!

HOLY SCROTUMS your avicon just dilated at me

Sorry 'bout that, I wasn't expecting that at all, so it just freaked me out. But now I'd like to nominate this as one of the Avicons of Coolocity.

Alas, I can't take credit for it. Someone in one of the other comics (I'd find it but I never will) here posted the gif in response to something about eye dilation, and then said it would be a cool avatar. No one else seems to have used it, so I did.

Congratulations "HOLY SCROTUM"

You are the

exclamation of the week

*most uncomfortable group of words i've read this week.

It's been down too long in the midnight sea

A fair point. Fair points get a chubby.

Teodor Oreszcu is the dude to the north:
-he is Hungarian.
-he bites South's style with gastronomic allusion.
-Chuck was talking down to him earlier. T vowed to upset the old man, and is doing so. Chuck did not expect any kind of contest, hence his protest.

T is not Hungarian.

Bel... Belarusian? Belarussian? Belarooskie? Minski? Minskinese?

Heh, Son, a Belarooskie don't take a dump without having a plan.

Good point, but I can solve the case much easier. Read the sentence "You copy me." Does that sound like Teodor, or does it sound like a crochety old man? (The correct answer is "crochety old man".)

That too.

the answer is a whiny bitch.

it's T.

I concur. Ballsing up a winnable contest because he bitches about copying like a whiny child is entirely Teodor's bag. Isn't the whole Teodor story one of personal talent undermined by moral flabbiness?

I thought that was my story.

Sineufendo returns one hit in Google.
"elephant burger" returns about 4000 hits.

Oh god. Cartilage Head owns a triplane. I should've known

Also, I love that the Elephant South Corner types what he's yelling about cheating.

that would be a sweet band name.

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I thought so as well first, and set out to comment, but then i realised he doesn´t say it, just think it. There´s no text bubble.

CH will airdrop the rat as closely as possible to the target. The rat's mission is to find Roast Beef and gnaw on his palm so as to sufficiently alter his lines and thus spare him from his horrible fate.

Godspeed, Mary. Godspeed.

With that all will be well. Or the rat will kill Beef.

Beef has died before, so I have few worries that my precious Roast Beef would be digested by the world.

I get so sick of people talking nonstop. Thank God for Cartilage Head.




Well said.

Is that my hat?

Is that my nose?
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it's more common than you blahblahblah

Is that my hair?

Beautiful doorknob there.

I enjoy Beef's terse and forceful command of the situation. It's almost as though he plays the role of auctioneer, but the only bidders are a teddy bear and a man who Does Not Care Because He Is Almost One-Hundred.

Also, can our Dutch friends provide us with a definition for Sineufendo?

It's not Dutch. The google match is on a badly OCR'd Dutch newspaper story from 1897.

I suspect it may be Portuguese.

And, interestingly, "fendo" means "cleft" in Portuguese.

Courtesy of google translator, that poorly OCR'd document provides the following context for the word; ...yesterday, there is a large body of fire on the terrain remained at the seams to stay sineufendo...

Well that clears that up then.

I resend that translation, on grounds that, upon closer observation, the poorly OCR'd document reads 'smeulendo,' meaning that sineufendo is entirely without precedence in the history of the internet. At least, the parts of it Google indexes.

smeulendo? I wish some-one had noticed this before.
I feel much better now. I was really worried about those sinuendoed seams.

smeulend: "smouldering."

Sineufendo is a word from the other part of the internet. The part that Google, with it bright coloured letters, and it's 'can do' American attitude, is not invited to. You people couldn't look it up. You don't even have the right computers.

Hmm, I managed to misspell 'its' twice in one sentence, but in different ways. I feel pretty rotten about that.

"ohhhhhh, if you want it to be possessive it's just 'I-T-S,' but if it's supposed to be a contraction then it's I-T-apostrophe-S!

...scalawag."

That's why I used Bing to search for it.

You made me both laugh-out-loud and get goosebumps at the same time. I'm not sure what the approved acronym for that is, but i don't think it's an acronym that's accessible to this part of the internet.

you mean you rescind...

I do. Now it looks like I simply spelled rescind phonetically. Will assetbar trust it was a typo? Or think less of me? Only time will tell.

The Portuguese word for "without" is "sem", I think, but it would derive from the Latin "sine". If there's some overall implication of "without cleft", I guess we're looking at some rat-led Lash of Thanatos removal, or possibly Roast Beef removal.

Cartilage Head returns to Achewood. My reservations about the story arc evaporate. All is well.

In regards to Mary the Sineufendo: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

hecci; where you been girl?

Shawtayee

Now all we need are handfaces

No.

Shush your mouth.


That thing looks like a pregnant Todd stricken with elephantiasis.

Oh I thought the Sineufendo was a gay male, and Cartliage Head was villifying him.

Not really.

I will always remember what I was doing on Sexual Bell Valve Victory Sunday.

The old dude is in the north corner. Gam is an "older term for a leg" according to Wikipedia. Tacodor showed Williams his cookbook, which probably had a sentence or two specifically about scalded prosciutto. It takes a young man, who has not recently gotten laid, to type so well with one hand (left-handed, even).

I maintain that this is not the case. See above.

Question for all the lesbians who read Achewood: to say that a chick has legs like a bear, is this a good thing or a bad thing? "Baby, I want you to wrap those dry yet slimy bear legs around my head. I'm gonna wear you like a feedbag, you plutocrat you."

im gonna gush

ishuta is a subtle troll

A comment left by ishuta was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by fakead, deovalente, G-money)

Nice gams.

I don't understand any of what's going on in this arc.

I also do not understand how CH's airplane's butt is off the ground with no wheel back there.

Do you understand how a cat, a stuffed bear and a centenarian can operate electronic keyboards while wearing an elephant suit?

Oh, my lord, sir!

I think it is safe to say that no one understands how a cat, a stuffed bear and a centenarian can operate electronic keyboards while wearing elephant suits.

-Richard Feynman

I'm not mother-fucking John Bartlett, but I think that that may be misattributed.

Fellas he is not a centenarian, but a man on the verge of becoming a centenarian.

it is obscured, deck.

I think that it's butt is on the ground, but the plane is angled towards the viewer.

Sweet Jesus, man, just what kind of message are you trying to put across with that avaticonar? I for one am offended.

This reminds me of one of our contributors columns. He is alleged to be an actor, but I don't recall seeing him in any of the Gish Sisters oeuvre. Nevertheless, here is "Walken in L.A." with Christopher Walken.

Quote:
Do you enjoy eating hot dogs? I hope you won't be put off by my frankness when I tell you that I absolutely love them. In fact, I enjoy no food item more than a freshly-boiled hot dog. Now, I've done a lot of movies, and it's true that I've worked with quite a few celebrities who did not share this opinion. I'm sorry to say that these people have always angered me.

There are two types of people in this world: those who eat hot dogs whenever it is possible to do so, and those who opt to do other things with their free time. Who do the latter think they are kidding? What pastime could be more rewarding than the consumption of hot dogs? I haven't yet found one, and I don't expect to in my lifetime. Unlike other foods, hot dogs can be eaten at any time, in any place, and it is not necessary to cook them. Now, I ask you: Why not eat hot dogs? They are delicious.

I carry a bag of hot dogs with me wherever I go. I eat them from the bag whenever I get the urge, regardless of the circumstances. When I make a movie, my hot dogs are my co-stars. If, in the middle of a scene, I decide I want to consume a hot dog, I do so. I waste the director's time and thousands of dollars in film stock, but in the end, it is all worth it, because I enjoy eating hot dogs more than I enjoy acting. This bothers some people. I was supposed to portray Batman, but when Tim Burton learned of my hot dog cravings, he asked Michael Keaton to wear the cape. To this day, I am peeved about this.

When we filmed The Dead Zone, I ate over 800 hot dogs a day. It was necessary. My character needed to come across as intense as possible, and I found the inspiration for that intensity in my intense love for hot dogs. The director, David Cronenberg, said that he would never work with me again. I kept eating hot dogs when the cameras were rolling, and that seemed to bother him. I say [expletive deleted] him. He doesn't even like hot dogs.

I would like to end by emphasizing once again that I really like to eat hot dogs. If any of you people disagree, I loathe you. I despise you. Not only that, but I also despise all your loved ones. I want to see them torn to pieces by wild dogs. If I ever meet you in person, I'll smash your brains in with a [expletive deleted] bat. Then we'll see who doesn't like hot dogs.

Zweibel you old crank, how's your one ball hangin' these days?

i appreciate how Chuck types in caps.

There is an inconsistency between the narrative above their heads and the lectern screens. It seems that the lectern only shows caps, notwithstanding the narrative, but the first lectern panel has lowercase. I am confused.

On reflection, I'm glad the sapphic erotica isnt at all sexy, and hope CH gets there before it gets sexy.

I'm sure Cartilage Head will nip it in the Bell Valve.

this is the closest i'll ever get to watching you type:
[IMGS OFF]

Spooky!

I'm peeking over the top of the monitor.

TAP TAP TAP

( not FAP)

[IMGS OFF]

NOT FAP

I think that was meant to be the "fap" of a helicopter propeller blade.

... Maybe.

But Airwolf was silent, no hang on I'm thinking of Blue Thunder.

Blue Thunder... FAP FAP FAP...

that's what my ex called her vibrator.

aw hell. i been photoshopped by hammie.

Is he going to tell Ray that he is a coward again?

Because i dont know if he can survive that.

Todd and Mary joined the mile-high club in Cartilage Heads triplane pass it on.

popedragunov don't use no apostrophes pass it on.

i would but i don't know how to say his name

puppogdranov
popograndov

Pope Dragunov, a pontiff and a rifle. That's how I see it anyways.

I thought he was in The Magic Flute

You mean the magic flute that I ...tried to steal from Jimmy, but was foiled by the mayor of Living Island? *sigh* ... boned?

Oranges poranges, who cares!

- Witchie-Poo

I hate Cartilage head to the point I 1 him.

.i1?

that is not a number or any sort of equation at all.

i don't even think it's a file extension...

Cartilage Head stopped crying. He realises the Lash of Thanatos is not to be handled lightly, so he's put on his game face. He will not cry in the face of the Lash.

Cartilage Head cries at everyday occurrences, like the tiny tragedy of birdsong. He wasn't crying about the Lash of Thanatos, he was crying because the sound of the stock ticker reminded him, obliquely, of a child dancing in a dusty attic, muffling her footsteps so no-one else in the house will know of her small, secret waltz.

dammit, now i'm crying.

omg

Has anyone thought about "Sineufendo" maybe beingone of those, FUCK, one of those words that's made by rearranging other words? The Portugese definition sounds about right, but i want to explore all options here.

The word undoes fine , but the minimum words created are two, which need fusion . From the info ensued , I think it's safe to say that the old "sineufendo" in many ways defies noun .

THIS is TOTALLY WONDERFUL!

That's a bizarre avatar-comment relationship

"The effort it took to feed unions of this type ultimately fed ennui so ," he fies, undone . The Edo funnies lift his mood briefly, but when he gets to the Kyoto period, the librarian stops him and says, " Fine due, son ."

CHEATER! You are a CHEATER! You COPY me!

Wordplay is a genuine Seed o' Fun in this place! I chubby you! I chubby you both!

Let's go visit Eden in ufos . All these anagrams are making my head hurt and I must flee (using my handy time travelling biblical spaceship for transport naturally)

O ed, fine sun of our local firmament, why dost thou flee? O'er one sin, feud not with thy brothers.

And why does i_love_kate think Dune so fine a movie? I prefer it when the protagonist's foes undie in zombie flicks.

Anybody want a peanut?

It certainly seems that one's in feud to be the premier wordsmith! Ein fun dose of intellectualism, don't you think?

72 virgins, so fine, so nude, will go to one of us in Eden .

No sufi need apply. If so, Dee (nun of the order of monosyllabic names) will declare " Fie! No nudes! "

72 virgins? Done! Infuse prospects of further anagram-play between us in the afterlife and you'll nod; 'fine use of our time indeed!' Undo fees in this competition, though, for I am not a gambling man.

Come, we can defuse in no time this tangle of words. At first, my brain like a seine found variants in this stream of nonsense, but now, with a bankrupt mental fund, I see no way to go on.

A comment left by gladi8orrex was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Shadowdancer, re5urgam, Art-Vader, Lumus)

bitch you stupid

the missed opportunity: nonee nonee, dufis!

Dude, gladi8orrex objects to our affecting a highly unnatural style in our comments. He thinks anyone who obsesses over some minor linguistic element (like anagrams, or mis-spelling everything) is "gay." I guess we should stop, if he thinks it's annoying. We wouldn't want to offend him.

I don't think it's possible to chubby this enough.

I-l-k, I apologise humbly. I posted my crappy effort before reading your beautiful post. Freinds, please lame mine into oblivion.

Friends, also direct me to a good spell checker.

I figured it was the taxonomic classification of the thing, in such a way as to emphasize the uniqueness. I mean, good lord there can't be more than one, right? [i]right?[\i]

fun sin needo? (God, what a stretch!)

Could this strip be the worst way to introduce a new reader to Achewood? I'm pretty sure that if I saw that comic, with no backstory, I'd just burn my laptop in the garden and cry myself to sleep.

ur a fuckin' pussy

[IMGS OFF]

A comment left by gladi8orrex was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by edd36, Granularsilica, Stonecrab, dasilodavi, NotCool, Comrade_Tom)

replying to to this is like a secondary opportunity for a 'first post'... :-P

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too right, Chucklebot. too right.

also Pat.

Hold it! How quickly they are gettink to the miracle! Where are the make-outs? It does not, it CAN not work this way!

The Country Club can fulfill any need.

(The Country Club is what I call my penis)

I've long known that it was possible to laugh so much that I become nauseous, but now I know that it's equally possibly to become so nauseous that I laugh.

For this, I thank you.

"i'ma pretend to be YOUR husband" kat says, evil smirk forming on her tremendous face

that got the chuppy

Are you playing a game of asshole-reaming oneupmanship with yourself gladi?

Heh, you attempt to shock us so badly that we're unable to compose a response to your challenge, thereby becoming (or remaining) the founder of Williams-Sonoma by default! well sir, I accept your challenge, just as soon as I dust off and oil up my typewriter.

A CHALLENGER APROACHES!

Alice paused at the doorway to the bedroom, watching as Chloe tumbled through to land on the inviting double bed. Rolling over to meet Alice's blue eyes with her own large brown ones she gave what she no doubt intended to be a mischievous grin, but Alice saw the faint flicker of nervous uncertainty it hid. Perhaps her first instincts had been right, perhaps Chloe had never been with a woman before.
Chloe's skirt had lifted as she fell, revealing her long graceful honey-coloured legs. Alice felt her pulse raise as she drank in the beauty of the woman lying before her. The added thrill that maybe she was Chloe's first nearly made her heart burst from her chest. Despite the raging storm of lust and anticipation within her Alice outwardly appeared as calm and in controll as she always did. She moved forwards and half pulled, half guided Chloe to standing just before the bed. Leaning in their tongues flared together,and Alice felt a small shudder pass through the shorter woman's body. Please just let it be her needing this as much as me, don't let her get scared.
As if to assuage her fears Chloe's hands entwined themselves in Alice's long silken hair, her soft lips crushing themselves against the creamy white of Alice's throat. Barely comtaining hersel, Alice's hands danced down the buttons of Chloe's shirt exposing more supple honey-golden flesh.
Alice stepped back to shed her own dress, the cloth's gentle stoke over her thighs a maddening tantalisation. Chloe seemed to shrug her bra and open shirt aside effortlessly even as her skirt fell to the floor. Her breasts, while not large, fit her frame perfectly and her errect nipples near quivered with expectation. Alice leaned in to kiss and her pick tongue flickered expertly around the golden woman's dark areolae.


It'll be sixty for the lurid, bespoke description of their carnal finale. For a full hundo I'll throw in extra foreplay.

*Barely containing herself
*her pink tongue

have we been typing with one hand, edd?

That was better than my normal typing!

I was thinking about this strip in the shower.

Is so hot i am almost eatink the soap,

man what kinda shrooms did onstad cook up

Stropharia Cubensis. *titter*

I like my women like I like my bell valves. High pressure, with that one sweet spot that brings them down every time.

With a dial that indicates tension levels and dozens of pounds per square inch? No thanks.

this is so great

I think I'm gonna ignore neonfreon.

why

he is a terrible man.

A shitty little shit of a man

what a shit man

Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf' be messin' mah old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head, you know?
Hey home', I can dig it. Know ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you, man!
I say hey, sky... subba say I wan' see...
Uh-huh.
...pray to J I did the same ol' same ol'!
Hey... knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in', man!
Hey, you know what they say: see a broad to get dat booty yak 'em...
...leg 'er down a smack 'em yak 'em!
COL' got to be! Y'know? Shiiiiit.

can I say that the sineufendo looks just like an Indonesian Shadow puppet

Cartilage Head accompanied on his saw by a gamelan - yes, that is right

YES! Gamelan! Man i saw Sir Stamford Raffle's (crazy name, crazy guy) gamelan in the british museum t'other week, superb.

I was lost in Tokyo with my wife when we stumbled upon an amplified electrified gamelan band near the tallest building (some sort of govt building baybe even the tax office). They were playing quasi indorock that just blew my mind, I bought a CD but it was more traditional gamelan folk music. I am still looking for that indorock gamelan band.

Ummm that should have been maybe, not baybe, I am rarely that familiar with people on the internets.

Gamelan music is completely amazing. See: The Indian/Balinese/Tibetan inspired tracks from the soundtrack of "Akira", if you can find it.

[not is anime freak, akira only good is.]

try Discus

Interesting: saw instead of rebab, and perhaps more easily amplified

You are dead-on about the wayang puppet resemblance.

I AM REALLY DIGGING CH'S FOKKER DR. 1

IT IS A FLY ASS WHIP

this is getting way too loose. discipline yourself, Onstad.

Days of dike humor,and now cartilage face? Wake me when it's over.

Okay, dyke. Who cares?

it's as i expected

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOT UR CRY CRY FACE
thx 4 let us kno jus how much u h8 this. asshole

Quote:
NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT UR CRY CRY FACE


gladi, i love you. assetbarbarians, meme this.

Done.

I've inspired a meme, bloo-bloo-hooo!

Crom approves of assetbarbarians. That is Crom - high on his mountain!

dear choco:

please dont ignore me

i really want you to read my postings

i have big things to say sometimes

we can work it out

sincerely,
neonfreon

nice. way 2 pussy out

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOT UR CRY CRY FACE

I do not blame Todd for leaving this man to die.

ray

now I am blushing cos I fucked up on an internet forum, yay for me.

this is a very Telling typo you've got there

is this the ROT - Return Of Todd? arc

Are you suggesting that Cartilage Head dug up Todd's battered corpse (is Todd still dead, I forget?), and patched it together into the crude simulacrum of life which he calls Mary?

So Todd is now an undead Male-To-Female transvestite?

Sounds classic enough for Onstadt

It is also hot

It takes a special person to be the audience for two elephants typing voyaing sapphic raunch.

You know how long it took for Cartilage Head to get that squeak just right?

[IMGS OFF]

this was a test. please ignore.

[IMGS OFF]

shut up

Quote:
rugby-thickened legs


Oh God yes. So many girls on the college rugby team I wanted to bone doggystyle but couldn't because I have the physical fitness of a butternut squash.

Am I the only one fearing for Roast Beef here? While I'm not yet convinced Cartilage Head is the murderous type, he seems to be taking many things in stride here. Certainly Mary is a harbinger of SOMETHING.

You want him to flee and abandon a dying man , after he get a fuckin' plane to get to see you ?

Onstad has clearly never heard the term 'one's bell end'.
An archaic Brit name for one end of the 'Membrum Virile'

Archaic? We use it all the time around here.

Silence, you bell end! We don't want the yanks to start using it!

They can have jeb end. I never liked that one.

Too late. Tha Ali G show made it stateside a couple of years ago.

why, you young scoundrels!

This is some surreal shit. I woke up, wake and baked, then I read this, and I was like "whoa dude." Seriously awesome strip.

friiiiick dude.

Quote:
I woke up, wake and baked


Gotta take the edge off before reporting to work!

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I stuck this phrase in the english to latin translation thingy. I was hoping for a vini, vidi, vini and instead we get: EGO woke sursum , excito quod baked .

The implication is that the Romans didn't have a word for "woke" or "bake" because ganja hadn't been invented yet.

* vici , goddammit.

Also * veni .

Can't you just fake it, like wakey, bakey, flakey ?

Of course, that would be spelled veci, beci, fleci .

I will defer to your mastery of dead languages, perfesser. waki, baki, flaki it 'tis!

vidi, vedi, veneria

Doppelganger has funny ideas about the effects marijuana - pass it on!

i saw this on the way to school one morning after a snowstorm:

[IMGS OFF]

To Grandmother's house we go...

Kids, always sleep stoned!

cartilage head is the shit that gives you bad vibes while you're high

he is the embodiment of bad vibes

We will be arriving at Lonis Edison-level weirdness soon, I think

shit is about to get REAL

Slightly sur of real actually.

1. What does a tilde over a "U" make? Is Portuguese?

2. Does this episode remind anyone of the Magreaux Dog?

1. Portuguese is probably fun enough to try this, yes.

2. I have been Magreaux-ruminating for weeks now.

*Magreaux-minating?

Wait, how many stomachs do you have ?

1. i imagine an 'ooh-eh' sound.

A tilde over a 'U' is a sine wave that fendo's.

Hi, everyone. I'm one of those people who always reads all the comments on all the strips but is too shy to say something. So here I am saying hi, and all of you are hilarious!

enoyreve iH?

indeed.
whussup, magru5er.

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That is a damn lie. Most of us aren't remotely funny. We are just lonely. Also, hello, hope you enjoy yourself here.

Is no one else channeling the hallucinogenic 'pink elephants and suds' sequence from Dumbo?

[racist crows][/racist crows]

I was thinking about that after I saw the suits for the first time. I was actually expecting an homage, and it could still happen especially now that C.H. is involved.

That stuff scared the hell out of me as a kid.

To be perfectly honest, I've never seen Dumbo. Or a bunch of other Disney movies.

lion king beauty and beast fox and hound bambi

lion king: sweet
beauty and the beast: decent
fox and the hound: sad
bambi: meh

Oh Jesus, I convulse every time I think about Fox and the Hound. I had an audio tape of it when I was like, four. That is a sick-ass thing to do to a child.

They showed me that when I was..7..or so. Also we saw Bambi before that..6 or so.

What is Disney with trying to desensitize us to death so early?

Is this about some kind of war, Walt? Did you want to die in the Great War?

deth is netural is only nah dat peeps try an' make it into such a too big a deal. eeryboy dies

Walt Disney got most of his tales by asking Lie Bot what the saddest thing is, then adjusting the story to tone the sad down a shade.

Robin Hood Jungle Book The Rescuers The Secret Of Nimh

Read the book version. Book version. Book version. And book version. From what I understand none of them were great adaptations anyway.

bitch did u like teh movies? den it dussent matter ib fscott fitzgerald is plesed wit how tru u staid to teh story, dogg. only mats how good move was on own merits u r wats wrong wit shit

I didn't watch them. I've seen Lion King. It was decent.

K we all got opinions it's coo'

Even though he knows he's about to die, he still introduces the stupid contest, because why not?

Happy Sexual Bell Valve Victory Reference Sunday, everybody!