epicurus
+7 -0
The face of Lil' Newphew saying all the things that make Ray not understand him is the best. Also, I have jumped off a roof onto a trampoline before and I believe that means I will automatically be admitted to the officer corps if I should enlist (Canada).
The face of Lil' Newphew saying all the things that make Ray not understand him is the best. Also, I have jumped off a roof onto a trampoline before and I believe that means I will automatically be admitted to the officer corps if I should enlist (Canada).
jackparsons
+0 -0
A comment left by jackparsons was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Contrasoma, ocarinak, riotdejaneiro, Spoon, Jesler729, josher, aHatOfPig, Epicurus, ibetso, rumblefish, henrythecad)
A comment left by jackparsons was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Contrasoma, ocarinak, riotdejaneiro, Spoon, Jesler729, josher, aHatOfPig, Epicurus, ibetso, rumblefish, henrythecad)
godfatherofsouls
+27 -0
You guys make us have an army.
You guys make us have an army.
pogo
+1 -0
Oh, we are under attack in the USA. Let us call on our staunch ally with the world-famous tough army, CANADA!
Oh, we are under attack in the USA. Let us call on our staunch ally with the world-famous tough army, CANADA!
epicurus
+8 -0
Canadian law requires that as a citizen I bring up our modest successes in WW2 when someone disparages our military.
Canadian law requires that as a citizen I bring up our modest successes in WW2 when someone disparages our military.
pogo
+1 -0
WW2 is hella old school. What has the Canadian military been up to lately?
WW2 is hella old school. What has the Canadian military been up to lately?
godfatherofsouls
+7 -0
lately they had some planes shot down by US pilots on speed they were helping and been wearing forest colours in the desert how bout u
lately they had some planes shot down by US pilots on speed they were helping and been wearing forest colours in the desert how bout u
saint
+3 -1
I think I understood that.
Us shooting your plains down was just a practical joke.
Ha ha, Canada.
ha ha
I think I understood that.
Us shooting your plains down was just a practical joke.
Ha ha, Canada.
ha ha
woodenteeth
+15 -0
They've been up to Not Invading Countries for Oil Related Strategies.
They've been up to Not Invading Countries for Oil Related Strategies.
invidious
+3 -0
Not getting asses kicked in southeast Asian jungles.
Not getting asses kicked in southeast Asian jungles.
achtung
+0 -0
lost at home not militarily, casualty ratio, yada ya nobody cares
lost at home not militarily, casualty ratio, yada ya nobody cares
scifigrl47
+2 -0
You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"!
You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"!
godfatherofsouls
+0 -0
yeah people hated em cause they used rifles at close range and just rushed at people with bayonets and gunfire like apocalyptic hockey players.
yeah people hated em cause they used rifles at close range and just rushed at people with bayonets and gunfire like apocalyptic hockey players.
epicurus
+0 -0
Awesome. Also I think some Canuck general was the first to successfully employ the concept of rolling artillery strikes?
Aside: "Apocalyptic Hockey Players" would be a sweet band.
Awesome. Also I think some Canuck general was the first to successfully employ the concept of rolling artillery strikes?
Aside: "Apocalyptic Hockey Players" would be a sweet band.
godfatherofsouls
+8 -0
The Ahockeylypse
The Ahockeylypse
scott_karana
+1 -1
Canada's put more troops in Iraq than your precious ally of the time, Britain. 30,000 men is nothing to sneeze at.
Canada's put more troops in Iraq than your precious ally of the time, Britain. 30,000 men is nothing to sneeze at.
boredom_man
+2 -0
Were they all Jeremy Irons?
Were they all Jeremy Irons?
wingspan
+8 -0
No, retard, they were James Earl Jones.
No, retard, they were James Earl Jones.
invidious
+1 -0
They were all Rick Moranis.
They were all Rick Moranis.
godfatherofsouls
+0 -0
And Dave Thomas, for the heavy jobs.
And Dave Thomas, for the heavy jobs.
puguglypress
+1 -0
all pissing strange brew out of their dicks at bin laden
all pissing strange brew out of their dicks at bin laden
soticoto
+0 -0
... That isn't a good thing... for Canada.
... That isn't a good thing... for Canada.
tonyhighwind
+0 -0
In the sense that we make you nervous, or in the sense that we apply political pressure?
Because if we make you nervous you should remember that we're completely stepping on the face of the first motherfuckers who even try to steal your toques.
In the sense that we make you nervous, or in the sense that we apply political pressure?
Because if we make you nervous you should remember that we're completely stepping on the face of the first motherfuckers who even try to steal your toques.
apocowarg
+5 -0
I used to live with a guy who tried to join the Army but was rejected after failing a psyche test. He used to "train" by putting small logs on the deck then jumping barefoot from one to another as they rolled. Cut his feet up pretty bad. I think he and Mike Stonetower would get along.
I used to live with a guy who tried to join the Army but was rejected after failing a psyche test. He used to "train" by putting small logs on the deck then jumping barefoot from one to another as they rolled. Cut his feet up pretty bad. I think he and Mike Stonetower would get along.
soticoto
+0 -0
I've jumped off the roof onto the grass (the garden) before. What does that qualify me for?
I've jumped off the roof onto the grass (the garden) before. What does that qualify me for?
epicurus
+4 -0
Throw in some pushups with your feet and hands on treestumps and you're looking at Admiral.
Throw in some pushups with your feet and hands on treestumps and you're looking at Admiral.
soticoto
+3 -1
Can't I just jump off something else?
Can't I just jump off something else?
semiquaver
+38 -0
If you jump from lies to conclusions, you can be President.
If you jump from lies to conclusions, you can be President.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Clever stuff.
Clever stuff.
soticoto
+0 -0
We have Prime Ministers here.
Basically the same deal though.
We have Prime Ministers here.
Basically the same deal though.
semiquaver
+0 -0
Did not check your loc. Plus you would have to be here to get the full effect. Still, how is it having a Scot for your head government person? I am a regular viewer of mock the week and similar panel shows but they do not stay current for very long.
Did not check your loc. Plus you would have to be here to get the full effect. Still, how is it having a Scot for your head government person? I am a regular viewer of mock the week and similar panel shows but they do not stay current for very long.
soticoto
+1 -0
I don't really care who is in charge here. We all get fvcked over anyway, so why bother arguing over who gets to do it?
I heard it is the same in america.
I don't really care who is in charge here. We all get fvcked over anyway, so why bother arguing over who gets to do it?
I heard it is the same in america.
semiquaver
+0 -0
No. In theory, if we work really hard, we can Change things. Some people do but it would require not being lazy and having scads of money so I don't and neither do most.
The election stuff is getting really exciting right now though...
No. In theory, if we work really hard, we can Change things. Some people do but it would require not being lazy and having scads of money so I don't and neither do most.
The election stuff is getting really exciting right now though...
soticoto
+1 -1
You forgot the luck.
Never forget the luck.
In theory... if we work really hard... we CAN change things. Problem is, the people who believe that focus too often on those few who work hard and do change things rather than the many who work hard and achieve nothing.
The odds are not in our favour.
When one-on-one fighting against the world, sword-on-sword... just remember that your longsword does 1D8 damage whereas the world's sword, thanks to size modifiers, does 1D800 damage. The odds of you out-damaging it are small. Very small.
You forgot the luck.
Never forget the luck.
In theory... if we work really hard... we CAN change things. Problem is, the people who believe that focus too often on those few who work hard and do change things rather than the many who work hard and achieve nothing.
The odds are not in our favour.
When one-on-one fighting against the world, sword-on-sword... just remember that your longsword does 1D8 damage whereas the world's sword, thanks to size modifiers, does 1D800 damage. The odds of you out-damaging it are small. Very small.
epicurus
+23 -0
Dood buy a greatsword w/flaming/shocking and max ur strength or dual wield bastard swords w/flaming/shocking.
Whoah... I think my virginity just.... grew back?
Dood buy a greatsword w/flaming/shocking and max ur strength or dual wield bastard swords w/flaming/shocking.
Whoah... I think my virginity just.... grew back?
semiquaver
+0 -0
Giggle.
Giggle.
mugi
+0 -0
Seeing the word "giggle" emanating from Stephen Colbert has been the highlight of my day.
Seeing the word "giggle" emanating from Stephen Colbert has been the highlight of my day.
semiquaver
+0 -0
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
soticoto
+0 -0
(1D10 1D6f 1D6s) x2
... 4 Strength bonus...
....... Minus the enormous penalty for dual-wielding oversized weapons.
Still isn't enough.
(1D10 1D6f 1D6s) x2
... 4 Strength bonus...
....... Minus the enormous penalty for dual-wielding oversized weapons.
Still isn't enough.
dapooka
+3 -0
Someone's father should have called Mike Stonetower about 10 years ago, from the looks of things.
Of course the fact that I'm getting these references doesn't speak too highly of me in this regard.
Perhaps our fathers are more like Ray than we can envision.
Someone's father should have called Mike Stonetower about 10 years ago, from the looks of things.
Of course the fact that I'm getting these references doesn't speak too highly of me in this regard.
Perhaps our fathers are more like Ray than we can envision.
soticoto
+0 -0
My father is more like Leo Fontanette : Dead.
My father is more like Leo Fontanette : Dead.
lizjones
+1 -0
Crisis averted thanks to forethought.
Crisis averted thanks to forethought.
agika
+4 -0
Wow. Ray's imagination was all over that one. Nice job, imaginary Little Nephew.
Wow. Ray's imagination was all over that one. Nice job, imaginary Little Nephew.
cousinted
+0 -0
Or maybe Little Nephew's developed telekinesis.
Or maybe Little Nephew's developed telekinesis.
dak
+4 -0
Telepathy?
Telepathy?
cousinted
+31 -0
No, telekinesis. LN made a tiny, robotic version of his head and upper torso and is using his psychic powers to make it float in the air behind Ray.
It is a brilliant plan.
No, telekinesis. LN made a tiny, robotic version of his head and upper torso and is using his psychic powers to make it float in the air behind Ray.
It is a brilliant plan.
dovey
+5 -0
Nice save.
Nice save.
riazm
+0 -0
A comment left by riazm was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by johnnybaverage, Jesler729, bug, enginexsummer)
A comment left by riazm was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by johnnybaverage, Jesler729, bug, enginexsummer)
tekende
+0 -0
Except cooking, cleaning, and raising children.
Except cooking, cleaning, and raising children.
terribleman
+0 -0
Maybe sitting on the occational cheese...
Maybe sitting on the occational cheese...
juancarlos
+1 -1
Lesse if I remember the alt text: Mike Stone trained himself to be a marine the only way he knew, by jumping off the roof.
Lesse if I remember the alt text: Mike Stone trained himself to be a marine the only way he knew, by jumping off the roof.
jackparsons
+2 -1
Mike Stonetower trained for the Fake Marines the only way he knew how. By jumping around in his yard.
Fake Marines - and he got the buzzcut too.
Mike Stonetower trained for the Fake Marines the only way he knew how. By jumping around in his yard.
Fake Marines - and he got the buzzcut too.
centipede_damascus
+0 -0
Is that a real phone number on that flyer? Has anyone called it? I'm a little scared to try.
Is that a real phone number on that flyer? Has anyone called it? I'm a little scared to try.
bookofsand
+4 -0
I dunno, but he got the area code for Debord, Kentucky right. I had a roommate from around there. Lots of roof jumping in those parts. Even more drunken swimming tragedies in the abandoned quarry.
I dunno, but he got the area code for Debord, Kentucky right. I had a roommate from around there. Lots of roof jumping in those parts. Even more drunken swimming tragedies in the abandoned quarry.
tombsgrave
+1 -0
Ray is wise.
Ray is wise.
cdl146
+0 -0
Figures this sort of thing would be in Kentucky.
Figures this sort of thing would be in Kentucky.
fuckyoufriday
+1 -0
The chicken pox vaccine really is the defining generational divide of our times.
The chicken pox vaccine really is the defining generational divide of our times.
heavymetaljesus
+0 -0
Man, that was totally Mr. Japan at work right there.
Man, that was totally Mr. Japan at work right there.
johnmatrix
+0 -0
Japan Man. Scalawag.
Japan Man. Scalawag.
taidje_khan
+0 -0
Everyone knows a Mike Stonetower or two.
Everyone knows a Mike Stonetower or two.
wae
+6 -0
That's how I taught myself to be a firefighter and an anesthesiologist.
That's how I taught myself to be a firefighter and an anesthesiologist.
ford
+0 -0
pissing on bonfires and playing hypodermic darts with the neighbor's dog?
pissing on bonfires and playing hypodermic darts with the neighbor's dog?
hyetal
+1 -0
No, by jumping around in his yard, of course.
No, by jumping around in his yard, of course.
baryonyx
+7 -0
To self-train to be a firefighter you would just go into buildings scheduled for demolition and just get furious on all the doors with an axe.
To self-train to be a firefighter you would just go into buildings scheduled for demolition and just get furious on all the doors with an axe.
tekende
+0 -0
Maybe bring a garden hose too
Maybe bring a garden hose too
wingspan
+4 -0
Or a Super Soaker that you just pumped the hell out of.
Or a Super Soaker that you just pumped the hell out of.
tbtabby
+0 -0
It might not get him into the Marines, but I bet Mike Stonetower could get on Ninja Warrior. He'd never make it past the First Stage, though.
It might not get him into the Marines, but I bet Mike Stonetower could get on Ninja Warrior. He'd never make it past the First Stage, though.
falseprophet
+6 -0
I love how Ray knows about MySpace, Flickr, and YouTube but has to create a portmanteau video game system. And then he just tosses in "IP telephony" and a medical conjecture.
I love how Ray knows about MySpace, Flickr, and YouTube but has to create a portmanteau video game system. And then he just tosses in "IP telephony" and a medical conjecture.
dumase
+2 -0
I love this one because you could think at first "Huh. Ray is probing into his own thought process and its validity in this case, ultimately concluding that he is not in a position to make such a decision."
When it's more likely that Ray is realizing that he does not want to get showed up by lil nephew.
I love this one because you could think at first "Huh. Ray is probing into his own thought process and its validity in this case, ultimately concluding that he is not in a position to make such a decision."
When it's more likely that Ray is realizing that he does not want to get showed up by lil nephew.
corpsey
+0 -0
There's nothing that wrong with being a little chunkity, or a nerd but both... that just ain't good.
There's nothing that wrong with being a little chunkity, or a nerd but both... that just ain't good.
wfl
+2 -2
But wait.. what about the chunkity ass-nerd ?
Sorry, just had an XKCD moment there :)
But wait.. what about the chunkity ass-nerd ?
Sorry, just had an XKCD moment there :)
epoc_jones
+0 -0
i see what you did there...
[[xkcdap]]
i see what you did there...
[[xkcdap]]
terribleman
+0 -0
Chubbied for avatar synergy.
Chubbied for avatar synergy.
hendetta
+0 -0
I know so many members of Fake Marines.
I know so many members of Fake Marines.
epoc_jones
+0 -0
SUFFER HAI
SUFFER HAI
tekende
+0 -0
Do people really not get chicken pox anymore? I think Ray's Little Nephew spirit is making that up.
Do people really not get chicken pox anymore? I think Ray's Little Nephew spirit is making that up.
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
that dude disaprages women, but if he ever tried to pass a grapefruit thru his urethra, hed see how un-cheese-y women really are.
that dude disaprages women, but if he ever tried to pass a grapefruit thru his urethra, hed see how un-cheese-y women really are.
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
ray is worried about LNs waistline? what about his own? being a chunkity-ass is no better than being a chunkity-ass nerd.
ray is worried about LNs waistline? what about his own? being a chunkity-ass is no better than being a chunkity-ass nerd.
terribleman
+0 -0
Little Nephew appears in a cloud of smoke to tell Ray that military school instructors must be assumed to have taken some nasty cranials.
Little Nephew appears in a cloud of smoke to tell Ray that military school instructors must be assumed to have taken some nasty cranials.
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This was the opposite of hindsight.
That would be foresight.
He previsioned it.
Shit.
what else would you expect from epic fail guy?
Realistic epicfail action.
And possibly Kung-Fu grip.
and a cartoon tie-in.
NO, guaranteed Kung Fu grip.
i like to think that was actually the spirit of little nephew speaking to him, with the voice of james earl jones (a la mufasa from the lion king)
that's what it made me think of anyways
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i have a signed photo of james earl jones framed and hanging in plain sight over my computer desk
i assumed there was only room for one baritone actor in hollywood films, as there's only room for one in my heart
Mufasa was James Earl Jones. Scar was Jeremy Irons.
he's right
why are we fighting about this
Jermis Irony. That is all.
This is wrong. You are wrong here.
This is probably the wrongest comment on assetbar. It is an assertion that is straight up false.
It is hindsight that came way too early
hindsight=the opposite of accidentally sitting on your glasses