adroitcelerity
+0 -0
I would buy em!
I am seriously going to have to use the term "hung like the cap of a Chapstick tube" sometime...
I would buy em!
I am seriously going to have to use the term "hung like the cap of a Chapstick tube" sometime...
smilebuddha
+3 -0
Not shown in his patent application is the support gear for the battery packs, condensers, heating elements, and other equipment to keep the privates regulated :
[IMGS OFF]
Not shown in his patent application is the support gear for the battery packs, condensers, heating elements, and other equipment to keep the privates regulated :
[IMGS OFF]
daidai
+4 -0
"Is that a battery charger for your undies or are you happy to see me?"
"Oh. Uh, I see."
"Is that a battery charger for your undies or are you happy to see me?"
"Oh. Uh, I see."
tedor_style
+0 -0
Comment left by tedor_style ignored.
Comment left by tedor_style ignored.
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -0
Oh dear christ. NSFW ANYONE?!
Oh dear christ. NSFW ANYONE?!
hedonismbot
+8 -0
Maybe where YOU work...
Maybe where YOU work...
daidai
+0 -0
thegoodwillgirl is clearly not a doctor.
thegoodwillgirl is clearly not a doctor.
fancypants
+1 -0
seriously now, who gave the picture of the dick a chubby ?
i don't know if they should be put to death or given an award.
seriously now, who gave the picture of the dick a chubby ?
i don't know if they should be put to death or given an award.
sje46
+0 -0
I didn't see pubes. . .I hope that isn't from a child.
I didn't see pubes. . .I hope that isn't from a child.
fancypants
+0 -0
Is he.... arresting me? Is this a.... "friend's arrest"?
Seriously someone get this shit out of here.
*ignore user*
Is he.... arresting me? Is this a.... "friend's arrest"?
Seriously someone get this shit out of here.
*ignore user*
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
The police kick down the door of the Achewood mansion. The prosecution holds up a picture of the penis in front of the expert witness. "Based on lack of pubic hair, and the development of the scrotal area, I would say the owner of this penis was between 13 and 15." Off we all go to prison where the other inmates beat us with soap.
The police kick down the door of the Achewood mansion. The prosecution holds up a picture of the penis in front of the expert witness. "Based on lack of pubic hair, and the development of the scrotal area, I would say the owner of this penis was between 13 and 15." Off we all go to prison where the other inmates beat us with soap.
sje46
+0 -0
There are worse things to be beat with.
There are worse things to be beat with.
fancypants
+0 -0
and yet, i believe that there is nothing better with which to be violently sodomized other than soap.
i speak, of course, from experience.*
*i have never been to jail, but i do drink copious amounts of coconut rum and always have at least 25 bars of soap on my weekly shopping list
and yet, i believe that there is nothing better with which to be violently sodomized other than soap.
i speak, of course, from experience.*
*i have never been to jail, but i do drink copious amounts of coconut rum and always have at least 25 bars of soap on my weekly shopping list
hatstand_mcq
+2 -0
You seem intent on furthering the stereotype that gay men spend their leisure time buggering each other with bars of soap, off their tits on coconut rum. Shame on you.
You seem intent on furthering the stereotype that gay men spend their leisure time buggering each other with bars of soap, off their tits on coconut rum. Shame on you.
fancypants
+1 -0
you said that so... concisely. so beautifully.
i don't normally do this, but please, have some coconut rum. let me put on some music. by the way, have you seen my shower? i just got it re-tiled. oops! silly me, i dropped my tumbler! be a dear and pick that up?
(it's a trap)
you said that so... concisely. so beautifully.
i don't normally do this, but please, have some coconut rum. let me put on some music. by the way, have you seen my shower? i just got it re-tiled. oops! silly me, i dropped my tumbler! be a dear and pick that up?
(it's a trap)
professorcrack
+0 -1
Boy howdy, you must have had a miserable set of genitalia when you were between 13 and 15.
Reading between the lines, only your sack and pubes have developed in the last decade?
Boy howdy, you must have had a miserable set of genitalia when you were between 13 and 15.
Reading between the lines, only your sack and pubes have developed in the last decade?
fancypants
+1 -0
what are you saying? that you have giant balls? who gives a shit? who are you trying to convince?
we're all staying up at night wondering how your balls developed right?
what's scarier is that youre a lady, according to your profile. unless youre a trained pediatrician, which your user name makes clear you are not, how would you know about the development of male genitalia?
what are you saying? that you have giant balls? who gives a shit? who are you trying to convince?
we're all staying up at night wondering how your balls developed right?
what's scarier is that youre a lady, according to your profile. unless youre a trained pediatrician, which your user name makes clear you are not, how would you know about the development of male genitalia?
falseprophet
+0 -0
comment/icon synergy. chub
comment/icon synergy. chub
deafwhisperer
+1 -0
"Huge spectrum of engorgement" to be printed on the waistband of my swimming trunks for next early spring river outings.
"Huge spectrum of engorgement" to be printed on the waistband of my swimming trunks for next early spring river outings.
daidai
+0 -0
Ray is going to be so mad he didn't come up with this
Ray is going to be so mad he didn't come up with this
fermatprime
+8 -0
Most members I know react to pressure and the color of their surroundings.
Most members I know react to pressure and the color of their surroundings.
illgamesh
+0 -0
Yeah, if this had a cold shower setting for inexplicable work-time issues, sign me up.
Yeah, if this had a cold shower setting for inexplicable work-time issues, sign me up.
granularsilica
+1 -2
Ten -- that's practically a virgin thread. And the strip left me so uninspired, something as fatuous as penis shrinkage leaves little to discuss.
Ten -- that's practically a virgin thread. And the strip left me so uninspired, something as fatuous as penis shrinkage leaves little to discuss.
iwannacum
+0 -0
A comment left by iwannacum was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Xenoterranos, Lumus, desert_donkey, greyfield)
A comment left by iwannacum was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Xenoterranos, Lumus, desert_donkey, greyfield)
theguitarhero
+0 -0
That's the best thing to say to a comment about penis shrinkage and virgins, ever!
That's the best thing to say to a comment about penis shrinkage and virgins, ever!
fermatprime
+2 -0
SPLUT
SPLUT
foea
+0 -0
Using the word 'fatuous' pretty much marks you as a douchebag in our society. Just thought you might like to know.
Using the word 'fatuous' pretty much marks you as a douchebag in our society. Just thought you might like to know.
tekende
+0 -0
Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
octafish
+0 -0
Meine dispatcher says there is something wrong mit eine cable? Ich bin expert.
Meine dispatcher says there is something wrong mit eine cable? Ich bin expert.
foea
+0 -0
Exactly.
Exactly.
courtland
+0 -0
While Vlad is a robot, he must have some sort of "male" problem to worry about - he knows T ain't in this alone. But what in hell is it? Or maybe he's just hung like an original IBM?
While Vlad is a robot, he must have some sort of "male" problem to worry about - he knows T ain't in this alone. But what in hell is it? Or maybe he's just hung like an original IBM?
theguitarhero
+6 -0
An original IBM filled entire floors of office buildings.
An original IBM filled entire floors of office buildings.
morypcaina
+2 -0
Vlad fills their wives.
Vlad fills their wives.
raticus
+1 -0
Teodor asks about the blueprinting like he's asking someone out. Timid yet hopeful!
Teodor asks about the blueprinting like he's asking someone out. Timid yet hopeful!
courtland
+0 -0
This apparatus, while albeit good-natured in its intent, is going to be the leading cause of many a Darwin Award.
This apparatus, while albeit good-natured in its intent, is going to be the leading cause of many a Darwin Award.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
I don't understand Teodor's stance: being cool with your penis size does not equate to being well endowed. It just means that you are relaxed about having a small one. I have been to a nudist beach and I didn't observe anyone their packing anything larger than average (although to be honest I more than doubled the number of penises I saw within a few minutes of getting to the beach, so I may have had my notion of 'average' statistically skewed by a number of unusually large nudist cocks).
I don't understand Teodor's stance: being cool with your penis size does not equate to being well endowed. It just means that you are relaxed about having a small one. I have been to a nudist beach and I didn't observe anyone their packing anything larger than average (although to be honest I more than doubled the number of penises I saw within a few minutes of getting to the beach, so I may have had my notion of 'average' statistically skewed by a number of unusually large nudist cocks).
theguitarhero
+0 -0
I don't think that's his argument, just that he doesn't think the guys should be talking shit about his dick size because he's the only one willing to whip it out at all times.
I don't think that's his argument, just that he doesn't think the guys should be talking shit about his dick size because he's the only one willing to whip it out at all times.
awko
+0 -0
T is a grower, not a shower.
T is a grower, not a shower.
caddon
+0 -0
Teodor, sensing mad-cash-money-profits, braces himself against the arm of the chair.
Best not to advertise over the net though.
IS BEST REMEDY FOR MAN JUNKS
KEEP RAD CHILLIES HUMID
IS SO GOOT
10 of these in your inbox a week won't be helping anyone.
Teodor, sensing mad-cash-money-profits, braces himself against the arm of the chair.
Best not to advertise over the net though.
IS BEST REMEDY FOR MAN JUNKS
KEEP RAD CHILLIES HUMID
IS SO GOOT
10 of these in your inbox a week won't be helping anyone.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
I don't know how I feel about this one. The Vlad Show stuff was funny the first two times, and the Pat one was only good because it led to some exceptionally inspired word puzzles among the commentors, but this one was just kind of weak. Vlad doesn't seem like the kind of guy to talk shit about a guy's dick, even if he was only reporting on what others were saying.
Then again, this strip brings us back to what makes Achewood great. Chris Onstad does dick jokes better than most people do regular jokes.
I don't know how I feel about this one. The Vlad Show stuff was funny the first two times, and the Pat one was only good because it led to some exceptionally inspired word puzzles among the commentors, but this one was just kind of weak. Vlad doesn't seem like the kind of guy to talk shit about a guy's dick, even if he was only reporting on what others were saying.
Then again, this strip brings us back to what makes Achewood great. Chris Onstad does dick jokes better than most people do regular jokes.
fermatprime
+1 -0
Plus, when I write a sentient AI, I'm totally gonna build "How many ohms in synapse, carbon boy?" into it as a preset insult.
Plus, when I write a sentient AI, I'm totally gonna build "How many ohms in synapse, carbon boy?" into it as a preset insult.
nabeel84
+1 -0
I disagree, this one was quality. As long as Onstad is true to the characters its a good strip.
I disagree, this one was quality. As long as Onstad is true to the characters its a good strip.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
This doesn't feel like Vlad though. Honestly, and maybe I just didn't read enough of the right strips, but Vlad always seemed like the kind of guy who tried to act tough when he actual wasn't. To see Vlad be a bad-ass talk show host just doesn't feel right .
Then again I didn't feel like the Wii comic with Nice Pete matched the character and everyone loved that one.
This doesn't feel like Vlad though. Honestly, and maybe I just didn't read enough of the right strips, but Vlad always seemed like the kind of guy who tried to act tough when he actual wasn't. To see Vlad be a bad-ass talk show host just doesn't feel right .
Then again I didn't feel like the Wii comic with Nice Pete matched the character and everyone loved that one.
zedpower
+0 -1
He's not a bad-ass talk show host, he just plays one on tv.
He's not a bad-ass talk show host, he just plays one on tv.
tangles
+0 -0
yeah, when vlad controls has the home field advantage by making folks come to him, he shows no mercy and is a dick to pretty much everybody -when he's playing someone elses game tho (see badass games arc, or end of ray trying to not try to bang polly arc), he is low class fool of meager means
yeah, when vlad controls has the home field advantage by making folks come to him, he shows no mercy and is a dick to pretty much everybody -when he's playing someone elses game tho (see badass games arc, or end of ray trying to not try to bang polly arc), he is low class fool of meager means
theguitarhero
+0 -1
Um except we had never seen that aspect of Vlad until Vlad Show started.
Vlad had always been the dorky trying-hard-to-look-tough Eastern European robot with a heart of gold, until Chris went on vacation and Vlad basically told Onstad that he (Onstad) cold had a peter in his mouth.
I'd rather have 17 panels of Vlad say "You talkink to me?" and not something that feels slightly out of character but still funny.
Oh well.
Um except we had never seen that aspect of Vlad until Vlad Show started.
Vlad had always been the dorky trying-hard-to-look-tough Eastern European robot with a heart of gold, until Chris went on vacation and Vlad basically told Onstad that he (Onstad) cold had a peter in his mouth.
I'd rather have 17 panels of Vlad say "You talkink to me?" and not something that feels slightly out of character but still funny.
Oh well.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Then again, have we seen Vlad smoke before? Maybe he and Lie Bot switched programming and eventually we'll see a panel of LB with Emilio Estevez's haircut and ear ring from Repo Man and he'll be like "I've never met a repo man who doesn't do speed!"
Then again, have we seen Vlad smoke before? Maybe he and Lie Bot switched programming and eventually we'll see a panel of LB with Emilio Estevez's haircut and ear ring from Repo Man and he'll be like "I've never met a repo man who doesn't do speed!"
raticus
+0 -0
While the author's away, the robots shall play.
Has Vlad really had a chance to show off his processing capabilities before?
While the author's away, the robots shall play.
Has Vlad really had a chance to show off his processing capabilities before?
tucky
+1 -0
Dude cold broke Pat out of prison just to shame him with a Subway name tag. tangles has got the robot figured out.
Dude cold broke Pat out of prison just to shame him with a Subway name tag. tangles has got the robot figured out.
tripleg
+0 -0
i... i think i get it... onstad's out of town, so vlad doesn't have to stay in character
i... i think i get it... onstad's out of town, so vlad doesn't have to stay in character
erect
+0 -0
Comment left by erect ignored.
Comment left by erect ignored.
lucid
+0 -0
I don't see this as "out of character" so much. Vlad has always been a bit of grifter, especially when it comes to business. Just look at how he ran his Subway franchise, and his story about Oleg from Smulesk when advising Ray about Cornelius & Polly.
Here he's being used as a vehicle to riff on aspects of the characters, and I do agree it's a change of pace from the role he normally plays in the strips. But it's still Vlad, and I'm glad it's the Vlad show, because I don't think I'd want anyone else to be doing this.
I don't see this as "out of character" so much. Vlad has always been a bit of grifter, especially when it comes to business. Just look at how he ran his Subway franchise, and his story about Oleg from Smulesk when advising Ray about Cornelius & Polly.
Here he's being used as a vehicle to riff on aspects of the characters, and I do agree it's a change of pace from the role he normally plays in the strips. But it's still Vlad, and I'm glad it's the Vlad show, because I don't think I'd want anyone else to be doing this.
greyfield
+0 -0
Exactly. He's not just smoking, he's chain-smoking. If I ever find myself on a talk show with a chain-smoking host, I will make sure I know where the exits are, on the off chance a fire/ninja battle breaks out.
Don't know exactly what the convergence between chain-smoking and ninja battles is, but I can't help but feel like the two are correlated.
Exactly. He's not just smoking, he's chain-smoking. If I ever find myself on a talk show with a chain-smoking host, I will make sure I know where the exits are, on the off chance a fire/ninja battle breaks out.
Don't know exactly what the convergence between chain-smoking and ninja battles is, but I can't help but feel like the two are correlated.
jake11
+0 -0
vlad thinks chain smoking is tough. and he's right
vlad thinks chain smoking is tough. and he's right
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
I didn't rate this strip, and I think it compares badly to other knob gags that we've seen before. For example the Mega-nerds arc: the idea of a big weight hanging off the front of one's trousers seems like it would be both comforting and exciting. The concept came from a place of truth. I don't think that you can say the same for climate controlled underpants. The idea doesn't thrill me.
I didn't rate this strip, and I think it compares badly to other knob gags that we've seen before. For example the Mega-nerds arc: the idea of a big weight hanging off the front of one's trousers seems like it would be both comforting and exciting. The concept came from a place of truth. I don't think that you can say the same for climate controlled underpants. The idea doesn't thrill me.
anomalous3
+2 -0
you're obviously not a grower
you're obviously not a grower
howl
+0 -0
Why are there so few comments?
Why are there so few comments?
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Because it's a Saturday and presumably other people have lives.
Because it's a Saturday and presumably other people have lives.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Not that I would know of course. I could have a life but then who would watch my tv?
Not that I would know of course. I could have a life but then who would watch my tv?
kickstart
+0 -0
If that cable is on and you're not watching it, you're wasting it!
If that cable is on and you're not watching it, you're wasting it!
granularsilica
+0 -0
Mass sleep apnea. Or Vlad overdose.
Mass sleep apnea. Or Vlad overdose.
aaron_haynes
+0 -0
Great idea or not, I would probably not put a fan (two fans) that close to my package.
Great idea or not, I would probably not put a fan (two fans) that close to my package.
plummet
+1 -0
Images of the Salami Slicer at the Deli fill Aaron's head
Images of the Salami Slicer at the Deli fill Aaron's head
theguitarhero
+0 -0
balogna!
balogna!
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
M-M-M-M-M-MYYYYYY BALOGNA~
M-M-M-M-M-MYYYYYY BALOGNA~
achewood
+6 -0
What a male-dominated and phallus-obsessed comic this is. It's a wonder it has any female readers.
What a male-dominated and phallus-obsessed comic this is. It's a wonder it has any female readers.
theguitarhero
+1 -0
says the old female cat.
says the old female cat.
eh
+0 -0
Comment left by eh ignored.
Comment left by eh ignored.
fattybeaver
+0 -0
You know you are interested in learning about our naughty bits.
You know you are interested in learning about our naughty bits.
theguitarhero
+0 -1
says the bouncing boobs.
says the bouncing boobs.
lazarusloafer
+0 -0
Vaginas just aren't funny.
Vaginas just aren't funny.
theguitarhero
+1 -1
They are, in fact, horrifying.
They are, in fact, horrifying.
fermatprime
+5 -0
[IMGS OFF]
After reading that comic I could not watch porn for literally months . Seriously.
[IMGS OFF]
After reading that comic I could not watch porn for literally months . Seriously.
fancypants
+0 -0
to some people, that comic is porn
to some people, that comic is porn
smilebuddha
+0 -0
All blue thingies flapping around in the thin Martian atmosphere. Various ladybits pendulously moving to and fro.
All blue thingies flapping around in the thin Martian atmosphere. Various ladybits pendulously moving to and fro.
fermatprime
+12 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
hateandwar
+0 -0
Holy shit yes
Holy shit yes
fermatprime
+0 -0
I feel like people should know that I didn't make this and that it is from 4chan (/co/, not /b/)
I feel like people should know that I didn't make this and that it is from 4chan (/co/, not /b/)
theguitarhero
+0 -0
RRAAAARL
RRAAAARL
fancypants
+1 -0
"awwww yeah flap around you dirty little space bitch yeaaaaaah"
"awwww yeah flap around you dirty little space bitch yeaaaaaah"
woodenteeth
+0 -0
heh. I imagine that Onstad would have registered Onstad and Achewood as accounts first... and then log on and voice his concerns/alter-ego through this account.
heh. I imagine that Onstad would have registered Onstad and Achewood as accounts first... and then log on and voice his concerns/alter-ego through this account.
stereo
+1 -0
Sweating in a hotel room, wishing you had air-cooled underwear...
I've been there, Mr. Onstad.
Sweating in a hotel room, wishing you had air-cooled underwear...
I've been there, Mr. Onstad.
stupormundi
+2 -0
Vlad is excellent interview host, no? Leads with gentle hand down garden path, pushes in trench of manure.
Vlad is excellent interview host, no? Leads with gentle hand down garden path, pushes in trench of manure.
joestork
+1 -0
science underwear, again?
Of all the arcs he could've repeated, I wouldn't have guessed that one.
science underwear, again?
Of all the arcs he could've repeated, I wouldn't have guessed that one.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
If I was gonna complain about anything it wouldn't be a similarity to an arc two years ago, it'd be that this strip is the same as the one from a week ago, only with Pat and his homosexual lover swapped out for T�odor and his shrinking junk.
If I was gonna complain about anything it wouldn't be a similarity to an arc two years ago, it'd be that this strip is the same as the one from a week ago, only with Pat and his homosexual lover swapped out for T�odor and his shrinking junk.
clmalone84
+0 -0
Vlad is quickly becoming my favorite supporting character. This talk show stuff has been absolutely brilliant!
Vlad is quickly becoming my favorite supporting character. This talk show stuff has been absolutely brilliant!
gladi8orrex
+1 -0
i jus' wanna say "sorry" 2 man. (you no hew you r) i meana dis form dthe bottom of myheart. :/
^_^ ^_^ ^_^
p.s. yellows shuld not open they eyes wide is so freaky, but i lol eery tine
i jus' wanna say "sorry" 2 man. (you no hew you r) i meana dis form dthe bottom of myheart. :/
^_^ ^_^ ^_^
p.s. yellows shuld not open they eyes wide is so freaky, but i lol eery tine
nice-on-water
+0 -0
Complain all you want about Onstad's schedule, but he has amazing ideas sometimes.
Complain all you want about Onstad's schedule, but he has amazing ideas sometimes.
nice-on-water
+0 -1
Although, that said, it seems a lot of recent comics have gone from conversation to business venture and end with a chart or summary of some kind or application of that idea. It's a result of their characters but I don't think it's the best way to show their character if that makes sense. Like I'd prefer a "you park like a bitch" comic over a "Hmm let's draw up some spreadsheets" comic.
Although, that said, it seems a lot of recent comics have gone from conversation to business venture and end with a chart or summary of some kind or application of that idea. It's a result of their characters but I don't think it's the best way to show their character if that makes sense. Like I'd prefer a "you park like a bitch" comic over a "Hmm let's draw up some spreadsheets" comic.
theguitarhero
+2 -0
I would be behind a spreadsheet on how much of a bitch you park like.
I would be behind a spreadsheet on how much of a bitch you park like.
nice-on-water
+0 -0
Best of both worlds? I GUESS SO.
Best of both worlds? I GUESS SO.
vheissu
+0 -0
xkcd did a pretty good park like a bitch strip. Much simpler in execution than what we're accustomed to from Achewood, though.
xkcd did a pretty good park like a bitch strip. Much simpler in execution than what we're accustomed to from Achewood, though.
greyfield
+0 -0
Achewood vernacular addition: You are failed by marketplace.
Man, the robot's a goldmine.
Achewood vernacular addition: You are failed by marketplace.
Man, the robot's a goldmine.
greyfield
+0 -0
Also, when he said "you spend eight hours in bed, you spend eight hours at desk", was anyone else expecting "you spend eight hours with an erection?"
Also, when he said "you spend eight hours in bed, you spend eight hours at desk", was anyone else expecting "you spend eight hours with an erection?"
stereo
+0 -0
You never get erection in bed or at desk? I am sad for you.
You never get erection in bed or at desk? I am sad for you.
greyfield
+1 -0
"Hang on, I gotta take this."
"Hang on, I gotta take this."
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I tipped my desk over that way once. Very awkward explaining that.
I tipped my desk over that way once. Very awkward explaining that.
farqussus
+0 -0
a stable table is not a desk
a stable table is not a desk
nice-on-water
+0 -0
If erections last long than 8 hours, call your doctor immediately.
If erections last long than 8 hours, call your doctor immediately.
stereo
+0 -0
If your erection lasts 8 hours, we shoud party
If your erection lasts 8 hours, we shoud party
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -0
Sorry for partying!
Sorry for partying!
nice-on-water
+0 -0
... too hard.
DOUBLE ENTENDRE
... too hard.
DOUBLE ENTENDRE
theguitarhero
+3 -0
YO DAWG WE HERD YOU LIKE DOUBLE ENTENDRE SO WE PUT A BIKE IN YOUR TRUNK.
YO DAWG WE HERD YOU LIKE DOUBLE ENTENDRE SO WE PUT A BIKE IN YOUR TRUNK.
brokeaccount
+1 -0
[IMGS OFF]
Andrew W.K. is here to inform you that there is no such thing as partying too hard.
[IMGS OFF]
Andrew W.K. is here to inform you that there is no such thing as partying too hard.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
with songs like It's Time To Party , Party Hard and Party 'Til You Puke , partying is obviously Andrew W.K.'s Prime Directive.
with songs like It's Time To Party , Party Hard and Party 'Til You Puke , partying is obviously Andrew W.K.'s Prime Directive.
foea
+0 -0
I waited on him once. He is shorter than you think, but knows about sushi and tips well.
I waited on him once. He is shorter than you think, but knows about sushi and tips well.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
He's really popular in Japan so he's over there a lot. Probably had a lot of time to eat a lot of sushi.
He's really popular in Japan so he's over there a lot. Probably had a lot of time to eat a lot of sushi.
neonfreon
+0 -2
Wow, Onstad has some balls labeling this one as April 1st even though it posted on April 4th.
Onstad, you just don't get it.
Wow, Onstad has some balls labeling this one as April 1st even though it posted on April 4th.
Onstad, you just don't get it.
everything
+0 -0
Everyone's different, he hasn't changed.
Everyone's different, he hasn't changed.
kickstart
+0 -0
Lucky he's sane after all he's been through.
Lucky he's sane after all he's been through.
brokeaccount
+3 -1
I predict that soon the strip will go on hiatus for two years, after which Onstad will simultaneously post 300 comics backdated to various dates throughout '09 and '10.
And they will all be about Vlad's chat show.
I predict that soon the strip will go on hiatus for two years, after which Onstad will simultaneously post 300 comics backdated to various dates throughout '09 and '10.
And they will all be about Vlad's chat show.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Obviously YOU don't get it. It's called backfill for a reason, he had already made these comics but couldn't post them at the dates he wanted to.
Obviously YOU don't get it. It's called backfill for a reason, he had already made these comics but couldn't post them at the dates he wanted to.
howl
+0 -0
Oh, that's why I was confused. I hadn't checked the site in a few days...
Oh, that's why I was confused. I hadn't checked the site in a few days...
tripleg
+0 -0
it's such the most perfect and elaborate april fool's day prank. fits in nicely with the seeming jabs at assetbar we've seen over the last few days.
it's such the most perfect and elaborate april fool's day prank. fits in nicely with the seeming jabs at assetbar we've seen over the last few days.
popedragunov
+0 -0
It has a FEMA ID number in case you are caught with your pants down in a hurricane.
Not like us 'MERICANS ever do somethin' silly like that.
It has a FEMA ID number in case you are caught with your pants down in a hurricane.
Not like us 'MERICANS ever do somethin' silly like that.
eatinurmustard
+0 -0
Comment left by eatinurmustard ignored.
Comment left by eatinurmustard ignored.
eatinurmustard
+0 -0
Comment left by eatinurmustard ignored.
Comment left by eatinurmustard ignored.
xenoterranos
+3 -1
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
onepapertiger
+0 -0
*whimper*
*whimper*
tekende
+0 -0
L O fuckin' L
L O fuckin' L
falseprophet
+0 -0
For some reason this photograph makes me think that if I were to see this clown in real life he would have many of the mannerisms and motor skills of a Muppet.
For some reason this photograph makes me think that if I were to see this clown in real life he would have many of the mannerisms and motor skills of a Muppet.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Waka waka!
Waka waka!
miaou
+0 -0
What a prick...
What a prick...
theguitarhero
+0 -0
What a cock.
What a cock.
sje46
+0 -0
What a genitalium.
What a genitalium.
gormster
+0 -0
I cannot lame you. Even thought I have given out nary a lame in almost a year, some broken maths is happening here. Still.
That was fucking lame and I hope you burn in your selection of hells.
I cannot lame you. Even thought I have given out nary a lame in almost a year, some broken maths is happening here. Still.
That was fucking lame and I hope you burn in your selection of hells.
gormster
+0 -0
THOUGH god dammit!
THOUGH god dammit!
monstermovie
+1 -1
onstand, if you can't update as often that's cool, but don't lie to me with some bullshit about "backfill", that doesn't make any sense.. if you had extra strips why wouldn't they already be posted
onstand, if you can't update as often that's cool, but don't lie to me with some bullshit about "backfill", that doesn't make any sense.. if you had extra strips why wouldn't they already be posted
erect
+0 -0
Comment left by erect ignored.
Comment left by erect ignored.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Actually it's more like if you have extra cash but can't spend it right away.
He didn't have a way to post them at the time because he was BUSY.
Actually it's more like if you have extra cash but can't spend it right away.
He didn't have a way to post them at the time because he was BUSY.
nictusempra
+0 -0
Yeah, except clearly he just didn't have them at all.
Yeah, except clearly he just didn't have them at all.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
How is that clear, when he said he had them and this is indeed called "backfill"?
How is that clear, when he said he had them and this is indeed called "backfill"?
nictusempra
+0 -0
Because he said repeatedly that he had them and would fill in multiple comics Friday-Sunday? Because, I mean uh... that didn't happen? Seems pretty clear to me no matter what you want to call it that if a man says he has comics and is going to post them at a certain time, then he doesn't post them, that he just didn't have them.
But I feel kind of like a dick belaboring this point; it's Onstad's comic and he can update it whenever the hell he wants. I wish he'd just stop fronting about when updates are coming though, because he clearly just can't hold to a deadline.
Because he said repeatedly that he had them and would fill in multiple comics Friday-Sunday? Because, I mean uh... that didn't happen? Seems pretty clear to me no matter what you want to call it that if a man says he has comics and is going to post them at a certain time, then he doesn't post them, that he just didn't have them.
But I feel kind of like a dick belaboring this point; it's Onstad's comic and he can update it whenever the hell he wants. I wish he'd just stop fronting about when updates are coming though, because he clearly just can't hold to a deadline.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Yes but there were also other extenuating circumstances, like him being at a Best Western.
Yes but there were also other extenuating circumstances, like him being at a Best Western.
jeffspaulding
+0 -0
If half of us subscribe - he could stay at the Marriott.
If we all subscribe - he could gain entrance to the Paris Hilton.
If half of us subscribe - he could stay at the Marriott.
If we all subscribe - he could gain entrance to the Paris Hilton.
inspectorgadget
+1 -0
[IMGS OFF]
Gentlemen, behold: the first prototype!
[IMGS OFF]
Gentlemen, behold: the first prototype!
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
we can make him better than he was.
well, we could have.
sorry, i had my dick chopped off for Science. my mind is all over the place.
we can make him better than he was.
well, we could have.
sorry, i had my dick chopped off for Science. my mind is all over the place.
spalliknuk
+0 -0
A comment left by spalliknuk was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by TommyTheBrat, Stonecrab, IronDave, ElZilcho)
A comment left by spalliknuk was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by TommyTheBrat, Stonecrab, IronDave, ElZilcho)
eightysix
+0 -0
am i the only one who thinks there's a typo in the first panel?
am i the only one who thinks there's a typo in the first panel?
changuitotuerto
+1 -0
I am hopink that you refer to the word refuse. Perhaps, you are thinkink, that Onstad meant refute? Flod is slavic. You are givink him break.
I am hopink that you refer to the word refuse. Perhaps, you are thinkink, that Onstad meant refute? Flod is slavic. You are givink him break.
ed
+0 -0
Comment left by ed ignored.
Comment left by ed ignored.
changuitotuerto
+0 -0
But it wouldn't be the first time that a typo turned into an actual line for Vlad.
But it wouldn't be the first time that a typo turned into an actual line for Vlad.
miaou
+0 -0
Is Vlad. You expect typo inside.
Is Vlad. You expect typo inside.
wozzeck
+0 -0
God.
Damnit.
Cornelius.
Bear.
God.
Damnit.
Cornelius.
Bear.
srikamaraja
+0 -0
I often wonder how different my life would have turned out, had my childhood teddy bear possessed an angry little penis.
And trust me, Teodor's penis is angry.
I often wonder how different my life would have turned out, had my childhood teddy bear possessed an angry little penis.
And trust me, Teodor's penis is angry.
theguitarhero
+1 -0
It's a furious ding dong.
It's a furious ding dong.
tragicone
+0 -0
I don't wear underwear.
I can't help but love the air on my sack.
I don't wear underwear.
I can't help but love the air on my sack.
theguitarhero
+4 -0
I guess the rumors of the blogs going to subscription only aren't true anymore.
With apologies to xiaomimi:
Cornelius: Polly Sleeps.
Teodor: [urlhttps://orezscu.blogspot.com/2008/05/santa-cruz-post-2.html]Santa Cruz post #2[/url]
Ray: Thanksgiving 2008. Sorry if this goes on. (this one is backdated.)
Roast Beef: It is Not Winter
I guess the rumors of the blogs going to subscription only aren't true anymore.
With apologies to xiaomimi:
Cornelius: Polly Sleeps.
Teodor: [urlhttps://orezscu.blogspot.com/2008/05/santa-cruz-post-2.html]Santa Cruz post #2[/url]
Ray: Thanksgiving 2008. Sorry if this goes on. (this one is backdated.)
Roast Beef: It is Not Winter
theguitarhero
+1 -0
Teodor: Santa Cruz post #2
Sorry...
Teodor: Santa Cruz post #2
Sorry...
octafish
+0 -0
You ain't no xiaomimi, but you tried.
You ain't no xiaomimi, but you tried.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
I did try. I wish Assetbar had a preview post feature because I somehow missed that missing equal sign when I reviewed what I typed.
Sorry everyone...
I did try. I wish Assetbar had a preview post feature because I somehow missed that missing equal sign when I reviewed what I typed.
Sorry everyone...
expellens
+0 -0
How is it that xiaomimi gets chubs for posting blog entries? Her and the guy with the George Clinton avatar. I think I've only seen her make a non blog entry post once and she got no chubs for that. Is it that we're grateful she's letting us know there's a new blog posting? Wat UP wid dat?
god...I'm becoming a whiny little ***** like guitarhero . help!
How is it that xiaomimi gets chubs for posting blog entries? Her and the guy with the George Clinton avatar. I think I've only seen her make a non blog entry post once and she got no chubs for that. Is it that we're grateful she's letting us know there's a new blog posting? Wat UP wid dat?
god...I'm becoming a whiny little ***** like guitarhero . help!
theguitarhero
+0 -0
I've seen her make plenty of non-blog related comments that get chubbies.
I've seen her make plenty of non-blog related comments that get chubbies.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Whoops, I mean
WHINE WHINE WHINE BITCH BITCH BITCH
I'M THE GUITAR HERO I COMPLAIN LIKE YOU'D SCRATCH AN ITCH.
Whoops, I mean
WHINE WHINE WHINE BITCH BITCH BITCH
I'M THE GUITAR HERO I COMPLAIN LIKE YOU'D SCRATCH AN ITCH.
falseprophet
+0 -0
When I saw the title of Mr. Bear's post I immediately thought "Oh shit Onstad killed off Polly" but it looks like he is going to creep her back into our lives with blog entries for the moment.
When I saw the title of Mr. Bear's post I immediately thought "Oh shit Onstad killed off Polly" but it looks like he is going to creep her back into our lives with blog entries for the moment.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
It's a pretty depressing post too. I wonder if Chris is trying to make us feel bad for Polly since we all pretty much hated her in the strip?
It's a pretty depressing post too. I wonder if Chris is trying to make us feel bad for Polly since we all pretty much hated her in the strip?
falseprophet
+0 -0
What sad, sad memories.
What sad, sad memories.
granularsilica
+1 -1
What's the sound of five dicks flapping? These comments!
What's the sound of five dicks flapping? These comments!
foea
+0 -1
What's the sound of
fuck it, YOU SUCK!
What's the sound of
fuck it, YOU SUCK!
fermatprime
+0 -0
THESE KNIVES!
THESE KNIVES!
theguitarhero
+0 -0
These five floppy dicks that I.... boned???
These five floppy dicks that I.... boned???
ek
+0 -0
Comment left by ek ignored.
Comment left by ek ignored.
el
+0 -0
Comment left by el ignored.
Comment left by el ignored.
eq
+0 -0
Comment left by eq ignored.
Comment left by eq ignored.
ew
+0 -0
Comment left by ew ignored.
Comment left by ew ignored.
sje46
+0 -0
Of course, you intelligent assetbarbarians know to ignore all users whose names are 2 letters long and begin with "e", right?
Of course, you intelligent assetbarbarians know to ignore all users whose names are 2 letters long and begin with "e", right?
farqussus
+0 -1
i would like to hear what these users whose names are 2 letters long and begin with e have to say. Assetbar has become Iran.
i would like to hear what these users whose names are 2 letters long and begin with e have to say. Assetbar has become Iran.
octafish
+0 -0
By all means, open these comments up and read them. I'll be over here not wasting my time.
By all means, open these comments up and read them. I'll be over here not wasting my time.
stereo
+0 -0
I think the fact that he's actually been blocked from making new accounts should be a sign to him that he is not welcome to register again every time he gets ignored.
I think the fact that he's actually been blocked from making new accounts should be a sign to him that he is not welcome to register again every time he gets ignored.
8sdf65v46sd4kf8
+0 -0
Comment left by 8sdf65v46sd4kf8 ignored.
Comment left by 8sdf65v46sd4kf8 ignored.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
You really aren't missing anything, farqussus. The Assetbar-stapo reserves Global Ignore for only the most egregious or inane of trolling.
You really aren't missing anything, farqussus. The Assetbar-stapo reserves Global Ignore for only the most egregious or inane of trolling.
sje46
+0 -0
The tamer trolling of posters including sje46 are generally tolerated.
The tamer trolling of posters including sje46 are generally tolerated.
vheissu
+0 -0
You are so proud of your trolling, aren't you?
You are so proud of your trolling, aren't you?
farqussus
+0 -0
it would gladden me to think so. it certainly didn't start out that way.
it would gladden me to think so. it certainly didn't start out that way.
chivalress
+5 -0
I have to say, Cornelius's blog, like strips about him lately, has become a parody of itself. The new post was almost unreadable. Click back to any of his older posts and you'll see that he was a little formal, maybe a unique word choice here or there, but you'll instantly see the difference. The insane level of verbosity has killed him for me.
I have to say, Cornelius's blog, like strips about him lately, has become a parody of itself. The new post was almost unreadable. Click back to any of his older posts and you'll see that he was a little formal, maybe a unique word choice here or there, but you'll instantly see the difference. The insane level of verbosity has killed him for me.
vheissu
+2 -0
Really? There is like one word per paragraph that I could concede are not in common usage, and even those you can just glean from context, or safely ignore without ruining the overall impact of the narrative.
Really? There is like one word per paragraph that I could concede are not in common usage, and even those you can just glean from context, or safely ignore without ruining the overall impact of the narrative.
achewood
+0 -0
My chubby is misplaced; it was meant to go to chivalress, not you. Douchebag.
My chubby is misplaced; it was meant to go to chivalress, not you. Douchebag.
dicklet
+1 -0
Someone gets it.
Someone gets it.
desert_donkey
+0 -0
"dimensions".. lols. i s'pose that's how a robot would say it.
surfing in 60F degree water for 3-4 hours, yer dik takes on a sub-human appearence. those briefs would be the shiz.
"dimensions".. lols. i s'pose that's how a robot would say it.
surfing in 60F degree water for 3-4 hours, yer dik takes on a sub-human appearence. those briefs would be the shiz.
kingtycoon
+0 -0
Roast Beef is thinking about R/k selection theories- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R/K_selection_theory
I won't try to break his heart by mentioning that flowering trees are younger than dinosaurs...
Roast Beef is thinking about R/k selection theories- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R/K_selection_theory
I won't try to break his heart by mentioning that flowering trees are younger than dinosaurs...
theirateturk
+0 -0
Vlad looks like a strange mix between my father and Giorgio Moroder.
Vlad looks like a strange mix between my father and Giorgio Moroder.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Considering Vlad looks like a robotic Giorgio Moroder I'm gonna go ahead and assume that your dad is a robot.
Considering Vlad looks like a robotic Giorgio Moroder I'm gonna go ahead and assume that your dad is a robot.
ashoykh
+0 -0
There's atleast one person impressed by T's tic-tac [IMGS OFF]
There's atleast one person impressed by T's tic-tac [IMGS OFF]
theguitarhero
+0 -0
SPECIFICALLY
SPECIFICALLY
stuntman
+0 -0
Chris puts a lot of thought into his underwear schemes. https://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua4g1NCB
Chris puts a lot of thought into his underwear schemes. https://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua4g1NCB
sarsbar
+0 -0
This and the previous strip confirm that Vlad is the king of Achewood.
This and the previous strip confirm that Vlad is the king of Achewood.
And yet, they are tighty-whities
That's because Vlad always has to be a little condescendink, even when friendly to the mammal man.
Condescending, yet kind. They just need to get the weight calibrated right and it would be the perfect product.
Someone call Ray!
Ray would immediately see the problem: fans. This thing's gotta be discreet . Use heat pipes or something. Call Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, one of them has to know how to do this.
For these things to be marketable this underwear needs to be indistinguishable from the normal kind, even when the wearer is without trousers. As far as I can see the only way to achieve this is to fit all the bulky mechanisms in the wearer's crack. As far as downstairs comfort goes it seems to be swings and roundabouts.
this doesn't look marketable at all. they look eerily similar to medieval chastity belts. all discouraging.
spring a stiffy and it's not unlike louis xvi 1793's trip to see Paris' famous madame guillotine.
Construction similar to this could work.
[IMGS OFF]
Except in reverse.
Just throw some little red lines for heating in there and you're good to go
Comment left by erect ignored.
Perhaps it could make use of previous discoveries in the field of psycho-genitcal engineering...
Comment left by ef ignored.
Chubbied for your avatar!!! Gotta love a squid.
do not ask "how is this possible?", but rather ask "how can i learn to do that?".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qYY06KD_Zg
Write in the sky with gossamer tear drops!
DR MANFLESH IS BACK.
OOOOOOO HOOOOOOO IT'S HORATIO!!! RETURNED!!!
A comment left by jimmyk was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by hateandwar, woodenteeth, Jewpacabra)
I chubbied him, because it's Manflesh.
Comment left by erect ignored.
Hah! Facism!
Comment left by erect ignored.
Hah! Vegetarianism!
Hah! Vagetarinism!
If you don't eat your meat, you'll turn into Vegeta!
I chubbied this because of my battered, chapped pussy.
Battered AND deep-fried?
Have you heard Oswalt's latest bon mot ? It's all the rage in salons!
(enough with this circle jerkery!)
looks like manflesh has revealed her true identity
Comment left by ej ignored.
Booh da chikka chikka bah da chikka chikka booh da chikka chikka bah da chikka chikka whhheeeeeerrre's the manflesh?
(It works better if you imagine that girl singing it.)
The internet is a magnificent mechanism for bringing the risible to the attention of the cruel.
You couldn't have them in boxers anyhow. That would result in some nasty and unexplainable upper thigh burns.
Is not supposed to be burnink.
Would the thermostat adapt the temperature to the size of the targeted area? Smell of roasted TicTac suggesting that you shouldn't have turned the settings on XL in the first place, unexpected arousal automatically resulting in sack congealment?
I don't think it works with tighy whities anyway.
Something about having two spinning fan blades near my junk just says its a no-no.
Aw, c'mon. You might get a little circumcised, but the benefits outweigh the risks. I'm ordering my MMAEDRI today.
I don't know... only being half-circumicized is a hell of a risk.
or is it the best of both worlds?
[IMGS OFF]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
first we have the questionably legal picture of the pube-less dick, and now we have the very paradigm of jailbait.
i prefer assetbar's usual and more innocuous milieu of questionable morals over this sudden wave of pedophilia.
I remember the good old days when I used to troll about how religion is evil.
*sigh*
Comment left by erect ignored.
No, they got frustrated because you won't shut the fuck up.
Also it's the weekend. There is never a high post count on the weekend.
Except for the legendary HandFace Weekend.
Comment left by erect ignored.
Comment left by kunt_likr ignored.
Comment left by palinfan ignored.
Comment left by idi_amin_oumee ignored.
And the big question on everyone's minds...
Who is Miley Cyrus?
The biggest question is why the fuck so many retarded people are on Assetbar right now.
Why are so many trolls coming here all of a sudden?
Comment left by erect ignored.
Well then, erect, you are a gigantic douchebag and I'm glad I ignored you.
Whenever AIU's troll-art manifesto leads him here he spends a bit of time making up accounts and posting garbage. In these troubled times:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE TROLL(S)
But sometimes the trolls are eating, and you realize...they are eating her...and they're gonna eat you next.
OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD!
Comment left by erect ignored.
Well, I think those posts equate to spamming the 'bar. If I could I would mark them as spam. Goodbye. (I'm not going anywhere by the way)
Remember, if enough people ignore someone, they go on the auto-ignore list and it's a pretty effective way of marking their entire post history as spam!
This works a lot better than replying to them.
I wouldn't quite put 'nigger' and 'troll' in the same logical group. Your posts have pretty consistently had nothing to do with the parent post, and been posted as high as possible. You are noise
Calling "trolling" noise is a disservice to noise.
To paraphrase one of my favorite episodes of one of my favorite shows: Trolling is kitsch, not art, it is the opposite of art, it destroys art.
If Jesus saw it he would freak out.
It's way more offensive to me than hardcore porno.
Comment left by lego ignored.
You said Jew, ANTI SEMITE!
I was quoting/paraphrase The Office, numbnuts, I say as much in that post.
Did you guys eat yet?
No, Jew?
Max you need to relax, just hit the ignore button.
I always give the Mark As Spam button a try before I ignore folks. Just to see, you know, if I can now.
Comment left by erect ignored.
[IMGS OFF]
I'm crying so hard right now!
I could explain them, I have a MacBook
*zing*
What happens if they get wet?
Comment left by eg ignored.