If you appreciate Achewood, please support Chris Onstad (shop; gallery art.)
Cornelius's Old-School Gothic Bus Friday, June 23, 2006 • read strip Viewing 82 comments:

A comment left by cognitonaut was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by _cheesekayke, stoned_lightning, Pocolog)

I'm imagining a totally old-school, vow of silence monk as the bus driver.

Or the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but with a tuxedo.

I'm imaging EYE-gor from "Young Frankenstein"

Completely, except that the bus driver will break the vow in times of doubt to console in Cornelius. Cornelius does not judge.

I want that bus!!

I want it MORE.

Every time I look at it something new and hilarious pops out at me.
I'm really digging the lamp.

A comment left by asherdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by riotdejaneiro, Cyberbob, fosters, Sargasm, atticusonline, LordPretzel, cellphonedick, luckypyjamas, aHatOfPig, profbobo, Zem, bixschmix, eRiUukFJk, usversusthem, stoned_lightning, morbo)

He draws his cars with a RULER.

PS Don't call him 'Stad.

Come on, guy. This is the internet, he can call a guy what he wants, no matter how corny it is.

But it's like calling Michael Cera Moose. It's a stupid nickname.

A comment left by behka was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Jesler729, shutup_shutup, puguglypress)

A comment left by greenkoolayd was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by riotdejaneiro, Cyberbob, Mangtastic, orrrderup, TheGreatestCape, Appers)

Godamnit I used up my lame allotment.
STOP. REPEATING. THIS. LINE.
thankyou.

I wish MY truck horn would play "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring"...

I'm praying for a 2007 Badass Games.

agreed.

Also agreed.

...guess not.

2008 maybe.

We live in hope.

Not agreed!

What's the point of rehashing this?

All men, I hope, live so.

...nope.

2009?

Nope... 2010?

prediction: no

Update: no

...2011?
All signs point to 'no'.

But Cornelius hasn't become less Badass, so no further competition is necessary. Unless he withdraws from the Games to allow someone a chance, in which case, the new games would be nothing but a farce.

Unless someone's been working at their badassitude in order to win the next competition...

Vlad's been gone from the strip a while. Maybe he's been in a Rocky-type montage to increase his tough guy-ness.

He no longer apologises to chickens when he eats their eggs raw.

Hey, it's a start.

IT MUST HAPPEN.

That bus is fantastic! I love the details, like the lantern and the wooden door. Nice.

This vehicle needs to exist.

Gargoyles... nice.

Gargoyles that look a lot like they were modeled on Blister. No one will convince me otherwise.

A comment left by straw was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ishuta, Aaron_Haynes, STUART, Darthemed)

I think Ray just told him that to get him over without ruining the suprise of the bus.

Yes, the alt text says "The monogrammed hankies ploy is calculated to get Cornelius over in a hurry."

I think they should have given him some handkerchiefs too, having got him so excited about it.

I think any disappointment at the lack of handkerchiefs would soon be subsumed by the joy of owning that badass ****ing bus

Why is ray's phone so dilapidated?

It's a Gordon Gekko phone. Ray wants to be old-school himself.

The phone is jillapidated

https://achewood.com/index.php?date=09072004

Apparently they go way back.

Why is lyle hiding behind the corner? Just peering at them?

He isnt. Roast Beef is telling him what horn to install. Lyle is good and installing car horns.

He installed Phillipes. "Here comes a huge fag!"

Which is why the horn is actually going to play "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring Another Man."

Why has no one chubbied this oh cripes oh buggery

Jesu joy of buggery?

If I ever get my ride pimped...this is it

A horn that plays 'Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring'. I love Onstad's choices; they are just so on the nail, all the time. Any other schmuck would have chosen something generic.

The bus has a lantern, and every evening an aged hunchback emerges from the fire exit with a sulphur match and an oaken cane and lights the children home to supper.

all lookin' like the dude in the Led Zeppelin IV liner notes

the bus' wipers make it look angry

just FURIOUS

A comment left by molesticide was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by kylank, gbeaton, sncether)

turns out you can't lame yourself for fuckin' up.

I got your back, bro. But look, I marked my feelings here as "Pro" to make up for it. We cool?

A comment left by autobahnbismark was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by DaPooka, Overmedicated, Vondicus, ESwrathwright, Wulvaine, NigelChaos, stormagnet)

It's actually the Celtic Cross

BADASS GAMES '07..

- Pick the right song to die to.
- Straight up tell a girl you like them.
- "Leave" contest.
- Take off your jacket correctly.

Add an event for punching suckers and this will be a Sport of Kings!

"Some way creepy dude from the Internet is attempting to e-bugger your best little buddy! How do you react?"

Cornelius then wins the event by way of taking a cricket bat to the computer.

actually ray wins for having people make a death relationship with him.

I don't know, I think destroying a computer is more badass than lying to someone over the phone that you've hired hitmen. On second thought, maybe that's just me....

Those are extremely plausible.

BADASS GAMES '08..

- Start a fire with only dry leaves and twigs.
- Talk your way out of a speeding ticket.
- Convince a communist to vote democratic.
- Correctly distinguish between butter and I-can't-believe-it's-not-butter.

I like the analog clock.

Shit's gotta be real old to have an analog clock.

The four events listed on the right read more like a list of spells from a Japanese Role Playing Game for the PSX.

Such a vehicle would get hell of bad gas mileage.

But bad gas mileage is OLD SCHOOL.

this entire story arc gets a 5
i tried to host a similar contest in college, but the events mainly centered around various types of consumption. ended badly.

How badly? Did the contestants die of consumption? That is pretty old school.

Shiiiit that right there is my ride, I don't drive but if I did then that would be it, I could totally do this thing, I just gotta learn some sort of metal work and by an old school bus

Shiiiit I could do this thing
It has totally been added to my list of dreams that will probably never be fulfilled but have slight chances of becoming so.

As an 18-year old Norwegian I can safely say that this would be the best Russ Bus, ever

how much more badass would that bus be if instead of that clock it featured such as a sundial

and yes, i know that the car would change orientation constantly and all other such things to confound the use of a sundial

this is why the idea is that the sundial would be on a compass-based system with many gears and mechaniques to guarantee is usefulness in all situations

[IMGS OFF]

He won in 1921.

[IMGS OFF]

Fuck, Assetbar is KILLING me on these images.

Dick About Terms Time:

All the bound "works" of Herodotus basically amounts to one volume (the Histories), so you're gonna need more space filler for that cornice, Beef.