behka
+61 -0
proof that pat is still one of the Dirtiest Dudes in Town
proof that pat is still one of the Dirtiest Dudes in Town
agika
+0 -0
A comment left by agika was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ishuta, Zefiel, littlecat, riotdejaneiro, jstegall, SchnappM, GeyserShitdick, StagnantDisplay, snitchy, Moraiat, NDCaesar, michellemarie, luckypyjamas, woof, fmercury, aHatOfPig, likeiwassaying, ArthurDentLives, RogueCheddar, Dandycorn, DavidL, alejandroadam, lazarusloafer, Madoushi, Mastronaut, pogo)
A comment left by agika was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ishuta, Zefiel, littlecat, riotdejaneiro, jstegall, SchnappM, GeyserShitdick, StagnantDisplay, snitchy, Moraiat, NDCaesar, michellemarie, luckypyjamas, woof, fmercury, aHatOfPig, likeiwassaying, ArthurDentLives, RogueCheddar, Dandycorn, DavidL, alejandroadam, lazarusloafer, Madoushi, Mastronaut, pogo)
zefiel
+1 -0
Care to provide Examples?
Care to provide Examples?
ferdinand
+81 -0
some dickhead once told me "yo momma so old i slapped her back and her titties fell off." i looked him in the eye with no expression on my face and told him that my mom has breast cancer.
some dickhead once told me "yo momma so old i slapped her back and her titties fell off." i looked him in the eye with no expression on my face and told him that my mom has breast cancer.
slalvation
+29 -1
It is not a very sensible joke. As far as I know titties do not become less securely attached to the torso with age.
It is not a very sensible joke. As far as I know titties do not become less securely attached to the torso with age.
ford
+28 -0
slalvation, you sound like a man who has pulled on some old titties.
slalvation, you sound like a man who has pulled on some old titties.
shutup_shutup
+4 -0
He didn't mean old. He meant leprous.
He didn't mean old. He meant leprous.
gunsofray
+0 -1
have YOU ever yanked your grandma?
have YOU ever yanked your grandma?
gunsofray
+4 -0
You can tell im fifteen because i laughed SO hard and granny-boob-yanking.
You can tell im fifteen because i laughed SO hard and granny-boob-yanking.
lexsenthur
+3 -0
Multitasking is a good skill.
Multitasking is a good skill.
dumase
+0 -0
A comment left by dumase was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tttt2, RedGuy, UndyingSong, GunsOfRay)
A comment left by dumase was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tttt2, RedGuy, UndyingSong, GunsOfRay)
alejandroadam
+6 -2
this is not possible. this IS a game you play growing up in the hood, these ARE the best I have heard in many years. these are the new standarders in a bold style still forbidden in many lesser minded comunities.
this is not possible. this IS a game you play growing up in the hood, these ARE the best I have heard in many years. these are the new standarders in a bold style still forbidden in many lesser minded comunities.
hollybones
+0 -0
Yeah. The Dozens.
Yeah. The Dozens.
thesyndicate88
+12 -0
You wanna play The Dozens? Well, The Dozens is a game. But the way I fuck your mother is a god damn shame.
You wanna play The Dozens? Well, The Dozens is a game. But the way I fuck your mother is a god damn shame.
vreeeee
+6 -0
how'd she sink so low
used to be a pillar of the community, etc.
how'd she sink so low
used to be a pillar of the community, etc.
catachresis
+5 -0
Two thirds nonsensical eccentricity, one third fuckin' great momma jokes. "Yo mamma so greedy she won't pee" is something I have to use. I have to use it.
Two thirds nonsensical eccentricity, one third fuckin' great momma jokes. "Yo mamma so greedy she won't pee" is something I have to use. I have to use it.
epicurus
+1 -0
That one is really the only one I was really into, but still enjoyable to read.
That one is really the only one I was really into, but still enjoyable to read.
tombsgrave
+0 -0
"Yo mama so greedy, she won't pee" is infinite classic.
What's the croup?
"Yo mama so greedy, she won't pee" is infinite classic.
What's the croup?
chaesar
+0 -0
Croup is when your airways narrow and you have a nasty cough. I had it when I was 6 it totally sucks.
"...slaps the doorknob before she turns it" is my fave.
Croup is when your airways narrow and you have a nasty cough. I had it when I was 6 it totally sucks.
"...slaps the doorknob before she turns it" is my fave.
tripperday
+0 -0
My favorite too. I think that most people didn't catch the use of "turn" (short for "turn out") as slang for getting a woman to be a prostitute, with grouchy pimps being known to slap prostitutes.
My favorite too. I think that most people didn't catch the use of "turn" (short for "turn out") as slang for getting a woman to be a prostitute, with grouchy pimps being known to slap prostitutes.
scorpio_nadir
+8 -0
That's because you just flat made that horseshit up in your literary fantasy world. That's why most people didn't catch it.
That's because you just flat made that horseshit up in your literary fantasy world. That's why most people didn't catch it.
zapatos
+0 -0
Which makes it even more awesome.
The fewer people who understand an analogy, the more clever it is.
Which makes it even more awesome.
The fewer people who understand an analogy, the more clever it is.
carlyle
+0 -0
If you find the cleverest analogy you can be the only man who knows it or else it will be less clever. This is a terrible weight on your shoulders.
If you find the cleverest analogy you can be the only man who knows it or else it will be less clever. This is a terrible weight on your shoulders.
boxus
+5 -0
good to see the cats gettin together, talkin dirty, just like old times
good to see the cats gettin together, talkin dirty, just like old times
achilleselbow
+1 -0
Yea, it's little moments like this that explain why Beef and Ray still hang out with Pat despite everything. Which is interesting, because I thought Pat didn't dig on jokes about his family.
Yea, it's little moments like this that explain why Beef and Ray still hang out with Pat despite everything. Which is interesting, because I thought Pat didn't dig on jokes about his family.
boredom_man
+3 -0
There has been a formal Declaration of Style. Ray's joke about boning Pat's brother-in-law was all illegal police action; Pat is all rules of war.
There has been a formal Declaration of Style. Ray's joke about boning Pat's brother-in-law was all illegal police action; Pat is all rules of war.
jar
+12 -0
Yo mama's so fat, when she dances the band skips.
Yo mama's so fat, when she dances the band skips.
duperando
+0 -0
Your mother is so fat that when she fell over, she couldn't get back up.
Your mother is so fat that when she fell over, she couldn't get back up.
cheeks_jd
+20 -0
Yo mummas so fat, I wanna have sex with her and not tell anyone.
Yo mummas so fat, I wanna have sex with her and not tell anyone.
joeyramoney
+0 -0
A comment left by joeyramoney was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ZombieJesus, fosters, Latterman, radishes, fmercury, RogueCheddar, Lereya, SotiCoto)
A comment left by joeyramoney was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ZombieJesus, fosters, Latterman, radishes, fmercury, RogueCheddar, Lereya, SotiCoto)
cheeks_jd
+12 -0
yo momma lives in america, my mumma australia.
yo momma lives in america, my mumma australia.
nigelchaos
+0 -0
ZING!
ZING!
riazm
+28 -1
yo momma's so middle class she thinks God is real.
yo momma's so middle class she thinks God is real.
mystkmanat
+0 -0
i wanted to tell you that i just literally laughed out loud. at something i read on the internet. you should be very proud of yourself, riazm.
i wanted to tell you that i just literally laughed out loud. at something i read on the internet. you should be very proud of yourself, riazm.
riotdejaneiro
+2 -1
Ok, my two cents :
Yo mama is so ugly, she was originally cast to play the baby in "Eraserhead".
Or : Yo mama is so ugly, J.R.R. Tolkien came up with Gollum after he saw a picture of her. Heyo!
Ok, my two cents :
Yo mama is so ugly, she was originally cast to play the baby in "Eraserhead".
Or : Yo mama is so ugly, J.R.R. Tolkien came up with Gollum after he saw a picture of her. Heyo!
unfun
+4 -0
I'm surprised no one else likes "dogs get calories by huffin' her mouth." My favorite by a mile.
I'm surprised no one else likes "dogs get calories by huffin' her mouth." My favorite by a mile.
neitherman
+1 -0
Your statement no longer holds water because I too am partial to this.
Your statement no longer holds water because I too am partial to this.
dasilodavi
+2 -0
Yes, that one is my hands-down favorite, I laughed so hard the back part of my head was sore!
Yes, that one is my hands-down favorite, I laughed so hard the back part of my head was sore!
libelandslander
+0 -0
Yeah, the others all made me "heh" but that is the one that got the "wake the rest of the house up laugh" that I have been practicing for the last several nights.
Yeah, the others all made me "heh" but that is the one that got the "wake the rest of the house up laugh" that I have been practicing for the last several nights.
chagment
+4 -0
for real? no one likes cigars and shrimp cocktail? hands down my favorite
for real? no one likes cigars and shrimp cocktail? hands down my favorite
kolchak
+1 -0
I love that one. Smoking a cigar and drinking a shrimp cocktail on the bus is basically the epitome of crass.
I love that one. Smoking a cigar and drinking a shrimp cocktail on the bus is basically the epitome of crass.
estutius
+4 -0
Actually, it could be more crass if you're on the bus to get a payday loan on your welfare check.
Actually, it could be more crass if you're on the bus to get a payday loan on your welfare check.
bixschmix
+0 -0
More crass would be Skoal instead of a cigar, all chompin' and spittin' down the center of the bus.
More crass would be Skoal instead of a cigar, all chompin' and spittin' down the center of the bus.
kickstart
+0 -0
Yesterday I saw a guy on the bus making his own cigarettes with some kind of contraption. Like a little acrylic thing he put the paper and tobacco into that he clamped shut in some way. Weird!
Yesterday I saw a guy on the bus making his own cigarettes with some kind of contraption. Like a little acrylic thing he put the paper and tobacco into that he clamped shut in some way. Weird!
bixschmix
+0 -0
I... I have one of those. It is for rolling Jazz Cigarettes because, though I can roll them on my own, I am not very good at it.
I... I have one of those. It is for rolling Jazz Cigarettes because, though I can roll them on my own, I am not very good at it.
ford
+0 -0
do not be ashamed bixshmix those are handy as hell .
I have an adjustable one that can make regular or economy-size jazz cigarettes.
do not be ashamed bixshmix those are handy as hell .
I have an adjustable one that can make regular or economy-size jazz cigarettes.
zilcho
+1 -0
do these machines also roll unforgivingly precise jays?
do these machines also roll unforgivingly precise jays?
mystkmanat
+0 -0
what is a jazz cigarette? i fear this may be some slang i have completely missed out on.
what is a jazz cigarette? i fear this may be some slang i have completely missed out on.
mystkmanat
+0 -0
Who are you to question Ol' Dirty Bastard's ways?
Who are you to question Ol' Dirty Bastard's ways?
duperando
+0 -0
My personal fave was the potato with a hearing aid.
I would love to see that school play.
My personal fave was the potato with a hearing aid.
I would love to see that school play.
jackparsons
+0 -0
yo momma so fat the sailors keep her in the hold so the ship won't fall over.
yo momma so fat the sailors keep her in the hold so the ship won't fall over.
cousinted
+1 -0
Maybe you could stay with yo mama
She could do your laundry and cook for you
And you should never sleep in pajamas
You might start a fire and burn your face
Maybe you could stay with yo mama
She could do your laundry and cook for you
And you should never sleep in pajamas
You might start a fire and burn your face
dallovich
+4 -0
Some even got on the mayor!
Some even got on the mayor!
jandruff
+0 -0
It sprayed everywhere!
It sprayed everywhere!
killingthejay
+0 -0
NO KNUCKLES?!
NO KNUCKLES?!
jandruff
+7 -0
Yo momma so fat she sat next to EVERYBODY in the 1st grade.
Yo momma so fat she sat next to EVERYBODY in the 1st grade.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I preferred buck teeth, myself.
I preferred buck teeth, myself.
cpnglxynchos
+2 -0
yo mama so bluesy she climbed a tree for a ten spot just to fall out of it and break her hairbrush worth ten dollars.
yo mama so bluesy she climbed a tree for a ten spot just to fall out of it and break her hairbrush worth ten dollars.
i_love_kate
+1 -0
Hey, guys, I found it!
Hey, guys, I found it!
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
I get this now, having come across your "she don't pee" post just a little earlier today.
See this strip for the reference.
Of course, you were off by one letter.
I get this now, having come across your "she don't pee" post just a little earlier today.
See this strip for the reference.
Of course, you were off by one letter.
terribleman
+0 -0
For some reason, I find this whole thing [i]extremely[i/] chubbyworthy.
For some reason, I find this whole thing [i]extremely[i/] chubbyworthy.
terribleman
+0 -0
Hah, fuck.
Hah, fuck.
drago25
+0 -0
I was waiting for the three dirtiest dudes in town to get back to their roots, it is sweet sweet music
I was waiting for the three dirtiest dudes in town to get back to their roots, it is sweet sweet music
rykan
+0 -0
mattylite
+0 -0
I think someone mentioned this before, but I agree: Onstad is awesome at drawing smoke.
I think someone mentioned this before, but I agree: Onstad is awesome at drawing smoke.
pwb
+0 -0
The one about where the treasure is hidden made me actually laugh out loud. I love going back through the archive.
The one about where the treasure is hidden made me actually laugh out loud. I love going back through the archive.
zapatos
+0 -0
Yo mama so nasty, not even I would fuck her!
Yo mama so nasty, not even I would fuck her!
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
(the joke is that zapatos is always horny and fucks most things)
(the joke is that zapatos is always horny and fucks most things)
zapatos
+0 -0
(it is important to know these things)
(it is important to know these things)
tonyhighwind
+0 -0
I need to memorize these, I always stumble when it's time for Yo' Momma.
I need to memorize these, I always stumble when it's time for Yo' Momma.
tripleg
+0 -0
How do you know who wins?
How do you know who wins?
theyang
+0 -0
Don't worry, I will give you a sign.
Don't worry, I will give you a sign.
duperando
+1 -0
... the sign will be that life is awesome
... the sign will be that life is awesome
hannibalv
+0 -0
Does it mean anything that Beef's jokes are full-sized and punctuated?
Does it mean anything that Beef's jokes are full-sized and punctuated?
theirateturk
+0 -0
Your mother is so ugly a peeping tom broke into the house to close the blinds is my favourite joke of all time
Your mother is so ugly a peeping tom broke into the house to close the blinds is my favourite joke of all time
pigeon_street
+0 -0
Pat may be a dick, but he's still a real person/cat that is proud to be one of the Dirtiest Dudes in Town. And Ray and Beef are his friends , goddamnit.
A comic about yo mama jokes has made me all misty-eyed. DAMN YOU ONSTAD.
Pat may be a dick, but he's still a real person/cat that is proud to be one of the Dirtiest Dudes in Town. And Ray and Beef are his friends , goddamnit.
A comic about yo mama jokes has made me all misty-eyed. DAMN YOU ONSTAD.
dybrar
+1 -0
Yo mama so fat, she has smaller mamas orbiting her.
Yo mama so fat, she has smaller mamas orbiting her.
jsavinc
+1 -0
Yo mamma so old, she was old enough to attend Christ's crucifixion,
and she so stupid she missed it.
but so fat she was there anyway
Yo mamma so old, she was old enough to attend Christ's crucifixion,
and she so stupid she missed it.
but so fat she was there anyway
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
I am in love with this comment, even though the first line is probably a little too long
I am in love with this comment, even though the first line is probably a little too long
jsavinc
+0 -0
I know, I didn't translate it too well, I'm from Central Europe. Sorry.
I know, I didn't translate it too well, I'm from Central Europe. Sorry.
terribleman
+0 -0
No knuckles, just cold slaps to the face.
No knuckles, just cold slaps to the face.
Something about bitches who can't pee (whether out of sheer greed or being graduates of Juilliard) seems to be a recurrent theme in Achewood.