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He Calls Himself Yojimbo. Tuesday, March 16, 2010 • read strip Viewing 168 comments:

Is it worth it?

No.

It was never worth it, in the end.

Tacodor should have just torrented Premiere.

Even Councilman 3's got it by now, damn.

And he didn't have to draw circles around his eyes with magic markers so people who know where to look when speaking with him.

!

Take it away, Screaming Philippe Avatar Guy!

Yes.

Is it safe?

C'mon dude. Just reading that makes my teeth hurt.

I hereby give you your first chubby to commemorate the fact that your first post is a first post!

I CHUBBY THE FIRST POST AS HIS FATHER

Wait, I thought I beat you up the stairs.

for those of you thinking of typing it in your address bar, let me give you some advice from my own personal experience:

gopher://gopher.kacw.org is not a website.

The protocol gopher: isn't recognised. There's a patch for it.

firefox does gopher out of the box. holy shit? Firefox does gopher? people still use gopher? W T F?

gopher://gopher.floodgap.com/

bloody hell

Sometimes old nerds get nostalgic.

The protocol gopher wants to make sure you are using the proper fork while digging tunnels

Never get Robert Downey Junior's cousin to edit your advertisement.

A...alright...

No, seriously. From two men to another man: never ever allow this to ever happen .

Philippe and The Planet:
A Tragedy in Five Acts

Music by Holst.

Mars, bringer of confectionery snacks.

Mercury, bringer of elaborate polishing devices.

Venus, I'm your fire at your desire.

Terra... you're making me firma.

Uranus, you always know where to find it.

Jupiter, it no hurt when you pee?

I understood your joke, Jeff. Why don't you and I skip this party and go someplace... mercurial?

Earth! I live there.

I.... didn't get his joke :(

hymen? psychobilly? Gopher? 3rd rate graphics? weird ass ethinc sounding street names? "NO SYSTEM?" CLICK CLICK TAP TAP???? That Teodor character????

Onstad is trying to capture the essence of fingernails on a chalk board every which way possible. Achewood is L'Ecume Des Jours, with spunk. I get it now. I finally get it.

The use of "hymen" as a verb confuses me. To me the verb would mean "to cover with a thin mucous membrane." But man, that doesn't even make sense in this context.

The purpose of a hymen, ultimately, is to break.

The fellow with the self-applied cognomen of "Yojimbo" who admits to having butchered Mozart's Turkish March seems to be asking Teador not to break his ass.

It seems rather like rhyming slang.
Without the rhyming.

I don't think that hymen has a "purpose."

Don't appendix my stomach, liverbladder.

Hymen is a patent membrane in the vagina from when the two halves fused together.

Or in your case a patient membrane.

Don't pick on gobster -- she is the Philippe of this board

Oh man that was a pro burn

Huge slam on Thegoblins' sexual prowess out of nowhere.

what's a "patent membrane?"

I mean seriously.. you can't come on here with defective terminology like this. you just can't. patent membrane?

Is defective? 3 camels to restore honor!

her patent membrane is pending

lamed for "embarrassing inability to type define:word into google"
I know you don't want to do this man
I know you don't want to embarrass us all with your bad behavior

Patent Membrane surely means someone has reserved the right to it

Patent Membrane are a mathnoise outfit from Rhode Island.

dude
try this: type "define:patent" into your address bar
you'll see this:
(of a bodily tube or passageway) open; affording free passage; "patent ductus arteriosus"

I used patent wrongly dudes. I used it wrongly.

"obvious; plain; evident"?
No patent culpability here.

I think you did just fine

Well, I was confused by my cardiovascular embryology here. We can have patent foramen ovales and patent ductus arteriosuses. This means that things remain open/ freely flowing between arterial and venous circulation, and we get in serious trouble. So I thought patent meant an embryological structure that remains in the adult, rather than "something that is open/ allows free flow."

I think the word I should have used is vestigial. Though the hymen obviously lets things through it and though it does have a small perforation even in virgins, I don't think "patent" means what I thought it did.

cool. my bitching has enlightened us all. also, the hymen's opening / perforation / overall shape varies widely among virgins. It may get in the way of intercourse, tear, and bleed, and it may not.

For it to be vestigial, wouldn't it have had to have served a purpose at some point in the evolutionary past, with that purpose being now depreciated?

I believe that is the correct definition as well. The hymen is...artifactual, perhaps.

ching chong, etc.

No, you're right, the normal hymen is patent, the imperforate hymen requires surgical correction.

I knew she was right all along.

I think it's his polite-ish way of saying, "Don't be a cunt to me, motherfucker." One could write a thesis on that, but I'll spare you the pain.

But he's not even saying it out loud. Dude needs a spine implant.

truth to meekness

To hymen an ass could be:
1. to make it virginal again
2. to plug it up

It does imply previous penetration as well.

the association of the hymen with virginity is partly a myth. there is wide variation in hymens.

hy man

hyma?

hynomatopoeia?

hymenoptera?

The priest dude from a Shakespeare play that I am too lazy to look up just now?

Hymen! oh Henry get off the phone I got ta
Hymen! Aww leave me alone I got ta

Quote:
The priest dude from a Shakespeare play that I am too lazy to look up just now?


No, no, no, no, no! Hymenoptera is the lost city of the dead, where Imhotep was cursed to be eaten by scarabs forever after he and Anuck sun Amun murdered Seti I! Don't you know anything?!

Hyman Roth.

Was Yojimbo the model for the hull ?

Yojimbo was the model for A Fistful of Dollars.

Yes. Yes it was.

Yo, Jimbo

hy, men

Don't you hymen ME, cracka!

a humorous exchange:

a) aw, come on!

b) dont you, "come on" me!

Ah, gopher. How I loved thee, let me count the ways.

This is pretty much how I feel every time I play Mass Effect. I'm like "I want to go down to that planet" and it's like "here's some historical facts: you can't go down to this planet, fuck you".

Then the Xbox explodes and I get yelled at by my parrot who DOES NOT LIKE bananas or crackers but does like steak and potatoes.

You cannot get yelled at by a parrot unless you first yelled at that parrot. I have no sympathy for you.

basic parrot mechanics.

basic parrot

basic


cisab

torrap cisab

.scinahcem torrap cisab

.uoy rof yhtapmys on evah I .torrap taht ta delley tsrif uoy sselnu torrap a yb ta delley teg tonnac uoY

snuggleguns?

.seotatop dna kaets ekil seod tub srekcarc ro sananab EKIL TON SEOD ohw torrap ym yb ta delley teg I dna sedolpxe xobX eht nehT

."uoy kcuf ,tenalp siht ot nwod og t'nac uoy :stcaf lacirotsih emos s'ereh" ekil s'ti dna "tenalp taht ot nwod og ot tnaw I" ekil m'I .tceffE ssaM yalp I emit yreve leef I woh hcum ytterp si sihT

... "Correct. I woh hcum"

All of these comments deserve to have just short of three chubbies

Oops

I think you should get off her first.

Squaaawwwwkkk!

Yojimbo... I actually have a VHS copy of that movie. crazy movie. Now that I think about it, elements of this strip seem to be inspired by that movie.

Ronda Alla Turca, not to be confused with Blue Rondo a la Turk, but definitely to be confusing when pyschobilly is added.

Oh and hey, why is Philippe still in his little massive man attire if he's still really shined off at Ray?

i figured that despite thinking ray had been an applesauce-type friend, philippe still considers him to be the pinnacle of successful dudes.

also, what would be worse than being beaten at your own game by a five-year-old otter version of yourself?

Truth.

Rape.

Brutal.

Ha! Classic.

tacodoor and philippe are like the minor threat of useless fine product catalogs.

They are a threat yes...THEY ARE GOING TO BLOW THEN OUT OF THE WATER!

"them"....*shame*

The problem is clear. The wanna-be samurai dude dropped Philippe on Europa by accident. Never piss off the monolith makers. "Philippe is full of stars."

"The little guy's hollow, he goes on forever... and... oh my God... HERE COMES A SPECIAL BOY!"

Wow. You have the most entertaining orgasm groan ever. I'll bet the chicks love it.

I'll bet the chicks run for a pregnancy test. Now if he yelled "Here comes a huge fag!" it'd be a little different maybe.

different catchment area for starters

Rondo alla Turca was my favorite song in Donkey Conga.

I would pay a reasonable amount of money to hear it rearranged in such a manner, and then have to play a bongo styled peripheral game controller along to the beat.

I prefer Brubeck's Blue Rondo a la Turk . Paul Desmond's Alto break is sweet.

However, he can stick the soprano up Kenny G's ass (only Coltrane can make it sound decent).

I haven't been able to find a decent version of the song. The best I've found is performed by Radio-Sinfonieorchester Warschau (seriously) in A major.

Though, chubby for making me read your post in a Groucho Marx voice/style.

Taco taco taco Burrito
Taco taco taco Burrito
Taco taco taco%uFEFF Burrito
Burrito Burrito Burrito

Don't compound meter my ass.

I always do shit like this to teach people weird rhythms. Fifty percent of the time, it works every time.

Most convincing video editor ever.

Akira Kurosawa is a fantastic director.
I just needed to get this information out there, so that there would be no doubt.

Every Tuesday night this month on TCM.

What are you serious?
HELL TO THE YES REDBEARD IS TONIGHT AND THE SCHEDULE FOR PST IS AT A REASONABLE HOUR
For informing me of this development: a Chubby. Tonight I will dance, like a drunken angel.

Redbeard was fucking great. But the greatest movie in the history of the universe is Kagemushu.



And at night after the dancing, there is, of course, wonderful Dreams .

I dig this movie because it takes great pains not to forget about "Wheat Field With Crows," which is, scientifically speaking, the best van Gogh painting.

Like Kurosawa, I make mad films.

'Kay, I don't make films.

but if I did they'd have a hymen

i like sailor moon

IN THE NAME OF THE MOON *PAUSE* I WILL PUNISH YOU!

Philippe is being coached into a very douchie adulthood. Theodore is just being a dick. The only person I feel for here is samurai dude.

awwww! look at you being all compassionate!

psychobilly for the win!

Video geeks, am I right?

Teodor don't you lecture him cracker https://achewood.com/index.php?date=08302005

Teodor died last episode.

RIP Teodor

this is why a manned mission to Jupiter is considered impossible.

Because they can't fake the video?

if Philippe can't make it there, no one can.

sidenote: my enjoyment of Achewood has been magnified ever since I began pronouncing "Philippe" as "Fee-LEE-Pay".

that wasn't the most accurate approximation but damned if I'm gonna mess around with upside-down vowels and the everpresent "schwa" sign.

I think since Ultra Peanut's phonetic rendering all those years ago of Philippe as "Feereep," the pronunciation is officially Phi-leep. So.

that crossed my mind, but I've never been one to pick canon above a badass name like "Fee-LEE-Pay". think of me like a bad fanfiction author who clings to his character interpretations even as they're shot down by the official sources.

just, more affable, and with nicer shades.

I'm anorak-level obsessive with canon of anything. I even use the word anorak because I'm in Britain and that's the appropriate word for this place. That's how canon I am >B]

It's "Dah-VEE-day".

What is GOING ON.

he looks like a yojimbo, yeah

one who has stolen some eyeliner.

for that guy, ream is too good a word

"Don't hymen my ass" is my new catchphrase.

Tacky Television Technicion Ticks-off Teodore

Terdore ozikju woz coming through on his promise to phillop when he encountered his first problem the man whom he hired to make the television spot in the first place!

when I asked the ethnic I.T. (un)professional he had these words to say:

"I sent that DUDE rondo alla turca rearranged for psychobilly and yet he hymen's my ass still. unbelievable"

the story was coming together. was teordre the one out of line? i reinterviewed him to be sure.

Therdel: "I asked him to move phill closered to the planet. that it would make him more trustworthy"

Me: "and then what happened"

Thronda: "the image disappeared when he tried to move it then then the system had a heart attack and we had to load up our backup and then NOT move phill closer to the planet"

It all made sense now. the story has come together.

despite stereotypes indians are no good at computers

I feel like the distance between this post and any other post represents the distance between you and something that makes some goddamn sense.


Therdel and Thronda grasp each others' hands as they plunge over the cliff.

beautiful satire of indian journalism, or bizarre post? CHUBBIED EITHER WAY

WELL FUCK ME!

It's the meta-story thoughtfully rendered. Thanks Bro!

Oh, Philippe! Jupiter is bad enough, but please don't touch Uranus.

What editing system is this supposed to be?

Who fucked assetbar in the nose

Who did it

That video editor man resembles a genie. I wonder if he got someone to wish for his freedom and now he doesn't know what to do with his time, so he walks. Lately he bought a video editing rig so he could "earn" it.

I think he represents AIU

The Hymen is my favorite female body part. I like the hymen to be large, and longitudinal, and protruding. kinnnkkyyyyy! It's like the woman's equivalent scrotum equivalent.

If a lady don't have hymen going on, she can be drop dead gorgeous, but she ain't 100% woman.

I'm currently between gfs, but my next gf is going to have hymen going on. In fact, I'm going to talk my next gf into getting these: https://neuticles.com/ . That's right. Implanted right in the hymen. I'll even help her pay for them. Would be so awesome... I'm not sure what size and how many to get, but hey, whatever you go with, it's neuticles in hymen!!!HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG!!

Man you clearly have this whole "life" thing just figured the fuck out.

I ain't gonna front ya

it's a hymen you'd "bust"....as in don't 'bust' my ass. if any of you had ever actually done some busting yourselves, you would have known this. jesus.

HEY YOU PEOPLES : I just checked my profile here and in the "My Status" bit it says "rb was here". What the fuck? I did not write that there. Have I missed a big problem that was all over the forum that I didn't know about.

yeah. someone discovered even more assetbar exploits, and it wasn't AIU this time. the person in question used the exploits for good not evil. as far as I know, the exploits have not been fixed. but the img tags have been turned off, so now if someone wants to hack your assetbar, they have to trick you into clicking on a link, or they have to place the link in an img tag in some other forum you frequent

Yup, it was about three strips ago.