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The Extent of Ray's Injuries Wednesday, May 2, 2007 • read strip Viewing 131 comments:

A comment left by stella was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by wharfrat, riotdejaneiro, Kelis_Navidad, SixtySwine, Untelligent, grobo, Archon_Divinus, Crimson_King)

you win!

thanks!

Well done, Stella.

You can always count on Stella to get the job done.

As long as she's crispy.

I used to have a golden retriever named Stella ;-;

STELLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Killed by Comedy Central far before its time.

indeed, that show was gold.

beef looks very concerned in the middle panel at the bottom.

also, this is real life.

talking on the bus is like 1/3 of riding it

It is so many more thirds than that

It is at least four thirds.

as always, dying to know what happens next.

I can't stand to see Ray in this state.
::smothers him with a pillow::

If ray were ever to go out, it would have to be like RP MacMurphy

You do that, then you gotta toss a water fountain through a window and run nobly off into the distance as Ken Kesey shakes his head cause you assholes fucked his book all to shit

Why smother him with a pillow?
Smother him with your avatar; as a fellow breast man, that's how I'd like to go out.

This should have, like... a bilion chubbies. but it doesn't. Here's your first one!

A comment left by rolotonybrowntown was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by professorhazard, Thorfinn, DiamondMonster, tttt2, unsentletter)

A comment left by ishbario was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Rhadamanthus, scriblerus, bug, juanclaudius, Centipede_Damascus)

A comment left by cognitonaut was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, windows_95, turnabout, cdawg116)

guys like us, Lenny

A comment left by dirtyantaeus was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by windows_95, SoManyWhales, Eternaguy)

Well he was stoned to begin with.

note the blood coming from his ears
that is almost never good.

Almost.

interestingly, he's still on topic.

Oh man this strip is enough to deter me from forming my own Stoned Lightning team now, I mean dag

Damn you MINGUS!!!11

ain't nothing going to stop me from getting a stoned lightning shirt

Now I will wonder if every crazy person I meet in public transportation was once hit in the face with a softball.

Hell of crazies on public transport.

it does not matter the implement that scrambles ones brains

Sput is perfect onimonapea

oppypoppymoopie?

There are probably other side effects of massive neural bleeding, but the one Roast Beef is concerned about is Ray's ability to converse on public transport.

I think he's worried about side-squirting gore landing on him.

of course. after all, after you've seen a dude's stew ain't nothin the same. maybe if he dressed up in some paper bra and panties and did a body pop?

That IS the most pressing concern, though.

I like that they're holding ray's glasses up you cannot see him without his glasses that is a nono.

Unless he is engaged in occular shennanigans, of course.

but where is Nightlife

Man, I hope nothing bad happens to Ray. I can't have a damn tattoo of a mentally challenged cat on my arm.

A comment left by internnumber1 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by waitwhat, theoneyouwant, DigDugz, SlaveToTheMuses, turnabout)

oh shit dogg, i hope not

You know what the worst part of having a brain scab is?

Is where you pick it off, and then you forget fractions.

That made my morning.

But what percent of fractions would you forget?!

OH SHIIIIIIIIT

Cornelius knows what is important in this situation

Was his reefer laced with PCP? He's acting awfully cool about this. He probably knows that spraying blood from your ears when you talk is the best party trick conceivable. You'd talk slow too, were you imagining the limitless possibilities.

When you take a head injury like Ray's, you tend to get real calm about everything .

Indeed, when my finger got mangled by the Cuisinart, I was thinking about my marinade on the whole ride to the hospital...Did I put in enough brown sugar? Should I pick some more up on the way back?

Man, I wish I could give you double-chubbies for being so culinarily hard core.

I have a similar story involving my freshman dorm, an attempt to make tempura, and accidentally letting the oil boil. The scars on my arm took 3 years to fade, and at the time all I could think was, "Oh fuck- I'm the bastard that got the fire department called. I'm that guy . They will never let me live this down. ...At least we weren't hot boxing, like 99% of the other false alarms this crowd generates." Then, 40 minutes later, "GodDAMMIT, those fire men ate all my damn tempura!"

I didn't even notice the burns until my roommate pointed them out. This event was my learning experience- now I base my ER decisions off it. Hurts like hell right away, makes you curse? Blow it off. Endorphins kick in so hard you don't feel it? It's ER time.


i have a SOMEWHAT similar story.
I like toast that is...well, toasty. So at breakfast at this somewhat fancy hotel I put the toast in a second time, planning to take it out again. I was distracted by strawberries, it starting smoking, set off the fire alarm and the entire hotel had to be evacuated.

I told no one.

Your secret is safe with us, toast terrorist!

I work in an Emergency Department.

I wish more people thought as you did.

in the first frame it looks like his face is about to fall apart into to peices

i love how clearly his nose is pressed into his face.

Yeah, the crinkle lines are priceless.

You ever get the thrill of slingin on of your little school chums against the mat and watchin their eyes roll back in their head like they're some kind of little freak?

Broken wrinkly smile. Concussion is afoot.

Haha, the middle four panels are wonderful. Ray is such a trooper.

Teodor is not a dog. Possibly a dogg.

Ray still stays cool

In panel 2, it looks like Vlad is giving the evils to mingus then if you notice, he is gone. Perhaps vlad is going to have words with him?

RAy's smile.

oh damn and hell yes, ray's smile, as blood is going sput all out his ears

Ray is the only one with team spirit.

On a side note, Vlad looks like hes from a 70s cop show.

SPUT SPUT

A comment left by afronaut was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by milhouse, someone3, MR_Wilson, Wolfslice)

Yes. Pete Rose style.

A comment left by misterwolf was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by cryptfiend85, Zem, STUART)

This is a job for Dr. House! Although Dr. Andretti would do in a pinch.

House would be all "Well, the only thing that would cause a CAT to get hit by a BASEBALL, skipper, is a brain tumor. I hate life."

and then he would open a container and pop some pills.

I can't actually picture House saying this, under any circumstances. "Skipper?"

I think he mixed House up with Dr. Cox from Scrubs.

Are you positing that there's a difference?

There's a huge difference. One of them is funny, and one of them is irritating and badly written.

WHICH is WHICH???

ray hit a home run. it was rad.

you know what? i thought nothing could gross me out more than the story about beef's angry little plum bozack, but i think this one has made me more sick.

alt text still broken for me on both sites

nothing worse than incurring an injury while faded

Yeah, bit of a buzzkill that.

It takes a good man to forsake a plexiglass BBQ dome to help his friend.

Ray's broken nose is perfect! It's so perfectly indented into his face.

Brain injuries are a real buzz kill.

Despite that this, does not deter me from starting my own Stoned Lightning.

this calls for Doctor Andrati

A comment left by asherdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by UntilYouAreSoNude, Zefiel, Sakana, NYU, cryptfiend85, chatterjee, cognitonaut, profbobo, dropkickpikachu, mrn)

dude, you really hate typing entire words, don't you? Seriously? T' for The?

Dude, wha' took you a frikkin' year ?

ALSO: I tend to type towards the spoken vernacular I'm shooting for in the post. It's an effective way of relaying tone in a read only environment. Feel free to play along instead of shitting biscuits over apostrophes.

A comment left by asherdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by UntilYouAreSoNude, Zefiel, NYU, cryptfiend85, chatterjee, cognitonaut, profbobo, nutmeg, dropkickpikachu, mrn)

I like how Ray asking a question causes asymmetrical sputs

They should break tampons off and stick them in the ears to prevent the sputting of blood. Seriously, this is a hell of good idea. Great coaches everywhere have done this thing.

As a fellow glasses-wearer, I appreciate how the mending of Ray's glasses is made a priority.

A comment left by asherdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by UntilYouAreSoNude, Zefiel, Sakana, bug, cryptfiend85, chatterjee, cognitonaut, profbobo, littlefatdog, dropkickpikachu, mrn, czarcastic)

This whole strip is in direct violation of Vlad's clearly expressed desire to shield a fellow tough guy from public ignominy.

I hope he's OK. Ray leads a charmed life, and this isn't his style. It's just not fair; people with charmed lives aren't supposed to have blood coming out of their ears after they organize fun sporting events for their friends.

home run!

brain scabs :/

Last panel: Teodor still finds himself mildly annoyed by Ray's outlook.

Did Teodor bring his own helmet? It doesn't seem Ray bought one for himself or anyone else.

When has Ray ever taken public transportation. Couldn't he just buy his own bus?

I think bus should be interpreted as the team bus that Stoned Lightning takes to games.

Poor Ray.

I don't know about you fellas, but I always imagine Ray with a strongbad-ish voice, except less exaggerated.

Stoned, injured Ray is ten kinds of precious.

We didn't get to see his eyes though!! But I agree

The new hide / show feature is positively cromulent.

NO PHOTOS!

Now, I've just realised I've been using "it'll ... it'll scab over," for about a week and not noticed where I picked it up. Maybe we should all wonder whether our mind is filled with anything but stuffed animals and cats wearing thongs and smoking the ganja.

The last two panels are my favorite in recent memory.

Ray don't ride no busses. That's hell of low transportation for him.

I probably cracked up way too much hearing the "It'll probably scab over." "What your brain?! " exchange in my head. Or cracked up not enough.

Ditto. I love how angry Teodor gets there.

I actually just thought of "sput sput" the other day in a public place while talking to someone and had tears in my eyes from trying not to laugh. Don't ask me to explain it. Oh man it was such a serious conversation too...

that is a situation Curb Your Enthusiasm should touch.

This could all have been avoided if Teodor hadn't insisted on wearing the only helmet while someone else was at bat.

Hey doggie!
I hit a home run?

Man, this strip slays me.

Today's Blogs

Ray: This is My Jowl, and it Freaks Me Out! (bacon 2 post 2)

"Banh mi are like girls: your first real experience with one will forever have you driving around low-rent strip malls looking for more."

This is an Onstad blog post... And I find it entirely distressing that I'm the first person to point that out. It either means that I'm the first person to have made use of Xiaomimi's efforts in this case, or that I'm an incorrigible pedant.

Probably the second one.

Damn! Thanks for the correction!

"This dish was going to have 'game,' I decided. (The game in question turned out to be Retchin' Retchin' Hippos, as opposed to an event where Michael Jordan springs off the half-court line, propels himself off the top of the backboard, and continues on into space.)"

My sister once ricocheted a mini-golf ball off the little brick wall on the course and it hit me on the side of the head really hard and my ear leaked blood almost exactly like that but not just when I talked. Man that one hurt.

Heh heh heh.

Fuck you.

I believe this was the most recent strip back when I first came to the Achewood site. Or maybe not.

Vlad does NOT want photos of a fellow tough guy, hurt, on the Internet.

Yet that is exactly what I see here.

I thought this was slow-pitch. How slow could that ball really have been? For that matter, how soft?