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The New Baby Tuesday, March 22, 2005 • read strip Viewing 101 comments:

Beef just cuts right to the heart of the matter.

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Deusoma, atticusonline, Zeno, Tolth)

Did anyone ever figure out how the hit that thing was made?

It was just a dressed-up dick sock puppet

I wish I could remember what picture I posted there, as it netted me a lot of chubbs... and now I'm overcome with the agony of insatiable curiosity.

It was of that brontosaurus-looking baby from Eraserhead.

I did rather deduce that from later postings after having made the comment, but thanks for clarifying. ^_^

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Roast Beef asks if Onstad has seen Eraserhead because the movie revolves around the protagonist's struggles dealing with a disgusting-looking baby.

Carpetbag's comment aside, I would still consider it pretty bad form to mention Eraserhead to any new parent.

It's even worse form to show Eraserhead to a pregnant woman. I know this from personal experience, unfortunately.

sympathy chubby

Eraserhead story: I showed it to a friend of mine while I was making ziti. After mixing it for five minutes he told me to stop, as the sound of the pasta, cheese, and sauce was causing undue additional disturbingness.

Perfect avatar for that comment. He looks like he is giving a sympathy chubby.

It should, however, be mentioned to all prospective parents. Perhaps we should start making it a mandatory part of sex ed classes. Plus, hey, getting kids to watch Eraserhead is pretty crucial too I'd say. Gotta learn these kids up some culture.

That and Alien.
I've got a tradition of telling pregnant women how pregnancy reminds me of Alien.

Sometimes, humor is based on the observation that people don't always do as they ought.

That baby is simply like all babies. David Lynch knew the score.

Beef's face in the last frame is thinking " Be cool, Ray, you just sassed the guy who draws us! He could Erase Me! "

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calm down, saint.

Done.

Took you cold 11 months to calm down? Damn man, that's some temper!

A comment left by carpetbag was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by The_Prophet, sleepyhead, Panserbjorne, Mastronaut)

"Meow people. Meow. Shit be good on this fine day."
pure gold

I like the fact R.B says something but is ignored.

Actually I think the question basically says it all
You know, kind of rhetorical

he did not even bother to add a question mark to the end of his sentence. he always knew the outcome of his statement.

David Lynch should do porn.

A Lynch porno would be different, if nothing else. Woman all one cutaway away from transforming into an old man. A scene where everyone is wearing a rabbit head for no reason. Split-screen where the entire right-hand side is Harry Dean Stanton glaring at you.

I would never feel joy again.

speaking of a woman transforming into an old man during sex, did you ever see phantasm?

Or Gozu?

OH MAN THOSE FUCKING METAL BALLS
I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THEM

The rabbits all getting high on nitrous oxide, whilst some Asian chick talks about the stock market. Laura Dern wears a gas-mask while stroking red curtains.

so other people do not whack off to blue velvet is that what you are trying to tell me

There's a couple scenes in Mulholland Dr that work pretty well for that purpose. You know the ones I mean.

He did. It's called Mulholland Drive.

He has done some erotic photography if I am remembering correctly. Along with the previously-mentioned scenes in Mulholland Drive. That was actually probably the closest he came to just straight-up mainstream sexy too. Nothing especially weird or otherwise to comment on the eroticism and take it into new, interesting, and artistic ways. Mulholland Drive basically was like "Hey, these are some rad breasts. Isn't it great to look at them?"

Mulholland Dr was like "Hey I bet I can get a lot of people to watch and even like this entire nonsensical movie if I put some attractive naked ladies in it."

Works, doesn't it?

I've been to a few Mensa meetings, much to my shame. They're like science fiction conventions, except without the cool parts.

i love their big ass beers.

Hah, I just noticed that. They're cradling them.

They're actually human-sized beers but they seem big for Ray and Beef because they are cats and cats are smaller than humans

they ain't beers ... no one drinks beer with a straw ... not even cats.

I believe that cat mouths are most likely too small to cope with the size of most openings for beer, and therefore even Ray will stoop to such crass affectations as a straw for beer.

Not having lips, you'd think cats wouldn't be very good at coping with any can opening. Though they could probably drain it directly into their throats from cat-sized bottles.

(In this comment, the man named after monkeys critiques a single, niggling aspect of the capabilities of an anthropomorphic cartoon cat.)

Someone has never tried to slip one over on John Law with a 40 and a big gulp!

I actually I've drank beer from a straw before (heh, straw). It's a fun game where you line up three people against three other people and six sets of ice cube trays and then you race with straws in an imaginable way.

I'd tend to agree with this, they look like soda to me.

Panel 4 rocks.

Dont ask me stuff man, You just had a baby!

Onstad talking.

When a baby opens their left eye for the first time it is so exciting.

When their right eye opens before the left it is a sign that there might be something wrong

Similar to the problem of a baby failing to articulate the second in a series of seven gaseous emissions

Baby opened their left eye is the kind of status update that gets a comment from every single female facebook friend. At least 90% of them.

And none of those comments are 'totally gay - who cares'.

be cool!

Man don't be hatin' on bitches with raisins in their purses.. Man.

This seems like Onstad reassuring his readership that Achewood would not become a "family-oriented" strip, with delightful baby anecdotes and such.

Thank you, Onstad. Thank you.

Wait. I just read the alt text. Well, I feel pretty stupid.

Well it shows you are in tune with Onstad's way of thinking. That's pretty good.

Not when you consider his avatar.

what? who is his avatar? is it ben ten?

No.
It is the original American Psycho and Nice Pete's idol, Charlie Mason.


erm, Manson.

but did he ever see Eraserhead?

Well, probably .

if beef ever gets molly pregnant, their progenys first words had better be "Meow, people. Meow. Shit be good on this fine day"

Coors

Onstad's the only webcomic artist who can manage inserting himself in the strip as a character without fucking it up

Eat THAT, Incontinent Student Bodies!

Mensa knows how to get jiggy with it.

"yeah, I was right there with the midwife "

did anyone else catch that?

so? Natural Birth is a good idea. As long as you don't take it as far as the scientologists.

183 is actually well higher than required for Mensa, and (if it were even vaguely correlated to, um, well, "reality") could probably get him into the Promethean society.
If they accepted cartoon cats.

Ray gets defensive.

5'd

I wish I could have conversations with my imaginary friends and have people both acknowledge AND respect me for it.

Actually, forget I just said that.

At what point after this strip DID Ray join Mensa?

Ray is lying to save face.

As per this strip Ray has been a Mensa member for at least five months by this point.

Yeah I cold fact-checked my own self.

Today's Blogs

Philippe: There is a new baby at our house!

My buddy went to a Mensa meeting and tried to smooth some broads with raisins in their purses, and came back with just the craziest little newsletters Mensa people make about themselves.

A lot of it is made up of letters to the editor complaining about how they joined Mensa to save the world with their massive intellects but all the other little Mensa factions have the wrong ideas about saving the world etc., so everyone just sits around doing puzzles and isn't it a shame.

And then there was this lengthy poem about how young black people don't seem to be appreciative enough, and the refrain was something like:

"But the answer is blowing like wind in the sand,
For I am white and can never understand."

And just... I shit you not. I mean what the fuck goes wrong with your head when you do well on tests and nothing else in life.

moniacle pursuit of any one direction in life means many many things are left unattended...

including common sense.

Maniacal. Not trying to be a dick, just... it's maniacal.

hehehe... no problem, i'm usually quite the spelling nazi. Although I wasn't trying to say maniacal I was trying to say Monocular, and on further inspection, that is also incorrect. Someone who can focus on only one particular thing and nothing else. Phew.

That explains why I kept reading it as monocle.

It was Evan wasn't it. I just know it was.

Haha, it was !

Hahahaha, awesome.

Man, it is weird when actual live people in the same room as you are all like, hey, I heard you were making fun of me on the internet. This whole situation is trippy as shit, no lie. Will we all get used to this sort of thing someday? I hope not! I enjoy everyday surrealism.

It is such an Evan thing to do, goodness gracious I love that guy, so hilarious

MENSA people can be such dicks . What the hell, MENSA.

Panel 6 alone is pure 5. I will forever say that line to myself whenever I see a newborn kitten.

I like the way the cats be hangin' with the new dad, drinkin' beers.

Unshaved lady librarians? Is it wrong for me to be aroused by a comic?

I know! It *sounds* great, doesn't it? But I work in a library and trust me, it's just not what it could be.

they smell slightly of fennel and their obsession with british crime shows tends to override every topic of conversation

ah man...Eraserhead.

1. I totally made this sn and avatar before i read this strip
2. I want to have like 10,000 of Onstad's babies

It is important to remain cool when you have just had a baby.