a_dude
+1 -0
I like Ray... He sure can turn out a golf course and just about anything else.
I like Ray... He sure can turn out a golf course and just about anything else.
overmedicated
+3 -2
Sorry to be an ignoramus, but how exactly DO you turn a mother out?
Sorry to be an ignoramus, but how exactly DO you turn a mother out?
prius_chaser
+40 -0
It's easy. Just evaluate the mother, and see what's missing (until there is a party).
It's easy. Just evaluate the mother, and see what's missing (until there is a party).
cchauffe
+5 -0
consult ye olde flowcharte.
consult ye olde flowcharte.
closefriend
+1 -0
I like the potential of a future strip detailing the process and many little idiosyncracies and logistics of properly turning a given mother out.
I like the potential of a future strip detailing the process and many little idiosyncracies and logistics of properly turning a given mother out.
cdl146
+8 -0
Listen to Parliament, dogg. Tear the roof off the sucka!
Listen to Parliament, dogg. Tear the roof off the sucka!
soticoto
+3 -0
And throw HP sauce all over it!
And throw HP sauce all over it!
joeyramoney
+4 -0
hewlett-packard.
hewlett-packard.
soticoto
+0 -0
A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by karljw, layzerblade, atticusonline, tellumo)
A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by karljw, layzerblade, atticusonline, tellumo)
achilleselbow
+2 -0
A sauce that restores your health points?
A sauce that restores your health points?
numberkillinger
+4 -0
Hit Points.
Hit Points.
cailetshadow
+0 -0
It is different in every situation. And we need Ray to show us how it is done.
It is different in every situation. And we need Ray to show us how it is done.
dougthehead
+0 -0
For example, notice the way Ray adapts to changing circumstances. When he cannot have Eggs Benedict and a Bloody Mary, he will content himself with laughing at the ugly features of a gas station attendant named Napil.
For example, notice the way Ray adapts to changing circumstances. When he cannot have Eggs Benedict and a Bloody Mary, he will content himself with laughing at the ugly features of a gas station attendant named Napil.
theyang
+3 -0
(quoting straw form Party: Day V post)
[IMGS OFF]
(quoting straw form Party: Day V post)
[IMGS OFF]
fatcat
+0 -0
You got to put heat under the sucker.
You got to put heat under the sucker.
madnes
+2 -1
I live to meet a gas station attendant named Napil and derive humor from his appearance.
I live to meet a gas station attendant named Napil and derive humor from his appearance.
bixschmix
+6 -0
However, in a horrible twist of fate, he'll be oddly good-looking, which will completely deflate your fantasy and leave you dissatisfied.
However, in a horrible twist of fate, he'll be oddly good-looking, which will completely deflate your fantasy and leave you dissatisfied.
odei
+2 -0
Three guys try to turn a mother out, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
Unless you're drunk, then it's hilarious!
Three guys try to turn a mother out, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
Unless you're drunk, then it's hilarious!
tekende
+0 -0
Years later, the memory of Napil will haunt madness's mind. "That cashier's face...why can't I stop seeing it?" she wonders aloud on sleepless nights.
madness will never look like Napil.
Napil will never love madness. So it goes.
So it goes.
Years later, the memory of Napil will haunt madness's mind. "That cashier's face...why can't I stop seeing it?" she wonders aloud on sleepless nights.
madness will never look like Napil.
Napil will never love madness. So it goes.
So it goes.
giantants
+1 -0
This is how life is to be lived, essentially.
This is how life is to be lived, essentially.
eviltkat
+14 -0
DISAGREEMENT BOX
DISAGREEMENT BOX
dj
+0 -0
100% best part of the strip.
100% best part of the strip.
hollis
+14 -0
Yes. It is SO Ray. Internal conflict? "Nah, not today, thanks."
Yes. It is SO Ray. Internal conflict? "Nah, not today, thanks."
awko
+0 -0
A comment left by awko was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by kenthegod, _cheesekayke, griggs_although)
A comment left by awko was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by kenthegod, _cheesekayke, griggs_although)
awko
+1 -1
WTF happened there? God-darn lines got switched is what happened.
WTF happened there? God-darn lines got switched is what happened.
breadcrab
+1 -0
This is awesome if you picture your avatar saying that while wearing cute little electrician's gloves, all singed fur from the explosion.
This is awesome if you picture your avatar saying that while wearing cute little electrician's gloves, all singed fur from the explosion.
pie4me6
+0 -0
I'm assuming he wasn't a rainbow ninja at the time?
I'm assuming he wasn't a rainbow ninja at the time?
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
yeah, i can't remember what he was at the time of this comment.
yeah, i can't remember what he was at the time of this comment.
awko
+0 -0
I'm guessing I would have had a picture of this fella
[IMGS OFF]
Serge, the Seal Of Death.
I'm guessing I would have had a picture of this fella
[IMGS OFF]
Serge, the Seal Of Death.
awko
+0 -0
This fella
[IMGS OFF]
This fella
[IMGS OFF]
totoro23
+0 -0
i think we could all use a little lesson corner in our flow charts
i think we could all use a little lesson corner in our flow charts
delzhand
+20 -0
He is ugly
Hilarious
He is ugly
Hilarious
odei
+0 -0
Damnit if this isn't the perfect flowchart.
Damnit if this isn't the perfect flowchart.
untilyouaresonude
+0 -0
He is ugly = Hilarious
He is ugly = Hilarious
anomalous3
+1 -0
if you're at a party, and feeling awkward, just ask yourself, what would ray do?
if you're at a party, and feeling awkward, just ask yourself, what would ray do?
bixschmix
+1 -0
TURN THE FUCKER OUT OBVIOUSLY
TURN THE FUCKER OUT OBVIOUSLY
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
*mother
*mother
bixschmix
+1 -0
I stand by my enthusiastic variation.
I stand by my enthusiastic variation.
epicurus
+4 -0
"HE IS UGLY
hilarious"
Fuck I love this one. IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS TO TURN OUT A FUNERAL.
"HE IS UGLY
hilarious"
Fuck I love this one. IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS TO TURN OUT A FUNERAL.
stuart
+9 -1
Buy this flowchart with Ray's name replaced with Epicurus. You deserve it.
Buy this flowchart with Ray's name replaced with Epicurus. You deserve it.
griggs_although
+0 -0
there's this twin peaks line where bobby says he's going to turn laura palmer's funeral upside-down and i wonder if this strip is a reference to that
there's this twin peaks line where bobby says he's going to turn laura palmer's funeral upside-down and i wonder if this strip is a reference to that
kimbo_chop
+0 -0
This strip is the one that started it all for me. I was in absolute hysterics reading this, even though I didn't really know what was going on. Hilarious? More like a bloody riot, I was laughing for 2 days straight after reading this.
This strip is the one that started it all for me. I was in absolute hysterics reading this, even though I didn't really know what was going on. Hilarious? More like a bloody riot, I was laughing for 2 days straight after reading this.
bixschmix
+0 -0
Right there with you. This is the one that made me an Achewood convert.
Right there with you. This is the one that made me an Achewood convert.
phoenixultima
+4 -0
Ray is the man we all strive to be. Also the little Ray wearing a graduation cap above the lesson corner is funny.
Ray is the man we all strive to be. Also the little Ray wearing a graduation cap above the lesson corner is funny.
hollis
+5 -0
Also, Onstad is once again rocking the internal consistency with the commentary on the Cure.
Also, Onstad is once again rocking the internal consistency with the commentary on the Cure.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
We can not, nor will we, expect less.
We can not, nor will we, expect less.
wildtoddler
+3 -0
Thanks to Ray, I now imagine that Braveheart would be a perfect movie for snuggles. What the hell?
Thanks to Ray, I now imagine that Braveheart would be a perfect movie for snuggles. What the hell?
timjankowiak
+1 -0
Brilliant... but the Ray that I know would sometimes, in lieu of putting some heat under the sucker, tear the roof off of it.
Brilliant... but the Ray that I know would sometimes, in lieu of putting some heat under the sucker, tear the roof off of it.
centipede_damascus
+0 -1
Turn that mother out! -> I just can't right now -> YES! YOU! CAN!
Turn that mother out! -> I just can't right now -> YES! YOU! CAN!
ssddr
+1 -0
OH NO NOT THE CURE
OH NO NOT THE CURE
nbgreene
+0 -0
i need more basic time of friends
i need more basic time of friends
henrythecad
+1 -0
Can someone enlighten me as to the concept of turning the mother out? I just don't get it.
Can someone enlighten me as to the concept of turning the mother out? I just don't get it.
fuckyoufriday
+13 -0
It's pretty esoteric. I guess basically "the mother" is any given situation, and one "turns it out" by making it more fun and exciting. Still, it clearly has a deeper, almost mystical resonance for Ray. It is his playa mantra.
It's pretty esoteric. I guess basically "the mother" is any given situation, and one "turns it out" by making it more fun and exciting. Still, it clearly has a deeper, almost mystical resonance for Ray. It is his playa mantra.
_cheesekayke
+0 -0
Thank you!
Thank you!
fosters
+4 -0
Why am I not surprised Ronald Reagan is unfamiliar with turning a mother out?
Why am I not surprised Ronald Reagan is unfamiliar with turning a mother out?
zeroasalimit
+0 -0
Although a funeral should not be turned out, a wake may and should be turned out. At least from my experience.
Although a funeral should not be turned out, a wake may and should be turned out. At least from my experience.
patkun
+0 -0
Right. Next party I go to, I am DEFINATELY taking a leaf out of Ray's book.
Right. Next party I go to, I am DEFINATELY taking a leaf out of Ray's book.
mike24
+0 -0
He is ugly - Hilarious
He is ugly - Hilarious
saint
+1 -0
it has been said.
it has been said.
u2girl03
+1 -0
I'm probably going to be marked as LAME for this, but I actually LIKE The Cure. This strip is still hilarious though...YES! YOU! CAN! Classic.
I'm probably going to be marked as LAME for this, but I actually LIKE The Cure. This strip is still hilarious though...YES! YOU! CAN! Classic.
slalvation
+4 -1
It is OK to like bands!
It is OK to like bands!
bixschmix
+0 -0
It is a Thing!
It is a Thing!
achilleselbow
+1 -0
Who told you that? Liking bands is NOT okay!
Who told you that? Liking bands is NOT okay!
quaga
+1 -0
It's silly to like The Cure!
It's silly to like The Cure!
achilleselbow
+1 -0
From the amount of times Onstad makes fun of The Cure, I am pretty sure he likes them too. That, and Teodor likes them, so you're in good company. I'd rather hang out with Teodor than Ray any day of the week, unless it is a special day of the week when Ray makes tacos.
From the amount of times Onstad makes fun of The Cure, I am pretty sure he likes them too. That, and Teodor likes them, so you're in good company. I'd rather hang out with Teodor than Ray any day of the week, unless it is a special day of the week when Ray makes tacos.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
screw that. i'd hang with Ray. and it just so happened that i could abscond with a [[lot]] of money in the midst of one of his Friday Parties...so be it!
screw that. i'd hang with Ray. and it just so happened that i could abscond with a [[lot]] of money in the midst of one of his Friday Parties...so be it!
mountaindewtab
+0 -0
Turn that mother out. Unless you have a stomach ache.
Turn that mother out. Unless you have a stomach ache.
gyllstromk
+0 -0
hilarious
hilarious
spinynorman
+10 -0
I like the idea that every five minutes or so Ray's brain forgets where he is and he has to remind himself. It's like Memento but instead of an injury to his short term memory he's flying on self-esteem, meaningless street-slang, and Dutch vodka.
I like the idea that every five minutes or so Ray's brain forgets where he is and he has to remind himself. It's like Memento but instead of an injury to his short term memory he's flying on self-esteem, meaningless street-slang, and Dutch vodka.
odei
+0 -0
It's the perfect way to have fun all the time.
'Dang, there's no party here!' "Hey guys, I got three bottles of Ketel and 300 watts in the trunk, let's do this!"
It's the perfect way to have fun all the time.
'Dang, there's no party here!' "Hey guys, I got three bottles of Ketel and 300 watts in the trunk, let's do this!"
cynthiamonster
+0 -0
so perfect!
so perfect!
lamelliform
+0 -0
FACT: I consult this flowchart when meetings at the office are getting kind of dry and boring.
FACT: I consult this flowchart when meetings at the office are getting kind of dry and boring.
bixschmix
+6 -0
But do you photocopy it and include it in the handouts? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT WOULD MEAN TO TURN A MEETING OUT.
But do you photocopy it and include it in the handouts? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT WOULD MEAN TO TURN A MEETING OUT.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
YES.
YES.
sevendaughters
+1 -0
This deserves 900 just for 'HE IS UGLY' - 'HILARIOUS'
This deserves 900 just for 'HE IS UGLY' - 'HILARIOUS'
paco
+0 -0
A comment left by paco was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by orvel, Mangtastic, M3tanoia, achilleselbow, Fathington)
A comment left by paco was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by orvel, Mangtastic, M3tanoia, achilleselbow, Fathington)
achilleselbow
+1 -0
Lamed for bad taste in music. I liked that song a bit when it came out, but I was in high school - you, on the other hand, have no justification.
Lamed for bad taste in music. I liked that song a bit when it came out, but I was in high school - you, on the other hand, have no justification.
achilleselbow
+2 -2
(Part of the lame may also be for using iTunes. Talk about a program which basically has AIDS.)
(Part of the lame may also be for using iTunes. Talk about a program which basically has AIDS.)
drake
+0 -0
iTunes works pretty fine for me... What do you use?
iTunes works pretty fine for me... What do you use?
numberkillinger
+0 -0
Winamp.
Winamp.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
yes.
yes.
odei
+0 -0
Amarok. It is so much media player I can barely handle it.
Amarok. It is so much media player I can barely handle it.
xaxx
+0 -0
foobar 2000
foobar 2000
dartigen
+0 -0
Songbird is pretty okay.
I only use iTunes for my iPod and buying music. (I wish I had a Zune but Microsoft won't sell them here and I do not know any people in places where Zunes are sold.)
Songbird is pretty okay.
I only use iTunes for my iPod and buying music. (I wish I had a Zune but Microsoft won't sell them here and I do not know any people in places where Zunes are sold.)
wonelove
+0 -0
iTunes has AIDS?
ohgod
iTunes has AIDS?
ohgod
chachibenji
+7 -0
"Oh no dogg The Cuuuure I am just hella dyin from this stuff man it is like kryptonite except sad and horrible instead of a green rock oh daaaaamn."
And dudes were just hella laughin.
"Oh no dogg The Cuuuure I am just hella dyin from this stuff man it is like kryptonite except sad and horrible instead of a green rock oh daaaaamn."
And dudes were just hella laughin.
snookybutts
+0 -0
what's night baseball and how do you play it?
what's night baseball and how do you play it?
mattylite
+0 -0
No-peeky baseball: as many cards as you want, but poker rules, threes and nines are wild, fours get you an extra card, you peek you pay some penalty like matching the pot, you flip over til you are winning or til you lose, every time a new person is winning they bet. I'm sure there are ways to make it a drinking game for those who aren't just drinking as they play anyhow.
No-peeky baseball: as many cards as you want, but poker rules, threes and nines are wild, fours get you an extra card, you peek you pay some penalty like matching the pot, you flip over til you are winning or til you lose, every time a new person is winning they bet. I'm sure there are ways to make it a drinking game for those who aren't just drinking as they play anyhow.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
i...just figured it was playing a game of ball on a field late in the evening.
i...just figured it was playing a game of ball on a field late in the evening.
alzuna
+0 -0
Is it just me or with the Braveheart one does everyone hear William Wallace approvingly yelling 'Nice' all deep and manly?
Is it just me or with the Braveheart one does everyone hear William Wallace approvingly yelling 'Nice' all deep and manly?
odei
+0 -0
Freeedooooom! Niiiiiiice!
odei
+0 -0
I forgot to mention, I hear it as the voice of Chris Morris. "NICE," firm, no-nonsense, it is nice and that is the end of it, we're moving on, why are you still thinking about it?
I forgot to mention, I hear it as the voice of Chris Morris. "NICE," firm, no-nonsense, it is nice and that is the end of it, we're moving on, why are you still thinking about it?
hastooo
+0 -0
If you had this tattooed on your back, you'd have to ask the man to make it reversed, so you could see it in the mirror the right way around
If you had this tattooed on your back, you'd have to ask the man to make it reversed, so you could see it in the mirror the right way around
sweetlips
+0 -1
dsdf
dsdf
inthetunk
+0 -0
I have searched high and low and do not know what a "Geil-Kuhnz" logic backsiphon prevention bar is, or why it has that name.
I have searched high and low and do not know what a "Geil-Kuhnz" logic backsiphon prevention bar is, or why it has that name.
cracklewater
+0 -0
There are two different options leading into the same flow, which itself has three possible outcomes.
The GKLBPB prevents heat from under the sucker flowing into the box of turning mothers out, which would cause problems in Ray's head.
There are two different options leading into the same flow, which itself has three possible outcomes.
The GKLBPB prevents heat from under the sucker flowing into the box of turning mothers out, which would cause problems in Ray's head.
tekende
+0 -0
A comment left by tekende was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by cpnglxynchos, puguglypress, botch)
A comment left by tekende was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by cpnglxynchos, puguglypress, botch)
cracklewater
+0 -0
Surely one should "cue" Braveheart instead of "queuing" it?
It this Onstad, or is it meant to be Ray's spelling?
Ray (or Onstad) also lacks understanding of the phrase "toe the line".
In every other instance, Onstad seems to be quite masterful with English, so he's either making deliberate mistakes on Ray's behalf, or the act of writing as Ray is clouding his brain
Surely one should "cue" Braveheart instead of "queuing" it?
It this Onstad, or is it meant to be Ray's spelling?
Ray (or Onstad) also lacks understanding of the phrase "toe the line".
In every other instance, Onstad seems to be quite masterful with English, so he's either making deliberate mistakes on Ray's behalf, or the act of writing as Ray is clouding his brain
tellumo
+1 -0
Naah, most media players refer to adding a file to the list of items to be played as "enqueueing" it--adding it to the queue of pending media. So Ray's saying that he needs to add Braveheart to the list of files he's going to play.
Either that or Ray screwed it up, which is far from unprecedented.
Naah, most media players refer to adding a file to the list of items to be played as "enqueueing" it--adding it to the queue of pending media. So Ray's saying that he needs to add Braveheart to the list of files he's going to play.
Either that or Ray screwed it up, which is far from unprecedented.
middlehead
+1 -0
Disagreement Box may be the greatest thing in the history of things.
Disagreement Box may be the greatest thing in the history of things.
fmercury
+1 -0
YES! YOU! CAN! Ray Smuckles was Barack Obama before Barack Obama was.
YES! YOU! CAN! Ray Smuckles was Barack Obama before Barack Obama was.
tangles
+0 -0
the juxtaposition of disagreement box with the picture of ray on the lesson corner makes me smiley. it's like those things were meant to go together
the juxtaposition of disagreement box with the picture of ray on the lesson corner makes me smiley. it's like those things were meant to go together
liquidcruelty
+2 -0
I will soon be attending a school of funeral service so that I may be a mortician
On that day, I will get this strip done in my name, so that I always remember that grieving loved ones do not necessarily want anything turned out
I will soon be attending a school of funeral service so that I may be a mortician
On that day, I will get this strip done in my name, so that I always remember that grieving loved ones do not necessarily want anything turned out
theguitarhero
+3 -0
Especially not their mother.
Especially not their mother.
icecube
+0 -0
"Throw your hat away in the can and rally"
"Throw your hat away in the can and rally"
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
rally.
what does that mean? just that you re-group with your homies, take stock and continue on thereafter?
rally.
what does that mean? just that you re-group with your homies, take stock and continue on thereafter?
icecube
+0 -0
I like that Ray leaves his precise meaning rather vague. It could mean either to rally the homies together, to regroup as you say, or it could mean rally in the individual sense - sort of like having a burst of inspiration.
I like that Ray leaves his precise meaning rather vague. It could mean either to rally the homies together, to regroup as you say, or it could mean rally in the individual sense - sort of like having a burst of inspiration.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
i like the idea of the first one more.
s'just me, though.
i like the idea of the first one more.
s'just me, though.
presterjohn
+0 -0
It's rally as in "boot and rally" as in "vomit so you can drink more" as in "exactly what Ray is proposing" as in "where the heck did you two go to college that you do not know this"
It's rally as in "boot and rally" as in "vomit so you can drink more" as in "exactly what Ray is proposing" as in "where the heck did you two go to college that you do not know this"
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
i haven't "gone to college." i don't "have a degree" or "understand personal space". i don't understand "caves"... i'm just a caveman.
ooooh, two SNL references in one comment. daaaaamn yes!
i haven't "gone to college." i don't "have a degree" or "understand personal space". i don't understand "caves"... i'm just a caveman.
ooooh, two SNL references in one comment. daaaaamn yes!
icecube
+0 -0
Australia.
Australia.
spaghetto
+1 -0
This was the background on my desktop for the longest time.
This was the background on my desktop for the longest time.
A comment left by lindis was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by sevenarts, fosters, tttt2, rascaldom, Sprog, Dwilow, 8i6_1355)
I love you all, and I am a proponent of just quoting what is in a strip. Posters sometimes point out the gold-laden humor that I miss the first-go-round.
Note: This is not sarcasm but genuine sentiment
i agree! i am on my third trek back through the old strips and the saddest moments are when people lame the first post when the guy obviously just loves achewood like we do. why do they have to do a thing?
They are not to be hated. They believe they are protecting Achewood's honor. Misguided as their actions are, their hearts are in the right place.
You have five times as many comments as me but 10 times as many chubbies. Congratulations on this.
Achewood works exponentially.
I want to know who's business it is. Or if he just means its no one's business.
It is no one's business to turn out a funeral. A funeral must not be turned out, because the act of turning it out would seriously diminish the solemnity of the occasion.
It is the wake that can be, nay, MUST BE turned out. The wake provides a joyous counterpart to the funeral, and a way to celebrate the deceased's life, rather than mourn the death.
You can't spell FUNeral without fun, I turn those mother's out with no shame!
It is not your business!
It is not Ray's business, but it might surely be rainwolfj's
Sounds like is talking from personal experience on the funeral.
Ray