johnnylandmine
+0 -0
A comment left by johnnylandmine was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rad-chillies, ppccd, tttt2, Buster)
A comment left by johnnylandmine was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rad-chillies, ppccd, tttt2, Buster)
illgamesh
+14 -1
Ray is going to do a Stop Making Sense era David Byrne impression at Beef's wedding. I'm loving it.
Ray is going to do a Stop Making Sense era David Byrne impression at Beef's wedding. I'm loving it.
illgamesh
+0 -0
A comment left by illgamesh was marked as spam and excluded. illgamesh: What a douche. (reported by GeyserShitdick, mortshire, Magb)
A comment left by illgamesh was marked as spam and excluded. illgamesh: What a douche. (reported by GeyserShitdick, mortshire, Magb)
illgamesh
+0 -0
A comment left by illgamesh was marked as spam and excluded. illgamesh: What a douche. (reported by GeyserShitdick, mortshire, Magb)
A comment left by illgamesh was marked as spam and excluded. illgamesh: What a douche. (reported by GeyserShitdick, mortshire, Magb)
geysershitdick
+0 -0
A comment left by geysershitdick was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Voretus, Crater12, SeanBad, aperson)
A comment left by geysershitdick was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Voretus, Crater12, SeanBad, aperson)
jawsh
+2 -1
Ray is going to do a Stop Making Sense era David Byrne impression at Beef's wedding. I'm loving it.
Ray is going to do a Stop Making Sense era David Byrne impression at Beef's wedding. I'm loving it.
tekende
+0 -0
Three times is the funniest.
Three times is the funniest.
melloclello
+1 -0
That was one of the golden rules they taught us in drama class. In slapstick, all humour reaches a peak on the third repetition of the comedic action.
That was one of the golden rules they taught us in drama class. In slapstick, all humour reaches a peak on the third repetition of the comedic action.
twotonturkey
+5 -0
I'm pretty sure it's perspective. I'm also pretty sure that your icon pic is 5 kinds of awesome.
I'm pretty sure it's perspective. I'm also pretty sure that your icon pic is 5 kinds of awesome.
lateadopter
+1 -0
Definitely perspective. Check out the coat rod.
I've been wanting to compliment you on your avatar, too. It's frikkin' awesome!
Definitely perspective. Check out the coat rod.
I've been wanting to compliment you on your avatar, too. It's frikkin' awesome!
soticoto
+0 -0
Ray has a himself-but-larger suit that he could wear the tux on top of to make it fit.
Ray has a himself-but-larger suit that he could wear the tux on top of to make it fit.
flim
+0 -0
It's perspective
The whole point I think is that there are now four different sets of prepared, pre-tucked comments waiting in the pocket
It's perspective
The whole point I think is that there are now four different sets of prepared, pre-tucked comments waiting in the pocket
rowboat
+0 -0
Well, it's actually a pocket square. But your idea would've been funny had it been the case. Oh well.
Well, it's actually a pocket square. But your idea would've been funny had it been the case. Oh well.
qwerty
+0 -0
A comment left by qwerty was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by trollcollins, atom, Overmedicated, gouldgonewild, gothfae, tttt2, mortshire, joshuah, woodenteeth, Johnnyrocker, eRiUukFJk)
A comment left by qwerty was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by trollcollins, atom, Overmedicated, gouldgonewild, gothfae, tttt2, mortshire, joshuah, woodenteeth, Johnnyrocker, eRiUukFJk)
killerlimpet
+20 -0
retardo? Is that you?
retardo? Is that you?
natjo1986
+3 -0
I wonder if Ray pecks when he types or if he has the whole ASDF JKL; thing going on.
I wonder if Ray pecks when he types or if he has the whole ASDF JKL; thing going on.
lateadopter
+10 -0
Most likely, Ray is a pecker.
Most likely, Ray is a pecker.
tellumo
+3 -0
I agree with lateadopter, and think it is awesome that you posted shortly after qwerty did. Well, just a little bit awesome, but still.
<--- not a nerd.
I agree with lateadopter, and think it is awesome that you posted shortly after qwerty did. Well, just a little bit awesome, but still.
<--- not a nerd.
johnnylandmine
+3 -0
He IS a picks-up-the-mouse-between-pushes type, after all.
He IS a picks-up-the-mouse-between-pushes type, after all.
m1st3rbl4ck
+0 -1
[more laughter, then get serious]
[more laughter, then get serious]
katal
+4 -0
I love how amused Ray is with himself in panel five.
I love how amused Ray is with himself in panel five.
trevor
+0 -1
He thinks he is being witty!
He thinks he is being witty!
prettyrad
+0 -0
Ray is sorry to have an ego!
Ray is sorry to have an ego!
lateadopter
+0 -0
Ray knew it was going to be about him all along. That guy!
As a bonus, we have learned that codeine is better for one's writing skills and judgment than Glenfiddich.
Ray knew it was going to be about him all along. That guy!
As a bonus, we have learned that codeine is better for one's writing skills and judgment than Glenfiddich.
perhapsmaybe
+3 -1
It's always the quiet ones with the long penii
It's always the quiet ones with the long penii
perhapsmaybe
+0 -0
A comment left by perhapsmaybe was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rachel, peterjoel, baseballfan)
A comment left by perhapsmaybe was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rachel, peterjoel, baseballfan)
philophobe
+2 -0
I'd say Ray kept things surprisingly coherent for having apparently polished off about 3/4 of a bottle of Glenfiddich. Sure, he's a seasoned drinker (the kind of guy the 1950s might have called 'jovial'), but I would expect that amount of scotch to reduce pretty much anyone to thinking they can speak Russian and trying to prank call Putin by puking in his neighbor's mailbox.
Which is, come to think of it, perhaps the main way Russians communicate anyway.
I'd say Ray kept things surprisingly coherent for having apparently polished off about 3/4 of a bottle of Glenfiddich. Sure, he's a seasoned drinker (the kind of guy the 1950s might have called 'jovial'), but I would expect that amount of scotch to reduce pretty much anyone to thinking they can speak Russian and trying to prank call Putin by puking in his neighbor's mailbox.
Which is, come to think of it, perhaps the main way Russians communicate anyway.
odvo
+3 -0
I see some foreshadowing here. I think this is going to end with some unintentional embarrasment.
I see some foreshadowing here. I think this is going to end with some unintentional embarrasment.
tellumo
+2 -0
Yeah . . . I started to get kinda worried about the whole thing when I read Ray's blog entry about it. It fairly dripped with the sort of optimism that says Ray's plans are about to get thrown straight to the ditch .
But that doesn't mean that Beef's plans necessarily will, or so I hope . . .
Yeah . . . I started to get kinda worried about the whole thing when I read Ray's blog entry about it. It fairly dripped with the sort of optimism that says Ray's plans are about to get thrown straight to the ditch .
But that doesn't mean that Beef's plans necessarily will, or so I hope . . .
thedudeabides85
+15 -0
I don't know if this long dong routine is going to work, seeing as how Beef probably won't be wearing pants, even to his own wedding. Also, as Beef himself admitted freely to Molly (when she brought up 'squirting'), "Good thing my peter is hella crappy and you don't get orgasm."
I don't know if this long dong routine is going to work, seeing as how Beef probably won't be wearing pants, even to his own wedding. Also, as Beef himself admitted freely to Molly (when she brought up 'squirting'), "Good thing my peter is hella crappy and you don't get orgasm."
rogergs
+13 -0
Depression would make even Long Dong Silver say that. The real question is why, if Beef has such a long dick, he lacks the confident glow of prehistoric racial memory.
Depression would make even Long Dong Silver say that. The real question is why, if Beef has such a long dick, he lacks the confident glow of prehistoric racial memory.
ravenmancer
+3 -0
Remember, Beef's... erm... cell-phone holster... was significantly smaller than Ray's. Perhaps he didn't need as much augmentation.
Remember, Beef's... erm... cell-phone holster... was significantly smaller than Ray's. Perhaps he didn't need as much augmentation.
rad_chillies
+0 -0
That sounds hilarious, but I don't remember it... was it in his blog or did I somehow miss a strip in which Molly brings up squirting?
That sounds hilarious, but I don't remember it... was it in his blog or did I somehow miss a strip in which Molly brings up squirting?
tellumo
+0 -0
It was in Molly's blog somewhere, I think.
It was in Molly's blog somewhere, I think.
thedudeabides85
+6 -0
You can find the conversation in Molly's blog for April 01, 2005. One of her co-workers brought up squirting in the previous entry, if you're some sort of historian constantly craving background info. Hands down, the highlight of the exchange:
M: Ha ha, Beef. I want to see if we can get me to squirt.
B: Uh like do you mean you want a ton of fingerbangs?
I have been waiting for just the right girl to ask whether she wants a ton of fingerbangs; pending a positive response, I am prepared to marry her immediately.
You can find the conversation in Molly's blog for April 01, 2005. One of her co-workers brought up squirting in the previous entry, if you're some sort of historian constantly craving background info. Hands down, the highlight of the exchange:
M: Ha ha, Beef. I want to see if we can get me to squirt.
B: Uh like do you mean you want a ton of fingerbangs?
I have been waiting for just the right girl to ask whether she wants a ton of fingerbangs; pending a positive response, I am prepared to marry her immediately.
zaratustra
+8 -0
Can we play Love Shack I have it on MP3
Can we play Love Shack I have it on MP3
closefriend
+0 -0
Those days are over, Beef, the days in which you are a crazy man with a long penis.
Those days are over, Beef, the days in which you are a crazy man with a long penis.
tellumo
+18 -0
RULER NEWS: Ray can break a ruler!
RULER NEWS: Ray can break a ruler!
duncan5
+1 -0
Next year I have got to be the best man at my friends wedding. I am definitely going to snap a ruler at some point during my speech.
Next year I have got to be the best man at my friends wedding. I am definitely going to snap a ruler at some point during my speech.
hypercube
+15 -0
It seems Achewood can never stay too far from the topic of rock hard cat cock.
It seems Achewood can never stay too far from the topic of rock hard cat cock.
kilroywashere
+21 -2
Ray penis his wedding toast
Ray penis his wedding toast
thedudeabides85
+0 -0
A comment left by thedudeabides85 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by phthoggos, rajib, qwerty, StickManBen)
A comment left by thedudeabides85 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by phthoggos, rajib, qwerty, StickManBen)
ntopp
+0 -0
My guess is it's either a typo on "pens" or a play off the word "pens".
My guess is it's either a typo on "pens" or a play off the word "pens".
tellumo
+0 -1
I agree . . . the alternative does not bear consideration. brrrrrrr.
I agree . . . the alternative does not bear consideration. brrrrrrr.
bacter
+0 -0
A comment left by bacter was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by phthoggos, differentdog, StickManBen)
A comment left by bacter was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by phthoggos, differentdog, StickManBen)
malesherbez
+2 -1
I'm sort of seeing this working out like the time Ray was telling jokes.
Where it was extremely awkward and horrible
I'm sort of seeing this working out like the time Ray was telling jokes.
Where it was extremely awkward and horrible
lateadopter
+2 -1
Ray! Don't tell a joke!
Ray! Don't tell a joke!
rogergs
+0 -0
A comment left by rogergs was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by entropyends, mortshire, godfatherofsouls, Mastronaut, LocusCosecant)
A comment left by rogergs was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by entropyends, mortshire, godfatherofsouls, Mastronaut, LocusCosecant)
rad-chillies
+0 -0
A comment left by rad-chillies was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by madnes, silver_lake, ppccd, scrumpton, MrCreighton, lastlarf, ibetso)
A comment left by rad-chillies was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by madnes, silver_lake, ppccd, scrumpton, MrCreighton, lastlarf, ibetso)
lastlarf
+3 -2
Thankfully, I do have one. Enjoy.
Thankfully, I do have one. Enjoy.
caduceo
+1 -0
don't hate on people because they are smarter then you
don't hate on people because they are smarter then you
caduceo
+0 -0
Post more often, I wish I had more chubbies to give you.
Post more often, I wish I had more chubbies to give you.
thommy_h
+4 -1
I think Ray might still be retarded.
I think Ray might still be retarded.
tellumo
+0 -0
Naah, he's just returned to his usual level of retardancy. I think, anyway--that's a pretty fine division with Ray around.
Naah, he's just returned to his usual level of retardancy. I think, anyway--that's a pretty fine division with Ray around.
ntopp
+2 -1
Ray is terrible at this.
Ray is terrible at this.
1000hz
+11 -0
Glenfiddich brings out thep ass ion alright.
Glenfiddich brings out the
rad-chillies
+1 -0
he obviously will buy the fake gym towel from a gag store, probably the same one he gets the rubber snake from.
he obviously will buy the fake gym towel from a gag store, probably the same one he gets the rubber snake from.
mr_pete
+10 -0
The "snap wooden ruler in half" part is the point at which the guests make eye contact with each other over brittle smiles and wonder if this toast bodes ill for the prospect of the bar remaining open for much longer.
The "snap wooden ruler in half" part is the point at which the guests make eye contact with each other over brittle smiles and wonder if this toast bodes ill for the prospect of the bar remaining open for much longer.
twohundredninety
+5 -0
Trouble brewing.
Trouble brewing.
neonfreon
+0 -0
A comment left by neonfreon was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by featurelessvoid, fosters, equinn2006, patiently56, Methadone, Mastronaut)
A comment left by neonfreon was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by featurelessvoid, fosters, equinn2006, patiently56, Methadone, Mastronaut)
rhymesforkids
+0 -2
raise the roof 3x
raise the roof 3x
wehavemagnums
+4 -1
He will raise the roof exactly three times.
He will raise the roof exactly three times.
smilebuddha
+0 -0
Not once, not twice, but thrice!
Not once, not twice, but thrice!
usversusthem
+1 -0
Five is right out.
Five is right out.
max
+0 -0
I feel this is kind of a bunt outside the dick jokes. I guess I am just crass.
I feel this is kind of a bunt outside the dick jokes. I guess I am just crass.
clocked
+1 -1
when and if this happens, Ray is most definitely off to rehab
when and if this happens, Ray is most definitely off to rehab
never_die
+0 -0
no one else seems to think what Ray has here is a good thing. I disagree; it is a great thing.
Have we ever seen Ray blow it in front of a big crowd? Remember the Great Outdoor Fight? Remember?
no one else seems to think what Ray has here is a good thing. I disagree; it is a great thing.
Have we ever seen Ray blow it in front of a big crowd? Remember the Great Outdoor Fight? Remember?
sprog
+2 -1
Remember the size of Molly's last boyfriend's ding dong? And that Roast Beef knows this, as well as the above noted comment on his hella crappy peter?
This will not go well.
Remember the size of Molly's last boyfriend's ding dong? And that Roast Beef knows this, as well as the above noted comment on his hella crappy peter?
This will not go well.
rebellawyer
+1 -0
The second time I read the comic I saw how it actually could go over, because there might be no family in the audience, what with Beef leaving his grandma the way he did and Molly having been dead. But if it's not going to go over, I don't know if I could handle the vicarious embarassment. Don't pull a Curb Your Enthusiasm, Chris, please.
The second time I read the comic I saw how it actually could go over, because there might be no family in the audience, what with Beef leaving his grandma the way he did and Molly having been dead. But if it's not going to go over, I don't know if I could handle the vicarious embarassment. Don't pull a Curb Your Enthusiasm, Chris, please.
epicurus
+10 -0
Oh my God that is the worst possible toast in the entire universe.
Oh my God that is the worst possible toast in the entire universe.
centipede_damascus
+21 -0
Daaaaamn! That toast could use some work!
Daaaaamn! That toast could use some work!
mastronaut
+2 -0
Beef, you hiding under the table? How come?
Beef, you hiding under the table? How come?
aeon
+0 -1
I hope that this story arc ends happily -- I think RB would die of embarrassment if Ray really does this, heh.
I hope that this story arc ends happily -- I think RB would die of embarrassment if Ray really does this, heh.
sherief
+0 -0
None of this is a problem, as it seems most likely That Ray will improvise, "wing it "
None of this is a problem, as it seems most likely That Ray will improvise, "wing it "
bacter
+50 -0
[IMGS OFF]
I'm glad I got my copy before they sold out
[IMGS OFF]
I'm glad I got my copy before they sold out
caduceo
+3 -0
Jesus christ, ray drank almost the entire bottle of glenfiddich. No wonder. (in panel 2 and 3!)
Jesus christ, ray drank almost the entire bottle of glenfiddich. No wonder. (in panel 2 and 3!)
epicurus
+0 -0
God damn it I was LITERALLY about to post this you bastard.
God damn it I was LITERALLY about to post this you bastard.
philipmarschall
+1 -2
I bet what is going to happen is Ray shows up at the wedding all about to give a toast, reaches in his pocket, pulls it out, realizes he cannot say this, and just looks at Roast Beef and says, "I'm so sorry about this Roast Beef," ala his failed attempt at a mixtape as severance pay.
I bet what is going to happen is Ray shows up at the wedding all about to give a toast, reaches in his pocket, pulls it out, realizes he cannot say this, and just looks at Roast Beef and says, "I'm so sorry about this Roast Beef," ala his failed attempt at a mixtape as severance pay.
starforth
+0 -0
This strip made me laugh until I cried, for serious.
This strip made me laugh until I cried, for serious.
sgagel
+0 -0
Thank God for this strip, i was panicking on what to say at my friends wedding!
Thank God for this strip, i was panicking on what to say at my friends wedding!
swarm_of_bears
+0 -0
What if beef just up and had a quiet, simple little civil service? I'm not sure Molly would be thrilled, but wouldn't it just totally cut Ray's legs out from under him? I can see him now, deflating like some sort of punctured air bladder. Maybe he gets pissed, maybe he gets bitter... no one knows
What if beef just up and had a quiet, simple little civil service? I'm not sure Molly would be thrilled, but wouldn't it just totally cut Ray's legs out from under him? I can see him now, deflating like some sort of punctured air bladder. Maybe he gets pissed, maybe he gets bitter... no one knows
gethen
+0 -0
he would just throw a party on their behalf. ray always goes with the flow.
he would just throw a party on their behalf. ray always goes with the flow.
dirkd23
+1 -0
pros:drinking single malt to get the introspection blazin'
cons:THATS NOT A BOTTLE OF 'FIDDICH DAMMIT ONSTAD...get your cartoon scotch bottle shapes right eh!?
pros:drinking single malt to get the introspection blazin'
cons:THATS NOT A BOTTLE OF 'FIDDICH DAMMIT ONSTAD...get your cartoon scotch bottle shapes right eh!?
kibblesmith
+0 -0
"Fake gym towel"?
"Fake gym towel"?
silver_lake
+0 -0
Just a prop, you know. Not the real thing. Very little absorbency, if any.
Just a prop, you know. Not the real thing. Very little absorbency, if any.
silver_lake
+0 -1
Want to get long? Eat long! Snakes, whole pork loins, eels...don't take some pill!
Want to get long? Eat long! Snakes, whole pork loins, eels...don't take some pill!
fjak
+0 -0
is it me or do ray's proportions change from the second to the third panel if so that is pretty mad weird
is it me or do ray's proportions change from the second to the third panel if so that is pretty mad weird
tekende
+3 -0
If Ray makes this toast, I imagine he'll be going along, and then it'll be time to break the ruler, and it won't snap immediately, leading to five or more panels of awkward silence while he bends the ruler over his knee, desperately trying to break it. Every now and then filling the silence with embarrassed-sounding "heh!"s.
If Ray makes this toast, I imagine he'll be going along, and then it'll be time to break the ruler, and it won't snap immediately, leading to five or more panels of awkward silence while he bends the ruler over his knee, desperately trying to break it. Every now and then filling the silence with embarrassed-sounding "heh!"s.
quinlaenar
+0 -0
That would have been great, but the way it actually happened was so much better, I loved every second of that strip.
That would have been great, but the way it actually happened was so much better, I loved every second of that strip.
anteba
+1 -0
As he writes, Ray's progressively more rapturous face conveys the sentiment in kind.
As he writes, Ray's progressively more rapturous face conveys the sentiment in kind.
desert_donkey
+0 -0
a best man speech that essentially extols his own tool. *hic!*
keep it.
a best man speech that essentially extols his own tool. *hic!*
keep it.
Alt text: He might also do a rubber snake prop gag, and hide a fake gym towel in the lectern.
Ray is such a romantic
He pens a nice timebomb to diffuse at a later date.
Agreed. This will DEFINITELY come up.
chubbied for being true
could have had a baby in this 9 months
Well, why didn't ya?
reading this 9 months from when it was written made it even more amusing.
Can't let the "every 9 months" chain get broken here. See whoever replies in 9 months!
Might work for a smoke bomb, I guess, but not really for a timebomb.
I cannot fathom the idea of a fake gym towel. What would make it fake? Would it look exactly like a gym towel, except lack the property of absorbence?
the ol' rubber towel gag.
Rather than making one dryer...more dry?, it actually secretes water, making the user wetter.
It tenderly fondles and caresses, making the user...
Hilarious
It's actually a fake(tm) gym towel. Very good towel manufacturer, but the translation from a remote African language confuses some people.
Ray could go all out with a real gym towel, but the fake one reflects his slapstick nature.
Not a real gym towel. A fake one.