powderfinger
+0 -0
A comment left by powderfinger was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by dangelder, riotnrrd, TheFutureSoundsLike, lateadopter, clintisiceman)
A comment left by powderfinger was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by dangelder, riotnrrd, TheFutureSoundsLike, lateadopter, clintisiceman)
ortsac
+1 -1
I like the direction this whole "bathroom etiquette" stuff is going.
I like the direction this whole "bathroom etiquette" stuff is going.
ortsac
+4 -1
...not to mention the visible bathroom stink fumes... Dear god.
...not to mention the visible bathroom stink fumes... Dear god.
baryonyx
+4 -0
This is the quintessence of odor we are addressing.
This is the quintessence of odor we are addressing.
waldo913
+9 -0
Your avatar makes that statement a FACT.
I approve.
Your avatar makes that statement a FACT.
I approve.
earendil
+7 -1
"wooooo i am the toilet"
--the last words of a very special boy
"wooooo i am the toilet"
--the last words of a very special boy
johnstephens
+5 -0
Maybe it could be a business where dogs get protein from huffing the keyhole
Maybe it could be a business where dogs get protein from huffing the keyhole
slab64
+1 -0
That's thin even for an Achewood business venture.
That's thin even for an Achewood business venture.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Maybe we can hire a woman to teach Lyle to use the bathroom in a way that doesn't hurt others.
It's like if Gandhi married Martha Stewart, that would be this person.
Maybe we can hire a woman to teach Lyle to use the bathroom in a way that doesn't hurt others.
It's like if Gandhi married Martha Stewart, that would be this person.
lateadopter
+2 -0
If it were me, I'd stick with eating-sandwiches-in-a-closet porn.
If it were me, I'd stick with eating-sandwiches-in-a-closet porn.
eatmorekix
+2 -0
sigh.
sigh.
erributtz
+1 -0
I am not sure how I Feel about this.
I am not sure how I Feel about this.
rotating-dog
+8 -1
Achewood is now permanently a comic about crappin' and the John.
Achewood is now permanently a comic about crappin' and the John.
blarghamagarky
+11 -0
I wonder what's going on in Chris' life right now, or in his bathroom more specifically.
I wonder what's going on in Chris' life right now, or in his bathroom more specifically.
zaratustra
+6 -0
Potty training?
Potty training?
blarghamagarky
+3 -1
Man I really do hope that lady Onstad Jr. does not have bowel movements equivalent to or reminiscent of Lyle's. That would take one hell of a pair of pull-ups to withstand
Man I really do hope that lady Onstad Jr. does not have bowel movements equivalent to or reminiscent of Lyle's. That would take one hell of a pair of pull-ups to withstand
falseprophet
+10 -0
Crappin and the John : the new sitcom starring Freddie Prinze.
Crappin and the John : the new sitcom starring Freddie Prinze.
chuvak
+2 -0
You didn't add "Tuesdays on Fox" because that was taken as read (that it would be on Fox, that is).
You didn't add "Tuesdays on Fox" because that was taken as read (that it would be on Fox, that is).
wae
+11 -0
In this seasons must-see wacky zany free-for-all, one man must overcome the hurdles of finding himself suddenly transformed. Once a high-profile lawyer, he wakes up one day to find that he is not quite himself. In fact, he's a TOILET!!
This Christmas, flush the blues away with "Crap, Dude!"
Starring Rob Schneider.
In this seasons must-see wacky zany free-for-all, one man must overcome the hurdles of finding himself suddenly transformed. Once a high-profile lawyer, he wakes up one day to find that he is not quite himself. In fact, he's a TOILET!!
This Christmas, flush the blues away with "Crap, Dude!"
Starring Rob Schneider.
songbirdspectre
+1 -1
this reeks of feces-related potential.
this reeks of feces-related potential.
moraiat
+1 -0
That simile describes not just the odor, but Lyle's entire digestive process.
That simile describes not just the odor, but Lyle's entire digestive process.
falseprophet
+1 -2
Not only is Cornelius so old school that he writes hall passes on stone tablets but he also has the ingenuity to turn anything into a fleshlight, and the class to only use materials found in the kitchen of a five-star restaurant.
Not only is Cornelius so old school that he writes hall passes on stone tablets but he also has the ingenuity to turn anything into a fleshlight, and the class to only use materials found in the kitchen of a five-star restaurant.
professorhazard
+2 -0
Huh. I thought Cornelius meant that Lyle was greasing up the pepper mill, sticking it in his own ass, and peppering his prostate. Seemed like the kind of action he might be into (in a totally hetero way).
Huh. I thought Cornelius meant that Lyle was greasing up the pepper mill, sticking it in his own ass, and peppering his prostate. Seemed like the kind of action he might be into (in a totally hetero way).
falseprophet
+0 -0
That could be it. I think it was the "naive" bit that made me attribute feminine qualities to the pepper mill. And I figured a pepper mill full of magic gravy would also have a unique and pungent smell.
That could be it. I think it was the "naive" bit that made me attribute feminine qualities to the pepper mill. And I figured a pepper mill full of magic gravy would also have a unique and pungent smell.
heyman
+0 -0
The utter hilarity of describing a pepper mill as "Naive" was what killed me
The utter hilarity of describing a pepper mill as "Naive" was what killed me
andrew_
+0 -0
A comment left by andrew_ was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by randombeing, hypercube, catgrl131)
A comment left by andrew_ was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by randombeing, hypercube, catgrl131)
infinitejest
+3 -1
I agree that this one was below par, but the last 3 or 4 Nolan episodes have been top quality.
I agree that this one was below par, but the last 3 or 4 Nolan episodes have been top quality.
wae
+0 -0
The punch-line doesn't really have "punch," but Teodor in panel 4 is fucking classic.
The punch-line doesn't really have "punch," but Teodor in panel 4 is fucking classic.
tekende
+0 -0
Oh daaaaaamn and hell yes, people
Oh daaaaaamn and hell yes, people
nbgreene
+2 -2
"like clockwork orange, but with more crappin' at the gas station and less eye clamps"
haha
you can take that all the way to the bank
"like clockwork orange, but with more crappin' at the gas station and less eye clamps"
haha
you can take that all the way to the bank
sortelli
+8 -0
When you reach the bank with it you will be asked to leave.
When you reach the bank with it you will be asked to leave.
phy
+4 -1
I'm afraid I don't quite follow the chain of logic Molly has employed. It's good that Lyle will be poopin' at the local Shell, but how will that retrain him (or the others)?
I do enjoy the "restroom fug" leaking out the old-timey keyhole in the door, though.
I'm afraid I don't quite follow the chain of logic Molly has employed. It's good that Lyle will be poopin' at the local Shell, but how will that retrain him (or the others)?
I do enjoy the "restroom fug" leaking out the old-timey keyhole in the door, though.
wittyname
+1 -1
Having visible stench after using a bathroom is a good way to lose your roommates. Probably the relation to retaining and such.
Having visible stench after using a bathroom is a good way to lose your roommates. Probably the relation to retaining and such.
anitrophaeron
+4 -0
I think you "R" missing something.
I think you "R" missing something.
wittyname
+0 -0
Say what?
Say what?
anitrophaeron
+0 -0
Retrain not retain.
Retrain not retain.
wittyname
+0 -1
I completely missed that. I have no idea what that means anymore.
I completely missed that. I have no idea what that means anymore.
anitrophaeron
+2 -0
I don't know either.
I don't know either.
zeal
+4 -0
Molly's saying "retrain" because they have to get the roommates used to a normalized, non-hellscape bathroom. The site has to be sterilized and the roommates used to a normal lavatory before Lyle can return to do his business there in a civilized way. In the meantime, the gas station awaits.
Molly's saying "retrain" because they have to get the roommates used to a normalized, non-hellscape bathroom. The site has to be sterilized and the roommates used to a normal lavatory before Lyle can return to do his business there in a civilized way. In the meantime, the gas station awaits.
spectre
+0 -0
Beef had better APPRECIATE THAT MONITOR!
Beef had better APPRECIATE THAT MONITOR!
tetsujin
+0 -0
Huh? I thought the idea was Lyle would do his business elsewhere for a couple weeks so the situation would blow over - and then he'd have to go through the process again of getting everybody used to his odors, so they wouldn't think much of 'em...
Lyle's not the one being retrained here...
Huh? I thought the idea was Lyle would do his business elsewhere for a couple weeks so the situation would blow over - and then he'd have to go through the process again of getting everybody used to his odors, so they wouldn't think much of 'em...
Lyle's not the one being retrained here...
spinynorman
+1 -0
Lyle's stench has worked its way into the bathroom and it must be allowed time to leave. Right now when you step on the carpet, it shrieks wildly because of the noxious spirits festering in its fabric.
Hey, you know what, if Molly is Lyle's shitting coach, what would go on his letter jacket? Like, a toilet with spring flowers growing out of the bowl and G-A-B-R-I-E-L spelled across the rom?
Lyle's stench has worked its way into the bathroom and it must be allowed time to leave. Right now when you step on the carpet, it shrieks wildly because of the noxious spirits festering in its fabric.
Hey, you know what, if Molly is Lyle's shitting coach, what would go on his letter jacket? Like, a toilet with spring flowers growing out of the bowl and G-A-B-R-I-E-L spelled across the rom?
chuvak
+0 -0
A comment left by chuvak was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, randombeing, SpinyNorman)
A comment left by chuvak was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, randombeing, SpinyNorman)
agentj
+4 -0
It took all day for poo fumes?
It took all day for poo fumes?
snatch22
+1 -0
How did Onstad know I needed a fart joke today?
How did Onstad know I needed a fart joke today?
blastradius
+0 -0
A character-less woman is always less of a concern than stink fumes emanating from your bathroom. Herpes or stink fumes, the choice is easy.
A character-less woman is always less of a concern than stink fumes emanating from your bathroom. Herpes or stink fumes, the choice is easy.
moraiat
+0 -0
How long have Lyle's glasses been gone?
How long have Lyle's glasses been gone?
moraiat
+0 -0
Super fast edit: This is the first strip with Lyle sans-glasses since he got them.
Super fast edit: This is the first strip with Lyle sans-glasses since he got them.
andrew_
+1 -0
nah
nah
moraiat
+0 -0
dang :(
dang :(
andrew_
+15 -0
no, it's okay.
In retrospect, I came off like kind of a dick. "Nah brah, sorry, I'm a bigger nerd than you. Why don't you go off and have normal human contact and leave this stuff to the pros."
no, it's okay.
In retrospect, I came off like kind of a dick. "Nah brah, sorry, I'm a bigger nerd than you. Why don't you go off and have normal human contact and leave this stuff to the pros."
moraiat
+6 -0
<3
<3
lateadopter
+0 -0
They aren't his drinking glasses.
They aren't his drinking glasses.
davidp
+0 -0
How does a courtesy flush eliminate the stink?
How does a courtesy flush eliminate the stink?
miku224
+0 -0
The stew spends less time in the bowl; thus, less fumes are released into the air.
The stew spends less time in the bowl; thus, less fumes are released into the air.
moraiat
+10 -0
It's a little more intricate than that. The actual presence of stew does little for the spread of offensive odors. It's the gases that erupt directly from the depositor that cause the bulk of the odor. Since they've already decanted with the air inside of the various cavities. The solid matter in the bowl only releases the fumes into the water which then get transfered to the air by equivalence evaporation. The courtesy flush sucks away the odor by creating a vacuum with the dropping water table, as well as the solid matter.
There are also special cases where the components of stench are shifted but they are gross.
It's a little more intricate than that. The actual presence of stew does little for the spread of offensive odors. It's the gases that erupt directly from the depositor that cause the bulk of the odor. Since they've already decanted with the air inside of the various cavities. The solid matter in the bowl only releases the fumes into the water which then get transfered to the air by equivalence evaporation. The courtesy flush sucks away the odor by creating a vacuum with the dropping water table, as well as the solid matter.
There are also special cases where the components of stench are shifted but they are gross.
moraiat
+1 -0
I wrote that while doing something else and the writing is bad. As always, wikipedia has an article about this sort of thing.
I wrote that while doing something else and the writing is bad. As always, wikipedia has an article about this sort of thing.
mendenbar
+0 -0
I have the utmost respect for the people who are editing that article. That shit was informative!
I have the utmost respect for the people who are editing that article. That shit was informative!
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
literally.
literally.
notcool
+0 -0
As of 6/8/09, that article no longer exists.
I would say something insulting about Wikipedia, but seriously, on this one I can't blame 'em.
As of 6/8/09, that article no longer exists.
I would say something insulting about Wikipedia, but seriously, on this one I can't blame 'em.
heyman
+1 -0
Explosive decompression can occur when this technique is used in tandem with the Crap Gasket
Explosive decompression can occur when this technique is used in tandem with the Crap Gasket
moraiat
+10 -0
I don't know why I'm so attached to the information in this particular thread, but that's a good point, however you'd need to make a seal with your legs and usually that's a conscious effort. If you weren't conscious about it and controlling the syphon there would be the most awful sound of air getting sucked between two masses of thigh tissue and a hickey the size of a Christmas wreath on your ass. Think the sound of a deranged elephant and the sight of a big red pac-man. Happy holidays.
I don't know why I'm so attached to the information in this particular thread, but that's a good point, however you'd need to make a seal with your legs and usually that's a conscious effort. If you weren't conscious about it and controlling the syphon there would be the most awful sound of air getting sucked between two masses of thigh tissue and a hickey the size of a Christmas wreath on your ass. Think the sound of a deranged elephant and the sight of a big red pac-man. Happy holidays.
baryonyx
+5 -0
The Dude-ocivo Technique consists of strapping the subject into the toilet so he is restrained, then exposing him to him to a myriad of his own ghastly stenches. And over loudspeakers, the message is blared: "YOU DID THIS. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. WHY DIDN'T YOU FLUSH."
And no, Lyle, not eye clamps: nostril clamps.
The Dude-ocivo Technique consists of strapping the subject into the toilet so he is restrained, then exposing him to him to a myriad of his own ghastly stenches. And over loudspeakers, the message is blared: "YOU DID THIS. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. WHY DIDN'T YOU FLUSH."
And no, Lyle, not eye clamps: nostril clamps.
flash1087
+1 -1
Are they holding his nose shut so as to lessen the effects of his own crap odor, or do they hold the nostrils open wider so he can learn the pain he's inflicted on others?
Are they holding his nose shut so as to lessen the effects of his own crap odor, or do they hold the nostrils open wider so he can learn the pain he's inflicted on others?
baryonyx
+0 -0
Oh, wide open. Otherwise, how will he learn? How will he learn.
Oh, wide open. Otherwise, how will he learn? How will he learn.
flazisismuss
+0 -0
Presumably holding the nostrils open. Which leads, inevitably, to the follow-up question: do stuffed tigers have nostrils that they can voluntarily close?
Presumably holding the nostrils open. Which leads, inevitably, to the follow-up question: do stuffed tigers have nostrils that they can voluntarily close?
norrin
+1 -0
Also, a ball gag to prevent mouth breathing.
Or, if you prefer, to prevent breathalingus.
Also, a ball gag to prevent mouth breathing.
Or, if you prefer, to prevent breathalingus.
neonaoneo
+1 -1
Mr Bear and Teodor take PRIDE in their bathroom etiquette. I wish my teddy bears did this.
Mr Bear and Teodor take PRIDE in their bathroom etiquette. I wish my teddy bears did this.
thicker
+3 -0
After panel 5 I will never look at flames painted on trans ams the same way again.
After panel 5 I will never look at flames painted on trans ams the same way again.
flash1087
+0 -0
That's exactly what I thought they looked like. The next Camaro I see is gonna be permanently meshed with Achewood stink lines in my brain, now.
That's exactly what I thought they looked like. The next Camaro I see is gonna be permanently meshed with Achewood stink lines in my brain, now.
twoply
+0 -0
So Molly and Lyle have common ground on this issue? Maybe she just sees a lost cause and needs Lyle to play along until after she gets the money and Roastbeef's monitor!
So Molly and Lyle have common ground on this issue? Maybe she just sees a lost cause and needs Lyle to play along until after she gets the money and Roastbeef's monitor!
flash1087
+1 -0
Did they hire Molly for any particular reason, do you think, or do Teodor and Cornelius really not know any other women?
Did they hire Molly for any particular reason, do you think, or do Teodor and Cornelius really not know any other women?
dangelder
+0 -0
A comment left by dangelder was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by divot, Deusoma, katal, automin, Baryonyx, TwoPly, neitherman)
A comment left by dangelder was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by divot, Deusoma, katal, automin, Baryonyx, TwoPly, neitherman)
dangelder
+1 -0
Oh My God, I do not ever want to know what collective nerve that comment hit.
Oh My God, I do not ever want to know what collective nerve that comment hit.
anitrophaeron
+0 -0
Though I did not lame you, I think the collective nerve you hit is that this is a comic strip. In the real world, you would be absolutely right; cats and women are two entirely different things. Within the world of the comic strip though, the talking animal characters refer to each other as 'man, dude, lady, sir, etc' and there's really no good reason to question this.
Though I did not lame you, I think the collective nerve you hit is that this is a comic strip. In the real world, you would be absolutely right; cats and women are two entirely different things. Within the world of the comic strip though, the talking animal characters refer to each other as 'man, dude, lady, sir, etc' and there's really no good reason to question this.
flash1087
+1 -0
Man, that got entirely too many lames, lemme tell you.
True, were Molly the typical sort of cat you see sitting on newspapers and pooping in boxes, 'woman' may be an inappropriate way to refer to her. But in Achewood, well...
Man, that got entirely too many lames, lemme tell you.
True, were Molly the typical sort of cat you see sitting on newspapers and pooping in boxes, 'woman' may be an inappropriate way to refer to her. But in Achewood, well...
tekende
+0 -0
I would give you a chubby for that, but I'm out of stock.
I would give you a chubby for that, but I'm out of stock.
norrin
+0 -0
I've been hoarding, so I got him for you.
I've been hoarding, so I got him for you.
tekende
+0 -0
heh, thanks.
heh, thanks.
falseprophet
+10 -0
It's looking like the latter. Cornelius comes from a whole other era where a man treated a woman like a lady in public and like a bag of oranges in private. Plus, he has spent so much time writing dime store romances for women of low mind and typing the shallow dialogue of pornographic cinema that it has probably given him a healthy glow of misogyny. Teodor is kind of fat.
It's looking like the latter. Cornelius comes from a whole other era where a man treated a woman like a lady in public and like a bag of oranges in private. Plus, he has spent so much time writing dime store romances for women of low mind and typing the shallow dialogue of pornographic cinema that it has probably given him a healthy glow of misogyny. Teodor is kind of fat.
spinynorman
+1 -0
Haha, what the fuck? A bag of oranges? As in it was common to beat her (if that's the case, why oranges?) or that she just wasn't important at all? (Oranges are a vital source of vitamin C as well as Thiamin)
Haha, what the fuck? A bag of oranges? As in it was common to beat her (if that's the case, why oranges?) or that she just wasn't important at all? (Oranges are a vital source of vitamin C as well as Thiamin)
falseprophet
+1 -0
I wrote bag of oranges but I was originally thinking "sock full of oranges" because that is a thing which you would use to beat someone if you do not want to leave visible bruises (I have not used such a method but middlebrow films and PowerPoint presentations have imprinted such knowledge on my experience). However, methinks I decided not to correct yon conceptual typo and just see where it went, and it looks like the assetbar community has reacted to it with a positive light all bright, warm and yellow; administerin UV rays that burn Caucausian skin; leaves cold gettin some chlorophyll...
I wrote bag of oranges but I was originally thinking "sock full of oranges" because that is a thing which you would use to beat someone if you do not want to leave visible bruises (I have not used such a method but middlebrow films and PowerPoint presentations have imprinted such knowledge on my experience). However, methinks I decided not to correct yon conceptual typo and just see where it went, and it looks like the assetbar community has reacted to it with a positive light all bright, warm and yellow; administerin UV rays that burn Caucausian skin; leaves cold gettin some chlorophyll...
charchar
+0 -0
What's it like in the sun, falseprophet? Is it warm? It looks warm...
What's it like in the sun, falseprophet? Is it warm? It looks warm...
baryonyx
+1 -0
I believe it is because she has a great deal of experience in the field.
I believe it is because she has a great deal of experience in the field.
phy
+3 -0
Lyle is a set of bowels with a drinks habit.
Lyle is a set of bowels with a drinks habit.
baryonyx
+0 -0
Indeed, he shall be Molly's greatest challenge ever. Movies are going to be made about "The Lyle Project" someday.
Indeed, he shall be Molly's greatest challenge ever. Movies are going to be made about "The Lyle Project" someday.
falseprophet
+2 -1
The Lyle Project , starring Pat Reynolds as Matthew Shepard.
The Lyle Project , starring Pat Reynolds as Matthew Shepard.
baryonyx
+0 -0
Nominated for eleven Academy Awards, winner of five.
Nominated for eleven Academy Awards, winner of five.
flash1087
+0 -0
One of them being "Best Original Song" for the Bruce Springsteen-composed theme song, "Crappin' in Achewood"
One of them being "Best Original Song" for the Bruce Springsteen-composed theme song, "Crappin' in Achewood"
phy
+1 -0
The Boss totally stole that from Marc Cohn.
The Boss totally stole that from Marc Cohn.
slab64
+1 -0
More like, Marc Crohn's!
ba dum tish
More like, Marc Crohn's!
ba dum tish
spinynorman
+0 -0
Sort of like the reverse of Brendan Behan's "drinker with a writing habit."
Sort of like the reverse of Brendan Behan's "drinker with a writing habit."
philosophe
+0 -0
Her bathroom ain't the coolest place in town , so she should know.
Her bathroom ain't the coolest place in town , so she should know.
philosophe
+3 -0
Beaten like Charlie Sheen's girlfriend
Beaten like Charlie Sheen's girlfriend
baryonyx
+0 -0
*twirls/blows smoke off of keyboard/web browser.*
*twirls/blows smoke off of keyboard/web browser.*
philosophe
+0 -0
good call. I was trying to find the name of that actor who accused his wife of abuse, but couldn't in a timely manner.
good call. I was trying to find the name of that actor who accused his wife of abuse, but couldn't in a timely manner.
silver_lake
+1 -0
I love the low score, it's like people are MAD at this strip for being late. Other than that, I thought it was pretty standard Achewood.
I love the low score, it's like people are MAD at this strip for being late. Other than that, I thought it was pretty standard Achewood.
anitrophaeron
+1 -0
I gave this strip a 'low' score (3, which is technically 'pretty standard'/average) because I don't find it particularly amusing. I'm tired of the bathroom-smells theme and I don't understand the bit with Molly at the end.
I gave this strip a 'low' score (3, which is technically 'pretty standard'/average) because I don't find it particularly amusing. I'm tired of the bathroom-smells theme and I don't understand the bit with Molly at the end.
loneal
+1 -0
I followed the exact same logic. I am not a person who can withstand so many poop jokes.
I followed the exact same logic. I am not a person who can withstand so many poop jokes.
baryonyx
+1 -0
I as well. Though I then boosted it up a point for the horrorshow Clockwork Orange reference.
I as well. Though I then boosted it up a point for the horrorshow Clockwork Orange reference.
falseprophet
+2 -1
I've reached my chubby limit on this page, but I thought I should inform you that you are a right droog and I'd invite you out for a night of the old ultraviolence any fine evening.
I've reached my chubby limit on this page, but I thought I should inform you that you are a right droog and I'd invite you out for a night of the old ultraviolence any fine evening.
baryonyx
+0 -0
Your Humble Narrator would be honored, my good chelloveck.
Your Humble Narrator would be honored, my good chelloveck.
coldfrog
+0 -0
I slooshy wat u did their (Over a picture of a cute cat beating up a bum)
I slooshy wat u did their (Over a picture of a cute cat beating up a bum)
afkpuz
+0 -0
I felt like the punchline was a bit of a reach, personally. I also usually resent achewood strips with punchlines because I think the ones without can be much funnier.
I felt like the punchline was a bit of a reach, personally. I also usually resent achewood strips with punchlines because I think the ones without can be much funnier.
stopeatingmyeyes
+0 -0
does teodor's neck fat really ripple like that?
I always thought it was a turtleneck
does teodor's neck fat really ripple like that?
I always thought it was a turtleneck
baryonyx
+0 -0
Not always. He's gaining weight. And his eyes are moving further down his face. Don't you see? The prophecy is coming true!
Not always. He's gaining weight. And his eyes are moving further down his face. Don't you see? The prophecy is coming true!
biff
+18 -0
True story:
In the mid-eighties I worked for a NASA contractor in Houston, doing work for the space shuttle. I was sitting in the bathroom, thinking, when someone came in and sat in the stall next to mine. A couple of minutes after he sat down, he did a courtesy flush. But the toilet declined the proffered materials, choosing instead to provide a watery gift to all currently in the room. The gentleman in the next stall was wearing a pin-striped suit. He politely, though perhaps involuntarily, used the pants of his suit to absorb the majority of the water. I was able to depart without directly interacting with the wet result, due to the fortuitous placement of a floor drain between my seat and the reluctant toilet.
I later found out that the gentleman who sacrificed his suit was the second-highest person in the company hierarchy.
The moral of this story is:
Be certain the toilet will cooperate before you make your courtesy flush.
True story:
In the mid-eighties I worked for a NASA contractor in Houston, doing work for the space shuttle. I was sitting in the bathroom, thinking, when someone came in and sat in the stall next to mine. A couple of minutes after he sat down, he did a courtesy flush. But the toilet declined the proffered materials, choosing instead to provide a watery gift to all currently in the room. The gentleman in the next stall was wearing a pin-striped suit. He politely, though perhaps involuntarily, used the pants of his suit to absorb the majority of the water. I was able to depart without directly interacting with the wet result, due to the fortuitous placement of a floor drain between my seat and the reluctant toilet.
I later found out that the gentleman who sacrificed his suit was the second-highest person in the company hierarchy.
The moral of this story is:
Be certain the toilet will cooperate before you make your courtesy flush.
mysterymeat1001
+30 -0
So he was your company's number two man?
So he was your company's number two man?
rawk5tar
+5 -0
I GET IT
I GET IT
cbtbone
+0 -0
Chubbied for the avatar. HE'S WALKING TOWARDS ME!
Chubbied for the avatar. HE'S WALKING TOWARDS ME!
moraiat
+0 -0
or moonwalking. Oh noes, the goomba's have learned to moonwalk.
or moonwalking. Oh noes, the goomba's have learned to moonwalk.
biff
+0 -1
Thanks for explaining the joke.
Thanks for explaining the joke.
mysterymeat1001
+6 -0
You're welcome!
You're welcome!
tingly
+0 -0
A comment left by tingly was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rajib, clembot, valrus)
A comment left by tingly was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rajib, clembot, valrus)
biff
+3 -0
Relax, it's the internets.
Looking for justice will only give you twitchy eyes.
Relax, it's the internets.
Looking for justice will only give you twitchy eyes.
mysterymeat1001
+2 -0
For the record, I wasn't trying to steal your thunder. I just thought you might have been an Abbott looking for a Costello.
For the record, I wasn't trying to steal your thunder. I just thought you might have been an Abbott looking for a Costello.
biff
+0 -0
That seems to be what everyone else was looking for, so you obviously made the correct choice.
That seems to be what everyone else was looking for, so you obviously made the correct choice.
tekende
+0 -0
Yeah, I wouldn't have made the connection otherwise.
Yeah, I wouldn't have made the connection otherwise.
biff
+1 -0
And no hard feelings, by the way. =D (I do hate using the emoticon things, but they work. :p)
And no hard feelings, by the way. =D (I do hate using the emoticon things, but they work. :p)
mysterymeat1001
+1 -0
Likewise! Isn't it nice when a discussion on the internet doesn't end in name-calling?
Likewise! Isn't it nice when a discussion on the internet doesn't end in name-calling?
baryonyx
+0 -0
*pats on head*
You'll understand someday.
*pats on head*
You'll understand someday.
wittyname
+0 -0
A funny story that was tl;dr meets a hilarious summary. Makes sense to me.
A funny story that was tl;dr meets a hilarious summary. Makes sense to me.
mastronaut
+0 -0
Biff set up the story, and rawk5tar supplied the punchline that drove the story home, thus the joke belongs to rawk5tar.
Biff set up the story, and rawk5tar supplied the punchline that drove the story home, thus the joke belongs to rawk5tar.
irondave
+1 -0
Explained the joke? Please be careful with applying the term "idiot."
Explained the joke? Please be careful with applying the term "idiot."
wae
+0 -0
Bono works at NASA?
Bono works at NASA?
chuvak
+0 -0
dude there's a reason that guy was so highly placed in the company: he is a hero, willing to sacrifice. On the other hand, what kind of jerk doesn't understand that janitors, mops, and phone calls to maintenance exist for a REASON?
dude there's a reason that guy was so highly placed in the company: he is a hero, willing to sacrifice. On the other hand, what kind of jerk doesn't understand that janitors, mops, and phone calls to maintenance exist for a REASON?
stubob
+0 -0
There aren't many sounds worse than the tell-tale flush followed by water slapping a tile floor in a neighboring stall.
There aren't many sounds worse than the tell-tale flush followed by water slapping a tile floor in a neighboring stall.
lugand9
+0 -0
Achewood: a scatalogical comic.
Achewood: a scatalogical comic.
baryonyx
+1 -1
You just made me wonder if there is such a thing as a professional Scatologist.
You just made me wonder if there is such a thing as a professional Scatologist.
baryonyx
+3 -1
Hmm, Wikipedia yields no definitive answer, but offers instead these fun facts:
"-In psychology, a scatology is an obsession with excretion or excrement, or the study of such obsessions. (See also coprophilia).
-In sexual context scatology refers to sexual acts conducted with human (or other) excrement.
-Probably the most comprehensive study of scatology was that documented by John Gregory Bourke under the title Scatalogic Rites of All Nations (1891). An abbreviated version of the work was published as The Portable Scatalog , edited by Louis P. Kaplan and with a foreword by Sigmund Freud;
For the beliefs of various religions concerning the End Times, see 'Eschatology'. "
And next, I'm off to Ebay to seek out a copy of the Portable Scatalog.
Hmm, Wikipedia yields no definitive answer, but offers instead these fun facts:
"-In psychology, a scatology is an obsession with excretion or excrement, or the study of such obsessions. (See also coprophilia).
-In sexual context scatology refers to sexual acts conducted with human (or other) excrement.
-Probably the most comprehensive study of scatology was that documented by John Gregory Bourke under the title Scatalogic Rites of All Nations (1891). An abbreviated version of the work was published as The Portable Scatalog , edited by Louis P. Kaplan and with a foreword by Sigmund Freud;
For the beliefs of various religions concerning the End Times, see 'Eschatology'. "
And next, I'm off to Ebay to seek out a copy of the Portable Scatalog.
tellumo
+1 -0
Didn't Bones use a Portable Scatalog in an episode of Star Trek?
Didn't Bones use a Portable Scatalog in an episode of Star Trek?
straw
+3 -0
Damnit tellumo, he's a doctor not a janitor.
Damnit tellumo, he's a doctor not a janitor.
echidnaboy
+1 -0
The parenthetical "or other" horrifies me.
The parenthetical "or other" horrifies me.
baryonyx
+1 -0
Doesn't it though? Also the inference that scatology is somehow related to the End Times.
Doesn't it though? Also the inference that scatology is somehow related to the End Times.
lateadopter
+1 -0
"Wikipedia yields no definitive answer..."
This is true of everything.
"Wikipedia yields no definitive answer..."
This is true of everything.
honesttom
+0 -0
Really? There isn't a bit referring to an episode of Family Guy where Peter uses the word "scatology"? Wikipedia is on the up.
Really? There isn't a bit referring to an episode of Family Guy where Peter uses the word "scatology"? Wikipedia is on the up.
dangelder
+3 -0
Achewood is a cartoon about scats.
Achewood is a cartoon about scats.
falseprophet
+1 -2
I'M A SCATMAAAAAAAAN!
I'M A SCATMAAAAAAAAN!
tetsujin
+4 -0
Spu-wee-bee-dop wee-ba-da-da-da-bop!
Spu-wee-bee-dop wee-ba-da-da-da-bop!
aelindil
+0 -0
This should not have been lamed.
This should not have been lamed.
boscostacy
+0 -0
Achewood is not about poop. Lyle is about poop.
Achewood is not about poop. Lyle is about poop.
drskradley
+0 -0
eeeeehhhh Achewood's been about poop alot lately, you gotta admit.
eeeeehhhh Achewood's been about poop alot lately, you gotta admit.
neitherman
+0 -0
I really need to show this comic to my roommate. That boy has an odor that could kill a yak from 200 yards away.
I really need to show this comic to my roommate. That boy has an odor that could kill a yak from 200 yards away.
miku224
+3 -0
With fart bullets! That's scatokinesis, Kyle!
With fart bullets! That's scatokinesis, Kyle!
wittyname
+0 -0
Inspiration for an awesome new superhero!
Inspiration for an awesome new superhero!
biff
+0 -0
Pee Wee Herman in Mystery Men ?
Pee Wee Herman in Mystery Men ?
irondave
+0 -0
The Spleen.
The Spleen.
biggestblackest
+0 -0
Best alt text in recent memory.
Best alt text in recent memory.
niggar
+1 -0
Achewood is... changing.
Achewood is... changing.
kbhoyt
+0 -1
Is there anyway that I could say this was a bit tl;dr without getting hella lames.
Is there anyway that I could say this was a bit tl;dr without getting hella lames.
wittyname
+1 -0
Not really, but I find when people are honest with their criticisms they get lamed no matter how you put it.
Not really, but I find when people are honest with their criticisms they get lamed no matter how you put it.
coldfrog
+0 -0
OK, this is the second time I've seen tl;dr used today. What is it and what does it mean, if anything?
OK, this is the second time I've seen tl;dr used today. What is it and what does it mean, if anything?
heeeraldo
+0 -0
it's short for too long; didn't read.
it's short for too long; didn't read.
tekende
+0 -0
Really? I always assumed it was some weird HTML screw-up, like when apostrophes are replaced with question marks and such.
Really? I always assumed it was some weird HTML screw-up, like when apostrophes are replaced with question marks and such.
cromar
+0 -0
I am pleased to know that Lyle can be so considerate/adventurous... he is one of my only role models (Ray, too).
I am pleased to know that Lyle can be so considerate/adventurous... he is one of my only role models (Ray, too).
rawk5tar
+11 -0
If you put this strip in slo-mo, you can see the word S-E-X spelled out in the stink fumes.
If you put this strip in slo-mo, you can see the word S-E-X spelled out in the stink fumes.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
...why in hell did i give you a chubby.
you do not deserve one.
...why in hell did i give you a chubby.
you do not deserve one.
tekende
+0 -0
S-E-X-X-Y
S-E-X-X-Y
shades
+4 -2
Oh great, another grossout strip from Onstad. I really hope this storyline doesn't carry out through the week, this is garbage.
Oh great, another grossout strip from Onstad. I really hope this storyline doesn't carry out through the week, this is garbage.
bovine
+4 -1
you should wash your hands. it's been 5 min since last time.
you should wash your hands. it's been 5 min since last time.
weekendofsound
+3 -0
I never watched the Dirty Jobs where Mike Rowe potty-trained alcoholics. But I bet it was a good one.
I never watched the Dirty Jobs where Mike Rowe potty-trained alcoholics. But I bet it was a good one.
kikkoman
+0 -0
Why did Lyle lose the glasses though? I thought they made him look swank.
Why did Lyle lose the glasses though? I thought they made him look swank.
blarghamagarky
+0 -0
yeah I was a fan
yeah I was a fan
epicurus
+3 -0
I'm running out of things to post on the assetbar.
I guess I say some of this stuff in my day to day life? maybe?
I'm running out of things to post on the assetbar.
I guess I say some of this stuff in my day to day life? maybe?
nabeel84
+0 -0
Jeez when's the wedding?
Jeez when's the wedding?
dino_grill
+1 -0
The only reason this is funny is for Cornelius' beautiful linguistic tableau of The Pepper Mill and The Bunghole.
But as a lady Achewood reader, I'm just really surprised by how much this plot line relies on gender stereotypes for its punchlines. Maybe I'm missing something but I always thought you were so much better than that, Acheworld!
The only reason this is funny is for Cornelius' beautiful linguistic tableau of The Pepper Mill and The Bunghole.
But as a lady Achewood reader, I'm just really surprised by how much this plot line relies on gender stereotypes for its punchlines. Maybe I'm missing something but I always thought you were so much better than that, Acheworld!
nbeer
+5 -0
As another lady Achewood reader, I have to politely disagree in the case of the recent "toilet politics" subject matter. Given that we live in a culture that largely treats us as though our digestive systems yield only potpourri and tea cozies, I feel that gender politics of the toilet strips is Onstad's way of highlighting the inherent absurdity of that attitude. I, for one, long for the day when ladies can joke as freely about their bowel movements as the gents do...not to mention when we can joke about the more graphic aspects of our menses.
As another lady Achewood reader, I have to politely disagree in the case of the recent "toilet politics" subject matter. Given that we live in a culture that largely treats us as though our digestive systems yield only potpourri and tea cozies, I feel that gender politics of the toilet strips is Onstad's way of highlighting the inherent absurdity of that attitude. I, for one, long for the day when ladies can joke as freely about their bowel movements as the gents do...not to mention when we can joke about the more graphic aspects of our menses.
mr_lostman28
+1 -0
well my mind will need a thorough scrubbing now after reading "graphic aspects or our menses".... thanks for that
well my mind will need a thorough scrubbing now after reading "graphic aspects or our menses".... thanks for that
pox
+2 -1
Man chunky periods really suck, huh? Amirite?
Man chunky periods really suck, huh? Amirite?
tekende
+0 -0
This is literally disgusting.
This is literally disgusting.
shades
+0 -0
disgusting, you should be forced to take a bath after posting something like that
disgusting, you should be forced to take a bath after posting something like that
phy
+1 -0
only after waiting seven days.
only after waiting seven days.
loneal
+1 -0
I am with you one hundred percent on the graphic aspects of our menses. Why are male poop fumes funny but female menstrual blood disgusting? I'm pretty tired of the Achewood poop jokes, but at least they aren't following the tired double standard you see in a lot of comedic media.
I am with you one hundred percent on the graphic aspects of our menses. Why are male poop fumes funny but female menstrual blood disgusting? I'm pretty tired of the Achewood poop jokes, but at least they aren't following the tired double standard you see in a lot of comedic media.
fineoakstructure
+2 -0
Because, no matter how much we may have tried, our farts could never have possibly been real babies .
Not like your menses.
Because, no matter how much we may have tried, our farts could never have possibly been real babies .
Not like your menses.
johnmatrix
+1 -0
Is it me, or does criticism of Achewood seem to be more common then it used to be?
Is it me, or does criticism of Achewood seem to be more common then it used to be?
tbtabby
+1 -0
It's because previous strips have set the bar so high.
It's because previous strips have set the bar so high.
atmus
+0 -0
I wish someone loved ME enough to teach someone like Lyle how to shit politely, so she could buy me a big monitor for christmas.
I wish someone loved ME enough to teach someone like Lyle how to shit politely, so she could buy me a big monitor for christmas.
little_angry_plum
+0 -0
word to dino-grill. i always thought molly's only function was to be "the normal, clean, civilized female" to provide a humorous contrast to dudes who we all know are filthy and eccentric. pretty mainstream kind of a role (marge simpson). i could give a fuck about PC but she's not as funny as marge simpson so it becomes an issue.
word to dino-grill. i always thought molly's only function was to be "the normal, clean, civilized female" to provide a humorous contrast to dudes who we all know are filthy and eccentric. pretty mainstream kind of a role (marge simpson). i could give a fuck about PC but she's not as funny as marge simpson so it becomes an issue.
wittyname
+0 -0
I've always seen Molly as an initiator of jokes. She never is the one who is outright hilarious, but without her none of the best jokes would ever had happened.
For example: Molly asking about Rays "Game".
As for funny? Not so much.
I've always seen Molly as an initiator of jokes. She never is the one who is outright hilarious, but without her none of the best jokes would ever had happened.
For example: Molly asking about Rays "Game".
As for funny? Not so much.
blarghamagarky
+1 -0
Somtimes she delivers.
Somtimes she delivers.
treatyofparis
+0 -0
and here.
(p.s. the title of this strip is wonderful)
and here.
(p.s. the title of this strip is wonderful)
blarghamagarky
+0 -1
Good call. That strip is what showed me that Molly has something to offer unlike most women, fictitious or no
Good call. That strip is what showed me that Molly has something to offer unlike most women, fictitious or no
tekende
+0 -0
In this case does "unlike most women" mean that most women have nothing to offer, or that Molly has something to offer that is different from what most women have to offer?
In this case does "unlike most women" mean that most women have nothing to offer, or that Molly has something to offer that is different from what most women have to offer?
pox
+1 -0
LOL POOP IS SMELLY
:\
LOL POOP IS SMELLY
:\
rickvigorous
+0 -1
Lyle's "lavatory mist" is scarier than the titular mist in Stephen King's THE MIST. Fact.
Lyle's "lavatory mist" is scarier than the titular mist in Stephen King's THE MIST. Fact.
anitrophaeron
+2 -0
Onstad's black and white outline drawings look more realistic than the CGI tentacle monsters from the movie THE MIST. Fact.
Onstad's black and white outline drawings look more realistic than the CGI tentacle monsters from the movie THE MIST. Fact.
atnrydel
+0 -1
maybe it's just me but I'm finding molly's black-collared-tee sexier and sexier every time I see it. Dog-face notwithstanding.
maybe it's just me but I'm finding molly's black-collared-tee sexier and sexier every time I see it. Dog-face notwithstanding.
noah_j
+0 -0
cat-face?
cat-face?
noah_j
+0 -0
i am assuming that this is all in direct response to having been nominated graphic novel of the year, in a round about way.
i am assuming that this is all in direct response to having been nominated graphic novel of the year, in a round about way.
hogfat
+1 -0
fuck ya'll krautmoufs
fuck ya'll krautmoufs
poing
+0 -0
dude no need for racial diversity here
dude no need for racial diversity here
sparhawk
+0 -0
Molly does not mess around when it comes to pooting of a sauced tiger.
There is determination on that pretty forehead, oh yes.
Molly does not mess around when it comes to pooting of a sauced tiger.
There is determination on that pretty forehead, oh yes.
redmange
+0 -0
I have the feeling that training Lyle to shit will include just as much rape as Clockwork Orange, regardless of it's effects on the eyes.
I have the feeling that training Lyle to shit will include just as much rape as Clockwork Orange, regardless of it's effects on the eyes.
dusty
+0 -0
I would want molly as my assistant. You give her any task and she just gets right on it, not only taking it seriously, but handling it more effectively than anyone else could.
I would want molly as my assistant. You give her any task and she just gets right on it, not only taking it seriously, but handling it more effectively than anyone else could.
masterbbb26
+0 -0
Where are Lyle's glasses? I miss them so....
Where are Lyle's glasses? I miss them so....
dusty
+0 -0
They left as mysteriously as they came, only staying until the shock wore off and we came to love them. They taught us all a very special lesson.
They left as mysteriously as they came, only staying until the shock wore off and we came to love them. They taught us all a very special lesson.
A comment left by digdugz was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ted0phile, ezcmac, madnes, greatwhitehope7, silver_lake, fakead, daidai, riotdejaneiro, Unfun, StoatLad, Thorfinn, ceilingface, dus10_316, kudakeru, songbirdspectre, odaya, zaratustra, mortshire, prius_chaser, hikikomori, catgrl131, TheLoneliestMonkey, Bungdeetle, woodenteeth, mtm23, Sargasm, TSRTS13, Bobothebum, Sleaw, Jopon, mustconcentrate, DrSkradley, Baryonyx, Miku224, Troy_Convers, lk, aHatOfPig, Njury, TheFutureSoundsLike, delete, vorrishnikov, nutmeg, dzieger, Methadone, Wite_Rabit, NigelChaos, HollyBones, retinarow, AtlanticCity, goddam, greyfield, JoulesIsEnergy, Mastronaut, alchemicnirvana, Quartzblade, aperson)
A comment left by digdugz was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ezcmac, madnes, greatwhitehope7, fakead, daidai, riotdejaneiro, pmoney187, Unfun, StoatLad, Thorfinn, Deusoma, SchnappM, riotnrrd, StagnantDisplay, odaya, ajg, mortshire, Fermata, hikikomori, _cheesekayke, catgrl131, mikeleffel2, luasn, dickie_roxx, Bungdeetle, mtm23, MortisInvictus, Sargasm, TSRTS13, Bobothebum, radishes, mustconcentrate, DrSkradley, Baryonyx, lk, aHatOfPig, Njury, vorrishnikov, nutmeg, Methadone, kenyot, charchar, Wite_Rabit, Epicurus, NigelChaos, HollyBones, Tashara, retinarow, AtlanticCity, clintisiceman, JoulesIsEnergy, Mastronaut, alchemicnirvana, libelandslander, Quartzblade, aperson)
What kind of people would we be if EFG didn't get lamed?
Every...time.. you comment.. I am mesmerized by your dancing dino of shifting neon colours...
Also, who is EFG?
A comment left by wite_rabit was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Deusoma, RedMange, jfen, Bobothebum)
I assumed that EFG was related to his avatar, being that his name has no e's, f's, or g's, but I really just want to know where that avatar is from, because it gives me chuckles.
Sorry, we just cannot talk about where that avatar is from. It is a Thing.
That's okay. Google thwarted your attempts to conceal information from me. I told Google to dance and it danced.
/b/tards will be /b/tards.
Chubby for picture sir.
Jolly good. Yes! Chubby to you, too.
official diagnosis: asshole.
hey, kid. i'm an asshole, your parents around?
A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Norsef, StoatLad, NeoNaoNeo, salo, Scorpio_nadir, atticusonline)
Uh oh Chris your mom is on assetbar.
Being late is bad manners. And you finish your vegetables, mister
A comment left by poing was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, HonestTom, StoatLad, gothfae, atticusonline, sexualhomeboy, aperson)
A comment left by poing was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, HonestTom, StoatLad, gothfae, teteae, rgiskard, Baryonyx, troutman, ravindra108, lateadopter, Methadone, charchar, Slab64, aperson)
that is... the point?
What kind of tool bitches about the timeliness of free entertainment?
This kind, apparently. Piss off, they get here when they get here and you're owed exactly jack.
I wasn't going to lame That Guy Up There, but you make a convincing argument That Guy Who Named Himself After The Worst Beer In All of Australia.