catachresis
+22 -1
"It symbolizes a clown!"
I so love Ray.
"It symbolizes a clown!"
I so love Ray.
tttt2
+2 -0
you tend to skip over lines like these without realizing how hilarious they are
it's all in the subtleties
you tend to skip over lines like these without realizing how hilarious they are
it's all in the subtleties
stevegt500
+0 -0
how do you be charlie watts for halloween?
how do you be charlie watts for halloween?
hellofyellin
+14 -1
Drink a lot, do smack.
Then start a jazz band.
Drink a lot, do smack.
Then start a jazz band.
elgranchaco
+1 -0
play the same drumbeat.
play the same drumbeat.
farqussus
+7 -0
look like andy warhol's grandpa.
look like andy warhol's grandpa.
hellofyellin
+0 -0
Chubbbbbaaaaaay
Chubbbbbaaaaaay
capnroblivious
+1 -0
Advanced technique: Get dressed to the nines and lay Mick Jagger out with a right hook at 5:30 in the morning. (It's #7.)
Advanced technique: Get dressed to the nines and lay Mick Jagger out with a right hook at 5:30 in the morning. (It's #7.)
patkun
+0 -0
Ray tries to salvage his dignity, but the struggle is hopeless.
Ray tries to salvage his dignity, but the struggle is hopeless.
petro
+6 -1
He could cry and sing in Italian.
He could cry and sing in Italian.
nathanielperson
+46 -0
A BLOO BLOO BLOO A BLOO
A BLOO BLOO BLOO A BLOO
spinynorman
+3 -0
It would need more hand gestures and rogue vowels to be italian, though.
It would need more hand gestures and rogue vowels to be italian, though.
hayzeus
+6 -0
(To be blubbered to 'La donna รจ mobile')
(To be blubbered to 'La donna รจ mobile')
senseihollywood
+0 -0
A comment left by senseihollywood was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by gethen, Siah, Dwilow)
A comment left by senseihollywood was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by gethen, Siah, Dwilow)
hateandwar
+3 -1
It's the alt-text that does it for me on this one:
"Please write 500 words on the subject of getting cruised by the Michelin Man"
It's the alt-text that does it for me on this one:
"Please write 500 words on the subject of getting cruised by the Michelin Man"
gompo
+0 -0
Nobody has actually done this, though. The comments disappoint once again.
Nobody has actually done this, though. The comments disappoint once again.
charchar
+72 -0
Getting Cruised by the Michelin Man:A Love Story
As a girl, I am often faced with an unreasonable quandary on the subject of auto-repair. I should be able to fix my own car, yet I inevitably make the ill-fated pilgrimage to the Jiffy-Lube when it begins wheezing and emitting a seemingly endless flow of ectoplasmic white goo from ears and mouth. Guys are never faced with the burden of upholding a stereotype whenever they want their spark plugs replaced. Lucky bastards. But I digress.
One fortune-stricken day my motorcar simply refused to move, like at all. I was late for work this day, and PMSing something fierce, and honestly not in the mood for this sort of crap. Dreading the cat-calls and condescension with which my patronage was sure to be met, I followed the only reasonable course of action; I dressed in my boyfriend%u2019s clothes, donned some aviator shades, and underwent an intensive voice-training regimen, and emerged Charlie. Now I was ready to get my oil changed.
Using my newly-acquired man-swagger, I marched into the garage and asked to speak to Steve in my low man-voice. I requested his assistance and was treated with deference and respect. It felt good. I mean really, really good. Steve recommended the best oil, not just the priciest one and I thought, %u201CHey, I could get used to this.%u201D I decided to let the mendacious burlesque play out a little longer.
With my engine now purring like Eartha Kitt, I skedaddled on about my business. It being a Saturday, I decided to check out my town%u2019s nightlife. I pulled up to my usual bar and was greeted by a rather fetching brown-eyed valet. It was then the idea hit me like an angel slapping pudding. For the moment, I was for all intents and purposes, a dude. But I was a dude openly ogling my fellow dudes. This could be my chance to be a gay dude! The garage fumes had clearly gotten into my frontal lobe and were interfering with my ability to think clearly. I realize this now.
Cut to the Peppermint Honcho, where you find me slouched miserably over the counter with a half-empty Rob Roy in one hand and a uterus full of angry kittens it feels like. What the hell was I thinking? All the guys here were prettier than me, and most of them did not smell like fossil fuels. Then a pale, gentleman of considerable gravity lowered and arranged his bulk on the stool next to mine. He placed an order for two Caribbean Screwdrivers in a soothing baritone. My mother was right; all the good ones are either taken or gay. I was jerked from the lake of my despair by the line of coconut rum and a gentle smile. %u201CI hope you don%u2019t mind me asking,%u201D he said,%u201Dbut have you been working on your car recently? I do love the smell of gasoline.%u201D I blinked at him once, twice, before he hastened in, his pale skin flushing prettily,%u201DI%u2019m Mitch, by the way.%u201D
Getting Cruised by the Michelin Man:A Love Story
As a girl, I am often faced with an unreasonable quandary on the subject of auto-repair. I should be able to fix my own car, yet I inevitably make the ill-fated pilgrimage to the Jiffy-Lube when it begins wheezing and emitting a seemingly endless flow of ectoplasmic white goo from ears and mouth. Guys are never faced with the burden of upholding a stereotype whenever they want their spark plugs replaced. Lucky bastards. But I digress.
One fortune-stricken day my motorcar simply refused to move, like at all. I was late for work this day, and PMSing something fierce, and honestly not in the mood for this sort of crap. Dreading the cat-calls and condescension with which my patronage was sure to be met, I followed the only reasonable course of action; I dressed in my boyfriend%u2019s clothes, donned some aviator shades, and underwent an intensive voice-training regimen, and emerged Charlie. Now I was ready to get my oil changed.
Using my newly-acquired man-swagger, I marched into the garage and asked to speak to Steve in my low man-voice. I requested his assistance and was treated with deference and respect. It felt good. I mean really, really good. Steve recommended the best oil, not just the priciest one and I thought, %u201CHey, I could get used to this.%u201D I decided to let the mendacious burlesque play out a little longer.
With my engine now purring like Eartha Kitt, I skedaddled on about my business. It being a Saturday, I decided to check out my town%u2019s nightlife. I pulled up to my usual bar and was greeted by a rather fetching brown-eyed valet. It was then the idea hit me like an angel slapping pudding. For the moment, I was for all intents and purposes, a dude. But I was a dude openly ogling my fellow dudes. This could be my chance to be a gay dude! The garage fumes had clearly gotten into my frontal lobe and were interfering with my ability to think clearly. I realize this now.
Cut to the Peppermint Honcho, where you find me slouched miserably over the counter with a half-empty Rob Roy in one hand and a uterus full of angry kittens it feels like. What the hell was I thinking? All the guys here were prettier than me, and most of them did not smell like fossil fuels. Then a pale, gentleman of considerable gravity lowered and arranged his bulk on the stool next to mine. He placed an order for two Caribbean Screwdrivers in a soothing baritone. My mother was right; all the good ones are either taken or gay. I was jerked from the lake of my despair by the line of coconut rum and a gentle smile. %u201CI hope you don%u2019t mind me asking,%u201D he said,%u201Dbut have you been working on your car recently? I do love the smell of gasoline.%u201D I blinked at him once, twice, before he hastened in, his pale skin flushing prettily,%u201DI%u2019m Mitch, by the way.%u201D
charchar
+18 -0
Dammit, BBCode, those are quotation marks and you know it! 500 words exactly and you fuck up basic punctuation. you know what, SCREW YOU, BBCODE, FUCK YOU1
Dammit, BBCode, those are quotation marks and you know it! 500 words exactly and you fuck up basic punctuation. you know what, SCREW YOU, BBCODE, FUCK YOU1
the_doz
+5 -1
Man, Achewood inspires people do some strange shit.
Chubby for the effort, but you can't make me read it.
Man, Achewood inspires people do some strange shit.
Chubby for the effort, but you can't make me read it.
yearsinhotclaws
+2 -0
I read it all and it was amazing.
I read it all and it was amazing.
straw
+0 -0
It's ok, I saw that you had done it and that was reason enough to give you a chubby.
It's ok, I saw that you had done it and that was reason enough to give you a chubby.
straw
+0 -0
Which isn't to say it wasn't awesome, which it totally was.
Which isn't to say it wasn't awesome, which it totally was.
scorpio_nadir
+1 -0
Nonetheless, a year or more later, your story is still...char-charming.
Nonetheless, a year or more later, your story is still...char-charming.
fuzzery
+0 -0
Brilliant.
Brilliant.
zapatos
+0 -0
Oh Mitch, you're such a player.
Oh Mitch, you're such a player.
panopticism
+0 -0
That was amazing.
That was amazing.
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
[[fans self]]
[[fans self]]
shogun
+3 -0
I want to be the Michelin Man for halloween, but just so we're clear, nobody is getting coconut rum drinks.
I want to be the Michelin Man for halloween, but just so we're clear, nobody is getting coconut rum drinks.
mindbnder
+3 -1
you would think Ray would get Quality out of an $800 costume. That costume looks like a homeless bag ladie with early onset macular degeneration sewed it while she was low on glucose.
you would think Ray would get Quality out of an $800 costume. That costume looks like a homeless bag ladie with early onset macular degeneration sewed it while she was low on glucose.
aaron_haynes
+1 -0
One of the few where the punchline is as good as the concept.
One of the few where the punchline is as good as the concept.
presterjohn
+3 -0
In college I had a buddy whose Halloween costume was a clown suit with a strategically placed hole and a comically oversized inflatable penis. And that was four years before this strip appeared .
In college I had a buddy whose Halloween costume was a clown suit with a strategically placed hole and a comically oversized inflatable penis. And that was four years before this strip appeared .
soticoto
+1 -0
He looks more like a Pierrot than a Harlequin... honestly.
He looks more like a Pierrot than a Harlequin... honestly.
cousinted
+9 -0
And we all know how much Pierrot packs:
[IMGS OFF]
HALLO, BOY!
And we all know how much Pierrot packs:
[IMGS OFF]
HALLO, BOY!
laserblade
+0 -0
^^^
THIS.
^^^
THIS.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
This is the only episode I've seen and it freaked me the hell out. Then when I'd finally made up my mind to watch the rest, I realized that the DVDs my girlfriend had gotten me in China were subtitled in Engrish. I am the guy that sucks.
This is the only episode I've seen and it freaked me the hell out. Then when I'd finally made up my mind to watch the rest, I realized that the DVDs my girlfriend had gotten me in China were subtitled in Engrish. I am the guy that sucks.
zoeofdoom
+1 -0
thanks to you guys on these boards, i shudder every time i see the word harlequin, so this strip had a layer of unspeakable nightmare draped all over it. hooray!
thanks to you guys on these boards, i shudder every time i see the word harlequin, so this strip had a layer of unspeakable nightmare draped all over it. hooray!
mugi
+0 -0
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
No, not alone at all.
No, not alone at all.
foetus_punch
+4 -0
So, I suppose showing you a harlequin baby would be just mean then?
Those things are awesome when you never want to have sex with a girl. Just let her catch you jerkin' it to a video of a harlequin baby slowly opening and closing it's asshole-like mouth!
So, I suppose showing you a harlequin baby would be just mean then?
Those things are awesome when you never want to have sex with a girl. Just let her catch you jerkin' it to a video of a harlequin baby slowly opening and closing it's asshole-like mouth!
hateandwar
+1 -0
Your idea is incredibly stupid, your description is reprehensible, but really everything you've done here just fits so perfectly with your username that I have no choice but to smile and whisper to myself, "Bravo, foetus_punch, bravo".
Your idea is incredibly stupid, your description is reprehensible, but really everything you've done here just fits so perfectly with your username that I have no choice but to smile and whisper to myself, "Bravo, foetus_punch, bravo".
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Do you only comment on past strips?
Do you only comment on past strips?
foetus_punch
+1 -0
Wow, good call. Yes, because I always show up late to new strips and I know I will not be noticed or replied to there, and I honestly come here to talk to people.
Wow, good call. Yes, because I always show up late to new strips and I know I will not be noticed or replied to there, and I honestly come here to talk to people.
tekende
+0 -0
Holy shit. No matter what else you do in life, if there is a hell, you are going there for sure just for typing that.
Holy shit. No matter what else you do in life, if there is a hell, you are going there for sure just for typing that.
wittyname
+0 -2
I'm shocked and appalled that no one has written the 500 words yet.
I'm shocked and appalled that no one has written the 500 words yet.
hateandwar
+0 -0
Someone's not paying attention.
Someone's not paying attention.
direhaggis
+0 -0
Ray first buys the clown suit before even trying it on and showing Roast Beef. I love Ray. He will blow change on even the unvalidated concept that a clown packs.
Ray first buys the clown suit before even trying it on and showing Roast Beef. I love Ray. He will blow change on even the unvalidated concept that a clown packs.
derelictman
+0 -0
Kids do hate clowns. So do adults. EVERYBODY HATES CLOWNS. How do these freaks keep getting work? Is it the biggest con job in history or what?
Kids do hate clowns. So do adults. EVERYBODY HATES CLOWNS. How do these freaks keep getting work? Is it the biggest con job in history or what?
mangtastic
+0 -0
Their main market is catering to the insane. There are a lot of insane people.
Think about it.
Their main market is catering to the insane. There are a lot of insane people.
Think about it.
spicyponyhead
+0 -0
Ouchy the Clown.
Ouchy the Clown.
hendetta
+0 -0
Yeah man, a harlequin symbolizes a clown.
Yeah man, a harlequin symbolizes a clown.
possums
+0 -0
The alt-text saves this one from oblivion...
The alt-text saves this one from oblivion...
cpnglxynchos
+3 -0
there is a Local clown known as "Giggleblast"
i am kidding. (i am definitely not kidding. there will be a picture soon enough.)
there is a Local clown known as "Giggleblast"
i am kidding. (i am definitely not kidding. there will be a picture soon enough.)
fenrox
+1 -1
Just in case anyone was wondering I have been with around 24 clowns and they all were hung.
Maybe its because they are gay? I know not the angle of a straight clowns dangle.
Just in case anyone was wondering I have been with around 24 clowns and they all were hung.
Maybe its because they are gay? I know not the angle of a straight clowns dangle.
splendorr
+1 -0
I'm so sorry for your repeated loss.
I'm so sorry for your repeated loss.
tatterdemalion
+0 -0
He...that's a Pierrot, not a Harlequin! Roast Beef, I am disappointed in you!
He...that's a Pierrot, not a Harlequin! Roast Beef, I am disappointed in you!
hehe... isn't it common knowledge that a clown packs?
This strip is underrated, I think.
Ladies often tells me i'm quite the clown.
Does this mean i packs?
Requiem and clown pax
"Shakes The Clown", the Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies, is your only required reference source. Florence Henderson learns about clown packages in the opening scenes.
You know how having a big car means you compensate for having an undersized package? How big is a clown's car?
yeah but what about how most clowns can only afford to carpool with like ten other clowns
how does that fit into the metaphor?
If one dude with a big truck has a tiny dick, 20 dudes with one tiny car must have enormous dongs. This is math.
on the street they call it loose math .
Ew.
Weird, I always thought it was floppy math.
I registered just to chubby this.
I chubbied this after registering.
Ray is great clown Pagliacci.
if I could chubby this forty times I would.
what is that a picture of??? more importantly, where can i acquire one?
If only the great clown Pagliacci had an ancient medallion that kept him from being depressed.
Sigh.
But, Doctor! I am an ancient medallion that keeps people from being depressed!
I can't chubby you enough times.