catachresis
+0 -0
A comment left by catachresis was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rowboat, blahhhhhhh, farqussus, mania3)
A comment left by catachresis was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rowboat, blahhhhhhh, farqussus, mania3)
suprememongoose
+30 -0
I just love the line "A single rose fell from nowhere and landed on the floor with a sound like an angel slapping pudding ." Gold.
I just love the line "A single rose fell from nowhere and landed on the floor with a sound like an angel slapping pudding ." Gold.
spinynorman
+5 -0
Man, I usually don't chubby people just for parroting lines from the strip, but this is prose so awkward that it is fucking beautiful.
Man, I usually don't chubby people just for parroting lines from the strip, but this is prose so awkward that it is fucking beautiful.
suprememongoose
+0 -0
I don't normally parrot, but I couldn't pass that line up. If I could work it into my daily speech, I would.
I don't normally parrot, but I couldn't pass that line up. If I could work it into my daily speech, I would.
invidious
+0 -0
Buy more pudding.
Buy more pudding.
mnemon
+0 -0
What indeed is that sound? Is it a soft 'thwack' or more of a 'plop'...
What indeed is that sound? Is it a soft 'thwack' or more of a 'plop'...
epicurus
+0 -0
A comment left by epicurus was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mortshire, bug, dj)
A comment left by epicurus was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mortshire, bug, dj)
mortshire
+2 -0
I love going to Borders with my friends and having Harlequin Recital Nite. Good times.
I love going to Borders with my friends and having Harlequin Recital Nite. Good times.
heccibiggs
+2 -0
If I'm bored in town and I've got some time to kill, I'll go to a charity shop and head straight for the section with these books, and spend some time reading the blurbs. I usually have to stop myself from laughing out loud like a dork, but it's always worthwhile.
If I'm bored in town and I've got some time to kill, I'll go to a charity shop and head straight for the section with these books, and spend some time reading the blurbs. I usually have to stop myself from laughing out loud like a dork, but it's always worthwhile.
kelsotimebomb
+12 -0
Wanna know what's even better than simply reading them?
Going to a bookstore with a couple friends and reenacting the poses on the covers.
Wanna know what's even better than simply reading them?
Going to a bookstore with a couple friends and reenacting the poses on the covers.
rykan
+0 -0
...This sounds like a worthwhile endeavor...
...This sounds like a worthwhile endeavor...
tonyhighwind
+1 -0
Thank you, kelsotimebomb.
Thank you for planning my weekend.
Thank you.
Thank you, kelsotimebomb.
Thank you for planning my weekend.
Thank you.
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
i am definately doing this.
i am definately doing this.
snowman
+1 -0
I first read this as "Harlequin Rectal Night."
Make it happen.
I first read this as "Harlequin Rectal Night."
Make it happen.
epicurus
+1 -0
Wow, I'm an asshole.
Wow, I'm an asshole.
tellumo
+9 -0
This one got a boost from the alt text: "Groaneesha lightly tapped the pewter wedding chalice. She had an announcement."
I mean, really. Groaneesha .
This one got a boost from the alt text: "Groaneesha lightly tapped the pewter wedding chalice. She had an announcement."
I mean, really. Groaneesha .
centipede_damascus
+2 -0
Come on Cornelius.
You're better than this.
Come on Cornelius.
You're better than this.
nathanielperson
+8 -0
The Mini isn't just going to get a new clutch by itself, I'm afraid.
The Mini isn't just going to get a new clutch by itself, I'm afraid.
professorhazard
+2 -0
He can't hear you. He is in the oven.
He can't hear you. He is in the oven.
caduceo
+1 -2
everyone should name their kids groaneesha (from the alt text)
everyone should name their kids groaneesha (from the alt text)
cdl146
+2 -0
... how does a woman hold two rocks?
... how does a woman hold two rocks?
darthemed
+8 -0
Usually with her hands.
Usually with her hands.
thatskotkid
+7 -0
Depends on whether she's feeling creative.
Depends on whether she's feeling creative.
snowman
+1 -0
Practice.
Practice.
clever-nickname
+6 -0
Imagine an angel slapping pudding. Go on, I'll wait.
Marvelous, isn't it?
Imagine an angel slapping pudding. Go on, I'll wait.
Marvelous, isn't it?
mattylite
+0 -0
Yes, it is. I'm gonna do it again.... yes. It is.
Yes, it is. I'm gonna do it again.... yes. It is.
sirfrederick
+2 -0
The angel is probably Blister.
The angel is probably Blister.
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
i think the pudding would taste better after having been slapped by an angel.
i think the pudding would taste better after having been slapped by an angel.
dasilodavi
+0 -0
That should be on the list of worst similes ever, right next to the one about the trash bag full of vegetable soup.
That should be on the list of worst similes ever, right next to the one about the trash bag full of vegetable soup.
norrin
+7 -0
"McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."
"McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."
aplomb
+5 -0
I don't know. That's pretty damn vivid.
I don't know. That's pretty damn vivid.
tekende
+10 -0
"The boat floated across the water in exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."
"The boat floated across the water in exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."
rykan
+0 -0
That's almost Pratchett-esque in it's beauty.
That's almost Pratchett-esque in it's beauty.
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
does... does that mean it didn't float at all?
does... does that mean it didn't float at all?
tekende
+1 -0
No. It floated just like a bowling ball would NOT.
No. It floated just like a bowling ball would NOT.
machegav
+1 -0
That line is a nigh-plagiaristic echo of a Douglas Adams line about Vogon ships.
If you knew this, I am dense, and deserve my fate.
If you didn't, that's eerie.
That line is a nigh-plagiaristic echo of a Douglas Adams line about Vogon ships.
If you knew this, I am dense, and deserve my fate.
If you didn't, that's eerie.
tekende
+4 -0
It seems vaguely familiar. But the line came from a list that purported to be the most awful similes ever written by high school students, or something along those lines.
Another good one went something like "'Yes,' Alice moaned, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on dollar beer night."
It seems vaguely familiar. But the line came from a list that purported to be the most awful similes ever written by high school students, or something along those lines.
Another good one went something like "'Yes,' Alice moaned, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on dollar beer night."
echidnaboy
+2 -0
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."
Also .
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."
Also .
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
THAT'S the page!
my youth pastor once read that at my ute' group years and years ago. glad to have the whole thing at my disposal. fanfiction.net, you are mine
THAT'S the page!
my youth pastor once read that at my ute' group years and years ago. glad to have the whole thing at my disposal. fanfiction.net, you are mine
skviiier
+0 -0
Oh holy shit, I've chubbied you after reading the very first one. Thank you.
Oh holy shit, I've chubbied you after reading the very first one. Thank you.
riotdejaneiro
+0 -0
...More like most awesome similes ever written.
He was as tall as a 6'3" tree.
...More like most awesome similes ever written.
He was as tall as a 6'3" tree.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
the two had never met. they were like two hummingbirds, who had also never met.
the two had never met. they were like two hummingbirds, who had also never met.
johnnyrocker
+0 -0
"They hung in the air in precisely the same way that bricks don't."
"They hung in the air in precisely the same way that bricks don't."
johnnyrocker
+0 -0
woops sorry didn't scroll down.
woops sorry didn't scroll down.
johnnyrocker
+1 -0
move along people nothin' to see
move along people nothin' to see
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Resolved: Bricks do not nor will they ever hang in the air like a ship.
Resolved: Bricks do not nor will they ever hang in the air like a ship.
laserblade
+0 -0
I dunno what you're talking about. That is a perfect... simile.
I dunno what you're talking about. That is a perfect... simile.
tbtabby
+0 -0
Geez...he lent so much class to the Spice Channel with his captions, and that was on the fly. I guess even the ultimate badass has his limits.
Geez...he lent so much class to the Spice Channel with his captions, and that was on the fly. I guess even the ultimate badass has his limits.
deovalente
+0 -0
I imagine slapping pudding as an annoying, somewhat gross sound. Then I think of an angel slapping pudding and I think that it is probably one of the most tranquil sounds I have ever imagined.
I imagine slapping pudding as an annoying, somewhat gross sound. Then I think of an angel slapping pudding and I think that it is probably one of the most tranquil sounds I have ever imagined.
ctrl_z
+0 -0
So descriptive, it's like I'm there.
So descriptive, it's like I'm there.
charchar
+0 -0
I know this sounds ridiculous but I will say it regardless . "Love My Way (The Psychedelic Furs) is on my stereo right now and your avatar is dancing in rhythm to it. Thank you.
I know this sounds ridiculous but I will say it regardless . "Love My Way (The Psychedelic Furs) is on my stereo right now and your avatar is dancing in rhythm to it. Thank you.
tekende
+0 -0
That is an excellent song.
That is an excellent song.
zathyr
+3 -0
Like an angel slapping two hundred and forty dollars worth of pudding.
Awww yeah.
Like an angel slapping two hundred and forty dollars worth of pudding.
Awww yeah.
riotdejaneiro
+0 -0
An angel slapping pudding would be a lot louder than a rose falling to the ground. I mean they´re angels! with heavenly powers and stuff! I bet an angel would be one hell of a pudding-slapping beast. An earthquake <-- that´s what an angel slapping pudding would sound like
An angel slapping pudding would be a lot louder than a rose falling to the ground. I mean they´re angels! with heavenly powers and stuff! I bet an angel would be one hell of a pudding-slapping beast. An earthquake <-- that´s what an angel slapping pudding would sound like
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
if an angel slapped pudding too hard, it would be splashing, instead. an angel would hold back all but the most gentle of force in order to slap said pudding.
if an angel slapped pudding too hard, it would be splashing, instead. an angel would hold back all but the most gentle of force in order to slap said pudding.
lolsworth
+0 -0
First thing I thought of after reading that: oh my God it's a Triangle and Robert slashfic. God, I'm pathetic.
First thing I thought of after reading that: oh my God it's a Triangle and Robert slashfic. God, I'm pathetic.
I found a romance novel in the shared computer room of my dorm that was worse than this. Called His Wicked Ways, it told the story of a Scottish noblewoman kidnapped by a nobleman in an opposing clan who then developed an acute case of Stockholm syndrome. The best part was when instead of shouting, "Yes! Yes!" she moaned "Aye! Aye!"
Whoah. I totally found that same book stashed in the laundry room of the apartment complex I lived in 2 summers ago. (It was bad indeed.)
My wife bought a book (on principle) called Pride and Petticoats. She said it was the worst thing ever. She took it to class and they staged an impromptu dramatic reading a'la [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Eye_of_Argon]The Eye of Argon[/a].
arg stupid html/bbcode habits
I'm actually too lazy to move out of the site frame . The Eye of Argon .
I hope that book is still in print.
With or without a working link you get a chubby for this shit being hilarious. Hard to believe I didn't know about it.
Thanks for the introduction to "Eye of Aragon," truly one of the funniest pieces of prose I ever set eyes on.
Argon, man. The element, not the Tudor queen.
I love the fact that you found a romance novel in the shared computer room of your dorm and felt compelled to read it .
I find it odd that you read it. If I found a book called "His Wicked Ways" I'd think it was a romance novel about a gay pirate and all of his sexcapades.
Come to think of it, I'd probably read it too. That book sounds interesting.
"Argh, we about to show folks jest how gay it can get in this pirate ship," shouted Captain Pinkbeard.
CAPITAL!" the first mate yelled, quaffing another mug of coconut-infused rum. "CAPITAAAAAL!"
Being unfamiliar with romance novels, I called bullshit on the existence of HIs Wicked Ways.
I was Incorrect
average rating: 4.5
unattributed quote: "No one can write a book quite like Samantha James."
One reader wrote: "I wish my husband was more like Cameron [the kidnapper]". Aaaaaaand we have a direct reference to why these things sell.
... But some Scottish girls really will do that.
Grounds for instant downgrade, mind you.
I couldn't help myself:
[url=https://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0380805863/ref=sib_dp_srch_pop?v=search-inside&keywords=again this time a soft cry&go.x=15&go.y=9&go=Go%21/]Here[/url]
Yea... shoulda known that wouldn't work. If you search for "again this time a soft cry" using the search inside the book feature, you can read the page where this phenomenon occurs. It is truly a marvel.
Booo, it won't let me read it because I haven't bought items specifically from Amazon.com (only other people who sell through Amazon).
LAME.
[IMGS OFF]
Did someone say "More"?
[IMGS OFF]
The last line should clearly read :
"Nude, he was...SO nude. Nudest he has ever been"
Dear God, that's hilarious.
That's hot.
Some friends and I walked into a friend's dorm room once to find an incest porn story on his creepy roomate's computer half-read. The part that made it especially problematic is that he called his sister like every week or so and wore a disturbing amount of leather clothing. Not even anything kinky, just lots of leather.
You... you read this book? That is cold an argument for brain-wipe technology if I ever heard one.
Back when I lived in Houston, I saw the most horrifying thing in the history of... well, ever.
NASCAR-themed Harlequin novels. [url=https://www.eharlequin.com/store.html?cid=600]
Also, I would like to echo a long line of sentiments carried by men far greater than I:
FUCK BBCODE!
That's one "Aye!" away from being a Power Rangers romance novel.