sargasm
+15 -0
I keep reading it as "Shitandie", which would be a much different product.
I keep reading it as "Shitandie", which would be a much different product.
clever-nickname
+3 -0
It didn't take me until the second read to realize it said Shitandle.
in other news, HEARTBEATZZ's glasses are hilarious
It didn't take me until the second read to realize it said Shitandle.
in other news, HEARTBEATZZ's glasses are hilarious
geysershitdick
+9 -0
I think this might be my favorite strip. The juxtaposition of these two utterly bizarre concepts (the worst invention on earth and a rapping dog who loves) is amazing. The alt text rounds it out into the funniest sans-punchline joke I've ever seen.
I think this might be my favorite strip. The juxtaposition of these two utterly bizarre concepts (the worst invention on earth and a rapping dog who loves) is amazing. The alt text rounds it out into the funniest sans-punchline joke I've ever seen.
petitegitan
+8 -0
Actually I think it's a pretty amazing invention. Candles have been left burning all night, in a flagrant display of non-safe procedures and house burning risks.
Actually I think it's a pretty amazing invention. Candles have been left burning all night, in a flagrant display of non-safe procedures and house burning risks.
tourach3
+0 -0
my roommate and i would totally buy about fifty of these
my roommate and i would totally buy about fifty of these
laserblade
+0 -0
But, what, you have to check it every five minutes?
But, what, you have to check it every five minutes?
rowboat
+1 -1
Um, the exact opposite of that, I think.
Um, the exact opposite of that, I think.
laserblade
+1 -0
I'm talking about, like, when you're not taking a shit. When you just want the candle to keep burning.
I'm talking about, like, when you're not taking a shit. When you just want the candle to keep burning.
rowboat
+6 -0
Well then, my friend, do not purchase the Shitandle.
Well then, my friend, do not purchase the Shitandle.
laserblade
+9 -0
WELL FINE MAYBE I WON'T
WELL FINE MAYBE I WON'T
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Ray will market it with a free "regular" candle for when you're not taking a shitski.
Ray will market it with a free "regular" candle for when you're not taking a shitski.
quinlaenar
+0 -0
I had to give this a chubby because I read it as Vladmir Putin getting all crazy and pissed off like he does and going "WELL FINE MAYBE I WON'T" and that is just awesome.
I had to give this a chubby because I read it as Vladmir Putin getting all crazy and pissed off like he does and going "WELL FINE MAYBE I WON'T" and that is just awesome.
belgand
+1 -0
They need to also make the Shitandle Plus for those of us who may need to take lengthy shits that exceed the 5 minute window. Shitandle Rx which is for those of us who are actually ill and is only available with a prescription. Not to mention the innovative Shitandle Ghost which is capable of adjusting itself for those times when you think you have to shit, but actually do not and will correspondingly shut off early.
They need to also make the Shitandle Plus for those of us who may need to take lengthy shits that exceed the 5 minute window. Shitandle Rx which is for those of us who are actually ill and is only available with a prescription. Not to mention the innovative Shitandle Ghost which is capable of adjusting itself for those times when you think you have to shit, but actually do not and will correspondingly shut off early.
sp1derbaby
+5 -0
I hear ya. Sometimes in work, the "smart" light turns off in the bathroom while I'm in the stall. There is no sensor in the stall ("smart") so you can imagine how fun that gets. This scenario affects my choice of mobile phone.
I hear ya. Sometimes in work, the "smart" light turns off in the bathroom while I'm in the stall. There is no sensor in the stall ("smart") so you can imagine how fun that gets. This scenario affects my choice of mobile phone.
belgand
+0 -0
My old lab had that problem as well. The back bench where I worked also wasn't really covered by the sensor and I was often the only person working in there. It's always fun to have the lights go out when you're in the middle of a delicate operation that's part of a process requiring at least a week.
My old lab had that problem as well. The back bench where I worked also wasn't really covered by the sensor and I was often the only person working in there. It's always fun to have the lights go out when you're in the middle of a delicate operation that's part of a process requiring at least a week.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
You are.
Full of shit.
You are.
Full of shit.
njury
+3 -2
Or, the Piece-of-Paper ! A brilliant invention upon wich you write that you have a candle left burning.
There is also a cheaper alternatice available for all you cheap-o's: Your-own-Arm , wich is used exactly like the Piece-of-Paper . It does have the downside of having to explain to your friends why you have written "Don't forget candle after shit." on your arm.
Or, the Piece-of-Paper ! A brilliant invention upon wich you write that you have a candle left burning.
There is also a cheaper alternatice available for all you cheap-o's: Your-own-Arm , wich is used exactly like the Piece-of-Paper . It does have the downside of having to explain to your friends why you have written "Don't forget candle after shit." on your arm.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
I wish those were available back in the day.
I wish those were available back in the day.
wehavemagnums
+4 -0
I like panel 3.
I like panel 3.
ssddr
+3 -0
Heart shaped nose on Heartbeatzz.
Heart shaped nose on Heartbeatzz.
atmus
+4 -0
Most dogs' noses are shaped like a slice of mushroom that would be found on such foods as pizza.
Most dogs' noses are shaped like a slice of mushroom that would be found on such foods as pizza.
omnidope
+38 -0
He's got bones in different area codes
He's got bones in different area codes
sumbitches
+0 -1
might be one of my favorite strips.
might be one of my favorite strips.
patkun
+5 -1
There is a total lack of irony about Ray in panel 3. The man can actually be interested in things he's never heard of.
There is a total lack of irony about Ray in panel 3. The man can actually be interested in things he's never heard of.
madmaki
+3 -0
For some reason the last panel reminds me of Cathy
For some reason the last panel reminds me of Cathy
deancain29
+12 -1
have my retarded baby
have my retarded baby
shutup_shutup
+10 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
deancain29
+1 -0
Heartbeatzz's glasses. wicked style - and he loves! (assuming he's a he)
Heartbeatzz's glasses. wicked style - and he loves! (assuming he's a he)
mercuri0us
+0 -0
What does he love??
What does he love??
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Krusty!
Krusty!
mercuri0us
+0 -0
He just loves
He just loves
biddlebubbly
+5 -0
I'm sorry Mr. Beatzz, but the kids just aren't into Love these days.
I'm sorry Mr. Beatzz, but the kids just aren't into Love these days.
direhaggis
+25 -0
Every character in this strip is wearing glasses of some kind.
Every character in this strip is wearing glasses of some kind.
spinynorman
+5 -0
MIND
BLOWN
MIND
BLOWN
nikopol
+2 -0
The juxtaposition of the heart-nose with the dog's tremendous jowls is really the core of this strip.
The juxtaposition of the heart-nose with the dog's tremendous jowls is really the core of this strip.
rowboat
+1 -0
First appearance of a dog?
First appearance of a dog?
hateandwar
+5 -0
Naw, remember Scrambles? He was lost.
Naw, remember Scrambles? He was lost.
rowboat
+0 -0
Oh, yeah! Damn, and that was one of my favorites, too!
Oh, yeah! Damn, and that was one of my favorites, too!
mercuri0us
+0 -0
Dogs are outstanding
Dogs are outstanding
dropkickpikachu
+8 -0
Using "love" as an intransitive verb is the best.
It's just the best.
Using "love" as an intransitive verb is the best.
It's just the best.
talbain
+1 -1
Heartbeatzz is a member of the Dog Pound.
It's not a rap group, it's a pound where he stays when his owners go on a cruise.
Heartbeatzz is a member of the Dog Pound.
It's not a rap group, it's a pound where he stays when his owners go on a cruise.
caseyb3
+2 -0
For maximum effect, conceptualize 'HEARTBEATZZ, THE RAPPING DOG WHO LOVES' as a full, indivisible name, like U2's award-winning guitarist The Edge.
For maximum effect, conceptualize 'HEARTBEATZZ, THE RAPPING DOG WHO LOVES' as a full, indivisible name, like U2's award-winning guitarist The Edge.
crater12
+1 -0
I love how there's absolutely nothing under "Reason for wanting on Prime Time Records"
I love how there's absolutely nothing under "Reason for wanting on Prime Time Records"
tekende
+1 -0
Heartbeetz is too busy loving to answer such questions.
Heartbeetz is too busy loving to answer such questions.
xiaomimi
+25 -0
Weekend Blogs
Teodor: Porn house moved
Today's Blogs
Ray: My health was bad but now I'm ok! Please Read This.
Onstad: New Desk
Little Nephew: Whatzz a boy 2 due
Weekend Blogs
Teodor: Porn house moved
Today's Blogs
Ray: My health was bad but now I'm ok! Please Read This.
Onstad: New Desk
Little Nephew: Whatzz a boy 2 due
mattylite
+1 -0
...in which LN uses the phrase "titty-clickin'" to describe internet porn consumption.
...in which LN uses the phrase "titty-clickin'" to describe internet porn consumption.
tekende
+0 -0
In which Onstad demonstrates he doesn't know how to write haikus, and Ray discusses taking pink shits.
In which Onstad demonstrates he doesn't know how to write haikus, and Ray discusses taking pink shits.
jjg
+0 -0
I noticed, Onstad.
I noticed, Onstad.
charchar
+0 -0
Exactly what Heartbeatzz, the Rapping Dog who Loves loves remains a tantalising mystery.
Exactly what Heartbeatzz, the Rapping Dog who Loves loves remains a tantalising mystery.
heccibiggs
+3 -0
There is no specific obeject or person that he loves. He just loves, continually. It's what he does. He can't help it.
There is no specific obeject or person that he loves. He just loves, continually. It's what he does. He can't help it.
woodenteeth
+3 -0
He just Loves, continually, laying awake at night, bursting with Love, wondering aimlessly when he's not dropping tight flows, grabbing at people as they walk by... weeping slightly.
So much Love to give.
He just Loves, continually, laying awake at night, bursting with Love, wondering aimlessly when he's not dropping tight flows, grabbing at people as they walk by... weeping slightly.
So much Love to give.
boredom_man
+0 -0
have you read red dragon
have you read red dragon
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Tell me of this dragon , I know not of he!
oh shit, i can touch type bbcode now...
Tell me of this dragon , I know not of he!
oh shit, i can touch type bbcode now...
boredom_man
+0 -1
Hey, I just read your anti-smoking rant. This isn't going to get better, between us. Ignore User it is -- we can do that one thing together.
Hey, I just read your anti-smoking rant. This isn't going to get better, between us. Ignore User it is -- we can do that one thing together.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Wait... what? I'm being ignored? Really? I feel so dirty.
Wait... what? I'm being ignored? Really? I feel so dirty.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Did...did he Ignore you because he occasionally disagreed with some of your opinions?
boredom_man is a dick.
Did...did he Ignore you because he occasionally disagreed with some of your opinions?
boredom_man is a dick.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
It is a strange thing that has happened.
It is a strange thing that has happened.
zem
+0 -0
i haven't seen the rant in question but if it is actually a rant i could see being turned off of a person entirely from it
i haven't seen the rant in question but if it is actually a rant i could see being turned off of a person entirely from it
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
I'm a non-smoker who's pretty supportive of smokers. I have my personal sins, and I would be a hypocrite through and through to infringe in kind.
But still, woodenteeth is a pretty sensible guy on assetbar. If you disagree with what he says about a quasi-political issue, then alright. But ignoring somebody for that seems pretty unnecessary.
"Ignore" should be used more on people that post numerous pics of hog-fluffing from Fire Island parties and shit.
I'm a non-smoker who's pretty supportive of smokers. I have my personal sins, and I would be a hypocrite through and through to infringe in kind.
But still, woodenteeth is a pretty sensible guy on assetbar. If you disagree with what he says about a quasi-political issue, then alright. But ignoring somebody for that seems pretty unnecessary.
"Ignore" should be used more on people that post numerous pics of hog-fluffing from Fire Island parties and shit.
zem
+0 -0
whatev, i want to see the rant now. i'm curious.
oh and you can ignore anyone you want i don't care
whatev, i want to see the rant now. i'm curious.
oh and you can ignore anyone you want i don't care
zem
+0 -0
whatev, i want to see the rant now. i'm curious. anyway you can ignore whoever you want that's cool with me
whatev, i want to see the rant now. i'm curious. anyway you can ignore whoever you want that's cool with me
zem
+0 -0
what the hell it completely froze my browser the first time i posted this and it did not appear when i loaded the page again!! argh
what the hell it completely froze my browser the first time i posted this and it did not appear when i loaded the page again!! argh
even_deader
+0 -0
Eeeegh.
OK. Woodenteeth is, in fact, reasonable. Working from a vantage of no education or cultural literacy, he gave lectures on not smoking and not having suicidal thoughts. When called out on the outrageousness of the latter, he blushed it off with a comment about how much he loves to party. I found him a reasonable, irritating nitwit, and in a fit of childish pique I told him I was ignoring him. He's not evil; he's a middle-school teacher, a social worker. I have no idea if his comments qualified as a "rant;" I don't really remember them. I was right to ignore him because he was boring; I had no need to tell him so, but as injustices go I would think that one's fairly minor.
Finepinebox, for his part, has been wandering around Assetbar, responding to all my threads, bitching about this, for a fucking year , long after I left this place as the sje & daidai shithole it had become. That is not boring; that is hilarious. I haven't ignored Asherdan, either.
Eeeegh.
OK. Woodenteeth is, in fact, reasonable. Working from a vantage of no education or cultural literacy, he gave lectures on not smoking and not having suicidal thoughts. When called out on the outrageousness of the latter, he blushed it off with a comment about how much he loves to party. I found him a reasonable, irritating nitwit, and in a fit of childish pique I told him I was ignoring him. He's not evil; he's a middle-school teacher, a social worker. I have no idea if his comments qualified as a "rant;" I don't really remember them. I was right to ignore him because he was boring; I had no need to tell him so, but as injustices go I would think that one's fairly minor.
Finepinebox, for his part, has been wandering around Assetbar, responding to all my threads, bitching about this, for a fucking year , long after I left this place as the sje & daidai shithole it had become. That is not boring; that is hilarious. I haven't ignored Asherdan, either.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Huh?! Man, this is totally outta left field! I'm goin', "What?"
Ha, seriously, though - guy comes back on assetbar and calls other people boring and bitchy, and makes a confusing, bitter statement about the whole place being a "daidai shithole" and somehow tries to sound high & mighty.
I'm sorry I responded to some recent comment in a thread you were involved in a year ago. Oh wait you just did that too!
Sorry, boredom_man/even_deader. I don't really remember you...?
Huh?! Man, this is totally outta left field! I'm goin', "What?"
Ha, seriously, though - guy comes back on assetbar and calls other people boring and bitchy, and makes a confusing, bitter statement about the whole place being a "daidai shithole" and somehow tries to sound high & mighty.
I'm sorry I responded to some recent comment in a thread you were involved in a year ago. Oh wait you just did that too!
Sorry, boredom_man/even_deader. I don't really remember you...?
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I liked the no education and cultural literacy bit. That man knows words.
I liked the no education and cultural literacy bit. That man knows words.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
The Vengabus is coming... dah dah dah dah dah daaaah dah.
I like to party...
etc.
The Vengabus is coming... dah dah dah dah dah daaaah dah.
I like to party...
etc.
zem
+0 -0
sorry i asked, all three of you look a lot dumber now
sorry i asked, all three of you look a lot dumber now
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
yeah, but none of us triple-posted, so...
yeah, but none of us triple-posted, so...
woodenteeth
+0 -0
*sigh*
*sigh*
zem
+0 -0
yes, yes, i hate myself too
yes, yes, i hate myself too
rowboat
+0 -0
SLAP FIGHT! SLAP FIGHT! SLAP FIGHT!
SLAP FIGHT! SLAP FIGHT! SLAP FIGHT!
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
this is like one of those movies where they all end up dead in a shootout over nothing
this is like one of those movies where they all end up dead in a shootout over nothing
pogo
+0 -0
The tongue could be a clue, if you've ever heard the Frank Zappa tune, "Poodle bites, poodle chews it."
The tongue could be a clue, if you've ever heard the Frank Zappa tune, "Poodle bites, poodle chews it."
inthewater
+1 -0
Now there's a musician the whole family can enjoy.
Now there's a musician the whole family can enjoy.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
it's the first thing i noticed, O.
it's the first thing i noticed, O.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
well, not the FIRST first thing but it made sense, as his name was Heartbeatzz...
i'm done.
well, not the FIRST first thing but it made sense, as his name was Heartbeatzz...
i'm done.
sp1derbaby
+0 -0
Lie Bot is such a bastard in panel five. Great strip.
Lie Bot is such a bastard in panel five. Great strip.
zapatos
+0 -0
oh Liebot, you truly are the best.
oh Liebot, you truly are the best.
vihil
+0 -0
I like how HEARTBEATZZ, THE RAPPING DOG WHO LOVES is wearing Terminator X glasses.
I like how HEARTBEATZZ, THE RAPPING DOG WHO LOVES is wearing Terminator X glasses.
fermatprime
+0 -0
guys, whatever you do, don't mention shitandlejack. he will charter a bus and oh god my pants are soiled :(.
guys, whatever you do, don't mention shitandlejack. he will charter a bus and oh god my pants are soiled :(.
carlyle
+0 -0
Who uses a fucking candle to shit.
Who uses a fucking candle to shit.
hendetta
+0 -0
I would not think that a dog would have the ability to rap in the Achewood universe.
I would not think that a dog would have the ability to rap in the Achewood universe.
aperson
+0 -0
It involves samples of barking and a dude with a gravelly voice pretending to be Heartbeatzz
It involves samples of barking and a dude with a gravelly voice pretending to be Heartbeatzz
zem
+0 -0
it took me until just now to notice that his glasses are shaped like a bone.
it took me until just now to notice that his glasses are shaped like a bone.
vulpes-aurum
+0 -0
For the first half of this strip, I thought Lie Bot was Vlad.
For the first half of this strip, I thought Lie Bot was Vlad.
A comment left by asherdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Sleeps, Zefiel, carbonbl, mikeronomicon, magnumt, Mosana, atticusonline, lk, chatterjee, Setzkin, heatbag, trawser)
I have lamed you in the past, but i give you a chubby now, and the reassurance that those that lamed this post are grudge-bearing douchebags.
Not that you still post and will ever read this or anything.
A comment left by asherdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mikeronomicon, mercuri0us, atticusonline)
aaaand someone lamed him.
Yeah, I don't know, did Asherdan piss off somebody in here some years back? All his stuff is instantly lamed, and most of his post are no more inane than the rest of the stuff here.
Asherdan is somewhat like Pat, except he's not a dick.
well
not a TOTAL dick........
Not ALWAYS a dick.
Far as I can tell, the majority of his posts are Okay. But about a third of them are passive-aggressive contrarian cool-guy dickishness of the worst sort, and that is why he is loathed by Jesus.
I'm almost afraid to call attention to it. The only standardly visible Asherdan comment?
A comment left by mercuri0us was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ted0phile, glorify, aargh, Bielebog, TonyHighwind, radioelectric, ActualTaunt, PurpleRose, Sleaw, all-star951, Miku224, cbchillcb, fakedaisies, Njury, Brosaurus, Damiel_Billiams, hurfdurf, sp1derbaby, nickb285)
I don't really think that's an acceptable reason.
Well, it earned me 8 lames for myself, so I guess I've learned my lesson.
i make a point of giving you a chubby every time i see a comment.
This was actually a good comment. Chubby.