icecube +0 -0
A comment left by icecube was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by quardox, lateadopter, cpnglxynchos)

mockereo +35 -0
I know! I've been waiting to see what Teodor's boots looked like forever!

they look just as ridiculous when they're not being worn

squidvicious +1 -0
...And Ray thought liking The Cure was silly.

jeffspaulding +34 -0
Tou...Touchy? Is that you? Are you here for my...my morning quiches?

audhumla +0 -0
A comment left by audhumla was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by c_dizzle, LexSenthur, GunsOfRay, Appers)

kindergard +0 -0
A comment left by kindergard was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by plummet, CK421, nice-on-water, chivalress, fattypneumonia, thegrayhoodie, hoarday4, Jewpacabra, cailetshadow, Locke1127, Zouski)

ratacattt +23 -1
TLOL;DR

chezthemighty +0 -0
You...you are my hero.

plummet +0 -0
you mad

fattypneumonia +0 -0
Always laaaaaaate, with your quiches.
Whyyyyy, do you wanna do me this wayyyy?

lizard +0 -0
Ray's morning quiches habit has a lot to do with that envelope from the Diabetes Results Center marked "Postmaster! FIND THIS MAN"

kestral +0 -0
Took me a good while to realise what those things were. Also, Teodor is not very tidy, shame on him.

rabbidpanda +4 -0
I enjoy the implication that he owns a single pair of pants that he wears all the time.

wjon +11 -0
They're not pants, they're pantaloons. We need to understand that's the kind of ship Teodor is running.

lexsenthur +3 -0
The kind of ship that Nathan can sense a bathroom stall away.

wingspan +1 -0
You're right. I imagine using the facilities while wearing pantaloons would give you a pretty wide stance.

jaminspoon +0 -0
Tap tap tappa tap.. tap tap tap.

lexsenthur +26 -0
"Your Honour, I am in a speed metal band, I was practicing my double bass on the can, I can see how Officer Johnson might mistake it for a request for a homosexual encounter."

"And the things you screamed at him, Senator?"

"Our band's name is 'Give Me A Blowjob Already My Flight Leaves In Ten Minutes.'"

mockereo +0 -0
i originally thought of "double bass" as in stand-up, upright bass. Like the kind in an orchestra. That would be hard to practice on the toilet.

doppelganger +0 -0
And I though of "double bass" as 32oz of ale.

jaminspoon +24 -0
Christ can't you two focus on gay sex for two minutes without it devolving into disambiguated madness

jeffspaulding +0 -0
Sure, there's nothing more natural than happy sex.

howl +0 -0
a thousand chubbies

salvar +2 -0
I was thinking of two male fish going at it. Then when I got online I saw that there was a new Achewood strip.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Says you.

lizard +2 -0
First I was imagining an upright double bass being played in a speed metal band. I moved on from this happy thought to the concept of gay sex while playing cello on the toilet, which has led me inexorably to "Bloodbath at the House of Death." Today is going to be AWESOME.

abstracttruth +0 -0
nah man it's cake
we call it "shitshedding"

fattypneumonia +2 -0
Why, back when I was your age, jamin, I had 43 movies under my belt, and I had to do it without tappa tappa tappa.

I would've killed for tappa-tappa-tappa.

jaminspoon +0 -0
OH GRANDPA YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND MY GENERATION

plummet +0 -0
jam and I are from the future, where the TV talks about the internet, a black man is the president of the US, and interracial marriage is legal

tekende +0 -0
Oh! I thought those were shelves on the wall and for some reason one had been knocked askew.

raticus +0 -0
Bah, I thought they were some charcoal sticks or something he had used to scrawl "help" on the window still.

kylexy +1 -0
Oh, that says help. Looked like H is equivalent to I?

wazza +0 -1
no, that's pretty obviously an H

lateadopter +0 -0
H=I?

achtung +0 -0
=I

wazza +2 -0
=(

smallblackdog +0 -0
HEIL!

xaxx +1 -0
It CLEARLY says H is similar to l.

mr-siegal +0 -0
As explained in 'A History of Similes', Appendix 4a.

thespoof +0 -0
damn, i saw it as HELP before but now i can only see it as an equation

wazza +0 -0
dangit and I took logic courses and everything

my apologies

thespoof +0 -0
i thought they were either refrigerator magnets or something he used to scratch the wall

kestral +0 -0
Exactly what I though at first as well.

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
No they are not shelves
They are drawers.

philophobe +1 -0
I definitely thought, "Eyebrows, of course."

snuffysmith +0 -0
aaaahh what I thought those were his legs

boots make sense thought. *sigh* i am such a motherfucker

snuffysmith +1 -0
gah. Me... make... sense..... thought!

gunsofray +2 -0
The temptation to write "4-1" is overwhelming.

snuffysmith +1 -0
I am an honest person. I don't understand this comment.

pmbarrett +4 -0
england got owned and boned, 4-1

gunsofray +0 -0
World Cup 2: Revenge Of The Germans

kylexy +0 -0
I've been waiting to see what the hand situation is with the bears. I guess they have four fingers, cat claws, and giant opposable thumbs.

kylexy +0 -0
And how Philippe types with flippers is still something of a mystery

wazza +0 -0
not really

he could be hunt-and-pecking

or in this case hunt-and-slap-with-flippers-ing

gunsofray +0 -0
Not with THAT many tap-tap-tappings.

wazza +1 -0
I type two-fingered, and I can actually tap it out pretty fast.

mockereo +0 -0
i think touch typing needs to be taught in school more than cursive writing. it is much more useful in this day and age.

mockereo +0 -0
oh and i think that it should be mandatory to take a class in basic financial literacy to graduate high school. cause kids my age are retarded when it comes to money.

gunsofray +0 -0
Yes, yes, we are financially retarded! Blame our parents, it's their damn recession ...

wazza +0 -0
when did teaching things in school ever do anything. I mean, Lyle can't even read cursive!

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
...but Lyle's natural language is cursive!

dissembly +0 -0
Nooooo wayyyyyy. Touch typing taught me absolutely nothing, and i type fine.

Cursive, on the other hand, enables you to get legible thoughts down as fast as you could type them on a computer. (I almost typed "FASTER", but then i thought, now they'll all say "Aaah so you SHOULD have learned touch-typing.")

I recall the shudders of horror that always passed through me when my sister, at age 18, would be scrawling notes with the penmanship of a six-yeard-old. Even the dots on the "i"'s where, like, little filled-in circles. Don't tell me they need to de-prioritise basic handwriting skills.

And what about attending lectures at uni? You learn about ten times more writing it all down by hand than by typing on a laptop. Thats personal experience, but i'm sure there are studies backing it up.

And maths. Sure, you don't need cursive with maths, but we ought to have SOME experience "making signs with drawing sticks" in order to be at all competent with maths skills. Maths at it's most basic levels is something you absolutely cannot learn on a computer, you need to write it down.

Now iPhone typing... that's just a whole other skillset. Seriously those things were designed by people who have never owned mobile phones. I assume they all live on the Apple campus and have no need to ever be called by anybody in the real world.

mockereo +0 -0
I have never been able to cursive write faster than my printing. And I print as fast or faster than your average cursive writer. Neither comes close to touching my typing speed.

Yes, I agree that being able to write is important, but I think printing is totally sufficient for everything that cursive can do. Hen-peck typing is rarely as sufficient as touch-typing.

To use university as an example, touch-typing is crucial for long papers. It can save you literally hours when you're copying from hand-jotted research/drafts, typing quotes from books, etc. I think cursive's advantage over printing is a much smaller gap. That's why I think typing ability is more important than cursive.

I am not arguing against all forms of writing by hand, I just think that one style is plenty, and cursive is harder to learn, less common to read, and doubtfully better than printing.

terribleman +0 -1
Hand writing is a thing of the past, and we oldies just have to accept that. As a primary language teacher, this pains me a great deal to admit, since it was a big part of my education. But basically, all you need your handwriting for these days is to sign papers. And that too will probably soon be from history.

Of course, having a fast and somewhat readable handwriting will let you use this cool thing.

dissembly +0 -0
terribleman it pains me that a teacher would say that! I'm not an oldie (well, 29 - but the point is i am firmly a part of the ridiculously-computer-literate generation), and i totally disagree.

I think you're missing the value of handwriting in everyday life! I use it constantly. I have an iPhone, two PDAs, one PC, a regular laptop and a netbook running Ubuntu, and i know how to use all them (and do so fluidly throughout the day), but i still find that writing by hand is an essential basic skill.

In lectures, in my post-grad research, at work. Just through all those little things throughout the day.

Labeling DVDs, labeling specimens, producing diagrams, making quick records of fossil specimens (**absolutely** essential for the research work i do), sorting out my thoughts, writing down phone numbers and having them quickly accessible on my desk, leaving notes for the next people in my shift, taking notes in lectures.

It would take longer, be less useful, and be unnecessarily complicated to do any of these things in electronic form. Please don't tell your students that handwriting is a thing of the past! I don't know what I would do with them after they come through our palaeontology course and end up being almost useless in the field due to a lack of handwriting ability!

terribleman +0 -0
You use handwriting constantly, you say, but you are almost as old as I am, so I'm gonna fix you in the same category as myself: The dudes who grew up in a school system where handwriting was very important. When I was in school, we were graded for our handwriting. That is a thing of the past. Fact.

Of course I don't tell my students that they shouldn't know how to write. But handwriting in our times is mainly used for your own eyes only, so it doesn't need to be pretty, like earlier. If people want to develope a nice handwritng so they can make their christmas cards more personal, of course I won't stop them. But is it essential? Not really.

My students label their DVDs with a printer. They produce diagrams on the computer, they send phone numbers to each other, rather than writing them down. They take notes on a laptop and send text messages rather than leaving little yellow post-its.
What we old timers think is too complicated to do electronically may not be so for the teen of this age. And it is this teen who's gonna grow up to attend your palaeontology class in ten years. And when some of them become teachers themselves, they are going to teach what they think is easier, not what we did in old times.

I may have been a little vague in my earlier post. Of course I recognize hand writing as an essential part of learning how to read (and write), and I know that taking notes with a pencil help some of us remember better. Everyone who can type also know how to write by hand. All I'm saying is, it is becoming less and less important.

As technology progresses, so do its uses. And kids have a much easier time adapting to this stuff than us. So when you say that note taking and all the other stuff is faster by hand, you are saying that it is easier for you . Lots of my young students would disagree with you already. Imagine what they'll say in ten years.

I use handwriting every day and will continue to do so for the rest of my life, I think. It is how I was programmed. Yet I see the signs. I see the the things I deem essential are, in fact, not. I see the digital age creeping up on you and me in the form of our children, and we need to hang on tight if we want to keep up with them.

dissembly +0 -0
Hmm, no i don't think we go into the same category at all. Handwriting wasn't graded when i was in school, it was just taught and used.

You wrote: "My students label their DVDs with a printer. They produce diagrams on the computer, they send phone numbers to each other, rather than writing them down. They take notes on a laptop and send text messages rather than leaving little yellow post-its."

...No, i do all of those things competently (i don't know how to prove this, except to say that i use all this stuff at maximum efficiency, where the bottleneck is in the computer, not the user), and i find all them faster with handwriting. "Should i list my specimens in an excel file? No way, that'll take at least an extra 30 seconds. Time is precious."

I just cannot agree with your sentiments re: "the digital age creeping up on us" - and i've seen that sentiment a lot. In fact, i'm pretty sure my generation has been exposed to that since we were toddlers - it's all just empty hype. I'm telling you, i'm more than competent with computers, better than the average of people younger than me. The idea of a "digital world" just seems like empty hype to me (although this touches on a whole bunch of other issues - including the hyping of the "information revolution" by companies who happen to trade in information technology, and find it useful to buy shallow editorials in technology magazines on this point). The idea of an illiterate culture, however, seems more likely - literacy levels are a slippery thing to begin with.

I think it's mostly a baby-boomer/Gen-X sentiment, though you telling me that we're around the same age threw me a bit. But i swear to you, this is not from a perspective of "Oh all those young folk doing away with things i thought were important" - this is from a perspective of "Oh, all those old folk not really understanding what 'digital' technology really is, and thinking the world is shifting on it's axis for some reason".

wazza +1 -0
we have to remember too that literacy is a recent thing. Our great great grandparents probably didn't read well, if they were working class, and their grandparents might not have been readers at all. Education of all children is an egalitarian ideal often tied to socialist movements (the USSR, for all its faults, did basically create Russian popular literacy out of whole cloth) but also used by modernising conservatives (Bismarck instituted the first state education system to give Germany an industrial edge). It seems to me that some trends in politics could benefit from lowered access to information, to the detriment of us all.

dissembly +0 -0
Chubby of profound agreement.

dissembly +0 -0
Just to clarify some points:

"What we old timers think is too complicated to do electronically may not be so for the teen of this age. And it is this teen who's gonna grow up to attend your palaeontology class in ten years"

- I would hope not, a person who can't quickly jot things down would not be useful in the field. Although i take a laptop into the field with me, it's only for keeping at wherever base camp is: rain and dust and a lack of re-charging ability would do it in fairly quickly. (People of all ages generally use greylead for field notebooks, in fact, because ink runs.) And the notes aren't just for you (although its best practise to type them up when you get back for the day - assuming you are doing work somewhere luxurious enough to have a powerpoint), especially when you're labeling specimens. Field conditions are conditions where you cannot expect anything to work, you have to make do with whatever is available, and you have to be able to devise systems of record keeping and map-making and keeping track of information that are not going to result in you being completely stranded by, for example, being unable to get at the information you put onto a hard-disk.

I'm not saying this as a technophobe. GPS (not the kitschy iPhone "GPS", which i'm pretty sure doesn't even use the GPS network) and digital cameras and, when there is a powerpoint, the ability to backup all your photos: all extremely useful. (And i do notice differences between me and the older workers. I, for example, am much more aware of the fact that there is essentially no reason not to snap a field picture of absolutely everything, whereas some other researchers seem to have the idea of conserving "film" ingrained into them. I'll take an afternoon to stitch several large field maps of differing scales together on computer, an older researcher will sit down and laboriously make use of sticky tape and tracing paper to achieve the effect.

So it's not "new versus old" that i'm preaching, its "having as broad a range of competencies as possible", and legible and quick writing skills are a part of that that's overlooked simply because it's so basic. That's what literacy and numeracy are all about, when it comes down to it - the basic skills that should be so fundamentally a part of the software of any human being that nobody even thinks about it past high school.

"Everyone who can type also know how to write by hand" - i question that, based on anecdotal evidence. My sister (now early twenties) types fairly normally, but she cannot write in a way that's really legible to most other people. She writes like someone in early primary school - i don't mean this as hyperbole: it's actually pretty disconcerting, and it's striking enough that most people would say there is a degree to which she is illiterate.

history +0 -0
I touch type everything on a daily basis. However, when I sit down to actually produce original ideas that I care about (i.e. not work), I still hand write them. I cannot explain it, but typing does not work nearly as well when you are trying to be creative.

dissembly +0 -0
I see your point re: cursive versus printing; if i could print as fast as i could curse, i would probably agree. So perhaps i should be arguing that cursive be retained because different people get the best results from different techniques.

In a similar vein, though, you're contrasting touch-typing with hen-peck-typing. In practice, i've never seen anybody use either method outside of the classroom itself.

I don't hunt-and-peck (except on my iphone), but i don't touch-type either. Touch-typing always slows me down, and within a few words my hands seem to free themselves and speed up to the 60 words-per-minute range (i just tested myself online then to find a realistic figure, so don't take that figure as my official stat).

kylexy +0 -0
Cursive is completely useless. Most of 4th grade was learning and practicing cursive. After 4th grade I never wrote a single thing in cursive for the rest of my life.

And on occasion I have to read someone else's cursive and it's utterly illegible.

lizard +0 -0
The only way I got through all those exams at school and uni was through cursive writing. Unless they now conduct exams with some sort of bolted-down laptop with no USB port or something, I can't imagine anyone getting through a time-critical writing assessment exercise without cursive script. I also touch-type just fine.

wazza +0 -0
bullshit... I write in this sort of jagged printing, it's about as illegible as cursive and a lot faster.

dissembly +0 -0
What's bullshit?

wazza +0 -0
that you can't get through an exam without cursive. I leave about half an hour before anyone else and I'm three papers from a triple-major BA

icecube +4 -1
Damn it. When you see that uncommented new strip you imagine yourself an allowance of mere microseconds to summarize your thoughts. But to expand, I say "Yes!" to Philippe, Mr Bear, and some brilliant comic timing on the zoom in to Emeril's message.

mockereo +0 -0
well it's not the first bad decision you've ever made, icecube. From "America's Most Wanted" to "Are We There Yet"???

jaminspoon +1 -0
A firstpost in haste is a firstpost in waste.

iwaslikebone_ +5 -0
That message was written by Teodor on his way out the window (remember, Nice Pete came to the window to get him)

lungfish +0 -0
Yes, I thought it was funny that he was willing to go naked with Nice Pete to pretend to be doing high-school shenanigans. Now I understand that he was terrified even then and fortunately had the time to leave a request for assistance.

terribleman +6 -0
That message was written by Ray drunk out of his mind. He went to tell Teodor about a spider, but Teodor wasn't there. So he clumsily wrote "HELP" on the window sill to remind Teodor to help the spider out instead of killing it. This is the kind of cat Ray is.
Anyway, the E proves it. I may have made a similar comment further down.

hoarday4 +0 -0
I'm not gonna be too hard on icecube here. I'm pretty sure all of us were thinking "YES!" when we saw Cornelius and Philippe after that multi-month meatgrinder of pain and despair.

spazdor +13 -0
I want to go on record here as saying I'm happy with this ENTIRE arc so far. So many people have been naysaying the creepy chapter, but I think the idea was suspense and what's more, I think it worked and is working beautifully. This comic became what it is by being difficult sometimes. If you're honest about yourself as an achewood fan(c'mon), you must recognize the little bit which is proud of yourself for having slogged through the excruciating parts and the drawn-out storylines and reached the payoff of understanding the characters well enough to get all the character-driven gags nowadays.

That's what's been going on this year. It was awesome and it's still awesome. It's gonna be more palatable to more people now that the forces of good are moving faster and shit is getting real, but we have been learning about the characters through a series of huge, life-altering situations all year.

He's going somewhere with this.

And as for the actual update frequency, fuckin' whatever ya'guys. Spend more time making each other laugh in the comments section.

plummet +0 -0
>Spend more time making each other laugh in the comments section.

You have to paypal me 2 dollars to get all of teh funnay for a month.

It's called the Plummet Fanflow.

plummet +2 -0
my paypal email address is plummet@smilecash.net

kylexy +0 -0
And you're lucky to get an update every billing period.

plummet +2 -0
Most of the time I just blow the money on booze and hookers with rude tits

ratacattt +0 -0
plummet@smilecash.net

This recipient is not yet registered. PayPal will send an email to the recipient explaining how to complete your transaction.

gunsofray +0 -0
Rude tits? Don't they say say "please" or "thank you"?

sn0wman +0 -0
Rude titties have a tendency to turn into fake Cheers when you chase them.

glade8tormel +0 -0
rude tits are the ones that wont come out to play, even if you ask nice and all...

sn0wman +2 -0
I've been happy with everything except Lurquilla and Maynard, or whatever the fuck their names are.

gelter +0 -0
Agreed. Are they any human beings who actually talk like that?

gunsofray +0 -0
They're cats, so, no.

farqussus +1 -0
Are there any cats that actually talk like that?

spazdor +0 -0
In real life? No.

In the Achewood world?

At least two.

ratacattt +0 -0
well now wait a minute there are billions upon billions of people and cats in the real world it seems a bit cursory to just say that none of them talk like that. What's the proof behind this theory?

wazza +1 -0
any cats that do talk like that are statistical anomalies, and can safely be ignored.

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
He now has another job besides Achewood. :/
He hadda trade down which is why he moved.
He lost his house to sub-prime lending.

That is clearly the hold-up.

jmd +0 -0
Well nobody told ME that

ratacattt +0 -0
I doubt that onstad got scammed on a sub prime loan.

lizard +0 -0
Why does nobody keep you informed, man what the HELL

ratacattt +0 -0
Quote:

I want to go on record here as saying I'm happy with this ENTIRE arc so far.

fuck no

this arc was okay until it turned into another totally implausible A-Team / McGuyver episode.

robbiemofo +2 -0
That's not fair. In the A-Team that van would have jack-knifed over an exploding ramp by now, only to have its passengers slowly crawl out in the next shot stunned but alive. Also they would have built some kind of homemade weapon out of that giant catcock, a liter of gas, and some duct tape.

"I ain't gettin' on no catcock fool!!!"

ratacattt +1 -0
okay I have to admit that sounds pretty good.

un_malpaso +0 -0
Suspense is a dish best served cold. And five months old.

deus +0 -0
HERE COMES A FUCKING HERO!!

un_malpaso +0 -1
Ray is an hero
either fucking or just dreaming of fucking

mockereo +0 -0
i'm certain this has been debated here before... but god damn is that "an" jarring when i read "an hero".

mr-siegal +0 -0
Duck your head right now!

mr-siegal +0 -0
Yes it has, to exhaustion, somewhere in the mists of time. At Denny's?

dissembly +0 -0
You have to imagine it in a really ocker accent.

"Ray isan Eeeeeeeeero, mate. Absolute bloody eeeeero."

dissembly +0 -0
I think i just outed myself for location.

mr-siegal +0 -0
You could be a member of the aussie disporia.

lizard +0 -0
Diaspora - but we're not dispersed! Physically, anyway.

mr-siegal +0 -0
I knew there was something wrong when I typed it, but you know oz; near enough etc

lateadopter +0 -0
The word you want is "dissipated."

sn0wman +0 -0
We are, however, disparate.

i_am_error +0 -0
Oh dear God, not the Known Breakfast Drink, that is almost toxic!

mockereo +1 -0
it is a non-toxic tonic.

Psh... His Known Breakfast Drink being almost poisonous? Connie is a much better publican than that. Probably tastes better than your average drink, plus has miraculous restorative powers.

abstracttruth +1 -0
some kind of port (or other fortified) wine flip, if i'm not mistaken

willt +38 -0
uh, that would be a raw egg, worcester sauce and pepper, such as did once get Jeeves, the gentleman's gentleman hired by the fop-errant and gadabout Bertie Wooster, thereafter leading to much well-documented merriment and various capers, schemes, close shaves &c.

eoinsmith001 +2 -1
Excellent! First scene of the first episode of the tv series; I was going to make that connection, but I'm happy to applaud you!

jaminspoon +1 -0
Gentl'men of distinction are you both.

spazdor +0 -0
There is balm in Gilead

philophobe +3 -0
Also: books.

zaratustra +0 -0
The constant pain distracts you from the hangover

silvereyes +0 -0
I was thinking the drink from Monkey Island 3.

This comic woke me up for the day. Just got back from the dentist and then into work - tired and grumpy. Ray has washed that away with his morning touches.

seymourglass +0 -0
You were not so far off. The Monkey Island hangover cure is an egg, a pepper and some hair of the dog that bit ya.

gelter +0 -0
I think it's just a prairie oyster (not to be confused with a rocky mountain oyster), or some variation thereof.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prairie_oyster_(cocktail)

mockereo +0 -0
we still call testicles prairie oysters in Saskatchewan. I would not ever drink that cocktail.

spazdor +0 -0
Ditto in Alberta. That's not an idiom that's vanishing soon.

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
In Colorado they are called Rocky Mountain Oysters.
And deep-fried, they are not bad.

lateadopter +1 -0
Gee, when we call testicles, we ask, "What news from the North?" But I guess you folks in Saskatchewan are already in the North, so you don't need to ask.

Is "Prairie Oysters!" how you say, "Hi" up there? That's just weird.

farqussus +1 -0
While I can understand what you are trying to say here, I don't understand HOW I can understand what you're trying to say.

randyleepublic +0 -0
Do you understand why you take the effort to understand what he's trying to say? Cause I sure don't, yet I did.

foiegrastaco +0 -0
oh man i read the mi3 reference and foolishly remembered the mixological shenanigans in mi2, thinking 'wellllp, i guess that's right'. i totally remember now. thants.

abstracttruth +0 -0
no worcester in a flip, no pepper in there either. nutmeg always. cream sometimes.
no care bout no babbywrong hugh laurie

snugelgguns +0 -0
Or, alternately it could be a variant on Auguste's "Huitre dans le merde." I didn't see a penny though.

snugelgguns +0 -0
Should have linked: https://corneliusbear.blogspot.com/2007_03_01_archive.html

nanrouchuanr +0 -0
Will the Known Breakfast Drink cure Ray of the wood he seems to be sporting?

notcool +0 -0
That's what the morning touches are for.

Pray he don't get his morning touches this go-round.

notcool +0 -0
Not the Morning Touches, that is almost toxic!

tofu_fighting +0 -0
A comment left by tofu_fighting was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by lux, willt, lateadopter, Xaxx, NotCool, kestral)

tofu_fighting +0 -0
Lame me all you like, I enjoyed those morning touches.

plummet +0 -0
oh shit this is amazing

oh my god dude

plummet +10 -0
THE POTTY IS RUNNING OUT OF MY BODY

badlion +1 -0
Did you have a run in with ol' Colonel Ephraim?
Did he use a match?

plummet +0 -0
No but O squeezed me

spazdor +0 -0
my knees are amazed

plummet +0 -0
Onstat is RUINOUS

mockereo +0 -0
Teodor has great instincts, leaving a message for help on his window sill before anything went wrong.

mockereo +2 -0
Well i suppose being woken up by Nice Pete suggesting a "run for the border" is about as wrong as a day can start. Good thinking, Teodor! Too bad nobody saw it, and a rescue was already in motion before it would have been noticed.

jaminspoon +0 -0
Mockeroo said, to no one there.
And no one heard him.
Not even the chair.

kylexy +0 -0
The frame where Nice Pete says "No." indicates the level of trouble which would reasonably cause suspicion no matter how innocent the cover story.

spazdor +0 -0
Agreed, that was definitely the big moment of naked intent.

zaratustra +31 -0
He writes it when he goes to sleep and erases it when he is woken up by someone that is not Nice Pete.

mockereo +0 -0
Chubby for a funny theory.

Sadly, thus I refute thee . The message is not there.

mockereo +3 -0
Philippe certainly is making such a ruckus. He's typing in all caps! There is an exclamation point in his by-line!

fuckyoufriday +0 -0
"Promethean" as a synonym for "kind"? That was a real stretch, Bear.

mockereo +1 -0
yeah and only eating filet? C'mon everyone knows that rib-eyes are the most nutritious cut of steak.

foiegrastaco +0 -0
filet is a steak for people weak of imagination and weaker of desire to be surprised

invidious +0 -0
Yeah, if I had to sum up Ray's culinary tastes in one word, "nutrition" would be about 6,837th on the list.

stereo +0 -0
God forgave me when I killed a man over a rib-eye.

They're that good.

tenthweb +4 -0
I think "be so Promethean as to..." is meant to be a synonym for "Have the foresight to...", based roughly on the etymology.

broad +0 -0
Well, clearly he didn't mean "helpful", i.e. Prometheus bringing fire to mankind, hijinx ensue.
"Would you be so as to - " Certainly not, "helpful". That's so Epimethean I could just - you know? "Shit myself", that's right.

scorpio_nadir +2 -0
For having premeditated and carried out various hijinx, mass pyromania and pandemic fiery shenanigans, the Court sentences you, Prometheus, to Hard Times on Fuck Mountain.

wazza +0 -0
NO ONE SURVIVED...

fuckyoufriday +0 -0
Prometheus (Ancient Greek: %u03A0%u03C1%u03BF%u03BC%u03B7%u03B8%u03B5%u03CD%u03C2, "forethought") tenthweb FTW

mockereo +0 -0
Quote:

%u03A0%u03C1%u03BF%u03BC%u03B7%u03B8%u03B5%u03CD%u

heh those craaazy Greeks.

starman11 +7 -0
He means "Promethean" as in "have the forethought" to leave flowers, as Emeril startled him half to death. Prometheus: Ancient Greek, "Forethought."

wjon +2 -0
You've both been chubbied for this, but I really don't see the etymological connection. The kind of dictionary I read suggests Promethean means daring, original or some such. This makes sense, as Prometheus was the guy who stole fire from the gods, and got his liver eaten out again and again for his troubles. This story says 'daring' yes, but not so much 'foresight' - unless he had always been angling for some eternal torture.

hatstand_mcq +4 -0
Forgive me for saying this but you are coming across as a bit of a dick. People who know things are telling you a fact about the etymology of the name Prometheus which casts a ready light on both Mr Bear's language and the myth itself. You seem ready to challenge their assertions on the scantiest of evidence.

wjon +2 -0
Call me a dick, please. Careful re-reading reveals me to be so.

re5urgam +1 -0
You dick!

un_malpaso +1 -0
A dick is in the van, waiting for you, sir. You called?

randyleepublic +0 -0
This is actually a pretty interesting point of lexacology. The name Prometheus is derived from two Greek words that, combined, do indeed approximately mean "forethought". And that, I am pretty darn sure, is what Connie had in mind. However, the word Promethean has a meaning that derives not for the meaning of Prometheus' name, but from the story of his actions. That is why the correct definition of Promethean is "boldly daring or original". It doesn't really fit as used by Connie in this strip. wjon raises a valid and interesting point and should be apologized to. Except for this: He humbled under and lost his easement.

ratacattt +0 -0
https://www.prometheusbooks.com/
damn good books

wjon +0 -0
My previous comment here has filled me with shame. You're correct that I raised a point. But I raised it inadvertently, having failed in basic comprehension and accused fine comments of being wrong in a dickish manner. hatstand_mcq was correct to call me up on this.

tenthweb +0 -0
I actually think wjon makes a good point; the connection between Prometheus' name and his nature is a bit more complex than that of his brother, Epimetheus, who tended not to think ahead, but only realised his mistakes afterwards.

scorpio_nadir +1 -0
Tenthweb thought of it first.

jmd +1 -0
Now THIS is a direction I can get behind

achtung +1 -0
i'm going to go out on a limb and say it is the same direction we were just busy being disgusted

dangelder +1 -0
Thats what she said

jmd +0 -0
A comment left by jmd was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Rhadamanthus, wazza, binlaggin)

hatstand_mcq +32 -0
Is is just me or is there a sort of Lucas Arts adventure game vibe here? To wake Ray you will need to bring the ingredients for a morning drink to Cornelius, then take the drink to Ray. The ingredients are locked in the cabinet, except for the egg. The egg is being held by a tall man. Piano music makes the tall man sleepy.

jmd +0 -0
I can dig it

plummet +3 -0
Ask me about LOOM[TM]!

foiegrastaco +0 -0
that game did nothing for my sense of pitch and made me hate music a little bit because my ubercrappy old computer would vibrate loudly and irritatingly whenever a big ol' midi F was sounded, the smart-ass

plummet +1 -0
Your computer was dropping mad F bombs on you?

foiegrastaco +1 -0
as an innocent swear-free child, i'd thought of it more as 'f' being for 'fart'. a curious aside, i was convinced that it was spelled 'faurt' until age 9 or so.

smallblackdog +2 -0
it's the faurt that counts

jbrd328 +0 -0
I weep for your circumstances.

Monkey Island is peerless.

wozzeck +0 -0
Achewood is a graphic adventure.

jaminspoon +12 -0
Yeah funny how it s-

-------------

ACHEWOOD COPY PROTECTION CHECK

PLEASE TURN TO PAGE 86 OF YOUR

ACHEWOOD ADVENTURES MANUAL AND

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING ACHEWOOD

COPY PROTECTION CHECK QUESTION:

-------------

What is the result, in inches, of IMAGE C3 IMAGE J4 - Length (in inches) of two Milton Burle penises?

-------------

A. 34"
B. 35"
C. 94"
D. 111"

-------------

*If you have lost your manual, please call 1-772-4-ACHEWD to order a suspiciously expensive replacement (addtl. outrageously expensive shipping and handling will apply)

jaminspoon +0 -0

-------------

You have selected A.
This is incorrect.
Last chance!

-------------

jaminspoon +16 -0

-------------

You have selected D.
This is incorrect.
Copy protection check failed!

-------------

All saved games deleted

All characters are now Lurquilla and Mayner

A riot has broken out in -Washington-

A riot has broken out in -New York-

All of your soldiers return home

invidious +1 -0
Thank you for taking me back to the time when 14-year-old me was trying to hack into my friend's copy of "Leisure Suit Larry."

wazza +0 -0
at 10, I knew the correct answers, and was able to play.

Even then, however, getting women to sleep with me was nigh-impossible.

deus +0 -0
What....even the hooker?

*did you remember to take off your condom and zip up before you met the police?*

wazza +1 -0
hey, come on, man, I may have been six years from the local age of consent, but I still had standards .

glade8tormel +0 -0
in my local you can't be six years from consent. but hey, we farm people...

deus +0 -0
You know that there was a way to forgo that...

ctrld D or something.

still...rad...RAD RAD RAD!

foiegrastaco +1 -0
or a spinning wheel of top halves of their faces and the bottom halves are all missing the snouty part like in teodor's one dream

coldfrog +40 -0
"Pour Drink Into Ray"
Where are you pouring it?
"Feed Ray Drink"
I don't know the verb "Feed"
"Give Drink To Ray"
Ray is fast asleep.
"Put Drink in Ray's Throat"
You don't see Ray's Throat here.
"Make Ray Ingest Drink"
You can't make that with your items!
Inventory: Morning Drink, Bathrobe, Well-aged Dignity
"Dump Goddamned drink down Ray's Goddamned Throat"
You aren't carrying a goddamned drink.
"FUCK!@#%TEAVVJKU908765FFG"
What?
""
...
""
...
""
...
"Administer Ray's morning drink"
You pour the potent concoction down the comatose cat's gullet. He begins to stir.

coldfrog +1 -0
Dammit, I swear I know the difference between a text adventure and a SCUMM game - I think I will have to prove it essay form using only the permitted verbs.

wozzeck +1 -0
Rest easy, coldfrog. The truest of old-school graphic adventures made you type, too. Often as a dragon approached, or a wizard readied his wand.

vermy +0 -0
The text-parsers only gave me minimal problems; what got were the puzzles where you had to walk in just the right manner to avoid dying or losing a valuable puzzle item.
I'm looking at you, Hugo II

jaminspoon +4 -0
Chubbied for pausing to scan BBS for walkthrough

un_malpaso +0 -0
Given my habitual repeated frustration with the Zork dialect, I would have gone with "drop drink Ray"

silvereyes +0 -0
I swear I didn't read this while I posted above. However, I am glad I read it, and I will return to read it again. It's that good . Wasn't the egg on the beach with the bird?

hatstand_mcq +1 -0
Okay, this is going to blow your mind. I haven't played Monkey Island 3 . I just thought the situation seemed quite adventure-gamey. Apparently I have cracked the Lucas Arts algorithm. Perhaps Tim Schafer is going to come to my house to give me some sort of trophy.

plummet +1 -0
Hatstand_mcq wins Oasis

dougthehead +0 -0
Wow. I believe this is the first time Mr. Bear and Emeril have ever talked to each other in the comic.

hatstand_mcq +0 -0
They did go trashspotting together in a blog post. Emeril gave Mr Bear a smoked turkey leg.

falseprophet +9 -0
His blood still warm from the embrace of liquor, he calls out for his whore to relieve him of other fluids. Leave the mixed race child in the hall. Let no light crack through the door. Cover his hears and save him from his mother's moans of ecstasy. Don't let him ask if they are real or fake.

falseprophet +0 -0
*ears

usversusthem +0 -0
I'll be honest, I kinda liked hears

foiegrastaco +0 -0
'hears' is so much more cormac mcarthy

jaminspoon +1 -0
yeah but there's too much punctuation, and there needs to be a metaphor about drowning your injured dog in a horse trough to prevent his suffering the morning after you lose your virginity in the gazebo behind the burned down house of a black man who neither tells all lies nor the complete truth.
Also everyone should have AIDS.

shelbydavis +0 -0
"Why, oh why did somebody have to bring up Cormac McCarthy?"

fattypneumonia +0 -0
Yeah man, what gives?

foiegrastaco +1 -0
he used the word 'woad' in 'the road'. i guess it's a plant, but i couldn't stop pronouncing 'road' as 'woad', in my brain.

jaminspoon +1 -0
Apparently you haven't heard the Audiobook of The Road as read by Barbara Walters.

lizard +0 -0
I was thinking Elmer Fudd, but Barbara Walters works for me

wazza +0 -0
Woad is a plant native to the British Isles and used, amongst other things, to make the blue shit the guys in Braveheart wore in place of shirts.

smallblackdog +0 -0
I should point out you have to eat it first to make the blue shit.

daidai +0 -0
not always

smallblackdog +0 -0
I was being fecetious.

daidai +0 -0
That pun slipped through the crack

aperson +0 -0
Alright alright jeez.
It fell between two stools.
happy now?

howl +0 -0
Apparently woad is not actually psychoactive as I've been told. Not only that but there's not much evidence to say that it was used as a body dye. ):

un_malpaso +0 -0
OK everyone, let's have a Faulkner version. Start.. now!

cartilagehedd +1 -0
*ear are some of their ands.

hatstand_mcq +4 -0
That Raymond, Man of Action, may
A new day begin,
Leave the mixed race child in the hallway
Let not the light come in.
So his whore can wake him in the morning
And stir him from the embrace
Of the warm liquor of the evening
And his drunken nights disgrace.
Like a long legged fly upon the stream
His mind moves upon silence.

jaminspoon +0 -0
Cover them with fried-egg earmuffs forevermore

miaou +0 -0
Eggphones?

teezee +3 -0
The Known Morning Drink

The egg sloshes softly into the empty carafe
The worcestershire glistens
The spices promise a new day

But wait...
The yolk hides a knife
The sauce is really acid
Spices, gunpowder are

OH SHIIIIIIT

bobcat +0 -0
Is this an actual quote? Sorry I'm not very well read.

jeffspaulding +0 -0
nl;dr

missbee +4 -0
"not literate; didn't read"?

woodenteeth +0 -0
Hey Gang! Falseprophet is back
*excited muttering*

*Grease soundtrack music fades in*

hedonismbot +1 -0
I am holding back my balloons and huzzahs for the return of a man with an Edvard Munch avatar. It is written, he shall return in glory.

hamscout +0 -0
Would you settle for some ham, with his [IMGS OFF}?

kindergard +1 -0
That's another thing. WHY are the images off? Ain't we all adults or man childs here? WAS it some ass waggin his tiny dick all over the place? IS THAT WHAT CAUSED THIS PROBLEM? Was there some problem with trade marks being misappropriated or sensibilities being offended? WE ARE discussing a 'comic' that of late has dealt with a homicidal cat battering an old homosexual and a preference questioning bear along with lawn doody, illiterate trash, and Denny's. I don't know what your nightmares are made of, but god damn I think I can handle whatever picture, image or vision Hamscout has crafted with his or her paws, hands or via assist chimp and as an AMERICAN, (back off here hatstand, go queen-tipping or whatever you brits do when you're not dissolving the empire)I DEMAND ON BEHALF OF ENTERTAINMENT SEEKING AMERICANS that images be ON! ON! NOW! muthurfuckinupdatealreadycomeoncomeon... What?!
IMAGES NOW! IMAGES NOW! IMAGES NOW!

ratacattt +0 -0
images are off because people kept using them to call URLs that weren't images, using it as an attack vector on assetbar, and whoever made assetbar decided it was easier to turn off images than to fix any of the security weaknesses in assetbar. If you notices a lot of people's status is 'rb was here.' that was done by someone (not me) with the help of the images.

anyway, if you want images, turn on your TV. I like that images are off. It really improves the quality of the content on here. Things have improved greatly since images broke.

dissembly +0 -0
...except newbies like me aren't in on 13% of the choicest jokes in achewood discussion page history.

(I assume they are the "choicest" jokes because i want to get them so much.)

ratacattt +0 -0
yeah, that is true.

stereo +0 -0
Yes, already_in_use exploited the image tags to basically break the strip rating and chubby system and the admins found it easier to disable images completely.

ratacattt +0 -0
no, they actually fixed those exploits. disabling the images was a reaction to another exploit by someone else. You're giving me too much credit. my exploits were not as sophisticated as the ones that followed by this other person.

hedonismbot +0 -0
You are indeed the hungry man's Edwell.

bedsidestory +0 -0
Joey, Let's make some Wake Up Juice !

eoinsmith001 +1 -0
Possibly it was done in haste, but I notice Teodor has used a Ray Smuckles 'E' in his "HELP" message... also, I like that Ray sleeps avec ses lunettes!

sonofkong +1 -0
Ray is being forced to care about his people. Ray has not been paying attention.

hatstand_mcq +3 -0
That 'clink' as Mr Bear stirs his potation indicates that he is using his favourite 1920s silver swizzle stick. He's really bringing his A Game to this Breakfast Drink, and he doesn't care who knows it.

jaminspoon +0 -0
Your attention to detail is vaguely arousing.

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
There should be a Talk Like Cornelius Bear day. It is seriously great linguigation.

Firefox spellcheck does not like linguigation.
Screw you, Firefox spellcheck.

wazza +0 -0
that is because it is not a real word.

scorpio_nadir +6 -0
Fuck along now, wazza. I have the sneaking suspicion that you take your pedantic literary parameters from the same drab database that classifies Judas Priest as classical music.

plummet +0 -0
I say !

iwaslikebone_ +2 -0
Ray, who has been fabulously wealthy since selling his soul, still sleeps underneath a pauper's blanket to remind himself and those he chooses to share a bed with that all wealth, indeed all things, are transient, and we may find ourselves returned to our original state by and by.

gelter +1 -0
Ray is just the sort of dude who has four or five beds throughout his house, each for a different purpose. This is his "drunk bed," a bed without the bells and whistles of, say, the "bone bed"; but, most importantly, it happens to be located in the darkest room of the house. Given Ray's lifestyle, it is the bed most commonly featured.

red-barchetta +0 -1
Ray Smuckles gets things done!

mockereo +0 -0
but he has not got them done yet!

wazza +0 -0
not this early in the morning he doesn't

wingspan +0 -0
Ray Smuckles gets things done to himself!

capslock_annliv +5 -0
Lord, that image of sleeping Ray... it feels like home.

lonestar52 +0 -0
H EL P

mensch +0 -0
H EL L N O

hyetal +0 -2
DEUS EX MACHINA

willt +0 -0
RAY-US EX MACHINA

mockereo +0 -0
saved by Machine Tina?

willt +0 -0
shaved with a split femur?

mockereo +1 -0
no not rhyming i meant that Ray's Ex, Machina --> Machine Tina.

willt +0 -0
I know what you meant. My question stands.

mockereo +0 -0
femur from a tamed lemur?

wazza +0 -0
driving my shamed Beemer?

mockereo +0 -0
touching a shamed tweener?

willt +1 -0
Laming a famed wiener?

stonecrab +0 -0
shaving my lamed beaver?

un_malpaso +0 -0
Reaming Justin Bieber?

wazza +0 -0
THAT IS NOT THE WAY!

The correct form would be:

Reaming my famed Bieber?

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
Envelope' Martinez is an ex-machinist.

jeffspaulding +1 -0
I thought Philippe was cute as a button typing the History of Similes

[so much so I'll forgive his typo]

hatstand_mcq +11 -0
I think you'll find he was attempting to write a history of Miles, as in Frank Miles, the bisexual Victorian portrait artist, and putative suspect in the Jack the Ripper murders. Philippe presents a convincing and passionate defence of Miles as a draughtsman and artist, but his understanding of the archived materials is sometimes shaky, and much of the autobiographical detail has been better covered elsewhere. However, we should be tolerant of these small flaws because he is five.

jaminspoon +0 -0
4/5 stars.

hamscout +2 -0
History of Similes ? What's that like?

lizard +0 -0
Like sharing a set of wooden dentures with a retired Soviet submarine commander during a fish meal.

lizard +0 -0
Like discovering half a blowfly mid-sandwich.

dissembly +0 -0
I once had a Russian entomologist give me a look of horror after i had bitten into a carrot. Apparently he had been looking at a very interesting beetle on that carrot.

lizard +0 -0
Like being pinned beneath a toppled softball trophy case while static-embued AM talkback radio discusses immigration policy at full volume

lizard +1 -0
Like a masturbating monkey in a children's petting zoo.

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
Dunno about that monkey, but the blind kangaroo Ziggy at the petting zoo by the Lake always gave the kids something to ask mom about...
R.I.P. Ziggy!

mensch +1 -2
So this means that we have been gypped out of Philippe's homecoming. No emotional payoff for the last decent arc.

Come-on man!

doppelganger +0 -0
Mensh has got narrative blue balls.

lucidz +0 -0
And you mispelled mensch

jaminspoon +1 -0
He spelled it the lutheran way.

teezee +0 -0
We also never got emotional payoff for when Todd mysteriously stopped wearing a thong.

teezee +0 -0
I hit post when I meant to do this instead .

Fail.

ratacattt +0 -0
God I hope there are some fresh naked pictures of fornicating cats and dogs on Google for me to masturbate to this evening. The same old results 5 days in a row now are getting hard to get off on.

ratacattt +1 -0
Shit I hit post when I meant to do this instead.

lizard +0 -0
I am so fired.

wazza +0 -0
I'm not sure a homecoming scene would serve any purpose. We know what's happening with Phillipe, we can see it in our mind's eye. Any more is just hug-porn.

urbanoutlaw +0 -0
Ray is about to be Very Disappointed.

mullin +0 -0
Ray Smuckles is the greatest hero of our times.

jeffspaulding +0 -0
Cool nostalgic 1980's avatar: everybody's favorite otherworldly, adolescent boy-loving, freaks.

rabbidpanda +4 -0
So is Brisket36 the code for getting Connie to summon Ray? I suppose it makes sense, since Cornelius is a tough dude made tender over time.

foiegrastaco +0 -0
well played

neonfreon +1 -0
i think it was just a word that was obviously codewordish, and that it had not been discussed ahead of time. when it is serious business and roast beef is calling for help, there is really only one plan of action available.

abstracttruth +0 -0
*deletes joke about Rod Huggins/fatty pieces bathing in meat sauce*

vermy +0 -0
Or that Ray is a tender dude underneath a delicious layer of fat that is served best with Irish alcohol?

zaratustra +0 -0
Ray's mother is hell of worried about his mandibular potential.

deus +0 -0
BUT..but he can rip a mans face off!

philophobe +0 -0
Well, obviously Cornelius is Jeeves, but I suppose, what, that makes Ray Bertie Wooster, and Beef Bingo Little? Not sure how I feel about that.

varnish +0 -0
I can easily see Molly as Rosie M. Banks, female novelist. (AKA, Miss Lady)

hellofmustache +0 -0
You know Ray pronounces it "Kwi-cheetah"

foiegrastaco +1 -1
'quicha'= pussy, 'quichita' = tiny pussy =(

gladi8orrex +6 -0
he's a cat

foiegrastaco +1 -0
whoever lamed me is maybe going through the Change.

foiegrastaco +1 -1
my first lame. today ain't a proud day around the taco household.

heath +0 -0
Lamed ~ but just to toughen you up.

plummet +0 -0
THIS DUDE IS ICE COLD

wazza +0 -0
and he has got no mercy.

usversusthem +2 -0
It's all become so clear in the 'fore-noon light. Onstad was going through some rough chuckles and wasn't sure if he had what amounted to talent anymore at all so he spent a few weeks studiously producing putrid comics so as to heighten the effect on the senses of the end of the arc to an extreme degree, thus producing what will come to be called probably his masterwork once all the pixel-shavings have settled and we are left to talk such things out among ourselves in the faded livingrooms of mid-twenty-first century online chats.

usversusthem +1 -1
Or maybe he actually though Mayner and Lurquilla were viable comic offerings. We may never know.

wazza +1 -0
I liked them

randyleepublic +0 -0
Liked? What do you mean liked? We ain't see the last of those rascals by any means!

wazza +0 -0
in their appearances thus far, I have liked them.

wilbur +1 -0
Philippe needs to do more research. That picture actually hangs in my grandparents' guest room and for some reason it used to terrify me when I was Philippe's age.

randyleepublic +1 -0
He's laughing cause the nails are dull.

jar +0 -0
and because they tickle.

mockereo +0 -0
and cause he knows its no big deal. He'll brb.

terribleman +1 -0
and Judas slipped him some acid before supper.

wazza +3 -0
woah, holy shit, dudes, these crackers are, like, part of my hands... wanna eat part of my hands ?

plummet +0 -0
dude

you guys

this water? it's totally wine

fucking wine, dude

terribleman +0 -0
He is so happy.

wazza +4 -0
but it's, like... it's my blood...

we gotta remember this in the morning, guys

it's so...

it's so important

gladi8orrex +2 -0
yall ever get the feelin' dat errytime u come close to like, a goal, u find it suddenly jumps further up n now ur further form it n den each time u close teh same fuckin' thing happens? thas were m at wit movies man, there like, so fucking many of them n each time i think m like gettin' 'within range' its like, holy shit some more come to my attention.

lemmy +2 -0
Your goal with movies, perhaps, is to watch all of them?

jaminspoon +0 -0
Giving it depth lessens it.

jaminspoon +0 -0
yeah man, yeah :(

cryztal +0 -0
Morning Touches will not wake you up.

mr-siegal +0 -0
but, in my experienc, only for a few minutes.

mr-siegal +0 -0
e

wazza +1 -0
what I like about this is the mystical quest sort of feel Emeril gives it... "Only you can summon him or so it is said" like there's prophecy about this moment.

Cornelius is the Chosen One.

fjak +1 -0
the cryptically named "brisket36" is emeril coming to connie for help

gabriel +0 -0
I thought the same thing.
Also, props for your avatar. The Moon & Antarctica is one of my all-time favorite albums and Modest Mouse is my favorite band; I almost made that my own avatar when I made an account (not knowing anybody else had).

stereo +0 -0
No, this is Emeril trying to figure out what 'brisket36' means.

When Ray wakes up, he will ask Ray, as they are buddies of rough times.

wazza +0 -0
in other news, water is wet.

overmedicated +8 -0
The Team Assembles.

mockereo +5 -0
If you have a problem,
And no one else can help,
And if you can wake him,
Maybe you can hire...
*powpowpowpowpowpowpow*
The Ray-Team

prof_yazoo +0 -0
Whoah... that is it...

That is the hidden truth that has slumbered within this arc unnoticed, thus far, but suddenly illuminated by the flash of this comment.

The truth: These 'Achwardian' characters are reincarnations of the A-Team.

And what a majestic and terrible truth that is.

mockereo +1 -0
Connie: Hannibal
Ray: B.A.
Emeril: Murdoch
Roast Beef: Also Murdoch

randyleepublic +0 -0
Teodor: Also Murdoch

plummet +0 -0
OH GOD CAT

I keep forgetting there is a cat in that picture

jeffspaulding +0 -0
I had always thought is was a bong (I need a better monitor)

wazza +1 -0
maybe the cat has been made into a bong

mockereo +0 -0
the guy who thought he was a genius when the apple bong was invented...

he was so wrong

plummet +0 -0
I read this as dong

I was like WWWWAAAAAT?

direbmem +0 -0
You just want to see more cat cock, don't you? All seeing "cat" and "dong" in the same sentence and everything. I'm on to you, pervert.

lizard +0 -0
"he was so dong"? Man what does that even MEAN?

terribleman +0 -0
A dog saying this makes my feelings on this asset so pro.

ironshrew +0 -0
Hot damn!

microwave +2 -2
i feel like mr.bear's dialogue was hella forced in this one, like you're losing it

i dunno, whatever

scorpio_nadir +1 -0
What a cracker remark. I dub thee Lame.

And meanwhile, Mr. Bear's internal dialog is reminiscing fondly about Polly, possibly with these lyrics...

She came in through the bathroom window
Protected by a silver spoon
But now she sucks her thumb and wanders
By the banks of her own lagoon

Didn't anybody tell her?
Didn't anybody see?
Sunday's on the phone to Monday,
Tuesday's on the phone to me

She said she'd always been a dancer
She worked at 15 clubs a day
And though she thought I knew the answer
Well I knew but I could not say.

And so I quit the police department
And got myself a steady job
And though she tried her best to help me
She could steal but she could not rob.

nice-on-water +1 -0
Once there was a way...to get back homeward...

sonofkong +0 -0
Oh dang what is that in my eye no Paul McCartney I am not crying I am fine leave me alone

hoarday4 +0 -0
It's the "you little shaver" remark that feels really out of place.

terribleman +1 -0
Oh really?

semi_retarded +0 -0
I like the idea of the collection of the Achewood Team in a form of efforts to save Teodore! I'd say I'm excited for this strip to be going somewhere but I feel the next installment won't be up until past the 20th.

boneman +2 -0
I had two specks of dirt on my screen perfectly placed to give Cornelius a most disturbing pair of pupils in panel 5.

...is it safe to look yet?

wingspan +0 -0
Is it safe?

doppelganger +2 -0
Yes, it's safe, it's very safe, it's so safe you wouldn't believe it.
Is it safe?
No. It's not safe, it's... very dangerous, be careful.

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
EOGGGHHHEEEEOWWWWHOWOWWWWW!!!!!!

foiegrastaco +0 -0
haha my dirty screen has a couple spots that end up being accidental punctuation (usually commas!)

jetbunny +0 -0
[IMGS OFF]

hellooooooooooooo

jetbunny +1 -0
I HATE YOU ASSETBAR

DIE IN A FIRE

terribleman +0 -0
I love that you are trying to do this.

cracklewater +1 -0
Do you think that it is rad to have ejaculations on your monitors Guys

lizard +0 -0
I am liking for very much the ejaculation making much mess. This am for me life special purpose.

cab234 +0 -0
Philippe's History of Smiles will be the seminal work in the field of Smilography some day.

mockereo +1 -0
... lets call it the pioneering work.

Seminal smiles are cumshot porn compilations.

kindergard +0 -0
would it have too much trouble to provide a link?

kindergard +0 -0
shit, syntax. can i has link?

sherief +0 -0
This is a remarkable reprieve from all the shit we've been waist deep in. I daresay it's even funny. And in under two weeks!

theirateturk +1 -0
While this comic isn't a 5 by any standard, the phrase "Only you can summon him with your Known Breakfast Drink it is said" is such a classic and great achewood line and demonstrates that Onstad is a genius cut from a different cloth.

doppelganger +2 -0
Quote:

Onstad is a genius cut from a different cloth

Considering the frequency of updates, I'd guess chintz.

majestictrout +0 -0
It seems like a 6 in the context of the previous strips. The creeping suspicion of Teodor being gruesomely murdered has been replaced with the mental image of Ray bursting through the side of the van.

rayaskoolaid +21 -0
OH YEAAAHH!

plummet +4 -0
AL-
QAEEEEEEEEEDA

*CRASH*

thespoof +0 -0
you made an account for this post, how could anybody not chubby this.

terribleman +0 -0
All out, sorry. Will come back and chubby later.

terribleman +0 -0
Done.

abstracttruth +0 -0
Unremitting hilarity, a la Sartre.

lizard +0 -0
Oh awesome, you just drew my attention to my all time favourite Achewood strip. This speaks well of you, and no doubt very poorly of me. Note that in my humility withers the defining anti-vanity of the decade that was *WOE*

Also out of chubbies. Sorry dude.

lolsworth +0 -0
I've said it before: the English language is Onstad's bitch. I'd even suggest that his use of language is what's kept the third act of this story arc bearable. "So see you this synod of Canaan".

missbee +1 -0
Even French is a little bit his bitch

crom +0 -0
France is everyone's little bitch.

wazza +0 -0
except most of Africa

scorpio_nadir +1 -0
Ou en d'autres termes,
-lalalalala-
même le français...
est un peu sa chienne.

Visualize me singing this like Yves Montand, missbee.

ratacattt +0 -0
would the correct term be 'biche?' it doesn't have quite the connotation it has in English... oh well

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
Look who's being a biche about terms. But, you're probably mostly right.

ratacattt +0 -0
no I take that back there's some other term that's more correct I'm sure. 'biche' is more of a diminutive than anything.

wazza +0 -0
I think you mean a bite about terms

https://www.orbilat.com/Languages/French/Vocabulary/French-Uncensored.html

missbee +0 -0
I am visualizing, and I am swooning.

nice-on-water +0 -0
KSHK

bika +0 -0
Oh thank god

granularsilica +0 -0
I've seen a "Colgate" picture of J.C., otter boy.

kharmsengine +0 -0
Morning wood.

lolsworth +0 -0
Morning would?

plummet +0 -0
Holli would!

lolsworth +0 -0
If she could...

history +0 -0
would Quichita? Is it part of the turn down service?

jeffspaulding +1 -0
Philippe Quote:

Did you know that there are no pictures of Jesus smiling with his mouth wide open? It's true!

Cornelius Quote:

Verily you say.

[Cornelius permits himself a rye smile at his clever KJV reference that flew furlongs overhead of his little friend]

wingspan +0 -0
Rye smile? Is that a clever way of insinuating the cultured bear's teeth are not white?

plummet +0 -0
I believe our merry man here meant a wry smile, or at least an approximation of the sort, if I may.

Or you may be correct in assuming that he is poking fun at the aged bear's chops. He has a British manner, and we all know how their teeth are.

jeffspaulding +0 -0
Unfortunately just a standard fuck-up.

wingspan +0 -0
If it's any consolation, I did check to make absolutely sure "rye" and "wry" are always spelled differently because I would not expect such a mistake from you.

scorpio_nadir +1 -0
A shot of rye in the morning is Cornelius' standard mouth-rinse, and apparently jeffspaulding's as well. Verily.

anzio +0 -0
It's gonna be much more fun reading through this arc when it's complete. These two week plus waits for an update just kill the momentum for me, though I certainly can say only a comic such as this could make me wish for more as often as possible.

duperando +1 -0
I think just about any comic containing a combination of Philippe and Cornelius is a winner. And I love how Ray looks when he's lying in his bed-- his face is drawn differently, and he always looks hilarious.

funcrusherplus +1 -0
Right Ho, Onstad!

soundpilot +2 -0
Thank god its almost over. All spring and summer.

Bless you Ray. I have missed you as much as a human being can miss a drawn alcoholic internet cat.

woodenteeth +1 -0
Here's something for you all. Smile. Right now. See if you can stop yourself getting a little burst of endorphin-happy-goodtimes.

plummet +0 -0
my cheeks hurt

plummet +1 -0
the ones on my face

just gonna stop you guys at the pass there

scorpio_nadir +1 -0
Fuck you.

woodenteeth +0 -0
Fuck you too darling.

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
Only when it's funny.

woodenteeth +0 -0
What if I pull a face?

lizard +0 -0
What, you both need to be dressed as identical elephants before you put out?

stereo +0 -0
No endorphins for me.

stereo +0 -0
By which I am obviously cleverly referring to the fact that Batman is an orphan.

woodenteeth +0 -0
Poor Batman. No Dolphins.

missbee +0 -0
How does this WORK oh my goodness

wazza +0 -0
it's better living through chemistry, missbee

mockereo +1 -0
facial feedback hypothesis. Hello Psych 101!

missbee +1 -0
smiles and hugs for everyone!

cartilagehedd +0 -0
Everyone?

missbee +0 -0
Yes! Even you, Cartilage Head!

wazza +3 -0
You have proved yourself a sweetheart who would hug a gelatinous man.

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
Onstad, I'm warning you, don't let this plotline go begging!

ratacattt +0 -0
as long as it includes a masturbating monkey in a children's zoo I'm all fore it.

wazza +0 -0
when I was 12, my school went to the zoo, and one of my classmates used an entire roll of film documenting the masturbatory habits of a male baboon.

ratacattt +0 -0
Oh my... that was me! what a small world this is

lemmy +1 -0
confirm for me, which side of the bars were you on?

wazza +0 -0
I was sort of off at an angle, looking at this guy and wondering why he wanted so many pictures of rock hard baboon cock.

missbee +0 -0
D'aww. I should not be proud of being good. I should be good and that's that!

granularsilica +0 -0
Virtue is its own reward.

deusoma +4 -0
I just realized this whole 'Nice Pete high school' thing has been going since May . Damn, I can't wait until this one wraps up.

jmd +0 -0
A comment left by jmd was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by wazza, deus, kestral)

deus +1 -1
why do you make me lame you?

jmd +1 -2
I desperately hope you see the irony in what you've done

wazza +2 -0
I don't see anything like iron in Deus' comment

jmd +0 -0
You guys are basically BK Chat Zone moderators

deus +2 -1
I

deus +1 -1
WANT

deus +1 -1
TO

deus +1 -0
KILL

deus +1 -1
YOU!

jmd +0 -0
A comment left by jmd was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by wazza, deus, kestral)

scorpio_nadir +1 -1
Thoughtfully multi-lames desu....deus, whatever.

deus +0 -0
You don't understand assetbar....FUCK STEREOTYPES!

puguglypress +0 -0
I am sorry. "Have it your way" I guess.

jetbunny +0 -0
Every time I see "little shaver" in use, it fills me with happiness.

lolsworth +0 -0
Hayup.

bluecloud +0 -0
i love it!!

tetsujin +0 -0
Didn't Philippe just get home at this point?

missbee +0 -0
He got home and just immediately had to start writing this. He was Inspired.

cromar +0 -0
I don't see anything in this strip that would suggest more than a passing commonality with Wodehouse's work.

achtung +0 -0
scroll up, see ingredients for morning pick-me-up, remove sandy dildos from orifices :)

achtung +2 -1
perhaps i am harsh, i am sorry for being harsh, but "passing commonalities" though, fuck that, okay

cromar +0 -0
Morning tonics aren't an invention of Wodehouse. Merely mentioning a morning tonic isn't a reference to Wodehouse.

ASSSSSSHOLE

marinesnow +0 -0
the ingredients of the tonic are the same as the one jeeves makes, angry man

marinesnow +0 -0
consider:

"I have had occasion, I fancy, to speak before now of these pick-me-ups of Jeeves's and their effect on a fellow who is hanging to life by a thread on the morning after. What they consist of, I couldn't tell you. He says some kind of sauce, the yolk of a raw egg and a dash of red pepper"

from Right Ho, Jeeves

cromar +0 -0
Yessss I have read it a couple times. These drinks are not an invention of Wodehouse. Therefore it is only... a passing commonality!!

Anyway all in good fun, and can't see me being the mean one when you said I had a sandy dildo in me bum.

terribleman +0 -0
That is a Ray Smuckles trademark E if I ever saw one.

crom +2 -0
I hope this arc ends with Chucklebot and Nathan getting married.

plummet +4 -0
ROCK AND ROLL FAGGOT WEDDING

rocknrollfaggot +0 -0
nathan best not be bringing his prime time-friendly faux dago sexuality, however

thespoof +0 -0
this arc just went from a 6 to a 7

mockereo +0 -0
considering a rating of 6 or 7 on a 1-5 rating scale... wow you really like big dicks and dumb hicks.

wazza +0 -0
preferably at the same time

dybrar +0 -0
I know they're really only his spectacles, but god damn do Cornelius' glowing eyes disturb me on some almost primal level.

tetsujin +0 -0
H=1?

terribleman +0 -0
WODEHOUSE!

fresco +0 -0
I hope Ray ends up calling Ricky Nihoha. He probably knows a lot about vans, being the van club president of Achewood and all.

plummet +0 -0
Solomon Grundy want pants too

kingcrimson +0 -0
This arc used to suck but is now becoming awesome.

aristagoras +1 -0
I know, right? It's all about Ray! Didn't Onstad learn that lesson back when the first arc to get him major attention was the one when Ray had to act like a fan fiction self-insertion and be all bad-ass at the GOF?

This arc was cool but now is just turning into Standard Shenanigans: Roast Beef being a man of action, Cornelius having old man secrets, Ray delivering us from evil.

Seen it. It's the disturbing stuff in this arc that we haven't seen and thus has been rewarding.

lizard +0 -0
Fair call. We've seen this development before, because it works for the audience. Always an artistic tension - keeping it real vs bread and circuses. Although meanwhile, who cares? I was kind of stunned by the revelation this has arc has developed over four months or something. Bizarre how your perception of time changes according to the part of your brain engaged with different activities - four months is forever in day-to-day life, in Achewood it's one long, tortuous evening in the back of Nice Pete's van.

troy_convers +0 -0
This arc's been going 4 months? If this was The Great Outdoor Fight arc, we'd still be waiting for the end.

wazza +0 -0
we're still waiting for the end of this arc, man

crycryguy +0 -0
a moment of silence, please. for the cabbage moth......
o.k., that's probably enough.

gladi8orrex +0 -0
you all needa see ip man immediately. run, don't walk to ur nearest store to purchase or order online. for reals yall i ain't makin' this up.

ratacattt +0 -0
The idea of an Ip Man biopic originated in 1998 when Jeffrey Lau and Corey Yuen discussed the idea of making a film based on the band Wang Chung's 1982 #2 hit "Everybody Have Fun Tonight." Through symbolism, the film follows the trials and tribulations of a band denied the #1 spot by the fucking Bengals ("Walk Like an Egyptian".) The film explores this story mostly via following the story of Yip Kai-man, a grandmaster of the martial art Wing Chun and the first person to teach the art of "egyptian-walk fighting" (citation needed) a style similar to drunken boxing only egyptian-walk involves channeling the ghost of glyph (aka "Prince.") The film makes extensive use of computerized CGI effects and overseas call center workers to make it seem as if the soundtrack has been poorly dubbed by non-fluent English-speaking jagoffs. There is some controversy (who?) with many critics complaining that this computerized lip-desynching gives the film an 'artificial' feel.

wazza +0 -0
The idea of an Ip Man biopic originated in 1998 when Jeffrey Lau and Corey Yuen discussed the idea of making a film based on the band Wang Chung's 1982 #2 hit "Everybody Have Fun Tonight." Through symbolism, the film follows the trials and tribulations of a band denied the #1 spot by the fucking Bengals ( "Walk Like an Egyptian". ) The film explores this story mostly via following the story of Yip Kai-man , a grandmaster of the martial art Wing Chun and the first person to teach the art of "egyptian-walk fighting" (citation needed) a style similar to drunken boxing only egyptian-walk involves channeling the ghost of glyph (aka "Prince." ) The film makes extensive use of computerized CGI effects and overseas call center workers to make it seem as if the soundtrack has been poorly dubbed by non-fluent English -speaking jagoffs . There is some controversy, with many critics (who?) complaining that this computerized lip-desynching gives the film an 'artificial' feel.

troy_convers +0 -0
For all of his prowess with the laydeez, Ray sure can't pitch a tent in the morning.
Hope he can rise to the challenge of saving Téodor.

achtung +0 -0
what are you talking about? his dick is literally the size and shape of a softball

achtung +0 -0
and texture and color (see fanflow)

wazza +0 -0
does it have the same smell, too?

plummet +0 -0
We are discussing Ray's dick on Assetbar

wazza +0 -0
you say that like it's something new

plummet +0 -0
do you think it is Rad to talk about Ray's dick, wazza?

wazza +0 -0
WE DOIN THIS!

so, yes

abstracttruth +0 -0
do you think that it is wrong to talk about ray's dick
or do you agree that it is okay

missbee +0 -0
Usually it is Teodor's dick. Or Pat's dick.
Though we've discussed Ray's rad chiles many a time.

wazza +0 -0
how rad are the chillies, missbee?

missbee +0 -0
Sooooooo rad!

wazza +0 -0
almost... too rad?

missbee +0 -0
No way!

achtung +0 -0
i wish my girl got this excited

spazdor +0 -0
The whiskey dick has worn off. Maybe this comprises is part of his known breakfast drink.

wic +0 -0
Philippe, Philippe, Philippe.
https://hellosluggo.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/smiling_jesus.jpg

And just to test this; [IMGS OFF]

ratacattt +0 -0
that's not jesus

randyleepublic +1 -0
You fuckin' A. That's that dude Ronny I used to score from. He was always laughing like that cause his shit was cut to hell, but we kept buying it. He had a way of making you feel like you were in on the joke while at the same time he was burning you. I think he finally made enough to buy some business he was always talking about. I never believed that part of the story - he always played it real vague as to exactly what the business was, but he did disappear one day, and was never heard from again, even by the dudes who owed him money. Not me of course. I had just paid him off. Of course.

un_malpaso +0 -0
Ray does like his filets tender. Once, he cooked one sous-vide (for Cornelius and his girlfriend) and it turned into mush.

camrock +0 -0
Wodehouse would in all likelihood have agreed with Bill Bryson that alright is never all right.

*discreet cough*

bika +18 -0
Chapter 1: The evolution of smiles :)

The smile was invented millions of years ago when primitive apes decided to show they were happy by putting fruit in their mouths. After a while they got tired of carrying fruit around all the time and decided it would be easier just to make a banana shape with their lips instead.

Chapter 2: Historical smiles :)

The most beautiful smile in history belonged to Mildred Danforth, 124 Collins St., Rockville, Connecticut. (My library book told me Mrs. Danforth would show you her smile for a nickel, but the internet said she died in 1961. The internet is a pretty big spoilsport.) On a related note: skeletons always look like they are smiling, because you can see all of their teeth! (See also; Chapter 5)

Chapter 3: Modern smiles :)

There are over 18 kinds of smiles today! You can use a smile to say hello, or to pretend that you understand what someone is saying. There are even more smiles that you can type on the computer. :) =D =) :D ^_^

Chapter 4: Smile biology :)

Smiles that don't try very hard only take 5 muscles, but really BIG ones can use up to 53! So if you are feeling very tired you should probably only smile a little.

The end!

dybrar +0 -0
I must admit that you do a pretty convincing Philippe, and deem this worth one (1) chubby.

hoarday4 +0 -0
I concur.

woodenteeth +1 -0
I like the fact that if you'd like to refer to a chapter about death and skeletons you go to a chapter that does not exist.

boheeka +0 -0
Connie's appellation in panel 3 leads me to believe that Phillipe's record collection is filled with Herb Alpert.

defthammer +0 -0
Two questions. Off topic, I know...but bear with me.
1. Is anyone here a subscriber? and
2. Is it worth it?

Thank you in advance.

achtung +0 -0
1. no
2. ?? how should i know

no prob

tripperday +0 -1
I'm here and I'm a subscriber, which makes you wrong.

neonfreon +0 -0
I've been ripping all the subscriber content and translating it to Armenian for resell on my subscriber only Armenian comics site for years. It's definitely worth it - the expense is even tax deductible this way.

wingspan +0 -0
1. Yes
2. Yes. New content gets added to the Champagne Room with a frequency roughly correlating to updates of the main comic, so it's been a little thin lately. The content we do get is awesome though. If you're considering signing up, I'd suggest giving it a try and just working your way through the 800-entry backlog. There's some truly great stuff in there. I don't know if you can go month-to-month, I think the minimum purchase is 3 months for $9.00, but I swear on the soul of your child those nine bucks will buy you more entertainment than any other nine dollar entertainment transaction you might be considering.

One question. Off topic, I know...but bear with me.
1. I know lots of other countries use "dollars", but are they colloquially referred to as "bucks" anywhere besides the United States? Is that just our deal?

Thank you in advance.

wazza +0 -0
yeah, they're bucks here too

if, say, a guy knew a girl who gave ten-dollar blowjobs - purely hypothetically - would it still be a better idea to go for the subscription? I ask as someone who has never had either, due to the aforementioned cucumber comparison.

ratacattt +1 -0
the GUI is different and I think actually more cumbersome and lame than the free assetbar... The lame system is different... your account gets blocked from posting for 24 hours each time any of your posts gets a lame, except the first 2 lames on a post don't block your account. I don't subscribe anymore because I never could stand the GUI, and also the lame system enforces a disgusting level of conformity and group think.

mr-siegal +2 -0
also, in your first week, you got lamed out for 15 years.

randyleepublic +0 -0
Spoiler Alert! The newest fanflow has a little skit with Lyle and Theodore, guest starring Chris T Onstad. Theodore is all sassy. Does this mean that he survives after all? And is still sane? Stay tuned!

wazza +0 -0
it could be from before his vicious reaming/stabbing.

dusty +0 -0
I know any negative comment will get lamed to hell, but I don't like that drawing of ray sleeping, every time it shows up it just doesn't look like ray.

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
It looks to me exactly like the body of a cat who sold his soul to Lucifer.

dusty +0 -0
It looks to me like a comic con goer cosplaying Ray. Also, what kind of player would sleep in a bed that small? Is it a "There ain't no room to snuggle" sort of thing?

wazza +3 -0
that's his sleeping bed

dusty +0 -0
I see, like how some kings had a comfortable bed in a hidden room and a fancy bed for guests to see.

wazza +0 -0
what I want to know is why the hell their guests were seeing their beds.

dusty +0 -0
Cause in some European countries a bunch of people were allowed to attend the king and queens getting out of bed routine as an honor. I don't know how common it truly was, but it was done.

wazza +0 -0
after a while there would be so much pressure to look good

motu +0 -1
No one has any lames left to give. You could be defending the police and no one who gives a shit would be able to lame it

ratacattt +0 -0
FUCK THE POLICE!

wazza +1 -0
I see that you're not afraid of the fucking police right now.

lizard +3 -0
BUGGER the constabulary! ROGER them like sheep!

faits +0 -0
no one has any lames

except the guy who lamed you

wazza +0 -0
it's because you can't see the thong

dusty +0 -0
I mean, look at his head, it's just so big, and round and out there. He looks like one of those rap guys homeboys. Who understands those rap guys anyway?

professordoctor +0 -0
Everything I wanted to say has already been said.

plummet +0 -0
Repetition is the soul of humor.

jeffspaulding +0 -0
Brev is soul o wit
Brev is soul o wit

mr-siegal +3 -0
bisowx2

randyleepublic +0 -0
The dude has no mercy...

mensch +0 -0
What the fuck! heccibiggs reappears to defend one of his two-year old comments but refuses to partake in any current conversations.

re5urgam +0 -0
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this

plummet +0 -0
So, uh, you stalk Assetbar posters often?

doc_rostov +1 -0
It appears Soticoto has reared his head. Back in the day, he was one of the worst trolls on the website, and I do not begrudge the lady if she feels like responding to the prat's comeback rather than posting in the now. Lord knows I don't post much anymore that isn't a response to something I said a long time ago.

fineoakstructure +0 -0
It happens to the old timers, as I'm now experiencing. Not that I'm a heccibiggs or even a soticoto, but I've basically read none of the comments on these last two strips, and I'm not missing it. The only reason I read this is because I did a ctrl f search to see if anyone had mentioned soticoto's unexpected return.

Not that I don't still check assetbar - I have like 20 soticoto responses from the past week in my inbox. In fact, I've always kind of liked how some of the older regulars mostly swing the archives: heccibiggs, tekende, rowboat, et al.

doc_rostov +2 -0
Same here, actually. I don't read comments on the new strips much anymore. I do still visit though, and did notice a glut of Soticoto responses in my inbox. I couldn't figure out why until I remembered that I'd lamed a lot of his comments when I was reading through Achewood the first time because he got on my nerves. Apparently, he just noticed this and believes I am a tasteless hypocrite who should die.

A delightful gentleman, he.

vermy +0 -0
He's back?
Sweet line-dancing Jesus. I thought we had come FARTHER as a society
Looks like I have to add someone else to ignore!

heccibiggs +3 -0
What the fuck! How dare I! How DARE I comment on old strips but refuse to join in with the current comments!

shit off

wazza +0 -0
aw, come on hecci, we just miss you is all...

jpoulos +0 -0
https://www.detroityes.com/mb/attachment.php?attachmentid=6979&d=1280258823

lizard +0 -0
"You come with me, I find you hotel."

You know, I only actually followed that link because I thought it might be boobs-related.

tetsujin +1 -0
The History of Smiles is like the history of similes...

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
Oh, my word, indeed.

jeffspaulding +0 -0
Done and done .

azairborne +0 -0
JESUS SMILING WITH HIS TEETH! (and space gods, origins of the "negro race," etc. according to Mormon).

lizard +0 -0
Bad to know.

azairborne +0 -0
i am horrified that there is no more response than this

ratacattt +0 -0
it's like an anti-4:20 cartoon from the 60s, only it's anti-mormon instead of anti-pot. hmmm. How should we respond to that exactly? You watch that and the thought that comes to mind is that basically all religions are really poorly written sci-fi.

Well I'm better than anyone who believes in that crap and/or who smokes cigarettes.

azairborne +0 -0
Hanna-Barbera Space Jesus was a lot for my mind to take in all at once. Kind of like Sealab 2021 and the Sundays of my childhood hit head on.

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
You just go right on being better than them, dear, and the Good Lord will provide....

ganymedeio +0 -0
Aww, now I want to reread the Jeeves series.

plummet +0 -0
Me too. We should have an Acheworld read-along.

missbee +1 -0
Soo...What happened to the "discuss" link? How will the Assetbabies know where to go to be mean to each other?

lizard +1 -0
There's always public toilets I guess.

plummet +0 -0
>assetbabies

Huge slam on the Assetbar community out of nowhere

missbee +2 -0
Naw, it's a term of endearment. It's nicer than Assetbarbarians! And Assetbaristas implies that we serve coffee.
I don't know what else you crazy kids call each other.

plummet +0 -0
How [i]dare/i] you imply that we're small, roly-poly, chubby bundles of joy that occasionally shit ourselves and like taking naps?

plummet +1 -0
I fucked up my bbcode

SHITTING SO HARD IN MY BABY DIAPERS ATM

scorpio_nadir +1 -0
You shit your crib so cute plummet. have a chubby.

plummet +0 -0
babbyclose.jpeg

thanks assetbro

wazza +0 -0
you mean the rest of you aren't like that?

plummet +0 -0
no

she's right

we are all actually babbies

i gabe her a chuppy 4 speaking the truth
you assetbabbies should too

missbee +0 -0
how is assetbabbies formed etc.

wazza +0 -0
the stork drops his burrito

neonfreon +0 -0
to onstad, we're all just assets

lateadopter +0 -0
Why, as a pup, I myself fetched fifty thousand dollars on the black market.

missbee +0 -0
plummet, I wanna pinch your cheeks!

plummet +0 -0
okay. missbee is my assetmommy.

missbee +0 -0
oh jeez, we about to get into some crazy shit.
am i an assetsingle mother?

plummet +0 -0
Don't ask me, I'm just a BIG FREAKIN BABY

missbee +2 -0
Plummet, you stupid baby, YOU'RE THE REASON HE LEFT ME

spazdor +0 -0
I always felt like Assetbaristas made us sound like some kind of hispanic revolutionaries.

stereo +0 -0
That's the Assetbariflemen.

missbee +0 -0
We ARE. WE ALL ARE.

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
IT'S FUCKIN-AY FRIDAY!

teezee +0 -0
Es un Chingate Viernes!

teezee +1 -0
I like to think of myself as an assetbro.

"dude bro, sweet asset" and so on.

re5urgam +3 -0
My feelings on this asset are: Bro

plummet +0 -0
assetbrofist

missbee +1 -0
Assetbros before assethos.

scorpio_nadir +0 -0
except after assetchochachos....

noooo_oo_oo +0 -0
cool asset bro

mockereo +0 -0
no one gibes a shit abot your cry cry face, assetbaby

plummet +0 -0
you're an assetbaby

royale +0 -0
Not that I've lost faith in Onstad or whatever, but this is getting goddamn absurd in terms of time length. I'm sure I'll enjoy it when I'm able to read through it at my leisure instead of waiting for so long. The downside of episodic installments I guess.

weresosorry +0 -0
'family circus' updates every day.
Jeffy is five.
Hilarious!

captaincrackup +0 -0
The dogs name is 'BARFY'!
it doesn't get any better than that!

royale +2 -1
Dude, you say it like I should be cool with a three month strip that really isn't going anywhere fast. Like I said, I get it, its episodic of course, and I love Onstad and Achewood and I always will, but come on, this is getting a LITTLE crazy now.

ratacattt +0 -0
What? This? This is nothing. Wait until we get one strip per year, give or take. If you think assetbar takes a long time and a lot of system memory to load now...

images were turned off for a reason...

neonfreon +0 -0
Images were hosted on third party sites, so they wouldn't have been burdensome. I'm about to request that imgs off gets changed to display the URL so we can still grab the images manually

ratacattt +0 -0
not a burden for the server but a burden for the clients yes. Back when images were on I was forced to migrate to a newer computer because my old computer couldn't handle it.

historyandmetal +2 -0
"thanks for your sense of humor about the summer schedule." this feels like an abusive relationship.

terribleman +0 -0
When fall kicks in in 11 days, Achewood will be back to 5 strips per week.

neonfreon +0 -1
fall is still a month away sir

terribleman +1 -0
Spring: march, april, may
Summer: june, july, august
fall: september, october, november
winter: december, january, february.

neonfreon +2 -0
You're not using Onstad's calendar. In 11 days when it's September, fall will still be a month away.

lemmy +1 -0
Also Friday is several days long...

wazza +0 -0
I think you have your seasons mixed up

that or you're just being boreanormative.

terribleman +0 -0
I am being normative, I'm afraid. Where I live, everyone would agree with me. But such standards are meaningless on a global scale, I have to admit.
I have assumed, up until now, that everyone in the northern hemisphere had the same basic season/month-ratio, I mean 3 month per season works well in a temperate zone like mine, but now I see that I may have been mistaken.

Is the summer longer in CA? Will you explain this to me, neonfreon? I am intrigued.

hatstand_mcq +0 -0
In Britain Autumn traditionally starts at the Autumn equinox which this year is on the 23rd of September (according to Wikipedia), or at Michaelmas on the 29th of September.

neonfreon +0 -0
google it

ratacattt +0 -0
oh! no! you! dint!

lateadopter +0 -0
Bangladesh is in the northern hemisphere, and they have six seasons there.

wazza +0 -0
they're not really what I'd call real seasons, more... periods of certain weather patterns.

terribleman +0 -0
well if you put it that way, it's really autumn all year long here.

streever +0 -0
That is a racist thought wazza. "Just because they are bangladeshians and not babaloozians like I, they can't experience real seasons"

wazza +0 -0
TRESPASSERS TO THE FIELD OF METEOROLOGY SHALL KNEEL IN SHAME BEFORE GOD

sn0wman +0 -0
No, it's not a racist thought. You just mistook his meaning. Actual seasons are a function of the tilt and rotation of the Earth and it's distance from the sun at the time. We may call things a rainy season, monsoon season, or hurricane season, but this does not make them actual seasons in the true sense of the word. They are, as he said, simply weather patterns.

One should really be think before about throwing about hot-button words like racism.

streever +0 -0
Wow, I simply went online to my favorite website, and here I am, being subjected to racism. Is there a social services program I can call to protect my first amendment rights?

sn0wman +0 -0
"be think before about throwing about"

Seriously, what the hell was I on when I typed that linguistic abortion?

wazza +0 -0
you started to write "before" then realised you had to write "think"

aperson +1 -0
Spring, Summer, Submerged, Dead, Autumn, Winter.

locke1127 +7 -0
would donate chris but I'm too busy being an angry gay little teapot of a man

takes up a lot of my time you know how it is

null +6 -1
What can I say. Been here since 2002. I used to love Achewood. Sent Onstad many dollars I could not really afford to spend but I believed in Achewood so hard I sent them anyway. Got some very nice notes from him in return. I will always wish him the best, because he IS the best.

Nice Pete is the anti-Achewood. Nice Pete makes every strip he has ever appeared in worse than terrible. Nice Pete is an encouragement to suicide.

Here is how the current arc should end. But probably won't.

Ray: Nice Pete, we have given you at least ten times more forgiveness than a dog turd, yet you have still insisted you are a dog turd.

Nice Pete: Oh Ray, you have judged my friendship wanting. I have not passed your friendship test.

Ray: You have not even tried to do anything, Nice Pete.

Nice Pete: At this point, my nonexistant high school life would insist, Ray, that you EAT MY SHORTS.

Ray: Fine, Pete, fine. But you must first (whips out flame-thrower) EAT HOT HOT.

(Ray sprays napalm all over Nice Pete, and ignites it, and Nice Pete bursts into flame, screaming horribly over at least six panels as he dissolves into charred bones.)

Ray: Okay, Beef, Emeril. I got some eco-trash bags in the Escalade. Get Pete's crap into them, and we'll drive him to the town dump. Nice Pete will finally get to be the hometown boy.

Goodbye, everyone. I love Achewood, and believe it or not, I love you too.

ratacattt +1 -1
you're committing suicide? Cool. can we watch on webcam multicast or something?

null +0 -0
No, sorry, I couldn't get anything from HBO or Starz about ancillary rights and they were totally uncooperative about action figures.

signofzeta +0 -0
I actually don't hate Nice Pete at all. That one strip from back in the good 'old days, where he's like, "These are their hands."...I love that one. Its brief, its clever, the timing is amazing. As good as the timing on the Isosceles Lock strip. Genius.

There is a HUGE difference between that and locking a character naked in the back of a van for a month of strips while he sucks the world's biggest cock and awaits his own violent murder and mutilation. Not funny to anyone who isn't a real life Nice Pete, and it has NO timing at all.

This arc is going to have to have the most amazing ending in the history of story telling in order to not be the worst thing ever.

I hear Twisted Pictures is accepting scripts for Saw IX...might be a good thing since Onstad seems to have lost interest in Achewood.

broad +0 -0
The strip in which Pete sustains a scream for - what was it? 8 seconds, I think? - has been a source of inspiration to me.
It doesn't seem in character for anybody else to have shared an anecdote in which they did this to someone.
Would Pete have worked in the G.O.F. arc?

ratacattt +0 -0
rock on

foiegrastaco +4 -0
i have been reading THE worst webcomics lately to fill the void

cswenski +0 -0
Yeah, Cyanide and Happiness is pretty bad. I like Axe Cop though. For some reason Daisy Owl stopped updating completely, and that's about all of them, isn't it?

foiegrastaco +0 -0
i've been really plumbing the depths, though. you don't want to see what i can't unsee. unless you do, the boy-howdy have i got some links for ya.

foiegrastaco +0 -0
here's the first circle of bad webcomics hell: https://www.tokyomanga.com/hamsters-city/

dans +0 -0
Man, I'm gonna be so bummed if Nice Pete dies, but I can't imagine everyone will let this one slide.

ratacattt +0 -0
A comment left by ratacattt was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by chivalress, Jar, kestral)

plummet +0 -0
I'm guessing you forgot about Hardass Teenage Phillipe who calls people fags.

It would be awesome if he beat the everloving shit out of Nice Pete

kayem +0 -0
Happy 5th birthday to the little shaver!

fridayfacts +1 -0
1st. did you know it was still Friday? neither did I.
B. Big controversy over the question of 'which is the most nutritious' cut of meat? Todd says sploaded?
THEN! What is it between spell-check and Todd? Most people say things that can be spelled.
Ray says it's not the cut it's the presentation. But I think he likes cake more. (who doesn't?)
Lyle thinks it's tube steak but Teodor says forget that I heard that, and Pat says none.
Hmmmm Pete says presentation too but I think he means something different from Ray?
Did you know that spell-check thinks that Hmmmmm means humus?
What's humus?
Sorry. This is supposed to be Friday facts, not Friday questions.
FACTS!
I said hmmmmm.
It's still Friday but I don't understand everything.
Mr Bears name is Connie but he's a boy.
Beef is married to Molly but he's not happy.
It's still Friday?
Sorry, that was a question.

tetsujin +2 -0
The next strip will never come. Here's the proof:

"there will be a new strip later Friday (or, you know, the day after what I said)"

He said the new strip would go up on Friday, but then corrected himself to say it would be "the day after what I said"... A naive interpretation would be that he said the strip would post on Friday, but he corrected himself to say that it would be the day after, on Saturday. But he -said- the strip would arrive "the day after I said" - which means no matter how many times you apply the "day after" rule, the rule can still be applied further, prolonging the release of the new strip farther into the future. There will never come a time when today is the same day as tomorrow, so the strip will never be posted.

spazdor +1 -1
The Unextpected Hanging Paradox

hatstand_mcq +0 -0
That is my favourite paradox. I'm glad there are other people who enjoy it.

spazdor +0 -0
thank you for not ridiculing my typo.

pulkbaby +1 -0
guh, sorry. meant to chubby; lamed instead.

tetsujin +1 -0
I have counter-chubbied on your behalf.

spazdor +0 -0
Aw! Comment erections for you both!

troy_convers +0 -0
Y'all still here? Dang.

urbanoutlaw +1 -0
As the kids would say, if Megatokyo updates more frequently than your webcomic, you're doing it wrong.

broad +2 -0
Sometimes, I like to put Achewood and Pictures for Sad Children on a little track that a made in camp last summer and race 'em. The race usually lasts about a week and its fucking boring.

hardelicious +0 -0
tee hee

spazdor +2 -0
Why not go see what's new on Homestar Runner?

tetsujin +0 -0
Oh, they just posted this really funny e-mail to Strongbad.... "Hey, Strongbad, how do you type with boxing gloves on?" I think they posted it something like... six years ago now? Really great to see the site is still active!

spazdor +0 -0
Have you seen this new heavy metal thing? TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR.
Is so good. Is so funny.

edthehead +0 -0
Nah, because you're still not Megatokyo.

woodenteeth +1 -1
So I did donate. It felt good to support art of this calibre. I don't need no shirt or pint glass.

plummet +0 -0
>Brief diversion of plans: The current storyline is taking a break this week as I develop a Roomba Cinema Citizen Kane of expanded dimensions. Follow your heart, you know.

Discuss

foiegrastaco +0 -0
the roomba citizen kane was never one of my favorites. two theories; 1-he was aware of a popular opinion such as that, and will make it awesome, or 2-he was aware of a popular opinion such as that and figured it the perfect salt in the crusted over wound each of us re-open with each refresh of the page

lateadopter +8 -0
I think Onstad is bringing the strip off the page into real life.

"Roomba Citizen Kane of expanded dimensions" is equivalent to "high school night in a nice van."

"We" are reduced to "Teodor and Nathan."

"Put it in the tip jar" means "suck on this giant hog."

Onstad is driving the van, and he just pulled down the armored curtain. This night will never end.

spazdor +0 -0
well I should think in the description "Comic Strip" would be in quotes

excusemesenator +3 -0
Well, my initial reaction was GOD FUCKING DAMN IT ONSTAD

plummet +0 -0
V-chub.

skiddyfisk +4 -0
This announcement is the flaming stuffed bear turd on the lawn of our collective patience and tolerance.

nice-on-water +4 -0
Oh JESUS Onstar, no diversions just END THIS. SHIT.

tetsujin +1 -0
Yeah, I feel like whatever fleeting hope we had for a payoff to this thing just vanished...

ashoykh +0 -0
I think this strip can just go out like a candle in the wind. No need to finish it, let it be unfinished. It's OK.

streever +0 -0
That would be my preferred end.

puguglypress +1 -0
I don't really mind if the diversion is permanent, and the other strips aren't explained or mentioned, and are also removed from the archives and also our brains, and also didn't happen

nice-on-water +0 -0
No explanation a la Cartilage Head II.

streever +0 -0
Yes, I am hoping for this too, pugugly.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Everyone has to abandon an arc every once in a while. A cheap out is nothing to be ashamed out--it's still an out, and you're up 5-4 with the bases loaded in the 9th.

thousandsons +0 -0
It only took Jon Rosenberg 7 years to figure that out.

nice-on-water +0 -0
And then another 13 to ruin it again, then another 18 to remember the lesson and another 21 to screw up once more.

wazza +0 -0
Jon Rosenberg IS GOING TO FINISH GOATS

he's going to finish it, and then we will all be happy, and we'll go back to his place for cake and tea and vicodin and live happily ever after.

streever +0 -0
I hope so!

null +0 -0
Nice Pete could be funny, especially at first, when his naivete about a foot being chopped off was funny...like, how could you do that, and stuff. But in the last three Nice Pete stories, the humor had gone.

I suspect Onstad got a bad tax assessment, or a fight with his wife, or his daughter said, "I like ponies, and you don't draw ponies." Or something.

I used to like Roast Beef. Hell, I identified with Roast Beef. But then, he told Ray at the end of "Mister Band" not to kill Nice Pete, that Nice Pete would reward Ray with "country ways" or something.

I stopped liking Roast Beef then. In face, he became an idiot, an a**hole. He was the scientist in all those monster movies, who when the monster is about to be killed, rushes out and says "No no dude you must not kill the monster you must keep him alive for science."

If you've seen those movies, you know that this decision means that many, many more people get killed because of this idiot scientist.

Roast Beef, thanks for getting innocent people killed. What, you think Nice Pete just goes away between appearances? Nope, he's been killing babies, puppies, and kittens, all the while smiling wryly. Snapping their necks while grinning.

broad +0 -0
Or - OR - he's like Gandalf suggesting to Frodo that Gollum be left alive because he feels Gollum "may have some future roll to play before this thing is over".
In other words, is Beef getting people killed / fellated or is he ... doing philosophy?