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Paternity Leave, Day Three Wednesday, March 16, 2005 • read strip Viewing 90 comments:

Awwwwww puppy dogs!

I want to play with that little psycho and learn his name!

That is the proper response upon seeing a dachshund.

Well you're half in luck because "the dog's name is Heaven Dog"

He means his real name. His secret name. The name that the dog gave himself, or that the other dogs gave him.

Look how sad the dog's eyes are!

A comment left by whuppins was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by joeyramoney, divot, Cyberbob, blacksheepboy, nonanon, equinn2006, atticusonline, logic, Darthemed)

A comment left by whuppins was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by joeyramoney, Cyberbob, nonanon, atticusonline, dracer2, Darthemed)

A comment left by whuppins was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Zefiel, divot, madnes, nonanon, atticusonline, caduceo, hurfdurf, Direhaggis, yingkaixing, Darthemed)

You can't rate yourself, but I shall assist you with your Lameppuku.

A comment left by caduceo was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by fakead, Deusoma, _cheesekayke, Howard, s1rnight, atticusonline, GoriasXY, Direhaggis, anitrophaeron, aperson, Darthemed)

Nono, he tried giving it a plus one.

A comment left by saint was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rowboat, theplaidknight, cailetshadow, thatcrazycommie)

Because some people would be assholes, or bored at 1 in the morning and want to click buttons instead of sleeping

A comment left by saint was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ted0phile, fosters, rowboat)

A comment left by rowboat was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Semiquaver, hurfdurf, holly_golightly)

A comment left by saint was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by fosters, robbingdog, motts)

For "lame Saint, hail Satan," I award you one bitter, partisan chubby.

I only find you lame on the rarest of occasions saint.

This is lame. You are lame. Saint, is, often lame, but this shadowing of yours...it is crushingly lame. I have responded to many interesting posts by Saint but nothing about you but your lameness has so far inspired me.

This is how Colbert rules on this. There will be no contradiction.

Colbert is America. I don't mind people having bitter feelings toward me. I encourage it. I just appreciate that there are people like you that see me for what I am.

An asshole with an agenda.

Dammit man now when I see you all I will see is Denis Leary holding a day-planner.

For this I apologize.

I used to lame Asherdan all the time. I don't care what he says now, he's deserved more lames than I can give him.

Once again proving that things are truly twisted in your little world.
I used to lame Asherdan all the time too, but have since instead realised that it was unjust, for Asherdan's commentary is actually quite witty if regarded singularly. YOU on the other hand should have been granted a fair portion of the lames I erroneously granted to Asherdan... since you never post anything of any quality.

lame this man!

Non-production has been sensed by this dog.

"My dog looked at me with her eyes."

the dog is cute.

She is a cookie pregnant moron.

I never sausage a dog

ohohohohoho.... belly laugh

petitegitan wrote:
"Look how sad the dog's eyes are!"


That's because he is hurt by the crushing silence of non-production.

Boy that ain't how you quote fellers.

it is a system that does not even support the idea of quotes.

Quote:
it is a system that does not even support the idea of quotes.


Oh, is it now?

shhhh....

it might not have back then..

No, i cannot deny tekende his right to be right.

It had the ability back then.
But close to no one knows how to do it i would surmise.

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by saddestking, goatmasterflash, NeoNaoNeo, Mangtastic, BionicVapourBoy, eatmorekix, mashisoyo, fosters, varnish, Thirteen20WRX, atticusonline, Art-Vader, Direhaggis, Doc_Rostov, stormagnet)

...This is one of the more disturbing things I've heard in the recent past.

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by NeoNaoNeo, varnish, Thirteen20WRX, atticusonline, Art-Vader, logic)

Our own autistic superhero asshole.

You folks keep laming me like this and I might not continue doing you the favour of making you look better by comparison.

You know what else? Dogs can't say or mean sorry.

Oh yeah. They can't use straws. No lips, just 'mouth edges.'

The name of the dog...the dog is called Heaven.

I use to have a Dachshund that looked just like that. Then he died. Seeing this dog was named Heaven Dog made me cry.

I still love you Onstad.

Did he die of intenstinal related disorders? These dogs die of these things often I hear. Mainly because humans desire to produce genetic weirdness can have fucked up consequences.

Dachshunds are more likely to die from spinal problems, also consequences of genetic weirdness. Also, they cannot be deterred from using stairs, despite the obvious dangers involved.

And there's your lesson on canine genetic disorders for the day!

Oh maaaan, I just totally had a mental image of a Dachshund Slinky falling down the stairs...

all yipping as it hits each step
fat rolls sliding back and forth between head and tail
making that "shhhhlrrrp shhhhhlrrrp" noise slinkies make

On an unrelated note, if that is you in your avatar, you look IDENTICAL to a dude I used to know...Y'know, biblically.

That meant to be a lot less creepy than I am certain it sounded.

My apologies.

Worry not, I followed it with something a little creepier. Yay! Let's be facebook friends... FOREVER!

Well, you're into Porcupine Tree, so quite frankly, if I only resemble someone you've known biblically, you certainly have a high chance in the future.

THEY ARE COMING TO SEATTLE IN SEPTEMBER AND I AM GOING TO SEE THEM AND THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW AWESOME THAT IS

I mean, yeah man, they're pretty cool. *cough*

Okay also you are the same age as that other dude, so I don't know what the fuck kind of trick the universe is playing on me.

Damn it. I'm a trick. Played by the universe. Well, I suppose I've fufiled my Karmic duties. What to do... what to do.

Do you think Shiva will come and pick me up? Will she drive to Australia?

If you're anything to judge by, everything has an Australian doppelganger, including Shiva.

What kind of car would The Destroyer drive, anyway? Some sort of gas-guzzling, fume-belching monstrosity?

The pick-up of choice in Hawaii. I went there once and the rusting hulks of these over-sized monstars can resemble a rotting elephant carcass.

Maybe she drives a modified rotting elephant carcass... appropriate, no?

Oh and one last thing before we stink up this comment section with our own personal conversations too much: Oceansize are the best band along those same lines. Please buy all their albums immediately.

Hit me up on myspace for further discussion.

Oh heavens how you make me wish I could bring myself to creating a myspace.

Search for my first and last name on facebook. The myspace site should give it away.

Hey everybody, aelindil and woodenteeth are gonna have sex!

We are both The Asexual Drones of Progressive Rock.

Also thousands and thousands of kilometres apart , and kinda married... and fuck you tekende just... go call bixmix.

ABLOO BLOO BLOO!

Yeah, the difference between Sydney and Tacoma is a rather substantial one.

And I do not think someone who has posted pictures of a meeting between himself and another assetbarrian has Much Room to Talk.

Hey, fuck you, man. I was joking and you just went to a pretty dark place.

It is a dangerous thing to step into the wishful thinking of those who dwell in these here internets.

That was a dark place? How on earth was I supposed to know?

Sorry, man. It's okay. I overreacted, and yeah, I guess there's no way you would know.

Incidentally, who the fuck chubbied my "fuck you" post. Odd choice.

Hurr, it was me. I can't recall my logic at the time, but there might not actually have been any at all, since I was incredibly stoned on cold medication. Either way, HUUUUUUGS!

Perhaps you thought "a chubby will make this man feel better"

...did you?

Maybe.

Hey everybody, aelindil and tekende are gonna have sex!

Oh, sweet!

DISCLAIMER: NEITHER OF THESE MEN GOT ANY KIND OF SEXING FROM ME

CONFIRMER: YEAH. I GOT NUTHIN.

she's lying, it was awesome

did you guys french?

French was my major in college. I took 8 years of it.

And no.

YET.

[this is not to be taken seriously]

Are you kidding we frenched for like eight minutes or so

oh man insane. my tongue gets tired after like three.

i start fingering like crazy normally after four.

oh DAMMIT i broke it all again oh well someone had to do it (i think you kids call this a combo breaker?)

I prefer to not picture someone "fingering like crazy". Although I do remember the puzzled and somewhat frightened looks of girls in high school (who would always confide in me but never let me get my crazy finger on).

Man don't hate the finger, hate the game.

Let's pour a little out for all those crazy fingerings that could've been...

Hey everybody, I'm gonna have sex with all of you in a second!

Nonsense!

this figure's description earns the five i give.

Because of their long ears, dogs can sense and be hurt by the crushing silence of non-production.

awesome.

Heaven Dog is a name I should name something of mine.

In addition to sensing the crushing silence of non-production, those long ears are also perfect for having secret, private dachshund ideas whispered into them.