deus
+0 -0
No longer the best.....the best no longer :,(
No longer the best.....the best no longer :,(
deus
+60 -0
Here comes a subpar meal.
Here comes a subpar meal.
falseprophet
+1 -0
You can't go home to Jesus again.
You can't go home to Jesus again.
rearadmiral
+0 -0
And forever this housing row was known as Otter's End, for here the perpetual dream of safety and home died in soggy tasteless swineflesh.
And forever this housing row was known as Otter's End, for here the perpetual dream of safety and home died in soggy tasteless swineflesh.
urbanoutlaw
+0 -0
I was coming here to post exactly this. Well, without the Jesus part, but still. Congratulations, you are 20 hours on top of things. Well done.
I was coming here to post exactly this. Well, without the Jesus part, but still. Congratulations, you are 20 hours on top of things. Well done.
rowboat
+0 -0
Everybody was in such a hurry to post the reference which nobody understood.
Everybody was in such a hurry to post the reference which nobody understood.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I still choose to believe it's a Grosse Pointe Blank reference.
I still choose to believe it's a Grosse Pointe Blank reference.
rowboat
+0 -0
Yeah, well I choose to believe that it's a Bad Boys II reference, so I guess we'll just have to go our separate ways on this one.
Yeah, well I choose to believe that it's a Bad Boys II reference, so I guess we'll just have to go our separate ways on this one.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
You take the high road...
You take the high road...
rowboat
+0 -0
I always take the high road, bro.
I always take the high road, bro.
rowboat
+0 -0
Because I am a habitual marijuana user.
Because I am a habitual marijuana user.
crom
+2 -0
I figured out why Phillipe is eternally five. He is ... HIGHLANDER.
Do you feel it Phillipe? It's the quickening!
I figured out why Phillipe is eternally five. He is ... HIGHLANDER.
Do you feel it Phillipe? It's the quickening!
neonfreon
+2 -0
I hope when onstad kills this strip, he will just totally go off the deep end with the comic - Achewood meets Dunwich or the like.
I hope when onstad kills this strip, he will just totally go off the deep end with the comic - Achewood meets Dunwich or the like.
spazdor
+1 -0
Did you see the end og league of gentlemen ? That was something like what I imagine. The narrative just gradually turns to inconsistent mush, and the characters notice this and revolt.
Did you see the end og league of gentlemen ? That was something like what I imagine. The narrative just gradually turns to inconsistent mush, and the characters notice this and revolt.
theirateturk
+1 -0
This same thing happened to my grandmother. She made meatballs with fries one day but in my friend's portion she put only a few meatballs and fries on top and underneath she had reheated McDonald's fries and chicken nuggets lol
This same thing happened to my grandmother. She made meatballs with fries one day but in my friend's portion she put only a few meatballs and fries on top and underneath she had reheated McDonald's fries and chicken nuggets lol
crom
+1 -0
Yeah, my grandma used to make some mean pizza, but then she got all senile and whatnot. It was okay, though, because it was still pizza. I mean, what I'm trying to say is I'm glad my grandma was Italian because it's really hard to fuck up pizza to the point where it's not edible.
Her chicken cacciatore was a real sad case, though. "Grandma, this chicken is still pink." "What? It's fine. Manja!"
Yeah, my grandma used to make some mean pizza, but then she got all senile and whatnot. It was okay, though, because it was still pizza. I mean, what I'm trying to say is I'm glad my grandma was Italian because it's really hard to fuck up pizza to the point where it's not edible.
Her chicken cacciatore was a real sad case, though. "Grandma, this chicken is still pink." "What? It's fine. Manja!"
oldhusky
+0 -0
Yeah, my grandma used to be mean but now she hits old people with her cane in the nursing home. Also she no longer cooks.
Yeah, my grandma used to be mean but now she hits old people with her cane in the nursing home. Also she no longer cooks.
oldhusky
+0 -0
This is a true story.
This is a true story.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
I wish you had said "This is true story" like a russian folk retelling.
I wish you had said "This is true story" like a russian folk retelling.
jhunter
+4 -0
Story... is so true
Story... is so true
tekende
+0 -0
Is truest a story is ever being.
Is truest a story is ever being.
miku224
+15 -0
Is truest story, told on ugliest messageboard.
Is truest story, told on ugliest messageboard.
lateadopter
+0 -0
Liebot, what is the truest thing?
Liebot, what is the truest thing?
usversusthem
+2 -0
This question is called a 'softball' in the programming language that Liebots run on (Lie ). They just knock this kinda shit right out of the park.
This question is called a 'softball' in the programming language that Liebots run on (Lie ). They just knock this kinda shit right out of the park.
mockereo
+0 -0
it is a question he cannot answer, because there is no truth to his lies
it is a question he cannot answer, because there is no truth to his lies
urbanoutlaw
+0 -0
Maybe that would be his equivalent of a world-ending paradoxical question. Ask him that on the day you want him to explode and take you with him.
Maybe that would be his equivalent of a world-ending paradoxical question. Ask him that on the day you want him to explode and take you with him.
rearadmiral
+0 -0
Well yeah, but he'd just lie about that.
Well yeah, but he'd just lie about that.
gournal
+5 -0
My grandma always forgets the cardboard circle on the bottom of frozen pizzas and she cooks it into the pizza. My uncle can eat like 5 pieces, no problem, but I imagine that she's been doing that since he was a child.
My grandma always forgets the cardboard circle on the bottom of frozen pizzas and she cooks it into the pizza. My uncle can eat like 5 pieces, no problem, but I imagine that she's been doing that since he was a child.
mockereo
+3 -0
i've cooked a pizza with the cardboard. But i just take it off... i don't eat five wedges of cardboard like your crazy uncle.
i've cooked a pizza with the cardboard. But i just take it off... i don't eat five wedges of cardboard like your crazy uncle.
gournal
+1 -0
My grandma will sometimes get in fights with my uncle and chase him around the coffee table swinging a rolled up newspaper in her hand while the family laughs. These hppenings take place in a trailer.
My grandma will sometimes get in fights with my uncle and chase him around the coffee table swinging a rolled up newspaper in her hand while the family laughs. These hppenings take place in a trailer.
gournal
+2 -0
You didn't really need to or ask to hear that
You didn't really need to or ask to hear that
strike_reyhi
+0 -0
we didn't need know because it was already fairly obvious.
we didn't need know because it was already fairly obvious.
rowboat
+0 -0
Gournal - internet marry me. Right the fuck now.
Gournal - internet marry me. Right the fuck now.
gournal
+0 -0
Hmm, I've never been internet married before... do you write internet poetry though? 'Cuz I've kind of been holding out for gladi...
Hmm, I've never been internet married before... do you write internet poetry though? 'Cuz I've kind of been holding out for gladi...
rowboat
+2 -0
Poetry is what I'm gonna do to Gladi if he ever finds the courage to step into the cage with me.
My double leg takedown will be my couplet. My Achilles lock, my quatrain. My guillotine choke, my stanza.
I will offer you a hand unbroken when Gladi has none to give. With violence, I will sing for you. In submission, he will give you away.
Poetry is what I'm gonna do to Gladi if he ever finds the courage to step into the cage with me.
My double leg takedown will be my couplet. My Achilles lock, my quatrain. My guillotine choke, my stanza.
I will offer you a hand unbroken when Gladi has none to give. With violence, I will sing for you. In submission, he will give you away.
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
Rowboat/gournal FFs on their way...
Rowboat/gournal FFs on their way...
gournal
+0 -0
I mean, that was basically poetry right there that you just did.
I mean, that was basically poetry right there that you just did.
rowboat
+0 -0
Then let's do this damn thing.
Then let's do this damn thing.
gournal
+0 -0
Also, Roast Beef made Molly a blinking ring when they got married, so I've kind of been holding out for that too...
Also, Roast Beef made Molly a blinking ring when they got married, so I've kind of been holding out for that too...
rowboat
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
gournal
+0 -0
I can only assume that is an image of a stunning 24 carat blinking ring. Now we just need someone who got a license on the internet to marry people on the internet.
I can only assume that is an image of a stunning 24 carat blinking ring. Now we just need someone who got a license on the internet to marry people on the internet.
salvar
+0 -0
That is not a "lol" comment. That is one of the saddest things.
That is not a "lol" comment. That is one of the saddest things.
nickb285
+0 -0
This is horribly depressing, and I'm not even entirely sure why.
This is horribly depressing, and I'm not even entirely sure why.
deus
+1 -0
Look at the last panel...LOOK AT IT!!
NOW! Do you understand?!
Look at the last panel...LOOK AT IT!!
NOW! Do you understand?!
xi
+16 -0
It's because we all feel this way. Once you leave mom, there's no real going back. "Home" is not a place you even really have anymore... you have a place where you keep your shit. That face... it's a face we all make... that porkchop means something to all of us, man.
It's because we all feel this way. Once you leave mom, there's no real going back. "Home" is not a place you even really have anymore... you have a place where you keep your shit. That face... it's a face we all make... that porkchop means something to all of us, man.
nickb285
+8 -0
Fuck, man.
I think I just got welcomed to the only game in town.
Fuck, man.
I think I just got welcomed to the only game in town.
jaminspoon
+7 -0
Chubbies for both of you. God, chubbies for everyone just to make the hurting stop.
Chubbies for both of you. God, chubbies for everyone just to make the hurting stop.
gorrioncita
+18 -1
shocking news: bunch of manchildren weep on the internet about a cartoon
shocking news: bunch of manchildren weep on the internet about a cartoon
gournal
+0 -0
Don't worry guys- Steve is at the store right now getting rice. He's the best.
Don't worry guys- Steve is at the store right now getting rice. He's the best.
stsasser
+0 -0
just wait till Phillipe finds out about Mom's phonesex operation.
just wait till Phillipe finds out about Mom's phonesex operation.
smilebuddha
+3 -0
(puf)
(puf)
mockereo
+4 -0
i think the arithmetic Steve does is calculating how long it will take for Philippe to ask for his meal, how long until the crushing disappointment, and then how long until he needs to be picked up for his trip home to Teodor.
yes-- home to Teodor.
i think the arithmetic Steve does is calculating how long it will take for Philippe to ask for his meal, how long until the crushing disappointment, and then how long until he needs to be picked up for his trip home to Teodor.
yes-- home to Teodor.
cracklewater
+6 -0
That is a Nice interpretation. You are a Good person, mockereo.
I pictured Steve waiting at Svenhard's with his blank eyes and suppurating harelip, doing the same arithmetic, waiting untli he could go back and drink the sweet pain. He has studied Phillipe's background and realised that the otter ageth not. The first death of innocence experienced by an eternal child; so delicious.
His surname is an anagram of 'Nude Eve'. He is the Serpent.
Your theory makes more sense.
That is a Nice interpretation. You are a Good person, mockereo.
I pictured Steve waiting at Svenhard's with his blank eyes and suppurating harelip, doing the same arithmetic, waiting untli he could go back and drink the sweet pain. He has studied Phillipe's background and realised that the otter ageth not. The first death of innocence experienced by an eternal child; so delicious.
His surname is an anagram of 'Nude Eve'. He is the Serpent.
Your theory makes more sense.
thinman
+0 -0
Unless they sell rice at Svenhard's, the only thing Steve DeNeuve is getting is a face full of danish(interpret that however you will).
There was probably plenty of buttered rice yesterday at Phillipe's mom's house....until that Commie DeNeuve got his grubby mitts on it.
Unless they sell rice at Svenhard's, the only thing Steve DeNeuve is getting is a face full of danish(interpret that however you will).
There was probably plenty of buttered rice yesterday at Phillipe's mom's house....until that Commie DeNeuve got his grubby mitts on it.
gorrioncita
+0 -0
wow i thought i was going to get a billion lames for that one. god, i can't even piss you guys off right. fuck.
wow i thought i was going to get a billion lames for that one. god, i can't even piss you guys off right. fuck.
mockereo
+0 -0
lames are now a non-renewable resource. we do not spend them frivolously.
lames are now a non-renewable resource. we do not spend them frivolously.
gorrioncita
+4 -0
that doesn't explain the chubbies take them back they're gross UGH.
that doesn't explain the chubbies take them back they're gross UGH.
salvar
+0 -0
That's not how chubbies work...
That's not how chubbies work...
xi
+0 -0
That may not be how YOU use them.
That may not be how YOU use them.
lateadopter
+0 -0
Best. Avatar. Comment. Synergy. EVER.
Best. Avatar. Comment. Synergy. EVER.
daedala_x
+3 -0
and they were scrambling to cover their chubbies up, but i've seen everything.
and they were scrambling to cover their chubbies up, but i've seen everything.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I don't like that show, but I enjoyed finding out just how little Sir Patrick Stewart takes himself seriously.
I don't like that show, but I enjoyed finding out just how little Sir Patrick Stewart takes himself seriously.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
It's an otter world, Philippe.
Sorry, sorry folks.
It's an otter world, Philippe.
Sorry, sorry folks.
comrade_tom
+14 -0
I come to Achewood for the Yuk-Yuks and stay for the depressingly accurate commentary on the melancholy of having ageing parents.
I come to Achewood for the Yuk-Yuks and stay for the depressingly accurate commentary on the melancholy of having ageing parents.
lonestar52
+1 -0
You aren't joking. *sigh*
You aren't joking. *sigh*
royale
+20 -0
YOU MAKE YOUR SON SOME GODDAMN PANCAKES LADY.
YOU MAKE YOUR SON SOME GODDAMN PANCAKES LADY.
crom
+1 -0
Chubbied for avatar/comment synergy.
Chubbied for avatar/comment synergy.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
AN', AN', MICKEY MOUSE WAFFLES SO HE'LL BE HAPPY AGAIN!
AN', AN', MICKEY MOUSE WAFFLES SO HE'LL BE HAPPY AGAIN!
mehighlow
+2 -0
Mothers get older.
Otters get over.
This is the saddest thing. Right here.
Savor it in all its sweet bitterness.
Good night.
Mothers get older.
Otters get over.
This is the saddest thing. Right here.
Savor it in all its sweet bitterness.
Good night.
xi
+0 -0
Don't otters like clams? Couldn't he backstroke around and find some and eatem on his belly?
Don't otters like clams? Couldn't he backstroke around and find some and eatem on his belly?
fuzzyshoo
+1 -0
they (californian sea otters) also keep the sea urchin population down, as the urchins eat away at the holdfasts of the giant kelp in which the otters are typically found.
they (californian sea otters) also keep the sea urchin population down, as the urchins eat away at the holdfasts of the giant kelp in which the otters are typically found.
quantumcasaba
+2 -0
Chubbied for Knowledge: Sea life
Chubbied for Knowledge: Sea life
quantumcasaba
+0 -0
/Knowledge(sea life)
/Knowledge(sea life)
xi
+0 -0
That's cool, one more thing he could go and bust open and eat on his belly all nomnom cutelike.
That's cool, one more thing he could go and bust open and eat on his belly all nomnom cutelike.
fuzzyshoo
+0 -0
The ocean is highly excellent. Probably my favorite thing ever.
The ocean is highly excellent. Probably my favorite thing ever.
caddon
+0 -0
Phillipe's mother knew he would die one day.
Phillipe, faced with this diminished chop, is realising the same about her.
This is going to be a bad time.
Phillipe's mother knew he would die one day.
Phillipe, faced with this diminished chop, is realising the same about her.
This is going to be a bad time.
wjon
+7 -1
I feel like someone just gave a ticket to see two owls getting strangled.
I feel like someone just gave a ticket to see two owls getting strangled.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
Not one but two, definitely two. =[
Not one but two, definitely two. =[
farqussus
+1 -0
Fuck! Who got them? That always sells out.
Fuck! Who got them? That always sells out.
streever
+0 -0
I don't even know how I feel anymore, man.
I don't even know how I feel anymore, man.
jaymitsuru
+0 -0
Dude... I should read the cast page. I didn't realize he was an otter. Now I'm *doubly* bummed out at the little dude's plight.
Dude... I should read the cast page. I didn't realize he was an otter. Now I'm *doubly* bummed out at the little dude's plight.
i_love_kate
+1 -0
What?
What?
ratacattt
+3 -0
he said "Dude... I should read the cast page. I didn't realize he was an otter. Now I'm *doubly* bummed out at the little dude's plight. "
he said "Dude... I should read the cast page. I didn't realize he was an otter. Now I'm *doubly* bummed out at the little dude's plight. "
shinkusan
+6 -1
Thanks for clearing that up.
DICK
Thanks for clearing that up.
DICK
divot
+0 -0
Are otters more deserving of pity?
Are otters more deserving of pity?
dans
+1 -0
Otters are arguably the cutest animal there is. Go to a zoo, and throw a shitty porkchop in. There ain't a soul that wouldn't cry at that shit.
Otters are arguably the cutest animal there is. Go to a zoo, and throw a shitty porkchop in. There ain't a soul that wouldn't cry at that shit.
dans
+0 -0
I never to form coherent sentence is also tragic
I never to form coherent sentence is also tragic
rude_mechanical
+0 -0
And there you have it - you can never go back to things the way they were.
And there you have it - you can never go back to things the way they were.
lolsworth
+0 -0
Oh God I had a horrible thought when I saw the three pictures. Philippe is an imperfect clone with a lifespan of five years and he's going to disintegrate and be replaced by a fresh one or something.
Oh God I had a horrible thought when I saw the three pictures. Philippe is an imperfect clone with a lifespan of five years and he's going to disintegrate and be replaced by a fresh one or something.
lolsworth
+0 -0
Fortunately it's actually just about the crushing inevitability of total disappointment.
Fortunately it's actually just about the crushing inevitability of total disappointment.
wiliamthepleasr
+6 -0
Phillipe got a warmer reception at the dump.
Phillipe got a warmer reception at the dump.
usversusthem
+1 -0
And Hermione just took delivery of a large, brown Barracuda.
And Hermione just took delivery of a large, brown Barracuda.
mockereo
+0 -0
is this a sex-related poop joke? i don't even know, man. there is too much entendre going on there
is this a sex-related poop joke? i don't even know, man. there is too much entendre going on there
jaminspoon
+3 -0
In the glass: municipal tap water, room temperature.
Jesus..
In the glass: municipal tap water, room temperature.
Jesus..
i_love_kate
+0 -0
"Municipal" is one of those words that I will never entirely know the meaning of.
"Municipal" is one of those words that I will never entirely know the meaning of.
stereo
+0 -0
It means "of the municipality". It's one of those weird things where a word gets shorter and less specific.
It means "of the municipality". It's one of those weird things where a word gets shorter and less specific.
shinkusan
+3 -0
I suspect that didn't help i_love_kate at all. That might have just been like a kick while he's down. Municipal basically means it's run or made by or managed by the local government. That is, the town or county government, as opposed to the state or federal government.
I suspect that didn't help i_love_kate at all. That might have just been like a kick while he's down. Municipal basically means it's run or made by or managed by the local government. That is, the town or county government, as opposed to the state or federal government.
spazdor
+5 -0
Municipal governments are typically in charge of public wine , for instance
Municipal governments are typically in charge of public wine , for instance
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Chubby for true facts and most likely no lies.
Chubby for true facts and most likely no lies.
flateric
+1 -0
Steve seemed to know this would come to pass.
Steve seemed to know this would come to pass.
bengreens
+0 -0
Still and all, he's manning up pretty well. I mean, he's heartbroken, but he's choking his disappointment back, putting on a good face for his mom. Not like when he started bawling after Téodor bungled the Mickey Mouse pancake. Poor Philippe; he's growing up.
Still and all, he's manning up pretty well. I mean, he's heartbroken, but he's choking his disappointment back, putting on a good face for his mom. Not like when he started bawling after Téodor bungled the Mickey Mouse pancake. Poor Philippe; he's growing up.
bengreens
+0 -0
What a thing to read right before a too-long-delayed bedtime. I'm all teary now. Damn.
What a thing to read right before a too-long-delayed bedtime. I'm all teary now. Damn.
red-barchetta
+0 -0
Wow, good hit on a soft spot Chris. A spot I think most of us share.
Wow, good hit on a soft spot Chris. A spot I think most of us share.
neonfreon
+0 -0
i keep my soft spot to myself
i keep my soft spot to myself
mockereo
+0 -0
mine is on the top of my head!
mine is on the top of my head!
neonfreon
+0 -0
skull fuckery
skull fuckery
chubbychecker
+4 -0
Out of RICE? WTF
Out of RICE? WTF
squidvicious
+4 -0
At least she didn't offer him any apple sauce to make up for the lost rice.
At least she didn't offer him any apple sauce to make up for the lost rice.
rolandtower
+0 -0
Phillipe's mom has frontotemporal dementia :(
Phillipe's mom has frontotemporal dementia :(
wonelove
+0 -0
"Phil-leeeep's mommy,Don't dooo it, Don't ur-ine in the Cad-dy~"
"Phil-leeeep's mommy,Don't dooo it, Don't ur-ine in the Cad-dy~"
azairborne
+0 -0
It's funny like the first scene from Breakfast of Champions where Wayne Hoover is about to suck-clear his revolver.
I am alarmed by how funny a huge downer can be.
A craptacular microwaved pork chop is somhow comparable to an extra ton of cash in a sinking life raft: funny in an Isaac Brock kind of way.
It's funny like the first scene from Breakfast of Champions where Wayne Hoover is about to suck-clear his revolver.
I am alarmed by how funny a huge downer can be.
A craptacular microwaved pork chop is somhow comparable to an extra ton of cash in a sinking life raft: funny in an Isaac Brock kind of way.
srikamaraja
+0 -0
Phillipe is a building, burning
with no one to put the fire out
standing at the window with a special boy
waiting for Time to burn us down
Phillipe is a building, burning
with no one to put the fire out
standing at the window with a special boy
waiting for Time to burn us down
yearofglad
+0 -0
The 1979 AMC Eagle is on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
And the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
And a dark wind blows
The porkchops are corrupt
And we're on so many drugs
With the radio on and the curtains drawn
The 1979 AMC Eagle is on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
And the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
And a dark wind blows
The porkchops are corrupt
And we're on so many drugs
With the radio on and the curtains drawn
srikamaraja
+0 -0
And the otters used to sleep on the beach here, sleep overnight... they don't do that anymore. Things changed... you see.
The otters don't sleep anymore on the beach.
And the otters used to sleep on the beach here, sleep overnight... they don't do that anymore. Things changed... you see.
The otters don't sleep anymore on the beach.
thinman
+0 -0
I almost feel like I just stumbled into a "Godspeed You! Black Emperor" benefit.
Almost.
I almost feel like I just stumbled into a "Godspeed You! Black Emperor" benefit.
Almost.
thinman
+0 -0
I just asked Ike Brock and he said that he didn't think that was very funny at all.
He then informed me that he doesn't bathe much.
True story.
I just asked Ike Brock and he said that he didn't think that was very funny at all.
He then informed me that he doesn't bathe much.
True story.
srikamaraja
+0 -0
"What the fuck are all you people doing here?"
-Isaac Brock
"What the fuck are all you people doing here?"
-Isaac Brock
crom
+0 -0
Isaac Brock is a straight-up bitch. The bitchiest bitch.
Isaac Brock was the kid in grade school who had "feelings." The one you could make cry by poking him too many times.
Isaac Brock goes plays live shows just so the audience knows how much he hates them. Isaac Brock picks fights with people in the hopes that they will feel really bad after kicking his ass.
(I once shouted "Free Bird!" at a Modest Mouse show just to piss Isaac Brock off. It worked. Spectacularly.)
Isaac Brock is a straight-up bitch. The bitchiest bitch.
Isaac Brock was the kid in grade school who had "feelings." The one you could make cry by poking him too many times.
Isaac Brock goes plays live shows just so the audience knows how much he hates them. Isaac Brock picks fights with people in the hopes that they will feel really bad after kicking his ass.
(I once shouted "Free Bird!" at a Modest Mouse show just to piss Isaac Brock off. It worked. Spectacularly.)
azairborne
+0 -0
Don't pretend to be the guy on Baron Von Bullshit Rides Again. Don't be the uber bitchiest bitches bitch when you bitch about a bitch, bitch.
Don't pretend to be the guy on Baron Von Bullshit Rides Again. Don't be the uber bitchiest bitches bitch when you bitch about a bitch, bitch.
azairborne
+1 -0
bitch
bitch
nice-on-water
+8 -0
All because Ray started composting.
All because Ray started composting.
sherief
+2 -0
Hated at dirt makes problems all the way down the food chain.
Hated at dirt makes problems all the way down the food chain.
miku224
+2 -0
First The Math. Now The Arithmetic. I don't know when Onstad is going to write a strip called The Algebra, but when he does I'm pretty sure it's guaranteed to get me a little choked up.
First The Math. Now The Arithmetic. I don't know when Onstad is going to write a strip called The Algebra, but when he does I'm pretty sure it's guaranteed to get me a little choked up.
snuffysmith
+2 -0
Steve just did some Real Analysis of the situation
ha
Steve just did some Real Analysis of the situation
ha
neonfreon
+0 -0
dogg i think this qualifies as complex analysis
dogg i think this qualifies as complex analysis
ph3r
+0 -0
For mere mortals like us, perhaps. Steve is the best.
For mere mortals like us, perhaps. Steve is the best.
desert_donkey
+0 -0
A comment left by desert_donkey was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by static, wjon, thebigmike1983, Rykan, DougTheHead, fuzzyshoo, Jorus, streever, Doc_Rostov, nathanielperson, spicyponyhead)
A comment left by desert_donkey was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by static, wjon, thebigmike1983, Rykan, DougTheHead, fuzzyshoo, Jorus, streever, Doc_Rostov, nathanielperson, spicyponyhead)
fuzzyshoo
+3 -1
NO. HE IS 5. HE IS NOT A MERKIN.
NO. HE IS 5. HE IS NOT A MERKIN.
desert_donkey
+0 -1
No, he is a CARFUCKINGTOON.
No, he is a CARFUCKINGTOON.
shinkusan
+0 -0
Noticed the avatar-comment synergy. Nice.
Noticed the avatar-comment synergy. Nice.
shinkusan
+4 -1
DON'T SAY THINGS THAT ARE STUPID BECAUSE EVERYBODY WILL FIND OUT HOW STUPID IT IS AND YOU ARE.
That's my verbal lame, since apparently I've used up my allotted lame count. I don't remember laming a ton of people, so sorry if I did and it was not rad.
DON'T SAY THINGS THAT ARE STUPID BECAUSE EVERYBODY WILL FIND OUT HOW STUPID IT IS AND YOU ARE.
That's my verbal lame, since apparently I've used up my allotted lame count. I don't remember laming a ton of people, so sorry if I did and it was not rad.
desert_donkey
+0 -0
i just gave you a lame so you s/b good now.
i just gave you a lame so you s/b good now.
granularsilica
+0 -0
You have lames?!
You have lames?!
cathaoir
+0 -0
I haven't lamed anyone forever, but I still have apparently used up my lame allotment. Thus, a verbal lame: a curse upon your house, desert_donkey!
I haven't lamed anyone forever, but I still have apparently used up my lame allotment. Thus, a verbal lame: a curse upon your house, desert_donkey!
mockereo
+1 -0
more like swamp_donkey!
more like swamp_donkey!
desert_donkey
+0 -0
heheh.
heheh.
mockereo
+0 -0
I dunno if that's a universal insult for everyone, but in my town calling someone a swamp donkey is pretty much the perfect match of hilarious with offensive.
I dunno if that's a universal insult for everyone, but in my town calling someone a swamp donkey is pretty much the perfect match of hilarious with offensive.
desert_donkey
+0 -0
it's hard to add "donkey" to an insult and still expect it to be a an insult.
plus, the achewood reference to shots of mezcal getting you "donked up quicker" was just the best.
it's hard to add "donkey" to an insult and still expect it to be a an insult.
plus, the achewood reference to shots of mezcal getting you "donked up quicker" was just the best.
shelbydavis
+2 -0
May all your sons be queeeeeeeeer!!!
May all your sons be queeeeeeeeer!!!
catgrl131
+0 -0
May your crops wither in the field and may your barren testicles shrivel, you cousin of an orphaned goat.
May your crops wither in the field and may your barren testicles shrivel, you cousin of an orphaned goat.
granularsilica
+0 -0
And fornicator with sheep.
And fornicator with sheep.
desert_donkey
+0 -0
already happened / too late.
already happened / too late.
tonk
+1 -0
Eh, Philippe! Thees is ees not so bad, oui?!
Eh, Philippe! Thees is ees not so bad, oui?!
brokeaccount
+0 -0
This is exactly like the times I would visit my nan after my grandad died. Fucking hell.
This is exactly like the times I would visit my nan after my grandad died. Fucking hell.
neonfreon
+0 -0
i think this is the first time i've successfully predicted even a small portion of a storyline in a prior post. all too predictable, onstad
i think this is the first time i've successfully predicted even a small portion of a storyline in a prior post. all too predictable, onstad
i_love_kate
+1 -0
[CHARLIE SHEEN CLAPPING.JPG]
[CHARLIE SHEEN CLAPPING.JPG]
rowboat
+0 -0
[SALMA HAYEK'S GOOD TITS.GIF]
(just 'cause I miss 'em)
[SALMA HAYEK'S GOOD TITS.GIF]
(just 'cause I miss 'em)
cornedbeef
+0 -0
Is anyone else extremely curious as to why Philippe left home in the first place?
Is anyone else extremely curious as to why Philippe left home in the first place?
divot
+0 -0
Nope. It is in the (newer) book.
Nope. It is in the (newer) book.
stereo
+1 -0
Only those who have not read the Achewood books.
(Seriously, his backstory is only on dead paper Achewood).
Only those who have not read the Achewood books.
(Seriously, his backstory is only on dead paper Achewood).
quantumcasaba
+1 -0
Well, can someone with the expendable income to gain knowledge to Philippe's backstory please inform some of the lowly proles who can't afford dead paper Achewood?
Well, can someone with the expendable income to gain knowledge to Philippe's backstory please inform some of the lowly proles who can't afford dead paper Achewood?
wingspan
+0 -0
The story of Philippe's arrival does not involve Onstad seeing his own wife naked.
The story of Philippe's arrival does not involve Onstad seeing his own wife naked.
srikamaraja
+0 -0
Yes.
Yes.
dybrar
+2 -0
The first time I read this, I did not even truly realise that she turns off the lights when she leaves, leaving Phillipe quite literally in the dark. This is a rude thing to do at the very least.
It is perhaps a metaphor for Phillipe finding out painfully that things have changed , but perhaps it is also simply an example of an aging parent's sad forgetfulness, an example of them no longer caring %u2013 being able to care %u2013 in quite the same way as they used to. Which is worse? Who can say?
The first time I read this, I did not even truly realise that she turns off the lights when she leaves, leaving Phillipe quite literally in the dark. This is a rude thing to do at the very least.
It is perhaps a metaphor for Phillipe finding out painfully that things have changed , but perhaps it is also simply an example of an aging parent's sad forgetfulness, an example of them no longer caring %u2013 being able to care %u2013 in quite the same way as they used to. Which is worse? Who can say?
i_love_kate
+1 -0
Phillipe might be five, but no matter how old he gets his mouth will always be gross.
Also, if I'm not mistaken those are the same pictures of Philippe as were shown in his mum's house in a past strip. Ah, simpler times...
Phillipe might be five, but no matter how old he gets his mouth will always be gross.
Also, if I'm not mistaken those are the same pictures of Philippe as were shown in his mum's house in a past strip. Ah, simpler times...
ratacattt
+5 -0
maybe in his house it's normal to turn off the lights when eating pork chops because who wants to look at a gross otter mouth devouring a pork chop - not even other otters.
maybe in his house it's normal to turn off the lights when eating pork chops because who wants to look at a gross otter mouth devouring a pork chop - not even other otters.
dacapn
+0 -0
chubby for "gross otter mouth" now explain your replies to me sir.
chubby for "gross otter mouth" now explain your replies to me sir.
ratacattt
+1 -1
I don't like your avatar and if you don't change it, I'm going to find where you live, drive there paying only cash for gas to make it more difficult to trace my movements, do surveillance on your house until I can identify a good time to kill you, when that time arises, break into your house, kill you, steal your computer, break into a crematorium, fire up the oven and shove your dead body in, go home, break into your computer, and use your achewood cookie to access your assetbar account, and change you avatar. So you see son, we can do this the hard way or the easy way.
I don't like your avatar and if you don't change it, I'm going to find where you live, drive there paying only cash for gas to make it more difficult to trace my movements, do surveillance on your house until I can identify a good time to kill you, when that time arises, break into your house, kill you, steal your computer, break into a crematorium, fire up the oven and shove your dead body in, go home, break into your computer, and use your achewood cookie to access your assetbar account, and change you avatar. So you see son, we can do this the hard way or the easy way.
mockereo
+0 -0
yeah well i don't much care for Doonesbury either but i don't threaten elaborate stalking/killings.
you over-the-top jerkface
yeah well i don't much care for Doonesbury either but i don't threaten elaborate stalking/killings.
you over-the-top jerkface
lonestar52
+0 -0
Whoa! You're working some rough chuckles.
Whoa! You're working some rough chuckles.
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
Well, I guess we now know that AIU is a Chiefs fan.
Well, I guess we now know that AIU is a Chiefs fan.
ratacattt
+0 -0
fucking corporate sports logos brands shit people are so small
fucking corporate sports logos brands shit people are so small
strike_reyhi
+0 -0
fucking terrible syndicated comics shit people are so small
fucking terrible syndicated comics shit people are so small
strike_reyhi
+0 -0
Basically what I mean is you are being a dick over something inconsequential.
Basically what I mean is you are being a dick over something inconsequential.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
strike_reyhi - you're talking to ratacattt, aka alreadyinuse/AIU/etc. For the most part, it's best to pay no mind.
strike_reyhi - you're talking to ratacattt, aka alreadyinuse/AIU/etc. For the most part, it's best to pay no mind.
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
lol raiders
lol raiders
fuzzyshoo
+0 -0
you beat me by an hour :(
you beat me by an hour :(
puguglypress
+0 -1
Phillipe's mom isn't trying to be lame. She just is.
Phillipe's mom isn't trying to be lame. She just is.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW! She's...she's losing her nines. Running into parked cars seems like once a month. Aw, Mom, Jesus. What are we going to do with you?
YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW! She's...she's losing her nines. Running into parked cars seems like once a month. Aw, Mom, Jesus. What are we going to do with you?
i_love_kate
+2 -0
If it was just your mum you might be able to deal. But when you have to look after Jesus as well...
If it was just your mum you might be able to deal. But when you have to look after Jesus as well...
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Now that she's slipping a gear, I don't know whether he's going into the house after the yardwork, all stealing her Streisand and Barry Manilow iTunes, all torrenting them to his homies....
Now that she's slipping a gear, I don't know whether he's going into the house after the yardwork, all stealing her Streisand and Barry Manilow iTunes, all torrenting them to his homies....
sweethickory
+0 -0
Allow me to call bullshit - Phillipe's mother would simply NOT dump on this kid like this. Screwing up her signature dish? Shutting the light off on him? A happy garbage man?! The fix is in!
Allow me to call bullshit - Phillipe's mother would simply NOT dump on this kid like this. Screwing up her signature dish? Shutting the light off on him? A happy garbage man?! The fix is in!
ratacattt
+0 -0
When I visited my aunts who were a billion years old, that's how it went. They'd go to bed earlier than you shutting off lights as they go, they'd leave you with something or other that's unsatisfactory, be it the linens, the pork chops, the room temperature, the sickly cat or dog, and because they were a billion years old and set in their ways, you didn't have the option of asking for these things to be changed, because change is less and less possible the older you get. It's all an old person can do to come to grips with their own needs, let alone worry after yours. When you're old, different things start to matter, your body starts to hurt, and the flourishes you used to put on pork chops and things in your youth fall by the wayside. Plus, when Onstad was a kid, old people of that time would have compulsively shut off lights every time they left a room. Almost the entire house would be dark after the sun set. The depression taught them to save and economize.
When I visited my aunts who were a billion years old, that's how it went. They'd go to bed earlier than you shutting off lights as they go, they'd leave you with something or other that's unsatisfactory, be it the linens, the pork chops, the room temperature, the sickly cat or dog, and because they were a billion years old and set in their ways, you didn't have the option of asking for these things to be changed, because change is less and less possible the older you get. It's all an old person can do to come to grips with their own needs, let alone worry after yours. When you're old, different things start to matter, your body starts to hurt, and the flourishes you used to put on pork chops and things in your youth fall by the wayside. Plus, when Onstad was a kid, old people of that time would have compulsively shut off lights every time they left a room. Almost the entire house would be dark after the sun set. The depression taught them to save and economize.
gladi8orrex
+12 -1
my mom always would wait for me to finish eating. it'd be like 10 or 11 or somethin n she'd make sandwich an she'd jus like, stand around talkin to me n i didn't even notice she was being super super nice to me jus by bein' there.
unconditional love is best. that's teh way to b 2 ur kids not like sum dads who only luv u if you hit homeruns but more like moms who just look out 4 u no matter wat cuz there's a bond.
women. ib u hab kids be sure to bond wit them n that means spendin time wit them dont just nanny up cuz ull never get the same thing form dat. its...
spend itme wit ya kids thas paramount. lots n lotsa time n lub em. i dun c dat 2 often
my mom always would wait for me to finish eating. it'd be like 10 or 11 or somethin n she'd make sandwich an she'd jus like, stand around talkin to me n i didn't even notice she was being super super nice to me jus by bein' there.
unconditional love is best. that's teh way to b 2 ur kids not like sum dads who only luv u if you hit homeruns but more like moms who just look out 4 u no matter wat cuz there's a bond.
women. ib u hab kids be sure to bond wit them n that means spendin time wit them dont just nanny up cuz ull never get the same thing form dat. its...
spend itme wit ya kids thas paramount. lots n lotsa time n lub em. i dun c dat 2 often
quantumcasaba
+0 -0
Chuppy.
Chuppy.
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
there arent many moms on this message board, dogg.
there arent many moms on this message board, dogg.
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
future moms bro. jus' sayin' aint too late
future moms bro. jus' sayin' aint too late
howl
+0 -0
how do you know, I mean I want kids someday
how do you know, I mean I want kids someday
maximus
+0 -0
Why doesn't Philippe buy her a cook with his millions?
Why doesn't Philippe buy her a cook with his millions?
mockereo
+0 -0
because he wants his mom to cook his favourite dish. didn't you learn the lesson from Steve that nothing was quite as satisfying as his dad's griddled onion burger? It isn't the food, its the experience and the people and the love.
because he wants his mom to cook his favourite dish. didn't you learn the lesson from Steve that nothing was quite as satisfying as his dad's griddled onion burger? It isn't the food, its the experience and the people and the love.
stereo
+0 -0
And the real lesson is that a great taste once remembered is never repeated.
That's not to say that you won't pick up some benefit from the hunt - but if you're always comparing to that apocryphal perfect burger you ate when you were five, you will always be disappointed.
And the real lesson is that a great taste once remembered is never repeated.
That's not to say that you won't pick up some benefit from the hunt - but if you're always comparing to that apocryphal perfect burger you ate when you were five, you will always be disappointed.
r1pp3r
+0 -0
This is what it comes down to: raw pork chop and the lights out. At least she didn't accuse him of trying to kill her.
This is what it comes down to: raw pork chop and the lights out. At least she didn't accuse him of trying to kill her.
edwardstark
+0 -0
Exit Phillipe
Exit Phillipe
lynnym
+0 -0
Jesus Christ, Onstad. I can't do this.
Jesus Christ, Onstad. I can't do this.
gladi8orrex
+2 -0
wat, hab emotional response? is u numb?
ya know what? i dont get this, i dont get you, i dont get this mission--what are we even doing here?-- we're wasting time. a child is going to die and you're burning her time!
wat, hab emotional response? is u numb?
ya know what? i dont get this, i dont get you, i dont get this mission--what are we even doing here?-- we're wasting time. a child is going to die and you're burning her time!
doc_rostov
+0 -0
Glad, you are a true broskozy.
Glad, you are a true broskozy.
omegatron
+0 -0
Your search - "broskozy" - did not match any documents.
Suggestions:
* Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
* Try different keywords.
* Try more general keywords.
Your search - "broskozy" - did not match any documents.
Suggestions:
* Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
* Try different keywords.
* Try more general keywords.
mockereo
+0 -0
broskozy = bro Sarkozy (the French president that is his avatar)
man the strip is called "The Arithmetic". today, everything is explained through addition
broskozy = bro Sarkozy (the French president that is his avatar)
man the strip is called "The Arithmetic". today, everything is explained through addition
mockereo
+0 -0
fuck. i know that assetbar eats plus signs, but i will never remember that before i post.
brosokozy = bro plus Sarkozy
fuck. i know that assetbar eats plus signs, but i will never remember that before i post.
brosokozy = bro plus Sarkozy
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Sarkozy would be a terrible Bro, you'd be trying to kick back with a beer and he'd be all "Did i tell you about the time I met Obama? well I did, and he's a pussy, I can bench press twice as much as him, Did I tell you I've got a hot wife..."
Sarkozy would be a terrible Bro, you'd be trying to kick back with a beer and he'd be all "Did i tell you about the time I met Obama? well I did, and he's a pussy, I can bench press twice as much as him, Did I tell you I've got a hot wife..."
stereo
+0 -0
Wait, how is that different from any other bros?
Wait, how is that different from any other bros?
miaou
+0 -0
[/i]Hey Luiigggi, do you want a some muschroom with your spagheeettti
-Mario Bros[i]
[/i]Hey Luiigggi, do you want a some muschroom with your spagheeettti
-Mario Bros[i]
miaou
+0 -0
... and a little bit of a course on a the bbcode
... and a little bit of a course on a the bbcode
mockereo
+0 -0
sorB oiraM-
ittteeehgaps ruoy htiw moorhcsum emos a tnaw uoy od ,igggiiuL yeH
sorB oiraM-
ittteeehgaps ruoy htiw moorhcsum emos a tnaw uoy od ,igggiiuL yeH
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Man, only if your Bros are short whiny conservative French/Polish guys with an unhealthy interest in jogging!
Man, only if your Bros are short whiny conservative French/Polish guys with an unhealthy interest in jogging!
mockereo
+0 -0
given that jogging is a relatively health behaviour, wouldn't an unhealthy interest in jogging actually be a disinterest in jogging?
given that jogging is a relatively health behaviour, wouldn't an unhealthy interest in jogging actually be a disinterest in jogging?
belgand
+0 -0
Jim Fixx continues to disagree with you.
Jim Fixx continues to disagree with you.
shelbydavis
+0 -0
You have to use Google Platinum Reserve.
You have to use Google Platinum Reserve.
thinman
+0 -0
Is that, like, the '15 dollar margarita' version of Google?
Is that, like, the '15 dollar margarita' version of Google?
bika
+0 -0
"Bra cozy", however, brings up 530 results, none of which are as awesome as you might hope.
"Bra cozy", however, brings up 530 results, none of which are as awesome as you might hope.
erk070
+0 -0
Did the lights go out because she forgot he was there? Because of dementia?
Did the lights go out because she forgot he was there? Because of dementia?
wingspan
+0 -0
She has lived alone for a long time and lives by a routine. The last thing she does before retiring for the night is turn out the lights as she leaves the room. Force of habit.
She has lived alone for a long time and lives by a routine. The last thing she does before retiring for the night is turn out the lights as she leaves the room. Force of habit.
ratacattt
+0 -0
so to some extent, love is a habit, is a routine, and being apart diminishes this. I'll buy that.
so to some extent, love is a habit, is a routine, and being apart diminishes this. I'll buy that.
ngazin
+0 -0
It seems like the arithmetic Steve was referring to, the three photos of Philippe looking the same and Philippe's mother having aged seem to point back to the timeline where Philippe doesn't age.
It seems like the arithmetic Steve was referring to, the three photos of Philippe looking the same and Philippe's mother having aged seem to point back to the timeline where Philippe doesn't age.
troy_convers
+1 -0
The Pork Chop of Sadness.
Not quite as bad as the Lamb Cutlet of Alienation, the Chicken Leg of Hate or the Rump Steak of Abject Loathing, but they're only a paragraph down on the menu.
The Pork Chop of Sadness.
Not quite as bad as the Lamb Cutlet of Alienation, the Chicken Leg of Hate or the Rump Steak of Abject Loathing, but they're only a paragraph down on the menu.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
The Pork Chop of Despair
The Pork Chop of Despair
dans
+0 -0
The Christmas Ham of Heartbreak was taken off the menu for a while, but has since returned due to overwhelming requests by couples celebrating their anniversaries.
The Christmas Ham of Heartbreak was taken off the menu for a while, but has since returned due to overwhelming requests by couples celebrating their anniversaries.
mockereo
+0 -0
that'd suck to have your anniversary on christmas
that'd suck to have your anniversary on christmas
notdavidbowie
+0 -0
The Pack Of Gum of You Pooped On A Doorstep One Time?
The Pack Of Gum of You Pooped On A Doorstep One Time?
mockereo
+0 -0
whaaaaaat
whaaaaaat
notdavidbowie
+0 -0
Don't try and tell me you ain't never done it. I see you.
Don't try and tell me you ain't never done it. I see you.
tullymcnasty
+0 -0
Not even the golden crunchy fat. Tragedy at its finest.
Not even the golden crunchy fat. Tragedy at its finest.
maltese
+0 -0
sad
sad
stereo
+1 -0
So many questions, my son
But I am tired, I must rest
I'll always love you
- you are the best
Your pork chop is done
I regret I've failed this test
Now all that's left is sadness
And a family once was blessed.
Just a little poem, glad9 inspired me to let out my feelings through rhyme
So many questions, my son
But I am tired, I must rest
I'll always love you
- you are the best
Your pork chop is done
I regret I've failed this test
Now all that's left is sadness
And a family once was blessed.
Just a little poem, glad9 inspired me to let out my feelings through rhyme
shelbydavis
+0 -0
You formed your verse into a pair of wings. Chubbied for reminding me of George Herbert.
You formed your verse into a pair of wings. Chubbied for reminding me of George Herbert.
daedala_x
+2 -0
When the child was a child,
it walked with its arms swinging.
It wanted the stream to be a river,
the river a torrent,
and this puddle to be the sea.
When the child was a child,
it didn't know it was a child.
Everything was full of life,
and all life was one.
When the child was a child,
it walked with its arms swinging.
It wanted the stream to be a river,
the river a torrent,
and this puddle to be the sea.
When the child was a child,
it didn't know it was a child.
Everything was full of life,
and all life was one.
scorpio_nadir
+1 -0
Everything was full of life,
and all life was one.
When the child was a child,
he had no opinion about anything,
he had no habits..."
Everything was full of life,
and all life was one.
When the child was a child,
he had no opinion about anything,
he had no habits..."
shelbydavis
+1 -0
an otter lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
an otter lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
gladi8orrex
+2 -1
phillipe, phillipe, my sweet child,
you've returned - safe from the wild
come, come in my son: what's that, hmm?
porkchops you say? i have some in the next room
trouble? my boy, don't be silly. it's no trouble at all.
the mother goes. the saddness on the otter's face: it shows
(the brown crunchs. i cannot taste them.
the texture feels: like a vegetable stem
no salty juices. why did she do that?
it doesn't look right. no golden fat...
it tastes off. i know i know better than--
to complain, but my god: did she even use a pan? )
the otter weeps
as his mommy sleeps,
his stomach churns,
his sorrow: burns.
"i think i'ma gonna be sick"
no one is there to hear.
he hears only 'klik'
phillipe, phillipe, my sweet child,
you've returned - safe from the wild
come, come in my son: what's that, hmm?
porkchops you say? i have some in the next room
trouble? my boy, don't be silly. it's no trouble at all.
the mother goes. the saddness on the otter's face: it shows
(the brown crunchs. i cannot taste them.
the texture feels: like a vegetable stem
no salty juices. why did she do that?
it doesn't look right. no golden fat...
it tastes off. i know i know better than--
to complain, but my god: did she even use a pan? )
the otter weeps
as his mommy sleeps,
his stomach churns,
his sorrow: burns.
"i think i'ma gonna be sick"
no one is there to hear.
he hears only 'klik'
gladi8orrex
+0 -1
btw i kinna feel like lauren conrad wat wit all yall doin verse nah. kinna coo'
btw i kinna feel like lauren conrad wat wit all yall doin verse nah. kinna coo'
shelbydavis
+0 -0
What you lack in metre you make up in some badass enjambment. (Also I'm guessing the metre would iron itself out in oral delivery.)
What you lack in metre you make up in some badass enjambment. (Also I'm guessing the metre would iron itself out in oral delivery.)
subrosian
+2 -0
The harsh reality of adulthood at the age of five is that your parents can't eat real food anymore and they secretly long for death. The worst part is when it stops being secret, they look at you and tell you they want to die - they don't care about their obligations to their children anymore, it has gotten so bad and they are so sick of the pills and the doctors and the forms that they just want to stop suffering.
Fuck.
I can't even be sad that he's dead, his other kids and family only wanted him alive for what they could get from him. They never even understood him, they were just weights that kept him from every being happy.
It's Tuesday.
I don't know anymore, sorry Phillipe, you are six today.
The harsh reality of adulthood at the age of five is that your parents can't eat real food anymore and they secretly long for death. The worst part is when it stops being secret, they look at you and tell you they want to die - they don't care about their obligations to their children anymore, it has gotten so bad and they are so sick of the pills and the doctors and the forms that they just want to stop suffering.
Fuck.
I can't even be sad that he's dead, his other kids and family only wanted him alive for what they could get from him. They never even understood him, they were just weights that kept him from every being happy.
It's Tuesday.
I don't know anymore, sorry Phillipe, you are six today.
daedala_x
+1 -0
you probably shouldn't go to the grocery store.
you probably shouldn't go to the grocery store.
johnnyrocker
+0 -0
You sound like a guy who needs some hugs.
Wish I could help.
You sound like a guy who needs some hugs.
Wish I could help.
puddin
+0 -0
My femoral artery just ruptured.
My femoral artery just ruptured.
mockereo
+1 -0
nobody responded in time for you to be acknowledged (you already bled out) but, i'd like to say that sucks, bro. that is a sucky injury to have
nobody responded in time for you to be acknowledged (you already bled out) but, i'd like to say that sucks, bro. that is a sucky injury to have
puddin
+0 -0
The good lord Jesus saw to it that I was restored, but damn if it doesn't suck being a zombie.
The good lord Jesus saw to it that I was restored, but damn if it doesn't suck being a zombie.
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
sorry, philippe. you cant go home again.
sorry, philippe. you cant go home again.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
I have sat in Philippe's chair.
I have sat in Philippe's chair.
xi
+0 -0
...Lookit the leedle EARS
...Lookit the leedle EARS
ratacattt
+0 -0
This is one a the most compelling arcs onstad has done
This is one a the most compelling arcs onstad has done
doc_rostov
+2 -0
In case any of you hadn't read it yet, KC Green did a comic a little while back espousing similar themes. His take was very touching. As is this one.
In case any of you hadn't read it yet, KC Green did a comic a little while back espousing similar themes. His take was very touching. As is this one.
mockereo
+0 -0
i wish mr bear didn't wear such a harsh expression when he suggested things like that...
i wish mr bear didn't wear such a harsh expression when he suggested things like that...
doc_rostov
+0 -0
But I am not Mr. Bear. I am Dr. Bear. There is a significant difference.
But I am not Mr. Bear. I am Dr. Bear. There is a significant difference.
nice-on-water
+0 -0
Chub for Gunshow, KC and one of his best stories.
Chub for Gunshow, KC and one of his best stories.
evilperson
+0 -0
guys, do the lights turn off because phillipe's mom turns them off, or do they turn off because steve deneuve JUST FUCKING CUT THE POWER?!
guys, do the lights turn off because phillipe's mom turns them off, or do they turn off because steve deneuve JUST FUCKING CUT THE POWER?!
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
A klik was heard.
It was a switch.
A klik was heard.
It was a switch.
apolloin
+0 -0
Deneuve utilises the IR scope on his sniper rifle to put a round just above the bridge of the young otter's nose, ending the heartbreak and disillusionment.
(Jeremy Irons Impression)"...and I'd expect any of you to do the same for me..."
Deneuve utilises the IR scope on his sniper rifle to put a round just above the bridge of the young otter's nose, ending the heartbreak and disillusionment.
(Jeremy Irons Impression)"...and I'd expect any of you to do the same for me..."
coldfrog
+0 -0
Phillipe's left side is his best side, so sayeth his mother.
Phillipe's left side is his best side, so sayeth his mother.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Growing boy...
What a crock.
Growing boy...
What a crock.
ratacattt
+0 -0
A comment left by ratacattt was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by EdwardStark, subrosian, Comrade_Tom)
A comment left by ratacattt was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by EdwardStark, subrosian, Comrade_Tom)
mockereo
+2 -0
HAHA VERY GOOD
MY FATHER ONCE KNEW A MAN
HAHA VERY GOOD
MY FATHER ONCE KNEW A MAN
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Seriously? You're into this? We can make it happen.
Seriously? You're into this? We can make it happen.
moriarty
+1 -0
Sizzle the Chop, it muft sizzle.
Sizzle the Chop, it muft sizzle.
weretrout
+0 -0
This was absolutely heartwrenching.
This was absolutely heartwrenching.
dans
+6 -0
Meanwhile, in the other room, Phillippe's mother is hastily shoving pork chops and rice in her mouth, determined to eat all of the food before the child discovers it.
Meanwhile, in the other room, Phillippe's mother is hastily shoving pork chops and rice in her mouth, determined to eat all of the food before the child discovers it.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/fuzzy-memories-by-jack-handy/1176995/
or this:
https://www.hulu.com/watch/109924/saturday-night-live-fuzzy-memories-by-jack-handy
precicely what you describe.
https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/fuzzy-memories-by-jack-handy/1176995/
or this:
https://www.hulu.com/watch/109924/saturday-night-live-fuzzy-memories-by-jack-handy
precicely what you describe.
carlyle
+0 -0
Oh, my aching heart
Oh, my aching heart
maltese
+0 -0
i want hot buttered rice
i want hot buttered rice
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Why don't you go 'weeoo-weee-ooh' some up?
Why don't you go 'weeoo-weee-ooh' some up?
Ah hell did Phillipe just learn the harsh reality of turning 6?
I KNEW this would end bad!
Liebot did not prepare him for this.
I guess we know what the saddest thing is.
The realization that your parents are not the all knowing all loving people you thought they were? That they can love you and still be inconsiderate and selfish, turning what should have been a loving reunion into a sad display that we are forced to relive while walking in the dark to our rooms that we barely remember?
TBF - it appears Phillipe didn't tell his mother he would be returning that evening, and he arrived quite late. The strip also unfairly gives the appearance that she quickly abandons him, when she has in fact gone to the effort of cooking a pork chop for the prodigal.
Mother's probably crying herself to sleep, that her son has returned, and she was not able to give him the welcome he deserves and that she feels in her heart. But she is older than she used to be, and used to living alone.
Basically, everyone is sad.
The end. No moral.
you said no moral but just one line prior you provided a moral these were good insights but you still need to be more careful. A-
"Everyone is sad" isn't really a moral any more than "and they all lived happily ever after" is
live your life happily forever after. good moral ib eber there was one bro i think you messed up wanna try again? G-
"live your life happily ever after" is instructions.
but "and THEY lived happily ever after" is just a state of affairs.
man you lack all... w/e, earthworm
It actually doesn't give any of these impressions:
We see the phone call where they say he is coming back several comics ago.
She doesn't 'cook' anything- She just nukes a pre-cooked chop for a bit.
And that isn't how the word prodigal works- And even if it were, he didn't leave- She sent him away.
You are still right about the end though.
Are you saying my comment was a big hot tranny mess?
Here's six dollars.
Plus one more dollar, to make it soft like a baby lamb.
I know that side of things.
Gone to visit my grandparents before. Mixed up 6pm with 6am... Turned up in the early hours and they really weren't ready for it. Ruined a thing.
If the the saddest thing is giving up emulating a rad cat, in order to go home and eat bad pork chops, I think Phillipe is going to be ok.
As long as he doesn't wake up tomorrow and open the doot to find his things in a little suitcase.
The saddest thing is...microwaved porkchops.
deus,deus,deus, the saddest thing? the special Wednesday
cake? There is none.
I just noticed - Father Nathan simply asks her to make the cake. No insinuation at all that she actually makes the cake, or ever has.
After all, if she actually did make cake regularly, wouldn't it be something that a five-year-old kid would remember? Pork chops and buttered rice...cake.
I suppose that's why he's a special boy, though.
man FUCK YOU she OBVIOUSLY made the FUCKING WEDNESDAY CAKE god don't be an ASSHOLE
Maybe Teodor now has more justification for detaining Philippe than "we think we're smarter than her."
Well....what position is he in...he made a certain abortion of a mickey mouse pancake.
I suspect Steve DeNeuve did too. His insistence... probably even knew the poor otter wouldn't get any fifty-fifty
Well, he IS the best.
Good call, Teodor.
He learnt the harsh reality that you can never go home again.
It will never be the same.
The Arithmatic:
One small heart divided in two.
(That heart belongs to my high school English teacher, when she found out that I misspelled 'Arithmetic'.)
The Arithmatic--from Ronco.
The Asthmatic:
Two small lungs, smaller than they should be.
The Arrhythmic: one small heart, beating way the fuck too fast.
The Eurythmics: One small woman, with an orange crew-cut.
The Eugenics: Galton's put wayyyyy too much thought into race theory.
The Transgenics: Hey its a tomato with fish genes.
The Calisthenics: The fuck I'm doin' those.
The Calorimetrics: *explosion*
hey y'all this music video song is a propos of the current strip
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P0jWnDVo6w
Mama, I'm a millionaire, but I feel like a bum
Mama, I'm a millionaire, but I feel like the only one
I I I I woke up early this mornin'. I don't think y'all heard me
I woke up early this mornin'. I don't think y'all heard me
I woke up early this mornin', I don't think y'all heard me
I said I woke up early this mornin' but I still ain't see the sun
Always remember: A rat in the house might eat the ice cream. Because apparently 'arithmetic' is important enough of a word to have its own pneumatic device.
ha! mnemonic.
pneumatic? awesome.
New! The Otter Heart: An Arithmatic, Pneumatic Device from PhillipeCo.
(Warning: Heart comes pre-broken. Batteries not included.)
I... I'll take fifty.
-Nolan
Ah. The pneumatic/mnemonic snafu comes full circle. I guess this is what it is to know people on the internet.
...is this a thing?
I noticed that you mentioned this mistake elsewhere on the internet. At that place.
Oh, that place where we do those things. It was like a preview of what you would one day know!
It uses factory machines powered by pressurized air?
"The Arithmetic: One small heart divided in two" sounds like a top of the charts indie-rock rock-opera to me. Just saying this because I'm drunk and high as a kite.
The Arithmetic has to be an indie band, yeah? Pronounced A-rith-MET-ic.
PS IF IT'S NOT BAGS
Love is watching someone die.
count on Achewood to depict the harsh reality of this knowledge through food.
bullshit. i have a key.
Nice avatar. A little high brow and sophisticated, but still okay.
Someone's catching the next ride back to Achewood and a cracked crab dance.
Bet on it.
I think it's interesting that Phillipe's mother is so much older than she used to be. We are learning more about the "Phillippe is 5" time paradox. We know he has been 5 since 2001, and presumably arrived shortly before that. While Phillippe is still 5, Phillippe's mother seems to be the 10 years older that one might have expected. The plot thickens.
Or is phillippe's grandmother actually his mother, Ted Bundy style?
I know this has happened to additional famous people, but I couldn't remember who. After google searching "who he had previously thought was his mother" and "raised him as his mother" Ted Bundy was the only hit I got. There is probably a more effective way to search this, but it's 1 PM in Paris, I'm drunk, and I don't give a damn.
Maybe members of the Brittish royal family. Those guys' family tree looks like goddamn spaghetti.
God Damn Spaghetti!!!
Their family tree doesn't branch
More of a family stick, then, isn't it?
i'd say the best summary of their ancestry is a family ladder
Family Bamboo Shoot.
Nah. Bamboo has many practical uses.
Jack Nicholson
That's the one!
Also Bobby Darin
phillipe's mother is the smoke monster
Shit... I thought this was a spoiler-free site. :(
Phillipe's mother ages for him, such is her love. She shall be the portrait to his Dorian. Soon she will be too horrible to show herself to him, and will find a Home to wile away eternity. Phillipe will be five.
STOP MAKING ME FEEL THINGS WOZZECK OH GOD STOP IT
This is assuming that Phillippe has not been alive for several millennia before the story line begins.
Being immortal (or, if you prefer, infinitely prolonged), Philippe wanders through time attempting to hug every living creature in Alphabetical Order.
The Curious Case of Philippe the Otter.
phillippe is five
THESE KNIVES
I dunno. I think he's still five, and just about that's all I can think cause EVERYTHING ELSE HURTS. This is so goddamn sad.
Harlan Ellison wrote a short story called "Jeffty Is Five," which I think of nearly every time I'm reminded that Phillippe is forever five. It's similarly heartbreaking.
I'd give a pork chop to know if Onstad has read it...
I'd give Onstad a pork chop, with buttered rice. I'd butter it so buttery. Until it was butteriest it is ever being.
This was a lame comment.
I read that story & loved it too. Just wanted to get that out there. Apparently I also wanted to make clear that I have read Achewood and understand previous scenes. Translation: I am not being a humble guy today.
He must have read it. There's mention of "real butter" on popcorn. The story's obsessed with the past, when food -- the narrator says -- better. Jeffty's a "bright, quick, cute" five-year-old, like Philippe. "Jeffty is five" is repeated just like "Philippe is five." Jeffty stays five, as does Philippe. It's also, um, sad.
A brilliant, witty writer does an homage to a brilliant, witty writer. Onstad, I tip my hat to you.
Just don't tell Harlan about the homaging.
I think I have made this joke before. Apologies for beating a horse.
I'm 95% sure I can remember reading somewhere that he's read it. Or at least knows of it.
I just read it on your recommendation. That WAS the saddest thing.
Indeed. You can never really go home again.
four and three and two and one...She gave the kid the pork chop and the trauma was done.
6!? He sounds 30!
I think Phillipe is learning the harsh reality of the fact that he is still five, but his mother is most likely an old fart now.
Phillipe now knows what it is like to be one of the cursed immortals, just like Arwen learned from her father, Elrond.
Philippe may not have aged, but his mother has. Sad.
This is pretty much what Achewood has been building up to in terms of Philippe's storyline.
5 is awesome. After that it all goes to shit.