If you appreciate Achewood, please support Chris Onstad (shop; gallery art.)
Nick Hornby said it first Thursday, June 7, 2007 • read strip Viewing 254 comments:

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Beef's statement in panel five is completely and utterly true.

HEAR HEAR

Every little thing she does is magic.

*punches sting in the face*

HE WANTS TO TASTE THE CURB! HE WANTS TO TASTE THE FUCKING CURB!

THE DISEASE IS INSIDE OF YOU.

The disease is love.
Marriage is the cure.


... Not THAT "the Cure" though.

I would think that you of all people would list marriage as just another symptom of the disease.

I don't favour either condition. It is but a small mercy that the two tend to be incompatible.


Aaaand now I get what you were saying in that first post. Reading comprehension kicked my ass at 3am.

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And Pink Floyd too, apparently. Difficult to appraise.

as do I, on both cases.

Rats. I guess I'll never love a woman.

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Way to repeat the first post, Jackass McGee.

thanks.

It's what we're for.

Way to repeat the first post, Jackass McGee.

In fairness, and fully expecting to be lamed into twelve oblivions, "Fields of Gold" is a nice enough song.

Alas, you are correct sir.

My girlfriend called that the "most anemic song ever", just the other day.

Still though man slippery slope to a cradle and a mortgage and a grave

OHHH SHIIIIIT!!!

Today is good.

I know. Plus this strip showed up early so that makes it even better.

did it show up before you woke up all the way?

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Don't forget, the next day, Lyle throws up on a football. Achewood isn't your average heart-warming comic strip.

Every character driven story is going to have sappy crap in it. Part of loving character-driven stories is accepting love.

not for sting. poor guy got punched in the face by an 18 year old girl. (songbirdspectre)

Classic Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. All the way.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

pretty much the cutest of all achewoods.

Fuck yes! Beef is finally having a Good Day!

beef deserves a good day.

The dude was seriously due.

Someone should post that youtube of the otters holding hands so then we can have diabetes from the sweetness overload.

Onstad's terror of diabetes induced the alt text.

[IMGS OFF]

Everytime I see the cursor in the fourth panel I instinctively jerk my hand away, assuming I am about to prematurely trigger the alt text.

Alt text:

TOMORROW - Lyle pukes so hard it makes a football go three feet

Yesterday, someone requested a bicycle chain fight between Lyle and Vlad to counteract the saccharine. Tomorrow, Onstad will deliver something as bad or worse (maybe the football will be Philippe's adopted son).

See, he does read these comments.

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I want to see this done.

"Heh! Classic Lyle."

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It really is the alt text that makes this strip hilarious.

Because as we all know in the world of achewood, this is exactly the sort of thing one should expect.

Some even gets on the mayor

Not the mayor!

I actually fuckin' teared up at this one. I say this as a rabid ex-fan of Sting and as a lady.

Parse for me "rabid ex-fan." Does this mean you were a rabid fan, or that you are now rabidly anti-Sting?

I assume it means that she used to be a fan of Sting and also has rabies.

Really beautiful.

perfect except for his chin is not on her head

as a girl of lesss than five feet tall, that bit gets old really fast,

Well, fuck. :(

WORD

As a guy who's 6'5", I think I could rest my gut on your head. How long would it take for that to get old?

wear high heals, crybaby.

Portable. How convenient.
I wonder how far I could throw you...

... Probably not far. I'm kinda weak.

Funny, when I was growing up, part of having sisters was putting up with The Police. What is it about that guy that drives him to abuse other guys through the women in their households? What did my generation ever do to him?

The Police are awesome. Your sisters had good taste.

Police yes. Sting no.

Exactly. Sting I can take or leave; The Police are feckin' fantastic.

I don't know, but thank you for doing it.

seriously. I want someone to propose to me with "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" playing in the background.

sorry for posting so much.

my wife actually has a signed photograph of the lousy whining cunt on our wall. a guy in a bar once told me this is grounds for divorce in brazil.

roast beef is smiling!!

And I love his surprised eyes in panel three.

:3

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Perfect.

Is it right to envy the life and (more recently positive) circumstances of a cartoon cat?
In Beef's case, it seems totally justifiable, especially since this strip cued the inner thought: "damn. so, what's been so great about my life lately?"

YES! All proposals should be done half asleep style, by the way.


unless you're off your head on whisky and ecstacy. that works too.

100% cute.

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I have testicles and I am proud to say THE POLICE KICK ASS.

The alt text makes me look forward to tomorrow far more than this arc though.

The Police are acceptable, yes, but "Fields of Gold" is from the post-menopausal Sting solo catalog.

Only Beef would pop the question without the question mark

Beautiful.

lyle SHATTERED my record

Touchdown!

Jesus. Fucking adorable.


[IMGS OFF]

hey thanks, guy from xkcd

you think xkcd started this? really? you think they're gonna finish it?

I cannot chubby you so I just say, good job!

HELL YEAH BEEF TYIN THE KNOT WOOO

Anyone who was a fan of the short-lived Studio 60 is going to feel the pain in that song for the rest of their lives. Thanks to this comic, I might actually enjoy the song.

This is about the happiest Beef has ever been/might ever be. I love days like today.

I've been seeing some Studio 60 episodes pop up on my DVR with "New" next to the title... IMDB seems to confirm it.. is it maybe not cancelled now?

It's still cancelled. They're just airing the last few episodes that were already in the can. It'll be gone forever in a couple of weeks.

this makes me unfeasibly happy. I should really get away from the screen more often, and find my own molly who will basically abide me when my butt falls off.

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I hate to do this but...

awwwwwwwwwwwww

A new favorite. The alt-text takes it, though. I laughed so hard my dog gave me a strange look.

The alt text made my day. Actually, I'm about to go to bed, so I guess it made my tomorrow.

I give it a five, but if there is no puke in tomorrow's strip, I'm coming back and giving it a three from another computer to retroactively change it to four.

It's funny because I'm half awake too. So speaking of computer based marriage proposals, will you marry me Karen? I will accept Sting if it comes to that. And I'll be as nice to you as you are to your cat.

Thank you. I love you as much and maybe even more than my cat, you don't have to worry about Sting, and of course I will marry you, Skyler. It's been a certainty ever since the days of The Contract.

wait. wait a damn minute. what in the hell just happened?

I can't work out if that was some sort of joke or "Karen and Skyler" just got engaged?
Did cartoons gets inspire you to get married?

Well, yes I did just ask her to marry me, yes she did agree to. But it's not quite so dramatic, because this sort of thing has been in the works for a long time and it's not the biggest surprise in the world. I said if R.B. Kazenzakis managed to formally do it then I would too. We were more inspired by being in googley eyed love than cartoon cats, but call the announcement in honor of them? So that's that. We decided the actual ceremonies and certificates and tax breaks may have to wait for a little while because of some reasons, but us getting married is totally a thing that is happening.

Awesome, for some reason I thought it was true from the first post of yours. So... it's the whole internet invited? Will there be cake?

Will female British cats squash the cake under their bottoms?

Wow. That is fairly pimp. If you are going to propose and accept marriage on only one webcomic forum, Achewood is the correct choice.

Sir, we demand a picture of you two to know that this is not some great sham. Now, sir. Now.

Keep us posted! We all feel involved in your coming nuptials, now.

(My feelings on this proposal are: Pro.)

Wow. This is way in the manner of late but congratulations to you.

Oooooooooh Shiiiiiiiiit

um if true, totally awesome? ALSO, i was so happy and then i started choking at the alt text. such a good way to start the morning!

I love/hate the fact that your proposal and her acceptance of said proposal got lamed exactly one time, presumably by the same guy.

Some dude REALLY hates the idea of you two being happy.

(if you two are still around, how is the marriage going?)

Man you aren't fooling anybody with that alt text Onstad you made a mushy strip you mushy man.

Standing in the mud eating apple sauce.

I'm so pumped I could play a trumpet with my cock!

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I can't stop smiling.

Why can't I stop smiling?

Molly's good. How did she do write all that in 7 taps?

Single-Handedly.

Macros.

Romance hax.

*snif* It's SO true about Sting. He wields an eldritch power over their wombs.

As close as a thing can be to perfect.

It is a little worrying that I am so happy. Out of all the engagements in my life, and at the moment that includes many many friends, this may well be the one that I am most excited about.

Oh dear.

Awwwwwwwww. Substitute "Sting" for "Guns 'n' Roses" and I know. And "man" for "woman".

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As if it's not totally worth it.

Fighting back little tears at work here.

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Johnny Depp

I sounds like you know some pretty uninteresting women.

Correction: It sounds like you know some pretty uninteresting women.

Osteoporosis

Yeah, I am a woman. Of your list, the only thing that applies to me is bead shops. Yes, I'm crafty. No, I don't want to have sex with George Clooney. You need to go meet some different girls, rogergs.

Well, if you guys would get the fuck out of the bead shops, and he might have a chance!

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Molly had all these Blood Beagle lines but she was like "No, definitely Sting."

Hell Yeah Onstad, right on.

Excellent character development.

I have to give you so much props for hittin' the nail on the head with your dialogue every fucking time man.

I THINK MY HEART'S EXPLODIN'!

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Yes, you have the perfect avatar for this.

tonight we wed in hell

THIS! IS! ROMANCE!

Awww, shit man. Shit. Awwwwww. :)

Just wonderful

awwwww...

This storyline just showed me how much I have invested in these characters. I don't normally do this, but GO BEEF!

Yay!

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Chalk it up to being a build up to something monumentally strange. That should help you go on.

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The payoff isn't always a punchline.

"It's not funny, it's character development."

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Have you no heart, man!? Do you not cry when a baby chick cheeps at its mother on a wildlife documentary?! Do you not own a range of cuddly toys which festoon your bedroom!?

(me neither)

I hear what you're saying- thing is though, yeah, this PARTICULAR strip didn't take much to write, but it took a lot of very good buildup for us to CARE about this particular strip.

and care we do.

i got a chuckle from how beef thinks he should get proposing done with while he's still half-asleep *shrug*

Wonderful.

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I'm sure if you actually read and stuff, you will find that you are wrong and also incorrect. There are plenty of complaints to be had, and also not every strip is rated a 5 (usually around a 3.5, it seems). You're on a forum where fans post about a comic strip that they like. If you're not expecting praise to be in a place like that, well....see me on Fuck You Friday.

oh yeah, and, this current story arc is the best one in a while, methinks, maybe that has something to do with it. (p.s. dear people who make this thing, add an edit button, por favor)

sadly i have to agree with him here people do seem to kiss a lot of arse on here, but at least the fact that achewood is good is true(pif not little over stated)

also the build up on this strip was epicly long, i love it.

i only make comments on the strips i think are really good, maybe other people are the same

Awesome, very touching.

SNICK!

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I'm one of those jerkoffs. I only gave it a 4, since it is hella sweet (and the "accepting Sting" line), but about what I was expecting (when I wasn't worrying Pat would go on another shooting rampage).

Today's comic was the sweetest thing ever. Good show, sir.

awhhh. =)

haha, yes for the alt text!

I ran out of chubbies. Literally, "You have given out enough Chubbies on this page, Friendly." Where's my Acheworld Viagra? Do I have to give out lames to get back my mojo?

Okay, so I tried giving lames, but the system let me give only one before telling me to be nice for a change. I only gave out the one lame because my chubbies got cut off! (That's not as painful as it sounds.)

I guess there's combined limit, and the limit on either one is (combined limit - 1).

That was seriously beautiful.

It's so important to him that even Roast Beef won't let himself sabotage it. Here here!

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You deserve a chubby, but I no longer have the wherewithal to perform this act for you.

nice one. i might have to mix a dirty martini to celebrate. where's the stag party at? and who's booking the strippers

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Fivin this like a motherfucker.

TOMORROW'S RECIPE: Chicken!

This made my day.
It is amazing that I feel this way about a comic strip, but such is the power of achewood.

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Totally worth the wait. I can't wait for the honeymoon!

So good. This was the perfect thing to see right before heading down to city hall to apply for a marriage license.

One of the finest strips ever. Of course, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. As Ralph Macchio once said in 'The Outsiders':

"Nothing gold stays, Ponyboy."

Or some shit like that.

Stay golden, ponyboy

you're both wrong, it's "stay gold"

the "nothing gold can stay" is the final line of the robert frost poem that promts johnny to say "stay gold, ponyboy"

His glass: less than half empty.

Who is looking forward to seeing Emeril and Spongebath as Beef's groomsmen? Me. I am. Little Philippe is an usher, he will tell you where to sit. The best man Ray makes an inappropriate toast. Todd hits on everyone's sisters at the reception.

She is not Chinese, nor is she getting an MBA.

Despite this, I approve.

Ohhh shiiiiiit

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It's not like it's cats and dogs sleeping together. That would of course hearld the end times.

Fuck you. Let the cats marry, let the dogs get mortgages, let the tapirs buy used cars for their daughters to drive to work in

God DAMN it people!

cute. i wonder if beef is gonna be a changed man, and start talking in the same size font as the other characters.

Beef is having a Good Day! This is classic Achewood - funny, poignant, and character/story-driven.

Here's to hoping Ray get the tenmen for the reception.

A year later you are proven totally correct

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Is this a personal advertisement? Do you "party?"

Its just the utter look of bliss on Beef's face when he proposes that makes me all warm and fuzzy.

Congrats, Beef!

I actually began to cry while reading this one which is lame and pathetic but sometimes things just hit you in a way and your emotions work before your brain can register why A

You're alright, kid

Way to go, Beef. Tie one on for us.

Excellent Job Beef!

Way to go Beef! Nice to see the dude with a smile for once..

Can't wait for the follow-up... great day to take a day off, Onstad!!

that little halfey is all the smile beef can muster

Beautiful...just beautiful...

I love this.

I love the whole Roast Beef and Molly connection.

This strip made me all warm and fuzzy.

This strip made me feel like I was reading some comic other than Achewood.

mr. bear


what does the Nick Hornby reference at the top mean? Anyone know?

i thought that maybe the accepting sting line was from one of his books, maybe "songbook" which was essays on pop music. but i don't know for sure

So much for this:
[IMGS OFF]

But, dear readers, riddle me this: What about Beef's developing thing for corpulent women?

Watch out Molly, when the bacon and ham start to roll onto your plate... *dun dun dunn*

This strip made me cry

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Soooooo cute!
glah!
computer romance.... so nerdily adorable.

I can't read about Sting without thinking about his part in the Dune movie. Needless to say this strip brings up strange, strange mental pictures.

There was something called "Brimstone and Treacle" where Sting is maybe the devil. Clicked it off after 5 minutes for some reason. Men hit their intellectual peak at 30, so don't be surprised when a hot hand grows cold when he ages.

I watched it through. SPOILERS: He's not the devil. It's not good. Jackparsons' male friends are all alcoholics.

Those of us who do not appreciate Sting watch Dune to see him die. Looped. In perpetuity.

This causes Happy RB, which is weird to see-- nice, but weird.

This is exactly the way I want to be proposed to. :D

Made me tear up, even reading it for the second time.

I'm drunk this time, tho.

This makes me happy every damn time. Also, it makes me anxious to see Lyle puke so hard it makes a football go three feet, every time.

i missed this one before. :O roast beef is so cute

apparently it means accepting John Mayer as well. I don't think so, toots!

Your body is a wonderlaaaaaannnnd

Is so happy.
Is so good.

I sniffled enough in my eyes here to wonder why the cursor didn't move when I made my mouse do. (Answer: it was Molly's cursor, or rather Beef's, which Molly had positioned -- hell of confusing)

WHY IS THIS RATED A FIVE? ROAST BEEF IS THE MAN.

Oh, no way. I fully fucked that up.

Bring on the Lames.

Woo! Go Cassandra!

I proposed by rolling over in bed, holding the ring, and being very much asleep.

Nice half-beard! (I am sporting one of those myself as I type this)

I would peek around corners, noone suspected a thing.

You cannot five this enough.

This strip/arc should have the option of rating it no less than 10.

i want to rate this one 5... again.

I love Beef's smile. It is so sincere.

Five! Five! A million times five!

this is my third time seeing this, and it is still the sweetest achewood strip possible. it carries all of the feel of achewood and is the culminating moment of beef finally Doing a Thing.

Can someone explain to me what Nick Hornby has to do with the title? I'm sorry if this question makes me an uncultured philistine, but I'm stumped other than the fact that I know he is an author.

I'm pretty sure it's a reference to High Fidelity where Laura likes bad music and Rob has to learn to accept that despite his indie cred bugging him.

Beef rules. Hands down. :)

:3

Only time I've ever seen Beef smile like this:

. .
|
~

Laughs for alt-text. Many laughs.

This is the strip that made me truly realize the beauty of achewood

Very off-topic, but does anyone else keep getting a problem where they can't scroll or click anything on the page and have to refresh to fix it?
I'm using Firefox 3.6.10, and this is the only site I've had it happen.