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Todd Show Finale Wednesday, October 17, 2007 • read strip Viewing 250 comments:

I only hope I can one day say the most perfect thing to say ever.

A comment left by factorial was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by MinorTough, ohmygooses, Soilentshuggah, Archon_Divinus)

Who cares, just as long as it's so perfect that their ears are the only head part left that is recognizable.

Teodor set the bar pretty high. Coming up with something equally as perfect to say will be quite difficult.

So long as the set is made of brick, clean-up should be a snap!

That is why he can only hope.

I only hope one day I can make someone's head explode via impersonation.

A comment left by drskradley was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ted0phile, ShemmJacc, greatwhitehope7, Spoon, Overmedicated, Thorfinn, resident, goocifer, instantkarma, brian, NDCaesar, MortisInvictus, Talbain, heckuba, ConnorMc, Breadcrab, rachel, dewdars, joebot, skjames, tragicone)

A comment left by digdugz was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by RiazM, riotdejaneiro, Thorfinn, EM2, spandrelbot, gtc, lucidaconsole, atticusonline, ConnorMc, ghoti, joebot, Sneakernets, nilehus)

Me, too. Otherwise you'd have 13.

I got your back.

Why is this lamed so hard? People ain't geekin it up in here?

2 years on, I agree. It wasn't my finest moment, but it wasn't horrible.

i didn't miiiiind it it was okay have a chubby for your trubbies

I don't know, I'm sort of scared now.

INSANE. JUST INSANE.

IT'S F-F-FRIKKEN' CRAZY, MAN!

I hope they sell Quimarellos in "Fun Size" for Halloween.

That's something that's fun in any size!

All that damn cocaine.

I couldn't be happier about this turn of events.

...was kinda looking forward to Todd making an ass of himself at the wedding.

Are you kidding? He'll be back by Friday to pick up his paycheck and pose for the new TV Guide cover story

Frickin' sweet!

I expect he'll be back in the neighbourhood shortly
Discussing how awesome it is to be portly
Reporting the slant that he just got on with blister
Drank till his wrists hurt,
boned the ghost of your sister!

A comment left by heath was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, cuddlefish, godfatherofsouls, Kunkler, TristanHW)

Shit yea Livin' on the corner of Dude & Catastrophe.

I think we all knew that Todd was going to be dead by the end of this arc. All the signs were there: Todd, coke.

My only regret is that we didn't see the portentous Phantom Rollerblade.

Damn, you must've been in the kitchen getting a beer during Teodor's Roller Girl impression, huh?

I meant to put together a little "Todd's cranial explosion" animation but I had some vodka instead.

"Splut" is quite possibly the grossest sound ever.

https://achewood.com/index.php?date=01162007
https://achewood.com/index.php?date=08202004
https://achewood.com/index.php?date=06062005

Yeah I Think that sort of proves my point.

A comment left by retinarow was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, Thorfinn, MinorTough, rhymesforkids, johnstephens, atticusonline, Darthemed)

I picture Todd's head exploding in vivid colors.

I'm surprised language affects todd so strongly.

When a man knows the power of cusses, he has a deep insight into the nature of language. Even if he can't read.

Squirrels have a secret life.

A comment left by lateadopter was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by riotdejaneiro, Thorfinn, mcowgill, Toast, muffmacguff, tinyneutrino, Sargasm, godfatherofsouls, Methadone, anitrophaeron, clintisiceman, jeannetteandre, Crimson_King)

A comment left by nictusempra was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, Cyberbob, Thorfinn, rowboat, ohmygooses, bobodante, _cheesekayke, Jesus, wehavemagnums)

I don't know, I was not one of them. Read the comments from the last couple of weeks, there were several people who kept posting things like "Worst ... Strip ... Ever."

Now I'm trying to figure out if I got lamed because you all thought I was one of the haters, or one of the fellators.

Love your icon, by the way. Keep on doing the Dance of Shame for those people.

I was one of those people, but this strip was actually a lot better. Not just because Todd died but because that Sinatra line was the sex.

Provided they have quick access to Tofutti Cuties.

I'm amused by Todd's occasional antics. I was really not impressed by this Todd arc, however. I'm glad it ended.

I don't expect them all to be gold, and I don't expect all opinions to be the same. Also, I'm not giving you a lame, even though you told me to go to hell.

I like your avataricon, nictusempra. There are many people on this board who should do the dance of shame.

A comment left by biff was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ShemmJacc, Ishbario, riotdejaneiro, Thorfinn, mcowgill)

A comment left by fjak was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, ghoti, Ryabovsky, biff)

How is phillipe? I miss his ways.

he is 5.

A comment left by ntopp was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by phthoggos, riotdejaneiro, Spoon, Toast, the_dingle, VictoriaW)

He'll be back.

A comment left by biomusicologist was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, streever, VictoriaW)

Apart from the fact that it was the opposite of heaven, ever, you are absolutely correct.

Yeah, hell, oops.

Did anyone else google quimarello?

Or pussy nougat?

wtf is quimarello?

google dident know and im kinda panicing

quim caramello = quimarello

You are correct, sir! I had never heard of the term "quim" before, but apparently it means pussy. Who knew? It's also a Portugese soccer player's nickname. Poor guy.

Alpustão Quim

A comment left by chuvak was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, oishii, mortshire, Malesherbez, Jesus)

Dude, think about it. Your last name is vagina .

You, sir, have just opened my eyes to my future Hollywood stage name: Ricardo Vagina !

Look for me in the pictures, baby!

At university I had a group of friends who named their house "Quim Towers". I'm not actually sure they got all that much "quim" but at least they broadened my lexicon sufficiently for this strip.

There is a band called 'smell and quim'...

A comment left by jlynes was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, robotman, VictoriaW)

This match will decide which nation is the greatest on Earth: Mexico or Portugal!

You can go to any place in any country on Earth, quote any line from any episode of the Simpsons... and someone will take the ball and run with it.

Isn't Quim Caramello the castle out of Narnia?

ahhhh lol thanks a lot :P

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
WITNESS THE AWESOME POWER OF ACHEWOOD
[IMGS OFF]

Why is Richard Simmons #2? Did Letterman spray something on him again?

Well, he was a guest on Letterman last night, so all signs point to "yes."

I'm more curious as to why "superbug" is number one. Who on earth searches for superbug, and why?

i'm tempted to search for it to find out but i'm not going to play into their hands

Because everyone is panicking about the staph superbug that will kill us all.

And the average Googler cannot spell "staph."

Thank God I am an above-average Googler.

It's the new "Love Bug" movie: Herbie Goes Postal.

whoa nice iowa flag dude.

Chocolate Jesus?!

Chocolate Jesus , the Immaculate Confection

I think you'll find that the Immaculate Confection is actually a Mary Quimarello, as that is the confection that was confected without original sin infecting it. This is what allows it to be part of the production process of the Chocolate Jesus.

When all the controversy over this came out, they had to call off the production of the big gelatine mould, with which they were going to make "King of the Jubes".

(this was not my joke. I stole it. I have no qualms with admitting this.)

Tom Waits is the reason I get up in the morning.

Ditto.

This is more Achewood than Achewood itself.

Oh lord... I am NOT going to search 'moms and mutts' X-p

I don't know, but I'll bet Rachael Ray will sell it in a jar with her name on it.

And I will buy it.

A comment left by brian was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, oishii, mortshire, Jesus)

I googled it and was greeted by only those search aggregate scam sites that already picked up on the heavily searched term.

I'll bet it's fun creating a new word!

Love the icon. Long live Captain Suppository.

Screw that, did anyone else pronounce it "kee-ma-'REY-o" in their heads? I can't help it if I don't know what a Caramello is, and it looks Spanish!

You must not be from around here.

Man, that's the second time Teodor's been present while Todd dies. Not cool.

Actually, that's the second time he was caught on tape taking part in Todd's death. They're going to make him register as a serial offender. All going door to door explaining his perversions. Not allowed to live within 2000 yards of a high squirrel.

A comment left by katsura was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by frankieteardrop, Thorfinn, Jesler729, robotman, thedudeabides85)

Ooh, I hope we get to take another trip to hell.

Is Todd dead? :( At least he can party up in heaven.

Hell.

man, lovin' coke ain't a sin

I d-d-don't like coke! I just like the way it frikken smells!

Wastin' it is...

doesn't he go to heaven? he hangs out with his buddy who is an angel

A comment left by odei was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, GSurge, relaxing)

On the upset, maybe we'll see more of Blister?

Upside?

If Todd's NOT dead after that then I am terrified of him.

A comment left by pmoney187 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, Jesler729, robotman, ohmygooses, Jesus)

Almost overwhelmingly so. I loves it.

A comment left by unclety was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by stormypinkness, Dovey, pityparty, silver_lake, Overmedicated, pwb, Thorfinn, Jesler729, wae, Pseudochron, ntopp, chochacho, GeyserShitdick, LordHumungus, Gigs, prius_chaser, Methadone, pberard, anitrophaeron, ford, Nictusempra)

A comment left by bourbonsamurai was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by silver_lake, Methadone, VictoriaW)

A comment left by ford was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, Thorfinn, oishii, twohundredninety, Pseudochron, goocifer, relaxing, mortshire, Jesus, Zem)

Do something nice for a change.

A comment left by straw was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by lawbot, Thorfinn, Pseudochron)

A comment left by lateadopter was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, SchnappM, illgamesh)

How can you tell who has lamed you? Although I'm not sure I want to know, it might be kind of exciting to see if someone has a vendetta against me.

I think the first step is living in a basement. There's probably something about html and mountain dew in there somewhere, too . . .

Change your settings to hide comments with 1 or more lames. Each comment that has garnered at least one lame will display as "marked lame too many times," accompanied by the names of the lamesayers?

Yikes. You put that knowledge back in Pandora's Box this instant .

Wow! Thanks, featurelessvoid! Because you gave me that valuable information, I forgive you for laming me 5 months ago :)

featurelessvoid or anyone: is there a similar way to see who chubbied you?

None that I know of, anyway.

Today I realized that the bit missing from Todd's ear was likely self inflicted, so as his outline could never be mistaken for that of Mickey Mouse. Sadly, I realized this all too late as his ears in panel eight have clearly detatched from his head.

This used to happen to the dude from Police Academy all the time. His life was pretty messed up, think they made a TV movie out of it

A comment left by vreeeee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ShemmJacc, Thorfinn, oishii, Absurdist, cuntpills69, pa_ass_nts)

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who was reminded of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY-03vYYAjA (probably NSFW).

10 Seconds. the Joke Begins. 15 Seconds. Todd can't believe it. 20 Seconds. Todd EXPLODES

But why? Coming up next on SECONDS FROM DISASTER.

Funny, I thought I was thinking of that, but I was actually thinking of SF writer Cordwainer Smith. "Squirrels Live in Vain."

You sick btard. This is a day that will live in infamy.

It is a great failure of justice that you do not have more chubbies on this comment than you already do, sir.

Fun story: one term at college I was doing a paper for a history-of-science class ("Science and the World Wars") about psychological warfare and was reading a book by Paul Linebarger on the topic. At the same time I was getting into Cordwainer Smith's stories . . . and then I found out that they were the same guy . Weird.

todd's lookin' pretty not fat up there in the antepenultimate panel.

is that from all the fuckin' he's been doin?

You mean the f-f-f-f-fuckin'. That would be the coke talkin'.

oh shit that's totally his tie

i can't believe i just fucked up that bad

but what station are they broadcasting on??

Fox, I imagine. Who else but Fox would air a show starring a coked out squirrel and a bear in a leotard?

damn. that means the better critics receive it, the more likely it'll be cancelled

yay for still being incredibly bitter about Arrested Development!

why couldn't you have held out for NBC, damnit? Why?

And why couldn't Showtime pick it up like they said they might?

And yet the chapters of Trapped in the Closet keep coming . . . what the hell kind of world is this

Grrr. The only people who still think Firefly was a bad show are the ones who watched it when it was broadcast in the wrong order and made no damn sense.

Todd's ears seem to resist Newton's laws of motion....

they stay in one place, disregarding the outward force of Todd's coked-up head explosion.

truly a master of the cocaines, to deny the laws of physics without even a head to do it.

A comment left by rowboat was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, robotman, SPECTRE)

Pardon the noob question, but where do you find the alt text?

Just leave the cursor on the strip for a second and "BOOM" there it is. If it cuts off the end (as it will if you're on a shitty Mac like me) right click and go to "properties." It'll the title.

I mean, it'll BE the title, of course.

A million thanks!

It'll the tittle is good too.

Dr. Seuss's secret porn book.

I just giggled embarrassingly in a crowded cafe. Thank you for putting that idea into my already-deranged mind.

Dude. There are greasemonkey scripts that allow you to display the full alt text. Assuming you're using FF or Opera. And I probably can assume that, since you're undoubtedly web-literate and all.

it was a habit from when assetbar didn't have the alt text and now that habit is dying maybe

Quimarello was not a successful confectionary venture. Cases of their econo-size 48-count gift boxes can be found below cost at liquidation retailers across the midwest.

oh shit.

OH MY GOD
this is also probably the best ending to an arc ever

What makes you think it's over?

It might just be the beginning of the end.

Great, now that Smashing Pumpkins song from Batman and Robin is stuck in my head.

Hey spectre, I just learned how to see who lamed who (see above) and I saw that you lamed my comment about "that guy" who transcribes alt texts. I know from perusing the archives that you once did that pretty often. I used to think it was just commenting for the sake of commenting on the part of the commenter and, yeah, I found it to be lame and acted accordingly. Several times, actually. But I have since learned that folks actually did that because assetbar used not to show the alt text, so you and others were actually performing a valuable service. In light of that fact, I offer a handshake and an apology. I don't think there are enough of those here. That is all. Good day.

Dude, this is the internet. No-one cares if you start shit with them.

You are wrong. We just learn to ignore assholes, eventually, provided they are not on a catatonic squirrel.

Internet or no, I generally believe in acting correctly toward humans, even if they are essentially just fake little humans who run around inside this box on my desk. Remember, only good people can hide in computers.

Damn. You haven't watched Tron in a while, have you?

A comment left by phthoggos was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, binlaggin, Audhumla)

I thought Teodor's line was incredible--the first thing I thought was "achewood is a celebration of the english language." That is certainly true today.

A comment left by lawbot was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mysterymeat1001, Thorfinn, goocifer, bobodante, norrin, gowerski)

Quimwad?

When "the perfect thing to say, ever" met "the worst possible answer in the universe" in Todd's head, matter and antimatter collided.

Ironically, both refer to vaginas and pills.

When you combine that with the fact that Todd has officially had some of the worst conversations in the English language (at least, according to Lonis K. Edison), one realises that he is a man of extremes.

I am beyond words.

Quimarello actually showed up on Google's hot trends .

Onstaad, you've DONE it! Hella good job, take the morning off and make yourself a fritata.

I was one of the ones that searched for "ellen dog."

A comment left by shades was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by stormypinkness, pityparty, rygarrett2, Dezufnocosem, Latterman, ElZilcho, shoinan)

I was hoping that this was going to happen. But I never could have predicted that it would have been so... damn... perfect.

I'm not a fan of Todd, but this at least will jar the arc out of its tracks. Who knows what'll happen next?

I do.

Todd sure dies a lot.

He'll be back. As long as they don't ask him about races again.

SPLUT!

What's funny is that this is exactly what happened to me when I heard Bill Clinton's hell of classy denial of having penised that woman... Miss Lewinsky. This is good Television though.

Really? Because that was like, 10 years ago, and according to your info, you only would have been 8.

damnit there's a bug on my screen!

A bug that crawls backwards in the direction of its wings! Smash, I say, smash the freakish mutant with a ball-peen hammer!

That's its antennae.

Is your icon a corgi? Cutest dog ever!

Automatic 5.

A comment left by dudesstew was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by phthoggos, Moolah, VictoriaW)

And without the nightmare inducement.

If Téodor's Selma Hayek didn't find it's way into the darkest recesses of your subconscious, you're a stronger man than I.

or atmosphere or subtlety.

In fact, this might be the antithesis of Cartilage-head.

Yeah this is everything Cartilage head wasn't. Except in terms of incredibly surreal humour, but that is an achewood constant. Perhaps the Achewood Constant, symbol cocaine .

I only read words that ar capitalized or in italics. So, to me, you just said, "Yeah Cartilage. Except Perhaps the Achewood Constant, cocaine ."

Ha ha oh man I didn't even make it halfway down the page before I ran out of chubbies to dole out... awesome.

I read all the comments before I dole out my chubbies. It's more fair that way.

A comment left by honesttom was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rygarrett2, GSurge, robotman)

I follow what centipede_damascus said. Alas, I had given out all my chubbies by the time you had posted this. That is another trap: the late commenters will make chubby-rific comments, but all the chubbies will be gone. Circle of life.

Food chain! Get used to it!

Oh my god. This is going to be so good for Todd's VH1 documentary.

Panel 6 is great. Almost like Todd was doing something else and then turns around really quickly and braces himself against the desk. Realization all sinking in on just how perfect a thing that was to say, ever. Right before the pleasure center in Todd's brain reaches nirvana and self-destructs.

A comment left by lixivium was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Ishbario, robotman, TwoTonTurkey)

frank sinatra must have been a scanner

Téodor Sinatra is pissed off at the idea of a Quimarello.

Funniest Home Videos
box 2110, Hollywood, CA.
VHS preferred.

laughed my ass off at the head explosion

The perfect denouement would be for T to cook Todd's body, and then serve it to the household.

....hell of a drug.

This isn't such a surprise -- don't forget, Todd is the utterer of the worst possible answer in the universe , so we know he is a man who loves words.

"Bitches gotta take their cunt pills..."

So true, so true. (pours one out.)

A comment left by nagsworth was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by pwb, Bacter, dr_sexlove)

I kinda think he's one of those characters where the entertainment comes from everyone around him reacting to the awful, awful things he does.

All these characters are two dimensional; they're drawings.

I think that's what makes this ending work. Usually everyone is reacting to Todd's bad behavior and Todd doesn't give a damn what anyone else has to say. But here, after treating T-Bag like his trained monkey, Teodor is able to reach into Todd's brain and accidently hit the destruct button.

It's almost a call back to The Dirtiest Dudes in Town where Teodor is able to flap the seemingly unflappable.

What if this Quimarello thing is exactly what Teodor said in that early dirty dudes strip where his dirty lines were crossed out?

who's cussing?

Wow. Teodor has intense word power. He could kill any one of us with a phrase!

"Why don't you just put the whole WORLD up your NOSE, Todd?"

Oh my god they doin' it up hell of SCTV style from the DAY! All Farm Report Celebrity Blow Up exploding Todd on the show. He blow'd up good. He blow'd up real good!

Téodor. Is. Good.

Scanners ed.

A comment left by niggar was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dezufnocosem, LordHumungus, equinn2006, Daniel)

I believe today's episode is directed by Sam Raimi.

I wonder how many people will think of "Spiderman" and be confused, and how many people will think of "Evil Dead" and smile.

You know, that's the exact thought that passed through my head. I'd like to give you a chubby, but I'm all out there, fella.

Looks like some good samaritan did it for you. Thanks anyway.

can you please explain to me your esoteric reference to that obscure section of popular culture it eludes me and i do not wish to be left out of your cool kids consortium

Sam Raimi is a director. Most recently, he is known for directing Spiderman. His directorial debut was the cult classic Evil Dead. Evil Dead was very gory, using cheap but effective special effects techniques. Having a head explode is something you might see in an early Sam Raimi film. This is what ntopp was referring to. My response was referring to the fact that a lot of people may only know Sam Raini's current blockbuster work.

Does that help? Or were you just being an asshole for no reason?

For more information, ask drskradley. His avatar seems to know what's going on.

The avatar knows exactly what's happening.

Evil Dead is love. And deadites.

Peckinpah, you mean.

Or David Cronenberg.

Perfect

"Ignatz-award winning comics resume Friday."

now he's just getting damn smug.

have we examined the blogs? it would help if there was like... a blog directory with links to the blogs. I know, I shoulda bookmarked them. I'm so lazy. I hate me.

If you saw that note, then you started at Achewood proper. Instead of clicking on the strip to jump through the rabbit hole to Acheworld, scroll down and look at the right-hand side of your screen. All the blogs are listed there.

thanks brother

head asplode

I'm gonna memorize that phrase so that whenever I see a squirrel dicking around on my lawn, I can utter those words, and.

Splut.

I think Todd deserves more credit for inspiring Teodor. Would Toodor have been able to get that strong if Todd hadn't told him, "Like he was dissin' some hysterical dame who tried ta hit on 'im after a show!"? No! He would not have. Not Teodor.

No, it was Todd's challange that set this up. It was the perfect Sinatra scene setter; all Teodor had to do was ride the wave and not eff up. And some people think my boy Todd is two dimensional! Sheesh!

Whoops "Toodor"! Where's the dman "Edit" button?

"hysterical dame"
Exactly!

This strip is for people who like punchlines.

Every time Todd dies, it's near Teodor and a camera. How come?

Todd! Your head exploded! How come?

I honestly thought Todd said the most perfect thing on this strip , despite Beef's objection.

Today's Blogs

Ray: On the Ground in Ozzieland!

This is the best comic.

I WANT TO FUCK THIS STRIP

Someone's a little cocky about his writing style.

Regardless of Todd's exploding head, this strip is a five just for "pussy nougat".

Sadly, the head explosion didn't take - Tod and his shakes will vex me another day.