If you appreciate Achewood, please support Chris Onstad (shop; gallery art.)
Web Comics ruin the party Monday, January 17, 2005 • read strip Viewing 138 comments:

Ray's three retorts lack the lethal steel of Roast Beef's one. It is the kind of comment that strips a man of his illusions about himself.

Every time I see an awful anime webcomic I just can't help thinking to myself "Their activities are so poorly conveyed"

A comment left by deancain29 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ShemmJacc, kylank, rascaldom, rhymesforkids)

I love the one guy standing there in terrified shock, mouth open, bottom three frames.

The howling guy seems to be one of the creators of the crappy webcomic from which asherdan takes his icon.

Perhaps we have disovered the reason for his high levels of dickishness?

A comment left by saint was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by NeoNaoNeo, BPMead, TwoRightFeet, fosters, rascaldom, Boyd, zaer, SotiCoto)

I read many web comics, and for a second I was afraid. Then i took stock and realized that I read zero anime and/or furry comics. I feel way better now.

As much as you may try to deny it, Achewood is a furry comic.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Bill Hicks learns the awful truth .

NOOOOmmmOOOOmmmOOOOmmmOOOOmmmOOOOmmm

What have you done!!! You're said it, and now it can't be unsaid!

The use of comic sans for the web comics was a nice touch.

comic sans well-conveyed activities.

A comment left by sredni was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Anderian, dinner, G3K, STUART)

A comment left by overmedicated was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by n00b, streever, ferdinand, Shinkicka)

I thought this said they wanted to 'taste the kebab' for a solid five seconds, and it made a strange kind of sense.

Really, who doesn't want to taste a kebab.

oh ho ho

i wish i could give this more chubbies

i am seeink what you did there

That is a brilliant line, right there.

yeah man, true

ahh, i remember the days of horrible horrible webcomics

Those days aren't even anything resembling over, holmes. The internet is rife with them. They may even outnumbered unclothed ladies and misspelled words.

there can't really be MORE furry-anime-fantasy comics, right?

A comment left by zaratustra was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Nurdbot, Deusoma, tttt2, JuanCarlos, J-Man)

man, there was one top-rated comic on a top 100 site that was graphic pictures of anthropomorphic foxes just cold doin' it. it can get pretty bad.

Owen And Gwen, I think

shut up

A comment left by deimosrising was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, ishuta, zcross00, Deusoma, NotGodot, wittyname, Darqhermit, daniel-killen, wotan, rowboat, mortshire, apricotta, JuanCarlos, coffeecoaster, SoManyWhales, ich_bin_ilya, mctanuki, CEOKasen, MichaelAmann, clembot, Boredom_Man, Doc_Rostov, anitrophaeron, LiquidCruelty, tellumo, tragicone, kestral)

A comment left by whuppins was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by dayvancowboy, William, waddie, DeimosRising, LordHumungus, equinn2006, achilleselbow, Audhumla, Eraia, pquinn87, LRosetw8, Appers)

Man that burned so harsh you set off my smoke detector.

pardon me while i steal your zinger for personal use.

FURRIES DETECTED

A comment left by deimosrising was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by shoesandhats, Dovey, ezcmac, sirhan_duran, dri-ft, ishuta, apocowarg, zcross00, Mangtastic, qwertycat, daniel-killen, sredni, wotan, rowboat, mortshire, clancine, apricotta, lucidaconsole, JuanCarlos, coffeecoaster, SoManyWhales, brzbee, luckypyjamas, aHatOfPig, RogueCheddar, gorrioncita, Boredom_Man, anitrophaeron, AidenS123, ibetso, LiquidCruelty, tellumo, kestral)

Too many lames and not enough chubbies. This is a wonderfully prime example of sarcasm at its most condescendingly best

Most of those where phrases and not sentences. Therefore his grammar is still bad. This equals diminished impact.

whoops, should have read down before snarking. a chubby to compensate.

It is too bad for you that only one of those sentences actually contains a subject AND a predicate with no subordinating elements, thus making it a complete sentence.

Well blah blah blah blah blah!

A comment left by fuckyoufriday was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by jaredwilde, equinn2006, kestral)

Allow me to fix your analogy for you: Furries are to cartoonists as foot fetishists are to shoemakers

That's a straight-up improvement, but there's one huge difference between foot fetishist media and furry fandom. One could suggest that furries are to cartooning what Robin Williams is to sobriety: not funny

A comment left by ishuta was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Lumus, empy, LiquidCruelty)

That is patently ridiculous. No force will ever overcome misspelled words.

MESSAGEBOARD FIGHT!!!!!!!!

All punctuation marks are hereby requisitioned for projectiles!

A comment left by untilyouaresonude was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Nurdbot, Deusoma, ohmygooses)

A comment left by carpetbag was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ishuta, hellofyellin, equinn2006, mrsmuckles, pquinn87, dj)

A comment left by hadakang was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ishuta, equinn2006, STUART, dj)

A comment left by stuart was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ishuta, FillerCrowley, Rhadamanthus, Deusoma, GTPBearSuit, nonanon, chivalress, Girdag, Gumfish, empy, nathanielperson, swatson, LiquidCruelty)

A comment left by semiquaver was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Bitaku, Direhaggis, VictoriaW, valuedan)

Pure genius.

This is like Onstad waving his ding-dong in the other team's face, even though he has already won the match and been given a trophy

A comment left by djwhiterabbit was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by DR_MANFLESH_DESIRES_ANAL_PLAY_IMMEDIATELY, Zem, tropicana, LiquidCruelty)

nice

excellent.

Do they get to go to a Super Secret Ice Cream Shop over in Threadville?

It is a furious ding-dong.

A comment left by nurdbot was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by DR_MANFLESH_DESIRES_ANAL_PLAY_IMMEDIATELY, hellofyellin, GeyserShitdick, equinn2006, valuedan, dj)

A comment left by aaron_haynes was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by awesomonster, DR_MANFLESH_DESIRES_ANAL_PLAY_IMMEDIATELY, hellofyellin, Mangtastic, dumase, barfighting, equinn2006, dinner, CousinTed, mistlethrush, aHatOfPig, Zem, nutmeg, empy, daftsquare, Doc_Rostov, Audhumla, turnabout, LiquidCruelty, Appers, aperson)

A comment left by semiquaver was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by wittyname, Aaron_Haynes, Doc_Rostov)

You need to get out of here Aaron Haynes.
This is not a safe place for you to be.

oh sorry for not having the correct opinion

Hey - keep bein' a rebel, aaron_haynes. Ignore these so-called arbiters of taste who would lame you for your opinion on a webcomic.

The best part is that you lamed him.

Oh ho ho ho ho ho... There is no way to come back to that.

Ray's ability to shut down a faux-cultured I'm-so-dangerous threat with a direct insult - no fucking around, just a straight nut shot - is part of what makes this strip.

You don't bring that weak shit up against the son of the Man With Blood On His Hands.

alt text: No, I don't know who any of these characters are. I took some screenshots at Keenspot.

That one is the fairy Airalea.

She does not wish your people any harm.

So it's cool.

That is Otra from Girly, right? Seems pretty unsporting to do that to a guy who's repeatedly given Achewood props and seems to have a similarly novel take on comic humor.

Do you see an O on her shirt? NO YOU DO NOT.

Onstad didn't know that Otra always wore that shirt. How would he? I imagine he just sketched whatever shirt would look fine. He only used the drawings of other characters for inspiration, he wasn't trying to perfectly copy them

Airalea does look a lot like Otra. Even Winter mistook her one time.

Panels 2 and 4 get this strip a 5.

How is this strip not a solid 5? Especially when it ends on Beef treating them as if they had insulted Weldon.

A comment left by centipede_damascus was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by VictoriaW, valuedan, STUART)

WHICH ONE

The one who identifies herself as a fairy is from the comic Girly, which is a very weird comic that is also hilarious.

I thought that was put in AFTER this strip as a homage to Achewood?

Lesnick did an homage of the parody Onstad did of his comic, although I think she's actually from Cute Wendy. Was Girly ever even on Keenspot?

That should've been "homage to"
Also, I wanted to make it clear that the name she gives is one Onstad made up, since he just randomly took some screenshots at Keenspot for comics to mock.

A comment left by semiquaver was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by gnish, Jewpacabra, gorrioncita, asobi, valuedan)

That upset me, too. The alt text says that Onstad doesn't know who any of the characters are, but Girly is pretty rad. Man.

Yeah I mean jesus

by the time i scroll down to this spot you've said this about six times

Anybody know where these all came from? I'm morbidly curious.

The Cat-dude is Fisk Black from the very creepy comic "Better Days" (One of the later plot lines involves him fucking his sister). I don't recognize any of the others.

The cat dude is the guy that Fisk's mom is doing. Much like lunchbox, I couldn't pry my eyes off either.

There are some things in life one can't unsee. Better Days is one of those things.

"Cynical dyke who always needs coffee and talks about coffee" is Shadehawk, a male character from "Antihero for Hire." It is not mocked undeservedly.

I don't think it is, because Shadehawk is a guy. And that isn't a terrible webcomic, but I stopped reading it a long time ago.

The first time I saw this strip, I assumed it was Dominic Deegan. Which is like Achewood in that it generally lacks a conventional "punchline" to its strips. (Sadly, it also lacks anything really resembling humor in any way.)

'Course, with a title like that, I can only assume that he's a Deegan ripoff.

Yeah, someone linked me to a comic a while ago where the cat character is featured. It's created by a furry porn artist, and the comic is called Better Days. Read through it just because it was some weird shit that I couldn't pry my eyes away from. I remember hearing that Chris just copied a bunch of character faces from Keenspot advertisements.

You forgot to mention all the incestuous furry sex scenes between cat brothers, sexual abuse, and the furry depiction of Desert Storm.

Did you hear that from... the alt text?
"No, I don't know who any of these characters are. I took some screenshots at Keenspot."

I think you're missing the point. Better Days features a furry depiction of Operation Desert Storm .

That should make amerika reconsider its ways, it should.

P.S. Nice eyebrows and vespa.

Beef has a beef with overly dramatic web-things. Seems similar to his attitude of Ray when he's drunk or doing something overly dramatic.

Comic Sans is the disease inside of our community.

This feels like the natural companion piece to the prank calling arc. Like, Onstad smacked Garfield and Marmaduke down with his cartoon baseball bat, and now there's the new guys all like, "Let's see what you can do, old man".

This made more sense when it first occurred to me.

A comment left by pa_ass_nts was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by whoper, bixschmix, Jewpacabra, Audhumla, unsentletter, rumblefish)

A comment left by shogun was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by bluecarrot, bixschmix, Doc_Rostov, unsentletter)

A comment left by saru was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by apocowarg, PresterJohn, ColonelColostomy, automin, mctanuki, newwavepony, Zem, gorrioncita, valuedan)

A comment left by presterjohn was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by raamah, thunderbat, Justa, achilleselbow, Doc_Rostov, holly_golightly, sp1derbaby, LiquidCruelty, tellumo, tessebatt)

I am sorry. I recognize and accept my lames, and understand now that sometimes, Assetbar is not necessarily the place to muse out loud.

That's bullshit. You didn't deserve any of those, I'm wondering the same things. I refuse to accept the fact that the only thing acceptable on assetbar is snarky one-liners and "omg I totally say this all the time".

assetbar, I'm pretty sure, is an achewood easter egg where if you manage to wade through restatements of previous (or current) punchlines, snarky one-liners, endless debates of whether something should be chubbied versus lamed, the alt-text, and potentially a boss fight against asherdan, you get to read an amusing story next to a tiny picture of stephen fry.

in all honesty after I created an account I read the things that were filtered out because they were lamed too much and realized there was too much social shit to deal with in my life and I wasn't ready to worry whether or not an internet community will like me. I like to read the assets because sometimes people can be funny or insightful but oftentimes it has the least vocal people determining that other people will not enjoy someone's entirely benign comment because it is not "omg I totally say this all the time".

in short: "Nonsense!" && I totally said "What the fuck, man?!" today and it was amazing.

And you're a douchebag. Which is worse?

The strip is as well written as always, but I'd say your point is well taken. Onstad could just as easily have picked out some truly bad webcomics a la John Solomon , but for whatever reason chose to just take a randomizer and assume the worst instead of doing a bit of cursory research to make sure he was picking deserving subjects of his rapier of wit. Onstad did sort of drop the ball on this one a bit by generically pulling webcomics regardless of their content and skewering them. Not everyone can get everything right, though, so I don't think this is a particularly great injustice. I think the classic line from the last panel makes up for the unusual lack of direction. At least a four (to me)...

But please note that you are perfectly obliged to write your opinions on Assetbar. This isn't exactly the Roman Pantheon, here. Doesn't need to be Sycophant City. I'd say it's better to see a post or two of honest critique than yet another instance of Soticoto being a douche or the nameless hordes grinning wildly about how they have apparently fallen upon the remarkable mental capacity required to incorporate Onstad's lines into their common vernacular.

Let's get us some quality analysis here, guys!

But shouldn't we also consider the fact that it's maybe not the specific comics that he's mocking, but the attitude that some of these web comic cartoonists have? I.e., their complete pomposity over something that they spent slaving over in MS Paint, making them think they have something that qualifies as "art". That's what I got from it, at least.

Like you have the first clue what quality analysis is. You couldn't tell your own foot from the dogshit smeared on the underside.
You're basically a petty brat, and I'd know since I can be plenty petty myself when I want to be.

Now... I have better things to be saying to far better people than your low self. Adieu.



A comment left by joeyramoney was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by storableprawn, mctanuki, unsentletter, stormagnet, LiquidCruelty)

Weekend Blogs

Pat: Do not EVER approach me when I am entering or exiting the grocery store.
Lyle: Carefully ensconced elsewhere.
Onstad: "Jerk"
Little Nephew: I smelled kumar's dad's poop, all!

You're doing a great job you know that.

People will track you down, give you an award of sorts. Do not expect them.

I don't really care that this is perhaps the most said phrase on these boards, I really have to type it myself! "Your activities are so poorly conveyed".

sweet, i was waiting for something like this

Oh my! Look at who I found!
A friend sent me the link to this manga, and that professor guy looked familiar.
I didn't read it yet, we'll find out if it truly sucks at being entertaining.
Lame me all you want for reading manga.

Didn't suck at being entertaining, it's just low of mind. A time waster.

I was too friendly. Please accept an IOU Chubby.

Fuck Strange Days. Fuck Jay Naylor.

Better Days makes me want to slit my throat

fucked that one right up, didn't i.

Eh, nice to see someone who doesn't suck up to that creepy fuck Naylor. I still wonder why that comic is so popular among non-furries

To be fair, it's an alright comic if you pretend they're human.

It actually recently ended, too.

The art's not bad at all, I'll give Naylor that. But the fact that the too-cool sulky male cat is the author's blatant mouthpiece plus the strip's fucking politics AND all the sisterfuckin' is just real bad times as far as I'm concerned.

"Your activities are so poorly conveyed." Damn that's devastating.

To be perfectly honest, Jay Naylor is a smart dude, one's personal opinions on furries notwithstanding. Better Days is even kind of funny.

I disagree, i've read better days (like people have said before, its like a trainwreck) and read a couple of things on his blog...he's a nuthouse. And the jokes are forced and lame and mostly either gender or race based.

Wonderful.

I was kind of embarrased when I read this.

I also forgot to mention this felt like watching your proverbial grandpa try to be in his own words 'hip'

A comment left by joeynarcotic was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by 7th_shot, logic, gorrioncita)

Let's leave your mom out of this OH!!!

There's a dot on my screen on the l in "pal" that makes it look like a t. It made sense, wouldn't surprise me if Ray used "Pat" as a general all-purpose insult

I'm sure somebody else might have noticed this, but I'm pretty sure those anime-ish looking characters are speaking in comic sans

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Unable to mark messages as spam, I will have to settle for a lame, I fear.

Likewise :/