ellameno +0 -0
A comment left by ellameno was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by littlecat, CaptainPeepers, Thorfinn, kenthegod, riotnrrd, chaesar, clembot)

catjumpjohn +43 -1
Fuck you was wrong in your childhood. Fuck you.

sleepyhead +0 -0
A comment left by sleepyhead was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by randombeing, monstermovie, kylank, BPMead, riotnrrd, lamelliform, ActualTaunt, woodenteeth, gowerski, hardelicious, Footbullet)

lechatbotte +4 -1
Actually, he says, "Suck my dick, fucker."

loneal +6 -2
Actually , it's more like, "Suck my penis, asshole."

loneal +5 -0
Aaaaand this discussion is already being had further down the page. Fuck you, loneal.

lechatbotte +1 -0
Kinda felt the same when I got there. (Although why I was thinking of you, I'm not sure. . .)

sleepyhead +0 -1
FUCK YOU ALL....im right.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Like I said, "Suck my dick, fucker."

dangelder +6 -0
The taco clerk is so angry, the back of his head is splitting into dos hemispheros!

assetbar__admin +0 -0
Comment left by assetbar__admin ignored.

whiteturtle +0 -0
damn

whiteturtle +0 -0
I'm gullible

irondave +0 -0
I think this is fakery, the account was created just minutes ago.

whiteturtle +0 -0
there are two underscores in there, but if it is fake, then that is some very realistic copy that got written. And I completely concur about the image posting.

irondave +0 -0
It's some kind of Low Shenanigan is what it is.

With a grain of truth inside.

whiteturtle +0 -1
I don't to be too pedantic about this, because this is a self-regulatory forum on the internet , a comparatively vibrant one, and the thing democracy does best is disappoint you about human behavior. But I do wish some of the angrier threads could be collapsed or something, or that, just once in a while, people wouldn't feed the trolls just because work is boring.

Again, this is not to be pedantic, because fuck if I haven't posted some pictures of horses with dogs' heads and other shit. But far more often than not, we do manage to elevate this forum out of the usual genetic refuse of anonymous internet posting and it would be nice if we, somehow, managed to not be total dicks more often.

sje46 +0 -2
There is only one viewed strip, so it is not the same account that has already posted a few times recently. However, this does not mean that the person isn't part of the achewood teacm. I think that it is still likely that this is a person we should listen to. What the person is saying does make perfect sense. I'm sorry, all, for posting that picture of the Doug/Skeeter/Patti Wobbly H. I won't do it again.

Let it be known, though, that a lot of traffic, probably, is from us Assetbarians checking new comments. However, traffic does not neccessarily mean more people buying from the store. It does mean more loyalty, however.

I do hope that the new forums will be made quickly, and is somewhat organized. We can just have two threads, even. One can be random, the other can be comic discussion. Because I really love the randomness of it all, but I can understand how people can be annoyed by a bunch of nonsense while other people just want discussion of the comic.

I thought that Assetbar was Onstad's creation. Isn't Achewood the only contractee? I can't find any others.

I guess I'll going to TOUAMB, or whatever it's called.

blastradius +0 -0
https://www.flickr.com/photos/msjacoby/2403205461/

sje46 +0 -1
I have shamed myself.

straycatrut +0 -0
Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

autrepoupee +0 -0
Psh, this is totally fake. A woman would never be able to administrate something on the internet!

dangelder +0 -0
What kind of hosting scenario are we talking about here? You're not hosting the images. How many MB per day?

loneal +0 -0
This is bullshit, y'all. I met one Assetbar developer at the launch party and have emailed with another, and they were talking about expanding and improving Assetbar/Fanflow, partially to keep out trolls like this AIU fool who is posing as admin right now. I somehow doubt Onstad would have invited his Assetbar dudes to the launch party if he were about to cut them off.

whiteturtle +0 -0
It does seem like pretty horrifying business sense to euthanize an entire community that has grown up around your intellectual property.

whiteturtle +0 -0
I'm...feeling sheepish about my quick nervousness here.

(Someone please post the grisly image of a misshapen fetal sheep.)

(please don't actually do this)

alreadyinuse +0 -0
A comment left by alreadyinuse was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Belgand, ActualTaunt, Thirteen20WRX, whiteturtle, taiga81, eidolem)

lechatbotte +0 -0
Anyone hear a wind blowing?

lexsenthur +0 -0
Dust.

Wind.

Dude.

hamscout +0 -0
There were many steps and columns.
It was most tranquil.

pogo +0 -0
You were punked.

spinynorman +1 -0
Man loneal you got so much rage coming out of you these days your T-Zone is leaking fury

loneal +0 -0
"These days"?

loneal +0 -0
Also, since I am up near the top of the page here, I just want to say that if any other Assetbastards are going to the GOF launch party on Saturday, you should come say hi to me, because I don't know what you look like, but you probably know what I look like from my old avaticon. I will take the form of a small blond girl with a nose ring, standing next to a tall, thin, goateed boy.

achilleselbow +6 -0
For a second, I read "goatsed boy". Is this what you have to do nowadays to date a feminist?

area_homosexual +1 -0
Someone called Marc Antony "king of the goats" in an episode of Rome that I watched last night, referring to his pronounced and wild libido, which seems superficially appropriate, what with the horns/hooves/beards, but really "king of the goats"? He wasn't eating a hockey stick, tire, etc., he was hitting on a houseservant. "King of the rabbits", maybe? If rabbits had impressive horns, they'd dominate the sexual simile scene.

spinynorman +1 -0
Goats have enormous balls. I don't know if that's what it was about, but it seems relevant.

drskradley +2 -0
Goats are pretty fuckin' awesome. Seriously. I'd much rather be "King of the Goats" than "King of the Rabbits".

I don't know which throne would be more unstable. On the one hand, a male goats' weapons are rather obvious and they butt heads to fight for ze wimmenz. But on the other hand, rabbits can be pretty damned violent, if Watership Down tells us nothing else. Plus, there'd be so many of them ! And you're life-span would be much shorter.

Sure, King of the Rabbits would get hella more sexin' - but how much more than the average peasant? They're frikkin' rabbits, after all* And after a while it'd surely mean nothing anymore, sorta like if you were a pornstar: surely, a sure-fire way to ruin your sex life.

King of the Goats all the way.

*See also: King of the Squirrels. Totally unprotected and everything.

falseprophet +0 -0
Chubby for Full Metal Panic: Fumoffu? avicon.

drskradley +1 -0
Believe it or not, I had no idea where this was from. I am not one who is a fan of anime in general. Not against it, just not really into it.

I am, however, a fan of the wonderful calibre of wrestling from the Far East. And upon spying on another forum an avatar of some kind of anime wherein a chick was giving a dude a Japanese Ocean Cyclone Suplex - I just had to have it .

Clip one.

Clip two.

That's right, boys: female wrestlers in Japan can actually wrestle. Not like the glorified pole dancers in the West. No, no: the moves that chicks made up 15 years ago, most white guys in Western Wrestling are still shit scared to do.

(for further knowledge as to why this move really hurts and most guys are too pussy to do it, realise that your arms are what breaks your fall and keeps you from being winded. From that height, you're gonna have a bad headache if you fuck it up just a bit.)

rawk5tar +0 -0
Ow.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

skoora +0 -0
Oh man, is anyone else going to that? I'm torn between that and a concert and I don't want to go if it's going to be lame.

featurelessvoid +0 -0
I was thinking of going (SFO is a quick flight from where I live), but I don't want to go if it's going to be lame.

(Is it going to be lame?)

skoora +0 -0
It will be if no one else is going.

loneal +0 -0
Um I will be there so it will obviously be rockin'. Duh.

hedonismbot +2 -0
She ain't kidding. Just the smell of nerd gets her topless on the table. You all will have a blast if she's there. Even better if you can slip her a drink or four

featurelessvoid +0 -0
Nerd? There will be nerds there?
/me clicks the launch party link and finds that the venue is a comic book store
Okay, I guess there will be nerds there.

laserblade +0 -0
AS will I. So it will be nearly as epic as the GOF itself.

tropicana +1 -0
I considered going, but a look at plane tickets made me decide that going to San Francisco for a day is Something I Cannot Afford.

nice-on-water +0 -0
It's soooo lame to fly 3000 miles across the country. SO lame.

cpnglxynchos +0 -0

drskradley +0 -0
Then take these pictures, man, and randomly PhotoShop Bruce Campbell in there, and we can all pretend that it was me and that that is what I actually look like. Although thank goodness it is not.

invidious +1 -0
[i]Chupa mi pene, loneal.[i]

(?)

invidious +13 -0
Chupa mi pene, assetbar.

inspectorgadget +5 -2
Chupa mi pene, fignuts.

stereo +0 -0
I think the Captain is talking to himself again quick everyone ask for a pay rise while he's insane

jlynes +0 -0
When is it time for the "I Hate Marco Show"? I want to give that mailbox head what for!

desert_donkey +0 -0
hey gabacha, 'asshole' is 'pendejo', comprede?

gormster +0 -0
I thought that was "dickhead".

skoora +0 -0
Oye, puta, pendejo es "idiot"

I don't really think you're a puta, we're just on this spanish curse words thing.

thickbasssteak +3 -0
why do we insist that spanish foul language has direct english equivalency?

gormster +1 -0
Well... it's literally "pubic hair". So, no, I guess it doesn't have a direct equivalent, but it probably has an "impact" equivalent, yes?

achilleselbow +7 -0
Pubic hair can also be public hair, but that can get you arrested.

lechatbotte +1 -0
OK. Nice. Now zip it up, acheman!

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

tommycrashwreck +0 -0
Gigglyfacts make me laugh. This was one.

oldmanmusic +0 -0
impact equivalent yes, but this is not the matter at argument, as you can see

belgand +0 -0
If my understanding is correct it would most accurately be "Suck my penis, cuckold". Not a common insult in English, but I guess if one is to assume that the spouse is a metaphorical the concept of insulting one's masculinity and sexual prowess is pretty standard.

dejavroom +0 -0
Thank you assetbar I think I will...

spinynorman +7 -0
One person not to get a "fuck you" today is assetbar. I logged in today to find my inbox was arrange chronologically. It put some spring in my step and some starch in the front of my shorts. Congrats, assetbar. You did it.

nice-on-water +1 -0
Hair on my chest and lead in my pencil. I too approve.

spinynorman +47 -1
Yep, it sure does put a glint in my eye and syrup on my sundae. Slams some song in my throat and slips some sweat on my palm. Pumps some gas in guts and slides a bit of polish on my prosthetics. An Astair in my tap-step and some wild geese in my winnebago. Some dangerous, cancerous additives in my moisturizer and some Italian accent in my barber's semi-coherent, enraged mutterings. Packs some cordite in my Easter Eggs and puts some curry on my cowlick. Puts some moral ambiguity in my overwritten noir-pastiche short stories and some Roma tomatoes in my garnish.

God damn , work is boring.

tekende +5 -0
This post put some sunshine in my penis, let me tell you that.

lechatbotte +1 -2
OK, Tekende. Now please zip up.

tekende +5 -0
I'll make a deal with you. Every time you say "meow", some version of "PUURRRR" or something about fish, I'm going to make a post somewhere on the page about my penis.

So if you want to stop reading about my penis, stop acting like a cat. Cool?

invidious +0 -0
Chubbied. This is not "I CAN HAS ACHEWOOD" -- nor should it become "I CAN HAS TEKENDE'S PENIS."

Lechatbotte: do the right thing.

achilleselbow +0 -0
Tekende brings the pain.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

lechatbotte +0 -0
A comment left by lechatbotte was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Spoon, Carpetbag, Jetbunny, Crater12, NumberKillinger, cuttlefish)

gladi8orrex +139 -1
dun gib in 2 da terrorizts. gud man

gladi8orrex +128 -1
...or shuld i say ata-cat lol

lechatbotte +0 -2
Thank you Glad. Solidarity, man, solidarity!

stereo +0 -0
The thought of your hairy ass makes me even more uncomfortable wehn I realize I don't even konw what pecies it is.

This post has been brought to you by typing whith hmy eyjs closed and pre. Seriously eyelids are way too much work.tending I know hw to ue the backspace properly

akarroa +0 -0
A comment left by akarroa was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by CatJumpJohn, Spoon, Carpetbag)

lechatbotte +0 -0
Akarroa: Ya' made my day with this one!

lechatbotte +0 -1
(Roast Beef wanted me to tell you he doesn't approve.)

autrepoupee +0 -0
Meow meow, tiger.

;0) ;0) ;0)

autrepoupee +0 -0
alright that is wildly inappropriate SORRY EVERYBODY i wont be the perverted older lady in the apartment complex who wears coral lipstick anymore

tekende +0 -0
Well, this has gone to unexpected and possibly weird places.

achilleselbow +0 -0
... sexy places?

autrepoupee +0 -0
RED ALERT RED ALERT: I did not really intend to see anyone's junk tonight, I was just meaning to strike an easy pin in this bowling game we call assetbar.

So please everybody stop changing your avatars to pictures of dicks and assorted balls

(note for the future: this really was the way it went down on lo that September 13th)

( ah tee hee, hee )

tekende +0 -0
Note for the future: no it wasn't

achilleselbow +0 -0
As a community, we have the option of proving either Tekende or Autrepoupee wrong.

drskradley +0 -0
I would show a picture of my penis but it would be so overwhelming to you all as to result in numerous unexplained pregnancies in the less fortified of characters out there, along with multiple cases of "the vapours".

I didn't say whether this was because it was good or bad or big or small or what. Just....overwhelming.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

drskradley +1 -0
Dude, I can get you a picture of him, and a bottle of oil, and a night's stay at a local motel, and you can have a whole lotta fun - but just the fuck up.

irony_or_death +0 -0
Hi, this is the future. We totally don't believe you.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

lechatbotte +0 -0
Would this be a "wrong" place to add ". . . in my pants"?

lechatbotte +0 -0
Dude, that last post was a bit harsher than meant. I was literially laughing my head off as I wrote it.

I'd have said so sooner, but part of having a life to really live means not being in front of the 'puter 24/7, so now is the soonest I've been able to get back with ya'.

Let me clean up a little with ya'. I'll start by saying what is so for me: I almost always enjoy reading your posts. Your voice and input have made a difference for me in reading comments before I even had an account here. You are one of the last folks here I would want to authentically offend.

My only question: If the "catty" remarks really put you off that much, why would you start with a threat, especially one as ineffectual as that, before you tried just sharing with me how that strikes you? Or was it just meant for humor?

Dude, help me understand.

lechatbotte +0 -0
(This was aimed at Tekende.)

By the way: >MEOW!<

tekende +0 -0
That was pretty much meant humorously.

Also I did mention that the cat thing was annoying a few days ago. But whatever.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Thank you for the clarity.

stereo +2 -0
[ TEKENDE COME ON SHOW ME HIM NAKED ]

stereo +0 -0
If wanting to see skinny white guys naked is wrong, please let me off at the next universe. Or at least buy me a mirror.

achilleselbow +0 -0
I thought you were going to end that with "then I don't want to be right."

stereo +1 -0
I want to be right so hard that I am expecting the universe to change to fit my desires.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
as i was scrolling past, i read that as PLURRRR and got confused for a moment.

i_love_kate +0 -0
Whoa, Old Greg flashback.

theguitarhero +0 -0
That update gives me an erection.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Hey now...

cromar +0 -0
That's good news. Still, fuck assetbar... no uh... you're right.

FUCK BBCODE

heccibiggs +0 -0
Oh my God. Oh my God amazing. I'm going to look at so many comments on older strips that I've never seen. I'm so happy. This will surely keep me amused until I'm tired.

heccibiggs +0 -0
Tired enough to go to bed, I mean. It's past midnight and there's no one online to talk to but I don't want to go to sleep yet. Who hates this? I do.

hedonismbot +6 -0
Awww, next time you are all alone and chatty online, I'll be glad to talk to you. Hell, I'm already in my wizard hat and robes

odei +0 -0
If you can find the appropriate information on facebook, and have the inclination to do so, I am happy to talk to assetbarians via instant messenger in a completely different way to hedonismbot.

heccibiggs +5 -0
Thanks for the offers guys.

I've finally caught up with all the comments I'd never looked at since the handfaceweekend when my inbox turned into a non-negotiable wasteland. I discovered that a couple of months back I gained a stalker by the name of atticusonline, who may or may not still be stalking me, and that an uncomfortable number of my posts seem to have been chubbied purely because of my Redhead Female status. Seriously. One time, someone said something, and I said "Ditto." and got like four chubbies for it! Come on, guys. Come on.

achilleselbow +0 -0
omg i luv ur hair, chuppy!

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

aperson +0 -0
Oh hecci, you're so cute when you're being cyber-stalked.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Aperson - you've changed!

featurelessvoid +0 -0
Changed into a giant rabbit, no less. And she's about to eat an airplane.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Harvey, anyone?

octafish +1 -0
I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, and I'm happy, Doctor, I finally won out over it.

i_love_kate +0 -1
...The Dark Knight Returns?

octafish +0 -0
Jimmy Stewart, in Harvey .

i_love_kate +0 -0
At least I was honest about it when I did that.

gladi8orrex +0 -0
A comment left by gladi8orrex was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by JenH, loneal, tellumo)

snidedk +0 -1
Chubby for unwarranted meanness.

tekende +0 -2
I'm out of chubbies, but I just want to say that this comment made me laugh really, really hard.

alreadyinuse +1 -1
HELLO HECCIBIGGUS I CONFEST I AM ATTICUSONLINE, HOWEVERS, I AM NOT STILL STALKING YOU. IT WAS GOING REAL WELL UNTIL I STARTED TO UNCOVERS MORE AND MORE PICTURES OF YOU AN D YOU ARE CUTE BUT I FINALLYS DECIDED YOU ARE TOO FATS. SORRY. YOUR ASSETBARS ICONS IS A RMISEPSENTATION OF YOU. I KNOW YOUS HAVES ME BLOCKED SO YOU WILL NEVERS EEE THIS CONFESSION SO YOU WILL STILL THINKS I AM STALKING YOUS. HA HA HA. WHATEVER. GIVING YOURSELF TOO MUCH CREDITS.

heccibiggs +0 -0
Actually I don't have you blocked.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
A comment left by alreadyinuse was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by heccibiggs, Stonecrab, DougTheHead)

i_love_kate +0 -0
Oh. Well, I may as well stop laming you, then.

i_love_kate +0 -0
Wow, those tiny ignore markers can be hard to see.

pogo +0 -0
Ah yes, memories. Like when I asked you who your picture was, and you thought I was coming across the Atlantic to stalk you.

strix22 +1 -0
Fuck You!

boredom_man +4 -0
It doesn't sound like much of a curse, until you realize he's summoning the wrath of one apostrophe for three foreheads. There will be staples.

sje46 +2 -0
I feel the same way Connie does.

biff +0 -0
This is one of my favorite pet peeves. Whenever possible I do whatever I can to deface the sign to eliminate the offending extraneous apostrophe.

I like Cornelius's solution better though.

hipjiverobot +12 -0
The "estimate's" kills me.

efurman +1 -0
Oh crap, you're right! I missed that. Good catch.

lechatbotte +0 -0
(Now I owe you one.)

: )

hipjiverobot +0 -1
I am pleasantly amazed at how many chubbies this comment has gotten.

irondave +0 -0
Think of the extra yuks you delivered to our lives. Worth at least a chubby. (One is from me.)

hipjiverobot +0 -0
Awwww

nice-on-water +0 -0
Shit, I didn't even see the Window Guy's one. I only saw the estimate's.

area_homosexual +0 -0
I took an embarrassingly long look around the panel for window related offenses against Cornelius. Did he want a window installed and the store was closed, no window in the door makes the store offensively ideosyncratic...an apostrophe on their foreheads, eh? Holy Smokers, is that a Dante reference or something? What did...oh, the fucking grammatical error. Check.
notebook scribble: "He's neurotic about grammatical errors/is the grammar police".

irondave +0 -0
May many chubbies be yours today, friend.

latterman +0 -0
You guys are just lucky you don't live in Puerto Rico. Here, you're lucky if a sign doesn't titillate by claiming a used car possesses ownership of the telephone number written below.

I'll see about following up with photographs during the week so you can all visualize my point more clearly.

obtree +0 -0
When I was an uneducated kid, my problem was commas. I would go comma wild and my sentences would basically suck ass. Over the years I have had to retrain myself in this matter, however that ghost has always loomed over me..

nice-on-water +0 -0
Such as that one between matter and however?

I think a period would be better. I'm not 100% sure.

jbushnell +5 -0
Semi-colon, dudes. Semi-colon.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Yeah. That def makes more sense.

obtree +0 -0
No way! Its not like I'm trying to piece together two closely related sentences together. I just made a complex sentence. If you used a period or a semicolon it wouldn't flow as well; it would be all choppy. If anything I think I would have license to actually add another comma after the however, but that would make it sound kind of old fashioned.

tgies +2 -0
Nah, that's a comma splice. An extra comma would be even worse. Semicolons for President up there is right.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I have to go with semi-colon here.

dangelder +0 -0
Go get pegged in a room

achilleselbow +0 -0
Two disparaging references in the same strip. What's Onstad got against rooms anyway?

gorrioncita +0 -0
up to eight tenths of bad things are known to happen in rooms. fact.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Whaaaat the fuck?

i_love_kate +0 -0
Semi-colon would be so much smoother without the however. Or maybe a semicolon, followed by a comma after the however?

nice-on-water +0 -0
Minus a however, because that's a conjunction, and semi-colons erase the need for conjunctions.

i_love_kate +0 -0
"Over the years I have had to retrain myself in this matter; however, that ghost has always loomed over me..."

You're right, that would work better as a new sentence. Not that it would be functioning as a conjunction in that case.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I don't think you can start a new sentence with a conjunction though. I think adding a semi-colon and removing the "however" is the way to go. Or just start a new sentence minus the however.

obtree +0 -0
Yeah, actually if I could go back and do it all over I probably would have done that. Another added bonus of using semicolons is that they bestow a certain amount of sophistication.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I agree; they're the best.

speccer +0 -0
SEMICOLONS
LOVE THEM
(sorry)

I go through phases of using them heavily or not at all, and whenever I do I think I use them too much.
Obviously I'm in a "not at all" phase.

achilleselbow +0 -0
I hate the stuff you like...

whiteturtle +0 -0
Yeah, well what about...have you heard the Kenny Winkler?

theirateturk +0 -0
Semicolons are the best thing ever. Seriously.

aperson +0 -0
Even if a semi-colon is not appropriate, putting one in makes you sound more french, so it's a win-win.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Desole', mais comment ca te fait sonner "plus francais"?

aperson +0 -0
Oh the french frickin eat up semi-colons. It's a sign of excellent sexual prowess to use semi-colons well in France.

aperson +0 -0
The French are the main people of semi-colons.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Ca peut bien etre. Mais, comment ca te fait sonner plus francais?

aperson +1 -0
Parskeh les francais avay more de la semi-colons dans leur writing - therefore avec plus de semi-colons soundet das writing plus franzosisch. C'est einfach. You're welcome.

lechatbotte +0 -0
There I go, laughing my hairy ass off again! A chubby for the effort.

Seriously, how does it make it sound more French? (What exactly is the sound of a semicolon?)

stereo +0 -0
A smug tone of voice, a knowing nod from their handsomely attired friend... oh, you will know when they drop a semicolon in.

aperson +0 -0
Well, you can talk about the sound of writing... can't you? But when spoken, a semi-colon is half way between a comma and a full-stop. Also, the nostrils flare slightly.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Flaring nostrils and a half-way between sound? You're right! It does sound more French! Thank you!

hamscout +1 -0
Now smoke while you are doing it!

Oh Hoh Hohnh!

autrepoupee +0 -0
I am a comma fiend as well. I attribute my problems to being taught that a comma means a "pause" in the sentence, like taking a breath.

odei +6 -0
I used commas as pauses and I paused like I had asthma.

dangelder +0 -0
I turned your thma into supper chunks last night

odei +0 -0
I don't know what 'thma' is.

boredom_man +0 -0
It's an abbreviation for "Eternal September."

featurelessvoid +1 -0
I am an avid supporter of the serial comma . I wince when I see it omitted.

thegoblins +0 -0
I don't mind when people don't use it, but I can't quit it. I have an obsession for the serial comma almost as strong as my passion for the semicolon.

hedonismbot +2 -0
Semi-colons are overrated. Give me full colons any day. Love them. Tight.

Who's with me?

Turk?

pogo +0 -0
Colonoscopy anyone?

theirateturk +0 -0
I see what you did here :):)

sje46 +0 -0
I have an obsession with semi-colons too.

thegoblins +0 -0
Express your love, then, in creepy italics

soupkaty +1 -0
Fact: In Associated Press style, Oxford commas are omitted.
Opinion: I miss Oxford commas.

pogo +0 -0
Actual fact: AP only omits the serial comma in short series, such as red, white and blue. All others get it. Now assume the position for some grammar discipline.

pityparty +1 -0
Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?

odei +1 -0
Me, featurelessvoid, and apparently soupkaty.

melloclello +1 -0
I've seen those English dramas, too-hoo

i_love_kate +1 -0
They're croo-hool.

tekende +1 -0
Why would you speak to me that way

lechatbotte +0 -0
Yeah! Why would you talk to him that way?

whiteturtle +0 -0
Why would you lie 'bout how much coal you have? Why would you lie 'bout something dumb like that? Why would you lie 'bout anything at all?

tekende +0 -0
Li'l Jon, he always tell the truth

rowboat +0 -0
Serial commas freak my shit out. They're like a little fire in the middle of my carpet. That's the way I react to them.

obtree +0 -0
Ya totally! That is exactly my excuse too.

atmus +0 -0
The Cornelius Solution is a Mod band name.

rowboat +0 -0
I wouldn't wanna live in a world without mistakes like that. It'd be boring as fuck.

cracklewater +0 -0
It's a white-hot cattle brand in the shape of a Gothic apostrophe. It never cools and stands ready to stamp the
forehead of each and every one of us.

sje46 +1 -1
What does he want up his wife?

Mr. Onstad, please clarify. I am five years old and do not know much about these things.

thegoblins +1 -1
Well, Billy, remember that time you put a marble up your nose, just because you could?

This is kind of like that. Except with a PENIS.

tetsujin +0 -0
So he's gonna stick it up her nose?

hedonismbot +1 -0
No you idiot's, their goin to stick it up his penis

woodenteeth +1 -0
Urethral Stimulation.

mystkmanat +0 -0
It makes me feel weird to know that that is a thing.

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
SOUNDING.

fineoakstructure +9 -0
DON'T PUT MARBLES UP YOUR NOSE

fineoakstructure +12 -0
PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE

daidai +2 -0
nasallingus

cheese +0 -0

achilleselbow +0 -0
Do you know my dad?

i_love_kate +2 -0
What business is it of yours, friendo ?

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

awksedperl +0 -0
"Home Movies". How I miss it.

sje46 +0 -0
:(

I miss it too.

But my sister has it on DVD!

(Come over and watch it with me)

tapestry +0 -0
fucking YES

westsider8 +2 -1
First Beef's senior class photo and now the sign. Onstad appears to have apostrophes on the brain. Not that I take issue with that. Misuse of an apostrophe should rank somewhere in the middle rings of the inferno, possibly there among falsifers of metal (aka Whitesnake).

hungoverdrawn +0 -0
A comment left by hungoverdrawn was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by bigtom, farqussus, DarkerNorm, Boredom_Man)

westsider8 +1 -0
Whoa, dude, no need to get personal. I mean, unless you're in Whitesnake?

rowboat +0 -0
You totally just got called an imbecile for not liking Whitesnake. How come that shit never happens to me?

efurman +2 -0
Dethklok has never even heard of Whitesnake.

lechatbotte +0 -0
(and, Promise kept!)

skiddysmith +1 -0
like a drifter i was born to walk alone

achilleselbow +1 -0
I have forwarded this message to Manowar. You have several hours to live, make good use of them.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

ghostlystate +13 -2
You can't like metal and call someone an imbecile. It's like setting a trampoline on its side, right in the middle of the rock-throwing range in front of your glass house.

fuckyoufriday +1 -0
Dude, have you heard the new Imbecile album? Slays .

eatmorekix +3 -0
Care to repeat that?

achilleselbow +1 -0
He is so unamused.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

fineoakstructure +0 -0
Damn, mock that up with a golden sheen behind him, cut the pic off at the shoulders and you got yourself Varghamagarky

foetus_punch +0 -0
I think I know that dude. I think I hate that dude.

i_love_kate +0 -0
I don't know him, but I think I hate him.

He's the reason for my misery.

featurelessvoid +0 -0
The filename of the image provided me with the dude's name, and the interweb told me more about him. Now I wish I knew much less about him.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Sort of the opposite of Tommy James and the Shondells' lament?

nice-on-water +0 -0
Before I saw Whitesnake, I thought that was a ring of hell I had missed out- illegal metallurgists? Not unlike illegally practicing chiropractors or lawyers, I imagine.

farqussus +0 -0
Isn't Whitesnake a disease of dogs? Like ringworm.

caboom +2 -0
My knowledge of Spanish made this strip 22% more enjoyable

efurman +0 -0
A comment left by efurman was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by caboom, Spluff, mystkmanat)

boheeka +1 -0
I get "chupa mi pene", but what's cabron?

nice-on-water +1 -0
Something crass .

efurman +0 -0
see my comment below

jaypage +0 -0
https://www.wordreference.com/es/en/translation.asp?spen=cabron

a billy goat!

thegoblins +4 -0
It's element number twelve!

Oh...wait...

susurrus +0 -0
I don't think you should be allowed to own a business if your signs are not grammatically correct. Mistakes like this are becoming widespread enough as to be accepted into the lexicon.

sje46 +0 -0
But if it is accepted, then that means that it is no longer wrong.

susurrus +2 -2
If rape were accepted in a culture, would that make it any less wrong? No. People's ignorance and/or apathy is raping English. Sure, the language will live on after it's done, but there will always be that feeling you can't wash off.

sje46 +3 -0
I wasn't talking about moral relativism, but about linguitic change. There are a lot of things that we say that used to be considered wrong(as in incorrect), but now is considered okay. I wasn't making a moral statement there.

It is grammatical if enough people use it.

susurrus +0 -0
It was a joke. I get what you're saying in that language changes over time, but there is good change and bad change. The changes that are happening to the language are happening due to lack of knowledge or people not giving a shit about their language. These are not changes that are coming up naturally, people are just disregarding any sort of convention.

sje46 +0 -0
No, that's what I'm saying. I think that a lot, if not all, of the changes that happened naturally happened because of people defying convention.
Contractions used to be slang once. Now they are accepted in everything except formal papers.
I still don't agree with it, however. This is because I'm afraid of change.

I'll expand on this more to-morrow.

stereo +4 -0
I hear one of the characters on Questionable Content does not use contractions in his or her or its speech.

Seriously, can we repeal that convention whereby "they" is only allowed to refer to multiple people? The lack of a proper singular non gender specific pronoun makes me angry.

sje46 +0 -0
That annoys me too.

And Facebook does it.
I just say "it".
(not really)

fuckyoufriday +0 -0
What really pisses up my leg is that facebook uses "they" to refer to a single person whose gender is right on their profile /. "Social networking" sites are obviously only free in exchange for tons of clandestine data mining, so don't fucking act like you don't know! I'm softening on the singular "they" thing, but I prefer to just switch between "he" and "she". It's funny how shocked people are to hear someone simply say "she" when referring to a non-specific singular person.

loneal +0 -0
That's because dudes are the default gender and ladies are a special case. Even though women make up slightly more than 50% of the world's population.

I like "they" because for me, gender equality trumps grammar. I wish there were a grammatically correct version, though. That "ze" and "hir" stuff is pretty interesting, but it's not widespread enough for me to use without getting stares even more incredulous than the non-specific-she stares.

fuckyoufriday +0 -0
True, but "ze" and "hir" aren't gender-neutral as far as I understand them; they're used by some transgendered people who feel they fit their non male/female gender identity. Because of that, they're poor selections for a universal gender-neutral pronoun. That's one of the attractions of the "yo" phenomenon I wrote about a bit further down. I sympathize with your position that gender equality trumps grammatical accuracy, but I have to admit my inner pro-feminist is still duking it out with my inner grammarian.

loneal +0 -0
Yeah that is the main use of "ze" and "hir" right now, but I think that's simply because even the people who are queer and feminist and shit still usually identify as a certain gender. There's no reason "ze" and "hir" wouldn't find greater use in a society where gender became less important.

I also just read this book where they used "person" instead of he or she and "per" instead of him or her, which I thought was kinda cool.

And that "yo" stuff is pretty cool, too! Any effort toward gender equality is pretty cool as far as I'm concerned.

nice-on-water +0 -2
Why can't we just speak German? German's got masculine, feminine and neuter pronouns, which would solve our problems. Of course, there is no logic to the assignment of these pronouns, but hey, ya take the bad with the good.

fuckyoufriday +1 -0
I would speak German, but I would rather stage an [sic] sexual antic with you.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Sie oder du? LOLOL

farqussus +0 -0
Don't LOL out loud. That is another thing that should not become a thing.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Well I didn't.

farqussus +0 -0
What was the extra OL for then?

nice-on-water +0 -0
Laughing... or lying??

farqussus +0 -0
Touche, cat yelling at a chicken, touche.

nice-on-water +1 -0
I'm nice on water, but I'm rude on Assetbar .

lechatbotte +0 -0
Therefore, water does not equal Assetbar.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I always thought Assetbar was something like Achewater anyway.

fineoakstructure +1 -0
Yes, everybody: if you must LOL, please LOL in your room.

thegoblins +0 -0
Actually, in embryonic development, female is the default gender. If a fetus that is genetically male (XY) fails to secrete just one particular hormone, it will develop a uterus, vagina, and cervix.

loneal +0 -0
Yes, but somehow men are seen as the default gender in society, which is why people get weirded out when fuckyoufriday uses "she" instead of "he" for a general singular pronoun.

achilleselbow +1 -0
Yea, a lot of the philosophy papers I read specifically use "she" as a general/neutral pronoun. But I don't think this is an improvement - it strikes me as a contrived attempt at political correctness and calls obvious attention to the problem. I would gladly use 'they' if my professors considered it correct; until then I will continue to use 'he' precisely on the basis that it comes naturally and it's what I've absorbed reading everyone from Plato to Oscar Wilde.

loneal +0 -0
Interestingly, when I was at Oxford, I used "he or she" in a paper, and my tutor was like, "Why don't you just use 'they'?" He was confused that I didn't think it was proper English.

hedonismbot +0 -0
I will counter this with the fact women have less active genetic material. One of the Xs in the last chromosome pair floats off and does nothing. We lads get to use all our DNA

mysogynista +1 -0
wrong

hedonismbot +0 -0
Not wrong. Look up Barr bodies somewhere reliable. Women have 45 functional chromosomes, and one inactive in the Barr body attached to the side of the nucleus. You can see it for yourself if you have the right stain and a really good microscope.

falseprophet +0 -0

Something tells me there's quite a few things inactive in the Barr body.

thegoblins +1 -0
Not quite correct; it doesn't float off. Rather, methyl groups are attached to the histone (protein that holds DNA together), which has the effect of severely reducing expression. The main reason for this is that the Y chromosome has very little genetic material; in order for both males and females to be functional, there has to be some sort of equalization.

One cool effect of x-inactivation is that it doesn't happen until after a few cell divisions, so that one x can be active in one patch of cells and another can express a different x. Calico cats are a result of this (they get weird patches of colors.)

achilleselbow +2 -0
Unfortunately, we mainly use it for watching porn and eating tacos.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

gladi8orrex +0 -0
A comment left by gladi8orrex was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by JenH, DarkerNorm, tellumo)

featurelessvoid +10 -1
Translation:
"Cliques may make you 50% more popular, but daybreak steals 20% of that," says ol' handyman. "Reconsider that, walrus."

Commentary:

In this passage, Gladiator Rex reflects on a pivotal moment in his youth.

As he paced through the streets, contemplating the devil's offer to make him beautiful and popular for the night of the ball, Glad ran into the village handyman, who gave him the best advice any lad had ever received.

Glad turned down the devil's offer, went to the ball dressed in his normal rags, and was teased by the popular children. He sneaked outside, removed the rags, doused them in kerosene, and used them to set the building ablaze. As the partygoers' screams filled the night, and Glad ran away as fast as his legs could carry him, he heard the handyman's voice whispering in his head: " That'll do, walrus. That'll do. "

gowerski +1 -1
actual translation: chicks may make up 50% of the population but their brains are still 20%of the size of a mans. reconcile that, waitress

explodingbat +2 -0
man's

lechatbotte +0 -0
So, men's brains are reportedly five times the size of the plus-or-minus three pounds of brain your average female has? Wow, a real fat head might believe it!

tekende +0 -0
gladi8orrex makes waitress sound like the coldest insult there ever was.

autrepoupee +1 -0
Some of these grammar rules being put forth here seem needlessly picky. What is everyone's opinion on dialectic speech? For instance, the use of "ax" instead of "ask" or "runnin'" instead of "running" or "cah" instead of "car"?

I don't have any problem with it, personally. As long as someone's intended speech is clear, that is, what they're getting at, I see no problem with grammar inaccuracies or any other conventional language error.

I feel that language is not some stasis rock, it's something that evolves and changes over time, along with the people who speak it. While it is funny when people make awful mistakes, I think we all have to acknowledge that improper grammar does not necessarily make someone an idiot, and getting angry about words being used in a different manner than was intended in the 1700s is like yelling at the tide to stop coming towards you.

Either we speak the languages of today, or we remain mute.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I've spoken here before about accents and whatnot (my first post, as a matter of fact). I speak with a dialect (the stereotypical New York accent) and I probably more often than not say "ax" and other things, but the words I'm saying, say if they were written down, are in pretty dern good English, and I think that's more than enough (I also happen to be an English major). I throw in little flourishes in my speech, which are a result of my parents and aunts and uncles ("yous" is my favorite, albeit least conscious), but I think we all do, and it's forgivable.

irondave +0 -0
[quote]and it's forgivable[quote]

Fahgeddabotit!

nice-on-water +0 -0
Oops. I mean:

OH WHAT DA FUCK IS DIS SHIT I MADE A SPELLIN ERA?!

dr_manflesh_desires_anal_play_immediately +0 -0
A comment left by dr_manflesh_desires_anal_play_immediately was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by kylank, dwodles, Sn0wman, InspectorGadget, mortshire, equinn2006, Conn, blueshoc12, missania, Fcannon, Boyd, raynach, LeChatBotte, echidnaboy, kb)

mmax +0 -0
at first I assumed that was um... never mind...

so.. how many of you are there on this thing anyway? How do you keep track of who's saying what to who?

*taps microphone* is this thing on?

falseprophet +0 -0
The way we are figuring out who is saying what to whom is by using the Firefox browser, having the Greasemonkey application, and also downloading a script called assetbarista .

Welcome to the New Jerusalem, friend.

mmax +0 -0
hey that is pretty neat and futuristic man. Can there also be a plugin that allows me to store my MP3s and makes assetbar to do my taxes? It can't be too far away. I am loving this future!

pogo +0 -0
Welcome Headroom. That was a great show, mostly because of the woman, Amanda Payne?

kamet +0 -0
I totally went as Max Headroom for Halloween when I was a kid.

octafish +1 -0
Asking is just polite demanding.

loneal +1 -0
For spoken English (or, like, message-board English), I pretty much think everything goes. Sometimes it is hilarious and/or annoying when people use a word that has a specific definition when they mean to use another word with a specific definition. But I am down with accents and ain't and y'all and whatever. Non-standard forms of English usually have their own internal rules, and slang is a form of playing with language, not raping it.

Written English requires more adherence to standard formal grammar. I am not a huge stickler about ending sentences with prepositions and shit, but for me to take a newspaper article or an academic paper seriously, it has to be written in fairly standard English.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Agreed about articles and whatnot. But you brought up a good point about message-board English. Everyone on this site takes linguistic cues from a cat that doesn't use punctuation, and beyond that, has more vernacular chops than J. D. Salinger. This site above most should be excused for all our "hell of"s and "all such as"s.

perilon +0 -0
Thank you, you make my point(s) more succinctly than I do.

sardoniclaconic +0 -0
Some linguistic scholars consider ebonics almost a separate language, with its own legitimate grammar system. Some even think it is an improvement on standard English. If you're interested in this, check out Steven Pinker's book The Language Instinct .

sardoniclaconic +0 -0
*grammatical system

drskradley +0 -0
FUCK YOU ALL for not being on Australian time, and therefore having all the good conversations while I'm asleep.

I'm not commenting on this now. I'm waaaaay too lazy to read all that you're talking about. This part is my fault.

I'm gonna go play Pandemic instead. Hopefully this time Madagascar won't be the last surviving place for humanity.

awko +0 -0
Madagascar can eat my dick. Who the fuck closes their ports at the first sign of a cold?

hedonismbot +0 -0
Your mother?

gmm +0 -0
I fucking KNOW. Fuck those assholes. Stupid Madagascar. [Is an internet game making us racist? I hope not. Pandemic 2 is addictive as hell]

daidai +0 -0
A comment left by daidai was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by desert_donkey, Boredom_Man, skiddysmith)

sje46 +4 -0
Listen to what it is saying.
It does not want to rape you to death, but it will if it has to.

lechatbotte +1 -0
Son!!!

sje46 +0 -0
Hi!

What's wrong, Dad?

daidai +0 -0
I just realize I made that sound ambiguous.

I don't like saying "his or her" as in

Everyone should clean his or her toilet.
(It would be improper to say "their")

I am not opposed to the words "his" or "her".

That would be silly.

skiddysmith +0 -0
i think the lames are in regards to the "raping someone to death..." part of your previous post.

daidai +0 -0
What? But that isn't offensive OR unusual?

boredom_man +0 -0
Skiddysmith had to explain this to you, Daidai. And I have been unable to defecate since 2002. Coincedence?

farqussus +0 -0
No-one knows what a coincedence is, so probably not.

i_love_kate +0 -0
It's when one thing coincedes with another. Duh.

spazdor +0 -0
The lack of a proper singular non gender specific pronoun

The word "it" has exactly the properties you describe.

Yes, yes, we find the use of "it" on people to be dehumanizing, but only because we're used to thinking of people as gendered and objects as ungendered. In French or German, the pronouns don't have such connotative power because even tables and chairs are given genders!

lechatbotte +0 -0
Yet, in French they have a perfectly good neutral pronoun for use on people: "on" literal means "one", and is always used in third person sigular conjugations, but can be used in place of I, You (singular & plural), He, She and We, depending on context: "On fait qu'on peut" means "One does what one can", but could replace "I do what I can", "you do what you can", "we do what we can", etc.

Transgender types often make exclusive use of "on" to refer to themselves and other Transgenders.

Despite this relatively useful neutral gender pronoun, one of the worst things you can call another man in France is "P.D." (said just like "payday"), which is a euphemistic abbreviation of a technical term for a homosexual.

fuckyoufriday +0 -0
anyone heard/read about the "yo" phenomenon in the Baltimore public school system? These kids spontaneously started using "yo" as a gender-neutral third person singular. I'd be pleased if this really caught on.

nice-on-water +0 -0
That sounds glorious.

"When asked how these young students were able to inject more gender equity into the English language, Troyer said, 'Maybe they just invented a new pronoun because they didn%u2019t know that they couldn%u2019t.'"

God damn, that is some Chauncey Gardiner shit.

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
this 'maybe' she speaks of makes me wonder if isn't the teacher getting taught. i'm sure skrad would have something to say about that.

plus also, stating that "they didn't know that they couldn't" puts another bee in my bonnet. since when was one unable to invent a new word? waiting for the wankers at Webster's to agree to toss something in with McJob (seriously?) and that new verb 'google'...doesn't seem to be worth the time.

then again, languages are always changing. i read it in a book once upon a time.

aperson +0 -0
I am pretty certain the teacher is saying "hey, maybe these kids' creativity just burst out because The Man forgot to tell them they weren't allowed to be creative".

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
yeah, i'll take that.

nice-on-water +0 -0
She meant they didn't know they couldn't use Yo as a pronoun, I think. I'm not sure. Words can be created all the time, but changes to grammar are harder to do. It's more clear in the article.

spinynorman +1 -0
You know, Dave, sometimes when I find I have a bee in my bonnet, it's best if I just take my hat off.

kickstart +1 -0
Spiny Norman: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler

spinynorman +0 -0
...and that young man's name was Richard. Nixon.

pogo +1 -0
"Yo" is "I" in Spanish, and those Baltimore kids are wack.

reverendtmac +0 -0
That's really interesting...if only because after some research of my own*, I thought it was a derogatory term used by the police to describe your average banger. Same way they use "slouch". I never noticed the kids using it, but now that I think back...

* research only consisted of every episode of The Wire and some of David Simon's books

thegoblins +0 -0
Well, from what I know of French (which admittedly isn't much) "on" is pretty much exactly equivalent to "one," which means that most people wouldn't use it as a gender-neutral pronoun in everyday speech. People sometimes use "one" in English to refer to themselves, but that seems to be considered pretentious and awkward.

i_love_kate +0 -0
I've quite frequently used "one" as a replacement for the usual "you" where "man" would be used in German or "on" would be used in French. And then I've quite frequently glared unremittingly at those who give me funny looks.

i_love_kate +0 -0
Also, few things ire me more than when, usually in an effort to mockingly emulate some upperclassman, someone uses "one" in place of "I".

That's not how it works, peasant.

sje46 +0 -0
Can one give an example of that please?

i_love_kate +0 -0
One indeed... could.

achilleselbow +3 -0
This is worth reading in its entirety, but I will excerpt it here:

"To continue with the German genders: a tree is male, its buds are female, its leaves are neuter; horses are sexless, dogs are male, cats are female -- tomcats included, of course; a person's mouth, neck, bosom, elbows, fingers, nails, feet, and body are of the male sex, and his head is male or neuter according to the word selected to signify it, and not according to the sex of the individual who wears it -- for in Germany all the women either male heads or sexless ones; a person's nose, lips, shoulders, breast, hands, and toes are of the female sex; and his hair, ears, eyes, chin, legs, knees, heart, and conscience haven't any sex at all. The inventor of the language probably got what he knew about a conscience from hearsay."

Mark Twain on the German Language

nice-on-water +0 -0
Hahahaha oh my God I'm going to use that last sentence. Holy crap that's good. See, THAT is a wordsmith.

Plus, I was kidding when I suggested we use German. I'm just learning it, so I have it on the mind.

nice-on-water +1 -0
Oh God, Mark Twain made me lol:

"For instance, the same sound, sie, means you, and it means she, and it means her, and it means it, and it means they, and it means them. Think of the ragged poverty of a language which has to make one word do the work of six -- and a poor little weak thing of only three letters at that. But mainly, think of the exasperation of never knowing which of these meanings the speaker is trying to convey. This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger."

invidious +0 -0
v-chubby for Mr. Twain. I took four years of German in high school, and that whole essay cracked my shit up.

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language."

lechatbotte +0 -0
Funny. I've never had a problem. They just don't want to believe I'm American. Apparently, it is abjectly impossible to be American and speak a proper French. Who knew?

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

drskradley +0 -0
Gender in language, realistically, means jack shit. It doesn't represent "gender" as we know it - it's just that when different dialects are developing into languages, the easiest non-adjective modifiers that come to hand when describing something are the ones we already have at least two of: sex. It's being economical with ones speaking, more than anything - something you can't hold against any language, as it is the essence of evolution.

Prime example: in some African languages, there can be up to 12 different gender modifiers. Now, in our linguistic class, we tried - we really did - but even after you bring in all the various diaspora of gender and sex classification, you struggle to get up to 12. And I doubt that there'd be a large enough amount of transvestites or post-op trannies in small African tribes to necessitate a gender modifier in non-related nouns for the common language, anyway.

stereo +0 -0
My first thought is that they'd be categories like horses have, where age/sexual status come into it, as they do kinda affect who you are. In that case you can multiply pre-pubescent, mature, past fertile, or unknown, by male, female, and both(/neuter), giving 12 different options.

drskradley +0 -0
Yeah yeah I suppose blah blah blah, REGARDLESS , the point stands: language genders simply employ the use of sexual genders etc because they are a useful enough analogy for what they are meaning to modify. Not a perfect one, nor do they generally have any meaning beyond just keeping the communication flowing well.

lechatbotte +1 -0
Was there a catagory for "married with children, but on the down-low"?

hamscout +0 -0
Bill Clinton?

stereo +0 -0
Yeah, for some reason I've always thought of "it" as meaning something which is not male or female, rather than unknown.

I don't know if it's all that easy to change the way people speak English, I'd be fine with either making "it" less specific than people generally consider it, or using another word (xe, on, yo, ze, they, etc.).

I also appreciate French's tu, a purely singular "you" but from what I gather it's more informal than "vous" which is closer in usage to the English "you".

achilleselbow +0 -0
No, the English 'you' is closer to the informal usage, though it encompasses both. A lot of European languages have two second-person pronouns. In Russian (vi) and French (vous), the plural "you" is also used for the formal singular "you". In Spanish, they use "usted", which is conjugated like the third person.

loneal +0 -0
And in Hebrew there is a male "you" and a female "you." I would not like to be a trans person in Israel.

gormster +0 -0
There are a million other reasons to not be trans in Israel, one of which is they will kill you.

loneal +0 -0
That sounds like...an over-generalization.

boredom_man +0 -0
eh... granted my entire understanding of gay issues in Israel is from Eytan Fox films, but still, are you sure about that, Gormster? I'm lookin' at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:LGBT_people_from_Israel and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dana_International ...

drskradley +0 -0
Boredom_man got there before me, and all I had to do was scroll down two posts.

drskradley +0 -0
I think if one was a Middle Easterner and LGBT of any kind, you'd wanna live in Israel. Word is they're the most tolerant place for that sorta thing in all the Middle East. Even slightly more than Turkey! And they let frikkin' anythin' fly.

Still, regardless of one's persuasion, I wouldn't really want to live in the Middle East. Except Turkey - that place just seems like a party.

cracklewater +0 -0
Believe it or not it's possible and legal to get a sex-change operation in Iran.

It's still dangerous, illegal or potentially fatal to be gay, or even a cross-dresser, but apparently their interpretation of the Koran does allow for gender reassignment surgery.

It's at odds with the image we're constantly fed of those evil, mullah-crazed Iranians, but that's hardly surprising.

cracklewater +0 -0
I thought English was pretty unusual in that it has lost its plural "you".

We used to have "thee" and "thou", but they morphed into the multipurpose "you".

Some parts of the English-speaking world have come up with substitutes such as "youse" and "y'all".

Some regard these as mutilations of English, but they seem like examples of useful colloquialism - filling a gap in the language, rather than simply mangling a word out of laziness or ignorance.

aperson +0 -0
And in some places (as I understand it) y'alls is the plural of y'all which has come to mean you singular.
Seems like second person plurals have a tendency to degenerate into singular usage, for some reason.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Thee and thou aren't singular and plural variants. I think thee is possessive.

i_love_kate +0 -0
Thine is possessive, thou and thee are nominative and accusative respectively.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Ah. Well I was half right.

sje46 +0 -0
"Thee" is the informal 2nd person pronoun. "You" is the formal pronoun. They are comparative to "thee" and "usted" in Spanish. However, "thee" has fallen out of usage.

i_love_kate +0 -0
I think you mean "tu" and "usted" in Spanish.

sje46 +0 -0
Thou art right. Oops.

cracklewater +0 -0
I'm a little confused, I guess.
I meant (letting wiki do the talking) "Early Modern English distinguished between the plural you and the singular thou."

The conflation of ye=you/ye=the due to the letter 'thorn' also messes with my mind.

alreadyinuse +0 -1
HI ACHILLESELBOW

lechatbotte +0 -0
OK. Talkin' French without le Chat?

French Tu-Toi form is singular second person, but is further modified by never being used for a person of higher rank (except God or a close family member like Daddy) or an unknown person. Vous-votre form is plural second person, so it is always used if more than one "you" is being addressed, but is also used where tu-toi is too familiar. In many parts of France, you will only use the Tu-toi form if A) you are speaking to a clearly social inferior such as a child, B) you have been tu-toi'ed by the other speaker, and even then it might be wise only after C) you've gotten permission.

Historically, thou-thee form in English is equivalent to tu-toi, and vous is the actual origin of English "You". Of course, today one only finds thou-thee in use among closed religious societies (like the Amish) or in religious context amoung those who just like the King James version better. So, for all intents and purposes, You is the only You Enlgish has for plural vs. singular, formal vs. familiar use.

German uses the third person plural "Se" for a formal you.

Spanish uses "usted" (conjugated third person singular) for formal second person singular and "ustedes" (conjugated third person plural) for formal second person plural.

i_love_kate +0 -0
Well reiterated.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Yeah. I should have kept reading below. But I can't take it back now!

nice-on-water +0 -0
German third person plural is "sie."

lechatbotte +0 -0
Right you are. I wish it was the only spelling error above.

pogo +1 -0
One wonders how people forgot about "one."

autrepoupee +0 -0
The plight of the fourteen year old sasspants who uses the word "one" in such a sense will never be forgotten. The beatings, oh the merciless beatings.

One may never f o r g e t . . .

tekende +5 -0
Good. Lord. And I thought the abortion debate was bad. This is excruciating.

hedonismbot +0 -0
I will buy you beers until you no longer notice these gawdawful threads Tekende. I will buy you that much beer for pointing this out.

fineoakstructure +0 -0
Tekende is coming in on a tear today. Good for him.

perilon +11 -1
I will arbite this. I am qualified.

Language change is natural. If you want to ascribe some of it to people being lazy or ignorant about standard usage, fine, but it's still going to happen. And although there are some conventions - like the correct use of apostrophes - that everyone agrees ought to be followed, many linguistic prescriptions are bunk. By bunk I mean that they're not actually followed in writing or casual speech consistently, even by everyone who propounds them.

There comes a time in any linguistic change process where some people will claim a certain usage is right, some claim it to be wrong, and many are in the middle. In the case of apostrophes, the standard rules apply, so use them right! But what's the last time you cooked dinner wearing a napron and them set the apkins on the table? Those words were once correct, and the change was due to "laziness" - people putting the "n" in the wrong place when saying "an apron" and "a napkin" - but the line has long since been crossed beyond which our current forms are standard. Is it rape, a crime against the language, to say the words we now use? No, and the world has not exploded! No one gives half a damn!

The point is: Who the hell is anyone to judge linguistic "errors" and those who commit them as irremeably Satanic? At best, you're a copy editor legitimately correcting dumb mistakes before public viewing of material. At worst, you've actually got little sense of the history of English or the reasons behind many of our so-called rules. Well, worse than that, you're just saying "Ha ha, you're a cretin and an idiot and I'm smarter than you," which is pretty nasty behavior.

I used to care about bad apostrophes! Still do! But I learned to save my actual feelings for things that matter in life.

cracklewater +0 -0
Wise words well stated.

However, I still regard Merriam Webster as a cheap little (gender neutral) whore of a dictionary for including words like 'irregardless' with the caveat that 'some' regard it as an error. The upshot of this is that the Firefox's spell-check recognises 'irregardless' and refuses to underline it in red.
It's a slippery slope.

More seriously, misuse of words - such as using 'enormity' as a form of 'enormous' - does degrade the language by adding ambiguity and diluting the meaning of a handy word.

This strip gets a five for Cornelius alone.

Incidentally, Tina's use of "must of" sparked a similar debate last week. What with her behaviour during Ray's emergency and Beef's assessment of her afterwards, I think Onstad must of used the phrase to mark Tina as being of Low Mind.

perilon +1 -0
In the case of words like "enormity" not meaning "enormousness" and (let's say) "noisome" not meaning noisy, and so on, I certainly agree that it's cool to know the "true" (historical) meanings and use them right. Having a big vocabulary is the Stuff! I would even say, in general, that people oughtn't to use "big" words if they are unsure of what they mean. Of course, everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and also, if one has only ever heard/seen "enormity" in the context of the size of something, how can one be blamed for using it wrong? Is it really the responsibility of everyone who knows the truth about certain word meanings, usage, etc. to cram it down the throats of those who don't? (Even if not, I admit it can be tempting, if rude.) Also, not all who make mistakes are mistaken; I for one sure enjoy sometimes speaking non-standardly (say, double negatives), for the greater range of expression it offers.

In general, let's keep the true meaning of words around for as long as we can - as long as there's a chance other people will know what we're saying - because that's cool! But when a grammar rule is ancient history ("never end a sentence with a preposition" is someone's stupid idea of applying Latin rules to English, and has never been followed consistently by anyone in the history of our language), or impossibly obscure, drop it. I don't expect anyone to think that "cathode" ought to mean "the way down," even though that's the literal meaning in Greek; neither should someone bug the flip out if I say "mis-chee-vi-ous" instead of "mis-che-vous." To all the talk among the "educated" about shooting and murdering those who speak differently than they do - grammar rage - I say, chill a bit. Live and let live. I'll go on saying the room was noisome and mean it was stinky, you'll go on thinking I meant it was loud, I'll sit here being right and you'll be wrong, and the world will go on.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Look out, a Great Vowel Shift!!! SWOOSH

But seriously, I think people take the narrow, short-term history approach at language, and you're logically taking the long-term. But it makes sense on both sides: people want to be correct in their time, obviously. If ending a sentence with "at" is wrong now, they want to follow the rules. When in 500 years that might be negligible when English becomes something else, things will be different. So, I don't know, that's language...? I follow the current rules is all I can say.

sje46 +0 -0
Using "at" at the end of a sentence? That is the sort of thing up with which I will not put!

Seriously, that rule has no purpose, and was made to make English more Latinate.

I think.

hedonismbot +6 -0
Snotty overeducated snob lady walks into a redneck bar. Hick walks up and says "You look nice, where you from?" She answers "I'm from a place where people don't end their sentences with prepositions." The look looks embarrassed and apologizes. "I'm sorry, let me try again. Where you from, bitch?"

gmm +0 -0
I prefer the version of this joke that is about Harvard and isn't misogynistic

cracklewater +0 -0
The reason that I have particular scorn for the misuse of 'enormity' is that it's very rarely used or misused in conversation.
The people who do misuse it in writing or speaking are mainly journalists, or some other class of folks who are paid for their ability to write and/or speak words and thus should know better. They can be blamed for using 'enormity' wrongly, as well as for other people (those in your example) doing so as well.

Of course, there's a big difference between speaking and writing when it comes to the development of language. Colloquial English can change with amazing rapidity, but the fact that the spoken language is anchored to a fairly strict (if irregular) set of rules for the written means that it doesn't mutate so rapidly that it becomes unintelligible a few generations or centuries down the line.

We can still read Shakespeare and even Chaucer with relative ease because of this. I suspect (but don't know for sure) that Shakespeare's plays would have been much harder to understand when performed in Elizabethan English.

Now that i think of it, I don't think I ever grumble or act the prick about spoken English of any stripe. It's only mistakes in writing (and almost always in writing that's intended for public display) that actually get my angry-glands juiced.

layzerblade +0 -0
I think fair's fair with "enormity". The fact is, it's just a less awkward word than "enormousness", and 99% of people construe it to mean "the noun form of enormous". Apparently , use in a sense other than "vast wickedness" dates back at least to Samuel Richardson's Clarissa , published in 1748. If you want to be semantically safe, you can make sure to use it to describe only figurative enormousness -- "the enormity of the task before us" would be better than "the enormity of the elephant".

fuckyoufriday +0 -0
"Irremeably". Well, I learned my word for the day! Now I can go back to sleep. (sleeps)

turnabout +0 -0
Fuck you and fuck descriptivism. You don't understand what you're "studying."

RIP DFW while we're at it.

foetus_punch +0 -0
sje46, thank you so damn much. I have had this argument so many times. God damn sticklers should damn well know that the evolution of language is a disturbingly natural process that occurs through making mistakes repeatedly. Gahd.

mystkmanat +0 -0
That was a joke? You're rockin' some rough chuckles these days.

efurman +0 -0
You mean like "Flammable"? Ugh... (shakes head)

achilleselbow +0 -0
I get that you're just going with the descriptive rather than prescriptive view of language, but that doesn't mean "anything goes". Some linguistic changes are merely changes of preference and that's fine. But complexity and precision are integral parts of a language. In this case, the misuse of the apostrophe makes it impossible to distinguish between plural, singular possessive, and plural possessive. When I first saw that sign, I thought "The Window Guy's what?" There is a similar problem with a lot of the slang that people are trying to get accepted as valid dialects - for example, saying "he done did this" obliterates any possible distinction between the simple past, present perfect, and pluperfect tenses. Sure, people can get by with day-to-day communication using these simplified and bastardized forms, but having them ingrained will prevent them from being able to either process or express more complex and precise information. There's a reason that incorrect usage and slang are prevalent mainly among economically disadvantaged groups.

lechatbotte +0 -0
I ain't got's no idea's what you's gettin' all on 'bout here's mista'. I's only axe's it fo' sum change.

perilon +0 -0
When grammatical format of a language (dialect, whatever) does not permit information to be expressed using some particular tense or aspect or whatever, one can express it a different way! Do you ever feel the lack of a standard future imperative construction in English? No, because you can say things periphrastically, like "Go to the store and buy me some milk" to convey the same thing. Do you feel impoverished and unable to express yourself well because of the lack of this form? No.

Of course having standards for Standard English is good, and of course some linguistic change obscures distinctions which once were there (in linguistic terminology, making distinctions "opaque"), but that has happened a billion times in the evolution of all the world's languages. What happens is, new ways of making distinctions evolve. Languages, contrary to many people's perceptions, don't go from being very complex and expressive to being lackluster and worthless for communication. It's all in what you make of the language you have available.

falseprophet +0 -0
There's a color comic strip I once saw where a dude is being a dick about terms and Barack Obama shows up like a superhero and explains the evolution of language to him but I can't find it for the life of me.

Whosoever finds it will receive ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

irondave +2 -0
That was actually an edition of Hardball .

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

breastman +0 -0
Move to France.

lechatbotte +0 -1
Susurrus said: "If rape were accepted in a culture, would that make it any less wrong? No."

Two thoughts arose immediately: "So what is it with taxes these days?" and "What if it isn't about right vs. wrong, but just about what works?" No matter how legal or accepted rape becomes, it just won't work.

achilleselbow +0 -0
Many ancient cultures would beg to differ.

daidai +1 -0
Lookin' at you, Vikings. With your- with your pointy hats.

hedonismbot +0 -0
Look, those villagers were asking for it.

-Hedonismbot, 75% swede

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

lechatbotte +1 -1
Rape doesn't work, regardless of culture, legality or social acceptance. It is an invalidation of someone's essential being. That has no workability. Please get that I am not saying it is "right" or "wrong" or "moral" or "immoral". I make no such claim and have no such stand. What is moral changes in time. What works doesn't. Things that dehumanize don't work. Not really. Not in the big picture.

loneal +0 -1
I think you would be hard-pressed to find someone more against rape than I am, but I do not understand what you mean by saying it "doesn't work." Toward what end does it "not work"? The point of rape is to dehumanize and degrade, and in that respect it "works" very well.

lechatbotte +1 -1
Things that dehumanize and degrade have no workability to them. It may be effective towards these ends (and so in the use of venacular it "works"). That's not the use of the word I am making. It simply doesn't work if it dehumanizes or degrades. Period. Don't understand it, just get it.

loneal +0 -0
I disagree with your semantics and will not be subscribing to your newsletter.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Nothing wrong there. I thank you for considering my views. (You're welcome to give them any additional thought you'd like, or not.)

achilleselbow +6 -0
I think I get it. For something to "work" means that it achieves the desired ends. Lechatbotte's worldview, informed as it is by inspirational speakers, simply cannot accommodate the idea that some people can actually desire to dehumanize and degrade others because everyone is actually good and special inside, so people that do bad things don't really want to do them. At the same time, he doesn't want to use words like "moral", since that would be too reminiscent of oppressive organized religion and constrictive rationalistic Western philosophy. So instead, he redefines the word "work" in a slippery way and exhorts you not to subject it to logical analysis but just 'get it' on some spiritual level.

I don't have anything against lechatbotte, but sloppy philosophy just offends me on a deeply personal level. Correct me if my interpretation is wrong.

thegoblins +1 -0
Sloppy philosophy just doesn't work.

falseprophet +1 -0
Quote:

When will people learn? Democracy just doesn't work.

oneshotnothing +0 -0
until i read this post, i always thought lechatbotte was a woman, and that he was also aiu. actually, i think everyone that's not me is aiu.

achilleselbow +0 -0
This is a common problem. Talk to Pogo.

alreadyinuse +0 -1
HI ACHILLESELBOW

lechatbotte +0 -0
Hey Acheman! So, let me submit that you haven't fully gotten me, but I'm not surprised.

So: I completely get that all some folks are up to in thier lives is to dehumanize and degrade others, and that they actually (gasp!) want to do these things. It destroys workability in their lives, but how many people have you known who had lives that really worked?

Let me get really bold and possibly offensive here: Not only is that what some people are up to, I DON'T KNOW A SOUL LIVING who hasn't spent at least a major part of their lives dehumanizing and degrading others!

Your assumption is that my failure to give in completely to cynacism and resignation comes from some sort of "motivational-speaker" (hear "elevator music" of human speech) understanding of human nature. Quite the contrary! I really get that basic, dirty, unmentionable aspect of human nature that we would rather club someone to death than be proven wrong! Man, I get it! I just don't make it mean anything.

It is only in the face of this reality of what it is to be human that a selfish asshole like me can choose to be generous and kind! (And, I still don't make it mean anything.)

You find my philosophy sloppy only because you don't get it fully enough to get it. Nothing wrong with that! Just try on that there's more here than meets the eye.

The people in life who get to have full understanding of things are the ones who are sitting there doing nothing but watching.

When you watch a game of tag, you can see everything, and criticize those who get tagged. But when you are actually in the game, playing all out, you don't have time for understanding! You have to "get" as best you can where each of the players are, and do your best not to be or stay "it". The result is not only that you have more fun than the spectator, you also really have gotten something about that game that no spectator will ever have. You "get" it, and it's better than any understanding it could be!

You can be as logical as you like (I wasted a huge amount of my life in such persuits), but no spectator has the impact on the outcome of a game of tag that a below-average participant has. He's in the game!

Try it on, see what fits.

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by efurman, Straycatrut, killkillkill)

lechatbotte +0 -0
Cute! I'll bet Kate loves it when you talk that way!

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by efurman, Straycatrut, killkillkill)

lechatbotte +0 -0
When I say "Cute!" it means I really found it to be amusing. When I say "Cute." it is much less commited.

Sometimes the only way to break with what you may otherwise automatically hear is to alter the structure just lightly enough to have be heard. Quotes do that. I pretty sure that it had nothing to do with being or seeming sagacious, as I am only that in a joke!

achilleselbow +0 -0
Well, you said it's not a matter of what's right or wrong, but what "works", which could only be taken to mean allowing a society to function on a long-term basis. But then you redefined workability so as to make it indistinguishable from what people usually call morality. That's some pretty convoluted word usage right there.

lechatbotte +0 -1
What works is independant of time and place. Morality is always shifting. Things that were moral a hundred years ago in Africa don't fit four hundred years ago in Norway.

But what works always does, always has, always will - and never comes from a context of valid vs. invalid, right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, moral vs. immoral.

All of those are part of the context most people live in: "There is something wrong here, and it needs to be fixed."

What if there isn't anything wrong? What if it's just the way it should be? And shouldn't be? What if instead of trying to fix and change, we just did things - things that work - because we choose them, not to get somewhere, but just because we choose them.

Don't answer right away. Let that one sit with you for a day or two. Then get back to me.

achilleselbow +0 -0
You are not making sense. You're just speaking in vague, roundabout cliches and koans. If there's nothing wrong and everything's just the way it should be, then rape and murder aren't wrong, because people choose them. Define what you mean by "works" and we can go from there.

alreadyinuse +0 -1
HI ACHILLESELBOW

lechatbotte +0 -0
Again, I never said there was anything wrong with rape and murder. Further, I never said there was anything right with not raping and not murdering. I said that rape (and murder if you wish) don't work. Just that simple. Anything that dehumanizes doesn't work.

When you find someone whose life is really working (not a function of fame, wealth or importance), you will see in play what I'm talking about.

But good luck with that! You won't find very many people with lives that really work. You will find a lot that pretend like they do, or who know they don't but hide it. We are absolutely addicted to looking good and being right!

aperson +0 -0
LCB: if you're going to use words like 'work' in that unusual way (I've never seen that usage before), you need to explain what your implied and unstated goals are. i.e: what are the results for which things that 'work' are efficacious?

For example, if the goal is to obtain some other peoples' property, a campaign of ethnic cleansing can 'work' quite effectively. If the goal is to satisfy one's sexual urges in the absence of a consensual partner, then for some people (rapists) rape 'works'.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Aperson: I wish I had the skill to just give it to you! It doesn't happen that way. Here there is an effort to understand me that lacks the key to be able to. It has more to do with being then understanding, but keep grappling with it.

So, who you have to be to obtain other peoples' property thru ethnic cleansing is why it doesn't work. Who you have to be to satisfy your procreational urges thru rape is why it doesn't work. (Authentically, rape is typically more about power and control than a need for sex.)

Most people seek power to be and control. They feel like it gives them a standing when in fact they are standing on an illusion. Coercive power may get some results, but in the long run it doesn't work.

Authentic power blossoms in language, but is brought about by who you are being in speaking. It only works when what you say happens without compulsion or coercion. You say it, and it happens. Ghandi says "No more war", and then the war ends. It wasn't what he said, but who he was being. (Don't worry if it doens't all make sense. Just sit with it, and let it be awhile, and see what you get.)

aperson +1 -0
Dear me, nothing personal but I really am at a loss on how to deal with a nice enough person spouting complete and utter nonsense. Could you be a bit more anti-social, so I can feel able to be honest with you? :)

lechatbotte +0 -0
Be honest. It would be nearly impossible for you to offend me.

i_love_kate +0 -0
Okay, I think I'd possibly be gleaning a bit more from your posts if I understood all this "working" actually referred to. What is this abstract but doubtless valuable element that one cannot achieve through rape, theft or the forceful attainment of political power? Is it happiness? Moral satisfaction? But no, this discussion isn't about morality. So what is it that defines whether an action "works" or not? If you would elaborate, I'm sure we would all tap our noses, nod our heads with a wry smile and say "Oh, that Chat Botte is one clever biscuit."

Does something by definition not "work" if it's unlikely that a protagonist in the Harry Potter books would do it? Or are you just labouring under the naive presumption that while all the successful rapists and dictators in the world may seem to be happy, they are all in fact suffering from deep, surpressed emotional turmoil that renders all of their evil actions less than worthwhile?

aperson +1 -0
Thread closed.
The end! No moral.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Aperson: Will you be my pooka?

lechatbotte +0 -0
I_Love_Kate:

"Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, 'In this world, . . . you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me."

If you really got who you are, who we are, and what it's all about, these questions would not concern you (as they don't concern me). Consider that the results you get in life is not equal to your experience of life. How often have we heard of depressed and suicidal people who appear to have it all, the absolute dream life, and yet whose experience of life is dismal? And then there are folks who don't appear to have anything like an ideal life, whose days are filled with mind numbing, back breaking work, but who are always content and happy. What do they know? Who are they that nothing brings them down?

In that vein, it really doesn't matter to me, or make a difference for me if you consider me a raving lunatic or a "clever biscuit". It's not about me! If I can impart any part of the contentment and workability of my life to others, that matters!

I am all about contributing to others' workability and ways of being, while accepting them just the ways they are, and just the ways they aren't.

So, sit with the ways of being in play here, and stop getting stuck on the doing. We always think that it's the doing that gets us the results we seek. I submit that doing only gets us the results we get. Other ways of being create new ways of doing, and hold the key to getting the results we want.

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by gladi8orrex, efurman, Straycatrut, killkillkill)

lechatbotte +0 -0
Chubbied for the effort, and especially the final, absolutely authentic self-inspection.

Ya' know, I_Love_Kate, there's an interesting thing that humans do - I don't mean just some humans, but pretty much all of us: Whenever we are handed any piece of information or asertion, we take that brick to the "wall of knowledge" we've been building since birth, and find a likely spot to shove it and force it to fit. It doesn't matter if that brick belongs anywhere near our wall, we will not rest 'til we make it fit! That's what's happened here. I invite you to take the brick I gave you out of the wall (it doesn't belong where you put it), and just let it sit in your lap awhile. It's the beginning of a new wall for you! Some things take time. Just keep asking the questions. If I ever actually achieve "enlightenment", it will be from asking the right questions at the right times.

I'm no guru. I'm just another human being. I can lay claim to some awareness - and I'm glad to have it! I can share with you its possibilities, and point the way to it. I can't make you drink the water!

While I grant my posts are long, they aren't unnecessarily so. I wish it could be said in shorter form! I avoid no questions, but constantly feel my answers being avoided. There's nothing wrong here!

I am fully involved in an active and stimulating life. I can think of little that would suit me less than inhabiting a mountain peak visited but rarely by peasants! Frankly, I enjoy talking too much for such a lifestyle! And the things I say have a much more direct application and use then obscure koans! (Although I'm sure the ocelot is grateful, not having butterfly shit in his ear and all.)

Age is not important. I would hope for all of you to exceed my awareness much earlier in life! What remarkable lives you would have!

The only reason my futhering the conversation looks to you like a paraphrase is that you keep shoving my bricks into the same place. I request you stop doing that, not because it is "wrong" to do it, but because it is causing you frustration. Please, just sit with them, allow them to not belong to the wall you already have. Ponder what they might mean. Give it a day or two. Then we'll talk more if you wish.

stereo +0 -0
How does the concept of "work" apply to dilemmas? Situations where inaction is as bad as any choice you may make? Is that just life sticking it your face, telling you that you may no longer be pure, you will choke on hot sweaty life, and it will change you?

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by gladi8orrex, efurman, Straycatrut, killkillkill)

lechatbotte +0 -0
On the off chance that curiosity gets the better of you:

A) If you ever make "perfect sense" of it, you really aren't "getting" it.

B) Ever notice this happening a lot in your life? People hand you things to ponder, and if they don't fit the wall you've already got, then you simply dismiss the source? Think about what you are missing in being this way about it! Get that I'm not making you wrong. Just something to look at in your life.

C) I wish I had been half as informed and up on it at your age! Let me acknowledge you for being someone who at an early age has already been in the inquiry for some time and already able to express yourself the way you do. Kudos.

D) Batshot? Brilliant!

E) It can be understood, but won't be if shoved into your existing wall at random locations. Taken the way it is given, you might surprise yourself! But this is not something you have practice in doing.

You have learned enough to feel you can relate all new bricks to the ones you already have. You no longer ask the questions, but assume you know. From there, you will never get it. (Some folks never will. Some days I forget what I got! What it is to be human.)

Please note I'm not making you wrong here either. It's an invitation (not an obligation) to keep asking the questions! And to be patient with yourself. I really get that this is asking you to be ways you haven't been before, and that can be annoying.

F) I'll keep reading your posts with interest and admiration, and a solid pull for you having a remarkable life that works!

achilleselbow +3 -0
Lechatbotte, I'd like you to look at what you've written above through the eyes of someone who is not yourself, and then see why someone would maybe be inclined to call you a nonsense-spouting hippie who's listened to one too many motivational speakers. I don't care about whatever point we were arguing anymore. Just for future reference:

1. Drop the condescension. It's made worse by the fact that you completely deny it and seem to be unaware of it. (As soon as you do, I will drop mine)

2. If you cannot state what you are saying in simple logical points, you are not actually saying anything. You may think you are, but you're not.

3. Restating whatever you've already said in a roundabout metaphor does not add anything to the conversation.

4. You're completely free to go on thinking how sad it is that we're all trapped in our narrow rational mindset and how beautiful and enlightening it would be if we would just stop trying to understand and just be and then we could all hold hands, and I will go on thinking that you've deluded yourself into a bullshit approach to life because it was considered cool during the time you were growing up.

5. However, if you decide to use written language, which is after all a logical means of communication, please follow its conventions: use words the way they are defined and expect people to demand evidence for your claims. Otherwise, you are free to try to send us all waves of positive aura or whatever to make us see things your way.

That is all.

straycatrut +0 -0
Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Never a waste of time, and they are anything but idiots.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Acheman, I'm not condescending when I say that you really tickle me! Chubby for making me laugh!

1) If I came off at all condenscending, let me clean that up! It may come across in my weak use of words, or my stilted (what was it? oh yes: "quaint and slightly archaic") phrases, but there is none of it in my space here.

I am in complete awe of the level of intelligence and presentation that I find here. I am the one who misspells randomly in every post, and smack my head in shame. Nothing but much love and respect over here with the booted cat!

And you never struck me as condescending.

2) If you cannot grasp that any logical system (simple or otherwise) must possess blind spots, and give thought that perhaps there might be something there, then please don't change lanes in front of me anytime soon!

3) That all you heard was restatement, and not creating something anew and at a greater depth, may very well explain why this remains opaque to you. There's nothing wrong here, but I would suggest that giving up being "right" about me may hold a breakthrough for you.

4) I don't pity you, or find your situation sad. You are no more trapped - and possibly a great deal less so - then any other human being! I don't get a pass either. Being aware makes me responsible, that's all. But you all occur to me as complete, whole, perfect human beings. Yes, even the "troll". I count myself blessed to be part of this community.

And as for hippies and what was cool in my growing up time, you really speak outside your knowledge. I am one of the squarest guys around. Always have been. My big teen rebellion was not going to church for a year. My body is so unaccustomed to drugs and such that an Advil makes me sleepy. The only reason to bring it up is to show your pigeonhole for me for what it is - not very well connected to reality. Pigeonholes never are.

5) You don't have to accept this, and it won't matter if you do, but I take very seriously my communications, whether written or spoken. That's the only reason I'm still responding in this conversation. [b]All we ever have is the precious eternal milli-second that is our NOW and our conversations. Our reality arises in language. Our relationship exist in it. Everything is intimately tied to it. If you think language is logical, then you've never met it on a drunken night's fugue! It can be logical, but is under no obligation to be such at any given time. It is what makes my relatedness to you as powerful over untold hundreds and thousands of miles as I would have if we were face to face. I "get" you - in language!

But if that then becomes a demand to return to the lemming field of the resigned and cynical, I decline your request. And invite you to join me instead in possibility of possibility. But you'll never get there "being right" (whether or not you are). You'll never get there changing what I say to match your criteria, or pigeonholing me without proper evidence (clue: there is no proper evidence).

Let what I've said be received the way I said it. X = X. Stop adding your take on it (y) to it and thinking that it's still the same thing. Or not. Your choice. Either way, I'm grateful to be able to make your acquaintence, and get a good laugh from your wonderful way with words! Thank you!

(I tried creating a wave of positive aura, but I just knocked my plant over.)

i_love_kate +0 -0
Oh my God guys I've worked it out I think Chabootie is a scientologist!

i_love_kate +0 -0
Watch this video and tell me I'm wrong.

lechatbotte +0 -0
OK. I watched it, and now I'm telling you you're wrong.

Those guys wouldn't have me, and frankly, they scare the shit out of me! Let me go on record saying that I think Tom Cruise is a tool and a lemming, and I pity him. No matter how much I enjoyed Battlefield Earth (the book, the movie was only so-so), Mr. Hubbard was a right proper shister and fraud.

Dyanetics contains some workable ideas, but the way in which it is put into practice by the organisation is not workable. Le Chat recommends staying far, far away from this!

lechatbotte +0 -0
Apologies if this offends anyone.

straycatrut +0 -0
Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by efurman, Straycatrut, killkillkill)

loneal +0 -0
Chatbot, you are not a moral relativist, so stop pretending to be one. Rape and murder are wrong. You know this, I know this, we all know this. "Workability" is a nonsense term. In every conventional sense of the word, rape and murder do "work," which is why society has existed for thousands of years with rape and murder in it.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Hi, Loneal. How are ya'?

If you choose a context of "there's something wrong here" or "what's wrong here" then that is so. That is not my context. In my context, no matter what results you can obtain through rape and murder, they don't work. And it's absolutely not about right and wrong. I get that for you "workability" (as meant by me) makes no sense, and appears nonsensical. Thank you for contributing!

stereo +0 -0
Could you repeat yourself a few more times? Your definition of "work" is still evading my grasp and I'm not sure within which of your lengthy posts to find it most concisely described.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Frankly, I tire of talking about it. If you look, it all started with a small enough little post. But y'all keep askin' questions, and I'm just not smart enough to "just say 'no'".

I really wish I could give ya' the magic two liner to asnwers all woes, but it never did work that way!

gladi8orrex +109 -1
murder solvs problems. end of stury

lechatbotte +0 -0
But creates many new ones. The pay-off is never worth the cost.

gladi8orrex +109 -1
ib u dun get caut by da law an r cold harted den der is no pric 2 pay 4 endn a mans libe

lechatbotte +0 -0
That way of being is precisely the price you pay! (Mind ya' we're talking murder here, not self defense or something.)

Stone cold murderers can't undo what they've done, and may never undo who they've become. (But we can always hope!)

gladi8orrex +86 -1
it ain't a big thing 2 kill sum1

lechatbotte +0 -0
I never said it was big or small. Just that it doesn't work.

Many things, Glad, aren't that significant, but they may still be important.

gladi8orrex +80 -1
ders no downsid 2 kilin peeps an sumtimes its importrint 2

lechatbotte +0 -0
So, what I got is that you see no downside to killing people, and find it to sometimes be an important thing to do.

I'm fully expressed on this above. I thank you for sharing your thoughts. They are a valid human point of view.

gladi8orrex +60 -1
thx 2 asswell u r fun cat an i hab and balck cat named azim she is very energetic

lechatbotte +0 -0
Maybe you could hook us up? (Meow.)

gladi8orrex +55 -1
i mus warn u she is and "tiger" in da sack (like potato sacks) but she dun scratch et all so is gute

sje46 +0 -0
Kitties!

Dad, you guys should get married so that I have a kitty mom too!

hedonismbot +0 -0
Murder can be a fantastic way to end agonizing threads

lechatbotte +0 -0
No, but seriously, if you . . . .

OK, Hedo, put down the dildo.

I mean it, put it down!

STEP AWAY FROM THE DAMNED DILDO, DICKBOT!!!

Oh HELL!! ARGH!! I'm pretty sure even if I was a gal I'd not have a G-spot there, dude! STOP! DESSIST!!

IF YOU DO THIS, I WILL FUCKING HAUNT YOUR DREAMS FOREVER! I WILL ASK YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR TEN HOURS A NIGHT IF IT FUCKING WORKED!! YA' WANT THAT? HUH? A FREAKY BLACK CAT PURRING IN YOUR EAR ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT!? RIGHT NOW I AT LEAST STOP TO SLEEP!

That's right. Step down!

Now will someone call 9-1-1? I got a damn dildo stuck too deep in my ear. DAMN THAT HURTS! (Anyone got some Advil?)

falseprophet +0 -0
Sorry man. Calling 911 doesn't work. I mean there is no workability to that.

Especially in the ghetto.

kamet +1 -0
and a hungry little boy with a runny nose plays in the street as the cold wind blows...

In the ghetto.

lechatbotte +0 -0
"Dildo has left the building."

lechatbotte +0 -0
Propably just as well. I'm not sure how I'd explain this anyway. Could I at least have an Advil?

autrepoupee +1 -0
It would appear that LeChatBotte dialed 9-1-1 an hour ago. Can't you see how late they reacting? It would appear they only come, only come when they want to.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Still not here. . . .

featurelessvoid +0 -0
Quote:

It would appear that LeChatBotte dialed 9-1-1 an hour ago. Can't you see how late they reacting? It would appear they only come, only come when they want to.

I don't get the references you refer to.

autrepoupee +0 -0
Public Enemy's song, "911 is a Joke", which I know Octafish was referencing as well, and maybe Falseprophet too, from the very beginning.

falseprophet +0 -0
FYI, I wasn't referring to the song,

I was talkin bout real muthafuckin LIFE.

octafish +0 -0
It is a joke in my town.

octafish +0 -0
Get up, a-ge-ge-get down...

loneal +0 -0
Chatbot, the upside to your motivational speaker shit is that you are the only person in the world who says "Thank you for contributing!" without meaning it condescendingly and sarcastically. Anyone else would have gotten slapped in the face just now. By me.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Well, now I'm feeling left out!

whiteturtle +0 -0
Motivational speaker and sadomasochist.

tekende +0 -0
It is a perfect...combo!

lechatbotte +0 -0
And a side order of "meows".

lechatbotte +0 -0
Sorry, Whiteturtle, but neither.

I was just joking with loneal, as I'm sure she knows, and I am nothing like a motivational speaker.

Consider that everytime you dangle that useless title around my neck, you alter the way you hear me in ways that block you from actually hearing and getting what I'm saying. Please observe that none of what I have said has been aimed at motivating any kind of action (except perhaps skimming, skipping and laming), and I'm not particularly effective at the speaking of it. (I wish I had more skills in putting into words the "being" in question.)

What Loneal acknowledges is my way of being, which is why she isn't inclined to give me a properly earned slapping. Her "getting" the way I am about this is the breakthrough I seek. That this way of being is available to her, you, or anyone who wants it is my point.

loneal +0 -0
I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I do not think I have had any breakthrough. I think you're a nice dude who has nonsensical ideas about the world. I can't get mad at you because I know you mean well, but I do not understand, "get," or agree with your nonsensical ideas in any way, whatsoever.

lechatbotte +0 -0
I got that! You also got the way I was being with you. You really got it! You got that I was authentically thanking you for a contribution that I got from you, and not being a smartass. Don't worry about that part of you that never wants you to be acknowledged for anything, and accept my acknowledgement of that as a breakthrough! You don't yet fully get what that opens up, which is fine. But it made my day!
(Only six billion more-or-less to go, and we've all got it!)

nabeel84 +2 -0
No, no no. You are describing both relativistic morality and defending it with functionalism. Both ideas have huge flaws and you are not addressing any of them, instead subscribing to vague generalities and appealing to base instinct and emotion. Try to learn something about ethics and get back to us.

achilleselbow +0 -0
Exactly. More philosophy, less motivational speakers.

autrepoupee +4 -0
UGH WOULD YOU SCIENCE TYPES TAKE IT SLEAZY
SOME OF US ARE HERE FOR CAT COCK OF THE ROCK HARD VARIETY

farqussus +0 -0
I wish I could take back that chubby.

autrepoupee +1 -0
if wishes were fishes i'd swim to the bottom and drink 'til i die

jetbunny +0 -0
Autrepoupee, I love you and everything you stand for, even if I'm not sure what that all is.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

lechatbotte +0 -0
More philosophy, less motivational speakers?

Try more being, less understanding. I know you've got no clue what that means, but I invite you to an inquiry into it.

Also, every time you create what I say as being "motivational speaker" stuff, you make it harder to ever get what I'm actually saying. There's nothing wrong with that - you may never get what I'm saying! But I invite you to try on a different listening, and see what's there for you then.

octafish +0 -0
Ethics? Ethics, don't they make model airplanes?

lechatbotte +0 -0
Yeah. They make some doozies!

lechatbotte +0 -0
Nothing "vague" in my "generalities". I just didn't take the week it would take to even get close to getting you where you could see it.

Further, this isn't about ethics. That's all about what is "right" and "wrong", and this is a completely seperate conversation from that. Stop trying so hard to make this about that, and you might stand a chance of getting what I'm saying the way I'm saying it.

achilleselbow +0 -0
Okay, fair enough. I'm sorry to keep bringing it up. It's just that the way you debate is very reminiscent of it. You never make a straightforward argument. Rather, you keep going around in circles and restating what you have already said. And you redefine words so as to render your point impervious to logical analysis.

Can we just admit that you are making a base assertion when you say "the kind of person you have to be to dehumanize people just doesn't WORK". You're saying that on some basic level, whether spiritual or psychological or whatever, a person whose aim is to degrade others is fundamentally incomplete. That's a fine thing to believe: I just want you to admit that this is simply an assertion of opinion, and you would have saved us all a headache if you'd simply stated it as such without trying to couch it in the absolute objective language of 'works'.

To speak of someone being fundamentally incomplete in this way is essentially the same as saying that their morality is wrong. You don't get to choose your context.

lechatbotte +0 -0
The context is decisive, and I absolutely and unfailingly get to choose it! But that choice isn't always readily transferable.

You also get to choose your context, and if you insist on it being a conversation about truth vs. (what? error? falsity?) non-truth, right vs. wrong or moral vs. immoral, then that will be the conversation you had, regardless of what I was saying. And there's nothing wrong with that! It is a valid human view.

Will it help if I say that my context is all made up and isn't "the Truth"? Because I am completely aligned with that. But then, all contexts are made up, and none of them acheive an absolutely perfect knowledge of everything as it actually is and actually isn't right now in reality! We all have a more or less invented and imperfect connection to reality! We're all certain that our connection is at least twice as good as anyone else on earth. That's one reason why we think we can make some things "work" that don't. Welcome to the human race!

I do like what you've said about being "incomplete" and will ponder it. Thank you!

jetbunny +0 -0
AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! GOD DAMN IT I JUST WANT HUMOROUS CONVERSATIONS REGARDING A WHITE TRASH GHETTO BEAVER RAISING MONEY FOR A TRIP TO THE GUBBERMENT

Since when did Achewood's assetbar become a forum for serious discussions about rape? Since when was Achewood a forum for serious anything?

catgrl131 +0 -0
For what it's worth, I think that is one adorable gerbil/beaver creature.

ACHEWOOD! IT MERITS CONVERSATION!

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
(Results May Vary)

lechatbotte +0 -0
Acheworld is what we make it. Read the archive again: it occasionally invites serious thought. But I seriously love the funny stuff, and am happy that's most of what's found here. So, ya' know, skip these "boring" parts if you can't use 'em, and will join ya' in the laughs below.

none +0 -0
Lechatbote: There has to be *some* context. A human is part machine, part programming. The machine is the body, the DNA. The programming is the culture. There can be so many possible variations in culture that it is really hard, and I would say for any practical purposes impossible, to find a 'universal context.' You can't even point to physical pain as a universal constant... Generally people are 'hurt' by things which cause physical pain, but then, in probably ALL cultures, we have rituals which inflict physical pain upon us, and we consider ourselves better off for it. I think that pain is an essential part of the human experience. Jack London really captured something in _To Build A Fire._ And then there is death, and in some cultures, death is in some contexts considered honorable and is looked forward to. All cultures seem to encourage the taking of one's own life in some context or other, be it the heroic Catholic soldier who flings himself into the line of fire in the name of God and Country, or the self-less Buddhist monk who refuses to cooperate with the Chineese and renounce his religion thus ensuring that he will die in a Chineese labor camp.

You are aspiring to find a universal context which is free from the convoluted and corrupt and hypocritical ideology which human cultures tend to manufacture. If you have been working at this for any amount of time then you are no doubt further along this path, that is to say more enlightened, than most of us who simply go about our business and never introspect beyond a superficial level, or at least never in a way that would truly challenge all the institutional dogma that envelops us constantly.

But whatever culture and context you can imagine, be it any that have come before in history or some sci-fi postulate of our imagination, is still a culture. I acknowledge that we can go a great distance towards achieving a better less hypocritical more universal culture/context... We can go a long ways towards ridding ourselves of all of this hypocrisy, this jealousy, bitterness and ridicule.

Who knows, maybe one day human culture will progress to the point where we are all a bunch of buddhist monks meditating on a mountaintop in a totally balanced zen state. Myself, that is probably not my thing, you will probably have to pry my mcdunulds chezeburgr frm my cul ded paws, but who knows, maybe my kids or my grand kids might go for it. So yeah maybe one day human culture will arrive at that, will get as close to being a non-culture as is possible.

But you can't get there from here, and indeed, it's dangerous to try to. You are trying to give life to a meme of contextlessness, and I think that it is only likely to be misunderstood by many, including possibly even yourself. Certainly, how many dangerous and damaging religious are based on the paradox of not reasoning and simply trusting one's intuition? Pretty much all of them.

I am all for moving towards having less context, less fucked up culture, towards moving towards accepting more universal context as the basis for culture, towards going for a culture which more directly and more universally supports the machine which is the body and the building blocks of the self which are the parts of the brain and which supports the self's need for social connection, and love, and attention, and interaction. I'm all for promoting all that. The only way to achieve this in yourself and to promote this in others, I think, is to be self aware, and to be aware of others, and of the general context, the general culture, that these others are programmed with... How do you get there from here? small steps, perhaps, smaller steps. It won't happen in one giant leap.

Everyone has their own cultural programming and semantics which is the only window their inner self has on the world. It seems as if you are proposing that we set aside this abstruse filter of the world and go for something a lot more direct and universal. You know what would help this quest? A lot of shrooms, LSD, and high-grade pot. And probably less alcohol.

pogo +0 -0
Oh god is that way too much text for after midnite!

lechatbotte +0 -0
none:

Thank you so much for grappling with my writings and really striving to get it! I appreciate it, and thourouly enjoyed your response.

I will make a few notes: Got the whole "human machine" part. It is essential to where I stand. (May I add that I outright loved London's To Build a Fire ?)

Let me just say for the record that there will always be a context and a culture. I'm not resistent to this in the least! I also can't imagine being satisfied in a meditative monk lifestyle, although, who knows? The main reason that a universal context or culture evades us is precisely our lack of belief that it is possibile. Also, avoiding pain and reality leads to many more problems than accepting them.

Further, change has never been the answer. The more things change, the more they do not change. History tells us this over and over and over (and over) again. Yet we still think we can change things!

Not asking anyone to not reason, but suggesting that we miss a lot by making it the only approach we have to learning things. Watching tag, and writing all about it, will never give you what playing tag will.

Small steps will never get you there, but you are welcome to try it! If it will happen at all, it will be a giant leap.

Awareness is the name of the game, and the solution to many of the challenges you postulate. When you really get who you are at the level of world, and I mean really get it, it all becomes so much clearer.

lateadopter +0 -0
You know, lechatbotte, when I went on too long about what I was thinking, about a year ago, I got lamed all to hell and fostered a little cult of spiteful lame-fairies who followed me around until I stopped posting most of the time. And that was on a topic that was actually relevant to this place. There is a moral here that I would like to pass on to you:

You said it once, you don't need to keep repeating it.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate your wanting to spare others from your previous situation.

I've noted my lame to chubby ratio dropping from these long ones. Some things are worth risking it all on! There are thousands, tens of thousands, of readers here who never post. They aren't all reading the comments, but the ones who do only communicate through lames and chubbies. If just one of them, the vast faceless, nameless mass, gets something from reading me that helps them get a life that works, it would be worth being lamed to oblivion.

That's not to say that I set out with that in mind. I frankly prefer laughing and joking to any of this. But when the topics come up, I gotta be responsible for where I stand on things, and do my best to represent. Hopefully, with practice I'll get so I can do that with brevity.

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by efurman, Straycatrut, killkillkill)

lechatbotte +2 -2
Several times. And the new. And the pseudepigrapha. And the Nag Hammadi scriptures. And the Dead Sea scrolls. And several Hindi, Buddist, Islamic and Christian writings too numerous to mention. What is your question, exactly?

nice-on-water +0 -0
He might be referencing what appears to us as the draconian morals of Leviticus.

i_love_kate +0 -0
I was actually referring the phenomenal amount of rapin' that those generally on the side of God either endorse or take part in.

Beyond that I'm... not... sure what point I was trying to make. As you were!

achilleselbow +1 -0
" However , I have two beautiful virgin daughters! You may have them instead. Do unto them whatever you want, really... whatever you can think of, just please, go nuts."

i_love_kate +0 -2
I think in those times, the one upside to having a daughter was to use her as sex leverage. Why can't the Chinese just realise that?

falseprophet +1 -0
Sex Leverage , the new album from Nine Inch Nails.

hedonismbot +1 -0
I sometimes use one nubile young woman as a fulcrum while banging other nubile young women

hamscout +0 -0
Give me a long enough nubile young woman, and another nubile young woman as the fulcrum, and I will lift my sack.

pogo +0 -0
Way to pervert engineering and geometry, dude.

hamscout +0 -0
You're the one working at Wyoming Titty Aficionado!
Besides, am I perverting...or revolutionizing those fields?!?
I gotta go test this in the Collider...

pogo +0 -0
On the contrary, hammie, WTA glorifies the female body, while you would use them as lever and fulcrum, as tools, in other words. (We're getting a lot of mileage out of a fake mag.)

hamscout +0 -0
I think we should pool our homespun Midwestern talents to collaborate on a project...then we'll have a real book/magazine/screenplay that we'll be referencing (while no one else pays attention).

lechatbotte +0 -0
I'm aligned! What shall the topic be?

akarroa +0 -0
"He came out with his de-sexing stick and waved it most unsexily."

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

akarroa +0 -0
You got a case of the sillies, I'm not achilleselbow! aiu, you're so funny. :3

jetbunny +0 -0
Accidentally chubbied. THE MAN KNOWS RELIGION, EVERYBODY.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Assuming that you're talking to me, I say "thank you." I felt remiss later having not mentioned the epic of Gilgamesh (oldest book in history) or the Sephir Yetzirah (likely the oldest Hebrew book and founding source of Kabbalah process and the Sefiroth.) But then, just how long a list do we really need here?

Thanks for the chubby! Accidental or otherwise, I will cherish it always, and have it mounted and placed on my mantle.

johnmatrix +0 -0
So I see I'm late to the discussion, but why did none of you consider the possibility that lechatbotte was just screwing around? Whatever happened to the motto, "Don't feed the trolls"?

i_love_kate +0 -0
Beat The Clot being insincere all this time is an idea that... soothes me inside.

ford +0 -0
hehe, watching gladi8orrex talk to Lech at bootie was like watching God walk up to Satan and cock-slap him. The devil goes on with his business, but everyone knows his conversation has been cock-slapped.

lechatbotte +0 -0
While I won't deny an impish sense of humor, I must confess that my humor is sufficiently silly and in such broad strokes that it is easy to get when I'm screwing around, and when I am not.

Johnmatrix: You think I'm messing around about the various ancient sources I've read, ask me some questions. Bring it on! But only do this if you really want my insights, understandings, interpretations and inspired thoughts about a particular passage or topic.

anabanananana +1 -0
I agree, the sign thing is ridiculous. I walked by one yesterday that read, "Credit Cards Excepted." It made me want to grab a large sharpie, scale the wall and correct it. But then I saw another sign on the door that read, "Cash only." So then my thought was that the sign was correct--but why the need for two signs to say essentially the same thing, especially when one of them is a nearly unreadable handwritten one? Perhaps they had a great number of people making the same mistake I initially had, thinking that the sign was misspelled, and trying to pay with credit cards, that they wanted to make it completely clear to everyone.

Either that, or the people who made that sign were just kinda dumb, then decided they couldn't accept cards...but who doesn't accept credit cards in this day and age?

sje46 +4 -2
Even your mom accepts credit cards.

anabanananana +0 -1
Ooh, I have been burned, badly. Could you please direct me to the nearest hospital?

sleepyhead +4 -0
no,keep burning.
p.s. fuck you!

hedonismbot +0 -0
I swiped my card in his mom's reader just this morning

woodenteeth +5 -0
Insufficient Funds. Please contact Issuer.

fuckyoufriday +0 -0
This buddy of mine from college went to an all-boy Catholic high school & his group of H.S. friends had a bunch of ridiculous "moves" they invented to inflict on each other in a very male bonding/homoerotic manner. Some favorites included the very popular and self-explanatory "junk check", and the funnier and much more relevant-to-this-comment "credit card", which involved swiping the back of one's hand through another's ass-crack.

hedonismbot +0 -0
I went to a coed, public high school. We had the credit check. It was the height of childish jackassery. I pulled the very move on a coworker not four hours ago

achilleselbow +0 -0
I knew a guy on the wrestling team who informed me of an illegal but sometimes-used move called "checking the oil". I will leave it to you to figure out what this means.

fuckyoufriday +0 -0
a prostate exam?

nice-on-water +0 -0
PUNCH IN THE ASSHOLE! BAM!

achilleselbow +1 -0
Fuckyoufriday wins. It's basically sticking your thumb in the other guy's ass while the ref isn't looking. He told me about winning a match with the help of this maneuver. Being the dumb jock he was, he beamed with pride as he was saying this, completely unaware of any homoerotic undertones to it and actually expecting us to approve of this rectal intrusiveness.

farqussus +0 -0
Win is all. WIN IS THE ALL!

fineoakstructure +0 -0
And getting to finger a dude is just the icing on the cake! The chocolate icing.

farqussus +0 -0
BLECH! I mean really, even most gay guys must have some aversion to poo.

farqussus +2 -0
What the fuck am I doing.

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by efurman, Straycatrut, posterboy)

farqussus +0 -0
posting while blindly inebriated is unwise. I cannot foist my rationalities on others.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Now that's what I call some rough chuckles.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

akarroa +0 -0
Just the knuckles touched...it's okay, not gay.

echidnaboy +1 -0
HELL NO KNUCKLES AIN'T GAY

whiteturtle +1 -0
I dunno, that is a saucy jaunt to his shoulders in your avatar there, as if he's slinging a bitchy "Oh no you dinn't just tell me you forgot to pick up more Midori when you know I mentioned it [i]just[i/] as you were leaving." at a chastened Tails.

whiteturtle +0 -1
just! , JUST! , JUST! , ~~JUST!!!~~

echidnaboy +1 -0

What ever , girlfriend

echidnaboy +0 -0

whiteturtle +2 -0
The look on the other guy's face is priceless: Sadness, frustration, disgust, and bitter, bitter acceptance of his decisions.

Knuckles looks like his balls shot into his pre-frontal cortex upon achieving orgasm.

As much as I enjoy it, I would have to say there should be a link that says "NSFW" so that I don't get fired tomorrow.

hedonismbot +0 -0
That was well described, Turt. Receive my chubby in your pre-frontal cortex

kamet +0 -0
He rapes your skull.

hedonismbot +0 -0
If he didn't want it, he shouldn't have been wearing that hat

lechatbotte +0 -0
Tell me about it!

nice-on-water +0 -0
UNF.

Determined. Resolute.

kendieatsbabies +0 -0
This, this "oil checking" was an exceedingly common occurrence among the boys of my co-ed boarding school. I thought it was a unique hiccup of an essentially warped and homoerotic microculture. Man, am I sorry to hear I'm wrong.

falseprophet +0 -0
Mennonites.

irondave +0 -0
You are not dealing with the right Mennonites. I can talk to my guy. Lemmeknow.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Yeah, he got some fresh signage just fell off da back a horse-drawn carriage.

falseprophet +1 -0
[jedimindtrick]These are not the prudes you're looking for.[/jedimindtrick]

davey-boy +0 -0
DAMN YOU BBC CODE!

invidious +0 -0
That's actually a brilliant analogy. BBCode and HTML are like British English and American English: mostly similar, but just different enough to fuck everyone right in the arse/ass when they least expect it.

biff +0 -0
I have seen them that said:

[size=200][color=red] WHO WANT'S ICE CREAM! [/color][/size]

That's right, apostrophes for verb tenses .

If there is an 's' on the end of a word, some ignoramu's will apostrophize it.

biff +0 -0
Well, crap.

As far as I can tell, I did the BBcode correctly. Assetbar must be disdaining my large red letters.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Sentences like this make me cry:

I would of gone to you're party but I was'nt feeling good.

biff +1 -0
Wow, that one is just packed with chunky and hard-to-swallow ignorance.

nice-on-water +0 -0
There are 4 intentional ones. 5 if you like commas.

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
The comma was the one that bothered me the most. I, enjoy, commas, SO MUCH.

lechatbotte +0 -0
And yet they mean so little when you use them.

i_love_kate +0 -0
Is that something else Aphex Twin-related in your avatar?

spinynorman +0 -0
I think it's Christian Bale from The Machinist.

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
It is. He only weighed 121 pounds. Isn't that cool?

invidious +0 -0
Do you think it's rad to be anorexic, Christian?

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
I agree that it is okay.

achilleselbow +0 -0
Wow, I would've thought it was less, given how skeletal he looked. I'm 5'10 and I was down to 135 a couple of months ago without even trying.

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
Well, he's only got two and a half inches on you, so apparently you weren't far off from skeletal and awkward.

Good job!

farqussus +4 -0
I can weigh over 200 without even trying.

spinynorman +0 -0
I warsh myself with a rag on a stick, myself.

hedonismbot +0 -0
I break two hundo just taking a deep breath

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

alreadyinuse +0 -0
YOU MIGHT HAVE AIDS YOU AND LONEAL YOU GUYS SHOULD LOOK INTO IT MAYBE YOU SHOULD HOOK UP

i_love_kate +0 -0
Man, I considered that possibility as well, but the face still looks weird to me. And I don't remember seeing him in that position.

(Incidentally: Okay film.)

spinynorman +0 -0
Yeah, it's when the hooker says "you're skin and bones," and he shows her.

tekende +0 -0
And she goes "Eewww, don't..."

I like that movie.

Also, I weigh less than 121, but Bale has a good two or three inches on me, at least. Actually, I don't know how tall Bale is, so it might be more.

achilleselbow +0 -0
Tekende, let's start a club for inadvertently anorexic dudes.

Seriously, that's kind of scary though.

stereo +0 -0
I just realized this comment is way down the page from where I mentioned him being skinny, not on yesterday's strip like I thought...

Sorry for spoiling that for anyone. (I am not sorry but I am still lacking a mirror or photos)

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by efurman, Straycatrut, posterboy)

achilleselbow +0 -0
lol neo are teh fiev

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

tekende +0 -0
Not that scary. I'm like ten pounds underweight. Not all that serious. Also I haven't weighed myself in several weeks, so I might weigh more now (hopefully).

nice-on-water +0 -0
My inbox is busting at the seams because SOMEHOW a thread about anorexic Christian Bale started from ym post about commas. DESIST.

stereo +0 -0
It gets even worse when you reply to your own post, cause things show up twice.

nice-on-water +1 -0
OH SHIIIIIIT

i_love_kate +0 -0
Oh, is that what does that?

stereo +0 -0
That or someone posts the same thing 20-30 times and it just looks like the same thing came up in your inbox a lot. :/

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

skiddysmith +2 -0
on a somewhat related note... "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks has some hilarious highlights of more punctuation ignorance!

wotown +0 -0
Ernie Von Schledorn car dealer billboards:

"Who do you know... want's to buy a car!"

It's like those "find all the missing things" pictures in the back of the Boy Scout magazine.

hamscout +0 -0
Damn, another Wisconsinite? Thats' unpossible!

pogo +0 -0
What the hey? Cheeseheads all the way. (Or is it whey?)

hamscout +0 -0
That joke was not gouda.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Are you kidding? It bleu me away!

kamet +0 -0
Quit with the cheesy jokes.

nice-on-water +0 -0
No need to be so curd.

achilleselbow +0 -0
This thread is grate!

thegoodwillgirl +1 -0
Mozzerella!

catgrl131 +1 -0
You munster!!

akarroa +0 -0
This joke has gotten old, but I guess that makes it better.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Would you like some wine with that cheese? They're both aged.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

perilon +0 -1
The morpheme "s" on the end of "want" in "Who wants ice cream" is not marking tense! It is marking person. Get your grammar right before criticizing other people's punctuation.

biff +0 -0
I shrivel with embarrassment.

It wasn't incorrect grammar, it was incorrect nomenclature.

But, nonetheless, incorrect.

pogo +0 -0
The lexicon does not include incorrect punctuation. Thirty lashes with an em dash.

hedonismbot +0 -0
Exactly. Punctuative tokens are identified in syntactic analysis, then check in semantic analysis. They are barely even tokenized in lexical analysis

chaesar +0 -0
Ten people to make one sign...HOW do these things go unnoticed? Because eight of them can't read English and the other two don't care.

saulbellow +0 -0
SAUL_BELLOWZ: is that racist tho

intelligentblue +0 -0
If ever there was a need for a "Fuck You Friday"...

adroitcelerity +0 -0
what does chupa me pene mean?!

caboom +2 -0
He basically said, "suck my dick, bastard."

efurman +0 -0
OK, I don't speak Spanish, but I have known, hung out and been around way too many Hispanic people (not that that is a bad thing) and cabron is way stronger than "bastard". Unless you're using it with one of your homies, "cabron" is fighting words. It's more akin to "Motherfucker".

nice-on-water +0 -0
It's like chingador, if I may.

caboom +0 -0
I'm Hispanic, live with a Hispanic family, and have plenty a Hispanic friend. It is indeed the equivalent to bastard. Fighting words would be "hijo de la chingada" (son of a bitch, mothers being something very sacred) and "puto" (hella strong!).

efurman +0 -0
It's also dependent on where you are, what part of the country you are in and even 'what' country you are in, so you are not wrong, but I won't retract my assertion.

caboom +0 -0
Fair enough, as I can imagine a more "educated" crowd being more hostile towards such foul spillage.

loneal +0 -0
Even in my school-type Spanish, I always learned cabron as an equivalent to bastard/asshole, but I suppose that could vary geographically.

daidai +0 -0
It's just generally an offensive term. It doesn't necessarily have to match up specifically to any english words.

It might do so, but it doesn't have to. I'm pretty sure most languages have insults which don't really translate well.

loneal +0 -0
I meant it just as a rough equivalent, not as an exact translation.

achilleselbow +0 -0
I had a friend who lived in Spain for a year, and I slightly improved my rudimentary Spanish while visiting him. From what I gather, Spanish curses are simultaneously both more vulgar and more mild than you would think. That is, in their literal translations, they are downright awful things like "motherfucking piss of a donkeywhore," but in their usage they are tossed off casually when someone stubs their toe. You probably still do not want to call someone cabron, however, unless you want to find yourself suddenly involved in a highly stylized and graceful fencing match.

thegoodwillgirl +1 -0
I like the idea of everyone in Spain carrying around an epee, ready to fight at a moment's notice.

hamscout +0 -0
...all picking up blowing garbage with their foil...
...sabres whipped out the minute their steak knife fails them...

I would call someone cabron on purpose, just to fence with them. Love it.

bumpishound +9 -0
My name is Inigo Montoya. You have killed my language. Prepare to die.

nice-on-water +0 -0
But also when it comes to language (and culture and most things), remember Span =/= Latin America.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Meaning Onstad's usage is more likely a Mexican or other Central American variety.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

hedonismbot +1 -0
My sources tell me the term cabron comes from the concept of cuckolding, which would well overfill someone with rageohol in some parts.

loneal +0 -0
Yeah, there is a phrase "poner los cuernos," (literally "put the horns") which means "to cuckold." Cabron literally means "big goat," and I guess they are related coz putting horns on a dude makes him a big goat.

hedonismbot +0 -0
Yo'ud knowlol?

loneal +0 -0
Yeah jeez, you made me have sex with enough big goats.

pogo +0 -0
Baaaaaaah. (Goat sound. Big goat.)

achilleselbow +0 -0
Sorry, goat, but loneal's already escaped from hedo's basement. You get a blowjob from aiu instead.

hedonismbot +0 -0
She didn't escape. I just opted for a newer model.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

kickstart +0 -0
chuppy for 'rageohol'
(I can't live without it, you know)

susurrus +0 -0
suck my dick

orvel +1 -0
No.

Fuck along now.

breastman +10 -0
Hey, just ask babelfish. If you do, you may learn that
chupa mi pene cabron
is Spanish for:
"cabron absorbs my penis"

nice-on-water +17 -0
AB SORB IT, BITCH!

efurman +0 -0
OK, I admit it. I actually laughed out loud at this.

daidai +0 -0
Admission is the first step to correcting your problem THE PROBLEM THAT IS YOUR GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR .

(this was poorly conveyed but basically im sayin i chubby nice-on-water. so poorly stated)

nice-on-water +0 -0
Whaaa- why did I get so many chubbies? I almost regret them.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Because it was fucking funny!

lechatbotte +0 -0
Yeah. Babelfish. Ultra reliable on slang!

lechatbotte +0 -0
"Chupa me pene, Cabron" means "baise mon queu, Feutreur".

paperboy_2000 +1 -0
"Suce mon tube" - I learned this from Killing Zoe

colorlessness +0 -0
Sugi pula, ma -- I learned this from young punk kids with nothing to do.

stoicromance +1 -0
I also hate people that work in rooms.

tripperday +0 -0
What is up with Pat's head?

Is that what cat pattern baldness looks like?

Oh, and Fuck You! Have a nice weekend and I'll see you in hell.

susurrus +0 -0
his bald spot looks like a yarmulke

sje46 +0 -1
It looks like . .. .
my parents having sex.

Doctor! A catharsis! I'm cured!

woodenteeth +0 -0
No you're not.

sje46 +0 -0
Then what do you suggest?

i_love_kate +0 -0
Surgery.

spinynorman +0 -0
Heroin, followed by ice cream.

sje46 +0 -0
I like this one!

(What's heroin? Does it taste good?)

hedonismbot +0 -0
Depends on what sort of heroine you get, and whether she bathes often

kamet +0 -0
Seriously. Wonderwoman? Imagine the stench under all that poly satin. Forgettaboutit.

sje46 +0 -0
Lucy Lawless is awesome.

irondave +0 -0
Man, What?

nice-on-water +0 -0
The dang Zena chick, dogg. Lucy Lawless.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Albeit sje is completely off, but that's what he meant.

sje46 +0 -0
She is awesome in that she can get away in such a ridiculously jingoistic outfit.

sje46 +0 -0
If you read Animorphs, you would know what I'm talking about.

sje46 +0 -0
It appears that that second comment is replying to the first, but it is not.

irondave +0 -0
If you were not so youthful and innocent, you would know that Lucy Lawless is not pictured above.

sje46 +0 -0
ARG!

That is wonder woman. Lucy Lawless was Xena, wasn't she?

. . ..Linda CArter, then?

whiteturtle +0 -0
indeed. Little guy, you got a lot of geekin' up to do.

sje46 +0 -0
:(

achilleselbow +0 -0
But really, is there any context in which it is incorrect to say Lucy Lawless is awesome? I submit that there is not, unless it is Opposite Day.

pogo +0 -0
Lord, please make me a Lawless/Carter sandwich!

spinynorman +1 -0
I had a massive crush on a girl in high school who looked exactly like her. Her and Vivien Leigh.

I consider the crush to have been understandable.

sje46 +0 -0
Would they be the bread, or the inside? And if they were the bread, then what would be the inside?

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
I think Pogo intends to be the meat.

Eew. "The meat."

nice-on-water +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

hehehehe

aperson +0 -0
HI NICE-ON-WATER

sje46 +0 -0
HI APERSON!!
*hug*

catgrl131 +0 -0
HI SJE!

sje46 +0 -0
Why would she not be awesome?

lechatbotte +0 -0
Hi Everybody!

catgrl131 +0 -0
HI CHATTYBOOTY!

lechatbotte +0 -0
(Why does that sound like a fart joke?)

nice-on-water +0 -0
Because you're just a cat. HI CAT

sje46 +0 -0
HI KITTY CAT. WHO'S A CUTE KITTY CAT?

(Dad, I'm not so sure it is healthy for me to engage in your feline fetish).

expellens +0 -0
my girl's under-kitty would bring a tear to your eye. and she don't wear any polyester.

god. what does that say about me?

i_love_kate +0 -0
What does it say about all of us?

falseprophet +0 -0
To me it looks like facing a dick head on.

gormster +0 -0
Maybe if you hang out on bmezine.com

nicklon +0 -0
it looks to me like a dead bat

saulbellow +2 -0
I hate today's strip because it made me like Pat, even if briefly ...

supper chunks supper chunks supper chunks supper chunks supper chunks supper chunks supper chunks

sje46 +1 -0
Those no longer seem like words.

autrepoupee +0 -0
It's a sad day when I realize that the character I'd be in some sort of stupid little bullshit Quizilla thing for Achewood...well I'd be Pat, and that is that. ]:___(

irondave +0 -0
Would you rather be Little Nephew? How do you think that feels?

kamet +0 -0
I had a friend who is unknowing of Achewood.. she took some sort of "What Achewood Character are you" quiz because she knew of my enjoyment of it... And she was Little Nephew. She asked me what it meant.. I directed her to his blog, and she hasn't spoken to me since.

irondave +0 -0
Speaking of enjoyment, who do I see to enlarge your new avatar?

kamet +0 -0
Orgasms are fun.

achilleselbow +0 -0
Is that from Amelie? I was watching that movie with my mom when that scene came on, and we both agreed that it was somewhat gratuitous. Later I told her that I would return the DVD myself and she didn't have to worry about it.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

i_love_kate +0 -0
Fourteen?

bumpishound +0 -0
I was in France and I was all BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ... BONE ...

loneal +0 -0
I'm Ben Franklin and I'm giving it to a French lady, this is what I do.

nice-on-water +0 -0
A feck shunately yours

autrepoupee +1 -0
Well, they tried it just once and found it alright for kicks. But now they've found out that it's a habit that sticks. Before you know it, you're an orgasm addict.

fineoakstructure +0 -0
It's a labor of love, fuckin' yourself to death.

gormster +0 -0
Quinze.

irondave +0 -0
DAMMIT woman there's no sound!

Just kidding. Thanks, I was having eye strain.

fuckyoufriday +0 -0
Aw man, Little Nephew's blog is the shizz! Topped only by Lyle's. I think LN's great and much funnier than Pat in most cases. But clearly to be compared to him if you're not a 13 year old boy is pretty insulting.

fuckyoufriday +0 -0
Speaking of which, didn't Molly's parents kill him? I forgot to expect some sort of resolution to that.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Little dude's playin' video games in heaven. How ya' think that feels?

hamscout +0 -0
Kinda seems redundant...

prettyrad +0 -0
Supper chunks is a Ron Huggins-approved term of cutesy disdain, and only through Ron Huggins' 2-column insult process can such a feeling be expressed.

prettyrad +0 -0
Oh, damnit, it's Rod Huggins. ROD HUGGINS everybody. Gah.

ham_shoes +0 -0
Pat did the right thing in this situation, though. Spot on.

thomgreenwood +0 -0
I think there should be a story arc in which Cornelius goes on a cross-country roadtrip fixing grammatically incorrect signs.

thomgreenwood +0 -0
Or, if not fixing, then at least becoming eloquently enraged.

cheapcynicism +0 -0
Aw, that poor kid, he just wants to take a class trip. Fuck you , Pat.

nice-on-water +1 -0
The fucker becomes the fuckee. Hella crazy.

muddgirl +5 -0
I...I'm on my honeymoon! Don't call me while I'm at the Pearl Harbor Museum to tell me that you're terminating my lease, you flea-infested computer-typing auto-dialer!

(true story)

sben +0 -0
After 24 votes, rating is a perfect 5.

aarongstock +2 -0
Jim, Danny, and Don don't have assetbar accounts, so asked me to tell you something, Mr. Bear:

UP YOUR'S

aarongstock +0 -0
so they asked

nice-on-water +1 -0
Veteran's Day? Veteran 's Day?? FUCK THE ADVERTISING WORLD

thegoblins +0 -0
Veteranseses Day.

This reminds of the time in Catholic school when they told us how we HAD to pronounce possessive pronouns involving Jesus. Anything other than the given convention was BLASPHEMY.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I'm not sure I understand, sorry. Ejemplo, por favor?

i_love_kate +0 -0
I think he means that they had to pronounce Jesus' like Jesuses. Which, as I understood it, is gramatically sound anyway. Or at least pragmatically, as otherwise the meaning could get muddled.

thegoblins +0 -0
Yeah, otherwise the whole Christian story would just be a muddle of Jesuswords and things carried out in Jesusname. However, I don't think it warranted five minutes of explanation and threats of beatings if we did not comply.

nice-on-water +0 -0
It doesn't even warrant explanation. That's like saying "You MUST capitalize the first letter of ANY sentence with the LORD'S name in it, or you will GO TO HELL!"

gormster +0 -0
yea fo shizzle the lord will beat down on yo ass

drskradley +0 -0
*school principal/priest/cardinal gets called in to the classroom, holds up massive Bible furiously*

"SERIOUSLY kids, have you even fucking READ this thing?? Do you think for ONE MINUTE that God's FUCKING AROUND HERE??? He will full RUIN YOUR SHIT and not even fucking HESITATE!!! Can you even IMAGINE what we risk by having you MORONS under our fucking tutelage??? How we're held responsible for HOW YOU TURN OUT??? This is NOT a fucking JOKE, do you fucking understand, you little ingrates??? "

This is how I like to imagine it. But most things become an amphetamine-fuelled farce when I imagine them.

lechatbotte +0 -0
That would be authentic and real, so we likely won't ever see it happen!

lechatbotte +0 -0
Just don't forget it, nice-on-water. Just don't forget it. He's keeping score. . . .

nice-on-water +0 -0
den jeezus sed take dis all of u an drink from it. thiz is da cup ov my blood, da blood of da new n evrlastin covernat.

nice-on-water +0 -0
etc.

I haven't exactly "been to church" in "about a decade."

thegoblins +0 -0
As long as you're a "good person," it doesn't "matter."

nice-on-water +0 -0
That wasn't "my point." I only meant that I forgot what they said during the body and blood part.

sje46 +0 -0
What body "and" blood part"?"

i_love_kate +2 -0
Fellas, don't you understand that all of these gratuitous quotation marks just don't "work?"

falseprophet +0 -0
Don't get it,
Just be it!
Don't work it,
Just twerk it!
I want it,
You need it!

THESE. ARE. THE BREAAAAAAKS...

lechatbotte +0 -0
"LOL." Dude, sometimes ya' "slay" me!

i_love_kate +0 -0
I'm glad you "get" it.

nice-on-water +0 -0
The communion and the wine. COME ON!

lechatbotte +0 -0
It is Veteran's Day. Just not real clear on which one's turn it was this year.

nice-on-water +3 -0
The jury is still out. It's come down to Sgt. Wallace Petrowzcki from Tuscon, Arizona and PFC Gunther "Gun" Reinbeck out of Dayton, Ohio. Gun came in second last year and is this year's favorite, but Wally's hip surgery gives him the sympathy factor that many past upsets have had. E-mail me to get in on the pool.
nick@webetonthemeasureddignityofveterans.com

lechatbotte +0 -0
Wasn't it
E-nick@webetonthemeasureddignityofveteran's.com?

nice-on-water +0 -0
It would be if URLs could use apostrophes. :(

Plus, no E-

lechatbotte +0 -0
True 'nuf, but you got my joke.

saulbellow +19 -0

cromar +0 -0
! (chubby)

sje46 +0 -0
@chubby

lechatbotte +1 -2
This is the second strip with reference to Eats, Shoots and Leaves . I highly recommend this book to all sign makers everywhere.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Is it a reference if it just talks about bad grammar? Or is there something else?

bobodante +0 -0
One of the great stories in the book is about the author finding store signs locally with apostrophes EVERYWHERE, and it drives her nearly as mad as Connie, who's curse is glorious and epic.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Nice.

catgrl131 +0 -0
On.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Water! How delightful of you!

catgrl131 +0 -0
Aw shucks, Mister On-water...

nice-on-water +0 -0
Gee golly jeepers!

lechatbotte +0 -0
Well, goll-ee.

sje46 +0 -0
I never read it, but I hear about that book everywhere .
Why is a book on punctuation so popular?

lechatbotte +0 -0
It is a perfect combination of wit, humor and practical information. It is what all text books on every subject wishes they were.

steerpike66 +0 -0
'cause it's the sort of information that you should be using every day but that nobody ever really teaches or explains to you.

Like, what's a semi-colon? Do we need them? Or are they a stop-gap for other punctuation marks that might be equally useful? It may seem odd, but people who enjoy reading and writing like to know these things. As Wilde said, "This morning I took out a comma and this afternoon I put it back in again.".

sje46 +0 -0
Sounds like a fun book.

colorlessness +0 -0
You realize Wilde was making fun of Mallarme for his overly anal and epic editing of his poems, right?

whiteturtle +0 -0
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH

changuitotuerto +0 -0
Extraneous Apostrophication and the return of Sweaty Teddy. Just like old times.

westacular +0 -0
Oh, my. Mr. Bear has not been this worked up since the incident with the tattoo.

stereo +4 -0
STAR WAR'S

nice-on-water +0 -0
Go see one.

kickstart +0 -0
I see your AD and raise you UCB

I'm getting tired of all these Star Wars

nice-on-water +0 -0
I applaud your AD and stare blankly at your UCB. I fold.

hedonismbot +0 -0
You know kickstart, I had the titular line in Gone with the Wind

kamet +0 -0
"Lordy Miss Scarlet!! I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies!!"

hamscout +0 -0
Oh, fiddle-dee- dee , Rhett!

cromar +0 -1
YEAH, FUCK YOU DOUCHE BAG COCK SUCKER MOTHER FUCKER tit-milking server admin FUCK YOU IT'S FRIDAY GIVE ME IIS ACCESS ON the fucking server and go lick an asshole and fuck a goat.

nonamejoe +0 -0
Uh am I the only one not understanding what's going on with Ray in the second panel? He didn't catch the death in the hospital did he? Why is he transparent? Store-bought tortillas aren't, like, die-and-be-a-ghost-to-complain-about-it bad.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Dude is standing in front of a glass buffet-style counter, dogg. It's separate from the arc at hand.

nonamejoe +0 -0
I thought the upper rim was the trim around where the floor meets the wall. I had no idea what the diagonal lines were, but it looked to me like Onstad forgot to make sure Ray was layered above the room.

Thanks for explaining.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Ohhh I see what you mean now. I see how you could see that. See.

efurman +0 -1
That's the 'sneeze shield' dude.

sje46 +0 -0
Well, you know. I don't think it's part of that storyline. It's just a thing in the middle of it (or possibly after the end).

kamet +2 -0
My first ever attempt at Photoshop buggery.

hedonismbot +0 -0
Holy Christ! Did you do what it looks like you did in your avatar?! I, I think I'm in love people...

kamet +0 -0
It's a please fuck KaMeT Friday. (sigh)

hedonismbot +0 -0
Look, I'm one state south of you. Be there in ten.

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
Is that Amelie? Because I like cultural references that I understand.

kamet +0 -0
That would be all the Orgasms from Amelie. :D

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
YOU MAKE ME HAPPY FOR SHOWING ME FIFTEEN ORGASMS.

sje46 +0 -0
Good countin'!

i_love_kate +0 -0
Fifteen. Fuck.

The number is stated in the film. I forgot it. :>(

lechatbotte +0 -0
That's what I thought! Love that movie.

lechatbotte +0 -0
(Although that would be the scene where my wife decided she didn't want to watch the rest. She was barely willing to sit that long for a subtitled movie, and this gave her the excuse she needed to escape.)

hedonismbot +0 -0
Yeah, I had to run off to the bathroom for a little privacy right after that scene.

achilleselbow +0 -0
I don't know, the one with the old fat people kind of killed my chubby.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

lechatbotte +0 -0
It was just keeping it "real".

lechatbotte +0 -0
LOL!

daidai +0 -0
Uh oh. A strip where I feel I would have acted almost identically to Pat.

Fuck me.

nonamejoe +0 -0
No, because then you would be acting almost identically to Pat, again.

bumpishound +0 -0
Damn but Achewood got hell of sass on Fridays.

ummagumma +1 -0
"Shitty little work-in-a-room shirt and car man" makes no sense, yet it somehow creates a perfect mental image of one of those mid-level, bureaucratic, TPS-report-writing, application-denying drones. Bravo.

nice-on-water +0 -0
T is hell of rubbed the wrong way by cubicle types.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Voila. Ce soit encore (et de nouveau) un autre vendredi de "va te faire feutre"!

lechatbotte +0 -0
(It's French Fuck You Friday!)

smallblackdog +0 -0
En coulez vous monsieur!

lechatbotte +0 -0
That works.

(But, if it's alright with you, I think I'll decline the request.)

achilleselbow +0 -0
That was the first French phrase I learned, after reading it in Giovanni's Room .

akarroa +0 -0
Giovanni's Room?

sje46 +0 -0
Sabrina was harder.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Look at all those poor little wretches working in rooms.

i_love_kate +0 -0
The lameness of rooms is counteracted by the awesomeness of movement tiles.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Yeah. They really move ya'!

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
dude is that like Chips Challenge??

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

fuzzyshoo +0 -0
God I HATE when people apostrophize incorrectly, it is HELL.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I thought that said apologize. I was about to get rude on you.

fuckyoufriday +1 -0
Or when people verb nouns? That totally HELLS.

steerpike66 +0 -0
Yes, that impacts on my life most horribly.

steerpike66 +0 -0
It is dog-shit.

deadpool +0 -0
This is the Fuck You Friday I've been waiting for.

kayakcabble +0 -1
"Up yours wife" is a criminally underused insult, not only has it go the fuck you part but i feel wife is used in a derogatory way, like saying fuck you, i own you.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I don't see Beef as the "I own you, bitch" type, considering he knows full well she is a literal angel for someone like him (from Circumstances), also considering he acted like a blue-collar husband for one day in their relationship on a bet.

kayakcabble +0 -0
going back to the blue collar day then maybe this is another way for beef to say Dammit woman

irondave +3 -0
Key point here: he thinks it. He knows better than to say it.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I was going to say that next, so good point.

redface +1 -0
Pat doesn't get punched in the face enough, I think.

lechatbotte +1 -0
(Oh hell! You asked for it!)

That's because he's takin' it from the rear.

metatronatra +0 -0
Thank fuck! I'm not the only one who never understood why things such as signs and menus are allowed to the final stages of development with huge errors still to be found

null +3 -0
Mr. Bear doesn't understand that the sign is a multiple choice question--"The window guy IS" with a possible answer of Jim, Danny or Don. I wonder who the window guy really is!

saulbellow +0 -0
Moreover, they offer such services as the installation of an estimate's trim.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Great point. But how do you explain the "Estimate's"?

saulbellow +0 -0
I just did, you southeastwardly-menacing mapcat!

lechatbotte +0 -0
Saulbellow, you have shown me slow on the draw again. I am so paying you back for the sardines!

troy_convers +0 -0
Cornelius' response is SO Frasier!

saulbellow +0 -1
Dude, don't mention Frasier! It is dumb to know about Frasier!

theguitarhero +0 -1
It's silly to like Frasier.

troy_convers +0 -0
Trust the Yanks not to like American sit-com homage to British farce.

gladi8orrex +70 -2
in a worl gon sofb in deh ead
on deh dahk streets i fears 2 tread
deh anxiety wraps arond me like a boa
my moths so dry i cannot ebin scream or say
alls i know is i gots to crawl away
form deh devil chihuahua

thx eery one dis is and ickle pome abot and dogg. hop u njoy, oslo, a biogroph quix 1

i used 2 write tudies but i dun anymore
nah i write pomes and deh r mush more rewardin
it woz lik i was in and room an i opened deh door
an der was a ship called pome and i began boardin

an on deh ship it was better dan da room
as ah luked arond alls i could say was "Wow"
eery thing was comfy an clean it remined me up da womb
so instead ub studies i write pomes now

lol my biograph woz in pome form how odd

daidai +0 -0
Does anyone know who the people in gladi8orrex's avatars have been?

irondave +0 -0
Someone does, yes.

And Fuck You.

hedonismbot +0 -0
Idi Amin Dada

hedonismbot +0 -0
At least today's is. Before he's had Vincent Cassel and Aragorn. Not sure what the link is, other than hotness

octafish +0 -0
Ghost Dog, dude, Ghost Dog.

stereo +1 -0
Illegal Ghost Dog.

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
Boarding a ship called "Poem" and entering the womb room.

This is literature at its finest.

theguitarhero +0 -0
daidai I honestly can't believe you don't know who Forrest FUCKING Whitaker is.

sje46 +0 -0
Dane Cook?

The pictures . .. .they are so small.

i_love_kate +0 -0
In a world gone soft in the head,
On the dark streets I fear to tread,
The anxiety wraps 'round me like a boa,
My mouth's so dry I cannot even scream or say
All I know is I have to crawl away
From the devil (evil?) chihuahua.

Thanks everyone, this is a little poem about a dog. Hope you enjoy Oslo, a biogrope quick one. (?)

I used to write studies, but I don't anymore.
Now I write poems and they're much more rewarding.
It was like I was in a room and I opened the door
And there was a ship called Poem and I began boarding.

And on the ship it was better than the room.
As I looked around all I could say was "wow".
Everything was comfy and clean, it reminded me of the womb.
So instead of studies I write poems now.

Lol, my biography was in poem form! How odd.

catgrl131 +0 -0
biogrope=biography

catgrl131 +0 -0
You know, that was supposed to be a sarcastic remark between image tags. Hmm. BBCode only works when I don't want it to. Pissballs.

catgrl131 +0 -0
Hey, look! I clicked properties and found my sarcastic comment! I doubt you want to even hear it anymore, but here you go: [IMAGE]The More You Know. I mean, c'mon, fuck it. Just use your imaginations, you know what it looks like! You've seen it like forty times on assetbar alone!

catgrl131 +0 -0
[/IMAGE]

Just removing all risk.

i_love_kate +0 -0
I just kind I gave up on that sentence. Hence the fact I interpreted "also" as "Oslo".

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
*biographical

flazisismuss +0 -0
Cornelius is so right. I propose that people who insert superfluous apostrophes lose one constitutional right for every violation. We could start with one we hardly ever use, like the 3rd amendment.

hedonismbot +0 -0
Let's take away 18 first, because it's gone anyway. Then let's raise the stakes and take out 19 for a second offense''

flazisismuss +0 -0
If we took away the 18th first, the 21st would be very confused and lonely.

gormster +0 -0
I think taking away the 19th would be meaningless unless the offender was a woman.

perilon +0 -0
I propose that people who actually do something to harm society lose one constitutional right.

Oh wait they do, they're called felons and they lose the right to vote (ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT'S READING OF THE 14th AMENDMENT).

This started out as something. Now I don't know what it is.

nice-on-water +0 -0
A PIG YELLING ABOUT THE ISSUE OF THE JUDICIARY'S SELECTIVE INTERPRETATION OF THE CONSTITUTION. Smart pig.

loneal +1 -0
Some pig.

irondave +0 -0
You don't eat a pig like that all at once.

nice-on-water +0 -0
You could but your would shit a dictionary.

hedonismbot +1 -0
I think you mean "you're would shit a dictionary". The apostrophe is important there

nice-on-water +0 -0
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT.

(The r is a mistake)

nice-on-water +0 -0
Oh wait.

"You can't go WHOLE HOG."

Ha cha cha I gotta million of em!

catgrl131 +0 -0
Really? Let's hear 'em. In alphabetical order.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I just have variants of "whole hog" in every conceivable language and spelling. I have it in a .txt file (but remember, it's not the Magna Carta).

perilon +0 -0
My personal motto: If you're going to go hog, go whole hog.

hedonismbot +1 -0
Says the half-hog avatar

perilon +0 -0
Then I guess that means I'm not going to go hog.

Going hogging , however...

achilleselbow +0 -0
Misusing language harms society.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

steerpike66 +0 -0
Academic question: is it worse to insert a comma where one is not needed or to neglect to insert one where it is required?

Personally, I'd send someone to to the electric chair for twenty years for putting an apostrophe into a plural.

nice-on-water +1 -0
Best not to add one, I think. Because then you'd be like: "Steven who was 7 walked by himself to the store located in the seedy neighborhood" which is wrong but better than "Steven, who was, 7, walked, by himself, to the store, located, in the seedy, neighborhood" which is like a puncutation nutshot.

chaobell +1 -0
FUCK YOU TEN THOUSAND TIMES, HURRICANE IKE.

hedonismbot +1 -0
If you think that's bad, you should see what happened to Hurricane Tina

nice-on-water +0 -0
Rollin'! Rollin'! Rollin' on tha river!

gladi8orrex +50 -2
neveh typ "disable_kaybvord" into ur terminel itsswill b unabl 2 use cuz lik... ud hab 2 type "ok//enable_keaybord_(imenait!)" but ud be anble 4 obv ressens. i fuked ma lugible dat way unce

theguitarhero +0 -0
How did you type this then?

i_love_kate +0 -0
...Lugible?

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
I am glad I am not the only one who got lost at "lugible."

I hate that!

nice-on-water +0 -0
Of course he means Lunchable.

cpnglxynchos +1 -0
luggable. laptop.

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
!

i_love_kate +0 -0
Would you believe me if I said that I considered that possibility, despite never having heard the phrase itself?

(Hint: You would be a fool to.)

mattmatic +1 -0
aww, i wish it actually said "fuck you" in it like the older ones

alreadyinuse +0 -1
yeah achewood isn't what it used to be anymore. that is entropy for you.

alreadyinuse +0 -2
i have noticed that I am not on the global ignore list. That 's ipretty cool. I think it is because of the power of the evil in my soul. You can't kill darth vader! I think it helps that I choose an evil looking avitar.

alreadyinuse +0 -1
I am reading Sartre's Huis Clos. That is some fucked up shit, man.

alreadyinuse +0 -1
l'enfer, c'est les Autres.

man, this book reminds me of Assetbar.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
Eh bien, continuons.

achilleselbow +0 -1
I think reading Being and Nothingness might be beneficial to you, if you can get through it. At least read the parts on The Existence of the Other and Freedom. If nothing else, it'll make you understand the play better beyond that one throwaway line.

Okay, back to ignore with you.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
L'etre et le neant ... mmm.. we no doubt have a few copies... What would certainly interest me would be if there was some essay which compared and contrasted Western existentialism with the philosophy / psychology of Buddhism... certainly there is some if not a lot of commonality there.

And then there is this book The Quantum and the Lotus by Matthieu Ricard representing the buddhist perspective & Trinh Xuan Thuan representing the Western Scientific perspective. "a mind-expanding, eye-opening exploration of the exciting parallels between cutting-edge thinking in physics and Buddhism." I think I'll start with this.

lechatbotte +0 -0
I recommend Alan Watts to you. He was an Anglican priest turned Zen Buddhist who gave great explaination of his religion to Western ears.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

nice-on-water +0 -0
Fuck You Friday from a guy who knows how to say fuck and about the existence of apostrophes!

fuckyoufriday +1 -0
aw man, i hate fuck you fridays.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Fuck you! :D

epicurus +4 -0
When I read that last panel, I shot semen ALL OVER EVERYTHING.

Sweet holy CHRIST is that ever accurate of my own behaviour to the point that I now am gay for a stuffed bear!

fuckyoufriday +2 -0
Lissen mister, I don't care whatcha do with yer stuffed bear behind closed doors, I jest think that MARRIGE is a SACRED INSTI TU SHUN an' it ken only be between a MAN and a WOMON !

autrepoupee +1 -0
Stuffed bears is actually a very tiny niche interest in the gay community already.

A cruel intersection of feeders and hairy lumberjack types.

Lodge pancake breakfasts and American Legion spaghetti dinners are recurring themes.

"Tom, we're out of syrup!"
"You bears'll eat anything !"
;0)

nice-on-water +0 -0
Not unlike Leather Daddies, I take it.

No, actually they're probably very different, but who can resist the slightest link to an Arrested Development reference? NOT THIS GUY.

<----This guy

nice-on-water +0 -0
<--THIS guy

hedonismbot +0 -0
<--- THOSE guy's

stereo +0 -0
THESE GUYVES

achilleselbow +1 -0
These knives?

nice-on-water +0 -0
That's not a knife.

numberkillinger +0 -0
THIS is a knife.

nice-on-water +0 -0
RRRRRRIP

i_love_kate +0 -0
My heart's explodin'!

octafish +0 -0
My heart feels like an alligator!

whiteturtle +0 -0
I'm a momma, poppa comin' for you. I'm a space invader, I'll be a rockin' rollin' bitch for you.

octafish +0 -0
Baby was a black sheep. Baby was a whore.
You know she got big. Well, she's gonna get bigger.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

quaga +0 -0
Fuck you.

caseyb3 +0 -0
'Like ten people are involved in signs. How do these things go unnoticed?'

The plural apostrophe is what in the signage trade is known as the Fucker's Tit .

caseyb3 +0 -0
You may notice that, with the precious exception of its implication from the ever-beloved Tit, the phrase 'fuck you' never shows up in this strip.

skoora +0 -0
Ever-beloved tits ideed

professorhazard +0 -0
Is that tubby kid wearing some kind of ultra-stylized tribute hat to the now-fallen Little Nephew?

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
that or it's one of his buddies that he used to talk about in his bee-log.

professorhazard +0 -0
All just having gotten done pouring a forty on the curb for the leader of his crizzew

the_clarkness +1 -0
Pat's finest moment? I think so.

nice-on-water +0 -0
If you hate inner city kid, yes. If you hate people that ask you for things by knocking at your door, yes. I choose the second.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Kids. Plural. Multiple. "There were many inner city kids." One of many. E pluribus unum. God Bless America.

autrepoupee +0 -0
I hate door knocking types.

Even worse though, are the ones that just leave their shit at your doorstep, and don't even allow you the cold comfort of sneering at them through the window, hoping they notice you don't answer.

For instance, the fellowship tract league left me a charming pamphlet about God yesterday, with a cover photo of the Twin Towers burning. It was in a baggy with a couple rocks to weigh it down, and they threw it out of a Explorer and dented our front door.

WHAT KIND OF GOD ALLOWS SUCH THINGS TO HAPPEN WHYYYYY

achilleselbow +0 -0
The Fellowship Tract League sounds much cooler than it actually is. If they knocked on my door, I would expect them to invite me on a long and arduous quest, but one with swords, not the spiritual kind.

steerpike66 +0 -0
They travel and explore the world, having sex with children of many different cultures!

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

nice-on-water +0 -0
I wouldn't mind not having to interact with them, but I would not like a dented door. I'd follow them and stone them with their rocks. The irony would kill them if the rocks didn't.

cpnglxynchos +0 -1
not feelin' the FYF this time around.

hedonismbot +2 -0
Then I suppose you can guess what to do with yourself

onepapertiger +0 -0
What the fuck is Pat's hair doing

sje46 +0 -0
It was like this before.

farqussus +2 -0
It is a Rorschach test for who ever is fucking him. If you are filled with guilt at the thought of animal murder and simultaneously turned on by misdirected rage, you may fuck him again.

fineoakstructure +0 -0
I think Pat's a top. How do I know? Because I saw this.

Actually, I don't know how this works; do gay men switch around roles often? A gay friend of mine claims he is an adamant top; I don't think he ever got his can rocked (and he's not all new fag or anything, dude is in his 40's)! That's part of the reason I always called him a latent heterosexual. That and the fact that he built a spud gun.

achilleselbow +1 -0
Makes sense. Pat is a dick, not an asshole.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

stereo +0 -0
Some do, some don't. I doubt it's much different than finding out if your partner is willing to do oral on you in terms of negotiations.

onepapertiger +0 -0
I consider Pat with the same lust as I would a bag of under-nail toe scrapings in a hot car.

{i}...substantial[/i}

onepapertiger +0 -0
Die in a fire, BBCode, how's that? That better? Can you italicize the fucker now?

I dumped in your eyes last night, BBcode--
That was me.

farqussus +0 -0
and you wonder at its refusal to cooperate

onepapertiger +0 -0
I wonder at its refusal to get a real goddamn job!

steerpike66 +0 -0
Turning into his Dad's, apparently.

possums +0 -0
Hade's

I know it's not what he meant, but...

ham_shoes +0 -0
I grok Cornelius in the last panel. Misused apostrophes are the stroke of slovenliness.

speth +1 -0
i wish you would get a "stroke" you authoritarian swine

steerpike66 +0 -0
Silly Cornelius.

It's Hade's.

Hade's.

speth +0 -0
beelzelzebub lord of the flies(pbuh) priase him praise him

gladi8orrex +42 -2
wat dives and man 2 do is best? wat orces im 2 noit jus susseed but 2 go byond? i hab da asnwar, my fernds i rly do.

u ghost 2 do ur bess no mattah wah an noit b afaid 2 lose/fale das all!

deh sun woz settin on da albama sky
it wasnt me but and man b condemned 2 die
it wasnt me but i put da rope rond is head
i cant be responsible 4 ma own hands
as im jus followin commands
but i strung im up an dat balk man is dead

wat ad ee done wat could ab ben is crime
e wasnt tried or juried we hadnt da time
ib wed searsh 4 da truth id say we'd find a bounty
allsa can say 4 sure is dat he shouldnt been here
i thought the sign read clear
nigga dun let da sun go down on u in dis county

dis woz and pome wit race undstones. thx 2 u alls

thegoodwillgirl +0 -0
You're welcome.

achilleselbow +0 -1
Translation/Commentary:

What divas and man to do is best?
If you could have an orgy with some female pop stars and a man, who would be the best choices?

What orcs IM tonight, just sassied, but two go beyond?
A commentary on the rude internet habits of orcs, who, although usually just somewhat sassy, sometimes cross the line and become purely offensive.

I have the Asian War, my ferns, I really do.
Addressing his house plants, Glad refers to what is either an upcoming Capcom game or the threat of a new Cold War with China.

You ghost, to do your Bess, no matter what a night! Be afraid to lose, fail, that's all!
Glad takes a firm stand against perpetrators of bovine-related bestiality, particularly those who do not even bother to take the weather into account.

---------

Someone else can take care of the poem, I'm not touching that thing.

amp-d +0 -1
What drives a man to do his best? What forces him to not just succeed but to go beyond? I have the answer, my friends, I really do.
You go to do your best no matter what and not be afraid to lose and/or fail, that's all.

The sun was setting on the Alabama sky
It wasn't me but a man was condemned to die
It wasn't me but I put the rope around his head
I can't be responsible for my own hands
As I'm just following commands
But I strung him up and that black man is dead

What had he done, what could have been his crime?
He wasn't tried or juried we hadn't the time
If we'd searched for the truth I'd say we'd find a bounty
All I can say for sure is that he shouldn't have been there
I thought the sign read clearly
"Nigger, don't let the sun go down on you in this county"

This was a poem with race undertones. Thank you all.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

troy_convers +0 -0
A comment left by troy_convers was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by gladi8orrex, KaMeT, sardoniclaconic, DrSkradley)

sje46 +1 -0
Shut up.

Let people talk about whatever they want to talk about.

autrepoupee +0 -0
No dickness intended, but I think there is a forum somewhere that has remained more 'pure' strip commentary, if you're really not feeling Assetbar because of it's less-focused and less-organized atmosphere.

here it is, TOUAMB I guess. That may suit your desires better. I dig this, but you may dig that.

sje46 +0 -0
What the . .. .?
Did you just make that?

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
it is asherdan's playground.

be ye aware.

i_love_kate +0 -0
He dun' show his face roun' here no more.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Man, what? Like people have to be SO INTENSE about Achewood that that site was needed? Psh. Fuck it.

troy_convers +0 -0
A comment left by troy_convers was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by gladi8orrex, KaMeT, DrSkradley, achilleselbow, colorlessness, Davey-Boy)

gladi8orrex +45 -2
i lamed da fuck out of ur dubble post. sit on it

achilleselbow +0 -2
Best gladi8orrex comment ever.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
HI ACHILLESELBOW

stereo +0 -0
NO

troy_convers +0 -0
A comment left by troy_convers was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by gladi8orrex, KaMeT, eatmorekix)

sje46 +0 -1
Wow. That's a good one.

gladi8orrex +24 -1
i wil fuk u up cunt. dun mak me track ur IP

featurelessvoid +0 -0
Translation:
I will fuck up your account. Don't make me track your intellectual property.

Commentary:
Look out, troy_convers, this Gladman really is a bored accountant in Manhattan, and he apparently will stop at nothing to exact his revenge.

fineoakstructure +1 -0
What's the difference between gladi8orrex and and troy_convers?

gladi8orrex will stop at nothing to finissh up lol.

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
it works better if the latter person is manflesh.

still, great yolk.

drskradley +0 -0
Actual translation:
I will fuck you up, cunt. Don't make me track your IP address.

drskradley +0 -0
Ha. And here I was just laming him because he's a douche. And then he double-posts as well! Classic.

littlefatdog +0 -0
Anyone else note the resemblance to the FOX logo? Seems very appropriate.

alreadyinuse +0 -0
i notice fox on pat head

evilawesome +0 -0
was there by chance any one else here on assetbar at last night's onstad appearance at isotope in san francisco?

i ran into loneal but she brought personal goons so i kept a respectful distance.

loneal +0 -0
He did not keep a respectful distance in actuality. And I only had goon, singular.

chuvak +0 -0
Was it more a disrespectful distance?

sje46 +0 -0
Was she as attractive as her avitaricon thing, or is that all a LIE?

featurelessvoid +0 -0
The avatar thing is totally a lie. She previously used a photo as an avicon, and it proved that she is neither monochromatic nor surrounded by swirling leaves.

chuvak +0 -0
I was hoping someone would put up pictures of the event so I could enjoy it vicariously.

sje46 +0 -0
Vicarious enjoyment is a myth. There is only jealousy.

featurelessvoid +1 -0
chuvak, what's the story behind your avatar? Is that blood on the hood (bonnet, I suppose, if it's a UK car)? Or the aftermath of a tragic encounter with ketchup-wielding thugs? Rust? A temporary setback in the development of an external combustion engine? Void minds want to know.

sje46 +2 -0
It's the blood of the first guy who asked too many questions.

i_love_kate +0 -0
That's our Assetbar Philippe!

sje46 +0 -0

loneal +0 -0
Yeah, in retrospect, I can't believe I didn't take any pictures. There were dudes with architecturally wondrous facial hair and a girl with a tattoo of a platypus jumping through a flaming hoop, and everyone was drinking the bright blue Drink of Tomorrow, and I somehow didn't think to take pictures. All I have is one small picture of me and Onstad. I hope you will forgive me for this someday.

spicyponyhead +0 -0
That was me, with the Platypus flaming hoop. OMG I GOT MENTIONED ON ASSETBAR NOW I'M FAMOUS I MUST CALL MY MOM.

I showed Onstad the photo of the Rabbit Ambulance I made for Burning Man, and he liked it! It totally made my week.

Rabbit Ambulance photo: https://rurl.org/101j

spicyponyhead +1 -0
Yeah, and OK I fail at Assetbar links. Forgive me, as I don't post here often.

Here's a clickable link to the Ambulance

pogo +0 -0
Excellent!

loneal +0 -0
Dude, sweetest tattoo ever in the world. I would not shut up about it to the friend who was there with me.

spicyponyhead +0 -0
Were you the cute redhead who complimented me on it? I noticed other people staring, but you were the only one who said something. Awesome. :-)

loneal +0 -0
I was not the cute redhead. Just an anonymous staring blondhead.

sje46 +0 -0
Better than a whitehead.

nice-on-water +0 -0
Less aggressive than a skinhead.

hedonismbot +0 -0
She looks better as a baldhead

randyleepublic +0 -0
Went to the GOF Party. Chris and Liz are two of the nicest people you would ever want to meet. Here is how he hooked me up on the inside page of my copy of GOF.

hoboninja +0 -0
I have to know, is Liz Chinese?

loneal +0 -0
To hoboninja: Negatory, but she is super hot and makes good cookies. That is all I know about her.

To randy: Were you maybe the gray-haired dude that was kinda staring at me at a funny angle waiting in the autograph line? I hope it was you wondering if you recognized me, because otherwise it was just a creepy old dude.

featurelessvoid +1 -0
Quote:

To hoboninja: Negatory, but she is super hot and makes good cookies. That is all I know about her.

So all you can be bothered to learn about her is that her baking skills satisfy your expectations and her physical appearance matches your standards as a feminine beauty object? Who are you, and what have you done with loneal?

randyleepublic +0 -0
Yes that was my dumb ass, too stupid to just go ahead and say "Hi!" misunderstandings be damned. By the time I figured out that the very cute girl with the extra-vivacious eyes was def. you, I was at the front of the line, and by the time I was done talking to Senor Onstad, you were gone. Boy did I feel like a dork. Sorry about the creepy old dude vibe, but it is partially your fault for being so much better looking in person than in photo: "...that's Loneal. No that can't be her; that girl is such a fox. That's got to be her. No, that can't..."

Yes, Liz is super hot, and very much fun to talk to. She told me that Todd is Chris' middle name, (take that you Todd T. dissing chumps out there!!), and that he use to have 1958 Mercedes 220SE that he really loved, and was full of genuine appreciation for everybody showing up and making the shindig live.

randyleepublic +0 -0
Oops. The person full of genuine appreciation was Liz. Although Chris was obviously having a great time too.

randyleepublic +0 -0
Oh yeah, and about Chris' love for the writing of P. G. Wodehouse. He is a major fan, and rightly so - Wodehouse was a genius.

griggs_although +0 -0
did they pronounce it woadhouse or wouldhouse

randyleepublic +0 -0
Liz said "Woodhouse" as any fan wode.

pogo +0 -0
Great report, thanks.

randyleepublic +5 -0

featurelessvoid +5 -0
Take that, BBcode!

I've just finished version 0.4 of my Greasemonkey script Assetbarista .

New in this release: Assetbarista now attempts to fix Assetbar's Unicode indiscretions by converting things like %u2019 to their proper HTML equivalents.

Firefox users, please give it a try and let me know how well it works.

%u2665 featurelessvoid

em2 +0 -0
it works!

let's see...how 'bout a little Blue Öyster Cult?

em2 +1 -0
...maybe it doesn't work.

featurelessvoid +2 -0
That's because of a different Assetbar problem, one that Assetbarista doesn't fix (yet). The Ö in your comment is encoded as ISO-8859-1, rather than UTF-8. Assetbar tells our browsers that the page as a whole is encoded as UTF-8, which is a good thing in general, but the ISO-8859-1 encoding of the Ö means something else in Unicode, so you end up with a nonsense character.

featurelessvoid +1 -0
Looking into the ISO-8859-1 problem a bit more, it doesn't appear that a Greasemonkey script will be able to fix it. By the time Assetbarista runs, Firefox has changed the mis-encoded characters into U FFFD, the "Unicode replacement character" that looks like diamond with a question mark superimposed. At that point there's no way for a script to determine what the character used to be.

I suppose you could enter the o-with-umlaut as "% u 0 0 D 6" (minus the quotes and spaces) when typing your comment. But even if that works, it will only display correctly for people using Assetbarista.

featurelessvoid +2 -0
Oh, and there's supposed to be a plus sign between the U and the FFFD. You win this round, Assetbar.

irondave +0 -0
I propose that your script substitute the O-with-umlaut for all U-plus-FFFD characters. That would up the hilarity considerably.

loneal +0 -0
You get a diamond with a question mark? I just get a rectangle with tiny letters in it that say FFFD.

featurelessvoid +0 -0
The display of that character is system-specific. You can how see your browser attempts to display various Unicode characters at https://www.utf8-chartable.de/unicode-utf8-table.pl?start=65520 .

In the past two hours I've learned more about Unicode than I ever wanted to know. It's time to call the hypnotist .

featurelessvoid +0 -0
Scroll a bit past good old FFFD on that Unicode table page, by the way, and you can see if your browser can display the glyphs from Linear B. No Linear A, though.

I point this out because I recall that there are linguists on this forum, and I hope that the mention of Linear A will bring them as much ~~misery~~ joy as Unicode has brought me.

aperson +2 -0
%u02D9%u0287d%u0131%u0279%u0254s %u028El%u01DD%u028Col %u0279no%u028E o%u0287 %u01DD%u0287%u0250pdn %u0287u%u01DDll%u01DD%u0254x%u01DD %u0279%u01DD%u0265%u0287ou%u0250 %u0287%u01DD%u028E %u0279o%u025F s%u029Eu%u0250%u0265%u0287

loneal +0 -0
Everyone, aperson is writing things upside-down and featurelessvoid is the wizard of the day.

stereo +0 -0
At least it's not Babel 13.

amp-d +0 -0
It's like the people who developed Unicode had a lot of time, or something.

sje46 +0 -0
THANK YOU.

I hate those stupid little box things that stick.

I still get those huge black things that cover up the comments, but those arent too big a deal.

gladi8orrex +23 -1
huge balk things lol sounds lik and shower abter and bassball gaem

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
huge black things (laughing out loud) sounds like a shower after a baseball game.

either that sport or basketball.

gladi8orrex +25 -1
huge balk tings lol sonds lik and showeder abter and bassball gaem

eder dat spot or bassball

lol translation hijiexs

theguitarhero +0 -0
huge black things (laughing out loud) sounds like a shower after a baseball game.

either that sport or basketball.

(laughing out loud) translation hijinx.

I didn't realize people used hijinx outside of Donkey Kong Level developers.

stereo +0 -0
huedge drak tngis (kik) si lik da presentler arter um bastebull grime

Ebert crat prost uo braskbale.

kik playstation hilux

J dim't acklize floks voclized hijix ased da monky krang loveli videolopers.

octafish +0 -0
"Two thumbs up" - Roger Ebert

sje46 +0 -0
I heard he has those appendages insured for over $10 mill each.

gladi8orrex +20 -1
uge balk tings lol sonds lik and soder abter and bassball gaem

edder dat spot or bassball

lol transimlat hijx

i dundt realiss peps uss jinx outside ub donk donk lebel develplars

lol i m and giant!

whiteturtle +0 -0
Forrest Whitaker says the darndest things!

cpnglxynchos +0 -0
has gladl8ion...jumped the shark?

lechatbotte +0 -0
What is this "jumped the shark" of which you speak?

catgrl131 +1 -0

alreadyinuse +0 -0
IT IS IN WIKIPEDIA

spinynorman +0 -0
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jumped_the_shark

They made Henry Winkler do the same damn thing on Arrested Development.

lechatbotte +0 -0
[wow] I remember this episode! Nobody bought that as a '50's thing, but JAWS was huge! So how did I miss this becoming a part of cultural vernacular? [/wow]

nice-on-water +0 -0
Holy shit, I never got why he seemed so happy to go to Burger King. Oh god, that show never EVER ceases to amaze me.

aperson +0 -0
By the way, in Firefox you can clear the black lurgy by pressing ctrl plus then ctrl minus.

kamet +0 -0
I've found that if I select over the black box (text on top of, and below the black box) it'll go away after a few seconds.

sje46 +0 -0
If you mouse over an avataricon nearby, that vanquishes it, instantly. Works every time.

pidge +0 -0
It's funny because it is not clear who should be saying FUCK YOU to whom.

pogo +1 -0
Whom? Fuck whom!

theirateturk +0 -0
IT IS NOW MONDAY NOT FRIDAY (FUCK YOU)

desert_donkey +0 -0
it's definitely a FUCK YOU MONDAY regardless of the strip.

goro +0 -0
God, people talk such shit on Assetbar! I picture the evolution of a place such as this, thriving on population increase and activity. It has become increasingly self aware, and at the same time idiotic. Not that anyone here's an idiot, but the board has become idiotic. Achewood dude is going on tour and no one cares, or what? No, everyone worries about lames and shit, and whatever anyone here thinks. I like not giving a shit. And yet, I pay attention.

Also, on about fourth read I fucking loved this strip.

aperson +0 -0
v-chub.

autrepoupee +0 -0
Nothing anywhere near the Midwest, but I suppose it's understandable. Probably just not enough sales coming from this area. wistful si-i-igh

hamscout +0 -0
autre, are you in the midwest also?
Maybe you, me, falseprophet and pogo could get him to stop at a wayside restroom to sign our GOF books from the window of his tinted 'Sclade...

*PleaseOhPleaseOhPLEASE! Mr. Onstad!*

autrepoupee +0 -0
How do you feel about Stuckey's, Mister Onstad? Well, iffin' you like Stuckey's, we got a whole mess of 'em up over here!

Couple pecan rolls, rolled up, all pecan-covered?

Couple of farmer's daughters, all makin' you feel alright? David Lee Roth, singin a song and yowlin?

pogo +0 -0
I think we could get him to Madison, hammie.

sje46 +0 -0
Do you like me?

Do you think I'm an idiot?

:(

lechatbotte +0 -0
Don't you know son? You're a special boy!

nice-on-water +0 -0
Certainly not! Would you like to see some rap music dance moves?

sje46 +0 -0
Yay!
Don't make them too sinful though.

goro +0 -0
I don't think you're an idiot. Don't know if I like you though. I only have a crush on one particular Assetbar poster, and it's not you.

She may never find out.

achilleselbow +0 -0
Really, there's about two likely possibilities.

i_love_kate +0 -0
Someone doesn't remember the veritable smorgasbord of the Great Handfaceweekend.

(I am sorry that I likened women to food. Hail Mary, full of grace, hallowed be thy name. Thy will be done, thy kingdom come, on amber waves of grain.)

lechatbotte +0 -0
Play ball!

loneal +1 -0
We lovely bitches and hoes know you're trying to correct this.

loneal +0 -0
Hos? How do you pluralize "ho"?

gladi8orrex +21 -1
bitches

lechatbotte +0 -0
How 'bout ho's?

loneal +0 -0
Cornelius would looove that.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Yeah. He brought the smack down on my good ear. (I need another Advil.)

whiteturtle +0 -0
Aw, you rock little buddy. Don't fret a minute more 'bout no mean-talkin', theoretical grammar lovin', internet bullies. They're just all filled to the brim with spite and existential fury and the alienation of modern life. A buncha stuffin' fools is what I say. Shoot, no one oughta pay them any mind nohow.

Whaddayasay I buy you a nice bottle of coke from Mr. McWhorter's general store, huh? Mebbe some lemon drops? I know you love them dern comic books so much you're always goin' on about. Let's turn that frown upside down? You know Jesus hates you when you're unhappy!

nice-on-water +0 -0
Existential Fury would be a good band name...

lechatbotte +0 -0
It would! What d'ya' think: Tequila, power drink or sports shoes?

nice-on-water +0 -0
Power Drink, definitely. I mean, they have Bawls and Cocaine.

lechatbotte +0 -0
I don't know if we should dismiss tequila so fast. I've seen some right proper fury come from that!

nice-on-water +0 -0
Ah yes, the Livid Pedro. But no, I'm sticking with power drink.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Ok. What flavor should we make it? What should be it's power source? When do we launch?

nice-on-water +0 -0
I've already developed Existential Fury (c) and you keep your dang paws off my secret recipe .

lechatbotte +0 -0
It already exists? I am so furious!

nice-on-water +0 -0
A week late and a dollar short.

sje46 +0 -0
Oh no! I wouldn't want Jesus to hate me!

Thank you Unky Whiteturtle. You are so nice; I don't understand why Mom never lets you baby-sit me or why the police say that you can't visit me at the playground. Just don't make me sit on your lap though this time. I think I'm old enough to sit on the big boy seat!
I wish I can have friends like you my own age!

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by efurman, Straycatrut, posterboy)

stereo +0 -0
You won't like him when he's angry.

skiddysmith +0 -0
anyone else in vancouver, canada? we NEED to get Chris here on his world tour, heh!

featurelessvoid +0 -0
Seattle in tha house, seconding the need for a Pacific Northwest tour. Chris, think about it: with Autumn approaching, the east coast will be too cold, the red states will be unwelcoming to you and your Californian ways, and the other continents will be unattainable with your weak US dollar. After you do your book signing in Portland, just keep piloting the Onstadmobile northward.

catgrl131 +0 -0
Hey, is anyone from here going to the New York one?

achilleselbow +0 -0
I...might? I don't actually have a copy of the book yet. I didn't know anyone else here was in the area.

sje46 +0 -0
I am too poor to New York, unless ArhillesElbow will let me stay at his house.

sje46 +0 -0
to go to*

achilleselbow +0 -0
Oh Philippe, come right in. Would you like some ice cream?

nice-on-water +0 -0
Possibly...

snidedk +0 -0
Is anyone else expecting Chris Hansen to pop up and say "Have a seat over there..." right about now?

hedonismbot +0 -0
I hate that Hanson bastard.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Vote for Pedro.

achilleselbow +0 -0
Yes. I have for a while been asking if anyone here is in the NY area, but I'll just ignore the fact that catgrl said she is, since I am allergic to the FBI.

catgrl131 +0 -0
Hey, maybe I'm just visiting family here for a few days, never said I live here. Or do I?!

catgrl131 +0 -0
there*

Dammit catgrl can't you even spell right, it's a wonder your italics even show up

lechatbotte +0 -0
"Hello little girl. Want some candy?"

irondave +0 -0
Even exploring the possibilities is a felony waiting to happen.

nice-on-water +0 -0
I'll just put it out there, I am from the New York area indeed. But I'm away at school which, while in New York state, is not very near the city (THE city).

achilleselbow +0 -0
There is only one city.

skiddysmith +0 -0
when is it? i'm planning on being there the end of october... it would be amazing if it was at the same time!

straycatrut +0 -0
Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

autrepoupee +3 -0
yeah brah totally just find the bitches profiles when theyre talkin about shit like boys and shit and ignore but we need a filter or some shit too i mean shit

sje46 +1 -0
OMG JONAS BROHTERS %u2665%u2665%u2665

LUV YAS!

kamet +0 -0
Aren't we just an asshole.

hedonismbot +0 -0
Wisdom from a 102 year old

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by efurman, Straycatrut, posterboy)

straycatrut +0 -0
Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

autrepoupee +0 -0
yeah fuck young people anyway

sw33t picture brah did your grandkids send it to you or didja find it on some funny photos WTF site

straycatrut +0 -0
Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

woodenteeth +0 -0
Ignored.
Hooray.

i_love_kate +0 -2
I make up 70% of the under-20s on this forum? Or do my actions just count for them for some reason? I think you need to retake your census, Rusty Tac Rat.

loneal +0 -0
Oh shiiiit anagram burn!

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by efurman, Straycatrut, posterboy)

straycatrut +0 -0
Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

i_love_kate +0 -0
Calling people idiots is a full 1/1 of your contribution to the forum since your arrival. Or is avoiding hypocrisy not on your to-do list?

straycatrut +0 -0
Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

loneal +0 -0
Seeing as how this idiocy is too flagrant and unabashed to be realistic, I'm gonna go with YES.

straycatrut +0 -0
Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

octafish +0 -0
Hmf, amateur.

i_love_kate +0 -0
A comment left by i_love_kate was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by efurman, Straycatrut, posterboy)

achilleselbow +0 -0
We must all do our part.

loneal +3 -0
Aw hey man, thanks for throwing me a bone. How did you know that the opinions I care about most are those of douchey misogynists with inexplicable superiority complexes? I await the decision of the jury with a heart full of fear. I want your approval so bad !

straycatrut +0 -0
Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

amp-d +0 -0
I don't know whether to chubby or lame this. Help!

i_love_kate +0 -2
The clue is that it is in no way deserving of a chubby.

amp-d +0 -0
See, it was lame, but I didn't want it to disappear. The profound irony spoke to me about the nature of humanity.

Yeah that was a lie.

tekende +0 -0
I will give you a sign.

The sign will be that this comment is not deserving of recognition either way.

amp-d +0 -0
Loneal, you can have my approval if douche bags aren't the sort of thing you want.

sje46 +1 -0
I'm not really sure what you said because you used a lot of big words, but it sounds like you need a friend.
I will be your friend, Loneal! And you can have my approval as well!

eatmorekix +1 -0
here's an intelligent post: stick a hot poker up your smug, superior ass.

catgrl131 +0 -0
Hey, what have I ever done to you?

stereo +1 -0
Is there a way to ignore everybody who lies about their age? There's gotta be.

desert_donkey +0 -0
.. age, sex, sexual orientation, race, color, creed,,,

stereo +1 -0
Really, what are the chances that dozens of wizened old ladies are spamming a webcomic discussion forum?

desert_donkey +0 -0
it is what is happening. there is no other possible conclusion to be drawn.

pogo +0 -0
I'm not lying, nor am I an old lady

desert_donkey +0 -0
well... looks like FUCK YOU MONDAY is heating right up. ;)

nevlik +0 -0
Yes, it appears the fanbase is all on the same menstrual cycle. Have no fear! It will all be wine, roses, and Mama Mia tickets in around three days.

gladi8orrex +14 -1
hi achilesselbo!

lol i r so funny

lechatbotte +0 -0
HIGH GLADI8ORREX!

achilleselbow +0 -0
OH HAI

gladi8orrex +17 -1
hi errybody dis is nice i lik dis

aperson +0 -0
I want to chubby this just because it's nice to imagine it's really Forest Whitaker saying it.

paradigmeyes +0 -0

make an assessment

nice-on-water +0 -0
Muthalicka.

loneal +0 -0
You've seen my downstairs mixup.

octafish +0 -0
Creamy beige.

i_love_kate +0 -0
Have you ever drunk Bailey's from a shoe?

lechatbotte +0 -0
Do you remember the night I held you so tight,
As we danced to the wiener schnitzel waltz?
The music was gay, and the setting was viennese,
Your hair wore some roses (or perhaps they were peonies),
I was blind to your obvious faults,
As we danced cross the scene
To the strains of the wiener schnitzel waltz.

Oh, I drank some champagne from your shoe.
I was drunk by the time I got through.
I didnt know as I raised that cup,
It had taken two bottles to fill the thing up.

It was I who stepped on your dress.
The skirts all came off, I confess.
Revealing for all of the others to see
Just what it was that endeared you to me.

I remember the night I held you so tight,
As we danced to the wiener schnitzel waltz.
Your lips were like wine (if youll pardon the simile),
The music was lovely and quite rudolf frimly.
I drank wine, you drank chocolate malts,
And we both turned quite green
To the strains of the wiener schnitzel waltz.

TOM LEHRER

(I have to say, much funnier when he sings it!)

loneal +0 -0
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

theguitarhero +0 -0
OH what the fuck lechattbotte.

That's it. IGNORE.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Dude, you've really gotta listen to some Tom Lehrer! The man's a genius.

theguitarhero +0 -0
I'm gonna hurt you.

hedonismbot +0 -0
Downstairs Mixup is the name of the tranny bar in my neighborhood.

lechatbotte +0 -0
If it ain't true, it really is a missed opportunity!

pantscomeoff +0 -0
I think you're a nice, modern gentleman.

hardelicious +0 -0
my assessment is that Old Greg is more not funny than funny.

hardelicious +1 -0
Pat's hairline looks like an inked-up Todd jumped on his head while wearing a Flava-Flave style giant clock necklace.

homrando +0 -0
A comment left by homrando was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by gladi8orrex, KaMeT, loneal, IronDave, eidolem, hardelicious)

lechatbotte +0 -0
Are ya' kidding? It ain't even noon yet - in Guam!

sje46 +0 -0
Another old female.

lechatbotte +0 -0
Yes, son. I blame my aftershave.

whiteturtle +0 -0
oh my god I am sick of scanning through this thread oh my god

saulbellow +0 -0
HOW I BEAT ADDICTIVE
THREAD-SCANNING
We get down to the nitty-
gritty with Pauly Shore, p. 53

homrando1 +1 -0
Old, female, my ass. I'm a young male, boyo...but not a particularly entertained one. Honestly...the erratic schedule on this strip doesn't bother anyone else? Have you all been so beaten down?

saulbellow +0 -0
Homrando, stop being Irish at me! Don't you dare !

lechatbotte +0 -0
Not beaten down, just patient enough. Dude, you make it magic four times a week, and then talk to us about why it may take a minute longer. I'd rather it came great late then lame early.

whiteturtle +1 -0
Can you hear the drums homrando?

lechatbotte +0 -0
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls. . ."

saulbellow +0 -0
The pipes, the pipes are singing

lechatbotte +0 -0
Mamma mia, I missed the reference. But knowing you, knowing me, I have a dream that one of us would get the name of the game. Thank you for the . . . SOS and taking a chance on me, but (does your mother know?) the winner takes it all. So, you'd be a super trouper if you laid all your love on me; but maybe you'd prefer a dancing queen? Or voulez-vous a Chiquitita? Just remember if you go to Waterloo, it's all "Money, money, money" and "Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie", but what can ya' do?

fairmountfair +0 -0
I couldn't help but notice (in somebody's Flickr collection) that the GOF Isotope drink menu attributes Stella's reputation in the UK to "more than just it's taste". I trust Lucifer is heating his branding iron as we speak.

i_love_kate +1 -0
Lucifer uses his branding iron for urethral stimulation.

plummet +0 -0
though not on himself, i'd imagine

plummet +0 -1
hey, it's friday again

coolies

asherdan +0 -0
The first panel graphics for these keep getting better.

Beats the pants off the Friday Philippe reports any old day.

atticusonline +0 -0
Fuck you, Asherdan.

atticusonline +0 -0
Hey guy's what's up!

deus +0 -0
I'm trying to follow Cornelius example by refering to "Old Eric" when appropriate.

...its... a Scandinavian thing.

milo +0 -0
I love this comic so much I actually have it on permanent bookmark..

ouroboros +1 -0
Jim install's, Danny estimate's, and Don trim's.

soup_alex +0 -0
Fuck You Fridays always get a FIVE from me, though in this case I think Mr. Bear's is the only predicament that really merits a heartfelt fuuuuuck yoouuuuu . So fuck you, grocer's apostrophe.

One thousand two hundred and four comments. Wow.