perilon
+0 -0
Racehorses' gums may be big but they are kept darn healthy.
Racehorses' gums may be big but they are kept darn healthy.
higuma
+2 -1
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
higuma
+10 -0
...fail. :( Now the other horses will laugh at me.
[IMGS OFF]
...fail. :( Now the other horses will laugh at me.
[IMGS OFF]
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Paging gladi8orrex...
Paging gladi8orrex...
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I don't know if anyone realized this, but he disappeared at the same time as He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned. I guess Tekende was right, and they were the same person after all. That's sad, because I actually enjoyed one of them.
I don't know if anyone realized this, but he disappeared at the same time as He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned. I guess Tekende was right, and they were the same person after all. That's sad, because I actually enjoyed one of them.
--asset-ghetto-
+0 -0
A comment left by --asset-ghetto- was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by DaPooka, daidai, Syx, InspectorGadget, HolyQ, aHatOfPig, charchar, smilebuddha, Tipist)
A comment left by --asset-ghetto- was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by DaPooka, daidai, Syx, InspectorGadget, HolyQ, aHatOfPig, charchar, smilebuddha, Tipist)
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Glad posted about 4 hours ago on the previous strip.
Glad posted about 4 hours ago on the previous strip.
autrepoupee
+0 -1
oh cmon man get that shit outta here talk about dogshit meganasty
oh cmon man get that shit outta here talk about dogshit meganasty
mortshire
+4 -0
Horses are terrifying. I don't know how I didn't realize this before.
Horses are terrifying. I don't know how I didn't realize this before.
gumption
+0 -0
Love the icon
Love the icon
semiquaver
+0 -0
Isn't it one of those cartoon people from that band with the monkeys
Isn't it one of those cartoon people from that band with the monkeys
odei
+0 -0
Gorillaz, drawn by Jamie Hewlett.
Gorillaz, drawn by Jamie Hewlett.
mortshire
+0 -0
Speaking of icons, did you see that Steven Colbert did his ear trick for Will Smith this week? I was so pleased.
Speaking of icons, did you see that Steven Colbert did his ear trick for Will Smith this week? I was so pleased.
semiquaver
+0 -0
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
tibcoolbreeze
+0 -0
Fuck locusts!
Fuck locusts!
techiebabe
+0 -0
I think locusts should count for more than a -3, don't you? Unless it's just a few, and not a whole swarm...
I think locusts should count for more than a -3, don't you? Unless it's just a few, and not a whole swarm...
molesticide
+13 -0
it was only like 5 of them, and to be fair they DID bring their own six-pack of corona, and left the extra one behind. so they weren't ALL bad.
but still, man, LOCUSTS
it was only like 5 of them, and to be fair they DID bring their own six-pack of corona, and left the extra one behind. so they weren't ALL bad.
but still, man, LOCUSTS
woodenteeth
+0 -0
molesticide, I'm hoping you have intimate knowledge of Locusts because your screen-name suggests that you are intimate with locusts.
molesticide, I'm hoping you have intimate knowledge of Locusts because your screen-name suggests that you are intimate with locusts.
never_die
+0 -0
there's a whole pest theme. like god is totally plaguing the ceremony.
god is all: "doncha get married Roast Beef. doncha do it."
there's a whole pest theme. like god is totally plaguing the ceremony.
god is all: "doncha get married Roast Beef. doncha do it."
falseprophet
+9 -0
I just noticed that the three plagues that Moses brough to Egypt are represented on this board, as if YHWH himself is committed to keeping Roast Beef a lonely man. Maybe he has a higher purpose in store for him some day, such as leading all coders to the Promised Server?
In addition, when you take into account the fact that Ray's father Ramses and his known ancestor A. Cheops Smuckles are named after pharaoh, and Roast Beef is Greek, it was a classical alliance between the Greek and Egyptian empires that won the Great Outdoor Fight. In fact, since Beef was giving Ray all the directions it was pretty much a prime symbol of Hellenistic imperial rule. Only thing is it did not involve gettin all up ins Cleopatra's divine poon.
I just noticed that the three plagues that Moses brough to Egypt are represented on this board, as if YHWH himself is committed to keeping Roast Beef a lonely man. Maybe he has a higher purpose in store for him some day, such as leading all coders to the Promised Server?
In addition, when you take into account the fact that Ray's father Ramses and his known ancestor A. Cheops Smuckles are named after pharaoh, and Roast Beef is Greek, it was a classical alliance between the Greek and Egyptian empires that won the Great Outdoor Fight. In fact, since Beef was giving Ray all the directions it was pretty much a prime symbol of Hellenistic imperial rule. Only thing is it did not involve gettin all up ins Cleopatra's divine poon.
hamscout
+0 -0
Daaaaaamn! If History was this fuckin' hot in highschool, I wouldn't have fallen asleep in class so much!
Daaaaaamn! If History was this fuckin' hot in highschool, I wouldn't have fallen asleep in class so much!
hbaranov
+0 -0
I think Molly could run for modern day Cleopatra. Only problem is, she's a few hundred years too late for Beef.
I think Molly could run for modern day Cleopatra. Only problem is, she's a few hundred years too late for Beef.
thesyndicate88
+0 -0
whoa.
whoa.
midgetron
+0 -0
Had I known this post existed...
[inside] I would have spent my chubbies more wisely.
Had I known this post existed...
[inside] I would have spent my chubbies more wisely.
mrchee
+0 -0
damn ethnic kids
damn ethnic kids
overmedicated
+2 -0
I'm fairly sure if I say 'ethnic' out loud in this part of England I'll be detained for 42 days under the 2008 Terrorism Act
I'm fairly sure if I say 'ethnic' out loud in this part of England I'll be detained for 42 days under the 2008 Terrorism Act
hbaranov
+0 -0
'ethnic muhammed jihad' will get you a lifelong vacation in the orange suit holiday centre, situated in the balmy Guantanamo Bay upon the Isle of Cuba.
'ethnic muhammed jihad' will get you a lifelong vacation in the orange suit holiday centre, situated in the balmy Guantanamo Bay upon the Isle of Cuba.
octafish
+0 -0
Where you can shave your pussy to the strains of Herb Alpert's version of Guantanamera.
Full circle.
Where you can shave your pussy to the strains of Herb Alpert's version of Guantanamera.
Full circle.
squares
+0 -0
Even better than Candy Land!
Even better than Candy Land!
xi
+0 -0
I've seen the lurchy side-to-side dance done at a reception - it is a committed woman to let her new husband make them both look like overgrown middle schoolers.
I've seen the lurchy side-to-side dance done at a reception - it is a committed woman to let her new husband make them both look like overgrown middle schoolers.
molesticide
+15 -0
i knew a guy whose tried-and-true method for ruining weddings was to drunk until he had to urinate in the street during the outdoor reception. he made it a personal challenge to see how close he could get to the "getting in the limo" portion of the wedding when he began this epic public peeing debacle.
oh, who am i kidding, it was me
i knew a guy whose tried-and-true method for ruining weddings was to drunk until he had to urinate in the street during the outdoor reception. he made it a personal challenge to see how close he could get to the "getting in the limo" portion of the wedding when he began this epic public peeing debacle.
oh, who am i kidding, it was me
spinynorman
+18 -0
At my cousin's wedding my uncle promised to get, quote, "knee-walkin' drunk." I thought it was funny until at one point in time late in the evening I was talking to him and did not notice the glassy look in his eyes (My guts was warmed up good, too), and then all of the sudden Uncle Mac started doing the moonwalk, real, real fast and backwards. I just started applauding, because I thought it was really impressive. I applauded right up until the part where he moonwalked straight into a table and knocked it over, resulting in an enormous crash. I applauding for a while after that anyways, until I noticed how serious everyone was.
He's got some pretty nimble, for drunk fifty-something year old.
At my cousin's wedding my uncle promised to get, quote, "knee-walkin' drunk." I thought it was funny until at one point in time late in the evening I was talking to him and did not notice the glassy look in his eyes (My guts was warmed up good, too), and then all of the sudden Uncle Mac started doing the moonwalk, real, real fast and backwards. I just started applauding, because I thought it was really impressive. I applauded right up until the part where he moonwalked straight into a table and knocked it over, resulting in an enormous crash. I applauding for a while after that anyways, until I noticed how serious everyone was.
He's got some pretty nimble, for drunk fifty-something year old.
spinynorman
+0 -0
*nimble toes.
Goddamn it.
*nimble toes.
Goddamn it.
molesticide
+0 -0
no, man, i liked it better before.
i have TOTALLY got some nimbe when i'm lit up, let me tell you. nimble in the THUMBS
no, man, i liked it better before.
i have TOTALLY got some nimbe when i'm lit up, let me tell you. nimble in the THUMBS
dr_strangeglove
+11 -0
Alcohol? Oh, I get real nimble on that stuff.
Alcohol? Oh, I get real nimble on that stuff.
dapooka
+0 -0
We used ta call it aimin' fluid in my darts league.
We used ta call it aimin' fluid in my darts league.
zwab
+3 -0
Yeah, I was thinking of "nimble" as a noun, and "pretty nimble" as an adjective-noun pair. Also that nimble is one of those nouns where it is the same word for the singular and the plural, so one can have "some pretty nimble."
Now I have sort of spun off into this world where "nimble" are small shiny bits of metal that children collect, and, taking your sentence out of context, deciding that the reason it's notable that he has "some pretty nimble for...drunk fifty-something year old" is that nimble is usually had by sober children. Somehow this ends up still being true.
Yeah, I was thinking of "nimble" as a noun, and "pretty nimble" as an adjective-noun pair. Also that nimble is one of those nouns where it is the same word for the singular and the plural, so one can have "some pretty nimble."
Now I have sort of spun off into this world where "nimble" are small shiny bits of metal that children collect, and, taking your sentence out of context, deciding that the reason it's notable that he has "some pretty nimble for...drunk fifty-something year old" is that nimble is usually had by sober children. Somehow this ends up still being true.
artvandelay
+0 -0
Massive chubby for introducing the term "Knee-walkin' drunk" into my vocabulary.
Massive chubby for introducing the term "Knee-walkin' drunk" into my vocabulary.
stereo
+3 -0
Wait, if you're moonwalking backwards, which way do you end up traveling?
My head hurts.
Wait, if you're moonwalking backwards, which way do you end up traveling?
My head hurts.
fineoakstructure
+12 -0
all moonwalking leads the same way, friend: to the Moon.
all moonwalking leads the same way, friend: to the Moon.
meddle
+0 -0
bitch, you know what i want
i wanna talk to samson
fly me to the moon
like that bitch, alice kramden
bitch, you know what i want
i wanna talk to samson
fly me to the moon
like that bitch, alice kramden
yearsinhotclaws
+1 -0
If I wasn't from Jamaica, then why would I be wearing this hat?
[IMGS OFF]
If I wasn't from Jamaica, then why would I be wearing this hat?
[IMGS OFF]
crustyjello
+1 -0
One can moonwalk in any direction.
One can moonwalk in any direction.
irien
+0 -1
Wait. If he was doing the moonwalk backwards, does that mean he was sliding... forwards?
Wait. If he was doing the moonwalk backwards, does that mean he was sliding... forwards?
gormster
+0 -0
He was just walking normally.
He was just walking normally.
slackojones
+4 -0
Dogggs, the guests have to be swordfighting on your front lawn with the neighbour's torn-off car antennae for it to be Good.
Dogggs, the guests have to be swordfighting on your front lawn with the neighbour's torn-off car antennae for it to be Good.
davey-boy
+0 -0
Nice to see Beef's beat poetry make a return.
Nice to see Beef's beat poetry make a return.
davey-boy
+7 -2
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
I can't see whatever it is you have posted here that is getting chubbies.
I can't see whatever it is you have posted here that is getting chubbies.
overmedicated
+1 -0
I think it's a post-ironic post.
I think it's a post-ironic post.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
hmmm.
hmmm.
yearsinhotclaws
+2 -1
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I see what you did there.
I see what you did there.
yearsinhotclaws
+4 -0
loL gimme tem chupies
loL gimme tem chupies
molesticide
+0 -0
i chubby you out of guilt, as i am responsible for laming the initial empty post, even though now i see that it is humorous and i desire to repent for the error of my ways.
i chubby you out of guilt, as i am responsible for laming the initial empty post, even though now i see that it is humorous and i desire to repent for the error of my ways.
odei
+5 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
davey-boy
+0 -0
spinynorman
+5 -0
I bet pussy shaving music has a lot of oboe, and maybe just a black guy with a really deep voice humming along, sometimes going, "Doop doo doo doopa doop, buwaaa" every once in a while.
I bet pussy shaving music has a lot of oboe, and maybe just a black guy with a really deep voice humming along, sometimes going, "Doop doo doo doopa doop, buwaaa" every once in a while.
colorlessness
+0 -0
I think you shave her pussy using the included whipped cream.
I think you shave her pussy using the included whipped cream.
autrepoupee
+6 -0
You found the hidden meaning of " And Other Delights "!
-15
You found the hidden meaning of " And Other Delights "!
-15
molesticide
+0 -0
15.
15.
molesticide
+0 -0
woah, where'd my fucking PLUS sign go?
now i get why you did what you did.
woah, where'd my fucking PLUS sign go?
now i get why you did what you did.
severide
+0 -0
Not only did the same thing happen to me, but now I find that someone else has done this 26 minutes or so before me, and that I am not original, even in my failed attempts at humor.
I bet Onstad purposefully riddled the comic with plus signs in anticipation of getting back at people who endlessly quote the strip.
Not only did the same thing happen to me, but now I find that someone else has done this 26 minutes or so before me, and that I am not original, even in my failed attempts at humor.
I bet Onstad purposefully riddled the comic with plus signs in anticipation of getting back at people who endlessly quote the strip.
stereo
+0 -0
You use an image to avoid the bizarre limitations of Assetbar!
[IMGS OFF]6
You use an image to avoid the bizarre limitations of Assetbar!
[IMGS OFF]6
stereo
+1 -0
Fuck it. Apparently Assetbar adds a line break after image tags.
Fuck it. Apparently Assetbar adds a line break after image tags.
spinynorman
+9 -0
Man, I bet Assetbar totally got all our girlfriends pregnant at some point in time or another
He is totally that guy who would do that
Man, I bet Assetbar totally got all our girlfriends pregnant at some point in time or another
He is totally that guy who would do that
morypcaina
+1 -1
Assetbar is a homeless man from Gloucester, Massachusetts, who impregnated a high school girl.
(please lame me so I can meet a fellow Achewood fan in the next town. I live in Rockport)
Assetbar is a homeless man from Gloucester, Massachusetts, who impregnated a high school girl.
(please lame me so I can meet a fellow Achewood fan in the next town. I live in Rockport)
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
What...what girlfriend?
:(
What...what girlfriend?
:(
techiebabe
+0 -0
Is...is that what happened to me? Bad Assetbar, bad!
Is...is that what happened to me? Bad Assetbar, bad!
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
BEATEN
BEATEN
xi
+2 -0
I prefer Sigur Rós myself.
Byaaaaashoooooocoo (sound of water droplet)
I prefer Sigur Rós myself.
Byaaaaashoooooocoo (sound of water droplet)
molesticide
+0 -0
i interpreted that as a violent sneeze. considering the context, it made me cringe.
i interpreted that as a violent sneeze. considering the context, it made me cringe.
quaga
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
quaga
+0 -0
I am dumb and posted the wrong one. I am sorry, Asset Bar
[IMGS OFF]
I am dumb and posted the wrong one. I am sorry, Asset Bar
[IMGS OFF]
meddle
+0 -0
The Yakuza have kept me out of Vegas for years
The Yakuza have kept me out of Vegas for years
contrasoma
+3 -0
But...but... I've been keeping them out of Vegas for years! Just for you!
But...but... I've been keeping them out of Vegas for years! Just for you!
molesticide
+3 -0
meddle all this time you could have been in vegas dude look at what you've been missing.
fucking you need to be on assetbar more often, this shit is GENUINE
meddle all this time you could have been in vegas dude look at what you've been missing.
fucking you need to be on assetbar more often, this shit is GENUINE
meddle
+0 -0
FUCK. Man, you got to tell me these things sooner. Fortunately, fear and loathing are not unique to Vegas.
FUCK. Man, you got to tell me these things sooner. Fortunately, fear and loathing are not unique to Vegas.
jbushnell
+2 -0
The idea that a secret postal service has been keeping the Yakuza out of Vegas for years is 100% compatible with my worldview.
The idea that a secret postal service has been keeping the Yakuza out of Vegas for years is 100% compatible with my worldview.
contrasoma
+0 -0
All mailing severed joints of pinkie fingers to the wrong bosses, totally confounding questions of who's making penance to who.
All mailing severed joints of pinkie fingers to the wrong bosses, totally confounding questions of who's making penance to who.
tellumo
+0 -0
I was not expecting to see Davide again. Nice! Maybe Ray will start up a game of all-stoned croquet or something at the reception.
Have we seen that stern-looking guy in front before? I don't believe we have, but I could be wrong.
I was not expecting to see Davide again. Nice! Maybe Ray will start up a game of all-stoned croquet or something at the reception.
Have we seen that stern-looking guy in front before? I don't believe we have, but I could be wrong.
perilon
+1 -0
That would be Aunt Nina, whom we met yesterday.
That would be Aunt Nina, whom we met yesterday.
tellumo
+0 -0
AGGGH! I fail. -5.
AGGGH! I fail. -5.
ortsac
+6 -0
One of your relatives is mistaken for the wrong gender. -7
One of your relatives is mistaken for the wrong gender. -7
invidious
+1 -0
Bride is mistaken for the wrong gender. -100
(exceptions: plus 100 in California and Massachusetts.)
Bride is mistaken for the wrong gender. -100
(exceptions: plus 100 in California and Massachusetts.)
yearsinhotclaws
+2 -0
[IMGS OFF]
Minus, some number with a whole mess of zeros behind it.
[IMGS OFF]
Minus, some number with a whole mess of zeros behind it.
margargaret
+4 -0
Is that Matt Lucas?
Is that Matt Lucas?
phy
+3 -0
Jesus. Instead of the Wedding March they play the Imperial March.
Jesus. Instead of the Wedding March they play the Imperial March.
mortshire
+0 -0
Frank Black?
Frank Black?
octafish
+0 -0
Black Francis?
Black Francis?
orvel
+0 -0
Francis Bacon?
Francis Bacon?
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
Kevin Bacon?
Kevin Bacon?
stereo
+0 -0
Kevin Spacey?
Kevin Spacey?
octafish
+1 -0
Sissy Spacek?
Sissy Spacek?
yearsinhotclaws
+4 -0
Manny Calavera
Manny Calavera
tekende
+0 -0
Minnie Mouse?
Minnie Mouse?
lazarusloafer
+0 -0
Minnie Driver?
Minnie Driver?
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Spock
Spock
invidious
+2 -0
Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...
Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
This is seriously one of my favorite things on Assetbar. I love the free association game. Chubs for the Airplane reference.
This is seriously one of my favorite things on Assetbar. I love the free association game. Chubs for the Airplane reference.
thepunchman
+1 -0
Wrong, it's Twisted Sister and they are combining sets with "Palimpest" during your reception -20
Wrong, it's Twisted Sister and they are combining sets with "Palimpest" during your reception -20
usversusthem
+0 -0
Groom's pants double as some kind of weird optical illusion. -3
Groom's pants double as some kind of weird optical illusion. -3
darleen
+0 -0
Scary... I came and read the comments here and then wandered over to Reddit where they had the exact same conversation in the comments for Voicemail Douchebag...
Damn glitch in the matrix.
Scary... I came and read the comments here and then wandered over to Reddit where they had the exact same conversation in the comments for Voicemail Douchebag...
Damn glitch in the matrix.
falseprophet
+1 -0
Yeah dogg you got to be careful where you go on reddit caALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD
Yeah dogg you got to be careful where you go on reddit caALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD
darleen
+0 -0
:O
EEK!
:O
EEK!
cromar
+0 -0
Thanks I had been trying to remember F. Bacon's (the painter's) name for a few days...
Thanks I had been trying to remember F. Bacon's (the painter's) name for a few days...
mortshire
+3 -0
Priest shows up looking like something out of a Francis Bacon painting
- AAAAAAAAAH
[IMGS OFF]
Priest shows up looking like something out of a Francis Bacon painting
- AAAAAAAAAH
[IMGS OFF]
maximus
+0 -0
what a silly old poof
what a silly old poof
maximus
+0 -0
tic tic tic tic tic tic tic...
[IMGS OFF]
tic tic tic tic tic tic tic...
[IMGS OFF]
maximus
+0 -0
tic tic tic tic tic...
[IMGS OFF]
tic tic tic tic tic...
[IMGS OFF]
meddle
+0 -0
Is this meant to suggest that people play croquet when they are not stoned? I have not heard of such a thing.
Is this meant to suggest that people play croquet when they are not stoned? I have not heard of such a thing.
loneal
+0 -1
You've never been to Oxford, England.
You've never been to Oxford, England.
meddle
+0 -0
Unfortunately in some respects, this is true. Given that the Pound is, well, pounding the dollar, you can understand.
Unfortunately in some respects, this is true. Given that the Pound is, well, pounding the dollar, you can understand.
hbaranov
+0 -0
Yes well, your money looked silly anyway
Yes well, your money looked silly anyway
thorfinn
+3 -0
A lot of guys on my rugby team play beer croquet, which is mostly like regular croquet, but with the following rule alterations
1) You must have a beer in one hand at all times
2) When empty, beer bottles are dropped on the field to create obstacles
3) There are an assortment of penalties (described below) for which you are forced to drink
Penalties
1) Getting caught without a beer: drink 1/2 beer for 1st offense, 1 beer for all later offenses
2) Striking a wicket with your mallet: drink 1/2 beer per offense
3) Another player strikes your ball with theirs: drink 1/2 beer per offense
4) Striking one of the beer bottles laying on the grass with your ball: drink 1/2 beer
5) Playing out of turn: drink 1/2 beer for first/second offense, 1 beer per offense past second
6) General Dickery (decided upon by a vote of the other players) : drink 1/2-2 beers depending on severity of the offense
Addendum for multiple games
The field is not cleared of beer bottles between games, all bottles remain on field until the last game is completed.
A lot of guys on my rugby team play beer croquet, which is mostly like regular croquet, but with the following rule alterations
1) You must have a beer in one hand at all times
2) When empty, beer bottles are dropped on the field to create obstacles
3) There are an assortment of penalties (described below) for which you are forced to drink
Penalties
1) Getting caught without a beer: drink 1/2 beer for 1st offense, 1 beer for all later offenses
2) Striking a wicket with your mallet: drink 1/2 beer per offense
3) Another player strikes your ball with theirs: drink 1/2 beer per offense
4) Striking one of the beer bottles laying on the grass with your ball: drink 1/2 beer
5) Playing out of turn: drink 1/2 beer for first/second offense, 1 beer per offense past second
6) General Dickery (decided upon by a vote of the other players) : drink 1/2-2 beers depending on severity of the offense
Addendum for multiple games
The field is not cleared of beer bottles between games, all bottles remain on field until the last game is completed.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Is there any penalty or rules for massive amounts of pissing, presumably outdoors? With all that beer in you I'd expect they'd have to see several or possibly many men about a famous urinating racehorse.
Is there any penalty or rules for massive amounts of pissing, presumably outdoors? With all that beer in you I'd expect they'd have to see several or possibly many men about a famous urinating racehorse.
thorfinn
+0 -0
You are allowed to set your beer down to piss, but this is the only time you can be seen without a beer in your hand, that and when you are walking to the cooler for another beer after strategically dropping your bottle on the field.
You are allowed to set your beer down to piss, but this is the only time you can be seen without a beer in your hand, that and when you are walking to the cooler for another beer after strategically dropping your bottle on the field.
yearsinhotclaws
+1 -0
Glen Quagmire: Who wants to play drink the beer?
Peter: Right here.
[drinks beer]
Peter: What do I win?
Glen Quagmire: Another beer!
Glen Quagmire: Who wants to play drink the beer?
Peter: Right here.
[drinks beer]
Peter: What do I win?
Glen Quagmire: Another beer!
i_love_kate
+2 -0
Quoting Family Guy does not constitute a good post.
Quoting Family Guy does not constitute a good post.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
A comment left by yearsinhotclaws was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by falseprophet, mortshire, Lumus, Prine)
A comment left by yearsinhotclaws was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by falseprophet, mortshire, Lumus, Prine)
molesticide
+0 -0
gentleman please we can argue when we're drunk.
see? see what i did there? that's how to make a reference on achewood.
gentleman please we can argue when we're drunk.
see? see what i did there? that's how to make a reference on achewood.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Ohhhhh you got cocky.
Ohhhhh you got cocky.
aperson
+0 -0
Hey, I just read Rant by Chuck Palahniuk - fuckin excellent.
Hey, I just read Rant by Chuck Palahniuk - fuckin excellent.
molesticide
+6 -0
hey, i just read the honourable schoolboy by john le carre and behind the walls of terra by philip jose farmer.
my point is, and i know that this will be an unpopular opinion, FUCK chuck palahniuk.
hey, i just read the honourable schoolboy by john le carre and behind the walls of terra by philip jose farmer.
my point is, and i know that this will be an unpopular opinion, FUCK chuck palahniuk.
loneal
+1 -0
I think that is the current trend in popular opinion, and rightly so. I don't have a problem with Palahniuk. I really liked him when I was, like, sixteen. But there's just a lot of better stuff out there.
I think that is the current trend in popular opinion, and rightly so. I don't have a problem with Palahniuk. I really liked him when I was, like, sixteen. But there's just a lot of better stuff out there.
margargaret
+0 -0
For a similar tone, but much much better writing, please see Will Self.
For a similar tone, but much much better writing, please see Will Self.
achilleselbow
+1 -0
Margargaret, can we hang out? I remember asking on here if anyone had read The Quantity Theory of Insanity and getting no response. Although to be fair, I only liked about half the stories in there, the other half I found shallow and pedantic .
Margargaret, can we hang out? I remember asking on here if anyone had read The Quantity Theory of Insanity and getting no response. Although to be fair, I only liked about half the stories in there, the other half I found shallow and pedantic .
margargaret
+0 -0
I don't know how to respond to this because whenever I start to talk about lit-tre-cher I sound like an ass. But yes, I don't think his short stories are not as good. I did like The Book of Dave a whole lot though.
I don't know how to respond to this because whenever I start to talk about lit-tre-cher I sound like an ass. But yes, I don't think his short stories are not as good. I did like The Book of Dave a whole lot though.
margargaret
+0 -0
And by that I meant:
"I don't think his short stories are as good."
Or alternately: "I think his short stories are not as good."
(as his novels)
And by that I meant:
"I don't think his short stories are as good."
Or alternately: "I think his short stories are not as good."
(as his novels)
aperson
+0 -0
Will Self is okay, but I'd say he's done nothing as entertaining as Rant, by Chuck Palahniuk(tm).
I'll just ignore the comment about how I'm an unoriginal 16 year old.
Will Self is okay, but I'd say he's done nothing as entertaining as Rant, by Chuck Palahniuk(tm).
I'll just ignore the comment about how I'm an unoriginal 16 year old.
loneal
+0 -0
Man, my comment was so much less confrontational than molesticide's (and had nothing to do with originality).
My sixteen-year-old self also loved Faulkner and Shakespeare, so Palahniuk had good company. My sixteen-year-old self had better literary taste than most sixteen-year-old selves. I really ain't got no problem with Palahniuk. See, look , I will shake his hand at age seventeen while having a massive awkward forehead. Is that enough Palahniuk love for you?
Man, my comment was so much less confrontational than molesticide's (and had nothing to do with originality).
My sixteen-year-old self also loved Faulkner and Shakespeare, so Palahniuk had good company. My sixteen-year-old self had better literary taste than most sixteen-year-old selves. I really ain't got no problem with Palahniuk. See, look , I will shake his hand at age seventeen while having a massive awkward forehead. Is that enough Palahniuk love for you?
aperson
+1 -0
My sixteen year old self was consuming large volumes of Harry Harrison/Isaac Asimov type sci-fi, so I'll bow to your superior knowledge of teens with literary pretensions, madam.
(BAM!)
(hugs)
My sixteen year old self was consuming large volumes of Harry Harrison/Isaac Asimov type sci-fi, so I'll bow to your superior knowledge of teens with literary pretensions, madam.
(BAM!)
(hugs)
hamscout
+0 -0
Wrong-race-backwards-arm chubby for Harry Harrison--love "Bill the Galactic Hero"!
Wrong-race-backwards-arm chubby for Harry Harrison--love "Bill the Galactic Hero"!
hbaranov
+0 -0
Me too me too *bounces* Sci-fi nerds.
Me too me too *bounces* Sci-fi nerds.
aperson
+0 -0
Oops. I have molesticide in my ignore list, because it seemed like a boring twat with tourettes, so I have no idea what it said.
Oops. I have molesticide in my ignore list, because it seemed like a boring twat with tourettes, so I have no idea what it said.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
molesticide's a good guy, you should give him another shot.
molesticide's a good guy, you should give him another shot.
aperson
+0 -0
Hmmm.
Molesticide, are you ready to stop being terrible and earn my non-ignoring? Do you want this enough to make the necessary changes?
Hmmm.
Molesticide, are you ready to stop being terrible and earn my non-ignoring? Do you want this enough to make the necessary changes?
molesticide
+1 -0
reply #1:
i like you, aperson. i think you are a good aperson, and i could see relating to you well in real life. in truth, i am more than willing to pursue an amiable relationship with you, and with all others on assetbar. it is never my intention to alienate anybody, nor to cause anybody discomfort by way of my often unrestrained observations/declarations. i am sorry if something i have said has ever personally offended you.
that said, the confrontational aspect of my personality is, alas, a well-established idiosyncrasy which i acknowledge and embrace; i must be true to myself. i respect your opinion, and your right to either ignore me or be amused by my occasionally vitriolic outbursts; hopefully, most people do the latter, but it is beyond my control when others choose the former. so it must be; i cannot change who i am. this has cost me acquaintance in the past, and will do so in the future, but it is a risk i am willing to take for the knowledge that i do not alter or hide my thoughts and feelings for the sake of social appearances; at least on the internet, where i am afforded through public anonymity a greater tolerance, where in real life i often find myself, by necessity, so emotionally suppressed as to potentially be considered the CAUSE of my so-mentioned 'terrible demeanor.'
in short, i think if you can choose to look at me as more of a 'lovable asshole;' perhaps an Arnold Judas Rimmer, a Harlan Ellison, or a Bender Bending Rodriguez, then we can in fact get along very well with each other. and i feel i must mention that my comments, those of the aggressive variety, rarely attack PEOPLE so much as the OPINIONS that people hold, which is a right they have to do of me.
take my hand, aperson. let us fall into the future together, begrudgingly tolerant of each other's diversity- for is this not the privilege of an enlightened humanity?
reply #2:
hey pay attention ho my name is not 'respecticide.'
reply #1:
i like you, aperson. i think you are a good aperson, and i could see relating to you well in real life. in truth, i am more than willing to pursue an amiable relationship with you, and with all others on assetbar. it is never my intention to alienate anybody, nor to cause anybody discomfort by way of my often unrestrained observations/declarations. i am sorry if something i have said has ever personally offended you.
that said, the confrontational aspect of my personality is, alas, a well-established idiosyncrasy which i acknowledge and embrace; i must be true to myself. i respect your opinion, and your right to either ignore me or be amused by my occasionally vitriolic outbursts; hopefully, most people do the latter, but it is beyond my control when others choose the former. so it must be; i cannot change who i am. this has cost me acquaintance in the past, and will do so in the future, but it is a risk i am willing to take for the knowledge that i do not alter or hide my thoughts and feelings for the sake of social appearances; at least on the internet, where i am afforded through public anonymity a greater tolerance, where in real life i often find myself, by necessity, so emotionally suppressed as to potentially be considered the CAUSE of my so-mentioned 'terrible demeanor.'
in short, i think if you can choose to look at me as more of a 'lovable asshole;' perhaps an Arnold Judas Rimmer, a Harlan Ellison, or a Bender Bending Rodriguez, then we can in fact get along very well with each other. and i feel i must mention that my comments, those of the aggressive variety, rarely attack PEOPLE so much as the OPINIONS that people hold, which is a right they have to do of me.
take my hand, aperson. let us fall into the future together, begrudgingly tolerant of each other's diversity- for is this not the privilege of an enlightened humanity?
reply #2:
hey pay attention ho my name is not 'respecticide.'
aperson
+1 -0
You had me at "pay attention ho".
You had me at "pay attention ho".
molesticide
+0 -0
*friends*
*friends*
spinynorman
+0 -0
Hey, how the fuck did I miss a le Carre comment, especially about The Honourable Schoolboy?
How FUCKED UP did Fawn get in the end?
Anyways, please tell me you've seen the Alec Guiness miniseries of Tinker, Tailer and Smiley's People. They're excellent.
Hey, how the fuck did I miss a le Carre comment, especially about The Honourable Schoolboy?
How FUCKED UP did Fawn get in the end?
Anyways, please tell me you've seen the Alec Guiness miniseries of Tinker, Tailer and Smiley's People. They're excellent.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I think he meant more like that quoting Family Guy does not in itself constitute a good post. We've already fought the Family Guy wars on here and I think the outcome was that references to it are now grudgingly accepted but subject to slightly more scrutiny than others.
I think he meant more like that quoting Family Guy does not in itself constitute a good post. We've already fought the Family Guy wars on here and I think the outcome was that references to it are now grudgingly accepted but subject to slightly more scrutiny than others.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Damn straight. Family Guy sucks.
Damn straight. Family Guy sucks.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
(I don't think the irony that I was going for with that post was sufficiently self-evident. So for the sake of caution, I'll just point out now that I was trying to be ironic there.)
Hey, guys, I was trying to be ironic there.
(Okay, done.)
(I don't think the irony that I was going for with that post was sufficiently self-evident. So for the sake of caution, I'll just point out now that I was trying to be ironic there.)
Hey, guys, I was trying to be ironic there.
(Okay, done.)
molesticide
+0 -0
family guy is hilarious the first time you watch it, then after a while it's just
"hey what is the MOST random nonsensical thing that can happen, oh FUCK the man is fighting a chicken it is like an action movie, that didn't make ANY SENSE also the baby is evil" and then you get bored.
family guy is hilarious the first time you watch it, then after a while it's just
"hey what is the MOST random nonsensical thing that can happen, oh FUCK the man is fighting a chicken it is like an action movie, that didn't make ANY SENSE also the baby is evil" and then you get bored.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
Now this is a game I would like to play. I haven't played croquet since I was little, and this sounds like a fabulous way to get reacquainted with the sport. Cheers!
Now this is a game I would like to play. I haven't played croquet since I was little, and this sounds like a fabulous way to get reacquainted with the sport. Cheers!
thicker
+1 -0
Recognizing Davide 1
Not recognizing the guy from YESTERDAY'S STRIP -1
Recognizing Davide 1
Not recognizing the guy from YESTERDAY'S STRIP -1
evilawesome
+1 -0
HAVE AN UNCOMFORTABLE EXPERIENCE WITH YOUR MOTHER... ON THE HOOOOOOOOOME STRETCH!
HAVE AN UNCOMFORTABLE EXPERIENCE WITH YOUR MOTHER... ON THE HOOOOOOOOOME STRETCH!
zwab
+1 -0
I really feel like this needs to be part of a Frank Zappa song.
I really feel like this needs to be part of a Frank Zappa song.
meddle
+0 -0
Just noticed Davide! (not even trying to do that accent thing) I am excited to see him and puzzled by his presence.
Just noticed Davide! (not even trying to do that accent thing) I am excited to see him and puzzled by his presence.
quantumcasaba
+0 -0
Perhaps they plan on throwing rice.
As the limo is pulling away, Beef is thrown into another crisis thinking about all of the orphaned baby birds and the blood on his hands.
Although it doesn't seem likely that he would condone the throwing of rice. It is certainly Wasteful.
Perhaps they plan on throwing rice.
As the limo is pulling away, Beef is thrown into another crisis thinking about all of the orphaned baby birds and the blood on his hands.
Although it doesn't seem likely that he would condone the throwing of rice. It is certainly Wasteful.
molesticide
+1 -0
seriously man rice doesn't grow in a fucking swamp or anything.
seriously man rice doesn't grow in a fucking swamp or anything.
quantumcasaba
+0 -0
sigh, my asset is a dog's asset.
That'll teach me to use outdated, old wives' tales for jocularity.
But at least I learned something.
sigh, my asset is a dog's asset.
That'll teach me to use outdated, old wives' tales for jocularity.
But at least I learned something.
pantscomeoff
+0 -0
He's a little psycho!
He's a little psycho!
skiddysmith
+0 -0
yes, that little guy really excited/puzzled me too!
yes, that little guy really excited/puzzled me too!
chrissketch
+0 -0
Beef just just cobbled together that game board with images on his computer. After Teodor made it, Ray sent it to Beef in an email with the subject line "Dogg!! Check it out."
Beef just just cobbled together that game board with images on his computer. After Teodor made it, Ray sent it to Beef in an email with the subject line "Dogg!! Check it out."
schroduck
+0 -0
A Southern gentleman beats up the priest for mispronouncing Kazenzakis : -10
Your deadbeat brother wastes his one phonecall asking you for bail just before you get to the "I Do"s : -6
A hideously deformed prostitute from Hyderabad interrupts the ceremony with the news that's she's pregnant, and you have herpes : -%u221E
The caterer insists on tapping running vibrators against the coffee : {0}
A Southern gentleman beats up the priest for mispronouncing Kazenzakis : -10
Your deadbeat brother wastes his one phonecall asking you for bail just before you get to the "I Do"s : -6
A hideously deformed prostitute from Hyderabad interrupts the ceremony with the news that's she's pregnant, and you have herpes : -%u221E
The caterer insists on tapping running vibrators against the coffee : {0}
schroduck
+0 -0
%u221E is the infinity symbol, in case you're interested. Assetbar, why must you foil my jokes so?
%u221E is the infinity symbol, in case you're interested. Assetbar, why must you foil my jokes so?
hatcatrat
+3 -1
Is there any meal more savory than Ham. I say no
Is there any meal more savory than Ham. I say no
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
HEY HAMSCOUT, FOUND ANY GOOD HAM RECENTLY, LOLZ
HEY HAMSCOUT, FOUND ANY GOOD HAM RECENTLY, LOLZ
hamscout
+0 -0
iz so lol da jebus head gulls gin wald dinks scoutz is hamz 4 realz!
____________
{{>-:=o=:-<}} <- Millenium Falcon
---------
iz so lol da jebus head gulls gin wald dinks scoutz is hamz 4 realz!
____________
{{>-:=o=:-<}} <- Millenium Falcon
---------
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
My vchub is tensed and aching.
My vchub is tensed and aching.
molesticide
+0 -0
instead of minus infinity, wouldn't it be easier to just have "LOSE" instead of a score.
LOSE. GO GET THE OTHER PLAYERS some BEER
instead of minus infinity, wouldn't it be easier to just have "LOSE" instead of a score.
LOSE. GO GET THE OTHER PLAYERS some BEER
schroduck
+0 -0
Well, you can swim forever, hopelessly adrift in the sea of "Well, you see, yes she's technically a prostitute, but she was off-duty at the time, honest!"s. A true man would know to give up here - possibly by committing Seppuku. I'm not sure that Roast Beef is a true man, no matter what the Great Outdoor Fight says.
Well, you can swim forever, hopelessly adrift in the sea of "Well, you see, yes she's technically a prostitute, but she was off-duty at the time, honest!"s. A true man would know to give up here - possibly by committing Seppuku. I'm not sure that Roast Beef is a true man, no matter what the Great Outdoor Fight says.
never_die
+0 -0
are you suggesting that The Perky Pervert cater the reception? Beef really fucked up if Lyle is responsible for the food situation. Just think what he turned Sanitaco into.
...wait...
this is a Concept. who needs a band when you have gonzo-style action going on?
are you suggesting that The Perky Pervert cater the reception? Beef really fucked up if Lyle is responsible for the food situation. Just think what he turned Sanitaco into.
...wait...
this is a Concept. who needs a band when you have gonzo-style action going on?
molesticide
+0 -0
bride porn is some of the best.
bride porn is some of the best.
jbushnell
+0 -0
I hope Lyle vomit-rushes a football down the aisle on the big day.
I hope Lyle vomit-rushes a football down the aisle on the big day.
tetsujin
+0 -0
"Your deadbeat brother wastes his one phonecall asking you for bail just before you get to the "I Do"s : -6"
Man, if you don't leave your cell phone at home on your wedding day, or at least turn the damn thing off, you get what you deserve...
"Your deadbeat brother wastes his one phonecall asking you for bail just before you get to the "I Do"s : -6"
Man, if you don't leave your cell phone at home on your wedding day, or at least turn the damn thing off, you get what you deserve...
featurelessvoid
+0 -0
Quote:
What is the proper pronunciation of Kazenzakis, anyway?
Quote:
A Southern gentleman beats up the priest for mispronouncing Kazenzakis : -10
What is the proper pronunciation of Kazenzakis, anyway?
plummet
+0 -0
I always pronounced it KAH-zehn-ZAH-kehs.
I always pronounced it KAH-zehn-ZAH-kehs.
hbaranov
+0 -0
kah-zen-za-kiz
kah-zen-za-kiz
davey-boy
+1 -0
Smith.
Smith.
robotman
+0 -0
I'm no statistician, or even a liar claiming to be one, but based off this game, it would appear that every wedding has something like a 99% chance of ending in a Yakuza style execution. Does that sound right? I haven't been to many weddings.
I'm no statistician, or even a liar claiming to be one, but based off this game, it would appear that every wedding has something like a 99% chance of ending in a Yakuza style execution. Does that sound right? I haven't been to many weddings.
molesticide
+1 -0
i am also not a statistician, but i would call it more like a 50% chance.
of course, i'm like the zatoichi of cheating at dice, so let's just call it an even 100%.
i am also not a statistician, but i would call it more like a 50% chance.
of course, i'm like the zatoichi of cheating at dice, so let's just call it an even 100%.
paperboy_2000
+17 -0
I ran 10,000 simulations using 40 die rolls. In 1146 cases, they made it to the limo. In 7958 cases, they got the Yakuza. The others were unresolved after 40 die rolls.
Productive day at work.
I ran 10,000 simulations using 40 die rolls. In 1146 cases, they made it to the limo. In 7958 cases, they got the Yakuza. The others were unresolved after 40 die rolls.
Productive day at work.
molesticide
+0 -0
was that assuming that a roll that takes you past the yakuza causes you to restart the circuit, or assuming that all rolls regardless of value which collide with the yakuza end the game?
was that assuming that a roll that takes you past the yakuza causes you to restart the circuit, or assuming that all rolls regardless of value which collide with the yakuza end the game?
molesticide
+0 -0
oh wait 40 rolls? yeah has to be a circuit then.
i think i forgot about the fact that you have to have a positive score in order to win.
oh wait 40 rolls? yeah has to be a circuit then.
i think i forgot about the fact that you have to have a positive score in order to win.
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
paperboy_2000 rolls 40 deep.
paperboy_2000 rolls 40 deep.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -1
[WHOOOSH]bullshit the comic has only been up for 4 hours n00b. lol. look at this guy lie to try to be cool. GAY.[/WHOOOSH]
[WHOOOSH]bullshit the comic has only been up for 4 hours n00b. lol. look at this guy lie to try to be cool. GAY.[/WHOOOSH]
quaga
+0 -0
Hey, your BB code is all messed up... Wait a minute, I see what you did there.
Hey, your BB code is all messed up... Wait a minute, I see what you did there.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Hmmm, there are 14400 seconds in 4 hours...
I think I just got WHOOOSHED while I was trying to making fun of people who get WHOOOSHED.
Hmmm, there are 14400 seconds in 4 hours...
I think I just got WHOOOSHED while I was trying to making fun of people who get WHOOOSHED.
reddwarf
+0 -0
I assume he ran the simulation with a computer program of some sort?
I assume he ran the simulation with a computer program of some sort?
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Of course he did. Ignore me please. I have completely undermined my cred as an internet snark.
Of course he did. Ignore me please. I have completely undermined my cred as an internet snark.
phy
+0 -0
Which is a shame, as it's a horrifically competitive field.
Which is a shame, as it's a horrifically competitive field.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Go and do likewise, gents. The chubby's are out there, you pick them up, their yours. You don't--I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those sits tonight and close, close , it's yours. If not you're going to be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying--Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar. "Oh yeah, I used to be a snark, it's a tough racket." *tips beer
Go and do likewise, gents. The chubby's are out there, you pick them up, their yours. You don't--I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those sits tonight and close, close , it's yours. If not you're going to be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying--Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar. "Oh yeah, I used to be a snark, it's a tough racket." *tips beer
thepunchman
+0 -0
Undermine your cred as an internet snark -10
Undermine your cred as an internet snark -10
midgetron
+0 -0
You misread snark as shark and are disappointed by the truth. -10
You misread snark as shark and are disappointed by the truth. -10
kickstart
+1 -0
Like that time I saw a book entitled "Sparks of Genius" but thought it said Sharks at first. That would have been a sweet book.
Like that time I saw a book entitled "Sparks of Genius" but thought it said Sharks at first. That would have been a sweet book.
featurelessvoid
+0 -0
[quote]I think I just got WHOOOSHED while I was trying to making fun of people who get WHOOOSHED.[/i]
Dude, you just got hoisted by your own petard.
[quote]I think I just got WHOOOSHED while I was trying to making fun of people who get WHOOOSHED.[/i]
Dude, you just got hoisted by your own petard.
tekende
+1 -0
Did someone say "weeaboo"?
'Cause I think I heard someone say "weeaboo".
Did someone say "weeaboo"?
'Cause I think I heard someone say "weeaboo".
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
Nuh-uh, YOU'RE a petard!
Nuh-uh, YOU'RE a petard!
irondave
+0 -0
Bless you, sir. What the world needs more of is SCIENCE! You are the man who got this done.
Bless you, sir. What the world needs more of is SCIENCE! You are the man who got this done.
alephnought
+0 -0
Oh, hooray. Hooray for SCIENCE.
Also, general comment: I appreciate how the die pictured could actually exist (opposing sides adding up to 7 and all). Hooray for attention to detail as well.
Oh, hooray. Hooray for SCIENCE.
Also, general comment: I appreciate how the die pictured could actually exist (opposing sides adding up to 7 and all). Hooray for attention to detail as well.
paperboy_2000
+9 -0
Assumptions were made. The begin space is a separate space and worth 0 points. The limo space is worth 0 points, and players continue from that space if they do not have a positive score to enter the limo. The circuit can be run forever, until one lands on the Yakuza.
And now for the real game nerds like me, here's the results for a sample 10,000 trials that shows the results after each five die rolls up to 50 rolls.
Roll.....Limo....Yakuza...Still in Play
5......191.....1403.....8406
10.....449.....3363.....6188
15.....731.....4948.....4321
20.....881.....6034.....3085
25.....977.....6800.....2223
30.....1030....7339.....1631
35.....1053....7713.....1234
40.....1074....8009.....917
45.....1091....8222.....687
50.....1095....8381.....524
The scores trend seriously negative after a couple trips around the board, but the 'double Morty' gives you a chance to recover even after a few trips around.
Assumptions were made. The begin space is a separate space and worth 0 points. The limo space is worth 0 points, and players continue from that space if they do not have a positive score to enter the limo. The circuit can be run forever, until one lands on the Yakuza.
And now for the real game nerds like me, here's the results for a sample 10,000 trials that shows the results after each five die rolls up to 50 rolls.
Roll.....Limo....Yakuza...Still in Play
5......191.....1403.....8406
10.....449.....3363.....6188
15.....731.....4948.....4321
20.....881.....6034.....3085
25.....977.....6800.....2223
30.....1030....7339.....1631
35.....1053....7713.....1234
40.....1074....8009.....917
45.....1091....8222.....687
50.....1095....8381.....524
The scores trend seriously negative after a couple trips around the board, but the 'double Morty' gives you a chance to recover even after a few trips around.
tellumo
+0 -0
I thought about running a simulation like this, but you get a chubby for actually following through with it.
Apparently this means that you have an 83.81% chance of dying at the hands of the Yakuza, a 10.95% chance of dying at those of MS-13, and a 5.24 chance of dying from some undetermined fate (including the previous two, and also boredom incurred after playing this game for over fifty rolls).
I thought about running a simulation like this, but you get a chubby for actually following through with it.
Apparently this means that you have an 83.81% chance of dying at the hands of the Yakuza, a 10.95% chance of dying at those of MS-13, and a 5.24 chance of dying from some undetermined fate (including the previous two, and also boredom incurred after playing this game for over fifty rolls).
kickstart
+10 -0
I guess this board game doubles as a Tarantino-style plot generator.
I guess this board game doubles as a Tarantino-style plot generator.
perilon
+0 -0
It's only missing the square where the Yakuza and the Mara Salvatrucha join in battle royale on the dance floor, knives and rusty pipes a-flying, while the DJ plays "Fools Rush In."
-[lemniscate] (suck on it, BBcode)
It's only missing the square where the Yakuza and the Mara Salvatrucha join in battle royale on the dance floor, knives and rusty pipes a-flying, while the DJ plays "Fools Rush In."
-[lemniscate] (suck on it, BBcode)
hamscout
+21 -0
[IMGS OFF]
My feelings on this asset are: "plus 10"
[IMGS OFF]
My feelings on this asset are: "plus 10"
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
HOT
HOT
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
good thing, because currently, it has 10 chubbies. Astounding!
good thing, because currently, it has 10 chubbies. Astounding!
hamscout
+0 -0
Fuck--this is creepy! A 'Pulp Fiction' reference puts my chubby count at a devilish level...
[img]https://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll179/jesscmess/Achewood%20Comments/TheChubbyOfTheBeast_062908.jpg[/img[
The Chubby Of The Beast!!
Fuck--this is creepy! A 'Pulp Fiction' reference puts my chubby count at a devilish level...
[img]https://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll179/jesscmess/Achewood%20Comments/TheChubbyOfTheBeast_062908.jpg[/img[
The Chubby Of The Beast!!
hamscout
+0 -0
THE DEVIL FUCKED MY ASSETBAR!!!
[IMGS OFF]
THE DEVIL FUCKED MY ASSETBAR!!!
[IMGS OFF]
i_love_kate
+1 -0
The Devil Fucked My Wife And All I Got Was This Lousy Demonic Offspring.
The Devil Fucked My Wife And All I Got Was This Lousy Demonic Offspring.
octafish
+0 -0
What have you dove to its eyes?
He has his fathers eyes.
What have you dove to its eyes?
He has his fathers eyes.
octafish
+0 -0
dove? Dove? DOVE? FUCKING DOVE!
^^done^^
dove? Dove? DOVE? FUCKING DOVE!
^^done^^
i_love_kate
+0 -0
His eyes were so deep that I almost dove into them.
His eyes were so deep that I almost dove into them.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
I was thinking like the bird. Dove eyes. That's fucking creepy.
I was thinking like the bird. Dove eyes. That's fucking creepy.
trivialpursuits
+0 -0
Christ, does anybody ever win at this game?
Christ, does anybody ever win at this game?
tekende
+0 -0
You don't win. You just do a little better each time.
You don't win. You just do a little better each time.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Story of my life.
Story of my life.
never_die
+0 -0
Teodor is so pissed off looking.
the bear is furious :(
Teodor is so pissed off looking.
the bear is furious :(
meddle
+0 -0
Lyle looks only sort of angry, like always, standard "agitated by drink" mode. But seeing him dressed up is pretty great.
Lyle looks only sort of angry, like always, standard "agitated by drink" mode. But seeing him dressed up is pretty great.
overmedicated
+3 -1
FUCK Teodor
FUCK Teodor
yearsinhotclaws
+2 -0
I wanted to lame this but then I realized I would be no better than the people who lamed my Ramses Luther post.
And then I lamed it anyway.
I wanted to lame this but then I realized I would be no better than the people who lamed my Ramses Luther post.
And then I lamed it anyway.
gowerski
+0 -0
its always good to be able to put a face to the lame
its always good to be able to put a face to the lame
autrepoupee
+1 -0
I am so glad I am not the only person who is totally against really gummy smiles. Those people ARE always lurking around in photos, smiling, smiling like they own the place.
I've had it!
I am so glad I am not the only person who is totally against really gummy smiles. Those people ARE always lurking around in photos, smiling, smiling like they own the place.
I've had it!
never_die
+2 -0
gummy smiling people need to be put in their place like the second class citizens that they are.
if your smile does not fall above the tooth to gum ratio of 1.61803399 : 1, your in for it, kid.
gummy smiling people need to be put in their place like the second class citizens that they are.
if your smile does not fall above the tooth to gum ratio of 1.61803399 : 1, your in for it, kid.
schroduck
+0 -0
Chubbied for an always welcome semi-obscure maths joke.
Chubbied for an always welcome semi-obscure maths joke.
octafish
+0 -0
All Willem Dafoe in Wild at Heart
Prepare for AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
[IMGS OFF]
All Willem Dafoe in Wild at Heart
Prepare for AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
[IMGS OFF]
mortshire
+0 -0
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I wasn't prepared!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I wasn't prepared!
jbushnell
+1 -0
He fucks like a bunny.
He fucks like a bunny.
reddwarf
+0 -0
I am so disturbed by this image that I had the idea to 'ignore' Octafish until the next strip posts. I am squeemish. I could feel my gums crawling. I feel much better now.
I am so disturbed by this image that I had the idea to 'ignore' Octafish until the next strip posts. I am squeemish. I could feel my gums crawling. I feel much better now.
hbaranov
+0 -1
That post freaked me more than the picture, you ass
That post freaked me more than the picture, you ass
cousinted
+4 -0
Well I know fer sure 'et moy name's Morty
Well I know fer sure 'et moy name's Morty
orvel
+4 -0
If'n yer name's Morty, I'm the Duke of Winchester.
If'n yer name's Morty, I'm the Duke of Winchester.
cousinted
+5 -0
Well 'en I guess ye'd betta prepare fer yer cor'nation.
Well 'en I guess ye'd betta prepare fer yer cor'nation.
sncether
+7 -0
"Honey, did you tip the caterer?"
'20 bucks.'
"The photographer?"
'50 bucks.'
"Morty and Mortimer, LLP?"
'bottle of scotch.'
"Just the one?"
'I wanted to see them go at it again.'
"Honey, did you tip the caterer?"
'20 bucks.'
"The photographer?"
'50 bucks.'
"Morty and Mortimer, LLP?"
'bottle of scotch.'
"Just the one?"
'I wanted to see them go at it again.'
irondave
+0 -0
I have applied to sncether's post a Projection Chubby, rolls unimpeded up to each preceding post about The Fighting Morties. Well done, people, but I have to save some for later. It's Friday, you know.
I have applied to sncether's post a Projection Chubby, rolls unimpeded up to each preceding post about The Fighting Morties. Well done, people, but I have to save some for later. It's Friday, you know.
octafish
+0 -0
Man every time I read this i read catheter instead of caterer. You got to tip the catheter, you got to.
Man every time I read this i read catheter instead of caterer. You got to tip the catheter, you got to.
orvel
+0 -0
Palimpsest ain't half bad, really.
Palimpsest ain't half bad, really.
spesimen
+0 -0
yah he's got a nice psuedo-chet baker with hint of jeff buckley kind of vibe going on.
yah he's got a nice psuedo-chet baker with hint of jeff buckley kind of vibe going on.
quazifuji
+0 -0
Makes sense that the pussy shavin' music comes right after the lice. Better break out the Merkins .
Makes sense that the pussy shavin' music comes right after the lice. Better break out the Merkins .
desert_donkey
+0 -0
wow. i take it all back. weddings are cool!! just play that game! not LAME! ;)
wow. i take it all back. weddings are cool!! just play that game! not LAME! ;)
kickstart
+0 -0
"Rise" is HA without the TJB. I still have it on my iPod, but I find it creepy. Give me "Tijuana Taxi" any day.
"Rise" is HA without the TJB. I still have it on my iPod, but I find it creepy. Give me "Tijuana Taxi" any day.
meddle
+0 -0
Taste of honey is where it is at!
Taste of honey is where it is at!
gmm
+0 -0
This is amazing. Did not see this coming at all.
This is amazing. Did not see this coming at all.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Looks like Beef has backed down on the Commitment Against Ever Dancing. He'll probably say it was a "compromise" necessary to ensure the security of the wedding. I am so disappointed.
Looks like Beef has backed down on the Commitment Against Ever Dancing. He'll probably say it was a "compromise" necessary to ensure the security of the wedding. I am so disappointed.
irondave
+0 -0
Welcome to real life, junior.
Welcome to real life, junior.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Yeah achilleselbow, sometimes in life you just gotta get up and
[IMGS OFF]
DANCE!
Yeah achilleselbow, sometimes in life you just gotta get up and
[IMGS OFF]
DANCE!
hamscout
+0 -0
Awwwww shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
Is that "Shake 'yo Poak Chop"???
Go tranny!! Gooooo!!!
Awwwww shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
Is that "Shake 'yo Poak Chop"???
Go tranny!! Gooooo!!!
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
That was fun.
This, however, is Alyssa Milano's Teen Steam.
Video.
That was fun.
This, however, is Alyssa Milano's Teen Steam.
Video.
hamscout
+0 -0
Is...so awesome.
Is...so awesome.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Man, no one got my relevant topical reference to the FISA bill. Doubly disappointed.
I'm such a fraud. This is so empty.
Man, no one got my relevant topical reference to the FISA bill. Doubly disappointed.
I'm such a fraud. This is so empty.
irondave
+0 -0
Are you SURE I didn't get your topical reference?
Are you SURE I didn't get your topical reference?
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Touche.
Touche.
tupacodaman
+0 -0
wow I feel dumb... at first I thought the positive or negative number meant the number of spaces you moved and thought that you were screwed no matter what. even if you roll a 5 and get do dance like an idiot, you would then get owned by locusts, some chick with a bluetooth, a guy from your highschool and his entire family, ray not being able to wake up at all, and your neighbor hosting a dog ceremony outside.
I think that way of playing this board game would be basically what happens in roast beef's dreams
wow I feel dumb... at first I thought the positive or negative number meant the number of spaces you moved and thought that you were screwed no matter what. even if you roll a 5 and get do dance like an idiot, you would then get owned by locusts, some chick with a bluetooth, a guy from your highschool and his entire family, ray not being able to wake up at all, and your neighbor hosting a dog ceremony outside.
I think that way of playing this board game would be basically what happens in roast beef's dreams
weapon86
+0 -0
I hear the music of Palimpsest already...some kid playing an electric triangle solo while the other accompanies him on Hammond Organ.
They are playing a jazz arrangement dedicated to the Tenmen.
I hear the music of Palimpsest already...some kid playing an electric triangle solo while the other accompanies him on Hammond Organ.
They are playing a jazz arrangement dedicated to the Tenmen.
meddle
+0 -0
Hey man, at least there's a Hammond. I will listen to just about anything with a B3.
Hey man, at least there's a Hammond. I will listen to just about anything with a B3.
molesticide
+0 -0
"hammond organ recital night"
with your hosts the scutters.
dude awesome.
"hammond organ recital night"
with your hosts the scutters.
dude awesome.
invidious
+0 -0
Even more awesome if your last name is "Hammond."
And the scutters? I wouldn't trust them to open a can of beans.
Even more awesome if your last name is "Hammond."
And the scutters? I wouldn't trust them to open a can of beans.
molesticide
+1 -0
but at least they have a better union than us.
but at least they have a better union than us.
sncether
+3 -0
Sometimes I wish my name was Hammond, just because it would be such a great pick up line.
I'd be all like, "Hey, Baby. My name's Hammond."
And they'd say, "Oh; like the organ?" and I'd be like, "Yeah. But no relation. Hey! Do you like pringles?"
Sometimes I wish my name was Hammond, just because it would be such a great pick up line.
I'd be all like, "Hey, Baby. My name's Hammond."
And they'd say, "Oh; like the organ?" and I'd be like, "Yeah. But no relation. Hey! Do you like pringles?"
kamet
+0 -0
"But you should see my organ."
"But you should see my organ."
sncether
+0 -0
Oh yeah. That one's good, too.
Oh yeah. That one's good, too.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Are there Pringles in your organ?
Are there Pringles in your organ?
kamet
+0 -0
Once you pop, you can't stop.
Once you pop, you can't stop.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I like my Pringles like I like my vaginas. Sour cream and onion.
Shit, I lost the entendre. We were going so well there, all using double meanings in a flirty way, and I fucked it up with crassness. I apologize Kamet, I'm still getting back on my smutty feet after a vacation. I will do better tomorrow.
I like my Pringles like I like my vaginas. Sour cream and onion.
Shit, I lost the entendre. We were going so well there, all using double meanings in a flirty way, and I fucked it up with crassness. I apologize Kamet, I'm still getting back on my smutty feet after a vacation. I will do better tomorrow.
kamet
+1 -0
See.. you just used the improper flavor of pringles. Now think how that would have sounded as such:
Quote:
I like my Pringles like I like my vaginas. Salt and Vinegar.
See.. you just used the improper flavor of pringles. Now think how that would have sounded as such:
Quote:
I like my Pringles like I like my vaginas. Salt and Vinegar.
hedonismbot
+1 -0
See, if I were back on my game, I'd have gone with something like that. Or maybe "mouthwatering and stuffed completely full" or even "on the end of my cock". If I'm gonna break the metaphor, I need to at least do it right g'dammit.
See, if I were back on my game, I'd have gone with something like that. Or maybe "mouthwatering and stuffed completely full" or even "on the end of my cock". If I'm gonna break the metaphor, I need to at least do it right g'dammit.
molesticide
+0 -0
i like my pringles like i like my vaginas; filled with crumbs and when i put my fist in there to dig around i get stuck.
i like my pringles like i like my vaginas; filled with crumbs and when i put my fist in there to dig around i get stuck.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
Exellent pun, sir.
Exellent pun, sir.
odei
+0 -0
Everyone likes pringles.
Everyone likes pringles.
weapon86
+0 -0
The Tenmen tribute shall be followed by renditions of Reggie Miller Hammond Classics, replete with Diesel Locomotive Slides.
The Tenmen tribute shall be followed by renditions of Reggie Miller Hammond Classics, replete with Diesel Locomotive Slides.
gumption
+1 -0
The Stoned Lightning mascot on the board makes this wedding very appealing to my demographic. I guess listening to "Iron Man" and reading this comic was a dangerous combination.
The Stoned Lightning mascot on the board makes this wedding very appealing to my demographic. I guess listening to "Iron Man" and reading this comic was a dangerous combination.
detventrilo
+2 -0
My uncle didn't talk about pussy shaving music, but he did give a discourse about the mating habits of humans, and managed to use the word "halfbreed."
My uncle didn't talk about pussy shaving music, but he did give a discourse about the mating habits of humans, and managed to use the word "halfbreed."
daidai
+0 -0
:(
:(
kickstart
+1 -0
it could be worse; your uncle could have been singing "Halfbreed"
[IMGS OFF]
it could be worse; your uncle could have been singing "Halfbreed"
[IMGS OFF]
hamscout
+0 -0
Dude! Your uncle's hot!
...remember when your uncle to the prom?
Dude! Your uncle's hot!
...remember when your uncle to the prom?
kickstart
+1 -0
shut up, Ted!
shut up, Ted!
hamscout
+1 -0
...remember that time your uncle dressed in fishnets and a leather strap, and pole-danced a battleship??
...remember that time your uncle dressed in fishnets and a leather strap, and pole-danced a battleship??
paby
+0 -0
What the heck is a "dog championship"?
What the heck is a "dog championship"?
molesticide
+0 -0
what the heck is a dog championship within the context of the achewood universe? this is the thought that i find more necessary to contemplate.
what the heck is a dog championship within the context of the achewood universe? this is the thought that i find more necessary to contemplate.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I don't know about everyone else, but my personal fear is that when my wedding eventually rolls around, absolutely nothing interesting will happen in the manner denoted by this board, and before a few years have passed I'll just forget the ceremony entirely.
Jesus. What if I get bored.
I don't know about everyone else, but my personal fear is that when my wedding eventually rolls around, absolutely nothing interesting will happen in the manner denoted by this board, and before a few years have passed I'll just forget the ceremony entirely.
Jesus. What if I get bored.
paby
+0 -0
Just make sure to have an open bar. Problem solved!
Just make sure to have an open bar. Problem solved!
molesticide
+2 -0
nail a cousin.
hers, yours, whatever.
nail a cousin.
hers, yours, whatever.
dr_strangeglove
+0 -0
whoah! Whoah man!
whoah! Whoah man!
molesticide
+0 -0
what? christ, it's not like i recommended knocking her up. there are BOUNDARIES when it comes to cousins, you know?
for the record, mine is pretty fucking HOT
what? christ, it's not like i recommended knocking her up. there are BOUNDARIES when it comes to cousins, you know?
for the record, mine is pretty fucking HOT
tekende
+1 -0
pogo knows a lot about hot cousins and his feelings on your idea would be Pro.
pogo knows a lot about hot cousins and his feelings on your idea would be Pro.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Pogo does indeed have a hot cousin. Flexible too.
Pogo does indeed have a hot cousin. Flexible too.
snidedk
+0 -0
I imagine that, being a guy, one just sort of suffers through the event, for pretty much the same reason that one bears dressing up in a tuxedo to revolve slowly in place while the DJ pumps out an awful mix of contemporary "hits", lounge music, and cliched romantic ballads; or perhaps for the same reason that one plops down a cool hundo to spend three hours at some trendy fondue restaurant, paying for the privelege of not only having to cook the food, but for the added fringe benefit of infusing one's nice "going out" attire with the smell of fried foods and dead cooking oil.
The reason, of course, is that there is sex afterwards.
I imagine that, being a guy, one just sort of suffers through the event, for pretty much the same reason that one bears dressing up in a tuxedo to revolve slowly in place while the DJ pumps out an awful mix of contemporary "hits", lounge music, and cliched romantic ballads; or perhaps for the same reason that one plops down a cool hundo to spend three hours at some trendy fondue restaurant, paying for the privelege of not only having to cook the food, but for the added fringe benefit of infusing one's nice "going out" attire with the smell of fried foods and dead cooking oil.
The reason, of course, is that there is sex afterwards.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Holy shit, were you following me around last Friday night?
And I wish it was only a hundred bucks.
Holy shit, were you following me around last Friday night?
And I wish it was only a hundred bucks.
bixschmix
+1 -0
All the weddings I have DJed, which is a couple, I sit down with the couple and just lay it on the line. No chicken dance, no electric slide, no cotton-eyed joe, no YMCA. Just some damn good tunes to start a new life to.
All the weddings I have DJed, which is a couple, I sit down with the couple and just lay it on the line. No chicken dance, no electric slide, no cotton-eyed joe, no YMCA. Just some damn good tunes to start a new life to.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
bixschmix: The wedding DJ with integrity.
bixschmix: The wedding DJ with integrity.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Are you implying that you played "Lay It on the Line" by Triumph? It would be a good song to play during the vows, for sure.
Are you implying that you played "Lay It on the Line" by Triumph? It would be a good song to play during the vows, for sure.
reddwarf
+0 -0
Here is a really classy way to DJ a wedding: Each guest gets to pick a musical genre and is supplied with an ipod pre-loaded with music of that genre. The DJ can also do specific requests for the guest's ipod.
Also, the church pews and everything is all draped in blue or green cloth so that afterwards the wedding can be set on video to various backdrops, customized for the taste of each guest.
Or maybe even a live video feed of the wedding is broadcast to the ipods, which the guest watches on a pair of video goggles, with the guest's choice of backdrop mixed in. It might be awkward with everyone wearing video goggles, all bumping into each other, but it might be a nice excuse to get acquainted with each other...
yes, a wedding can be a music video... the technology is almost here...
Here is a really classy way to DJ a wedding: Each guest gets to pick a musical genre and is supplied with an ipod pre-loaded with music of that genre. The DJ can also do specific requests for the guest's ipod.
Also, the church pews and everything is all draped in blue or green cloth so that afterwards the wedding can be set on video to various backdrops, customized for the taste of each guest.
Or maybe even a live video feed of the wedding is broadcast to the ipods, which the guest watches on a pair of video goggles, with the guest's choice of backdrop mixed in. It might be awkward with everyone wearing video goggles, all bumping into each other, but it might be a nice excuse to get acquainted with each other...
yes, a wedding can be a music video... the technology is almost here...
molesticide
+0 -0
says the guy whose head is shaped like a freak formation of mashed potato.
says the guy whose head is shaped like a freak formation of mashed potato.
thorfinn
+0 -0
That would be Kryten, he's a robot.
That would be Kryten, he's a robot.
molesticide
+0 -0
heh, really? DAMN
heh, really? DAMN
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
achilles, do you remember the Triumph song "Guitarinator"? I feel it had a lot to offer, and was really influential to the minimalist undertones of the new strand of neoclassicists
achilles, do you remember the Triumph song "Guitarinator"? I feel it had a lot to offer, and was really influential to the minimalist undertones of the new strand of neoclassicists
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Unfortunately, I haven't heard it. I'm trying to download it now but it'll take a while.
Unfortunately, I haven't heard it. I'm trying to download it now but it'll take a while.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Okay, I'm listening now. The general freeform structure and sparse guitar sound remind me of the instrumentals on Manowar albums. On a technical scale, it's not as impressive as a lot of the European stuff - it's mostly tapping, which sounds hard but is actually really easy.
What album is it from? I only see that it's on a compilation. If it came before Van Halen's "Eruption" or Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force then it's definitely praiseworthy.
Okay, I'm listening now. The general freeform structure and sparse guitar sound remind me of the instrumentals on Manowar albums. On a technical scale, it's not as impressive as a lot of the European stuff - it's mostly tapping, which sounds hard but is actually really easy.
What album is it from? I only see that it's on a compilation. If it came before Van Halen's "Eruption" or Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force then it's definitely praiseworthy.
smallblackdog
+0 -0
At a fondue restaurant the stains are identical to having had sex afterwards - buy one, get one free!
At a fondue restaurant the stains are identical to having had sex afterwards - buy one, get one free!
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I read that as "What if I get boned ." What if indeed.
I read that as "What if I get boned ." What if indeed.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
It's a phillosophical question we all need to ask ourselves sometimes.
It's a phillosophical question we all need to ask ourselves sometimes.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
That's exactly the kind of irritated thing that would come out just after it's all been made tidy and legal.
That's exactly the kind of irritated thing that would come out just after it's all been made tidy and legal.
hamscout
+0 -0
Tidy and legal? Sounds like you need:
Legal Custodians!
Tidy and legal? Sounds like you need:
Legal Custodians!
snidedk
+0 -0
...get it?
...get it?
i_love_kate
+0 -0
...No.
...No.
rude_mechanical
+0 -0
Heh - Palimpsest is the name of a local band who play... you guessed it, Jazz.
Heh - Palimpsest is the name of a local band who play... you guessed it, Jazz.
thegoblins
+0 -0
Many a wedding has been utterly ruined by advanced periodontal disease. The best thing is to distribute dental hygiene kits to all your guests about a month in advance.
Many a wedding has been utterly ruined by advanced periodontal disease. The best thing is to distribute dental hygiene kits to all your guests about a month in advance.
falseprophet
+1 -0
There are only three good things that can happen in the run up to any wedding, ever.
Also, I like how we all know that all vegans are either straight women or gay men.
There are only three good things that can happen in the run up to any wedding, ever.
Also, I like how we all know that all vegans are either straight women or gay men.
margargaret
+0 -0
Which is strange because most of the vegans I have met have been straight dudes.
Which is strange because most of the vegans I have met have been straight dudes.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Way to ruin our stereotyping by bringing in your real-world experiences, margargaret...
Way to ruin our stereotyping by bringing in your real-world experiences, margargaret...
margargaret
+0 -0
It's what I do.
It's what I do.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I thought that was loneal's job...
I thought that was loneal's job...
loneal
+0 -1
I thought my job was to reinforce stereotypes of angry feminists in order to make everyone roll their eyes at me.
Dang, have I been doing the wrong job this whole time? I need to reevaluate my life.
I thought my job was to reinforce stereotypes of angry feminists in order to make everyone roll their eyes at me.
Dang, have I been doing the wrong job this whole time? I need to reevaluate my life.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Hey, what's my job?
Hey, what's my job?
kickstart
+2 -0
just keep bitin' that piney.
just keep bitin' that piney.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Hey guys, I'm all out of wacky pictures and youtube links and I don't really see anyone worth making poorly constructed flames at and calling a homo so I guess I'm not sure why I made this post.
Hey guys, I'm all out of wacky pictures and youtube links and I don't really see anyone worth making poorly constructed flames at and calling a homo so I guess I'm not sure why I made this post.
hereward
+0 -0
Yeah and before people stereotype these straight male vegans as being weak examples of manhood, I know a VERY sexually profligate straight guy. I thought it was just because of all the crack and other drugs, but he got clean recently and is still the man.
Yeah and before people stereotype these straight male vegans as being weak examples of manhood, I know a VERY sexually profligate straight guy. I thought it was just because of all the crack and other drugs, but he got clean recently and is still the man.
falseprophet
+0 -0
... James Frey?
... James Frey?
margargaret
+0 -0
Those vegans and their crack.
Those vegans and their crack.
colorlessness
+0 -0
I like to stereotype vegans as crackheads.
I like to stereotype vegans as crackheads.
woodenteeth
+1 -0
Pussy Shaving Music. When you next take a girl home and you can't see the "forest" from all the "trees", you need to give her the Herb-al treatment.
Available in all Good Record Stores
Pussy Shaving Music. When you next take a girl home and you can't see the "forest" from all the "trees", you need to give her the Herb-al treatment.
Available in all Good Record Stores
chuvak
+0 -1
Get the razor.
[IMGS OFF]
Get the razor.
[IMGS OFF]
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Also: perhaps Beef would like the Morty fight to occur instead of the first waltz. That looks like a 40 plus point score right there.
Also: perhaps Beef would like the Morty fight to occur instead of the first waltz. That looks like a 40 plus point score right there.
possums
+1 -0
Huey Lewis and the News? Now THAT is pussy shavin' music.
Huey Lewis and the News? Now THAT is pussy shavin' music.
theirateturk
+0 -0
Chubby because I remember the time in the distant past when I shaved a pussy and the crying eagle seemed appropriate
Chubby because I remember the time in the distant past when I shaved a pussy and the crying eagle seemed appropriate
fineoakstructure
+13 -0
Oh yeah, when your mom broke her wrists...I remember that.
Oh yeah, when your mom broke her wrists...I remember that.
spinynorman
+1 -0
Oh my god, that was so perfect
Oh my god, that was so perfect
sncether
+0 -0
Thank goodness his girlfriend was there to step in or the basketball team never would have gotten to the regionals.
Thank goodness his girlfriend was there to step in or the basketball team never would have gotten to the regionals.
theirateturk
+0 -0
:/
:/
hamscout
+0 -0
You will never live this down. I am sorry about this.
I am not really sorry about this.
You will never live this down. I am sorry about this.
I am not really sorry about this.
theirateturk
+0 -0
It's okay; I guess I relieve the little people of the burden of their failed and useless lives.
It's okay; I guess I relieve the little people of the burden of their failed and useless lives.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
overmedicated
+0 -0
HEY PAUL
HEY PAUL
octafish
+0 -0
An elderly man's pockets square rising slowly throughout the evening indicating his level of drunkenness should be worth more than plus 5.
I'm imagining Herb Alpert covering John Lydon's 'Rise' but I'm probably wrong about that, before I read the Alt text I was certain it would have been 'Guantanamera' [i]Girl from Guantanamo[i].
An elderly man's pockets square rising slowly throughout the evening indicating his level of drunkenness should be worth more than plus 5.
I'm imagining Herb Alpert covering John Lydon's 'Rise' but I'm probably wrong about that, before I read the Alt text I was certain it would have been 'Guantanamera' [i]Girl from Guantanamo[i].
lateadopter
+0 -0
I couldn't understand the alt text at first; on achewood.com it's just "Particularly." I just noticed that Assetbar has the long version.
I couldn't understand the alt text at first; on achewood.com it's just "Particularly." I just noticed that Assetbar has the long version.
rascaldom
+0 -0
for all aspiring players: https://www.random.org/dice/?num=1
for all aspiring players: https://www.random.org/dice/?num=1
theirateturk
+0 -0
LOCUSTS
LOCUSTS
pyromancer
+1 -0
AAAAAA similar to AAAAA MOTHS!!!!
AAAAAA similar to AAAAA MOTHS!!!!
aeater
+0 -0
When moths failed to make it to the gameboard I was sad before I realized the complete illogic of moths interfering with a wedding occurring in the daylight.
Locusts are the rational choice to mess up your wedding.
When moths failed to make it to the gameboard I was sad before I realized the complete illogic of moths interfering with a wedding occurring in the daylight.
Locusts are the rational choice to mess up your wedding.
falseprophet
+4 -0
Hey guys, it looks like there's a familiar party crasher hurtling towards us.
[IMGS OFF]
Consider yourselves warned.
Hey guys, it looks like there's a familiar party crasher hurtling towards us.
[IMGS OFF]
Consider yourselves warned.
molesticide
+5 -0
i would take your warning seriously, but i mean, falseprophet is not a name one chooses lightly.
i would take your warning seriously, but i mean, falseprophet is not a name one chooses lightly.
margargaret
+0 -0
Oh him? He passed by here about two hours ago. Didn't cause much trouble.
Oh him? He passed by here about two hours ago. Didn't cause much trouble.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Thanks to Stereo to alerting the users of #achewood.
Remember, use your IRC chat client to log onto irc.slashnet.org server, and /join #achewood channel.
Thanks to Stereo to alerting the users of #achewood.
Remember, use your IRC chat client to log onto irc.slashnet.org server, and /join #achewood channel.
hbaranov
+0 -0
You bastards all fucked off. Where is everyone. Hello?
You bastards all fucked off. Where is everyone. Hello?
overmedicated
+0 -0
Balls to IceChat 7.0
Balls to IceChat 7.0
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Start the car! Start the car!
Start the car! Start the car!
_--------------
+0 -0
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
morbo
+2 -0
[IMGS OFF]
GOD DAMN LOCUST
[IMGS OFF]
GOD DAMN LOCUST
sizone
+3 -0
They don't even look like bugs... I'd've called 'em "dinofags"
They don't even look like bugs... I'd've called 'em "dinofags"
reddwarf
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
solobuttons
+0 -0
Frogs.
Frogs.
quaga
+0 -0
What did the french ever do to you?
What did the french ever do to you?
thicker
+1 -0
Recycling passed out Ray image -1
Davide making unexplained appearance 100
Recycling passed out Ray image -1
Davide making unexplained appearance 100
microwave
+1 -0
How much of a refrence to the boardgame 'Dont Wake Daddy', on a scale of 1-10, do you think Ray sleeping in the middle is
How much of a refrence to the boardgame 'Dont Wake Daddy', on a scale of 1-10, do you think Ray sleeping in the middle is
pongojones
+3 -0
Don't Wake Daddy is one of those games which, in retrospect, is full of tons of horrible possibilities. What happens when you wake daddy? What then? Is this an abusive daddy? Also, what are those kids up too, sneaking out so late at night?
Are they going off to do DRUGS and listen to RAGTIME?... These are questions for our times.
Don't Wake Daddy is one of those games which, in retrospect, is full of tons of horrible possibilities. What happens when you wake daddy? What then? Is this an abusive daddy? Also, what are those kids up too, sneaking out so late at night?
Are they going off to do DRUGS and listen to RAGTIME?... These are questions for our times.
octafish
+1 -0
The connotations of ragtime are that they listen to it with Woody Allen. Woody Allen = Not Child-Safe.
The connotations of ragtime are that they listen to it with Woody Allen. Woody Allen = Not Child-Safe.
sleshy
+0 -0
Its like the game "Life" expect this is closer to real and doesn't have the little cars for pieces
Its like the game "Life" expect this is closer to real and doesn't have the little cars for pieces
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
Man, you KNOW the Tenmen are going to play the wedding reception. You KNOW it.
Man, you KNOW the Tenmen are going to play the wedding reception. You KNOW it.
algernon
+0 -0
Okay Assetbar and Assetbarians, I'm starting a game of this right now. If a couple of you volunteer by replying to this post, I'll roll and set the order for turns on the first post. I think that'll work, at least.
Okay Assetbar and Assetbarians, I'm starting a game of this right now. If a couple of you volunteer by replying to this post, I'll roll and set the order for turns on the first post. I think that'll work, at least.
octafish
+0 -0
No flowers for you.
No flowers for you.
skoora
+0 -0
Full wedding coverage you say?
my breath is bated
Full wedding coverage you say?
my breath is bated
fineoakstructure
+4 -0
...to shreds, you say?
...to shreds, you say?
squares
+1 -0
Well, how's his wife holding up?
Well, how's his wife holding up?
anitrophaeron
+1 -0
...to shreds, you say?
...to shreds, you say?
ortsac
+0 -0
Once I had figured this out I was smiling for a good 5 minutes thinking about it. Futurama does that to me all the damn time.
Once I had figured this out I was smiling for a good 5 minutes thinking about it. Futurama does that to me all the damn time.
dasilodavi
+0 -0
The nerd in me is not allowing me to enjoy this game, as it is a horribly imbalanced exercise in pain. Then the artsy pseudo-douche in me realized that the game itself is a metaphor for how this wedding is going to go, perhaps for all weddings everywhere.
The nerd in me is not allowing me to enjoy this game, as it is a horribly imbalanced exercise in pain. Then the artsy pseudo-douche in me realized that the game itself is a metaphor for how this wedding is going to go, perhaps for all weddings everywhere.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
being a pseudo-douche is much better than being the real thing.
being a pseudo-douche is much better than being the real thing.
tetsujin
+0 -0
"The nerd in me is not allowing me to enjoy this game, as it is a horribly imbalanced exercise in pain. Then the artsy pseudo-douche in me realized that the game itself is a metaphor for how this wedding is going to go, perhaps for all weddings everywhere."
My wedding went great. About my only regrets were that I didn't learn to dance before the first dance, and that we were too exhausted afterward to enjoy our champagne...
"The nerd in me is not allowing me to enjoy this game, as it is a horribly imbalanced exercise in pain. Then the artsy pseudo-douche in me realized that the game itself is a metaphor for how this wedding is going to go, perhaps for all weddings everywhere."
jonmw
+0 -0
I love the way that Pat arguing with Rod evens out to a perfect 0 score.
I love the way that Pat arguing with Rod evens out to a perfect 0 score.
fatbatmat
+0 -1
You eat ham 5
You eat ham 5
the_rich
+0 -0
As the end of the games points out, a wedding is a place of death. Just like Hospitals and Funerals.
As the end of the games points out, a wedding is a place of death. Just like Hospitals and Funerals.
molesticide
+0 -0
what? i gotta wait 4 fucking days to get a follow up to this? jesus CHRIST
somebody post something innocent so i can be a complete dick to you.
what? i gotta wait 4 fucking days to get a follow up to this? jesus CHRIST
somebody post something innocent so i can be a complete dick to you.
yearsinhotclaws
+1 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
sncether
+0 -0
Little known fact: polar bears develop one full-size testicle only a few weeks into gestation. The rest of the body develops from there.
cool pic
Little known fact: polar bears develop one full-size testicle only a few weeks into gestation. The rest of the body develops from there.
cool pic
molesticide
+0 -0
they look like fucking 'critters'
man FUCK that picture
NEXT
they look like fucking 'critters'
man FUCK that picture
NEXT
kamet
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
cromar
+0 -0
NOOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOOOO
molesticide
+0 -0
the blue bear in to the child's right is neither moving nor blinking. the fucking thing is probably dead.
also, i would take head off every single thing depicted in that picture.
INCLUDING the dead bear.
the blue bear in to the child's right is neither moving nor blinking. the fucking thing is probably dead.
also, i would take head off every single thing depicted in that picture.
INCLUDING the dead bear.
tekende
+0 -1
The baby is certainly getting head from that lamb. Disgusting.
The baby is certainly getting head from that lamb. Disgusting.
molesticide
+4 -1
yeah well it sure looks like your finger is getting head from you you PRICK
yeah well it sure looks like your finger is getting head from you you PRICK
hamscout
+1 -0
Come here, little lamb... I screwed and suffocated Mr. Bear...
...and now I'm going to get head from ewe!
Come here, little lamb... I screwed and suffocated Mr. Bear...
...and now I'm going to get head from ewe!
loneal
+0 -0
Odei and I saw a real life hedgehog! They have them just running wild in England. We had to trespass into someone's front yard and crouch by their hedges at like 4 in the morning, but it was totally worth it because the hedgehog was so cute .
Odei and I saw a real life hedgehog! They have them just running wild in England. We had to trespass into someone's front yard and crouch by their hedges at like 4 in the morning, but it was totally worth it because the hedgehog was so cute .
molesticide
+0 -0
you trespassed into somebody's yard at 4 in the morning to crouch by their hedges?
4 in the morning is too dark to see a hedgehog all the way over in somebody's hedged from the street.
i submit that you were ALREADY CROUCHING in that poor person's hedges when the hedgehog presented itself to you.
that is SO GROSS
you trespassed into somebody's yard at 4 in the morning to crouch by their hedges?
4 in the morning is too dark to see a hedgehog all the way over in somebody's hedged from the street.
i submit that you were ALREADY CROUCHING in that poor person's hedges when the hedgehog presented itself to you.
that is SO GROSS
odei
+0 -0
It never gets dark in England at this time of year because we're close to the artic circle. Also streetlights!
It never gets dark in England at this time of year because we're close to the artic circle. Also streetlights!
loneal
+0 -0
But we were totally popping a squat in that family's yard. Also we were doin' it. Or whatever molesticide is implying we did.
But we were totally popping a squat in that family's yard. Also we were doin' it. Or whatever molesticide is implying we did.
molesticide
+1 -0
all three, bitch, all three.
all three, bitch, all three.
odei
+0 -0
It wasn't even one family's front garden, it was a small block of flats. Everyone was watching!
It wasn't even one family's front garden, it was a small block of flats. Everyone was watching!
davey-boy
+0 -0
Some even got on the mayor!
Some even got on the mayor!
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Loneal, was your studying abroad at Oxford just a pretext for hanging out with every single British person from Assetbar? Because I think lawbot is getting lonely...
Loneal, was your studying abroad at Oxford just a pretext for hanging out with every single British person from Assetbar? Because I think lawbot is getting lonely...
loneal
+0 -0
Something tells me lawbot wouldn't even hang out with me if I gave him fifty bucks and a blow job.
Something tells me lawbot wouldn't even hang out with me if I gave him fifty bucks and a blow job.
molesticide
+3 -0
i will change my name to lawbot if the same deal applies to me, shit i could totally use that fifty bucks.
i will change my name to lawbot if the same deal applies to me, shit i could totally use that fifty bucks.
tekende
+0 -0
I dunno, he might do it then, but during the blow job he would heavily critique it, telling you every little thing you might be doing wrong.
I dunno, he might do it then, but during the blow job he would heavily critique it, telling you every little thing you might be doing wrong.
bixschmix
+0 -0
Also, continually remarking on how if he was getting head from a British chick, she would be superior in both spirit and technique.
Also, continually remarking on how if he was getting head from a British chick, she would be superior in both spirit and technique.
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
also:
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
also:
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
gowerski
+0 -0
hbaranov
+0 -0
NO
NO
reddwarf
+0 -0
make sure that you don't confuse a porcupine for a hedge hog at 4 in the morning!!
make sure that you don't confuse a porcupine for a hedge hog at 4 in the morning!!
autrepoupee
+2 -0
[IMGS OFF]
hello, friend!
[IMGS OFF]
hello, friend!
molesticide
+2 -0
i'd fuck that, too, so long as it's only a head.
i'd fuck that, too, so long as it's only a head.
colorlessness
+3 -0
Her vagina is made up the same way her eyes are.
Her vagina is made up the same way her eyes are.
reddwarf
+1 -0
She is technically pretty but those eyelashes are modified hairs coated with thick plates of keratin which are embedded in the skin musculature. Her eyelashes have microscopic, backwards-facing barbs on the tips that catch on the skin making them difficult and painful to extract.
She is technically pretty but those eyelashes are modified hairs coated with thick plates of keratin which are embedded in the skin musculature. Her eyelashes have microscopic, backwards-facing barbs on the tips that catch on the skin making them difficult and painful to extract.
davey-boy
+0 -0
Scariest thing to crawl out of the Uncanny Valley I have seen in a while, at any rate.
Scariest thing to crawl out of the Uncanny Valley I have seen in a while, at any rate.
tekende
+0 -0
Please...please tell me that isn't a real person. PLEASE. I can't live in a world that would allow something like that to exist.
Please...please tell me that isn't a real person. PLEASE. I can't live in a world that would allow something like that to exist.
autrepoupee
+1 -0
so r e a l . . .
[IMGS OFF]
so r e a l . . .
[IMGS OFF]
kickstart
+0 -0
photoshop used to be about nice things, like pasting celebrities' heads onto naked people.
This, though, this.....I dunno.
photoshop used to be about nice things, like pasting celebrities' heads onto naked people.
This, though, this.....I dunno.
loneal
+3 -0
I like how on the website , that picture is used as an example of a photo that "needs radical changes" and thus costs $75. Because that little three-year-old child was apparently so ugly as to be completely unacceptable. It is better that she appear as a mutated mockery of a plastic doll than that she ever be seen in her original state.
I like how on the website , that picture is used as an example of a photo that "needs radical changes" and thus costs $75. Because that little three-year-old child was apparently so ugly as to be completely unacceptable. It is better that she appear as a mutated mockery of a plastic doll than that she ever be seen in her original state.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Yeah, that kid actually looks cute in that first picture.
Yeah, that kid actually looks cute in that first picture.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
One more outburst like that and you'll be stripped of your Secretary of Offense title. Now call that child gay or something right this instant!
One more outburst like that and you'll be stripped of your Secretary of Offense title. Now call that child gay or something right this instant!
yearsinhotclaws
+7 -0
[IMGS OFF]
Look, this is the best I can do. Do you like this? Does this make any sense to you?
[IMGS OFF]
Look, this is the best I can do. Do you like this? Does this make any sense to you?
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Are you trying to get me to take my clothes off?
Are you trying to get me to take my clothes off?
tekende
+0 -0
Dammit I am out of chubbies
Dammit I am out of chubbies
reddwarf
+9 -0
can't believe no one else thought of this...
[IMGS OFF]
can't believe no one else thought of this...
[IMGS OFF]
_--------------
+0 -0
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
wonelove
+0 -0
imagine the parents being mortified and unnerved and all...
imagine the parents being mortified and unnerved and all...
odei
+0 -0
With the advent of RealDolls she, and others like her, will soon become extinct.
With the advent of RealDolls she, and others like her, will soon become extinct.
margargaret
+0 -0
That is exactly what I thought of when I saw that picture. That website is horrifying.
That is exactly what I thought of when I saw that picture. That website is horrifying.
molesticide
+0 -0
i can't believe they used the collar to make a hat. why? why did she need the hat?
and you'd think they could have gotten some teeth that didn't look like poorly-matched legos.
i can't believe they used the collar to make a hat. why? why did she need the hat?
and you'd think they could have gotten some teeth that didn't look like poorly-matched legos.
_--------------
+0 -0
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
_--------------
+0 -0
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
tekende
+0 -0
A comment left by tekende was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by yearsinhotclaws, hedonismbot, IronDave, colorlessness)
A comment left by tekende was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by yearsinhotclaws, hedonismbot, IronDave, colorlessness)
bixschmix
+0 -0
As a plus, apparently my eyes can see through your soul.
As a plus, apparently my eyes can see through your soul.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
I think you may need some more important things in this world to hate, if an edited photo is taking every bit of the hate-room in your soul.
I think you may need some more important things in this world to hate, if an edited photo is taking every bit of the hate-room in your soul.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
I guess it's because this means that alreadyinuse saved that picture of these two in the short time this was up, with hopeful intent to use it maliciously (if vaguely so). If I was tekende or bixschmix, I'd be creeped out and annoyed.
Of course, this is why you shouldn't post pictures like that on Assetbar...
I guess it's because this means that alreadyinuse saved that picture of these two in the short time this was up, with hopeful intent to use it maliciously (if vaguely so). If I was tekende or bixschmix, I'd be creeped out and annoyed.
Of course, this is why you shouldn't post pictures like that on Assetbar...
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Well, there was a time when we thought that one could assume that everyone here was a more or less normal human being with a functioning brain and decent intentions, but some have gone to great pains to disabuse us of that notion.
Well, there was a time when we thought that one could assume that everyone here was a more or less normal human being with a functioning brain and decent intentions, but some have gone to great pains to disabuse us of that notion.
_--------------
+0 -0
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
davey-boy
+0 -0
A comment left by davey-boy was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by yearsinhotclaws, hedonismbot, KaMeT)
A comment left by davey-boy was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by yearsinhotclaws, hedonismbot, KaMeT)
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Asking it if there's anything it wishes to talk about is like going down into the basement of Zed's pawnshop and asking if he'd be interested in cuddling.
Seriously, have you not been paying attention? Stop responding.
Asking it if there's anything it wishes to talk about is like going down into the basement of Zed's pawnshop and asking if he'd be interested in cuddling.
Seriously, have you not been paying attention? Stop responding.
davey-boy
+0 -0
I have been. I do not want to go against the grain here, and can appreciate your problems with him, but I am hardly the first transgressor. Responding negatively as well as positively will create these absurd strings of nonsense. I would simply like to resolve this.
I have been. I do not want to go against the grain here, and can appreciate your problems with him, but I am hardly the first transgressor. Responding negatively as well as positively will create these absurd strings of nonsense. I would simply like to resolve this.
hbaranov
+0 -1
I love how he's given up on spelling and just flies into it. I think we actually annoy him now sometimes
I love how he's given up on spelling and just flies into it. I think we actually annoy him now sometimes
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Has everyone forgotten that we decided not to respond to this guy anymore?
Has everyone forgotten that we decided not to respond to this guy anymore?
achilleselbow
+1 -1
There is no resolution. His particular trolling strategy is that sometimes he'll slightly back off from his troll persona and give off the impression of a normal person. Then when you take the bait and try to address him calmly and rationally and ask him simple questions, he will hit you over the head with a 10-page manifesto proclaiming, among other things, that everyone on here is a mindless zombie, that he is smarter than everyone because he takes every opportunity to mention that he hates George Bush and make pronouncements against popular culture/society, and finally comparing himself to Christ and his trolling to Martin Luther's nailing protests to the Church wall. This guy belongs on a YouTube 911 Truth discussion, not here.
I realize you want to be like "let's all be nice and get along" but there is no consideration deserved by someone who enjoys and persists in deliberately annoying an entire community of people. I'm hardly the only one who's expressed my dislike of him, and many people here have tried to get through to him with no result. I know you're not the only one responding, but we've made a lot of progress lately and his trolling has been dying off, so please, let's all stop.
There is no resolution. His particular trolling strategy is that sometimes he'll slightly back off from his troll persona and give off the impression of a normal person. Then when you take the bait and try to address him calmly and rationally and ask him simple questions, he will hit you over the head with a 10-page manifesto proclaiming, among other things, that everyone on here is a mindless zombie, that he is smarter than everyone because he takes every opportunity to mention that he hates George Bush and make pronouncements against popular culture/society, and finally comparing himself to Christ and his trolling to Martin Luther's nailing protests to the Church wall. This guy belongs on a YouTube 911 Truth discussion, not here.
I realize you want to be like "let's all be nice and get along" but there is no consideration deserved by someone who enjoys and persists in deliberately annoying an entire community of people. I'm hardly the only one who's expressed my dislike of him, and many people here have tried to get through to him with no result. I know you're not the only one responding, but we've made a lot of progress lately and his trolling has been dying off, so please, let's all stop.
octafish
+0 -0
I've been ignoring him lately, but I believe it was me who made the Martin Luther comparison to myself when I stupidly posted an opinion of organized religion.
I have a TV and I vote.
I've been ignoring him lately, but I believe it was me who made the Martin Luther comparison to myself when I stupidly posted an opinion of organized religion.
I have a TV and I vote.
bixschmix
+0 -0
Remember when we were all going to ignore him and not reply to him? Let's get on that.
Remember when we were all going to ignore him and not reply to him? Let's get on that.
autrepoupee
+0 -1
I don't know, as long a time internet user, I've seen much worse than poorly rendered photoshop of a photo I posted on a public forum. I wouldn't be pleased with such a thing, but hate seems excessive.
I don't think it's really a Thing, if you know what I mean. Once he starts calling your house and stewing your cats, you know he's crossed a "general internet goofball" thresh-hold.
As it stands right now, he's every troll from 1998.
I don't know, as long a time internet user, I've seen much worse than poorly rendered photoshop of a photo I posted on a public forum. I wouldn't be pleased with such a thing, but hate seems excessive.
I don't think it's really a Thing, if you know what I mean. Once he starts calling your house and stewing your cats, you know he's crossed a "general internet goofball" thresh-hold.
As it stands right now, he's every troll from 1998.
autrepoupee
+0 -1
Also, if it pleases anyone to know, I think I'm on Alreadyinuse's ignore list. I called him a mayhem.net clone once and I think that settled his hash but good. Try that?
Also, if it pleases anyone to know, I think I'm on Alreadyinuse's ignore list. I called him a mayhem.net clone once and I think that settled his hash but good. Try that?
_--------------
+0 -0
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
tekende
+0 -0
As fineoakstructure said, it is more because this means he actually saved the picture I posted in order to do things like this (and who knows what else) in his own time. This is creepy and disturbing.
As fineoakstructure said, it is more because this means he actually saved the picture I posted in order to do things like this (and who knows what else) in his own time. This is creepy and disturbing.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
that is a far bit creepier, yeah. I thought it was still available, on whatever strip it was originally posted at.
In any case, it looks like anybody mentioning one of nature's greatest mistakes is getting lamed now, sooo, I guess it's for the best if none of us ever speak of this again.
ever
that is a far bit creepier, yeah. I thought it was still available, on whatever strip it was originally posted at.
In any case, it looks like anybody mentioning one of nature's greatest mistakes is getting lamed now, sooo, I guess it's for the best if none of us ever speak of this again.
ever
achilleselbow
+0 -0
...who wants brownies?
...who wants brownies?
_--------------
+0 -0
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
Comment left by _-------------- ignored.
tekende
+0 -0
Precisely, fineoakstructure. PRECISELY.
Precisely, fineoakstructure. PRECISELY.
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+0 -0
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fineoakstructure
+0 -2
I apologize, it was not premeditated. It was just weirdness.
I apologize, it was not premeditated. It was just weirdness.
tekende
+0 -1
Whoa whoa, what are you apologizing for? Given his behavior, are we to BLAME for assuming that he did something weird and creepy? I think not. He owes all of us an apology for being an absolute dickweed.
Whoa whoa, what are you apologizing for? Given his behavior, are we to BLAME for assuming that he did something weird and creepy? I think not. He owes all of us an apology for being an absolute dickweed.
fineoakstructure
+0 -1
I try to apologize when I'm wrong, regardless of who it's to; I posited a false scenario without leaving way for other possibilities; all my post needed was "most likely" or "possibly." I've developed some Southern ways , I suppose. What he did was still weird and a bit creepy, but it was not as weird and creepy as I first thought.
I don't really have any animosity towards this guy, I skip by 98% of his posts. Trying to read this guy's comments now would be like if the first Lost episode you watched was in season 3; you'd have no idea what's going on and you can't be fucked to go back and find out why it is. (I don't watch Lost, actually, so I hope this is an plausible metaphor.)
I try to apologize when I'm wrong, regardless of who it's to; I posited a false scenario without leaving way for other possibilities; all my post needed was "most likely" or "possibly." I've developed some Southern ways , I suppose. What he did was still weird and a bit creepy, but it was not as weird and creepy as I first thought.
I don't really have any animosity towards this guy, I skip by 98% of his posts. Trying to read this guy's comments now would be like if the first Lost episode you watched was in season 3; you'd have no idea what's going on and you can't be fucked to go back and find out why it is. (I don't watch Lost, actually, so I hope this is an plausible metaphor.)
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I'd just like to take a moment to note that I hope this doesn't cause people from this point on to not post any information in their profile and go into a guarded "I'm on the Internet with strangers" mode. Let's keep this in perspective: 99% of the people here are genuinely awesome, handface weekend was great, and people have actually met up in real life and had a good time and not been raped or fed through a wood chipper. Don't let one disgusting miscreant with a chip against the whole world on his shoulder succeed in sowing seeds of mistrust and ruining the community that's been built up. That's been his goal all along.
I'd just like to take a moment to note that I hope this doesn't cause people from this point on to not post any information in their profile and go into a guarded "I'm on the Internet with strangers" mode. Let's keep this in perspective: 99% of the people here are genuinely awesome, handface weekend was great, and people have actually met up in real life and had a good time and not been raped or fed through a wood chipper. Don't let one disgusting miscreant with a chip against the whole world on his shoulder succeed in sowing seeds of mistrust and ruining the community that's been built up. That's been his goal all along.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Hey, hedonismbot: please stop that.
Hey, hedonismbot: please stop that.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
See here .
See here .
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hamscout
+0 -0
lol sommun frow dems a basseball
lol sommun frow dems a basseball
octafish
+0 -0
I wonder if you are parodying gladdi or if your persona just slipped then hamscout. If that really is your name.
I wonder if you are parodying gladdi or if your persona just slipped then hamscout. If that really is your name.
hamscout
+0 -0
nah-total parody. I had to work at that for waaaay too long. I don't know how that guy can just spit out that... what is it? performanceshit art?
It hurts my English-major sensibilities to talk like that...even in jest.
nah-total parody. I had to work at that for waaaay too long. I don't know how that guy can just spit out that... what is it? performance
It hurts my English-major sensibilities to talk like that...even in jest.
kamet
+0 -0
That picture makes me want to go on a killing spree. For serious.
Actually, more than anything, this makes me ashamed to be of the female gender- only because I have one thing in common with her.
That picture makes me want to go on a killing spree. For serious.
Actually, more than anything, this makes me ashamed to be of the female gender- only because I have one thing in common with her.
molesticide
+1 -1
you have one other thing in common with her:
i would happily force my sweating anatomy on both of you.
you have one other thing in common with her:
i would happily force my sweating anatomy on both of you.
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edwell
+1 -0
"You're my best friend, Willow. You're recently gay!"
"You're my best friend, Willow. You're recently gay!"
davey-boy
+0 -0
It just clicked that this was a 'Buffy the Vampire Hunter' reference, and that it was attached to the horrific abomination of a California blonde up there. Pro.
It just clicked that this was a 'Buffy the Vampire Hunter' reference, and that it was attached to the horrific abomination of a California blonde up there. Pro.
sidd2600
+0 -0
Onstad you can't be all makin' games now that you have a comment system! Someone's going to roll up a Roast Beef GURPS character and enhance their overall sadness.
Onstad you can't be all makin' games now that you have a comment system! Someone's going to roll up a Roast Beef GURPS character and enhance their overall sadness.
tekende
+0 -0
They're gonna sad so hard a character sheet will come out of their face.
They're gonna sad so hard a character sheet will come out of their face.
molesticide
+0 -0
what could be sadder than making references to this
NERD
what could be sadder than making references to this
NERD
saulbellow
+0 -0
Teodor has his angry 1920s/Dagwood eyes on... watch out, everybody.
Teodor has his angry 1920s/Dagwood eyes on... watch out, everybody.
possums
+0 -0
Now just what does the Stoned Lightning bird have to do with all this?
Now just what does the Stoned Lightning bird have to do with all this?
odei
+0 -0
Showbiz invited his friend Ricky because he's always greened up.
Showbiz invited his friend Ricky because he's always greened up.
nice-on-water
+1 -0
My fond and innocent memories of "Whipped Cream and Other Delights" are forever shattered, especially the title track (whipped cream looks so much like shaving cream)
PS Am I cool enough to listen to Herb Alpert? (Y/N)
My fond and innocent memories of "Whipped Cream and Other Delights" are forever shattered, especially the title track (whipped cream looks so much like shaving cream)
PS Am I cool enough to listen to Herb Alpert? (Y/N)
edwell
+0 -0
No coolness is required to enjoy Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.
Herb Alpert and Public Enemy , on the other hand...
No coolness is required to enjoy Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.
Herb Alpert and Public Enemy , on the other hand...
nice-on-water
+0 -0
Hey, Public Enemy, thanks for further bastardizing my fucking beautiful memories of Bittersweet Samba.
Actually it's kind of cool. But I prefer the original. m i /cool lol?
Hey, Public Enemy, thanks for further bastardizing my fucking beautiful memories of Bittersweet Samba.
Actually it's kind of cool. But I prefer the original. m i /cool lol?
loneal
+1 -0
Assetbar and Firefox 3 don't seem to be friends. Every time I hover my mouse over anyone's avicon, the little pop-up hovering box thing appears like 80 times and doesn't fade away for as long as I'm on the page. It makes everything much less readable.
Assetbar and Firefox 3 don't seem to be friends. Every time I hover my mouse over anyone's avicon, the little pop-up hovering box thing appears like 80 times and doesn't fade away for as long as I'm on the page. It makes everything much less readable.
smilebuddha
+0 -0
Oh good. I thought that was just me.
Oh good. I thought that was just me.
odei
+0 -0
Yeah it was a problem in the beta. I was back on firefox2 but that was all hogging my resources so I decided to try the final release of 3. Now I get the aforementioned avatar problems, plus my back/forward options are gone. Progress! Technology! I fucking hate computers.
Yeah it was a problem in the beta. I was back on firefox2 but that was all hogging my resources so I decided to try the final release of 3. Now I get the aforementioned avatar problems, plus my back/forward options are gone. Progress! Technology! I fucking hate computers.
hendetta
+0 -0
Man Davide is just all "HEY GUYS WHERE THE PARTY AT."
Man Davide is just all "HEY GUYS WHERE THE PARTY AT."
yearsinhotclaws
+2 -0
Davide already knows the answer to that question: The party is always exactly wherever he is standing.
Davide already knows the answer to that question: The party is always exactly wherever he is standing.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I'm surprised no one's mentioned Lyle yet. That's about as much as I could be expected to dress up were I ever forced to attend a wedding.
I'm surprised no one's mentioned Lyle yet. That's about as much as I could be expected to dress up were I ever forced to attend a wedding.
flazisismuss
+1 -0
Its more fun to see if you can overdress for a wedding and make the other people feel slightly uncomfortable. It is for this reason I bought a black silk Nehru jacket for my little brother's hippie wedding after they forbade the wearing of tuxes. (The bride and groom have approved.)
Its more fun to see if you can overdress for a wedding and make the other people feel slightly uncomfortable. It is for this reason I bought a black silk Nehru jacket for my little brother's hippie wedding after they forbade the wearing of tuxes. (The bride and groom have approved.)
gladi8orrex
+1 -0
i goat ma cate at and sheltar 4 abbadoned animales i woz look at deh cages deh hat 4 deh animals an i sawed and white one sitt slepein on curled up an i woz abot to tell ma mom dat i wonted dat one but den i sawed and balck an white one clingling to the front of deh cage all "egt me deh hellz outta here" so i saids i wanted dat one instead
i goat ma cate at and sheltar 4 abbadoned animales i woz look at deh cages deh hat 4 deh animals an i sawed and white one sitt slepein on curled up an i woz abot to tell ma mom dat i wonted dat one but den i sawed and balck an white one clingling to the front of deh cage all "egt me deh hellz outta here" so i saids i wanted dat one instead
molesticide
+0 -0
that was an excellent point sir, and one well worth mentioning, but i think that from now on what you should be bringing to the conversation is silence.
that was an excellent point sir, and one well worth mentioning, but i think that from now on what you should be bringing to the conversation is silence.
gowerski
+0 -0
how is your cat now?
how is your cat now?
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hbaranov
+0 -0
A comment left by hbaranov was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by yearsinhotclaws, IronDave, colorlessness)
A comment left by hbaranov was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by yearsinhotclaws, IronDave, colorlessness)
davey-boy
+0 -0
Howl by Allen Ginsburg.
Howl by Allen Ginsburg.
odei
+0 -0
Oh cool, I guess I've been meaning to do more reading.
Oh cool, I guess I've been meaning to do more reading.
fineoakstructure
+2 -0
Then why you drink so much at night
Then why you drink so much at night
pogo
+0 -0
Just checking in to see if you kids are behaving yourselves while I'm in Montreal. What's that noise in the background ... are you torturing your little brother again!?
Just checking in to see if you kids are behaving yourselves while I'm in Montreal. What's that noise in the background ... are you torturing your little brother again!?
hamscout
+0 -0
nooo, that's just the way he's holding the grapefruit...
nooo, that's just the way he's holding the grapefruit...
davey-boy
+0 -0
Aw hell, I am flying out there this evening. What am I missing?
Aw hell, I am flying out there this evening. What am I missing?
pogo
+0 -0
Jazz Festival has been great, although rain spolied things a couple nights. Fireworks tomorrow on Canada Day, I hear. I'm getting sick of being barraged with French all the time, altho they immediatetly switch to English. I'll get over it, and am learning a lot of French, but when every sign and direction and everything is in this OUVRE-BOURVRE-DOURVE stuff, it get's old. Beautiful city full of beautiful people, however. Very European.
Jazz Festival has been great, although rain spolied things a couple nights. Fireworks tomorrow on Canada Day, I hear. I'm getting sick of being barraged with French all the time, altho they immediatetly switch to English. I'll get over it, and am learning a lot of French, but when every sign and direction and everything is in this OUVRE-BOURVRE-DOURVE stuff, it get's old. Beautiful city full of beautiful people, however. Very European.
falseprophet
+2 -0
Man that shit is insane it's all OUVRE BOUVRE DOUVRE LOUVRE
Man that shit is insane it's all OUVRE BOUVRE DOUVRE LOUVRE
hamscout
+0 -0
...BORK BORK BORK!!
...BORK BORK BORK!!
puguglypress
+0 -0
It's all SACRE BLEU PACRE PEAU
It's all SACRE BLEU PACRE PEAU
kharitonov
+0 -0
Hey, you're in Montreal? In the very unlikely event that you run into somebody named Mikel, tell him his boyfriend misses him.
Unless you feel like fucking with him, in which case tell him that I'm in Chechnya smuggling Afghani heroin for the mafia back home in Moscow. He would totally buy that.
Hey, you're in Montreal? In the very unlikely event that you run into somebody named Mikel, tell him his boyfriend misses him.
Unless you feel like fucking with him, in which case tell him that I'm in Chechnya smuggling Afghani heroin for the mafia back home in Moscow. He would totally buy that.
odei
+0 -0
I know someone called Mikel here, in Bournemouth. Shall I tell him this too, or have you only slept with all the Mikels in Montreal?
I know someone called Mikel here, in Bournemouth. Shall I tell him this too, or have you only slept with all the Mikels in Montreal?
fineoakstructure
+2 -0
"...not for the Mikels in Montreal" is a good substitute "not for all the tea in China."
"...not for the Mikels in Montreal" is a good substitute "not for all the tea in China."
kharitonov
+0 -0
Go for it. If it turns out he's into gay Russian heroin smugglers, I could hell of hook up with him and not have to worry about calling an old boyfriend's name out in bed.
Go for it. If it turns out he's into gay Russian heroin smugglers, I could hell of hook up with him and not have to worry about calling an old boyfriend's name out in bed.
songbirdspectre
+0 -0
herb alpert just donated a shitload of $$$ to my school :(
herb alpert just donated a shitload of $$$ to my school :(
chuwie
+0 -0
Ray appears so optimistic despite the large number of terrible events on the game board.
Ray appears so optimistic despite the large number of terrible events on the game board.
geekthras
+0 -0
I played this game four times and got -2, -40, -87, and 1
I played this game four times and got -2, -40, -87, and 1
icecube
+0 -0
Ha ha "Best man can't be woken up - at all..." only sets you back -1
Ha ha "Best man can't be woken up - at all..." only sets you back -1
icecube
+0 -0
lolsworth
+0 -0
It is practically impossible to have a positive score at all in this game.
It is practically impossible to have a positive score at all in this game.
duperando
+0 -0
I like how Aunt Nina is in the front and center.
I like how Aunt Nina is in the front and center.
I so want to play this game...
You want to play a game that consists of Roast Beef horribilizing his wedding situation?
"You screw up your BBcode in such a way as to aim nuclear devices at Sweden. -50"
Remember when ceokasen made headlines by messin' up his BBcode so bad that he almost got lethal injection?
oh shiiiiiiit
Correct dice rolling - 5 4 5 2
I totally just figured this out and I was like, "hey i will now be all smart and people will like me when i post it" but no. Fuckin' nabeel84 gets it first.
i wanted to be the best at second grade math :(
chubby anyways, because i'm a good guy.
The chances of that happening are 1 in 1296.
Not with "special" dice
I do like how Correct dice rolling ends in you getting exploded in a limo by the world's deadliest gang.
It feels appropriate.
A comment left by severide was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by kylank, theoneyouwant, DarkerNorm, Conn, explodingbat)
A comment left by severide was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by meddle, kylank, DarkerNorm, Conn, d3athcann0n, trawser, morbo)
Man, seriously, you've been around. Assetbar eats plus signs. This was in the instruction manual. You know this.
Beef doesn't consciously know it though. He knows he ain't gonna get no happiness in this world, but he hasn't conceived yet that AssetBar is dead fucking set against him getting a positive score.
Dude, Philippe was standing on it. Give'm a break.
Here's another of my little experiments.
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
Oh cool. Well then here:
https://www.jimdenevan.com/gallery/images18.htm
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A comment left by hbaranov was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by yearsinhotclaws, phthoggos, d3athcann0n, kickstart, lateadopter, CEOKasen, ford, asobi, Satyr)
Hot dang
Hahaha you made yourself look kinda like a cock there.
And you too.
Hahaha you kinda looked at my cock there.
SIMON
Hard not to with it all obscuring the entry five minutes before you come through the door
BEN
Snap, you really dropped the ball on that one. Nuclear devices pointing every which way.
Given Beef's (well, everybody's) feelings about Pat, it strikes me as a pessimistic move on his part (even by Beef's standards) to rank Pat's essential absence from the proceedings as an even 0, not a net gain.
The argument itself (an annoyance) and Pat's absence (Pro) cancel each other out.
I would think it's the exact opposite. He's here, which is a negative, but he's arguing far away, which is a positive.
you are both right.
You get a chubby for noticing this cos I didn't. I read "her" boyfriend both times I read the strip.
Today I looked at your username and instantly created an image in my head where you were some kind of villainous evil twin version of my username.
Because you demanded it! In this issue: Deusoma versus the Contrasoma from Anti-Earth X!
Sorry to hijack the conversation, just had to get that off my chest.
Hey now, I've been rollin' with this handle since ought-two. You sure you're not my shadow-self? To GoogleBattle ! :P
Well played, sir. Well played.
News just in - Cock < Pussy!
jollysaintpete 490 (view)
balls 152,000,000 (view)
Are you really sure? Because you might have the chance to do so one day, you know, in real life.
Watch out. It works like Jumanji.
5 2 2
The marriage gets annuled?
BY THE YAKUSA
It's like saying Candleja-
I can't believe I fell for that!
Also what is Davide' doing in this picture? Does this wedding involve STONED LIGHTNING?
In the limo you must wait,
Until the Beef rolls five or eight.
cats and kittens [references techie's avatar], remember a few years back when Onstad made those cut-out characters that you could attach to such as a coin? you could use those, or
-OR-
he could make a The Home Stretch Special Edition printable pdf w/ game pieces.
also perhaps a die one could fold and secure together with tape.
This model implies that marriages are more or less dependent on dudes named Morty whippin' each other's asses. I cannot refute this assumption.
"Morty" is the rare name listed in both the white and yellow pages for this reason.
This is because the Morties in question are incapable of sharing an area code. As soon as they sense encroachment into their Mortydom, they go and they kick some ass .
Chubbied for invention of the word "Mortydom"
Actually, for odd but not-very-interesting reasons, both my first name and my middle name were inspired by my grandfather Morton.
It's indirect (my name is not Morty Morty), but still, maybe in a pinch I could whip my own ass at a wedding if other things seem to be going wrong.
You will sit as a guest of honour at my wedding.
I've never played this game, but I've played 'who's mortier'.
One does not simply walk into Mortier.
Me too.
I'm so lonely.
My wedding is in 8 days, do I have to wait till tomorrow to play?
Also they left out: "Groomsman suddenly admits that he can't afford the tux rental, 3 days after your credit card is maxed out. He decides that he will bring his dead uncle's tux. -5"
"Which is so baggy it looks like a zoot suit. -3"
This is pretty much what happened when my ex made me go to the prom with her because she had already gotten the tickets before we broke up. She was so pissed. The fact that I later ignored her and spent most of the dinner making little people* out of the bread rolls and utensils didn't help either.
* Prom Pastime: Little Bread Roll Man
Hey, it's not like you're getting laid anyway.
1. Take circular bread roll and apply butter in the form of a smiley face, cat, or favorite KISS member.
2. Use a butter knife to make four small incisions on the sides at 20 degrees, 70 degrees, 250 degrees, and 290 degrees. If you are the over-sensitive type, you may want to perform this step before step 1.
3. Insert two forks (prongs out) into the top slits for arms and two butter knives (handles out) into the bottom slits for legs.
4. Enjoy your date's fuming face and mutterings of "that's SO immature".
One day achilleselbow will go to an Olive Garden, see the phrase "never ending salad and breadsticks," and ascend into heaven.
Then he will return from heaven to fully realize his bread-man dream, and eat his pancetta bacon fettucine with mozzarella and breadcrumbs or whatever is that day's special at Olive Garden. Then he will return to heaven in a more pedestrian way (myocardial infarction).
Man, I can't afford Olive Garden.
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This is the beginner version of the wedding game. To play the REAL dangerous version you need step kids. I had three. Also, the bride's family has to be half bipolar, like my inlaws.
half bipolar?
you mean polar?
Quarter-polar.
what are the stages? manic, depressive, horny-but-shy, then cold antipathy?
i think i am this.
Is it seasonal? ... Maypolar?
Nah, I think it's more mood related. ...Perhapspolar
horny-but-shy is a lot better than the far more common shy-but-not-even-remotely-horny. This, however, is usually accompanied by the modifier of "you're already dating them".
Syntax disallows anyone the opportunity to realize that what spectre probably meant was that half of the bride's family was bi-polar, and not that all of them were somewhat bi-polar.
I should have known that daring to do the first post would reap me my first lames, even if it's one that I carefully thought over first. In short, I pissed in God's eye...and he blinked.
Go slightly more controversial, next time. But not too controversial. Thus would invite only greater distaster.
Sorry, I forgot to capitalise Greater Distaster, the famous internet entity who moves from forum to forum and criticises poorly judged posts.
Usually it's spelled "Lawbot"
NO
Really? The only final outcomes for the game involve getting assassinated by MS-13 or your bachelor party getting assassinated by Japanese gangsters.
It's just like Roast Beefs life. Even when you do win, you're killed by Mara Salvatrucha.