kb
+0 -0
A comment left by kb was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mortshire, IronDave, mcjuicy, retinarow)
A comment left by kb was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mortshire, IronDave, mcjuicy, retinarow)
dangelder
+3 -0
Teodor is two
Teodor is two
tragicone
+4 -0
Teodor is a stuffed animal and so is Phillipe.
Teodor is a stuffed animal and so is Phillipe.
biff
+0 -1
Noooooo!
Say it isn't so!!!
*sniffles*
Noooooo!
Say it isn't so!!!
*sniffles*
deusoma
+1 -0
Which raises the question: Why doesn't Onstad manufacture a plush Phillipe? He'd likely find himself drowning in sweet, sweet money.
Which raises the question: Why doesn't Onstad manufacture a plush Phillipe? He'd likely find himself drowning in sweet, sweet money.
avery81
+0 -0
A comment left by avery81 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by joeynarcotic, hogspook, goro, luckypyjamas, theguitarhero)
A comment left by avery81 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by joeynarcotic, hogspook, goro, luckypyjamas, theguitarhero)
theguitarhero
+1 -0
He's not RETARDED.
He is FIVE.
He's not RETARDED ANY MORE.
He's not RETARDED.
He is FIVE.
He's not RETARDED ANY MORE.
biff
+3 -0
You mean he was retarded?
You mean he was retarded?
grayestnova
+8 -0
Being five is the cure for retardation.
Being five is the cure for retardation.
thegoblins
+1 -0
He's a pretty bright five-year-old.
He's a pretty bright five-year-old.
avery81
+1 -2
yeah I'll give him that -- he's pretty bright for a 5 yr old retarded otter
yeah I'll give him that -- he's pretty bright for a 5 yr old retarded otter
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
You are aiu.
You are aiu.
professorhazard
+5 -0
He somehow always manages to have read 151 strips, like he's catching Mew or something.
He somehow always manages to have read 151 strips, like he's catching Mew or something.
avery81
+1 -1
you guys can both shove a bananana up your vaginanana's
you guys can both shove a bananana up your vaginanana's
miseryandthesun
+6 -1
Teodor is dutifully and thoroughly served by dangelder.
Teodor is dutifully and thoroughly served by dangelder.
sje46
+0 -0
HA!
Nice avatar!
HA!
Nice avatar!
thickbasssteak
+3 -1
your avatar is a chubby. therefore, you get one.
your avatar is a chubby. therefore, you get one.
griggs_although
+0 -0
A comment left by griggs_although was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Spluff, miseryandthesun, rustmouth)
A comment left by griggs_although was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Spluff, miseryandthesun, rustmouth)
sharkofsomerton
+5 -0
Lets start a fad in which everyone must have a avatar of a bears junk.
Lets start a fad in which everyone must have a avatar of a bears junk.
miseryandthesun
+3 -0
My first reaction is "yes".
My second reaction is "why".
My first reaction is "yes".
My second reaction is "why".
zombiezero
+0 -0
... inches!
... inches!
blastradius
+0 -0
A comment left by blastradius was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rustmouth, hardelicious, SPECTRE)
A comment left by blastradius was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by rustmouth, hardelicious, SPECTRE)
hardelicious
+0 -0
A comment left by hardelicious was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by plummet, luckypyjamas, SPECTRE)
A comment left by hardelicious was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by plummet, luckypyjamas, SPECTRE)
plummet
+0 -0
A comment left by plummet was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mrklaw, rustmouth, SPECTRE)
A comment left by plummet was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mrklaw, rustmouth, SPECTRE)
professorhazard
+0 -1
(D)isagree
(D)isagree
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I disagree with everything above this post.
I disagree with everything above this post.
professorhazard
+1 -0
D-S-G-E-M-N- B-X
-I-A-R-E-E-T -O-
D-S-G-E-M-N- B-X
-I-A-R-E-E-T -O-
professorhazard
+0 -0
by deciphering this magical code, you can decipher gladi8orrex's true identity, as well as all the secrets of Lost
by deciphering this magical code, you can decipher gladi8orrex's true identity, as well as all the secrets of Lost
kittydragon
+0 -0
Disagreement box? Lost has just lost its magic.
Disagreement box? Lost has just lost its magic.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
WHERE IS THIS FROM
I've been saying "Disagreement box!" whenever I disagree with anything, for like a couple of months now, and my friends are like "What?" and I'm like "I literally don't know".
WHERE IS THIS FROM
I've been saying "Disagreement box!" whenever I disagree with anything, for like a couple of months now, and my friends are like "What?" and I'm like "I literally don't know".
circumstances
+2 -0
You're obviously completely bonkers.
You're obviously completely bonkers.
circumstances
+0 -0
Dang it, now my post seems all silly. Curse you, kickstart. Curse you to heck.
Dang it, now my post seems all silly. Curse you, kickstart. Curse you to heck.
kickstart
+0 -0
sorry for ruining your joke, but hey, at least you aren't made to to look like you once owned a cock-unicorn sleeping bag.
sorry for ruining your joke, but hey, at least you aren't made to to look like you once owned a cock-unicorn sleeping bag.
circumstances
+0 -0
But...but I did own one! That's exactly the one I owned!
But...but I did own one! That's exactly the one I owned!
irondave
+3 -2
I think I had the Brazil Jaw once and it really, uh, bites.
I think I had the Brazil Jaw once and it really, uh, bites.
hellofditties
+2 -0
I have Serene Thingy Syndrome.
I have Serene Thingy Syndrome.
irondave
+1 -0
I think you have a different... variation, if that's the case. Do you view it as a good thing, or as an affliction?
I think you have a different... variation, if that's the case. Do you view it as a good thing, or as an affliction?
hellofditties
+2 -0
I am quite unperturbed.
I am quite unperturbed.
smilebuddha
+0 -0
As am I.
As am I.
spectre
+2 -0
I just keep the bedroom door LOCKED; the kids can pound on it all morning but they cannot come in until my wife and I are ready. She sleeps nude; I don't, but we like our "morning thingy" time.
I just keep the bedroom door LOCKED; the kids can pound on it all morning but they cannot come in until my wife and I are ready. She sleeps nude; I don't, but we like our "morning thingy" time.
avery81
+1 -0
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_penile_tumescence
Quote:
Nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) is the spontaneous occurrence of a penile erection during sleep...
...The cause of NPT is not known certainly.
You disappoint me wikipedia. How can something this basic be a mystery to science? You must be smoking something!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_penile_tumescence
Quote:
Nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) is the spontaneous occurrence of a penile erection during sleep...
...The cause of NPT is not known certainly.
You disappoint me wikipedia. How can something this basic be a mystery to science? You must be smoking something!
achilleselbow
+1 -0
There's a Beavis & Butthead episode where they try to find out the cause for their science project, but just end up falling asleep. It turns out that a little morning wood fairy sprinkles boner dust in your underpants every night.
There's a Beavis & Butthead episode where they try to find out the cause for their science project, but just end up falling asleep. It turns out that a little morning wood fairy sprinkles boner dust in your underpants every night.
mcjuicy
+5 -0
He's hung like a cranberry and it bothers me.
He's hung like a cranberry and it bothers me.
narrenschiff
+1 -0
Man, he really is, isn't he?
Man, he really is, isn't he?
deus
+0 -0
yes, yes he is.
yes, yes he is.
higuma
+14 -0
Rock.
Hard.
Bearcock.
Rock.
Hard.
Bearcock.
midopa
+3 -0
Theodor's Rad Cranberries
Theodor's Rad Cranberries
hbaranov
+0 -1
Teodor's Rad Cranberries
The secret, is in the spelling... TM
Teodor's Rad Cranberries
The secret, is in the spelling... TM
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Nice unnecessary comma.
Nice unnecessary comma.
hbaranov
+0 -1
I am the king of unnecessary punctuation, regards to commas... see I did it again, or did I?, I think I... I'll stop now.
I am the king of unnecessary punctuation, regards to commas... see I did it again, or did I?, I think I... I'll stop now.
tipist
+6 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
tommycrashwreck
+1 -0
Isn't this the same thing as that Hockey Zombie one about the shark? Is that where this idea originated? The shark one was great, anyway, so if you're aping that at least you found something great to ape. If not, then where does this originally come from? I am unsure.
Isn't this the same thing as that Hockey Zombie one about the shark? Is that where this idea originated? The shark one was great, anyway, so if you're aping that at least you found something great to ape. If not, then where does this originally come from? I am unsure.
tipist
+0 -0
I think the bear came first, but I am unsure. I know the bear was the first one I ever saw though.
I think the bear came first, but I am unsure. I know the bear was the first one I ever saw though.
lrosetw8
+0 -0
I am uncomfortable talking about bear penis. Let's talk about some other kind of penis!
I am uncomfortable talking about bear penis. Let's talk about some other kind of penis!
miseryandthesun
+1 -0
Karl Rove?
Karl Rove?
biff
+4 -0
Karl Rove penis n
a penis so tiny its owner is required to pee sitting down
Karl Rove penis n
a penis so tiny its owner is required to pee sitting down
hatstand_mcq
+2 -0
I have it with the liberal media and their skewing of the Karl Rove penis debate.
I have it with the liberal media and their skewing of the Karl Rove penis debate.
contrasoma
+5 -0
...as opposed to the conservative media and their skewing of the Dick Cheney penis debate by claiming this thing ain't a catheter bag:
[IMGS OFF]
...as opposed to the conservative media and their skewing of the Dick Cheney penis debate by claiming this thing ain't a catheter bag:
[IMGS OFF]
beefsmipeep
+0 -0
deer lord!
deer lord!
loneal
+17 -0
Deer lord, why did you let Bambi's mother die?
Deer lord, why did you let Bambi's mother die?
daidai
+2 -1
Because she was a bitch.
Because she was a bitch.
sje46
+0 -0
The deer lord is a girl?
The deer lord is a girl?
tommycrashwreck
+0 -0
I think the antecedent of "she" is "Bambi's mother" in this instance.
I think the antecedent of "she" is "Bambi's mother" in this instance.
loneal
+0 -0
This is a species that names their male children Bambi, sje46. You just can't expect much from them in the way of gender conformity.
This is a species that names their male children Bambi, sje46. You just can't expect much from them in the way of gender conformity.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
No, Bambi's mother was a bitch
No, Bambi's mother was a bitch
thegoblins
+0 -0
Does are the new bitches.
Does are the new bitches.
hamscout
+1 -0
Bucks up!
Does down!
Bucks up!
Does down!
hellofditties
+0 -0
I read that as 'dogs are the new bitches' as I was scrolling and it made too much sense so I had to pause.
You ruined my scrolling.
I read that as 'dogs are the new bitches' as I was scrolling and it made too much sense so I had to pause.
You ruined my scrolling.
akarroa
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
akarroa
+0 -0
Damn.
[IMGS OFF]
Damn.
[IMGS OFF]
invidious
+2 -0
BOO TO THAT.
BOO TO THAT.
stereo
+5 -0
WHY FIND OUT?
WHY FIND OUT?
jonmw
+0 -0
dear gods.
I'm reminded of the way that guys in victorian times would get their collapsible telescope, wrap it in cloth, and stuff their pants with it and go to the dance. Between dances, they'd extend it down a leg.
You know, I wonder if any'd fall for that one today.
dear gods.
I'm reminded of the way that guys in victorian times would get their collapsible telescope, wrap it in cloth, and stuff their pants with it and go to the dance. Between dances, they'd extend it down a leg.
You know, I wonder if any'd fall for that one today.
professorhazard
+0 -0
which gods are you calling out to
I want names
which gods are you calling out to
I want names
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
It is beink hiss 25th cup'o joe?
It is beink hiss 25th cup'o joe?
jhaela
+0 -0
That looks to me more like a small child's arm than anything. :(
Would anyone really be surprised if Dick Cheney stuffed some poor kid down his pants?
That looks to me more like a small child's arm than anything. :(
Would anyone really be surprised if Dick Cheney stuffed some poor kid down his pants?
syrupykeyboard
+3 -1
"Did...did you just stuff that child down your pants? "
"No."
"Yes..yes you did, I just saw you do it."
"He was a threat to national security. I had to nuetralize the target."
"Dude, you're....you're just not... dude. " *Walks off dialing the number for Child Protective Services*
"Go fuck yourself."
"Did...did you just stuff that child down your pants? "
"No."
"Yes..yes you did, I just saw you do it."
"He was a threat to national security. I had to nuetralize the target."
"Dude, you're....you're just not... dude. " *Walks off dialing the number for Child Protective Services*
"Go fuck yourself."
expellens
+13 -0
I have to pee sitting down because my doctor doesn't want me lifting anything heavy .
I have to pee sitting down because my doctor doesn't want me lifting anything heavy .
beefsmipeep
+5 -0
I hafta pee standing up because...
that water gets cold!
I hafta pee standing up because...
that water gets cold!
invidious
+9 -0
I have to pee outside because...
my neighbor gets real freaked out when she walks into the bathroom at six in the morning and finds me urinating into a pair of her soiled panties.
Man, what? Guys do that all the time.
I have to pee outside because...
my neighbor gets real freaked out when she walks into the bathroom at six in the morning and finds me urinating into a pair of her soiled panties.
Man, what? Guys do that all the time.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Man, that's some perversion...
Man, that's some perversion...
utv
+0 -0
Wait, her soiled panties? As in, previously defiled by her, and then doubly ruined by you?
Wait, her soiled panties? As in, previously defiled by her, and then doubly ruined by you?
history
+0 -0
The water gets warmer if you just hang in there...
The water gets warmer if you just hang in there...
professorhazard
+2 -0
I sit down when I pee. There's nothin' that crazy 'bout me.
I sit down when I pee. There's nothin' that crazy 'bout me.
smallblackdog
+0 -0
"we're the Stones man, we pee anywhere"
"we're the Stones man, we pee anywhere"
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I'm never ever ever gonna wipe my butt
He's never ever ever gonna wipe his butt
I'm never ever ever gonna wipe my butt
He's never ever ever gonna wipe his butt
d3athcann0n
+0 -0
Don't want to audiocast when company is over
Don't want to audiocast when company is over
sje46
+0 -0
Kangaroo?
Also, do birds have them? They should, but no one ever talks about them. And fish?
I am intrigued.
Kangaroo?
Also, do birds have them? They should, but no one ever talks about them. And fish?
I am intrigued.
lrosetw8
+1 -0
It's true! Why don't people talk about bird penis? Is it scary?
It's true! Why don't people talk about bird penis? Is it scary?
fuyukodachi
+1 -0
For most birds, copulation involves a 'cloacal kiss', with the male on the female's back & twisting his tail under the female's.
For most birds, copulation involves a 'cloacal kiss', with the male on the female's back & twisting his tail under the female's.
thegoblins
+0 -0
Yes. Most birds don't have cocks.
Cocks don't have cocks!
Yes. Most birds don't have cocks.
Cocks don't have cocks!
rustmouth
+1 -0
the ostrich cock is a cock of might, a cock of note
the ostrich cock is a cock of might, a cock of note
sje46
+0 -0
When I saw that comic of Beef and Molly in Heaven trying to cook a male chiken, it blew my mind.
Birds have thingies!
When I saw that comic of Beef and Molly in Heaven trying to cook a male chiken, it blew my mind.
Birds have thingies!
hellofditties
+2 -0
Why find out?
Why find out?
achilleselbow
+1 -0
Bird Penis is pretty scary indeed. Even scarier than Penis Bird .
< )
( \
X
8====D
Bird Penis is pretty scary indeed. Even scarier than Penis Bird .
< )
( \
X
8====D
sje46
+0 -0
I'll waitt until my mom leaves the room before I click on either of these links.
I'll waitt until my mom leaves the room before I click on either of these links.
pogo
+0 -0
Believe me, your mom knows all about dicks, both on ducks and on, well, you know I'm your daddy, right?
Believe me, your mom knows all about dicks, both on ducks and on, well, you know I'm your daddy, right?
sje46
+1 -0
D . . .dad?
Mom told me you died when you ran into that burning building to save those orphan puppies.
We can be a family again!!
D . . .dad?
Mom told me you died when you ran into that burning building to save those orphan puppies.
We can be a family again!!
daidai
+9 -0
And for what would almost certainly not be the last time, pogo evaded fatherhood because kids are just needy little shits.
And for what would almost certainly not be the last time, pogo evaded fatherhood because kids are just needy little shits.
pogo
+0 -0
Well, and your mom was just too needy for me to hang around very long.
Well, and your mom was just too needy for me to hang around very long.
daidai
+0 -0
Yippee! Now I have a role model! :D
Yippee! Now I have a role model! :D
autrepoupee
+0 -0
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT
how does a bird have sex with that thing I mean it looks like it's meant to catch fish
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT
how does a bird have sex with that thing I mean it looks like it's meant to catch fish
davey-boy
+3 -0
A blow fish?
A blow fish?
noah_j
+0 -0
bah dum tshhhhh
bah dum tshhhhh
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
It's the Tingler...scream, SCREAM FOR YOUR LIVES!
It's the Tingler...scream, SCREAM FOR YOUR LIVES!
sje46
+0 -0
Okay. That first one has to be a hoax. But then I looked at the date, and it wasn't April 1st. I'm still skeptical though. Why is it a corkscrew shape?
Okay. That first one has to be a hoax. But then I looked at the date, and it wasn't April 1st. I'm still skeptical though. Why is it a corkscrew shape?
septic_wiener
+0 -0
oh uh well like many non-humans ducks need hell of bits to hold their wieners where they must be. some are barbed, some corkscrew shaped, some spiralled...its not that out of the ordinary for animals, really.
there was some issue a couple ears ago about duck wieners and vaginas evolving in awkward and labyrinthine directions, all like that 3d pipe screensaver, if said screensaver was really fleshy and thin. google "duck genital mutation." it's interesting.
oh uh well like many non-humans ducks need hell of bits to hold their wieners where they must be. some are barbed, some corkscrew shaped, some spiralled...its not that out of the ordinary for animals, really.
there was some issue a couple ears ago about duck wieners and vaginas evolving in awkward and labyrinthine directions, all like that 3d pipe screensaver, if said screensaver was really fleshy and thin. google "duck genital mutation." it's interesting.
deusoma
+0 -0
I just googled "duck genital mutation" and the only thing that came up was the Assetbar post you just made. Whoa .
I just googled "duck genital mutation" and the only thing that came up was the Assetbar post you just made. Whoa .
i_love_kate
+0 -0
That is interesting!
That is interesting!
professorhazard
+0 -0
That, friends, is called a "googlewhack".
That, friends, is called a "googlewhack".
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Isn't a Googlewhack just two words?
Isn't a Googlewhack just two words?
professorhazard
+0 -0
hell I dunno
hell I dunno
sje46
+0 -0
Yes. Yes it is.
And man, they are hard to get.
Yes. Yes it is.
And man, they are hard to get.
hamscout
+3 -0
numberwang?
numberwang?
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Well when I Googled it I got 61,100 hits.
One of us is doing something wrong.
Well when I Googled it I got 61,100 hits.
One of us is doing something wrong.
stereo
+0 -0
For some reason when I google for it, most of the hits returned are for "duck genital mutilation" which is not quite the same thing. Is there some way to tell Google that I don't want words that are spelled similarly but mean something completely different?
For some reason when I google for it, most of the hits returned are for "duck genital mutilation" which is not quite the same thing. Is there some way to tell Google that I don't want words that are spelled similarly but mean something completely different?
deusoma
+0 -0
I put it in quotes.
I put it in quotes.
hamscout
+2 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
kickstart
+0 -0
holy schneikes, Hamscout. Vchub. And welcome back, where ya been, buddy?
holy schneikes, Hamscout. Vchub. And welcome back, where ya been, buddy?
pogo
+0 -0
Yeah, Hammie, don't let reality interfere with your time here.
Yeah, Hammie, don't let reality interfere with your time here.
hamscout
+0 -0
Thanks for the kind words--I've been fighting a sinus infection since the first week of July.
Now, on my THIRD round of antibiotics, I have determined that I no longer fight the disease--I fight... the cure!
Fucking Levaquin.
Thanks for the kind words--I've been fighting a sinus infection since the first week of July.
Now, on my THIRD round of antibiotics, I have determined that I no longer fight the disease--I fight... the cure!
Fucking Levaquin.
goro
+0 -0
All chubbies did burn
Otherwise I'd give this one.
All chubbies did burn
Otherwise I'd give this one.
aliiis
+0 -0
same to you, chubble man!
same to you, chubble man!
rustmouth
+0 -0
oh, it's real
oh, it's real
griggs_although
+5 -1
how long do you have to wait after 9/11 before it's appropriate to show the whole world a bird's penis
australia waited three days, which shows that they have class
how long do you have to wait after 9/11 before it's appropriate to show the whole world a bird's penis
australia waited three days, which shows that they have class
audhumla
+0 -0
ducks basically have the longest dongs in nature
serious
ducks basically have the longest dongs in nature
serious
beefsmipeep
+0 -0
And what good has it done them, really?
I mean, is there any really good inter-species pr0n starring a drake? Pfft! Speciesism , that's what it is!
And what good has it done them, really?
I mean, is there any really good inter-species pr0n starring a drake? Pfft! Speciesism , that's what it is!
i_love_kate
+2 -0
I hear they're orange. I guess it makes sense.
I hear they're orange. I guess it makes sense.
neo-aeris
+1 -0
Man I don't know if their cocks are orange or not. I don't know anything about ducks.
I mean, I hope you're not disappointed now. Maybe they are orange. Like you said, it makes sense.
Man I don't know if their cocks are orange or not. I don't know anything about ducks.
I mean, I hope you're not disappointed now. Maybe they are orange. Like you said, it makes sense.
tekende
+0 -0
haha, that's one of my favorite Penny Arcades. Excellent reference.
haha, that's one of my favorite Penny Arcades. Excellent reference.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I believe the most massive members are of course, the blue whale. However, the largest in relation to the body is the barnacle. Wiki that shit, it's amazing. Crazy long, and just floating around hoping to rub on some chick. Need an extra towel indeed...
I believe the most massive members are of course, the blue whale. However, the largest in relation to the body is the barnacle. Wiki that shit, it's amazing. Crazy long, and just floating around hoping to rub on some chick. Need an extra towel indeed...
septic_wiener
+0 -0
that shit's fascinating. seems like the more uncomfortable it would be to furry-ize and animal the more interesting it's dicks are.
you know, tapeworms have the most sets of individually functioning genitalia of any animal?
that shit's fascinating. seems like the more uncomfortable it would be to furry-ize and animal the more interesting it's dicks are.
you know, tapeworms have the most sets of individually functioning genitalia of any animal?
rustmouth
+0 -0
all due props to drosophila bifurca; turns out the world's longest sperm comes from a fucking fruit fly. don't believe me? ask PubMed
all due props to drosophila bifurca; turns out the world's longest sperm comes from a fucking fruit fly. don't believe me? ask PubMed
biff
+0 -0
A few species, e.g. some swans and ducks, have penises. but most just use their cloaca.
Here is a link to cloaca in case you really want to know. And you probably don't.
A few species, e.g. some swans and ducks, have penises. but most just use their cloaca.
Here is a link to cloaca in case you really want to know. And you probably don't.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Here is a link to Tuaca , just because.
Here is a link to Tuaca , just because.
achilleselbow
+1 -0
Is this your idea of rickrolling?
Is this your idea of rickrolling?
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
Holy shit, I didn't even notice when I posted that it was the same url from my other post above. I really did mean to post a link to tuaca.com; I even have the web page open, still.
My apologies, AssetBar...or to the 5 of you who actually waved your cursor over the link before scrolling down to the next comment. And sorry to you, achilleselbow, for possibly making you listen to the ultimate indie rock band twice.
Holy shit, I didn't even notice when I posted that it was the same url from my other post above. I really did mean to post a link to tuaca.com; I even have the web page open, still.
My apologies, AssetBar...or to the 5 of you who actually waved your cursor over the link before scrolling down to the next comment. And sorry to you, achilleselbow, for possibly making you listen to the ultimate indie rock band twice.
hatstand_mcq
+5 -0
What we have discovered is that birds either have no penises, or absolutely amazing huge penises. If you see an animal with a sensible sized penis it probably isn't a bird .
What we have discovered is that birds either have no penises, or absolutely amazing huge penises. If you see an animal with a sensible sized penis it probably isn't a bird .
i_love_kate
+4 -0
My personal mnemonic is "If it's got any kind of penis, it isn't a bird."
But we may be talking about birds in a different sense.
My personal mnemonic is "If it's got any kind of penis, it isn't a bird."
But we may be talking about birds in a different sense.
sje46
+1 -0
That's actually my family motto.
That's actually my family motto.
tekende
+2 -0
Can we finally talk about whale penis?
Can we finally talk about whale penis?
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
HOLY HELL!!!
th....that could kill a man!
HOLY HELL!!!
th....that could kill a man!
achilleselbow
+1 -0
A man, eh?
A man, eh?
davey-boy
+0 -0
That thing is definately going to hurt.
That thing is definately going to hurt.
i_love_kate
+3 -0
Not "would hurt". "Will hurt." Davey-boy is determined. He has just discovered his own personal Everest.
Not "would hurt". "Will hurt." Davey-boy is determined. He has just discovered his own personal Everest.
kickstart
+1 -0
there is something, so in order to be polite, Davey-boy must use it
there is something, so in order to be polite, Davey-boy must use it
davey-boy
+4 -0
Damn! I never thought it would be like this! A whale is totally rocking my can!
Damn! I never thought it would be like this! A whale is totally rocking my can!
i_love_kate
+1 -0
He's having a whale of a time!
He's having a whale of a time!
guicho80
+0 -0
Sweet fancy moses! Why is that dude handling whale penis? Is he checking him for whale herpes? I hope he gets paid well to manipulate orca schlong. Filthy bastard.
I bet he didnt even wash his hands afterward.
Sweet fancy moses! Why is that dude handling whale penis? Is he checking him for whale herpes? I hope he gets paid well to manipulate orca schlong. Filthy bastard.
I bet he didnt even wash his hands afterward.
akarroa
+0 -0
I would just like to say that orca are dolphins and not whales, which makes it even creepier since dolphins are the #1 animal to frequently...'proposition' humans for sex.
I would just like to say that orca are dolphins and not whales, which makes it even creepier since dolphins are the #1 animal to frequently...'proposition' humans for sex.
featurelessvoid
+0 -0
I don't know about that. Suspiciously, all the claims that dolphins frequently "proposition" humans seem to come from...humans.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that my client was enticed--nay, propositioned --by that dolphin. My client, I tell you, is the true victim here."
I don't know about that. Suspiciously, all the claims that dolphins frequently "proposition" humans seem to come from...humans.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that my client was enticed--nay, propositioned --by that dolphin. My client, I tell you, is the true victim here."
tekende
+0 -0
Well, dolphins don't speak any human languages. How are they supposed to make any claims?
Well, dolphins don't speak any human languages. How are they supposed to make any claims?
biff
+0 -0
Make claims? The would be far more likely to make clams.
And even that's not very likely.
Make claims? The would be far more likely to make clams.
And even that's not very likely.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Dolphins are well known to be soured on beer and given to claims
Dolphins are well known to be soured on beer and given to claims
mastronaut
+1 -0
would you call it being "porpoisitioned"?
would you call it being "porpoisitioned"?
thorfinn
+0 -0
I hate to be a dick about terms, akarroa, but dolphins are in the order Cetacea, which makes them whales by definition, so orca are whales.
I hate to be a dick about terms, akarroa, but dolphins are in the order Cetacea, which makes them whales by definition, so orca are whales.
quazifuji
+0 -0
Apparently, male teenage dolphins get really horny, and some aquariums have people whose job is to jack off the dolphins to keep them under control. I don't remember where I heard this, but someone definitely told me about it once.
It is one of the things that makes you appreciate thumbs.
Apparently, male teenage dolphins get really horny, and some aquariums have people whose job is to jack off the dolphins to keep them under control. I don't remember where I heard this, but someone definitely told me about it once.
It is one of the things that makes you appreciate thumbs.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
That's even funnier if you subscribe to the Adams belief that dolphins are high thinking aliens.
That's even funnier if you subscribe to the Adams belief that dolphins are high thinking aliens.
faits
+5 -0
Jeez a guy stops coming here for a while then when he comes back a place is basically full of links to pictures of wieners.
I WISH I COULD SAY I WAS SURPRISED
Jeez a guy stops coming here for a while then when he comes back a place is basically full of links to pictures of wieners.
I WISH I COULD SAY I WAS SURPRISED
syrupykeyboard
+1 -0
I WISH I COULD STOP YOU
I WISH I COULD STOP YOU
invidious
+0 -0
This doesn't happen on every thread, merely three out of four.
This doesn't happen on every thread, merely three out of four.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
four out of four.
four out of four.
noah_j
+1 -0
four out of three.
four out of three.
plummet
+4 -0
[IMGS OFF]
alt text: Reading Assetbar comes with a price
[IMGS OFF]
alt text: Reading Assetbar comes with a price
akarroa
+0 -0
I hear they're prehensile, or so the book 'Fluke' claims.
I hear they're prehensile, or so the book 'Fluke' claims.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
What the fuck, did you photoshop a Ditto and a Pikachu together?
I like your views, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
What the fuck, did you photoshop a Ditto and a Pikachu together?
I like your views, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
akarroa
+0 -0
No, I happened to find it while wandering the web and took it in, affectionately naming it 'Pikagoo'. also, it could be a pikachu and a swalot, I'm not sure.
No, I happened to find it while wandering the web and took it in, affectionately naming it 'Pikagoo'. also, it could be a pikachu and a swalot, I'm not sure.
akarroa
+20 -1
I'm going to say this since we're on the topics of pokemon and thingies. I met a trainer via Wi-fi with a venesaur named Penisaur. It knew the moves Growth, Harden, Flail, and Discharge.
I'm going to say this since we're on the topics of pokemon and thingies. I met a trainer via Wi-fi with a venesaur named Penisaur. It knew the moves Growth, Harden, Flail, and Discharge.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Oh my god, that's basically the best thing I ever heard.
Oh my god, that's basically the best thing I ever heard.
i_love_kate
+1 -0
That story should be told no matter the context.
That story should be told no matter the context.
steinhauser
+0 -0
Sounds pokesav'd to me.
Sounds pokesav'd to me.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Is it really bad that, after reading that, I realized that...I'm pretty sure none of those attacks are any good in battle.
Is it really bad that, after reading that, I realized that...I'm pretty sure none of those attacks are any good in battle.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
It's really bad that you're wrong. Discharge is a pretty potent Electric attack, and coupling it with Growth would defeat the problem of it lacking the same-type attack bonus.
Don't try and pass yourself off as a pokenerd... When really you're just a poke nub.
It's really bad that you're wrong. Discharge is a pretty potent Electric attack, and coupling it with Growth would defeat the problem of it lacking the same-type attack bonus.
Don't try and pass yourself off as a pokenerd... When really you're just a poke nub.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Dude I have not played the new Pokemon games because I think that 4000 pokemans is completely unnecessary.
And who the fuck teachs a grass type an electric move, even to be funny?
Dude I have not played the new Pokemon games because I think that 4000 pokemans is completely unnecessary.
And who the fuck teachs a grass type an electric move, even to be funny?
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Well, like I said, Discharge is pretty potent (lol) so if the opponent made the likely tactical move of playing a flying type to counter the grass/poison Venusaur, an electric type move would be advantageous, even if it did lack the STAB.
I don't know. I'm pretty sure he was being funny.
Well, like I said, Discharge is pretty potent (lol) so if the opponent made the likely tactical move of playing a flying type to counter the grass/poison Venusaur, an electric type move would be advantageous, even if it did lack the STAB.
I don't know. I'm pretty sure he was being funny.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
I need to go buy Diamond or Pearl, and then try and fill out the rest of my collection (I have almost every single Pokemon game in the actual series, minus my copy of Sapphire which I traded.)
I don't care if I never have sex, I need to catch them all.
I need to go buy Diamond or Pearl, and then try and fill out the rest of my collection (I have almost every single Pokemon game in the actual series, minus my copy of Sapphire which I traded.)
I don't care if I never have sex, I need to catch them all.
akarroa
+0 -0
Speaking again of Pokemon and thingies, has anyone wondered what's on Manaphy's head?
[IMGS OFF]
Speaking again of Pokemon and thingies, has anyone wondered what's on Manaphy's head?
[IMGS OFF]
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
That's just two antennae.
That's just two antennae.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I wasn't before, but now I may never stop wondering.
I wasn't before, but now I may never stop wondering.
ortsac
+0 -0
you can call my penis metapod... he only knows one move
you can call my penis metapod... he only knows one move
loneal
+0 -1
Oh, oh, pick me! It's Harden! Is it Harden?
Oh, oh, pick me! It's Harden! Is it Harden?
professorhazard
+4 -0
Poison Sting.
Poison Sting.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Ejaculate.
Ejaculate.
akarroa
+1 -0
Headbutt
Headbutt
smilebuddha
+7 -0
[IMGS OFF]
Sean Connery : I've got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.
Alex Trebek : What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier.
Sean Connery : Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?
[IMGS OFF]
Sean Connery : I've got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.
Alex Trebek : What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier.
Sean Connery : Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
Trebek: NO! We are not selling penis mightiers. Now can we please-
Connery: Well damn it Trebek, you should! You're sitting on a GOLD MINE!
Trebek: NO! We are not selling penis mightiers. Now can we please-
Connery: Well damn it Trebek, you should! You're sitting on a GOLD MINE!
akarroa
+0 -0
"I'll take 'Swords' for 200"
"That's 'S-words'!"
"I'll take 'Swords' for 200"
"That's 'S-words'!"
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
Famous Titties!
Famous Titties!
beefsmipeep
+0 -1
Pork swords?
"What is all Juno McGuff sees when when the track team is running in their short-shorts?"
Pork swords?
"What is all Juno McGuff sees when when the track team is running in their short-shorts?"
theguitarhero
+0 -0
She doesn't want to see their things bouncing around. She just does.
She doesn't want to see their things bouncing around. She just does.
kamet
+0 -0
(chubaroo)
(chubaroo)
sirhan_duran
+0 -0
what's all this?
what's all this?
speccer
+0 -0
How can you not know the majesty that is Celebrity Jeopardy? (rather, the parody thereof by Saturday Night Live)
How can you not know the majesty that is Celebrity Jeopardy? (rather, the parody thereof by Saturday Night Live)
sirhan_duran
+0 -0
that wasn't a parody
what
that wasn't a parody
what
heccibiggs
+0 -0
OH GOD.
Also in reference to what someone said about dolphins prepositioning humans, here's a fact! Dolphins are the only animals other than humans to have sex for pleasure.
OH GOD.
Also in reference to what someone said about dolphins prepositioning humans, here's a fact! Dolphins are the only animals other than humans to have sex for pleasure.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
My dog used to fuck a pillow on my parents' bed. He knew it wasn't a dog, and looked like he was having a good time. Like Auda abu Tayi, it was his pleasure . Except Auda didn't fuck pillows. As far as I know.
My dog used to fuck a pillow on my parents' bed. He knew it wasn't a dog, and looked like he was having a good time. Like Auda abu Tayi, it was his pleasure . Except Auda didn't fuck pillows. As far as I know.
thegoblins
+0 -0
What about all those monkeys that go about randomly having sexes with other monkeys, often of the same gender?
What about all those monkeys that go about randomly having sexes with other monkeys, often of the same gender?
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
They all are lookink for hidden typewriter.
They all are lookink for hidden typewriter.
akarroa
+0 -0
"Liebot, what is the saddest thing?"
"Pandas only have sex every 6 years ."
"Liebot, what is the saddest thing?"
"Pandas only have sex every 6 years ."
deusoma
+0 -0
Still more often than Vulcans. (Oh shit, my nerd is showing!) I always wondered what the hell Spock's mother saw in a guy who only got horny once every seven years. My theory involved the size of his penis.
Still more often than Vulcans. (Oh shit, my nerd is showing!) I always wondered what the hell Spock's mother saw in a guy who only got horny once every seven years. My theory involved the size of his penis.
stereo
+1 -0
Seven years of cunnilingus with no expectation of reciprocation
Seven years of cunnilingus with no expectation of reciprocation
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
They also surf for fun, which is totally rad.
They also surf for fun, which is totally rad.
kendieatsbabies
+0 -0
You are forgetting the noble bonobo. Those are some freaky monkeys.
You are forgetting the noble bonobo. Those are some freaky monkeys.
pogo
+0 -0
Meet the Bonobo, chimps who have constant sex.
Meet the Bonobo, chimps who have constant sex.
deusoma
+0 -0
The link Mr. Tekende provides has since gone dead, but you can see the exact same image at the appropriately-named https://whalepenis.org/images/whalepenis.jpg
The link Mr. Tekende provides has since gone dead, but you can see the exact same image at the appropriately-named https://whalepenis.org/images/whalepenis.jpg
aliiis
+0 -0
There is a really really weird video of ejaculation on Wikipedia if that's any help?
Please don't ask me why I found it.
[url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Ejaculation_Educational_Demonstration.OGG]WH- BUT HIS HANDS ARE BEHIND HIS BACK, WHYYY, WHY IS IT LIKE THAT[/url
There is a really really weird video of ejaculation on Wikipedia if that's any help?
Please don't ask me why I found it.
[url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Ejaculation_Educational_Demonstration.OGG]WH- BUT HIS HANDS ARE BEHIND HIS BACK, WHYYY, WHY IS IT LIKE THAT[/url
aliiis
+0 -0
that's it, assetbar is no longer invited to my internet birthday party.
that's it, assetbar is no longer invited to my internet birthday party.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I am so glad that link got cut off.
I am so glad that link got cut off.
achilleselbow
+7 -0
Oh no... aww... AWW WHY THE HELL DID I LOOK UP THE ARTICLE AND THEN WATCH THE VIDEO OH MY GOD IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S JUST LEAKING UNCONTROLLABLY FOR NO REASON.
[IMGS OFF]
Oh no... aww... AWW WHY THE HELL DID I LOOK UP THE ARTICLE AND THEN WATCH THE VIDEO OH MY GOD IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S JUST LEAKING UNCONTROLLABLY FOR NO REASON.
[IMGS OFF]
achilleselbow
+0 -0
That was a much-needed unicorn chaser btw.
That was a much-needed unicorn chaser btw.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Oh, sure, that's what we need. More phallic imagery on an animal.
Oh, sure, that's what we need. More phallic imagery on an animal.
avery81
+6 -0
cuming right.. up...
[IMGS OFF]
cuming right.. up...
[IMGS OFF]
theguitarhero
+0 -0
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!
akarroa
+5 -0
https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/499493
and even better...
[IMGS OFF]
https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/499493
and even better...
[IMGS OFF]
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Oh my God. What is the target demographic of this toy?
Oh my God. What is the target demographic of this toy?
akarroa
+0 -0
I can't find it now, but there was also a picture of a baby chewing on one of those. (the ear, thank goodness)
I can't find it now, but there was also a picture of a baby chewing on one of those. (the ear, thank goodness)
kamet
+0 -0
It has two penii.. one from his head, and still the anatomically correct one.. how very odd.
It has two penii.. one from his head, and still the anatomically correct one.. how very odd.
schadenfreude87
+0 -0
The second unicorn penis location is anatomically correct?
How do you know this?
The second unicorn penis location is anatomically correct?
How do you know this?
kamet
+0 -0
Secret Government project to replenish the unicorn population.
Secret Government project to replenish the unicorn population.
kickstart
+0 -0
This is Bob Barker reminding you to help replenish the Unicorn population.
Have your unicorn outfitted with secondary genitalia.
This is Bob Barker reminding you to help replenish the Unicorn population.
Have your unicorn outfitted with secondary genitalia.
stereo
+0 -0
The unicorn horn is known for its power as an aphrodisiac, as well as a sex toy .
The unicorn horn is known for its power as an aphrodisiac, as well as a sex toy .
drskradley
+0 -0
None of you linked to this yet????
None of you linked to this yet????
slab64
+0 -0
There's a link on that page to this , which is almost as hilarious, provided you find horrible MIDI music amusing
There's a link on that page to this , which is almost as hilarious, provided you find horrible MIDI music amusing
woodenteeth
+0 -0
God.
dickhead
God.
dickhead
kickstart
+0 -0
oh wow, I had a sleeping bag that looked just like that. too cool.
oh wow, I had a sleeping bag that looked just like that. too cool.
aliiis
+1 -0
this comment suddenly looks funnier being underneath the photoshopped unicock picture.
however, your original sleeping bag would still have been amazing! I always wanted a 'cool' one like that when I was little, instead I have this weird memory that mine was... tartan? hmmm :\
Also, somebody has to say I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kickass!
this comment suddenly looks funnier being underneath the photoshopped unicock picture.
however, your original sleeping bag would still have been amazing! I always wanted a 'cool' one like that when I was little, instead I have this weird memory that mine was... tartan? hmmm :\
Also, somebody has to say I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kickass!
kamet
+0 -0
Omg. You are getting both a real chubby, and a V chubby from me, for the awesome awesome awesome Orgasmo reference.
I don't mean to sound gay or anything.. but you've got a nice ass.
Omg. You are getting both a real chubby, and a V chubby from me, for the awesome awesome awesome Orgasmo reference.
I don't mean to sound gay or anything.. but you've got a nice ass.
kickstart
+0 -0
hah, yes I do look quite the fool. Although, i think as long as the penicorn wasn't a licensed character (rainbow brite, care bears, etc) my mom would have been OK with it. "Lord spare me those awful licensed characters," I can still hear her saying.
hah, yes I do look quite the fool. Although, i think as long as the penicorn wasn't a licensed character (rainbow brite, care bears, etc) my mom would have been OK with it. "Lord spare me those awful licensed characters," I can still hear her saying.
aliiis
+0 -0
Yeah, it... I... I don't know what to say, guys. It is pretty horrifying but strangely compelling. I have watched it several times now. The first step is I have a problem, right?
ALSO: achilleselbow, I am enjoying your new avapicture and imagining it saying all your comments very emphatically
Yeah, it... I... I don't know what to say, guys. It is pretty horrifying but strangely compelling. I have watched it several times now. The first step is I have a problem, right?
ALSO: achilleselbow, I am enjoying your new avapicture and imagining it saying all your comments very emphatically
akarroa
+2 -0
I shall get a tattoo of a rooster in a noose on my shin sheerly for the purpose of telling everyone I have a cock hung past my knee.
I shall get a tattoo of a rooster in a noose on my shin sheerly for the purpose of telling everyone I have a cock hung past my knee.
retinarow
+5 -0
Phillips or flat-head?
Phillips or flat-head?
hellofditties
+1 -0
Philippe's.
Philippe's.
deus
+1 -0
Now, if phillipe only could come up with something that gives me a steady accuracy when i pee out the burqa that is my foreskin.
ammirite guys?!!?
Now, if phillipe only could come up with something that gives me a steady accuracy when i pee out the burqa that is my foreskin.
ammirite guys?!!?
lowtrees
+1 -0
Théodor sleeps in the raw.
Théodor sleeps in the raw.
narrenschiff
+1 -0
Foreskins represent!
Foreskins represent!
tucky
+0 -0
You gotta keep a hood on the hawk so it doesn't hurt anybody.
You gotta keep a hood on the hawk so it doesn't hurt anybody.
cpnglxynchos
+3 -0
..what i'm getting from this is that you basically ain't nobody's picnic.
..what i'm getting from this is that you basically ain't nobody's picnic.
deus
+0 -0
I was altogether struck dumb when i encountered some phrase i assumed was some archaic Americana.
But offcourse, i googled it...chubby for your good memory sir.
I was altogether struck dumb when i encountered some phrase i assumed was some archaic Americana.
But offcourse, i googled it...chubby for your good memory sir.
deus
+0 -0
Got any Zyrelax?
Got any Zyrelax?
dusty
+15 -0
sound like your foreskin is stuck in the forward position. You're probably using too many of your uncut penis features at once, turn off oscillation, turbo, and the light if your using it, then try to unjam it. If that doesn't work bring up your console and hit alt f4 that should reset it to default.
sound like your foreskin is stuck in the forward position. You're probably using too many of your uncut penis features at once, turn off oscillation, turbo, and the light if your using it, then try to unjam it. If that doesn't work bring up your console and hit alt f4 that should reset it to default.
asobi
+0 -0
Man, us cut guys ain't got no oscillation! That is James Bond in a towel !
Man, us cut guys ain't got no oscillation! That is James Bond in a towel !
morypcaina
+0 -0
V-Chub. I can't get mine to come out for you
V-Chub. I can't get mine to come out for you
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
Does control alt delete.... invert it ? I am too afraid to try.
Does control alt delete.... invert it ? I am too afraid to try.
dusty
+0 -0
alt F4 man, DO NOT hit ctrl alt del.
alt F4 man, DO NOT hit ctrl alt del.
speccer
+0 -1
Wouldn't alt-F4 quit out of your dick?
Wouldn't alt-F4 quit out of your dick?
dusty
+0 -0
it should have a proprietary operating system, if yours runs windows thats just weird, I don't even know how that would happen. Did you have sex with one of your computers ports with no condom?
it should have a proprietary operating system, if yours runs windows thats just weird, I don't even know how that would happen. Did you have sex with one of your computers ports with no condom?
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
I am imagining a little IT manager cat saying that, and it is making me smile.
I am imagining a little IT manager cat saying that, and it is making me smile.
aliiis
+0 -0
no cookies for you
no cookies for you
aliiis
+0 -0
no cookies for you
no cookies for you
hamscout
+0 -0
PC Load Letter??
What the fuck does that mean??
PC Load Letter??
What the fuck does that mean??
aliiis
+0 -0
WHY does it say PAPER JAM when there iiiis NO PAPER JAM ?!
WHY does it say PAPER JAM when there iiiis NO PAPER JAM ?!
jonmw
+0 -0
Before Pointless Waste of Time got horribly engulfed into the humourless miasma that is cracked.com, there was a wonderful article about a new product called the Crotchlight.
This is all I could find of it - you have to scroll down.
Before Pointless Waste of Time got horribly engulfed into the humourless miasma that is cracked.com, there was a wonderful article about a new product called the Crotchlight.
This is all I could find of it - you have to scroll down.
deus
+0 -0
how would it work in bash?
how would it work in bash?
paby
+2 -0
Ye Olde Viagra
Ye Olde Viagra
kickstart
+8 -0
Like all olde-tyme powders, Dr. Worveston's is essentially heroin and a bit of talc.
Like all olde-tyme powders, Dr. Worveston's is essentially heroin and a bit of talc.
chloraloner
+0 -0
and hocked by young women in nightgowns with five-foot long tresses.
and hocked by young women in nightgowns with five-foot long tresses.
lexsenthur
+1 -0
I say! You can see year ankles in that thing.
Hail Satan!
I say! You can see year ankles in that thing.
Hail Satan!
hedonismbot
+0 -0
And this is the beginning of how Teodor get 14 years in jail. He comes out fat, much as Todd, did, then gets right back in line with the prediction strip done a year or so ago. I believe Otsnad is writing out all the major characters, from Tacodor's pederasty, to Lil Nef's koodging, to Ray's cake-related crushing.
And this is the beginning of how Teodor get 14 years in jail. He comes out fat, much as Todd, did, then gets right back in line with the prediction strip done a year or so ago. I believe Otsnad is writing out all the major characters, from Tacodor's pederasty, to Lil Nef's koodging, to Ray's cake-related crushing.
achilleselbow
+1 -0
I'm imagining this will end with Cornelius once again smashing the computer.
I'm imagining this will end with Cornelius once again smashing the computer.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
or Teodor this time.
"What in blazes were you thinking?!"
Gimmie a break! I'd been awake for a whole fifteen seconds!
"Never an excuse!" *whack whack whack with the cricket bat*
or Teodor this time.
"What in blazes were you thinking?!"
Gimmie a break! I'd been awake for a whole fifteen seconds!
"Never an excuse!" *whack whack whack with the cricket bat*
prettyrad
+0 -0
I find it slightly disconcerting that Phillipe associates screwdriver handles with fat thingies.
I find it slightly disconcerting that Phillipe associates screwdriver handles with fat thingies.
irondave
+0 -0
I think it's fine as long as he's not thinking of a Stubby. But with T, maybe he is thinking of that.
I think it's fine as long as he's not thinking of a Stubby. But with T, maybe he is thinking of that.
kickstart
+0 -0
Ooh, I have been waiting for you to comment. Awesome avatar! Beef could easily port between his own world and the Toothpaste one and be at home in both. Although given that he reads toothpaste, I'm not sure how that would work.
Ooh, I have been waiting for you to comment. Awesome avatar! Beef could easily port between his own world and the Toothpaste one and be at home in both. Although given that he reads toothpaste, I'm not sure how that would work.
jorsh
+0 -0
(((super uncomfortable)))
(((super uncomfortable)))
jorsh
+0 -1
Actually it's just that Teodor is hung like a grape and it's bothering me.
Actually it's just that Teodor is hung like a grape and it's bothering me.
paby
+0 -0
*cranberry
*cranberry
jorsh
+1 -2
Hey thanks man I will make the appropriate fix to my personal Achewood wiki-database so that an embarassing moment like this will never ever happen again.
Hey thanks man I will make the appropriate fix to my personal Achewood wiki-database so that an embarassing moment like this will never ever happen again.
paby
+0 -0
only because someone already said it further up
only because someone already said it further up
kamet
+0 -0
This board is going to the dogs.
This board is going to the dogs.
irondave
+0 -0
BOO TO THAT!
BOO TO THAT!
paby
+1 -0
Well venn!
Well venn!
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -0
Tee hee... math!
Tee hee... math!
biff
+0 -0
Are you muttering?
Are you muttering?
valrus
+1 -0
AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH
AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH
thegoblins
+0 -0
Fruits don't have penises.
Fruits don't have penises.
stereo
+5 -0
It's the root vegetables you have to watch out for.
[IMGS OFF]
It's the root vegetables you have to watch out for.
[IMGS OFF]
daidai
+1 -0
D...dad?
D...dad?
plummet
+0 -0
always knew summin was wrong with that boy
now he's looking at pictures of my ding dong on the inner-nets
always knew summin was wrong with that boy
now he's looking at pictures of my ding dong on the inner-nets
contrasoma
+6 -0
Just...It needs to get dressed. Please. I don't like what you're doing here. I don't feel like I have a lot of outs.
Just...It needs to get dressed. Please. I don't like what you're doing here. I don't feel like I have a lot of outs.
batface
+0 -0
Now I'm waiting for Philippe to take an inopportune moment to hover under the poolhouse window and soon start surreptitiously checking Molly's neck.
Now I'm waiting for Philippe to take an inopportune moment to hover under the poolhouse window and soon start surreptitiously checking Molly's neck.
caddon
+0 -0
Never before have I witnessed my vote change anything.
Feels good man.
Never before have I witnessed my vote change anything.
Feels good man.
i_love_kate
+1 -0
I suppose that's what it's like in the USA.
I suppose that's what it's like in the USA.
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -1
You'd think that.
But for those of us who voted for Al Gore in 2000, you'd be wrong.
(I am not proud that I voted for Al Gore. I was 18 at the time, a child! That man is crazy these days! His Nobel Prize made him crazy, I heard. Global warming.)
You'd think that.
But for those of us who voted for Al Gore in 2000, you'd be wrong.
(I am not proud that I voted for Al Gore. I was 18 at the time, a child! That man is crazy these days! His Nobel Prize made him crazy, I heard. Global warming.)
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Oh, right. No, my comment was meant as a response to the first sentence of Caddon's post. Thus, it is actually a satire on the American democratic system.
Apologies for the confusion.
Oh, right. No, my comment was meant as a response to the first sentence of Caddon's post. Thus, it is actually a satire on the American democratic system.
Apologies for the confusion.
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -0
Dear i_love_kate:
I am sorry that I never know what you mean.
I am sorry that I have a problem understanding internet sarcasm.
I still think that you are very neat.
Sincerely,
thegoodwillgirl
Dear i_love_kate:
I am sorry that I never know what you mean.
I am sorry that I have a problem understanding internet sarcasm.
I still think that you are very neat.
Sincerely,
thegoodwillgirl
i_love_kate
+0 -0
(Inside) I am sorry that my attempt at irony in a post on the internet befuddled you.
(Outside) You know that without vocal tone these things can be hard to convey.
(Inside) I am sorry that my attempt at irony in a post on the internet befuddled you.
(Outside) You know that without vocal tone these things can be hard to convey.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Just... reverse that. Thanks.
Just... reverse that. Thanks.
wittyname
+1 -0
I had one of those movie moments where I was eating chips and when I got the halfway through this strip I paused and stared at it for like 10 seconds, shocked.
I had one of those movie moments where I was eating chips and when I got the halfway through this strip I paused and stared at it for like 10 seconds, shocked.
aristagoras
+0 -0
There is always a price for reading Achewood.
There is always a price for reading Achewood.
joestork
+0 -0
Man, past Teodor flacid is bigger than present Teodor hard. What gives? The poor fellow...
Man, past Teodor flacid is bigger than present Teodor hard. What gives? The poor fellow...
falseprophet
+0 -0
He lost the collective subconscious memories of his vestigial dong.
He lost the collective subconscious memories of his vestigial dong.
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
He pressed control alt delete too many times.
He pressed control alt delete too many times.
beefsmipeep
+1 -0
If you were a male of girth, you would know what happens to your willie when you are seated and sort of leaning forward.
Don't ask how I know. Just sayin'
If you were a male of girth, you would know what happens to your willie when you are seated and sort of leaning forward.
Don't ask how I know. Just sayin'
silentdante
+1 -0
If I got spam worded like Phillipe's ad, I might actually buy SPECIFIC Thingy Fattener. Not that I feel I need it, I just like to reward good workmanship.
If I got spam worded like Phillipe's ad, I might actually buy SPECIFIC Thingy Fattener. Not that I feel I need it, I just like to reward good workmanship.
falseprophet
+1 -0
SPECIFICALLY
SPECIFICALLY
aristagoras
+1 -0
Alright, set yer bets - how long until Ray appears to fund Phillipe's excursion or the poor dumb fellow goes to Roast Beef for boner advice and ends up inspiring yet another Beef miracle product?
Just sayin'. I really liked today's strip. I hope Onstad is going all Old Testament agriculture on us and letting certain fields lie fallow while he harvests others.
Alright, set yer bets - how long until Ray appears to fund Phillipe's excursion or the poor dumb fellow goes to Roast Beef for boner advice and ends up inspiring yet another Beef miracle product?
Just sayin'. I really liked today's strip. I hope Onstad is going all Old Testament agriculture on us and letting certain fields lie fallow while he harvests others.
aristagoras
+0 -0
Yes, I misspelled the cartoon otter's name. Sometimes I misspell the names of my uncles up north when I don't much of 'em for a couple years. Uncle Stephen/Steven is the basis of my metaphor.
Yes, I misspelled the cartoon otter's name. Sometimes I misspell the names of my uncles up north when I don't much of 'em for a couple years. Uncle Stephen/Steven is the basis of my metaphor.
pogo
+0 -0
Say now, people in Wisconsin say "up north." Is that a clue?
Say now, people in Wisconsin say "up north." Is that a clue?
davey-boy
+9 -0
Uncle Steve! What news from the North?
Uncle Steve! What news from the North?
lrosetw8
+2 -0
Nice analogy. You get a chubbery. With a path. And a herring.
Nice analogy. You get a chubbery. With a path. And a herring.
spinynorman
+2 -0
My parents let me do this once, then promptly moved away in the middle of the night. Not such a fan of it, myself.
My parents let me do this once, then promptly moved away in the middle of the night. Not such a fan of it, myself.
redguy
+10 -0
Poor Teodor. He was trying to keep from laming Phillipe and chubbied him instead.
Poor Teodor. He was trying to keep from laming Phillipe and chubbied him instead.
paperfishies
+0 -0
A comment left by paperfishies was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by prius_chaser, asobi, LRosetw8)
A comment left by paperfishies was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by prius_chaser, asobi, LRosetw8)
pokemons
+0 -1
Sorry playa, the last two strips have been great. Showing us that Onstad hasn't stopped buffing his funny muscles whilst he was laying out those wedding strips.
Sorry playa, the last two strips have been great. Showing us that Onstad hasn't stopped buffing his funny muscles whilst he was laying out those wedding strips.
miseryandthesun
+0 -0
I wasn't a huge fan of yesterday's comic, but:
"FATTENS THE THINGY
SPECIFICALLY "
put a huge smile on my face.
I wasn't a huge fan of yesterday's comic, but:
"FATTENS THE THINGY
SPECIFICALLY "
put a huge smile on my face.
invidious
+1 -0
ANYTHING that fattens the thingy will likely put a huge smile on a guy's face simply as a side-effect.
Except maybe bee stings.
ANYTHING that fattens the thingy will likely put a huge smile on a guy's face simply as a side-effect.
Except maybe bee stings.
bixschmix
+0 -0
Also on a lady's face, as a slightly different side effect.
Also on a lady's face, as a slightly different side effect.
quantumcasaba
+1 -0
Fatten it squarely.
It muft fatten.
Fatten it squarely.
It muft fatten.
deovalente
+0 -0
The wedding arc was a high for everybody. We're back to the day-to-day Achewood, which I have not minded at all, personally, but it's not the same as watching characters you love come full-circle.
The wedding arc was a high for everybody. We're back to the day-to-day Achewood, which I have not minded at all, personally, but it's not the same as watching characters you love come full-circle.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
No.
No.
tragicone
+0 -0
I need to get me some of that.
Sad but true.
I need to get me some of that.
Sad but true.
invidious
+0 -0
Oh, poor Philippe. None of those powders, pills, lotions, ointments, salves, creams, pumps, braces, bands, tubes, gypsy spells or voodoo rituals work at increasing the size of one's thingy. I should know: I've tried them all.
Not on me, though. I made sure to get a stunt thingy first.
Hm, I suppose I should let "Specimen 72-860" out of my basement, now that he's got that rather unfortunate bruising and a maxed out credit card.
Oh, poor Philippe. None of those powders, pills, lotions, ointments, salves, creams, pumps, braces, bands, tubes, gypsy spells or voodoo rituals work at increasing the size of one's thingy. I should know: I've tried them all.
Not on me, though. I made sure to get a stunt thingy first.
Hm, I suppose I should let "Specimen 72-860" out of my basement, now that he's got that rather unfortunate bruising and a maxed out credit card.
kickstart
+0 -0
hey buddy, there's only one guy (bot) here who gets to do the basement shtick. Remember - thou shalt not horn in on thy fellow commenter's....racket.
hey buddy, there's only one guy (bot) here who gets to do the basement shtick. Remember - thou shalt not horn in on thy fellow commenter's....racket.
invidious
+0 -0
How have I read over 800 comics and not become aware of this?
I need to stop drinking and surfing.
How have I read over 800 comics and not become aware of this?
I need to stop drinking and surfing.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Seriously dude, how did you not know this? Also, I have a penis enlargement method that is absolutely foolproof. If you mail your's to me, I'll be happy to apply it and send it back.
Seriously dude, how did you not know this? Also, I have a penis enlargement method that is absolutely foolproof. If you mail your's to me, I'll be happy to apply it and send it back.
daidai
+0 -0
I know your game, hedonismbot. You just want another severed penis for your collection/post-apocalyptic food stash.
I know your game, hedonismbot. You just want another severed penis for your collection/post-apocalyptic food stash.
deusoma
+1 -0
Send you my penis? But how will I open jars?
Send you my penis? But how will I open jars?
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Someone chubbied me for gratuitous Penny Arcade referencing up there, so I guess I should spread the unconditional love.
Someone chubbied me for gratuitous Penny Arcade referencing up there, so I guess I should spread the unconditional love.
deusoma
+0 -0
Much obliged. V-chub from me to you.
Much obliged. V-chub from me to you.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
I've always thought that a very small penis might not be too bad, if you played your cards right. Do you remember how Tod didn't care that he was fat? Just be like that with your miniature tackle. I reckon that a certain type of girl might find it kind of sexy and self contained if a guy was just totally confident with his tiddler. Like he was damned if he was going to apologise to anyone. Like he didn't even care.
I've always thought that a very small penis might not be too bad, if you played your cards right. Do you remember how Tod didn't care that he was fat? Just be like that with your miniature tackle. I reckon that a certain type of girl might find it kind of sexy and self contained if a guy was just totally confident with his tiddler. Like he was damned if he was going to apologise to anyone. Like he didn't even care.
hatstand_mcq
+2 -0
Actually, it would be much funnier if I had said "small penises are fine, you just have to learn how to pull them off."
Actually, it would be much funnier if I had said "small penises are fine, you just have to learn how to pull them off."
miseryandthesun
+0 -0
hatstand_mcq thinks it would be much funnier if he had reinforced tragicone's closeted belief that small penises are very good if you give terrible, painful hand jobs.
hatstand_mcq thinks it would be much funnier if he had reinforced tragicone's closeted belief that small penises are very good if you give terrible, painful hand jobs.
miseryandthesun
+4 -1
On a serious note, though, you're going to piss a potential sexual partner off more by being noticeably angst-ridden over your wiener than you would by just enthusiastically and confidently placing it in her skeet receptacle.
Why don't guys get in a gossipy fuss over girls with short vaginas?
Because girls know how to stay confident and not allow trivial, aesthetic aspects of their selves keep them from realizing and projecting their overall / inner beauty.
Fact.
On a serious note, though, you're going to piss a potential sexual partner off more by being noticeably angst-ridden over your wiener than you would by just enthusiastically and confidently placing it in her skeet receptacle.
Why don't guys get in a gossipy fuss over girls with short vaginas?
Because girls know how to stay confident and not allow trivial, aesthetic aspects of their selves keep them from realizing and projecting their overall / inner beauty.
Fact.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kickstart
+0 -0
wait, what? Have you ever met a girl? loneal, help me out here.
wait, what? Have you ever met a girl? loneal, help me out here.
kickstart
+0 -0
or maybe you were being sarcastic and I just fell for it.
or maybe you were being sarcastic and I just fell for it.
loneal
+0 -0
I can't tell if it's sarcasm or not either! I want to help you out, but I just don't know how!
I can't tell if it's sarcasm or not either! I want to help you out, but I just don't know how!
hedonismbot
+0 -1
It's sarcasm because the girls don't get it. Ask a man to help you, repay his kindness with oral
It's sarcasm because the girls don't get it. Ask a man to help you, repay his kindness with oral
miseryandthesun
+0 -0
Please be returning the sarcasm.
Please be returning the sarcasm.
miseryandthesun
+0 -0
Pleads the tiny, bear's chest and wiener. Apparently.
Pleads the tiny, bear's chest and wiener. Apparently.
miseryandthesun
+0 -0
And, the, drunken, overuse, of, comm,as.
And, the, drunken, overuse, of, comm,as.
forshame
+0 -0
i chubby, and I say..
Oie...
i chubby, and I say..
Oie...
snidedk
+0 -0
I guess that's why breast implants aren't a very lucrative field.
Oh god, they're not even, no one will ever love me
I guess that's why breast implants aren't a very lucrative field.
Oh god, they're not even, no one will ever love me
pogo
+0 -1
Nope, they pretty much all like as big a dick as they can get, am I right, ladies?
Nope, they pretty much all like as big a dick as they can get, am I right, ladies?
loneal
+1 -0
Nope, ladies come in different sizes, they do not always need or want the hugest ding dong.
Nope, ladies come in different sizes, they do not always need or want the hugest ding dong.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Lets ask theirateturk how true that is.
Lets ask theirateturk how true that is.
aliiis
+5 -1
I am with Lady Lo on this, I was fortunate enough to be boned by a guy with a ridiculously enormous king dong early in my peenological research career. Since then I have downsized and upsized several times and come to the conclusion that there are far more important factors affecting enjoyability level (for one, length of time is more important than length of shiggity-schwa, thank you snidedk) and such as
- how much I like the guy
- whether the guy is good at sex
and so on in a similar vein. So there you go.
I am with Lady Lo on this, I was fortunate enough to be boned by a guy with a ridiculously enormous king dong early in my peenological research career. Since then I have downsized and upsized several times and come to the conclusion that there are far more important factors affecting enjoyability level (for one, length of time is more important than length of shiggity-schwa, thank you snidedk) and such as
- how much I like the guy
- whether the guy is good at sex
and so on in a similar vein. So there you go.
loneal
+2 -0
Chubbied so hard for king dong, peenological research career, and the distinguished-sounding nickname of Lady Lo.
I very much agree that the two biggest factors are how much I like the guy, and how good he is at sex. Size is unimportant. It is important to find a guy who Pays Attention.
Chubbied so hard for king dong, peenological research career, and the distinguished-sounding nickname of Lady Lo.
I very much agree that the two biggest factors are how much I like the guy, and how good he is at sex. Size is unimportant. It is important to find a guy who Pays Attention.
contrasoma
+2 -0
This is what we've been waiting for, people: confirmation of the correlation between paying attention and completely trashy orgasms.
This is what we've been waiting for, people: confirmation of the correlation between paying attention and completely trashy orgasms.
avery81
+0 -0
like the guy? like how?
like the guy? like how?
contrasoma
+2 -0
Like, y'know, like like.
Like, y'know, like like.
pogo
+0 -0
Well of course I was kidding up there about ladies wanting magnum wing-wangs, it was a joke from the Ladies Man skit on Sat Nite Live, when that actress (I can't remember her name) was playing a Corvosier-driking whore. (Damn it's late.)
Well of course I was kidding up there about ladies wanting magnum wing-wangs, it was a joke from the Ladies Man skit on Sat Nite Live, when that actress (I can't remember her name) was playing a Corvosier-driking whore. (Damn it's late.)
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
Julianne Moore?
Julianne Moore?
pogo
+0 -0
Helen Hunt (see below)
Helen Hunt (see below)
kickstart
+0 -0
my favorite one of those was when Helen Hunt accused a Ladies' Man caller of having "a little kid wiener"
my favorite one of those was when Helen Hunt accused a Ladies' Man caller of having "a little kid wiener"
pogo
+0 -0
That was the one.
That was the one.
akarroa
+1 -0
It ate my shield!
It ate my shield!
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Have my special Edwell Reserve chubby.
Have my special Edwell Reserve chubby.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Chubbied for "shiggity-schwa." Never really thought about it before, but an upside-down lowercase e looks so phallic it's unfair.
Also it reminds me of the song "Sweat From My Balls (Sweat From My Biggity-Balls)" from CB4 starring Chris Rock and the late great Phil Hartman.
Chubbied for "shiggity-schwa." Never really thought about it before, but an upside-down lowercase e looks so phallic it's unfair.
Also it reminds me of the song "Sweat From My Balls (Sweat From My Biggity-Balls)" from CB4 starring Chris Rock and the late great Phil Hartman.
aliiis
+0 -0
I wish I wish I wish in vain that I had thought of 'shiggity-schwa' myself. But no, I got it* from snidedk down there**.
* and by 'got it' I mean 'learned a new slang term'
** and by 'down there' I mean 'lower on this assetpage'
I wish I wish I wish in vain that I had thought of 'shiggity-schwa' myself. But no, I got it* from snidedk down there**.
* and by 'got it' I mean 'learned a new slang term'
** and by 'down there' I mean 'lower on this assetpage'
pogo
+0 -0
Acutally, you are now under him.
Acutally, you are now under him.
theirateturk
+3 -0
I DONT LIKE HOW THIS WEBSITE INVITES WOMEN TO TALK OF THEIR BRAZEN WAYS IN MIXED COMPANY. WOMEN ARE DELICATE AND DAINTY CREATURES AND _IF_ THEY MUST DISCUSS THEIR WHOREDOM, IT SHOULD BE ON THE COSMO WEBSITE AND NOT THE SANCTUM WHERE I READ MY ONLINE COMICS.
basically.
I DONT LIKE HOW THIS WEBSITE INVITES WOMEN TO TALK OF THEIR BRAZEN WAYS IN MIXED COMPANY. WOMEN ARE DELICATE AND DAINTY CREATURES AND _IF_ THEY MUST DISCUSS THEIR WHOREDOM, IT SHOULD BE ON THE COSMO WEBSITE AND NOT THE SANCTUM WHERE I READ MY ONLINE COMICS.
basically.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I too thought webcomic forums were not a place for those who have sex regularly. I mean, what are you doing reading this if you could be having sex right now ?
I too thought webcomic forums were not a place for those who have sex regularly. I mean, what are you doing reading this if you could be having sex right now ?
theguitarhero
+0 -0
I agree. It makes me feel uncomfortable when ANYONE (ladies or gents) talks about sex on the internet.
NO ONE SHOULD HAVE SEX IF THEY ARE USING THE INTERNET.
THE INTERNET IS LIKE THE ANTI-SEX.
I agree. It makes me feel uncomfortable when ANYONE (ladies or gents) talks about sex on the internet.
NO ONE SHOULD HAVE SEX IF THEY ARE USING THE INTERNET.
THE INTERNET IS LIKE THE ANTI-SEX.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Can we axiomize this?
The Internet is for watching sex that you are not having, not talking about sex that you are having.
Can we axiomize this?
The Internet is for watching sex that you are not having, not talking about sex that you are having.
theirateturk
+0 -0
I posted in FYAD once while being fellated.
I'm single now ;9
I posted in FYAD once while being fellated.
I'm single now ;9
professorhazard
+1 -0
We know. The basketball team told us.
We know. The basketball team told us.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
These two things might be related.
These two things might be related.
aliiis
+0 -0
I would have thought you would welcome the whole talking of our brazen ways on the interbar thing, it keeps us away from the basketball teams after all.
I would have thought you would welcome the whole talking of our brazen ways on the interbar thing, it keeps us away from the basketball teams after all.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
true dat.
true dat.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
This is quite untrue, as I have come across many articles as well as personal testimony whose general consensus was that 6-8 inches is good and anything more than that is painful. That is unless of course you're a pornstar with a prolapsed cavity, or theirateturk's girlfriend.
This is quite untrue, as I have come across many articles as well as personal testimony whose general consensus was that 6-8 inches is good and anything more than that is painful. That is unless of course you're a pornstar with a prolapsed cavity, or theirateturk's girlfriend.
loneal
+1 -0
6-8 is a lot, even! I have met penises that were too big, but never a penis that was too small.
6-8 is a lot, even! I have met penises that were too big, but never a penis that was too small.
achilleselbow
+1 -0
If you "meet" a penis in the same fashion as you would meet a person on the street, wearing a fashionable overcoat and waving hello to you, then yes, it is probably too big.
If you "meet" a penis in the same fashion as you would meet a person on the street, wearing a fashionable overcoat and waving hello to you, then yes, it is probably too big.
loneal
+1 -0
I wouldn't call the overcoat fashionable exactly. It was transparent and kind of rubbery in texture, and it looked like he bought it for like two bucks at Walgreens.
I wouldn't call the overcoat fashionable exactly. It was transparent and kind of rubbery in texture, and it looked like he bought it for like two bucks at Walgreens.
loneal
+0 -0
(Someone already made foreskin jokes upthread, so I went with condoms for this one. I hope no one minds.)
(Someone already made foreskin jokes upthread, so I went with condoms for this one. I hope no one minds.)
theguitarhero
+0 -0
I would have felt better with a foreskin joke, that makes me feel dirty.
I would have felt better with a foreskin joke, that makes me feel dirty.
hedonismbot
+2 -0
Quick joke: What's the smallest penis that can still cause a woman to orgasm?
Answer: Who cares
Quick joke: What's the smallest penis that can still cause a woman to orgasm?
Answer: Who cares
loneal
+10 -1
You messed up the punchline, it's actually supposed to be, "Who cares? Most women need clitoral stimulation to come anyway, so you should stop guilting her into faking it during penetrative sex so your little penis-ego can get a crumb of gratification and pay attention to what actually pleases her. The smallest penis is irrelevant; let's talk about tongue strength and dexterity."
You messed up the punchline, it's actually supposed to be, "Who cares? Most women need clitoral stimulation to come anyway, so you should stop guilting her into faking it during penetrative sex so your little penis-ego can get a crumb of gratification and pay attention to what actually pleases her. The smallest penis is irrelevant; let's talk about tongue strength and dexterity."
autrepoupee
+0 -0
Woah ho ho ho fellas, this kitten's got claws !
Woah ho ho ho fellas, this kitten's got claws !
slab64
+0 -0
You stay classy, San Diego.
You stay classy, San Diego.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I don't get the joke.
I don't get the joke.
loneal
+22 -1
Oh, it's probably only funny if you've had sex before.
Oh, it's probably only funny if you've had sex before.
snidedk
+0 -0
Goddamn, that was harsh.
Oh so chubbied.
Goddamn, that was harsh.
Oh so chubbied.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
That's probably true for a lot of things.
That's probably true for a lot of things.
achilleselbow
+7 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
howl
+0 -0
I found it funny.
I found it funny.
daidai
+0 -0
howling is what wolves do!
howling is what wolves do!
howl
+0 -0
what?
what?
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
Oh man. That is the car of pain. and you are driving it. And Achilleselbow is in it. You toss him out and RUN HIS ASS OVER!
...then take him to school. (basically not a good day)
Oh man. That is the car of pain. and you are driving it. And Achilleselbow is in it. You toss him out and RUN HIS ASS OVER!
...then take him to school. (basically not a good day)
hedonismbot
+1 -1
I'm sorry, you are gonna have to repeat that. I was staring at your chest while you were talking.
Also, is the "?" that important? I almost always leave off my final punctuation online
I'm sorry, you are gonna have to repeat that. I was staring at your chest while you were talking.
Also, is the "?" that important? I almost always leave off my final punctuation online
tucky
+0 -0
I had a girlfriend once with whom I never had sex, but she preferred fingers in her as opposed to on her every time. Any thoughts?
I had a girlfriend once with whom I never had sex, but she preferred fingers in her as opposed to on her every time. Any thoughts?
hellofditties
+0 -0
Your clitoral technique was wrong and Terrible.
Sorry.
Your clitoral technique was wrong and Terrible.
Sorry.
loneal
+0 -0
That's garden-variety wrong, but capitalized Terrible.
Don't worry, tucky, the clitorati remain shrouded in mystery for many, many men.
That's garden-variety wrong, but capitalized Terrible.
Don't worry, tucky, the clitorati remain shrouded in mystery for many, many men.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Many many many many men
Wish death 'pon me*
Lord I don't cry no more
Don't look to the sky no more
Have mercy on me
* Because I know how to lick their girlfriends' clits.
Many many many many men
Wish death 'pon me*
Lord I don't cry no more
Don't look to the sky no more
Have mercy on me
* Because I know how to lick their girlfriends' clits.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Also, in response to clitorati:
Godfather, I come to you with the gift of cunnilingus, on this, the day of your daughter's wedding...
or
Two in the head, leave the gun, take the cunnilingus.
Also, in response to clitorati:
Godfather, I come to you with the gift of cunnilingus, on this, the day of your daughter's wedding...
or
Two in the head, leave the gun, take the cunnilingus.
snidedk
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
tucky
+0 -0
not the answer I was hoping for, but I did ask... I've got some wikipedia-ing to do on this subject. Let's see what every nerd on the internet can teach me on the subject. (forecast: not much?)
not the answer I was hoping for, but I did ask... I've got some wikipedia-ing to do on this subject. Let's see what every nerd on the internet can teach me on the subject. (forecast: not much?)
bixschmix
+0 -0
Oh honey. This is not the kind of question you need to ask of nerds on the internet. Clits Across America thanks you for your time and interest, and encourages you to seek advice from elders you know and trust.
Oh honey. This is not the kind of question you need to ask of nerds on the internet. Clits Across America thanks you for your time and interest, and encourages you to seek advice from elders you know and trust.
pogo
+1 -0
Elders you know and trust? That's my cue to write something disturbing. Ahem, MOISTURE, my fellow men, is key to the clit kingdon. Where you get it is your business, and yes, those jellies and such are a great boon to liquidity. Then be DELICATE. Imagine a penis only a tenth of and inch long, but just as sensitive. So tickle rather than trounce, and be patient at first. You will be rewarded later (next lesson is on the post-orgasmic vagina, chapter 69).
Elders you know and trust? That's my cue to write something disturbing. Ahem, MOISTURE, my fellow men, is key to the clit kingdon. Where you get it is your business, and yes, those jellies and such are a great boon to liquidity. Then be DELICATE. Imagine a penis only a tenth of and inch long, but just as sensitive. So tickle rather than trounce, and be patient at first. You will be rewarded later (next lesson is on the post-orgasmic vagina, chapter 69).
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Watch a ton of porn. Notice how the men immediately rush for the clit? Great technique that. Doesn't matter how dry your fingers are. Wiggle it around and roughly and quickly as possible. If you are luck you will see the masterful method of the "gash-slap" or "clit-flick". These are advanced, but truly powerful moves that will ensure that dozens of perpetually horny young women are giving you hugs and writing your MySpaces.
Also, they love when you slap them with your cock.
Watch a ton of porn. Notice how the men immediately rush for the clit? Great technique that. Doesn't matter how dry your fingers are. Wiggle it around and roughly and quickly as possible. If you are luck you will see the masterful method of the "gash-slap" or "clit-flick". These are advanced, but truly powerful moves that will ensure that dozens of perpetually horny young women are giving you hugs and writing your MySpaces.
Also, they love when you slap them with your cock.
miseryandthesun
+3 -1
[IMGS OFF]
The topic of cunnilingus has been brought up on this section of Assetbar. As a direct result, I have posted this picture of Christopher Walken dressed as 'Colonel Angus' and performing a skit on Saturday Night Live.
I am drunk and this picture is relevant to me because I like Christopher Walken and performing oral sex and watching Saturday Night Live, but even I have a hard time finding it funny and I could easily empathize with those of you that associate the picture with one of Walken's weakest skits and become very depressed.
I do not know why I am posting this picture. I have searched my soul and discovered that I do not care if it is funny to you. It is the best I can do to be honest with you, Assetbar. I am barely sorry.
[IMGS OFF]
The topic of cunnilingus has been brought up on this section of Assetbar. As a direct result, I have posted this picture of Christopher Walken dressed as 'Colonel Angus' and performing a skit on Saturday Night Live.
I am drunk and this picture is relevant to me because I like Christopher Walken and performing oral sex and watching Saturday Night Live, but even I have a hard time finding it funny and I could easily empathize with those of you that associate the picture with one of Walken's weakest skits and become very depressed.
I do not know why I am posting this picture. I have searched my soul and discovered that I do not care if it is funny to you. It is the best I can do to be honest with you, Assetbar. I am barely sorry.
bixschmix
+0 -0
Loneal for #1 AssetbarSexpert! Hurrah! Hurrah!
Loneal for #1 AssetbarSexpert! Hurrah! Hurrah!
aperson
+3 -0
Seconded.
Seconded.
miseryandthesun
+0 -0
That was perfect.
"It's 2004. Go buy a dildo."
Obligatory 'I love the Onion'.
I really do, though.
It makes me want to buy a dildo.
That was perfect.
"It's 2004. Go buy a dildo."
Obligatory 'I love the Onion'.
I really do, though.
It makes me want to buy a dildo.
loneal
+0 -0
Just what are you implying about me, aperson? Hmm?
Just what are you implying about me, aperson? Hmm?
aperson
+0 -0
I wasn't implying anything! I was merely insinuating in a snide manner.
I wasn't implying anything! I was merely insinuating in a snide manner.
aperson
+0 -0
Fuckin hell I have to remember: square brackets .
Fuckin hell I have to remember: square brackets .
loneal
+0 -2
Yes, well, sssip, up yours, etc.
Yes, well, sssip, up yours, etc.
aperson
+0 -0
Oh no...
Oh no...
bixschmix
+0 -0
I... I'm pretty sure I was at least 21 when I became a sex columnist. Does that make me 1. original or 2. behind the curve? (Please don't answer that)
I... I'm pretty sure I was at least 21 when I became a sex columnist. Does that make me 1. original or 2. behind the curve? (Please don't answer that)
hedonismbot
+1 -0
I had a sexual column much earlier than that, if-you-know-what-I-mean-and-I-bet-you-do
I had a sexual column much earlier than that, if-you-know-what-I-mean-and-I-bet-you-do
ioneal
+3 -2
I KNOW ALL ABOUT COITUS AND ARRANGE MY KNOWLEDGE OF IT INTO WORD SENTENCES
I KNOW ALL ABOUT COITUS AND ARRANGE MY KNOWLEDGE OF IT INTO WORD SENTENCES
loneai
+0 -2
CAN I BE SEX "AND" THE CITY
I PLAN ON TAKING MY SNAPPY KNOWLEDGE OF BACKSEAT MAMBO TO THE STREETS
NO MORE WILL USA OPERATE UNDER MISAPPREHENSIONS ABOUT WHAT I THINK ABOUT SEXUAL ORGANS AND THE THINGS THAT THEY DO AND GO LIKE
fuUUUUUUUCking
CAN I BE SEX "AND" THE CITY
I PLAN ON TAKING MY SNAPPY KNOWLEDGE OF BACKSEAT MAMBO TO THE STREETS
NO MORE WILL USA OPERATE UNDER MISAPPREHENSIONS ABOUT WHAT I THINK ABOUT SEXUAL ORGANS AND THE THINGS THAT THEY DO AND GO LIKE
fuUUUUUUUCking
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Wait a minute! You're the not real Loneai!
It's a lampoon!
Wait a minute! You're the not real Loneai!
It's a lampoon!
aperson
+0 -0
I'm sorry loneal. I gave somebody a way to show everyone that they have some problems.
I'm sorry loneal. I gave somebody a way to show everyone that they have some problems.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Despite my greatest efforts, I did find this kind of hilarious.
Am... am I a bad person?
Despite my greatest efforts, I did find this kind of hilarious.
Am... am I a bad person?
kickstart
+0 -0
alls I know is, it made me start analyzing the lyrics of "Takin' it to the streets" for sexual themes.
oh you, telling me the things you gonna do to me
alls I know is, it made me start analyzing the lyrics of "Takin' it to the streets" for sexual themes.
oh you, telling me the things you gonna do to me
slab64
+0 -0
If I hear "Takin' It to the Streets" one more time, I'm gonna take this....I'm gonna take...
Well, shit. I guess that reference can't be transposed onto just any Michael McDonald song.
If I hear "Takin' It to the Streets" one more time, I'm gonna take this....I'm gonna take...
Well, shit. I guess that reference can't be transposed onto just any Michael McDonald song.
griggs_although
+0 -1
i have heard leading pundits of our day talk straight about the genital
i ateended Progressive schooling
i am prepared to answer any question about the genital
i have heard leading pundits of our day talk straight about the genital
i ateended Progressive schooling
i am prepared to answer any question about the genital
griggs_although
+0 -1
lose weight now, ask me about the genital
lose weight now, ask me about the genital
crazyworld
+0 -0
you mean tampoon!
you mean tampoon!
dumb_bitch
+0 -0
A comment left by dumb_bitch was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by daedala_x, daidai, re5urgam, falseprophet, d3athcann0n, miseryandthesun, hellofditties)
A comment left by dumb_bitch was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by daedala_x, daidai, re5urgam, falseprophet, d3athcann0n, miseryandthesun, hellofditties)
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Ok, that one, not so much.
Ok, that one, not so much.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Somebody's got a cru-ush~
Somebody's got a cru-ush~
tragicone
+0 -0
i have crushed cans with my tongue and I enjoy video games a great deal.
one is true. Try and spot the not!
i have crushed cans with my tongue and I enjoy video games a great deal.
one is true. Try and spot the not!
griggs_although
+0 -1
six inch tongue
six inch tongue
griggs_although
+0 -1
EIGHT INCH TONGUE
EIGHT INCH TONGUE
gyrate
+0 -0
I just pay the extra dollar to "dildo it".
I just pay the extra dollar to "dildo it".
theirateturk
+0 -0
lol 555 best post registering new account to chubby
lol 555 best post registering new account to chubby
techiebabe
+0 -0
Exactly!
Exactly!
akarroa
+1 -0
I fear that all of them will seem small to me since I was mainly raised around horses....
I fear that all of them will seem small to me since I was mainly raised around horses....
theirateturk
+0 -0
lol women are sluts
lol women are sluts
theguitarhero
+0 -1
Only the ones you date.
Only the ones you date.
theirateturk
+1 -0
:/
:/
octafish
+0 -0
theguitarhero sits at his computer, clicks the post box, cletches a fist, and throws an uppercut, "Booyah motherfucker, Booyah!".
theguitarhero sits at his computer, clicks the post box, cletches a fist, and throws an uppercut, "Booyah motherfucker, Booyah!".
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Actually I was like "Oh god this kid is totally gonna kill himself ON THE INTERNET. I feel bad."
All in a Victorian diving suit. Pistol cocked. One Bullet. Six Chambers. Do you feel lucky.
Actually I was like "Oh god this kid is totally gonna kill himself ON THE INTERNET. I feel bad."
All in a Victorian diving suit. Pistol cocked. One Bullet. Six Chambers. Do you feel lucky.
akarroa
+0 -0
Just waiting for the 'koodge'.
Just waiting for the 'koodge'.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
you probably should all be talking about girth
long and thin, too far in,
short and thick, does the trick.
you probably should all be talking about girth
long and thin, too far in,
short and thick, does the trick.
hedonismbot
+1 -0
Seriously. I'm told there are few things worse than some dude rocking your she-can and suddenly ramming your cervix. Seems it's like if a girl was totally pleasing you, mouth really into it, making the right noises, then POW! right in the nutsack. Too long means you don't get very many choices in position. Too thick just means she needs more practice
Seriously. I'm told there are few things worse than some dude rocking your she-can and suddenly ramming your cervix. Seems it's like if a girl was totally pleasing you, mouth really into it, making the right noises, then POW! right in the nutsack. Too long means you don't get very many choices in position. Too thick just means she needs more practice
woodenteeth
+2 -0
He-Can and She-Can.
Masters of Uraniverse.
He-Can and She-Can.
Masters of Uraniverse.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
V-chub, by the power of greyskull.
V-chub, by the power of greyskull.
snidedk
+0 -0
[quote=tragicone]I need to get me some of that.
Sad but true.[/quote]
Dude, this is the internet! You ain't gotta admit something like that... every guy on the internet is 6'10", has a 15 inch shiggity-schwa, dates supermodels, and drives a Lotus.
[quote=tragicone]I need to get me some of that.
Sad but true.[/quote]
Dude, this is the internet! You ain't gotta admit something like that... every guy on the internet is 6'10", has a 15 inch shiggity-schwa, dates supermodels, and drives a Lotus.
irondave
+0 -0
Ferrari.
Ferrari.
loneal
+1 -0
A shiggity-schwa seems like it should be...shifty-five inches long.
A shiggity-schwa seems like it should be...shifty-five inches long.
syrupykeyboard
+1 -0
His Lotus can't drive shifty-five.
His Lotus can't drive shifty-five.
snidedk
+0 -0
That song would be infinitely better if Sammy Hagar sang "shfifty-five".
That song would be infinitely better if Sammy Hagar sang "shfifty-five".
morypcaina
+0 -0
HOLY SHIT YES
HOLY SHIT YES
aliiis
+0 -0
Yo shiggity!
Anyway yeah, 'shiggity-schwa' is my new best word. I have always loved schwa !
Yo shiggity!
Anyway yeah, 'shiggity-schwa' is my new best word. I have always loved schwa !
deovalente
+0 -0
I read Brazil Jew.
I read Brazil Jew.
usversusthem
+0 -0
Pfft, no such thing. Why do you think all the Nazis hid there post WW2? The carnival? Oh, you're so naive.
Pfft, no such thing. Why do you think all the Nazis hid there post WW2? The carnival? Oh, you're so naive.
aliiis
+0 -0
The magazine.
The magazine.
bixschmix
+0 -0
I'm all about "Heeb."
I'm all about "Heeb."
sharpdresseddan
+0 -0
As one who has never uploaded an image onto Assetbar, can someone tell me how to post a photoshopped image?
As one who has never uploaded an image onto Assetbar, can someone tell me how to post a photoshopped image?
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
go to your favorite image uploader (imageshack.us, tinypic, etc.) and upload your picture and take the url for 'direct link' or whatever.
encase said url in your reply in the tag [IMGS OFF] or, for future reference, open the [BBcode]:ON link in a new window and you'll learn tons a bbcode stuff. IT'S ELECTRIFYIN'!
go to your favorite image uploader (imageshack.us, tinypic, etc.) and upload your picture and take the url for 'direct link' or whatever.
encase said url in your reply in the tag [IMGS OFF] or, for future reference, open the [BBcode]:ON link in a new window and you'll learn tons a bbcode stuff. IT'S ELECTRIFYIN'!
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
the tag img and close it with /img (both tags in brackets, mind you)
the tag img and close it with /img (both tags in brackets, mind you)
hellofditties
+6 -0
Just describe it. Really well.
Just describe it. Really well.
sirhan_duran
+0 -0
assetbar will do the rest, you can trust it
assetbar will do the rest, you can trust it
jackscolon
+0 -0
Phillipe's expression in panel five scares me.
Phillipe's expression in panel five scares me.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Philippe's never had an erection before? Then I can finally sleep easy in the knowledge that he didn't know what was going on in this strip.
Also, does this mean that he never actually got his bone on with Ultra Peanut?
Philippe's never had an erection before? Then I can finally sleep easy in the knowledge that he didn't know what was going on in this strip.
Also, does this mean that he never actually got his bone on with Ultra Peanut?
davey-boy
+0 -0
I had never interpereted that he had. Kids just don't give a crap about bare-assedness.
I had never interpereted that he had. Kids just don't give a crap about bare-assedness.
valrus
+0 -0
I'm not sure anyone knows what's going on in that strip.
I'm not sure anyone knows what's going on in that strip.
lateadopter
+0 -0
That was such early days, and probably pre-canon. I always figured it meant just what it sounded like, but the characters all changed since then.
That was such early days, and probably pre-canon. I always figured it meant just what it sounded like, but the characters all changed since then.
thegoblins
+0 -0
Awww, that is some adorableness right there.
Awww, that is some adorableness right there.
sje46
+0 -0
What I want to know is what kind of factory manifactures an anatomically correct teddy bear.
What I want to know is what kind of factory manifactures an anatomically correct teddy bear.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
maybe it's part of his personification.
maybe it's part of his personification.
sje46
+0 -0
That's too simple of an explanation.
But true story: at a Big Lots I found an anatomically correct male goat toy.
That's too simple of an explanation.
But true story: at a Big Lots I found an anatomically correct male goat toy.
akarroa
+0 -0
I got a set of anatomically correct plastic horses and an anatomically correct Utahraptor toy.
I got a set of anatomically correct plastic horses and an anatomically correct Utahraptor toy.
hellofditties
+1 -0
Perhaps you too will get a stomping little girl!
Perhaps you too will get a stomping little girl!
hellofditties
+0 -0
That was a lot less creepy before I knew you were seventeen... uhhh.
I'm kinda little myself, so it's cool. Right?
That was a lot less creepy before I knew you were seventeen... uhhh.
I'm kinda little myself, so it's cool. Right?
davey-boy
+0 -0
Was it a Qwantz reference?
Was it a Qwantz reference?
hellofditties
+0 -0
Always.
I was going with the obscure 'crazy utahraptor' reference. You win!
Always.
I was going with the obscure 'crazy utahraptor' reference. You win!
davey-boy
+0 -0
Then we are cool.
Then we are cool.
akarroa
+0 -0
It's even creepier if you know I look like I'm 8.
It's even creepier if you know I look like I'm 8.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
anthropomorphism.
SOMEBODY needs to go back to school. (i do.)
anthropomorphism.
SOMEBODY needs to go back to school. (i do.)
sje46
+0 -0
Haha. I tried to use that word a week ago but I couldn't remember it. "Antropofication? Anthropology? Antromorphism?"
It was pointless, since no one there knew what anthropomorphism is anyway.
Haha. I tried to use that word a week ago but I couldn't remember it. "Antropofication? Anthropology? Antromorphism?"
It was pointless, since no one there knew what anthropomorphism is anyway.
agentstinky
+0 -0
I am trying to picture a social situation where you would try to explain anthropomorphism and no one there would know what it is. Were there popped collars? Did anyone call you "bro"?
I am trying to picture a social situation where you would try to explain anthropomorphism and no one there would know what it is. Were there popped collars? Did anyone call you "bro"?
sje46
+0 -0
I was talking about the enigma of Goofy and Pluto with my family. And my family isn't anything like that.
I was talking about the enigma of Goofy and Pluto with my family. And my family isn't anything like that.
slab64
+0 -0
Sorry about that. Best stick to conversations about women who may or may not have penises.
Sorry about that. Best stick to conversations about women who may or may not have penises.
hatstand_mcq
+5 -0
I have a nice image of someone trying to explain anthropomorphism to a group of attentive but confused Eastern Europeans.
"Bud Mikee Mowze, he ees a mowze, bud he is like a man, and his dog, he ees not like a man, and the mouze it ees roughly same size as dog?"
"That's a good question Karlov. I'll endeavour to explain."
This image may or may not be racist.
I have a nice image of someone trying to explain anthropomorphism to a group of attentive but confused Eastern Europeans.
"Bud Mikee Mowze, he ees a mowze, bud he is like a man, and his dog, he ees not like a man, and the mouze it ees roughly same size as dog?"
"That's a good question Karlov. I'll endeavour to explain."
This image may or may not be racist.
tekende
+0 -0
Heh heh. Virtual chubby, that was funny.
Heh heh. Virtual chubby, that was funny.
lrosetw8
+0 -0
Onstad Toys Inc.
"We make them anatomically correct so you don't have to."
Onstad Toys Inc.
"We make them anatomically correct so you don't have to."
tommythebrat
+0 -0
Stops you wetting the bed? So THAT'S what causes morning wood! I feel enlightened now.
Stops you wetting the bed? So THAT'S what causes morning wood! I feel enlightened now.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
...i automatically need to know if that's true or not now.
...i automatically need to know if that's true or not now.
blueloggy
+0 -0
Come on, there's no way. I have an 18-month-old boy and he gets little semi's all the time, and also pees his be-diapered pants as a matter of course. Though it's true I've never witnessed both occurring at the same time. (Thankfully.)
Come on, there's no way. I have an 18-month-old boy and he gets little semi's all the time, and also pees his be-diapered pants as a matter of course. Though it's true I've never witnessed both occurring at the same time. (Thankfully.)
sharpdresseddan
+0 -0
Well, although it hasn't been proven to be the sole reason for morning wood, not peeing yourself is at least a useful side-effect.
Well, although it hasn't been proven to be the sole reason for morning wood, not peeing yourself is at least a useful side-effect.
usversusthem
+0 -0
So far as I understand it, for most people, peeing the bed stops being an issue long before they start getting morning wood.
So far as I understand it, for most people, peeing the bed stops being an issue long before they start getting morning wood.
hedonismbot
+2 -0
They will not both occur at once. It is a thing of men that when we are pointy, we can't pee. If we could, we would do an unthinkable thing during sex, while drunk, that would be to the detriment of the species.
They will not both occur at once. It is a thing of men that when we are pointy, we can't pee. If we could, we would do an unthinkable thing during sex, while drunk, that would be to the detriment of the species.
tekende
+0 -0
One time I thought I did that. I was really embarrassed for a minute. I'm still not really sure why I thought that.
One time I thought I did that. I was really embarrassed for a minute. I'm still not really sure why I thought that.
pogo
+3 -0
It was okay, I didn't mind.
It was okay, I didn't mind.
slab64
+0 -0
You were drunk.
You were drunk.
tekende
+0 -0
NOPE. For some reason I just felt as though I had peed. But I hadn't come either. It was a confusing time for me, but passed quickly enough.
NOPE. For some reason I just felt as though I had peed. But I hadn't come either. It was a confusing time for me, but passed quickly enough.
pogo
+0 -0
You robots aren't anatomically correct anyway. But lemme tell ya, it's possible to pee through wood.
You robots aren't anatomically correct anyway. But lemme tell ya, it's possible to pee through wood.
irondave
+0 -0
You need to have yourself checked out (big news, I know) because there is supposed to be valving in effect.
I mean by a doctor.
You need to have yourself checked out (big news, I know) because there is supposed to be valving in effect.
I mean by a doctor.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Seriously. This may be a warning from your prostate
Seriously. This may be a warning from your prostate
syrupykeyboard
+2 -0
It is saying "Stop smoking cigarettes with your penis."
It is saying "Stop smoking cigarettes with your penis."
morypcaina
+0 -0
if your stream functions at like 100 psi
heh, "pee ess eye"
if your stream functions at like 100 psi
heh, "pee ess eye"
slab64
+2 -0
csi: urethra
csi: urethra
aliiis
+0 -0
chubby for making me snortle in a most unladylike fashion
chubby for making me snortle in a most unladylike fashion
loneal
+2 -0
[IMGS OFF][IMGS OFF][IMGS OFF][IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF][IMGS OFF][IMGS OFF][IMGS OFF]
loneal
+0 -0
I was hoping that would just chill on a vertical plane rather than a horizontal one. You win some, you lose some.
I was hoping that would just chill on a vertical plane rather than a horizontal one. You win some, you lose some.
syrupykeyboard
+1 -0
I do not think that Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres will ever have a child.
I do not think that Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres will ever have a child.
loneal
+0 -0
At this point in time, this reads like tired fat joke plus tired gay joke, but perhaps if you explain to me how Ellen DeGeneres is like Squirtle, I won't view it that way anymore?
At this point in time, this reads like tired fat joke plus tired gay joke, but perhaps if you explain to me how Ellen DeGeneres is like Squirtle, I won't view it that way anymore?
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
Well, Ellen is always dancing, and Squirtle looks like he's about to busta move any time now. Squirtle and she just always looks sorta bug-eyed, to me at least.
Well, Ellen is always dancing, and Squirtle looks like he's about to busta move any time now. Squirtle and she just always looks sorta bug-eyed, to me at least.
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
Wait, Squirtle is gay?
Wait, Squirtle is gay?
echidnaboy
+3 -0
Snortle? Oh, wait...
[IMGS OFF]
Eww.
Snortle? Oh, wait...
[IMGS OFF]
Eww.
aliiis
+0 -0
OH GOD WHAT?! Ewwwwwww .
I am pretty much horrified that you guys would think that reading something funny on the interbar would... make me shit? If that is even what you are trying to say?? I said I snortled, that is like when a person chortle s (a soft partly suppressed laugh) but the first part of the laugh came out of their nose, forming a small snort (the sound made by exhaling roughly through the nose). JESUS. :(
I also do not really understand about the pokemen above (sorry) but I gather that they have silly names, right?
OH GOD WHAT?! Ewwwwwww .
I am pretty much horrified that you guys would think that reading something funny on the interbar would... make me shit? If that is even what you are trying to say?? I said I snortled, that is like when a person chortle s (a soft partly suppressed laugh) but the first part of the laugh came out of their nose, forming a small snort (the sound made by exhaling roughly through the nose). JESUS. :(
I also do not really understand about the pokemen above (sorry) but I gather that they have silly names, right?
achilleselbow
+1 -0
Hey kids, it's Boring Explanation Time with achilleselbow!
The big pokemon is Snorlax, the small one is Squirtle. Loneal was making a joke that "snortle" sounds like a cross between the two, and echidnaboy took it farther by showing the other possible combination of their names. I promise that no one thought you shit yourself while reading something on the internet, though now that you've mentioned it everyone is indeed thinking about it, and it's kinda hot.
Hey kids, it's Boring Explanation Time with achilleselbow!
The big pokemon is Snorlax, the small one is Squirtle. Loneal was making a joke that "snortle" sounds like a cross between the two, and echidnaboy took it farther by showing the other possible combination of their names. I promise that no one thought you shit yourself while reading something on the internet, though now that you've mentioned it everyone is indeed thinking about it, and it's kinda hot.
loneal
+0 -0
Elbox, your comment is not a boring explanation when it is delivered with your current avicon.
Elbox, your comment is not a boring explanation when it is delivered with your current avicon.
echidnaboy
+0 -0
"Kinda hot" is actually one of Squirt-lax's more unfortunate side-effects
"Kinda hot" is actually one of Squirt-lax's more unfortunate side-effects
aliiis
+0 -0
Thank you for the emphatic explanation, matey. And now that I understand the joke it is pretty funny!
But not-thank you for the last sentence. At all. Scheisse Minelli has never been one of my chosen careers D:
Thank you for the emphatic explanation, matey. And now that I understand the joke it is pretty funny!
But not-thank you for the last sentence. At all. Scheisse Minelli has never been one of my chosen careers D:
slab64
+0 -0
I like that that happened.
Vchub.
I like that that happened.
Vchub.
pogo
+1 -0
It is entirely possible to pee through an erect penis, just very hard to aim down, don't you know.
It is entirely possible to pee through an erect penis, just very hard to aim down, don't you know.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
See I read this directly after the comment about peeing through wood, and I automatically assumed that you were claiming it possible to pee through someone else's erect penis. (Or wood.)
Or... wait.
See I read this directly after the comment about peeing through wood, and I automatically assumed that you were claiming it possible to pee through someone else's erect penis. (Or wood.)
Or... wait.
daidai
+0 -0
That works too.
That works too.
sneakymarco
+0 -0
Yeah it just takes practice. Keep at it and you can get the hang of it eventually.
Yeah it just takes practice. Keep at it and you can get the hang of it eventually.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Yeah, that's what your mom said last night.
Yeah, that's what your mom said last night.
davey-boy
+2 -0
What your mom said last night amounts to "i_love_kate is a sloppy and inexpierienced lover".
What your mom said last night amounts to "i_love_kate is a sloppy and inexpierienced lover".
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Actually, that was what she said word-for-word in the aftermath.
Actually, that was what she said word-for-word in the aftermath.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
I had no idea baby boys could have sort of erection type things. This kind of changes my chosen progeny gender for the future. Is it like, a friction thing? I don't know, I'm all kinds of surprised and I don't want to google "infant boy erections" on the VPN.
I had no idea baby boys could have sort of erection type things. This kind of changes my chosen progeny gender for the future. Is it like, a friction thing? I don't know, I'm all kinds of surprised and I don't want to google "infant boy erections" on the VPN.
irondave
+0 -0
It just do what it do, you know?
It just do what it do, you know?
loneal
+1 -0
Yo, I once babysat for a three-year-old girl who would not stop masturbating. What gender progeny do you want now?
Yo, I once babysat for a three-year-old girl who would not stop masturbating. What gender progeny do you want now?
autrepoupee
+0 -0
;____(
one without working genitalia i guess
;____(
one without working genitalia i guess
loneal
+1 -0
Autre wants a ruined junk kid!
Autre wants a ruined junk kid!
autrepoupee
+0 -0
If only I could be assured my child had an external set of junk that was immobile. Just sort of a thin tube with a little pin-point hole at the end, that stayed at a constant physical size and shape.
If only. Get on it, science! I'll take the prototype.
If only I could be assured my child had an external set of junk that was immobile. Just sort of a thin tube with a little pin-point hole at the end, that stayed at a constant physical size and shape.
If only. Get on it, science! I'll take the prototype.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Man, life would be so much simpler if our genitals stayed at a constant physical size and shape.
Man, life would be so much simpler if our genitals stayed at a constant physical size and shape.
irondave
+0 -0
After you become a parent you eventually are inured to a wide variety of phenomena that you once considered disgusting. I guess this is one more aspect of hundreds of millions of years of evolution, working for you. Be not afraid.
After you become a parent you eventually are inured to a wide variety of phenomena that you once considered disgusting. I guess this is one more aspect of hundreds of millions of years of evolution, working for you. Be not afraid.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
True, if something is already pooping all over the place and spitting on me and I still love it, what's a few erections or vaginal secretions gonna do? No biggie!
True, if something is already pooping all over the place and spitting on me and I still love it, what's a few erections or vaginal secretions gonna do? No biggie!
hellofditties
+1 -0
That's the spirit!
That's the spirit!
deusoma
+1 -0
Your icon adds a whole new subtext to this comment.
Your icon adds a whole new subtext to this comment.
achilleselbow
+4 -0
I like the kind of progeny that is still an ovum and not born and I am walking away at kind of an angle to the woman.
I like the kind of progeny that is still an ovum and not born and I am walking away at kind of an angle to the woman.
loneal
+4 -0
Yeah, I like the kind of progeny that is still an egg and not fertilized and my birth control is shoving it back into my ovary at kind of an angle.
Yeah, I like the kind of progeny that is still an egg and not fertilized and my birth control is shoving it back into my ovary at kind of an angle.
kickstart
+2 -0
GET BACK IN THERE
GET BACK IN THERE
margargaret
+0 -0
https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7447942.stm
https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7447942.stm
bixschmix
+0 -0
Not to get political, but ladies (and people who care about ladies) should be aware of this. The Bush administration is trying to [a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/cecile-richards/proposed-bush-rule-underm_b_112941.html">redefine many common forms of birth control as abortion[/a]-- completely without any scientific basis for doing so, of course. Furthermore, this rule will make it legal for pharmacists to refuse to dispense birth control, which is both insulting and scary, especially for people in small towns.
Not to get political, but ladies (and people who care about ladies) should be aware of this. The Bush administration is trying to [a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/cecile-richards/proposed-bush-rule-underm_b_112941.html">redefine many common forms of birth control as abortion[/a]-- completely without any scientific basis for doing so, of course. Furthermore, this rule will make it legal for pharmacists to refuse to dispense birth control, which is both insulting and scary, especially for people in small towns.
tragicone
+0 -0
loneal you are the greatest woman I have ever met.
loneal you are the greatest woman I have ever met.
loneal
+2 -0
On the off-chance you're not mocking me: high five! If you are mocking me, I will just stand here with my hand way up high in the air and you'll just sort of look at it in a casual way and everyone will know I just got dissed.
On the off-chance you're not mocking me: high five! If you are mocking me, I will just stand here with my hand way up high in the air and you'll just sort of look at it in a casual way and everyone will know I just got dissed.
pogo
+0 -0
He's right, you are the greatest, sort of like Wendy in Never-never Land, only hotter.
He's right, you are the greatest, sort of like Wendy in Never-never Land, only hotter.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Oh, Pogo!
*cue theme music*
Oh, Pogo!
*cue theme music*
slab64
+0 -0
I heard the theme from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Not sure if that was what you had in mind, if anything.
I heard the theme from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Not sure if that was what you had in mind, if anything.
pogo
+0 -0
I'd prefer that brassy theme from the old Dick Van Dyke Show, baddada, baddada, badadadadada, whump boom!
I'd prefer that brassy theme from the old Dick Van Dyke Show, baddada, baddada, badadadadada, whump boom!
akarroa
+0 -0
The theme for Doby Gillis played in my head, but everytime it said 'Doby' it was replaced with 'pogo'.
The theme for Doby Gillis played in my head, but everytime it said 'Doby' it was replaced with 'pogo'.
octafish
+0 -0
Three words for you, Bar-Ney-Miller. The King of TV themes, but if you prefer a song with lyrics, Dr John's In My Opinionation would do (I think that was the theme to Blossom).
Three words for you, Bar-Ney-Miller. The King of TV themes, but if you prefer a song with lyrics, Dr John's In My Opinionation would do (I think that was the theme to Blossom).
pogo
+0 -0
Wow, I had actually forgotten all about Maynard G. Krebs and the Dobie Gillis gang! Thanks for the memories. (I know, that's Bob Hope's theme song.)
Wow, I had actually forgotten all about Maynard G. Krebs and the Dobie Gillis gang! Thanks for the memories. (I know, that's Bob Hope's theme song.)
tragicone
+0 -0
don't worry. Our hands have e-met.
don't worry. Our hands have e-met.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
The more fun part of a female childling is changing them. Poop gets up in there a bit. You get to clean it out. Sometimes you really gotta get up in there. Man that even creeps me out.
The more fun part of a female childling is changing them. Poop gets up in there a bit. You get to clean it out. Sometimes you really gotta get up in there. Man that even creeps me out.
achilleselbow
+1 -0
POOPY VAGINAS
POOPY VAGINAS
slab64
+2 -0
The uttering of that phrase by your avatar guy is horrifying
The uttering of that phrase by your avatar guy is horrifying
stereo
+0 -0
What if you missed a bit? *shudder*
What if you missed a bit? *shudder*
daidai
+0 -0
She'd have a mold baby.
She'd have a mold baby.
blueloggy
+0 -0
The vagina is a self-cleaning organ.
The vagina is a self-cleaning organ.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
I have always thought I would rather have girls than boys (as children I mean). You have singlehandedly changed my view on this matter. I really don't want to be walking my daughter down the aisle, all beautiful with her white dress and shining eyes, thinking "it seems like only yesterday that I was digging shit out of her vagina."
What do you use to get it out? I imaging a finger would be much too big. Is there a special tool that they sell under the counter in Boots?
I have always thought I would rather have girls than boys (as children I mean). You have singlehandedly changed my view on this matter. I really don't want to be walking my daughter down the aisle, all beautiful with her white dress and shining eyes, thinking "it seems like only yesterday that I was digging shit out of her vagina."
What do you use to get it out? I imaging a finger would be much too big. Is there a special tool that they sell under the counter in Boots?
loneal
+0 -0
Okay, please. Stop. The infantile vagina imagery. Sometimes you have to a be a bit more thorough with the wipes when changing girl diapers. That is all. It is not a big deal. The speculation can cease. Assetbar can continue its career as a website not on the child porn lists of policemen. The end.
Okay, please. Stop. The infantile vagina imagery. Sometimes you have to a be a bit more thorough with the wipes when changing girl diapers. That is all. It is not a big deal. The speculation can cease. Assetbar can continue its career as a website not on the child porn lists of policemen. The end.
avery81
+0 -0
yeah the reminds me does anyone have any pictures or videos or is there a site with a flash-based simulator? I really like to do my research you know I like to be an informed consumer.
yeah the reminds me does anyone have any pictures or videos or is there a site with a flash-based simulator? I really like to do my research you know I like to be an informed consumer.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
An informed consumer of what? Little girls?
An informed consumer of what? Little girls?
autrepoupee
+0 -0
Well, I can't speak for everybody, but I need to know which one's won't care about my one-way mirror, and won't be frightened by my cold exterior.
Well, I can't speak for everybody, but I need to know which one's won't care about my one-way mirror, and won't be frightened by my cold exterior.
aliiis
+0 -0
Super rock-hard v-chub for that song. That wonderful, horrible song.
you have seen the video with the midgets , oui, ma petite poupee?
Super rock-hard v-chub for that song. That wonderful, horrible song.
you have seen the video with the midgets , oui, ma petite poupee?
autrepoupee
+0 -0
Have I seen the video with the midgets? have I seen the video with the midgets?
Yes, I have seen the video with the midgets, aweeesome aliiis! It is top banana, I love the Oingo and the Boingo.
Have I seen the video with the midgets? have I seen the video with the midgets?
Yes, I have seen the video with the midgets, aweeesome aliiis! It is top banana, I love the Oingo and the Boingo.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
POOPY VAGINAS!!!
POOPY VAGINAS!!!
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
Avast, me matey! These 'poopy vaginas' innit your way'o sayin' pisses'o eight, be it?
Avast, me matey! These 'poopy vaginas' innit your way'o sayin' pisses'o eight, be it?
i_love_kate
+0 -0
That's a horrible thing for a girl to hear. "Yes, that's right, at some point your parents probably had to dive into your infant vagina in order to retrieve your faeces.
Alternatively, it weirded them out too much and they hired some guy off a street corner."
That's a horrible thing for a girl to hear. "Yes, that's right, at some point your parents probably had to dive into your infant vagina in order to retrieve your faeces.
Alternatively, it weirded them out too much and they hired some guy off a street corner."
daidai
+0 -0
One day this will be the toast at my daughter's sweet sixteen party.
One day this will be the toast at my daughter's sweet sixteen party.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Make sure all her potential suitors are paying attention.
Make sure all her potential suitors are paying attention.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
I have observed this phenomenon in a niece of mine. In fairness, it took the form of a sort of fully clothed frottage against items of furniture, conducted with idle detachment. It wasn't too bad really, although a little socially awkward (there was a large group of friends and family gathered in the drawing room for pre-lunch drinks). I imaging that other forms could be considerably worse.
I have observed this phenomenon in a niece of mine. In fairness, it took the form of a sort of fully clothed frottage against items of furniture, conducted with idle detachment. It wasn't too bad really, although a little socially awkward (there was a large group of friends and family gathered in the drawing room for pre-lunch drinks). I imaging that other forms could be considerably worse.
aliiis
+0 -0
I don't know, but I do know that it's called [url=]nocturnal penile tumescence[/url] on wikipedia. Because my special friend and I have discussed this before.
I don't know, but I do know that it's called [url=]nocturnal penile tumescence[/url] on wikipedia. Because my special friend and I have discussed this before.
aliiis
+0 -0
I meant to say [url=]nocturnal penile tumescence[/url]. I wish I could lame myself.
I have been out drinking and having fun and I was just so excited that I had spelled all the words correctly :(
I meant to say [url=]nocturnal penile tumescence[/url]. I wish I could lame myself.
I have been out drinking and having fun and I was just so excited that I had spelled all the words correctly :(
aliiis
+1 -0
what is wikipedia trying to do to me
nocturnal penile tumescence
:((((
what is wikipedia trying to do to me
nocturnal penile tumescence
:((((
usversusthem
+0 -0
aliiis there is a tutorial available . so you don't have to suffer.
aliiis there is a tutorial available . so you don't have to suffer.
aliiis
+0 -0
No, no, I do know internets, I just suck because I drink
And I drink because I suck*
*(not really)
No, no, I do know internets, I just suck because I drink
And I drink because I suck*
*(not really)
usversusthem
+0 -0
obligatory do you think it is rad to have alcoholism question
obligatory do you think it is rad to have alcoholism question
hedonismbot
+0 -0
You suck when you drink eh? You uh, wanna hit a bar later?
You suck when you drink eh? You uh, wanna hit a bar later?
aliiis
+0 -0
Yeah actually, FUNNY STORY, oh wait, you know what I am not going to continue typing the first thing that came into my head.
Yeah actually, FUNNY STORY, oh wait, you know what I am not going to continue typing the first thing that came into my head.
aliiis
+2 -0
the last thing that came into my head, incidentally, was your brother
the last thing that came into my head, incidentally, was your brother
hedonismbot
+0 -0
My brother is in a coma
My brother is in a coma
aliiis
+2 -0
Yeah, I was TRYING TO HELP
Yeah, I was TRYING TO HELP
slab64
+0 -0
And help you did.
By the way, there's a policeman here to see you.
And help you did.
By the way, there's a policeman here to see you.
pogo
+0 -0
Yeah, the cop needs some "help" too!
Yeah, the cop needs some "help" too!
beefsmipeep
+6 -0
Although commonplace enough, I find this disquieting when applied to this particular entry:
"This health-related article is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it"
Um, pass
Although commonplace enough, I find this disquieting when applied to this particular entry:
"This health-related article is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it"
Um, pass
pogo
+0 -0
Your earlier boob shot would also be a helpful resource here.
Your earlier boob shot would also be a helpful resource here.
aliiis
+1 -0
you need to get o-ho-ho-hoooover the whole boob shot thing, old man
you need to get o-ho-ho-hoooover the whole boob shot thing, old man
hedonismbot
+0 -0
He doesn't know that there are other breast pictures on the webs
He doesn't know that there are other breast pictures on the webs
pogo
+0 -0
Yeah, but I don't know them so well.
Yeah, but I don't know them so well.
pogo
+0 -0
Okay, although it is burned into my consciousness and will bring me joy in my really old age, I will stop talking about them all the time.
Okay, although it is burned into my consciousness and will bring me joy in my really old age, I will stop talking about them all the time.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Clearly it's trying to see how many times it can make you type "nocturnal penile tumescence" over and over in an attempt to show you the level of absurdity that your life has reached.
Clearly it's trying to see how many times it can make you type "nocturnal penile tumescence" over and over in an attempt to show you the level of absurdity that your life has reached.
usversusthem
+8 -1
Science!
[IMGS OFF]
Science!
[IMGS OFF]
aliiis
+0 -0
So very, very chubbied. Would have been for bananarchy if nothing else. For best nn2s!
So very, very chubbied. Would have been for bananarchy if nothing else. For best nn2s!
sharpdresseddan
+2 -0
Now please, work damn you...
[IMGS OFF]
Now please, work damn you...
[IMGS OFF]
![[IMGS OFF]](https://web.archive.org/web/20110224024013/https://img402.imageshack.us/my.php?image=snakeoilxo1.jpg){kind=link}
tragicone
+0 -0
a chubby for your trouble
a chubby for your trouble
aliiis
+0 -0
a trouble-chubby, or chubble if you will
a trouble-chubby, or chubble if you will
davey-boy
+1 -0
Chubby Trouble, Peter Dudemore, Circus Penis and Rod Huggins in;
Breast Attack on Fuck Mountain 2
The Weepy Weep Way
Chubby Trouble, Peter Dudemore, Circus Penis and Rod Huggins in;
Breast Attack on Fuck Mountain 2
The Weepy Weep Way
aliiis
+2 -0
Chubble Man and No-No?
Or should that be YES-YES?!
Chubble Man and No-No?
Or should that be YES-YES?!
hellofditties
+0 -0
You are so clever but I'm out of chubbles :(
You are so clever but I'm out of chubbles :(
akarroa
+0 -0
Chubbied for both us, then.
Chubbied for both us, then.
griggs_although
+0 -0
is chubble a sniglet or a portmanteau
is chubble a sniglet or a portmanteau
slab64
+0 -0
spoonerism?
Malapropism?
neologism?
jism?
spoonerism?
Malapropism?
neologism?
jism?
aliiis
+0 -0
Portmant-oh-oh-oh-ho yeah
(I like linguistics questions!)
Portmant-oh-oh-oh-ho yeah
(I like linguistics questions!)
blueloggy
+0 -0
I know you'd never want to have a "syndrome" of any sort but sometimes a serene thingy is nice to have around.
I know you'd never want to have a "syndrome" of any sort but sometimes a serene thingy is nice to have around.
sharpdresseddan
+0 -0
I have failed myself
https://img402.imageshack.us/my.php?image=snakeoilxo1.jpg
I have failed myself
https://img402.imageshack.us/my.php?image=snakeoilxo1.jpg
sharpdresseddan
+0 -0
damn
damn
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
man what.
man what.
sharpdresseddan
+0 -0
[img=https://img402.imageshack.us/img402/3527/snakeoiliz6.th.jpg]
[img=https://img402.imageshack.us/img402/3527/snakeoiliz6.th.jpg]
![[img=https://img402.imageshack.us/img402/3527/snakeoiliz6.th.jpg]](https://web.archive.org/web/20110224024013/https://img402.imageshack.us/my.php?image=snakeoiliz6.jpg){kind=link}
sharpdresseddan
+0 -0
I'm officially giving up on this now.
I'm officially giving up on this now.
cpnglxynchos
+3 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
ha and it was cut off anyways.
this picture was not Meant for Assetbar.
ha and it was cut off anyways.
this picture was not Meant for Assetbar.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
and someone else* will make a better version anyway.
..just saying.
*edwell
and someone else* will make a better version anyway.
..just saying.
*edwell
sharpdresseddan
+0 -0
Thank you anyways. And meh, if someone makes a better one, than they only one-upped a first-timer.
Thank you anyways. And meh, if someone makes a better one, than they only one-upped a first-timer.
syrupykeyboard
+4 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
woodenteeth
+0 -0
The correct call is:
EDWELL EDWELL EDWELL
The correct call is:
EDWELL EDWELL EDWELL
kickstart
+1 -0
[IMGS OFF]
HASTILY PHOTOSHOPPED BUGGERY TEAM....ASSEMBLE!
[IMGS OFF]
HASTILY PHOTOSHOPPED BUGGERY TEAM....ASSEMBLE!
hedonismbot
+0 -0
If you look in the mirror in a dark room and say his name three times he will appear
If you look in the mirror in a dark room and say his name three times he will appear
theguitarhero
+0 -0
with a meat hook.
and he kills you.
with a meat hook.
and he kills you.
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
Until you are SO dead.
Until you are SO dead.
usversusthem
+0 -0
Until you are the deadest you are ever beink.
Until you are the deadest you are ever beink.
lrosetw8
+0 -0
You tried your best.
You tried your best.
madrin
+0 -0
it has been a while since Onstad gave us "rock hard cat cock" and if teodor's morning glory is what we are going to get, then i guess that's what i'm going to take.
notice i didn't try to fuck with BBcode.
I love switzerland.
it has been a while since Onstad gave us "rock hard cat cock" and if teodor's morning glory is what we are going to get, then i guess that's what i'm going to take.
notice i didn't try to fuck with BBcode.
I love switzerland.
irondave
+0 -0
Do you mean HAM?
Do you mean HAM?
chaz
+0 -0
Yet? YET? Maybe it will never happen for your'n, Phillipe.
Yet? YET? Maybe it will never happen for your'n, Phillipe.
agentstinky
+0 -0
I hope it's not happening to Phillippe during this comic strip. Not that I have a problem with gay people, I just really, REALLY don't want to read any Pat/Phillippe fanfic.
I hope it's not happening to Phillippe during this comic strip. Not that I have a problem with gay people, I just really, REALLY don't want to read any Pat/Phillippe fanfic.
thegoblins
+0 -0
NOOO why did you say it? Now you have called the curse upon this board!
NOOO why did you say it? Now you have called the curse upon this board!
akarroa
+0 -0
Paging Dr. Manflesh?
Paging Dr. Manflesh?
achilleselbow
+1 -0
-P...Pat?
-Philippe, you expressly agreed prior to your aquarium visit that you would not bother me with questions. If you require a reminder, I shall retrieve the relevant paperwork bearing your initials.
-But I checked the book and this isn't in there! Honest!
-Very well, but make it quick. I have a lentil-based tofu gazpacho stewing in the kitchen, and the bulgur must be added at precisely the right time.
-It looks like that one is trying to go to the bathroom, but the other one won't let him!
-Oh dear... well, Philippe, this is an awkward thing to explain to a child... you see, during a state of arousal, the cloaca becomes engorged....
-What's a cloaca?
-Hmm... perhaps a demonstration would be more fitting.
-Oh, boy!
-P...Pat?
-Philippe, you expressly agreed prior to your aquarium visit that you would not bother me with questions. If you require a reminder, I shall retrieve the relevant paperwork bearing your initials.
-But I checked the book and this isn't in there! Honest!
-Very well, but make it quick. I have a lentil-based tofu gazpacho stewing in the kitchen, and the bulgur must be added at precisely the right time.
-It looks like that one is trying to go to the bathroom, but the other one won't let him!
-Oh dear... well, Philippe, this is an awkward thing to explain to a child... you see, during a state of arousal, the cloaca becomes engorged....
-What's a cloaca?
-Hmm... perhaps a demonstration would be more fitting.
-Oh, boy!
stereo
+0 -0
I gave you a chubby for stopping before it got weird.
I gave you a chubby for stopping before it got weird.
slab64
+0 -0
Blame not agent stinky....blame rule 34
Blame not agent stinky....blame rule 34
agentstinky
+0 -0
To his credit, that's a pretty good off-the-cuff explanation of an erection for Tacodor.
To his credit, that's a pretty good off-the-cuff explanation of an erection for Tacodor.
bumpishound
+1 -0
BONE BONE BONE BONE BONE
BONE BONE BONE BONE BONE
paby
+0 -0
yesterday you only had 3 BONEs today you have 1 too many...
yesterday you only had 3 BONEs today you have 1 too many...
pygmalion00
+0 -0
Doesn't Brazil Jaw just mean that there's REALLY a party in your mouth and everyone's invited, a la Carnival?
Doesn't Brazil Jaw just mean that there's REALLY a party in your mouth and everyone's invited, a la Carnival?
beefsmipeep
+0 -2
C'mon, you f'd up the joke:
There's a party in your mouth and everyone's gonna be there !
Sheesh...
C'mon, you f'd up the joke:
There's a party in your mouth and everyone's gonna be there !
Sheesh...
beefsmipeep
+0 -0
No, wait, that's still not quite right...
No, wait, that's still not quite right...
i_love_kate
+5 -0
There's a party in your mouth and everyone's ejaculating onto the furniture.
There's a party in your mouth and everyone's ejaculating onto the furniture.
beefsmipeep
+0 -0
Closer...
Closer...
davey-boy
+3 -0
There is a party in your mouth and I am standing in a corner, listlessly stirring the ice in my drink.
There is a party in your mouth and I am standing in a corner, listlessly stirring the ice in my drink.
quantumcasaba
+0 -0
Socially awkward chubby. I've chubbied you while mumbling hello and staring at the floor.
Socially awkward chubby. I've chubbied you while mumbling hello and staring at the floor.
falseprophet
+0 -0
There's a party in your mouth and the punch is full of cum !
Amateur.
There's a party in your mouth and the punch is full of cum !
Amateur.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
there is a party in your mouth and everyone is coming.
there is a party in your mouth and everyone is coming.
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
OOOoooooohhhh. That is terrible.
OOOoooooohhhh. That is terrible.
falseprophet
+1 -0
Brazil Jaw is the pain you get from lickin too many clits, so named because it originated in the matriarchal Indian societies of Brazil, where the people walk about naked all the day, the breeze nipping at the men's wangs, keeping them small and preventing them from exerting dominance over the females, allowing their backwards culture to attain ascendance.
All will be right once our boat arrives. Our cargo?
Salvation.
Brazil Jaw is the pain you get from lickin too many clits, so named because it originated in the matriarchal Indian societies of Brazil, where the people walk about naked all the day, the breeze nipping at the men's wangs, keeping them small and preventing them from exerting dominance over the females, allowing their backwards culture to attain ascendance.
All will be right once our boat arrives. Our cargo?
Salvation.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
There is a party in your mouth and it doesn't have any public hair
There is a party in your mouth and it doesn't have any public hair
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
You must bring your own hair
You must bring your own hair
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Goddamnit. I go for the hairless crotch joke and add an 'l'. Isn't this like the most common embarrassing pun in reverse?
Goddamnit. I go for the hairless crotch joke and add an 'l'. Isn't this like the most common embarrassing pun in reverse?
pogo
+0 -0
Ouch, I've got a twinge of Brazil Jaw again.
Ouch, I've got a twinge of Brazil Jaw again.
tagnil
+0 -0
I hope this isn't a one off. I would love to see Philippe tanning hides, making friends with an Indian, training a hawk etc.
I hope this isn't a one off. I would love to see Philippe tanning hides, making friends with an Indian, training a hawk etc.
falseprophet
+1 -0
...Meets a girl named She Who Ultimately Pees With Nuts. And Philippe is basically all like the hero of several dime novels of the early 20th century where an adventurer is travelling all over the world, knockin a Nazi off every mountain and beddin a woman in each nation but never gettin em pregnant because that would flesh out the characters too much (haHA!)
...Meets a girl named She Who Ultimately Pees With Nuts. And Philippe is basically all like the hero of several dime novels of the early 20th century where an adventurer is travelling all over the world, knockin a Nazi off every mountain and beddin a woman in each nation but never gettin em pregnant because that would flesh out the characters too much (haHA!)
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
A comment left by gladi8orrex was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by falseprophet, Lumus, asobi)
A comment left by gladi8orrex was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by falseprophet, Lumus, asobi)
thegoblins
+0 -0
"My [carbon footprint] is so high they named a hole in the atmosphere after me?"
You have befuddled me, gladi8orrex.
"My [carbon footprint] is so high they named a hole in the atmosphere after me?"
You have befuddled me, gladi8orrex.
hellofditties
+0 -0
Is kinda a joke.
Is kinda a joke.
thegoblins
+0 -0
But the science of it! The science of it is...mangled, at best.
But the science of it! The science of it is...mangled, at best.
davey-boy
+0 -0
I will chubby a Platoon reference.
I will chubby a Platoon reference.
irondave
+0 -0
"LOL do you all remember the scene when Willem Dafoe is running from the [redacted] and everybody is washed (?) from the helicopter? It is such a powerful scene I am telling you. Like when Jason Stahm buries his son in The Name ....(?)
Also, I am telling you something. It is kinda a joke. 'My CO2 footprint is so high they named a hole in the atmosphere after me' it is kind of good I thought."
"LOL do you all remember the scene when Willem Dafoe is running from the [redacted] and everybody is washed (?) from the helicopter? It is such a powerful scene I am telling you. Like when Jason Stahm buries his son in The Name ....(?)
Also, I am telling you something. It is kinda a joke. 'My CO2 footprint is so high they named a hole in the atmosphere after me' it is kind of good I thought."
davey-boy
+0 -0
In the name of the king?
In the name of the king?
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
Carbon Dioxide does not cause holes in the atmosphere. You are all confused between the greenhouse effect and ozone depletion.
Sorry to be a dick, but comedy needs to come from a place of truth.
Carbon Dioxide does not cause holes in the atmosphere. You are all confused between the greenhouse effect and ozone depletion.
Sorry to be a dick, but comedy needs to come from a place of truth.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
Oh balls, you were just rephrasing Gladi8orrex. It was a cunty niggle to begin with, and now it turns out that it wasn't even you saying it. I feel such a shit right now. I'm going outside to whip myself with a length of hose (I'm not really, but I am properly embarrassed).
Oh balls, you were just rephrasing Gladi8orrex. It was a cunty niggle to begin with, and now it turns out that it wasn't even you saying it. I feel such a shit right now. I'm going outside to whip myself with a length of hose (I'm not really, but I am properly embarrassed).
pogo
+0 -0
But your point was well taken, nevertheless. I heard someone say that the hole in the ozone layer was going to cause global warming! Science is confusing for the emotionally driven.
But your point was well taken, nevertheless. I heard someone say that the hole in the ozone layer was going to cause global warming! Science is confusing for the emotionally driven.
kickstart
+0 -0
Everybody knows it's really Jason Steak-ums . Though I was never gonna get Dafoe, thanks for that.
Everybody knows it's really Jason Steak-ums . Though I was never gonna get Dafoe, thanks for that.
loneal
+0 -0
Alternate explanations:
- everybody is watching from the helicopter
- it's kind of cute, I thought
Alternate explanations:
- everybody is watching from the helicopter
- it's kind of cute, I thought
irondave
+0 -0
Yes, I think you are correct. In my defense, I am but a humble engineer and in fact am interpreting these texts without a license.
Yes, I think you are correct. In my defense, I am but a humble engineer and in fact am interpreting these texts without a license.
loneal
+0 -0
Also I just noticed you did not translate the first sentence, which was "Excuse me, I have a comment to make." I didn't go to three years of art-troll school for nothing, son.
Also I just noticed you did not translate the first sentence, which was "Excuse me, I have a comment to make." I didn't go to three years of art-troll school for nothing, son.
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
I thought he said
"Excuse me I have a comment to mac n' cheese."
But then I am all hyped up on Amp Energy.
And mac n' cheese sounds really yummy right now.
I thought he said
"Excuse me I have a comment to mac n' cheese."
But then I am all hyped up on Amp Energy.
And mac n' cheese sounds really yummy right now.
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
And now I am eating mac n' cheese.
Is SO yum.
And now I am eating mac n' cheese.
Is SO yum.
stereo
+0 -0
I think he subliminally convinced me to make macaroni and cheese, i didn't realize it said that until this post and yet I had this strange urge for mac'n'cheese earlier.
I think he subliminally convinced me to make macaroni and cheese, i didn't realize it said that until this post and yet I had this strange urge for mac'n'cheese earlier.
bophur
+0 -0
I think it's Jason Statham
I think it's Jason Statham
avery81
+0 -0
i make account just to make suggestion, let's all petition Onstad to have Assetbar change the name of Chubbies to Chuppies in honor of Gladi.
is a good suggestion?
i make account just to make suggestion, let's all petition Onstad to have Assetbar change the name of Chubbies to Chuppies in honor of Gladi.
is a good suggestion?
bixschmix
+0 -0
Is not.
Is not.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Quote:
How does he even know it's supposed to happen?
Quote:
Mine never did that yet
How does he even know it's supposed to happen?
tetsujin
+0 -0
Teodor says that it happens to "older guys" - Philippe imagines that "older" means, maybe, seven at most.
Teodor says that it happens to "older guys" - Philippe imagines that "older" means, maybe, seven at most.
featurelessvoid
+0 -0
But Teodor doesn't say that until the next panel.
But Teodor doesn't say that until the next panel.
hygraed
+0 -0
Philippe trusts Teodor implicitly. If it's happening to Teodor then it must be supposed to happen to everyone.
Philippe trusts Teodor implicitly. If it's happening to Teodor then it must be supposed to happen to everyone.
westacular
+0 -0
... and Teodor's string of epic failures continues, unbroken.
... and Teodor's string of epic failures continues, unbroken.
neonfreon
+0 -0
if this was craigslist i'd flag 'best of'
if this was craigslist i'd flag 'best of'
possums
+0 -0
FATTENS THE THINGY SPECIFICALLY .
FATTENS THE THINGY SPECIFICALLY .
theguitarhero
+2 -0
UNTIL YOU ARE SO HARD.
UNTIL YOU ARE SO HARD.
thwap
+0 -0
Its only 79 cents...
why hasn't Bob The Enzyte Man picked up on this?
Its only 79 cents...
why hasn't Bob The Enzyte Man picked up on this?
agentstinky
+0 -0
Attention those who are not premium subscribers. If you were a subscriber, you would finally know the secret of the "fuck you in the culo " guy.
Attention those who are not premium subscribers. If you were a subscriber, you would finally know the secret of the "fuck you in the culo " guy.
bixschmix
+0 -0
At my radio station, we had a promo that was just a guy going "CULO!!!" that we would have contests to see who could add it to the middle least appropriate song possible.
At my radio station, we had a promo that was just a guy going "CULO!!!" that we would have contests to see who could add it to the middle least appropriate song possible.
lasicle
+0 -2
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
theguitarhero
+0 -0
What the fuck man.
What the fuck man.
stereo
+0 -0
Jenny? She's changed , man. I bet you wouldn't even recognize her.
Jenny? She's changed , man. I bet you wouldn't even recognize her.
juanclaudius
+0 -0
oh good lord please tell me i am not having the most glorious of dreams and this person truly did just reference Black Hole. please lord i ask this and only this of thee
oh good lord please tell me i am not having the most glorious of dreams and this person truly did just reference Black Hole. please lord i ask this and only this of thee
woodenteeth
+0 -0
That's the most fucked up thing I've seen on the internet. Really. Wow. That's. Yeah... wow.
That's the most fucked up thing I've seen on the internet. Really. Wow. That's. Yeah... wow.
davey-boy
+0 -0
Old French contraception ad, with a stupid tagline.
There is another with a woman fucking a spider.
Old French contraception ad, with a stupid tagline.
There is another with a woman fucking a spider.
juanclaudius
+0 -0
what was the tagline? i am infinitely curious.
what was the tagline? i am infinitely curious.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
ain't be a sucker. don't get stung with consequence. use Brand condoms.
ain't be a sucker. don't get stung with consequence. use Brand condoms.
stereo
+0 -0
https://n1.cdn.spikedhumor.com/1/411000/96786_french_aids.jpg
"Without protection, it's like you're having sex with AIDS. Protect yourself."
https://n1.cdn.spikedhumor.com/1/411000/96786_french_aids.jpg
"Without protection, it's like you're having sex with AIDS. Protect yourself."
stereo
+0 -0
Oops, cut "it's like" and make it simply "you're having sex with AIDS".
Oops, cut "it's like" and make it simply "you're having sex with AIDS".
hardelicious
+1 -0
roughly 70% of my sexual encounters begin with the utterance of " Saaa-a-ay !"
roughly 70% of my sexual encounters begin with the utterance of " Saaa-a-ay !"
sex
+0 -0
Comment left by sex ignored.
Comment left by sex ignored.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
Done.
Done.
tank
+0 -0
Comment left by tank ignored.
Comment left by tank ignored.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
from s38.photobucket? i'm willing to give it a shot.
from s38.photobucket? i'm willing to give it a shot.
stereo
+0 -0
Interestingly my browser can block individual images, so I did that instead.
Interestingly my browser can block individual images, so I did that instead.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
dang i'm pretty jealous.
dang i'm pretty jealous.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
What's wrong with ignore user?
What's wrong with ignore user?
tank
+0 -0
Comment left by tank ignored.
Comment left by tank ignored.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
That's what I did.
That's what I did.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
I gave this comment a lame, and now I can't ignore the user. Could one of you fine people help me out? I am no great shakes with the lighting highway so please use short words. Thank you preemptively.
I gave this comment a lame, and now I can't ignore the user. Could one of you fine people help me out? I am no great shakes with the lighting highway so please use short words. Thank you preemptively.
tank
+0 -0
Comment left by tank ignored.
Comment left by tank ignored.
tank
+0 -0
Comment left by tank ignored.
Comment left by tank ignored.
thegoblins
+0 -0
If you go to the top, just under the green "post a comment" box, you can change the "Hide comments with more than _ lames" to a higher number. Then you'll be able to see the comment from the user you want to ignore.
If you go to the top, just under the green "post a comment" box, you can change the "Hide comments with more than _ lames" to a higher number. Then you'll be able to see the comment from the user you want to ignore.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
Thank you.
Thank you.
crazyworld
+0 -0
actually, no you can't, unless you happen to have an 'old' account. New accounts can't adjust this setting, and never will be able to, apparently.
actually, no you can't, unless you happen to have an 'old' account. New accounts can't adjust this setting, and never will be able to, apparently.
thegoblins
+0 -0
I've only had my account for about a month, I think, and I can still change it.
I've only had my account for about a month, I think, and I can still change it.
aliiis
+0 -0
Try what I did. Only $10k up front.
Try what I did. Only $10k up front.
machine
+0 -0
A comment left by machine was marked as spam and excluded. machine: What a douche. (reported by Dezufnocosem, aperson, flynn)
A comment left by machine was marked as spam and excluded. machine: What a douche. (reported by Dezufnocosem, aperson, flynn)
sje46
+0 -2
Why does it say I have used up my lame allotment?!?!
I NEVER LAME!
I don't like you assetbar. .. .
Why does it say I have used up my lame allotment?!?!
I NEVER LAME!
I don't like you assetbar. .. .
aperson
+0 -0
The system is: you get allocated a lame for every lame that is cruelly slapped upon you.
The system is: you get allocated a lame for every lame that is cruelly slapped upon you.
sje46
+0 -1
That system . . .makes no sense. But I got like 6 lames when I said "Third post!" and I haven't used any of those. In fact, I think I've only sucessfully lamed one personm since I got an account.
That system . . .makes no sense. But I got like 6 lames when I said "Third post!" and I haven't used any of those. In fact, I think I've only sucessfully lamed one personm since I got an account.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
I think it might actually have to do with the number of strips that you rate--not how you rate them, but just using the rating system.
I think it might actually have to do with the number of strips that you rate--not how you rate them, but just using the rating system.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
*GASP*
*GASP*
aperson
+0 -0
I need to start rating strips again. I did a bunch and then realised it was a pointless waste of time; no money ever arrived.
I need to start rating strips again. I did a bunch and then realised it was a pointless waste of time; no money ever arrived.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Oh but it's not a waste of time if you gloat about how your rating affected the overall score by as much as one-tenth of a point and complain that the current strip is not rated a five.
Oh but it's not a waste of time if you gloat about how your rating affected the overall score by as much as one-tenth of a point and complain that the current strip is not rated a five.
aperson
+0 -0
Hmmm. This could be the answer to a problem that I'm plagued by: I want to post more, but don't have enough imagination or creativity.
Hmmm. This could be the answer to a problem that I'm plagued by: I want to post more, but don't have enough imagination or creativity.
i_love_kate
+1 -0
Do what I did. Only 5k up front.
Do what I did. Only 5k up front.
sje46
+0 -0
You lied to me.
Never before has a person lied to me like you did.
Meh. I'll start rating them. I have like three months to go in the archives.
You lied to me.
Never before has a person lied to me like you did.
Meh. I'll start rating them. I have like three months to go in the archives.
aperson
+2 -0
sje46, sorry for lying to you. Here is some truth: if you subscribe to Achewood Platinum Reserve you get unlimited lames, and 100 double strength chubbies per month. Chubbies carry forward one month.
Also, if you make a BBCode mistake there is a built-in dropdown list of humorous 'assetbar!!!/bbcode!!!' images to select from.
There are other perks, such as edwell will do a funny picture for you - one per quarter.
Five dollars.
sje46, sorry for lying to you. Here is some truth: if you subscribe to Achewood Platinum Reserve you get unlimited lames, and 100 double strength chubbies per month. Chubbies carry forward one month.
Also, if you make a BBCode mistake there is a built-in dropdown list of humorous 'assetbar!!!/bbcode!!!' images to select from.
There are other perks, such as edwell will do a funny picture for you - one per quarter.
Five dollars.
irondave
+0 -0
To be fair, a person said that you get a lame for each lame cruelly slapped upon you, not those that are richly deserved.
To be fair, a person said that you get a lame for each lame cruelly slapped upon you, not those that are richly deserved.
drskradley
+0 -0
I've stopped rating strips a few months ago due to pure, unadulterated laziness, and I don't think I've too many lames on my person, yet I can still lame to my heart's content (such as I did to the fellow or lass who decided to post a shitty gif up yonder).
Mind you, my heart's pretty easily contented on this front, and I honestly very rarely lame anyone, preferring instead to ignore them. As in, actually ignore them, not *Ignore User*.
I find that to have a comment that has "0 Chubbies and 0 Lames" and no comments in response to be worse than one with a number of responses and 17 Lames. So this is what I do, when I feel like it.
I've stopped rating strips a few months ago due to pure, unadulterated laziness, and I don't think I've too many lames on my person, yet I can still lame to my heart's content (such as I did to the fellow or lass who decided to post a shitty gif up yonder).
Mind you, my heart's pretty easily contented on this front, and I honestly very rarely lame anyone, preferring instead to ignore them. As in, actually ignore them, not *Ignore User*.
I find that to have a comment that has "0 Chubbies and 0 Lames" and no comments in response to be worse than one with a number of responses and 17 Lames. So this is what I do, when I feel like it.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
Amen to that.
Amen to that.
theguitarhero
+0 -0
BOO TO THAT.
BOO TO THAT.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
I was amen-ing to drskradly's comment, just to be clear. I think he is correct about just ignoring, actually ignoring--not responding, not chubbying or laming, not *ignore user*-ing--is the best way to deal with a bully, which is what a troll is.
I was amen-ing to drskradly's comment, just to be clear. I think he is correct about just ignoring, actually ignoring--not responding, not chubbying or laming, not *ignore user*-ing--is the best way to deal with a bully, which is what a troll is.
avery81
+0 -0
yes, rating strips does indeed give you lame power.
yes, rating strips does indeed give you lame power.
slab64
+0 -0
Coulda done without that.
KOODGE
Coulda done without that.
KOODGE
eatmorekix
+0 -0
Saaa-a-ay! How come Philippe is talking like that? Philippe's dialogue doesn't sound like that!
Saaa-a-ay! How come Philippe is talking like that? Philippe's dialogue doesn't sound like that!
hellofditties
+0 -0
What are you talking about? That is exactly what Philippe would always be saaa-a-aying.
What are you talking about? That is exactly what Philippe would always be saaa-a-aying.
kickstart
+0 -0
Maybe he just read Green Eggs and Ham , specifically the bit at the end where the narrator capitulates and tries them:
SAY!
I like green eggs and ham
Granted, not as drawn out, but that's what I thought of when I read panel four.
Maybe he just read Green Eggs and Ham , specifically the bit at the end where the narrator capitulates and tries them:
SAY!
I like green eggs and ham
Granted, not as drawn out, but that's what I thought of when I read panel four.
avery81
+0 -1
he's a retarded 5 year old otter.... he is trying to talk at the same time that he is confused/amazed/surprised by something... think of like an old Pentium computer trying to play background music on a web page as the page is still loading...
he's a retarded 5 year old otter.... he is trying to talk at the same time that he is confused/amazed/surprised by something... think of like an old Pentium computer trying to play background music on a web page as the page is still loading...
deusoma
+2 -0
My amazing psychic powers tell me the tediously irrelevant retarded/five argument is going to start up again soon.
My amazing psychic powers tell me the tediously irrelevant retarded/five argument is going to start up again soon.
avery81
+0 -1
maybe he's retarded, five, and stupid
maybe he's retarded, five, and stupid
wilto
+0 -0
Perhaps, in a way, we all are.
Perhaps, in a way, we all are.
octafish
+3 -0
In a way, each of us has a retarded, five, and stupid otter to face. For some, shyness might be their retarded, five, and stupid otter. For others, a lack of education might be their retarded, five, and stupid otter. For us, retarded, five, and stupid otter is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal retarded, five, and stupid otter, who also happens to be *the actual* retarded, five, and stupid otter!
In a way, each of us has a retarded, five, and stupid otter to face. For some, shyness might be their retarded, five, and stupid otter. For others, a lack of education might be their retarded, five, and stupid otter. For us, retarded, five, and stupid otter is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal retarded, five, and stupid otter, who also happens to be *the actual* retarded, five, and stupid otter!
kickstart
+0 -0
Post, very octagonal fishy one! Post like the wind!
Post, very octagonal fishy one! Post like the wind!
tragicone
+0 -0
godspeed, 33 year old, godspeed and good luck.
godspeed, 33 year old, godspeed and good luck.
hatstand_mcq
+1 -0
Please, somebody, help me make sense of this webcomic. I need it all to make perfect sense. Are there golf courses underground, or do they use overground ones at night .
Please, somebody, help me make sense of this webcomic. I need it all to make perfect sense. Are there golf courses underground, or do they use overground ones at night .
stereo
+0 -0
How does a robot grow hair?
We need to know these things
How does a robot grow hair?
We need to know these things
gyrate
+1 -0
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!
drskradley
+0 -0
The Hair Club for Robot Men.
The Hair Club for Robot Men.
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
My amazing psychic powers tell me that if you take the word 'bmsfbezjovtf' and apply a one-letter shift to it, you will understand.
My amazing psychic powers tell me that if you take the word 'bmsfbezjovtf' and apply a one-letter shift to it, you will understand.
kickstart
+2 -0
what we need more of is cryptography
what we need more of is cryptography
hedonismbot
+0 -0
The Caeserean cipher is poised for a comeback. It will be how all the kids on the tubes are talking soon
The Caeserean cipher is poised for a comeback. It will be how all the kids on the tubes are talking soon
deusoma
+0 -0
I'm confused. Are you accusing me of being AIU, or saying he's gonna start the argument up?
I'm confused. Are you accusing me of being AIU, or saying he's gonna start the argument up?
octafish
+0 -0
He is saying that everyone on assetbar is aiu but me, and maybe him, and probably Gladdi, but especially anyone with 151 strips viewed and an old female.
He is saying that everyone on assetbar is aiu but me, and maybe him, and probably Gladdi, but especially anyone with 151 strips viewed and an old female.
gyrate
+0 -0
I have an old female. Am I aiu too?
I have an old female. Am I aiu too?
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
No, not you , avery81.
No, not you , avery81.
deusoma
+0 -0
Ohhhhh . So I've been hornswoggled into giving a troll's desired reaction, then. Makes me feel... unclean.
Ohhhhh . So I've been hornswoggled into giving a troll's desired reaction, then. Makes me feel... unclean.
hendetta
+0 -0
I used to actually think that is why I got a boner as a kid. Nobody told me that, I just thought it on my own.
I used to actually think that is why I got a boner as a kid. Nobody told me that, I just thought it on my own.
hendetta
+0 -0
By the way I am not actually a female.
By the way I am not actually a female.
syrupykeyboard
+1 -0
We are all havink secretest wishes in deepest of our hearts.
We are all havink secretest wishes in deepest of our hearts.
gladi8orrex
+8 -2
EERYBODY PLZ BEAR WIT ME. AM LIBEL 2 CAV N
man lol ben so down latly jk ben up i dun get down (lol sry elmos) but amway i jus ha s wuqick ting 2 say
im rely um is ok if i opn up on intnet? lol, is so werd but aight. ya no hows azns wit no accent are andrustworty? well,s ifond dis out abot maselb.
if'n da azns has and acent i feels so comfirtible, is unsplainable, lik, i am at sush piece arond dem especily if dey all "chirken fly lice" ya no? lik heck o acent.
fart
EERYBODY PLZ BEAR WIT ME. AM LIBEL 2 CAV N
man lol ben so down latly jk ben up i dun get down (lol sry elmos) but amway i jus ha s wuqick ting 2 say
im rely um is ok if i opn up on intnet? lol, is so werd but aight. ya no hows azns wit no accent are andrustworty? well,s ifond dis out abot maselb.
if'n da azns has and acent i feels so comfirtible, is unsplainable, lik, i am at sush piece arond dem especily if dey all "chirken fly lice" ya no? lik heck o acent.
fart
crazyworld
+0 -0
everybody please bear with me... I'm libel to cave in
man LOL I've been so down lately JUST KIDDING I've been up I don't get down (LOL SORRY EMOS) but anyway I just have a quick thing to say
I'm really um is it okay if I open up on the internet? LOL it's so weird but allright. You know how asians with no accent are untrustworthy? Well I found this out about myself: If an asian HAS an accident, I feel so comfortable -- it's unexplainable -- it's like, I am at such peace around them, especially if they are all "CHICKEN FLY LICE" ya know? It's as if they aren't asian at all.
(FART)
everybody please bear with me... I'm libel to cave in
man LOL I've been so down lately JUST KIDDING I've been up I don't get down (LOL SORRY EMOS) but anyway I just have a quick thing to say
I'm really um is it okay if I open up on the internet? LOL it's so weird but allright. You know how asians with no accent are untrustworthy? Well I found this out about myself: If an asian HAS an accident, I feel so comfortable -- it's unexplainable -- it's like, I am at such peace around them, especially if they are all "CHICKEN FLY LICE" ya know? It's as if they aren't asian at all.
(FART)
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Ahem.
Everyone please bear with me! I am liable to cave in. (Possible pun on bear and cave?)
Man, *laughs*, I've been so down lately. Just kidding, I've been up. I don't get down (*laughs*, sorry to the emos) But anyway, I just have one quick thing to say.
I'm really... Um, is it okay to open up on the internet? *Laughs* It's so weird, but alright. You know how Asians with no accent are untrustworthy? Well, I found this out about myself. If the Asian has an accent, I feel so comfortable it's inexplicable. Like, I am at such peace around them, especially if they're all "chicken fly lice", you know? (Rhetorical) Like they have heck of an accent.
*farts*
(In today's diatribe, Gladi8orrex refers to his past admission of fear and hatred for Korean actress Sandra Oh. He also exhibits slight depression, before attempting to disguise it out of denial for his affliction. A socio-historical approach would be appropriate when analysing this text.)
Ahem.
Everyone please bear with me! I am liable to cave in. (Possible pun on bear and cave?)
Man, *laughs*, I've been so down lately. Just kidding, I've been up. I don't get down (*laughs*, sorry to the emos) But anyway, I just have one quick thing to say.
I'm really... Um, is it okay to open up on the internet? *Laughs* It's so weird, but alright. You know how Asians with no accent are untrustworthy? Well, I found this out about myself. If the Asian has an accent, I feel so comfortable it's inexplicable. Like, I am at such peace around them, especially if they're all "chicken fly lice", you know? (Rhetorical) Like they have heck of an accent.
*farts*
(In today's diatribe, Gladi8orrex refers to his past admission of fear and hatred for Korean actress Sandra Oh. He also exhibits slight depression, before attempting to disguise it out of denial for his affliction. A socio-historical approach would be appropriate when analysing this text.)
crazyworld
+0 -0
it's nice that Gladi is so comfortable around us here on assetbar that he doesn't mind flatulating out loud.
it's nice that Gladi is so comfortable around us here on assetbar that he doesn't mind flatulating out loud.
octafish
+0 -0
Sorry, I had to chubby this because of (lol sry elmos).
Sorry, I had to chubby this because of (lol sry elmos).
crazyworld
+0 -0
totally! for me, I see a brilliant juxtaposition of the emo stereotype and the tickle-me-Elmo doll...
which now brings to mind the ridiculous idea of a tickle-me-emo doll...
someone photoshop that please...
totally! for me, I see a brilliant juxtaposition of the emo stereotype and the tickle-me-Elmo doll...
which now brings to mind the ridiculous idea of a tickle-me-emo doll...
someone photoshop that please...
octafish
+0 -0
Phillipe looks a little different from how I remember him, particularly in the last two frames. I like it.
Phillipe looks a little different from how I remember him, particularly in the last two frames. I like it.
mollybloom11
+0 -0
Ok- I've been scrolling through Engrish.com this morning and have come to the conclusion that the achewoodian style of speech has decidedly engrish influences. I mean check out the Dr. Worvestan's box...
Ok- I've been scrolling through Engrish.com this morning and have come to the conclusion that the achewoodian style of speech has decidedly engrish influences. I mean check out the Dr. Worvestan's box...
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
[url]https://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=clitical.jpg&category=Anime/Manga&date=2002-10-21[url]
[url]https://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=clitical.jpg&category=Anime/Manga&date=2002-10-21[url]
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
[urlhttps://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=clitical.jpg&category=Anime/Manga&date=2002-10-21[/url]
[urlhttps://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=clitical.jpg&category=Anime/Manga&date=2002-10-21[/url]
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
One more try I think.
https://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=clitical.jpg&category=Anime/Manga&date=2002-10-21
One more try I think.
https://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=clitical.jpg&category=Anime/Manga&date=2002-10-21
falseprophet
+0 -0
Tomorrow has made a phone call to today.
Tomorrow has made a phone call to today.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
love that site.
love it.
old-school.
love that site.
love it.
old-school.
mortshire
+0 -0
Man, what is this thread even about.
Man, what is this thread even about.
pogo
+0 -0
It all started with morning wood, and went downpants from there.
It all started with morning wood, and went downpants from there.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Two Troll accounts imitating Loneal are born. Looks like you got some new friends lady.
Two Troll accounts imitating Loneal are born. Looks like you got some new friends lady.
dumb_bitch
+0 -0
we want to stalk and adbudct and relate with loneel, but be friends? No.
we want to stalk and adbudct and relate with loneel, but be friends? No.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
My Ignored nugget list at the bottom of the page is getting long.
My Ignored nugget list at the bottom of the page is getting long.
onepapertiger
+0 -0
The fight for Phillipe as "five" or "retarded" feels as long-running and ancient as the Euphrates river of Coke or Pepsi.
The fight for Phillipe as "five" or "retarded" feels as long-running and ancient as the Euphrates river of Coke or Pepsi.
krispykorn
+0 -0
So... long-running as the Euphrates river of Coke or Pepsi.
whaaaaaaaaaaat
So... long-running as the Euphrates river of Coke or Pepsi.
whaaaaaaaaaaat
fehh
+0 -0
Comment left by fehh ignored.
Comment left by fehh ignored.
fehh
+0 -0
Comment left by fehh ignored.
Comment left by fehh ignored.
c_dizzle
+0 -0
you make the internet sad, fehh. don't tell us what not to do.
you make the internet sad, fehh. don't tell us what not to do.
biff
+0 -0
Actually, that's pretty easy.
Ignore User.
Actually, that's pretty easy.
Ignore User.
tekende
+0 -0
Easy though it may be, I'm getting pretty tired of clicking that thing every other time I come here.
Easy though it may be, I'm getting pretty tired of clicking that thing every other time I come here.
pogo
+0 -0
So am I. Can't we get the troll killed?
So am I. Can't we get the troll killed?
pogo
+0 -0
Wait, I missed your textual joke, "clicking that thing" could be about a clit.
Wait, I missed your textual joke, "clicking that thing" could be about a clit.
i_love_kate
+1 -0
If you want to come in here, lord knows you'd better click that thing.
If you want to come in here, lord knows you'd better click that thing.
tekende
+0 -0
Heh, well, no, that isn't what I meant. Amusing, though. But I never get tired of clicking clits, as it were. When I get the opportunity.
Heh, well, no, that isn't what I meant. Amusing, though. But I never get tired of clicking clits, as it were. When I get the opportunity.
clits
+0 -0
click
click
theguitarhero
+0 -0
ah man what the fuck that is just NASTY.
ah man what the fuck that is just NASTY.
loneal
+0 -0
That picture is so small I can't even tell what's going on in it that disgusts you so.
That picture is so small I can't even tell what's going on in it that disgusts you so.
falseprophet
+1 -0
It is the fine art that we in the prestidigitation business refer to as misdirection. He puts the word 'clits' as his username with a small fuzzy image which makes you think it is a woman fingerin her vajayjay when she is really just clickin' on a flesh-colored mouse on a flesh-colored desktop. When I am prestidigitatin' I use misdirection when I start lickin' on the nipples so she does not notice me puttin my finger where she likes it until it is too late and I've seen everything.
It is the fine art that we in the prestidigitation business refer to as misdirection. He puts the word 'clits' as his username with a small fuzzy image which makes you think it is a woman fingerin her vajayjay when she is really just clickin' on a flesh-colored mouse on a flesh-colored desktop. When I am prestidigitatin' I use misdirection when I start lickin' on the nipples so she does not notice me puttin my finger where she likes it until it is too late and I've seen everything.
irondave
+0 -0
Also: large motions can be used to obscure small motions.
Also: large motions can be used to obscure small motions.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
:(
:(
akarroa
+0 -0
Excuse you.
Excuse you.
octafish
+0 -0
Awwwww, not that kind of motion, aw dude, someone light a match.
Awwwww, not that kind of motion, aw dude, someone light a match.
krispykorn
+0 -0
Brazil Jaw.
Brazil Jaw.
qingofchina
+0 -0
Phillipe's only complicated thought.
Phillipe's only complicated thought.
hellofditties
+0 -0
I don't know, his theories on communism are pretty deep.
I don't know, his theories on communism are pretty deep.
speccer
+0 -0
Also his polyglot palindromes.
Also his polyglot palindromes.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I cursed you, Steve. I cursed your fucking heart.
I cursed you, Steve. I cursed your fucking heart.
loneal
+1 -0
I spent about twenty minutes trying to figure out which language I could read this backward in.
I spent about twenty minutes trying to figure out which language I could read this backward in.
stereo
+0 -0
If nothing else, you can always claim it's Welsh.
If nothing else, you can always claim it's Welsh.
tekende
+0 -0
NO WAY, THAT SHIT IS CRAZY
IT'S ALL GHIENVNDVBNIFOGBEDOIJGBIEAIGNE
NO WAY, THAT SHIT IS CRAZY
IT'S ALL GHIENVNDVBNIFOGBEDOIJGBIEAIGNE
dans
+0 -0
man it must be depressing for the new yorker to compliment your cartoons :(
man it must be depressing for the new yorker to compliment your cartoons :(
pogo
+0 -0
But pickle man, the New Jerker is the top o' the comic heap! The big apple of funny pages!
But pickle man, the New Jerker is the top o' the comic heap! The big apple of funny pages!
puguglypress
+0 -0
Listen Abbott and Costello, I ain't got time to watch you cook your shoe and eat it!
Listen Abbott and Costello, I ain't got time to watch you cook your shoe and eat it!
akarroa
+0 -0
Awsome Sammy Nickel avatar.
Awsome Sammy Nickel avatar.
dans
+0 -0
That avatar of yours is pretty dang awesome. wanna trade?
That avatar of yours is pretty dang awesome. wanna trade?
vikoroh
+0 -0
Which makes me wonder: why does Téodor Orezscu sleep in the buff?
Which makes me wonder: why does Téodor Orezscu sleep in the buff?
kamet
+0 -0
Why not? It's the sleep of champions... all soft sheets against your junk... good times, good times.
Why not? It's the sleep of champions... all soft sheets against your junk... good times, good times.
tekende
+0 -0
I sleep in the buff.
I sleep in the buff.
tragicone
+0 -0
I HAVE VIEWED THIS COMIC 31 TIMES, INDIVIDUALLY!
I HAVE VIEWED THIS COMIC 31 TIMES, INDIVIDUALLY!
icecube
+0 -0
Phillipe independently invents spam
Phillipe independently invents spam
philophobe
+0 -0
This certain children's book would seem to have become something of a red thread for Achewood, based on the current strip. How odd that clicking random comic would take me directly here.
In other news, thank goodness the advertisement has the good sense to clarify that the powder specifically targets the puny thingy. Last thing an insecure little otter needs is to fatten the thingy and environs, thereby transitioning from looking like a cock with eyebrows, to an egg with eyebrows.
This certain children's book would seem to have become something of a red thread for Achewood, based on the current strip. How odd that clicking random comic would take me directly here.
In other news, thank goodness the advertisement has the good sense to clarify that the powder specifically targets the puny thingy. Last thing an insecure little otter needs is to fatten the thingy and environs, thereby transitioning from looking like a cock with eyebrows, to an egg with eyebrows.
w_w
+0 -0
When I was little, I simply assumed that when my thingy got fat it was because it was bloated with urine. Confusion always resulted.
When I was little, I simply assumed that when my thingy got fat it was because it was bloated with urine. Confusion always resulted.
I would think a good remedy for Brazil jaw would be a hefty serving of Brazil nuts.
I just don't know how Phillipe managed to come in contact with so many 1900's advertisements that he can just envision one on the spot.
A comment left by cpnglxynchos was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Norsef, joeynarcotic, ghoti, peterjoel, kb)
this is the correct answer rascaldom. he is Five, and has been Five since the early 1900's.
Also the add for Viagra (had it been invented) in 1902.
He ate at a lot of late 90's Wendy's restaurants. Anybody?
I concur. I spent a lot of time studying their counter- and table-tops.
For me, it was always the early 90s shabby decor of Subway from before they got that massive douchey Jared face-lift. Y'know, grimy yellow table-tops and wallpaper maps of old NYC transit layouts.
Wallpaper that promised to take you places as you scarfed down your crummy little cold cut combo on Italian bread with mayo and browning lettuce.
there is a subway near my dentists that is untouched by the fallacies of jared. i will often enjoy the delights of an assorted six inch before the flouride has set
why did jared have to ruin everything we held dear
Oh man, Chubby for being the only person I've ever encountered to specifically acknowledge the existence of that style of Wendy's decor.
There are some things everybody knows about, from a memory, but are never said - but then when they're said aloud, it's like sharing a secret .
god it's early
On the Fanflow, Onstad published some photos of the endpapers of the GOF hardcover. They apparently are done in the style of Hardy Boys books, but they also reminded several people of the Wendy's tables. For some reason I associated them with the walls at Subway, but I certainly used to peruse the Wendy's surfaces, too.
Hell, yes! I remember eagerly reading those tabletops when I was a kid. They made quite an impression on me at the time.
i spent a lot of time thinking about the things that those tabletops said.
I read that as "He at a lot of 90's Wendy's restaurants"
Hilarious.
Gods and monsters!
"He at[b]e[/i] a lot..."
Ass. The light is dark, and the ground is unsteady on my street today. It is all I can do to walk.
Phillipe knows Chris Onstad.
A comment left by feh was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ZombieJesus, The_Prophet, Spoon, Carpetbag, Balboa, goro, rascaldom, _cheesekayke, verplanck, hardelicious, echidnaboy)
Comment left by fehh ignored.
FUCK... I meant lame... now ignore.
You chubbied it. You can't un chubby it.
I was almost going to chubby it, until I realised that you're clearly a douche.
*GASP!* How'd he get that picture of me!??!!??!?
I'm not criticizing the realism or anything, I'm just really jealous.
A comment left by cpnglxynchos was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ifergott, griggs_although, Audhumla)
cpnglxnchos! chubby! you are my kind of guy.
A comment left by griggs_although was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by apocowarg, brimbrim, asobi)
THANK YOU FOR EXPLAINING THE JOKE.
sorry i know that that was a shit thing to do
like referencing family guy?
daaaaaamn
haha. there was a detour sign but you just WENT there!!
A comment left by lrosetw8 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by loeras, riotdejaneiro, joeynarcotic, Bophur, Marcus_Brody)
Mutant Pikachu Avatar Club!
Hey man, don't lump me in with you mutants. I just got "mad poker face."
NO MORE MUTANTS! NO MORE MUTANTS!
sigh... convene the x-men. again.
christ .
Fuggin' hell.
Expouse the mutant, the corrupt and the unpure!
[IMGS OFF]
Let's see... from left to right--Condoleezza Rice, Rorschach, Eddie Munster, and that kid from the child abuse posters (the one with the cool, morally challenging tattoos on his face).
;-;
Before you have that hefty serving be sure to check that expiration date, man, it's later than you think
I guess with a set of cranberries that small there is no castration fear.
Do not sing this post to the tune of the Hamtaro theme song
it demeans all of us
But no-one-will-dance
with-us
in this
zany town
the cure is always...
NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH
(sorry assetbar)
wait, is the thing Teodor says true, or his he just popping a morning boner?
Paco, are you being honest with yourself?
about any thing?
i'm pretty sure "fattens the thingy specifically" is written in "kid a" font
sounds more like that would be the cause