mr_pete
+19 -0
Oh man oh man you are going to get the pinkeye or possibly glaucoma if you are lucky.
Oh man oh man you are going to get the pinkeye or possibly glaucoma if you are lucky.
saint
+7 -0
whatchu tryin' to tell me, Paper Trail Jones?
I don't even know if that counts as a comeback, but it's beautiful.
whatchu tryin' to tell me, Paper Trail Jones?
I don't even know if that counts as a comeback, but it's beautiful.
spinynorman
+1 -0
It's possible to get athletes foot in your nose if you clip your nosehairs with your toenail clippers.
...is it possible to get chalmidya or herpes of the eye? I experience a great feeling of foreboding when nether region infections make a trip up north to your face.
It's possible to get athletes foot in your nose if you clip your nosehairs with your toenail clippers.
...is it possible to get chalmidya or herpes of the eye? I experience a great feeling of foreboding when nether region infections make a trip up north to your face.
postblank
+25 -0
My friend knew a man who managed to wake up one morning with eyes sealed shut from crabs, eyecrabs. That is all you need or want to know.
My friend knew a man who managed to wake up one morning with eyes sealed shut from crabs, eyecrabs. That is all you need or want to know.
spinynorman
+18 -0
mother of god
mother of god
zeal
+7 -0
A friend of mine in high school had athlete's face.
A friend of mine in high school had athlete's face.
semiquaver
+2 -0
What, he was pug-ugly?
What, he was pug-ugly?
heccibiggs
+0 -0
nooooooooooooooooo
nooooooooooooooooo
i_love_kate
+29 -0
I can only imagine a small, orange crab on each eye, each with both eyelids gripped in their claws and resolutely not letting go.
I can only imagine a small, orange crab on each eye, each with both eyelids gripped in their claws and resolutely not letting go.
jonmw
+1 -0
That is fantastic
That is fantastic
ted0phile
+2 -0
I'm sure we would disagree on what exactly 'fantastic' means.
I'm sure we would disagree on what exactly 'fantastic' means.
miaou
+0 -0
"Fantastic" is Che Guevara with Mickey ears.
"Fantastic" is Che Guevara with Mickey ears.
unclerifle
+0 -0
OH GOD. The wikipedia entry for "Crap louse" has pictures of JUST THAT!
OH GOD. The wikipedia entry for "Crap louse" has pictures of JUST THAT!
mustakrakesh
+0 -0
Wasn't that a Lords Of Acid song?
Wasn't that a Lords Of Acid song?
anomalous3
+15 -0
I had a cat once that had Herpes in his eye. He just came to my door one night that way, and was quite possibly the best cat ever. I didn't ask any questions, which is probably how he wanted it.
I had a cat once that had Herpes in his eye. He just came to my door one night that way, and was quite possibly the best cat ever. I didn't ask any questions, which is probably how he wanted it.
shutup_shutup
+1 -0
My cat also has eye herpes. The vet told me he probably got it from his mother. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My cat also has eye herpes. The vet told me he probably got it from his mother. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
sex_bicycle
+0 -0
CAT AIDS >.< Have you talked to your cat about Cat Aids lately?
(look up I-talk and cat aids to find out what i'm talking about that is perfect for this strip i can imagine it playing as i watch this)
CAT AIDS >.< Have you talked to your cat about Cat Aids lately?
(look up I-talk and cat aids to find out what i'm talking about that is perfect for this strip i can imagine it playing as i watch this)
mightymeliel
+5 -0
Indeed, Chlamydia Thrachomatis has great affinity for the eye's conjunctive layer, leading to blindness. It is in fact the reason behind the age old adage: Masturbation causes blindness. It saddens me that sometimes science proves religion right.
Indeed, Chlamydia Thrachomatis has great affinity for the eye's conjunctive layer, leading to blindness. It is in fact the reason behind the age old adage: Masturbation causes blindness. It saddens me that sometimes science proves religion right.
farqussus
+7 -0
where's the religion in that? Is there a passage in Leviticus that states 'thine eyes will be struck if thine hands be thine pleasure'?
where's the religion in that? Is there a passage in Leviticus that states 'thine eyes will be struck if thine hands be thine pleasure'?
spinynorman
+5 -0
People have attributed all sorts of stupid shit to flogging your wedding tackle, from death to hair loss to high mortgage rates.
People have attributed all sorts of stupid shit to flogging your wedding tackle, from death to hair loss to high mortgage rates.
snowman
+5 -0
The mortgage rate thing is actually true, they did it on Mythbusters.
The mortgage rate thing is actually true, they did it on Mythbusters.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Unfortunately it was Jamie and Adam rather than Kari and those other dudes.
I don't know their names, nor do I need or want to.
Unfortunately it was Jamie and Adam rather than Kari and those other dudes.
I don't know their names, nor do I need or want to.
snowman
+1 -0
They did make a cast of her bum once, though.
They did make a cast of her bum once, though.
pzukowski
+0 -0
So you maturbate in your eye? Oh, I see, your hand goes from down there to up there, spreading the bacteria. Wash up!
So you maturbate in your eye? Oh, I see, your hand goes from down there to up there, spreading the bacteria. Wash up!
jonmw
+1 -0
Seriously, why even bring religion into it?
It was seriously ONE TIME that the bible mentions that some dude who's probably dead now was struck blind.
As far as I know, this is what went down...
If a married guy dies without an heir, his brother, or next of kin, or whatever, nails his (widowed) wife and knocks her up. That son will be treated as the heir to the dead guy.
So this is pretty much exactly what happens - some guy dies with no heir. His brother, INSTEAD of doing his procreative duty, beats off.
God strikes him blind.
And now these pseudo-devout wackjobs are thinking that it's the jerking and not the shirking that was the dead guy's brother's mistake.
Seriously, why even bring religion into it?
It was seriously ONE TIME that the bible mentions that some dude who's probably dead now was struck blind.
As far as I know, this is what went down...
If a married guy dies without an heir, his brother, or next of kin, or whatever, nails his (widowed) wife and knocks her up. That son will be treated as the heir to the dead guy.
So this is pretty much exactly what happens - some guy dies with no heir. His brother, INSTEAD of doing his procreative duty, beats off.
God strikes him blind.
And now these pseudo-devout wackjobs are thinking that it's the jerking and not the shirking that was the dead guy's brother's mistake.
synapse
+7 -0
We learned in medical school that it's possible to get genital herpes in your throat. No kidding, the professor told us that "the mouth is the new vagina", and that we have to look for STDs in the throat now.
We learned in medical school that it's possible to get genital herpes in your throat. No kidding, the professor told us that "the mouth is the new vagina", and that we have to look for STDs in the throat now.
drskradley
+7 -0
"the mouth is the new vagina"
That's a classy thing to say, regardless of the context.
"the mouth is the new vagina"
That's a classy thing to say, regardless of the context.
hellofditties
+0 -0
Ever seen vocal nodes? Look 'em up in Google images...
Ever seen vocal nodes? Look 'em up in Google images...
hellofditties
+2 -0
Seriously. Do this. I'm not kidding.
Seriously. Do this. I'm not kidding.
bjorntd
+2 -0
GOD DAMN IT.
GOD DAMN IT.
johnnyrocker
+2 -0
GAH WHAT THE HELL
GAH WHAT THE HELL
jonmw
+1 -0
I see the replies of other people who follow your instructions, and I do not want to join their ranks.
I see the replies of other people who follow your instructions, and I do not want to join their ranks.
hellofditties
+0 -0
These things are in your throat, man. There is no escape.
These things are in your throat, man. There is no escape.
zapatos
+1 -0
Who would want to escape from that? That is awesome. Now anytime anyone says anything that I maybe don't agree with, I can say they sound like a vagina. Well I can say it and have evidence to back up my accusation.
Who would want to escape from that? That is awesome. Now anytime anyone says anything that I maybe don't agree with, I can say they sound like a vagina. Well I can say it and have evidence to back up my accusation.
friedbeefcake
+0 -0
i will never sleep again...
i will never sleep again...
hellofditties
+0 -0
Why would you WANT to?
Why would you WANT to?
troy_convers
+0 -0
A classy thing maybe, but dang freaky when it looks like Mr. Spock in a trilby saying it.
A classy thing maybe, but dang freaky when it looks like Mr. Spock in a trilby saying it.
cracklewater
+0 -0
"[T]here is a rare condition called [herpes] Encephalitis which can cause complications.
Encephalitis is a condition where the brain becomes inflamed due to a virus or other types of infections. One kind of virus that can cause encephalitis is herpes simplex type I.
Although herpes simplex type I most often causes mild symptoms like cold sores and fever blisters, it can occasionally travel to the brain and cause encephalitis.
Herpes encephalitis is very rare, affecting two cases per million among the U.S. population.
Herpes simplex I is a very common virus that causes small blisters or "cold sores" on the lips, inside the nose, in the eye, or on the eyelid. Very rarely, it is possible for the virus to move to the brain.
The virus can move from the nasal cavity up into the sinuses, and then into the brain. This can result in encephalitis. It is diagnosed by detecting HSV DNA in a spinal tap and treated with intravenous acyclovir.
The symptoms of herpes simplex encephalitis can include a sore throat, fever, headache, a stiff neck, runny nose and vomiting.
As the disease progresses, more serious symptoms such as personality changes, paralysis, hallucinations, convulsions, and coma can occur. If left untreated, herpes encephalitis can result in death."
https://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_encephalitis.htm
I was just going to post the link, but the info is so wonderful that I thought it deserved the full paste.
"[T]here is a rare condition called [herpes] Encephalitis which can cause complications.
Encephalitis is a condition where the brain becomes inflamed due to a virus or other types of infections. One kind of virus that can cause encephalitis is herpes simplex type I.
Although herpes simplex type I most often causes mild symptoms like cold sores and fever blisters, it can occasionally travel to the brain and cause encephalitis.
Herpes encephalitis is very rare, affecting two cases per million among the U.S. population.
Herpes simplex I is a very common virus that causes small blisters or "cold sores" on the lips, inside the nose, in the eye, or on the eyelid. Very rarely, it is possible for the virus to move to the brain.
The virus can move from the nasal cavity up into the sinuses, and then into the brain. This can result in encephalitis. It is diagnosed by detecting HSV DNA in a spinal tap and treated with intravenous acyclovir.
The symptoms of herpes simplex encephalitis can include a sore throat, fever, headache, a stiff neck, runny nose and vomiting.
As the disease progresses, more serious symptoms such as personality changes, paralysis, hallucinations, convulsions, and coma can occur. If left untreated, herpes encephalitis can result in death."
https://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_encephalitis.htm
I was just going to post the link, but the info is so wonderful that I thought it deserved the full paste.
greyfield
+0 -0
I see someone is a fan of House.
I see someone is a fan of House.
hipjiverobot
+0 -0
But how can he get pinkeye... if he sold his eyes?!?! And this is where I would put the link if I wasn't too lazy to look it up.
But how can he get pinkeye... if he sold his eyes?!?! And this is where I would put the link if I wasn't too lazy to look it up.
eviltkat
+0 -0
I need to try that eyelid trick the next time I'm at a strip club
I need to try that eyelid trick the next time I'm at a strip club
jamers
+0 -0
I bet if they're pulled out real fast they'll invert your eyelids. That's another reason Beef is concerned.
I bet if they're pulled out real fast they'll invert your eyelids. That's another reason Beef is concerned.
fuckyoufriday
+0 -0
A comment left by fuckyoufriday was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by professorhazard, stopeatingmyeyes, HSE, equinn2006)
A comment left by fuckyoufriday was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by professorhazard, stopeatingmyeyes, HSE, equinn2006)
equinn2006
+20 -0
Man there is nothing suggesting OCD in not wanting your friend to stick singles in his eyelids.
Man there is nothing suggesting OCD in not wanting your friend to stick singles in his eyelids.
mastronaut
+0 -0
Damn, any singles under your eyelids. No less singles grabbed by questionable snatch.
Damn, any singles under your eyelids. No less singles grabbed by questionable snatch.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
heh heh heh... snatch. I've known the term for a long time and I still snigger at the connotations.
heh heh heh... snatch. I've known the term for a long time and I still snigger at the connotations.
crumpetsandtea
+0 -0
In canada, singles only come in coin form. Called loonies.
If you stick those under your eyelids, you gona have a whole different set of problems
In canada, singles only come in coin form. Called loonies.
If you stick those under your eyelids, you gona have a whole different set of problems
centipede_damascus
+3 -1
Ray is going to get Eye Herpes.
Ray is going to get Eye Herpes.
flynn
+57 -0
Dr. Andretti is going to shut his eyes and kind of pinch the bridge of his nose and let out a long sigh.
Dr. Andretti is going to shut his eyes and kind of pinch the bridge of his nose and let out a long sigh.
cailetshadow
+2 -0
Ray has an open account down there at the clinic. There's a reserved examination table and everything, it's pretty sweet.
Ray has an open account down there at the clinic. There's a reserved examination table and everything, it's pretty sweet.
spinynorman
+2 -0
Andretti'll do that right after barging in on Ray on the crapper, yet again
It is a dance they know all too well.
Andretti'll do that right after barging in on Ray on the crapper, yet again
It is a dance they know all too well.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
At first, I thought you meant that that was what he'd do to Ray to treat him for eye herpes.
At first, I thought you meant that that was what he'd do to Ray to treat him for eye herpes.
contrasoma
+0 -0
...Which will likely reduce his eyes' resale value when he is forced to sell them .
...Which will likely reduce his eyes' resale value when he is forced to sell them .
philosophe
+3 -1
That was chronologically prior to this event...
That was chronologically prior to this event...
j_a_s_e
+1 -0
Yeah, Beef better take Ray to get tested when he gets home...
Yeah, Beef better take Ray to get tested when he gets home...
madnes
+7 -2
UNH!
UNH!
geysershitdick
+6 -1
Whatchu tryin' to tell me, Paper Trail Jones?
Whatchu tryin' to tell me, Paper Trail Jones?
senseihollywood
+5 -0
occular chlamydia
occular chlamydia
hikikomori
+1 -0
Ocular Chlamydia Shenanigans
Ocular Chlamydia Shenanigans
thicker
+2 -1
Black Flag's old bass player is a stripper now?
Black Flag's old bass player is a stripper now?
cicadalek
+11 -0
I love this comic. Any other writer, the last panel would have the money in his mouth or perhaps over an oepn wound. But not Achewood, it is so far outside the box that the box appears to be a dot.
I love this comic. Any other writer, the last panel would have the money in his mouth or perhaps over an oepn wound. But not Achewood, it is so far outside the box that the box appears to be a dot.
deusoma
+1 -0
I think even a stripper might hesitate to take money out of an open wound. This is a two-way street remember, and nobody wants a stripper with high five.
I think even a stripper might hesitate to take money out of an open wound. This is a two-way street remember, and nobody wants a stripper with high five.
mcwee
+0 -0
This was my first "laugh until your lung hurts and people begin to worry" moment with Achewood. Also, I once knew a guy who got a crab louse living under his eye-lid in a similar situation.
This was my first "laugh until your lung hurts and people begin to worry" moment with Achewood. Also, I once knew a guy who got a crab louse living under his eye-lid in a similar situation.
paco
+0 -1
I wonder how she picked it up?
I wonder how she picked it up?
i_love_kate
+3 -0
Ladle.
Ladle.
snowman
+0 -0
she's the chef at ray's favorite childhood restaurant
she's the chef at ray's favorite childhood restaurant
darkwaffle
+0 -0
All I can think about is a papercut on the eye.
All I can think about is a papercut on the eye.
soilentshuggah
+0 -0
"You noticin' the wrong things"
"You noticin' the wrong things"
evolume
+0 -0
A comment left by evolume was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by MinorTough, blarghamagarky, STUART)
A comment left by evolume was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by MinorTough, blarghamagarky, STUART)
jesler729
+1 -0
Ahahaha under his eyelids on my goodness
Ahahaha under his eyelids on my goodness
jesler729
+0 -0
(oh my goodness)
(oh my goodness)
jonmw
+1 -0
Well, it's better than having eyelids on your Gentleness.
Well, it's better than having eyelids on your Gentleness.
josher
+0 -0
This strip makes me so uncomfortable. Notes... under the eyelids? Eugh, it makes my spine crawl every time.
This strip makes me so uncomfortable. Notes... under the eyelids? Eugh, it makes my spine crawl every time.
cailetshadow
+7 -0
The money slides under Ray's eyelids so easily because it is already moist
The money slides under Ray's eyelids so easily because it is already moist
overman
+0 -0
Goodness!
Goodness!
agentj
+0 -0
Follow the money!
Follow the money!
ctrl_z
+0 -0
Ray has no eyes
Ray has no eyes
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Apparently "Kira" is a very popular porn name? Just type it into Google images.
Apparently "Kira" is a very popular porn name? Just type it into Google images.
snowman
+0 -0
Most women's names, unchecked by a google filter, will yield similar results.
Most women's names, unchecked by a google filter, will yield similar results.
norsef
+0 -0
As will cartoon characters and furniture.
The porn business, it gets a lot done.
As will cartoon characters and furniture.
The porn business, it gets a lot done.
zapatos
+0 -0
Which is great after meeting a new girl at the bar. Oh the possibilities. There are too many I's in that word.
Which is great after meeting a new girl at the bar. Oh the possibilities. There are too many I's in that word.
starman11
+0 -0
A good friend of mine has a bachelor party coming up soon in Myrtle Beach. Every time I think about what it's going to be like, I think of this strip. Depending on how drunk I am I'll either be playing the part of Ray or Beef. Cripes I hope it's Beef.
A good friend of mine has a bachelor party coming up soon in Myrtle Beach. Every time I think about what it's going to be like, I think of this strip. Depending on how drunk I am I'll either be playing the part of Ray or Beef. Cripes I hope it's Beef.
chachibenji
+0 -0
Dear God baby please take Ray's money before some nasty snatch buggers get all up in his eyes and some terrible events occur.
Dear God baby please take Ray's money before some nasty snatch buggers get all up in his eyes and some terrible events occur.
ryanfuss
+0 -0
Panel 5 broke my chucklebot.
Panel 5 broke my chucklebot.
troy_convers
+0 -0
In all the talk about fascinating genital diseases, no-one noticed the 'Carmen San Diego' line. And the Paper Trail Jones quip is frikkin' great.
In all the talk about fascinating genital diseases, no-one noticed the 'Carmen San Diego' line. And the Paper Trail Jones quip is frikkin' great.
wallabeechamp
+0 -1
Paper Trail Jones is the single best sarcastic nickname ever.
Paper Trail Jones is the single best sarcastic nickname ever.
tonyhighwind
+0 -0
I feel like panel 2 isn't getting enough love. Money under the eyes is hilarious, yes, but for me this one is all about seeing who Ray is.
I feel like panel 2 isn't getting enough love. Money under the eyes is hilarious, yes, but for me this one is all about seeing who Ray is.
jeffspaulding
+0 -0
Yeah! It's 1:30 somewhere.
Yeah! It's 1:30 somewhere.
The last frame made me laugh until I cried at work.