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Ray in the Public Storage. Tuesday, May 26, 2009 • read strip Viewing 584 comments:

I've been meaning to box up all my fruity outfits.

I have had similar intentions in the past. But I always think, "What if my brother were to come out of the closet? I would certainly need my fruity outfits then!"

And so my pink striped shirt and purple slacks remain, and yea, shall remain, even unto seven generations.

or are you just lying to yourself, keeping them safe for the fast-approaching, inevitable and joyous day when you come out of the closet, simultaneously confirming your mother's suspicions and disappointing your father?

A comment left by generalripper was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mortshire, starch, Archon_Divinus)

A comment left by jeffspaulding was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mania3, kiyomonster, starch)

1,000 virtual chubbies

The fide that I, uh...

...boned?

No, that's not it...

...filleted?

. . . fellated?

THESE KNI-no wait, wrong meme.

A comment left by doomchild was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ummagumma, Lumus, kickstart, foea)

Obliquely Homophobic Quote:
I'm not a homophobe, but . . .

Not that there's anything wrong with it .


A comment left by mrbix was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Deusoma, sardoniclaconic, Lumus)

Why yes, I did read the same article as you! What an odd way of asking, though.

Your inferred accusation of plagiarism is misplaced - he is quoting from the link included in the immediately preceding post.

way to define plagiarism.

without attributing it. that is basically what plagiarism means.

i was told that its only gay to give head. you can get all the head you want.

Yes, those are the Peruvian rules.

Homophobia is the Disease inside our Community.

Communism is the Disease inside our Hegemony.

I don't have any diseases inside my hegemony, thank you very much!

We had a hegemony back home in the suburbs / and it was fully disease free!

I had a hegemony and it was full of aphids : /

Aphids, in my hegemony?

It's more likely than you think.

Aphids are the community within my infectious wound.

Okay, what is this "____ in my _____? It's more likely than you think" thing actually from originally?

A banner ad for Norton or something that said "Viruses? In my computer? It's more likely than you think. " Then it got Photoshop Phridayed.

Ahhh. Thanks.

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Original:
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One of many memes:
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Quote:
I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.


Bill Hick, In Pace Requiescat

s

scat

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fixed
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It could not possibly be more likely than I think that there is pornography on my computer. I know there is pornography on my computer because I put it there. Lots of it. Gigs upon gigs of it.

Centipedes? In my vagina?

It's more likely than you think.

[IMGS OFF]

Liza with a Zee. Well done thegoodwillgirl. Kudos.

[curtsey]
[/curtsey]

Oh man guys you have to cool it, I'm going to run out of chubbies so fast.

"Heccibiggs?
In my latest Achewood comment thread?"

Philippe? On my drum machine instruction manual?

Gravity's Rainbow? In my library?

It's more thinky than you like.

maybe my favorite comment on assetbar.

Game, Set, Match.

Man, I I would chubby that if I could.

Aye aye.

[i]I[i] I i !

Beatniks, in my enclave?

Beatniks- It's more common than you think.

Where did this talking about finding Rod Huggins sexually appealing come from? Did someone say "Damn, that Rod Huggins, that is one sexy cat?"

Or wait, are we talking about Achewood characters? I mean, of course they're fucked up. This is Achewood, after all.

Fruit -- Gay -- Mental Disorder -- Rod

Outfits -- Joyous -- Mother -- Manual -- HUGinS

It's like a cryptic crossword!

They follow the key terms of the first 4-5 posts to get from "fruity outfits" to "Rod Huggins" in response to fermatprime's query. Use the "related post link" (if barrista enabled)

Anyone finding Rod Huggins sexually appealing would be suffering from bestialitys.

Not just one -- a veritable infestation of Bestialitys.

So many bestialitys.

...so little time.

Give a lady multiple bestialities and she's yours forever

Multiple Beasts Ravage
A woman and she finds it fun
She is yours forever

A haiku on bestiality

Except it's 7/7/5 - and not a haiku.

%u2020Fuck%u2020

shitty haiku like
syntactic venereal-
drip all gone awry

I write Haiku
I write Haiku For You
I like to poo poo

A nadir now here
A haiku of haiku
Disgust sadness shame.

Ironically you just did it wrong too. That's 5/6/5 right there.

fixed
Quote:
shitty haiku like
syntactic venereal-
drip gonawrhyea

Japanese Haiku
Tradition that they don't succeed
Give them less to Write

Your poetic comedy is as putrid as your punchlines.

Seafood Soup.

We prefer to call it interspecies erotica, fucko.

My ladye doth demannde sundrie bestialitys

Lady Chatterley's Otter

Erhem. "The Fox."

beaver
kitty

Suffering?

And yet Never-nudes continue to go on ridiculed.

Tits or GTFO

I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

I find your existential insult oddly disconcerting.

And I think you have a big head.

What's even worse, this shitty verse I'm compelled to be blurting.

It makes me curse, your shitty verse, my ears now pummeled and hurting.

It's not so bad, Ray is still rad, and a woman somewhere, is squirting.

What is this, the toby/tobias thread?

(but really assetbar hasn't had tits for a few strips now i think it's high time we posted some)

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Well played.

It's the "nice-on-water is quoting whatever he can thread." Rosebud.

And now, from the backlogs of my imageshack:
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I chubbied this, and i'm proud of it

More Boobies
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More Tits
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And for the ladies, a man with a big cock
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Fie on this punnery! Fie!

Pie on this Funnery! Pie!
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wouldn't that be pi on this pie?

no no no1 3.141 5 926..., not 3.141 2 926! you cut the right number but put it on backwards!

Now it's just a waste of time!

but look at the stab wound.

i don't think i spelled "wound" correctly...

How the hell did you know that?
also have a chubby for knowing that.
Now you know that i'm giving you a chubby for knowing that, don't you know?

"How I wish I could calculate pi"
3 1 4 1 5 9 2

...I'm fifteen years old and in the lowestr possible maths group and several teachers have tried and failed to get pi into me and you did it. you got me to eat pi as it were. ... You should come teach me maths even though my final exam is tomorrow. oooooohhh shiiiit?

Did he get you to eat a bit of...humble pi?

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..the woman on the far left has two heads? or the dude in the middle is joined to her through a third head, like some kind of conjoined triplets... Either way i don't know who they are.

TO WIKIPEDIA!

It's the band Humble Pie comprised of all men with one head and their own bodies. Sorry.

I thought they were all women. Now I don't know what to think.

"Take a greasy whore and a rollin' dance floor
It's got your head spinnin' round"

How can you NOT love lyrics like that??

THIRTY DAYS IN THE HOOOLLLLE

I don't know why I have like 6 or 7 Humble Pie songs on my iPod but I do and that is just fine with me.

Thirty days in the county jail
Let me out and I just wanted to wail
Some fool tried to hold me down
I got drunk and I ripped up the the town

a month in Jumbo Hole? count me in!

Yeah, looks like I dropped the ball, it being tomorrow already. I hope knowing pi helped you not fail.

i would chubby you for caring, if i could, but i whored them all away. I'm also pretty sure i already replied to this but it isnt appearing.. Also, gcse exams are rather easy so far, especially my maths exams, with things such as drawing hands on a clock. I think the only way to fail the exam was to perhaps spit on the paper and not write anything, but certainly, i now know pi for college, sir, i still thank thee.

With apologies to Something Awful:
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I accidentally gave this a chubby when I actually feel pretty neutral about it and instead wanted to reply with: why would he write the second E backwards and not the first? I demand rationality when concerning blue-footed boobies and drawings of them.

Chubbied because those are two incredible birds.

here are some of their hands the size of a moderate areola

I find moderate areolae to be too wishy-washy. Give me a good, crazy liberal areola anyday.

Anzac Biscuits.

Love them.
Moist.

Moist on the outside, hard in the centre.
Or vice versa for those who like their ...

must be crunchy

I don't remember why I made this.


I've never chubbied this harder than I am right now.

oh dear lord i ran out fat.

heh.. fat = chubby. Hilarious!

OF, "OF FAT" DAMNIT

Thankfully, now we know it's all a hoax.

No, no, you've got the wrong idea. These are just big fruits that I wear.

I LOST MY DIGNITY WHEN I AGREED TO BE THE GREEN GRAPES

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That picture looks like it goes:
FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT MOSS

What the hell is that guy?

I think he's spinach.

Red Grapes really doesn't want to be there.

Smooth move making red grapes some kind of African person, meaning he(?) has that some colour head as the stalk of a real bunch of red grapes.

OH YEAH REALLY COMMITED TO REALISM HERE.

Obliquely Racist- Quote:
some kind of African person

Some kind of wonderful?

Um, if you would perhaps take the time to peruse the previous posts, you may have noticed that YOU JUST STEPPED ON SOMEONE ELSE'S JOKE.

what a spalding idea

Always too quick to jump into the fray. The saddest thing is writing something on assetbar, only to realize that somewhere else someone has written it like fifty times better before you.

Yes but it works. Black people are dark in color! He does not clash with the oufit... of grapes.

Tho I think you made my new band name

"Some kind of African"

Well my baby, she's alright,
Well my baby, she's clean out-of-sight.
Don't you know that she's ... she's some kind of African.

Shit. That tune is exactly what was going through my head.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

T-Taffy?

It's supposed to be the part in the song where the guy goes "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah"

At least, that is how it goes in the mayonnaise commercial

Quote:
Red Grapes really doesn't want to be there


And you would like a job where you're pasted to some guy's sweaty crack.

No, I really wouldn't. Where did you get that idea?

As a former crappy mascot, I'm pretty sure none of their lives really turned out as planned.

Crappie Mascot?
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Dude, I WISH I'd had that outfit. I wore a foam Hungry Howie's head and some yellow coveralls.

Pics or MYD.

What's MYD?

I don't have any pictures.

Maintain Your Dignity

Is this an actual internet acronym? I thought internet acronyms were restricted to two syllables a word.

If you want it to be I'm sure it can be arranged.

you can .. make this happen?

yes

You can .. make this happen?

no

You can .. make this happen?

maybe

Make up your DAMN mind.

i wish i knew how i managed to say that 3 times

To be sure to be sure to be sure. I..think that's the Jamison's Whiskey motto/phrase thing...

I'm sorry - I don't want you to think I'm stalking you or anything, but damn you make me laugh so hard.

Now I'm embarrassed to admit it's really a flounder.

Please enjoy the crappiest photo I could find.
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Pour vous

This is more like the carppiest photo you could find

Pescatorial punning? Preposterous!

Why thank you, kind sir! (Reminds me of the end of Napolean Dynamite)

Flounder?
I hardly knew 'er!

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The fightin' shellfish?

in fact, this is a sequined geoduck (pronounced gooey duck). the cock of the sea.

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Quote:
Don't touch it. That's a very important work of art

Naughty, naughty, naughty, you filthy old soomaka.

Alex DeLarge's weapon of choice for beating old, sinewy and cat-loving ladies to death.

Proof:

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geoduck sounds like a pokemon

nobody should ever be a geoduck to a stranger.. ever.

Wasn't Buffalo Gals on Geoduck Rock?

That's MY kind of fish..

We should hang out

we shoud party

A comment left by wic was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Wolfensti, Deusoma, mashisoyo, Scorpio_nadir, Lumus, jaypage, mystkmanat, skiddysmith, Doppelganger)

Predicting your own chubby count: 1 lame.

Knowing when to stop before turning a lame asset into an even lamer allusion: Priceless.

A comment left by doomchild was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Stonecrab, aHatOfPig, mystkmanat)

He just released a new album and I have seen a TV commercial for it about eight times in the last week or so.

Who knew that Grapes had it in him.

Who hasn't had it in Grapes?

He is the Geri Halliwell ("Ginger Spice") of that group.

Grapes?

[IMGS OFF]

Looks like the result you would get if Don Ho fucked that guy from American Chopper.

I would watch that show if Don Ho fucked that guy.

I would tear that man head appart.

Without sunglasses The man is Nothing

looks like Rod Huggins!

Oh my goodness. The bitch is still alive.

Chubby for the Ninjabread Man Avatar. Best worst game ever.

Why store them for his contingency then? Just mail it all to him in a crate labeled "In case of gay, open box"

Quote:
I've been meaning to box up all my fruity outfits.


I've been meaning to outfit all my fruity boxers.

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[IMGS OFF]

my fruity outfits storage box would consist of the following:

numerous pairs of cutoff jean shorts.
two pairs of ridiculous bell bottom jeans from a time before I was a man.
three white ridiculous color cowboy button up shirts.
hella shame.

Why would you even own those things.

Fruity as a nut cake, yo.

I would like your white ridiculous color cowboy button up shirts, if only to find out what "white ridiculous color" actually means.

Eggshell?

hey, look my comment is kind of high up the page!

lame the hell out of me. I need more lames!

Time for a bit of magical Mexican realism! (I would have gone with the Raggedy-Ass Ann & Andy sheets myself, but Ray has his own standards for style I suppose.

)

Thank you, leaving that parenthesis unclosed would have turned my life into a waking nightmare of cosmic insanity, not to mention cause all of your loved ones to perish in horrifyingly grotesque, Lovecraftian ways. So, thanks for the extra post.

1 2 3 4 5, double check post, check again 5 4 3 2 1 third check post POST.

The High School Pants half-sleeping-bag is what makes it for me.

I'm not sure what to think when a parenthesis gets twent five chubbies.

Surely, a Southern Surrealism Serape.

So it looks like Lonis was active in the late '80s already, then. The Achewood 'verse is pretty much steeped in Mexican magic.

Well it is California after all. I'm sure there are still a bunch of Mexican ghosts wandering infinity in search of their land, but can't find it because there's too many damn parking lots in the way.

I feel like I know Ray so much more now that I've seen the stuff he doesn't want around his house.

Nobody wants to see candles they don't like.

But they do tend to tell you alot about the person. I guess it's just never the same after you've seen a dude candles he does not like.

Dude Candles (which I do not like):
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Oh Lord in Heaven that is bound to just be a burning nightmare to see when you wake up from post-coital oblivion with your mistress only to see what has become of of such a thing left lit.

I apologize for the repetition I... I panicked a little.

There must be a "dipping your wick" joke somewhere in that story.

So that's why John Wayne Bobbit needed all that venture capital.

The white one burns half as long.

But twice as bright?

The yellow one doesn't burn at all.

They all burn after a night with your mother.

The yellow one burns, but half an hour later it's dark again.

They wernt, in the fire

All dicks was taken then.

All dicks did burn.

G... G-G-Godspeed You Black Emperor?

(I always imagine Trouble Man narrating "Dead Flag Blues")

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Echidnaboy for the Apocalyptic Friday win.

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[this punchline is for assetbarista users only]

[or people who are smart enough to save it to their desktop and look at it there before leaving comments like the one above]

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apology if still broken link.
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I'm learning.

OH...OH MY GOD! THE... THE BEAUTIFUL THING TO DO, EVER!

wemt

AWESOME.

I enjoy that the wok/bread machine/fondue set were packed on top of the VHS tapes.

Also, another burn on Nagel? Yes.

Why would he KEEP that thing? Unless there's a good reason, that thing should've been burnt long ago.

And no, that thing you were thinking ain't even a good reason.

This is just like the time that Ray forgot that he had that Camaro.. except it's a lame Nagel serape

What Camaro?

The Pontiac Trans Am Camaro [sic].

The Pontiac Trans Am Camaro that I forgot?

My 80's throwback aunt has lots of nagels. You have to see Nagel was forward enough to create the adobe illustrator look 25 years before computers

Just one word...
Rio.

Bloody good album. Bloody good album.

I've always said so.

I heard Bono played guitar.


(Please someone understand this reference)

Spines in brine!

Wot? But I've never seen that advert!

Okay that was the only line from it that I remembered.

You should watch it about twenty-five more times, then. I don't even know how many times I've watched it, but I have had pretty much the whole thing memorized for about the last year and a half.

They are huge, and they are coming out of nowhere.

A stack of VHSs make the perfect base for practically any amount of packrattery, kitsch, and consumerist neglect.

What Is It Like to Be an Alcoholic Cat?

Ask James Brown.

I bet my mom knows.

[psych101]Is your crocheted Phillipe a sublimation of your desire for a happy childhood?[/psych101]

It's actually a sublimation of my desire to be able to crochet attractive and useful hats and scarves.

Nevertheless, pretty cool (in a crazy cat-lady stalker fan-girl kind of way).

I am required to crochet (doctor's orders) because I'm allergic to cats and need to fill my "24-going-on-63" needs somehow. And I cannot afford a dog to dress up.

It is the Saddest Thing.

Can you do an Apple Sweater ?

That appears to be knit, not crocheted. However, I can probably invent a pattern for that. I'd prefer to do a Tree Sweater , but I guess fruit needs clothes too!

Ouch! Schooled on the fiber arts.

your crochet philippe is too rad for words. it is so rad, i wish i had been the one to crochet it, but i had not. this was caused by Failure.

No need for S.O.-F.A.D., little yellow girl. Perhaps Onstad will give you exclusive water-bra license?

waaaaiiit...who crocheted it?

I did. There's a larger photo here:
https://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c369/iAud/PA030172.jpg

If I get Onstad's okay, I'm going to make more and see if I can sell them.

EEEP that's adorable!

Onstad, please say it's ok. Those are pretty damn cute.

Subscribe to Premium Fanflow for crochet patterns and more!

If Onstad put my pattern up in the Subscriber section, that would pretty much destroy my get-rich-slowly scheme altogether. Assuming that other people here know how to crochet, of course.

Please please Onstad, I need income somehow!

Good point. Considering all of the crocheting/knitting discussions that occur on this board on a daily basis, it is likely that we would all crochet our own.[/sarcasm]

A friend of mine was selling a quilting pattern, and a quilting guild copied it and passed it out at their monthly meeting. The best and worst part is that they're local. It's good because she's going to the meeting to give them a piece of her mind, but what kind of mental contortionist does it take to decide that it's okay to steal from someone down the street?

I meant that I can see how someone could tell herself that downloading an mp3 that's already gone platinum "isn't hurting anyone", and how that would be different from buying one CD at a local show and make copies for all your friends.

Nagel nailed the hell out of what the Eighties looked like. It's not his fault it looked kind of weird.

It looked like cocaine and casual sex, and the ideas they give you about the world.

Also, Ray keeps an entire box of Good sunglasses in storage, so he doesn't get them mixed up with his Great sunglasses at home.

But where's his REI gear?

COMMIE NO. 1: "COMMISSAR! The filthy exploiter is locked away in the prison of his own historical destiny!"

COMMISSAR: Good comrade! Now all there is to do is wait until the entirety of the proletariat becomes conscious of its systematic enslavement by the bourgeoisie, establishes its long-awaited dictatorship, ushers in socialism and finally communism, thus concluding history itself! If only Comrade Marx could see us now!"

COMMIE NO. 2: "Wait, what's a 'proletariat'?"

COMMIE NO. 1: "Comrade, I believe it's a rare species of bird native to California."

COMMISSAR: "No, you see Marx says that the proletariat is, in this stage of history at least, the class tha-"

COMMIE NO. 3: "Anybody want a beer? I'm heading down to the store with my debit card and I ju-"

COMMISSAR: "DEBIT CARD?!?! What?! How could you allow such a bourgeois-decadent weapon of exploitation besmirch your pristine worker hands? GET RID OF IT."

COMMIE NO. 1: "Dude, chill out. Even John Lennon, Groucho Marx and Laura Ingalls Wilder loved frosty ones."

COMMISSAR: "You mean Lenin, Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels. Have you even read the Communist Manifesto? Das Kapital? The April Theses?"

*blank stares all around*

COMMISSAR: "Fucking California"


Doesn't the Commissar summarily execute them in the next sequence with his Tokarev TT-30 before taking his own life after a prolonged police siege on their bunker?

Or am I getting mixed up with Nazi's in America(TM)

"Der Kommisar" was originally done by Falco.

After The Fire covered it.

Hail the Heroes of the Revolution.

[IMGS OFF]

Has anyone here read Jpod by Douglas Coupland?

No, but I have read Girlfriend in a Coma and Microserfs. One of these were better than the other.

I have.

I liked it.

This happens in it, right?

No but I have Aaron Copland on my iPod.

Billy the Kid is the soundtrack of all my childhood family road trips.

I was joking but Copland is definitely good ol' Americana times. The soundtracks of my family road trips were more akin to Billy Joel, but he had a song about Billy the Kid so that works right?

Gen X, Shampoo Planet, and Microserfs

Is Douglas Coupland the guy who hates vaginas?

Oh no sorry never mind sometimes I confuse different people I read with one another

Quote:
the guy who hates vaginas?


Are you thinking of Pope Benedict?

BTW: auto-correct recommends spelling the plural of vagina "vaginae." A bit pedantic.

I'm so pedantic I say "vulva," unless I mean the baby-hole specifically.

No, but it's been lent to me. It looked ridiculous.

Yes! Evil Mark gets locked to his storage cubby or whatever I think.

KRUN KRUN KRUN krun krun

MEXICAN MAGICAL REALISM.

MANDATORY MINIMUM SENTENCES.

ZZT

Do you... OMG YOU DO MEAN THE COMPUTER GAME! S.O. R.A.D. May the hair on your toes never fall off.

Quote:
May the hair on your toes never fall off.


Is that a Hobbit blessing?

It is at that, jeffspaulding. But it also made an appearance in one of the random shareware games I used to play from DOS, and I was thinking (hoping!) it was that one. Curse you, devil weed, for making me forget my childhood!

My favorite detail is that each and every instance of an E written by Ray is his three dashes way of writing it.

The back of the E is just one stroke too many for a busy man.

Thats the way it was done in the 80's
[IMGS OFF]

Why would you want to play an instrument that sounds like Garage Implements. Did this keyboard belong to Art of Noise ?

no. they used fairlights in art of noise, but the EIII is the best sounding sampler ever built in history. Thats why it cost 15 grand in 1987

ohhhhh shiiiiiiit!

Beneath the what ?!?!
I can't stand the suspense!

"beneath the crass..."

I've seen them wandering the echoing streets of the Public Storage facility. They travel in pairs. Never just one, never three. They'll rent a compartment to get gate access, and haunt the place, looking for some unwary victim to become lost in the nostalgia of his own semi-discarded belongings.

The Zero-Sum Freedom League, or whatever they call themselves these days. Just one of the dangers of rental storage. A man has to keep his eyes open. Don't stay inside longer than a minute, don't stray far from the door for long.

And if you get caught and locked down, remember to piss in the lowest corner, or better yet a container, or else it'll run all over and then you get to sleep in your own urine.

Also: Gruesome revenge.

off on another mystical mexican adventure!

All things considered, are much worse things a Magical Mexican Realism Nagel Kamikaze-Girl Serape could have done.

We don't actually know what it HAS done. It just seems to make sense to close this story arc by getting Ray back to the past via the MMRNK-GS. I vote for a plot twist.

We do know some things it hasn't done yet, though. Ray has not turned inside out on the spot, for example, nor has the Whore of Hyderbad been summoned.

Prove it ... Nah, I'm kidding. Who would be such a douche?

Don't forget the 10 gallon, or in Ray's case 1 1/2 gallon hat. That determines his location a tad more west in Wales.

are those bottle rockets sticking out of the basketball? dang ray, you got hella cool junk.

I wonder if Ray will land up in 16th century Wales wearing the exact same clothes!

I predict that he will, and it will lead to all sorts of wacky shenanigans.

The image of woman he bears wears no bonnet!

and if you look at panel 12 he has some wicked thong hangage going on

i am looking at a cartoon cat's exposed package on the Internet

Well why not?

It's kind of a sack-tee for the Nagel girl.

We called this one.

Ray went into Wales and wacky shenanigans ensued the moment the locals saw him.

I looove wacky shenanigans. Best kind of shenanigans if you ask me.

"No sir, I like my shenanigans wacky. funny tacky pukey fuckey sucky mucky just dont cut it for me. Not at all"

Silly Shenanigans are the WORST.

Say that ONE MORE TIME.

That.


It's like watching The Veggie-tales when you want to see Bugs Bunny.

All Back to the Future 3 "Western outfit"

I hope Ray doesn't go straight to Wales-heaven. I hope this leads to an incredible adventure. Then he'll go to Wales-heaven.

Tough. Get used to disappointment.

WELCOME TO YOUR THIRTIES!

Nobody cares anymore

How's it feel ta want?
How's it feel ta need, fucker?

I miss my papa sometimes.

I miss your mom sometimes.

I miss video games.

I miss video games.

Comment left by robertlaptad ignored.

Well, some little troll has done his creepy-ass homework! How many times did you get off to my myspace page, champ? It's OK. I know it's hot shit.

Anyway - bye, now.

"robertlaptad
31, Male
Member status: Newbie
Strips viewed: 1"

Right fuckhead. This is the kinda of douchebaggery that will never fly with me. I hope you catch fire real soon.

What's with all the vitriol here?

I'm not as pissed as I am weirded out. Some previously unignored (and now firmly ignored) "old, female" -type seems to have hijacked my name and likeness from a popular social networking site for the purpose of....making an unfunny comment?

It's probably karma from when I did something kind of like that to theguitarhero once on livejournal (though, if I may say so, it was quite a hoot when I did it).

Anyway, robertlaptad will forever show up as nothing more than a faint, grey sentence to me here, so it'll be pretty easy to take.

And I want it to be known that a split second before clicking "post," I realized that my first sentence read "I'm ass pissed as I am weirded out."

And I shouldn't speak for woodenteeth, but I think he was just standing up for me 'cause we're buds.

On the internet.

Word.

Oh. Wow, yeah. I knew the name was familiar, but I didn't quite make the connection.

man rowboat it's like every time i see you, you're getting pissed off or all worked up over something on the internet

chillax, bro

You must be referring to the archives. I've been relatively serene lately, I think.

Quote:
It's probably karma from when I did something kind of like that to theguitarhero once on livejournal (though, if I may say so, it was quite a hoot when I did it).


Heck yeah, that shit was classic. I just wish I saved what I wrote before it seemingly disgusted everyone involved. It was the best/worst/mostly-best-let's-be-honest-here of times.

Did you author the bit about cumming on insects and then eating them or something? I never got a chance to read it, but it was apparently the straw that broke theguitarhero's back.

Yeah, that was me. I figure if it surprises and has a visceral repulsion in me when I write it, then I will acheive the same out of the readers.

I'd read all these previous posts of pseudo-, and then blatant, and then promiscuous homosexuality, and I thought that was a bit tame for this community - so let's go for broke, and knock this up a notch.

[IMGS OFF]

BAM! Okay, bestiality? Nah, too obvious. I thought. Rape? Nah, don't wanna go there. Maybe....necrobestiality? Okay, but AIU already did that a while ago with the goat thing, so I gotta take it somewhere unexplored. Birds? Crustaceans? Molluscs? Holy hell, I got it: a cockroach. That makes my fucking skin crawl, it's perfect. But you can't freak with a cockroach. Maybe just jizzing on it? Oh shit, that's even worse. Add in crushing and eating and we've got mega nasty, but still a bit pedestrian for my personal standards. Needs another layer.

I added in some emotional attachment and perceived intimacy, made it that extra bit disturbing. Threw in some New Age sexual-spiritual dimension for good measure. Probably some Christian theological overtones as well, I forget.

Apparently it went a bit too far for at least one person. Oh, but being forced to look at a picture of a festering and wart-covered knob is just fine . At least with writing you don't have to read it once you start.

I was personally pretty proud of the term "panvertebrate sexual gastronomy". I can see it taking off in the near future.

drskradley rushes in where the Waterboarding CIA fears to tread.

(... and the only logical conclusion is)
I hit your mom sometimes.

I miss video games.

Let me check...verb, noun, uppercase, period...

OH SHIT.

get a show on sho time*. will helps u to spell gute like me aswell

*sorry if that's over your simple head

Yes! Yeeeeees! Oh I think I just peed a little.

Dibs!

Aw, dangit.

Mexico must be a hell of a magical place.

It's a place where you can watch a donkey do things with a woman. Magical indeed.

What kinds of things? Like taking her for a ride? Nibbling on her? Pulling her baggage train?

You'll need four horses for that baggage.

Magical and realistic.

Thats Tijuana for you!

That's tea for two onya, Juan.

It is a mystical place where people die from a not-particularly-dangerous disease because they attempt to treat it with leeches and sugar water.

Then pass the disease through several species of bird and pig, then send it north and call it a pandemic.

All hail Swine Flu!

At least one person here thinks swine flu is lame.

Well, it is. And for the record, I'm not blaming Mexico for swine flu. I guess you have to be awesome like Jon Stewart to be able to make jokes about it.

Either that, or everyone is tired of the subject and wishes that the media would drop it entirely. (This is more likely.)

I'm still wondering, what happened to the burd flu?

We gave it to the birds.

fixed.
We gave it the bird.

[IMGS OFF]

this is probably a REALLY stupid question .. Is that Johnny Cash?

sort of and yes

A truly rich man rents at least three houses for his garbage, and he dives into the piles of nostalgia like Scrooge McDuck.

A comment left by assman_allways was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Lolsworth, rexsjain, GunsOfRay, erinye)

obvious aiu is obvious.

But his eye is so pretty. And he is an assman in all ways imaginable.

GOD BLESS YOU, LONIS! Whether you're helping a man become comfortable in his sexuality or bringing an uncle and his ward back together your mystical, esoteric inventions do more good than you will ever know!

CHUNK CHUNK KA-CHUNK

TING!

Chunk?

Ray may be Bourgeoisie scum, but I don't think anybody should be forced to spend a night dressed like that.

There is surely a case for thinking of it as 'Rectal Storage'?

That reminds me, I have a watch to give you

[IMGS OFF]

A serape made in Mexico? I'm finding that a bit hard to believe.

Always, always remember to check the label. Never forget.

That's the new 9/11 Never Forget

Next time some braindead rightwinger zomboid moans that in your direction, you've already got your comeback, thanks to the internet.

i so knew you were going to incur the wrath of the rightwing Assetbaristas for that.

You don't have to be on the right wing to be annoyed by the left wing.

I guess that would just make you part of the torso or some shit.

centerists are boobs

only thing in the center of the road are yellow lines and roadkill, friend-o

Vote Libertarian!

We Don't Give A Shit What You Do, Leave Me The Fuck Alone.

Pfft, I find this highly questionable.

Why's that?

Oh. Never mind.

Vote Libertarian!

We Don't Give A Shit What You Do, Leave Me The Fuck Alone.

A fair point... You have quite a compelling argument, there!

Vote Libertarian!

We Don't Give A Shit What You Do, Leave Me The Fuck Alone.

Aw, what the heck! You've converted me! Hook me up with a subscription to your newsletter, if you'd be so kind.

Chubbied for the impartial, yet fair tone.

Sir, I give you three chubbies. This is exactly the reason why I save them.

I love the onomatopeaea of the opening of the Lockup. It truly describes the sound in one world perfectly.

(of course in other worlds it may sound entirely different due to the atmosphere being made of, for example, molten iron)

Yeah yeah. I made a spelling mistake. It's funny. Laugh.

an atmosphere of molten irony - your perfect "word" was a "world" away

Word.

Zero-Sum Freedom League. Oh lord. In four words he's utterly demolished and mocked the argument that took 13 words to state. And it's a common one, at that...

What of the fate of the old Zero Sum Freedom League? (Their parents made them get jobs???)

they were thankful when their parents made them get jobs because they used the mathematical freedom deficit in their lives to sort berets and dye their clothes

The New Zero-Sum Freedom League are being cocks to a stranger. Not cool, guys.

Outfits for fruit
[IMGS OFF]

That apple turns me on more that i care to admit.

(I don't feel like I have a lot of 'outs'.)

ach, "than I".

I even read this single sentance for typos and everything seemed a-ok.

(but all you need is an apple corer to get one good 'in')

Oh tell me chef of the future ...
[IMGS OFF]

can it whore a apple?

This is presaging a love interest in Ray's life - the ex-skank, Facebook looker.

Nobody writes out "Raggedy Ann & Raggedy Andy" (it is nearly always "Raggedy Ann & Andy"). Why so formal towards Andy?

[IMGS OFF]

Weall, I doan rightly know, Amos. Maybe its so's to not offend his Sensibilities ?

[IMGS OFF]

#1 on the list of "Shit You Could Never Get Away With Today"

#2
[IMGS OFF]

Have you heard what they've done to the Sassy Black Mammy on old Tom & Jerry cartoons? It's horrifying, I tell you.

Horrifying.

Worse yet, I'm sure I've seen T&J episodes where they recolored the housekeeper to be white.

You could never claim a pancake was Energizing these days.

Lord, no. The FDA would DESTROY you.

Also cocaine is no longer a permitted ingredient of pancake mix.

Now I want to eat some pancakes, but I'm a racist son of a bitch for being that way.

I'm going to go to IHOP, but I'm going to be hating on myself the entire time.

Son, I'm gunna ram these pancakes up your ass and into your throat. Get ready.

I guess that obviates the need for syrup. However, butter might be nice.

I wish I could bookmark comments.

Isn't it some kind of fire hazard to have doors that can only be opened from the outside? And usually the locking mechanism would be clearly visible from the inside.

No and no.

I used to work for a storage facility. You can't really see the lock from inside, and even if you could there's no way to unlock it.

Obviously this is in case you're storing monkeys or golems or slaves or whatever.

Do not forget, proper storage of the Golem requires one to erase the aleph from his forhead, or he will escape your storage locker with or without an internal unlocking mechanism.

People think I got the power because I got the monkeys. Nope. I got the power because I'll let the monkeys loose. They don't understand.

Why can't you do it?
Why can't you set your monkey free?
Always giving in to it -
Do you love your monkey or do you love me?

Why can't you do it?
Why do I have to share my baby with a monkey?

Oh and I was going to go with:
In America first you get the monkeys, then you get the power, then you get the women.

STIRF

Yeeeeeeeeeeeah, Mexican Magical Realism! YEEEAH!

Well, that's one way to get to Wales I guess.

Would anyone like to pontificate 'pon the mechanism of returning from Wales?

This is Mexican Magical Realism, however. I am not even sure that Wales is where Ray will end up.

Perhaps Ray will show up in Wales, the way he truly imagines himself.

Prepare for the ministrations of King Chochacho, ye spud-diggin' tenders of this gentle earth.

Deus ex Mexicana

Perfect pun. A chubby is in the mail.

Hear hear.

what

did he just get magiced out of there?

:confused:

not just magiced[sic]

MEXICAN magiced


I refuse to write Magicked, okay?

Just did.

-5 points for obviousness

Note that his pillow still bears the indent from his head. Is he simultaneously there/not there?

Did Smuckles belong to Schrodinger?

no, no. I know Schrodinger's Cat very well, and he is nothing like Ray.

and yet exactly like Ray.

I don't think it'd go over well with Assetbarbarians if Ray became a svelte, feminine-looking catboy overnight.

But for me? And you? It'd be fucking fantastic.

[IMGS OFF]

...You have failed me for the last time, Assetbar.

I doubt that.

hey, hey jeffspaulding, guess what?
You are rad . (Also, I am out of chubbies.)

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHITTTTTTTTT

The original Zero-Sum Freedom League was disbanded due to accounting problems.

Zero-Sum Freedom League! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

It's ok, Teodor, these men are cowards.

Reference to Big Lebowski: 6 chubbies

- but not this low on the comment list

At the rate O-man updates, this could end up in the top third.

yes yes yes, a strip that I am excited about, yes yes!

Me too. If only it didn't require the reappearance of LN.

You guys, storage units totally have resonances . Imagine being inside one with someone you're still a little stupid over even though they broke your heart and they are laaaame. You say "this could almost be a nice little house" kind of mournfully, and they nod and then hurriedly step out and away from you because they know what you really mean and they don't want to see you cry.

And if I could edit this post I would totally change each "they" to "he," for fuck's sake.

No, "they" leaves it ambiguous (and thus sexier).

But "they" is not technically correct. Oh how I yearn for a gender-neutral singular pronoun!

Don't we all:

https://xkcd.com/145/

ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER

DO YOU SPEAK IT

S-S-S-SCREW YOU! I ONLY SPEAK DOUBLE LANGUAGES!!!!!

fucker fits ur description

of a gender-neutral singular pronoun?

no, of bruce willis. OF COURSE GENDER WHATEVER SINGLISH PUN OR WHATEVER fuckin' dee dee dee

The fucker is right. You fuckers can fit this in anywhere. See, it even works for plural, fucker.

The fuck you say?

Translation: I wanted to fuck the fucker that broke my fucking heart in the fucking storage shed.

Da da dum, da da dum dum daa...
If there's anything that you want...

i'm sorry i sorta blew up atchu, that is to say, went off at you and it's not u er anything u did it's me an my shit tht i'm goin' thru i shouldn't have done tht n i jus wanna say m sorry form deh bottom of my heart

awww, that's okay gladi. I was going to slit my wrists then I saw this apology and it's all better now. I hope the shit you're going through becomes...less shitty.

glad saves another life with a timely intervention.

thats the problem w/these rappers, they get a little fame and they cant handle it, our own fuckin bobby brown over here

don't pidgeonhole me, fucker

Or he'll beat you like Whitney Houston

Or he'll deal with you like he did Amelia Earhart.

That seems like a whole lot of effort. Buying the plane, training her to pilot, having the COMMUNISTS shoot her down.

women can't fly do anything

Well, I can think of a few things I like to have women do. But so few are any good at it...

Get a hard on?

you're right gladd, ur acting career will go real well. Next Jamie Foxx over here (snigger)

Wait. That comment was serious?

Or am I missing some internet sarcasm?

Shame on you for thinking that language is inflexible! The usage creates the definitions, T!

Wait how can Ray see in there or identify his Nagel serape if the door is closed? It should be pitch dark.

the candles, tekende, the candles. don't forget about the candles ray doesn't like. a stone cold player like ray may occasionally leave his cel in the caddie, but he would never enter a party/room/storage shed without a light and such as a fine turkish cigarette for the ladies.

Cats have excellent night vision.

hecho en mexico, lumine en almacen

poor rihanna....

wait, shouldn't it b called a decade book den? lol, sortta clever

Glad does not like to oversell himself.

I love how Ray keeps in the "The" in "I am only trying to keep warm, The Lord."

Also, I am trying to figure out how the concept of zero-sum games might apply to this act of not-quite-terrorism. Anyone?

P.S. I admit I am only talking about the strip because I can't think of any stupid joke to make.

I think that their thesis has something to do with wealth being zero-sum, i.e. Ray's accumulation of wealth is necessarily and always at the expense of some other poor fool.

Oh, that makes sense.

Not just wealth, but freedom and comfort. Others do not have as much freedom as we do, thus our freedom is bad.

Freedom is Slavery

Y'all some nerds terrorists.

[ paradoxical statment ]

The Zero-Sum Freedom League assisted in a jailbreak earlier, so now they have to imprison someone to rebalance their portfolio.

Yes!

hm

haw!

See?

saw!

[IMGS OFF]

Excellent.

this is gonna get really weird

Hands up if you can't read the word "Public" in any situation without thinking it says "Pubic" first. *raises hand*

get it pubic storage

How do you read "Certified Public Accountant?"

Would you ask him to tally your whacker?

recognize some asset appreciation?

Practice some double entry?

Would he follow FIFO or LIFO during orgies?

Ask him to rape you anally? (Um, I think that's an accounting term now).

Gentlemen, please, I don't know that these crass jokes are appropriate for the pubic square. WAIT FUCK

Got Crabs?

Boy, I'm gonna rape you with my eggs. Be ready.

Would you like some public wine?

For some reason, I hear this being asked in the voice of the widower in Clockwork Orange.

It is so funny you would say that, because that is the exact voice I use when I offer my public wine to people. I'm pleased that you appreciate good wine. Have another glass.

Oh heck yes. I have sorely missed the magical realism.

They have a point. If you own more shit than you can fit into your living space, then you own too much shit. Even more true when you consider that Ray lives in a huge fucking mansion.

This wasn't really a problem in the grand days when everyone who was anyone had a barn. (And thus barns are now an excellent source for vintage automobiles and feral children.)

I have stuff in a storage unit. But it's because I'm living with my parents right now so I can only keep in here what will fit in my room or a small part of the garage.

Fascist!

You are so Arrogant !

"Ah, ze old Pa rental Units excuse, eh?
Take him avay!"

Bourgeoisie? Losers on low income wouldn't know the meaning of such a word, let alone use it so confidently in a moment of anger. Hell I don't even properly know what that shit means

Middle class or merchants. Not primary producers or industrialists. Now you know.

entemologically it means people who are of the town, right. Because back in the day people who lived in towns had money. Everyone else lived in holes in the ground in the country side.

Responding to the myopic penis head a few posts up, yes they have a point, and people who go burning down SUV dealerships have a point also that SUVs are socially economically environmentally and politically bad for the world. Where are you going with this because it sounds like you are advocating terrorism and you hate freedom.

Entomologically, SUVs bug me.

This is a pellucid jewel of a post. It shines its punning glory over us all, and warms our faces like the sun. It breaks my heart that I have but one chubby to give.

And of course I'm out of chubbies. Very well done, though.

I guess they make your skin crawl.

Ray is going to be wowed by LN's budding entrepreneurship. Not that LN didn't display that earlier when he was Chinaman the mysterious dank mogul, but Ray was clueless in that arc.

Japanman, actually.

Japanman, Chinaman,
it's all CHING-CHONG WING-WONG to me.

Its a shame to see how far the O'Neil(l) family has sunk since Eugene wrote The Emperor Jones .

Paul Robeson was great in that racist stereotype of a role.

Oh yeah, Chinaman is the guy who gave BoojieBoy the papers in Now It Can Be Told. Japanman was the duke of dank. My whoops.

Ray just got shrunk down to the size of his paw as in honey I shrunk the kids.

No, no... if any sort of reduction were to take place, a Mexican Magical Realism Nagel would do it by reducing a man into a minimalist artistic representation of raw sexuality and cocaine ideas, I.E. Todd.

I do not get this premium comment and asset bar stuff. Somebody explain it to me, I grow impatient and need which slot to put my money in this newfangled contraption.

The way it works is if you pay a small amount of money to Chris Onstad he will let you take a look in his trash can.

Its kinda dicky that people go homeless while you got a cot for your high school pants.

I'm pretty sure most people aren't homeless because Ray's shit got the last house.

"Sorry, sir. We had a house lined up for you, but... a box of sunglasses got there just two seconds too soon. We'll keep looking, don't you give up hope."

it doesn't seem like a very un-Ray move to buy the last house for his sunglasses. especially if there's ebay invovled.

Can this story arc end without a bit of character development for St. Hoppy?

Yo, fellas, I finally decided that I'd taken enough shit and got Firefox all downloaded. But now it seems that I need someone to give me a link to that Assetbarista thing that everyone was babblin' about a while ago. These unsightly black boxes just angry up the blood.

Thanks in advance, chubbies afterwards!

Just type assetbarista into the address bar and it'll come up.

...Use the address bar? Oh, okay, I'll use the address bar. Cool.

Firefox is so last year. Sware Iron is the shizzytading.

Last year was in the goddamn 21st century - the fricken Space Age - that's more than modern enough for me.

IE is retro!

Interestingly, this is not the first time that Nagel print has come up in Achewood. See for yourselves.