zwab
+1 -0
Beef is rockin' a look like Cash. I support this.
Beef is rockin' a look like Cash. I support this.
sncether
+0 -0
I wonder if Ray was supposed to dress like Tango and forgot?
I wonder if Ray was supposed to dress like Tango and forgot?
akadriver
+0 -0
The cop shirt was a good choice.
The cop shirt was a good choice.
randombeing
+1 -0
Beef is actually rockin' a look like such as Fall Out Boy or Tobey Maguire halfway through Spider-Man 3. That's the joke.
Beef is actually rockin' a look like such as Fall Out Boy or Tobey Maguire halfway through Spider-Man 3. That's the joke.
zwab
+0 -0
I don't believe this is a fact. If this was a fact he would have on hells eyeliner, and he does not.
However, on second thought, I do see your point where that striped tie is concerned, which I didn't notice the first time I read this strip, at 4:00 AM. Maybe we ought to both rescind?
I don't believe this is a fact. If this was a fact he would have on hells eyeliner, and he does not.
However, on second thought, I do see your point where that striped tie is concerned, which I didn't notice the first time I read this strip, at 4:00 AM. Maybe we ought to both rescind?
erinye
+0 -0
There are a lot of words in this strip I need to look up.
Be right back!
There are a lot of words in this strip I need to look up.
Be right back!
erinye
+10 -0
mittelschmerz: Pain or discomfort in the lower abdomen in women occurring midway in the intermenstrual interval, thought to be secondary to the irritation of the pelvic peritoneum by fluid or blood escaping from the point of ovulation in the ovary.
clyster: An enema.
No sign of "sarganthum" or "sarganthurn" anywhere on Google. Closest I can find is Sarguntum, an ancient city in Spain or somewhere.
You're welcome, Assetbar!
mittelschmerz: Pain or discomfort in the lower abdomen in women occurring midway in the intermenstrual interval, thought to be secondary to the irritation of the pelvic peritoneum by fluid or blood escaping from the point of ovulation in the ovary.
clyster: An enema.
No sign of "sarganthum" or "sarganthurn" anywhere on Google. Closest I can find is Sarguntum, an ancient city in Spain or somewhere.
You're welcome, Assetbar!
loneal
+1 -1
My research shows that ganthum without the prefix sar- is a root used to cure, um... spellblight .
My research shows that ganthum without the prefix sar- is a root used to cure, um... spellblight .
erinye
+0 -0
NERD.
Nah, I'm just fucking with you. I think I'll bookmark that site, actually.
NERD.
Nah, I'm just fucking with you. I think I'll bookmark that site, actually.
loneal
+4 -1
Man, I ain't know what that site is. I was just using the dang old Googler.
Man, I ain't know what that site is. I was just using the dang old Googler.
bovine
+12 -0
-Ganthanex (active ingredient: Ganthum)-
...Remember, there is no cure for spellblight, but with proper treatment you can help control outbreaks. Ganthanex; Take Control.
(Do not engage in Casting with a partner during outbreaks as spellblight can spread readily. Side effects include but are not limited to Night Terror, Day Terror, Wyrms, Mana leakage, Loss of vision, Loss of eyeballs, Demons, Daemons, Talking Fish, Intense burning, Intense desire to burn, death, undeath, telemarketing, and mild nausea.
-Ganthanex (active ingredient: Ganthum)-
...Remember, there is no cure for spellblight, but with proper treatment you can help control outbreaks. Ganthanex; Take Control.
(Do not engage in Casting with a partner during outbreaks as spellblight can spread readily. Side effects include but are not limited to Night Terror, Day Terror, Wyrms, Mana leakage, Loss of vision, Loss of eyeballs, Demons, Daemons, Talking Fish, Intense burning, Intense desire to burn, death, undeath, telemarketing, and mild nausea.
irondave
+1 -0
Telemarketing? God help us.
Telemarketing? God help us.
kharitonov
+7 -0
Instead of looking up "mittelschmerz" like a smart person I decided to use some language-fu to figure out what it meant.
"Okay. I know schmerz means pain or sorrow. Like weltschmerz, that's world sorrow. So "mittel" ... sounds kind of like the word middle in the English language, and English and German are part of the same language family, so that's likely to be correct. Ergo ... middle sorrow? Hm. Yeah, okay. Molly's gonna hit her mother until she has a mid-life crisis."
I maintain that the strip works equally well that way.
Instead of looking up "mittelschmerz" like a smart person I decided to use some language-fu to figure out what it meant.
"Okay. I know schmerz means pain or sorrow. Like weltschmerz, that's world sorrow. So "mittel" ... sounds kind of like the word middle in the English language, and English and German are part of the same language family, so that's likely to be correct. Ergo ... middle sorrow? Hm. Yeah, okay. Molly's gonna hit her mother until she has a mid-life crisis."
I maintain that the strip works equally well that way.
saulbellow
+6 -0
Did I said you were done on pommel horse? Dismounts must beink perfect by Saturday trial!
get back on pommel horse
Did I said you were done on pommel horse? Dismounts must beink perfect by Saturday trial!
get back on pommel horse
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
oh and you get chubby, too.
oh and you get chubby, too.
salvar
+0 -0
Pommes horse.
And mid-life crisis is "Lebensmittelkrise". :D
Pommes horse.
And mid-life crisis is "Lebensmittelkrise". :D
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
langu-fu sounds cooler...moreso with long 'a'
but what you said is good too!
i like your interpretation.
chubbied.
langu-fu sounds cooler...moreso with long 'a'
but what you said is good too!
i like your interpretation.
chubbied.
lateadopter
+0 -0
I prefer tongue-fu.
I prefer tongue-fu.
bixschmix
+0 -0
You and me both!
You and me both!
catgrl131
+1 -0
fu-lingus?
fu-lingus?
hedonismbot
+0 -0
A rare form of tongue-fungus? I think I got that from a hooker I once knew. Ahhh, the long evening with ole Trixey "Mushroom Crotch" McTrixington...
A rare form of tongue-fungus? I think I got that from a hooker I once knew. Ahhh, the long evening with ole Trixey "Mushroom Crotch" McTrixington...
kamet
+0 -0
Now THAT is why you don't go down on a hooker.
Now THAT is why you don't go down on a hooker.
salvar
+1 -0
Burritolingus.
Burritolingus.
patkun
+0 -0
This gets a five, because it's one of the few strips that has made me laugh helplessly* for an extended period. As I am inscrutable and stony-faced by nature, this is quite an achievment, even for Achewood.
*Twice, actually. Phillippe's face, both times.
This gets a five, because it's one of the few strips that has made me laugh helplessly* for an extended period. As I am inscrutable and stony-faced by nature, this is quite an achievment, even for Achewood.
*Twice, actually. Phillippe's face, both times.
hatstand_mcq
+5 -0
Look at you, trying to convey all sorts with your description of yourself as 'inscrutable and stony-faced. Do you want us to think that you are the love child of Charlton Heston and Gregory Peck , conceived on the set of The Big Country? Do you?
Look at you, trying to convey all sorts with your description of yourself as 'inscrutable and stony-faced. Do you want us to think that you are the love child of Charlton Heston and Gregory Peck , conceived on the set of The Big Country? Do you?
king_duncan
+4 -0
Who wouldn't want people to think that?
Who wouldn't want people to think that?
daidai
+0 -0
There's probably a few people. I've got no proof, but I don't need any.
There's probably a few people. I've got no proof, but I don't need any.
cousinted
+0 -0
I prefer people to think of me as an escaped mental patient in a sun dress.
I prefer people to think of me as an escaped mental patient in a sun dress.
zebra
+0 -0
Me! I peed just reading it.
Me! I peed just reading it.
sn0wman
+0 -0
Inscrutable? That means you're Chinese, right?
Inscrutable? That means you're Chinese, right?
whoper
+0 -0
The repercussions of characters' actions are so well conveyed.
The repercussions of characters' actions are so well conveyed.
c_dizzle
+0 -0
Exactly how saporific was that speech of Rays to cause Philippe to fall asleep? Usually he's pretty keen to strong language
Exactly how saporific was that speech of Rays to cause Philippe to fall asleep? Usually he's pretty keen to strong language
c_dizzle
+0 -0
ironic typo. ray's speech was none-too-tastefull.
ironic typo. ray's speech was none-too-tastefull.
spinynorman
+46 -0
Man, I remember the speech I gave at my brother's wedding. I prepared as soon as they started getting serious. The wedding was really informal, he and a few hungover friends just dressed up and went to the courthouse, and they didn't even let me know they were going to get married until about an hour beforehand, they had just said I should keep that day clear "for a surprise." Being as I turned 21 in three days I thought they had bought me a keg, so I showed up in my drinkin' pants and my Guinness rugby shirt. Not exactly a tux, tailored or not.
Anyways, we were all standing around drinking gas station champagne before going to the courthouse and my speech went thusly (It is important to note that his wife is Spanish, as in from Madrid, and she is named Alex):
"You know, when you first run into a relationship that really defines what love is to you, you really remember that moment. I remember when my mom was on the phone with Andrew when he was at college and she turned to me and said, 'Andrew has met this wonderful person at college, named Alex!'
And I said, 'Oh, that's completely great!' Then I turned away, but then thought and said, 'A... Alex is a chick, right?' and she said, 'IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE ANDREW IS YOUR BROTHER AND HE IS MY SON AND WE LOVE HIM' and then she dropped the phone and started crying and she locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out no matter HOW many times I said I wanted dinner.
Anyways, later we found out that Alex was indeed a chick, and she was also Spanish. That added a certain 'cultural barrier' to the whole occasion of meeting her. I remember when she came to America she was very impressed by all kinds of things, such as running water, and the postal system, and it took us the longest time to convince her that our television was not full of ghosts. (From this point on Alex was giving me the finger.) But we managed to explain everything through a series of colorful drawings, so we got all that sorted out.
Anyways, these two are getting hitched, and they seem to love the hell out of each other and that's pretty okay to me, and it's a nice day out and everything's nice and all horseshit aside I can't think of anything better. I guess I could dress it all up with fancy language, but it doesn't need it, really. It's beautiful just as it is.
Anyways, chin chin."
Then we went to the courthouse and the judge was really leery about Alex getting married because he thought she was Mexican and they were doing it for her green card, even though she was half-raised in LA, and then we went to the wedding reception which turned out to be at the Fox and Hound down the street.
They have two wedding photos I really remember: one is of Alex in this beautiful red dress with a veil, lining up a shot at a pool table with a cigarette danging from the corner of her mouth and a glint in her eye. And there's another of them stuffing two hot wings into each other's faces, and I'm in the background looking retarded.
And that's how a wedding should be done.
Man, I remember the speech I gave at my brother's wedding. I prepared as soon as they started getting serious. The wedding was really informal, he and a few hungover friends just dressed up and went to the courthouse, and they didn't even let me know they were going to get married until about an hour beforehand, they had just said I should keep that day clear "for a surprise." Being as I turned 21 in three days I thought they had bought me a keg, so I showed up in my drinkin' pants and my Guinness rugby shirt. Not exactly a tux, tailored or not.
Anyways, we were all standing around drinking gas station champagne before going to the courthouse and my speech went thusly (It is important to note that his wife is Spanish, as in from Madrid, and she is named Alex):
"You know, when you first run into a relationship that really defines what love is to you, you really remember that moment. I remember when my mom was on the phone with Andrew when he was at college and she turned to me and said, 'Andrew has met this wonderful person at college, named Alex!'
And I said, 'Oh, that's completely great!' Then I turned away, but then thought and said, 'A... Alex is a chick, right?' and she said, 'IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE ANDREW IS YOUR BROTHER AND HE IS MY SON AND WE LOVE HIM' and then she dropped the phone and started crying and she locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out no matter HOW many times I said I wanted dinner.
Anyways, later we found out that Alex was indeed a chick, and she was also Spanish. That added a certain 'cultural barrier' to the whole occasion of meeting her. I remember when she came to America she was very impressed by all kinds of things, such as running water, and the postal system, and it took us the longest time to convince her that our television was not full of ghosts. (From this point on Alex was giving me the finger.) But we managed to explain everything through a series of colorful drawings, so we got all that sorted out.
Anyways, these two are getting hitched, and they seem to love the hell out of each other and that's pretty okay to me, and it's a nice day out and everything's nice and all horseshit aside I can't think of anything better. I guess I could dress it all up with fancy language, but it doesn't need it, really. It's beautiful just as it is.
Anyways, chin chin."
Then we went to the courthouse and the judge was really leery about Alex getting married because he thought she was Mexican and they were doing it for her green card, even though she was half-raised in LA, and then we went to the wedding reception which turned out to be at the Fox and Hound down the street.
They have two wedding photos I really remember: one is of Alex in this beautiful red dress with a veil, lining up a shot at a pool table with a cigarette danging from the corner of her mouth and a glint in her eye. And there's another of them stuffing two hot wings into each other's faces, and I'm in the background looking retarded.
And that's how a wedding should be done.
achilleselbow
+4 -0
Look, you'd better write a novel someday, because I'd hate to think you're wasting such talent and imagery on a messageboard about cartoon cats.
Look, you'd better write a novel someday, because I'd hate to think you're wasting such talent and imagery on a messageboard about cartoon cats.
achilleselbow
+1 -0
Um...and that is my totally dickish way of complimenting spinynorman. Somehow it sounded less dickish in my head. I still meant the part about the novel though.
Um...and that is my totally dickish way of complimenting spinynorman. Somehow it sounded less dickish in my head. I still meant the part about the novel though.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Aaah, let me get back to you in, like, two or three months? The... the publishing industry makes glaciers look positively speedy.
Aaah, let me get back to you in, like, two or three months? The... the publishing industry makes glaciers look positively speedy.
pogo
+1 -0
My mother was a cartoon cat, you racist!
My mother was a cartoon cat, you racist!
invidious
+3 -0
My mother was killed by a cartoon cat. Not funny, not a good asset.
My mother was killed by a cartoon cat. Not funny, not a good asset.
tekende
+3 -0
He did indeed write a novel. It's coming out in January of 2010, I believe.
It's called Mr. Shivers.
He did indeed write a novel. It's coming out in January of 2010, I believe.
It's called Mr. Shivers.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Well, thanks!
Well, thanks!
tekende
+0 -0
I am only too happy to pimp your wares on assetbar.
I am only too happy to pimp your wares on assetbar.
joeynarcotic
+0 -0
Fo shizzle?
Fo shizzle?
deusoma
+0 -0
A part of me is legitimately disappointed that your name is not actually Norman, Mr. Bennett. It's like finding out the mall Santa is just a guy in a suit.
A part of me is legitimately disappointed that your name is not actually Norman, Mr. Bennett. It's like finding out the mall Santa is just a guy in a suit.
spinynorman
+3 -0
Oh yeah, and they got hitched without telling either set of parents. My mom nearly kicked my ass when she learned I had known for like two weeks. It's not often you get a call from your mom that starts with YOU LITTLE BASTARD
Well, maybe it is.
Oh yeah, and they got hitched without telling either set of parents. My mom nearly kicked my ass when she learned I had known for like two weeks. It's not often you get a call from your mom that starts with YOU LITTLE BASTARD
Well, maybe it is.
daidai
+0 -0
No, that's normal.
No, that's normal.
pogo
+2 -0
Maybe for all you little bastards, it's normal.
Maybe for all you little bastards, it's normal.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
All the time. All the freaking time.
All the time. All the freaking time.
quaga
+0 -0
Isn't... Isn't that how everyone's mom says hello?
Isn't... Isn't that how everyone's mom says hello?
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Two weeks? I thought you said one hour?
Two weeks? I thought you said one hour?
spinynorman
+0 -0
Well, I knew about an hour ahead of time. My parents live in a different city and their intent in getting married spontaneously and with a bunch of close friends around was that it wouldn't screw one side of the family over. Spain would have to come to America or America to Spain. (I was SO FUCKING ROOTING for having it in Spain just so I could go on someone else's dime. I went later, anyways, though.)
As to why they didn't tell the folks, fuck, I dunno. Just sissies, I guess.
Well, I knew about an hour ahead of time. My parents live in a different city and their intent in getting married spontaneously and with a bunch of close friends around was that it wouldn't screw one side of the family over. Spain would have to come to America or America to Spain. (I was SO FUCKING ROOTING for having it in Spain just so I could go on someone else's dime. I went later, anyways, though.)
As to why they didn't tell the folks, fuck, I dunno. Just sissies, I guess.
hobbes557
+0 -0
My brother is getting married not too long from now, and every fiber of my being wishes to totally crib off your speech. Obstacles to this are that my brother's future wife is named Julie and is not from Spain but rather from Columbus, Ohio. Still, I think I can doctor it up a little bit and get a roughly similar point across.
My brother is getting married not too long from now, and every fiber of my being wishes to totally crib off your speech. Obstacles to this are that my brother's future wife is named Julie and is not from Spain but rather from Columbus, Ohio. Still, I think I can doctor it up a little bit and get a roughly similar point across.
kb
+11 -0
and I thought I was the only one with pre-written speeches about my friend's dicks
and I thought I was the only one with pre-written speeches about my friend's dicks
smilebuddha
+0 -0
The one thing I came to a conclusion about for the speech I gave for my younger brother when he got married is that 1) All jokes must be clean, and 2) You make fun of the bride at your own peril. Putting everything else aside, it's her day. Or at least, she's the one that will hold the grudge for all eternity, or until the divorce. So this was my opening paragraph, with names changed to protect the innocent:
Good evening.
I have to admit, that when (he) and (she) tapped me to be the best man for today, I had a few problems coming up with what I considered to be an appropriate toast.
I first thought about talking about part of my early life with (him), but then I decided against it, mostly because the only story that immediately came to mind was one where (my older brother) and I would shove (him) into a sleeping bag and take turns dragging him up the stairs. Which isn't too appropriate, unless your theme is: "Love hurts."
The one thing I came to a conclusion about for the speech I gave for my younger brother when he got married is that 1) All jokes must be clean, and 2) You make fun of the bride at your own peril. Putting everything else aside, it's her day. Or at least, she's the one that will hold the grudge for all eternity, or until the divorce. So this was my opening paragraph, with names changed to protect the innocent:
Good evening.
I have to admit, that when (he) and (she) tapped me to be the best man for today, I had a few problems coming up with what I considered to be an appropriate toast.
I first thought about talking about part of my early life with (him), but then I decided against it, mostly because the only story that immediately came to mind was one where (my older brother) and I would shove (him) into a sleeping bag and take turns dragging him up the stairs. Which isn't too appropriate, unless your theme is: "Love hurts."
jia
+0 -0
wow i didn't think ray would lose his cool like that. on a separate note, that is exactly how i'd look if someone blew 200 hundred dollars on tommy bahamas that i was then expected to wear.
wow i didn't think ray would lose his cool like that. on a separate note, that is exactly how i'd look if someone blew 200 hundred dollars on tommy bahamas that i was then expected to wear.
kickstart
+0 -0
ah, that makes more sense. I read it as Rod trying to defend his own choice of wearing Tommy Bahama.
Geez Louise, Rod, the man wears a police hat for you in private times, what more do you want??
ah, that makes more sense. I read it as Rod trying to defend his own choice of wearing Tommy Bahama.
Geez Louise, Rod, the man wears a police hat for you in private times, what more do you want??
snidedk
+0 -0
I... I wear Tommy Bahama.
It's just one shirt and it's all black, it's not like an aloha shirt or anything!
I... I wear Tommy Bahama.
It's just one shirt and it's all black, it's not like an aloha shirt or anything!
sncether
+0 -0
Please write 500 words on the subject of getting cruised by the Michelin Man.
Please write 500 words on the subject of getting cruised by the Michelin Man.
snidedk
+18 -0
In this exciting, modern era, the average American stands in fear of many looming dangers: Islamic extremists desire nothing more than to wipe us from the face of the planet, largely due to our wanton love affair with pork and pork products; Al Gore and Maynard James Keenan conspire to sink California into the ocean by means of "global warming"; and, of course, the ever-present threat, persistently belabored by the media, of being smothered by the Michelin Man. Clear and critical analysis of the facts surrounding the Michelin Man, however, reveal that he is no threat at all, but rather represents the pinnacle of truth, justice, and the American Way. His white, rubbery exterior mirrors his firm but forgiving personality; his ready smile serves as a window to his inner warmth; and his demonstrated concern for Americans and their vehicles cannot be overlooked. Most obvious of these traits, however, is that which lies on the surface: his physical appearance.
At first glance, the Michelin Man looks frightening, a twisted cousin of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man (1). This comparison undoubtably strikes terror into the hearts of many Americans, who live in a world where there are no Ghostbusters to turn the Statue of Liberty into a walking monolith of freedom and safety. Closer investigation, however, reveals that the Michelin Man has no relation to the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man at all - most notably, he lacks Stay-Puft's trademark hat and scarf. In fact, in depth analysis reveals that M.M.'s closest relative is, in fact, Strong Sad, the least threatening creature to ever walk on soolnds (2). Clearly, Mr. Michelin is only distantly related to the Strong Sad, perhaps several generations back in their evolutionary tree, as Michelin has clearly evolved the ability to smile, as he so often demonstrates.
The Michelin Man's bright, comforting smile acts as a window to his soul, revealing that he could not, in any way, be responsible for the depraved crushings so often attributed to him. It is a proven, scientific fact that people responsible for such horrific acts (e.g. Charles Manson, Ted Kazynski, the aforementioned Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man) are incapable of smiling, as their hearts are so twisted and black that a toothy grin is their anathema. More importantly, the Michelin Man's obvious love and concern for the American motorist is proof positive that he is not the crazed, craven compactor the biased media makes him out to be.
The Michelin Man, first and foremost, stands for the ability to transfer power from an internal combustion engine to the ground causing locomotion, through his greatest personal passion: the Tire/Tyre. In weather fair or foul, the Michelin Man stands ready, enfolding Americans in his protective wing and keeping them driving through all weather, fair or foul. Indeed, given that he is himself made of tires, the Michelin Man is a fantastic example of self-sacrifice in the name of the greater good. Far from being a maniacal masher, the Michelin Man is concerned with no less than the absolute safety and sure-traction of the American public.
To conclude, it is obvious that the Michelin Man is nothing more than the target of a smear campaign, a blatant attempt to impugn his character in order to keep him out of office. His pleasant, round physique, his friendly, beaming smile, and his clear desire to keep American streets safe are all obvious proof that he could not possibly be responsible for these serial stompings spread throughout our culture.
(1) Ghostbusters, The Movie
(2) www.homestarrunner.com
P.S. Prof. sncether, I went over the word count a little bit, I hope that's okay! -D.S.
In this exciting, modern era, the average American stands in fear of many looming dangers: Islamic extremists desire nothing more than to wipe us from the face of the planet, largely due to our wanton love affair with pork and pork products; Al Gore and Maynard James Keenan conspire to sink California into the ocean by means of "global warming"; and, of course, the ever-present threat, persistently belabored by the media, of being smothered by the Michelin Man. Clear and critical analysis of the facts surrounding the Michelin Man, however, reveal that he is no threat at all, but rather represents the pinnacle of truth, justice, and the American Way. His white, rubbery exterior mirrors his firm but forgiving personality; his ready smile serves as a window to his inner warmth; and his demonstrated concern for Americans and their vehicles cannot be overlooked. Most obvious of these traits, however, is that which lies on the surface: his physical appearance.
At first glance, the Michelin Man looks frightening, a twisted cousin of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man (1). This comparison undoubtably strikes terror into the hearts of many Americans, who live in a world where there are no Ghostbusters to turn the Statue of Liberty into a walking monolith of freedom and safety. Closer investigation, however, reveals that the Michelin Man has no relation to the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man at all - most notably, he lacks Stay-Puft's trademark hat and scarf. In fact, in depth analysis reveals that M.M.'s closest relative is, in fact, Strong Sad, the least threatening creature to ever walk on soolnds (2). Clearly, Mr. Michelin is only distantly related to the Strong Sad, perhaps several generations back in their evolutionary tree, as Michelin has clearly evolved the ability to smile, as he so often demonstrates.
The Michelin Man's bright, comforting smile acts as a window to his soul, revealing that he could not, in any way, be responsible for the depraved crushings so often attributed to him. It is a proven, scientific fact that people responsible for such horrific acts (e.g. Charles Manson, Ted Kazynski, the aforementioned Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man) are incapable of smiling, as their hearts are so twisted and black that a toothy grin is their anathema. More importantly, the Michelin Man's obvious love and concern for the American motorist is proof positive that he is not the crazed, craven compactor the biased media makes him out to be.
The Michelin Man, first and foremost, stands for the ability to transfer power from an internal combustion engine to the ground causing locomotion, through his greatest personal passion: the Tire/Tyre. In weather fair or foul, the Michelin Man stands ready, enfolding Americans in his protective wing and keeping them driving through all weather, fair or foul. Indeed, given that he is himself made of tires, the Michelin Man is a fantastic example of self-sacrifice in the name of the greater good. Far from being a maniacal masher, the Michelin Man is concerned with no less than the absolute safety and sure-traction of the American public.
To conclude, it is obvious that the Michelin Man is nothing more than the target of a smear campaign, a blatant attempt to impugn his character in order to keep him out of office. His pleasant, round physique, his friendly, beaming smile, and his clear desire to keep American streets safe are all obvious proof that he could not possibly be responsible for these serial stompings spread throughout our culture.
(1) Ghostbusters, The Movie
(2) www.homestarrunner.com
P.S. Prof. sncether, I went over the word count a little bit, I hope that's okay! -D.S.
dew_n_o
+1 -0
"P.S. Prof. sncether, I went over the word count a little bit, I hope that's okay! -D.S."
Dear M. snidedk, D.S.,
The best you can do is an F, I hope that's okay.
The word count is not some frilly guideline it is the only count that matters. The way I see it it is like the brown M&Ms. You see, the contract between the professor and student is best served following the rubric to a T and the ability to find little details to make people think that you care about their needs is far more important than some paper about "getting cruised" by the "Michelin Man". I hope you learn next time. BTW, there will be no next time.
"P.S. Prof. sncether, I went over the word count a little bit, I hope that's okay! -D.S."
Dear M. snidedk, D.S.,
The best you can do is an F, I hope that's okay.
The word count is not some frilly guideline it is the only count that matters. The way I see it it is like the brown M&Ms. You see, the contract between the professor and student is best served following the rubric to a T and the ability to find little details to make people think that you care about their needs is far more important than some paper about "getting cruised" by the "Michelin Man". I hope you learn next time. BTW, there will be no next time.
dew_n_o
+0 -0
Wait, Prof.snecther? Aha, so you were addressing this to snecther. Okay, sorry about the confusion I'll forward this to him. He doesn't give half of one shit about the word count. You'll do just fine.
Wait, Prof.snecther? Aha, so you were addressing this to snecther. Okay, sorry about the confusion I'll forward this to him. He doesn't give half of one shit about the word count. You'll do just fine.
octafish
+0 -0
F for using Michelin Man and not Bibendum. I'm sorry but you must use proper terminology in your papers.
F for using Michelin Man and not Bibendum. I'm sorry but you must use proper terminology in your papers.
professorhazard
+4 -0
I thought about making this point, but it's like saying one should call Superman "Kal-El".
You're not the Michelin Man's friend. You don't know if he wants to be called "Bibendum".
I thought about making this point, but it's like saying one should call Superman "Kal-El".
You're not the Michelin Man's friend. You don't know if he wants to be called "Bibendum".
daidai
+2 -0
I thought "cruised" meant the same as "rammed", "cornholed", "deflowered", "slammed", "pounced", "buttclubbed", and "plowed".
I was apparently wrong.
I thought "cruised" meant the same as "rammed", "cornholed", "deflowered", "slammed", "pounced", "buttclubbed", and "plowed".
I was apparently wrong.
pogo
+3 -0
"Makin' ass babies" is my newest phrase for this activity.
"Makin' ass babies" is my newest phrase for this activity.
snidedk
+0 -0
Oh, damn, it does say "cruised" and not "crushed".
Oh well, just replaced all the "crush" and crush-related words with any of the words daidai listed above, and everything still works out!
Oh, damn, it does say "cruised" and not "crushed".
Oh well, just replaced all the "crush" and crush-related words with any of the words daidai listed above, and everything still works out!
daidai
+2 -0
For best effect, use "buttclubbed"
For best effect, use "buttclubbed"
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
TERROR-LAID
TERROR-LAID
thorfinn
+1 -0
Michelin is a French company, and thus has nothing to do with the American Way. That is all.
Michelin is a French company, and thus has nothing to do with the American Way. That is all.
pogo
+1 -0
Wow, HUGE slam on the Michelin Man out of nowhere!
Wow, HUGE slam on the Michelin Man out of nowhere!
irondave
+0 -0
Chubbied. However, the assignment was cruised by the Michelin Man, not crushed by the Michelin Man. The best grade you could hope for now would be a "D", though I personally would allow you to re-submit this. I would also write you up to a "B" if you reply to your own essay with "Never Mind."
Chubbied. However, the assignment was cruised by the Michelin Man, not crushed by the Michelin Man. The best grade you could hope for now would be a "D", though I personally would allow you to re-submit this. I would also write you up to a "B" if you reply to your own essay with "Never Mind."
tekende
+1 -0
You cannot tell me this abomination is not an creature of pure evil. Oh sure, he's updated his look, tried to be more friendly. But deep down beneath that chubby, smiley exterior, this is still who the Michelin Man is inside.
[IMGS OFF]
You cannot tell me this abomination is not an creature of pure evil. Oh sure, he's updated his look, tried to be more friendly. But deep down beneath that chubby, smiley exterior, this is still who the Michelin Man is inside.
[IMGS OFF]
hatstand_mcq
+2 -0
That thing is absurdly kinky. It would offer you a gin cocktail, put on a vinyl record of big band jazz, and then sit down next right next to you, even though there was plenty of space on the sofa, and several empty chairs beside (you need to imagine this entire scene taking place in an ornately furnished Victorian drawing room).
That thing is absurdly kinky. It would offer you a gin cocktail, put on a vinyl record of big band jazz, and then sit down next right next to you, even though there was plenty of space on the sofa, and several empty chairs beside (you need to imagine this entire scene taking place in an ornately furnished Victorian drawing room).
daidai
+18 -0
Really? I'd invite it into my house, chat it up with some wine, and ask it questions about its life. I'd be sincere, but not overly interested, as I wouldn't want to scare it. I'd offer it a few cigarettes, a few more glasses of wine, and wait. It wouldn't be long until the Michelin Man would get too tired -- or too drunk -- to stay. I'd show him the door. He would walk towards it.
I would wrap the piano cord around its neck and drag him backwards (keeping my distance from the lashing rubbery elbows) towards his new home. Eventually, his air supply would dwindle, exhausting my new pal. at this point I could tie his weakened limbs together with the ropes and toss him into the garage apartment. I lock him into the barren bedroom, and block the door. I would then go to sleep.
Te next morning, I would peep through the keyhole to ensure his continued slumber. Upon confirmation, I would open the door and place the heaters inside. The pre-prepared aluminum casings in the walls ensure that no heat escapes. Hours will pass as my Michelin Pal bakes. He will scream, but I will play loud music. It will be afternoon by the time he begins to melt, so my music will not disturb my neighbors.
Once I had my puddle of animated rubber, I would create my masterpiece. Days and weeks may pass as I deftly remelt and carve my opus. It would be painstaking, and the screaming would become bothersome, but sacrifices must be made. Within a month I should be halfway done.
Another month, and I begin the brainwashing. Ludovico's technique, but looping. I cannot afford to pin the eyes, my masterpiece shall be fragile. After five or six runthroughs of my films, I will have my precious army. My one-foot tall living recreations of the cereal mascots will be complete.
At last, I will have my supper with Tony, Sam, Booberry, Captain Crunch, the fitness lady on the Special K boxes, the Trix Rabbit, Snap, and Pop.
Crackle will not be invited. He will remain in his room.
Really? I'd invite it into my house, chat it up with some wine, and ask it questions about its life. I'd be sincere, but not overly interested, as I wouldn't want to scare it. I'd offer it a few cigarettes, a few more glasses of wine, and wait. It wouldn't be long until the Michelin Man would get too tired -- or too drunk -- to stay. I'd show him the door. He would walk towards it.
I would wrap the piano cord around its neck and drag him backwards (keeping my distance from the lashing rubbery elbows) towards his new home. Eventually, his air supply would dwindle, exhausting my new pal. at this point I could tie his weakened limbs together with the ropes and toss him into the garage apartment. I lock him into the barren bedroom, and block the door. I would then go to sleep.
Te next morning, I would peep through the keyhole to ensure his continued slumber. Upon confirmation, I would open the door and place the heaters inside. The pre-prepared aluminum casings in the walls ensure that no heat escapes. Hours will pass as my Michelin Pal bakes. He will scream, but I will play loud music. It will be afternoon by the time he begins to melt, so my music will not disturb my neighbors.
Once I had my puddle of animated rubber, I would create my masterpiece. Days and weeks may pass as I deftly remelt and carve my opus. It would be painstaking, and the screaming would become bothersome, but sacrifices must be made. Within a month I should be halfway done.
Another month, and I begin the brainwashing. Ludovico's technique, but looping. I cannot afford to pin the eyes, my masterpiece shall be fragile. After five or six runthroughs of my films, I will have my precious army. My one-foot tall living recreations of the cereal mascots will be complete.
At last, I will have my supper with Tony, Sam, Booberry, Captain Crunch, the fitness lady on the Special K boxes, the Trix Rabbit, Snap, and Pop.
Crackle will not be invited. He will remain in his room.
tekende
+0 -0
Oh, how I wish I had a chubby for this! My kingdom for a chubby!
Oh, how I wish I had a chubby for this! My kingdom for a chubby!
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Fuck. This is Gold. On recommendation from the future did I visit here and help out poor Tekende and his impoverished kingdom.
Fuck. This is Gold. On recommendation from the future did I visit here and help out poor Tekende and his impoverished kingdom.
zapatos
+0 -0
I click your link, I scroll through your posts, I have a genuine smile upon my face.
I click your link, I scroll through your posts, I have a genuine smile upon my face.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Just think ladies, if he bones you, nobody has to worry about if he's wearing a condom
Just think ladies, if he bones you, nobody has to worry about if he's wearing a condom
sncether
+1 -0
Professor SNCEther responds:
Mr. dk, I see that you have misunderstood the question. This is most unfortunate. However, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the considerable effort you have put forth in answering the (wrong) question, and so I have elected to grade your essay as though I had in fact asked what you thought.
Your grade is: you still fail, for improper formatting of your citations. I suggest you find a manual of style outside of the one in Maxim.
Everyone else: Please write 500 words on the subject of getting cruised by the Michelin Man. A grievous lapse ... but this is the liberal arts, and your library fines are paid up, so congratulations, you have all graduated. You may all throw your hats in the air and proceed directly to the nearest temp staffing firm.
Professor SNCEther responds:
Mr. dk, I see that you have misunderstood the question. This is most unfortunate. However, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the considerable effort you have put forth in answering the (wrong) question, and so I have elected to grade your essay as though I had in fact asked what you thought.
Your grade is: you still fail, for improper formatting of your citations. I suggest you find a manual of style outside of the one in Maxim.
Everyone else: Please write 500 words on the subject of getting cruised by the Michelin Man. A grievous lapse ... but this is the liberal arts, and your library fines are paid up, so congratulations, you have all graduated. You may all throw your hats in the air and proceed directly to the nearest temp staffing firm.
mystkmanat
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
he can smile! ...but it's worse when he does.
[IMGS OFF]
he can smile! ...but it's worse when he does.
mystkmanat
+0 -0
i'm the one who posted this, and it STILL freaks me out to see a giant picture of Charles Manson laughing at me.
that, and having to google image for pictures of Charles Manson.
i'm the one who posted this, and it STILL freaks me out to see a giant picture of Charles Manson laughing at me.
that, and having to google image for pictures of Charles Manson.
thegoblins
+0 -0
It is very odd to see a wizened Charles Manson.
It is very odd to see a wizened Charles Manson.
lateadopter
+0 -0
He should be forever young?
He should be forever young?
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
This is the second michelin man story on assetbar. charchar wrote the first.
This is the second michelin man story on assetbar. charchar wrote the first.
weekendofsound
+1 -1
ROAST BEEF WILL NOT TOLERATE THE DISTRACTION OF FRENCH FRIES ON THE DAY OF HIS WEDDING!!!!
ROAST BEEF WILL NOT TOLERATE THE DISTRACTION OF FRENCH FRIES ON THE DAY OF HIS WEDDING!!!!
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
Your avatar is Spring Heeled Jack. I find this extremely awesome. I just thought you should know.
Your avatar is Spring Heeled Jack. I find this extremely awesome. I just thought you should know.
weekendofsound
+0 -0
If only my comments got more love.
If only my comments got more love.
sirfrederick
+0 -0
*gasp* The Terror of London! You devil! You cad!
*gasp* The Terror of London! You devil! You cad!
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
That exchange by those two avatars makes me feel like I have stumbled into some Steampunk fiction. Perhaps Sir Frederick and his team of misfit Jesuits and telekinetic Pre-Raphaelite painters could battle against a semi mechanical Spring Heeled Jack who was driven to evil by a campaign of heartless laming conducted by persons unknown (Jack the Ripper? Oscar Wilde?)
That exchange by those two avatars makes me feel like I have stumbled into some Steampunk fiction. Perhaps Sir Frederick and his team of misfit Jesuits and telekinetic Pre-Raphaelite painters could battle against a semi mechanical Spring Heeled Jack who was driven to evil by a campaign of heartless laming conducted by persons unknown (Jack the Ripper? Oscar Wilde?)
sirfrederick
+0 -0
In the sequel, it's made clear that ol' Springy was just devoted but misguided, and becomes a powerful ally in the campaign against Thomas Edison's Gnashing Spambeasts.
In the sequel, it's made clear that ol' Springy was just devoted but misguided, and becomes a powerful ally in the campaign against Thomas Edison's Gnashing Spambeasts.
loneal
+0 -1
It looks like Beef solved his emover problem between panels two and four.
It looks like Beef solved his emover problem between panels two and four.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Yea, panel 2 Beef is pretty much me circa 2004.
Yea, panel 2 Beef is pretty much me circa 2004.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Okay, I lied, I still look like that now, minus the tie.
Okay, I lied, I still look like that now, minus the tie.
robbingdog
+0 -0
You mean panel three?
You mean panel three?
spinynorman
+0 -0
Mmm, nope, I'm pretty sure he means panel 2.
Mmm, nope, I'm pretty sure he means panel 2.
thorfinn
+0 -0
I'm pretty sure she means panel 2 as well
I'm pretty sure she means panel 2 as well
achilleselbow
+2 -0
Yea, way to inadvertently make a heteronormative statement.
Or should I say, heterospinynormative statement?
Yea, way to inadvertently make a heteronormative statement.
Or should I say, heterospinynormative statement?
thorfinn
+0 -0
robbingdog's statement was a response to loneal, who is female, this is what my previous statement was intended to imply.
robbingdog's statement was a response to loneal, who is female, this is what my previous statement was intended to imply.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
Look who's beein' a dick about terms today indeed.
Look who's beein' a dick about terms today indeed.
thorfinn
+0 -0
I was not being a dick about terms, merely clearing up some confusion as to the intent of my initial statement.
I was not being a dick about terms, merely clearing up some confusion as to the intent of my initial statement.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
I'm sorry. Upon reflection, I was being the dick.
I'm sorry. Upon reflection, I was being the dick.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
My comment was actually directed at spinynorman, so all dickhood here is moot anyway.
My comment was actually directed at spinynorman, so all dickhood here is moot anyway.
loneal
+1 -1
Dang, I cause people to get all fighty about gender without even doing anything. Is this my superpower?
Dang, I cause people to get all fighty about gender without even doing anything. Is this my superpower?
lateadopter
+1 -0
No, achilleselbow created an eddy of inclarity by replying in fact to one post with the intent of replying the one above it. The swirling currents of dick essence that flow through this place then rushed in to undermine the fragile soil of civility, causing all who passed to founder in confusion and ill-will.
No, achilleselbow created an eddy of inclarity by replying in fact to one post with the intent of replying the one above it. The swirling currents of dick essence that flow through this place then rushed in to undermine the fragile soil of civility, causing all who passed to founder in confusion and ill-will.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
And to think all I wanted to do was make a terrible pun with spinynorman's username...
And to think all I wanted to do was make a terrible pun with spinynorman's username...
talix18
+0 -0
I think we all know where wanting to make terrible puns gets us... (*actually doesn't know, but suspects we get there in an unhappy car*)
I think we all know where wanting to make terrible puns gets us... (*actually doesn't know, but suspects we get there in an unhappy car*)
catgrl131
+3 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
hamscout
+0 -0
why is the car frowning?
I thought it was gay?
why is the car frowning?
I thought it was gay?
catgrl131
+0 -0
But of course, because it's an unhappy car! (See talix's post)
But of course, because it's an unhappy car! (See talix's post)
octafish
+0 -0
Self loathing, later it will go out and beat up another car that it finds attractive but is disgusted by at the same time.
Self loathing, later it will go out and beat up another car that it finds attractive but is disgusted by at the same time.
hedonismbot
+1 -0
I will now show a video of this car punching itself in the face while sticking it's fuel line into it's own exhaust
I will now show a video of this car punching itself in the face while sticking it's fuel line into it's own exhaust
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Yes. You should see my stumbling, awkward defence of bi-sexuality up the page a bit. Damn it, come and clean up my argument with your superpowers.
Yes. You should see my stumbling, awkward defence of bi-sexuality up the page a bit. Damn it, come and clean up my argument with your superpowers.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
oh shit. but not this page. fuck. replied on the wrong comic. I had
opened on another page.
oh shit. but not this page. fuck. replied on the wrong comic. I had
opened on another page.
sirfrederick
+0 -0
Bwahahahahahahah. I knew that speech would come back to haunt him.
I could not love Beef's outfit more, just 'cause he goes right back to his roots for his wedding. The perfect thing to wear, ever!
Bwahahahahahahah. I knew that speech would come back to haunt him.
I could not love Beef's outfit more, just 'cause he goes right back to his roots for his wedding. The perfect thing to wear, ever!
jaspermeer
+1 -0
Beef appears to have transformed into Interpol bassist Carlos D...
Beef appears to have transformed into Interpol bassist Carlos D...
loneal
+3 -1
No, his posture is much too upright. He is not playing an instrument that is hanging below his knees. Wait, scratch that. He is a crazy man with a long penis. That instrument might be hanging near his ankles for all I know.
No, his posture is much too upright. He is not playing an instrument that is hanging below his knees. Wait, scratch that. He is a crazy man with a long penis. That instrument might be hanging near his ankles for all I know.
pityparty
+0 -0
Carlos D is a cocky asshole, though.
Carlos D is a cocky asshole, though.
hastooo
+18 -1
Chris Onstad wants me to give him 3 American dollars a month for him to send me text messages pretending to be a teddy bear using the toilet. I ALREADY HAVE A MAN FOR THAT, you misjudged the gap in the market, I'm afraid, and you've fallen down Mr. ONstastd.
Chris Onstad wants me to give him 3 American dollars a month for him to send me text messages pretending to be a teddy bear using the toilet. I ALREADY HAVE A MAN FOR THAT, you misjudged the gap in the market, I'm afraid, and you've fallen down Mr. ONstastd.
falseprophet
+12 -0
I've come up with an awesome new way to give Chris Onstad money. You ever see that movie Office Space where the dudes are not satisfied with their place of employment so they decide to steal from them using cyberpunk computer skills and interest rate-magic? Well this is kind of like that except what you do is you go to California and have a conversation with a plastic surgeon about having a third liver placed inside of you that creates gold coins like from Mario Bros. You then rent a helicopter not unlike Airwolf and have a friend pilot it while you hang from underneath, fastened to it by duct tape, except you have one arm free so that when you fly over Onstad's house you can cut your belly open and the money will come down like rain of golden blood and all the good children will look up and see and shout towards the sky for the Dying Kidney Angel Man, all runnin around, jumpin up and down backpacks agape with wanting and mouths agape with laughter and that is the story of the first Halloween.
I've come up with an awesome new way to give Chris Onstad money. You ever see that movie Office Space where the dudes are not satisfied with their place of employment so they decide to steal from them using cyberpunk computer skills and interest rate-magic? Well this is kind of like that except what you do is you go to California and have a conversation with a plastic surgeon about having a third liver placed inside of you that creates gold coins like from Mario Bros. You then rent a helicopter not unlike Airwolf and have a friend pilot it while you hang from underneath, fastened to it by duct tape, except you have one arm free so that when you fly over Onstad's house you can cut your belly open and the money will come down like rain of golden blood and all the good children will look up and see and shout towards the sky for the Dying Kidney Angel Man, all runnin around, jumpin up and down backpacks agape with wanting and mouths agape with laughter and that is the story of the first Halloween.
octafish
+0 -0
I think you mean that movie Superman 3 with the cyberpunk skills and percentage of cents sent to the hacker's account.
I think you mean that movie Superman 3 with the cyberpunk skills and percentage of cents sent to the hacker's account.
featurelessvoid
+2 -0
Quote:
Third liver? I totally missed the second one. Tomorrow must have made a phone call to yesterday , and I forgot to check my voice mail.
Quote:
Well this is kind of like that except what you do is you go to California and have a conversation with a plastic surgeon about having a third liver placed inside of you that creates gold coins like from Mario Bros.
Third liver? I totally missed the second one. Tomorrow must have made a phone call to yesterday , and I forgot to check my voice mail.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
Damn but ain't that the story of every Halloween at my house.
Damn but ain't that the story of every Halloween at my house.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
Oh, and major V-chub. "Dying Kidney Angel Man" made me laugh so hard. Thank you, Falseprophet. Thank you for making me smile.
Oh, and major V-chub. "Dying Kidney Angel Man" made me laugh so hard. Thank you, Falseprophet. Thank you for making me smile.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
This is also the story of Pearl Jam's "Given to Fly."
Come on, put that fruity song together with this image and tell me its not hilarious.
This is also the story of Pearl Jam's "Given to Fly."
Come on, put that fruity song together with this image and tell me its not hilarious.
darleen
+2 -0
I've been coming to this site nearly everyday who knows how many years, mooching off this guy, demanding to be entertained. Yet all I've done in return is bought one Huuugs shirt, one What The Hell People shirt, two pint glasses and a Current Baby Status book.
The first strip I saw was the one where Ray was yelling at LN for wearing pants that were just attached to his legs. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes! So dammit! I think $3 a month from me to read some fucken awesome stories and see Mr. Onstad post comments along side us non-comic-writing-non-creative-types is not too bad. Here's to you Chris Onstad! Thanks for all the years of entertainments! Here's my bank account details! Knock yourself out! (Though please save me some money for food, cheers).
I've been coming to this site nearly everyday who knows how many years, mooching off this guy, demanding to be entertained. Yet all I've done in return is bought one Huuugs shirt, one What The Hell People shirt, two pint glasses and a Current Baby Status book.
The first strip I saw was the one where Ray was yelling at LN for wearing pants that were just attached to his legs. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes! So dammit! I think $3 a month from me to read some fucken awesome stories and see Mr. Onstad post comments along side us non-comic-writing-non-creative-types is not too bad. Here's to you Chris Onstad! Thanks for all the years of entertainments! Here's my bank account details! Knock yourself out! (Though please save me some money for food, cheers).
steerpike66
+0 -0
Oh, Ray, those heady days so long ago when you got loaded and typed those words. Now look at the player sweat.
Oh, Ray, those heady days so long ago when you got loaded and typed those words. Now look at the player sweat.
dskim
+0 -0
At first I thought those were profuse tears. I see that it's sweat. I am expecting that Ray will cry, though, at some point in the wedding.
At first I thought those were profuse tears. I see that it's sweat. I am expecting that Ray will cry, though, at some point in the wedding.
fuyukodachi
+1 -0
Such a warmly expectant look on Molly's father, only to be dashed to smithereens by Ray's prose.
Such a warmly expectant look on Molly's father, only to be dashed to smithereens by Ray's prose.
dskim
+1 -0
I like how each has an appropriate beverage. Phillipe with his straw. Mrs. Smuckles with her chablis (one can only assume). Mr. Saunders with the stein.
I like how each has an appropriate beverage. Phillipe with his straw. Mrs. Smuckles with her chablis (one can only assume). Mr. Saunders with the stein.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
And Ray's mother. What an elegant lady. I do not like to see her embarrassed by low speech at a wedding.
And Ray's mother. What an elegant lady. I do not like to see her embarrassed by low speech at a wedding.
dskim
+0 -0
Poor T. He won't let quality and taste slide, even when he's in a dire situation.
Poor T. He won't let quality and taste slide, even when he's in a dire situation.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Does this mean Ramses dropped the Kitchenaid off and did not turn up to the wedding? Because I can't even imagine the look on Ramses face during Ray's speech.
Also: this whole strip seems a little... abreviated. I'm guessing we have to get the digital feed for it to come together(??)
Does this mean Ramses dropped the Kitchenaid off and did not turn up to the wedding? Because I can't even imagine the look on Ramses face during Ray's speech.
Also: this whole strip seems a little... abreviated. I'm guessing we have to get the digital feed for it to come together(??)
woodenteeth
+0 -0
sorry...wedding rehearsal dinner...
sorry...
awko
+11 -0
Ramses doesn't rehearse for anything.
Rehearsing is like admitting you don't have the sack to pull it off on the first try.
Ramses doesn't rehearse for anything.
Rehearsing is like admitting you don't have the sack to pull it off on the first try.
falseprophet
+0 -0
And that's exactly why Ray folded on his speech.
Maturity? What, you think Ray realized on his own that the speech he was giving was from his punk-ass ass man days? That he realized that in making a joke of his friend's nuptials he was basically admitting that he was not capable of making such a relationship step with any woman? Hell naw, that idea is purported by untermenschen .
You'd think Ray would have come to some kind of enlightenment when he got high and realized that getting in trouble was a fake idea, but for the first time in a long time, herd-morality got the better of him.
And that's exactly why Ray folded on his speech.
Maturity? What, you think Ray realized on his own that the speech he was giving was from his punk-ass ass man days? That he realized that in making a joke of his friend's nuptials he was basically admitting that he was not capable of making such a relationship step with any woman? Hell naw, that idea is purported by untermenschen .
You'd think Ray would have come to some kind of enlightenment when he got high and realized that getting in trouble was a fake idea, but for the first time in a long time, herd-morality got the better of him.
talix18
+0 -0
Getting in trouble in the main is a fake idea, but I'd bet my bippy that low speeches in front of old school family at nuptial events would bring a shower of real grief on someone. Whether it be the speechifier, the selector of the speechifier, or the soon-to-be missus of the speechifier is open for debate - in any case, I'd just as soon submit to the morality of the herd on this one.
Getting in trouble in the main is a fake idea, but I'd bet my bippy that low speeches in front of old school family at nuptial events would bring a shower of real grief on someone. Whether it be the speechifier, the selector of the speechifier, or the soon-to-be missus of the speechifier is open for debate - in any case, I'd just as soon submit to the morality of the herd on this one.
talix18
+0 -0
That would be, of course, the soon-to-be missus of the speechifier selector. *waves jedi hand*
That would be, of course, the soon-to-be missus of the speechifier selector. *waves jedi hand*
pogo
+0 -0
Just so you know, using "bet my bippy" dates you to my era. For you youngsters, that's a line from "Laugh In," a skit comedy show where Goldy Hawn got her first break, saying things like, "What's a bippy?"
Just so you know, using "bet my bippy" dates you to my era. For you youngsters, that's a line from "Laugh In," a skit comedy show where Goldy Hawn got her first break, saying things like, "What's a bippy?"
talix18
+0 -0
You've worn me down! I'll put my actual year of birth on my profile and admit that I'm turning 40 this year. I have no idea where I originally picked up "bippy", but my mom did go to school with Goldie.
You've worn me down! I'll put my actual year of birth on my profile and admit that I'm turning 40 this year. I have no idea where I originally picked up "bippy", but my mom did go to school with Goldie.
pogo
+0 -0
And I went to school with your mom!
And I went to school with your mom!
tekende
+0 -0
pogo went to school all over talix18's mom.
pogo went to school all over talix18's mom.
talix18
+0 -0
As long as it wasn't in the car of pain.
As long as it wasn't in the car of pain.
talix18
+0 -0
Or the Volvo of despair. Or any other affectively-disturbed vehicle.
Or the Volvo of despair. Or any other affectively-disturbed vehicle.
lateadopter
+0 -0
This is pogo, so that must have been back before they had cars.
This is pogo, so that must have been back before they had cars.
sncether
+1 -0
TAKEN TO SCHOOL
IN THE HANSOM CAB OF PAIN
TAKEN TO SCHOOL
IN THE HANSOM CAB OF PAIN
d0c_r0st0v
+0 -0
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Not all Laugh-In fans are old. I liked the show back in reruns. Hell, I'm doing the one-ringy-dingy thing with a young lady RIGHT NOW
Not all Laugh-In fans are old. I liked the show back in reruns. Hell, I'm doing the one-ringy-dingy thing with a young lady RIGHT NOW
pogo
+0 -0
Verrrrrry interesting ... but schtupid!
You, sir, are a true student of American Pop Culture.
Verrrrrry interesting ... but schtupid!
You, sir, are a true student of American Pop Culture.
history
+0 -0
Before Nickelodeon spun off the old time shows into a different network, they used to show Laugh-In reruns all the time on Nick at Night. I believe I have seen every episode, including the tragic appearance of Dick Nixon.
Before Nickelodeon spun off the old time shows into a different network, they used to show Laugh-In reruns all the time on Nick at Night. I believe I have seen every episode, including the tragic appearance of Dick Nixon.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
That is precisely where I got to see things myself. I'm still pretty impressed you've seen them at your age though, being zero and all. Sock it to me, indeed.
That is precisely where I got to see things myself. I'm still pretty impressed you've seen them at your age though, being zero and all. Sock it to me, indeed.
pogo
+0 -0
Sock it to me.
Sock it to me.
catgrl131
+0 -0
No...must...not...innuendo...too...strong!
Cock it to me.
SHIT.
No...must...not...innuendo...too...strong!
Cock it to me.
SHIT.
octafish
+0 -0
Don't you mean in-your-end-o!
Don't you mean in-your-end-o!
catgrl131
+0 -0
HEY-OH!
HEY-OH!
pogo
+0 -0
Wow, that's some innuendo drive you have there, young lady. But octafish is only leaving me sloppy seconds.
Wow, that's some innuendo drive you have there, young lady. But octafish is only leaving me sloppy seconds.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
Here come the judge?
Here come the judge?
hamscout
+0 -0
da fuddy-duddy judge?
da fuddy-duddy judge?
severide
+4 -0
"10:00:00am - Freeze tongs and bowl for tossing iceberg salad."
I just realized thet major foreshadowing that occurred when Miami told Teodor that he'd toss more salad than a seasick rabbit.
"10:00:00am - Freeze tongs and bowl for tossing iceberg salad."
I just realized thet major foreshadowing that occurred when Miami told Teodor that he'd toss more salad than a seasick rabbit.
saulbellow
+0 -1
Are the tongs frozen? They muft be frozen.
Are the tongs frozen? They muft be frozen.
invidious
+0 -0
I'm just waiting for Teodor's head to explode like in "Scanners."
I'm just waiting for Teodor's head to explode like in "Scanners."
efkay
+0 -0
I have to say this strip makes me feel a bit relieved; I'm the best man at my best friend's impending wedding, and I'm glad to see I'm not alone in my inability to come up with a good toast that doesn't involve jokes about my buddy's johnson.
I have to say this strip makes me feel a bit relieved; I'm the best man at my best friend's impending wedding, and I'm glad to see I'm not alone in my inability to come up with a good toast that doesn't involve jokes about my buddy's johnson.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
My two best friends are both in relationships that imply they'll be getting married in the near future. I hope they just end up picking each other, because I'm no good at such things, and who knows when I'll be able to return the favor.
My two best friends are both in relationships that imply they'll be getting married in the near future. I hope they just end up picking each other, because I'm no good at such things, and who knows when I'll be able to return the favor.
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
A comment left by gladi8orrex was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by nerdinexile, Ihmgard, charchar, tellumo, wotown)
A comment left by gladi8orrex was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by nerdinexile, Ihmgard, charchar, tellumo, wotown)
nerdinexile
+2 -0
Honestly, dude, if it requires this level of heavy mental reprocessing to get a message out of your posts, maybe you'd be better off using some form of English.
Ah well, at least your BBCode was flawless.
Honestly, dude, if it requires this level of heavy mental reprocessing to get a message out of your posts, maybe you'd be better off using some form of English.
Ah well, at least your BBCode was flawless.
achilleselbow
+5 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
kickstart
+0 -0
Rules for draw and stud poker to finish up.
Rules for draw and stud poker to finish up.
octafish
+0 -0
Casino *something?* club special *be?* playing cards. (Starts dealing cards) Joker, Joker, Ace of Spades, King of Spades, Queen of Spades, Jack of Spades, Ten of Spades, Ninne of Spades, ok I get tired that is hard work I tell you. Instead I say my mind was on my Money (implied: ...and my money on my mind?). Frankensteiner (wrestling move popularized by Scott Steiner) is a very dangerous manouver please do with caution. Try a Suplex instead it is much easier, not quite as fun, but whatever.
Then a plea for chubbies as his posting is curtailed by his mighty collection of lames.
I am quite curious about what "cualety" and "bee" mean.
Casino *something?* club special *be?* playing cards. (Starts dealing cards) Joker, Joker, Ace of Spades, King of Spades, Queen of Spades, Jack of Spades, Ten of Spades, Ninne of Spades, ok I get tired that is hard work I tell you. Instead I say my mind was on my Money (implied: ...and my money on my mind?). Frankensteiner (wrestling move popularized by Scott Steiner) is a very dangerous manouver please do with caution. Try a Suplex instead it is much easier, not quite as fun, but whatever.
Then a plea for chubbies as his posting is curtailed by his mighty collection of lames.
I am quite curious about what "cualety" and "bee" mean.
talix18
+0 -0
"Quality" and Bee brand of cards.
"Quality" and Bee brand of cards.
octafish
+0 -0
Now you say it it makes sense. I didn't know the Bee brand of cards. Not well known down-under.
Now you say it it makes sense. I didn't know the Bee brand of cards. Not well known down-under.
kickstart
+0 -0
Patrick Stewart : Phone Book ::
Gladi8orrex : Pack of playing cards
Patrick Stewart : Phone Book ::
Gladi8orrex : Pack of playing cards
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
my brain can almost make the connection.
i can't fully articulate it...but is soooo close.
my brain can almost make the connection.
i can't fully articulate it...but is soooo close.
excusemesenator
+3 -0
Has Beef.... joined the Black Parade?
Has Beef.... joined the Black Parade?
nabeel84
+0 -0
The Nate Small luncheon sounds like the ultimate place to get a fresh hot burger.
The Nate Small luncheon sounds like the ultimate place to get a fresh hot burger.
schroduck
+0 -0
A comment left by schroduck was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by nabeel84, Geigerdog, pygmalion00, jaspermeer, milkpants, Tragic_Johnson, Awko)
A comment left by schroduck was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by nabeel84, Geigerdog, pygmalion00, jaspermeer, milkpants, Tragic_Johnson, Awko)
schroduck
+0 -0
Damn, slightly too wide. Link to full strip .
Damn, slightly too wide. Link to full strip .
awko
+2 -0
Well, you were right on the money with that there filename, champ.
Well, you were right on the money with that there filename, champ.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Hey, come on, there's no need to be so mean, chief.
Hey, come on, there's no need to be so mean, chief.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
He's not the chief, captain.
He's not the chief, captain.
bixschmix
+0 -0
People seem to think you can't be called the Cap'm unless you drive a boat. Well, I don't...I don't.
Look me over I'm the Cap'm
Go ahead and mess with me
You'll find out what will happ'm
People seem to think you can't be called the Cap'm unless you drive a boat. Well, I don't...I don't.
Look me over I'm the Cap'm
Go ahead and mess with me
You'll find out what will happ'm
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
...'scuse?
"Cap'm"..?
...'scuse?
"Cap'm"..?
bixschmix
+0 -0
Sorry, I was being that guy (girl) who quotes something from pop culture which the previous comment reminded them of. I usually try not to do it but I just love those lyrics & the Johns(*) who sing them so much I couldn't help myself. Also I was bored at work. I apologize.
*It is a song by They Might Be Giants
Sorry, I was being that guy (girl) who quotes something from pop culture which the previous comment reminded them of. I usually try not to do it but I just love those lyrics & the Johns(*) who sing them so much I couldn't help myself. Also I was bored at work. I apologize.
*It is a song by They Might Be Giants
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I was going for an old internet exchange.
"He's not the chief, captain."
"He's not your captain, lieutenant."
"I'M NOT YOUR LIEUTENANT, SARGEANT!"
Something like that. I'm sad it didn't catch on, and ashamed that I brought such internet buggery here
I was going for an old internet exchange.
"He's not the chief, captain."
"He's not your captain, lieutenant."
"I'M NOT YOUR LIEUTENANT, SARGEANT!"
Something like that. I'm sad it didn't catch on, and ashamed that I brought such internet buggery here
plummet
+0 -0
Unfortunately, explaining a joke in the absence of laughter only induces yawns in your audience since they're here to laugh at a witty, quick punchline. The Internets have a surprisingly short and unforgiving attention span.
Unfortunately, explaining a joke in the absence of laughter only induces yawns in your audience since they're here to laugh at a witty, quick punchline. The Internets have a surprisingly short and unforgiving attention span.
awko
+0 -0
I am serious... and don't call me Shirley
I am serious... and don't call me Shirley
hedonismbot
+0 -0
You see, it's funny because it's a misunderstanding about the word 'surely', which sounds like the common name 'Shirley'.
You see, it's funny because it's a misunderstanding about the word 'surely', which sounds like the common name 'Shirley'.
bixschmix
+0 -0
Oh, NOW I see!
Oh, NOW I see!
daidai
+0 -0
Did you say my hat looks good on me? I agree.
Did you say my hat looks good on me? I agree.
schroduck
+0 -0
One more lame is all it will take. Please, do your bit for unfunny remixes everywhere and lame this misguided monstrosity. Thank you.
One more lame is all it will take. Please, do your bit for unfunny remixes everywhere and lame this misguided monstrosity. Thank you.
autrepoupee
+1 -0
I think the lames were a little harsh. It wasn't a comic masterpiece or anything, but you'd think you took a picture of a toilet filled with roaches and cigarette butts that spelled out the phrase "ASSETBAR RULZ".
That is not what you did.
I think the lames were a little harsh. It wasn't a comic masterpiece or anything, but you'd think you took a picture of a toilet filled with roaches and cigarette butts that spelled out the phrase "ASSETBAR RULZ".
That is not what you did.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Those weren't cig butts, they were cigar droppings.
Those weren't cig butts, they were cigar droppings.
schroduck
+0 -0
In other news, I love the look of wide-eyed wonderment on Phillipe's face. I like to imagine that Ray did in fact choose to read his original speech, and Phillipe is amazed and overjoyed to learn about Ray's endowment. IT'S POSSIBLE.
In other news, I love the look of wide-eyed wonderment on Phillipe's face. I like to imagine that Ray did in fact choose to read his original speech, and Phillipe is amazed and overjoyed to learn about Ray's endowment. IT'S POSSIBLE.
darleen
+0 -0
Drunk Ray looks so cute and happy. :D
Drunk Ray looks so cute and happy. :D
kamet
+0 -0
The Bridesmaid doesn't get to attend the rehearsal, because he was too much of a dick to have the proper time to plan his menu.
The Bridesmaid doesn't get to attend the rehearsal, because he was too much of a dick to have the proper time to plan his menu.
octafish
+0 -0
Ray is sooooooooo lucky he tried his speech at the rehearsal dinner, I decided my speech was crap on my wedding day and tried to wing it. I was going to make a joke and that joke seemed so lame I couldn't bring myself to do it. It pretty much ended the same way as Rays, then my best man got up and used the same joke I rejected and got a huge laugh. Luckily my wife is a non-traditionalist and gave a great speech to finish up.
Ray is sooooooooo lucky he tried his speech at the rehearsal dinner, I decided my speech was crap on my wedding day and tried to wing it. I was going to make a joke and that joke seemed so lame I couldn't bring myself to do it. It pretty much ended the same way as Rays, then my best man got up and used the same joke I rejected and got a huge laugh. Luckily my wife is a non-traditionalist and gave a great speech to finish up.
octafish
+3 -0
so lol
so lol
brokeaccount
+0 -0
I like weddings where the bride gives a speech.
(Damn right she should give a speech, who the hell does she think she is, waltzing around in a fancy dress all day acting like a damn queen woman should do some WORK God damn it.)
My brother's wife gave a speech at their wedding and it was very touching.
I like weddings where the bride gives a speech.
(Damn right she should give a speech, who the hell does she think she is, waltzing around in a fancy dress all day acting like a damn queen woman should do some WORK God damn it.)
My brother's wife gave a speech at their wedding and it was very touching.
pygmalion00
+0 -0
My guess is that Mark the Barber is one of those septuagenarian barbers that doesn't know that transgendered or hermaphroditic people need haircuts too. All talking about sports, and keeping his utensils in a blue liquid. Giving you a sucker if your kid behaves.
My guess is that Mark the Barber is one of those septuagenarian barbers that doesn't know that transgendered or hermaphroditic people need haircuts too. All talking about sports, and keeping his utensils in a blue liquid. Giving you a sucker if your kid behaves.
awko
+2 -0
I like the idea of getting a sucker whenever my kid behaves.
It's like a reward for being a good parent.
I like the idea of getting a sucker whenever my kid behaves.
It's like a reward for being a good parent.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Wedding rehearsals are quite possibly the most stupid thing in the world. By all means have a get-together the night before the wedding, but doing the speeches and vows? Dumb.
At least this means that Ray now has 24 hours to get his shit together.
Teodor will not finish his list before the time he has to start completing the actions on his list. This is known as "irony".
Wedding rehearsals are quite possibly the most stupid thing in the world. By all means have a get-together the night before the wedding, but doing the speeches and vows? Dumb.
At least this means that Ray now has 24 hours to get his shit together.
Teodor will not finish his list before the time he has to start completing the actions on his list. This is known as "irony".
mr_lostman28
+0 -1
Irony: like when it rains on your wedding day.
or a free ride, when you've already paid
Irony: like when it rains on your wedding day.
or a free ride, when you've already paid
octafish
+0 -0
Shut up shut up shut up!
Shut up shut up shut up!
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Why did we have to drag Alnis Morissette into this people
Why did we have to drag Alnis Morissette into this people
thegoblins
+1 -0
Because the above is not really an example of irony; irony is when something is especially incongruous. There must be some sort of gap between what you expect and what really happens, or what someone says and what they mean. Alanis Morisette's song suffers from her listing several examples that have nothing to do with irony. Similarly, Teodor not finishing his to-do list by the time he's got to start doing the stuff on it is funny, but it doesn't exactly fit into the definition of irony.
And neither does my face.
Because the above is not really an example of irony; irony is when something is especially incongruous. There must be some sort of gap between what you expect and what really happens, or what someone says and what they mean. Alanis Morisette's song suffers from her listing several examples that have nothing to do with irony. Similarly, Teodor not finishing his to-do list by the time he's got to start doing the stuff on it is funny, but it doesn't exactly fit into the definition of irony.
And neither does my face.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
I am guessing you are from America.
I am guessing you are from America.
brokeaccount
+1 -0
To clarify: a to-do list which is designed to keep him on schedule, actually puts him off schedule. If that is not irony then the universe will implode as soon as I post this.
To clarify: a to-do list which is designed to keep him on schedule, actually puts him off schedule. If that is not irony then the universe will implode as soon as I post this.
aperson
+0 -0
I tried to research the TRUE meaning of irony once, and I managed to discover that it isnt the kind of thing that you describe in this example. Unfortunately I didnt manage to understand what it actually was.
so IRONIC lol
I tried to research the TRUE meaning of irony once, and I managed to discover that it isnt the kind of thing that you describe in this example. Unfortunately I didnt manage to understand what it actually was.
so IRONIC lol
brokeaccount
+0 -0
You must have been looking at the wrong definitions then, because what I have above described is a perfect example of situational irony. Perfect, I tell you.
You must have been looking at the wrong definitions then, because what I have above described is a perfect example of situational irony. Perfect, I tell you.
thegoblins
+0 -0
Yeah, you are actually right, now that I think about it. I deserve lames :(
Yeah, you are actually right, now that I think about it. I deserve lames :(
aperson
+0 -0
I thought so too once... {shudders}
Now I only dare to mention irony during Meta-Ironic Morrisette Cascade Events.
I thought so too once... {shudders}
Now I only dare to mention irony during Meta-Ironic Morrisette Cascade Events.
d0c_r0st0v
+0 -0
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
achilleselbow
+1 -0
I thought I had a pretty good idea of what irony was. Then I read Paul De Man's essay on it and now I have no idea at all. Is that ironic? (I don't know, that's the point!)
I thought I had a pretty good idea of what irony was. Then I read Paul De Man's essay on it and now I have no idea at all. Is that ironic? (I don't know, that's the point!)
echidnaboy
+0 -0
"Lister, where's my revision timetable?"
"Is this the thing in all different colours, with all the subjects divided into study periods and rest periods and self-testing times?"
"It took me seven weeks to make it; now I've got to cram my whole revision into one night."
"Lister, where's my revision timetable?"
"Is this the thing in all different colours, with all the subjects divided into study periods and rest periods and self-testing times?"
"It took me seven weeks to make it; now I've got to cram my whole revision into one night."
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Here you go
[IMGS OFF]
Here you go
[IMGS OFF]
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Oh man. I wish I had some fucking custard creams right now that would be sweeeeeeet .
Oh man. I wish I had some fucking custard creams right now that would be sweeeeeeet .
thegoblins
+0 -0
Huh, I thought custard creams were actually made of custard, on account of never having eaten one myself.
Apparently they are just cookies that might be okay WITH custard?
Huh, I thought custard creams were actually made of custard, on account of never having eaten one myself.
Apparently they are just cookies that might be okay WITH custard?
octafish
+0 -0
They are like a, hmmm what is an American cream filled biscuit? They are like an Oreo, in that there is a custardy creamy icing between to shortbready biscuits.
They are like a, hmmm what is an American cream filled biscuit? They are like an Oreo, in that there is a custardy creamy icing between to shortbready biscuits.
hedonismbot
+2 -0
Man don't call a cookie a biscuit when addressing Americans. What you described, in Yank terms, is a disgusting mass on bread. We HATE the English language, you gotta remember that when you address us.
Man don't call a cookie a biscuit when addressing Americans. What you described, in Yank terms, is a disgusting mass on bread. We HATE the English language, you gotta remember that when you address us.
margargaret
+1 -0
You don't like a fresh from the oven biscuit?
What about smothered in WHITE GRAVY? You in the south now boy!
You don't like a fresh from the oven biscuit?
What about smothered in WHITE GRAVY? You in the south now boy!
squares
+0 -1
Of all the good things that can be said about Canada, musicianship is not of them.
Of all the good things that can be said about Canada, musicianship is not of them.
i_love_kate
+1 -1
Do you think it is rad to make generalisations, Squares?
Do you think it is rad to make generalisations, Squares?
squares
+0 -0
I love canada.
I love canada.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
"I love Canada! And not just the country, the people! I love the way they talk, and all that. They do really well, considering."
"I love Canada! And not just the country, the people! I love the way they talk, and all that. They do really well, considering."
squares
+0 -0
popular music . Does this make you feel any better?
popular music . Does this make you feel any better?
thorfinn
+1 -0
Generalizations are only bad when they are unwarranted, i_love_kate.
I present to you the warranting evidence for squares's generalisation
1) Alanis Morrissette
2) Nickelback
3) Brian Adams
The prosecution rests
Generalizations are only bad when they are unwarranted, i_love_kate.
I present to you the warranting evidence for squares's generalisation
1) Alanis Morrissette
2) Nickelback
3) Brian Adams
The prosecution rests
sncether
+2 -0
The defense calls to the stand Mr. Alex Trebek. Would you like to cross-examine the witness? Please be aware that Mr. Trebek will only respond to questions for which he has already given an answer.
The defense calls to the stand Mr. Alex Trebek. Would you like to cross-examine the witness? Please be aware that Mr. Trebek will only respond to questions for which he has already given an answer.
lateadopter
+0 -0
Counterpoint:
1) Sarah McLachlan
2) Rush
3) Bob and Doug McKenzie
And if you bring up Celine Dion, I will be forced to bring out William Shatner of the Has Been era. Common People is the best. No, I'm sorry that you're wrong, but I can't help that.
Counterpoint:
1) Sarah McLachlan
2) Rush
3) Bob and Doug McKenzie
And if you bring up Celine Dion, I will be forced to bring out William Shatner of the Has Been era. Common People is the best. No, I'm sorry that you're wrong, but I can't help that.
thorfinn
+0 -0
Counter-counterpoint:
SNOW
Once again, the defense rests
Counter-counterpoint:
SNOW
Once again, the defense rests
thorfinn
+0 -0
defense prosecution
achilleselbow
+2 -0
[IMGS OFF]
The defense chops your fucking head off and rides into the sunset over your broken, trampled body.
[IMGS OFF]
The defense chops your fucking head off and rides into the sunset over your broken, trampled body.
thorfinn
+1 -0
I see your 3 Inches of Blood and raise you Anne Murray
I see your 3 Inches of Blood and raise you Anne Murray
achilleselbow
+2 -0
I don't think you understand. You're not raising anything. Your head is chopped off and rolling around in a pool of blood, and 3 Inches of Blood has burned the entire courtroom to the ground.
I don't think you understand. You're not raising anything. Your head is chopped off and rolling around in a pool of blood, and 3 Inches of Blood has burned the entire courtroom to the ground.
thorfinn
+0 -1
If my head is chopped off and rolling around, then how am I still able to type?
Answer me this one, achilleselbox
If my head is chopped off and rolling around, then how am I still able to type?
Answer me this one, achilleselbox
thorfinn
+0 -0
Also, Avril Lavigne
Also, Avril Lavigne
talix18
+0 -0
And it's officially A Thing.
And it's officially A Thing.
irondave
+1 -0
Why on Earth is that guy wearing nylon stockings?
Why on Earth is that guy wearing nylon stockings?
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
YES
YES
techiebabe
+0 -0
Stop trying to make me fall for you, Achilles...
Stop trying to make me fall for you, Achilles...
achilleselbow
+0 -0
...because you already have?
[IMGS OFF]
...because you already have?
[IMGS OFF]
stereo
+0 -0
So it turns out the New Pornographers and Holy Fuck are Canadian.
So it turns out the New Pornographers and Holy Fuck are Canadian.
stereo
+1 -0
Joni Michtlle to finsih up so lol
Joni Michtlle to finsih up so lol
mr_lostman28
+0 -1
Broken Social Scene
the defense rests...
(well hold up, Arcade Fire too)
Broken Social Scene
the defense rests...
(well hold up, Arcade Fire too)
squares
+0 -0
I don't think that the defense wants the man who originally quoted Alanis Morrisette to be on its side.
zing!
I don't think that the defense wants the man who originally quoted Alanis Morrisette to be on its side.
zing!
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
Hey!
HEY!
Mean, bitchy, girl power Alanis from Jagged Little Pill made some really good rock songs! Then she got all soft on us. I... I'm just so angry right now!
*cues up "You Oughta Know"*
thrashes about violently then cries.
... Granted, not the best artist, but how dare you sir!
Hey!
HEY!
Mean, bitchy, girl power Alanis from Jagged Little Pill made some really good rock songs! Then she got all soft on us. I... I'm just so angry right now!
*cues up "You Oughta Know"*
thrashes about violently then cries.
... Granted, not the best artist, but how dare you sir!
squares
+0 -0
...I admire your bravery.
...I admire your bravery.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
The Tragically Hip and The Arrogant Worms.
(Article Adjective Noun(s) is a good band name formula.)
The Tragically Hip and The Arrogant Worms.
(Article Adjective Noun(s) is a good band name formula.)
daidai
+0 -0
But worms don't have hips!
But worms don't have hips!
thorfinn
+0 -0
The Tragically Hip is technically of the form [article adverb adjective]
The Tragically Hip is technically of the form [article adverb adjective]
brokeaccount
+0 -0
It's true! I'm gonna name my next band "The Hungriest Ballsacks".
However, isn't "The Tragically Hip" article adjective adjective?
It's true! I'm gonna name my next band "The Hungriest Ballsacks".
However, isn't "The Tragically Hip" article adjective adjective?
tekende
+0 -0
NO
article adverb adjective. "Tragically" modifies "hip."
NO
article adverb adjective. "Tragically" modifies "hip."
kickstart
+0 -0
it answers the question "To what extent are they hip?"
Tragically. To a tragic extent.
obligatory US Gen-X/Y/whatever moment...
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your adverbs here!
it answers the question "To what extent are they hip?"
Tragically. To a tragic extent.
obligatory US Gen-X/Y/whatever moment...
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your adverbs here!
irondave
+0 -0
Oh, and Jeff Healy, RIP.
Oh, and Jeff Healy, RIP.
octafish
+0 -0
I can't believe no-one mentioned the hottest Canadian music lady on the planet, Martha Wainwright. She is the Cate Blanchett of music, intelligent, talented, sensual, drop-dead-gorgeous, *sigh* married . Ahhh so am I dammit.
I can't believe no-one mentioned the hottest Canadian music lady on the planet, Martha Wainwright. She is the Cate Blanchett of music, intelligent, talented, sensual, drop-dead-gorgeous, *sigh* married . Ahhh so am I dammit.
jbushnell
+0 -0
Rush?
Rush?
invidious
+0 -0
Let me get this straight, you're 35-years old and have never heard of Rush?
Osama bin Laden must be hiding in your cave.
Let me get this straight, you're 35-years old and have never heard of Rush?
Osama bin Laden must be hiding in your cave.
squares
+0 -0
I think he means that Rush is an exception to the 'popular Canadian bands are no good' thing I accidentally started.
I think he means that Rush is an exception to the 'popular Canadian bands are no good' thing I accidentally started.
flazisismuss
+0 -0
Discussions of what bands suck and don't suck aren't generally a good use of anyone's time. I will make an exception from that rule to point out how much Rush sucks. A lot. That band sucks so much that it requires a lot of Arcade Fires and New Pornographers to make up for it.
Discussions of what bands suck and don't suck aren't generally a good use of anyone's time. I will make an exception from that rule to point out how much Rush sucks. A lot. That band sucks so much that it requires a lot of Arcade Fires and New Pornographers to make up for it.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Rush is an awesome band with a talentless 14 year old girl as lead singer. Their guitar work and drums are so nummnummgood. Their singer makes my testes crawl into my body
Rush is an awesome band with a talentless 14 year old girl as lead singer. Their guitar work and drums are so nummnummgood. Their singer makes my testes crawl into my body
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I thought only Loneal could do that.
I thought only Loneal could do that.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
No no, I use her to draw them back out like scared little raccoons. The mangled nest of her hair that I constantly have sex with is soothing to my skittish balls, as are her socks, of which I have quite the collection.
No no, I use her to draw them back out like scared little raccoons. The mangled nest of her hair that I constantly have sex with is soothing to my skittish balls, as are her socks, of which I have quite the collection.
d0c_r0st0v
+0 -0
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
pogo
+1 -0
I just returned from Canada, where I saw several days of fantastic musicianship, much of it Canadian, at the Monreal Jazz Festival (which is all kinds of music). So you lie, fox.
I just returned from Canada, where I saw several days of fantastic musicianship, much of it Canadian, at the Monreal Jazz Festival (which is all kinds of music). So you lie, fox.
squares
+0 -0
I clarified 31 minutes ago with the phrase 'popular music'. I do realize good music comes from Canada. It just doesn't get popular.
I clarified 31 minutes ago with the phrase 'popular music'. I do realize good music comes from Canada. It just doesn't get popular.
tekende
+0 -0
Yes, lord knows Arcade Fire just isn't popular at all, bless their little hearts.
Yes, lord knows Arcade Fire just isn't popular at all, bless their little hearts.
squares
+0 -0
There are obvoiusly exceptions. Don't be a cock to a stranger.
There are obvoiusly exceptions. Don't be a cock to a stranger.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
NEIL YOUNG, bitches. Also THE BAND. Plus STEPPENWOLF.
Canada is golden. Golden .
NEIL YOUNG, bitches. Also THE BAND. Plus STEPPENWOLF.
Canada is golden. Golden .
squares
+0 -0
These are all fantastic artists, i concede (well I'm not a huge fan of Steppenwolf...)
I do have to point out, though, that the Band isn't entirely from Canada, the drummer is from Arkansas.
These are all fantastic artists, i concede (well I'm not a huge fan of Steppenwolf...)
I do have to point out, though, that the Band isn't entirely from Canada, the drummer is from Arkansas.
lateadopter
+0 -0
brokeaccount brought superior sung fu.
squares, unfortunately, brought dung fu.
brokeaccount brought superior sung fu.
squares, unfortunately, brought dung fu.
yearsinhotclaws
+1 -0
Servo: [sings] Oh I wish I was back in old Canada, a land which I never shall lampoon, how I pine for the ice covering Lake Manitoba, and the beauty that is Saskatoon...
Mike: [interrupts] I got one.
Mike: [sings] Oh I wish I was stuck in the hills of Alberta, drinking beer with some big dumb guy trapping fur. As he scraped and chiseled all the moose dung off his boots, I would learn that he's the Prime Minister!
Crow: [sings] Oh I wish I was in the land that gave us Peter Jennings, Alanis Morrisette, Mike Myers too. No I take that back, I wouldn't go there even if you paid me. O Canada, you are a place I must eschew!
Servo: [annoyed] Now this is not in the spirit that I intended!
Mike: Oh, come on, give in, I mean, after all they gave us Ed the Sock - and Rush!
Crow: Yeah! What are you defending? They're such feebs!
Servo: OK, I'll try.
Servo: [sings] Oh, I wish I was blowing up Prince Edward Island, and going on to bomb Ontario! Ha, ha! The destruction of Canada and all of its culture, is by far my fa-vo-rite scenario!
Mike: OK, now, that's a little strong...
Servo: [manic] No, you're right Mike! This is much more fun!
Servo: [sings with angry gusto] Just WHERE the hell does Canada get off sharing a border, with countries far superior to it? Why, you lousy stinkin', Francophonic, bacon-lovin' bastards, your country's just a giant piece of sh-...
Crow and Mike: Whoa!
Mike: Okay, I think thats enough!
Servo: [sings] Oh I wish I was back in old Canada, a land which I never shall lampoon, how I pine for the ice covering Lake Manitoba, and the beauty that is Saskatoon...
Mike: [interrupts] I got one.
Mike: [sings] Oh I wish I was stuck in the hills of Alberta, drinking beer with some big dumb guy trapping fur. As he scraped and chiseled all the moose dung off his boots, I would learn that he's the Prime Minister!
Crow: [sings] Oh I wish I was in the land that gave us Peter Jennings, Alanis Morrisette, Mike Myers too. No I take that back, I wouldn't go there even if you paid me. O Canada, you are a place I must eschew!
Servo: [annoyed] Now this is not in the spirit that I intended!
Mike: Oh, come on, give in, I mean, after all they gave us Ed the Sock - and Rush!
Crow: Yeah! What are you defending? They're such feebs!
Servo: OK, I'll try.
Servo: [sings] Oh, I wish I was blowing up Prince Edward Island, and going on to bomb Ontario! Ha, ha! The destruction of Canada and all of its culture, is by far my fa-vo-rite scenario!
Mike: OK, now, that's a little strong...
Servo: [manic] No, you're right Mike! This is much more fun!
Servo: [sings with angry gusto] Just WHERE the hell does Canada get off sharing a border, with countries far superior to it? Why, you lousy stinkin', Francophonic, bacon-lovin' bastards, your country's just a giant piece of sh-...
Crow and Mike: Whoa!
Mike: Okay, I think thats enough!
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
I just fucking atom-bombed this argument.
I just fucking atom-bombed this argument.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
How the hell is it that no one has thought to mention Chuggo in this whole exchange?
[IMGS OFF]
How the hell is it that no one has thought to mention Chuggo in this whole exchange?
[IMGS OFF]
hamscout
+0 -0
...and I chubby-bombed your comment.
LOVE MST3K
LOVE IT
...and I chubby-bombed your comment.
LOVE MST3K
LOVE IT
loneal
+2 -2
You were a cock to an entire countryful of strangers!
You were a cock to an entire countryful of strangers!
gyrate
+0 -0
Calm down - at least no one here has addressed the Canadian PM as "Yo".
Calm down - at least no one here has addressed the Canadian PM as "Yo".
stereo
+0 -0
Dalton McGuinty, on the other hand...
Dalton McGuinty, on the other hand...
falseprophet
+1 -0
Quote:
You just burn whatever old video games you want to and the good lord God will provide.
Quote:
Yes, lord knows Arcade Fire just isn't popular at all, bless their little hearts.
You just burn whatever old video games you want to and the good lord God will provide.
kamet
+0 -0
We, the Canadian People, as a whole, do not generally claim our musicians- hell, it's mostly influenced by American music anyway.
But our COMEDIANS....
Sigh. Imagine there's an awesome Canadian comedians montage right here. Stupid firewall won't let me access Photobucket from work.
We, the Canadian People, as a whole, do not generally claim our musicians- hell, it's mostly influenced by American music anyway.
But our COMEDIANS....
Sigh. Imagine there's an awesome Canadian comedians montage right here. Stupid firewall won't let me access Photobucket from work.
invidious
+0 -0
Starts with Leslie Nielsen and doesn't even need to progress to #2 for the win.
Starts with Leslie Nielsen and doesn't even need to progress to #2 for the win.
aparrish
+0 -0
Signs that your speech is awful: it makes an elderly Welsh man's eyes and mouth nearly disappear.
Signs that your speech is awful: it makes an elderly Welsh man's eyes and mouth nearly disappear.
akadriver
+0 -0
Also: disappoints your own mother, to the point of clutching her chest.
Also: disappoints your own mother, to the point of clutching her chest.
gyrate
+2 -0
Clutching your mother's chest in public is always a social faux pas, no matter what the occasion.
Clutching your mother's chest in public is always a social faux pas, no matter what the occasion.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
but...but... TITTIES!
but...but... TITTIES!
hedonismbot
+3 -0
God, so that's why her funeral was so awkward
God, so that's why her funeral was so awkward
daidai
+0 -0
Yeah, so apparently in Boston post-mortem breastfeeding is frowned upon.
That is why I can never forgive Boston.
Yeah, so apparently in Boston post-mortem breastfeeding is frowned upon.
That is why I can never forgive Boston.
gyrate
+0 -0
That, and the fact that they never really bettered 'More Than a Feeling'.
That, and the fact that they never really bettered 'More Than a Feeling'.
i_love_kate
+0 -1
Man, so many complaints about Philippe not putting in an appearance for so long, and when he finally does show up he only gets one mention? You people of Assetbar and your odd inclinations.
Man, so many complaints about Philippe not putting in an appearance for so long, and when he finally does show up he only gets one mention? You people of Assetbar and your odd inclinations.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Oh, my mistake. One correctly spelled mention.
That's my addiction to ctrl-f for you.
Also laziness.
Oh, my mistake. One correctly spelled mention.
That's my addiction to ctrl-f for you.
Also laziness.
akadriver
+0 -0
I'm not sure why there was so much complaining when the invitations stated that Philippe was to be ring-bearer.
I'm not sure why there was so much complaining when the invitations stated that Philippe was to be ring-bearer.
eatmorekix
+0 -0
my last boss was a gay man that wore tommy bahama almost exclusively. who pays that much for a hawaiian-print shirt?
my last boss was a gay man that wore tommy bahama almost exclusively. who pays that much for a hawaiian-print shirt?
hatstand_mcq
+2 -0
There are only two kinds of guys who wear those Hawaiian shirts: gay guys and big fat party animals. And Pat doesn't look like a big fat party animal to me.
There are only two kinds of guys who wear those Hawaiian shirts: gay guys and big fat party animals. And Pat doesn't look like a big fat party animal to me.
squares
+0 -0
Neither does Rod Huggins, who will presumably be the one wearing the Tommy Bahama.
Neither does Rod Huggins, who will presumably be the one wearing the Tommy Bahama.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
You'd be getting a chubby if it wasn't for my damnable friendliness.
Also, I once saw a person wearing a Hawaiian shirt and khaki, safari-style shorts. I laughed for three hours.
You'd be getting a chubby if it wasn't for my damnable friendliness.
Also, I once saw a person wearing a Hawaiian shirt and khaki, safari-style shorts. I laughed for three hours.
professorhazard
+1 -0
man don't laugh at me for three hours
I got self-esteem issues
man don't laugh at me for three hours
I got self-esteem issues
foea
+0 -0
They're really, really good shirts. Raw silk, natural dyes, excellent craftsmanship.
They're really, really good shirts. Raw silk, natural dyes, excellent craftsmanship.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
They are 200 dollars.
They are 200 dollars.
kickstart
+0 -0
These shoes are 300 fucking dollars
These shoes are 300 fucking dollars
catgrl131
+1 -0
Let' get 'em!
Let' get 'em!
catgrl131
+0 -0
*Ahem* Let's*
*Ahem* Let's*
kamet
+0 -0
You can't text message breakup!
You can't text message breakup!
catgrl131
+0 -0
Oh my gawd.
Oh my gawd.
catgrl131
+0 -0
You can't text message breakup!
You can't text message breakup!
pogo
+0 -0
Worst speech ever.
Worst speech ever.
mattfish
+0 -0
Setting up an online Kodak gallery takes one minute and 45 seconds!
Setting up an online Kodak gallery takes one minute and 45 seconds!
plummet
+2 -0
beef looks like he stepped out of a My Chemical Romance video
beef looks like he stepped out of a My Chemical Romance video
scott_335
+1 -0
I love that Ray realizes that his improvised speech is the worst/ugliest guitar and just yells "Shit!" at the end of it.
What happened man? He probably should have just gone with the prepared speech and toned it down. Something like, "but seriously folks, the only thing bigger on Beef than his 'ahem' is his heart." [laughter, applause]
I love that Ray realizes that his improvised speech is the worst/ugliest guitar and just yells "Shit!" at the end of it.
What happened man? He probably should have just gone with the prepared speech and toned it down. Something like, "but seriously folks, the only thing bigger on Beef than his 'ahem' is his heart." [laughter, applause]
loneal
+2 -1
How do I even begin to describe your worst song/ugliest guitar situation?
How do I even begin to describe your worst song/ugliest guitar situation?
irondave
+0 -0
Ray normally has almost no self-awareness. In this instance, immediate feedback from an audience, on something important to him, was only enough to trigger a too-late realization. But for Ray, even this must count as a tremendous insight.
Ray normally has almost no self-awareness. In this instance, immediate feedback from an audience, on something important to him, was only enough to trigger a too-late realization. But for Ray, even this must count as a tremendous insight.
mo_rose
+2 -0
Mark The Barber's prices are fair.
Mark The Barber's prices are fair.
thegoblins
+0 -0
Girl haircuts for $10 are a miracle! Salons for girls easily put $15 on top of the basic price just for squirming.
Girl haircuts for $10 are a miracle! Salons for girls easily put $15 on top of the basic price just for squirming.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Most of the girls I know don't have hair anyway. That makes things much cheaper. If you can't afford haircuts, just flirt with a stalker.
Most of the girls I know don't have hair anyway. That makes things much cheaper. If you can't afford haircuts, just flirt with a stalker.
loneal
+1 -1
We still pay the price for squirming, though.
We still pay the price for squirming, though.
thegoblins
+0 -0
I dream of a world where I am free to squirm
happily 'round like a nematode worm.
Poetry! Yay!
I dream of a world where I am free to squirm
happily 'round like a nematode worm.
Poetry! Yay!
d0c_r0st0v
+0 -0
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
stinson_reliant
+0 -0
Excellent callback in panel five.
Excellent callback in panel five.
nhennies
+2 -0
In the end, Ray couldn't do it straight up Carlin after all.
In the end, Ray couldn't do it straight up Carlin after all.
unfun
+1 -1
Well, he was about as funny as a dead man.
Well, he was about as funny as a dead man.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
Did you know that Mittelschmerz-Inducing Clyster is the name of Sopor Aeternus's new album?
did you know that
Did you know that Mittelschmerz-Inducing Clyster is the name of Sopor Aeternus's new album?
did you know that
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
did you know that in a recent Metalocalypse, Nathan Explosion works at a burger joint called Dimmu Burger ?
did you know that in a recent Metalocalypse, Nathan Explosion works at a burger joint called Dimmu Burger ?
hamscout
+0 -0
dogs and bees can smell fear...
dogs and bees can smell fear...
kickstart
+0 -0
the human head weighs eight pounds!
the human head weighs eight pounds!
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
there is an eighteen inch drop from your head to your heart.
one of my old youth pastors was in a group that sounded like really old school POD called 18 inch drop.
the end.
there is an eighteen inch drop from your head to your heart.
one of my old youth pastors was in a group that sounded like really old school POD called 18 inch drop.
the end.
quantumcasaba
+0 -0
A comment left by quantumcasaba was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by prius_chaser, nhennies, aparrish)
A comment left by quantumcasaba was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by prius_chaser, nhennies, aparrish)
pogo
+0 -0
I disagree. The author is presenting a multi-facted event in just the right way, a scene here, an aside there. It is building a wonderful montage where all the characters are getting their due, and we can see their relationships clearly.
I disagree. The author is presenting a multi-facted event in just the right way, a scene here, an aside there. It is building a wonderful montage where all the characters are getting their due, and we can see their relationships clearly.
tekende
+0 -0
Agreed. I'm very much enjoying this whole thing.
Agreed. I'm very much enjoying this whole thing.
quantumcasaba
+0 -0
I know, upon retrospection I was being a bitchy-bitch bitch-bitch.
I know, upon retrospection I was being a bitchy-bitch bitch-bitch.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I bet I have no chance with a bitch as nasty as that.
I bet I have no chance with a bitch as nasty as that.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
Aww, Achilles--don't give up hope! You'll have a bitch that nasty someday!
Aww, Achilles--don't give up hope! You'll have a bitch that nasty someday!
dino_grill
+1 -0
oh, teodor. the most impotent little bear ever.
oh, teodor. the most impotent little bear ever.
old_chap
+1 -0
I fear that Roast Beef's new haircut portends that The Future will, indeed, come to pass.
I fear that Roast Beef's new haircut portends that The Future will, indeed, come to pass.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
the DISTANT future...
the DISTANT future...
thorfinn
+0 -0
In the Year 2000
In the Year 2000
kamet
+0 -0
The humans are deaaaad... the huuumans are deaaad..
We used Poisonous gasses... and we Poisoned their asses!!
The humans are deaaaad... the huuumans are deaaad..
We used Poisonous gasses... and we Poisoned their asses!!
sirfrederick
+0 -0
Actually their lungs.
Actually their lungs.
catgrl131
+0 -0
BINARY SOLO!
BINARY SOLO!
greatwhite
+0 -0
I wish there was a place besides assetbar, where I could converse with others about how much they dislike assetbar and how much trolling goes on. But theres not. So I submit to you fellow assetbar users, that this place is even more appalling than once before, and I so wish a damn message board would be instilled so that most the irrelevant bullshit could be chauffeured off to a more irrelevant place.
I wish there was a place besides assetbar, where I could converse with others about how much they dislike assetbar and how much trolling goes on. But theres not. So I submit to you fellow assetbar users, that this place is even more appalling than once before, and I so wish a damn message board would be instilled so that most the irrelevant bullshit could be chauffeured off to a more irrelevant place.
greatwhite
+0 -0
And seconds after posting, i realize im just another damn catalyst in the problem now. :(
And seconds after posting, i realize im just another damn catalyst in the problem now. :(
daidai
+2 -0
So you're one of those people who wants a forum filled only with posts like:
greatwhite:"I liked this strip today, it was funny."
Beefhaha:"Yeah, I liked it too. Reminded me of my wedding."
MOD:"Please keep on topic or be IP banned."
greatwhite:"Seriously, Beefhaha. This is why we left AssetBar. We don't want your stories. We want opinions on Achewood. Oh, and to be on topic -- I reread it and still liked it."
So you're one of those people who wants a forum filled only with posts like:
greatwhite:"I liked this strip today, it was funny."
Beefhaha:"Yeah, I liked it too. Reminded me of my wedding."
MOD:"Please keep on topic or be IP banned."
greatwhite:"Seriously, Beefhaha. This is why we left AssetBar. We don't want your stories. We want opinions on Achewood. Oh, and to be on topic -- I reread it and still liked it."
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Beefhaha:"Cmon gratwite did u liek my weding?lol"
Beefhaha:"Cmon gratwite did u liek my weding?lol"
achilleselbow
+0 -0
You forgot about the posts that just name a panel number or direct you to look at some minor anatomical detail in a particular panel without any further commentary.
You forgot about the posts that just name a panel number or direct you to look at some minor anatomical detail in a particular panel without any further commentary.
stereo
+0 -0
I dig the eyebrow travel from panel 8 to 15
He's totally failing to unwrinkle his forehead, and that's what makes this strip a 5!
I dig the eyebrow travel from panel 8 to 15
He's totally failing to unwrinkle his forehead, and that's what makes this strip a 5!
professorhazard
+1 -0
Professor Hazard thoughtfully fingers a second Onion Offense card.
Professor Hazard thoughtfully fingers a second Onion Offense card.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Oh yea, good call, I also forgot about the comments that wonder why the rating is only a 4.7, and the ones that impugn the virtue of those who rated it less than 5.
Oh yea, good call, I also forgot about the comments that wonder why the rating is only a 4.7, and the ones that impugn the virtue of those who rated it less than 5.
hedonismbot
+1 -0
You do realize there has always been trolling here, right? If it isn't AIU, it's retardo, or asherdan, or whoever the fuck decides to step up to the place. If there was a forum for complaining about AB, there would be some cockslice there to chat up how awesome it is, and how it's funnier than anything Orzenblatz is doing in the comic. Trolls are a fundamental constant. Just ignore them.
You do realize there has always been trolling here, right? If it isn't AIU, it's retardo, or asherdan, or whoever the fuck decides to step up to the place. If there was a forum for complaining about AB, there would be some cockslice there to chat up how awesome it is, and how it's funnier than anything Orzenblatz is doing in the comic. Trolls are a fundamental constant. Just ignore them.
octafish
+0 -0
Chubby for Orzenblatz.
Chubby for Orzenblatz.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
Isn't there some other Achewood message board that is pretty much what you describe?
Anybody who thinks this place is getting u-u-u-ultra trolled needs to venture out into the internet yonder. We've got one or two that are more or less just lame, and a few that can actually produce a chortle more often than not.
So, really, we've got it pretty good. If you want to see a place ravaged by trolls, check out the Cars roleplaying community.
ill c u there! ;p
Isn't there some other Achewood message board that is pretty much what you describe?
Anybody who thinks this place is getting u-u-u-ultra trolled needs to venture out into the internet yonder. We've got one or two that are more or less just lame, and a few that can actually produce a chortle more often than not.
So, really, we've got it pretty good. If you want to see a place ravaged by trolls, check out the Cars roleplaying community.
ill c u there! ;p
kickstart
+1 -0
wait, Cars like Ric Ocasek or Cars like Lightning McQueen?
wait, Cars like Ric Ocasek or Cars like Lightning McQueen?
autrepoupee
+0 -0
Unfortunately, the latter. If it was the real, excellent Cars, I'd have called the ghost of Benjamin Orr by now.
Unfortunately, the latter. If it was the real, excellent Cars, I'd have called the ghost of Benjamin Orr by now.
octafish
+1 -0
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
0ca53k_rulez: Fuck you Fucko!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
0ca53k_rulez: Stop that if you don't have anything productive to add please leave!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: OMG Drve sucks balz ROFL!
and so on ad nauseam.
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
0ca53k_rulez: Fuck you Fucko!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: Drve totally sucks!
0ca53k_rulez: Stop that if you don't have anything productive to add please leave!
b3stfr13ndsgrrl: OMG Drve sucks balz ROFL!
and so on ad nauseam.
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
DRIVE DOES NOT SUCK! FUCK YOU!
I.... I'm sorry. I don't know what just came over me. I know you were joking, but I just saw it and everything went red... And now I'm here.
DRIVE DOES NOT SUCK! FUCK YOU!
I.... I'm sorry. I don't know what just came over me. I know you were joking, but I just saw it and everything went red... And now I'm here.
octafish
+0 -0
come on do you like 2 listen to The New Cars?
come on do you like 2 listen to The New Cars?
j0ecool
+0 -0
Is it just me, or is the thirteen months since Beef proposed significant in some way? I mean the cat basically represents all that is unlucky in life, so perhaps there is some symbolism behind that gap or maybe I'm reading into things a little muchly.
Is it just me, or is the thirteen months since Beef proposed significant in some way? I mean the cat basically represents all that is unlucky in life, so perhaps there is some symbolism behind that gap or maybe I'm reading into things a little muchly.
invidious
+1 -0
I had lived with my girlfriend (now, wife) for thirteen months before I proposed to her, and we were engaged for thirteen months before we got married. It's a magic number. It's the only way to guarantee that our progeny will become ruler of all Slovenia in the year 2048.
I had lived with my girlfriend (now, wife) for thirteen months before I proposed to her, and we were engaged for thirteen months before we got married. It's a magic number. It's the only way to guarantee that our progeny will become ruler of all Slovenia in the year 2048.
colorlessness
+0 -0
I am imagining your progeny looking exactly like your icon, only littler.
I am imagining your progeny looking exactly like your icon, only littler.
octafish
+0 -0
Two little Alexi Sayle girls dressed in matching pink dresses, drinking tainted Cola-Cola (symbol of the free west) and singing a medley of "Allo John, got a new motor?", "Didn't ya kill my Brother" and "Doctor Martin's Boots". A-dorable.
Two little Alexi Sayle girls dressed in matching pink dresses, drinking tainted Cola-Cola (symbol of the free west) and singing a medley of "Allo John, got a new motor?", "Didn't ya kill my Brother" and "Doctor Martin's Boots". A-dorable.
invidious
+0 -0
Toss in a rambling rant about Margaret Thatcher now and then and, yes, this is exactly how I envisioned it!
Toss in a rambling rant about Margaret Thatcher now and then and, yes, this is exactly how I envisioned it!
irondave
+0 -0
13-month old baby
broke the looking glass
Something like that?
13-month old baby
broke the looking glass
Something like that?
daidai
+0 -0
I have to say, coming from a family where at family reunions, if you are older than sixteen, you must be constantly holding alcohol in order to avoid endless questions such as "You aren't drinking, your liver ok?", "Oh my, are you sick, dear?", and "Where the fuck is your beer?" -- I cannot wait for the open-bar adventures at Beef's wedding.
Even if weddings don't plan for an open bar, one usually appears, leading to wonderful misadventures and hysterical drunken-story sharing about stumbling relatives. Every one of my family weddings ends up like that, and if Achewood includes it -- that will be one hell of a strip.
I have to say, coming from a family where at family reunions, if you are older than sixteen, you must be constantly holding alcohol in order to avoid endless questions such as "You aren't drinking, your liver ok?", "Oh my, are you sick, dear?", and "Where the fuck is your beer?" -- I cannot wait for the open-bar adventures at Beef's wedding.
Even if weddings don't plan for an open bar, one usually appears, leading to wonderful misadventures and hysterical drunken-story sharing about stumbling relatives. Every one of my family weddings ends up like that, and if Achewood includes it -- that will be one hell of a strip.
d0c_r0st0v
+0 -0
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
invidious
+1 -0
Man, why you even got to do a thing?
Man, why you even got to do a thing?
grayestnova
+0 -0
No Teodor! You must start doing things now, instead of further planning.
No Teodor! You must start doing things now, instead of further planning.
kickstart
+0 -0
nice scolding, Molly
nice scolding, Molly
pursesnatcher
+0 -0
this one was a hearty chuckle
this one was a hearty chuckle
ricnine
+0 -0
Best wedding toast ever or worst wedding toast ever?
We'll leave that for the courts to decide.
Best wedding toast ever or worst wedding toast ever?
We'll leave that for the courts to decide.
ghostlystate
+0 -0
Ray's "SHIT!" made me belly-laugh like I did the first day I discovered Achewood.
I didn't bleed this time, though, so that's good.
Ray's "SHIT!" made me belly-laugh like I did the first day I discovered Achewood.
I didn't bleed this time, though, so that's good.
d0c_r0st0v
+0 -0
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
d0c_r0st0v
+0 -0
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
catgrl131
+2 -2
Oh, alreadyinuse, I'm so flattered to be in your mosaic of hate, but really, you don't have to try so hard, sweetie! Just break into my house in the dead of night and remove and sniff my hair! You didn't have to do all this spamming for me!
Oh, alreadyinuse, I'm so flattered to be in your mosaic of hate, but really, you don't have to try so hard, sweetie! Just break into my house in the dead of night and remove and sniff my hair! You didn't have to do all this spamming for me!
d0c_r0st0v
+0 -0
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
d0c_r0st0v
+0 -0
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
speth
+0 -0
i have a long penis
i have a long penis
catgrl131
+1 -0
What a coincidence! We have so much in common!
What a coincidence! We have so much in common!
gyrate
+0 -0
Did you buy it off eBay Platinum Reserve?
Did you buy it off eBay Platinum Reserve?
littlefatdog
+1 -0
It appears that the time turned to 8:00 pm and Philippe immediately fell asleep in whatever position he was in.
It appears that the time turned to 8:00 pm and Philippe immediately fell asleep in whatever position he was in.
josearcadio
+0 -0
haha ray looks like he's having such a great time typing his speech
haha ray looks like he's having such a great time typing his speech
dasilodavi
+0 -0
Rough wedding.
I do appreciate Roast Beef calling himself "a dong in the main" on panel 3. Now I get what "sass in the main" meant way back in the GOF story-line (It means "mainly sass," or like, a lot of sass).
Rough wedding.
I do appreciate Roast Beef calling himself "a dong in the main" on panel 3. Now I get what "sass in the main" meant way back in the GOF story-line (It means "mainly sass," or like, a lot of sass).
A comment left by doc_rostov was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by randombeing, ppccd, NYU, SPECTRE)
Wow. How long have you been waiting for your chance to do this?
Comment left by a1readyindouche ignored.
Comment left by a1ready1ndouche ignored.
Look how far beef has come:
https://m.assetbar.com/uua9Zxqsc.gif
i think assetbar is getting kind of dildish
[ INSERT CUTTING REPOSTE HERE ]
[MORE LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
[RAISE THE ROOF x3, EXIT]
Every reposte is a reposte of a reposte.
Wait a second...
Comment left by a1ready1ndouche ignored.
Comment left by a1ready1ndouche ignored.
You, my friend, are a sociopath.
Comment left by d0c_r0st0v ignored.
You know what's awesome? Not whatever this mess is supposed to be.
Ah, good old Frist Psot - I remember when he won the gold medal for Norway in the 100 Meter Yak Lift event at the 1928 Olympics. It was a great day for Norwegians everywhere, and pretty darned exciting for those of us who had never seen the underside of a yak before.
This coming from the dude who used to put slash-fiction up here? This am Bizarro world!
Seriously though, I want to say something about the strip, but what's left to say? It's pretty much classic Achewood, just a new chapter in their lives.
[IMGS OFF]?
I was wondering where I left that. I really need to get to a doctor.
i looked for you a few times in #achewood because i was going to say words about will self novels and stewart home novels but i couldn't find you there and i couldn't find any way to contact you off of assetbar and my account is set so that i can only post once per 24 hours (this happens when you have received a certain number of lames, i guess). oh well!! Looking for some fresh meat? OutPersonals not only has the kind of men you%u2019re looking for, it has the tools and tricks to hook up with them %u2013 pronto. And don%u2019t forget, those same men are looking for you! Learn how to put your best foot forward, and see what opportunities (ahem) arise! To ensure receipt of this newsletter, please add team@outpersonals.com to your address book.
I'm not sure this is a good idea. I mean most of any given thread is already a commentary on itself. So instead of posting that commentary in actual posts, you'd just be having it here. Also, it will get weird if people respond to this post and then you change it and no one can see what they're responding to. But maybe I'm wrong, we'll see. Just stuff to keep in mind.
It's transient, like performance art.
I wish all performance art was transient performance art. Hobos spinning chipped tin plates; vagrants juggling bags of cats; "living statues" asleep under a park bench.
I don't think he's asleep
So you've pretty much overseer'd yourself into this comic's heart.
N iiiiiii ce?
Making a text-laden image as your first post so that you will always be able to change it merely be uploading a new file with the same filename.
Ingenious.
Draw me a sheep!
I could draw it really good if it was a sheep!
Chubbied for Pilgrimage.
Is so awesome. Is so lol.
I'd prefer an elephant. Inside a snake would just be icing on the cake.
Chub for The Little Prince. What is so frightening about a hat?
Parce que pour l'enfant, le chapeau etait un serpent.
Please don't kill me for my poor french
Ne vous inquietez pas, je ne vous tuera pas. Mon francais est egalement le mauvais.
note: I do not wish to quarrel with assetbar, so you will have to pretend that there are accents in all of the appropriate places, and that the c in Francais has a tail.
You know, it's only the French Academy who worry about those marks. Where did the "s" used to be in the 15th Century? Who cares?
Baguette?
Had this teacher that basically ruined the Little Prince for us, FOREVER. What a shame.
font antialiasing... use it
A comment left by biff was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Sprog, deovalente, usversusthem)
My alarm clock has a little dot for AM and another for PM. There is no "noon" or "midnight" on it, therefore whenever I try to set it for one of these I have to use one of the former.
This is true but irrelevant. In the time it takes for the light of the clock displaying "12 am" to reach your eyes, not to mention the processing time in your brain, it is already after midnight. Therefore 12:00 AM is 100%, definitively, 12 midnight, and not 12 noon.
Hooray for clocks with 24-hour time!
00:00 = Midnight
12:00 = Noon
[IMGS OFF]
ALT TEXT: I think you mean "Neither AM nor PM." But don't sweat it, lots of folk get those mixed up.
omg pwned
what else can you say?
Seriously, how come you're the only person who knows the font Chris uses in the comics.
It's possible to shop it, although this wouldn't explain the impeccable spacing. I've shopped (scans of) real, live print comics to have different dialogue before -- not really that hard.
According to this , the font is "Blue Highway".
edwell doesn't always get the font right, mind you. Compare this to this , for instance. And while you're at it, give the latter a chubby, why don't you (if you haven't already). As of March 3 2009, it only has 44.
(In fairness, I don't know the font either. But the fact that edwell got it wrong is no excuse, I guess.)
(I'm not trying to sound like a prick about the font - I just had to somehow segue from fonts to that glorious laughy-laugh creation of his.)