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Ray's Soliloquy Thursday, June 27, 2002 • read strip Viewing 61 comments:

Is this the genesis of Prime Time Records? I wonder.

I think this is a fictionalized account of the origins of the Wu-Tang clan. It is clear that, in this analogy, Ray is the RZA and Beef is the GZA. I say this because of the GZA's well-known trip to the moon around that time. If you don't believe me, check the liner notes to Rubber Soul.

chubby for the liner notes reference because I actually had forgotten that...

but then I suddenly remembered Lie Bot

i chubbied you but then i realized beef is definitely the RZA and ray is maybe the GZA although ghostface or method seems more his part

Todd is Big Baby Jesus.

fuck yeah, dude!

chubbied for descloux

There are not enough raps about what it would be like to have eye problems.

What rhymes with myopic? Topic? Chronic? hmm maybe there's a rhyme here about...treating glaucoma with marijuana? Only glaucoma is different to short sightedness so I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud here man, if we want to see more raps about eye problems we're going to have to create them ourselves.

When in doubt, just rhyme the word with the exact same word .

Especially if that word is "am" or "me."

or if you are talib kweli.

what? i fucking don't like him. also it rhymed to say that.

Or "coelacanth".

To prove saurkraus' point:
From one of the greatest rap albums of all time...ahem..

"Don't let me slip,
because if I slip,
then I'm slippin'"

there's a reason why he's really more of a producer.

i got astigmatism like protestants got schism
corneas harder than hardknocks shootin up blocks with glocks
bullets fall in cataracts, gunsmoke clouding my iris,
counteract attacks with the third eye of osiris
even blinded with glaucomas i leave my foes in comas

Chubbies go ^here, guys.

like Tiresias I'm epic, prophetic, cut you to pieces
I'll pull your leg over your eyes, it's catachresis,
peep this: I'm metamorphosin',
leave you cry-iyi-yin'
like Roy Orbison, don't get morbid, son
you'll get done: I spit wicked braille
but y'all frail, you fail
to impress, I'm the pinball wizard
you're the least of the less,
you're a rhyme shirker, I'm the Miracle Worker
teachin Helen Keller to talk to Teller
while you fallin through the cellar
into Hell, sir
allow me to introduce myself I'm the man without fear,
you get speared, your roof gets teared,
I'm just sayin, on the level
meanwhile I'm playin truth or dare with the devil

I like that I am learning about mythology because I looked up a word I found in a rap about eye problems.

Chubbied for the Oedipus Rex reference.

This is a little Doctor Octagon ish

You're just saying that because it mentions health problems.

Alas! Not even one occurrence of 'rectum' or 'doo-doo'.

A masterpiece. Must be the first rap ever to reference the Who and Roy Orbison.

Be careful. Eminem may very well be thiefering this for his next album.

Shameless hobo.

I really, really wish I could give an extra chubby for the reformation reference.

Thanks for your indulgence, but don't worry about it:

Stab me with nails I got optical prostheses
My sonar never fails, I'm like chiropteran species
You wanna slander me? In all candor, G
that's specious
I drop more science than Mary Eddy teaches
and I got more props already than Luther got Theses

Biopic?

myopic optics can't stop this
can't knock me down i'm gyroscopic
i roll thick and rock headknots
ancient like Coptic break you open like lockpicks
twist you up in double helix like Watson & Crick
turn your life inside out like endoscopic bio pics
clock tick tick tock ticks to six-six-six
your own personal End Times' now, apocalyptic

I look forward to this saga continuing.

readin eye chart flows and stoppin hearts cold
like king midas's hex all I see turns to gold
I'm Optometrist Rex, I vex
synapses
the opposition collapses when i move the masses
shakin asses and makin passes at all the girls who wear glasses

I... I think I'm in love.

I like how the chubbies get fewer and fewer with each new rap... Not that they aren't badass as ray's thong. Chubbies for all!

Well, you can only give so many chubbies per page.. =(

drunk on bourbon whiskey,
it's disturbin and risky
how you try and dis me
you don't wanna
i'm quick like katana, slick like satana
aka satan it's fate son
here's a lesson:
you try and teach me
you'll never reach me
blind swordsman zatoichi

Hell of chubbied for the Zatoichi reference. You can't have a rap about ocular problems without bringing in the blind master swordsman

I can't give any more chubbies on this page

but your flow gives me multiple boners.

It's interesting that this comic only has 56 comments. And that 5 or 7 of these comments are some of the BEST COMMENTS EVER WRITTEN.

I do not recall Cudgel crossing paths with a rapping gid.

There is a song about Glaucoma , but it's not a rap.

Modern Rap needs a voice like Doggz 2 Tha Bizzone right now.

What's a rap company? Some sort of work place where there are a bunch of people in cubicles just writing raps? Because if these places do exists, I know where I want to work.

Gettin' ill on logistics, shootin out a window, holdin' a little endo, I got an eye infection, it's like zombie ressurection, but I ain't gonna trip, I won't take a hit, from myself, on the face, for my mistake WORD

I don't thik this strip gets enough love. It's one of the rare times Ray gets vulnerable (that and meeting his dad) and both times it's never schmaltzy.

Alt text: they just had a lot of bad-ass raps, basically. They were fucking good!

I have superior oblique myokymia. if you check Wikipedia, you'll see that I wrote much of the article on it as well.

Dammit, nothing rhymes with that.

And yet:

you fear your fate
so bleak
your time's up:
superior
oblique
myokymia

my vision shimmers, my rage simmers
my eyes twitch, still I flip the switch
now your future's gettin dimmer
I'm burning pitch, invisible witch,
fantastitch plastitch elastitch,
which means I stretch slimmer
you wanna start a thing?
Fuck you, I'm Ben Grimmer

[No, I don't know how the Fantastic Four got in there]

This is the first time all of my chubbies on one page went to the same person.

That's right: I'm insidious.

fuckin' a

I got superior oblique myokymia
It hurts so bad, mamma mia

It's like The Iceman Cometh. Roast Beef comes back, but that dream never does come true. Fortunately they have other dreams, and Onstad isn't a broken shell of a man like Eugene O'Neill.

Check out the tiny, tiny Ray.

a bloo bloo bloo

It's 1:30 AM and your avatar made me LOL.

this is why cats can't have martinis: they get all emotional.

raps about owning property?

Man, I already know how to shoot out windows !

Let me try that again:
Man, I already know how to shoot out windows!

"ABLOO BLOO BLOO!"

Who else can hear rocketman?