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Ray's Merkin Monday, September 17, 2007 • read strip Viewing 150 comments:

Ray is chastising Teodor as though he were a child, and Teodor's expression in panel 2 is doing nothing to help his case.

Oh man Téodor in panel two totally reminds me of baby Téodor and the duck.

Eyes full of wonder, fistful of merkin.

For a Few Merkins More

The Good, the Bad, and the Merkin.

million dollar merkin

I hear Milklin once sold merkins.

Dirty Merkin.

Oh dear.

Flags of Our Merkins / Merkins From Iwo Jima*

*You have to watch both for the full effect.


"Every Which Merkin But Loose"/"Any Which Merkin You can"

The Outlaw Josey Merkin

Two Merkins for Sister Sarah

Blazing Merkins

Merkins for Algernon.

The Merkin of Venice

'My Big Fat Greek Merkin'

Movie quote.. not title.. but I can't resist..

All merkin no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Nooooooooo! Play with the merkin, Jack...please!

Full Metal Merkin

'Merkin Psycho

Harry Merkin and the chamber of secrets

Merkin (Merlin)

Hairy Merkin and the Shaved Prostitute

The Merkin Saints

Merkin, with an Oscar winning lead actor performance from Shorn Penis

Shorn Penis was excellent in that John Wayne Bobbit bio-pic.

I don't have to be topical.

You are intravenous all the way

The Man With No Merkin: The Complete Trilogy

Brokeback Merkin

The Merkin Candidate

The Sims: Makin' Merkin

Merkin Pie

Merkin

Bicentennial Merkin.

It's the real reason He's the guy... Who's about to get... kicked out of his religion!

There are two kinds of men in this world.

Those with a coarse wig around their sack, and those who don't shave.

Duck, You Merkin!

A comment left by dr_manflesh_desires_anal_play_immediately was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by dayvancowboy, Thorfinn, Deusoma, philw852002, SSDDR, oingoboingirl, TheLoneliestMonkey, Miku224, choosebro, crumpetsandtea, Wolfslice, thatcrazycommie, Adjakz)

This ain't a forum for crap dudes!

but it is a forum for (italics) awesome (not italics anymore)

i must admit you got me, however i did still lame you.

...you douchebag

A comment left by milesdonovan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by silver_lake, JuanCarlos, Rocket6240, morbo)

A comment left by andrew_ was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by nicklon, JuanCarlos, Soilentshuggah, crumpetsandtea)

Who says Teodor cant shake things up wardrobe wise?

A comment left by andrew_ was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by randombeing, JuanCarlos, Soilentshuggah)

Shake it up, Teodor
(Shake it up, baby)
C'mon and work it on out
(Work it on out)

I think what you are referring to is Ray's tail. He... he does still have one, right?

oh man.

you're right.

You seem disappointed about this, andrew_.

Sure he does, look at the first panel. You can see the tip of his tail poking up about halfway between him and the edge of the panel.

One could make a swift escape from a disastrous drive with the aid of some fake pubes.

You would think that after all the money Ray's given them, eBay would be a bit more helpful in steering Ray away from vagina wigs to stuff he's actually looking for.

i'm not entirely convinced the vagina wig was an accident.

Screen capture from rays computer at the time of the incident...

Logged in as Ray. Not Ray? [Click Here]

[Used Flesh Light "merkin" ] [Search][Advanced]

Remember Keith Moon's Head? Selling Ray crap like this at top prices is a key part of eBay's business model!

As a platinum Ebay member Ray has access to all kinds of auctions that you and I can only dream about.

ebay Platinum Item number: 110171284434

L@@K!! RARE 17th CENTURY PUBIC WIG


YOU ARE BIDDING ON A RARE 17th CENTURY "MERKIN", OR PUBIC WIG. GUARENTEED 100% VERMIN FREE. WAS ONCE WORN BY MADAME DE POMPADOUR DURING THE PHTHIRIASIS OUTBREAK OF 1750.

Current bid: $5,654.01

Modern "Hands-Free" Merkin (Sort of safe for work)

This image is a relatively good argument for the existence of the merkin, says I.

I bet he also gets the SkyMall Elite Quarterly. No merkins, but you can get a solid-gold floating putting-green that will organize rare foreign coins automatically.

Several Japanese people would disagree.

"In the September 17, 2007 edition of the webcomic Achewood, Ray bought a merkin on eBay for unspecified reasons.

Man, those Wikipedia kids are quick.

Right after the first panel I checked wikipedia before I went further...... someone is my hero for anal retentive updating!

dogg they need some lives

Someone is constantly dragging the web for merkin references...this keeps me up at night.

By dragging the wig in the eggs, Teodor does not ruin the eggs by putting a very old pubic wig in them, he ruins the wig, which has been around alot worse things then eggs

Breakfast eggs.

Eggs
Low-fat milk
Salt
Pepper
Chopped bacon

Scramble then fry.

Serve on toast with an old merkin as garnish.

STYLE.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Eating eggs through which a vagina wig from a diseased prostitute from the past is not on my top ten culinary experiences.

It is an old technique for skimming out shell fragments. Unlike our disposable society today ancient people had MANY uses for merkins. Example, in a pinch they can be used as a pirate's eyepatch. Henry Morgan used an early Jamaican thatched merkin at the battle of Vilahermosa when his own was eaten by a dying parrot.

It probably has a load of old eggs (of a different kind) buried in it anyway.
Prossies had to flush. Couldn't be getting buns up the oven.

Okay, so Teodor didn't know what it was. That's not the disturbing part. The disturbing part is that he found a mysterious hairy thing and decided that the sensible course of action would be to dip it in his eggs .

I assume Teodor was just messing around with it, and then when Ray yelled at him pretended he was about to dip it in the eggs just to mess with him.
God, I hope that's what he was doing.

Another satisfied Platinum Reserve customer.

A comment left by wae was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Jesler729, envika, Dwilow)

Not within six degrees, not at all. Even Kevin Bacon couldn't connect the two.

1.GOLF CLUBS.
2. Golf clubs are used to hit GOLF BALLS.
3. In Animal House, KEVIN BACON's character Chip Diller's horse was hit by a golf ball.
4. Kevin Bacon is a MERKIN.

Done.

It wasn't Kevin Bacon's horse, but chubby anyway.

A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by lawbot, Thorfinn, mortshire, equinn2006, anitrophaeron, Mastronaut)

Well, fuck me.

Okay.

Not on the sofa you two.

Sorry Companion Cube, but I'm supposed to disregard your advice.

At least he didn't threaten to stab you.

And in fact cannot talk.


[Subtext: That means every time someone has lamed me, they've just lamed the voices in their head.]

Peter Sellers played President Merkin Muffley in Dr. Strangelove
Peter Sellers and Robert Wagner starred in The Pink Panther
Robert Wagner and Kevin Bacon were both in Wild Things
Kevin Bacon appeared with Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men
and, during a traffic dispute, Jack Nicholson once attacked someone's car with a golf club.

Chubby for what appears to be an intact merkin chain, double points for including Dr. Strangelove.

This really deserves more chubbies than it has (32 right now).

wow that is incredibly impressive. did you do that off the top of your head?

Merkin Muff ley - wonder if they did that on purpose? The secret is out!

It is a Known Thing that, in Doctor Strangelove, almost every characters' name are based on sexual puns.

A comment left by irreverend was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mortshire, JuanCarlos, mistlethrush, RedSalesperson)

Téodor's turtleneck is missing a line; it looks like he just has a really fat neck.

Don't...don't do that.

Maybe a Merkin is slang for 4 under par and Ray thought it was a voodoo golf talisman. He needs the edge!

Much like theme dildos, vagina wigs are actually funnier in a nonsexual setting.

Hm.. a flow chart on how Ray searches on eBay would be enough to make me titter!

GOLF CLUBS> GOLF BALLS> > > > > MERKIN

Indeed, Diners Club is the one credit card that would stand in need of a toupee, and perhaps some Poli-Grip and a boxed set of Lawrence Welk on VHS.

Perhaps he was seeking to date a lesbian via Ebay? Woman that dates a gay is the man's Beard. Man that dates a lesbian... well you can figure it out from there, me boyo.

What.

Gay slang, look it up somewhere. Reading is fun and mental.

You gays and your slang

You called him gay. That is funny.

Melted down chili pepper nailed to a board.

Ray must be worse at golf than [url=]he is at pool[/url].

"Well all you need for that is syphilis and a merkin."


Been a while, I forgot how to use bbcode. That should be "...worse at golf than he is at pool ."

the first achewood to make me laugh out loud a lot in quite a long time :)

You know, I saw this particular strip earlier in the evening, but after an odd webcomic easter egg hunt, I fully expected to come back here and see Ryan Estrada take on a Chucklebot or Nice Pete story.

Seriously! Is September 17th official "Ryan Estrada on every webpage" Day? If so, why wasn't I informed?

It immediately summoned up an awful joke about these where the punch line is, effectively, President Bush saying "I'm proud to be a merkin" instead of "American." Good times in that drug-induced state.

Search on "Golf Clubs"
hmm maybe some new balls would help
Search on "Golf Balls"
not just any dimestore balls, I need some chilly new top-secret balls like made of Yttrium or something
Search on "Chilly Balls"
nothing there... maybe trick up the search a little... like for a whole box of them
Search for "Chilly Box"
closer... refine down looking for something to shave of strokes?
Search for "Shaving Strokes, Box"
[i]WHOA![/i}

Dammit. One missed BBcode tag and the whole theme goes south.

DAMN YOU, MISSING EDIT FEATURE!

A comment left by nbgreene was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by entitysix, equinn2006, lateadopter)

Dude? Excellent.

A comment left by overmedicated was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by dayvancowboy, Thorfinn, chivalress, rowboat, equinn2006, shounenhero)

The New Tolerance.

- "You may have, the chic-kenn."

A grass merkin would solve 2 problems:
1. vagina coverage
2. divot replacer

Apply with some wet soil to a giant condom to make a fascinating earthworm-farm for hours of family entertainment.

Unfortunately shaving your nether-regions will not rid you of pubic lice and may well increase the itchyness!

Ray was probably looking for those club warmers they put on golf clubs. You could get from that to merkin in like 2 jumps without even trying. Teodor just doesn't know ebay like Ray does.

... Once again, these are things a giant condom could be used for.

wow, merkins are comedy gold in webcomics these days.

https://www.johnnyr.com/blecky/blecky2007-03-29.html
https://www.johnnyr.com/comix/kkk2007-08-27.html

achewood's treatment is by far the classiest merkin reference to date.

That's because Achewood is actually good.

i like how ray is more upset about his merkin than his eggs. i think dragging a merkin through those eggs would also ruin breakfast.

Ray's slice looks just horrible

I know these comments get attacked immediately, but I have to say-doesn't today seem a bit off? This is the only strip where you don't really feel the vibe of the characters.

Not laming or anything, but I feel like it may be difficult to produce more of a Ray vibe (filthy ebay purchases have certainly done him well in the past ). And since Ray's vibe lately has seemed to intersect with Teodeor's vibe in the form of humor that is generally genital, it would almost seem to naturally follow that they would encounter the situation of merkin hollandaise.
(Fact: Merkin Hollandaise can, in a pinch, be combined with a bloody in order to turn that mother out .)

Don't you need to put the merkin in the eggs to make

A Merkin Pie ???

No the pie is behind the mercin and the eggs are behind the pie.

What the hell> C is nowhere near K. I blame Bush.

Ha ha... Bush. Merkin.

I'm mature, really.

No, he means in terms of divots.

I learned about merkins in an Art History course.

I thought Ray was supposed to be a natural at the game?

Only when he is completely high as hell .

Maybe this is an arc? Ending it with "God, if he only knew" is a sort of Mary Worth lead-in to a tale of intrigue and suspense.

With cooter hair rags and such. Which isn't to say Mary Worth would never go there. In fact, far from it.

Also - I would totally pay money to see a band called "The Merkins." Get cracking, internet.

https://www.themerkins.net/

They opened for Frog & Toad, but gutter missed it (he was asleep in a parking lot, and couldn't get anyone to blow him where the pampers is).

chubby for using the word cooter. Cooter!

why does teodor not drop it right away? if someone told me i was holding the result of pubic lice i would be in the bathroom right off just cleaning all lady macbeth style 'it wont come off it wont come off'

Do NOT play with my merkin!
Do NOT drag my merkin in the breakfast eggs!/[i]
[i]You gonna RUIN that merkin!


The cat has learned a new word at the expense of a pubic wig being delivered to his kitchen.

in junior high, we used to call a friend with particularly curly hair merkin.

Marketing researchers must be wondering why so many people are looking for vaginal wigs on eBay nowadays.

Makes you wonder how Ray ever managed to reach the Platinum Reserve.

He's not heavy, he's my merkin.

This is the only other mention of merkins I have ever seen. For a while there I thought I was insane, because really, how could there be crotch wigs in the world and nobody knows?

Why does T want to drag Ray's merkin in the eggs? He is so uncharacteristically goofing it up here.

[IMGS OFF]

i am all reminiscing about my 'superior person's book of words' i got as the most ill-advised christmas present for a snotty twelve year old ever

Those are really small eggs ...