whitey
+6 -0
Unlike Sheryl Crow, Ray wipes with the whole roll.
Unlike Sheryl Crow, Ray wipes with the whole roll.
pulkbaby
+1 -2
https://m.assetbar.com/achewood/one_strip?b=M%5ea11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821&u=https%3A%2F%2Fachewood.com%2Fcomic.php%3Fdate%3D10282005
Belgian waffle comment makes (more) sense now.
https://m.assetbar.com/achewood/one_strip?b=M%5ea11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821&u=https%3A%2F%2Fachewood.com%2Fcomic.php%3Fdate%3D10282005
Belgian waffle comment makes (more) sense now.
johnnyrocker
+1 -0
I've done that.
I've done that.
johnnyrocker
+1 -0
I've done that.
I've done that.
hellofyellin
+7 -1
Also note he uses the 'reverse reach-around' wiping method.
Classic Ray.
Also note he uses the 'reverse reach-around' wiping method.
Classic Ray.
geysershitdick
+0 -0
A comment left by geysershitdick was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by cailetshadow, J-Man, aperson)
A comment left by geysershitdick was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by cailetshadow, J-Man, aperson)
hellofyellin
+13 -1
Well, you have the "seated tween-leg", which is what I advocate. Much more effective. Some go for the "leg-up standing reach-around", but these people are generally regarded as heretics.
Well, you have the "seated tween-leg", which is what I advocate. Much more effective. Some go for the "leg-up standing reach-around", but these people are generally regarded as heretics.
geysershitdick
+0 -0
A comment left by geysershitdick was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Deusoma, J-Man, aperson)
A comment left by geysershitdick was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Deusoma, J-Man, aperson)
hellofyellin
+6 -1
Dude. Getcha some wet wipes. So nice. SO soft.
Dude. Getcha some wet wipes. So nice. SO soft.
hellofyellin
+7 -1
Also YOU CRAZY.
Also YOU CRAZY.
deancain29
+2 -2
I favour the stand up - this means I get to immediately survey what I have done.
I favour the stand up - this means I get to immediately survey what I have done.
jesler729
+3 -2
Oh man what, who wipes between their legs. Ray is doing it the completely correct way.
Oh man what, who wipes between their legs. Ray is doing it the completely correct way.
nutmeg
+37 -1
worst conversation in the english language
worst conversation in the english language
tangles
+0 -0
actually, ...
actually, ...
tangles
+0 -0
goddamnit assetbar. guess you're going to have to copy and paste for this one: https://achewood.com/index.php?date=10112006
goddamnit assetbar. guess you're going to have to copy and paste for this one: https://achewood.com/index.php?date=10112006
nbgreene
+0 -0
hes doing it right. his tail gets in the way if he stands up.
hes doing it right. his tail gets in the way if he stands up.
hellofyellin
+0 -1
HERETIC
HERETIC
mirzabah
+24 -0
I just kind of lean forward and let my people do it for me.
I just kind of lean forward and let my people do it for me.
gouldgonewild
+4 -1
...you aren't supposed to stand up to wipe your ass?
...you aren't supposed to stand up to wipe your ass?
hellofyellin
+1 -1
HERETIC!
HERETIC!
soticoto
+0 -0
... I'm frankly horrified that anyone would willingly reach INTO the toilet-bowl WHILE sitting down in order to wipe their own arse.
Heck, I don't even sit down while I'm doing the business, much less when wiping. Years of having to use public toilets ( circumstances ) got me into the squatting habit.
... I'm frankly horrified that anyone would willingly reach INTO the toilet-bowl WHILE sitting down in order to wipe their own arse.
Heck, I don't even sit down while I'm doing the business, much less when wiping. Years of having to use public toilets ( circumstances ) got me into the squatting habit.
ravenmancer
+4 -1
If you're sitting, does that mean you're doing a pulling motion, bringing the poo towards the sack? 'Cause that just seems wrong to me.
If you're sitting, does that mean you're doing a pulling motion, bringing the poo towards the sack? 'Cause that just seems wrong to me.
hellofyellin
+5 -1
Feel how you will, and I admit you must be thorough, but "Tweenin'" it gives you must more control with the wrist. And control is key.
Feel how you will, and I admit you must be thorough, but "Tweenin'" it gives you must more control with the wrist. And control is key.
hellofyellin
+0 -1
*much
It is, however, tiring. Do not attempt to type after this method.
*much
It is, however, tiring. Do not attempt to type after this method.
straw
+12 -1
This is by far the best conversation on the Achewood-Community
This is by far the best conversation on the Achewood-Community
pitseleh
+3 -2
I agree. With Achewood, not only do you get hilarious strips, but you also get awesome interaction with other readers. It's a win-win, you see?
I agree. With Achewood, not only do you get hilarious strips, but you also get awesome interaction with other readers. It's a win-win, you see?
jackparsons
+0 -0
A comment left by jackparsons was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by riotdejaneiro, Deusoma, Ariamaki, TonyHighwind, relaxing, hikikomori, pitseleh, Baryonyx, LRosetw8)
A comment left by jackparsons was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by riotdejaneiro, Deusoma, Ariamaki, TonyHighwind, relaxing, hikikomori, pitseleh, Baryonyx, LRosetw8)
deancain29
+10 -0
I love getting laid, but I also love being on my own - its a win-win situation.
I love getting laid, but I also love being on my own - its a win-win situation.
saru
+1 -0
But sex is a win-win!
But sex is a win-win!
spenham
+13 -0
Butt sex is a win-win!
I'm sorry. Uncontrollable need to post this after thinking it.
Butt sex is a win-win!
I'm sorry. Uncontrollable need to post this after thinking it.
laserblade
+6 -0
"BUTT SEX IS A WIN-WIN!"
But what qualifies you to say that?
"I'M A BANANA!"
"BUTT SEX IS A WIN-WIN!"
But what qualifies you to say that?
"I'M A BANANA!"
tatterdemalion
+0 -0
See, it's imagining your avatar saying all that...that yes, just makes it for me. Kudos to you.
See, it's imagining your avatar saying all that...that yes, just makes it for me. Kudos to you.
johnnyrocker
+0 -0
What the heck? How is the phrase "win-win" a turnoff?
What the heck? How is the phrase "win-win" a turnoff?
splendorr
+0 -0
Dames distrust echoes. Genetically.
Dames distrust echoes. Genetically.
stuart
+3 -1
Basically I don't want my forearm touchin' my dick.
Basically I don't want my forearm touchin' my dick.
fineoakstructure
+17 -1
well shit, how do you take a leak if you're afraid of one appendage touching the other? Eyes closed and with tongs? It's just your forearm, not your cornea.
But, being an aging man, I think I have now tried most wiping methods, including the well-named "Tweenin," and yes, it is actually very effective, in certain respects. You just have to get over a kind of adolescent fear of feeling like your a woman (if you're a man) wiping the other area. Notice it's been mostly men who've responding to this so far. Not surprising. Also, this will probably be lamed, and rightly so.
well shit, how do you take a leak if you're afraid of one appendage touching the other? Eyes closed and with tongs? It's just your forearm, not your cornea.
But, being an aging man, I think I have now tried most wiping methods, including the well-named "Tweenin," and yes, it is actually very effective, in certain respects. You just have to get over a kind of adolescent fear of feeling like your a woman (if you're a man) wiping the other area. Notice it's been mostly men who've responding to this so far. Not surprising. Also, this will probably be lamed, and rightly so.
hellofyellin
+33 -0
I agree. You can't let your dick tell you what's up. You just grab that thing, look it square in the eye and tell it, "Yeah, we doin' this!"
I agree. You can't let your dick tell you what's up. You just grab that thing, look it square in the eye and tell it, "Yeah, we doin' this!"
stuart
+4 -1
But if you do it too much you'll make God cry.
But if you do it too much you'll make God cry.
jlowe424
+3 -0
Whilst riding the toilet sidesaddle style...
Whilst riding the toilet sidesaddle style...
norrin
+0 -0
I pictured this and laughed. Which is bad because I am at work.
I pictured this and laughed. Which is bad because I am at work.
saru
+1 -0
If you do that though, you'd get urine in your eye. I can't possibly imagine what you'd hope to achieve by this.
If you do that though, you'd get urine in your eye. I can't possibly imagine what you'd hope to achieve by this.
slalvation
+11 -0
Getting urine in your eye maybe.
Getting urine in your eye maybe.
boredom_man
+0 -0
What we need here is some Alexander Portnoy/Mickey Sabbath crossover fanfic
What we need here is some Alexander Portnoy/Mickey Sabbath crossover fanfic
mr_lostman28
+1 -0
oh god... "Yeah, we doing this!" nearly had me in tears! This whole conversation is why assetbar is both terrible and awesome at the same time.
oh god... "Yeah, we doing this!" nearly had me in tears! This whole conversation is why assetbar is both terrible and awesome at the same time.
luckypyjamas
+0 -0
eyes closed and with tongs
chubby
eyes closed and with tongs
chubby
ted0phile
+0 -0
I hope it will please you to know that "It's just your forearm, not your cornea" made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will please you to know that "It's just your forearm, not your cornea" made me laugh out loud.
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
It does, ted...it does.
It does, ted...it does.
rayj3rd
+0 -0
I did not lame this. In fact, I chubbied it - Simply for the line "It's just your forearm, not your cornea." Best line in the whole damn thread.
I did not lame this. In fact, I chubbied it - Simply for the line "It's just your forearm, not your cornea." Best line in the whole damn thread.
molesticide
+3 -0
one up, one down, one to polish.
i don't dig between the legs cuz i might get my hand in the water. it's bad enough when the tip gets dunked, i don't want my fucking hand in there.
one up, one down, one to polish.
i don't dig between the legs cuz i might get my hand in the water. it's bad enough when the tip gets dunked, i don't want my fucking hand in there.
gormster
+0 -0
Chubbied for truth.
Chubbied for truth.
awko
+2 -0
Wait. How much water is there in your toilet? Is it filled almost to the brim or are your turds so enormous it's like when a fat man gets into a kiddie pool?
Wait. How much water is there in your toilet? Is it filled almost to the brim or are your turds so enormous it's like when a fat man gets into a kiddie pool?
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
I hate to say it, but that happened to me just this morning at work. It's not like at home, where I know the water level is pretty consistent. I went in for the tweenin' and got the bog water on my knuckles. Some toilets have more water than others.
I hate to say it, but that happened to me just this morning at work. It's not like at home, where I know the water level is pretty consistent. I went in for the tweenin' and got the bog water on my knuckles. Some toilets have more water than others.
spicyponyhead
+1 -0
Yeah, that's disgusting (poo towards sack). Your ass is BEHIND for a reason.
Yeah, that's disgusting (poo towards sack). Your ass is BEHIND for a reason.
saru
+2 -2
You wipe back to front for health reasons. These are more important for female persons, but still a good idea for guys.
Also, I have never before wiped while seated. I did not even consider that this could be an option.
You wipe back to front for health reasons. These are more important for female persons, but still a good idea for guys.
Also, I have never before wiped while seated. I did not even consider that this could be an option.
jocelynthepink
+2 -0
NONONO front to back for health reasons! You don't want fecal matter in your genitalia. Is not good.
NONONO front to back for health reasons! You don't want fecal matter in your genitalia. Is not good.
kochipoik
+0 -0
Yeah yeah, it's "wipe from front to back, cause [you] don't wanna get a bladder infection". Mostly applies to girl's, but in the case of the NOFX song, a man-turned-girl.
The idea of back to front is bizarre, I have to say. And between the legs? Wouldn't stuff just be generally in the way?
Yeah yeah, it's "wipe from front to back, cause [you] don't wanna get a bladder infection". Mostly applies to girl's, but in the case of the NOFX song, a man-turned-girl.
The idea of back to front is bizarre, I have to say. And between the legs? Wouldn't stuff just be generally in the way?
hellofyellin
+2 -0
Yes, there is some lifting involved.
And don't you tell me that I'm wiping my ass wrong, because then I might just have to go off and kill myself because of what my life has come to.
Yes, there is some lifting involved.
And don't you tell me that I'm wiping my ass wrong, because then I might just have to go off and kill myself because of what my life has come to.
yingkaixing
+30 -0
Do what I did. $10k up front
Do what I did. $10k up front
aliiis
+0 -0
10k chubbies for this comment
10k chubbies for this comment
tekende
+4 -0
Like the old saying goes...
"Front to back,
No poo on your sac"
Like the old saying goes...
"Front to back,
No poo on your sac"
goro
+0 -0
I have never even considered not doing front to back, it just seems like it would be considerably harder and imply a lot of detail work.
I have never even considered not doing front to back, it just seems like it would be considerably harder and imply a lot of detail work.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I wonder if anyone would understand what I meant if I said that I can totally imagine Oaky Doke saying this.
I wonder if anyone would understand what I meant if I said that I can totally imagine Oaky Doke saying this.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
TWO YEARS LATER: Nope.
TWO YEARS LATER: Nope.
centipede_damascus
+7 -0
generally for wiping I am kind of seated and I reach down between my legs from the front with a sheet of toilet paper that has been folded exactly four times and oh my lord why am I telling people this on the Internet
generally for wiping I am kind of seated and I reach down between my legs from the front with a sheet of toilet paper that has been folded exactly four times and oh my lord why am I telling people this on the Internet
diggidy
+8 -0
I favor the Reverse Angle Wallaby-Wipe myself.
Do it right and the entire area can be cleaned with just 2 squares.
Do it wrong and you're required to wash your entire forearm in a chemical bath, then burn your clothes.
I favor the Reverse Angle Wallaby-Wipe myself.
Do it right and the entire area can be cleaned with just 2 squares.
Do it wrong and you're required to wash your entire forearm in a chemical bath, then burn your clothes.
leia
+6 -0
I now know way too fucking much about how you all wipe your asses.
I now know way too fucking much about how you all wipe your asses.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
I know, right. Why did I read that entire thread.
I know, right. Why did I read that entire thread.
hellofyellin
+0 -0
Because this sort of open dialog is important for the community. Dammit.
Because this sort of open dialog is important for the community. Dammit.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Just so you know, I seriously had no idea that anyone wiped their arse anyway aside from Tweenin'-style. My mind is blown.
Just so you know, I seriously had no idea that anyone wiped their arse anyway aside from Tweenin'-style. My mind is blown.
stereo
+1 -0
See, this is what happens when you make subjects taboo.
People just don't know what's normal.
See, this is what happens when you make subjects taboo.
People just don't know what's normal.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Me too. I'm keen to attempt a transition in technique, but I don't want to if it's going to mean sacrificing my current experience.
Me too. I'm keen to attempt a transition in technique, but I don't want to if it's going to mean sacrificing my current experience.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Just alternate from now on and enrich your experience all 'round.
Just alternate from now on and enrich your experience all 'round.
hellofyellin
+3 -0
One joke post and several pages of responses later, I have it. I got people to talk about poo on the internet. This is to be my legacy.
One joke post and several pages of responses later, I have it. I got people to talk about poo on the internet. This is to be my legacy.
rayj3rd
+0 -0
Apparently, there should be a class in school about this because - no matter which way is correct - there are just a whole lot of people doing it wrong. This is a serious problem which must be addressed.
Apparently, there should be a class in school about this because - no matter which way is correct - there are just a whole lot of people doing it wrong. This is a serious problem which must be addressed.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Beef desperately holding his nose, his eyes about tearing up.
He braves the stench to get the recipe right.
Beef desperately holding his nose, his eyes about tearing up.
He braves the stench to get the recipe right.
whitey
+0 -0
Also, he has a hella solid jumpshot.
Also, he has a hella solid jumpshot.
deimosrising
+0 -0
People have accused Ray of lucking into all his money, but he is clearly an extremely savvy businessman. This isn't even something that Home Depot really deals in!
People have accused Ray of lucking into all his money, but he is clearly an extremely savvy businessman. This isn't even something that Home Depot really deals in!
epicurus
+0 -0
The caption under the last panel adds much.
The caption under the last panel adds much.
sargasm
+1 -0
Beef's line is funnier if you hear him say it holding his nose like that.
Beef's line is funnier if you hear him say it holding his nose like that.
straw
+1 -0
...SAUCE!
...SAUCE!
darthemed
+2 -0
So is the chain of Chochacho's medallion invisible from behind, or what?
So is the chain of Chochacho's medallion invisible from behind, or what?
saru
+0 -0
Covered by neck-flab and fur, totally.
Covered by neck-flab and fur, totally.
heavymetaljesus
+1 -1
Now where would he get "Slow-Roasted Ancho-Raisin Chutney" from?
Now where would he get "Slow-Roasted Ancho-Raisin Chutney" from?
pseudochron
+0 -0
Roast Beef is the reason this strip is good.
Roast Beef is the reason this strip is good.
rotavele
+0 -0
I always thought wiping from behind was wierd, I don't care if my hands all near my junk, I kick ass.
I always thought wiping from behind was wierd, I don't care if my hands all near my junk, I kick ass.
iidebaser
+9 -0
somewhere out there this thread is scrolling across the face of a bottle of ketchup.
somewhere out there this thread is scrolling across the face of a bottle of ketchup.
gussiejives
+0 -0
Swish! Three points!
Swish! Three points!
finemusk
+0 -1
Doin' business while doin' business. My hero
Doin' business while doin' business. My hero
finemusk
+0 -1
Doin' business while doin' business. My hero (pro)
Doin' business while doin' business. My hero (pro)
xiaomimi
+22 -0
Weekend Blogs (Saturday - Monday)
Ray: The world was made for me!
Pat: Siccio, the IDIOT, has died.
Weekend Blogs (Saturday - Monday)
Ray: The world was made for me!
Pat: Siccio, the IDIOT, has died.
cagliostro
+0 -0
Oh God, I love the blogs so much. Thankyou xiaomimi. Thankyou Mr Onstad.
Oh God, I love the blogs so much. Thankyou xiaomimi. Thankyou Mr Onstad.
direhaggis
+0 -0
I have some unspoken rule about never having soiled toilet paper anywhere outside of the bowl radius. Ray just defies all, making the three-pointer, flushing.
Wait: did he actually get up JUST to make the three-pointer?
I have some unspoken rule about never having soiled toilet paper anywhere outside of the bowl radius. Ray just defies all, making the three-pointer, flushing.
Wait: did he actually get up JUST to make the three-pointer?
pogo
+0 -0
Nope, not funny. Don't get what he's selling.
Nope, not funny. Don't get what he's selling.
tekende
+0 -0
Food.
Food.
nice-on-water
+1 -0
There are so many elements to this comic that make it good: first of all, the set-up with the caption, but also the operator being able to connect Ray to the CEO of Home Depot, Beef coming in eyes closed and nose plugged, his ridiculous wine calorie count rhyme, Ray wiping and shooting from the three, and obviously the "Verbal Kint"
Brilliant? YOU decide.
There are so many elements to this comic that make it good: first of all, the set-up with the caption, but also the operator being able to connect Ray to the CEO of Home Depot, Beef coming in eyes closed and nose plugged, his ridiculous wine calorie count rhyme, Ray wiping and shooting from the three, and obviously the "Verbal Kint"
Brilliant? YOU decide.
nonemorenegative
+0 -0
I dunno what Ray must've been eating the night before if looking at his stew gives him the slow-roasted ancho-raisin chutney idea.
Conversely, I don't think I'll ever eat slow-roasted ancho-raisin chutney now.
I dunno what Ray must've been eating the night before if looking at his stew gives him the slow-roasted ancho-raisin chutney idea.
Conversely, I don't think I'll ever eat slow-roasted ancho-raisin chutney now.
sharpdresseddan
+0 -0
I would have rated this strio higher if it came up less often on the "random strips"
I would have rated this strio higher if it came up less often on the "random strips"
hardelicious
+0 -0
If you look at this strip for a little longer, you'll realize that, in between wiping his ass and throwing the paper in the toilet, Ray pulled his thong up. My question is this: with the phone in one hand, pulling his thong up with the other, what was going on in shitty-toilet-paper-wad-land?
If you look at this strip for a little longer, you'll realize that, in between wiping his ass and throwing the paper in the toilet, Ray pulled his thong up. My question is this: with the phone in one hand, pulling his thong up with the other, what was going on in shitty-toilet-paper-wad-land?
nyl
+0 -0
This is more than I have ever accomplished while on the toilet.
This is more than I have ever accomplished while on the toilet.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
you must be doing it wrong, then.
you must be doing it wrong, then.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
i made this for this comic only:
[IMGS OFF]
i made this for this comic only:
[IMGS OFF]
tambourine
+0 -0
I thought Ray rocked the toilet side-saddle?
I thought Ray rocked the toilet side-saddle?
rayj3rd
+0 -0
So did I. I was a bit confused since continuity is very strong throughout Achewood. Maybe he switched after Japan Man ridiculed him?
So did I. I was a bit confused since continuity is very strong throughout Achewood. Maybe he switched after Japan Man ridiculed him?
andrewthepig
+0 -0
As time goes on it's disturbing how many bizarre products I see being sold that could have been a result of Ray getting things done.
As time goes on it's disturbing how many bizarre products I see being sold that could have been a result of Ray getting things done.
tbtabby
+0 -0
Ray getting things done: awesome.
Used toilet paper being thrown through the air: not so much.
Ray getting things done: awesome.
Used toilet paper being thrown through the air: not so much.
A comment left by jdhenry105 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by pjalne, Norsef, divot, madnes, chivalress, LordPretzel, regrepsnefpoh, DanS, pulkbaby, wehavemagnums)
I did note that. I did.
I noted your noting. So noted.
It is not rad having seen a dude's chutney.
Things are never the same once you seen a guy's chutney .
Oh man why the lames
I'd say that comment is pretty correct
Suddenly I understand the alt text.
And like THAT
poof
he's gone.
ex-ACT-ly.
Exactly. It's assuming no one else would have caught that. I think by now it's safe to assume anyone reading achewood is keen to the subtle and not-so-subtle innuendos which make the comic so...fucking...good.
So good.
You overestimate me, Herr Dizzle.
I'd say it is pretty obvious
i daresay that makes the comic