lizjones
+4 -0
You would think Lyle vomiting would not be that newsworthy.
You would think Lyle vomiting would not be that newsworthy.
gkiyo
+15 -1
Rewinding Blue's Clues was newsworthy, though.
Rewinding Blue's Clues was newsworthy, though.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
What is newsworthy is Philippe's nonchalant reaction of "I had to rewind a little". Newsworthy in that it's funny. Meaning that I'm glad Onstad put in... errr... etc.
What is newsworthy is Philippe's nonchalant reaction of "I had to rewind a little". Newsworthy in that it's funny. Meaning that I'm glad Onstad put in... errr... etc.
asherdan
+0 -0
A comment left by asherdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by zcross00, riotdejaneiro, Overmedicated, Thorfinn, GeyserShitdick, GMM, Endquote, petro, Sargasm, atticusonline, mustconcentrate, BillyLK, luckypyjamas, aHatOfPig, foetus_punch, orrrderup, nutmeg, bixschmix, Madoushi, Dainbramage, Rakadin, emgee, pogo, Pigs)
A comment left by asherdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by zcross00, riotdejaneiro, Overmedicated, Thorfinn, GeyserShitdick, GMM, Endquote, petro, Sargasm, atticusonline, mustconcentrate, BillyLK, luckypyjamas, aHatOfPig, foetus_punch, orrrderup, nutmeg, bixschmix, Madoushi, Dainbramage, Rakadin, emgee, pogo, Pigs)
halfdirt
+0 -0
A comment left by halfdirt was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Vondicus, mercuri0us, farqussus, atticusonline, aHatOfPig, ravindra108, Brosaurus, bixschmix, scraggg, Doc_Rostov, Pigs)
A comment left by halfdirt was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Vondicus, mercuri0us, farqussus, atticusonline, aHatOfPig, ravindra108, Brosaurus, bixschmix, scraggg, Doc_Rostov, Pigs)
bixschmix
+5 -2
Sorry halfdirt. I don't know if you were mocking asherdan or not, but I have this thing about laming him when he calls the author "'Stad." (Because it's lame.) I would be remiss if I didn't apply the same standard to everyone that uses this annoying-ass word.
Sorry halfdirt. I don't know if you were mocking asherdan or not, but I have this thing about laming him when he calls the author "'Stad." (Because it's lame.) I would be remiss if I didn't apply the same standard to everyone that uses this annoying-ass word.
dopamine
+2 -1
wow someones uptight haha. sweet avatar by the way. he threw a knife into heaven.
wow someones uptight haha. sweet avatar by the way. he threw a knife into heaven.
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
the comic isnt from circumstances, doofie.
the comic isnt from circumstances, doofie.
twohundredninety
+0 -0
Pay close attention to the warning! It is a matter of safety.
Pay close attention to the warning! It is a matter of safety.
closefriend
+36 -0
Oh, Philippe, Ultra Peanut likes you fine. She just thinks you're a real homo jackass!
Oh, Philippe, Ultra Peanut likes you fine. She just thinks you're a real homo jackass!
yingkaixing
+3 -0
Ultra Peanut shows her affection in wonderful ways. He's right, though. It's hard to have a girlfriend when she's Asian and doesn't like you.
Ultra Peanut shows her affection in wonderful ways. He's right, though. It's hard to have a girlfriend when she's Asian and doesn't like you.
spinynorman
+24 -0
Philippe and I are alike in our willingness to be abused by Asian women. The difference is that all he has to do is make conversation, whereas I have to arrange for a room at distant motel and provide the woman in question with a variety of elaborate and expensive "gifts" which may readily be exchanged for cash money at certain businesses. In this, Achewood is both like life, and unalike. Interesting.
Philippe and I are alike in our willingness to be abused by Asian women. The difference is that all he has to do is make conversation, whereas I have to arrange for a room at distant motel and provide the woman in question with a variety of elaborate and expensive "gifts" which may readily be exchanged for cash money at certain businesses. In this, Achewood is both like life, and unalike. Interesting.
boredom_man
+10 -0
...Jimbo Wales? Is that you?
...Jimbo Wales? Is that you?
courtland
+1 -0
Make that a super-size homo jackass.
Make that a super-size homo jackass.
junko
+21 -0
I choose to believe that Onstad actually called the zoo ask asked which animal had the biggest butt.
I choose to believe that Onstad actually called the zoo ask asked which animal had the biggest butt.
wae
+0 -0
A comment left by wae was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by fell, goocifer, GeyserShitdick, Smartacus, scraggg, clintisiceman)
A comment left by wae was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by fell, goocifer, GeyserShitdick, Smartacus, scraggg, clintisiceman)
geysershitdick
+1 -0
zing
zing
saru
+12 -1
OH YOU ARE J-LO'S MOM AND YOU JUST TOOK HER TO SCHOOL IN THE CAR OF PAIN!
OH YOU ARE J-LO'S MOM AND YOU JUST TOOK HER TO SCHOOL IN THE CAR OF PAIN!
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
the plymouth voyager of pain , even...
the plymouth voyager of pain , even...
usversusthem
+7 -0
Astute readers will note that this discussion took place a good year or so before celebrity photozoologists in California discovered the Kimberlus kardashii , now recognized to have buns up to 15% bigger than J-Lo's.
Astute readers will note that this discussion took place a good year or so before celebrity photozoologists in California discovered the Kimberlus kardashii , now recognized to have buns up to 15% bigger than J-Lo's.
aelindil
+0 -1
I'm sorry to report that there is no Kid's Zoo in Seattle. There is Woodland Park, however.
I'm sorry to report that there is no Kid's Zoo in Seattle. There is Woodland Park, however.
juanclaudius
+0 -0
Woodland Park is notable for having a zoo in it and also being where everyone drinks beer for the first time. This is a Tradition.
Woodland Park is notable for having a zoo in it and also being where everyone drinks beer for the first time. This is a Tradition.
howl
+0 -0
Really? I did not know about that second one. Huh. Well, it's too late for me.
Really? I did not know about that second one. Huh. Well, it's too late for me.
crinklebat
+8 -0
Man, I thought my family was the only one with kids totally obsessed with sending things in to Reader's Digest. The $400 or whatever that they were willing to pay seems like enough to set a kid up for life.
Man, I thought my family was the only one with kids totally obsessed with sending things in to Reader's Digest. The $400 or whatever that they were willing to pay seems like enough to set a kid up for life.
lrosetw8
+7 -0
Godammit Philippe why are you so cute?!
Godammit Philippe why are you so cute?!
artifakt
+0 -0
I once tried making a cookie in a sort of mannish shape. It came out as this sort of blobbish monster. This was before I knew about gingerbread men.
I once tried making a cookie in a sort of mannish shape. It came out as this sort of blobbish monster. This was before I knew about gingerbread men.
pogo
+3 -0
Once when I had only hotdog buns available, I made sausage shaped hamburgers. Tasted fine.
Once when I had only hotdog buns available, I made sausage shaped hamburgers. Tasted fine.
planetidiot
+1 -0
This is called a "burger pipe"
This is called a "burger pipe"
ggvaidya
+3 -0
Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "just butt out." You may not be used to this, but I actually just butted out.
What could that possibly mean ? Whatever it is, it's comedy gold!
Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "just butt out." You may not be used to this, but I actually just butted out.
What could that possibly mean ? Whatever it is, it's comedy gold!
bixschmix
+0 -0
It means he rarely butts out, but that he now is doing so.
It means he rarely butts out, but that he now is doing so.
tekende
+0 -0
I don't think Philippe understands what "butt out" actually means.
I don't think Philippe understands what "butt out" actually means.
tekende
+0 -0
For some reason I love how Philippe specifically points out Wendy's in parentheses as being the only outlet to provide square hamburgers.
For some reason I love how Philippe specifically points out Wendy's in parentheses as being the only outlet to provide square hamburgers.
heccibiggs
+1 -0
Doesn't Whitecastle do square burgers? I've never been to one, I've just watched Harold and Kumar Get the Munchies several times.
Doesn't Whitecastle do square burgers? I've never been to one, I've just watched Harold and Kumar Get the Munchies several times.
pogo
+1 -0
Whitecastle is very limited in geogrpahic range, I believe, mainly East Coast and maybe Chicago. And while they are kinda square, they are more globlike and small.
Whitecastle is very limited in geogrpahic range, I believe, mainly East Coast and maybe Chicago. And while they are kinda square, they are more globlike and small.
mattylite
+2 -0
I'd call 'em square. Whitey's is all over the upper & central midwest, from MN down to MO and TN, and with a delicate tendril extending northeast to OH and NY. Also, having though this hard about it, the chances of me eating White Castle today are now at 95 percent.
I'd call 'em square. Whitey's is all over the upper & central midwest, from MN down to MO and TN, and with a delicate tendril extending northeast to OH and NY. Also, having though this hard about it, the chances of me eating White Castle today are now at 95 percent.
tekende
+0 -0
I am pretty sure Hardee's has/had square hamburgers as well, though I could be wrong.
I am pretty sure Hardee's has/had square hamburgers as well, though I could be wrong.
yomimono
+0 -0
I'll back you up on that.
I'll back you up on that.
i_love_kate
+1 -0
Your name means "reading material" in Japanese. I know this.
Your name means "reading material" in Japanese. I know this.
yomimono
+1 -0
I've been thinking of changing it to "I spent high school studying languages instead of having friends or sex", so everyone who has not studied Japanese could understand it also.
I've been thinking of changing it to "I spent high school studying languages instead of having friends or sex", so everyone who has not studied Japanese could understand it also.
aliiis
+0 -0
is this... the saddest thing?
(P S I started out studying Japanese and Linguistics, but dropped Japanese after two years so I could have more friends and sex. eetoo, joozu ja nai. :\)
is this... the saddest thing?
(P S I started out studying Japanese and Linguistics, but dropped Japanese after two years so I could have more friends and sex. eetoo, joozu ja nai. :\)
i_love_kate
+2 -0
Hey! I did this too! (Dropping Japanese after two years of study)
Maybe ju an' me are tomodachi!
Hey! I did this too! (Dropping Japanese after two years of study)
Maybe ju an' me are tomodachi!
aliiis
+0 -0
Aye and hai!
Aye and hai!
i_love_kate
+0 -0
So how about that kanji.
It is pretty crappy stuff, eh.
So how about that kanji.
It is pretty crappy stuff, eh.
dasilodavi
+0 -0
Welcome to the internet. You are not alone.
You ARE a hard one to track down though, assetbar-wise I mean. How was the after-party with Onstad?
Welcome to the internet. You are not alone.
You ARE a hard one to track down though, assetbar-wise I mean. How was the after-party with Onstad?
yomimono
+0 -0
My feelings on that asset were pro. It was this dance party with lots of very attractive women, who were dancing in very attractive ways. Plus I got pictures with Onstad and 2/3 of Freezepop. Basically it was everything I thought it could be.
Was improv awesome? I am guessing it was.
My feelings on that asset were pro. It was this dance party with lots of very attractive women, who were dancing in very attractive ways. Plus I got pictures with Onstad and 2/3 of Freezepop. Basically it was everything I thought it could be.
Was improv awesome? I am guessing it was.
dasilodavi
+0 -0
It wasn't bad. I forget how that particular night went, but I think it was a good show. Let me know when you're in the Boston area again, I'll drag you out to it.
It wasn't bad. I forget how that particular night went, but I think it was a good show. Let me know when you're in the Boston area again, I'll drag you out to it.
soticoto
+5 -0
Technically... Hippos are horse COUSINS... not grandparents.
They both descended from a fairly recent (geologically speaking) common ancestor.
Straight-up though... Philippe got it pretty close. He is a smart kid, which goes against those evil naysayers who claim him to be retarded.
Technically... Hippos are horse COUSINS... not grandparents.
They both descended from a fairly recent (geologically speaking) common ancestor.
Straight-up though... Philippe got it pretty close. He is a smart kid, which goes against those evil naysayers who claim him to be retarded.
orvel
+3 -0
He is five.
He is five.
xiaomimi
+25 -0
Today's Blogs
Roast Beef: So things with me and Molly.
Teodor: Ray is such a moron.
Mr. Bear: Someone has left a cornichon in the toilet.
Lyle: itwas the jellies
Little Nephew: I B a SuicideGirls model
Today's Blogs
Roast Beef: So things with me and Molly.
Teodor: Ray is such a moron.
Mr. Bear: Someone has left a cornichon in the toilet.
Lyle: itwas the jellies
Little Nephew: I B a SuicideGirls model
biznart
+0 -0
I can't stop laughing about Mr. Bear's entry.
I can't stop laughing about Mr. Bear's entry.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Jesus, I thought it was a turd shaped like a cornichon. You know, pickles.
Jesus, I thought it was a turd shaped like a cornichon. You know, pickles.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Reading Lyle's entry, this seems likely.
Reading Lyle's entry, this seems likely.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Yeah, there goes Lyle, unknown artiste and his revolutionary, freudian artform. Someday, just wait!
Yeah, there goes Lyle, unknown artiste and his revolutionary, freudian artform. Someday, just wait!
tekende
+2 -0
COWBOY OFFICE
COWBOY OFFICE
deusoma
+0 -0
The picture of Phillipe chewing is much more adorable than I would have expected. Awwwwww.
The picture of Phillipe chewing is much more adorable than I would have expected. Awwwwww.
dapooka
+0 -0
Is it just me or does the Phillipe Times get better and better with each new issue?
Is it just me or does the Phillipe Times get better and better with each new issue?
achilleselbow
+0 -0
There is a place in Hackensack, NJ called White Mana, and their burgers are shaped like random blobs. They are the best burgers I have ever had. They come with onions and cost 89 cents. You must have some. You must have some right now.
There is a place in Hackensack, NJ called White Mana, and their burgers are shaped like random blobs. They are the best burgers I have ever had. They come with onions and cost 89 cents. You must have some. You must have some right now.
gouldgonewild
+2 -0
Man, you could totally run a sweet white weanies deck if you ate there enough
Man, you could totally run a sweet white weanies deck if you ate there enough
tekende
+0 -0
I don't know what that means
I don't know what that means
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
SWEET WHITE WEANIES
SWEET WHITE WEANIES
carlyle
+1 -0
I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
i just looked it up. its got something to do with magic: the gathering.
i just looked it up. its got something to do with magic: the gathering.
tekende
+0 -0
Oooohhhhhh. White mana. Okay. Thanks.
Oooohhhhhh. White mana. Okay. Thanks.
halbermensch
+1 -0
I used to man the grill at Culver's, where I occasionally made curved burgers. I wish I could claim Friday Facts as my inspiration, but my burgercurving was always unintentional.
I used to man the grill at Culver's, where I occasionally made curved burgers. I wish I could claim Friday Facts as my inspiration, but my burgercurving was always unintentional.
tbtabby
+0 -0
What does Philippe mean by "curved?" I'm picturing a crescent-shaped patty, but it could also mean one that has a concave surface due to uneven cooking.
What does Philippe mean by "curved?" I'm picturing a crescent-shaped patty, but it could also mean one that has a concave surface due to uneven cooking.
bozendoka
+0 -0
I'm going with the kind of curved that you might serve on a croissant.
I'm going with the kind of curved that you might serve on a croissant.
osakimandias
+0 -0
I like that Philippe wants to be on record as coming out against shooting a hippo. Looking like you're soft on shooting hippos is exactly the kind of thing that could derail a presidential bid if it were discovered.
It is like having Todd for a running mate, except with less cocaine and more adverts with a slow flyover view of the African savanna and a pleading voice telling us we could lose this treasure forever unless we act now and also give them just a little money.
I like that Philippe wants to be on record as coming out against shooting a hippo. Looking like you're soft on shooting hippos is exactly the kind of thing that could derail a presidential bid if it were discovered.
It is like having Todd for a running mate, except with less cocaine and more adverts with a slow flyover view of the African savanna and a pleading voice telling us we could lose this treasure forever unless we act now and also give them just a little money.
azairborne
+0 -0
The old "Frisco Burger" was ovular in shape...
The old "Frisco Burger" was ovular in shape...
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Sorry, Philippe! When my old English teacher was on holiday in North Africa, his guide had to shoot a hippo that was attacking them. It is one of his favourite stories, after the one where he met Jim Broadbent and the one where he set his hands and head on fire by accident.
Sorry, Philippe! When my old English teacher was on holiday in North Africa, his guide had to shoot a hippo that was attacking them. It is one of his favourite stories, after the one where he met Jim Broadbent and the one where he set his hands and head on fire by accident.
miku224
+0 -0
Your teacher sounds wonderful. Man, I kinda miss high school. None of my college profs have yet to come even close to being as cool as some of my high school teachers.
Your teacher sounds wonderful. Man, I kinda miss high school. None of my college profs have yet to come even close to being as cool as some of my high school teachers.
i_love_kate
+1 -0
Due to the fact that we share this experience, I am going to posit that this is a universal phenomenon.
Is that ballsy of me? Oh well.
Due to the fact that we share this experience, I am going to posit that this is a universal phenomenon.
Is that ballsy of me? Oh well.
miku224
+0 -0
I'll chubby your ballsiness, and then pretend I didn't just write those four words.
I'll chubby your ballsiness, and then pretend I didn't just write those four words.
offendi
+0 -0
I like that even though Philippe's making less effort to be relevant in this one, his writing is getting pretty polished. I could probably recognize his voice if I saw him on the Tribune or something.
Also, if this is his journalistic product at age 5, what about the hypothetical situation where he gets older?
I like that even though Philippe's making less effort to be relevant in this one, his writing is getting pretty polished. I could probably recognize his voice if I saw him on the Tribune or something.
Also, if this is his journalistic product at age 5, what about the hypothetical situation where he gets older?
More TV news outlets should use wacky fonts
they should use wingdings so that blind people can read them
I thought it was kind of amusing that Scott Peterson qualifies as "Animal News".
amusingly accurate