gmagnido
+0 -0
A comment left by gmagnido was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by wharfrat, ishuta, Sprog, Panserbjorne, ubersplat, Nictusempra)
A comment left by gmagnido was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by wharfrat, ishuta, Sprog, Panserbjorne, ubersplat, Nictusempra)
songbirdspectre
+3 -0
NEVER.
NEVER.
deimosrising
+116 -0
Lyle knows a man in the illegal version of every major profession.
Lyle knows a man in the illegal version of every major profession.
straw
+73 -0
And he drinks with them all, from Grant the illegal blacksmith to One-Way the illegal haberdasher
You do not want to cross One-Way
And he drinks with them all, from Grant the illegal blacksmith to One-Way the illegal haberdasher
You do not want to cross One-Way
unfun
+34 -1
It should be noted that he only drinks with illegal blacksmiths because legit blacksmiths are disgusted when he gets trashed and throws up everywhere.
It should be noted that he only drinks with illegal blacksmiths because legit blacksmiths are disgusted when he gets trashed and throws up everywhere.
achilleselbow
+6 -0
Not to mention they have syphilis.
Not to mention they have syphilis.
layzerblade
+7 -0
And Lyle's just not a coconut-rum kind of guy.
And Lyle's just not a coconut-rum kind of guy.
soticoto
+0 -0
Nothing I can say will do justice to these comments.
Therefore I declare it christmas, and I am the chubby santa.
Nothing I can say will do justice to these comments.
Therefore I declare it christmas, and I am the chubby santa.
abe
+0 -0
God bless you. Haberdasher.
God bless you. Haberdasher.
abe
+45 -0
BALLS!
BALLS!
deusoma
+0 -0
A comment left by deusoma was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by GSurge, rowboat, Kleptonis)
A comment left by deusoma was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by GSurge, rowboat, Kleptonis)
songbirdspectre
+6 -0
I especially like the fact that you got it right the second time around.
I especially like the fact that you got it right the second time around.
dusty
+0 -0
Could be that his balls are just naturally italic.
Could be that his balls are just naturally italic.
soticoto
+1 -0
Could be.
My cock is naturally bold .
Could be.
My cock is naturally bold .
skavid
+1 -2
I thought the blacksmith's name was Hiram.
I thought the blacksmith's name was Hiram.
landowmpg
+0 -0
Yes, but not the illegal blacksmith. Hiram is legit.
Yes, but not the illegal blacksmith. Hiram is legit.
wehavemagnums
+1 -0
Beautiful punch-line.
Beautiful punch-line.
catachresis
+6 -0
I am disappointed that this cream is not available from the Achewood Shop. I mean come on, we've had hot sauce.
I am disappointed that this cream is not available from the Achewood Shop. I mean come on, we've had hot sauce.
zaratustra
+53 -0
They could even use the same formula.
They could even use the same formula.
tekende
+1 -0
I wonder if that would hurt as much I immediately assumed it would? Probably.
I wonder if that would hurt as much I immediately assumed it would? Probably.
soticoto
+0 -0
It couldn't exactly be SCREW YOU HEMORRHOID! FUCK YOU! ointment without inordinate anal agony, could it?
It couldn't exactly be SCREW YOU HEMORRHOID! FUCK YOU! ointment without inordinate anal agony, could it?
soticoto
+0 -0
Oh shit... I took the underline too far.
I saw that line and I crossed it.
*Hangs head in shame*
Oh shit... I took the underline too far.
I saw that line and I crossed it.
*Hangs head in shame*
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Hot sauce, dog penis medicine.....sure, why not?
Hot sauce, dog penis medicine.....sure, why not?
evolume
+1 -0
Well it is only available from the illegal doctor that Lyle drinks with and I assume it is therefore not FDA approved and not available over-the-counter anyway, duh.
Well it is only available from the illegal doctor that Lyle drinks with and I assume it is therefore not FDA approved and not available over-the-counter anyway, duh.
senseihollywood
+2 -0
nothing like bootleg ointment for to take care of your Gentleness
nothing like bootleg ointment for to take care of your Gentleness
midget_jones
+0 -0
I love this. I have it on my kitchen wall.
I love this. I have it on my kitchen wall.
snatch22
+14 -0
Basically, I wish there was a medication like this for every ailment. FUCK YOU COLD! FUCK YOU CANCER!
Basically, I wish there was a medication like this for every ailment. FUCK YOU COLD! FUCK YOU CANCER!
greymantledwolf
+26 -0
FUCK YOU LUPUS
FUCK YOU LUPUS
straw
+13 -0
FUCK YOU ALCOHOLISM
FUCK YOU ALCOHOLISM
stuart
+16 -0
FUCK YOU OTTO
FUCK YOU OTTO
bjorntd
+1 -0
FUCK YOU MITCH
FUCK YOU MITCH
songbirdspectre
+1 -0
FUCK YOU MORGAN
FUCK YOU MORGAN
tekende
+12 -0
This went to kind of a weird place.
This went to kind of a weird place.
songbirdspectre
+0 -0
Sorry. Venting.
Sorry. Venting.
zapatos
+5 -0
FUCK YOU TEKENDE
FUCK YOU TEKENDE
fattypneumonia
+0 -0
FUCKIN' MITCH AND MURRAY!!!
FUCKIN' MITCH AND MURRAY!!!
beansdooma
+0 -0
oh my god so great
oh my god so great
zefiel
+17 -0
It's never lupus.
It's never lupus.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
dissembly
+0 -0
They always think it's lupus, but it isn't.
They always think it's lupus, but it isn't.
zefiel
+0 -0
A comment left by zefiel was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Ewzicyn, GSurge, aquamuffin, josher, hellofditties)
A comment left by zefiel was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Ewzicyn, GSurge, aquamuffin, josher, hellofditties)
deusoma
+30 -1
What he said.
What he said.
kenyot
+3 -0
SCREW YOU, CAVITIES! FUCK YOU!
SCREW YOU, CAVITIES! FUCK YOU!
geysershitdick
+4 -0
Of course "Gentleness" is capitalized.
Of course "Gentleness" is capitalized.
greymantledwolf
+5 -0
mental note: work the phrase "my Gentleness" into conversation at every opportunity.
mental note: work the phrase "my Gentleness" into conversation at every opportunity.
greymantledwolf
+7 -0
regardless of conversation topic.
regardless of conversation topic.
yaotzin
+0 -0
I just now noticed that it is in fact Gentleness and not Genitals.
You can imagine my confusion. "Oh nooooooooooooooo ray has bone bumps and hemorrhoids confused"
I am relieved, as relieved as you can be while discussing a cat's raging rhoid.
I just now noticed that it is in fact Gentleness and not Genitals.
You can imagine my confusion. "Oh nooooooooooooooo ray has bone bumps and hemorrhoids confused"
I am relieved, as relieved as you can be while discussing a cat's raging rhoid.
epicurus
+3 -1
I would love for really strong medecine to be named this way. That is how I feel when I am really pissed at how sick I am.
I would love for really strong medecine to be named this way. That is how I feel when I am really pissed at how sick I am.
djwhiterabbit
+3 -0
this is my Standard Reaction to things that make me angry.
e.g. "SCREW YOU, OVERRIPE AVOCADO! FUCK YOU!"
this is my Standard Reaction to things that make me angry.
e.g. "SCREW YOU, OVERRIPE AVOCADO! FUCK YOU!"
straw
+9 -0
O man overripe avocados are the worst news, there's no good way to spin that reality
O man overripe avocados are the worst news, there's no good way to spin that reality
songbirdspectre
+2 -1
this is my Standard Reaction to anonymous people that make me angry.
e.g. SCREW YOU, FAT LADY THAT IS IN MY WAY AT THE STORE! FUCK YOU.
this is my Standard Reaction to anonymous people that make me angry.
e.g. SCREW YOU, FAT LADY THAT IS IN MY WAY AT THE STORE! FUCK YOU.
nutmeg
+0 -0
he capitalizes his Gentleness! his bunghole is a deity to him.
unrelated: there is a business near where i live called AnalTech! perhaps they are developing hemorrhoid-battling technologies such as this product!
he capitalizes his Gentleness! his bunghole is a deity to him.
unrelated: there is a business near where i live called AnalTech! perhaps they are developing hemorrhoid-battling technologies such as this product!
twohundredninety
+2 -0
Wow. I bet that looks good on a business card.
Wow. I bet that looks good on a business card.
peterjoel
+2 -0
AnalTech is the Future for your Sphincter%u2122
AnalTech is the Future for your Sphincter%u2122
tekende
+21 -0
Tomorrow has made a phone call to your anus!
Tomorrow has made a phone call to your anus!
nutmeg
+0 -0
hilarious!
i've got to learn how to vandalize.
hilarious!
i've got to learn how to vandalize.
centipede_damascus
+2 -0
The cream is so strong, you can actually hear the hemorrhoids screaming in pain.
The cream is so strong, you can actually hear the hemorrhoids screaming in pain.
cailetshadow
+0 -0
At least that's what you _say_ when they ask about the sound. ¬_¬
At least that's what you _say_ when they ask about the sound. ¬_¬
steerpike66
+0 -0
All Lyle's ointments are badass.
All Lyle's ointments are badass.
kazad
+8 -0
"All Lyle's ointments" is a fucking scary concept.
"All Lyle's ointments" is a fucking scary concept.
deusoma
+1 -0
Literally.
Literally.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Ba-dum chhsshhh!
Ba-dum chhsshhh!
dovey
+0 -0
My Gentleness is to bunghole, as Rad Chilies is to genitals
My Gentleness is to bunghole, as Rad Chilies is to genitals
cdl146
+0 -0
The grunt in the 6th panel is the best.
The grunt in the 6th panel is the best.
woodenteeth
+2 -0
"So is that tube like that Preperation H or some such similar ointment or salve" while being the most horrible spoken sentence in history is possibly the best because it is deliberately constructed. Possibly the perfect example of Beef's turn of phraseology!
"So is that tube like that Preperation H or some such similar ointment or salve" while being the most horrible spoken sentence in history is possibly the best because it is deliberately constructed. Possibly the perfect example of Beef's turn of phraseology!
satyr
+0 -0
Seeing as that sentence got to me too, I tried to work out a funny way to reply to you.
Instead, I give you a chubby or some such similar praise or accolade.
Seeing as that sentence got to me too, I tried to work out a funny way to reply to you.
Instead, I give you a chubby or some such similar praise or accolade.
satyr
+0 -0
Seeing as that sentence got to me too, I tried to work out a funny way to reply to you.
Instead, I give you a chubby or some such similar praise or accolade.
Seeing as that sentence got to me too, I tried to work out a funny way to reply to you.
Instead, I give you a chubby or some such similar praise or accolade.
satyr
+3 -0
Screw you, Satyr! Fuck you!
Screw you, Satyr! Fuck you!
satyr
+1 -0
Screw you, Satyr! Fuck you!
Screw you, Satyr! Fuck you!
satyr
+1 -0
Screw you, Satyr! Fuck you!
Screw you, Satyr! Fuck you!
satyr
+0 -0
Gah, it just get worse! Damn mouse double-clicking when I'm not telling it to.
If this comment is quadrupled and I haven't called you back in five, you know what kind of car I drive.
Gah, it just get worse! Damn mouse double-clicking when I'm not telling it to.
If this comment is quadrupled and I haven't called you back in five, you know what kind of car I drive.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
And to add insult to injury you wrote 'get' instead of 'gets'. Thankyou or some such consolitory remark which decreases your computers decision to lag.
And to add insult to injury you wrote 'get' instead of 'gets'. Thankyou or some such consolitory remark which decreases your computers decision to lag.
lolsworth
+0 -0
If you do not read Achewood at least partly for Beef (and Onstad's) use of language you're doing it wrong
If you do not read Achewood at least partly for Beef (and Onstad's) use of language you're doing it wrong
gormster
+0 -0
This has actually lead to some new vernacular amongst my friends. "SCREW YOU, X ! FUCK YOU!" You'd be surprised how often it comes up.
This has actually lead to some new vernacular amongst my friends. "SCREW YOU, X ! FUCK YOU!" You'd be surprised how often it comes up.
zapatos
+1 -0
I wonder if x ever takes it personnaly, or if x knows it just a variable. It keeps me awake at day.
I wonder if x ever takes it personnaly, or if x knows it just a variable. It keeps me awake at day.
unfun
+1 -0
It's always guys like Ray that get hemorrhoids.
It's always guys like Ray that get hemorrhoids.
lawdog
+13 -0
This is just what happens when cats wear thongs.
This is just what happens when cats wear thongs.
overman
+0 -0
Fuck that hemorrhoid.
Fuck that hemorrhoid.
bjorntd
+7 -0
Oh shit.
Like an idiot I wondered what a hemorrhoid actually looked like in actuality, and I googled it and made lunch for baby birds.
Oh shit.
Like an idiot I wondered what a hemorrhoid actually looked like in actuality, and I googled it and made lunch for baby birds.
tekende
+0 -0
I don't know what they look like either, but I have always had enough sense to keep from looking.
Now that I have read that it made you vomit, though, I really want to go look. Why is this?
I don't know what they look like either, but I have always had enough sense to keep from looking.
Now that I have read that it made you vomit, though, I really want to go look. Why is this?
greenkoolayd
+1 -0
ive heard one referred to as a 'butt clit'. while i still have an intellectual curiosity about what they look like, i dont intend to actually do anything about it.
ive heard one referred to as a 'butt clit'. while i still have an intellectual curiosity about what they look like, i dont intend to actually do anything about it.
laserblade
+0 -0
Like an even bigger idiot, I googled it because you googled it.
Like an even bigger idiot, I googled it because you googled it.
unsentletter
+3 -0
The brilliance of this particular strip is like an overwhelming series of gentle subtleties -- like a master blacksmith folding metal on a sword's blade, or a child dominating an ice cream cone.
The brilliance of this particular strip is like an overwhelming series of gentle subtleties -- like a master blacksmith folding metal on a sword's blade, or a child dominating an ice cream cone.
redmange
+0 -0
I used this brand of cream to clean my gutters.
I used this brand of cream to clean my gutters.
pan-optic
+0 -0
The phrasing of "screw you, (x)! FUCK you!" has entered my daily lexicon, if not always spoken out loud.
Also, that "for external use" label made me imagine having something of that power within my own body.
I shuddered.
The phrasing of "screw you, (x)! FUCK you!" has entered my daily lexicon, if not always spoken out loud.
Also, that "for external use" label made me imagine having something of that power within my own body.
I shuddered.
crankheart
+0 -0
every time i read this, there's a stirring in the space that my heart used to fill. :*)
every time i read this, there's a stirring in the space that my heart used to fill. :*)
triptaphane
+15 -0
In Canada, you can only get "Please, Mr Hemorrhoid, Go Away Because You're Hurting Me (I'm Sorry)".
In Canada, you can only get "Please, Mr Hemorrhoid, Go Away Because You're Hurting Me (I'm Sorry)".
wildcat
+0 -0
eh?
eh?
zapatos
+0 -0
We are passive aggrasive.
We are passive aggrasive.
singtralala
+0 -0
so canadian
so canadian
stubob
+0 -0
It is strange that this is my favorite strip ever.
It is strange that this is my favorite strip ever.
expellens
+4 -0
I had an uncomfortable conversation once back in college with a buddy who lacked many social graces. I was going on a lunch-date with my girlfriend, and as we opened the front door, there was my buddy. My girlfriend (cough) invited him to join us, and sure enough he did. (aw jeeze)
At lunch, we started talking about the halloween party we'd thrown the week before. There was a drunk girl in a skimpy skirt and skimpier panties who was sitting straddle-legged on an armchair. I mentioned that I had accidentally (ahem), "seen her sweetness ".
My gf liked to play dumb sometimes. She asked all wide-eyed what I meant by that.
Buddy boy sure enough didn't pick up on the playful undercurrent of the conversation: "He means he saw her pussy .
A pall descended on the rest of the meal.
he means that he saw her pussy ...
They god almighty.
I had an uncomfortable conversation once back in college with a buddy who lacked many social graces. I was going on a lunch-date with my girlfriend, and as we opened the front door, there was my buddy. My girlfriend (cough) invited him to join us, and sure enough he did. (aw jeeze)
At lunch, we started talking about the halloween party we'd thrown the week before. There was a drunk girl in a skimpy skirt and skimpier panties who was sitting straddle-legged on an armchair. I mentioned that I had accidentally (ahem), "seen her sweetness ".
My gf liked to play dumb sometimes. She asked all wide-eyed what I meant by that.
Buddy boy sure enough didn't pick up on the playful undercurrent of the conversation: "He means he saw her pussy .
A pall descended on the rest of the meal.
he means that he saw her pussy ...
They god almighty.
keir
+0 -0
HA. I worked with a guy like that for a while - he would constantly completely misread social situations. At any given time wherever depth was he was nowhere near being in it.
HA. I worked with a guy like that for a while - he would constantly completely misread social situations. At any given time wherever depth was he was nowhere near being in it.
unclemikey
+1 -0
Nearly lamed for being the reason for the pall and not realizing it. Rookie move there, telling your girlfriend (in front of a male friend, no less) about the time you saw another girl's sweetness,
Nearly lamed for being the reason for the pall and not realizing it. Rookie move there, telling your girlfriend (in front of a male friend, no less) about the time you saw another girl's sweetness,
singtralala
+0 -0
i love beef's empty bowl and spoon
i love beef's empty bowl and spoon
mockereo
+0 -0
why?
why?
deusoma
+0 -0
I like to imagine that Screw You, Hermorrhoid! Fuck You! makes a pleasing sizzling sound when you apply it. If it hisses when you put it on skin, you know it's not fucking around.
I like to imagine that Screw You, Hermorrhoid! Fuck You! makes a pleasing sizzling sound when you apply it. If it hisses when you put it on skin, you know it's not fucking around.
shutup_shutup
+0 -0
Illegal Doctor is a total band name.
Illegal Doctor is a total band name.
tonyhighwind
+0 -0
If there was an Achewood Pro Bowl, this comic would be one of the QBs. Everyone starts using this phrase for everything exactly twenty seconds after they read this comic. No exceptions.
If there was an Achewood Pro Bowl, this comic would be one of the QBs. Everyone starts using this phrase for everything exactly twenty seconds after they read this comic. No exceptions.
carlyle
+0 -0
Ugh! Why's he touching the bottle?!
Ugh! Why's he touching the bottle?!
lolsworth
+4 -0
Man I have the worst fucking piles right fucking now and I fucking hate God Himself for inventing them so this cartoon is the best cartoon in the entire Universe
Man I have the worst fucking piles right fucking now and I fucking hate God Himself for inventing them so this cartoon is the best cartoon in the entire Universe
deusoma
+1 -0
Chubbied for brutal honesty.
Chubbied for brutal honesty.
lolsworth
+0 -0
Chubbied for solidarity and generally being a bro
Chubbied for solidarity and generally being a bro
hendetta
+3 -0
Hemorrhoid who the FUCK do you think you are? Where do you get off, you SHIT?
Hemorrhoid who the FUCK do you think you are? Where do you get off, you SHIT?
macfall
+0 -0
In a truly free world, you would get the strongest hemorrhoid treatment over the counter. And the pharmacist would look at you and say the product name, which has the phrase "FUCK YOU!" in it, and this would be completely normal.
In a truly free world, you would get the strongest hemorrhoid treatment over the counter. And the pharmacist would look at you and say the product name, which has the phrase "FUCK YOU!" in it, and this would be completely normal.
duperando
+0 -0
This is a beautiful thing, this strip.
This is a beautiful thing, this strip.
yaotzin
+1 -0
This gets a 5 because I wish I had a bottle of this ointment to send this damn hemorrhoid straight to hell.
Special note; ointments are oil based, which make for greasy oily application, where as a cream is water based, and makes for something that is more easily *rubbed* in.
No one likes their gentleness to be all greasy enough to fry an egg on, all sliding off of chairs and onto hot searing pain.
This gets a 5 because I wish I had a bottle of this ointment to send this damn hemorrhoid straight to hell.
Special note; ointments are oil based, which make for greasy oily application, where as a cream is water based, and makes for something that is more easily *rubbed* in.
No one likes their gentleness to be all greasy enough to fry an egg on, all sliding off of chairs and onto hot searing pain.
Because until you underline that FUCK, how will the hemmorhoid know you mean it?
You must underline and italicize. The italicization is key.
Looks like you'd better hope you don't get dang hemorrhoids then.