hedonismbot
+22 -2
I'm going to go ahead and do the semi-first post thing. I would like to pay a man to make a picture for me. This picture has a smiling Bill Frist on it, but instead of a body, his smiling face is framed by petals and a stem. They will be growing out of terra cotta pots, and there will be large, Comic Sans letters at the bottom spelling "FRIST POTS!". I will post this every day that I can, and you will all lame me until my nipples burst.
I'm going to go ahead and do the semi-first post thing. I would like to pay a man to make a picture for me. This picture has a smiling Bill Frist on it, but instead of a body, his smiling face is framed by petals and a stem. They will be growing out of terra cotta pots, and there will be large, Comic Sans letters at the bottom spelling "FRIST POTS!". I will post this every day that I can, and you will all lame me until my nipples burst.
trevor328
+6 -0
If you get lamed enough do your nipples burst? Is that the thing that happens. Oh man.
If you get lamed enough do your nipples burst? Is that the thing that happens. Oh man.
boyd
+3 -0
nah, but if you do enough coke they turn into scabs and fall off.
nah, but if you do enough coke they turn into scabs and fall off.
hardelicious
+0 -0
But if you use No More Tears, it will make Ray rub his nipples.
But if you use No More Tears, it will make Ray rub his nipples.
missbee
+0 -0
Ack!
Ack!
em2
+0 -0
I just take four shits and die.
I just take four shits and die.
stereo
+28 -0
I missed the ! key, sorry ...
I figured extremely high jpg compression was in line with the intent.
What are petals?
I missed the ! key, sorry ...
I figured extremely high jpg compression was in line with the intent.
What are petals?
hedonismbot
+6 -1
Petals are, um... See, when a man and a woman really love each other, and shave all their netherparts. Wait, uh, nevermind. Ask your parents.
Petals are, um... See, when a man and a woman really love each other, and shave all their netherparts. Wait, uh, nevermind. Ask your parents.
missbee
+0 -0
awesome, beat me to it
awesome, beat me to it
missbee
+19 -0
Here you go, my friend
Here you go, my friend
missbee
+0 -0
Oh, i am the lowest. I didn't check to see if anybody else made one :/
I didn't forget the "s!" just so everyone knows.
[url=https://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y264/takkuun4/FRISTPOTS.png
]Here it is in all its glory[/url]
dang, i already got a chubby for it too. sweet.
Oh, i am the lowest. I didn't check to see if anybody else made one :/
I didn't forget the "s!" just so everyone knows.
[url=https://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y264/takkuun4/FRISTPOTS.png
]Here it is in all its glory[/url]
dang, i already got a chubby for it too. sweet.
missbee
+1 -0
crap, i was on a roll, too. i tried too hard.
https://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y264/takkuun4/FRISTPOTS.png
crap, i was on a roll, too. i tried too hard.
https://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y264/takkuun4/FRISTPOTS.png
howl
+0 -0
You're just digging yourself in deeper, best to get out while you can.
I appreciate your post, though, for whatever reason I can't see stereo's.
You're just digging yourself in deeper, best to get out while you can.
I appreciate your post, though, for whatever reason I can't see stereo's.
catgrl131
+1 -1
Awww, if it helps, I think your's was cuter.
Awww, if it helps, I think your's was cuter.
pogo
+1 -0
That's what she said.
That's what she said.
catgrl131
+3 -0
Well played, pogol. Well played.
Well played, pogol. Well played.
catgrl131
+5 -0
A typo? Nonsense! I was merely comparing you to a Ukranian author! [url=]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikolai_Gogol
A typo? Nonsense! I was merely comparing you to a Ukranian author! [url=]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikolai_Gogol
catgrl131
+4 -0
Incredibly botched bbcode? Poppycock! I was just being ironic! Isn't irony the hip thing amung you youndsters?
Incredibly botched bbcode? Poppycock! I was just being ironic! Isn't irony the hip thing amung you youndsters?
catgrl131
+13 -0
Y'know what? Fuck it.
Y'know what? Fuck it.
achilleselbow
+0 -1
Do you really expect us to believe that last one was unintentional?
Do you really expect us to believe that last one was unintentional?
pogo
+0 -0
The drugs were kicking in at the end there.
The drugs were kicking in at the end there.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I chubbied every post in that sequence? And do you know why? Because I care, damnit.
I chubbied every post in that sequence? And do you know why? Because I care, damnit.
cromar
+0 -0
That. Was. Awesome.
That. Was. Awesome.
odei
+0 -0
Mad v-chubs for the grrrl!
Mad v-chubs for the grrrl!
doc_rostov
+0 -0
Gogol was a Russian author, not a Ukranian author. Sorry about that! I had to correct you, because Dead Souls is one of my absolute favorite books of all time. Gogol is a genius, evinced by the fact that he wrote an entire story about a man who literally loses his nose ( The Nose , 1835) and made it work in a classy, elegant way. He also went insane, but we don't talk about that.
Gogol was a Russian author, not a Ukranian author. Sorry about that! I had to correct you, because Dead Souls is one of my absolute favorite books of all time. Gogol is a genius, evinced by the fact that he wrote an entire story about a man who literally loses his nose ( The Nose , 1835) and made it work in a classy, elegant way. He also went insane, but we don't talk about that.
achilleselbow
+2 -1
*gets offended on behalf of his people but not really* Dude, WHAT are you talking about - Gogol is THE Ukranian national hero, born and raised. He wrote in Russian because that was the official language of the empire and was spoken from Poland to Alaska, and even still some of his writing is sprinkled with folksy Ukranian-ish expressions. It's kind of a sore point for Ukranians because to this day a huge portion of the country knows Russian, but not Ukranian (me being an example - we were taught it as a foreign language in elementary school, but I've forgotten everything). I mean, shit, we just had a revolution over this. Please don't take away our sole accomplishment besides fried pork fat .
It's okay, I'm not really offended. I mean, shit, I'm glad people are reading Gogol. Also, you were one of my favorite posters, where the hell have you been?
*gets offended on behalf of his people but not really* Dude, WHAT are you talking about - Gogol is THE Ukranian national hero, born and raised. He wrote in Russian because that was the official language of the empire and was spoken from Poland to Alaska, and even still some of his writing is sprinkled with folksy Ukranian-ish expressions. It's kind of a sore point for Ukranians because to this day a huge portion of the country knows Russian, but not Ukranian (me being an example - we were taught it as a foreign language in elementary school, but I've forgotten everything). I mean, shit, we just had a revolution over this. Please don't take away our sole accomplishment besides fried pork fat .
It's okay, I'm not really offended. I mean, shit, I'm glad people are reading Gogol. Also, you were one of my favorite posters, where the hell have you been?
doc_rostov
+0 -0
Oh! Well, I'll be damned. That's really interesting. Almost the entirety of my experience with Gogol is in his connection to Russia and their literary heroes. That is, my general knowledge of Gogol as a historical anachronism is concentric to his friendship with Pushkin, his short experience as a "professor" of medieval history, and his harsh satire of the Russian provincial norms of the 1800s. Among other such Russian connections. I was viscerally aware of his Ukrainian heritage, but I was totally unaware of Ukraine's general claim to dibs on his literary heft. I have learned something today, achilleselbow. Thank you.
Also: thanks for the compliment! I've been absent because I've been incredibly busy. Last month was entirely eaten up by my AP tests (I took seven this year), student loan issues, and graduation. Also, recently, my time has been spent getting a summer job and all that "fun" stuff. I'm a lot less busy now, though, so I'll probably start posting regularly again. I wasn't aware that people actually noticed my posts all that much. I feel loved! Thank you, Assetbar.
Yikes. That got a bit bloggish at the end, there. At least I didn't D2BaD!
-=Doc=-
Oh! Well, I'll be damned. That's really interesting. Almost the entirety of my experience with Gogol is in his connection to Russia and their literary heroes. That is, my general knowledge of Gogol as a historical anachronism is concentric to his friendship with Pushkin, his short experience as a "professor" of medieval history, and his harsh satire of the Russian provincial norms of the 1800s. Among other such Russian connections. I was viscerally aware of his Ukrainian heritage, but I was totally unaware of Ukraine's general claim to dibs on his literary heft. I have learned something today, achilleselbow. Thank you.
Also: thanks for the compliment! I've been absent because I've been incredibly busy. Last month was entirely eaten up by my AP tests (I took seven this year), student loan issues, and graduation. Also, recently, my time has been spent getting a summer job and all that "fun" stuff. I'm a lot less busy now, though, so I'll probably start posting regularly again. I wasn't aware that people actually noticed my posts all that much. I feel loved! Thank you, Assetbar.
Yikes. That got a bit bloggish at the end, there. At least I didn't D2BaD!
-=Doc=-
pogo
+0 -0
You might enjoy this band:
Eugene Hutz is the charismatic frontman of Gogol Bordello, a multinational, multicultural explosion of a band whose new album is called Gypsy Punks: Underdog World Strike. The band mixes punk, ska, jazz, and the traditional Roma music of Ukraine, where Hutz grew up. Hutz and violinists Sergey Ryabtsev and Yury Lemeshev visit NPR's Studio 4A, where they perform a few songs and talk about their music.
You might enjoy this band:
Eugene Hutz is the charismatic frontman of Gogol Bordello, a multinational, multicultural explosion of a band whose new album is called Gypsy Punks: Underdog World Strike. The band mixes punk, ska, jazz, and the traditional Roma music of Ukraine, where Hutz grew up. Hutz and violinists Sergey Ryabtsev and Yury Lemeshev visit NPR's Studio 4A, where they perform a few songs and talk about their music.
cromar
+0 -0
I higly recommend their song Start Wearing Purple . Quite funny, and damn I love me some Gypsy music.
I higly recommend their song Start Wearing Purple . Quite funny, and damn I love me some Gypsy music.
charchar
+0 -0
Anybody else buy into "Start Wearing Purple" being about cough medicine as a drug?
Damn, but I do want this song played at my wedding
Anybody else buy into "Start Wearing Purple" being about cough medicine as a drug?
Damn, but I do want this song played at my wedding
boredom_man
+0 -0
Ah, but you also had an experiment in anarchism that almost lasted long enough to collapse into fascism before being crushed by an invading empire. And that's a neat concept!
Ah, but you also had an experiment in anarchism that almost lasted long enough to collapse into fascism before being crushed by an invading empire. And that's a neat concept!
boredom_man
+0 -0
Waitaminute. Aren't you Jewish? You consider yourself Ukrainian instead of/in addition to Ashkenazi?
Waitaminute. Aren't you Jewish? You consider yourself Ukrainian instead of/in addition to Ashkenazi?
xiaomimi
+0 -0
Apparently his hometown was within Russia at the time of his birth, and later became part of the Ukraine. You're both right! E palo mande!
Apparently his hometown was within Russia at the time of his birth, and later became part of the Ukraine. You're both right! E palo mande!
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Well, all of Ukraine was part of Russia (and later the Soviet Union) up until '91, but it was always a distinct region with its own language and such.
Well, all of Ukraine was part of Russia (and later the Soviet Union) up until '91, but it was always a distinct region with its own language and such.
pogo
+0 -0
Pronounced "Oooo-KRAN-ya" if I'm not mistaken.
Pronounced "Oooo-KRAN-ya" if I'm not mistaken.
foea
+0 -0
"Ooo-Kra-iiin-ya" was how I was taught, but my teacher was a Czech.
"Ooo-Kra-iiin-ya" was how I was taught, but my teacher was a Czech.
edwell
+27 -0
odei
+0 -0
Applause!
Applause!
hedonismbot
+0 -0
This is why edwell is by far the funniest poster here. We are all pigshit in his presence.
This is why edwell is by far the funniest poster here. We are all pigshit in his presence.
lawbot
+0 -0
A comment left by lawbot was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by EM2, falseprophet, _cheesekayke, ActualTaunt, xiaomimi, hbaranov, Doc_Rostov)
A comment left by lawbot was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by EM2, falseprophet, _cheesekayke, ActualTaunt, xiaomimi, hbaranov, Doc_Rostov)
hoboninja
+0 -0
That is because you have no sense of humor.
also:
NO
That is because you have no sense of humor.
also:
NO
achilleselbow
+0 -1
That's great. Thanks for sharing.
That's great. Thanks for sharing.
irondave
+0 -0
I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were kidding here.
I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were kidding here.
thorfinn
+0 -0
Anyone who questions his greatness need only look at his chubby:lame ratio, currently 963:1, nobody else is even remotely close.
Anyone who questions his greatness need only look at his chubby:lame ratio, currently 963:1, nobody else is even remotely close.
doc_rostov
+0 -0
There is nothing about this post that is not absolutely amazing. Edwell, you are an American Hero. And you might not even be American!
There is nothing about this post that is not absolutely amazing. Edwell, you are an American Hero. And you might not even be American!
falseprophet
+0 -0
How do you know that a decrepit old stripper with a stretch-marked and flubby ass is bad?
How do you know that a decrepit old stripper with a stretch-marked and flubby ass is bad?
cromar
+11 -0
WHY FIND OUT
WHY FIND OUT
loneal
+10 -2
It just looks like this .
It just looks like this .
loneal
+5 -0
That was a low blow. That was not consistent with my morals.
That was a low blow. That was not consistent with my morals.
pogo
+0 -0
A comment left by pogo was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, randombeing, InspectorGadget)
A comment left by pogo was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, randombeing, InspectorGadget)
loneal
+1 -1
I agree! It was just one of those times when you see the joke and you have to make it.
I agree! It was just one of those times when you see the joke and you have to make it.
retinarow
+7 -0
like with handicapped people. (Too much?)
like with handicapped people. (Too much?)
someonegreat
+0 -0
I gave you a chubby only because I am your friend.
I know handicapped people.
I gave you a chubby only because I am your friend.
I know handicapped people.
bradypalvarez
+4 -1
undeserved chubbies weaken the system
undeserved chubbies weaken the system
yearsinhotclaws
+21 -0
So I am in Assetbar. It is bad. So bad. The leader, he lame my face. He lame my hand. Do I cry? I do not. Is Assetbar. Is dog pack. You weak? You die.
So I am in Assetbar. It is bad. So bad. The leader, he lame my face. He lame my hand. Do I cry? I do not. Is Assetbar. Is dog pack. You weak? You die.
pogo
+0 -0
Hmm, a guess ... Futurama? Nah. Lost? Maybe. I know, White Fang!
Hmm, a guess ... Futurama? Nah. Lost? Maybe. I know, White Fang!
yearsinhotclaws
+2 -0
Soldier: SIr, Hes countering our references with old faggots shit!
Lieutinant Dan: Bomd da fuck outofem.
Soldier: Relesing Skynet Ultra Butthole Meme Festival 9595: Trouble in Jamaica.
Soldier: SIr, Hes countering our references with old faggots shit!
Lieutinant Dan: Bomd da fuck outofem.
Soldier: Relesing Skynet Ultra Butthole Meme Festival 9595: Trouble in Jamaica.
pogo
+0 -0
That guy from Big Lobowski, John Goodman! Two points for the old [NOT] faggot!!
That guy from Big Lobowski, John Goodman! Two points for the old [NOT] faggot!!
i_love_kate
+1 -1
There should be a film called "The Big Lobotomy".
Incidentally, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
There should be a film called "The Big Lobotomy".
Incidentally, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Artist's Note: Edgar is Pogo wielding a giant phonograph machine.
Artist's Note: Edgar is Pogo wielding a giant phonograph machine.
pogo
+0 -0
An old Victrola, no doubt. 15 death points.
An old Victrola, no doubt. 15 death points.
luckypyjamas
+0 -0
look, i just want to say
nice avatar
that is all
look, i just want to say
nice avatar
that is all
hardelicious
+11 -0
The Brittney blowback for that performance highlights layers upon layers of fucked-uppery this country has fallen into.
Layer 1: Who in their right mind would consider that body to be anything short of gorgeous? I mean, maybe a Mercedes isn't as nice as a Lamborghini, but it's a whole hell of a lot better than my shitty compact truck.
Layer 2: How in God's name can a person become famous for the vocal/lyrical excrement that spews forth from her pouty, sexy lips? (I slip in and out of being nice/hateful towards Brittney)
Layer 3: In this country, you can be a slutty piece of trash that gets famous for being a slutty piece of trash.
Level 4: We're hyper-sexualizing kids to the point that they think that it's respectable to be a slutty piece of trash.
Level 5: I'd still hit that.
The Brittney blowback for that performance highlights layers upon layers of fucked-uppery this country has fallen into.
Layer 1: Who in their right mind would consider that body to be anything short of gorgeous? I mean, maybe a Mercedes isn't as nice as a Lamborghini, but it's a whole hell of a lot better than my shitty compact truck.
Layer 2: How in God's name can a person become famous for the vocal/lyrical excrement that spews forth from her pouty, sexy lips? (I slip in and out of being nice/hateful towards Brittney)
Layer 3: In this country, you can be a slutty piece of trash that gets famous for being a slutty piece of trash.
Level 4: We're hyper-sexualizing kids to the point that they think that it's respectable to be a slutty piece of trash.
Level 5: I'd still hit that.
daidai
+1 -0
I agree with you -- that's still a hell of a body by almost every standard except those gay guys who host TV shows like "TMZ" and "GossipNite".
But then again, what is up to those TMZ gay guy standards?
I agree with you -- that's still a hell of a body by almost every standard except those gay guys who host TV shows like "TMZ" and "GossipNite".
But then again, what is up to those TMZ gay guy standards?
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Perhaps very broken, misguided, gay boys want famous, well-adored and sexy women to look like famous well-adored sexy men.
Perhaps very broken, misguided, gay boys want famous, well-adored and sexy women to look like famous well-adored sexy men.
yearsinhotclaws
+2 -0
Are you contributing to negative image stereotypes about women, loneal? I happen to look like britney spears and with comments like that I feel like I'll never be President.
Are you contributing to negative image stereotypes about women, loneal? I happen to look like britney spears and with comments like that I feel like I'll never be President.
loneal
+0 -0
It was not consistent with my morals. I am actually extremely embarrassed about this.
It was not consistent with my morals. I am actually extremely embarrassed about this.
achilleselbow
+1 -1
It's okay, at least a few people realized you were making a joke and didn't feel it necessary to ruin a huge slam on Britney Spears with boring and predictable "she still looks good the media is stupid hurr hurr hurr" comments.
It's okay, at least a few people realized you were making a joke and didn't feel it necessary to ruin a huge slam on Britney Spears with boring and predictable "she still looks good the media is stupid hurr hurr hurr" comments.
loneal
+1 -0
I shoulda put a HEY-O! on the end.
I shoulda put a HEY-O! on the end.
loneal
+0 -0
Although that does not mean that I am not embarrassed about this. Let me make this perfectly clear: making a Britney Spears joke in any context with any punchline is embarrassing.
Although that does not mean that I am not embarrassed about this. Let me make this perfectly clear: making a Britney Spears joke in any context with any punchline is embarrassing.
yearsinhotclaws
+8 -1
So britney spears walks into a bar and a giant pair of scissors walks up to her and starts making fun of her and calling her a fat ugly bitch and britney starts to cry and then the scissors says "You should not have cried because my alien mission is to weed out the weak of the human race and collect their heads." And with that, he swiftly cuts her head off with his sharpened blades, places it in a bag and walks towards the door. "Before the night is over," he says "I will raze this city to the ground." The bartender motions towards the headless corpse to his friend and says "I'd still hit that."
HEY-O
So britney spears walks into a bar and a giant pair of scissors walks up to her and starts making fun of her and calling her a fat ugly bitch and britney starts to cry and then the scissors says "You should not have cried because my alien mission is to weed out the weak of the human race and collect their heads." And with that, he swiftly cuts her head off with his sharpened blades, places it in a bag and walks towards the door. "Before the night is over," he says "I will raze this city to the ground." The bartender motions towards the headless corpse to his friend and says "I'd still hit that."
HEY-O
comrade_tom
+1 -0
Bloody hell, who wrote that joke? Seung Hui Cho?
Bloody hell, who wrote that joke? Seung Hui Cho?
quantumcasaba
+0 -0
Here are.. some of her hands..
HEY-O
Here are.. some of her hands..
HEY-O
fuckyoufriday
+1 -0
Sacrifice in March, corn have plenty starch
Sacrifice in March, corn have plenty starch
velvetpresley
+1 -0
Britney Spears is a punchline all of her own.
Britney Spears is a punchline all of her own.
senseihollywood
+0 -0
...so then Britney turns to the Priest and says, "20 bucks, same as downtown..."
The Aristocrats!
...so then Britney turns to the Priest and says, "20 bucks, same as downtown..."
The Aristocrats!
cromar
+0 -0
Huh?
Huh?
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
HEY-O!
HEY-O!
lawbot
+5 -0
Wait, looking like a twenty-five-year-old woman slightly below average dress size is what a decrepit old stripper with a stretch-marked and flubby ass looks like? I guess strippers take care of themselves.
Wait, looking like a twenty-five-year-old woman slightly below average dress size is what a decrepit old stripper with a stretch-marked and flubby ass looks like? I guess strippers take care of themselves.
octafish
+1 -0
Working the vertical pole keeps you pretty fit??
Working the vertical pole keeps you pretty fit??
synnah
+0 -0
Sometimes, the poles, they are horizontal.
Sometimes, the poles, they are horizontal.
octafish
+6 -0
Hey don't slur the polish like that!
Hey don't slur the polish like that!
pogo
+2 -0
Once you go Pole, you never go black.
Once you go Pole, you never go black.
synnah
+0 -0
Huge slam on Poland from etc. etc.
Huge slam on Poland from etc. etc.
achilleselbow
+19 -0
pigs
+0 -1
At least with that picture I know it's a dude.
When I first saw that video I honestly thought that the "star" of the video was a chick. I still feel dirty.
At least with that picture I know it's a dude.
When I first saw that video I honestly thought that the "star" of the video was a chick. I still feel dirty.
achilleselbow
+7 -0
This is why these days you should always run a thorough background check before every wank session.
This is why these days you should always run a thorough background check before every wank session.
lawbot
+0 -0
Apparently realism about what women look like is uncool now. Sorry I said Britney was fairly normal.
ps If you think Britney is fat you will always be dating a fat woman.
pps No pedantic rebuttal is necessary here.
ppps I completed the postscript trifecta.
Apparently realism about what women look like is uncool now. Sorry I said Britney was fairly normal.
ps If you think Britney is fat you will always be dating a fat woman.
pps No pedantic rebuttal is necessary here.
ppps I completed the postscript trifecta.
loneal
+0 -0
Lawbot - ain't nobody on this here forum think Britney is actually fat. Cross my heart, hope to die. That's not too pedantic, is it?
Lawbot - ain't nobody on this here forum think Britney is actually fat. Cross my heart, hope to die. That's not too pedantic, is it?
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I like a woman who is skinny enough I can see my junk when I'm boning. This requires a chick that is amazingly thin, as my junk is pretty small.
I like a woman who is skinny enough I can see my junk when I'm boning. This requires a chick that is amazingly thin, as my junk is pretty small.
jollysaintpete
+11 -1
I COME TO PERUSE THE ASSETBAR FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WEEKS AND YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE HAVING AN ARGUMENT ABOUT BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS WHAT THE FUCK PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER JESUS CHRIST
I COME TO PERUSE THE ASSETBAR FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WEEKS AND YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE HAVING AN ARGUMENT ABOUT BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS WHAT THE FUCK PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER JESUS CHRIST
maximus
+0 -0
"God appears, and God is light,
To those poor souls who dwell in night;
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day."
"God appears, and God is light,
To those poor souls who dwell in night;
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day."
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Don't blame me, it was loneal who wanted to bone her in the first place. Blame her.
Don't blame me, it was loneal who wanted to bone her in the first place. Blame her.
loneal
+0 -0
I have lowered the level of discourse in this place in such a way that it will never be able to struggle back to its former summit of sophistication.
I have lowered the level of discourse in this place in such a way that it will never be able to struggle back to its former summit of sophistication.
cassandrakazenzakis
+2 -0
no more apologizin. we women do too much apologizin and not enough making of jokes around here. you made a joke. it was slightly crass and had a few un-PC components and pop culture references. no sense saying sorry for that. if onstad cut out all the things that fit into those categories, achewood would cease to exist.
no more apologizin. we women do too much apologizin and not enough making of jokes around here. you made a joke. it was slightly crass and had a few un-PC components and pop culture references. no sense saying sorry for that. if onstad cut out all the things that fit into those categories, achewood would cease to exist.
loneal
+0 -0
Yeah but if anyone else had made that joke, I would have lamed them and thought them to be of low mind. My conscience is screaming, "HYPOCRITE!" in my ear, and my conscience is right.
Yeah but if anyone else had made that joke, I would have lamed them and thought them to be of low mind. My conscience is screaming, "HYPOCRITE!" in my ear, and my conscience is right.
tommycrashwreck
+0 -0
Marcel Duchamp reference avatar gets my chubby
Marcel Duchamp reference avatar gets my chubby
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
You are in trouble yet again Loneal!
You are in trouble yet again Loneal!
pogo
+0 -0
KEEP READING, WE GET TO STRIPPER STORIES SOON!
KEEP READING, WE GET TO STRIPPER STORIES SOON!
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I think this happened in an episode of La Blue Girl.
I think this happened in an episode of La Blue Girl.
achilleselbow
+1 -0
Lawbot cried, but he did not Accept that he cried.
Lawbot cried, but he did not Accept that he cried.
tekende
+0 -0
He never does, the poor bastard.
He never does, the poor bastard.
heccibiggs
+0 -1
By the way guys, if you have an opinion on something, it's not valid unless you either plan to go on a one-man mission to bend the entire world to your will.
Just ask lawbot.
By the way guys, if you have an opinion on something, it's not valid unless you either plan to go on a one-man mission to bend the entire world to your will.
Just ask lawbot.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Wait, I wrote "either" but I didn't put an "or" option.
I'm STUPID .
Wait, I wrote "either" but I didn't put an "or" option.
I'm STUPID .
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
awww, you're not stupid. You just want to give people the illusion of choice and free will. That's called kindness
awww, you're not stupid. You just want to give people the illusion of choice and free will. That's called kindness
i_love_kate
+0 -0
You're kind, Heccibiggs!
You... are... kind!
You're kind, Heccibiggs!
You... are... kind!
lawbot
+0 -0
Next you'll be cussing yourself for a catholic !
Next you'll be cussing yourself for a catholic !
lawbot
+0 -0
Wow, way to take it personally when you get called out on religious bigotry.
Wow, way to take it personally when you get called out on religious bigotry.
tekende
+0 -0
Who are you talking to? What religious bigotry? They were talking about Britney Spears up there.
Who are you talking to? What religious bigotry? They were talking about Britney Spears up there.
loneal
+0 -0
Britney Spears is my RELIGION, tekende. Please do not insult my religion by saying it is not one.
Britney Spears is my RELIGION, tekende. Please do not insult my religion by saying it is not one.
lawbot
+1 -0
Heccibiggs is sore that when I called her out on being an anti-catholic bigot, I would not accept that catholics "are stupid.
Specifically, she is referring to my point that calling catholics "stupid" if she is not going to engage with their beliefs and criticize them on their own terms, OR attempt to take political action against them because she believes that they harm others, is simply low abuse.
Heccibiggs is sore that when I called her out on being an anti-catholic bigot, I would not accept that catholics "are stupid.
Specifically, she is referring to my point that calling catholics "stupid" if she is not going to engage with their beliefs and criticize them on their own terms, OR attempt to take political action against them because she believes that they harm others, is simply low abuse.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I'm not sure what post of hers you're talking about, but I think the reason most people get sore at you from time to time is because you take comments that are obviously meant as jokes seriously and respond to them with pedantic rebuttals in the form of bland sarcasm. I don't wanna start a thing again, so please take this as sincere constructive criticism.
I'm not sure what post of hers you're talking about, but I think the reason most people get sore at you from time to time is because you take comments that are obviously meant as jokes seriously and respond to them with pedantic rebuttals in the form of bland sarcasm. I don't wanna start a thing again, so please take this as sincere constructive criticism.
lawbot
+0 -0
This was on #achewood, and it was a vigorously defended position.
This was on #achewood, and it was a vigorously defended position.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I feel weird saying this is a chubby. Is it okay for Britney to cause chubbies? Am I a low man for this?
I feel weird saying this is a chubby. Is it okay for Britney to cause chubbies? Am I a low man for this?
pogo
+0 -0
She's chubby, you're chubby, seems like a match to me!
She's chubby, you're chubby, seems like a match to me!
spinynorman
+6 -0
My favorite type of personal standards are the freefalling kind
Maybe they freefall so far and so fast they catch fire in the atmosphere
My favorite type of personal standards are the freefalling kind
Maybe they freefall so far and so fast they catch fire in the atmosphere
the_voice
+0 -0
You know, I actually have come to expect such sentences of you.
You know, I actually have come to expect such sentences of you.
falseprophet
+0 -0
A comment left by falseprophet was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, instantkarma, Comrade_Tom)
A comment left by falseprophet was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, instantkarma, Comrade_Tom)
falseprophet
+1 -0
So close. So goddamn close, assetbar.
So close. So goddamn close, assetbar.
killingthejay
+0 -0
it's okay. still brilliant.
it's okay. still brilliant.
gouldgonewild
+1 -0
Wow, kudos sir. My favorite part was how you left "loves horses."
Wow, kudos sir. My favorite part was how you left "loves horses."
falseprophet
+0 -0
Yes I thought about changing it to "mechanical bulls" but I thought it still gets across the point that she orgasms on the horse and keeps the meter.
Yes I thought about changing it to "mechanical bulls" but I thought it still gets across the point that she orgasms on the horse and keeps the meter.
phy
+0 -0
"crazy-ass pelvis" is just as good, if not better.
"crazy-ass pelvis" is just as good, if not better.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
also, mechanical bulls doesn't read too hot
also, mechanical bulls doesn't read too hot
daidai
+0 -0
Speak for yourself. That was just an ignorant thing to say.
(No, it wasn't. I am playing the devil's advocate. We can still be friends, right.)
Speak for yourself. That was just an ignorant thing to say.
(No, it wasn't. I am playing the devil's advocate. We can still be friends, right.)
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
I'm glad. I hate losing potential friends to mechanical bulls. Moment of silence, man.
I'm glad. I hate losing potential friends to mechanical bulls. Moment of silence, man.
howl
+1 -0
pogo
+0 -0
Well played.
Well played.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
I almost said the same thing to him
I almost said the same thing to him
howl
+0 -0
I'm a girl, but thanks anyway
(Does my avataricon project an aura of masculinity?)
I'm a girl, but thanks anyway
(Does my avataricon project an aura of masculinity?)
pogo
+0 -0
Hmm, what is your avataricon, anyway?
Hmm, what is your avataricon, anyway?
howl
+0 -0
A steampunk watch...
A steampunk watch...
nigelchaos
+0 -0
is this it?
https://www.steampunklab.com/watches/Hutonbasami/102
is this it?
https://www.steampunklab.com/watches/Hutonbasami/102
nigelchaos
+0 -0
"It is the clock which was made with design concern. It is the kind of feeling which puts the arm with the spring."
Also, I would probably wear that... the watch, not howl.
"It is the clock which was made with design concern. It is the kind of feeling which puts the arm with the spring."
Also, I would probably wear that... the watch, not howl.
howl
+0 -0
Yup, that's it. I just thought it looked cool, it doesn't have any particular meaning.
Yup, that's it. I just thought it looked cool, it doesn't have any particular meaning.
maximus
+0 -0
Tom Petty is the poor man's Peter Gabriel
Tom Petty is the poor man's Peter Gabriel
cromar
+0 -0
Solo or with Genesis? 'Cause man... either way that's a helluva bad thing to say. A helluva bad thing.
Solo or with Genesis? 'Cause man... either way that's a helluva bad thing to say. A helluva bad thing.
maximus
+0 -0
I mean to say that TP is the "lowbrow" version of the artist who likes to write deep stuff but still can't completely resist the pull of pop stardom, like PG (or Sting or Daryl Hall, for that matter)
BTW I think Daryl Hall has gotten too much work done:
I mean to say that TP is the "lowbrow" version of the artist who likes to write deep stuff but still can't completely resist the pull of pop stardom, like PG (or Sting or Daryl Hall, for that matter)
BTW I think Daryl Hall has gotten too much work done:
octafish
+0 -0
John Oates is much worse.
John Oates is much worse.
abendsonnen
+0 -0
god fucking damn. This image is so con.
god fucking damn. This image is so con.
abendsonnen
+0 -0
(note: You are a cool dude you are not con.)
(note: You are a cool dude you are not con.)
maximus
+0 -0
The sad thing is that Oates really doesn't look a whole lot better than that:
The sad thing is that Oates really doesn't look a whole lot better than that:
octafish
+0 -0
Hot damn! Maybe Oates and Jocelyn Wildenstein are related?
To be honest I can never remember her name and when I wanted to find that pic I googled "plastic surgery cat woman" and bingo!
Anywayyyy, despite clains to the contrary Jocelyn was born a woman and as such is still a viable partner for those males who said they wouldn't have sex with a transgender person. You lucky devils!
Hot damn! Maybe Oates and Jocelyn Wildenstein are related?
To be honest I can never remember her name and when I wanted to find that pic I googled "plastic surgery cat woman" and bingo!
Anywayyyy, despite clains to the contrary Jocelyn was born a woman and as such is still a viable partner for those males who said they wouldn't have sex with a transgender person. You lucky devils!
falseprophet
+0 -0
BOO TO THAT
BOO TO THAT
envika
+0 -0
i'd hit that
i'd hit that
hedonismbot
+0 -0
You can read more about this face when we discuss trannies down below
You can read more about this face when we discuss trannies down below
pogo
+1 -0
TRANNIES, RUINED JUNK. KEEP READING.
TRANNIES, RUINED JUNK. KEEP READING.
falseprophet
+0 -0
I re-iterate. I do not believe that you are as old as you say you are.
I re-iterate. I do not believe that you are as old as you say you are.
pogo
+0 -0
I have kept the teenager alive inside.
I have kept the teenager alive inside.
falseprophet
+1 -0
...Where?
Your basement?
...Where?
Your basement?
pogo
+0 -0
No one can hear you scream, teenie-bopper, this is a bomb shelter.
No one can hear you scream, teenie-bopper, this is a bomb shelter.
gormster
+0 -0
Next, on To Catch a Predator.
Next, on To Catch a Predator.
invidious
+1 -0
The alt-text references Lyle's freefalling personal standards. I refuse to buy this. Lyle's standards simple can't have much more altitude to lose. I'm sure Lyle's standards are only a short hop off the curb from rock bottom.
The alt-text references Lyle's freefalling personal standards. I refuse to buy this. Lyle's standards simple can't have much more altitude to lose. I'm sure Lyle's standards are only a short hop off the curb from rock bottom.
invidious
+2 -0
Addendum: I refuse to use adverbs for they are the devil's music.
Addendum: I refuse to use adverbs for they are the devil's music.
slackojones
+0 -0
I would have given you a Chubby if you had put another "o" in "favourite". Like at the end: "favorito".
I would have given you a Chubby if you had put another "o" in "favourite". Like at the end: "favorito".
pigs
+0 -1
I know this has nothing to do with the comic, but I was quite proud of myself when I caught the reference in your name.
I love Monty Python marathons.
I know this has nothing to do with the comic, but I was quite proud of myself when I caught the reference in your name.
I love Monty Python marathons.
skjames
+9 -0
lastlarf
+0 -0
Best thing Disney ever did? Probably.
Best thing Disney ever did? Probably.
lawbot
+0 -0
YES
YES
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Muppet Treasure Island surely?
Muppet Treasure Island surely?
lastlarf
+0 -0
No, that kid who played Jim Hawkins was extremely grating. Sorry if you are that kid. But not sorry if you aren't that kid.
No, that kid who played Jim Hawkins was extremely grating. Sorry if you are that kid. But not sorry if you aren't that kid.
gormster
+0 -0
"One leg Jim! Count 'em! One!"
"One leg Jim! Count 'em! One!"
comrade_tom
+0 -0
"When youre a professional pirate....
You don't have to wear a suit!"
How true that is...
"When youre a professional pirate....
You don't have to wear a suit!"
How true that is...
lastlarf
+0 -0
That was a great song, I must admit.
That was a great song, I must admit.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
I think the muppets should do more literary adaptations...
Heart of darkness?
1984?
The Muppets present "MuppetTessoftheDeubervilles!" (a Muppet production)?
I think the muppets should do more literary adaptations...
Heart of darkness?
1984?
The Muppets present "MuppetTessoftheDeubervilles!" (a Muppet production)?
hamscout
+0 -0
"Kermit, the Obscure"
"Ethan Foam"
*looks around for laughs*
FUCK! is there no one here to witness this?
*pouts, kicks rock*
"Kermit, the Obscure"
"Ethan Foam"
*looks around for laughs*
FUCK! is there no one here to witness this?
*pouts, kicks rock*
gormster
+0 -0
I second Muppet 1984, with Kermit as Big Brother.
I second Muppet 1984, with Kermit as Big Brother.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
"Do it to her! Do it to her! for the love of god, do it to Miss Piggy and not me, Do it to her!"
Cue signature yelling and arm waving.
(i'd provide an image but i'm basically computer illiterate, E-literate if you will)
"Do it to her! Do it to her! for the love of god, do it to Miss Piggy and not me, Do it to her!"
Cue signature yelling and arm waving.
(i'd provide an image but i'm basically computer illiterate, E-literate if you will)
octafish
+0 -0
Fozzie as Kurtz
The horror... the horror... wakka wakka wakka!
Fozzie as Kurtz
The horror... the horror... wakka wakka wakka!
nigelchaos
+0 -0
I for one would like to see "The Cask of Amontillado" starring Statler and Waldorf..
I for one would like to see "The Cask of Amontillado" starring Statler and Waldorf..
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Scariest, at least. I didn't sleep at all that night.
Of course, it was Christmas eve and I were a wee lad, but it's meaningful anyway.
Scariest, at least. I didn't sleep at all that night.
Of course, it was Christmas eve and I were a wee lad, but it's meaningful anyway.
drskradley
+0 -0
Two things:
1. Does anyone ever else buy into the idea of Disney organising Jim Henson's death? Ridiculous conspiracies are fun, after all.
and B. His CHIN looks like BALLS!
Two things:
1. Does anyone ever else buy into the idea of Disney organising Jim Henson's death? Ridiculous conspiracies are fun, after all.
and B. His CHIN looks like BALLS!
drskradley
+0 -0
Edit: " DID anyone else ever..."
Edit: " DID anyone else ever..."
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
1. oh my god... it makes so much sense now! THOSE BASTARDS!!
2. ...err B. I think it look more like someone mooning you from the bottom of his face.
1. oh my god... it makes so much sense now! THOSE BASTARDS!!
2. ...err B. I think it look more like someone mooning you from the bottom of his face.
appers
+0 -0
It doesn't help that his nose is basically about as phallic as they could get it! What the hell, disney.
It doesn't help that his nose is basically about as phallic as they could get it! What the hell, disney.
drskradley
+1 -0
At least it's missing a frenulum, glans, corpus spongiosum and dorsal vein.
(I just looked all this up on Wikipedia and I've never looked at so many diagrams of cocks in my life)
(on second thought, that may not be true)
At least it's missing a frenulum, glans, corpus spongiosum and dorsal vein.
(I just looked all this up on Wikipedia and I've never looked at so many diagrams of cocks in my life)
(on second thought, that may not be true)
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Dorsal vein? Since when did cocks become dolphins?
Dorsal vein? Since when did cocks become dolphins?
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Oh, you didn't get that surgery.
Oh, you didn't get that surgery.
loneal
+0 -0
You are clearly not familiar enough with trendy vibrators .
You are clearly not familiar enough with trendy vibrators .
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Hahahaha this website is hilarious. All pretty and blue and little flowers.
Have they ever even HEARD of the Coco De Mer website?
(My graphics tutor made us all look at this website in class, which caused far too much awkward childish giggling for a group of largely nineteen-year-olds.)
Hahahaha this website is hilarious. All pretty and blue and little flowers.
Have they ever even HEARD of the Coco De Mer website?
(My graphics tutor made us all look at this website in class, which caused far too much awkward childish giggling for a group of largely nineteen-year-olds.)
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Also - would you ever want to put something that looks like this inside your vagina?
Also - would you ever want to put something that looks like this inside your vagina?
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Ladybugs in MY vagina? It's more common than you think...
Ladybugs in MY vagina? It's more common than you think...
pogo
+0 -0
Blocked by my work Internet, thankfully!
Blocked by my work Internet, thankfully!
drskradley
+0 -0
It is THE vein. You know the one. The Vein.
It is THE vein. You know the one. The Vein.
hamscout
+0 -0
The Main Vein? The one you drain ?
...or the Mudvayne ?
...stolen along with the golden 'an' by the man in the tan van?
The Main Vein? The one you drain ?
...or the Mudvayne ?
...stolen along with the golden 'an' by the man in the tan van?
perilon
+0 -0
Lame me if you want, but cars are underrated these days.
Lame me if you want, but cars are underrated these days.
cromar
+0 -0
Lyle and Ray: two wild and crazy guys.
Man, and what an unusual time for the new strip to be posted.
Lyle and Ray: two wild and crazy guys.
Man, and what an unusual time for the new strip to be posted.
rckd
+0 -0
Achewood: unpredictable.
That's the beauty.
Achewood: unpredictable.
That's the beauty.
pogo
+0 -0
The man said "Tuesday PM," and that's when it went up.
The man said "Tuesday PM," and that's when it went up.
sirhan_duran
+0 -0
I like arriving within twenty minutes. It's very peaceful. This post will disappear within two hours.
I like arriving within twenty minutes. It's very peaceful. This post will disappear within two hours.
redmange
+1 -0
Only the flyest Honeys have Posters over the pissers. Most girls gotta go the lowbrow route and write their number on the stall door of the shitters.
Chocolate love y'all.
Only the flyest Honeys have Posters over the pissers. Most girls gotta go the lowbrow route and write their number on the stall door of the shitters.
Chocolate love y'all.
thegoodwillgirl
+5 -0
It's been a while since we've seen Lyle in all of his glory - and I think this is an absolutely perfect return.
It's been a while since we've seen Lyle in all of his glory - and I think this is an absolutely perfect return.
the_voice
+0 -0
And here he is doing what he does best; knowing how to arrange any seedy, nightmarish, morally soiling thing one can imagine.
#2 - Puking at footballs.
And here he is doing what he does best; knowing how to arrange any seedy, nightmarish, morally soiling thing one can imagine.
#2 - Puking at footballs.
professorhazard
+0 -0
I, too, am very happy to see Lyle.
I, too, am very happy to see Lyle.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Hey PH I checked my post about david yow and it turns out it works better as a compliment when the guy I'm comparing you too is actually doing something awesome and not just writhing and gurgling drunkenly on stage.
So with that in mind and with the previous asset temporarily fucked here is the restoration of the first link, so that you can be officially complimented and not just confused.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zhaSnNQ9hw&feature=related
Are we done dick ridin' now?
Yeah we're done.
Hey PH I checked my post about david yow and it turns out it works better as a compliment when the guy I'm comparing you too is actually doing something awesome and not just writhing and gurgling drunkenly on stage.
So with that in mind and with the previous asset temporarily fucked here is the restoration of the first link, so that you can be officially complimented and not just confused.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zhaSnNQ9hw&feature=related
Are we done dick ridin' now?
Yeah we're done.
pygmalion00
+0 -0
That is exactly what I did when I consumed the item in your avatar for the first, and quite possibly last time.
That is exactly what I did when I consumed the item in your avatar for the first, and quite possibly last time.
the_voice
+0 -0
Well, that's kind of inevitability. Not only does it make one puke, it incites one to puke at things to see how far they move.
I also heard that drinking a lot of it will make one's tongue take on a lovely dark purple shade, but this is unconfirmed.
Well, that's kind of inevitability. Not only does it make one puke, it incites one to puke at things to see how far they move.
I also heard that drinking a lot of it will make one's tongue take on a lovely dark purple shade, but this is unconfirmed.
whuppins
+1 -0
Harmony Kluxx? Is she related to the chicken hooker ?
Harmony Kluxx? Is she related to the chicken hooker ?
ellie
+0 -0
That chicken hooker was wicked short. Far too wickedly short to reach above the pisser to post her fliers.
In summary: That chicken hooker was wicked short.
That chicken hooker was wicked short. Far too wickedly short to reach above the pisser to post her fliers.
In summary: That chicken hooker was wicked short.
deusoma
+0 -0
And yet not as short as the abomination hooker, which may or may not have had bones.
And yet not as short as the abomination hooker, which may or may not have had bones.
drskradley
+0 -0
*shiver*
*shiver*
falseprophet
+8 -0
They are both members of the Cuckoo-Kluxx Clan.
They are both members of the Cuckoo-Kluxx Clan.
blueloggy
+1 -0
I had to chubby this terrible, terrible pun.
I had to chubby this terrible, terrible pun.
tekende
+0 -0
Chubby for stealing my line.
Chubby for stealing my line.
lastlarf
+0 -0
The chicken hooker is not canon. The Achewood machine was broken. That chicken never actualy existed.
The chicken hooker is not canon. The Achewood machine was broken. That chicken never actualy existed.
kickstart
+2 -0
It sounds like Lyle is describing a "Monet": looks good from far away, but up close, a big mess. (C. Horowitz, 1995)
It sounds like Lyle is describing a "Monet": looks good from far away, but up close, a big mess. (C. Horowitz, 1995)
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
I appreciate your annotation, good sir. I was going to say "butter face", however.
I appreciate your annotation, good sir. I was going to say "butter face", however.
westsider8
+0 -0
Actually, a butter face can do very well in stripping because the patrons are, in fact, looking at everything but her face. So, I don't think butter faces and Monets are a one to one relationship (and yes, I am the one being a dick about terms).
Actually, a butter face can do very well in stripping because the patrons are, in fact, looking at everything but her face. So, I don't think butter faces and Monets are a one to one relationship (and yes, I am the one being a dick about terms).
andyfaewatford
+0 -0
In the UK we have a similarly sexist expression: BOBFOC.
This means 'Body off Baywatch, Face off Crimewatch.' I assume this is something similar to 'Butter Face'?
(I assume it's a UK-based expression anyway. Anyone else have Crimewatch?)
In the UK we have a similarly sexist expression: BOBFOC.
This means 'Body off Baywatch, Face off Crimewatch.' I assume this is something similar to 'Butter Face'?
(I assume it's a UK-based expression anyway. Anyone else have Crimewatch?)
jthompson
+0 -0
Nobody has Crimewatch. You're insane.
Nobody has Crimewatch. You're insane.
andyfaewatford
+12 -0
I beg to differ...
I beg to differ...
rckd
+0 -0
What is brilliant about this picture is everything.
What is brilliant about this picture is everything.
odei
+0 -0
The hastier the tastier, I've always said.
The hastier the tastier, I've always said.
daidai
+0 -0
That's the story of my parents wedding.
:(
That's the story of my parents wedding.
:(
rykan
+0 -0
One big, fat chubby for you, sir.
One big, fat chubby for you, sir.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
well butter face might make more sense if you insert "everything's good" before the title
well butter face might make more sense if you insert "everything's good" before the title
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Hi-O!
Hi-O!
ethelthefrog
+0 -1
God the British have a strange way of expressing themselves. Like the one where you take a word that rhymes with the word you mean, but instead of saying the rhyming word, you say yet another word that is associated with it. Like a thing I read in which a bad smell was called a "Dame Judi". As in Judi Dench, because her surname rhymes with "stench". Why do you guys do that?
Actually, I really admire the playfulness with the language. . . . but dang .
God the British have a strange way of expressing themselves. Like the one where you take a word that rhymes with the word you mean, but instead of saying the rhyming word, you say yet another word that is associated with it. Like a thing I read in which a bad smell was called a "Dame Judi". As in Judi Dench, because her surname rhymes with "stench". Why do you guys do that?
Actually, I really admire the playfulness with the language. . . . but dang .
andyfaewatford
+0 -0
'Joe Baxi' is my favourite. It means 'taxi', obviously, but the thing is nobody knows who Joe Baxi even is!
'Joe Baxi' is my favourite. It means 'taxi', obviously, but the thing is nobody knows who Joe Baxi even is!
odei
+0 -0
The assetbar users assumes British people speak in Cockney rhyming slang. They must be having a giraffe.
The assetbar users assumes British people speak in Cockney rhyming slang. They must be having a giraffe.
andyfaewatford
+0 -0
They think we talk in rhyming slang all the time? What a heap of Eartha Kitt!
They think we talk in rhyming slang all the time? What a heap of Eartha Kitt!
andyfaewatford
+0 -0
If you think the English have fun with the language, you should see what the Scots get up to...
If you think the English have fun with the language, you should see what the Scots get up to...
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
I'm about to take four Earthas and die!
I'm about to take four Earthas and die!
daidai
+0 -0
They say maths too. Droll. Odd. Interesting.
They say maths too. Droll. Odd. Interesting.
loneal
+4 -0
They had to do something with the S they took off the end of "sports."
They had to do something with the S they took off the end of "sports."
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
v-chub, though. You know, instead of that, from now on I'm just going to say, "I appreciate you."
...I appreciate you.
v-chub, though. You know, instead of that, from now on I'm just going to say, "I appreciate you."
...I appreciate you.
lawbot
+0 -0
You know it's possible to do one sport at a time, right?
You know it's possible to do one sport at a time, right?
loneal
+0 -0
Yes, but y'all refer to athletics in general as "sport."
Yes, but y'all refer to athletics in general as "sport."
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Yea, but just because you take a letter off one word doesn't mean you have to put it on another. I mean that's not how language works at all. You can use letters as many times as you want. God, you're so STUPID.
Yea, but just because you take a letter off one word doesn't mean you have to put it on another. I mean that's not how language works at all. You can use letters as many times as you want. God, you're so STUPID.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
It's no the Brit's fault, they just hate the language. Here, have a bananer.
It's no the Brit's fault, they just hate the language. Here, have a bananer.
loneal
+0 -0
I will eat it when I get back to Americer.
I will eat it when I get back to Americer.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
It's pronounced, 'meh-er-kah'. Unless you are "sum kinna terrist"
It's pronounced, 'meh-er-kah'. Unless you are "sum kinna terrist"
octafish
+0 -0
There is also a smattering of rhyming slang in 'strine as well.
China (plate = mate)
Butchers (hook = look, also Captain Cook)
Rubbity (dub = pup from the children's rhyme rubbity-dub three men in a tub)
Plates (of meat = feet)
Seppo (seppo is a shortening of septic tank = Yank, all Americans are called Yanks even if from the south)
Tin Lids = Kids
Burke (and Wills = Dills, a dill is a stupid person, Burke and Will are explorers who starved to death in the desert.)
Reg Grundys = Undies, or underwear. Reg Grundy is an Australian television producer.
Trouble and Strife = Wife
It is believed rhyming slang came to our shores with the convicts of the First Fleet.
How to say Melbourne: "Mel-bun" saying a long "bourne" will get you called a Seppo for sure.
There is also a smattering of rhyming slang in 'strine as well.
China (plate = mate)
Butchers (hook = look, also Captain Cook)
Rubbity (dub = pup from the children's rhyme rubbity-dub three men in a tub)
Plates (of meat = feet)
Seppo (seppo is a shortening of septic tank = Yank, all Americans are called Yanks even if from the south)
Tin Lids = Kids
Burke (and Wills = Dills, a dill is a stupid person, Burke and Will are explorers who starved to death in the desert.)
Reg Grundys = Undies, or underwear. Reg Grundy is an Australian television producer.
Trouble and Strife = Wife
It is believed rhyming slang came to our shores with the convicts of the First Fleet.
How to say Melbourne: "Mel-bun" saying a long "bourne" will get you called a Seppo for sure.
andyfaewatford
+1 -0
"It doesn't matter what country someone's from, or what they look like, or the colour of their skin. It doesn't matter what they smell like, or that they spell words slightly differently- some would say more correctly..." etc.
"It doesn't matter what country someone's from, or what they look like, or the colour of their skin. It doesn't matter what they smell like, or that they spell words slightly differently- some would say more correctly..." etc.
andyfaewatford
+0 -0
What!? My tedious- some would say pointless- reference wasn't supposed to wind up here. Oh, internet, I give up on you. I'm going back to watching that documentary about the man who raped Airwolf...
What!? My tedious- some would say pointless- reference wasn't supposed to wind up here. Oh, internet, I give up on you. I'm going back to watching that documentary about the man who raped Airwolf...
lawbot
+0 -0
I've never heard athletics referred to as "sport" in my life, except incidentally.
I've never heard athletics referred to as "sport" in my life, except incidentally.
loneal
+0 -0
Someone JUST posted this thing the other day and you commented on it, so you heard it then at the very least.
Someone JUST posted this thing the other day and you commented on it, so you heard it then at the very least.
lawbot
+0 -0
WTF? I don't watch youtube videos OR comment on them.
WTF? I don't watch youtube videos OR comment on them.
loneal
+1 -0
And yet, one week ago, when numberkillinger posted a link to that video, you said, "Dude, it's the Sport. I think that was perfect for its demographic."
And yet, one week ago, when numberkillinger posted a link to that video, you said, "Dude, it's the Sport. I think that was perfect for its demographic."
lawbot
+0 -0
HUGE SLAM
Good point, although "the Sport" is the name of a newspaper, which is not a serious journal of sports and sportsmanship. But yes, we use "sport" as a kind of mass noun, I guess.
HUGE SLAM
Good point, although "the Sport" is the name of a newspaper, which is not a serious journal of sports and sportsmanship. But yes, we use "sport" as a kind of mass noun, I guess.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
It's been posited that the ryming slang of cockneyland was developed as a method of insuring the "old bill" didnt understand the various illegal schemes formulated by victorian wideboys, by speaking in a near incomprehensible and flexible dialect they could dicuss crimes within earshot of her majesties uniformed constabulary.
It's been posited that the ryming slang of cockneyland was developed as a method of insuring the "old bill" didnt understand the various illegal schemes formulated by victorian wideboys, by speaking in a near incomprehensible and flexible dialect they could dicuss crimes within earshot of her majesties uniformed constabulary.
lamewad
+1 -0
This type of phrase ALWAYS impresses me.
Favourites: "You'd better not be telling me Porky Pies!" (Lies)
and
"We'll be in Barney!" (Barney Rubble --> Trouble)
I'm not going to hide it: I got these both from watching Snatch. God I love that movie.
Also I spell favourite with a U because I live in Canada, and that's how we do.
This type of phrase ALWAYS impresses me.
Favourites: "You'd better not be telling me Porky Pies!" (Lies)
and
"We'll be in Barney!" (Barney Rubble --> Trouble)
I'm not going to hide it: I got these both from watching Snatch. God I love that movie.
Also I spell favourite with a U because I live in Canada, and that's how we do.
andyfaewatford
+1 -0
My new favourite: "That Kate Nash song is pure Kate Nash"
(A Glaswegian expresses his distaste for Kate Nash's new song)
My new favourite: "That Kate Nash song is pure Kate Nash"
(A Glaswegian expresses his distaste for Kate Nash's new song)
i_love_kate
+0 -0
...Which is rhyming slang for what, exactly?
...Which is rhyming slang for what, exactly?
andyfaewatford
+0 -0
'Tis rhyming slang for 'Gash'- which is either a crude way of saying that something is rubbish, or an even cruder way of referring to a lady's genitalia (apologies in advance).
Other indie-popstars names that are usefull for rhyming slang include Rick Whitter (formerly of Shed Seven- if that name means nothing to you then you should probably consider yourself lucky) and James Blunt. As in "I'm of to the Rick Whitter for an Eartha Kitt" and "James Blunt- what a James Blunt!"
Other notable musical stars in this linguistic genre include Rolf Harris ("Rolf" being an onomatapaeic description of the act of vomiting), Thom Yorke (to "pork"), Robert Coltrane, Pink Floyd, Super Furry Animals, Johnny Flynn, Modest Mouse, and if you believe more than half of this crap I would like to be the first to welcome you to the Assetbar Gullible Posters' Club!
'Tis rhyming slang for 'Gash'- which is either a crude way of saying that something is rubbish, or an even cruder way of referring to a lady's genitalia (apologies in advance).
Other indie-popstars names that are usefull for rhyming slang include Rick Whitter (formerly of Shed Seven- if that name means nothing to you then you should probably consider yourself lucky) and James Blunt. As in "I'm of to the Rick Whitter for an Eartha Kitt" and "James Blunt- what a James Blunt!"
Other notable musical stars in this linguistic genre include Rolf Harris ("Rolf" being an onomatapaeic description of the act of vomiting), Thom Yorke (to "pork"), Robert Coltrane, Pink Floyd, Super Furry Animals, Johnny Flynn, Modest Mouse, and if you believe more than half of this crap I would like to be the first to welcome you to the Assetbar Gullible Posters' Club!
weapon86
+1 -0
I chubbied you for being a Canadian like myself.
Whilst travelling through the UK, I learned "John Diddle". (take a piddle=john diddle) For a moment I thought I had been offensive, then saw him step into the flanders. (W.C Fields=flanders fields) I made that one up just to satisfy my simpsonian institute.
I chubbied you for being a Canadian like myself.
Whilst travelling through the UK, I learned "John Diddle". (take a piddle=john diddle) For a moment I thought I had been offensive, then saw him step into the flanders. (W.C Fields=flanders fields) I made that one up just to satisfy my simpsonian institute.
lamewad
+0 -0
Awesome, thanks!
Awesome, thanks!
comrade_tom
+0 -0
I usually use Rod Liddle, as opposed to John Diddle.
I'm irratated i left my cockney ryming slang dictionary back home, dang that thing is invaluable...
I usually use Rod Liddle, as opposed to John Diddle.
I'm irratated i left my cockney ryming slang dictionary back home, dang that thing is invaluable...
hardelicious
+0 -0
What Lyle is describing only looks good in very low light. From any distance.
What Lyle is describing only looks good in very low light. From any distance.
perilon
+7 -0
Instead of Locavore, Ray goes Locawhore.
Instead of Locavore, Ray goes Locawhore.
biztsar
+0 -0
I want to lame you for saying locavore, but at the same time chubby you for locawhore.
I want to lame you for saying locavore, but at the same time chubby you for locawhore.
loneal
+5 -1
Uncurl that skeptical eyebrow, Ray. All any girl wants is a ride in a car. The thrill of traveling at 35 mph down suburban streets past some knocked-over garbage cans and kids on skateboards who can't really do any tricks or anything but they think they look real cool fills us with an unquenchable urge to rid ourselves of clothing.
Uncurl that skeptical eyebrow, Ray. All any girl wants is a ride in a car. The thrill of traveling at 35 mph down suburban streets past some knocked-over garbage cans and kids on skateboards who can't really do any tricks or anything but they think they look real cool fills us with an unquenchable urge to rid ourselves of clothing.
maximus
+5 -0
just the miracle of internal combustion - being ferried along through the harnessing of thousands of little controlled explosions - is enough to bring most to their knees in supplication to Man and his Infinite Wisdom.
just the miracle of internal combustion - being ferried along through the harnessing of thousands of little controlled explosions - is enough to bring most to their knees in supplication to Man and his Infinite Wisdom.
odei
+8 -0
Isambard Kingdom Brunel was just knee deep in pussy.
Isambard Kingdom Brunel was just knee deep in pussy.
odei
+3 -0
What I'm trying to say is ooh, atmospheric railways .
What I'm trying to say is ooh, atmospheric railways .
maximus
+0 -0
Verily I say. I love the Wikipedia entry that describes how this beautiful pneumatic tube system was done in a year by the rats that ate all the tallow used to treat the leather joints.
Verily I say. I love the Wikipedia entry that describes how this beautiful pneumatic tube system was done in a year by the rats that ate all the tallow used to treat the leather joints.
invidious
+0 -0
Odei's comment needs hella chubbies.
Odei's comment needs hella chubbies.
odei
+0 -0
What am I, a home for orphaned chubbies?
What am I, a home for orphaned chubbies?
odei
+1 -0
Sorry, I just ate a whole stick of garlic bread and am hella raunchy.
Sorry, I just ate a whole stick of garlic bread and am hella raunchy.
varnish
+0 -0
Don't do that. You'll get fat.
Don't do that. You'll get fat.
odei
+0 -0
Nope. Gettin' fat sure as hell ain't my scene.
Nope. Gettin' fat sure as hell ain't my scene.
catgrl131
+0 -0
After reading your post, I remembered a stick of garlic bread that I had in my fridge, and I took it and chewed like Armageddon was coming. So thanks!
After reading your post, I remembered a stick of garlic bread that I had in my fridge, and I took it and chewed like Armageddon was coming. So thanks!
pogo
+0 -0
Mouth ... thing ... must not comment ... too old ... chewing ... argh!
Mouth ... thing ... must not comment ... too old ... chewing ... argh!
catgrl131
+0 -0
No! It's okay! Let it out! You're among friends.
No! It's okay! Let it out! You're among friends.
pogo
+0 -0
Fine. Ahem ... you can chew my garlic bread anytime.
Fine. Ahem ... you can chew my garlic bread anytime.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
God damn your timing.
God damn your timing.
catgrl131
+0 -0
*sniffle* What a breakthrough! I'm so proud of you! *sniffle*
*sniffle* What a breakthrough! I'm so proud of you! *sniffle*
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I think Pogo is getting a tonic for the vapours. I'll try to fill in here. Ahem.
I have a garlic stick of my own you can chew on. It's doughy, and buttery, and you can barely get your jaw around it. Also it will give you bad breath, and you can find tons of them at the Olive Garden.
I think Pogo is getting a tonic for the vapours. I'll try to fill in here. Ahem.
I have a garlic stick of my own you can chew on. It's doughy, and buttery, and you can barely get your jaw around it. Also it will give you bad breath, and you can find tons of them at the Olive Garden.
loneal
+2 -0
Man, I just thought Pogo was talking about his dentures again.
Man, I just thought Pogo was talking about his dentures again.
yearsinhotclaws
+1 -0
Totally dropping any pretense of innuendo:
Suck my dick.
Totally dropping any pretense of innuendo:
Suck my dick.
pogo
+0 -0
Stripped of metaphor and innuendo, it's so ... base.
Stripped of metaphor and innuendo, it's so ... base.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
That's not true at all. Some girls don't like riding in cars at all. You're wrong once again Loneal.
That's not true at all. Some girls don't like riding in cars at all. You're wrong once again Loneal.
loneal
+2 -0
EVERY SINGLE FEMALE ON THIS PLANET IS SEXUALLY AROUSED BY THE MIRACLE OF AUTOMOTIVE TRANSPORTATION
I WILL NOT BACK DOWN ON THIS
EVERY SINGLE FEMALE ON THIS PLANET IS SEXUALLY AROUSED BY THE MIRACLE OF AUTOMOTIVE TRANSPORTATION
I WILL NOT BACK DOWN ON THIS
hedonismbot
+0 -0
"No, loneal was banging a stick shift. That's okay, but no cookie for you."
"No, loneal was banging a stick shift. That's okay, but no cookie for you."
loneal
+3 -0
In high school, I had a bad habit of absentmindedly finger-banging the tape deck of the white minivan my mother allowed me to borrow when my little sister needed chauffeuring. I wouldn't notice I was doing it until my sister would be like, "Stop raping the car!" She still makes fun of me for it, and I am absolutely certain she would deny my cookies because of it if the situation ever arose.
In high school, I had a bad habit of absentmindedly finger-banging the tape deck of the white minivan my mother allowed me to borrow when my little sister needed chauffeuring. I wouldn't notice I was doing it until my sister would be like, "Stop raping the car!" She still makes fun of me for it, and I am absolutely certain she would deny my cookies because of it if the situation ever arose.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I am completely hilariated by the idea of absentminded finger-banging. I save chubbies for just such a thing.
I am completely hilariated by the idea of absentminded finger-banging. I save chubbies for just such a thing.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
I always do this thing on like glasses or glass bottles that have got condensation on them, when I sort of rub my fingers up and down the sides to make patterns in the condensation, and everyone who sees me doing it is like, "Why exactly are you jacking off your drink?"
I always do this thing on like glasses or glass bottles that have got condensation on them, when I sort of rub my fingers up and down the sides to make patterns in the condensation, and everyone who sees me doing it is like, "Why exactly are you jacking off your drink?"
irondave
+0 -0
And what is your answer?
And what is your answer?
pogo
+1 -0
Wow, what a coincidence! I call my junk "your drink"!
Wow, what a coincidence! I call my junk "your drink"!
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Incidentally, I think it's funny that here and above I was obnoxiously disagreeing with you as a joke, but now after I extensively disagreed with you for real below, people might take these cases seriously too.
Incidentally, I think it's funny that here and above I was obnoxiously disagreeing with you as a joke, but now after I extensively disagreed with you for real below, people might take these cases seriously too.
maximus
+6 -0
okay - "focusers" is a great term
okay - "focusers" is a great term
sirhan_duran
+0 -0
Where did this avatar come from? Holy shit!
Where did this avatar come from? Holy shit!
maximus
+1 -0
I stole it from the might swf posted here awhile ago
I stole it from the might swf posted here awhile ago
maximus
+0 -0
shmorky I believe froma nother forum did a longer Flash piece with other characters as well
shmorky I believe froma nother forum did a longer Flash piece with other characters as well
usversusthem
+2 -0
Found it!
https://shmorky.com/achewoodtestb.swf
Found it!
https://shmorky.com/achewoodtestb.swf
spinynorman
+0 -0
Hey, Schmorky! Everyone knows Schmorky from SA.
Hey, Schmorky! Everyone knows Schmorky from SA.
spinynorman
+0 -0
That avatar is going to earn you so many goddamn chubbies, starting with this motherfucker right here
That avatar is going to earn you so many goddamn chubbies, starting with this motherfucker right here
odei
+0 -0
I would chubby for the avatar, but it's the reason airwolf isn't hovering besides a number of comments, so I won't.
I would chubby for the avatar, but it's the reason airwolf isn't hovering besides a number of comments, so I won't.
pogo
+0 -0
Hey did anyone have trouble with Assetbar the past 24 hours? It would either not display, or when it did, attempting to post a message made it freeze up (on both my computers).
Hey did anyone have trouble with Assetbar the past 24 hours? It would either not display, or when it did, attempting to post a message made it freeze up (on both my computers).
falseprophet
+0 -0
Yes I had the exact same thing happen to me. Friday's strip seemed to be stuck at 702 comments all of last night. I eventually tried commenting on a different strip, and it worked, but I still couldn't comment on Friday's.
Yes I had the exact same thing happen to me. Friday's strip seemed to be stuck at 702 comments all of last night. I eventually tried commenting on a different strip, and it worked, but I still couldn't comment on Friday's.
pogo
+0 -0
Yes, and there were Bar-family-members talking about diagnoses and depression and stuff. Repost, those who need someone to talk to.
Yes, and there were Bar-family-members talking about diagnoses and depression and stuff. Repost, those who need someone to talk to.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Yeah, I got an internal server error. Then when I checked my inbox I had 118 pages of replies rather than the ridiculous 200 or whatever the fuck. Methinks assetbar is updating itself, starting with removing the duplicate responses in the inbox.
Yeah, I got an internal server error. Then when I checked my inbox I had 118 pages of replies rather than the ridiculous 200 or whatever the fuck. Methinks assetbar is updating itself, starting with removing the duplicate responses in the inbox.
hamscout
+0 -0
Perhaps new updates?? *wishes*
It's a Memorial Day miracle!
Perhaps new updates?? *wishes*
It's a Memorial Day miracle!
spinynorman
+0 -0
To be honest, most of my experiences with strippers have been either horrible or soul-crushing. The most memorable one was one that looked cute in shadows or flashing lights, but then when she was right on top of a gent you tended to notice the lazy eye and titties like empty plastic grocery bags that rolled up as though window shades in cartoons when she rubbed her front on your body
Also she had a limp.
Christ, I like my girlfriend for all sorts of reasons now.
To be honest, most of my experiences with strippers have been either horrible or soul-crushing. The most memorable one was one that looked cute in shadows or flashing lights, but then when she was right on top of a gent you tended to notice the lazy eye and titties like empty plastic grocery bags that rolled up as though window shades in cartoons when she rubbed her front on your body
Also she had a limp.
Christ, I like my girlfriend for all sorts of reasons now.
hedonismbot
+2 -0
The heartbreaker for me was the 18 year old stripper with the plastic-grocery-store boobs. It was like when you were young, and had a helium balloon. It was neat, and full, then after a week it deflated and got wrinkly in all the old bulgy parts. Those were her boobs. And a pretty good metaphor for her life. It made me really appreciate the full, bouncy boobs I stole from somebody this weekend.
The heartbreaker for me was the 18 year old stripper with the plastic-grocery-store boobs. It was like when you were young, and had a helium balloon. It was neat, and full, then after a week it deflated and got wrinkly in all the old bulgy parts. Those were her boobs. And a pretty good metaphor for her life. It made me really appreciate the full, bouncy boobs I stole from somebody this weekend.
spinynorman
+2 -0
I always like that one stripper every place seems to have that really wants to tell you about how her boyfriend is "white pride," and not "white power" which is completely different
Or the one who wants to tell you about her kid.
Sigh.
I always like that one stripper every place seems to have that really wants to tell you about how her boyfriend is "white pride," and not "white power" which is completely different
Or the one who wants to tell you about her kid.
Sigh.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
The unfortunately-boobed 18 year old was as such because she had recently had her second child. She told us all about it. By us, I mean me, because I was the sober guy not getting lap-polish and she knew I wasn't going to punch her and run out.
I agree that strip clubs are depressing. You and I are in agreement on this.
The unfortunately-boobed 18 year old was as such because she had recently had her second child. She told us all about it. By us, I mean me, because I was the sober guy not getting lap-polish and she knew I wasn't going to punch her and run out.
I agree that strip clubs are depressing. You and I are in agreement on this.
maximus
+0 -0
Okay, I am way too sad now to even think of posting more.
Okay, I am way too sad now to even think of posting more.
catgrl131
+4 -0
Was...was he mixed race?
Was...was he mixed race?
odei
+1 -0
Do not under any circumstances prize a girl's jaw open and inspect her teeth. They do not usually like this.
Do not under any circumstances prize a girl's jaw open and inspect her teeth. They do not usually like this.
spinynorman
+0 -0
There is probably a place where this is de rigeur. That is a place I will not go.
There is probably a place where this is de rigeur. That is a place I will not go.
perilon
+10 -0
Do not look a gift whore in the mouth.
Do not look a gift whore in the mouth.
morypcaina
+2 -0
Have a good night's sleep on us...
Mattress Discount Whores!
Have a good night's sleep on us...
Mattress Discount Whores!
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
I do not know how national/international this store is, but I APPRECIATE you.
I do not know how national/international this store is, but I APPRECIATE you.
yearsinhotclaws
+1 -0
landstander88
+0 -0
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut shut shut shut shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut shut shut shut shut up!
Shut up!
yearsinhotclaws
+3 -0
I JUST WANTED TO STAND ON LAND!
I JUST WANTED TO STAND ON LAND!
hardelicious
+0 -0
holy hell was that a Home Movies reference? hella chubby for you even if it wasn't, just for making me think of it.
holy hell was that a Home Movies reference? hella chubby for you even if it wasn't, just for making me think of it.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
You are correct, hardelicious.
You are correct, hardelicious.
flazisismuss
+0 -0
All of my sober experiences with strippers have been pretty horrific. It's the sort of thing that shouldn't be done sober.
Drunk, I tend to focus on staring at those ladyparts that I like and laughing a lot while telling lies to naked women sitting on my lap. When sober, I try to start discussions about politics, and end up telling them that I can't give them free legal advice.
It is so good that you can't serve alcohol at strip clubs. I would be so broke if they did.
All of my sober experiences with strippers have been pretty horrific. It's the sort of thing that shouldn't be done sober.
Drunk, I tend to focus on staring at those ladyparts that I like and laughing a lot while telling lies to naked women sitting on my lap. When sober, I try to start discussions about politics, and end up telling them that I can't give them free legal advice.
It is so good that you can't serve alcohol at strip clubs. I would be so broke if they did.
achilleselbow
+3 -0
I think this might be the kind of thing that varies by state? Around here, I believe the law is that if it's full nudity, then no alcohol, but if it's only topless, then alcohol is allowed. I guess they're afraid that the sight of an open vagina will automatically drive a drunk man to attempt rape.
Anyway, my best/worst experience was as follows: Me and a friend had tagged along with some other friends to a Coheed and Cambria show in Wilkes-Barre, PA - one of those former manufacturing towns that was now a sad and shady place. They had tickets and we thought we could just get them at the door, but it was sold out. Having nothing to do, we saw that next door to the cafe there was a strip bar called Toppers. We weren't really the strip club-frequenting types, but it was kind of raining, so we figured 'what the hell' and went in.
Inside, it was like a scene from the Star Wars Cantina. All sorts of rough-and-tumble blue-collar types watching white trash girls with bad teeth and stretch marks wobble drunkenly on a makeshift runway behind the bar. Next to the bar, another girl was dancing while an extremely old man in suspenders and a baseball cap who looked like someone from a lung cancer infomercial was cheerfully gyrating in front of her. The girl seemed both pleased and amused by this.
We had just sat down at the bar when the bartender asked for our ID's. Having already gotten a feel for what sort of place this was, I nonchalantly handed her my regular ID, which clearly said I was 19. She paused and looked at me for a second, then handed it back to me while mumbling "okay, you just...hold on to that."
The rest of the night was a bit of a blur. Some of the girls were actually decent looking (at least after a couple of Smirnoff Ices) and I ended up getting a $5 lap dance where the girl nearly fell on the floor several times. Needless to say, by the time the show ended and our friends called to see where the hell we were, we had forgotten all about Coheed and Cambria, whose second album wasn't that great anyway.
The following year, we went to another show at Cafe Metropolis and decided to check out Toppers afterwards. Instead, we were instead met with an empty storefront, and a homeless man loitering nearby confirmed what we already feared - it had burned down.
I think this might be the kind of thing that varies by state? Around here, I believe the law is that if it's full nudity, then no alcohol, but if it's only topless, then alcohol is allowed. I guess they're afraid that the sight of an open vagina will automatically drive a drunk man to attempt rape.
Anyway, my best/worst experience was as follows: Me and a friend had tagged along with some other friends to a Coheed and Cambria show in Wilkes-Barre, PA - one of those former manufacturing towns that was now a sad and shady place. They had tickets and we thought we could just get them at the door, but it was sold out. Having nothing to do, we saw that next door to the cafe there was a strip bar called Toppers. We weren't really the strip club-frequenting types, but it was kind of raining, so we figured 'what the hell' and went in.
Inside, it was like a scene from the Star Wars Cantina. All sorts of rough-and-tumble blue-collar types watching white trash girls with bad teeth and stretch marks wobble drunkenly on a makeshift runway behind the bar. Next to the bar, another girl was dancing while an extremely old man in suspenders and a baseball cap who looked like someone from a lung cancer infomercial was cheerfully gyrating in front of her. The girl seemed both pleased and amused by this.
We had just sat down at the bar when the bartender asked for our ID's. Having already gotten a feel for what sort of place this was, I nonchalantly handed her my regular ID, which clearly said I was 19. She paused and looked at me for a second, then handed it back to me while mumbling "okay, you just...hold on to that."
The rest of the night was a bit of a blur. Some of the girls were actually decent looking (at least after a couple of Smirnoff Ices) and I ended up getting a $5 lap dance where the girl nearly fell on the floor several times. Needless to say, by the time the show ended and our friends called to see where the hell we were, we had forgotten all about Coheed and Cambria, whose second album wasn't that great anyway.
The following year, we went to another show at Cafe Metropolis and decided to check out Toppers afterwards. Instead, we were instead met with an empty storefront, and a homeless man loitering nearby confirmed what we already feared - it had burned down.
flazisismuss
+2 -0
General regional vibe I've observed.
So.Cal.- Fun if you're slightly tipsy and leave fast so as to not spend too much. Some very hot and naked girl will probably try to sell you real estate.
No.Cal.- It feels sleazier in strip clubs up there. You know you're oppressing the working class.
Vegas- Like most things in Vegas, it's ironic and kitschy for about 5 minutes, then it just makes you want to die. I always wonder how everywhere you go in Vegas can be filled with wannabe-gangster jackasses. They must have capacity problems in the county jail.
The rest of Nevada- Sounds like Wilkes-Barre.
Vancouver, BC- That was fun, but it was in the days of favorable exchange rates.
Utah- It's ever so much fun when you know how much you're sinning.
Arizona- I know people who say the clubs there are great but it just feels like a dirtier, cheaper, sweatier version of Vegas without gambling to me.
General regional vibe I've observed.
So.Cal.- Fun if you're slightly tipsy and leave fast so as to not spend too much. Some very hot and naked girl will probably try to sell you real estate.
No.Cal.- It feels sleazier in strip clubs up there. You know you're oppressing the working class.
Vegas- Like most things in Vegas, it's ironic and kitschy for about 5 minutes, then it just makes you want to die. I always wonder how everywhere you go in Vegas can be filled with wannabe-gangster jackasses. They must have capacity problems in the county jail.
The rest of Nevada- Sounds like Wilkes-Barre.
Vancouver, BC- That was fun, but it was in the days of favorable exchange rates.
Utah- It's ever so much fun when you know how much you're sinning.
Arizona- I know people who say the clubs there are great but it just feels like a dirtier, cheaper, sweatier version of Vegas without gambling to me.
thorfinn
+1 -0
Oregon: Full nude, plus alcohol. We have the second most strip clubs in the nation per capita. Texas, New York, California, and I think a couple others have more overall, but compared against the number of people, only West Virginia has us beaten.
Oregon: Full nude, plus alcohol. We have the second most strip clubs in the nation per capita. Texas, New York, California, and I think a couple others have more overall, but compared against the number of people, only West Virginia has us beaten.
howl
+1 -0
Washington: I have no idea, I'm a 13-year-old girl.
Washington: I have no idea, I'm a 13-year-old girl.
spinynorman
+1 -0
your status is worrisome, then
your status is worrisome, then
octafish
+0 -0
Apparently it is from some "song" the kids like. I don't know, its all just noise, back in my day... *trails off*
Apparently it is from some "song" the kids like. I don't know, its all just noise, back in my day... *trails off*
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Must be some of that "Panic on the Dancefloor" or "Johny Eat World" nonsense all the young-uns are raving about.
Must be some of that "Panic on the Dancefloor" or "Johny Eat World" nonsense all the young-uns are raving about.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
See, I'm more into Nickelstank. I feel like they are so angsty and get me
See, I'm more into Nickelstank. I feel like they are so angsty and get me
falseprophet
+1 -0
Have you listened to the new My Bloody Romance? It's (the) shit.
Have you listened to the new My Bloody Romance? It's (the) shit.
maximus
+0 -0
What about Hoobaback?
What about Hoobaback?
catgrl131
+0 -0
And that 50 pence(exchange rates, people), whoo! He is the....fizzit? Drizzle? Ah fuck it.
And that 50 pence(exchange rates, people), whoo! He is the....fizzit? Drizzle? Ah fuck it.
loneal
+0 -0
I move that Fitty change his rapper name to "Approximately Twenty-Five Pence."
I move that Fitty change his rapper name to "Approximately Twenty-Five Pence."
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
I second the motion.
(Question)
Question has been called!
I second the motion.
(Question)
Question has been called!
howl
+0 -0
Heh, you guys are pretty funny
Heh, you guys are pretty funny
daidai
+0 -0
But in West Virginia they also count as houses -- they should really evoke a 3/5ths compromise variant or something because they are just cheating.
But in West Virginia they also count as houses -- they should really evoke a 3/5ths compromise variant or something because they are just cheating.
kamet
+0 -0
Kansas: Home of the BYOB strip club.
Kansas: Home of the BYOB strip club.
boheeka
+0 -0
Very true. I had to drive my old man to St. Albans yesterday. It was a 25 mile stretch called the Bad Lands, nothing but liquor stores, porn houses, and strip clubs as far as the eye can see.
Very true. I had to drive my old man to St. Albans yesterday. It was a 25 mile stretch called the Bad Lands, nothing but liquor stores, porn houses, and strip clubs as far as the eye can see.
paperboy_2000
+11 -0
My best/worst experience was my bewildering first experience. A couple friends and I were stumbling down Freemont Street in Vegas at 3 AM (we were just 21 so this was well before they closed off Freemont to turn it into some sort of open-air gambing mall). Various semi-attractive women from the slot joints were trying to lure us in with coupon books for free pulls and 49 cent margaritas. In front of Girls of Glitter Gulch, which with all the neon looked like any other casino, two women put admission cards into our drunken fingers and steered us into their storefront. It wasn't til passing he doorman that my eyes adjusted and I realized, "Hey, this isn't a casino. It's full of naked ladies!"
None of us had been in a topless bar before, but we were very much in the mode of, "OK, so this is what is happening now," so we let the hostess put us at a table in the back with its own little pole. We ordered our mandatory drinks and started exercising our necks seeing how reality measured up to the movies.
Then the women started coming by to sit and chat with us. We didn't know that a strip club was a place where customers and employees all play "let's pretend this is normal" so I'm sure we looked adorable with our jaws hanging open trying to make conversation with a gorgeous woman in her underwear while other strange women danced around us half-naked. Of course, we were soon asked if we would like a table dance. (I don't know if this place didn't have lap dances at the time, or if we just looked like one would likely kill us, but one was never offered.) After one of us said something along the lines of, "Why, yes, miss, that sounds lovely," the lady climbed up on the table and stripped as she danced around the pole. (to Right Said Fred "I'm Too Sexy", still burned into my consciousness)
Even though we were all three blasted, this was incredibly awkward. My brain probably sounded like Roast Beef... Oh my gosh her naked boobs are like three feet from me I shouldn't be staring at those that is totally rude I need to look her in the eye no wait it must be totally rude not to look at her boobs I mean isn't that what she is going for?
I had finally started to get into the groove of the place when one of the dancers did something to totally break my cool. She stopped dancing, stuck out her ass, and slapped it with her hand. Then she just stared at me! I had no idea what the appropriate reaction was. Woo-hoo? Should I let out a little "woo-hoo"?. Raised eyebrow and knowing nod? Golf clap? I just stared as she resumed dancing, then I looked across the table at my friends and saw them looking back at me with the same look of confusion I had. "What the hell was that? Was that supposed to be sexy?" A few seocnds later the dancer stops and does the ass-slap again, aiming it at one of my friends. Now I look over at him and see a look of fear in his eyes as she stares him down. I look over at my other friend and we both have to bite our tongues to keep from busting out laughing. No. Do not laugh at the Vegas strippers. But this lady wouldn't stop with the ass-slaps! It was like a game of Russian roulette. We're all exchanging red-faced grins around the table as she dances and then... Stop. Slap! Staaaaare! Whoever she was staring at had to try to keep a straight face while the other two bit our tongues and bobbed our heads trying to be quiet while drinking in the thrid's discomfort.
That was the longest table dance I have ever experienced at a strip club. No one broke, and the dancer was paid and moved on so we could huddle and share our bewilderment. Later on I would be in a lot more clubs and see other strippers unique moves and combos and it would all seem more normal. But that was a strange introduction to the surreal world of strip clubs.
My best/worst experience was my bewildering first experience. A couple friends and I were stumbling down Freemont Street in Vegas at 3 AM (we were just 21 so this was well before they closed off Freemont to turn it into some sort of open-air gambing mall). Various semi-attractive women from the slot joints were trying to lure us in with coupon books for free pulls and 49 cent margaritas. In front of Girls of Glitter Gulch, which with all the neon looked like any other casino, two women put admission cards into our drunken fingers and steered us into their storefront. It wasn't til passing he doorman that my eyes adjusted and I realized, "Hey, this isn't a casino. It's full of naked ladies!"
None of us had been in a topless bar before, but we were very much in the mode of, "OK, so this is what is happening now," so we let the hostess put us at a table in the back with its own little pole. We ordered our mandatory drinks and started exercising our necks seeing how reality measured up to the movies.
Then the women started coming by to sit and chat with us. We didn't know that a strip club was a place where customers and employees all play "let's pretend this is normal" so I'm sure we looked adorable with our jaws hanging open trying to make conversation with a gorgeous woman in her underwear while other strange women danced around us half-naked. Of course, we were soon asked if we would like a table dance. (I don't know if this place didn't have lap dances at the time, or if we just looked like one would likely kill us, but one was never offered.) After one of us said something along the lines of, "Why, yes, miss, that sounds lovely," the lady climbed up on the table and stripped as she danced around the pole. (to Right Said Fred "I'm Too Sexy", still burned into my consciousness)
Even though we were all three blasted, this was incredibly awkward. My brain probably sounded like Roast Beef... Oh my gosh her naked boobs are like three feet from me I shouldn't be staring at those that is totally rude I need to look her in the eye no wait it must be totally rude not to look at her boobs I mean isn't that what she is going for?
I had finally started to get into the groove of the place when one of the dancers did something to totally break my cool. She stopped dancing, stuck out her ass, and slapped it with her hand. Then she just stared at me! I had no idea what the appropriate reaction was. Woo-hoo? Should I let out a little "woo-hoo"?. Raised eyebrow and knowing nod? Golf clap? I just stared as she resumed dancing, then I looked across the table at my friends and saw them looking back at me with the same look of confusion I had. "What the hell was that? Was that supposed to be sexy?" A few seocnds later the dancer stops and does the ass-slap again, aiming it at one of my friends. Now I look over at him and see a look of fear in his eyes as she stares him down. I look over at my other friend and we both have to bite our tongues to keep from busting out laughing. No. Do not laugh at the Vegas strippers. But this lady wouldn't stop with the ass-slaps! It was like a game of Russian roulette. We're all exchanging red-faced grins around the table as she dances and then... Stop. Slap! Staaaaare! Whoever she was staring at had to try to keep a straight face while the other two bit our tongues and bobbed our heads trying to be quiet while drinking in the thrid's discomfort.
That was the longest table dance I have ever experienced at a strip club. No one broke, and the dancer was paid and moved on so we could huddle and share our bewilderment. Later on I would be in a lot more clubs and see other strippers unique moves and combos and it would all seem more normal. But that was a strange introduction to the surreal world of strip clubs.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Chubbied for the "ass-slaps" story arc and metaphorically describing stripper dance moves with fighting game vocabulary.
SUPERCOMBO FINISH
Chubbied for the "ass-slaps" story arc and metaphorically describing stripper dance moves with fighting game vocabulary.
SUPERCOMBO FINISH
paperboy_2000
+0 -0
Yeah, those stripper moves are a lot like fighting games. They all have colorful costumes, crazy names, and signature moves they use to wrestle with my libido.
Yeah, those stripper moves are a lot like fighting games. They all have colorful costumes, crazy names, and signature moves they use to wrestle with my libido.
darkernorm
+0 -0
I know I am responding to an old post, but I just need to let this guy know. If they put you in a semi-private room with a pole and only a few chairs, you are not in a strip club, that was a thinly disguised brothel. You went to a brothel.
I know I am responding to an old post, but I just need to let this guy know. If they put you in a semi-private room with a pole and only a few chairs, you are not in a strip club, that was a thinly disguised brothel. You went to a brothel.
paperboy_2000
+0 -0
Oh, this was just a strip club. It was not the situation in Go where we were off in a back room somewhere. We were in the main room with a couple long stages, just at our own booth along the back wall.
"Girls of Glitter Gulch" is still right there on Freemont Street last time I noticed. Although I would not recommend it to anyone. Last time I went in there, many years ago, the classy veneer had been... gone... and it had become a depressing assembly line for the girls to separate tourists from their money.
Oh, this was just a strip club. It was not the situation in Go where we were off in a back room somewhere. We were in the main room with a couple long stages, just at our own booth along the back wall.
"Girls of Glitter Gulch" is still right there on Freemont Street last time I noticed. Although I would not recommend it to anyone. Last time I went in there, many years ago, the classy veneer had been... gone... and it had become a depressing assembly line for the girls to separate tourists from their money.
flazisismuss
+0 -0
Awesome. First time at a strip club is bewildering. I know I'm paying her, but it just feels wrong to stare at her tits without talking to her.
Awesome. First time at a strip club is bewildering. I know I'm paying her, but it just feels wrong to stare at her tits without talking to her.
talix18
+0 -0
Just like heaven.
*not a Cure reference*
Just like heaven.
*not a Cure reference*
hamscout
+0 -0
Kenny Vaughan & 'The Art Of Love' from the Boomerang Soundtrack reference?
Kenny Vaughan & 'The Art Of Love' from the Boomerang Soundtrack reference?
talix18
+0 -0
Trouble Man and No-No reference.
Trouble Man and No-No reference.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
yeah, it is.
yeah, it is.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
At first I thought the one about the Coheed and Cambria show must've been the worst experience but then I realized you didn't go to the concert.
At first I thought the one about the Coheed and Cambria show must've been the worst experience but then I realized you didn't go to the concert.
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
OOOOOOOHHHH!!!! ...snap
OOOOOOOHHHH!!!! ...snap
cromar
+0 -0
Where I live they get around this by having a liquor store you can walk through the club to get to. God I love my town.
Strip clubs are hella depressing, to be sure. More the people who go there than ladies. The ladies I have met were all pretty much down to earth, if not the most beautiful women.
Where I live they get around this by having a liquor store you can walk through the club to get to. God I love my town.
Strip clubs are hella depressing, to be sure. More the people who go there than ladies. The ladies I have met were all pretty much down to earth, if not the most beautiful women.
dapooka
+0 -0
There were a couple of strip clubs in my area who tried an interesting dodge. Thanks to restrictive laws, even juice bars around here can't go for full nudity, limited to the g-string.
But a 'cultural event' put on in a 'theatre venue' had no such restrictions. Two different places suddenly called themselves theatres , arranged show times , and called their strippers perfomance artists - happily stripping to their birthday suits for the two years it took to work its way through the courts and legislature.
To my mind, the best part of the whole thing was watching local news interviews of sleazy strip joint managers talk about the 'art' they were providing to the community.
There were a couple of strip clubs in my area who tried an interesting dodge. Thanks to restrictive laws, even juice bars around here can't go for full nudity, limited to the g-string.
But a 'cultural event' put on in a 'theatre venue' had no such restrictions. Two different places suddenly called themselves theatres , arranged show times , and called their strippers perfomance artists - happily stripping to their birthday suits for the two years it took to work its way through the courts and legislature.
To my mind, the best part of the whole thing was watching local news interviews of sleazy strip joint managers talk about the 'art' they were providing to the community.
endoftheworld
+1 -0
"I am the ghost of Hookups Past!"
"I am the ghost of Hookups Past!"
woodjay
+1 -0
I guess Molly represents hookups future? At least until Beef's music career takes off and he gets lost in the jumble of drugs, booze, fast women, and an unmarked grave.
I guess Molly represents hookups future? At least until Beef's music career takes off and he gets lost in the jumble of drugs, booze, fast women, and an unmarked grave.
catachresis
+0 -0
Ray has not considered the carbon footprint of cheap Moldovan vodka for the hookers.
Ray has not considered the carbon footprint of cheap Moldovan vodka for the hookers.
odei
+0 -0
He's making up for it by carpooling with the hookers.
He's making up for it by carpooling with the hookers.
gladi8orrex
+3 -2
lol ray hekllsa consernd abot befez co2 an omissions dat he dun wan fly deh hookahs out all deh whey der what wit da spewin' o da carbon an da co2 an da what not. panel 2 panel 3 der is high wality hokahs nearby lol ok good late ray has idea make befez bad lyle gets some to finish up. lolcats like to be pet. if they didn't, why would we pet them?
lol ray hekllsa consernd abot befez co2 an omissions dat he dun wan fly deh hookahs out all deh whey der what wit da spewin' o da carbon an da co2 an da what not. panel 2 panel 3 der is high wality hokahs nearby lol ok good late ray has idea make befez bad lyle gets some to finish up. lol
spinynorman
+13 -0
I like reading your posts in a Cosby voice.
I like reading your posts in a Cosby voice.
jthompson
+2 -0
Thinking about how Bill Cosby talks is racist.
Thinking about how Bill Cosby talks is racist.
dapooka
+0 -0
Norman, I will now never be able to get the Cosby voice out of my head when I read Rex's posts. Chubby for you, sir!
Norman, I will now never be able to get the Cosby voice out of my head when I read Rex's posts. Chubby for you, sir!
synnah
+0 -0
"High wality hokahs" sounds amazing as Cosby.
"High wality hokahs" sounds amazing as Cosby.
maximus
+0 -0
Oh man - you must look up the web series [url=https://www.channel101.com/shows/show.php?show_id=121]"House of Cosbys"[url].
Oh man - you must look up the web series [url=https://www.channel101.com/shows/show.php?show_id=121]"House of Cosbys"[url].
maximus
+0 -0
[img}https://img183.imageshack.us/img183/7867/muttley01ln5.gif[/img]
snickin frincking grumble Assetbar roorr grrrbpphghl splfff tttdblecchasnottlegggpoonk
[img}https://img183.imageshack.us/img183/7867/muttley01ln5.gif[/img]
snickin frincking grumble Assetbar roorr grrrbpphghl splfff tttdblecchasnottlegggpoonk
maximus
+7 -0
snickin frincking grumble Assetbar roorr grrrbpphghl splfff tttdblecchasnottlegggpoonk idiot rttpppp glllgk
snickin frincking grumble Assetbar roorr grrrbpphghl splfff tttdblecchasnottlegggpoonk idiot rttpppp glllgk
spinynorman
+1 -0
Haha, beautiful.
Haha, beautiful.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Perhaps because they are soft and furry and we care about this more than their feelings?
Perhaps because they are soft and furry and we care about this more than their feelings?
jthompson
+1 -0
Lyle is the Ghost of Whiskies Past
Lyle is the Ghost of Whiskies Past
jthompson
+1 -0
I just realized that'd be the ghost of vomit and embarrassing times in bed.
I just realized that'd be the ghost of vomit and embarrassing times in bed.
robobogle
+2 -0
haha, more like the ghost of whiskies passed
haha, more like the ghost of whiskies passed
paperboy_2000
+2 -0
Old Marley was hung like a doornail.
Old Marley was hung like a doornail.
octafish
+0 -0
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly hung about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the hung est piece of ironmongery in the trade.
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly hung about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the hung est piece of ironmongery in the trade.
alienlemur
+0 -0
I think this passage was about as far as I got into the book before I put it down.
I think this passage was about as far as I got into the book before I put it down.
senorspoof
+6 -0
My cars window is broken. As such, when it rains, my "shotgun" seat gets wet. Today however, was gorgeous out. As such, after taking 2 exams, I decided to throw my junk into the car, and go get some food with a friend. At first, I kept my laptop in the back, but when the papers on my front seat started flying around, I hefted my laptop, and placed it atop the papers like a mutli-thousand dollar paper weight.
After I left to go get a sandwich (sunny-side up egg, chicken cutlet, hash brown, russian dressing... it is god.) I noticed it was raining quite hard. I only remembered my laptop. Wearing my snazzy new glasses, I stared through the window. The topside of my computer was COVERED in water. I was in horrid dismay, and one of the first thoughts that ran through my head was... "HOW WILL I CHECK ACHEWOOD!?"
On a completely different note, that first panel looks like a Lyle/Ray law firm.
My cars window is broken. As such, when it rains, my "shotgun" seat gets wet. Today however, was gorgeous out. As such, after taking 2 exams, I decided to throw my junk into the car, and go get some food with a friend. At first, I kept my laptop in the back, but when the papers on my front seat started flying around, I hefted my laptop, and placed it atop the papers like a mutli-thousand dollar paper weight.
After I left to go get a sandwich (sunny-side up egg, chicken cutlet, hash brown, russian dressing... it is god.) I noticed it was raining quite hard. I only remembered my laptop. Wearing my snazzy new glasses, I stared through the window. The topside of my computer was COVERED in water. I was in horrid dismay, and one of the first thoughts that ran through my head was... "HOW WILL I CHECK ACHEWOOD!?"
On a completely different note, that first panel looks like a Lyle/Ray law firm.
pogo
+0 -0
So a little rain did not stop your Assetbar parade?
So a little rain did not stop your Assetbar parade?
octafish
+0 -0
Fittingly it looks like Lyle is in the dock.
Fittingly it looks like Lyle is in the dock.
maximus
+0 -0
the derelict is IN
the derelict is IN
fattybeaver
+1 -0
I havent had standards in a long time. I lived in Korea for a year and I thought I could hold it to "speaks english". Man was I wrong. Now its hovering somewhere around has both arms and legs and a vagina that can pass a visual inspection in a dark room.
I havent had standards in a long time. I lived in Korea for a year and I thought I could hold it to "speaks english". Man was I wrong. Now its hovering somewhere around has both arms and legs and a vagina that can pass a visual inspection in a dark room.
pogo
+0 -0
I hate to ask, but why do you need to visually inspect her lady parts? Isn't the moisture test enough?
I hate to ask, but why do you need to visually inspect her lady parts? Isn't the moisture test enough?
fattybeaver
+1 -0
I just like to make sure it isnt broke out like my face in high school or that if she has a penis it isnt bigger than mine.
I just like to make sure it isnt broke out like my face in high school or that if she has a penis it isnt bigger than mine.
pogo
+0 -0
Oh yeah, the sores and diseases, I forgot my basic health class. Always carry a Maglite for inspection purposes, boys.
Oh yeah, the sores and diseases, I forgot my basic health class. Always carry a Maglite for inspection purposes, boys.
pogo
+0 -0
And yes, this is a setup for the old "flashlight and cave" joke.
And yes, this is a setup for the old "flashlight and cave" joke.
hamscout
+0 -0
...screw the flashlight! Help me find my keys and we'll drive outta here!
...screw the flashlight! Help me find my keys and we'll drive outta here!
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
actually, maybe don't screw the flashlight.
actually, maybe don't screw the flashlight.
trevor328
+0 -0
Dude, arms and legs are totally optional.
Dude, arms and legs are totally optional.
fattybeaver
+0 -0
Give me another week of not getting laid and then my only standard will be that she has a face. Doesnt even have to be a good one. Just be there.
Give me another week of not getting laid and then my only standard will be that she has a face. Doesnt even have to be a good one. Just be there.
dapooka
+2 -0
So what I'm hearing is that the bounciness of your avataricons is in direct relation to the length of time you've gone without getting any?
So what I'm hearing is that the bounciness of your avataricons is in direct relation to the length of time you've gone without getting any?
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Why not just bang your avatar? Like I do.
Why not just bang your avatar? Like I do.
drskradley
+3 -0
Yeah, but Hedonismbot - even your own avatar is banging an avatar.
Mind trip
Yeah, but Hedonismbot - even your own avatar is banging an avatar.
Mind trip
dapooka
+2 -0
SPLUT!
SPLUT!
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Also my hitting it wouldn't really say much about an avatar. I'd hit either of the avatars between this post and my post above.
I'm hoping in the future you two change your avatars to something completely unrelated so a future reader can think me a mighty pervert.
Also my hitting it wouldn't really say much about an avatar. I'd hit either of the avatars between this post and my post above.
I'm hoping in the future you two change your avatars to something completely unrelated so a future reader can think me a mighty pervert.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
So you're not a pervert for wanting to get at stimpy?
So you're not a pervert for wanting to get at stimpy?
drskradley
+1 -0
He's certainly not a pervert for wanting to get at Bruce Campbell. I don't want know how many instantaneous unnatural pregnancies my Ash avatars have caused Achewood readers.
It does funny stuff to the women who read this, too.
He's certainly not a pervert for wanting to get at Bruce Campbell. I don't want know how many instantaneous unnatural pregnancies my Ash avatars have caused Achewood readers.
It does funny stuff to the women who read this, too.
dapooka
+0 -0
I couldn't decide on whether to feel honored or repulsed by that, so I'll settle on vaguely confused and curious.
I couldn't decide on whether to feel honored or repulsed by that, so I'll settle on vaguely confused and curious.
phy
+1 -0
That Lyle is a no-good box of awful.
That Lyle is a no-good box of awful.
senorspoof
+14 -0
You spelled AWESOME wrong.
You spelled AWESOME wrong.
schroduck
+0 -1
No, meant awful. From Dictionary.com: Awful: solemnly impressive, inspiring awe, extremely dangerous, risky, formidable in nature or extent.
That describes Lyle to a T.
No, meant awful. From Dictionary.com: Awful: solemnly impressive, inspiring awe, extremely dangerous, risky, formidable in nature or extent.
That describes Lyle to a T.
schroduck
+0 -0
By which I meant "No, I think he actually meant awful". "I think he actually" seems to have vanished into the depths of Assetbar.
By which I meant "No, I think he actually meant awful". "I think he actually" seems to have vanished into the depths of Assetbar.
howl
+0 -0
Don't blame Assetbar for your problems
Don't blame Assetbar for your problems
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
UNNECESSARY LAME
UNNECESSARY LAME
schroduck
+0 -0
But doesn't giving the strippers a car ride defeat the purpose of making it carbon neutral? Now, if the strippers would do it for a free tandem bike ride, then we might be in business. And in fact, tandem bikes are so awesome, he might even be able to encourage a couple of "focusers" to come along.
But doesn't giving the strippers a car ride defeat the purpose of making it carbon neutral? Now, if the strippers would do it for a free tandem bike ride, then we might be in business. And in fact, tandem bikes are so awesome, he might even be able to encourage a couple of "focusers" to come along.
lbf
+2 -0
"Bikes are awesome" is the kind of thinking that has kept me patronizing strippers in search of human contact for a long time.
"Bikes are awesome" is the kind of thinking that has kept me patronizing strippers in search of human contact for a long time.
octafish
+0 -0
Offering strippers a ride on your recumbent bicycle will get you beat up by bouncers.
Offering strippers a ride on your recumbent bicycle will get you beat up by bouncers.
jthompson
+0 -0
I challenge all Achewood readers to find a picture of any woman at all on a recumbent bicycle.
(SPOILER!: There are no pictures of this anywhere)
I challenge all Achewood readers to find a picture of any woman at all on a recumbent bicycle.
(SPOILER!: There are no pictures of this anywhere)
phy
+1 -0
If this is a dude, he has loveley hair:
If this is a dude, he has loveley hair:
jthompson
+0 -0
Paying your roommate to wear a wig and get on a bike doesn't count. The effort involved in doing this, however, makes me feel pretty good. Thanks for making me feel pretty good.
Paying your roommate to wear a wig and get on a bike doesn't count. The effort involved in doing this, however, makes me feel pretty good. Thanks for making me feel pretty good.
octafish
+3 -0
Loverly ankles too.
Fuck, I came over all Victorian lout just now.
I picture myself carousing in Whitechapel, all hanging out of a hansom cab drunk on gin yelling "Shaarussyaaranklesss".
Loverly ankles too.
Fuck, I came over all Victorian lout just now.
I picture myself carousing in Whitechapel, all hanging out of a hansom cab drunk on gin yelling "Shaarussyaaranklesss".
yearsinhotclaws
+1 -0
I read that as "I came all over Victorian lout just now."
I read that as "I came all over Victorian lout just now."
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
My god, I'm glad I'm not the only one.
My god, I'm glad I'm not the only one.
gowerski
+0 -0
2ndd
2ndd
loneal
+0 -0
I'm still reading it like that.
I'm still reading it like that.
tekende
+0 -0
Why wouldn't you?
Why wouldn't you?
lawbot
+3 -0
GITCHOR ANKLES OUT FOR THE LADS FOR THE LADS
GITCHOR ANKLES OUT FOR THE LADS FOR THE LADS
paperboy_2000
+10 -0
Carbon neutral strippers are the type where the gasoline they burned to get to the club is cancelled out by the manager needing to lower all the stage lights so they can be viewed directly.
Carbon neutral strippers are the type where the gasoline they burned to get to the club is cancelled out by the manager needing to lower all the stage lights so they can be viewed directly.
freelancelove
+0 -0
Oh god. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Oh god. Yes. Yes. Yes.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
oh my god... supervchub.
oh my god... supervchub.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Yea but the kinds of girls that would be excited by a carbon neutral tandem bike ride would probably have unshaven armpits and want to talk to you about the new Joanna Newsom record instead of getting naked.
Yea but the kinds of girls that would be excited by a carbon neutral tandem bike ride would probably have unshaven armpits and want to talk to you about the new Joanna Newsom record instead of getting naked.
odei
+0 -0
It is far better to have someone to talk to you about Joanna Newsom than to hear her singing. Also I know someone that loves carbon neutrality, not shaving, Joanna Newsom, and getting naked.
It is far better to have someone to talk to you about Joanna Newsom than to hear her singing. Also I know someone that loves carbon neutrality, not shaving, Joanna Newsom, and getting naked.
octafish
+0 -0
Can't hear Newsom without thinking of Ralph Wiggum.
Can't hear Newsom without thinking of Ralph Wiggum.
odei
+0 -0
I can't hear Newsom without tensing my whole body until the sound of the blood gushing out of my ears drowns out her voice.
I can't hear Newsom without tensing my whole body until the sound of the blood gushing out of my ears drowns out her voice.
tekende
+0 -0
Holy shit. I wish I had a chubby for this. It is such an awesome post.
Holy shit. I wish I had a chubby for this. It is such an awesome post.
madrin
+0 -0
man i really dig joanna newsom. is it just me?
man i really dig joanna newsom. is it just me?
tekende
+0 -0
Yes. It is just you. Most people, you see, are averse to listening to the sounds of pure pain coming from their speakers. It is this sound that Joanna Nuisance milks, long and hard, for hermusic .
Yes. It is just you. Most people, you see, are averse to listening to the sounds of pure pain coming from their speakers. It is this sound that Joanna Nuisance milks, long and hard, for her
madrin
+0 -0
i was about to have you slayed, but your taste in music is pretty good.
i was about to have you slayed, but your taste in music is pretty good.
kendieatsbabies
+0 -0
No.
No.
flazisismuss
+0 -0
Emily is a good song. The rest of Ys is kind of dull.
Emily is a good song. The rest of Ys is kind of dull.
kickstart
+0 -0
So Dickens is a well-used term 'round these parts, but has it before been used in conjunction with the actual literary Dickens?
So Dickens is a well-used term 'round these parts, but has it before been used in conjunction with the actual literary Dickens?
octafish
+0 -0
[img]https://loomzi.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/bob-marley.jpg[/i]
"You will be haunted," resumed the Ghost, "by Three Spirits."
Ketel One, Zinfandel, and Cuervo I'm guessing.
[img]https://loomzi.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/bob-marley.jpg[/i]
"You will be haunted," resumed the Ghost, "by Three Spirits."
Ketel One, Zinfandel, and Cuervo I'm guessing.
octafish
+1 -0
Cocked it up again I'm shit this morning.
Cocked it up again I'm shit this morning.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Bob's Lookin' hella quizical for a man who thinks Haille Sellase got taken away to a secret kingdom on an underground railroad...
Bob's Lookin' hella quizical for a man who thinks Haille Sellase got taken away to a secret kingdom on an underground railroad...
octafish
+0 -0
The chains he forged in life are weighing him down.
The chains he forged in life are weighing him down.
the_dude
+0 -0
lyle has always been my favorite, i havent bought any of the apparel but if there was a lyle shirt... man, that would just be sick as hell.
lyle has always been my favorite, i havent bought any of the apparel but if there was a lyle shirt... man, that would just be sick as hell.
leth
+0 -0
Lyle is getting an eyeful in panel 8. How sly.
Lyle is getting an eyeful in panel 8. How sly.
xiaomimi
+0 -0
I think he's actually staring intently at his whiskey in preparation for the next drink. I do the same thing when I'm drunk and growing confused or bored with the conversation. I think I have some drunkard's theory that this makes me appear capable of mental focus at times when this is not at all the case.
I think he's actually staring intently at his whiskey in preparation for the next drink. I do the same thing when I'm drunk and growing confused or bored with the conversation. I think I have some drunkard's theory that this makes me appear capable of mental focus at times when this is not at all the case.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I haven't scrolled down the page yet, but I swear by Crom if someone makes a "Freefalling" reference I'm gonna take four shits and die.
I haven't scrolled down the page yet, but I swear by Crom if someone makes a "Freefalling" reference I'm gonna take four shits and die.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!
phy
+2 -0
So this is the sound of four shits.
So this is the sound of four shits.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Sorry dude. Did I beat you to the punch?
Sorry dude. Did I beat you to the punch?
achilleselbow
+0 -0
No. The dorm where I lived for two years was right next to a frat which had a stereo on the porch that basically played "Freefalling," "Black Betty," and "Sweet Home Alabama" on repeat every single goddamn day. That song is cancer and madness.
No. The dorm where I lived for two years was right next to a frat which had a stereo on the porch that basically played "Freefalling," "Black Betty," and "Sweet Home Alabama" on repeat every single goddamn day. That song is cancer and madness.
falseprophet
+2 -0
I do not think the song is all that great. I saw the strip and only vaguely remembered that a song called "Freefalling" existed and had to find out from the internet that the musician who created it was Tom Petty. Then I looked at the video and set to work.
I Am Sorry This Strip Reminded You Of The Torment You Underwent During Your Undergraduate Career
(inside) The Jocks At My School Loved To Walk Through The Halls Screaming "Jumanji!" For No Goddam Reason
I do not think the song is all that great. I saw the strip and only vaguely remembered that a song called "Freefalling" existed and had to find out from the internet that the musician who created it was Tom Petty. Then I looked at the video and set to work.
I Am Sorry This Strip Reminded You Of The Torment You Underwent During Your Undergraduate Career
(inside) The Jocks At My School Loved To Walk Through The Halls Screaming "Jumanji!" For No Goddam Reason
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
I honestly don't see an issue with this
I honestly don't see an issue with this
kickstart
+0 -0
You made an excellent song parody for only having a passing familiarity with the original. Good show!
You made an excellent song parody for only having a passing familiarity with the original. Good show!
octafish
+0 -0
octafish
+0 -0
ARSE!
Hmmmm, what I meant to post was:
Let's have a bachelor party with chicks and guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze!
What did you say, Stanley? What did you say,Stanley? What did you say, Stanley? You said no hookers! You said no hookers! No hookers! No hookers! No hookers! No hookers!
ARSE!
Hmmmm, what I meant to post was:
Let's have a bachelor party with chicks and guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze!
What did you say, Stanley? What did you say,Stanley? What did you say, Stanley? You said no hookers! You said no hookers! No hookers! No hookers! No hookers! No hookers!
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
The title of the strip excites me, for it appears to be the beginning of a new arc for this week.
The title of the strip excites me, for it appears to be the beginning of a new arc for this week.
octafish
+0 -0
One with Tom Hanks in the main role!
I need to check the obscurity/acceptability chart to see where Bachelor Party falls. Are 80's hooker /pimping based comedies still in vogue? For all the young ones out there, off the top of my pointed head a list .
Bachelor Party, 1984 Tom Hanks career highlight
Doctor Detroit, 1983 Worst Movie Never Seen?
Night Shift, 1982 Micheal Keaton and Henry Winkler!
Risky Business, 1983 Guido the Killer Pimp is Joey Pants!
There you go the definitive 1980's Hooker-Comedy List.
One with Tom Hanks in the main role!
I need to check the obscurity/acceptability chart to see where Bachelor Party falls. Are 80's hooker /pimping based comedies still in vogue? For all the young ones out there, off the top of my pointed head a list .
Bachelor Party, 1984 Tom Hanks career highlight
Doctor Detroit, 1983 Worst Movie Never Seen?
Night Shift, 1982 Micheal Keaton and Henry Winkler!
Risky Business, 1983 Guido the Killer Pimp is Joey Pants!
There you go the definitive 1980's Hooker-Comedy List.
irondave
+0 -0
Michael Keaton was hilarious in Night Shift .
Michael Keaton was hilarious in Night Shift .
paperboy_2000
+0 -0
Kevin Costner was hilarious in Night Shift
Doctor! woo!woo! Doctor, Detroit!
Kevin Costner was hilarious in Night Shift
Doctor! woo!woo! Doctor, Detroit!
octafish
+0 -0
Ahh yes, the only redeeming feature of Doctor Detroit DE-VO .Well it also made Spies Like Us look like Citizen Kane. No the only reedeming feature.
Ahh yes, the only redeeming feature of Doctor Detroit DE-VO .
cromar
+0 -0
Are we not men?! D-E-V-O. Let's go. Epileptic dance party!
Are we not men?! D-E-V-O. Let's go. Epileptic dance party!
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
Epileptic seizures are the only acceptable dance moves for DEVO songs.
*cues up "uncontrollable urge"*
Epileptic seizures are the only acceptable dance moves for DEVO songs.
*cues up "uncontrollable urge"*
foea
+0 -0
Also, the line "I'm going to rip off your head and shit down your neck" first appears there.
Also, the line "I'm going to rip off your head and shit down your neck" first appears there.
tekende
+0 -0
Your mom was hilarious in my night shift.
Your mom was hilarious in my night shift.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
Wow, I feel like a tool now.
Wow, I feel like a tool now.
tekende
+0 -0
Aw, don't worry, gouldgondwild. You are rad.
Aw, don't worry, gouldgondwild. You are rad.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
Thank you tekende. Everyone just get along and bash each other's moms...
Thank you tekende. Everyone just get along and bash each other's moms...
catgrl131
+0 -0
I bashed your mother last night! HEY-OH!
I bashed your mother last night! HEY-OH!
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
...alright now you've crossed the line.
...alright now you've crossed the line.
odei
+0 -0
I crossed your mother's line(gerie) last night.
Hey-o.
I crossed your mother's line(gerie) last night.
Hey-o.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
I don't know what my mom has been doing. Or why everyone on assetbar has their bar in her assets
I don't know what my mom has been doing. Or why everyone on assetbar has their bar in her assets
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
What about...that one video...that your mom was in...?
What about...that one video...that your mom was in...?
drskradley
+0 -0
Have we ever seen much interaction between Lyle and Beef?
I can't seem to recall any. I'd be interested to see how the two would interact. Lyle's so in-your-face and lacking any subtlety at all, and I don't know how Beef would react to it. It's interesting how some friends in a group just never really talk or hang out together except as part of the larger group - and even then, never really talking to each other.
I know Ray is Beef's opposite, too - but dude, it's Ray.
Have we ever seen much interaction between Lyle and Beef?
I can't seem to recall any. I'd be interested to see how the two would interact. Lyle's so in-your-face and lacking any subtlety at all, and I don't know how Beef would react to it. It's interesting how some friends in a group just never really talk or hang out together except as part of the larger group - and even then, never really talking to each other.
I know Ray is Beef's opposite, too - but dude, it's Ray.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
How could you forget ?
How could you forget ?
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Oh my god, I'm an idiot. I got so caught up in assetcode that I didn't bother to read your post carefully.
Oh my god, I'm an idiot. I got so caught up in assetcode that I didn't bother to read your post carefully.
falseprophet
+0 -0
achilleselbow, why dost thou burn the candle at both ends?
achilleselbow, why dost thou burn the candle at both ends?
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I've always found the friendship between Beef and Todd to be interesting and strangely fitting though.
I've always found the friendship between Beef and Todd to be interesting and strangely fitting though.
evolume
+4 -0
I REFERENCE EARLIER STRIP AND POST [url=https://achewood.com/index.php?date=06112007]LINK[\url] TO SAID STRIP AND SIMULTANEOUSLY BOTCH BBCODE
I REFERENCE EARLIER STRIP AND POST [url=https://achewood.com/index.php?date=06112007]LINK[\url] TO SAID STRIP AND SIMULTANEOUSLY BOTCH BBCODE
synnah
+0 -0
IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE YOU SAW IT COMING.
IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE YOU SAW IT COMING.
usversusthem
+0 -0
metaaaaa
metaaaaa
drskradley
+0 -0
ENORMOUS V-CHUBS.
I love it.
ENORMOUS V-CHUBS.
I love it.
cousinted
+0 -0
Well...I get the feeling Beef wasn't going to enjoy the high-class strippers that much anyway.
Well...I get the feeling Beef wasn't going to enjoy the high-class strippers that much anyway.
catgrl131
+1 -0
oh my god she has got scoliosis
oh my god she has got scoliosis
pygmalion00
+0 -0
He thinks strippers who'll do their business for a car ride is bad? I know a chick who'll take her clothes off for the opportunity to work a riding mower. A chick with a mowed lawn...mowing YOUR lawn! This sounds like a harebrained moneymaking scheme that could actually work!
He thinks strippers who'll do their business for a car ride is bad? I know a chick who'll take her clothes off for the opportunity to work a riding mower. A chick with a mowed lawn...mowing YOUR lawn! This sounds like a harebrained moneymaking scheme that could actually work!
schroduck
+2 -0
There's just one problem with your admittedly superb moneymaking scheme. At no stage in the scheme does money factor into it in anyway at all . To put it simply:
Step 1: Get naked girl
Step 2: Get lawnmower
Step 3: Mow lawn.
Step 4: ???????
Step 5: PROFITS!
There's just one problem with your admittedly superb moneymaking scheme. At no stage in the scheme does money factor into it in anyway at all . To put it simply:
Step 1: Get naked girl
Step 2: Get lawnmower
Step 3: Mow lawn.
Step 4: ???????
Step 5: PROFITS!
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Well, this assumes that other people will pay money to watch a naked girl on a riding mower mow their lawn. This is a pretty safe assumption. Unfortunately, most men who have lawns also have wives, which may prove to be an obstacle.
Well, this assumes that other people will pay money to watch a naked girl on a riding mower mow their lawn. This is a pretty safe assumption. Unfortunately, most men who have lawns also have wives, which may prove to be an obstacle.
pygmalion00
+0 -0
Obstacle or not, men would still do it.
Obstacle or not, men would still do it.
stereo
+0 -0
Call it a charity.
For strippers.
Call it a charity.
For strippers.
daidai
+0 -0
What is wierd is that I have said "Just put a towel over my ass and call me Marley, toots" a few times before.
(Nope)
What is wierd is that I have said "Just put a towel over my ass and call me Marley, toots" a few times before.
(Nope)
lawbot
+0 -0
Panel four. Is best panel, in funniest strip.
Panel four. Is best panel, in funniest strip.
pogo
+0 -0
Hmm, had more trouble logging onto Assetworld this morning. Complained to the web hosting company and the online marketing company.
Hmm, had more trouble logging onto Assetworld this morning. Complained to the web hosting company and the online marketing company.
missbee
+0 -0
Oh, hee hee. I missed Lyle's "focusers," comment the first time through. That is hilarious .
Oh, hee hee. I missed Lyle's "focusers," comment the first time through. That is hilarious .
hardelicious
+0 -0
I really want Vlad at this bachelor party. The strippers will be the nudest they are ever being.
They will be so nude.
I really want Vlad at this bachelor party. The strippers will be the nudest they are ever being.
They will be so nude.
manvsinternet
+0 -0
I don't know why, but I immediately thought of the post-op transexuals Lyle was employed to make feel comfortable. Sure as hell would make Beef grateful for getting married.
Also, panel 5 scares me with Lyle's blank staring at Ray's crotch.
I don't know why, but I immediately thought of the post-op transexuals Lyle was employed to make feel comfortable. Sure as hell would make Beef grateful for getting married.
Also, panel 5 scares me with Lyle's blank staring at Ray's crotch.
loneal
+0 -0
Yo, there's plenty of hot transfolk. Believe it or not, they get laid all the time. And married, even!
But maybe you are saying that Beef would be grateful for getting married if he saw how functional and cute Thomas Beatie's marriage is and realized that marriage can bring two people together in a really beautiful way regardless of their gender. In that case, I would agree with you.
Yo, there's plenty of hot transfolk. Believe it or not, they get laid all the time. And married, even!
But maybe you are saying that Beef would be grateful for getting married if he saw how functional and cute Thomas Beatie's marriage is and realized that marriage can bring two people together in a really beautiful way regardless of their gender. In that case, I would agree with you.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Well, that's only if they are oriented in such a way as to not care about gender or to prefer both. I think he was saying that Beef would be grateful for being married because it meant avoiding the risk of having a hot catgirl turn out to be a catdude. I mean I don't think it's prejudiced at all to say that as a straight dude, I find the idea of boning a chick who used to be a dude hella gross, though I certainly don't begrudge other people the right to do so.
Well, that's only if they are oriented in such a way as to not care about gender or to prefer both. I think he was saying that Beef would be grateful for being married because it meant avoiding the risk of having a hot catgirl turn out to be a catdude. I mean I don't think it's prejudiced at all to say that as a straight dude, I find the idea of boning a chick who used to be a dude hella gross, though I certainly don't begrudge other people the right to do so.
loneal
+0 -0
Yeah, see, I think that is weird. I don't understand why you would think it is gross to have sex with a hot woman just because she used to have a penis but doesn't have one anymore. I mean, she's a woman now. It is just a thing I don't understand.
Although your phrasing has brought an important question up in my mind: What if Assetbar's very own hot catgrl turned out to be a catd00d?
Yeah, see, I think that is weird. I don't understand why you would think it is gross to have sex with a hot woman just because she used to have a penis but doesn't have one anymore. I mean, she's a woman now. It is just a thing I don't understand.
Although your phrasing has brought an important question up in my mind: What if Assetbar's very own hot catgrl turned out to be a catd00d?
hedonismbot
+2 -1
The trick to traps is that they are not hot women. It is okay to be attracted to a dressed, pretty tranimal. When you see one naked, she is clearly not a woman. Surgery can only go so far. A man not wanting to press his business into the ruined junk of another person is reasonable. If some chick gets herself changed into a dude, and you are attracted to that dude, this is awesome. It is also okay if you don't want that transexual dude to put his plastic fake dong into you.
What I am saying is that there is such a thing as a hot tranny, but there is no such thing as a tranny that is the same as a woman during bonetime.
The trick to traps is that they are not hot women. It is okay to be attracted to a dressed, pretty tranimal. When you see one naked, she is clearly not a woman. Surgery can only go so far. A man not wanting to press his business into the ruined junk of another person is reasonable. If some chick gets herself changed into a dude, and you are attracted to that dude, this is awesome. It is also okay if you don't want that transexual dude to put his plastic fake dong into you.
What I am saying is that there is such a thing as a hot tranny, but there is no such thing as a tranny that is the same as a woman during bonetime.
loneal
+0 -0
I think that you base your sexuality much more on genitalia and much less on personality than I do. The phrase "ruined junk" is pretty offensive to me, but I think I lost all my feminist cred near the top of this page, so I guess I will not say anything more about it.
I think that you base your sexuality much more on genitalia and much less on personality than I do. The phrase "ruined junk" is pretty offensive to me, but I think I lost all my feminist cred near the top of this page, so I guess I will not say anything more about it.
achilleselbow
+0 -1
Um...I don't mean to be a lawbot here, but it's pretty normal to "base your sexuality on genitalia". I mean it's cool if you're bi and all (no, I mean it's really REALLY cool), but it doesn't make you a better or more open-minded person, since this shit is all somewhat genetic anyway.
Um...I don't mean to be a lawbot here, but it's pretty normal to "base your sexuality on genitalia". I mean it's cool if you're bi and all (no, I mean it's really REALLY cool), but it doesn't make you a better or more open-minded person, since this shit is all somewhat genetic anyway.
loneal
+0 -0
Is it? From what I hear, most straight girls think penises are kinda funny-looking. In fact, a bunch of British girls in heccibiggs' kitchen vociferously disagreed with me when I said otherwise. I think attraction has more to do with the performance of gender than with actual, physical genitalia (and more to do with personality than with performance of gender). I would never stop sleeping with a guy because he had a small dick, for example, and if I closed my eyes, I would not be able to tell the difference between a real dong and a fake plastic dong during sex.
Maybe there is no such thing as a tranny who is the same as a woman during bonetime, but I don't see how that means their junk is "ruined." It just means it's different. But so what? You don't fuck someone just because of their gender, or you'd want to fuck every single girl in the world.
I found that "ruined" part offensive, but I don't think I made any judgments about superiority or open-mindedness or normality, did I? I'm not going to come to your house and point a gun at your head until you fuck a transperson.
Is it? From what I hear, most straight girls think penises are kinda funny-looking. In fact, a bunch of British girls in heccibiggs' kitchen vociferously disagreed with me when I said otherwise. I think attraction has more to do with the performance of gender than with actual, physical genitalia (and more to do with personality than with performance of gender). I would never stop sleeping with a guy because he had a small dick, for example, and if I closed my eyes, I would not be able to tell the difference between a real dong and a fake plastic dong during sex.
Maybe there is no such thing as a tranny who is the same as a woman during bonetime, but I don't see how that means their junk is "ruined." It just means it's different. But so what? You don't fuck someone just because of their gender, or you'd want to fuck every single girl in the world.
I found that "ruined" part offensive, but I don't think I made any judgments about superiority or open-mindedness or normality, did I? I'm not going to come to your house and point a gun at your head until you fuck a transperson.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I will comment on three parts. First, penises are funny-looking. They are designed by a drunk person. Vaginas aren't much better. Both smell weird and give off unpleasant tastes. A person's business district is not designed for aesthetics.
Second, if I had any ability to stand 'whatwhat' style sex, trannies would be awesome. 'backofaVolkswagon' boning would be EXACTLY the same, and traps would be absolutely functional. Unfortunately, I can only giggle at that act, it does not give me a radish, I am not theirateturk.
Third, if I had known earlier that you don't mind men with small dangles, I would have totally made my move on you. My deal is tiny, and shaped like a car.
I will comment on three parts. First, penises are funny-looking. They are designed by a drunk person. Vaginas aren't much better. Both smell weird and give off unpleasant tastes. A person's business district is not designed for aesthetics.
Second, if I had any ability to stand 'whatwhat' style sex, trannies would be awesome. 'backofaVolkswagon' boning would be EXACTLY the same, and traps would be absolutely functional. Unfortunately, I can only giggle at that act, it does not give me a radish, I am not theirateturk.
Third, if I had known earlier that you don't mind men with small dangles, I would have totally made my move on you. My deal is tiny, and shaped like a car.
loneal
+0 -0
Oh sorry, I only do guys with dicks shaped like Airwolf. I guess I should have mentioned that. Size? Not a problem. Shaped like Airwolf? It is a muft.
Oh sorry, I only do guys with dicks shaped like Airwolf. I guess I should have mentioned that. Size? Not a problem. Shaped like Airwolf? It is a muft.
falseprophet
+2 -0
And when he heard that, falseprophet put his little bonsai tree back in his pants, and walked home, not bothering to cover his head from the rain.
And when he heard that, falseprophet put his little bonsai tree back in his pants, and walked home, not bothering to cover his head from the rain.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Mine looks like a duck, or, if you squint and turn your head, a rabbit.
Mine looks like a duck, or, if you squint and turn your head, a rabbit.
hamscout
+0 -0
...is it a vase? Or two people kissing?!?
...roses on a piano? Or tulips on an organ?!?
...is it a vase? Or two people kissing?!?
...roses on a piano? Or tulips on an organ?!?
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
It makes for a good conversation piece when your dick is an optical illusion.
It makes for a good conversation piece when your dick is an optical illusion.
catgrl131
+4 -0
Ooh la LA!
Ooh la LA!
pogo
+0 -0
Hmm, the ball pubes look like Greek or Cyrillic letters, and spell ... "suck me"
Hmm, the ball pubes look like Greek or Cyrillic letters, and spell ... "suck me"
woodenteeth
+0 -0
woodenteeth's fringe sticks to his face and he sucks a little rain into his mouth. he is hiding from falseprophet inside a hedge which he prunes with his freshly sharpened genitalia.
woodenteeth's fringe sticks to his face and he sucks a little rain into his mouth. he is hiding from falseprophet inside a hedge which he prunes with his freshly sharpened genitalia.
drskradley
+0 -0
My genitalia looks just like a massive, shiny, throbbing V-Chub for you, Woodenteeth. The punchline was just delicious.
My genitalia looks just like a massive, shiny, throbbing V-Chub for you, Woodenteeth. The punchline was just delicious.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
That's not an f, everyone, it's an Olde Englishe Scripte E..e
That's not an f, everyone, it's an Olde Englishe Scripte E..e
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
Fuck, S
Fuck, S
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Quote:
Well, consider it this way: biological gender (genitalia included) is a necessary but not sufficient condition. So it forms the basis for the more specific criteria one applies to biological females, which in my case would be that they be missing no more than two limbs and have most of their facial features intact and in roughly the right places.
Quote:
You don't fuck someone just because of their gender, or you'd want to fuck every single girl in the world.
Well, consider it this way: biological gender (genitalia included) is a necessary but not sufficient condition. So it forms the basis for the more specific criteria one applies to biological females, which in my case would be that they be missing no more than two limbs and have most of their facial features intact and in roughly the right places.
loneal
+0 -0
You are not a breast man, an ass man, a leg man, or a face man. You are a biological pussy man. I understand this.
However, I would just like to preemptively say that the next person who tells me that feminists suck because they base everything on gender, and that everyone should be a humanist instead of a feminist? That person has to talk to elbox first, because clearly I'm not the only one filtering the world through the gender lens.
You are not a breast man, an ass man, a leg man, or a face man. You are a biological pussy man. I understand this.
However, I would just like to preemptively say that the next person who tells me that feminists suck because they base everything on gender, and that everyone should be a humanist instead of a feminist? That person has to talk to elbox first, because clearly I'm not the only one filtering the world through the gender lens.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
But I mean, feminism isn't just a sexual issue, like what hedonismbot wants to stick his cajones in
But I mean, feminism isn't just a sexual issue, like what hedonismbot wants to stick his cajones in
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Well if there's anything I've learned in all my processing of theory drivel, it's that there are so many different strains of feminism which disagree on so many fundamental things that any blanket judgment about feminism reveals more about the speaker's own prejudices than the subject at hand. Of course, this also means that it's also pretty useless to identify as a feminist unless you're willing to put a few prefixes in front of it.
The thing is that we weren't talking about how one treats people in society, but how one views them sexually. So while it is both necessary and good that we don't filter the first thing through the gender lens and treat everyone equally in that sense, approaching sexuality the same way is neither conceivable nor desirable for the majority of people. The problem is that since Freud a lot of (not all!) gender theorists have run away with this idea that sexuality is the basis for everything in life and thus the project of human liberation must start with tearing down all gender norms. I would instead suggest that we limit our gender norms to our sexuality and just not extend them beyond deciding who we personally want to fuck.
So anyway, I can see that "ruined" is offensive because it carries a negative value judgment, but from the standpoint of a straight guy it is technically "ruined" in the sense of "modified so as to be no longer desirable to me". So I guess "modified junk" would be a more acceptable phrase. It just doesn't have the same ring to it though.
Well if there's anything I've learned in all my processing of theory drivel, it's that there are so many different strains of feminism which disagree on so many fundamental things that any blanket judgment about feminism reveals more about the speaker's own prejudices than the subject at hand. Of course, this also means that it's also pretty useless to identify as a feminist unless you're willing to put a few prefixes in front of it.
The thing is that we weren't talking about how one treats people in society, but how one views them sexually. So while it is both necessary and good that we don't filter the first thing through the gender lens and treat everyone equally in that sense, approaching sexuality the same way is neither conceivable nor desirable for the majority of people. The problem is that since Freud a lot of (not all!) gender theorists have run away with this idea that sexuality is the basis for everything in life and thus the project of human liberation must start with tearing down all gender norms. I would instead suggest that we limit our gender norms to our sexuality and just not extend them beyond deciding who we personally want to fuck.
So anyway, I can see that "ruined" is offensive because it carries a negative value judgment, but from the standpoint of a straight guy it is technically "ruined" in the sense of "modified so as to be no longer desirable to me". So I guess "modified junk" would be a more acceptable phrase. It just doesn't have the same ring to it though.
loneal
+0 -0
I would suggest it is totally fucking impossible to limit our gender norms to our sexuality. I would also suggest that everyone sees things through a gendered lens all the time, but that men don't notice it as much as women do, because men are considered to be the default gender.
Anyway, this thread is wildly derailing, but that last comment was not meant to criticize you. It was meant to criticize a thing that people say to me on the Internet often that I think is stupid because the same people who say it to me think they are free of gender bias, and they're not. It really had little to do with the topic at hand, I guess. I just thought your view about transfolk is probably pretty widely held, and that it made a good example of a widespread gendered lens.
PS My prefixes are "sex-positive" and "third-wave."
I would suggest it is totally fucking impossible to limit our gender norms to our sexuality. I would also suggest that everyone sees things through a gendered lens all the time, but that men don't notice it as much as women do, because men are considered to be the default gender.
Anyway, this thread is wildly derailing, but that last comment was not meant to criticize you. It was meant to criticize a thing that people say to me on the Internet often that I think is stupid because the same people who say it to me think they are free of gender bias, and they're not. It really had little to do with the topic at hand, I guess. I just thought your view about transfolk is probably pretty widely held, and that it made a good example of a widespread gendered lens.
PS My prefixes are "sex-positive" and "third-wave."
lawbot
+0 -0
Wait, why would it be impossible to limit gender norms to sexuality? I think this is like saying that race is a fundamental category in social identification.
Wait, why would it be impossible to limit gender norms to sexuality? I think this is like saying that race is a fundamental category in social identification.
odei
+0 -0
I guess the use of ruined in that way is acceptable since it's just an opinion, but it's horribly offensive. I mean it's not like you've painted your guitar and your friend says it's ruined now, it's something deeply personal and important to someone.
I guess the use of ruined in that way is acceptable since it's just an opinion, but it's horribly offensive. I mean it's not like you've painted your guitar and your friend says it's ruined now, it's something deeply personal and important to someone.
loneal
+0 -0
Odei! You do understand some gender issues! You get a gold star.
Odei! You do understand some gender issues! You get a gold star.
howl
+2 -1
I heard a joke today:
Q: How many femenists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: That's not funny!
I heard a joke today:
Q: How many femenists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: That's not funny!
odei
+0 -0
I don't understand most things so I think that's an unwise policy for your gold star awards!
I don't understand most things so I think that's an unwise policy for your gold star awards!
howl
+0 -0
Wait, what?
Wait, what?
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I think we're all in agreement, which is good.
Also, just for the record, if I painted my guitar and my friend said it was ruined, I would totally kick him in the junk and make it ruined.
I think we're all in agreement, which is good.
Also, just for the record, if I painted my guitar and my friend said it was ruined, I would totally kick him in the junk and make it ruined.
margargaret
+1 -0
I think that achillesbow is trying to defend his aversion to having sex with a transgendered person, which is totally acceptable. It would be like a gay person defending their aversion to heterosexual sex. It is just not their preference. There are plenty of people who feel differently than him though, so it works out for everyone! What are we arguing about? Everyone dance! Have a couple of glasses of wine. It's on me! Genetalia are gross, but we are all going home tonight from this party and we are going to enjoy the fuck out of them.
I think that achillesbow is trying to defend his aversion to having sex with a transgendered person, which is totally acceptable. It would be like a gay person defending their aversion to heterosexual sex. It is just not their preference. There are plenty of people who feel differently than him though, so it works out for everyone! What are we arguing about? Everyone dance! Have a couple of glasses of wine. It's on me! Genetalia are gross, but we are all going home tonight from this party and we are going to enjoy the fuck out of them.
margargaret
+0 -0
No. No more posting drunk. Bad me.
No. No more posting drunk. Bad me.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Doesn't that mean you can never post again? Ohhhh snap.
I'm sorry I said that, not because you may be offended, but because a similar comment was the start of a particularly loathsome Questionable Content story arc.
Doesn't that mean you can never post again? Ohhhh snap.
I'm sorry I said that, not because you may be offended, but because a similar comment was the start of a particularly loathsome Questionable Content story arc.
pogo
+0 -0
As Harry said to Sally, "Yeah, you pretty much want to bang them, too."
As Harry said to Sally, "Yeah, you pretty much want to bang them, too."
octafish
+6 -1
I also found the "ruined" part offensive. However I recognise it is hedonismbot's raison d'etre too be offensive for no reason, so I won't hold it against him.
If someone identifies as a woman or a man because that is how they see themselves then that is all that counts. You either find someone a valid sexual partner or not. You should treat each individual with the respect a human being deserves, until they prove themselves a fuckwit.
One of my friends one started a bar brawl because he took exception to a friend of his being identified as a man when she identifies as a woman (pre-op and she prefers to be a pre-op). (I was on my honeymoon at the time so I heard about it second hand and didn't have to put myself in danger, I'm a wuss .)
Gender is hella flexible. I mean a woman is a woman is a woman, no matter what they started as. My friend's friend attracts a lot of "straight" guys who nonetheless like to suck cock and be penetrated. These are guys who couldn't be with another guy for whatever reason, but because she identifies as a woman, they can do what they want to do and feel okay about it. Its nice to know there is someone for everyone isn't it?
I also found the "ruined" part offensive. However I recognise it is hedonismbot's raison d'etre too be offensive for no reason, so I won't hold it against him.
If someone identifies as a woman or a man because that is how they see themselves then that is all that counts. You either find someone a valid sexual partner or not. You should treat each individual with the respect a human being deserves, until they prove themselves a fuckwit.
One of my friends one started a bar brawl because he took exception to a friend of his being identified as a man when she identifies as a woman (pre-op and she prefers to be a pre-op). (I was on my honeymoon at the time so I heard about it second hand and didn't have to put myself in danger, I'm a wuss .)
Gender is hella flexible. I mean a woman is a woman is a woman, no matter what they started as. My friend's friend attracts a lot of "straight" guys who nonetheless like to suck cock and be penetrated. These are guys who couldn't be with another guy for whatever reason, but because she identifies as a woman, they can do what they want to do and feel okay about it. Its nice to know there is someone for everyone isn't it?
loneal
+0 -0
Aaand I'm out of chubbies. Octafish, please have a prize. The prize is my approval.
Aaand I'm out of chubbies. Octafish, please have a prize. The prize is my approval.
odei
+0 -0
I still don't understand gender issues.
I still don't understand gender issues.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I would like to thank you for recognizing what flavor of person I am. I do not consider 'transformed' junk as actually ruined, but I certainly enjoy calling it that on the interwebs, where I can hide behind an abrasive persona and offend people. I just find it odd that I was called on the ruined junk thing far more than the stalking and molesting thing I've been doing on here for weeks.
I would like to thank you for recognizing what flavor of person I am. I do not consider 'transformed' junk as actually ruined, but I certainly enjoy calling it that on the interwebs, where I can hide behind an abrasive persona and offend people. I just find it odd that I was called on the ruined junk thing far more than the stalking and molesting thing I've been doing on here for weeks.
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
Can we start a "Guys who hide behind an abrasive persona and offend people" support group? I think I need help.
Can we start a "Guys who hide behind an abrasive persona and offend people" support group? I think I need help.
loneal
+3 -0
You can masturbate to an image of me as an obese shut-in man while you cut my hair as I sleep.
Just don't diss on my trannies.
You can masturbate to an image of me as an obese shut-in man while you cut my hair as I sleep.
Just don't diss on my trannies.
usversusthem
+0 -0
That went to kind of a weird place.
That went to kind of a weird place.
randombeing
+1 -1
Is it offensive if I feel that collegiate musing on gender identity, in and of itself, is often funny as hell, especially when it's all serious, as in up ins? I sure hope not, otherwise my ass is offending all kinds of faces simply by existing and holding such as opinions.
Case in point: am I the only Gendered Individual who finds it funny that a pre-op transwhatever uses the term "pre-op" at all if the implied "op" isn't even applicable to his or her situation?
Is it offensive if I feel that collegiate musing on gender identity, in and of itself, is often funny as hell, especially when it's all serious, as in up ins? I sure hope not, otherwise my ass is offending all kinds of faces simply by existing and holding such as opinions.
Case in point: am I the only Gendered Individual who finds it funny that a pre-op transwhatever uses the term "pre-op" at all if the implied "op" isn't even applicable to his or her situation?
octafish
+0 -0
Yes you are offensive.
*Sigh* Ok from Queer Gender 101
Transgendered
-A person who%u2019s gender differs from the gender assigned to them at birth on the basis of their genetic and/or physical sex.
Transgendered vs. Transsexual
Transgender and Transsexual are not always one in the same. The trick to remembering is in the words. TransGENDER TransSEXUAL
Transsexuals are transgendered people who are changing/have changed their physical anatomy.
-Considered a relative term
%u2013Does it include hormones? Breast enhancement/reduction? Just genital surgery?
Non-op transsexuals
%u2013Take hormones
%u2013Have %u2018Top Surgery%u2019
%u2013Or both
A person can go through any or all stages of physical transition and still identify as transgendered
My friend's friend has breasts and has experimented with hormone treatments, making her transexual, however she still has a penis, I used the phrase pre-op to distiguish this from full gender re-assignment surgery, the mistake is mine I should have said non-op but I thought more people would understand pre-op rather than non-op. It is not something she says about herself. I am serious about this subject as I have a small number of gay friends and I have friends of friends who are transgendered. They do not have the easiest time just being true to themselves, so I will try to educate the ignorance wherever I see it.
P.S. Its been donkeys since I went to Uni. (Donkeys Ears = Years)
Yes you are offensive.
*Sigh* Ok from Queer Gender 101
Transgendered
-A person who%u2019s gender differs from the gender assigned to them at birth on the basis of their genetic and/or physical sex.
Transgendered vs. Transsexual
Transgender and Transsexual are not always one in the same. The trick to remembering is in the words. TransGENDER TransSEXUAL
Transsexuals are transgendered people who are changing/have changed their physical anatomy.
-Considered a relative term
%u2013Does it include hormones? Breast enhancement/reduction? Just genital surgery?
Non-op transsexuals
%u2013Take hormones
%u2013Have %u2018Top Surgery%u2019
%u2013Or both
A person can go through any or all stages of physical transition and still identify as transgendered
My friend's friend has breasts and has experimented with hormone treatments, making her transexual, however she still has a penis, I used the phrase pre-op to distiguish this from full gender re-assignment surgery, the mistake is mine I should have said non-op but I thought more people would understand pre-op rather than non-op. It is not something she says about herself. I am serious about this subject as I have a small number of gay friends and I have friends of friends who are transgendered. They do not have the easiest time just being true to themselves, so I will try to educate the ignorance wherever I see it.
P.S. Its been donkeys since I went to Uni. (Donkeys Ears = Years)
octafish
+0 -0
...aaaaand that's what happens when you cut and paste from a website. Bugger.
...aaaaand that's what happens when you cut and paste from a website. Bugger.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I will take this opportunity to apologize for my behavior. Tranny junk is not 'ruined'. I feel awful, and apologize to all the Assetbar transexuals that I have offended. Even though I can't imagine there are many of you. Lawbot, I'm sorry I said your junk was ruined.
(...from out of nowhere)
I will take this opportunity to apologize for my behavior. Tranny junk is not 'ruined'. I feel awful, and apologize to all the Assetbar transexuals that I have offended. Even though I can't imagine there are many of you. Lawbot, I'm sorry I said your junk was ruined.
(...from out of nowhere)
lawbot
+0 -0
You did not like my junk because you are afraid to approach another person as a sexual partner. That is the truth, you bitch .
You did not like my junk because you are afraid to approach another person as a sexual partner. That is the truth, you bitch .
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I'm mostly going to let Pogo speak for me down below, but as I said, attraction is a complex thing, but when it comes to bumping uglies, compatible genitalia are pretty important. I will agree 'ruined junk' is a pretty nasty thing to say, but that is the key part that looks nothing like either gender, and I am a pretty terrible person.
I'm mostly going to let Pogo speak for me down below, but as I said, attraction is a complex thing, but when it comes to bumping uglies, compatible genitalia are pretty important. I will agree 'ruined junk' is a pretty nasty thing to say, but that is the key part that looks nothing like either gender, and I am a pretty terrible person.
pogo
+0 -0
"avoiding the risk of having a hot catgirl turn out to be a catdude" ... wait for it, her comment is coming below.
"avoiding the risk of having a hot catgirl turn out to be a catdude" ... wait for it, her comment is coming below.
pogo
+0 -2
Chub for "press his business into the ruined junk."
There's no surgery that could ever make a moist, resilient, engorged vagina out of leftover man parts.
Chub for "press his business into the ruined junk."
There's no surgery that could ever make a moist, resilient, engorged vagina out of leftover man parts.
pogo
+0 -0
After reading the commentary above, I withdraw my sophomoric support for "ruined" junk and go with "modified."
After reading the commentary above, I withdraw my sophomoric support for "ruined" junk and go with "modified."
randombeing
+0 -0
A comment left by randombeing was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by falseprophet, loneal, octafish)
A comment left by randombeing was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by falseprophet, loneal, octafish)
achilleselbow
+2 -0
One thing that I would point out is that your argument is also serious and collegiate in nature - it's just not a popular viewpoint, and even then if you didn't dismiss academia with a broad brush you'd find that it's been discussed. For example, in Gender Trouble Judith Butler concedes that the DSM diagnosis of transgendered people as having a disorder is beneficial in some ways because it helps them actually get the treatment (including surgery) that they need. And the reason that the extreme fringes get so much attention is because they at least call into question the universality of our gender categories simply by existing, whether you like it or not. In any field, fringe cases are always the most interesting ones.
Now, I actually feel where you're coming from since I'm generally opposed to the kind of knee-jerk PC attitude that dominates the Left and think pride parades are stupid and pointless, etc. On the other hand, it's helped me hone my views and arguments beyond the equally typical knee-jerk reactionary attitude that most people who criticize "political correctness" exhibit. So you might want to be a bit more careful with your arguments. For example, why not "defend an individual's right to believe that they were born the opposite gender of what they feel they should be"? First of all, people certainly have the right to believe whatever they want. Secondly, doctors and psychologists are generally in agreement that this is a real disorder that people have, for whatever reason. If the person has actually weighed the decision (along with the knowledge that a lot of potential partners will be turned off by them) and still decided that the operation would make them happier than living in a gender they don't feel comfortable in, then by all means they should be allowed to have one (and currently the operations require extensive psychiatric evaluation). The other thing is that you can't separate 'altering sexuality' from 'practicing sexuality' because the whole point of the alteration is to allow them to practice the kind of sexuality they want. I imagine that if you asked a male-to-female transsexual why they can't just be gay instead, they'd tell you that they're actually uncomfortable in a male body and don't like having a penis, etc.
Where I would agree with you is that tolerance of transgendered people and thinking they should have full rights under the law shouldn't obscure the fact that it is after all a disorder. But so what? Certainly you wouldn't say they be stigmatized or ostracized for having it, and if they want to form a whole little culture around it, I couldn't care less. The only way in which it could potentially affect people like you and me is in the hypothetical situation of boning a chick who used to be a dude, and we already agreed above that personally being sexually repulsed by modified junk doesn't make you a bigot.
So basically I'm not sure what your problem is. Gender dysphoria is already a psychological diagnosis and therapy is required before any operation (and recommended in all cases anyway). Would you actually go so far as to argue that therapy or "supervision" should be forced on people who otherwise pose no immediate danger? I don't think you would.
One thing that I would point out is that your argument is also serious and collegiate in nature - it's just not a popular viewpoint, and even then if you didn't dismiss academia with a broad brush you'd find that it's been discussed. For example, in Gender Trouble Judith Butler concedes that the DSM diagnosis of transgendered people as having a disorder is beneficial in some ways because it helps them actually get the treatment (including surgery) that they need. And the reason that the extreme fringes get so much attention is because they at least call into question the universality of our gender categories simply by existing, whether you like it or not. In any field, fringe cases are always the most interesting ones.
Now, I actually feel where you're coming from since I'm generally opposed to the kind of knee-jerk PC attitude that dominates the Left and think pride parades are stupid and pointless, etc. On the other hand, it's helped me hone my views and arguments beyond the equally typical knee-jerk reactionary attitude that most people who criticize "political correctness" exhibit. So you might want to be a bit more careful with your arguments. For example, why not "defend an individual's right to believe that they were born the opposite gender of what they feel they should be"? First of all, people certainly have the right to believe whatever they want. Secondly, doctors and psychologists are generally in agreement that this is a real disorder that people have, for whatever reason. If the person has actually weighed the decision (along with the knowledge that a lot of potential partners will be turned off by them) and still decided that the operation would make them happier than living in a gender they don't feel comfortable in, then by all means they should be allowed to have one (and currently the operations require extensive psychiatric evaluation). The other thing is that you can't separate 'altering sexuality' from 'practicing sexuality' because the whole point of the alteration is to allow them to practice the kind of sexuality they want. I imagine that if you asked a male-to-female transsexual why they can't just be gay instead, they'd tell you that they're actually uncomfortable in a male body and don't like having a penis, etc.
Where I would agree with you is that tolerance of transgendered people and thinking they should have full rights under the law shouldn't obscure the fact that it is after all a disorder. But so what? Certainly you wouldn't say they be stigmatized or ostracized for having it, and if they want to form a whole little culture around it, I couldn't care less. The only way in which it could potentially affect people like you and me is in the hypothetical situation of boning a chick who used to be a dude, and we already agreed above that personally being sexually repulsed by modified junk doesn't make you a bigot.
So basically I'm not sure what your problem is. Gender dysphoria is already a psychological diagnosis and therapy is required before any operation (and recommended in all cases anyway). Would you actually go so far as to argue that therapy or "supervision" should be forced on people who otherwise pose no immediate danger? I don't think you would.
octafish
+0 -0
Bravo! You can have the chubby I was saving for Edwell.
Bravo! You can have the chubby I was saving for Edwell.
irondave
+0 -0
Here is what I think randombeing's problem may be: He is wondering for what reason the particulars of "trans-whatever" people are thought to have Wider Implications for people who aren't personally afflicted or close to someone who is. One is probably not supposed to say "afflicted," sorry. For a long time my impression of people who advocate that trans issues are important to everyone else is that they would like everyone else to admit to being just as confused as the "trannies." I don't think that's true. But, if it's just another mental health problem, then it doesn't make a good political football / discussion topic.
That being said, randombeing may choose to clarify, and also I don't mind what you discuss, I can skip past easily enough if I'm not interested.
Here is what I think randombeing's problem may be: He is wondering for what reason the particulars of "trans-whatever" people are thought to have Wider Implications for people who aren't personally afflicted or close to someone who is. One is probably not supposed to say "afflicted," sorry. For a long time my impression of people who advocate that trans issues are important to everyone else is that they would like everyone else to admit to being just as confused as the "trannies." I don't think that's true. But, if it's just another mental health problem, then it doesn't make a good political football / discussion topic.
That being said, randombeing may choose to clarify, and also I don't mind what you discuss, I can skip past easily enough if I'm not interested.
loneal
+1 -0
Transgenderism does have Wider Implications, though. The implications aren't that everyone is confused. At the most basic level is an implication that we need to chill out and be tolerant of differences, even if those differences freak us out.
One step higher is the implication that gender is largely a social performance and so we should relax about gender norms. As a woman, most of my gender norms suck, and I'd like to be able to transgress them without getting socially ostracized. Men have some sucky gender norms, too, that I'm sure they'd be able to like to reject. It is in our interest to foster social acceptance for transfolk, because it means that we have more personal freedom.
On a more theoretical level, the visceral disgust toward transfolk from even otherwise liberal and open-minded people seems to indicate an investment in patriarchal power structures. Men seem to be generally more creeped out by male-to-female trannies than female-to-male, and more creeped out by gay male sex than gay female sex. That kind of seems like the result of unconscious misogyny; it is abhorrent to imagine a male in a female role because females are supposed to be the second-class ones, not males. If we can help get rid of that disgust, we can help get rid of misogyny and patriarchy. (I don't expect many of you to buy this one, but I did preface it by saying it was theoretical.)
Lame away. Somebody says something transphobic, I'll just sit here flippin' off my computer screen, and they'll be wrong.
Transgenderism does have Wider Implications, though. The implications aren't that everyone is confused. At the most basic level is an implication that we need to chill out and be tolerant of differences, even if those differences freak us out.
One step higher is the implication that gender is largely a social performance and so we should relax about gender norms. As a woman, most of my gender norms suck, and I'd like to be able to transgress them without getting socially ostracized. Men have some sucky gender norms, too, that I'm sure they'd be able to like to reject. It is in our interest to foster social acceptance for transfolk, because it means that we have more personal freedom.
On a more theoretical level, the visceral disgust toward transfolk from even otherwise liberal and open-minded people seems to indicate an investment in patriarchal power structures. Men seem to be generally more creeped out by male-to-female trannies than female-to-male, and more creeped out by gay male sex than gay female sex. That kind of seems like the result of unconscious misogyny; it is abhorrent to imagine a male in a female role because females are supposed to be the second-class ones, not males. If we can help get rid of that disgust, we can help get rid of misogyny and patriarchy. (I don't expect many of you to buy this one, but I did preface it by saying it was theoretical.)
Lame away. Somebody says something transphobic, I'll just sit here flippin' off my computer screen, and they'll be wrong.
irondave
+0 -0
Beyond your first paragraph, I think reasonable people may disgree as to the extent to which any of that is true. I have no doubt that many people, certainly your professors included, believe it deeply, but they are hard ideas to "prove."
So, yeah, have at it. I will be at times quizzical.
Your last paragraph, also clearly true.
Beyond your first paragraph, I think reasonable people may disgree as to the extent to which any of that is true. I have no doubt that many people, certainly your professors included, believe it deeply, but they are hard ideas to "prove."
So, yeah, have at it. I will be at times quizzical.
Your last paragraph, also clearly true.
cromar
+0 -0
Since this is the undying thread of the day... boob jobs. Boob jobs are nasty and gross. For a lot people, just the thought of basically mutilating your body for the purpose of pretending to be something you're not is abhorrent.
Also. Straight dudes like vaginas sexually. They do not like penises sexually. Seems pretty obvious to me why lesbianism is considered erotic by most men, while two dicks dicking around would be "gross" or unarrousing.
That being said, we should all be more tolerant. That includes being tolerant of the multitude of sexual orientations including transsexuals, straights, etc.
Why make such a big fuss about things when the underlying issue is that everyone should respect each other and keep their nose in their own business!
Since this is the undying thread of the day... boob jobs. Boob jobs are nasty and gross. For a lot people, just the thought of basically mutilating your body for the purpose of pretending to be something you're not is abhorrent.
Also. Straight dudes like vaginas sexually. They do not like penises sexually. Seems pretty obvious to me why lesbianism is considered erotic by most men, while two dicks dicking around would be "gross" or unarrousing.
That being said, we should all be more tolerant. That includes being tolerant of the multitude of sexual orientations including transsexuals, straights, etc.
Why make such a big fuss about things when the underlying issue is that everyone should respect each other and keep their nose in their own business!
loneal
+0 -0
That bit about professors was pretty condescending, especially since none of this even comes from any of my professors, but okay!
That bit about professors was pretty condescending, especially since none of this even comes from any of my professors, but okay!
irondave
+0 -0
Sorry if I came across that way. I associate most of these ideas pretty directly with academia, and I guess I assumed that's how you have become familiar with them. You have mentioned in the past taking some Women's Studies courses.
Sorry if I came across that way. I associate most of these ideas pretty directly with academia, and I guess I assumed that's how you have become familiar with them. You have mentioned in the past taking some Women's Studies courses.
loneal
+0 -0
No worries. Actually, fun fact: I have never taken a Women's Studies course in my life. One time I used that as a disclaimer paralleling a margargaret disclaimer about glasses of wine, but that was only because "classes" rhymes with "glasses."
No worries. Actually, fun fact: I have never taken a Women's Studies course in my life. One time I used that as a disclaimer paralleling a margargaret disclaimer about glasses of wine, but that was only because "classes" rhymes with "glasses."
lawbot
+0 -0
Woah, I think you just made an is-ought jump there. I'd say that the hidden premise would have to be classical liberal if I didn't suspect that you want people to have correct thoughts, rather than just refrain from being a cock to strangers.
Woah, I think you just made an is-ought jump there. I'd say that the hidden premise would have to be classical liberal if I didn't suspect that you want people to have correct thoughts, rather than just refrain from being a cock to strangers.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Quote:
See, this is where I think the problem starts. Irondave and Cromar are right - straight dudes like vaginas and not penises, chicks and not dudes. It really is that simple. With male-to-female trannies there's an additional element of disgust based on deception or cognitive dissonance because you could be initially attracted to a woman and then realize she has modified junk and is/used to be a dude. Case closed.
This is also precisely what I was talking about before when I tried to differentiate personal subjective disgust from wider social belief. The reason the left and feminists disgust so many people is because they try to go beyond achieving social and legal justice to actually prying into people's private emotions and trying to change them (this is where all the ___phobic crap comes in), which is bullshit. I will easily stand up for the right of trannies, gay people, and so forth to enjoy full legal rights and not to be attacked or harassed in any way, but I will also defend to the death my right to be personally disgusted by the idea of them rather than think "how great and liberating!" and even to make jokes based on this disgust with other like-minded people. I'll admit that most people have trouble separating the two and make claims to how things 'should' be based on nothing more than personal disgust, so I can see why activists would try to conflate the two, but it's a losing strategy. It's much easier to accept the ideals of constitutional democracy and "live and let live" rather than the idea that trannies are awesome and we should all get rid of our oppressive gender norms. I don't generally enjoy South Park, but this is indeed the difference between "tolerance" and "acceptance".
The other thing I would note is that the existence of gender norms is what makes our individual subversions of them meaningful and gives them character. I enjoy the fact that I know jack shit about sports and order coconut mojitos at the bar, just as I'm sure you enjoy the fact that you make dirtier 'your mom' jokes than most guys I know. None of these would be that cool without reference to the entrenched gender norm that they are subverting. On the other hand, like pogo, I enjoy being a straight man and don't feel particularly restricted. I also enjoy the fact that all of my close friends are straight and that we can talk about girls and make jokes about trannies amongst ourselves without having to worry about anyone being offended. Which is why norms aren't all bad, since they provide social cohesion.
Quote:
On a more theoretical level, the visceral disgust toward transfolk from even otherwise liberal and open-minded people seems to indicate an investment in patriarchal power structures. Men seem to be generally more creeped out by male-to-female trannies than female-to-male, and more creeped out by gay male sex than gay female sex. That kind of seems like the result of unconscious misogyny; it is abhorrent to imagine a male in a female role because females are supposed to be the second-class ones, not males. If we can help get rid of that disgust, we can help get rid of misogyny and patriarchy.
See, this is where I think the problem starts. Irondave and Cromar are right - straight dudes like vaginas and not penises, chicks and not dudes. It really is that simple. With male-to-female trannies there's an additional element of disgust based on deception or cognitive dissonance because you could be initially attracted to a woman and then realize she has modified junk and is/used to be a dude. Case closed.
This is also precisely what I was talking about before when I tried to differentiate personal subjective disgust from wider social belief. The reason the left and feminists disgust so many people is because they try to go beyond achieving social and legal justice to actually prying into people's private emotions and trying to change them (this is where all the ___phobic crap comes in), which is bullshit. I will easily stand up for the right of trannies, gay people, and so forth to enjoy full legal rights and not to be attacked or harassed in any way, but I will also defend to the death my right to be personally disgusted by the idea of them rather than think "how great and liberating!" and even to make jokes based on this disgust with other like-minded people. I'll admit that most people have trouble separating the two and make claims to how things 'should' be based on nothing more than personal disgust, so I can see why activists would try to conflate the two, but it's a losing strategy. It's much easier to accept the ideals of constitutional democracy and "live and let live" rather than the idea that trannies are awesome and we should all get rid of our oppressive gender norms. I don't generally enjoy South Park, but this is indeed the difference between "tolerance" and "acceptance".
The other thing I would note is that the existence of gender norms is what makes our individual subversions of them meaningful and gives them character. I enjoy the fact that I know jack shit about sports and order coconut mojitos at the bar, just as I'm sure you enjoy the fact that you make dirtier 'your mom' jokes than most guys I know. None of these would be that cool without reference to the entrenched gender norm that they are subverting. On the other hand, like pogo, I enjoy being a straight man and don't feel particularly restricted. I also enjoy the fact that all of my close friends are straight and that we can talk about girls and make jokes about trannies amongst ourselves without having to worry about anyone being offended. Which is why norms aren't all bad, since they provide social cohesion.
loneal
+0 -0
Hmm. The cognitive dissonance thing is something I hadn't considered, I guess, and that's a fair point.
I disagree with you that "_____phobic" terms are crap. I also wouldn't say that feminists want to pry into people's personal thoughts, but rather that they would like to persuade people to see their point of view, which they believe is right. Most people want to persuade other people to see their point of view. I do not want to force you into thinking trannies are awesome, but, yes, I'd like to argue that trannies are awesome and persuade you if I can. I also try to persuade people into liking Achewood. If you're unconvinced, you're unconvinced, but it's fine if I make my case, isn't it?
And I think maybe your disagreement with me about gender norms might have to do with semantics. I don't have problems with the ideas of masculinity and femininity, per se, I have a problem with being socially punished for stepping out of those gender norms. I am all for subverting them like you've laid out. I just want that to be more socially acceptable.
Hmm. The cognitive dissonance thing is something I hadn't considered, I guess, and that's a fair point.
I disagree with you that "_____phobic" terms are crap. I also wouldn't say that feminists want to pry into people's personal thoughts, but rather that they would like to persuade people to see their point of view, which they believe is right. Most people want to persuade other people to see their point of view. I do not want to force you into thinking trannies are awesome, but, yes, I'd like to argue that trannies are awesome and persuade you if I can. I also try to persuade people into liking Achewood. If you're unconvinced, you're unconvinced, but it's fine if I make my case, isn't it?
And I think maybe your disagreement with me about gender norms might have to do with semantics. I don't have problems with the ideas of masculinity and femininity, per se, I have a problem with being socially punished for stepping out of those gender norms. I am all for subverting them like you've laid out. I just want that to be more socially acceptable.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Yea but if it was completely socially acceptable, wouldn't it cease to be subversion? Where we're at now, it's still seen as mildly subversive, but I haven't really suffered any consequences because of it. Have you really been socially punished for transgressing gender norms?
Yea but if it was completely socially acceptable, wouldn't it cease to be subversion? Where we're at now, it's still seen as mildly subversive, but I haven't really suffered any consequences because of it. Have you really been socially punished for transgressing gender norms?
loneal
+0 -0
That's a good point about complete social acceptability, and I agree with it. But yes, I have definitely been socially punished for transgressing gender norms. Every time I say I don't want to have kids, I'm completely dismissed and told I'll change my mind. Whenever I got punished for cussing at school or at home, I was told to act more ladylike. I got better grades than all the boys in my high school, but once a guy told me I wasn't that smart and he could get my grades if he tried harder, which he never said to any of the guys whose were doing almost as well as I was. People are okay with it when I make graphic sex jokes, but they're not okay with it when I get outspoken or smart or not docile. Even just now, you perceived me as wanting to pry into your private emotions. That might have been entirely my fault in expressing myself imperfectly, but it also might also have had something to do with you not being used to women being all argumentative. (I am not saying that I am free of socially transmitted gender stereotypes and you are not. I am not saying that at all.)
That's a good point about complete social acceptability, and I agree with it. But yes, I have definitely been socially punished for transgressing gender norms. Every time I say I don't want to have kids, I'm completely dismissed and told I'll change my mind. Whenever I got punished for cussing at school or at home, I was told to act more ladylike. I got better grades than all the boys in my high school, but once a guy told me I wasn't that smart and he could get my grades if he tried harder, which he never said to any of the guys whose were doing almost as well as I was. People are okay with it when I make graphic sex jokes, but they're not okay with it when I get outspoken or smart or not docile. Even just now, you perceived me as wanting to pry into your private emotions. That might have been entirely my fault in expressing myself imperfectly, but it also might also have had something to do with you not being used to women being all argumentative. (I am not saying that I am free of socially transmitted gender stereotypes and you are not. I am not saying that at all.)
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Trust me, I'm used to argumentative women. I do have a Jewish mother after all. Zing!
Also, the not having kids thing isn't only applied to women - I've gotten the same reactions too. As for the other stuff you mention, well, I agree that sucks. I don't think you'll encounter it much anymore in the kind of social milieu you're likely to find yourself in at Stanford and beyond.
Trust me, I'm used to argumentative women. I do have a Jewish mother after all. Zing!
Also, the not having kids thing isn't only applied to women - I've gotten the same reactions too. As for the other stuff you mention, well, I agree that sucks. I don't think you'll encounter it much anymore in the kind of social milieu you're likely to find yourself in at Stanford and beyond.
loneal
+0 -0
No, I think it has just gotten more subtle at Stanford. The kind of stuff that is debatable, but you can usually tell what the motivation behind it is.
No, I think it has just gotten more subtle at Stanford. The kind of stuff that is debatable, but you can usually tell what the motivation behind it is.
bixschmix
+0 -0
At Carnegie Mellon, which has a 3:2 male-to-female ratio, I encountered the most rampant sexism I'd ever seen. And much of it's kidding "on the square," but it's pretty darn easy to see who's going for a funny joke and who brings something up because of the grain of truth they believe there is to it.
At Carnegie Mellon, which has a 3:2 male-to-female ratio, I encountered the most rampant sexism I'd ever seen. And much of it's kidding "on the square," but it's pretty darn easy to see who's going for a funny joke and who brings something up because of the grain of truth they believe there is to it.
lawbot
+0 -0
I'd chubby it.
I'd chubby it.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
You order coconut mojitos? Does your husband have a problem with that?
You order coconut mojitos? Does your husband have a problem with that?
pogo
+0 -0
Achilles, message from one of your friends: I am a secret trannie and hurt inside when you make jokes, but I love you anyway.
Achilles, message from one of your friends: I am a secret trannie and hurt inside when you make jokes, but I love you anyway.
loneal
+0 -0
I'd chubby you, but I'm out. I'm in the middle of Gender Trouble. I suppose that is not particularly surprising.
I'd chubby you, but I'm out. I'm in the middle of Gender Trouble. I suppose that is not particularly surprising.
lawbot
+0 -0
I think you've just proven randombeing's point. The treatment of transness is highly politicised, and I wonder how many people with gender dysphoria feel that they are not allowed to want to be reconciled to their birth gender, or to construct an identity out of the trans mainstream - almost like a fixed gender role had been constructed for them, with the additional twist that it has been sanctioned as objective by medicine.
I think you've just proven randombeing's point. The treatment of transness is highly politicised, and I wonder how many people with gender dysphoria feel that they are not allowed to want to be reconciled to their birth gender, or to construct an identity out of the trans mainstream - almost like a fixed gender role had been constructed for them, with the additional twist that it has been sanctioned as objective by medicine.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Well that may be true, but again that is why therapy is required. The idea is that they be aware of both options and make an informed choice. I don't know how it plays out in real life.
Well that may be true, but again that is why therapy is required. The idea is that they be aware of both options and make an informed choice. I don't know how it plays out in real life.
lawbot
+0 -0
Word
Word
loneal
+0 -0
"cut themselves in ways that'll make them useless to just about everybody"? What? Look, you can think what you want about transfolk, and as we established above you are in no way required to be attracted to them, but "useless to just about everybody"?
The last time I checked, people's personal worth isn't based on how "useful" they are, and if it were, I would think it would have much more to do with how they acted in society than with the particulars of their junk.
I also don't understand at all why defending fringy folk automatically means you can't be deadly serious. There aren't that many Bahais in the world, but you'd still defend them from the religious persecution they're receiving in Iran, wouldn't you?
"cut themselves in ways that'll make them useless to just about everybody"? What? Look, you can think what you want about transfolk, and as we established above you are in no way required to be attracted to them, but "useless to just about everybody"?
The last time I checked, people's personal worth isn't based on how "useful" they are, and if it were, I would think it would have much more to do with how they acted in society than with the particulars of their junk.
I also don't understand at all why defending fringy folk automatically means you can't be deadly serious. There aren't that many Bahais in the world, but you'd still defend them from the religious persecution they're receiving in Iran, wouldn't you?
lawbot
+0 -0
I think you know what randombeing meant by "just about useless" and it's a fair point that as trans advocacy solidifies a trans gender and social role, it may make it harder for people with genuine gender dysphoria (as opposed to those who want to take on a third gender role and identity) to accept that it may be the best option to mostly stay within the norms accepted for their gender (after all most bio-dudes have no chance of resembling a bio-woman convincingly). It's like being sexually attracted to lapsang souchong - most shops just don't carry it because almost no-one likes it that much.
I think you know what randombeing meant by "just about useless" and it's a fair point that as trans advocacy solidifies a trans gender and social role, it may make it harder for people with genuine gender dysphoria (as opposed to those who want to take on a third gender role and identity) to accept that it may be the best option to mostly stay within the norms accepted for their gender (after all most bio-dudes have no chance of resembling a bio-woman convincingly). It's like being sexually attracted to lapsang souchong - most shops just don't carry it because almost no-one likes it that much.
pogo
+0 -0
I certainly agree that all sorts of psychological things should be tried before anyone has their junk operated on. It also worth noting that there are plenty of quacks and charlatans in medicine and psych who go along with whatever a patient wishes. I expect many of these issues are harder to deal with when one is young and seem much clearer with the prespective of age. My advice, get over yourself and use what God have you for love and joy, reproducing if you can.
I certainly agree that all sorts of psychological things should be tried before anyone has their junk operated on. It also worth noting that there are plenty of quacks and charlatans in medicine and psych who go along with whatever a patient wishes. I expect many of these issues are harder to deal with when one is young and seem much clearer with the prespective of age. My advice, get over yourself and use what God have you for love and joy, reproducing if you can.
loneal
+0 -0
Okay, but what if God gave you a female identity and male genitalia? You should try to use psychological things to change your identity rather than your genitalia ? One seems a lot easier to change than the other.
Getting gender reassignment surgery isn't something you just do on a whim one day. You have to get it approved by more than one psychologist, and you have to live as your desired gender (with the help of hormones, etc.) for a year before you can get the surgery.
Meanwhile Jocelyn what'shername up there gets to turn herself into a cat without any psychological therapy at all. Do I think that's weird? Uh, yeah. Do I think she should be allowed to get whatever surgery she wants? Yes. It's her fucking body. And if she can modify her body to look more like an animal, then people should certainly be allowed to modify their bodies to bring them into harmony with their gender identities. Identities are so much more important than bodies.
Okay, but what if God gave you a female identity and male genitalia? You should try to use psychological things to change your identity rather than your genitalia ? One seems a lot easier to change than the other.
Getting gender reassignment surgery isn't something you just do on a whim one day. You have to get it approved by more than one psychologist, and you have to live as your desired gender (with the help of hormones, etc.) for a year before you can get the surgery.
Meanwhile Jocelyn what'shername up there gets to turn herself into a cat without any psychological therapy at all. Do I think that's weird? Uh, yeah. Do I think she should be allowed to get whatever surgery she wants? Yes. It's her fucking body. And if she can modify her body to look more like an animal, then people should certainly be allowed to modify their bodies to bring them into harmony with their gender identities. Identities are so much more important than bodies.
pogo
+0 -0
I think I'll go get me a prehensile tail and wag off.
(Sorry, loneal, I appreciate the depth of your feelings and analysis on this issue, but it's not one of my hot buttons and I'm exhausted after reading all the posts and just feel happy to be a nice, normal heterosexual guy.)
I think I'll go get me a prehensile tail and wag off.
(Sorry, loneal, I appreciate the depth of your feelings and analysis on this issue, but it's not one of my hot buttons and I'm exhausted after reading all the posts and just feel happy to be a nice, normal heterosexual guy.)
loneal
+1 -0
Dude, a prehensile tail would be fuckin' rad.
Dude, a prehensile tail would be fuckin' rad.
lawbot
+0 -0
Way to imply that gender is the primary component of identity.
Way to imply that gender is the primary component of identity.
loneal
+0 -0
It becomes a pretty prominent one when your gender is out of sync with your biological sex, doesn't it?
It is easy to ignore the ramifications of gender on your identity if you're cisgendered, especially if you're a cisgendered man, but when society constantly treats you worse because of your gender, it becomes something you identify with more strongly.
I don't think gender is the primary component of identity, but I definitely think it's a primary component of identity.
It becomes a pretty prominent one when your gender is out of sync with your biological sex, doesn't it?
It is easy to ignore the ramifications of gender on your identity if you're cisgendered, especially if you're a cisgendered man, but when society constantly treats you worse because of your gender, it becomes something you identify with more strongly.
I don't think gender is the primary component of identity, but I definitely think it's a primary component of identity.
odei
+0 -0
Also you said it better.
Also you said it better.
lawbot
+0 -0
Way to imply the categories of identity are objectively fixed.
Way to imply the categories of identity are objectively fixed.
lawbot
+0 -0
Wait...you're implying that I'm adjacent to gender?
Wait...you're implying that I'm adjacent to gender?
odei
+0 -0
loneal made this post pointless, but I wrote it so I'm going to post it and to hell with things.
I agree it's not, but think about the world we grow up in. In English there are only two other groups aside from the vague 'them' 'us' and 'me' and that's 'him' and 'her', 'he' and 'she'. In many other languages people even have 'male' and 'female' objects. Almost everyone is stereotyped and treated according to their gender when they're growing up and all through their life, and I think this has a much bigger and more noticable effect on your whole identity when you fall outside of the expectations placed on you by society because of your body.
loneal made this post pointless, but I wrote it so I'm going to post it and to hell with things.
I agree it's not, but think about the world we grow up in. In English there are only two other groups aside from the vague 'them' 'us' and 'me' and that's 'him' and 'her', 'he' and 'she'. In many other languages people even have 'male' and 'female' objects. Almost everyone is stereotyped and treated according to their gender when they're growing up and all through their life, and I think this has a much bigger and more noticable effect on your whole identity when you fall outside of the expectations placed on you by society because of your body.
catgrl131
+0 -0
Why. tha- that's r-ridiculous! *Hides penis*
*In a freezer*
Why. tha- that's r-ridiculous! *Hides penis*
*In a freezer*
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
Frozen chubbies, 10 cents gets you nuts
Frozen chubbies, 10 cents gets you nuts
kendieatsbabies
+0 -0
Double chocolate, double nuts, two sticks...we'll call it a JOB.
Double chocolate, double nuts, two sticks...we'll call it a JOB.
kendieatsbabies
+0 -0
Fuck.
Fuck.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Well I suppose logically it doesn't make much sense, but then again, wanting to stick an elongated body part into another person's orifice on the basis that they smell nice and have pronounced bulges on their chest isn't really that logical either, if you think about it.
Well I suppose logically it doesn't make much sense, but then again, wanting to stick an elongated body part into another person's orifice on the basis that they smell nice and have pronounced bulges on their chest isn't really that logical either, if you think about it.
pogo
+0 -0
God man, don't think about it. Just do it. (As biology has so nicely programmed us to do.)
God man, don't think about it. Just do it. (As biology has so nicely programmed us to do.)
randyleepublic
+0 -0
Your comment, achillesbow, is evocative. I agree, I don't want to date a former man. Still, I can't help feeling hellof sympathy for a man who feels like a woman in the "wrong clothes." And admiration for their courage in pulling the trigger. Still don't want to date them. I guess "ruined junk" pretty much sums it up. Hells!
In the future you will be able to be any sex you want to be. You will be able to change your body from man to woman and back again. It takes about 8 weeks. No one will have ruined junk.
Your comment, achillesbow, is evocative. I agree, I don't want to date a former man. Still, I can't help feeling hellof sympathy for a man who feels like a woman in the "wrong clothes." And admiration for their courage in pulling the trigger. Still don't want to date them. I guess "ruined junk" pretty much sums it up. Hells!
In the future you will be able to be any sex you want to be. You will be able to change your body from man to woman and back again. It takes about 8 weeks. No one will have ruined junk.
curmudgy
+0 -0
The Ghost of Jacob Marley
"The same face: the very same. Marley in his pigtail,
usual waistcoat, tights and boots; the tassels on
the latter bristling, like his pigtail, and his coat-skirts,
and the hair upon his head. The chain he drew was
clasped about his middle. It was long, and wound
about him like a tail; and it was made (for Scrooge
observed it closely) of cash-boxes, keys, padlocks,
ledgers, deeds, and heavy purses wrought in steel.
His body was transparent; so that Scrooge, observing
him, and looking through his waistcoat, could see
the two buttons on his coat behind.
Scrooge had often heard it said that Marley had no
bowels, but he had never believed it until now."
- A Christmas Carol, Stave 1: Marley's Ghost
The Ghost of Jacob Marley
"The same face: the very same. Marley in his pigtail,
usual waistcoat, tights and boots; the tassels on
the latter bristling, like his pigtail, and his coat-skirts,
and the hair upon his head. The chain he drew was
clasped about his middle. It was long, and wound
about him like a tail; and it was made (for Scrooge
observed it closely) of cash-boxes, keys, padlocks,
ledgers, deeds, and heavy purses wrought in steel.
His body was transparent; so that Scrooge, observing
him, and looking through his waistcoat, could see
the two buttons on his coat behind.
Scrooge had often heard it said that Marley had no
bowels, but he had never believed it until now."
- A Christmas Carol, Stave 1: Marley's Ghost
randyleepublic
+0 -0
Lyle is not staring at Ray's crotch. He is lowering his eyes because he is embarassed by Ray's compliment. A compliment, by the way, whose wording reveals one of Ray's faults: his failure to see Lyle's strength. Ray sees much, but is surprised by Lyle's insight.
In unrelated news: I am flumoxed. I just cannot bring myself to give another dude one of those "sick" cards. None of my dude friends are Achewoodians, so they would not get it at all. Still. I mean I feel ashamed. Why not? Just give the card. I can't. Whatever.
Lyle is not staring at Ray's crotch. He is lowering his eyes because he is embarassed by Ray's compliment. A compliment, by the way, whose wording reveals one of Ray's faults: his failure to see Lyle's strength. Ray sees much, but is surprised by Lyle's insight.
In unrelated news: I am flumoxed. I just cannot bring myself to give another dude one of those "sick" cards. None of my dude friends are Achewoodians, so they would not get it at all. Still. I mean I feel ashamed. Why not? Just give the card. I can't. Whatever.
slingback78
+0 -1
To be fair about the whole car ride thing, they are cats. How often do cats get to go in cards?
Also, Wednesday seems to be a bad day for Onstad.
To be fair about the whole car ride thing, they are cats. How often do cats get to go in cards?
Also, Wednesday seems to be a bad day for Onstad.
slingback78
+0 -0
Cars. Damnit.
Cars. Damnit.
cromar
+0 -0
It's "damn it" or "dammit," never "damnit," dammit!
It's "damn it" or "dammit," never "damnit," dammit!
pogo
+0 -0
Unless you have a nit you want to damn.
Unless you have a nit you want to damn.
glyc
+0 -1
lately there has been a lot of character development in Achewood to the point where Achewood is starting to resemble [url]DinosaurComics.com[/url]. Some days reading the comic feels like as if I am reading the blogs. The greeting cards also... some of those comics have been a lot of prose with not so much action. The dialogue balloons in a comic are really better, aren't they, when they are more some sort of form of verse than of prose?
It just seems like lately, Chris is getting caught up in the character development so much that the pace of the story is kind of grinding to a halt sometimes, and the scenery is kind of becoming stagnant sometimes. Whatever happened to the exploration, for example, of that juxtaposition of the fantasy and real worlds? Now Beef is just hopping on a plane like just another human. [url="https://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Mouse-and-the-Motorcycle/Beverly-Cleary/e/9780380709243/?itm=1"]Motorcycle Ralph[/url] is dead?
Also there was that one comic with the flight stewardess... just the image of her was so horrid. And of course Onstad has to draw no less than four panels of her, each panel spaced a fraction of a second apart from the previous one, thus forcing a sort of three dimensional quality about her into the mind's eye of the reader, making that horid character all the more alive.
If I, a casual reader, am still having nightmares about her, then what suppressed madness has she induced in Beef? How did Beef ever find her attractive in the first place? I don't care what drugs he was on, it just doesn't explain it. Is that really what Achewood women look like? That can't be. That is some kind of flim-noire science fiction horror plot when a that thing is remotely near the standard of what is attractive, even for a drunk cat.
I'm not bitching. I'm just sharing my thoughts. Maybe I'm being critical but this is still the best comic strip out there, I think.
lately there has been a lot of character development in Achewood to the point where Achewood is starting to resemble [url]DinosaurComics.com[/url]. Some days reading the comic feels like as if I am reading the blogs. The greeting cards also... some of those comics have been a lot of prose with not so much action. The dialogue balloons in a comic are really better, aren't they, when they are more some sort of form of verse than of prose?
It just seems like lately, Chris is getting caught up in the character development so much that the pace of the story is kind of grinding to a halt sometimes, and the scenery is kind of becoming stagnant sometimes. Whatever happened to the exploration, for example, of that juxtaposition of the fantasy and real worlds? Now Beef is just hopping on a plane like just another human. [url="https://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Mouse-and-the-Motorcycle/Beverly-Cleary/e/9780380709243/?itm=1"]Motorcycle Ralph[/url] is dead?
Also there was that one comic with the flight stewardess... just the image of her was so horrid. And of course Onstad has to draw no less than four panels of her, each panel spaced a fraction of a second apart from the previous one, thus forcing a sort of three dimensional quality about her into the mind's eye of the reader, making that horid character all the more alive.
If I, a casual reader, am still having nightmares about her, then what suppressed madness has she induced in Beef? How did Beef ever find her attractive in the first place? I don't care what drugs he was on, it just doesn't explain it. Is that really what Achewood women look like? That can't be. That is some kind of flim-noire science fiction horror plot when a that thing is remotely near the standard of what is attractive, even for a drunk cat.
I'm not bitching. I'm just sharing my thoughts. Maybe I'm being critical but this is still the best comic strip out there, I think.
odei
+0 -0
I think we're all going to be looking back at 2008 at the end of 2009 thinking 'that was one of the best years of achewood', all going back to a story arc and clicking next again and again, wide eyed and giggling, 'oh hee hee hee!'
I think we're all going to be looking back at 2008 at the end of 2009 thinking 'that was one of the best years of achewood', all going back to a story arc and clicking next again and again, wide eyed and giggling, 'oh hee hee hee!'
catgrl131
+0 -0
I always find an Achewood funnier when it's been given a chance to "age". When I go back through the archives, a strip that wasn't so funny at the time is now hilarious. I think it's because there's a promise of more to come, so you're reading a story and not just one strip at a time. So why check Achewood every day? I just love talkin' to you guys. *HUUUUUUGS!*
I always find an Achewood funnier when it's been given a chance to "age". When I go back through the archives, a strip that wasn't so funny at the time is now hilarious. I think it's because there's a promise of more to come, so you're reading a story and not just one strip at a time. So why check Achewood every day? I just love talkin' to you guys. *HUUUUUUGS!*
odei
+0 -0
Yes, exactly! Hugs!
Yes, exactly! Hugs!
pogo
+0 -0
Worse nightmare: There really are chicks who look exactly like that and work at it. They live in the southwest, mostly, and compete in beauty pageants from an early age.
As for the strip, it's all about the dialog for me. I like the drawings to be as simple as possible.
Worse nightmare: There really are chicks who look exactly like that and work at it. They live in the southwest, mostly, and compete in beauty pageants from an early age.
As for the strip, it's all about the dialog for me. I like the drawings to be as simple as possible.
pogo
+0 -1
Gads, that dinosaur thing is awful -- uses the same poses day after day.
Gads, that dinosaur thing is awful -- uses the same poses day after day.
mr_lostman28
+0 -0
its art damnit!
its art damnit!
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
pogo, I think that perhaps you should give dinosaur comics a second chance. He is honestly one of the funniest writers in webcomics. He takes something that is the same everyday, and his writing is only improving. He is ridiculously funny. From reading your posts a lot, I think you would enjoy it if you got past the first year or so.
pogo, I think that perhaps you should give dinosaur comics a second chance. He is honestly one of the funniest writers in webcomics. He takes something that is the same everyday, and his writing is only improving. He is ridiculously funny. From reading your posts a lot, I think you would enjoy it if you got past the first year or so.
pogo
+0 -0
Thanks for the suggestion (and for reading my posts). Five years of the same scene! That dinosaur guy is sorta Zen, I guess. So many comix, so little time.
Thanks for the suggestion (and for reading my posts). Five years of the same scene! That dinosaur guy is sorta Zen, I guess. So many comix, so little time.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
I don't know how he does it, honestly. I'd lose my brain after like, a month of that.
I don't know how he does it, honestly. I'd lose my brain after like, a month of that.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Yea, and Seurat just painted with tiny little dots all over the canvas - what the hell!
Yea, and Seurat just painted with tiny little dots all over the canvas - what the hell!
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
Seurat invented pixels...
Seurat invented pixels...
waldo913
+0 -0
I fived this so hard my eyes watered.
I fived this so hard my eyes watered.
puguglypress
+0 -0
you have to ease into the fives, doing it only when ur comfortable and confident
you have to ease into the fives, doing it only when ur comfortable and confident
tonyhighwind
+0 -0
I read this comic shortly before I was asked to be Best Man.
The temptation, I cannot describe it.
I read this comic shortly before I was asked to be Best Man.
The temptation, I cannot describe it.
I want this to be my bachelor party.
Nevermind, I want to do this tonight.
Hey, my friend had a bachelor party and died from a not prime stripper. Not funny, not cool, not a good strip.
I thought I could tell if you were being serious or not? And then somebody chubbied you. I'm confused.
under what possible circumstances could a man die from a not prime stripper
not prime stripper addiction is the silent killer
Indeed the subprime stripper crisis is sweeping the globe.
I had a friend at work who at 6 o'clock every day would start going through, as he put it, "stripper withdrawl."
I got a text message from him on Christmas Eve when I was on the way to church with my family. He was on the way to XTC, which is the club past the county line that's conveniently placed next to a hotel.
Oh yeah heads up "Stripper Withdrawl" would be a boss band name
oh yeah - I forgot you were in Texas
Chubby for the Avatar.
So I was watching School of Rock and I came up with an idea for an assetbar Supergroup.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome,
Spiny Norman: Lead vocals, Rocket Guitar
Pogo: Lead Xylophone
Professor Hazard: Second Chair Woodwind
L'Oneal as that hot blonde chick from the Mamas and the Papas who didn't really do anything.
Edwell: Sound and Light design
Hedonism Bot: Groupie Rounder, Idea Man
Gladi8orreX: Heroin Overdose
PaperBoy 2000: Clit Guitar, Backup Xylophone
Xiao Mi Mi: Management
Already In Use: Strictly Prohibited
Chris Onstad: Not involved in project
All the rest of you losers who weren't distinctive enough to be in the band please put your hands together for, The Chubbscouts !
Admittedly, I am pretty good at not really doing anything.
I can't believe you've done this. I... I love you for it.
it was probably totally unintentional that my handle came to be part of the supergroup name, but on my deathbed, I will swear to my grandchildren that I named it like Keith Moon named 'Zep. bless you, sir.
Theres actually plenty of people who didn't make it cause I couldn't come up with anything funny for them and I didn't want to make it too long.
You were one of the quality posters vying for Clit Guitar. Unfortunately for you, Paper Boy has got just serious chops on that thing.
I spend a lot of time playing Clit Hero.
Clit Hero is nothing like the real thing. Real clits are almost twice as big, and far more complex. Playing Clit Hero all day might get your rhythm up to speed, but you'll never have decent fingering skill from it. I suggest you go out and get your hands on the highest quality clit you can afford and strum away on it til your fingers bleed.
Oh, hedonismbot. How droll!
Totally spent some time looking for that picture of Hendrix where he was playing the guitar with his tongue.
Someone help me out over here.
Oh, I am not good enough to tackle any Jimi Hendrix on Clit Hero. Lady just starts making those Bwong! Twang! Dwerng! noises. Crowd starts booing. I get thrown out of another Denny's...
I couldn't find anything such as visual evidence in my hasty search.
Please accept this as an alternative:
A tribute to paperboy_2000, the hottest tongue on Clit Guit' since Gene Simmons!
thanks for the honorary mention, yearsinhotclaws!
(yes I know Simmons was a singer but damn with that tongue he could play your guit' from across a crowded room if he wanted)
The law Cheney should have tried to pass was outlawing all guitars not connected to their amp by means of curly wire.
Internet, today I have proved myself your master.
hi. I gives you chubby.
OH HAI
envika: bass toss, facial expressions
Yay! I'm one of the cool kids! Also, I am perfectly suited for both idea man and groupie rounder, as almost all of my great ideas involve groupies. And their boobs.
It's okay, I mean this is proper revenge for that assetbar party picture I made that only had like 18 people in it.
Wait, a good band need some backup singers, a string section, and several guys doing something with keyboards and odd percussion instruments.
I was actually hoping you or someone else would call me out on being a shitty poster myself and then I could've said something like,
"Achilleselbow you can play unmicced tamborine if you promise to get off my dick. Also you have to wear a Barney costume for my amusement."
Did I mention I thought of this while I was at work and had a lot of time to come up with witty retorts to imaginary enemies?
The point is, you were thought of.
Barney the dinosaur or Barney Rubble? Either way it's not really worth getting off your dick for.
I was thinking dinosaur but we don't really have a lot in the budget for costumes atm so just wing it and we'll see what happens.
Note: by wing it I mean break into the studio where they film Barney and steal the costume. We need that fucking costume. Get a baby bop for me while your at it.
*Long Pause*
What? Don't look at me that way boy, you got fetishes.
Scoutin' them chubbies, yes we are! Thanks for giving me the vibes, cool old instrument.
Haha, Rocket Guitar?
There is only one man on Earth that can play the dangerous and sexy Rocket Guitar, and he doesn't play sober.
BTW, you have to die on stage like a mangy dog when a bunch of girls in the audience are throwing their hotel keys up on stage and a big one catches you right in the temple. Its all right here in your contract sign right here on the dotted line and I sware I will make u famous.
...and dead
Catgrl: Electric Bongos, Innuendo
Cpnglxynchos: Catgrl131
I would pay money.. and not illegally download to support a band with the name of "The Chubbscouts".
houston, austin, or san antonio?
Austin.
XTC in San Antonio? That's a fantastic place! I got my first lap dance there while stationed at Lackland Air Force Base.
Man, I had no idea this was a Texas thing.
oh totally
She might fall on him in a biblical manner.
Dear. God. I. Am. Not. A. Religious. Man. But. Please. Help. Me. See. The. Connection. Here.
Check the previous strip and then refer back to this comment
not prime strippers are the new Percoset.
HOW'S THOSE STRIPPERS LOOKIN'
THEY ARE UGLY
HILARIOUS
V CHUB
I demand a reprint of Ray's Decision chart with new situations. If I can't know what ray would do when confronted by a retarded homeless man riding a bike next to his car when theres an oncoming tractor, how am I supposed to do anything but freeze and cause some serious retard roadkill?
The solution is easy: homeless people can't afford bicycles.