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Sideburn Generator. Thursday, February 19, 2009 • read strip Viewing 418 comments:

A comment left by fermatprime was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Sant, gladi8orrex, Microwave, MortisInvictus, desert_donkey, Audhumla)

Is Susan on the Mass Turnpike?

A comment left by fineoakstructure was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by NDPJohnny, 7th_shot, cmr, SenseiHollywood, Footbullet)

A comment left by ndpjohnny was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by cmr, SenseiHollywood, Footbullet)

A comment left by fineoakstructure was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by CatJumpJohn, fakead, cmr, SenseiHollywood, Footbullet)

Edmonton has been good to me, my good man. Good town, good town. Also, Moose Jaw is WAY TOO SMALL to have an NHL team. It's like the 5th biggest city in Saskatchewan, which doesn't have any NHL teams. /pedant

I realize no one cares but I have to pipe up when someone mentions the place I live AND the place I'm from (SK not MJ) in the same post.

A comment left by fineoakstructure was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by cmr, Footbullet, Mendeleev)

Y'all some sports fans.

Not me, I'm just a fan of Saskatchewan. I'm a fan of any state, province, or country in which you can stand in the middle and see the entire thing.

You'd love Kansas.

Nobody loves Kansas.

What do you have against Kansas? Do you not like Dust in the Wind or Carry On Wayward Son or something?

(yes these are the only Kansas song I know)

You and the rest of the world.

I get them confused with Toto.

As in Wizard of Oz? Wow. That one slipped under the Doppler.

Kansas' mother and father told it that it will never be pretty. And then they opened the front door and on the porch there was a little white suitcase, with all of Kansas' things in it.

1. Yes, Moose Jaw deserves an NHL team. In spite of overwhelming economic evidence otherwise, I am just that stubborn.

2. I purposefully moved to Edmonton because I like the weather. So who wants to tangle?

3. Anyone who spends time in Saskatoon and still say they "enjoyed" it can have a Macallan on me. Damn!

:O)

How does Saskatoon come up on an internet site? I'm surprised anyone cares enough to say yay or nay on it at all.
For the record, I think Saskatoon is a great place (is my hometown), and that Edmonton is really just kind of a big version of Saskatoon (that's my bias talking). They even get the exact same weather 90% of the time.

its obviously like, not that small, as, like five people so far come from it. Like.. y'know..?

As a someone who is hockey ignorant I still insist that this does not have enough lames yet, nor the proceeding.

took a second to realize they're birds

This is all old news if you ever flipped past "Ask Veronica" and the sea monkeys ads ...

[IMGS OFF]

Why do you have a magazine from 11/1968 (other than the centerfolds have tan lines).

This kind of seems like a computer program Roast Beef would make to get back at the world.

On Cornelius's Shrovis-Bishopthorpe.

i'm not so sure publicans approve of sideburns.

Someone side us up the burns.

side up us . tsk.

Let me guess; you're the type that orders two "whoppers junior."

Why would you even order that, just get a regular Whopper. That is an unnecessary order.

I have never had whoper junior.

Let me guess; you're the type that rips off jokes from The Onion to get mad chubbies.

https://www.theonion.com/content/node/31525

Now that's what I call an onion offence!

seriously though that was a total ripoff

A Smile For Melanie is almost my favourite part ... except for panel 12 and its depiction of Ray recoiling in disgust and horror.
Playa be aghast .

TAK

Anyone know why I can't see the overall rating for a strip?

You haven't voted yet?

I can't either! Haven't been able to for a few weeks now.

I think it's a permanent thing, because people see a strip's rating and think it deserves to be a lower or higher score and rate based on that. Now that we don't see the score, we'll rate based on our own opinions and no one else's, so the actual ratings are more accurate.
Sound about right?

No.

Yes?

Yo.

Whoa.

Maybe?

I don't know...

Can you repeat the question?

Fo sho

Perhaps?

Can I get back to you on that?

No.

Finger pointing, eyebrows low
Mouth in the shape of the letter O

Sounds good, but I think you ought to be able to see the average after rating, but not able to change your rating.

Concurred... What's the point of voting if no one (except Onstad) can see it?

As a marketing tool?

As a gardening tool?

I'll just vote them all a 1 until it actually matters again.

And no one will give a fuck.

As long as you don't give a damn.

As a tool and a fool who's too cool for skool?

As a rule, I drool a pool when forced to endure gruel like the retooled spelling of school by this mule.

Oh Hee-hee-hee-haw!

indeed, 'zing' or 'burn' are not enough to describe this action, which is so well conveyed.

Never knew Florida could be so poetic.

Plausible, except... if we can't SEE the ratings, what good is having more accurate ratings?

They will be used for the "highest rated" sidebar. Perhaps also for Onstad's ability to get feedback on his work. I mean, not that we don't go on about it and references favorite bits, but it's a quick and easy way to get a read on how something is received.

Totally and amazingly inaccurate, however. It always seemed that everything averaged at 4.6.

I think that's probably why it was removed. I was glad to see it go because I thought it would end all those boring "why is this only a 4.3" conversations, but they've simply been replaced by "where are the ratings" conversations like this one.

I'm pretty sure that I'm unable to see the ratings of strips that I rated a long time ago.

I don't know what you're talking about citizen.

We have never had visible ratings.

Now drink your Victory Gin and prepare for Hate Week.

"The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world."

Oh my god guys what a good book that was

it was amazing

Yes.

I also threw a little Paranoia in there. You're welcome, but as an infrared you lack clearance to understand the reference. Have a nice day-cycle.

what's going on here?

I hit 2 twice, but the site said I gave it a 5...

It's like those voting machines in Ohio in the 2004 election all over again!

What election?

Ba-da-doom

Ditto.

Sam is that really you in Whoopie Goldberg's body?

Oh man I was sittin in a furniture store with my friend and he said that the chairs reminded him of "The View" and I was Whoopie Goldberg. My name is Sam by the way. Hella coincidence

Ik ook.

And for the last month or two, the comments section has had an incredibly annoying habit of exploding multiple pop-up information boxes when my mouse pointer hovers too near an avatar. They don't go away, these boxes, and the page, it must be reloaded.

It has to stop!

It's a problem with Firefox 3. Use Assetbarista to fix it.

...or hit F11 twice...

Shit!
Sorry, F11 does not help rid us of the curse of the "exploding multiple pop-up information boxes" that are the curse of our generation but rather simply stand as a means of removing the dreaded HUGE BLACK SCREEN BLOCKOUTS that occur from time to time. That is all.

As I say, Shit!

Mouse over someone's avicon. That's fix that. It also seems to fix it when someone will post an image and it won't immediately show up.

F11 is going further than needed to solve such a simple problem.

Fock Firefux. Use Chrome. Adhoc freeware pretty consistently sucks almost as bad as Microsoft. Not that Chrome is perfect or anything, in fact, far from it, but it's def. better than the other two.

You people are never satisfied. I think Assetbar should go retro and convert to the old Citadel style BBS software, all comic and icons rendered in ANSI.

Could we at least use a RIP board? All bad vector graphics and primitive GUI and all?

Google Chrome - Enjoy The Internet With The Adverts You've Been Missing All These Years

...and no Assetbarista

Assetbarista doesn't let you see the rating. Or it doesn't for me.

Just to put your mind to rest, the disappeared ratings have nothing to do with Assetbarista.

IT was a choice on Onstad's to get rid of the average rating.

heh, i just DLed assetbarista and realized one of my posts it on the page, interesting.

And it is just a picture of Bill Hicks mouth forever agape.

Probably because of porn.

Like everything wrong in this world it happens because you touch yourself at night.

How come I get chubbies when I ask a question, but not when I say something funny?

what is the deal

God hates you!

Haven't we talked about this?

Not enough, apparently!

apparently its been on everyone's mind.

But to answer your question, I have no idea why your earlier question about the disappeared ratings has thirteen chubbies at this point. That question has been asked about three hundred times over the past few weeks. I guess folks just liked your phrasing.

I do pride myself in my phrasing.

Hehehehehehe.

"Like gettin' bit on the stomach by a horse."

Or by ROBERT

Or finding boudoir photos of your mom biting a horse named Robert.

That was a donkey, dude.

And it was my DAD, not my mom.

...Dad?

I can tell you from experience that it hurts.

The Ouroboros ("tail-devouring snake", also spelled Uroboros in English), is an ancient symbol depicting a serpent or dragon swallowing its own tail and forming a circle.

I wear something called the "Outerboros" - faux-hipster soulpatch.

I have, in the past, worn a false soul patch. I envy you lot with your facial hair that comes in easily and full. Your casual, simple beards that require no effort. And what do you do? You shave them away with no thought. To them they are a burden, but I who wishes deeply to have a nice beard is left out with thin, patchy nothing.

I cannot grow sideburns and yet I wish onlookers to wonder whether they are viewing a 19th Century shipping magnate. This is truly a cruel world.

Stalker alert -- isn't the author the descendant of an 19th Century shipping magnate?

[IMGS OFF]

Pic related

That is supposedly the flag of Onstad Shipping (except on a white background it looks like a lame superhero's belt).

That's precisely what I thought it was, and I was so confused. Couldn't be from the 19th century, though. They didn't have red back then.

wait what?

Dude, what is that site for? Promoting beard awareness? And why is it a .org? Did we really need a nonprofit organization dedicated to beards?

No one is forcing you to join.


Yet.

Dude, what is that site for? Promoting beard awareness? And why is it a .org? Did we really need a nonprofit organization dedicated to beards?

How could this have happened

I'll tell you how. [IMGS OFF]
Neckbeard.

My oldest enemy...

Nose ring makes it look like this toilet cleaner comes with an attachment.

He is extremely pleased with that neckbeard

Hubris.

Ourohubris

Aurora Borealis?

neck-bris?

Brisk iced tea ?

Never bring iced tea to a bris. Just a bag of ice will do.

My father was a moyle. The pay wasn't great, but the Rabbi let him keep the tips.

Ah yes, Manny O'Moyle. A snippy sort o' feller.
Yer da' opened a smoked oyster cannery and made a fartune. Low overhead, that sorta thing.

A more hirsute gentleman would not have had such a problem.

And, yes, we do need a non-profit organization devoted to facial hair.

Oh my, that site has quite the encyclopedia of beard styles.

The hipster
The stoner
The Texas ranger
The
caterer

The cellmate
The fishing accident
The freedom fighter
The Even Nicer Pete
The network administrator
Gonna get that white whale if it's the last thing I ever do

Curses! Foiled by their image hotlinking defenses!

Linking to the beards' profile pages rather than their images this time:

The hipster
The stoner
The Texas ranger
The caterer
The cellmate
The fishing accident
The freedom fighter
The Even Nicer Pete
The network administrator
The badass

The world is resonating in a perfect unison.

Nirvana

I have the facial hair equivalent of a comb-over. It saddens me greatly. Let us hear no more of this. Curse my genes! How can someone so blithely shave away what I lust for!

This site is hilarious.

Quote:
Garrett shares the story of how he came to grow a full beard despite substantial cultural conditioning to the contrary. A beard-growing pioneer among family and friends, Garrett's independent thinking led him to grow his full beard -- in the heat of summer, no less! Read the story of the making of Garrett's great beard.

https://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/

That's all I have to say.

how about The Career Suicide ?

I am currently shaving mine away after having a beard for like three years. I am having a difficult time deciding whether to keep shaving it or let it come back home.

Shaving is a real pain the ass, which is a big part of why I'm considering growing it again.

Beards. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

I used an 8" straight razor-sharp scraper blade to hack mine off. Works great! Just like the old-timers.

Wait. I am the old-timer.

For someone who has seen the facebook shots... you lose exactly five years when you have the beard going on.

I actually gain about ten.

Wait, what? I look younger with the beard?

woodenteeth may have meant "you lose exactly five years of your life".

This is actually what I meant. Sorry for the confusion.

Agreed. Why bother shaving? Or, for that matter, cutting your hair?

I mean, yes, take care of yourself, wash, condition, brush and keep everything up, but why do people feel compelled to cut it away? Whole lot of bother with no good reason.

This largely matches the philosophy that I've adopted somewhat recently, but I personally have extra "lazy".

I seriously doubt you have more than I.

Brains in jars do very little. It is a lost cause, jonmw.

Possibly because, hair-wise, hacking it off once every couple months is a whole lot easier than spending five to ten minutes fucking around with it every day, plus it makes things like driving with a window down/swimming/any physical activity at all about ten times less of a pain in the ass.

To each their own. I actually spend far less time fucking with it than when it was short and wouldn't stay in place. Just a simple part down the middle, a quick brushing, and it's done for the day and always where it belongs.

Living in the city where I rarely drive (and it's often too cold to open windows at any time of the year) and avoiding all physical activity obviates the other problems.

And yet introduces many more.

I promise you that a buzzcut requires much less maintenance than a lady's hairdo. I can promise this.

It will also cure you of the desire to talk about hair on an internet forum, for what that is worth.

I don't know what bothers me more, that we are having this conversation or that belgand parts his hair down the middle.

Like Alfalfa. Do you think he does the spiky thing in the back with the lard?

I thought Alfalfa had a horrible bowlcut with the Everest-esque cowlick in the back?

Would you rather we talk about Onstad's posting schedule? That'd be fun, huh?

YES YES IT WOULD.

FORSOOTH.

I hope that's the last time I have to make that joke. The ball is in your court.

It is the standard long-haired male style. The only problem is that I have exactly the same hairstyle as my girlfriend, but I have better hair than her.

I never parted it in the middle before growing it out, but I did wear it in pigtails for a period during college.

Well, I get my hair cut because if I don't it turns into a big white man's 'fro and looks ridiculous.

[IMGS OFF]

Indeed.

White kids with dreads look a lot worse than white 'fros. They're also far more likely to be completely intolerable.

Chubbied for the best--nay, the only--possible pun in a discussion involving facial hair shaped like a snake eating its tail. The Outerboros reaches its fullest expression in this guy .

I would never fight a man with this style facial hair, and I recomend all of you heed my warnings

A man with thick, full sideburns and a bowler hat is almost certainly a bare-knuckle boxing champion. You would indeed be wise not to fight him.

Or a eighteen century haberdasher.

That is likely just his day job. Pounding stout men to jelly is the fulfillment of his very being, but it is not something one does for money. That would be crass and unseemly.

This is no uncouth, blear-eyed stevedore who, after filling himself with steam beer and the cheapest plugs of tobacco, will casually brawl with whomever is about in the lowest of Pacific Avenue saloons before taking to the bed of lewd women.

Upon further research, a haberdasher is just some dude who sells ribbons and buttons and other such items for sewing. Not as manly as I thought.

It is also a term used for someone who makes and sells hats.

There's nothing more manly than millinery.

He is the very model
of a modern millinery gentleman!

We know already, but thanks.

Sometimes misread by the ignorant as a misspelling of "our Rob or Ross."

Which doesn't really explain why they named him Dave.

Or what he's doing on the cover of a damn Turbonegro album.

There's only one Turbo Negro:

[IMGS OFF]

Ow man, now i will have unpopular view about ethnies :'(

Dan Halen: ...and what about your work ethic?
Early Cuyler: I don't think ethnics do no work, I mean that's they problem really. If you ain't like me go hang from a damn tree.
Dan Halen: Overt racial prejudice. Impressive.
Early Cuyler: I thank you kindly.
Dan Halen: I think what most impresses me, Early, is the effort and detail which you've clearly shown in urinating on my laptop.
Early Cuyler: I don't care to consort with those of the robot race.
Dan Halen: ...and why would you? I think that about covers it. Early, welcome to Dan Halen Sheetrock, International.

The cop hat basically pulls it all together.

I feel like -- is this another appearance of the Gay Police Hat thing in Achewood?

Also the fact that A Smile for Melanie and A Smile for Robert! have consecutive numbers.

I love that although it took 2280 other drafts to finally come up with the basic sideburn, it only took 45 to realize that a well-cut Ouroboros was a genuine Thing.

Its not the hat that makes you gay -- its the gay that makes the hat!

So what I'm hearing is that you think all haberdashers are gay?

Point was, some have the ability to imbue whatever accoutremon with that certain je ne sais quoi . On Christopher Street I've even seen something as manly as chaps worn in a gay manner.

(BTW -- Haberdasher is an anagram of "Brash Header")

I was there only for the cheap margaritas (not that there is anything wrong with it). Truly.

accoutrement

Well, pardon my French.

Why would i do such a thing.

Indeed. There is no pardon to be had. Speaking French deserves the full penalty of the law.

Robert enjoys it when you wear the policeman hat.

Especially in the shower.

Not only is there a character in Achewood who has found pictures of his mother wearing red silk gloves and gratuitous Aqua Net, but, as evidenced by his companion's agreement, there may be quite a few .

Man, this happens to all of us. All of us have had this happen. Every person I know has seen those pictures of your mom

I had the man in a white coat pet my brain with wires so I can't remember the bad pictures of mommy

I remember the pictures of your mom though, daidai.

Here they are.

NEVER push the random sideburn button!

(Although T may have picked the Robert for himself anyway -- He's probably already got the hat)

Teodor wouldn't wear a police hat with sideburns! Applesauce!

Nonsense!

Was the pun in the alt-text intentional? I groaned, but secretly loved it.

It was pretty hairy.

(awful awful awful)

Man, I almost missed the pun. That was a close shave!

These puns are barberous. I'll need a tonic to help me recover.

Shows how deep a bond Rays got going on when he can take a commodore fine and dandy, but seeing sideburns that makes Teodor look as an unnatural man would...he needs time to consider this notion.

Gotta take stock, like with kings.

Now I'm wondering if I even like kings, man.

left out the "Beverly Hills 9012sideburns", which were hella popular in the late 80's.

9021sideburns... jeez i'm a real fuckstick on a keyboard these days.

Stop typing with your dick

deal... IF you stop talking out your ass.

Is it OK if I keep talking out my dick?

1983, actually...

[IMGS OFF]

The old 90125. This gets an Emphatic Yes.

Stuffed bears can grow hair? This is a concern of mine.

You're okay with them talking and owning cars, though?

And flying planes, operating food establishments, wearing thongs, . . .

...buying Keith Moon's head, performing lung surgery, auctioning stuff on eBay....

....

....

....

.... boned?

Oh necessarily.

Holy shit! It's an alive (person who is surprised by anthropomorphic characters)!

Imagine a real bear with sideburns. A huge grizzly bear with mullet chops. I'm not certain whether that would be hilarious or terrifying.

I say first one, then the other, in rapid succession.

That's my plan for the Doublemint Twins.

Done and Done.

Hey-O!

I'm guessing something akin to Phillipe's efforts at defining his facial hair.

They can dream .

I hate getting bit on the stomach by a horse. It is exactly like seeing things you shouldn't see.

The Bonhamie made me laugh,
The Melanie made me very uncomfortable,
and Ray's reactions made me laugh uncontrollably.

"bit on the stomach by a horse"

Granddad sported a Rictus of Savoy, and decorated his den with the furs of many a noble beast.

(Seriously.)

Man, why's a dude always joking about Teodore being of the gay?

*gasp*

An Asherdan post with no lames! Quick, seal it in amber and preserve it for future generations!

Too late!

Man, I thought you caught the diabeetus!

Because he's sort of insecure about his sexuality, whereas the other characters are all solid in theirs. Also, because he likes The Cure.

Yeah, that is a pretty silly thing, to like The Cure.

Asherdan! Missed you, man.

Whoa

The sideburn generator italicizes your eyes

What, like this?

i i i i i

It's not really fair for it to give you eyebrows.

I'm so sorry.

[IMGS OFF]

No you ain't, Mattylite, not even a little sorry.

Fuck. Why did I lame you. Why. I didn't mean to, I take it all back.

[IMGS OFF]

Well, shit.

[IMGS OFF]

Wow, the cutoff fits that 3rd one perfectly. It's like assetbar is keeping the punchline secret until I scroll across.

Well done.

Oh man. This is so great. And made even better by the sheer coincidence that I recently purchased the Cowboy Bebop series on DVD so that I instantly recognize what you were doing with the second one. Good work, and stop looking in my window at night.

Just like a visit to the farmer's market on a Saturday morning it's the dates that make it great.

Then why you always leave your curtains open and wear that little red number you know I like

[IMGS OFF]

Um.

Yeah... it's a great costume, but I'm not a fan of the recent blonde bimbo style that Nintendo seems to have gone with in recent years (primarily the ruinous Prime years) for her out of the suit.

Still, she looks absolutely perfect for their current concept. It is astounding.

...
...
...

Whew... and without a single "screw attack" pun.

Whoa WHAT. Are you DISSING Metroid Prime?

Oh yeah, of course you are.

Oh Belgand!

You better believe I am. Super Metroid was the pinnacle of the series. 3D? I don't need some weak-ass little bullshit 3D version of Metroid. All making it more into a shooter than a proper Metroid game.

I do not, however, "diss". I find the very psuedo-word distasteful. I open my mouth and pure truth flows out it like a mountain spring. If I am saying that Metroid Prime is inferior and a perversion of the series then I think the problem is that you cannot handle reality.

Kids!

I would understand if you were talking about Hunters, which is basically a shooting game, but the actual console Prime series has a lot of the same elements as the 2D games.

Or, whatever. It doesn't matter.

Weren't the Prime games pretty much universally praised for gracefully moving the Metroid franchise into 3D while keeping what made the old games great intact? I thought people tended to like them.

Well! I guess that's what I get for making brash generalizations about things I have only cursory knowledge of!

Some people like them, others do not. If you must please simply think of me as a purist who stubbornly clings to the originals and does not see why something must be new-fangled just for the sake of it when it could simply be great instead.

Tears came to my eyes, i'm not joking.

Tears "came" to my "eye."

Rowboat, you soiled this moment.

I hate you in way that are impossible to describe in english.

Mon aversion a ton égard dépasse l'entendement

Yeah? Yeah? Well I hate you in a way that can be summed up in English pretty damn well:

"I hate you."

But, i don't hate you...

Oh. I thought aversion meant "Fuck you, suck a boy's tit" in Frog English. My apologies.

Ach, du lieber.

Whoa now. I didn't think I was into this stuff, but you can't argue with science a huge boner.

Okay, but what is "this stuff"? I don't recognize the girl or the outfit, and would appreciate being enlightened.

Never mind, I found the image properties and tracked it down. Now, what's "Metroid"? Just kidding, don't tell me. I really don't care.

I don't think they ever released Metroid in Siberia.
Which is where you must've grown up.
Because that's an extremely popular video game in places that are not Siberia.
This has been a joke.
Now is the part where you laugh.

I gave up on video games when Centipede and Defender were all the rage.

None of that matters, though. The girl in the photo is seriously into the costume thing, with a bunch of galleries at pixelninja.se. We should set aside our differences and appreciate her work in silence.

What the fuck, you would have been a fetus when those events happened! YOU ARE LYING.

Let there never be a bad word said about cosplay. No matter how much you may want to acknowledge that it means there are cute, geeky girls into all sorts of awesome things and who actively enjoy dressing up in the crazy, skimpy outfits in video games and anime.

Most of us would be lucky to convince women we know who are not half as attractive to wear a costume that isn't nearly as good or accurate and these girls are out there doing it for fun.

Seriously, what the fuck 23 year old man doesn't know what Metroid is?

That is like a 75 year old who doesn't know about World War 2.

Wait, they had two of those?

In my day, it was called the Great War. The Roman Numeral was added later (just like "Episode IV The New Hope" -- my kids don't know what I mean when I say Star Wars)

The Sequel tried to hard.

I always thought of it more like Terminator. The first one was grim, dark, and had no real need for a sequel. It resolved everything and we should have ended it for all time.

But the sequel did come about a little bit later and it was bigger and splashier with a lot more effects and marketing and a new, far more sinister variant on an old foe.

And, like T2, World War II had a much better soundtrack.

I lied about my age, obviously. Maybe I'll change that to something less specific, so it's no longer a lie.

Sorry, it always comes up as a number, which will be a lie unless I tell the truth. Can't see a reason to start now, so I will remain 23 in Assetbar. Until I turn 24, anyway.

Oh. Well that's all you had to say, man. The thought of anyone under, say, 35 having never heard of Metroid was just hard to process.

Anyway, why do you lie about your age on Assetbar, of all places? Could any place matter less than here?

Back before the world wide web existed, I posted stuff on forums under my real name; you can still get those things to come up with a Google search. I am embarrassed at having had any interaction with some guy who was enraged because his parents had him circumcised, among other things. Why would they archive all of usenet and make it searchable? Even if my views were reasonable, what was I doing poking around someplace where a guy rants on and on about his deep-seated anger over his lack of a foreskin?

So these days I try not to provide clear identifying information if I can.

That's a lesson which I'm bound to learn the hard way someday.

There's certainly a limit and it sounds like this guy went a bit far with it, but it is definitely not cool to be mutilated as an infant in an elective procedure where you are given no choice.

Seriously, it's borderline child abuse even if it's never really intended that way. It ought to be illegal.

Oh, never mind.

Whoa, slow down, maestro--there's a new Mexico?

What do you mean new England

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're telling me the slaves were let out of Egypt??

And where did all this light come from?

BLACK PRESIDENT?! THAT'S CRAaAaaaaAZY!

I was just all "FIAT..." and some dude comes along, jumps up and shouts...

Come on man, some of us here are Egyptian.

Too soon.

The crappy little bullshit man was already freakin' me out before I realized what it was. Oh man, it still is. --scroll back over-- phew...

How the hell did this turn into a conversation about Metroid?
Anyway, my image seems to have disappeared, so here's a replacement:
[IMGS OFF]

Allowing me to chub it all over again :)

In this case fortune did not favour the bold, dogg.

I never understood this dogg thing, in the parts I am from dog is one of the worst insults a person can hurl. Usually reserved for the police, prison guards and police informants, calling some one a dog is almost guarranteed to get you into a fight.

Where I'm from it's short for Corndog.

that explains so much about Snoop Dogg's arrest there

oh wow, and official banning , apparently.

Octafish, if I ever want to visit Australia, will you help me study up for my character test?

No wuckers matey!

Do you have a criminal record?

I don't think they require that any more.

Ba-dum-BUMP!

The black square thanks the Venn diagram for pitching a softball.

Robert is smiling. You are not. Robert likes it when you're angry.

The moustache looks like a smile to Robert only if he is forced to lie on his back with his head between your legs. Of course, Robert must do this if a police man orders him to.

it's a Woolly Willy controlled by the invisible hand of satan

that's what they all say

I can attest Ray's comment in the last panel. I was once bitten on the stomach by a horse, and in the crazed delusions that followed, I imagined I grew mutton chops and they slowly devoured my face.

That's how Asimov was done in. Poor soul.

wait...does one "attest" to something, or just "attest" something? Or maybe "attest" for something...

apparently another side effect of getting bitten by a horse is a deep concern for using the correct prepositions.

I would say that you could attest to the veracity of Ray's comment, or maybe you would rather just affirm it.

You can't even attest to properly and you wish us to believe your bald-faced lie?


Ray must have seen the [i]worst[i] image of T with sideburns in panel 12.

[i]worst*[i] fuck.

ha

the irony here is delicious .

Now I can't help but wonder how Teodor would look with The Primetime.

i would date the heck out of 2281


The romantic whimsy of Bachelor 23159's doves of hair brings mirth to my heart-hearth. He may also get some.

Good to hear it. I'll be lathering and stropping on this very eve milady

Wait, do you insist the sideburns be on their face?

A comment left by niggar was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Belgand, snoozebar, Prine, IronDave, Guikey)

damn just as they were starting to hang out a lot ;9

If I were a rich man, I would pay a considerable sum of money for a well-crafted Ouroboros. To quote Lyle, "I am as serious as a heart attack" about this.

I had a history teacher in high school who would say "I'm as serious as a coronary, folks" pretty often.

A year or two after I graduated he was arrested for having inappropriate relations with a 16-year-old girl.

"I'm as serious as an outdated felony, folks."

I bet he is seriously thinking about the choices he made in life LOL

wait that wasn't very funny what's wrong with me ;9

D. Boon of the Minutemen was serious as a heart attack

also a car accident


too soon

panel 13 haunts me...

Not feeling this strip...*sigh*

This is because you cannot grow a beard. Dumbass beard concepts are universal among people who can grow them. It is a very important part of the glue that allows men to bond with one another.

Oh fuck, you've basically just underarmed this pitch and quite frankly I won't be the one to step in and hit it out of the park.

"I don't think that's glue..."

I guess I'll never know...but then, I have breasts, so I guess that makes up for it?

Oh yeah ? Well you know what I've got? I got way better than that! I've got, uh. Shit. Nothing.

I would even trade the ability to open jars for some boobs of my own. Nothing fancy, just some nice friendly As.

You could probably get some As just by eating a lot of McDonalds.

[IMGS OFF]
The Cat in the Hat. Strongly considered.

DO YOU WANT TO BE ARRESTED!!!

I realise dat a bodie-cheque 'n, says, a vid-game dose dammege but i dun unnastan' hows it dose demmage n real-libe. s it deh speeds? lik how wreckbowl werks? ib so wuldn't u b bettah ov doin thundah-elbow insted o' body etack.

but i dunno. i dint spen' ma libe tranin' kcaret 'n mount lik 'e did is jus' dat i ben trhyn 2 do deh moves i c n deh game n real but is comin' out less den efective, ya knowS? i gots work n ma fiskal strength/spede

Body checks are more effective when multiple persons hit the same guy. Can break legs, crush ribs, crack skulls.


Usually applied force like thunder elbow is good if it's one on one though I guess.

u yuse diffrent moves win ur fitening halv and doesn't mens then win yuse only... hab to ficgace... 1... *thump*

Glad just admitted he is French Canadian.

I wonder if you could feasibly grow the ouroboros if you had a shaved head

You'd have to put the snake head on your cheek, the tail would be cheek hair that goes into your 'stache and then across the other cheek up across your sideburns and over your ear, then around the back

I... I think you could do it... but SHOULD you...?

YES

It muft happen.

The Smile for Melanie and Ouroboros are so evil that Teodor's head rocks forward from the grid-lines. Even the machine knows what horrible things it has done.

Those are more likely the result of dramatic camera angles.

They could be caused by lupus though.

Dutch tilt. It's called Dutch tilt.

Never confuse a Dutch angle and a Dutch rudder. Though both are generally used to induce a sense of uneasiness among viewers.

It ruined the fine film Battlefield Earth.
And it had so much potential . . . .

I woke up this morning with a vague sense of disappointment that I was born female.

Throughout the day, it intensified. It was like an itch I couldn't scratch. Like an insect perpetually alighting on my brain.

As I sat down at my computer the nagging became almost painful. I could not tolerate it any longer. With great difficulty, drawn on by some invisible force, I typed 'achewood.com' into the url bar.

My misery now had a name. I could now see clearly in my mind's eye the emptiness inside me, and what could have filled it had nature not been so cruel.

Ridiculous sideburns.

There is no God.

No, I really, truly, completely agree.

Every time I see a picture of those World Beard Championship guys who style their facial hair like windmills or boats or whatever, I get really depressed because there's this whole magnificent manner of self-expression out there that I can never take part in.

I really wish girls could grow beards. I know that every guy reading this is crossing their legs and going "eerruughhhlackkk," but it's true. And if it was normal for girls to do it, no one would think anything of it, yeah? But then again, maybe it'd be like shaving your legs, where it's something that's expected of you by society, and you couldn't really get away with doing it anyway.

The closest I've ever come to extravagant body hair was when my ex-boyfriend and I were really drunk and I decided it'd be a great, fantastic idea to shave my lady regions to depict a scorpion fighting an elephant on top of a sphere. I had it all planned out... I'd start with a blank canvas, then just let the hair for the sphere grow in first (so it'd be longer and able to achieve the 3D sphere effect) and then finally do the elephant and the scorpion at the very end. Even in my drunken state I realized that I didn't have enough possible hair-area (or enough co-ordination) to do that particular image... so I decided to try to show the last scene in the Godfather, with the door closing slowly, you know? So a few hours later I wake up and I'm on the shower floor and I've got all these tiny bald spots that I guess were supposed to represent a door and two guy's faces, and some sharpie marks that I suppose were my half-assed attempts at mapping out the image.

So I just spent a couple paragraphs talking about my pubic hair on the internet.

Hi guys, nice to meet you.

Hello extortshorties. I believe we've met somewhere before. Do you remember the guy who had his pubes shaved to look like a straightrazor?

I propose that you do the sphere and the animal of your choice . I will do the other and then we could rejoin them

We could take Pix, lol

Her reply: "wolfensti, you Smoothie, you!"

I think you'd need more than two pubic areas to get the full tableau of the world on the back of the elephants on the back of the turtle floating in the void, but I don't know how you get them all into the proper positions for the photo. Hedonismbot will probably volunteer his expertise, though.

I dunno, I think shaving one's pubic hair to form the words "I ATEN'T DEAD" has it's own unique charm whilst still paying homage to Pratchett.

Although I suspect Discworld fans styling their pubic hair after slogans from his books is not something Terry Pratchett would particularly dig.

Since when do Pratchett fans grow pubes? When did this start?

How come you kids are so GOD DAMNED STUPID and just do the stupidest thing possible EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF THE GOD DAMNED DAY!

It's worse when you're a guy unable to grow a good and fulfilling beard. It is a thousand times worse. It keeps you up at night crying.

Especially when you are a secondary school teacher and a few of your students, literally ten years younger than you, can grow more of a beard than you can...

I think the cat finger is the worst part

Then don't do it.

Damn. Lately comments have been hella not achewood styles.

I think you mean "hell of."

You forgot the "Zing"

WHAMMY.

What I like is that it took a strip about photo-manipulation software to work a musical theatre reference into Achewood.

I didn't catch it and I'm fine with that.

where? I didn't catch it either (unless you mean "Savoy?" which is a stretch) and I probably should have.

"Fortune Favors the Brave" is a song from Aida .

Dogg, Aida did not come up with that phrase.

A comment left by chatterjee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Belgand, SurelySmack, seren_tremio)

You are welcome, but I don't see what I had to do with it.

This is not your personal message center, TGH. Other people can read it as well.

Shoot, I should have asked you if you were sitting down first. Sorry.

The joke was that in middle and early high school I was told that writing in second person (directing the writing to the reader) was a bad way to write because it could confuse the reader.

In other words, sorry for partying .

Take anything a teacher says about writing with a grain of salt, because there will always be an example of a critically acclaimed novel that does exactly what they claim is wrong.

Exhibit A: Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash . Uses the verb "to be" like seven hundred times. Hell, it breaks just about every writing "rule" you'll ever learn.

I don't think there's actually a rule about being more creative than naming your hero "Protagonist", it's more a guideline.

I'm guessing you haven't read it.

Are we still talking about Snow Crash ?

No, Encyclopedia Brown .

Narcissistic much?

I don't like when Teodor smiles...

i did what shouldn't have been done.

[IMGS OFF]

Aren't you in Weezer?

MY NAME IS JONAAAAAAS

Git that iMac outta yer pants, boy! Nex thing ya know we gonna have ten little metrosexshuls runnin' riot on the properdy and you know as well as I do that you ain't gonna be the one hasta drown 'em!

Chubby for the callback.

forgot to add:

fauxchubs to that list from beards.org and the guys who proudly sport them.

i may have just been inspired to grow one.

I have sported about 10 different styles in my lifetime and the only one I'm 100% dissatisfied with is clean-shaven. It makes my chin and lip feel cold. If your upper lip has ever started shivering in 110 degree heat, it's a sign that you shouldn't be clean-shaven.

Mine has, but it was directly after I'd been told by George Clooney that I didn't have the "moxie" to make it in the film business, so it may have been unrelated to the temperature.

The pudding ring makes you look quite a lot like Tom Green.

If I ever was going to shape my facial hair as such (I would not), "pudding ring" would make stop me in my tracks.

There seems to be no good memories associated with Aqua Net

Wrong. Blowtorches.

if only you could make things this ridiculous with Hairstyle Runner.

Once again I hop on late at night and see a new promise is both made and broken. It's twenty past midnight now and no longer "late Friday night".

Another missed deadline.

I wasn't even expecting a strip. If I just nipped in and found a new one I would have been impressed and happy, but instead I just get a fresh set of disappointment where none had existed before.

Don't set our expectations just to dash them is what I'm saying.

I guess I spoke too soon. It certainly went up before dawn and while this might not cut it for a technical definition I'm not the kind of loser who thinks that midnight actually makes it a new day.

Congrats. You finally made it man.

When he saw that you were getting impatient, he rushed it out on the double.

You can thank me in the traditional fashion.

Hello my name is Walter and I have Ausperger's and does anyone know how to set the netmask? You know like 255.255.255.0... I have a DSL modem <---> regular router WAN port | regular router LAN port <---> wifi router WAN port I know I could use just the wifi router but I don't want to I want to use both routers it's a long story. that is not a real picture of me but he came up when I did google on my name. and he is cool. standard issue side burns. I don't have side burns. please help me with understanding netmask. thanks.

I got the netmask figured out after reading several interlinked wikipedia articles. I put my dsl modem and my router on different subnets and I guess the wifi router will have to be on yet a 3rd subnet because the access point doesn't seem to do what I want it to do which is to be a.. like a switch, you know.

by the way I am aiu I has be diagnose with auspergers I know I might be one of the more annoying people you has ever met with AS but I am try to be less annoying. I know I am naturally annoy people but I promise I will not on purpose annoy anyone anymore and try to reduce inherent annoyence to as much as possible. So anyway please don't give me all your lame are belong to me maybe I will have something cute and funnys to say from times after time. oh yeah and please to not put me on universal ignore list too because then I has to make new account to post to my friend who want to read my postings

yeah there should be a choice when you ignore someone ... *ignore user* and *universally ignore user*... so if you click on the latter, then it puts them on the universal ignore list, but if you click on the former, then it just is saying that you personally don't want to see the user's posts but other people might want to and you don't want to spoil their fun.

I do not htink it nice to want force me to go away because I am not spammer I am not troller I am just misunderstoofd/

iz u blak? lol

Hey guys, get in here and look at this thing!

Hi walter. Generally you'll have PPoE set up on the DSL modem, which then passes your dynamically assigned I.P. to your regular router, which in turn NAT's addresses to your computers, most commonly using 192.168.xxx.xxx. Since that's a Class C, the netmask for your router(s) will generally be 255.255.255.0.
You don't typically need to set a netmask for the modem at all, just your ISP and username/password.
Sometimes the router also needs that.

Why are you using a 2nd wifi router? You mean an AP, or do you mean a 2nd router altogether that is wifi?
Many of the Linksys, Buffalo, etc. home router models are linux based, so they can be hacked with a more versatile firmware that gives alot more options such as peering between 2,which is what it sounds like you're trying to do.

Okay, you do want to use 2 routers. Didn't get that 1st time. That can be tricky trying to peer them.

Actually, walter, I don't find you annoying, yet.
Now, i_love_kate- that's a seriously annoying poster.

Excellent return to form after a well deserved break

right on the stomach