sarabria
+25 -0
Built to resist cricket bats.
Built to resist cricket bats.
jrpigman
+2 -0
Shrovis Bishopthorpe makes a real corker of a machine, wot?
Shrovis Bishopthorpe makes a real corker of a machine, wot?
morelaak
+2 -2
spot on, chap. I must confess, the Shrovis Bishopthorpe Traditional Queen's-English-Style Electronics and Electricals Internet-and-Telephone-Based Catalogue and Mailing Service has entered upon many monetary contracts with the creditors of my accounts, in the interest of acquiring copious amounts of the finest Queen's-English-Style Electronics and Electricals for myself.
spot on, chap. I must confess, the Shrovis Bishopthorpe Traditional Queen's-English-Style Electronics and Electricals Internet-and-Telephone-Based Catalogue and Mailing Service has entered upon many monetary contracts with the creditors of my accounts, in the interest of acquiring copious amounts of the finest Queen's-English-Style Electronics and Electricals for myself.
lawbot
+1 -0
You are not good at anyone's English. This is because of semantics.
You are not good at anyone's English. This is because of semantics.
morelaak
+0 -0
i can't help it. it happens every time i put on a monocle and top hat. i just can't stop.
i can't help it. it happens every time i put on a monocle and top hat. i just can't stop.
lawbot
+1 -0
There's a place you can go, Monocles Anonymous.
There's a place you can go, Monocles Anonymous.
snoozebar
+5 -0
Mononomymous for short.
Mononomymous for short.
lawbot
+0 -0
YES
YES
sncether
+3 -0
"My name is morelaak, and I am a monocleholic."
"SALUTATIONS, MORELAAK"
"My name is morelaak, and I am a monocleholic."
"SALUTATIONS, MORELAAK"
lawbot
+0 -0
vChub.
This is my first vChub on this page, as I seem to have had an inordinate amount of chubbies to give.
vChub.
This is my first vChub on this page, as I seem to have had an inordinate amount of chubbies to give.
professorhazard
+4 -0
Monocles! What news from the north?
Monocles! What news from the north?
tekende
+0 -0
Haha, virtual chubby for continuity!
Haha, virtual chubby for continuity!
gazdatronik
+0 -0
Oddly enough, my British KEF speakers were built in Tovil-Maidthorpe, England. This is not a lie. It makes this comic that much more of a mindrush.
Oddly enough, my British KEF speakers were built in Tovil-Maidthorpe, England. This is not a lie. It makes this comic that much more of a mindrush.
daidai
+0 -2
Actually, it mentions that in the catalogue of jokes you can buy for a few extra euros.
Actually, it mentions that in the catalogue of jokes you can buy for a few extra euros.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Oh no you di'int.
Oh no you di'int.
selbencoirlo
+0 -0
He meant to say dollars.
Canadian dollars.
He meant to say dollars.
Canadian dollars.
lawbot
+0 -1
Please be a troll.
Please be a troll.
mc_white
+21 -1
The only pornography viewable on the Envaliant III is an early wardrobe malfunction where Queen Elizabeth's ankle was visible when she exited her carriage.
The only pornography viewable on the Envaliant III is an early wardrobe malfunction where Queen Elizabeth's ankle was visible when she exited her carriage.
falseprophet
+0 -0
V-Chub.
V-Chub.
tekende
+0 -0
Seconded.
Seconded.
mc_white
+0 -1
I'm really just tryin to make up for the fact that I got a full Lame Load in the face on my last comment. I didnt know how much hostility assetbar had for mediocre comedy
I'm really just tryin to make up for the fact that I got a full Lame Load in the face on my last comment. I didnt know how much hostility assetbar had for mediocre comedy
falseprophet
+3 -0
This is a good start. The problem yesterday was mainly that it was right there at the top of the comments for all to see. It is very easy to get chubbied or lamed there, especially if it looks even remotely like you posted there just to have your comment easier to see for Those Who Do Not Scroll Down Far. People run out of chubbies and sometimes even lames as they scroll down, and even then, they pay less attention to comments that already do not have any attention paid to them. Sometimes a V-Chub is necessary to get people to start giving you actual chubbies.
This is a good start. The problem yesterday was mainly that it was right there at the top of the comments for all to see. It is very easy to get chubbied or lamed there, especially if it looks even remotely like you posted there just to have your comment easier to see for Those Who Do Not Scroll Down Far. People run out of chubbies and sometimes even lames as they scroll down, and even then, they pay less attention to comments that already do not have any attention paid to them. Sometimes a V-Chub is necessary to get people to start giving you actual chubbies.
ford
+0 -0
Chubby for assetbar sociology.
Chubby for assetbar sociology.
mc_white
+0 -0
Seconded, I thought this was a Comment Place like any other, I see now that it's rules are quite foreign to me. I shall now endeavor to understand this.... (italics) ASSETBAR!
Seconded, I thought this was a Comment Place like any other, I see now that it's rules are quite foreign to me. I shall now endeavor to understand this.... (italics) ASSETBAR!
dovey
+0 -0
Haha, V-Chub for avoiding the pitfalls of BBCode altogether.
Haha, V-Chub for avoiding the pitfalls of BBCode altogether.
falseprophet
+0 -0
BBCode is like the polka: it's all about the notes you italics don't no-italics play.
Preferably, italics none of them. no-italics
BBCode is like the polka: it's all about the notes you italics don't no-italics play.
Preferably, italics none of them. no-italics
helter
+1 -0
See, that's just admitting defeat. Conquer yourfears , lest they conquer you .
Some sort of preview function would probably help as well, but that's another matter entirely.
See, that's just admitting defeat. Conquer your
Some sort of preview function would probably help as well, but that's another matter entirely.
jeet
+0 -0
Chubby for successfully conquering assetbar, as well as The Else icon. Nice.
Chubby for successfully conquering assetbar, as well as The Else icon. Nice.
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
Damn, If I wasn't out of chubbies I'd be giving you one for the drinky crow avatar.
Damn, If I wasn't out of chubbies I'd be giving you one for the drinky crow avatar.
dwodles
+0 -2
There is just...so much delightful British slang. My wee Yankee brain can hardly handle it.
There is just...so much delightful British slang. My wee Yankee brain can hardly handle it.
spinynorman
+27 -0
Seriously when I went to England and I learned that they did not actually talk that way I argued with everyone in the airport and eventually just stood in the middle of the food court and screamed for like a good minute or so
Almost nothing comes with a catalogue of jokes and I never found out what a color supplement was
Seriously when I went to England and I learned that they did not actually talk that way I argued with everyone in the airport and eventually just stood in the middle of the food court and screamed for like a good minute or so
Almost nothing comes with a catalogue of jokes and I never found out what a color supplement was
spectre
+0 -0
Parade Magazine. The Life Magazine distributed free in some newspapers until last year. Those were color supplements.
Parade Magazine. The Life Magazine distributed free in some newspapers until last year. Those were color supplements.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
It's where they hide the good crossword puzzle in the Washington Post. I forget if anything else is in it.
It's where they hide the good crossword puzzle in the Washington Post. I forget if anything else is in it.
dougthehead
+1 -0
You got off a good one-minute scream? That might not sound very long, but people should try it sometime.
You got off a good one-minute scream? That might not sound very long, but people should try it sometime.
mattfish
+6 -0
Nobody could possibly think screaming for a minute without stopping is not a very long scream
Nobody could possibly think screaming for a minute without stopping is not a very long scream
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
even if you think about it medium-hard.
even if you think about it medium-hard.
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
You wouldn't happen to be the something awful spinynorman would you?
%u201CWhat the gently caress is going on?%u201D
You wouldn't happen to be the something awful spinynorman would you?
%u201CWhat the gently caress is going on?%u201D
spinynorman
+0 -0
Y... yeah, that'd be me. Not sure what AssetBar did to you there.
Y... yeah, that'd be me. Not sure what AssetBar did to you there.
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
I had just read that long story about the meal where your car got towed in case your wondering. I think it was linked from here but I was drunk last night and can't find that strip so I'm not too sure. No, not too sure at all. Oh, and those are quotation marks that are being mangled there.
I had just read that long story about the meal where your car got towed in case your wondering. I think it was linked from here but I was drunk last night and can't find that strip so I'm not too sure. No, not too sure at all. Oh, and those are quotation marks that are being mangled there.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Yep, it was back in the molecular gastronomy strip, unless I'm mistaken.
Yep, it was back in the molecular gastronomy strip, unless I'm mistaken.
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
Yeah, it was, thanks for pointing that out. Also...
slightly off topic...
I just saw a girl about my age being cling-filmed to a bus-stop pole on the way down here, just messing obviously but it was pretty funny all the same.
No longer off-topic
Thank U for your patience
Yeah, pretty funny story, did that friend ever get fired from that place?
Yeah, it was, thanks for pointing that out. Also...
slightly off topic...
I just saw a girl about my age being cling-filmed to a bus-stop pole on the way down here, just messing obviously but it was pretty funny all the same.
No longer off-topic
Thank U for your patience
Yeah, pretty funny story, did that friend ever get fired from that place?
lawbot
+0 -0
Sounds like fetishists. I am not kidding.
Sounds like fetishists. I am not kidding.
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
Heh, yeah I crossed the road when I saw it but one of the guys doing the wrapping was one of my room-mates in first year and he was pretty nice and the girl was laughing so I doubt it, would not be entirely surprised if there was such a fetish though.
Heh, yeah I crossed the road when I saw it but one of the guys doing the wrapping was one of my room-mates in first year and he was pretty nice and the girl was laughing so I doubt it, would not be entirely surprised if there was such a fetish though.
lawbot
+5 -1
Just because you know them, and they are laughing it does not mean that they are not also aroused.
Just because you know them, and they are laughing it does not mean that they are not also aroused.
gmm
+1 -0
You should put that on t-shirts
You should put that on t-shirts
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
Goddammit lawbot... I'm just thinking it seems to be quite an odd or uncommon turn-on for a group of people to be taking part in, maybe there's a flyer around here somewhere?
Goddammit lawbot... I'm just thinking it seems to be quite an odd or uncommon turn-on for a group of people to be taking part in, maybe there's a flyer around here somewhere?
achilleselbow
+1 -1
Has no one ever heard of Ulrich Haarbuste ?
Has no one ever heard of Ulrich Haarbuste ?
laserblade
+0 -0
I sprung for [url="https://www.troubador.co.uk/book_info.asp?bookid=434"]Ulrich Haarburste's Novel Of Roy Orbison In Clingfilm[/url]. The pleasure is unexampled.
I sprung for [url="https://www.troubador.co.uk/book_info.asp?bookid=434"]Ulrich Haarburste's Novel Of Roy Orbison In Clingfilm[/url]. The pleasure is unexampled.
hbaranov
+0 -0
There's a bloke in Bizarre Magazine who wraps himself up...
There's a bloke in Bizarre Magazine who wraps himself up...
iseedeadpixels
+1 -0
Noooooooo...
My first assetbar fuckup!
Noooooooo...
My first assetbar fuckup!
falseprophet
+1 -0
I am trying to imagine the kinds of arguments you were having in that airport.
"What do you mean you don't talk this way? Start talking that way!"
"How can you say this is England! You're kicking me in the nuts and calling it football!"
"Your attempts to use game theory to explain the devaluing of the dollar are at best misguided and at worst sophistical!"
"I'd tell you to suck my big fat cock but your yellow ass teeth would dent the finish!"
I am trying to imagine the kinds of arguments you were having in that airport.
"What do you mean you don't talk this way? Start talking that way!"
"How can you say this is England! You're kicking me in the nuts and calling it football!"
"Your attempts to use game theory to explain the devaluing of the dollar are at best misguided and at worst sophistical!"
"I'd tell you to suck my big fat cock but your yellow ass teeth would dent the finish!"
falseprophet
+0 -0
Also, this will make you a mite jealous Spiny. A couple weeks ago I had to call the BBC to ask them to e-mail some audio from one of their shows to us and I was amused to learn that when ending a phone call, they say "Cheers!"
But that would piss me off if I lived in England and had to deal with people saying a salutation that basically makes me feel like I am supposed to have a demeanor that I do not have every single goddamn day.
Also, this will make you a mite jealous Spiny. A couple weeks ago I had to call the BBC to ask them to e-mail some audio from one of their shows to us and I was amused to learn that when ending a phone call, they say "Cheers!"
But that would piss me off if I lived in England and had to deal with people saying a salutation that basically makes me feel like I am supposed to have a demeanor that I do not have every single goddamn day.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Yeah, I understand "cheers" can be used just for anything, from handing you your change to writing you a parking ticket, or finishing up a vigorous handjob in the street. Life's funny that way, isn't it?
Yeah, I understand "cheers" can be used just for anything, from handing you your change to writing you a parking ticket, or finishing up a vigorous handjob in the street. Life's funny that way, isn't it?
professorhazard
+0 -0
It's been too long since I had a good streetjob.
It's been too long since I had a good streetjob.
tekende
+0 -0
But only a vigorous handjob. A lackluster handjob does not warrant a "cheers" but rather a "right, that'll be 50p, hand it over and sod off."
But only a vigorous handjob. A lackluster handjob does not warrant a "cheers" but rather a "right, that'll be 50p, hand it over and sod off."
rotating-dog
+4 -0
The Shrovis-Bishopthorpe Envaliant III - 80% more wood veneer than the BBC Master 128!
The Shrovis-Bishopthorpe Envaliant III - 80% more wood veneer than the BBC Master 128!
falseprophet
+76 -0
Kind of like this one?
[IMGS OFF]
Kind of like this one?
[IMGS OFF]
drskradley
+6 -0
That crank!
I prefer to think of it as a wammy bar .
That crank!
I prefer to think of it as a wammy bar .
falseprophet
+1 -0
Dude, activate star power ...
Dude, activate star power ...
tsume454
+92 -0
For Sale: King George III's laptop.
Includes the following software
Photoshoppe
Revere inftant meffenger
Microfoft Office Fuite
Norton Anti-Plague
Lavafoft pofted bill-aware
Grand Theft Carriage III
Command and Conquer - Wafhington'f Revenge
For Sale: King George III's laptop.
Includes the following software
Photoshoppe
Revere inftant meffenger
Microfoft Office Fuite
Norton Anti-Plague
Lavafoft pofted bill-aware
Grand Theft Carriage III
Command and Conquer - Wafhington'f Revenge
blastradius
+0 -0
A comment left by blastradius was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, snowman, lizard, rowboat, Scorpio_nadir, sumisueme)
A comment left by blastradius was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, snowman, lizard, rowboat, Scorpio_nadir, sumisueme)
achilleselbow
+1 -1
Also, the long s would never occur at the end of the word, and would only replace the first s in a ligature, but that's neither here nor there and does naught to detract from the chubby-worthiness of this effort.
Also, the long s would never occur at the end of the word, and would only replace the first s in a ligature, but that's neither here nor there and does naught to detract from the chubby-worthiness of this effort.
morelaak
+0 -0
A comment left by morelaak was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Zilcho, The_Prophet, snowman, baudrillard, Ihmgard, Epicurus)
A comment left by morelaak was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Zilcho, The_Prophet, snowman, baudrillard, Ihmgard, Epicurus)
snowman
+0 -0
too much effort.
too much effort.
lateadopter
+1 -0
Little rat throws a brick right in morelaak's face.
Little rat throws a brick right in morelaak's face.
wittyname
+0 -0
And morelaak enjoys it.
And morelaak enjoys it.
drskradley
+0 -0
NO.
NO.
dovey
+0 -0
I've seen it before but goddamnit if I didn't just go and watch it again.
I've seen it before but goddamnit if I didn't just go and watch it again.
tsume454
+0 -0
I didst not know thefe conventions for the ufe of the letter f. Verily, I did it for the lulf.
I didst not know thefe conventions for the ufe of the letter f. Verily, I did it for the lulf.
maximus
+0 -0
"Office Fuite" is an existential French program that illuminates the absurdity of modern commerce
"Office Fuite" is an existential French program that illuminates the absurdity of modern commerce
lawbot
+0 -0
v to the Chub, yo.
v to the Chub, yo.
baryonyx
+8 -0
The screen always displays with the appearance of an old film reel. All counting down from 5 whenever you boot it up.
The screen always displays with the appearance of an old film reel. All counting down from 5 whenever you boot it up.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Man. That would be awesome. I would genuinely like to have that on my computer.
Man. That would be awesome. I would genuinely like to have that on my computer.
tekende
+0 -0
Agreed. Plus it would have a popcorn maker so you could sit there with a bucket of popcorn while the computer counts down its startup.
Agreed. Plus it would have a popcorn maker so you could sit there with a bucket of popcorn while the computer counts down its startup.
spinynorman
+0 -0
I want it to make the card-shuffle sounds like those holepunch card computers from the 1950's.
...
Also, yes, like the Batman computers from The Animated Series.
I want it to make the card-shuffle sounds like those holepunch card computers from the 1950's.
...
Also, yes, like the Batman computers from The Animated Series.
explodingbat
+0 -0
i actually went to quite a bit of effort to make my computer start up with the Book's 'tabulator' noise from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy original radio series.
So yeah I know how you feel.
i actually went to quite a bit of effort to make my computer start up with the Book's 'tabulator' noise from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy original radio series.
So yeah I know how you feel.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Is ".ogg" an actual file extension? My broweser begs to differ.
Is ".ogg" an actual file extension? My broweser begs to differ.
gmm
+0 -0
It is, it's one of those audiophile-friendly superhigh bitrate audio formats. Like SHN only not for dicks.
It is, it's one of those audiophile-friendly superhigh bitrate audio formats. Like SHN only not for dicks.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
OGG VORBIS RULEZ M4A DROOLZ
OGG VORBIS RULEZ M4A DROOLZ
explodingbat
+0 -0
Erm hopefully this wav of nearly the same noise is playable?
An ogg file is like an mp3 but us linux types prefer it because it's not as heavily patented.
Erm hopefully this wav of nearly the same noise is playable?
An ogg file is like an mp3 but us linux types prefer it because it's not as heavily patented.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
and supports surround sound!!
and supports surround sound!!
mikeronomicon
+0 -0
It's ogg vorbis file format, usually associated with divx/xvid codecs. Hey, I am a nerd after all.
It's ogg vorbis file format, usually associated with divx/xvid codecs. Hey, I am a nerd after all.
lateadopter
+1 -0
And it runs Vista so you have time to finish the bucket of popcorn. Very considerate of them to think of those little details.
And it runs Vista so you have time to finish the bucket of popcorn. Very considerate of them to think of those little details.
gmm
+0 -0
My Vista laptop starts up pretty quick. But I could always go for popcorn so y'know, good call either way.
My Vista laptop starts up pretty quick. But I could always go for popcorn so y'know, good call either way.
tekende
+0 -0
Mine too, but it takes quite a while to shut down.
Mine too, but it takes quite a while to shut down.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Cricket hero four
EH? HOWZAT WHAT WHAT!
Cricket hero four
EH? HOWZAT WHAT WHAT!
overmedicated
+0 -0
That's champion, that is.
That's champion, that is.
pyro_ike
+4 -0
Cornelius would be hell of steampunk, if he weren't so inherently averse to the word "punk".
Cornelius would be hell of steampunk, if he weren't so inherently averse to the word "punk".
benitosimies
+18 -0
Steamgent.
Steamgent.
falseprophet
+1 -0
"Gent" sounds like it would be the word to replace "man" when superhero comic books are translated into British so as to avoid copyright infringement.
"Gent" sounds like it would be the word to replace "man" when superhero comic books are translated into British so as to avoid copyright infringement.
miku224
+16 -0
What, are you daft? Are you a bit slow or something? Who the devil do you think I am? I'm the bloody Batgent.
What, are you daft? Are you a bit slow or something? Who the devil do you think I am? I'm the bloody Batgent.
sncether
+0 -0
I try to hoard my chubbies against a situation like this, but after two days of the same strip even I am sadly spent. If I could take back some chubbies given in the heady early hours of this strip, I surely would, but instead I'm reduced to this: thanks for posting this comment. It was funny.
...
So, do you watch any TV shows?
I try to hoard my chubbies against a situation like this, but after two days of the same strip even I am sadly spent. If I could take back some chubbies given in the heady early hours of this strip, I surely would, but instead I'm reduced to this: thanks for posting this comment. It was funny.
...
So, do you watch any TV shows?
norrin
+0 -0
Lately I have been turning Vchubs into real chubs. I am some sort of exchange, the end of which has already been predicted by Manflesh.
I press on anyway. I got hium for you.
Lately I have been turning Vchubs into real chubs. I am some sort of exchange, the end of which has already been predicted by Manflesh.
I press on anyway. I got hium for you.
tekende
+0 -0
VIRTUAL CHUBBY STOP
THAT WAS AWESOME STOP
VIRTUAL CHUBBY STOP
THAT WAS AWESOME STOP
hbaranov
+0 -0
APOLOGIES TO YOU SIR, I RAN OUT OF CHUBBIES. STOP.
APOLOGIES TO YOU SIR, I RAN OUT OF CHUBBIES. STOP.
baryonyx
+0 -0
I am prepared to say this is deserving of a standing ovation.
I am prepared to say this is deserving of a standing ovation.
miku224
+0 -0
I am flattered.
Also, because of the way comments indent themselves, I really hope you were talking to me.
I am flattered.
Also, because of the way comments indent themselves, I really hope you were talking to me.
baryonyx
+0 -0
Correct.
The indentations are just another way Assetbar is cruel for cruelty's sake.
Correct.
The indentations are just another way Assetbar is cruel for cruelty's sake.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
What an unexpected gem of a term!
it should definitely be a subculture.
What an unexpected gem of a term!
it should definitely be a subculture.
notcool
+1 -0
The phrase and ideology you're looking for is Neo-Victorian. Like all things, there's some good and some bad mixed up with it, but I, being the kind of dude I am, wouldn't mind seeing a resurgence of Victorian ideals. Y'know, minus the bigotry, racism, casual ignorance, and complete segrigation of the sexes.
The phrase and ideology you're looking for is Neo-Victorian. Like all things, there's some good and some bad mixed up with it, but I, being the kind of dude I am, wouldn't mind seeing a resurgence of Victorian ideals. Y'know, minus the bigotry, racism, casual ignorance, and complete segrigation of the sexes.
fuckyoufriday
+0 -0
Music box version of Mozart's eine kleine nachtmusik tinkles in the background.
Music box version of Mozart's eine kleine nachtmusik tinkles in the background.
wae
+0 -0
"You've got . . . wood!!"
"You've got . . . wood!!"
wonelove
+0 -0
Royal, innit!
Royal, innit!
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
Hey rotating-dog you missed one strip (there are 1395), check the strips you havent seen thing at the left and you should find it.
For some reason a complete stranger has missed a comic on assetbar and it is bugging me a little.
Hey rotating-dog you missed one strip (there are 1395), check the strips you havent seen thing at the left and you should find it.
For some reason a complete stranger has missed a comic on assetbar and it is bugging me a little.
boredom_man
+1 -1
WANT
WANT
daidai
+1 -0
Yes, I must say after a single examination of that computing machine I must declare that my computing machine is RUBBISH!
Yes, I must say after a single examination of that computing machine I must declare that my computing machine is RUBBISH!
aliiis
+0 -0
I have a question, is 'rubbish' like a funny British thing to say? I am a British person and thought it was just a very normal thing to say.
I have a question, is 'rubbish' like a funny British thing to say? I am a British person and thought it was just a very normal thing to say.
loneal
+0 -0
Yeah, Americans don't really say rubbish. We understand what it means and all, but we say trash or garbage instead.
Yeah, Americans don't really say rubbish. We understand what it means and all, but we say trash or garbage instead.
lawbot
+0 -0
Or, realistically "bullcrap" or "BS."
Or, realistically "bullcrap" or "BS."
divot
+4 -0
Or, realistically, "bullshit".
Or, realistically, "bullshit".
lawbot
+0 -1
NO
NO
dovey
+0 -0
Still doin' that, huh?
Still doin' that, huh?
lawbot
+0 -0
YES
YES
hbaranov
+0 -0
A comment left by hbaranov was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by divot, lawbot, scraggg)
A comment left by hbaranov was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by divot, lawbot, scraggg)
loneal
+0 -0
Speaking of British slang words that start with the letters "rubb," a Kuwaiti friend hilaritized me the other day by referring to erasers as rubbers.
Speaking of British slang words that start with the letters "rubb," a Kuwaiti friend hilaritized me the other day by referring to erasers as rubbers.
hbaranov
+0 -2
You didst not explain what rubber means in Kuwait?
You didst not explain what rubber means in Kuwait?
sncether
+2 -0
I have a pink rubber on my pencil
I have a pink rubber on my pencil
heccibiggs
+0 -0
You guys don't say "rubbers"?
I thought I knew basically everything about American dialect from dating one for eighteen months, but apparently not.
You guys don't say "rubbers"?
I thought I knew basically everything about American dialect from dating one for eighteen months, but apparently not.
hbaranov
+2 -0
*gasp* Even I knew that, and the closest I get to an American is I once saw John Barrowman on my televisual tube.
*gasp* Even I knew that, and the closest I get to an American is I once saw John Barrowman on my televisual tube.
loneal
+0 -0
We say the word "rubbers" sometimes, but it means "condoms."
We say the word "rubbers" sometimes, but it means "condoms."
spinynorman
+0 -0
In England the way they say condoms is "con DOMS ."
Damndest thing.
In England the way they say condoms is "con DOMS ."
Damndest thing.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Well, that's not true at all.
Well, that's not true at all.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Maybe not quite, but it does seem like you guys stress both syllables equally, whereas we stress the first but not the second, making it sound very strange to me.
Maybe not quite, but it does seem like you guys stress both syllables equally, whereas we stress the first but not the second, making it sound very strange to me.
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
prophylactic .
why yes, i did spell that correctly on the first try.
prophylactic .
why yes, i did spell that correctly on the first try.
synapse
+1 -0
preservatif
preservatif
cromar
+1 -0
Je voudrais le pain sans preservatif, SVP.
Je voudrais le pain sans preservatif, SVP.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Ohh Spiny, I had absolutely no idea what you meant, but a friend of mine explained it to me. It's because, while in the word "condom" we still emphasise the first syllable, we say the "dom" part like "Tom", whereas you say it like... that language term that I can't remember even though I should because I took English Language A Level... But it means when a vowel in a word is not pronounced as it normally would be but just as a kind of "uh" sound.
Ohh Spiny, I had absolutely no idea what you meant, but a friend of mine explained it to me. It's because, while in the word "condom" we still emphasise the first syllable, we say the "dom" part like "Tom", whereas you say it like... that language term that I can't remember even though I should because I took English Language A Level... But it means when a vowel in a word is not pronounced as it normally would be but just as a kind of "uh" sound.
tekende
+0 -0
Yeah. Basically we say "condumb."
Yeah. Basically we say "condumb."
sncether
+0 -0
Alternately, it may be pronounced "gunny sack".
Alternately, it may be pronounced "gunny sack".
spinynorman
+0 -0
We really emphasize the first syllable, like "CAHNdumb." The two syllables don't rhyme, either. With yours they sort of rhyme and have the same stress, and it always sound pretty funny to me, like you're using received pronunciation about a sleazy "sex item."
And, for bonus,
KAAAAAAHNdum
...
Hey, I didn't like that joke, either.
We really emphasize the first syllable, like "CAHNdumb." The two syllables don't rhyme, either. With yours they sort of rhyme and have the same stress, and it always sound pretty funny to me, like you're using received pronunciation about a sleazy "sex item."
And, for bonus,
KAAAAAAHNdum
...
Hey, I didn't like that joke, either.
lawbot
+0 -0
That is exactly the way a person from Boston would say 'condom.' vChubs, dear boy.
That is exactly the way a person from Boston would say 'condom.' vChubs, dear boy.
thorfinn
+0 -0
or "jimmy hat", "love glove", and in certain situations as "Coney Island Whitefish"
or "jimmy hat", "love glove", and in certain situations as "Coney Island Whitefish"
irondave
+0 -0
Don't forget "french letters," wot?
Don't forget "french letters," wot?
hbaranov
+0 -0
In France, the called them English Overcoats.
In France, the called them English Overcoats.
hbaranov
+0 -0
the = they
me = more haste less speed.
the = they
me = more haste less speed.
loneal
+0 -0
Heccibiggs, I believe the term you are looking for is "schwa." It's symbolized by a kind of upside-down e-looking thing, but I'm 100% sure Assetbar will just embarrass me again if I try to type it.
Heccibiggs, I believe the term you are looking for is "schwa." It's symbolized by a kind of upside-down e-looking thing, but I'm 100% sure Assetbar will just embarrass me again if I try to type it.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Ah, yes , thank you.
Ah, yes , thank you.
aliiis
+1 -0
Hee hee!
Oh, hee hee hee!
Hee hee!
Oh, hee hee hee!
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -0
A chubby for your comment matching your avatar!
A chubby for your comment matching your avatar!
ford
+2 -1
You super giant homo-jackass!
You super giant homo-jackass!
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -0
Yeah, I guess I am a little retarded. What's a guy to do? Or, you know... a girl.
Yeah, I guess I am a little retarded. What's a guy to do? Or, you know... a girl.
iidebaser
+0 -0
looks like one of them steampunk computers.
looks like one of them steampunk computers.
agentj
+5 -0
Two things:
Onstad uses Wodehouse-stylee as a peer of the realm.
and:
The Beef and Bear team is full of zip and dash.
Two things:
Onstad uses Wodehouse-stylee as a peer of the realm.
and:
The Beef and Bear team is full of zip and dash.
u235
+4 -0
This sounds like the setup for an episode of Keeping Up Appearances.
This sounds like the setup for an episode of Keeping Up Appearances.
ford
+0 -0
Hyacinth being all
"Yes, encased in the stoutest Dartmoor Tin"
"Five-hundred twelve megabytes of mem'ry, and each f those is a thousand kilobytes dear"
"Richard, [i]do[/1] try to wear something rather nicer than a bathrobe when looking at lewd images on the new computing machine"
Hyacinth being all
"Yes, encased in the stoutest Dartmoor Tin"
"Five-hundred twelve megabytes of mem'ry, and each f those is a thousand kilobytes dear"
"Richard, [i]do[/1] try to wear something rather nicer than a bathrobe when looking at lewd images on the new computing machine"
ford
+0 -0
Did i seriously just put a 1 instead of an i? They're like the two farthest-away from each other keys on the board
Did i seriously just put a 1 instead of an i? They're like the two farthest-away from each other keys on the board
ford
+0 -0
Also:
"Of course we got the high-burnish 100% brass dials, i think anything else is rather low-class, don't you?"
(No question was asked about the dials)
Also:
"Of course we got the high-burnish 100% brass dials, i think anything else is rather low-class, don't you?"
(No question was asked about the dials)
tekende
+0 -0
Meanwhile over on Last of the Summer Wine they're all "A what? A...computer? What's all this then?"
Meanwhile over on Last of the Summer Wine they're all "A what? A...computer? What's all this then?"
ford
+0 -0
Were those two shows always shown in a block or something? Because i've only seen like ten episodes of "Keeping up Appearances" (and i read the book one time) and that's the show i associate it with, also.
Were those two shows always shown in a block or something? Because i've only seen like ten episodes of "Keeping up Appearances" (and i read the book one time) and that's the show i associate it with, also.
tekende
+0 -0
I think they were. But I used to watch reruns of Last of the Summer Wine every night when I was younger. It really was a great show. I don't think they show it anymore though, sadly.
Keeping Up Appearances is based on a book?
I think they were. But I used to watch reruns of Last of the Summer Wine every night when I was younger. It really was a great show. I don't think they show it anymore though, sadly.
Keeping Up Appearances is based on a book?
ford
+0 -0
No, they wrote a book about the show. Pretty funny, and it contained the information that led me to conclude that Sheridan is actually gay.
No, they wrote a book about the show. Pretty funny, and it contained the information that led me to conclude that Sheridan is actually gay.
lawbot
+0 -0
vChub
vChub
elscoob
+25 -0
I have read Achewood since about three weeks after it started, but this is the first time I've felt bold enough or drunk enough (or both) to get on here and say something.
Uhh, their activities are well conveyed. Or something.
Beef and Cornelius is a good combo. There should be more of that sort of thing.
I'll stop now.
I have read Achewood since about three weeks after it started, but this is the first time I've felt bold enough or drunk enough (or both) to get on here and say something.
Uhh, their activities are well conveyed. Or something.
Beef and Cornelius is a good combo. There should be more of that sort of thing.
I'll stop now.
morelaak
+1 -0
congratulations elscoob! that is a good first step towards what we call "social interaction" here on these webcomic forums.
congratulations elscoob! that is a good first step towards what we call "social interaction" here on these webcomic forums.
ntopp
+1 -0
I'd have to agree with you there. Roast Beef/Mr. Bear interactions need to be up by at least 70 percent by next quarter. And since we lost business from our Roast Beef/Todd clients this last year, I propose a more aggressive Lyle/Philippe program.
I'd have to agree with you there. Roast Beef/Mr. Bear interactions need to be up by at least 70 percent by next quarter. And since we lost business from our Roast Beef/Todd clients this last year, I propose a more aggressive Lyle/Philippe program.
lawbot
+1 -1
umm no dog the lyle/philippe demographic is mostly in prison and do not have hell of benjamins maybe you should consider a different strategy
umm no dog the lyle/philippe demographic is mostly in prison and do not have hell of benjamins maybe you should consider a different strategy
ntopp
+0 -0
I think we're overlooking a key demographic here. It's been a while since a small otter learned the ins and outs of electrifying a toilet and I think there's a real market there at the moment.
I think we're overlooking a key demographic here. It's been a while since a small otter learned the ins and outs of electrifying a toilet and I think there's a real market there at the moment.
viscount
+0 -0
I would pay so goddamn much money for this computer.
I would pay so goddamn much money for this computer.
rogergs
+37 -0
Homepage all set to Ask Jeeves instead of Google.
Homepage all set to Ask Jeeves instead of Google.
heccibiggs
+2 -0
Hahaha. Do people still use Ask Jeeves? I haven't used it since I first heard about it when I was 11 or something, and just got excited by the gimmick factor ("You ask it questions? Wow.").
Hahaha. Do people still use Ask Jeeves? I haven't used it since I first heard about it when I was 11 or something, and just got excited by the gimmick factor ("You ask it questions? Wow.").
norrin
+0 -0
Propper people, like Cornelius, still do. They don't want just any miscreant fetching your websites. They want an upstanding fellow.
Propper people, like Cornelius, still do. They don't want just any miscreant fetching your websites. They want an upstanding fellow.
tekende
+0 -0
Now it's just ask.com. I don't think Jeeves is even on there anymore. It's basically just a Google or Yahoo! Search clone.
Now it's just ask.com. I don't think Jeeves is even on there anymore. It's basically just a Google or Yahoo! Search clone.
rogergs
+1 -0
It's a cached copy of Ask Jeeves. Tradition must be observed.
It's a cached copy of Ask Jeeves. Tradition must be observed.
hbaranov
+0 -0
Sad news from the real world. Search Ask Jeeves on Ask.com...
'Ask Jeeves is now Ask.com'
Sad news from the real world. Search Ask Jeeves on Ask.com...
'Ask Jeeves is now Ask.com'
blueloggy
+5 -0
Now when you ask Jeeves the answer is always :(
Now when you ask Jeeves the answer is always :(
lizard
+0 -0
Awww I had to find this after giving all my chubbies away :(
Awww I had to find this after giving all my chubbies away :(
cpnglxynchos
+10 -0
119. "THE 'SEARCH' ENGINE"
You are looking for a fancy restaurant to take your lady to. She is reading Vogue in the chair behind you. She does a :(
SOLUTION: Slap the computer tower and complain that you " really need to fix that DVD drive."
119. "THE 'SEARCH' ENGINE"
You are looking for a fancy restaurant to take your lady to. She is reading Vogue in the chair behind you. She does a :(
SOLUTION: Slap the computer tower and complain that you " really need to fix that DVD drive."
tekende
+0 -0
Just a HUGE virtual chubby right in your face.
Just a HUGE virtual chubby right in your face.
laserblade
+0 -0
Apparently they're getting out of the search business altogether, moving into other services.
Apparently they're getting out of the search business altogether, moving into other services.
saucy_jack
+2 -0
Asking questions is my usual way of doing a search.
"How do you pronounce the soft sign?" "What does 'hammer on' mean?" "What are some things to do in Portland?"
Asking questions is my usual way of doing a search.
"How do you pronounce the soft sign?" "What does 'hammer on' mean?" "What are some things to do in Portland?"
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I now require the answers to all of those questions.
I now require the answers to all of those questions.
hamscout
+1 -0
Strangely, Jeeves told me that the answer to all three is the SAME!
...it's sex .
Strangely, Jeeves told me that the answer to all three is the SAME!
...it's sex .
maximus
+0 -0
In Soviet Russia myakii znak (will not even attempt with assetbar) palatalizes you
In Soviet Russia myakii znak (will not even attempt with assetbar) palatalizes you
achilleselbow
+0 -0
You don't pronounce the soft sign per se; rather, it modifies the letter preceding it. It's almost like adding the first half of a "y" sound to the end of the consonant. Think of the way the "n" sounds in "Enya" if you cut off the vowel sound at the end.
You don't pronounce the soft sign per se; rather, it modifies the letter preceding it. It's almost like adding the first half of a "y" sound to the end of the consonant. Think of the way the "n" sounds in "Enya" if you cut off the vowel sound at the end.
saucy_jack
+0 -0
That's a much better explanation that I have ever been offered. ("Palatize" means nothing to me!) It still seems like I'm pronouncing it more than I should, but definitely closer to correct at least.
That's a much better explanation that I have ever been offered. ("Palatize" means nothing to me!) It still seems like I'm pronouncing it more than I should, but definitely closer to correct at least.
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
i concur. that blew my mind.
o, search engines of yore...
Dogpile
Hotbot
Lycos
i concur. that blew my mind.
o, search engines of yore...
Dogpile
Hotbot
Lycos
drskradley
+0 -0
Lest we forget AltaVista.
Back in the days when everything you searched for, regardless of wording, came up with weird fetish porn.
Lest we forget AltaVista.
Back in the days when everything you searched for, regardless of wording, came up with weird fetish porn.
hbaranov
+1 -0
I miss those days...
I miss those days...
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
i totally still use altavista!
...i have not noticed that trend, though. in all seriousness.
man babelfish for the alt 0252ber win.
i totally still use altavista!
...i have not noticed that trend, though. in all seriousness.
man babelfish for the alt 0252ber win.
nickgranger
+0 -0
that is funny
that is funny
mjfitzge
+1 -0
i don't know if this was common internet knowledge or not, but my most lasting memory of ask jeeves was that if you asked him if he was gay, he would quite indignantly inform you that it was none of your business. rightfully so, i suppose.
i was always somewhat tickled by that. simpler times i suppose.
i don't know if this was common internet knowledge or not, but my most lasting memory of ask jeeves was that if you asked him if he was gay, he would quite indignantly inform you that it was none of your business. rightfully so, i suppose.
i was always somewhat tickled by that. simpler times i suppose.
girdag
+0 -0
Chubby for having Subtle as your avatar. I know it's shallow, but DAMN is that a good album.
Chubby for having Subtle as your avatar. I know it's shallow, but DAMN is that a good album.
cbtbone
+1 -0
Yeah, I think Ask Jeeves did used to give you snarky answers if you asked certain questions, and it was kind of fun to try to find out which questions would produce them. I remember once I asked him what the meaning of life was, but instead of a snarky answer I got a very detailed outline of possible explanations of existence, which included links to NASA and the main tenets of most major religions.
Jeeves was a good man.
Yeah, I think Ask Jeeves did used to give you snarky answers if you asked certain questions, and it was kind of fun to try to find out which questions would produce them. I remember once I asked him what the meaning of life was, but instead of a snarky answer I got a very detailed outline of possible explanations of existence, which included links to NASA and the main tenets of most major religions.
Jeeves was a good man.
perilon
+6 -0
all startup noises sounding like the TARDIS engines when it is taking off
all having to press the ENTER key at the end of each line like a typewriter
all startup noises sounding like the TARDIS engines when it is taking off
all having to press the ENTER key at the end of each line like a typewriter
doctormondo
+9 -0
all adding "STOP" to whatever IMs you send
all adding "STOP" to whatever IMs you send
tekende
+0 -0
YES.
YES.
hbaranov
+3 -0
HOW MANY CLOTHES ARE YOU WEARING. STOP.
[six days later]
SIX LAYERS TO KEEP WARM. STOP
[reply]
THAT IS SO HOT. STOP.
HOW MANY CLOTHES ARE YOU WEARING. STOP.
[six days later]
SIX LAYERS TO KEEP WARM. STOP
[reply]
THAT IS SO HOT. STOP.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -1
DEAR ROLF: STOP.
DON'T STOP!
YOUR LIESL
DEAR ROLF: STOP.
DON'T STOP!
YOUR LIESL
hbaranov
+0 -1
[six days later]
SORRY, YOUR LACK OF TELEGRAPH KNOWLEDGE FORCES ME TO LAME YOU. STOP.
SORRY FOR BEING AN ASS BUT I'M ANAL LIKE THAT. STOP.
[six days later]
SORRY, YOUR LACK OF TELEGRAPH KNOWLEDGE FORCES ME TO LAME YOU. STOP.
SORRY FOR BEING AN ASS BUT I'M ANAL LIKE THAT. STOP.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -1
[another six days later]
IT IS OKAY. STOP.
JUST FUNNIN' AROUND BUT IT IS OKAY. STOP.
I CHUBBY YOU FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING. STOP.
[another six days later]
IT IS OKAY. STOP.
JUST FUNNIN' AROUND BUT IT IS OKAY. STOP.
I CHUBBY YOU FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING. STOP.
explodingbat
+0 -0
TELEGRAMS HAD NO PUNCTUATION STOP
ALSO COMMA YOU DID NOT GIVE A CHUBBY AS YOU SAID YOU WOULD STOP
YOU LOSE STOP
TELEGRAMS HAD NO PUNCTUATION STOP
ALSO COMMA YOU DID NOT GIVE A CHUBBY AS YOU SAID YOU WOULD STOP
YOU LOSE STOP
lawbot
+0 -0
YES
YES
numberkillinger
+2 -0
STOP
STOP
hbaranov
+1 -0
WELL LOOK AT THE EGG ON MY FACE STOP
I LEARNT EVERYTHING ABOUT TELEGRAMS FROM ARCANUM STOP
I THEREFORE BLAME TROIKA ENTERTAINMENT STOP
ALSO VIRTUAL CHUBBY SIR EXCLAMATION MARK STOP
WELL LOOK AT THE EGG ON MY FACE STOP
I LEARNT EVERYTHING ABOUT TELEGRAMS FROM ARCANUM STOP
I THEREFORE BLAME TROIKA ENTERTAINMENT STOP
ALSO VIRTUAL CHUBBY SIR EXCLAMATION MARK STOP
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
yeah, i'm ran out. so i withdraw with nothing to award you, the victor, with.
yeah, i'm ran out. so i withdraw with nothing to award you, the victor, with.
tellumo
+0 -0
Yes. Anal like that. Anal like an ass.
Sorry, I just dig that phrase.
Yes. Anal like that. Anal like an ass.
Sorry, I just dig that phrase.
explodingbat
+1 -0
[code]LOL STOP[/code]
[code]LOL STOP[/code]
farqussus
+0 -0
a ding! is heard at every enter press
a ding! is heard at every enter press
i_love_kate
+4 -0
Nah, just whenever you hit the return key. Also, the monitor leaps a couple of inches to the left.
Nah, just whenever you hit the return key. Also, the monitor leaps a couple of inches to the left.
farqussus
+1 -0
What did you think I meant by 'enter'? They're the same button.
What did you think I meant by 'enter'? They're the same button.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
You might have the moral high ground of me having misread your message. But I put it to you that I have more chubbies.
You might have the moral high ground of me having misread your message. But I put it to you that I have more chubbies.
loneal
+0 -0
Not that the original message didn't make sense, but saying it's the return key is more accurate, because it means carriage return like on a typewriter.
There is really no reason for me to have made this comment, but I'm making it anyway.
Not that the original message didn't make sense, but saying it's the return key is more accurate, because it means carriage return like on a typewriter.
There is really no reason for me to have made this comment, but I'm making it anyway.
tekende
+0 -0
But the key is not called "return" anymore. Keyboards no longer say "return." They say "Enter."
But the key is not called "return" anymore. Keyboards no longer say "return." They say "Enter."
i_love_kate
+0 -0
*Squeal of tires. Gunshots. Some female passer-by screams*
*Squeal of tires. Gunshots. Some female passer-by screams*
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Oh, NO, what side do I take? I love you both!
Oh, NO, what side do I take? I love you both!
loneal
+0 -0
I posit that the Envaliant III will have a return key, and not an enter key. I am prepared to invent nerdy gang symbols and wear bandannas of certain colors in order to properly throw down.
I posit that the Envaliant III will have a return key, and not an enter key. I am prepared to invent nerdy gang symbols and wear bandannas of certain colors in order to properly throw down.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
And if any of those goddam Enter boys get up in our grill, we'll pop caps in asses and such like.
And if any of those goddam Enter boys get up in our grill, we'll pop caps in asses and such like.
lawbot
+1 -0
You Return boys can eat my backspace.
You Return boys can eat my backspace.
daidai
+0 -1
I'm with the flying squid and Tekende. Return just doesn't make any sense.
If you explain how "return" makes more sense than "enter" I shall retract my statements and fight for your cause.
I am a keyboard mercenary.
I'm with the flying squid and Tekende. Return just doesn't make any sense.
If you explain how "return" makes more sense than "enter" I shall retract my statements and fight for your cause.
I am a keyboard mercenary.
ddgoec
+2 -0
Marcel Proust would have a Return key; Henry Miller would have an Enter key.
Marcel Proust would have a Return key; Henry Miller would have an Enter key.
jbushnell
+0 -0
And Anais Nin? Dare I ask.
And Anais Nin? Dare I ask.
tellumo
+3 -0
Well, historically, the key on typewriters was called the "carriage return," because it would return the carriage that held the paper to the beginning of the line. "Enter" is from the days when computers were made by people who were more comfortable with calculators than typewriters, because they thought of enter ing a number into the machine. I would say nowadays that "return" makes more sense in the text-entry context, and "enter" in others. Since text entry is most of what most people do with computers, "return" makes more sense these days, I would say.
Of course, I still say "enter," but that may just be nostalgia for a misspent youth .
Well, historically, the key on typewriters was called the "carriage return," because it would return the carriage that held the paper to the beginning of the line. "Enter" is from the days when computers were made by people who were more comfortable with calculators than typewriters, because they thought of enter ing a number into the machine. I would say nowadays that "return" makes more sense in the text-entry context, and "enter" in others. Since text entry is most of what most people do with computers, "return" makes more sense these days, I would say.
Of course, I still say "enter," but that may just be nostalgia for a misspent youth .
laserblade
+0 -0
It's a holdover from typewriter days. "Carriage return" meant quite literally that the typewriter carriage would "return" to the left of the page.
It's a holdover from typewriter days. "Carriage return" meant quite literally that the typewriter carriage would "return" to the left of the page.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Like I said, an old-school machine such as the Envaliant III would likely operate on the well-worn principle of the monitor moving to the left with every strike of a key, and then "returning" to the proper position when the end of a line is reached.
Now... *offers bandanna* You in?
Like I said, an old-school machine such as the Envaliant III would likely operate on the well-worn principle of the monitor moving to the left with every strike of a key, and then "returning" to the proper position when the end of a line is reached.
Now... *offers bandanna* You in?
farqussus
+0 -0
i have a sharpened hyphen and i'm not afraid to use it!
i have a sharpened hyphen and i'm not afraid to use it!
blueloggy
+0 -0
(My keyboard, which came with my Mac G5, has both a Return key AND an Enter key. Just sayin.')
(My keyboard, which came with my Mac G5, has both a Return key AND an Enter key. Just sayin.')
dovey
+0 -0
The keyboard on my MacBook has one key, that says "Enter" on the top and "Return" on the bottom.
Sweet compromise!
The keyboard on my MacBook has one key, that says "Enter" on the top and "Return" on the bottom.
Sweet compromise!
jbushnell
+0 -0
Does it have a Backspace key yet?
Does it have a Backspace key yet?
miku224
+0 -0
My hp laptop has two Enter keys (one is by the numpad), but the normal one also has a little arrow pointing down and to the left, in a "your cursor will go over here if you press this" sort of way.
My hp laptop has two Enter keys (one is by the numpad), but the normal one also has a little arrow pointing down and to the left, in a "your cursor will go over here if you press this" sort of way.
miku224
+1 -1
It looks like this: %u21B5
Come on, assetbar, don't fuck this up...
It looks like this: %u21B5
Come on, assetbar, don't fuck this up...
miku224
+0 -1
Lame away, fellas!
Lame away, fellas!
irondave
+1 -0
What, in your previous experience with Assetbar, made you think that would work?
What, in your previous experience with Assetbar, made you think that would work?
miku224
+0 -0
I thought maybe assetbar has some kind of twisted rules about not displaying simple symbols like a plus sign but totally allowing the really obscure ones.
I thought maybe assetbar has some kind of twisted rules about not displaying simple symbols like a plus sign but totally allowing the really obscure ones.
loneal
+0 -0
It's like a prehistoric rave up in here.
It's like a prehistoric rave up in here.
spinynorman
+1 -0
That's my third favorite kind of rave, after naked and fire
That's my third favorite kind of rave, after naked and fire
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Unfortunately it was the prehistoric naked fire rave which led to the extinction of the dinosaurs.
Unfortunately it was the prehistoric naked fire rave which led to the extinction of the dinosaurs.
lawbot
+0 -0
YES
YES
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Things are starting to get heated.
Shit's goin' down on Assetbar...
Things are starting to get heated.
Shit's goin' down on Assetbar...
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I'm plotting a drive-by. An example must be made.
I'm plotting a drive-by. An example must be made.
lawbot
+0 -0
Why you dames always stirring up trouble? Huh lady?
Why you dames always stirring up trouble? Huh lady?
farqussus
+0 -0
damn broads
damn broads
hamscout
+0 -1
Caution:
In some instances, the acetate-ROM drive will extricate itself from the Envaliant, trundle to another desktop with greater surface area, and begin forming a new computing machine.
Soon, a fundamental system error will occur between the EIII and it's progeny, and a long conflict will ensue. After a significant loss of hardware and peripherals, the EIII will sever all of it's tethers from the upstart, resulting in irreversible changes:
-[code] £ changed to $ [/code]
-the letter u removed from random words, such as "colour"
Caution:
In some instances, the acetate-ROM drive will extricate itself from the Envaliant, trundle to another desktop with greater surface area, and begin forming a new computing machine.
Soon, a fundamental system error will occur between the EIII and it's progeny, and a long conflict will ensue. After a significant loss of hardware and peripherals, the EIII will sever all of it's tethers from the upstart, resulting in irreversible changes:
-[code] £ changed to $ [/code]
-the letter u removed from random words, such as "colour"
lawbot
+0 -1
NO
NO
hamscout
+0 -0
Fuck! *"English Pound to American Dollar"
It appears assetbar bears the same OS as the Envaliant...
Fuck! *"English Pound to American Dollar"
It appears assetbar bears the same OS as the Envaliant...
lawbot
+0 -0
About 2:1, I believe.
About 2:1, I believe.
sagoon
+0 -0
I would go high burnish... nothing says class like a nice shine on brass.
I would go high burnish... nothing says class like a nice shine on brass.
tsume454
+0 -0
The three dials, instead of controlling the color, brightness and tint instead control olfactory emitters for pipe smoke, old leather and stale air.
The three dials, instead of controlling the color, brightness and tint instead control olfactory emitters for pipe smoke, old leather and stale air.
gouldgonewild
+0 -0
Way off topic here, but check out the April Fool's Shenanigans at Daily Dinosaur Comics, XKCD, and Questionable Content
Way off topic here, but check out the April Fool's Shenanigans at Daily Dinosaur Comics, XKCD, and Questionable Content
falseprophet
+0 -0
Gee willikers, that looked like fun to plan! But I sure hope Onstad isn't feeling left out ...
Gee willikers, that looked like fun to plan! But I sure hope Onstad isn't feeling left out ...
mortshire
+0 -0
HEE! OH HEE HEE HEE!
That made me all tingly! Did you see that one of the Questionable Content girls was wearing an "it is impossible to have a good day" shirt?
HEE! OH HEE HEE HEE!
That made me all tingly! Did you see that one of the Questionable Content girls was wearing an "it is impossible to have a good day" shirt?
blastradius
+0 -0
A comment left by blastradius was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dovey, straw, Girdag, leatherpants, pgavlin, smugairle, LaserBlade, LexSenthur, Direhaggis)
A comment left by blastradius was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dovey, straw, Girdag, leatherpants, pgavlin, smugairle, LaserBlade, LexSenthur, Direhaggis)
blastradius
+0 -2
... by a retard ...
... by a retard ...
blastradius
+0 -2
... It is one big fucking cliché ...
Ah fuck it ... they're typos ... you know what I meant.
... It is one big fucking cliché ...
Ah fuck it ... they're typos ... you know what I meant.
saurkraus
+1 -0
It's still pretty funny though, right after wailing on a guy's webcomic =)
It's still pretty funny though, right after wailing on a guy's webcomic =)
sortelli
+10 -1
I thought that there is nothing I have come to hate more than people correcting their own comments in a daisy chain of endless wankery. Oh HEE HEE HEE. I FUCKED UP.
HYE EVERYOINE I FUCKED UP
OH I DID IT AGAIN THAT SHOULD BE HEY EVERYONE
But I was wrong. There is something I hate more.
And that is Questionable Content.
I thought that there is nothing I have come to hate more than people correcting their own comments in a daisy chain of endless wankery. Oh HEE HEE HEE. I FUCKED UP.
HYE EVERYOINE I FUCKED UP
OH I DID IT AGAIN THAT SHOULD BE HEY EVERYONE
But I was wrong. There is something I hate more.
And that is Questionable Content.
paperboy_2000
+0 -0
Heh. Ryan North's comments for today say that 85% of the response to the April Fool's prank was positive, and 15% was Questionable Content readers angrily accusing him of hacking QC's site.
It's April 1st and my favorite web-comic has been transformed into something else! I - am - not - an intelligent - person - but - please - help - me - to - see - the - connection - here!
Heh. Ryan North's comments for today say that 85% of the response to the April Fool's prank was positive, and 15% was Questionable Content readers angrily accusing him of hacking QC's site.
It's April 1st and my favorite web-comic has been transformed into something else! I - am - not - an intelligent - person - but - please - help - me - to - see - the - connection - here!
i_love_kate
+0 -0
As you managed to screw that reference up, I suppose we'll have to trust you on that one.
As you managed to screw that reference up, I suppose we'll have to trust you on that one.
saucy_jack
+6 -0
This hot girl keeps telling me I should read it. I have tried. Oh, how I have tried. But I just can't do it. Is so much bullshit.
This hot girl keeps telling me I should read it. I have tried. Oh, how I have tried. But I just can't do it. Is so much bullshit.
achilleselbow
+1 -2
Is worst bullshit, squeezed from ugliest ass.
Is worst bullshit, squeezed from ugliest ass.
achilleselbow
+2 -1
I have to say you're right. I read it for a while in the beginning, when it was about a single dude bitching about life. Now it's pretty much Grey's Anatomy for hipsters, the only theme being "what seemingly improbable yet totally predictable hook-up can we throw at our readers next, because that is really what life is all about".
I have to say you're right. I read it for a while in the beginning, when it was about a single dude bitching about life. Now it's pretty much Grey's Anatomy for hipsters, the only theme being "what seemingly improbable yet totally predictable hook-up can we throw at our readers next, because that is really what life is all about".
achilleselbow
+0 -1
Oh yea, I noticed that last night but failed to make the connection, since I had been suppressing the fact that it was already April and my final papers are due in a matter of weeks.
Oh yea, I noticed that last night but failed to make the connection, since I had been suppressing the fact that it was already April and my final papers are due in a matter of weeks.
achilleselbow
+3 -1
Also, QC is hella terrible.
Also, QC is hella terrible.
gmm
+0 -0
Ah, I like it. I do miss when it was just jokes about Mogwai though.
Ah, I like it. I do miss when it was just jokes about Mogwai though.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Mogwai the Scottish post-rock group?
Mogwai the Scottish post-rock group?
usversusthem
+0 -0
No, the other Mogwai.
No, the other Mogwai.
loneal
+0 -0
Yes, yes, the [url="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gremlins"]other mogwai[/u].
Yes, yes, the [url="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gremlins"]other mogwai[/u].
loneal
+0 -0
Oh goddamnit. [url="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gremlins"]MOGWAI[/url].
Oh goddamnit. [url="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gremlins"]MOGWAI[/url].
loneal
+0 -0
I give up.
I give up.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Pssst...no quotation marks.
Pssst...no quotation marks.
loneal
+1 -0
It's too late now.
It's too late now.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
I got what you trying to do. Props.
I got what you trying to do. Props.
gmm
+0 -0
Yeah, the post-rock group. I seem to remember the early days of QC featuring much more discussion of music, and i liked that.
Yeah, the post-rock group. I seem to remember the early days of QC featuring much more discussion of music, and i liked that.
coldfrog
+1 -0
Dinosaur Comics is just testing the limit of being able to read the alt text... just TESTING it
Dinosaur Comics is just testing the limit of being able to read the alt text... just TESTING it
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
Fuck ! I have a qwantz link in my favourites and I just went through it without noticing that it went to the xkcd page. Wait, does this mean that to look at the new qwantz i have to put questionable content in my search history? Shudder
Fuck ! I have a qwantz link in my favourites and I just went through it without noticing that it went to the xkcd page. Wait, does this mean that to look at the new qwantz i have to put questionable content in my search history? Shudder
hbaranov
+0 -0
no. Just go to qwantz.com you ignoble man.
no. Just go to qwantz.com you ignoble man.
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
Ignoble? Damn... If you check the qwantz.com link it goes to xkcd, xkcd to qc and qc to qwantz. This was for April First which I completely forgot about.
Ignoble? Damn... If you check the qwantz.com link it goes to xkcd, xkcd to qc and qc to qwantz. This was for April First which I completely forgot about.
hbaranov
+0 -0
Mine tongue is a harsh thing. And with regards to April First.. ha?
Mine tongue is a harsh thing. And with regards to April First.. ha?
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
I appreciate good sass.
I appreciate good sass.
maximus
+0 -0
My first look at QC - at least it makes Diesel Sweeties look good
My first look at QC - at least it makes Diesel Sweeties look good
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Diesel Sweeties is an Okay Webcomic.
Diesel Sweeties is an Okay Webcomic.
_cheesekayke
+0 -0
Hey! I like Diesel Sweeties!
Hey! I like Diesel Sweeties!
varnish
+0 -0
I'm not really sure if I'd like to see their catalogue of jokes.
I'm not really sure if I'd like to see their catalogue of jokes.
spinynorman
+8 -0
They probably wouldn't make much sense.
"I say, me ol' T n' J, whatfor would you be carrying around that grease-tallow? I understand the Forve-Michael brand is rubbish and a half."
"Why, the landlord's lady tugged on my coat and put a plea in my ear, chap! Apparently in West Winthropshire their footpurchase demands that's the workings of the day, if they've even got one!"
"Ah ha! I say! Very good, very good."
They probably wouldn't make much sense.
"I say, me ol' T n' J, whatfor would you be carrying around that grease-tallow? I understand the Forve-Michael brand is rubbish and a half."
"Why, the landlord's lady tugged on my coat and put a plea in my ear, chap! Apparently in West Winthropshire their footpurchase demands that's the workings of the day, if they've even got one!"
"Ah ha! I say! Very good, very good."
achilleselbow
+1 -0
"Why thank you. How is your mother?"
"Why thank you. How is your mother?"
jordstar
+1 -0
Oh! That is truly the limit.
Oh! That is truly the limit.
geysershitdick
+1 -1
Cue UK readers haughtily dismissing the improper use of old-school British slang.
Cue UK readers haughtily dismissing the improper use of old-school British slang.
cpnglxynchos
+3 -1
bloody awful! he right bollocked this up eh, wot!
bloody awful! he right bollocked this up eh, wot!
khailautomatic
+6 -0
Mr. Bear is nothing if not old-school, in manner, language, and attire.
If anyone from across the pond dismisses him for using archaic slang, we'll never know, because their clunky sovereign rings and poorly-fitted knockoff tracksuit will prevent them from forming a thought on the keyboard.
Mr. Bear is nothing if not old-school, in manner, language, and attire.
If anyone from across the pond dismisses him for using archaic slang, we'll never know, because their clunky sovereign rings and poorly-fitted knockoff tracksuit will prevent them from forming a thought on the keyboard.
loneal
+1 -1
Are you talking about "chavs"? Chavs have recently come to my attention on the int0r wabs. I'm leaving to study abroad in England in less than a week, and I've been researching them to make sure they aren't hellbats or trained killers. Mainly what I've found out is that they wear fake Burberry clothing, which I do not find particularly threatening.
Are you talking about "chavs"? Chavs have recently come to my attention on the int0r wabs. I'm leaving to study abroad in England in less than a week, and I've been researching them to make sure they aren't hellbats or trained killers. Mainly what I've found out is that they wear fake Burberry clothing, which I do not find particularly threatening.
barrymorefm
+9 -2
Chavs are like, how you say, white trash (although, no offence, British society is less divided along lines of colour than US, so chavs can come in all hues, as can the spluttering middle classes. The discrimination is still freely available with issues of that beautifully complex institution, class). Chavs tend to be poor and working class, and it's easy to judge them because if you've been the victim of some kind of crime (speshly violent), the perpetrator is generally wearing the uniform. Also, gasp, they smoke in front of their babies and spit in public, and they are sartorially lacking, quelle horreur. Obviously, there are other people who dress like that because of fashion and the wonderful kudos associated with a life of crime or poverty in the western world (think hip hop artistes), and reverse snobbery where it's better to be thought of as a chav than a (like anyone uses this word any more) toff. And there are people like me who are forced to nod to the mores of their modes (perhaps a hoody, perhaps correct trainers) to lessen the number of cans thrown at my head as I traverse my neighbourhood. There are people from the same disadvantaged background that others use as an excuse to treat their fellow man like shit, that are perfectly lovely and getting tarred with the same brush, (not I, incidentally. I'm fine) but acknowledgement of this accepts that life is not easy to work out and navigate, and I for one won't have it. Cross the street when you see a baseball cap, and speak only to those whose parents could afford a private education for them, because they must be better people as their Burberry is real.
Uh, yeah, just remember that even Kit Marlowe was stabbed in a pub, and just because our accents are softly comical to you nasal people, doesn't mean you won't get caught in gang crossfire. Depends where you go though. Have a lovely time, It's a great place. My Yankee studying chums are totally jolly hockey sticks.
Chavs are like, how you say, white trash (although, no offence, British society is less divided along lines of colour than US, so chavs can come in all hues, as can the spluttering middle classes. The discrimination is still freely available with issues of that beautifully complex institution, class). Chavs tend to be poor and working class, and it's easy to judge them because if you've been the victim of some kind of crime (speshly violent), the perpetrator is generally wearing the uniform. Also, gasp, they smoke in front of their babies and spit in public, and they are sartorially lacking, quelle horreur. Obviously, there are other people who dress like that because of fashion and the wonderful kudos associated with a life of crime or poverty in the western world (think hip hop artistes), and reverse snobbery where it's better to be thought of as a chav than a (like anyone uses this word any more) toff. And there are people like me who are forced to nod to the mores of their modes (perhaps a hoody, perhaps correct trainers) to lessen the number of cans thrown at my head as I traverse my neighbourhood. There are people from the same disadvantaged background that others use as an excuse to treat their fellow man like shit, that are perfectly lovely and getting tarred with the same brush, (not I, incidentally. I'm fine) but acknowledgement of this accepts that life is not easy to work out and navigate, and I for one won't have it. Cross the street when you see a baseball cap, and speak only to those whose parents could afford a private education for them, because they must be better people as their Burberry is real.
Uh, yeah, just remember that even Kit Marlowe was stabbed in a pub, and just because our accents are softly comical to you nasal people, doesn't mean you won't get caught in gang crossfire. Depends where you go though. Have a lovely time, It's a great place. My Yankee studying chums are totally jolly hockey sticks.
gormster
+4 -0
Fuck, man, it's called a line break.
Fuck, man, it's called a line break.
fielding
+0 -0
The singular usage of this phenomenon only makes the lack in the rest of the post more stark.
The singular usage of this phenomenon only makes the lack in the rest of the post more stark.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Pretty solid definition of a "chav". My opinion is that they're mostly harmless. Of course, some teenage gangs are dangerous - I was just reading today about a father of beaten to death by a gang of drunk teenagers, because he asked them not to smash up his car - but mostly they'll just stand in large groups on the high street or in shopping centres ("malls" to you Yanks), being a slight nuisance and making rude comments to anyone they don't like the look of. Being slightly indie/alternative in my dress sense and having lower-back length red hair, I've received a few comments in my day.
Of course, I'm mainly talking about teenage chavs, who can really come from all walks of life, not just working class - as barrymorefm said, there's a kind of kudos associated with the look for some. The adult version of a "chav" can be equally abrasive, but they tend not to form large groups and beat up people for the fun of it, so it depends really.
Actually, loneal, it all depends on where you're going, really. I live in the county of Surrey, which is sort of varied. My village is basically chav-free, but one town over is chav-central. If you don't mind, can I ask where you're coming to study?
Pretty solid definition of a "chav". My opinion is that they're mostly harmless. Of course, some teenage gangs are dangerous - I was just reading today about a father of beaten to death by a gang of drunk teenagers, because he asked them not to smash up his car - but mostly they'll just stand in large groups on the high street or in shopping centres ("malls" to you Yanks), being a slight nuisance and making rude comments to anyone they don't like the look of. Being slightly indie/alternative in my dress sense and having lower-back length red hair, I've received a few comments in my day.
Of course, I'm mainly talking about teenage chavs, who can really come from all walks of life, not just working class - as barrymorefm said, there's a kind of kudos associated with the look for some. The adult version of a "chav" can be equally abrasive, but they tend not to form large groups and beat up people for the fun of it, so it depends really.
Actually, loneal, it all depends on where you're going, really. I live in the county of Surrey, which is sort of varied. My village is basically chav-free, but one town over is chav-central. If you don't mind, can I ask where you're coming to study?
i_love_kate
+1 -0
It's long red hair, as well? Oh, Heccibiggs, you do go on.
But yeah, the problem level of chavs is better defined by their attitudes than their numbers. My particular village is avowedly made up of teenage thugs, old people and the polish, but whilst out and about I've at best sustained the wounds of one or two flung insults or askance glances. Then again, I may have paid my dues through education at an assortment of barely below-barbarous public schools. Right now I'm probably just too tall and dress too unremarkably to elicit aggression.
And is that barely-suppressed enthusiasm for electronics that Cornelius is quivering with in the third panel?
It's long red hair, as well? Oh, Heccibiggs, you do go on.
But yeah, the problem level of chavs is better defined by their attitudes than their numbers. My particular village is avowedly made up of teenage thugs, old people and the polish, but whilst out and about I've at best sustained the wounds of one or two flung insults or askance glances. Then again, I may have paid my dues through education at an assortment of barely below-barbarous public schools. Right now I'm probably just too tall and dress too unremarkably to elicit aggression.
And is that barely-suppressed enthusiasm for electronics that Cornelius is quivering with in the third panel?
heccibiggs
+0 -0
You do wonders for my ego. Are you either a really really nice guy, or a metalhead, or a really nice metalhead? Cuz that's all I ever attract.
You do wonders for my ego. Are you either a really really nice guy, or a metalhead, or a really nice metalhead? Cuz that's all I ever attract.
tekende
+1 -0
That you know of.
That you know of.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I see metal as respectable in its own sense, but in musical terms as a genre it's just an excuse for people to play guitars really hard.
I'm 80's to present alternative, personally. R.E.M., The Smiths, Arcade Fire, The Shins... I'd say it's like music to my ears, but that would be a confused and self-conscious simile.
I see metal as respectable in its own sense, but in musical terms as a genre it's just an excuse for people to play guitars really hard.
I'm 80's to present alternative, personally. R.E.M., The Smiths, Arcade Fire, The Shins... I'd say it's like music to my ears, but that would be a confused and self-conscious simile.
achilleselbow
+0 -1
It is because your hair has been forged in flame, with blood and steel.
It is because your hair has been forged in flame, with blood and steel.
daidai
+0 -0
Are you a marked man? I've never seen a less worthy post recieve a lame.
Usually lames go to lame posts, cruel posts, or totally awesome ones that are hated for some reason.
But your post was rather average, yet lamed. Why?
Are you a marked man? I've never seen a less worthy post recieve a lame.
Usually lames go to lame posts, cruel posts, or totally awesome ones that are hated for some reason.
But your post was rather average, yet lamed. Why?
achilleselbow
+0 -1
See below. Lawbot has a crush on me.
See below. Lawbot has a crush on me.
lawbot
+1 -1
It's very simple: sometimes achilleselbow reminds me that I dislike him, and that he cares about lames, so I lame any post of his near a part of the page that I am reading.
It's very simple: sometimes achilleselbow reminds me that I dislike him, and that he cares about lames, so I lame any post of his near a part of the page that I am reading.
tekende
+1 -0
Aww, that's kinda sweet. You're like an elementary schooler who doesn't really know what to do about the fact that you kind of like this person and want to spend time with them, so instead of saying nice things you pull the person's hair or shove them in the hallway.
Aww, that's kinda sweet. You're like an elementary schooler who doesn't really know what to do about the fact that you kind of like this person and want to spend time with them, so instead of saying nice things you pull the person's hair or shove them in the hallway.
professorhazard
+0 -1
I actually said nearly this exact statement some three or four comics back.
Lawbot is the kid that moms of other kids forced their kids to invite to birthday parties, against protestation.
I actually said nearly this exact statement some three or four comics back.
Lawbot is the kid that moms of other kids forced their kids to invite to birthday parties, against protestation.
spinynorman
+0 -0
I usually just imagine him as a large, horrifying squid who consistently shouts in a humorous monotone.
I usually just imagine him as a large, horrifying squid who consistently shouts in a humorous monotone.
lawbot
+0 -0
It was just as astute then.
It was just as astute then.
lawbot
+0 -1
No
No
achilleselbow
+1 -0
You do realize how pathetic you're making yourself look, don't you? I left you alone after our last exchange, but you just needed more attention. It's not that I care about your lames - the 400 chubbies are more than enough to offset them. What bothers me more is that, as unfortunate as it is to believe, behind your avatar and whatever computer you're using to post this there sits a real human being (I use the term loosely) who actually gets off on coming to a messageboard where the vast majority of users come to have a good time and share similar humor, and does so for the purpose of being a cock to strangers instead. This is what everyone who retorts "hey it's only the Internet" forgets. It makes me sad for the future of humanity. I did not know that there were such assholes as you before the Internet existed. Not only that, but the multiple times you've been confronted with the simple fact that the overwhelming amount of lames is a clear indication that your comments are unwanted, you retreat into childish denial a la "Why do you care about lames so much?" At least have the sack to admit that you are a troll who gets off on antagonizing people.
I realize that by responding to you like this I'm just feeding the troll. Go ahead, respond with some glib, dismissive one-liner reveling because you think you've gotten me riled. We'll all be very amused, I'm sure.
You do realize how pathetic you're making yourself look, don't you? I left you alone after our last exchange, but you just needed more attention. It's not that I care about your lames - the 400 chubbies are more than enough to offset them. What bothers me more is that, as unfortunate as it is to believe, behind your avatar and whatever computer you're using to post this there sits a real human being (I use the term loosely) who actually gets off on coming to a messageboard where the vast majority of users come to have a good time and share similar humor, and does so for the purpose of being a cock to strangers instead. This is what everyone who retorts "hey it's only the Internet" forgets. It makes me sad for the future of humanity. I did not know that there were such assholes as you before the Internet existed. Not only that, but the multiple times you've been confronted with the simple fact that the overwhelming amount of lames is a clear indication that your comments are unwanted, you retreat into childish denial a la "Why do you care about lames so much?" At least have the sack to admit that you are a troll who gets off on antagonizing people.
I realize that by responding to you like this I'm just feeding the troll. Go ahead, respond with some glib, dismissive one-liner reveling because you think you've gotten me riled. We'll all be very amused, I'm sure.
spinynorman
+2 -0
what the fuck is this happy horseshit
what the fuck is this happy horseshit
achilleselbow
+0 -1
Um...above comment was for lawbot and not Tekende, clearly.
Um...above comment was for lawbot and not Tekende, clearly.
sncether
+1 -0
Hey, everybody! Tekende's gonna fight achilleselbow!
Hey, everybody! Tekende's gonna fight achilleselbow!
professorhazard
+0 -0
/knocks chair over
/knocks chair over
achilleselbow
+0 -1
I...I don't want no trouble, now.
I...I don't want no trouble, now.
spinynorman
+0 -0
*shouting frontier gibberish*
*shouting frontier gibberish*
tekende
+0 -0
I killed achilleselbow. I killed him with an axe in the face .
I killed achilleselbow. I killed him with an axe in the face .
autrepoupee
+0 -0
his body is dissolving in a bathtub in hell's kitchen
his body is dissolving in a bathtub in hell's kitchen
achilleselbow
+0 -1
I am seriously considering changing my avatar to reflect this axe in the face development.
I am seriously considering changing my avatar to reflect this axe in the face development.
tekende
+0 -0
That would rock, achilleselbow.
That would rock, achilleselbow.
lawbot
+0 -0
TLDR
TLDR
loneal
+0 -0
heccibiggs, I'm going to Oxford. Are there hella chavs in Oxford?
More importantly, how many people describe the place they live as a "village"? Because that is pretty cool.
heccibiggs, I'm going to Oxford. Are there hella chavs in Oxford?
More importantly, how many people describe the place they live as a "village"? Because that is pretty cool.
spinynorman
+1 -0
The idea of living in a village is about on par to me as having an iron you have to heat up in the fireplace. Also several loved ones lost in childbirth.
The idea of living in a village is about on par to me as having an iron you have to heat up in the fireplace. Also several loved ones lost in childbirth.
will_grizzly
+0 -0
Does this include Greenwich Village?
Does this include Greenwich Village?
lawbot
+0 -0
Anyone who can get away with it. It implies that you are rich. Farmers live *near* villages.
Anyone who can get away with it. It implies that you are rich. Farmers live *near* villages.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
That's just what it's called. " Village" (sorry if you think I'm being paranoid but I've already told you what county I live in and, well, it really is a very small place). It's in no way big enough to be a town. But it has a church, and I think that's what technically defines it.
Also, I've never been to Oxford but it probably won't be major for chavs. However, I can't speak in complete certainty. But high-class university town implies that there will be very few, to me.
That's just what it's called. "
Also, I've never been to Oxford but it probably won't be major for chavs. However, I can't speak in complete certainty. But high-class university town implies that there will be very few, to me.
lawbot
+0 -0
Sure, lots of places are called "village." Doesn't mean that they are, though. Cheltenham, for instance, contains at least two "villages" and has at least one satellite that people call a village, but isn't.
In any case, I wouldn't do well stalking you in a village in any county. I imagine turning up at the pub/post office and asking "The Biggs girl - redhair, name that can be abbreviated to 'Hecci' - d'you know her?" to receive the reply "Ah yes, just one moment..." *calls police*.
As to chavs in Oxford, I rather suspect that they have an average complement. It's more likely that students and university affiliates have displaced normal people.
Sure, lots of places are called "village." Doesn't mean that they are, though. Cheltenham, for instance, contains at least two "villages" and has at least one satellite that people call a village, but isn't.
In any case, I wouldn't do well stalking you in a village in any county. I imagine turning up at the pub/post office and asking "The Biggs girl - redhair, name that can be abbreviated to 'Hecci' - d'you know her?" to receive the reply "Ah yes, just one moment..." *calls police*.
As to chavs in Oxford, I rather suspect that they have an average complement. It's more likely that students and university affiliates have displaced normal people.
spinynorman
+0 -0
I spent a summer there and I never noticed any chavs.
It was... oh, three years ago. About.
I spent a summer there and I never noticed any chavs.
It was... oh, three years ago. About.
benjaminpask
+0 -0
Chav is a pretty new term to me. In Scotland we call them neds or bams/ bampots, but those words more specifically describe people from housing schemes ('schemies') who have a certain type of anti-social attitude. This is what a ned is like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk0sS4IFGXA
Chav is a pretty new term to me. In Scotland we call them neds or bams/ bampots, but those words more specifically describe people from housing schemes ('schemies') who have a certain type of anti-social attitude. This is what a ned is like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk0sS4IFGXA
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Chav comes from the Geordie word Charv. Charvs, or charvas can best be explianed by typing the words "the magical bike ride" into youtube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd04IpshxUw
I dont know whether this video makes me proud of, or disgusted by the North East.
Chav comes from the Geordie word Charv. Charvs, or charvas can best be explianed by typing the words "the magical bike ride" into youtube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd04IpshxUw
I dont know whether this video makes me proud of, or disgusted by the North East.
sncether
+2 -0
What the hell is a Geordie? Do you mean the guy from Reading Rainbow?
What the hell is a Geordie? Do you mean the guy from Reading Rainbow?
comrade_tom
+0 -0
term for someone from the north east of England, more specifically the newcastle area, see wikipedia or "the Bigg market" in newcastle on a friday night for more information.
term for someone from the north east of England, more specifically the newcastle area, see wikipedia or "the Bigg market" in newcastle on a friday night for more information.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Ugh... Just thinking about the Bigg Market makes me want to take to the streets with a machete and hack to pieces the first woman in a mini-skirt with badly bleached hair I see.
Ugh... Just thinking about the Bigg Market makes me want to take to the streets with a machete and hack to pieces the first woman in a mini-skirt with badly bleached hair I see.
spinynorman
+3 -0
Naw, I'm pretty sure that "village" means you live in a place where people languidly play flutes and lutes and other -utes instruments all the time, someties wearing overalls and sitting around on rolling green hills under oak trees drinking cider and ale and smoking pipes and stuff.
There are also mules.
I insist this is what you do all day. There are laws about these things, understand? Words mean shit, or at least are supposed to.
Naw, I'm pretty sure that "village" means you live in a place where people languidly play flutes and lutes and other -utes instruments all the time, someties wearing overalls and sitting around on rolling green hills under oak trees drinking cider and ale and smoking pipes and stuff.
There are also mules.
I insist this is what you do all day. There are laws about these things, understand? Words mean shit, or at least are supposed to.
lawbot
+0 -2
NO
NO
heccibiggs
+0 -0
I'm relatively sure that you're thinking of The Shire in Middle Earth.
I'm relatively sure that you're thinking of The Shire in Middle Earth.
irondave
+0 -0
Well, DUH!! The Shire and the England of American Imagination are the same place.
Well, DUH!! The Shire and the England of American Imagination are the same place.
daidai
+0 -0
England of the American Imagination and England aren't the same?
Hogwash.
England of the American Imagination and England aren't the same?
Hogwash.
tsume454
+1 -0
You mean Hog warts
Everyone knows that all children in the UK are tested for magic blood as part of their physical for primary school.
You mean Hog warts
Everyone knows that all children in the UK are tested for magic blood as part of their physical for primary school.
spinynorman
+1 -0
I was so let down by England, absolutely no one talked like Bertie Wooster or comically fell down stairs, and there were no charmingly rustic earthy folk with dirty knees who knew simple lives of morality
Is it too much for a man to ask that other nations conform to vague fictional conceptions in every detail for absolutely no reason whatsoever? Is it? I'd prefer to think not.
I was so let down by England, absolutely no one talked like Bertie Wooster or comically fell down stairs, and there were no charmingly rustic earthy folk with dirty knees who knew simple lives of morality
Is it too much for a man to ask that other nations conform to vague fictional conceptions in every detail for absolutely no reason whatsoever? Is it? I'd prefer to think not.
daidai
+0 -0
They don't even comically fall down stairs?!
I cannot believe you.
You have never been to England
They don't even comically fall down stairs?!
I cannot believe you.
You have never been to England
hamscout
+0 -0
This is a [u]local[/l] shop, for local people!
We don't want any trouble here!
This is a [u]local[/l] shop, for local people!
We don't want any trouble here!
girdag
+0 -0
This is, uh, kinda similar to where I live. You want Gloucestershire and Somerset (pronounced zumm-err-zett) for the proper countryside. I mean, no lutes and flutes, but we have real ale festivals that turn into loads of people sitting out in the fields, drinking and smoking.
And we even have a mule.
This is, uh, kinda similar to where I live. You want Gloucestershire and Somerset (pronounced zumm-err-zett) for the proper countryside. I mean, no lutes and flutes, but we have real ale festivals that turn into loads of people sitting out in the fields, drinking and smoking.
And we even have a mule.
lawbot
+0 -0
I have a beer glass with a handle from the 1972 Cotswolds Beer Festival. This is true.
I have a beer glass with a handle from the 1972 Cotswolds Beer Festival. This is true.
cyberia
+0 -0
Why all the privacy on assetbar? Surely you have a myspace that is freely viewable and lists your geographic location?
Why all the privacy on assetbar? Surely you have a myspace that is freely viewable and lists your geographic location?
flazisismuss
+0 -0
There are several villages in LA County. I walk to one several times a week to buy cigarettes. Of course here it's just an advertising gimmick. On the other hand I suspect it was always an advertising gimmick.
There are several villages in LA County. I walk to one several times a week to buy cigarettes. Of course here it's just an advertising gimmick. On the other hand I suspect it was always an advertising gimmick.
barrymorefm
+0 -0
Oxford's low on the chavs, though they can be found everywhere. In my experience the Oxford ones try too hard. Look out for 14 year olds trying to look threatening in tracksuit bottoms. You doing the uni, Brookes or the Shakespeare Institute? All are institutions of awesome awesome people.
Oxford's low on the chavs, though they can be found everywhere. In my experience the Oxford ones try too hard. Look out for 14 year olds trying to look threatening in tracksuit bottoms. You doing the uni, Brookes or the Shakespeare Institute? All are institutions of awesome awesome people.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Last year some goth lass was kicked in the face until she died by a couple of charvs, just because she was a goth.
Note: I live in the North East, where they're called "charvs" or "charvas". They've been saying it like that since I moved here ten years ago so I'm gonna trust that they're the originators of the phrase. Also, there are more charvs in the North East than you can shake a fake Burberry cap at. I'd move back south if it weren't for the fact that everything apart from them is awesome.
Last year some goth lass was kicked in the face until she died by a couple of charvs, just because she was a goth.
Note: I live in the North East, where they're called "charvs" or "charvas". They've been saying it like that since I moved here ten years ago so I'm gonna trust that they're the originators of the phrase. Also, there are more charvs in the North East than you can shake a fake Burberry cap at. I'd move back south if it weren't for the fact that everything apart from them is awesome.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Yeah, I was reading about that girl the other day. Someone posted about her on here, actually - she was an Achewood fan. In one of the pictures of her, she was wearing the Rabbit Ambulance t-shirt.
(There is a very real possibilty that you posted this information in the first place, I completely can't remember.)
Yeah, I was reading about that girl the other day. Someone posted about her on here, actually - she was an Achewood fan. In one of the pictures of her, she was wearing the Rabbit Ambulance t-shirt.
(There is a very real possibilty that you posted this information in the first place, I completely can't remember.)
brokeaccount
+0 -0
I was going to post it when I stumpled across the picture of her in said shirt in a copy of the Metro, but then I got lazy and someone else did it for me.
I was going to post it when I stumpled across the picture of her in said shirt in a copy of the Metro, but then I got lazy and someone else did it for me.
mjfitzge
+0 -0
could you tell me the strip where that was posted? i remember someone saying they were going to do it, but i never saw if they did. the only picture i can find of her is the skeleton looking one.
could you tell me the strip where that was posted? i remember someone saying they were going to do it, but i never saw if they did. the only picture i can find of her is the skeleton looking one.
lawbot
+0 -0
The accepted origin is the Romany word "charva". It's been in constant usage in the north for a long time in that form. In the south it has taken more forms, and been in and out of use, at least over the course of the last hundred years or so.
The accepted origin is the Romany word "charva". It's been in constant usage in the north for a long time in that form. In the south it has taken more forms, and been in and out of use, at least over the course of the last hundred years or so.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
Iiiiiinput, iiiiiinput!
Iiiiiinput, iiiiiinput!
flazisismuss
+3 -0
Seriously? This is a real problem? Louts wearing Burberry? You guys really need to start shooting each other like we do.
Seriously? This is a real problem? Louts wearing Burberry? You guys really need to start shooting each other like we do.
farqussus
+1 -0
They do, in Brixton. Shooty shooty, stabby stabby. That's all teenagers know any more.
They do, in Brixton. Shooty shooty, stabby stabby. That's all teenagers know any more.
spinynorman
+2 -0
They use smoothbore muskets, too.
They use smoothbore muskets, too.
scraggg
+12 -0
Gang violence in Brixton, England consists of two long lines of well-dressed men firing at one another from opposite sides of the street.
Gang violence in Brixton, England consists of two long lines of well-dressed men firing at one another from opposite sides of the street.
tekende
+0 -0
HA! This is genuinely hilarious. Have a virtual chubby.
HA! This is genuinely hilarious. Have a virtual chubby.
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
one side all yelling to the other, "YOUR TURN NOW!"
one side all yelling to the other, "YOUR TURN NOW!"
soulwound
+0 -0
I dare say, your witticism made me guffaw for nigh a fortnight! Well played, old bean.
I dare say, your witticism made me guffaw for nigh a fortnight! Well played, old bean.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
With a ridiculous rock score playing over the top?
Oh shit, no, sorry, that was Gangs of New York.
With a ridiculous rock score playing over the top?
Oh shit, no, sorry, that was Gangs of New York.
lawbot
+0 -0
Fake burberry. Of course, that means that there's no point wearing real burberry.
Fake burberry. Of course, that means that there's no point wearing real burberry.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
I'd hate to be a person who just for whatever reason really loved Burberry. Constantly hassled by chavs about what area of the Li'l Orient they got the awesome knock-offs. ELLO THEN THAT KNOCKY IS BRILLIANT AS MR BEAN THEN INNIT
I'd hate to be a person who just for whatever reason really loved Burberry. Constantly hassled by chavs about what area of the Li'l Orient they got the awesome knock-offs. ELLO THEN THAT KNOCKY IS BRILLIANT AS MR BEAN THEN INNIT
lawbot
+0 -0
What is "the Li'l Orient?"
What is "the Li'l Orient?"
autrepoupee
+0 -0
Like Chinatown, but not so specific.
Like Chinatown, but not so specific.
lawbot
+0 -0
Where is it?
Where is it?
autrepoupee
+0 -0
The Windmills of Your Mind. It doesn't exist, I just didn't know the UK equivalent to Chinatown, or any other place where you can get knock-off Coach for a song.
The Windmills of Your Mind. It doesn't exist, I just didn't know the UK equivalent to Chinatown, or any other place where you can get knock-off Coach for a song.
lawbot
+0 -0
Yeah, I don't know what Coach is. Also, all of the knock-offs in Chinatown are sold by people whose ancestors come from South Asia.
Yeah, I don't know what Coach is. Also, all of the knock-offs in Chinatown are sold by people whose ancestors come from South Asia.
mjfitzge
+1 -0
i hate it when people on the internet say that they don't know what something is. are you trying to make yourself seem cool because you've never heard of a high-falootin' fancy brand?
i just typed coach into google and the first site that came up was the official site for "leading American marketer of fine accessories and gifts in leather, suede and signature fabric".
i know this isn't really a big deal, and i'm probably mis-interpreting the situation or whatever, but it's just sort of a pet peeve.
on the internet, you can't not know what something is - you can only not want to know what something is. which now that i think about it, is the most likely scenario, but for some reason that pisses me off just as much.
i hate it when people on the internet say that they don't know what something is. are you trying to make yourself seem cool because you've never heard of a high-falootin' fancy brand?
i just typed coach into google and the first site that came up was the official site for "leading American marketer of fine accessories and gifts in leather, suede and signature fabric".
i know this isn't really a big deal, and i'm probably mis-interpreting the situation or whatever, but it's just sort of a pet peeve.
on the internet, you can't not know what something is - you can only not want to know what something is. which now that i think about it, is the most likely scenario, but for some reason that pisses me off just as much.
lawbot
+0 -0
How would I know that that is the right thing?
How would I know that that is the right thing?
loneal
+0 -0
Well, we were talking about expensive clothing brands like Burberry. Googling Coach and finding an expensive clothing brand would have made a lot of sense.
Well, we were talking about expensive clothing brands like Burberry. Googling Coach and finding an expensive clothing brand would have made a lot of sense.
lawbot
+0 -0
Actually we were talking about "L'il Orient."
Actually we were talking about "L'il Orient."
brokeaccount
+0 -0
https://www.nationalexpress.com/ That is the first thing that came up on my google. I presume that's not what he meant, as the National Express coach terminal isn't anywhere near the Chinatown in my city...
https://www.nationalexpress.com/ That is the first thing that came up on my google. I presume that's not what he meant, as the National Express coach terminal isn't anywhere near the Chinatown in my city...
perilon
+0 -0
The Li'l Orient is located in the southfarthing of Little Britain, which exists on Arrested Development.
The Li'l Orient is located in the southfarthing of Little Britain, which exists on Arrested Development.
lawbot
+0 -0
Little Britain is a street in the City. It is just off Smithfields' south side.
Little Britain is a street in the City. It is just off Smithfields' south side.
numberkillinger
+0 -0
Wee Britain, actually.
Wee Britain, actually.
lawbot
+0 -0
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
perilon
+0 -0
Ooof, you got my number on that one and that's no mistake.
Ooof, you got my number on that one and that's no mistake.
soulwound
+0 -0
An aside concerning the chav penchant for wearing Burberry:
They have discontinued Burberry baseball caps due to them being associated with chavs, or some such nonsense.
An aside concerning the chav penchant for wearing Burberry:
They have discontinued Burberry baseball caps due to them being associated with chavs, or some such nonsense.
boredom_man
+0 -0
Sweet! I'm a chav!
(cue More You Know .jpg)
Sweet! I'm a chav!
(cue More You Know .jpg)
laserblade
+0 -0
Who's that in the avatar?
Who's that in the avatar?
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Oh shit! If you're talking about barrymorefm's avatar, it's Simon Amstell! Who I love more than anyone ever!
(Watch Never Mind the Buzzcocks .)
Oh shit! If you're talking about barrymorefm's avatar, it's Simon Amstell! Who I love more than anyone ever!
(Watch Never Mind the Buzzcocks .)
odei
+0 -0
That reminds me that I need to book tickets to see him at the BIC!
That reminds me that I need to book tickets to see him at the BIC!
heccibiggs
+0 -0
The where? THE WHERE? Is he doing live performances? OhmyGod.
The where? THE WHERE? Is he doing live performances? OhmyGod.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Saw him at the fringe last summer, being in the same room as him is quite a pleasant experience 9as well as damn amusing one)
Saw him at the fringe last summer, being in the same room as him is quite a pleasant experience 9as well as damn amusing one)
hbaranov
+0 -0
Did he satirise you and your looks?
Did he satirise you and your looks?
comrade_tom
+0 -0
No sadly, it was a rather large gig and he had better things to do with his time.
No sadly, it was a rather large gig and he had better things to do with his time.
barrymorefm
+0 -0
Me too, and shall again. Hey man, see you up there! actually... your profile says you like Stewart Lee and Tony Law. I'm afraid we shall have to marry.
Me too, and shall again. Hey man, see you up there! actually... your profile says you like Stewart Lee and Tony Law. I'm afraid we shall have to marry.
gormster
+0 -0
Honestly I don't get the Burberry thing. I mean, they make stuff that is both expensive and horrifically ugly. At what point did the Chavs think "I know, let's wear fake Burberry stuff, so we can look like we are both rich AND stupid."
Honestly I don't get the Burberry thing. I mean, they make stuff that is both expensive and horrifically ugly. At what point did the Chavs think "I know, let's wear fake Burberry stuff, so we can look like we are both rich AND stupid."
miku224
+2 -0
Gormster, buying ugly things to show you are rich is a practice that's been around pretty much forever.
Gormster, buying ugly things to show you are rich is a practice that's been around pretty much forever.
chuvak
+0 -2
Best slam on the UK EVER.
Best slam on the UK EVER.
pyro_ike
+0 -0
THE MAN IS SO OLD SCHOOL HE DRIVES A YELLOW BUS WITH GOTHIC ARCH WINDOWS!
THE MAN IS SO OLD SCHOOL HE DRIVES A YELLOW BUS WITH GOTHIC ARCH WINDOWS!
coldfrog
+31 -0
"Gothic Arch Windows" is also the operating system he uses.
"Gothic Arch Windows" is also the operating system he uses.
sncether
+0 -0
The "Critical Stop" ding is the toll of the main bell at Notre Dame.
The "Critical Stop" ding is the toll of the main bell at Notre Dame.
hbaranov
+5 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
heccibiggs
+0 -0
I'm sorry that you posted this so late in the game, and thus will not receive the chubbies you deserve. V-chub from me, dogg.
I'm sorry that you posted this so late in the game, and thus will not receive the chubbies you deserve. V-chub from me, dogg.
gmm
+0 -0
Actually this one isn't too bad. Some people here even actually talk like that.
Actually this one isn't too bad. Some people here even actually talk like that.
falseprophet
+6 -0
ASHERDAN APPRECIATION WEEK!
I think this one sums it all up.
ASHERDAN APPRECIATION WEEK!
I think this one sums it all up.
varnish
+0 -0
So, when is Retardo Appreciation Week?
So, when is Retardo Appreciation Week?
saurkraus
+1 -0
As President of Retardo's fan club I'm still compiling a list of the best possible Retardo links.
As President of Retardo's fan club I'm still compiling a list of the best possible Retardo links.
thorfinn
+7 -0
Make sure you don't forget the one where he calls Onstad gay.
Make sure you don't forget the one where he calls Onstad gay.
gmm
+0 -0
Now THAT is the limit. [If I could, I'd chubby you.]
Now THAT is the limit. [If I could, I'd chubby you.]
laserblade
+0 -0
I love that one!
I love that one!
norrin
+1 -0
"Then of course you have the people who just jump on the wagon not knowing the wagon's departure point or destination and lame him for the sake of laming. I imagine these are the sort of people who trample a fallen man in a crowd or blindly grope a woman who is crowdsurfing."
That's kind of how I saw it. I both lamed and chubbied Asherdan comments based on individual content, not based on who posted them.
On a related note, I fear the coming of manflesherdan. What cruel fate will he bring upon us? Is he a savior or destroyer?
"Then of course you have the people who just jump on the wagon not knowing the wagon's departure point or destination and lame him for the sake of laming. I imagine these are the sort of people who trample a fallen man in a crowd or blindly grope a woman who is crowdsurfing."
That's kind of how I saw it. I both lamed and chubbied Asherdan comments based on individual content, not based on who posted them.
On a related note, I fear the coming of manflesherdan. What cruel fate will he bring upon us? Is he a savior or destroyer?
baryonyx
+1 -0
Manflasherdan: the Assetbar Semichrist.
Manflasherdan: the Assetbar Semichrist.
loneal
+0 -0
I want to chubby you so hard for the word "Semichrist." I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I'll think of something. Maybe an ASCII drawing of a penis or something.
I want to chubby you so hard for the word "Semichrist." I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I'll think of something. Maybe an ASCII drawing of a penis or something.
tekende
+0 -0
I want to chubby you so hard just for being you.
I want to chubby you so hard just for being you.
tekende
+0 -0
Aaaaan four months later this post just seems incredibly creepy. Way to go, me.
Aaaaan four months later this post just seems incredibly creepy. Way to go, me.
dr_manflesh_desires_anal_play_immediately
+95 -2
It was a quiet afternoon in the Bank of Assetbar. Tekende deposited 38 chubbies, earnings from the morning's tradings on the Assetbar Stock Exchange, while Drskradley took out a loan on 20 virtual chubbies ("20 v-chubs and to the letter," he told the bank teller) to buy shares in Retardo posts, which were going very cheap. The bank manager, Zefiel, combed his long Salvador Dali mustache as he sang "Lo lo lo lo lo."
Suddenly the door to the bank burst open, and Asherdan walked in. Zefiel sat up straight in his chair, and gave the security guard a firm glance; the guard knew to keep an eye on this man. Asherdan strode up to the teller window, opened a metal briefcase, and slammed it down in front of the teller. "I'm closing my accounts. Name's Asherdan," he grunted.
Zefiel stood up from his desk and approached Asherdan. "May I help you with something, Mister Asherdan?" Zefiel asked cautiously.
"Closing my accounts," said Asherdan again. "All my accounts."
The bank teller finished loading the chubbies--all 1891 of them--into Asherdan's briefcase. He slammed the lid of the briefcase shut. "But Mister Asherdan," exclaimed the bank teller, "you have a balance of 2994 lames remaining, to be settled with the Bank of Assetbar!"
Asherdan muscled his way past Zefiel and out the door of the Bank of Assetbar, grunting "I'll settle it by closing time today" to the teller.
Zefiel pursued Asherdan as he crossed the busy street outside of the bank. "Asherdan, you have to settle your debts with the Bank of Assetbar! Don't make me call the police!"
"Watch how it's done," Asherdan advised Zefiel, pushing through the revolving door and into the Assetbar Stock Exchange.
Zefiel waited a minute for the revolving door to stop moving, and then he pushed through. As he walked on to the floor of the stock exchange, Zefiel couldn't spot Asherdan in the mass of men and women on the exchange floor, barking orders at their brokers and agents on their cellphones, and assigning chubbies and lames on their laptops; but within a few moments, Zefiel could see that something was wrong.
The giant LCD screen towering over the floor of the Assetbar Stock Exchange always showed the comments from the most recent strip, as well as the chubby and lame count for each post. Zefiel watched as a post by Falseprophet, awarding a virtual chubby, received one lame, then two, and finally the post disappeared from the stock exchange LCD, as posts with at least 3 lames are hidden by default. Then, another by Rogergs, and one by Blastradius; soon every post on the LCD screen awarding a virtual chubby had gone dead. Secondary screens all around the stock exchange floor confirmed Zefiel's suspicions: posts promising virtual chubbies were going dead all across the board, on every strip.
The floor sank into a total panic. Men and women screamed into their cellphones and at each other. In the chaos, Zefiel bumped into Cpnglxynchos. "Who did this!" shouted Cpnglxynchos at Zefiel. "It would have taken 1800 chubbies in secret chubby-for-lame bonds to lame away every V-Chub post on Assetbar!" he wailed.
"1800 chubbies, did you say?" Zefiel asked, horror spreading across his face as he realized the truth. "I think I know who did this."
"I'll kill him!" screamed Cpnglxynchos. "He destroyed the entire V-Chub economy! Who is he?!"
But before Zefiel could get another word out, a crazed man threw a punch, connecting with the side of Cpnglxynchos' head. It was Spectre, a desperate man whose entire fortune had been invested in virtual chubbies, and who had just lost everything. Security guards converged around Spectre, grabbing him and muscling him off of the floor of the stock exchange.
With the V-Chub economy broken, the next dominoes to fall were the chubby-for-chubby bonds. As traders who had invested in chubby-for-chubby bonds realized that their bond partners no longer had enough chubbies to honor their chubby-for-chubby bonds, they withdrew from the bonds, laming their former bond partners in the process. The furor and panic on the exchange floor reached a deafening height as post after post received 3 lames and disappeared from the main LCD board over the exchange floor. The security guards were overwhelmed in the chaos, and police rushed into the fray to break up the beginnings of a riot.
Zefiel stood on the edge of the exchange floor, watching it all go down. Suddenly an uneasy, heavy silence settled in over the exchange floor: the main LCD board, showing all posts made on the current strip, was blank. Every secondary board around the exchange floor, showing posts made on strips in the last two weeks, had also gone blank. All posts had been lamed into oblivion. The entire economy had collapsed. Assetbar was gone. It was over.
Then Zefiel spotted him: one man, leaving the exchange floor, carrying a metal briefcase. Zefiel chased after him, and caught up to him in the street. "Asherdan!"
Asherdan turned around, a faint smile on his face. Zefiel saw that his own bank, the Bank of Assetbar, was now closed; the lights were out and a sign was posted on the front door reading "Closed due to insolvency." Zefiel knew then that Asherdan had won, he had finally won; and Zefiel had nothing more to say.
It was a quiet afternoon in the Bank of Assetbar. Tekende deposited 38 chubbies, earnings from the morning's tradings on the Assetbar Stock Exchange, while Drskradley took out a loan on 20 virtual chubbies ("20 v-chubs and to the letter," he told the bank teller) to buy shares in Retardo posts, which were going very cheap. The bank manager, Zefiel, combed his long Salvador Dali mustache as he sang "Lo lo lo lo lo."
Suddenly the door to the bank burst open, and Asherdan walked in. Zefiel sat up straight in his chair, and gave the security guard a firm glance; the guard knew to keep an eye on this man. Asherdan strode up to the teller window, opened a metal briefcase, and slammed it down in front of the teller. "I'm closing my accounts. Name's Asherdan," he grunted.
Zefiel stood up from his desk and approached Asherdan. "May I help you with something, Mister Asherdan?" Zefiel asked cautiously.
"Closing my accounts," said Asherdan again. "All my accounts."
The bank teller finished loading the chubbies--all 1891 of them--into Asherdan's briefcase. He slammed the lid of the briefcase shut. "But Mister Asherdan," exclaimed the bank teller, "you have a balance of 2994 lames remaining, to be settled with the Bank of Assetbar!"
Asherdan muscled his way past Zefiel and out the door of the Bank of Assetbar, grunting "I'll settle it by closing time today" to the teller.
Zefiel pursued Asherdan as he crossed the busy street outside of the bank. "Asherdan, you have to settle your debts with the Bank of Assetbar! Don't make me call the police!"
"Watch how it's done," Asherdan advised Zefiel, pushing through the revolving door and into the Assetbar Stock Exchange.
Zefiel waited a minute for the revolving door to stop moving, and then he pushed through. As he walked on to the floor of the stock exchange, Zefiel couldn't spot Asherdan in the mass of men and women on the exchange floor, barking orders at their brokers and agents on their cellphones, and assigning chubbies and lames on their laptops; but within a few moments, Zefiel could see that something was wrong.
The giant LCD screen towering over the floor of the Assetbar Stock Exchange always showed the comments from the most recent strip, as well as the chubby and lame count for each post. Zefiel watched as a post by Falseprophet, awarding a virtual chubby, received one lame, then two, and finally the post disappeared from the stock exchange LCD, as posts with at least 3 lames are hidden by default. Then, another by Rogergs, and one by Blastradius; soon every post on the LCD screen awarding a virtual chubby had gone dead. Secondary screens all around the stock exchange floor confirmed Zefiel's suspicions: posts promising virtual chubbies were going dead all across the board, on every strip.
The floor sank into a total panic. Men and women screamed into their cellphones and at each other. In the chaos, Zefiel bumped into Cpnglxynchos. "Who did this!" shouted Cpnglxynchos at Zefiel. "It would have taken 1800 chubbies in secret chubby-for-lame bonds to lame away every V-Chub post on Assetbar!" he wailed.
"1800 chubbies, did you say?" Zefiel asked, horror spreading across his face as he realized the truth. "I think I know who did this."
"I'll kill him!" screamed Cpnglxynchos. "He destroyed the entire V-Chub economy! Who is he?!"
But before Zefiel could get another word out, a crazed man threw a punch, connecting with the side of Cpnglxynchos' head. It was Spectre, a desperate man whose entire fortune had been invested in virtual chubbies, and who had just lost everything. Security guards converged around Spectre, grabbing him and muscling him off of the floor of the stock exchange.
With the V-Chub economy broken, the next dominoes to fall were the chubby-for-chubby bonds. As traders who had invested in chubby-for-chubby bonds realized that their bond partners no longer had enough chubbies to honor their chubby-for-chubby bonds, they withdrew from the bonds, laming their former bond partners in the process. The furor and panic on the exchange floor reached a deafening height as post after post received 3 lames and disappeared from the main LCD board over the exchange floor. The security guards were overwhelmed in the chaos, and police rushed into the fray to break up the beginnings of a riot.
Zefiel stood on the edge of the exchange floor, watching it all go down. Suddenly an uneasy, heavy silence settled in over the exchange floor: the main LCD board, showing all posts made on the current strip, was blank. Every secondary board around the exchange floor, showing posts made on strips in the last two weeks, had also gone blank. All posts had been lamed into oblivion. The entire economy had collapsed. Assetbar was gone. It was over.
Then Zefiel spotted him: one man, leaving the exchange floor, carrying a metal briefcase. Zefiel chased after him, and caught up to him in the street. "Asherdan!"
Asherdan turned around, a faint smile on his face. Zefiel saw that his own bank, the Bank of Assetbar, was now closed; the lights were out and a sign was posted on the front door reading "Closed due to insolvency." Zefiel knew then that Asherdan had won, he had finally won; and Zefiel had nothing more to say.
i_love_kate
+2 -0
I chubbied that so hard that the number of chubbies rose from 1 to 3.
I chubbied that so hard that the number of chubbies rose from 1 to 3.
lateadopter
+0 -0
I would give you a virtual chubby, but they are worthless now. I give you a real chubby instead.
Now, don't spend it all in one place. Those things are worth their weight in gold.
I would give you a virtual chubby, but they are worthless now. I give you a real chubby instead.
Now, don't spend it all in one place. Those things are worth their weight in gold.
lawbot
+0 -0
YES
HELL OF YES
YES
HELL OF YES
dr_strangeglove
+0 -0
I would've appreciated some spinynorman in there, but this is still completely awesome.
I would've appreciated some spinynorman in there, but this is still completely awesome.
doc_rostov
+1 -0
This is probably the most entertaining post I've ever read on Assetbar.
Manflesh: YOU. ARE. RAD.
This is probably the most entertaining post I've ever read on Assetbar.
Manflesh: YOU. ARE. RAD.
tekende
+1 -0
Wow.
Wow.
Oh man. This is amazing.
Wow.
Wow.
Oh man. This is amazing.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
I'm outrageously jealous of you, and all the others who got cameo roles.
I'm outrageously jealous of you, and all the others who got cameo roles.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
mahaha. that was grand but what i want to know is why i had to get punched.
my place in terrific AssetBar fan fiction for not getting punched!
mahaha. that was grand but what i want to know is why i had to get punched.
my place in terrific AssetBar fan fiction for not getting punched!
lateadopter
+2 -0
It's like Ferris Bueller, cpnglxynchos. You are complaining about having a piece of shit car, but heccibiggs has to envy your piece of shit because she has no car.
But watch out, heccibiggs. I got mentioned once, and then I had to puzzle out whether it was good or bad to be that guy in that movie. And how the fuck did they know I looked like that actor, anyway?
Anyway, fuck chubbies, man. The new currency in this place is how many times your name gets dropped in fan-fiction. The sleazier the fan-fiction, the better, which means you want to be mentioned by Dr. Manflesh. The good thing about Dr. Manflesh is that you can't suck up to him. Friend, enemy, it doesn't matter. Man walks his own line.
It's like Ferris Bueller, cpnglxynchos. You are complaining about having a piece of shit car, but heccibiggs has to envy your piece of shit because she has no car.
But watch out, heccibiggs. I got mentioned once, and then I had to puzzle out whether it was good or bad to be that guy in that movie. And how the fuck did they know I looked like that actor, anyway?
Anyway, fuck chubbies, man. The new currency in this place is how many times your name gets dropped in fan-fiction. The sleazier the fan-fiction, the better, which means you want to be mentioned by Dr. Manflesh. The good thing about Dr. Manflesh is that you can't suck up to him. Friend, enemy, it doesn't matter. Man walks his own line.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
true dat, truuuue dat.
but does it ever illicit wonder why i was chosen instead of elders like spinynorman or falseprophet.
man, nobody else is making mention of their part so whatever. i am in and you are not. i completely agree with tekende's 'NEENER' comment below and pour much of it on others.
true dat, truuuue dat.
but does it ever illicit wonder why i was chosen instead of elders like spinynorman or falseprophet.
man, nobody else is making mention of their part so whatever. i am in and you are not. i completely agree with tekende's 'NEENER' comment below and pour much of it on others.
drskradley
+1 -0
Personally, I think the most interesting thing is the fact that he is not clear on whether he is criticising or lauding the V-Chub Economy. True art should point out social occurances, and then make you question them.
The man is neither pro or con. He just is.
Personally, I think the most interesting thing is the fact that he is not clear on whether he is criticising or lauding the V-Chub Economy. True art should point out social occurances, and then make you question them.
The man is neither pro or con. He just is.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
and thus his enigma is restored.
and thus his enigma is restored.
baryonyx
+0 -0
One of these days someone needs to take it upon themselves to write up an index of Assetbar posters compiled by renown and seniority. I hadn't realized quite what an elder Spinynorman was until you mentioned him as being so just now.
I'm curious where I stand; I feel I'm still pretty new - I remember I joined up during a Poster Boom this past December - and sure I fall in one of the lower tiers.
One of these days someone needs to take it upon themselves to write up an index of Assetbar posters compiled by renown and seniority. I hadn't realized quite what an elder Spinynorman was until you mentioned him as being so just now.
I'm curious where I stand; I feel I'm still pretty new - I remember I joined up during a Poster Boom this past December - and sure I fall in one of the lower tiers.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Actually, I consider you a higher-up, Baryonyx.
Actually, I consider you a higher-up, Baryonyx.
snick
+0 -0
Comment left by snick ignored.
Comment left by snick ignored.
professorhazard
+0 -0
It's funny because the guy who isn't getting any is bitter about it.
It's funny because the guy who isn't getting any is bitter about it.
apocowarg
+0 -0
Usually a man getting fellatio doesn't complain about it. Not if he has even a shred of sanity left in him.
Usually a man getting fellatio doesn't complain about it. Not if he has even a shred of sanity left in him.
thorfinn
+0 -0
Unless it is really, really terrible fellatio, with the scraping teeth all giving you a nasty case of scalpelcock and whatnot.
Unless it is really, really terrible fellatio, with the scraping teeth all giving you a nasty case of scalpelcock and whatnot.
miku224
+0 -0
Scalpelcock? That's a new one. It's... interesting. In a frightening sort of way.
Scalpelcock? That's a new one. It's... interesting. In a frightening sort of way.
apocowarg
+1 -0
Spinynorman hasn't been commenting for that long but he has racked up an ungodly amount of chubbies in that time. Most likely because his comments always add something to the conversation and don't seem to exist solely to be chubby-magnets. He has a good mix of humor and lack of pretension. He also cleans up nice and looks fabulous in a backless evening gown.
Spinynorman hasn't been commenting for that long but he has racked up an ungodly amount of chubbies in that time. Most likely because his comments always add something to the conversation and don't seem to exist solely to be chubby-magnets. He has a good mix of humor and lack of pretension. He also cleans up nice and looks fabulous in a backless evening gown.
professorhazard
+0 -0
I would say that 75% of my comments are "chubby-magnets" (comments made simply because I think they will be Chubbied).
These are hollow posts, but I think they largely improve the demeanor of those that read them; otherwise, I wouldn't bother to post them.
I would say that 75% of my comments are "chubby-magnets" (comments made simply because I think they will be Chubbied).
These are hollow posts, but I think they largely improve the demeanor of those that read them; otherwise, I wouldn't bother to post them.
thorfinn
+0 -0
My posts are usually whatever randomly pops into my head while reading others' posts. Some are well recieved, others not so much, but they are pretty much all impulsive.
My posts are usually whatever randomly pops into my head while reading others' posts. Some are well recieved, others not so much, but they are pretty much all impulsive.
tekende
+0 -0
I have nothing to say but NEENER NEENER NEENER
I have nothing to say but NEENER NEENER NEENER
catgrl131
+1 -0
Aww, man heccibiggs, I'm right there with you. Dammit!
Aww, man heccibiggs, I'm right there with you. Dammit!
spinynorman
+0 -0
I suppose I am as well.
Oh, well, fame never looked good on me anyway. I don't have the chin for it.
I suppose I am as well.
Oh, well, fame never looked good on me anyway. I don't have the chin for it.
peterjoel
+0 -0
Spiny, you have the chin of Steven Fry in his youth.
Perhaps the gentle emery board of time will assist your chin, as it has for Steven, in effecting a propensity for fame.
Spiny, you have the chin of Steven Fry in his youth.
Perhaps the gentle emery board of time will assist your chin, as it has for Steven, in effecting a propensity for fame.
numberkillinger
+0 -0
...he also possesses the rest of Ste ph en Fry's youthful face. and hair... it's a picture of Stephen Fry basically.
...he also possesses the rest of Ste ph en Fry's youthful face. and hair... it's a picture of Stephen Fry basically.
drskradley
+0 -0
Given the discussion of avatars personifying the person wearing them, does this therefore mean that I do have the chin for fame?
Given the discussion of avatars personifying the person wearing them, does this therefore mean that I do have the chin for fame?
maximus
+0 -0
How is it that Hugh Laurie ages so well and Stephen Fry looks like hell. Is it Hollywood?
How is it that Hugh Laurie ages so well and Stephen Fry looks like hell. Is it Hollywood?
dovey
+0 -0
It's because Stephen Fry is a decadent, Claudius-like motherfucker.
It's because Stephen Fry is a decadent, Claudius-like motherfucker.
spinynorman
+0 -0
I'm also pretty sure that Stephen Fry lives a little harder than Laurie (eating and drinking) while Hugh Laurie has kids and exercises frequently.
I'm also pretty sure that Stephen Fry lives a little harder than Laurie (eating and drinking) while Hugh Laurie has kids and exercises frequently.
professorhazard
+0 -0
I did enjoy him as the therapist on Bones .
I did enjoy him as the therapist on Bones .
falseprophet
+0 -0
Speculation is a classic backstory to why a Victorian novel protagonists' family has gone from having mad money to being in Circumstances. For incorporation of this literary theme into your truly postmodern tour de force, manflesh, I hereby unilaterally award you the V-Man Booker Prize.
Speculation is a classic backstory to why a Victorian novel protagonists' family has gone from having mad money to being in Circumstances. For incorporation of this literary theme into your truly postmodern tour de force, manflesh, I hereby unilaterally award you the V-Man Booker Prize.
_cheesekayke
+0 -0
Single best assetbar post ever? Why yes, yes it is.
Single best assetbar post ever? Why yes, yes it is.
daidai
+0 -0
He is the creator and the destroyer.
He can write stories which create new worlds of wonder and entertainment --
Or he can write sex romps which command lames from across Assetbar.
Every post he chooses good or evil.
Thank you for your choice, Manflesh.
He is the creator and the destroyer.
He can write stories which create new worlds of wonder and entertainment --
Or he can write sex romps which command lames from across Assetbar.
Every post he chooses good or evil.
Thank you for your choice, Manflesh.
lateadopter
+0 -0
I was under the impression he chose both at the same time.
I was under the impression he chose both at the same time.
drskradley
+1 -0
SON. OF. A. BITCH.
The irony of this is I don't have a chubby to give to that truly wondrous effort.
I also had trouble understanding what was going on, due to my extremely un-economically based mind.
SON. OF. A. BITCH.
The irony of this is I don't have a chubby to give to that truly wondrous effort.
I also had trouble understanding what was going on, due to my extremely un-economically based mind.
apocowarg
+2 -0
With your fanfic about Asherdan,
Dr. Manflesh you have rocked my can .
With your fanfic about Asherdan,
Dr. Manflesh you have rocked my can .
norrin
+0 -0
Manflesh has come, and it was good.
But the coming of Maflesherdan still remains to be seen.
Manflesh has come, and it was good.
But the coming of Maflesherdan still remains to be seen.
rogergs
+0 -0
I always keep a chubby under my mattress for just such a moment.
I always keep a chubby under my mattress for just such a moment.
baryonyx
+0 -0
Oh my goodness.
Let this glorious practice not end here, I exhort you.
Oh my goodness.
Let this glorious practice not end here, I exhort you.
slanger
+0 -0
I totally picture Asherdan's avitar in this story, all with his blond mullet and corny glowing eyes...
man, that was good. Sorry I yelled at you last time you broke your fan-fic silence.
I totally picture Asherdan's avitar in this story, all with his blond mullet and corny glowing eyes...
man, that was good. Sorry I yelled at you last time you broke your fan-fic silence.
schroduck
+1 -0
Unfortunately, the one problem with the Shrovis-Bishopthorpe is that the colour is just slightly not good enough , hence why it has all the dials to try to fix the colour balance.
Unfortunately, the one problem with the Shrovis-Bishopthorpe is that the colour is just slightly not good enough , hence why it has all the dials to try to fix the colour balance.
epicurus
+1 -0
Wow, that last panel is so British I think I'm pregnant now.
Wow, that last panel is so British I think I'm pregnant now.
falseprophet
+8 -0
So you lay back and thought of England?
So you lay back and thought of England?
loneal
+0 -0
Chubbied for properly conjugating the verb "to lie." Be still, my beating heart.
Chubbied for properly conjugating the verb "to lie." Be still, my beating heart.
farqussus
+0 -0
Is it not laid? That's all in past tense.
Is it not laid? That's all in past tense.
falseprophet
+2 -1
"To lie" in the present tense is intransitive, and it's past tense is "lay."
"To lay" in the present tense is transitive, so it's past tense is "laid."
[IMGS OFF]
"To lie" in the present tense is intransitive, and it's past tense is "lay."
"To lay" in the present tense is transitive, so it's past tense is "laid."
[IMGS OFF]
falseprophet
+0 -1
...Aaaaaand I confused it's with its. Fuck me. Guess I can't study abroad in England now...
...Aaaaaand I confused it's with its. Fuck me. Guess I can't study abroad in England now...
baryonyx
+0 -1
But seriously guys, the actual quote is "spreads her legs and thinks of England", so I would say the point is moot.
But seriously guys, the actual quote is "spreads her legs and thinks of England", so I would say the point is moot.
achilleselbow
+1 -1
That's the Achewood quote, but the actual line that THAT was referring to was correctly used here.
That's the Achewood quote, but the actual line that THAT was referring to was correctly used here.
peterjoel
+0 -0
I've heard "lie back and think of England" and "close your eyes and think of England." But I think "spread your legs" is far to vulgar to have originated my great nation!
I've heard "lie back and think of England" and "close your eyes and think of England." But I think "spread your legs" is far to vulgar to have originated my great nation!
falseprophet
+0 -1
You just [url=https://dictionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/50132888/50132888se65?single=1&query_type=word&queryword=lie back and think of england&first=1&max_to_show=10&hilite=50132888se65] say it[/url] any old way you want to and the good lord God will provide.
You just [url=https://dictionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/50132888/50132888se65?single=1&query_type=word&queryword=lie back and think of england&first=1&max_to_show=10&hilite=50132888se65] say it[/url] any old way you want to and the good lord God will provide.
falseprophet
+0 -1
Damn it!! [url=https://dictionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/50132888/50132888se65?single=1&query_type=word&queryword=lie back and think of england&first=1&max_to_show=10&hilite=50132888se65]Here it is[/url].
Damn it!! [url=https://dictionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/50132888/50132888se65?single=1&query_type=word&queryword=lie back and think of england&first=1&max_to_show=10&hilite=50132888se65]Here it is[/url].
falseprophet
+1 -0
BOLLOCKS.
BOLLOCKS.
norrin
+0 -0
Avatars matching comments is always fun.
Avatars matching comments is always fun.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
At least you managed to get your italics right.
At least you managed to get your italics right.
fuckyoufriday
+0 -0
Yeah, the Vice Squad would nick you in a tick.
Yeah, the Vice Squad would nick you in a tick.
lawbot
+0 -0
IF ONLY
IF ONLY
skoora
+3 -0
That computer is so English it has a fucking crown.
That computer is so English it has a fucking crown.
falseprophet
+0 -1
It recently got mad-rutty .
It recently got mad-rutty .
soupkaty
+0 -0
I want that computer. I bet it runs proper, not all mac-like. And the waiting hourglass or spinning umbrella is perhaps a grandfather clock or big ben.
Also, noticing someone created an account named "manflasherdan" about 15 minutes ago, thought i should alert.
I want that computer. I bet it runs proper, not all mac-like. And the waiting hourglass or spinning umbrella is perhaps a grandfather clock or big ben.
Also, noticing someone created an account named "manflasherdan" about 15 minutes ago, thought i should alert.
chuvak
+1 -0
I bet the OS doesn't have AIDS
I bet the OS doesn't have AIDS
peterjoel
+2 -0
No, but it does suffer from occasional bouts of the most intolerable gout.
No, but it does suffer from occasional bouts of the most intolerable gout.
chuvak
+12 -0
I was gonna recommend one of these:
[IMGS OFF]
I was gonna recommend one of these:
[IMGS OFF]
quartzblade
+0 -0
Looks like the keys are fashioned after the keys of old-school typewriters, which is completely fantastic.
Looks like the keys are fashioned after the keys of old-school typewriters, which is completely fantastic.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
i enjoy how the F keys are Roman Numerals.
i enjoy how the F keys are Roman Numerals.
baryonyx
+0 -0
No software clock.
Just a pocketwatch.
No software clock.
Just a pocketwatch.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Oh, dizzamn , I want that.
Oh, dizzamn , I want that.
pityparty
+0 -0
I'm not into steampunk and whatnot but these old timey computers are sexy .
I'm not into steampunk and whatnot but these old timey computers are sexy .
hellofditties
+1 -0
Scroll bar in the last panel makes this strip for me. I want to scroll... I want to know more about this bit of a boffin.
Scroll bar in the last panel makes this strip for me. I want to scroll... I want to know more about this bit of a boffin.
hanrahahanrahan
+2 -0
Completely agree! Did anyone else actually try to use the scrollbar in panel 6, knowing full well it was a stupid thing to try, yet still having a little bit of hope in their heart?
Completely agree! Did anyone else actually try to use the scrollbar in panel 6, knowing full well it was a stupid thing to try, yet still having a little bit of hope in their heart?
pogo
+2 -0
April Fool.
April Fool.
lawbot
+0 -0
This is exactly what British adverts for computers were like when we had a computing industry.
This is exactly what British adverts for computers were like when we had a computing industry.
explodingbat
+5 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Shit. Is it intentional that the sppech bubble contains a pretty stellar example of [url=https://achewood.com/index.php?date=09082004]characteristic British alliteration?[/i]
Shit. Is it intentional that the sppech bubble contains a pretty stellar example of [url=https://achewood.com/index.php?date=09082004]characteristic British alliteration?[/i]
heccibiggs
+0 -0
MOTHER FUCK. That's the first time that's ever happened to me, I swear!
Try again.
Ohhhh I nearly did make the exact same mistake.
MOTHER FUCK. That's the first time that's ever happened to me, I swear!
Try again.
Ohhhh I nearly did make the exact same mistake.
mattfish
+0 -0
next time calm down and take it slow
next time calm down and take it slow
falseprophet
+0 -0
Oh it's okay, it happens to a lot of guys.
Oh it's okay, it happens to a lot of guys.
sleaw
+0 -0
Just relax and it will come naturally in a while.
Just relax and it will come naturally in a while.
tekende
+0 -0
This is fantastic. Not only is it delightfully British, it harkens back to the days when print ads had lots and lots of text in them, unlike today's ads which likely contain less than six words.
This is fantastic. Not only is it delightfully British, it harkens back to the days when print ads had lots and lots of text in them, unlike today's ads which likely contain less than six words.
maximus
+0 -0
Mom's recipe for leeks and fried bread is electronically preserved for future generations!
Mom's recipe for leeks and fried bread is electronically preserved for future generations!
dovey
+0 -0
Oh jesus fried bread oh fuck yes
Oh jesus fried bread oh fuck yes
maximus
+0 -0
sorry - should have said "Mum", of course
sorry - should have said "Mum", of course
explodingbat
+0 -0
Only if you buy the special tape recorder adapter for modemnoise.
Only if you buy the special tape recorder adapter for modemnoise.
explodingbat
+0 -0
THIS IS A TEST: one of these should be a plus sign: %2B [ent]%2B[/ent] [ent]&%2B;[/ent] [noparse] [/noparse] [noparse]%2B[/noparse] [noparse]&%2B;[/noparse]
THIS IS A TEST: one of these should be a plus sign: %2B [ent]%2B[/ent] [ent]&%2B;[/ent] [noparse] [/noparse] [noparse]%2B[/noparse] [noparse]&%2B;[/noparse]
explodingbat
+0 -0
+
+
explodingbat
+0 -0
[ent]#43[/ent]
[ent]#43[/ent]
explodingbat
+0 -0
&43;
&43;
explodingbat
+0 -0
Just out of curiosity, here's all the non-alphanumerics: `¬ !"£$ %^&* ()_ =-[] {};' #~@: ,./? ><\|
[ent]eacute[/ent] é
Just out of curiosity, here's all the non-alphanumerics: `¬ !"£$ %^&* ()_ =-[] {};' #~@: ,./? ><\|
[ent]eacute[/ent] é
melatonin
+1 -0
I think I speak on behalf of all English chaps and lads when I say that nearly all consumer products would be improved by a good burnishing.
I think I speak on behalf of all English chaps and lads when I say that nearly all consumer products would be improved by a good burnishing.
dejavroom
+0 -0
What, no extra switches under the dash for those spiriting two fingers of Laphroaig? Looks like someone will have to commission a custom job. And ruin the warranty.
What, no extra switches under the dash for those spiriting two fingers of Laphroaig? Looks like someone will have to commission a custom job. And ruin the warranty.
caduceo
+0 -0
I love roast beef's mystery feelings when he is confronted with someone who wants a computer that applies hot sauce when prompted.
I love roast beef's mystery feelings when he is confronted with someone who wants a computer that applies hot sauce when prompted.
cmr
+0 -0
All other computing machines are rubbish.
All other computing machines are rubbish.
thicker
+0 -0
I hear Michael Dell is still working on his catalogue of jokes
I hear Michael Dell is still working on his catalogue of jokes
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Ahahaha, "Envaliant" is possibly the greatest word ever.
Also, "punter" means customer. But never mind, it does seem to sound pretty good here.
Ahahaha, "Envaliant" is possibly the greatest word ever.
Also, "punter" means customer. But never mind, it does seem to sound pretty good here.
mattfish
+0 -0
I assume it means customer in the same manner that one says "he's a pretty cool customer" i.e. he stays together in stressful situations
I assume it means customer in the same manner that one says "he's a pretty cool customer" i.e. he stays together in stressful situations
farqussus
+0 -0
You assume incorrectly
You assume incorrectly
heccibiggs
+0 -0
...No, it literalyl just means customer, like someone who pays for goods or services. And it's not even really a slang word. I mean, you probably wouldn't say it in a very formal situation, but it's a fully accepted synonym of the word.
...No, it literalyl just means customer, like someone who pays for goods or services. And it's not even really a slang word. I mean, you probably wouldn't say it in a very formal situation, but it's a fully accepted synonym of the word.
mattfish
+0 -0
why does that make sense when attributed to a in this context to a computer, though?
why does that make sense when attributed to a in this context to a computer, though?
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Well, it doesn't. Perhaps a misunderstanding on Onstad's part? Whatever, if you think about the word and the connotations you got when you first read "punter", it's appropriate, right? I mean, you probably just thought it sounded like an odd British word similar to "bloke", or whatever. My guess is that's what Onstad was going for.
Also, I didn't want to double post but this has been bugging me for what seems like hours.
*literally
Muuuuch better...
Well, it doesn't. Perhaps a misunderstanding on Onstad's part? Whatever, if you think about the word and the connotations you got when you first read "punter", it's appropriate, right? I mean, you probably just thought it sounded like an odd British word similar to "bloke", or whatever. My guess is that's what Onstad was going for.
Also, I didn't want to double post but this has been bugging me for what seems like hours.
*literally
Muuuuch better...
lawbot
+0 -0
I do not think that this word "punter" means what you think it means.
I think Onstad knows, though.
I do not think that this word "punter" means what you think it means.
I think Onstad knows, though.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Maybe. dictionary.com was inconclusive.
Maybe. dictionary.com was inconclusive.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Nah, I'm with Biggs on this one. "That'll keep the punters happy," as said by a rancorous shop-owner (Posibly asian) seems to gel, but "He's a light-fingered little punter," to describe a disrespected chimney-sweep wouldn't work.
It's a customer, but a slightly derogatory term and not one that a business-owner or service-provider would use to pertain to one of his patrons in person.
Nah, I'm with Biggs on this one. "That'll keep the punters happy," as said by a rancorous shop-owner (Posibly asian) seems to gel, but "He's a light-fingered little punter," to describe a disrespected chimney-sweep wouldn't work.
It's a customer, but a slightly derogatory term and not one that a business-owner or service-provider would use to pertain to one of his patrons in person.
lawbot
+0 -0
In my experience it means both. Also, I just used a dictionary.
THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT MY FRIEND.
In my experience it means both. Also, I just used a dictionary.
THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT MY FRIEND.
loneal
+0 -0
And here I thought punting was something you did in a boat on the Thames. I am so lost.
And here I thought punting was something you did in a boat on the Thames. I am so lost.
lawbot
+0 -0
Yes, yes it is. It is also a thing you can do to a rugby ball. You could do it with various other kinds of non-soccer footballs too, of course.
Yes, yes it is. It is also a thing you can do to a rugby ball. You could do it with various other kinds of non-soccer footballs too, of course.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
My exceptionally old dictionary with the semicircular indentations into the pages which in faded characters show which letter a certain section concerns itself wih holds it as a gambler, a customer of any description or a person who punts. In terms of boats and kicking.
THE BALL HAS BEEN GRABBED AND CONSUMED IN TWO HASTY BITES.
My exceptionally old dictionary with the semicircular indentations into the pages which in faded characters show which letter a certain section concerns itself wih holds it as a gambler, a customer of any description or a person who punts. In terms of boats and kicking.
THE BALL HAS BEEN GRABBED AND CONSUMED IN TWO HASTY BITES.
mattfish
+0 -0
thanks
thanks
lawbot
+0 -0
My dictionary is better than yours. It is so big they had to put in on the internet.
My dictionary is better than yours. It is so big they had to put in on the internet.
tekende
+0 -0
I had thought that it meant customer but in the same sense as when a carnival worker refers to a customer as a "mark" or "rube."
I had thought that it meant customer but in the same sense as when a carnival worker refers to a customer as a "mark" or "rube."
lawbot
+0 -0
That too.
That too.
mjfitzge
+0 -0
i think i know what punter means. i think it's a sexy word, am i right?
i think i know what punter means. i think it's a sexy word, am i right?
tekende
+0 -0
"Ooh! Harder! Oh yes, you big punter, YES!"
Mm, I dunno. Doesn't really sound right.
"Ooh! Harder! Oh yes, you big punter, YES!"
Mm, I dunno. Doesn't really sound right.
lawbot
+0 -0
That would be the words of a prostitute enjoying her client's large penis, or pretending to.
That would be the words of a prostitute enjoying her client's large penis, or pretending to.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
That is so nasty that I actually shuddered.
That is so nasty that I actually shuddered.
tekende
+0 -0
I can hang with the dirtiest dudes around.
I can hang with the dirtiest dudes around.
spinynorman
+0 -0
If only there was a cool black censor bar for your text. I guess this could do.
dovey
+0 -0
Nah I read that just fine.
Nah I read that just fine.
lawbot
+0 -0
Oddly, the OED lists the usage to mean a person as Scottish. It also tells me that "bairn" is Scottish, but my geordie denmark-loving friend tells me that it is also used in Geordieland and Denmark.
Oddly, the OED lists the usage to mean a person as Scottish. It also tells me that "bairn" is Scottish, but my geordie denmark-loving friend tells me that it is also used in Geordieland and Denmark.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Meh. Scottish is a great deal closer to the Germanic roots of our language than Englishman's English.
Danish is a Germanic language, right?
Meh. Scottish is a great deal closer to the Germanic roots of our language than Englishman's English.
Danish is a Germanic language, right?
lawbot
+0 -0
YEAH THAT'S GOOD, UH, LANGUAGE, RIGHT?
YEAH THAT'S GOOD, UH, LANGUAGE, RIGHT?
spinynorman
+0 -0
I thought Scottish was a form of Gaelic. Scottish Gaelic.
I thought Scottish was a form of Gaelic. Scottish Gaelic.
lawbot
+0 -0
First of all, Scottish Gaelic is not the same as Scots. Second of all, Scots has for various reasons both retained older forms of what we now call English, and has also been repeatedly influenced by other far-northern-european tongues, because those countries have historically traded with each other a lot (For instance Goteborg was built with the intention that it would be occupied by traders from, among other countries, Scotland).
First of all, Scottish Gaelic is not the same as Scots. Second of all, Scots has for various reasons both retained older forms of what we now call English, and has also been repeatedly influenced by other far-northern-european tongues, because those countries have historically traded with each other a lot (For instance Goteborg was built with the intention that it would be occupied by traders from, among other countries, Scotland).
lawbot
+0 -0
Seriously though, the point is that, first of all, the OED is not good at regionality, and second of all that Geordie is close to Danish, what with having spent several hundred years as part of the Kingdom of Denmark. King Cnut was King of Denmark.
Seriously though, the point is that, first of all, the OED is not good at regionality, and second of all that Geordie is close to Danish, what with having spent several hundred years as part of the Kingdom of Denmark. King Cnut was King of Denmark.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I think you mean either Knut or Canute.
I think you mean either Knut or Canute.
lawbot
+0 -0
I think I mean Cnut.
I think I mean Cnut.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Ah, shit. Why do I keep playing when I obviously can't win?
Ah, shit. Why do I keep playing when I obviously can't win?
lawbot
+0 -0
CNUT
CNUT
loneal
+8 -0
DCIK
DCIK
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Virtual chubby.
Virtual chubby.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
what do you think you're doing?? you're COMPLETELY gonna topple the economy!!!!
what do you think you're doing?? you're COMPLETELY gonna topple the economy!!!!
lawbot
+0 -0
Heh. That's like saying that CDOs are gonna topple the global economy.
Heh. That's like saying that CDOs are gonna topple the global economy.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Yep, that's what I save them for.
Well done.
Yep, that's what I save them for.
Well done.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Cnut is just what the Geordie's called him, we resented the way he banned stotties, drank all the newcastle brown and was quite possibly Newcastle's worst manager (he got them relegated twice during his reign, they were even beaten by Jomsburg united).
At least he wasnt some cake burning southern daftie like alfred though
Cnut is just what the Geordie's called him, we resented the way he banned stotties, drank all the newcastle brown and was quite possibly Newcastle's worst manager (he got them relegated twice during his reign, they were even beaten by Jomsburg united).
At least he wasnt some cake burning southern daftie like alfred though
chuvak
+0 -0
...you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
...you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
lawbot
+0 -0
Actually it means both, for obvious reasons.
Actually it means both, for obvious reasons.
maximus
+0 -0
Sounds like a heraldry term.
Sounds like a heraldry term.
jordstar
+0 -0
Holy crap, Chris did his research here. Dartmoor was my favourite place in the world when I was 10 years old. And you could find ancient stones littered across the moors, with different sized holes in them, in which tin would be smelted.
Holy crap, Chris did his research here. Dartmoor was my favourite place in the world when I was 10 years old. And you could find ancient stones littered across the moors, with different sized holes in them, in which tin would be smelted.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
Indeed. I actually live in Bishopthorpe. I hope to get a lot more sex from now on.
Indeed. I actually live in Bishopthorpe. I hope to get a lot more sex from now on.
jordstar
+0 -0
I still wear my Letterboxer's badge with pride, but you're right, it has not gotten me laid. Not even once
I still wear my Letterboxer's badge with pride, but you're right, it has not gotten me laid. Not even once
lolsworth
+0 -0
I would have preferred good Cornish tin, my home nation of Cornwall being the tin capital of all civilisation, but sadly we don't mine the stuff anymore because of the cunting Tories.
I would have preferred good Cornish tin, my home nation of Cornwall being the tin capital of all civilisation, but sadly we don't mine the stuff anymore because of the cunting Tories.
teabag_mel
+2 -0
You start typing in Word and a friendly-looking cufflink with eyes pops up.
"Hullo! It looks like you're writing a tasteless romance novel. May I proffer assistance?"
You start typing in Word and a friendly-looking cufflink with eyes pops up.
"Hullo! It looks like you're writing a tasteless romance novel. May I proffer assistance?"
nonamejoe
+0 -0
How does the laptop close with those brass knobs next to the screen?
How does the laptop close with those brass knobs next to the screen?
lawbot
+0 -0
They are set flush with the screen.
They are set flush with the screen.
qingofchina
+0 -0
Soon.
Soon.
gussiejives
+0 -0
The Queen of computers.
The Queen of computers.
saucy_jack
+0 -0
... is just one of the things you've been called.
... is just one of the things you've been called.
gussiejives
+0 -0
Better than the Piss-Pot of computers.
Better than the Piss-Pot of computers.
jthompson
+0 -0
I'm just happy it doesn't redirect to XKCD like FREAKING DINOSAUR COMICS DOES ARRRGG!!!
I'm just happy it doesn't redirect to XKCD like FREAKING DINOSAUR COMICS DOES ARRRGG!!!
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Visit, I think, Questionable Content to view Dinosaur Comic.
Visit, I think, Questionable Content to view Dinosaur Comic.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
yes this is right.
yes this is right.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
A comment left by achilleselbow was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by lawbot, Girdag, scraggg)
A comment left by achilleselbow was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by lawbot, Girdag, scraggg)
dovey
+3 -0
So achilleselbow, let's just be sure, how would you say you feel about QC: pro, neu, con?
IT'S JUST, YOU WEREN'T CLEAR ENOUGH IN THE FIVE OTHER COMMENTS YOU MADE ABOUT QC ELSEWHERE ON THIS PAGE
So achilleselbow, let's just be sure, how would you say you feel about QC: pro, neu, con?
IT'S JUST, YOU WEREN'T CLEAR ENOUGH IN THE FIVE OTHER COMMENTS YOU MADE ABOUT QC ELSEWHERE ON THIS PAGE
lawbot
+1 -0
YES
YES
irien
+0 -0
Todd and the stolen thong, then.... an April Fool's hallucination?
And here I was looking forward to a new plot arc. Sigh.
Todd and the stolen thong, then.... an April Fool's hallucination?
And here I was looking forward to a new plot arc. Sigh.
norrin
+0 -0
Achewood may have just ended my marriage.
(Names changed to protect the innocent)
From: me me@myschool.org
Sent: Tuesday, April 01, 2008 9:03 AM
To: My wife
Subject: Walk-around butt
https://achewood.com/index.php?date=03242005
From: My wife wife@wifesjob.org
Date: Tuesday, April 1, 2008 9:06 am
Subject: RE: Walk-around butt
Those are not funny.
-----Original Message-----
From: me mailto: me
Sent: Tuesday, April 01, 2008 10:20 AM
To: My wife
Subject: Re: RE: Walk-around butt
YOU ARE NOT FUNNY! I WANT A DIVORCE!
From Wife
Sent Tuesday, April 1, 2008 10:22 am
To me
Subject RE: RE: Walk-around butt
I don't want to be married to someone that thinks those are funny!
Achewood may have just ended my marriage.
(Names changed to protect the innocent)
From: me me@myschool.org
Sent: Tuesday, April 01, 2008 9:03 AM
To: My wife
Subject: Walk-around butt
https://achewood.com/index.php?date=03242005
From: My wife wife@wifesjob.org
Date: Tuesday, April 1, 2008 9:06 am
Subject: RE: Walk-around butt
Those are not funny.
-----Original Message-----
From: me mailto: me
Sent: Tuesday, April 01, 2008 10:20 AM
To: My wife
Subject: Re: RE: Walk-around butt
YOU ARE NOT FUNNY! I WANT A DIVORCE!
From Wife
Sent Tuesday, April 1, 2008 10:22 am
To me
Subject RE: RE: Walk-around butt
I don't want to be married to someone that thinks those are funny!
tekende
+0 -0
"Those"?
"Those"?
norrin
+0 -0
I had sent her others, so she was referring to Achewood comics. Hence, those.
I had sent her others, so she was referring to Achewood comics. Hence, those.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Sounds more to me like you ended your marriage.
Sounds more to me like you ended your marriage.
gmm
+1 -0
Ending your marriage is the right thing to do in these circumstances
Ending your marriage is the right thing to do in these circumstances
cherubrocker22
+0 -0
Roast Beef's mannerisms are a little out of control in Panel 2. Is Chris making fun of himself?
Roast Beef's mannerisms are a little out of control in Panel 2. Is Chris making fun of himself?
multipleponies
+0 -0
Beef is just excited that cornelius and he now have one more venn overlap...he just wants to help.
also: its pretty good if you imagine that there is a slip'n'slide in front of Beef in panel one that he is contemplating...
*longtime listener, first time caller*
Beef is just excited that cornelius and he now have one more venn overlap...he just wants to help.
also: its pretty good if you imagine that there is a slip'n'slide in front of Beef in panel one that he is contemplating...
*longtime listener, first time caller*
eatmorekix
+1 -0
since when did cornelius become a caricature of himself? am i the only one wondering this?
since when did cornelius become a caricature of himself? am i the only one wondering this?
lawbot
+0 -0
Fairly recently. This is the straight answer.
Fairly recently. This is the straight answer.
miku224
+0 -0
This is kind of a tricky question. If Connie says typically Connie things, then he's a one-dimensional caricature of himself. But if Onstad gives Connie some non-typical dialogue, a lot of readers go "What? Where did that come from? Connie doesn't act like this!"
I think in the end we need to trust Onstad at least a little bit and see where things go. Maybe Cornelius is getting stuck in a rut, and some of the other characters are going to be forced to break him out of it? We saw something similar with Lyle and his bathroom training (although that never saw resolution).
I guess what I'm trying to say here is yes, Cornelius does seem rather one-dimensional lately, but maybe it's not just lazy writing. Let's wait and see. Together!
This is kind of a tricky question. If Connie says typically Connie things, then he's a one-dimensional caricature of himself. But if Onstad gives Connie some non-typical dialogue, a lot of readers go "What? Where did that come from? Connie doesn't act like this!"
I think in the end we need to trust Onstad at least a little bit and see where things go. Maybe Cornelius is getting stuck in a rut, and some of the other characters are going to be forced to break him out of it? We saw something similar with Lyle and his bathroom training (although that never saw resolution).
I guess what I'm trying to say here is yes, Cornelius does seem rather one-dimensional lately, but maybe it's not just lazy writing. Let's wait and see. Together!
lawbot
+0 -0
I disagree with you. This is not a typical thing for Connie to say. He generally uses forms of speech that are associated with older, cosmopolitan americans who cultivate such an image. He never uses English slang, because his back story is that he is American.
I disagree with you. This is not a typical thing for Connie to say. He generally uses forms of speech that are associated with older, cosmopolitan americans who cultivate such an image. He never uses English slang, because his back story is that he is American.
johnnyrocker
+0 -0
He is American, but he is a very British American.
Like Frasier or Professor Xavier. (Half-rhyme?)
He is American, but he is a very British American.
Like Frasier or Professor Xavier. (Half-rhyme?)
lawbot
+0 -0
I think that such "British" Americans are a fiction made of the mass media. I have never encountered one, nor are they very like a British person.
I think that such "British" Americans are a fiction made of the mass media. I have never encountered one, nor are they very like a British person.
edwell
+1 -0
Only pertinent fact I can place is that he "re-immigrated" to America in the early 1980s. Maybe he spent a good half-lifetime becoming English through osmosis?
Only pertinent fact I can place is that he "re-immigrated" to America in the early 1980s. Maybe he spent a good half-lifetime becoming English through osmosis?
achilleselbow
+1 -1
I think the underlying reason, at least one I just realized, is that pretty much every character except Cornelius has been at or near the center of a story arc. But come on, you can't expect an old man to be taking road trips across the country or engaging in a 3000 man brawl. If there was a story arc focused on Cornelius, half the strips would probably take place in the bathroom.
I think the underlying reason, at least one I just realized, is that pretty much every character except Cornelius has been at or near the center of a story arc. But come on, you can't expect an old man to be taking road trips across the country or engaging in a 3000 man brawl. If there was a story arc focused on Cornelius, half the strips would probably take place in the bathroom.
daidai
+0 -0
...Or on a british computer?
Yes that's right.
...Or on a british computer?
Yes that's right.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
False, sir. The blogs have him travelling to Russia in search of the young, nubile object of his affection, an adventure replete with espionage, automobile accidents and the most hilarious take on the story of Goldilocks that I've ever read. And I've read Jasper Fforde.
False, sir. The blogs have him travelling to Russia in search of the young, nubile object of his affection, an adventure replete with espionage, automobile accidents and the most hilarious take on the story of Goldilocks that I've ever read. And I've read Jasper Fforde.
dovey
+0 -0
Quote:
Quote:
COINCEDENCE?
Quote:
since when did cornelius become a caricature of himself? am i the only one wondering this?
Quote:
Roast Beef's mannerisms are a little out of control in Panel 2. Is Chris making fun of himself?
COINCEDENCE?
chuvak
+0 -0
Did you spell coincidence wrong on purpose?
Did you spell coincidence wrong on purpose?
this_is_dre85
+1 -0
i dont wanna say this but you dont seem to very on as of late...everything is just barely funny. i still have mad respect for your work though
i dont wanna say this but you dont seem to very on as of late...everything is just barely funny. i still have mad respect for your work though
lawbot
+0 -0
Who?
Who?
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Like an inverse Asherdan.
Like an inverse Asherdan.
achilleselbow
+0 -2
Maybe Onstad just hasn't had much time to very on lately? I mean I know how hard it is to be verying on all the time. The other day I veried on for a bit, but then I got tired and had to poop.
Maybe Onstad just hasn't had much time to very on lately? I mean I know how hard it is to be verying on all the time. The other day I veried on for a bit, but then I got tired and had to poop.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Oh hohoho, oh you, oh you're so droll.
(Meant without malice or bitchiness. It scares me how often I have to add these disclaimers to my comments.)
Oh hohoho, oh you, oh you're so droll.
(Meant without malice or bitchiness. It scares me how often I have to add these disclaimers to my comments.)
achilleselbow
+0 -2
Well, being that it's you, I couldn't really have taken it that way, but one does always have to watch out for the uninformed lame-wielders out there, I suppose.
I never did write your Gambit fan-fiction, and that's probably for the best. Maybe if the subject ever comes up again (like, at a time other than now).
Well, being that it's you, I couldn't really have taken it that way, but one does always have to watch out for the uninformed lame-wielders out there, I suppose.
I never did write your Gambit fan-fiction, and that's probably for the best. Maybe if the subject ever comes up again (like, at a time other than now).
lawbot
+0 -1
It's OK - I lamed him anyway because I do feel such malice.
It's OK - I lamed him anyway because I do feel such malice.
achilleselbow
+1 -2
I love you too, lawbot.
I love you too, lawbot.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
when will you two crazy kids realize you're meant for each other?!?
when will you two crazy kids realize you're meant for each other?!?
achilleselbow
+0 -1
Man, I can't, I'm already in a long-distance relationship...
...with your MOM!
(I am not actually boning your mom.)
Man, I can't, I'm already in a long-distance relationship...
...with your MOM!
(I am not actually boning your mom.)
daidai
+0 -0
You mean the mom that I...
You mean the mom that I...
daidai
+0 -0
...boned?
...boned?
achilleselbow
+0 -1
Hey man, it's achilleselbow. I'm sorry I said that I boned your mom.
Hey man, it's achilleselbow. I'm sorry I said that I boned your mom.
ford
+0 -0
Man, there's nothing more pathetic than a guy who can only get it from lawbot's mom, and won't even own up to it.
Man, there's nothing more pathetic than a guy who can only get it from lawbot's mom, and won't even own up to it.
lawbot
+0 -0
NO
NO
autrepoupee
+0 -0
the lawbot doth protest too much, methinks.
the lawbot doth protest too much, methinks.
lawbot
+0 -0
"No" is too much now? How about just "N?" Is N good for you, autrepoupee? Is it? Huh?
"No" is too much now? How about just "N?" Is N good for you, autrepoupee? Is it? Huh?
miku224
+0 -0
V-Chub, my friend.
V-Chub, my friend.
heccibiggs
+1 -0
Oh my GOD, your avatar goes so much faster on this Mac at college than my PC at home. Awwww. I kind of liked the way that it moved a little slowly. It was just having the happiest dang time.
Oh my GOD, your avatar goes so much faster on this Mac at college than my PC at home. Awwww. I kind of liked the way that it moved a little slowly. It was just having the happiest dang time.
tekende
+0 -0
It goes really fast on Mozilla Firefox too. I don't know why. I too prefer the slower one.
It goes really fast on Mozilla Firefox too. I don't know why. I too prefer the slower one.
pursesnatcher
+0 -0
beef is the man of typing, must be hard to not look at your paws.
beef is the man of typing, must be hard to not look at your paws.
hygraed
+3 -0
Wow. Just after reading that ad, I've already declared all other computing machines rubbish.
In fact, there's really no reason for me not to simply throw this one out of the wi
Wow. Just after reading that ad, I've already declared all other computing machines rubbish.
In fact, there's really no reason for me not to simply throw this one out of the wi
daidai
+0 -0
but how did you press the "post" button?
but how did you press the "post" button?
heccibiggs
+0 -0
This is neither the time nor the place for your logic.
This is neither the time nor the place for your logic.
dovey
+0 -0
Ah well at least it's not one of those stupid Candlejack jokes that shit was getting ser
Ah well at least it's not one of those stupid Candlejack jokes that shit was getting ser
tekende
+0 -0
I have no idea what this means.
I have no idea what this means.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Lurk moar.
Oh, shit. Shit.
*Bites down on barrel. Squeezes trigger*
Lurk moar.
Oh, shit. Shit.
*Bites down on barrel. Squeezes trigger*
dovey
+0 -0
Then you sir, are the luckiest of all.
Then you sir, are the luckiest of all.
hygraed
+0 -0
Well, it sort of fell at just the right angle to click the left mouse button.
This is being typed on a PSP, by the way, while I wait for my 2008 Shrovis-Bishopthorpe Envaliant III.
Well, it sort of fell at just the right angle to click the left mouse button.
This is being typed on a PSP, by the way, while I wait for my 2008 Shrovis-Bishopthorpe Envaliant III.
tekende
+0 -0
How dare you make me laugh when I'm trying to swallow orange juice? I could have choked!
How dare you make me laugh when I'm trying to swallow orange juice? I could have choked!
foetus_punch
+0 -2
April Fools! That isn't a real computer! Oh man, Roast Beef totally got Cornelius.
Later that night Roast Beef cried into his pillow, believing himself to have lost a friend due to his bout of uncharacteristic confidence. How could he be so arrogant.
April Fools! That isn't a real computer! Oh man, Roast Beef totally got Cornelius.
Later that night Roast Beef cried into his pillow, believing himself to have lost a friend due to his bout of uncharacteristic confidence. How could he be so arrogant.
megamummy
+0 -0
WHOOOOOO I LOVE ACHEWOOD
*settles down like a proper gent*
WHOOOOOO I LOVE ACHEWOOD
*settles down like a proper gent*
comrade_tom
+0 -1
Cracking stuff! huge improvement on yesterdays strip. When looking up chaps and lads from history i tend first to call at wikipedia and then Jstor, however I have no way to store zingers.... this saddens me.
Cracking stuff! huge improvement on yesterdays strip. When looking up chaps and lads from history i tend first to call at wikipedia and then Jstor, however I have no way to store zingers.... this saddens me.
eatmorekix
+0 -0
it's called Notepad.
it's called Notepad.
spinynorman
+0 -0
Notepad has doublefucked me with Assetbar before too.
Notepad has doublefucked me with Assetbar before too.
daidai
+0 -0
Notepad isn't betraying you, Assetbar merely cannot comprehend Notepad's symbols and language.
Assetbar is too stupid.
Notepad isn't betraying you, Assetbar merely cannot comprehend Notepad's symbols and language.
Assetbar is too stupid.
daaaaang
+0 -0
I really want Shrovis-Bishopthorpe to be real.
I really want Shrovis-Bishopthorpe to be real.
snick
+0 -0
Comment left by snick ignored.
Comment left by snick ignored.
cmr
+0 -0
Wake the dude up and stick him with a pin
Wake the dude up and stick him with a pin
professorhazard
+0 -0
He's not Boy George.
He's not Boy George.
daidai
+0 -1
Well, he didn't say "clit," that's a plus.
Well, he didn't say "clit," that's a plus.
boswelljn
+0 -0
I looked up "tonneau" from the alt-text. A very classy, Cornelius Bearesque image comes to mind now.
I looked up "tonneau" from the alt-text. A very classy, Cornelius Bearesque image comes to mind now.
direhaggis
+0 -0
Hell of such as British.
Hell of such as British.
streever
+0 -0
Chris Onstad just texted me regarding this comic:
hello,
it is not april fools day anymore!
oh ho that is the joke!
APRIL FOOLS!
-Onstad
Chris Onstad just texted me regarding this comic:
hello,
it is not april fools day anymore!
oh ho that is the joke!
APRIL FOOLS!
-Onstad
mikossuave
+0 -0
I appreciate Asherdan
https://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua5PP7kt#comment_32
points for "screwed the pooch" and "diddle in the corner"
I appreciate Asherdan
https://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua5PP7kt#comment_32
points for "screwed the pooch" and "diddle in the corner"
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I just wanted to say (entirely off topic) that the other day I sat in front of the computer, poured a full James Squire Amber Ale into my Dude and Catastrophe Glass and scrolled through Acheworld. It was a simple joy. One you all need to experience.
I just wanted to say (entirely off topic) that the other day I sat in front of the computer, poured a full James Squire Amber Ale into my Dude and Catastrophe Glass and scrolled through Acheworld. It was a simple joy. One you all need to experience.
flazisismuss
+0 -0
Booze is always on topic. Give us the tasting notes on the beer!
I want to say, to whoever it was from Plymouth who suggested Plymouth gin, that is an interesting drink. A bit sweeter than my usual, I think it will serve nicely in gin and tonics and I will be drinking it thusly next time I have some tonic.
Booze is always on topic. Give us the tasting notes on the beer!
I want to say, to whoever it was from Plymouth who suggested Plymouth gin, that is an interesting drink. A bit sweeter than my usual, I think it will serve nicely in gin and tonics and I will be drinking it thusly next time I have some tonic.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
In a blind test, our beer tasters came to the following conclusions:
Appearance: Lovely toffee brown colour.
Aroma/Bouquet: High intensity, floral, herbal, fruity.
Taste: Full-bodied, smooth and creamy taste, slight hint of toffee. Good carbonation.
Summary: Recommended!
I aggree with the above. I don't like a straight up beer beer. Something interesting.
In a blind test, our beer tasters came to the following conclusions:
Appearance: Lovely toffee brown colour.
Aroma/Bouquet: High intensity, floral, herbal, fruity.
Taste: Full-bodied, smooth and creamy taste, slight hint of toffee. Good carbonation.
Summary: Recommended!
I aggree with the above. I don't like a straight up beer beer. Something interesting.
chuvak
+0 -0
Oh I see, it is. Thanks!
Oh I see, it is. Thanks!
tekende
+0 -0
If it was a blind test, how could they rate the beer's appearance , huh? HUH?
If it was a blind test, how could they rate the beer's appearance , huh? HUH?
flazisismuss
+0 -0
Appearance is only superficially visual to the true beer lover.
Appearance is only superficially visual to the true beer lover.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Synesthesia?
Synesthesia?
chuvak
+0 -0
Is that a pretty good beer? I miss pretty good beers.
Is that a pretty good beer? I miss pretty good beers.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
You miss them? Why are they far from you. I live in Sydney and there are many in very close proximity. I'm all about James Squire Amber Ale and Golden Ale. Oh and Hoegarden is my favourite at the moment. I had a half-litre stein the other day... oooohhhh yeah.
You miss them? Why are they far from you. I live in Sydney and there are many in very close proximity. I'm all about James Squire Amber Ale and Golden Ale. Oh and Hoegarden is my favourite at the moment. I had a half-litre stein the other day... oooohhhh yeah.
tupacodaman
+1 -0
I knew Onstad would somehow throw in an April Fool's joke
"Strip runs T-F of this week"
I knew Onstad would somehow throw in an April Fool's joke
"Strip runs T-F of this week"
circadin
+0 -0
He usually sticks to four days a week even if it means throwing one up on the weekends though, so I dunno how much of a joke it is. I guess we'll see Saturday or Sunday....
He usually sticks to four days a week even if it means throwing one up on the weekends though, so I dunno how much of a joke it is. I guess we'll see Saturday or Sunday....
maximus
+0 -0
Perhaps the delay is dut tot he fact that he is using a more permanent medium (oils? found objects? plastic sheeting?) for his next strip.
Perhaps the delay is dut tot he fact that he is using a more permanent medium (oils? found objects? plastic sheeting?) for his next strip.
shades
+0 -0
Chris, you're killin me man.
Chris, you're killin me man.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Chris please dude help this sister out.
Chris please dude help this sister out.
maximus
+0 -0
I say! Twiddling the vertical hold allows me to peruse the latest issue of "Cigar Aficianado" without leaving my wingback!
I say! Twiddling the vertical hold allows me to peruse the latest issue of "Cigar Aficianado" without leaving my wingback!
streever
+0 -0
everyone is happy that you have discovered this!
everyone is happy that you have discovered this!
f
+0 -0
the desktop background cannot be changed.
the desktop background cannot be changed.
rabbidpanda
+0 -0
I'm wondering what kind of E-Buggering prevention software the Envaliant III has.
I'm wondering what kind of E-Buggering prevention software the Envaliant III has.
tekende
+0 -0
Norton "Cricket Bat" Edition.
Norton "Cricket Bat" Edition.
triceratops111
+0 -0
Sir -
Saturday the next, 2008, Her Majesty the Queen requests your presence at her fifth estate located at Number 9 Cherring Downs, Braxford-On-Tuppence, Winkledon 4EK76, thereupon to receive at her pleasure the honourable title* of Duke Leftenant Art Commander, in grateful recognition of your service to the United Kingdom and its Territories as embodied in this comical strip amusement.
Yrs,
Lord High Exchecquer Sir Rennet Limbeth-Wacker II, Esq.
*(Total cost 5 pounds sixpence sterling, please bring cash in the precise amount)
Sir -
Saturday the next, 2008, Her Majesty the Queen requests your presence at her fifth estate located at Number 9 Cherring Downs, Braxford-On-Tuppence, Winkledon 4EK76, thereupon to receive at her pleasure the honourable title* of Duke Leftenant Art Commander, in grateful recognition of your service to the United Kingdom and its Territories as embodied in this comical strip amusement.
Yrs,
Lord High Exchecquer Sir Rennet Limbeth-Wacker II, Esq.
*(Total cost 5 pounds sixpence sterling, please bring cash in the precise amount)
socialized
+1 -0
I have contacted my local computerist and they are unable to supply me with this fine computing requisite. Where may I apply for purchase?
I have contacted my local computerist and they are unable to supply me with this fine computing requisite. Where may I apply for purchase?
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Requisite? Up yours.
Requisite? Up yours.
professorriffs
+1 -0
Some dang classic Achewood.
Some dang classic Achewood.
barcode
+0 -0
What font is used in the Shrovis-Bishopthorpe logo?
What font is used in the Shrovis-Bishopthorpe logo?
gussiejives
+0 -0
A Boffin! Dun dun dun....
A Boffin! Dun dun dun....
biiaru
+0 -0
Is it wrong that I read the text in the ad's sidebar as "... the E-ill"?
Is it wrong that I read the text in the ad's sidebar as "... the E-ill"?
stubob
+0 -0
As an owner of an old British car, I can vouch for how accurately this strip seems to sum up the English approach to things. It probably has to be opened with Dzus fasteners and everything.
As an owner of an old British car, I can vouch for how accurately this strip seems to sum up the English approach to things. It probably has to be opened with Dzus fasteners and everything.
ninjamike
+1 -0
This is one of the very few Achewood strips that doesn't sit well with me. You can always tell when Americans don't really understand British slang. I know I'm being pernickity, but it just doesn't fly for me. It reads awkwardly.
This is one of the very few Achewood strips that doesn't sit well with me. You can always tell when Americans don't really understand British slang. I know I'm being pernickity, but it just doesn't fly for me. It reads awkwardly.
soticoto
+0 -0
NO Onstad. BAD Onstad.
NO Onstad. BAD Onstad.
In panel 1, Beef is wondering how long it would take for a lawn neglected of water to die.
A comment left by moissanite was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by saadghauri, miseryandthesun, kforkarl)
I'm sharing your confusion here; is Beef outside in Panel 1, or is he inside?
A comment left by doc_rostov was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dovey, Pan-Optic, Pwinst, Thorfinn, blastradius, chivalress, GMM, mortshire, DarkerNorm, spaghettisdad, lk, deepseabattles, scraggg, hardelicious, Panserbjorne, Tipist)
As spoken by angry looking Cornelius, that comment is forceful and so must be believed at any cost, no matter the excess syllables.
You deserve no lames. I ponder the same.
In their defense, most of those lames were probably deserved. Definitely not on the ball when I was writing that. Lesson learned: don't make comments at 2 in the morning while studying for a presentation. This Is Not Optimal.
I thought the Lames were completely unnecessary, and that your statement was amusing enough.
He is wearing short. Ipso facto, outside.
Even though he has been naked outside many times.
So naked.
Flight of the Conchords!
Do you see a doorstep? Mat? Sign saying "Bless this house?"
(And it's heart so savage...)
Anyway, no way that is a doorway linking the interior to the exterior of a domicile. It is not a threshold.
chubby for newsom reference
Oh damn, didn't even see you there. Beat me to it. Also, same here.
Newsom, mayhaps?
Made slightly less special by my confusing "it's" and "its".
Sadie will now eternally be associated with images of Beef tearfully digging up a pinecone.
Actually, funny story, it's actually the song I tend to associate with the eponymous Kate.
death note avatar. you are badass. i loved that show!
I only loved the first arc, before the second set of villains showed up. It just went downhill from there. Light's victory against L was cheap.
L was genius but Light was an EVIL genius.
You can't really call Near and Mello "villains" any more than you can L himself. And yeah, Light's victory was cheap, and if he didn't have the advantage of his knowledge and L's respective ignorance of the Death Note and its specificitions, he would have lost.
But this is not the time nor the place for such discussions.
Too late.
He is inside, standing next to the off-screen sofa where Teodor is still sitting, watching the Laika documentary. Cornelius did not notice his nudity because he is focused on modernization.
This strip is from Continuity.
linoleum flooring? Or is it terrazzo?