mockereo
+0 -0
this only makes me hate TV guide even more! JAYSUS!
this only makes me hate TV guide even more! JAYSUS!
vegasrebel29
+5 -0
Man, Chris has really been putting the ache in Achewood lately.
Man, Chris has really been putting the ache in Achewood lately.
mockereo
+15 -0
whoa i just realized that its pronounced AIK-wood. I've been saying A-chuh-WOOD. i- i'm sorry everyone.
whoa i just realized that its pronounced AIK-wood. I've been saying A-chuh-WOOD. i- i'm sorry everyone.
heccibiggs
+69 -0
hahaha you fucking what?
hahaha you fucking what?
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
I miss you.
I miss you.
comrade_tom
+4 -0
Go outside cpnglxynchos, it's sunny and there are women wearing dresses, it will do you good.
Go outside cpnglxynchos, it's sunny and there are women wearing dresses, it will do you good.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Yeah, they're pretty grand, the dress ladies.
It's Sunday today. There will be plenty of them.
Yeah, they're pretty grand, the dress ladies.
It's Sunday today. There will be plenty of them.
cpnglxynchos
+5 -0
I was right!
I was right!
tekende
+0 -0
Did you pop a boner
Did you pop a boner
carlyle
+1 -0
I did!
(alllll over)
I did!
(alllll over)
comrade_tom
+2 -0
Why settle for ersatz messageboard women when there are so many mid-spring boner inducing dress women outside?
Why settle for ersatz messageboard women when there are so many mid-spring boner inducing dress women outside?
jeffspaulding
+0 -0
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes.
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes.
ph3r
+0 -0
You could always speed things along and light my fire.
You could always speed things along and light my fire.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Once.
Once.
carlyle
+1 -0
Ha ha, while scrolling up I thought your avatar said "life is a butt"
Ha ha, while scrolling up I thought your avatar said "life is a butt"
heccibiggs
+3 -0
What the shit, how did this comment get 42 chubbies??
What the shit, how did this comment get 42 chubbies??
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
It is a conspiracy.
It is a conspiracy.
mockereo
+0 -0
it was the perfect tone of laughing, angry, incredulity that was funny coming from such a nice poster
it was the perfect tone of laughing, angry, incredulity that was funny coming from such a nice poster
jaminspoon
+0 -0
Plus we all read it in this adorable little british accent. How can you not chubby that?
Plus we all read it in this adorable little british accent. How can you not chubby that?
farqussus
+0 -0
I chubbied it in the hopes of more amusingly expressed incredulity.
I chubbied it in the hopes of more amusingly expressed incredulity.
i_love_kate
+2 -0
People clearly want to convey that they Miss you.
(I do not miss you.)
People clearly want to convey that they Miss you.
(I do not miss you.)
hatstand_mcq
+6 -0
i_love_kate has only ever missed one woman. It was Kate. She turned to smile at an acquaintance, and he was poleaxed by her ethereal beauty. His finger slipped on the trigger and the errant crossbow quarrel thudded into the chest of a passing hod carrier. Now he misses her every day. Misses her worse and worse as the months turn into years. Misses her so badly he sometimes wishes he had hit her, so that the agony of hope could finally lapse into familiar despair.
i_love_kate has only ever missed one woman. It was Kate. She turned to smile at an acquaintance, and he was poleaxed by her ethereal beauty. His finger slipped on the trigger and the errant crossbow quarrel thudded into the chest of a passing hod carrier. Now he misses her every day. Misses her worse and worse as the months turn into years. Misses her so badly he sometimes wishes he had hit her, so that the agony of hope could finally lapse into familiar despair.
jeffspaulding
+0 -0
he was poleaxed by her urethral bounty.
he was poleaxed by her urethral bounty.
perdition
+0 -0
He was perplexed by her urinal brownie.
He was perplexed by her urinal brownie.
rowboat
+1 -0
I miss you - but I haven't met you yet.
I miss you - but I haven't met you yet.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
The number doe seem rather high (and still rising). Perhaps people were just flabbergasted by mockereo's fugitive grasp of English orthography, and hence lavished chubbies on the person who first articulated said sentiment.
The number doe seem rather high (and still rising). Perhaps people were just flabbergasted by mockereo's fugitive grasp of English orthography, and hence lavished chubbies on the person who first articulated said sentiment.
granularsilica
+0 -0
We all missed you soooooo much.
We all missed you soooooo much.
nice-on-water
+0 -0
DAMN.
DAMN.
i_love_kate
+14 -0
What's... where's... how do I even begin to describe your reading/vocalising situation?!
What's... where's... how do I even begin to describe your reading/vocalising situation?!
dybrar
+5 -0
Achoowood is a celebration of hay fever.
Achoowood is a celebration of hay fever.
courtland
+0 -0
A-che-wood is the Mexican version of Achewood.
A-che-wood is the Mexican version of Achewood.
tekende
+16 -0
A-Che-wood
A-Che-wood
ph3r
+1 -0
Che cannot even bring himself to look at the TV Guide.
Che cannot even bring himself to look at the TV Guide.
falseprophet
+0 -0
He is too busy staring off into his ideals.
He is too busy staring off into his ideals.
plummet
+0 -0
Dude, what the hell
Dude, what the hell
wiliamthepleasr
+0 -0
See, this is why it's best not to talk about Achewood in real life.
See, this is why it's best not to talk about Achewood in real life.
mockereo
+1 -0
oh no don't worry i wasn't talking to other people about it. that would be weird. I mean when I talk to myself.
oh no don't worry i wasn't talking to other people about it. that would be weird. I mean when I talk to myself.
sn0wman
+0 -0
Oh, well, that makes it much better.
Oh, well, that makes it much better.
sn0wman
+0 -0
Fuck you, Assetbar. Rough, in the ass, and without lubrication.
Fuck you, Assetbar. Rough, in the ass, and without lubrication.
cpnglxynchos
+3 -0
Fuck you, sn0wman for not knowing bbcode.
Fuck you, sn0wman for not knowing bbcode.
jean-paul
+0 -0
Ach! Ach! Wie ist die Welt so schön!
Ach! Ach! Wie ist die Welt so schön!
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Gazuntite! Eserysing ist gazuntite!
Gazuntite! Eserysing ist gazuntite!
esselfortium
+1 -0
Well this is certainly an A-chuh-WOOD situation if there ever was one.
*crickets chirp*
._.
Well this is certainly an A-chuh-WOOD situation if there ever was one.
*crickets chirp*
._.
rowboat
+0 -0
I had that problem for a week or two, too.
I had that problem for a week or two, too.
neonfreon
+0 -0
ike-wood
ike-wood
dreiganh2o
+2 -0
I laughed at you, and then realized that I've been saying it Arch-wood. I'm not really sure where I got the R from.
I laughed at you, and then realized that I've been saying it Arch-wood. I'm not really sure where I got the R from.
mockereo
+0 -0
i feel that pain, dog
i feel that pain, dog
rowboat
+0 -0
A-chuh-wood I understand. Arch-wood is just lazy reading. And besides - what fifteen year old girl isn't self-important and unemployed?
A-chuh-wood I understand. Arch-wood is just lazy reading. And besides - what fifteen year old girl isn't self-important and unemployed?
mockereo
+0 -0
the ones i knew and hung out with at age 15. did you grow up in the rich area of jerksvile? or a TV show?
i'm just jealous cause i had to buy things and had bad self-confidence
the ones i knew and hung out with at age 15. did you grow up in the rich area of jerksvile? or a TV show?
i'm just jealous cause i had to buy things and had bad self-confidence
rowboat
+1 -0
Yes, the fifteen-year-old girls I hung out with when I was fifteen were unemployed. I grew up in a First World Country in the 1980s.
Yes, the fifteen-year-old girls I hung out with when I was fifteen were unemployed. I grew up in a First World Country in the 1980s.
penguinlogick
+1 -0
Ironic, considering that they are no longer in Achewood. GASHP. HAS THE ACHE LEFT ACHEWOOD? THEEEEEMESSSSSS.
Ironic, considering that they are no longer in Achewood. GASHP. HAS THE ACHE LEFT ACHEWOOD? THEEEEEMESSSSSS.
ryder-p-moses
+1 -0
No, the wood has
No, the wood has
r1pp3r
+0 -0
after seeing *that* link
after seeing *that* link
mockereo
+0 -0
Out of the ten games of Tic Tac Toe, how many did you win Philippe?
No that doesn't make you a loser if you lost most of them... It just means you need more practice! Maybe your mom will teach you?
... no I don't know when she'll be back. I miss how things were with my mom too, Philippe.
Out of the ten games of Tic Tac Toe, how many did you win Philippe?
No that doesn't make you a loser if you lost most of them... It just means you need more practice! Maybe your mom will teach you?
... no I don't know when she'll be back. I miss how things were with my mom too, Philippe.
aaron_haynes
+2 -0
More like Tic Tac TIE.
More like Tic Tac TIE.
xi
+1 -0
NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK
NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK
wonelove
+5 -0
Did I win against me, or did I win against me ?
Did I win against me, or did I win against me ?
jbushnell
+1 -0
How am I not myself?
How am I not myself?
i_love_kate
+0 -0
How am I not myself?
How am I not myself?
bittingsull
+2 -0
How! Am I not myself?
How! Am I not myself?
carlyle
+1 -0
Myself! How so do I differ!
Myself! How so do I differ!
gelter
+1 -0
How am I? Not myself!
How am I? Not myself!
r1pp3r
+11 -0
The only way to win is not to play.
The only way to win is not to play.
shinkusan
+4 -0
Hitler figured that out a bit too late, but at least he acted on it.
Hitler figured that out a bit too late, but at least he acted on it.
puguglypress
+4 -0
Hitler saying this is the secret unlockable ending in the new Wolfenstein game.
Hitler saying this is the secret unlockable ending in the new Wolfenstein game.
r1pp3r
+0 -0
Joshua figured it out in a shorter time-span than Hitler. Or Saddam.
Joshua figured it out in a shorter time-span than Hitler. Or Saddam.
moushi
+10 -0
God WHAT is this Bitch's PROBLEM
God WHAT is this Bitch's PROBLEM
moushi
+1 -0
To wit: I am eating a shitty 3 AM burrito and this did NOT make the situation much better
To wit: I am eating a shitty 3 AM burrito and this did NOT make the situation much better
comrade_tom
+1 -0
Late night burritolingus, probably one of the worst kinds of lingus. (Except maybe Aer Lingus, the rich Man's Ryanair)
Late night burritolingus, probably one of the worst kinds of lingus. (Except maybe Aer Lingus, the rich Man's Ryanair)
jaminspoon
+1 -0
The only one I can think of worse is Canalingus, which is not at all even remotely what you might begin to think it is, even after me having said this and you reevaluating what it might then mean.
And I frown as I write it.
The only one I can think of worse is Canalingus, which is not at all even remotely what you might begin to think it is, even after me having said this and you reevaluating what it might then mean.
And I frown as I write it.
snugelgguns
+0 -0
Is it when you blow a canal?
Is it when you blow a canal?
wonelove
+0 -0
Chipotle-Away!
Chipotle-Away!
penguinlogick
+1 -0
She apparently had a child at age 72, that's her problem.
She apparently had a child at age 72, that's her problem.
sn0wman
+18 -0
Nah. She had a kid at 16. But now that it is 56 years later and the ungrateful little bastard is still five years old and still not producing any grandchildren, she has lost interest.
Nah. She had a kid at 16. But now that it is 56 years later and the ungrateful little bastard is still five years old and still not producing any grandchildren, she has lost interest.
strike_reyhi
+0 -0
accordin' to this he was born in 97.
accordin' to this he was born in 97.
strike_reyhi
+0 -0
Now I am thinking that she carried a 5 year old for over 40 years and finally popped him out in '97.
Now I am thinking that she carried a 5 year old for over 40 years and finally popped him out in '97.
askingman
+0 -0
Philip once had a dream where he was not five. He woke up pretty quickly though, because he realized that would be silly.
Philip once had a dream where he was not five. He woke up pretty quickly though, because he realized that would be silly.
dusty
+2 -0
Considering how she never tried very hard to get him back, I'm thinking she grew comfortable not taking care of him.
Considering how she never tried very hard to get him back, I'm thinking she grew comfortable not taking care of him.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
He had a better relationship with that old sofa. That is a saddest thing.
He had a better relationship with that old sofa. That is a saddest thing.
apolloin
+0 -0
No, the saddest thing is that the old sofa probably had a better relationship with HIM.
No, the saddest thing is that the old sofa probably had a better relationship with HIM.
wiliamthepleasr
+1 -0
The saddest thing is that his mom's sofa has more interest in him than his mom.
The saddest thing is that his mom's sofa has more interest in him than his mom.
wiliamthepleasr
+0 -0
Though Phillipe is giving it the cold shoulder so far...
Though Phillipe is giving it the cold shoulder so far...
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Yeah, that's just SofaKing sad.
Yeah, that's just SofaKing sad.
achtung
+1 -0
more like jokes_nadir
more like jokes_nadir
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
SofaKing what , jfk_with_a_stogie?
SofaKing what , jfk_with_a_stogie?
tinhand
+0 -0
What is her problem indeed. She's pretty much avoiding Philippe at this point, as if it would be so difficult to spend some time with her long lost son.
What is her problem indeed. She's pretty much avoiding Philippe at this point, as if it would be so difficult to spend some time with her long lost son.
apolloin
+0 -0
She seemed oblivious of the psychic trauma she was inflicting at first, but by the time the Hospice Dinner appointment is remembered it comes to her that she's had her 'dearly missed son' at home for 24 hours without spending more than 3 minutes straight in his company.
Hell, she probably spent more time with the chop while she was microwaving it than she's actually spent with Philipe.
Either she's inventing issues or:
1. She didn't 'accidentally' mail Philipe in the first place.
2. In the syle of Forever War she's hooked up with an equally geriatric girlfriend and doesn't want Philipe to know how much she's changed since he left.
3. After he left she filled her life with other things. Now he's back she's realising there isn't room for both him and her new commitments and she's resenting HIM.
Either way is saddest thing ever.
She seemed oblivious of the psychic trauma she was inflicting at first, but by the time the Hospice Dinner appointment is remembered it comes to her that she's had her 'dearly missed son' at home for 24 hours without spending more than 3 minutes straight in his company.
Hell, she probably spent more time with the chop while she was microwaving it than she's actually spent with Philipe.
Either she's inventing issues or:
1. She didn't 'accidentally' mail Philipe in the first place.
2. In the syle of Forever War she's hooked up with an equally geriatric girlfriend and doesn't want Philipe to know how much she's changed since he left.
3. After he left she filled her life with other things. Now he's back she's realising there isn't room for both him and her new commitments and she's resenting HIM.
Either way is saddest thing ever.
ratacattt
+1 -0
the aged mind is like an oil tanker. It takes a long while for it to adjust to change. Routine is everything at that age.
the aged mind is like an oil tanker. It takes a long while for it to adjust to change. Routine is everything at that age.
ph3r
+0 -0
Not only that, but she has no reason to suspect so far that Philippe's not been having lots of fun trying to beat himself at Tic Tac Toe. He's been fairly chipper when she's around, trying to do fun things.
After all, at that age, it's difficult for most people to pick up on many subtle cues and such as well.
Besides, how much money can she really be making from Social Security? She just doesn't have the resources to appease Philippe's appetite for FUUUNNNNN.
...Where did the millions of dollars go, anyway? Does Steve DeNeuve really cost that much?
Not only that, but she has no reason to suspect so far that Philippe's not been having lots of fun trying to beat himself at Tic Tac Toe. He's been fairly chipper when she's around, trying to do fun things.
After all, at that age, it's difficult for most people to pick up on many subtle cues and such as well.
Besides, how much money can she really be making from Social Security? She just doesn't have the resources to appease Philippe's appetite for FUUUNNNNN.
...Where did the millions of dollars go, anyway? Does Steve DeNeuve really cost that much?
scorpio_nadir
+4 -0
Shitty hats.
Shitty hats.
penguinlogick
+6 -0
Philippe wants to see Lyle smoke heated-up marijuana in his room, or to see Todd do cocaine at him at his birthday party, or see Roast Beef feign childbirth for the sake of innovative present delivery. Not this. Anything but this.
Philippe wants to see Lyle smoke heated-up marijuana in his room, or to see Todd do cocaine at him at his birthday party, or see Roast Beef feign childbirth for the sake of innovative present delivery. Not this. Anything but this.
1000hz
+5 -0
SOAP OPERAS, MY DROOGS
:(
SOAP OPERAS, MY DROOGS
:(
newspaperdrone
+2 -2
AGEING MOTHER! GET USED TO IT!
AGEING MOTHER! GET USED TO IT!
mockereo
+1 -0
something i've noticed over the last few strips is that you are very partial to caps lock.
something i've noticed over the last few strips is that you are very partial to caps lock.
shelbydavis
+1 -0
newspaperdrone does not use caps lock. He presses the shift key for every one of those suckers, because when he types in caps, HE MEANS IT.
newspaperdrone does not use caps lock. He presses the shift key for every one of those suckers, because when he types in caps, HE MEANS IT.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
MEANS IT, MOTHER FUCKER!!
MEANS IT, MOTHER FUCKER!!
newspaperdrone
+1 -0
MOTHERFUCKING CRUISE CONTROL, SON!
MOTHERFUCKING CRUISE CONTROL, SON!
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
I love cruise control. I'll never buy a car without it.
I love cruise control. I'll never buy a car without it.
nice-on-water
+0 -0
Those who don't see a Reader's Digest cover on a semi-regular basis will be dismayed to know that not only is the "Burglar" thing true, it's been done and with more than just five. If I remember correctly, the cover had a "laughing" horse on it. That might've been the "10 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Say" though.
Those who don't see a Reader's Digest cover on a semi-regular basis will be dismayed to know that not only is the "Burglar" thing true, it's been done and with more than just five. If I remember correctly, the cover had a "laughing" horse on it. That might've been the "10 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Say" though.
nice-on-water
+1 -0
None of this is a joke; all of this is serious.
None of this is a joke; all of this is serious.
auspice
+1 -0
oh my.
oh my.
nice-on-water
+0 -0
Love the comments section, here's a more sensible one:
"I live out in the country, I know who my neighbors are. We have guns and dogs. My 2 pitbulls will eat you off at the knees then rip your throat out. They don`t bark untill you get in, by this time it`s two late your dead meat. If I`m home, and I am most of the time, as I`m a disabled veteran, I will shoot you"
Sounds like something Onstad would write.
Love the comments section, here's a more sensible one:
"I live out in the country, I know who my neighbors are. We have guns and dogs. My 2 pitbulls will eat you off at the knees then rip your throat out. They don`t bark untill you get in, by this time it`s two late your dead meat. If I`m home, and I am most of the time, as I`m a disabled veteran, I will shoot you"
Sounds like something Onstad would write.
mockereo
+0 -0
when i read that, i laughed until i was too scared to keep going
when i read that, i laughed until i was too scared to keep going
nice-on-water
+0 -0
I'm always afraid to stop laughing.
I'm always afraid to stop laughing.
mockereo
+0 -0
hahahaha ha ha haa heh eheh heh... heh... heh? heh?
then it turns into that crying that sounds like laughing but i can't articulate that with text
hahahaha ha ha haa heh eheh heh... heh... heh? heh?
then it turns into that crying that sounds like laughing but i can't articulate that with text
rowboat
+0 -0
hmm hmm: A BLOOOO BLA BLOO BLOO BLOOOOOOOO!
hmm hmm: A BLOOOO BLA BLOO BLOO BLOOOOOOOO!
lordparadise
+0 -0
Other highlights:
SOMEONE BREAKS IN KILL EM IT'S BETTER TO BE TRIED BY 12 THAN CARRIED BY SIX!!
And then--Oh God. Turns out all of them are like that. And the rest is all religious debate.
Other highlights:
SOMEONE BREAKS IN KILL EM IT'S BETTER TO BE TRIED BY 12 THAN CARRIED BY SIX!!
And then--Oh God. Turns out all of them are like that. And the rest is all religious debate.
nice-on-water
+1 -1
You imagine readers of Reader's Digest to be like housewives and elderly mailmen full of whimsy ("I'm always that way after eating radishes"), not as teabagging fundies.
You imagine readers of Reader's Digest to be like housewives and elderly mailmen full of whimsy ("I'm always that way after eating radishes"), not as teabagging fundies.
bixschmix
+0 -0
More than a few are both.
More than a few are both.
bengreens
+0 -0
I'm confused. The article is called "13 Things a Burglar Won't Tell You," yet:
Sources: Convicted burglars in North Carolina, Oregon, California, and Kentucky; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runs crimedoctor.com; and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri%u2013St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.
I'm confused. The article is called "13 Things a Burglar Won't Tell You," yet:
Sources: Convicted burglars in North Carolina, Oregon, California, and Kentucky; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runs crimedoctor.com; and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri%u2013St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.
stereo
+4 -0
They took out the clause "Unless You Beat It Out Of Him" because it didn't fit in the oval.
They took out the clause "Unless You Beat It Out Of Him" because it didn't fit in the oval.
fineoakstructure
+3 -0
My wife took the same clause out of her wedding vows.
My wife took the same clause out of her wedding vows.
nice-on-water
+0 -0
HEY OH!
HEY OH!
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
(The real joke is that I pretend to have a wife.)
(The real joke is that I pretend to have a wife.)
nice-on-water
+0 -0
That is the saddest joke.
That is the saddest joke.
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
Shouldn't you be on hiatus or something?
Shouldn't you be on hiatus or something?
nice-on-water
+0 -1
The saddest thing is someone chubbied you. I just got back from my little Euro-romp and finished my one big paper, so I am back but am not posting as much.
The saddest thing is someone chubbied you. I just got back from my little Euro-romp and finished my one big paper, so I am back but am not posting as much.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
I think they just understood that I was continuing the joke. You have to be willing to throw your pride away for one chubby.
God, I hope they understood it that way.
I think they just understood that I was continuing the joke. You have to be willing to throw your pride away for one chubby.
God, I hope they understood it that way.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Oh, and how did you find Europe? They still got all those languages over there, like Geordie and Mancunian?
Oh, and how did you find Europe? They still got all those languages over there, like Geordie and Mancunian?
nice-on-water
+0 -0
My Brummie's a bit rusty but my Weege is pure dead brilliant these days.
Also: "How did you find Europe?" Turn right at Greenland.
My Brummie's a bit rusty but my Weege is pure dead brilliant these days.
Also: "How did you find Europe?" Turn right at Greenland.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
[BOB HOPE IMGS OFF]
[BOB HOPE IMGS OFF]
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
I did just to see if chubs was working.
BITCH
lessee if I gots any lames to give.
I did just to see if chubs was working.
BITCH
lessee if I gots any lames to give.
nice-on-water
+0 -0
Has scorpio always been a trolly bitch? I don't remember this before like a month or two ago.
Has scorpio always been a trolly bitch? I don't remember this before like a month or two ago.
stereo
+0 -0
I think he only did that because you questioned the chub.
I think he only did that because you questioned the chub.
nice-on-water
+0 -0
I only questioned the lame. Either way, it doesn't matter. It's all in the past. A who' lotta watta unda the bridge, Ms. Ilsa.
I only questioned the lame. Either way, it doesn't matter. It's all in the past. A who' lotta watta unda the bridge, Ms. Ilsa.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Don't harsh my mellow.
Like I was on the throne before I my coffee had even hit my kidneys this morning and the freakin' NRA are calling to solicit my support because she said, 'Mr. Scorpio, our records indicated you had done so in the past.'
I said "Your records are all wrong, there's no way I'd ever support you people, you're all insane. Are we done having this conversation now?"
CLICK.
And they have all the fucking guns. And know my name and where I live.
Don't harsh my mellow, boy.
Don't harsh my mellow.
Like I was on the throne before I my coffee had even hit my kidneys this morning and the freakin' NRA are calling to solicit my support because she said, 'Mr. Scorpio, our records indicated you had done so in the past.'
I said "Your records are all wrong, there's no way I'd ever support you people, you're all insane. Are we done having this conversation now?"
CLICK.
And they have all the fucking guns. And know my name and where I live.
Don't harsh my mellow, boy.
nice-on-water
+0 -0
WHATEVER bro. It's the internet. Neither of us have to care about SHIT here >B]
WHATEVER bro. It's the internet. Neither of us have to care about SHIT here >B]
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Have some water. I hear you get nice on that stuff.
Is that a Japan-Man sig?
Have some water. I hear you get nice on that stuff.
Is that a Japan-Man sig?
lordparadise
+2 -0
These are much better if you read them all in the voice of Jack Nicholson.
These are much better if you read them all in the voice of Jack Nicholson.
shelbydavis
+1 -0
Heh. Now, you know now, as an old man I got first right 'a refual for all 'a your popular bands. Just the way it is. If old guys like me like 'em first, you're S.O.L., kiddo. Don't worry, I don't like most of 'em. But I like these guys, these kids from the O.C., these "Social...Distortion" guys. You can see it in 'em. You can tel they're THIS CLOSE to cashin' it ALL IN for another RIP on the PIPE, son!
Heh. Now, you know now, as an old man I got first right 'a refual for all 'a your popular bands. Just the way it is. If old guys like me like 'em first, you're S.O.L., kiddo. Don't worry, I don't like most of 'em. But I like these guys, these kids from the O.C., these "Social...Distortion" guys. You can see it in 'em. You can tel they're THIS CLOSE to cashin' it ALL IN for another RIP on the PIPE, son!
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
FIVE THINGS BURGLARS DON'T SAY
Microwaved porkchop? no rice? what the fuck?
FIVE THINGS BURGLARS DON'T SAY
Microwaved porkchop? no rice? what the fuck?
smallblackdog
+0 -0
Five things a burglar WILL say:
'Give us your fucking money'
Five things a burglar WILL say:
'Give us your fucking money'
notdavidbowie
+0 -0
'Don't try and follow us or we'll gut your kids.'
'Don't try and follow us or we'll gut your kids.'
soupkaty
+0 -0
%u201CCoo- oooooooooookie Crisp!%u201D
%u201CCoo- oooooooooookie Crisp!%u201D
soupkaty
+1 -0
Dammit. Pretend that looks right. I tried, honest.
Dammit. Pretend that looks right. I tried, honest.
wingspan
+1 -0
goddamn, I am pretending so hard that I honestly believe it looks fine. I don't even know what I'm pretending not to notice.
goddamn, I am pretending so hard that I honestly believe it looks fine. I don't even know what I'm pretending not to notice.
stsasser
+0 -0
CANAL VISTA: back when it was about amnesiac evil twins and not about alien ghost mobsters' amnesiac evil twins.
CANAL VISTA: back when it was about amnesiac evil twins and not about alien ghost mobsters' amnesiac evil twins.
smallblackdog
+0 -0
I misread it as 'carnal' vista - sigh..
I misread it as 'carnal' vista - sigh..
squidvicious
+2 -0
YOU RICH BASTARDS ARE SO HUNG UP ON YOUR GODDAMN DECORUM YOU FORGET WHAT MATTERS
YOU RICH BASTARDS ARE SO HUNG UP ON YOUR GODDAMN DECORUM YOU FORGET WHAT MATTERS
jaminspoon
+1 -0
You mean the importance of fresh hats .
You mean the importance of fresh hats .
psyqwix
+0 -0
The only thing Phillipe has to fill his time is tears.
The only thing Phillipe has to fill his time is tears.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
The only thing of his , at least.
The only thing of his , at least.
johnlennon
+1 -0
It's so accurate
It's so accurate
xi
+1 -0
Oh, I see. One of those coffee shops where men go. Of course.
Oh, I see. One of those coffee shops where men go. Of course.
apolloin
+0 -0
You only have to walk into a cafe in my Mother's neck of the woods to realise that this means any other place in the world that doesn't have lacy doilies on the tables, tea served in old cracked teapots and an overabundance of buns and scones.
You only have to walk into a cafe in my Mother's neck of the woods to realise that this means any other place in the world that doesn't have lacy doilies on the tables, tea served in old cracked teapots and an overabundance of buns and scones.
smallblackdog
+0 -0
chubbied for comment avatar synergy
chubbied for comment avatar synergy
r1pp3r
+0 -0
My grandfather had a heart attack after years of looking after his stroke-disabled wife. For years I thought that my grandmother had "killed" my grandfather. Some interpretations we live to regret. Maybe your "neglect", Onstaad, was due to something else. Shit happens, we have choices. Get Phillipe to a phone and get him the fuck out of there.
umm. Maybe I'm taking a cartoon a little too seriously.
My grandfather had a heart attack after years of looking after his stroke-disabled wife. For years I thought that my grandmother had "killed" my grandfather. Some interpretations we live to regret. Maybe your "neglect", Onstaad, was due to something else. Shit happens, we have choices. Get Phillipe to a phone and get him the fuck out of there.
umm. Maybe I'm taking a cartoon a little too seriously.
nice-on-water
+2 -0
I see nothing wrong in drawing real life parallels and caring about the characters. It's the mark of a good narrative.
I see nothing wrong in drawing real life parallels and caring about the characters. It's the mark of a good narrative.
odog
+0 -0
Is the last panel Steve?
Is the last panel Steve?
docrocket
+0 -0
No, it's the TV.
No, it's the TV.
odog
+0 -0
Word, right.
Word, right.
dans
+0 -0
Or maybe Philippe is watching hot dogs get microwaved! Look at the little scamp's anticipation to throw in the next weiner!
Or maybe Philippe is watching hot dogs get microwaved! Look at the little scamp's anticipation to throw in the next weiner!
i_love_kate
+2 -0
Well, seeing as the last time was at Teodor's party a number of years ago, who can blame him?
Well, seeing as the last time was at Teodor's party a number of years ago, who can blame him?
ham_shoes
+0 -0
It's a TV remote. Or do you want it to be a wiener?
It's a TV remote. Or do you want it to be a wiener?
hyetal
+0 -0
God, I love Onstad's magazine covers. I would not bat an eye if I saw them on a grocery store shelf. People will buy them without irony.
God, I love Onstad's magazine covers. I would not bat an eye if I saw them on a grocery store shelf. People will buy them without irony.
addisey
+5 -0
13 Things a Burglar Won't Tell You
Creamy Eggs on Toast
Our 50 Funniest (True!) Stories
8 More Things a Burglar Won't Tell You
Quote:
13 Things a Burglar Won't Tell You
Creamy Eggs on Toast
Our 50 Funniest (True!) Stories
8 More Things a Burglar Won't Tell You
Quote:
13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you%u2019re reluctant to leave your TV on while you%u2019re out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at faketv.com.)
mockereo
+0 -0
appallingly accurate. I wonder if Onstad researched Readers' Digest or if Readers' Digest researched Onstad!
appallingly accurate. I wonder if Onstad researched Readers' Digest or if Readers' Digest researched Onstad!
xi
+0 -0
That hurts me in a way that is not physical.
That hurts me in a way that is not physical.
cailetshadow
+27 -0
So I'm reading through the first one. I'm not sure what "the Digest"'s intentions are, here, other than to inspire mindless fear in women who have never had experiences outside of a house. Yes, Emily Dickinson, I'm looking at you.
Point by point, here are the morals they seem to be teaching in this article.
1) Never let anyone other than immediate family inside your house for any reason. They will return to rob or murder you. They will also be secretly disappointed in you for not remembering their faces. Are they really that forgettable? They knew they should have asked the stylist to texture their hair last Wendesday. [i]next time[/]
2. Never extend basic human charity. You will be robbed and murdered.
3. You can not have flowers or toys. I'm serious, god damn it. I see one flower and you are so raped and murdered.
4. Suspect everyone you know or don't know of being a murderer.
5. Never leave the house.
6. I'm inside your house. Can you guess where I'm calling you from?
7. hahaha. haha AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
-----
Next up, our 50 funniest jokes!
So I'm reading through the first one. I'm not sure what "the Digest"'s intentions are, here, other than to inspire mindless fear in women who have never had experiences outside of a house. Yes, Emily Dickinson, I'm looking at you.
Point by point, here are the morals they seem to be teaching in this article.
1) Never let anyone other than immediate family inside your house for any reason. They will return to rob or murder you. They will also be secretly disappointed in you for not remembering their faces. Are they really that forgettable? They knew they should have asked the stylist to texture their hair last Wendesday. [i]next time[/]
2. Never extend basic human charity. You will be robbed and murdered.
3. You can not have flowers or toys. I'm serious, god damn it. I see one flower and you are so raped and murdered.
4. Suspect everyone you know or don't know of being a murderer.
5. Never leave the house.
6. I'm inside your house. Can you guess where I'm calling you from?
7. hahaha. haha AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
-----
Next up, our 50 funniest jokes!
tekende
+0 -0
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
So sad I'm out of chubbies. It is the harshest regret.
So sad I'm out of chubbies. It is the harshest regret.
cailetshadow
+0 -0
and there's my first bbcode mistake in three years.
and there's my first bbcode mistake in three years.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
is there no end to the loss?
is there no end to the loss?
sarsbar
+9 -0
"11. Here%u2019s a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids%u2019 rooms, except when I want to rape them. WHICH IS ALL THE TIME."
"11. Here%u2019s a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids%u2019 rooms, except when I want to rape them. WHICH IS ALL THE TIME."
ph3r
+0 -0
Creamy Eggs on Toast is missing at the very least one step. I'm left with milk or cream and salt, and my eggs don't taste very creamy. Then again, the recipe is only the way the writer does it. It says nothing about how I should do it.
Creamy Eggs on Toast is missing at the very least one step. I'm left with milk or cream and salt, and my eggs don't taste very creamy. Then again, the recipe is only the way the writer does it. It says nothing about how I should do it.
divot
+0 -0
The fact that both the burglary tips and the eggs on toast recipe are written in the first person makes for some odd synergy. Are all burglars experts in the art of creamy eggs?
The fact that both the burglary tips and the eggs on toast recipe are written in the first person makes for some odd synergy. Are all burglars experts in the art of creamy eggs?
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Don't leave Phillipe alone with the TV Ma'am! He could stumble across one of those awful, awful Harryhausen films, or a sitcom with the Younger Mr Sheen in it!
Don't leave Phillipe alone with the TV Ma'am! He could stumble across one of those awful, awful Harryhausen films, or a sitcom with the Younger Mr Sheen in it!
shelbydavis
+1 -0
Or with that awful Grace Jones.
Or with that awful Grace Jones.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Mrs. Philippe has had every TV channel that could possibly ostensibly ever feature Grace Jones locked out.
Mrs. Philippe has had every TV channel that could possibly ostensibly ever feature Grace Jones locked out.
stereo
+0 -0
It's pretty sad that we only know her as Philippe's Mom.
It's pretty sad that we only know her as Philippe's Mom.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
Her name is Gardenia.
Her name is Gardenia.
ph3r
+0 -0
Ray's mother , not Philippe's.
Ray's mother , not Philippe's.
ryder-p-moses
+0 -0
Grace Jones is a common concern among mothers.
Grace Jones is a common concern among mothers.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Man, what a way to slip up.
And only three days before retirement...
Man, what a way to slip up.
And only three days before retirement...
johnnyrocker
+0 -0
Harryhausen movies are great. Did you see the skeleton sword fight in Jason and the Argonauts?
Harryhausen movies are great. Did you see the skeleton sword fight in Jason and the Argonauts?
rowboat
+0 -0
bullshit skeletons cant do that
bullshit skeletons cant do that
scorpio_nadir
+4 -0
They can if they be gettin they BONES on.
They can if they be gettin they BONES on.
shelbydavis
+1 -0
Stop-Motion Boning: greatest new indie band? Or part of a film series on poultry preparation?
Stop-Motion Boning: greatest new indie band? Or part of a film series on poultry preparation?
fjak
+0 -0
easy eggs
easy eggs
i_love_kate
+7 -0
Oh hey, that's the nickname me and my friends have for your mother.
Oh hey, that's the nickname me and my friends have for your mother.
i_love_kate
+6 -0
For her promiscuity and also the state of her breasts.
For her promiscuity and also the state of her breasts.
mockereo
+1 -0
easily scrambled? i have no clue what the state of anyone's breasts would have to do with eggs.
easily scrambled? i have no clue what the state of anyone's breasts would have to do with eggs.
xi
+1 -0
If you've never seen breasts that remind you of eggs cooked any fashion, good god man, give thanks.
If you've never seen breasts that remind you of eggs cooked any fashion, good god man, give thanks.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
That was the yolk.
That was the yolk.
dans
+0 -0
So, we all agree i_love_kate is the funniest dude on here, right? Is that still up for debate?
So, we all agree i_love_kate is the funniest dude on here, right? Is that still up for debate?
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I would debate that. But I can never tell how funny I am because my deadpan is so fucking good.
I would debate that. But I can never tell how funny I am because my deadpan is so fucking good.
jaminspoon
+1 -0
When I think of i_love_kate, often and while reclining, I think of two truest facts:
1. "Smooth like butter"
2. The sound that is made by the smacking of a knee by a very old man with a wispy beard and no teeth so that such as he is all gums and his lack of teeth make it so his face looks smushed all smelling of chaw and appalachia, in matters of hilarity causing him to do so.
Bonus? Pineapple shaped/scented car freshener
When I think of i_love_kate, often and while reclining, I think of two truest facts:
1. "Smooth like butter"
2. The sound that is made by the smacking of a knee by a very old man with a wispy beard and no teeth so that such as he is all gums and his lack of teeth make it so his face looks smushed all smelling of chaw and appalachia, in matters of hilarity causing him to do so.
Bonus? Pineapple shaped/scented car freshener
i_love_kate
+0 -0
what
what
woodenteeth
+0 -0
1 2 Bonus = Stylish retooling of old jokes presented in language that somewhats obscures their coarse nature.
1 2 Bonus = Stylish retooling of old jokes presented in language that somewhats obscures their coarse nature.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Shit. Imagine there are plus signs inbetween the 1, 2 and bonus in that equation there.
Shit. Imagine there are plus signs inbetween the 1, 2 and bonus in that equation there.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
I can imagine a lot of things, for the right price.
I can imagine a lot of things, for the right price.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I have a goldfish in jar. The jar has twenty cents in the bottom. It's all yours.
I have a goldfish in jar. The jar has twenty cents in the bottom. It's all yours.
thegoblins
+0 -0
You give really good deadpan. Aaaaalll niiiiight looooong.
You give really good deadpan. Aaaaalll niiiiight looooong.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
what
what
woodenteeth
+0 -0
You're an insomniac. You communicate in nothing but deadpan smarminess. thegoblins finds this somewhat attractive.
You're an insomniac. You communicate in nothing but deadpan smarminess. thegoblins finds this somewhat attractive.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Your explanations are doubtful comforts.
Your explanations are doubtful comforts.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I'm here to help [i]just enough for you to doubt the nature of the help and probably raise more questions than answers[i/].
I'm here to help [i]just enough for you to doubt the nature of the help and probably raise more questions than answers[i/].
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Wow. Two BB Code strikes. I'm sorry Mr. Kate.
Wow. Two BB Code strikes. I'm sorry Mr. Kate.
thegoblins
+0 -0
The doubt of future comforts exiles my present teeth.
The doubt of future comforts exiles my present teeth.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
The doubt of my teeth lends no comfort against future exile.
The doubt of my teeth lends no comfort against future exile.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
I'm wearing jeans!!
I'm wearing jeans!!
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Well done. Shoes first or jeans first?
Remember what I said?
Well done. Shoes first or jeans first?
Remember what I said?
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Well, I do remember that Far Side comic...
https://www.lechatnoirboutique.com/prodimages/Coffee%20Mug%20-%20Far%20Side%20First%20Pants%20Then%20Your%20Shoes.jpg
Well, I do remember that Far Side comic...
https://www.lechatnoirboutique.com/prodimages/Coffee%20Mug%20-%20Far%20Side%20First%20Pants%20Then%20Your%20Shoes.jpg
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
I wonder if it would be possible to go whole day without smiling? I suspect it would be a lot harder than it sounds, and would do you quite a lot of damage professionally and socially.
I wonder if it would be possible to go whole day without smiling? I suspect it would be a lot harder than it sounds, and would do you quite a lot of damage professionally and socially.
rowboat
+0 -0
I just spent the weekend in Scarborough with your mother. It's easier than you think.
I just spent the weekend in Scarborough with your mother. It's easier than you think.
shinkusan
+0 -0
Spinynorman was, back when he posted sometimes, bleedin' hilarious. Now he has a book out, which I should really get, even though it's not comedy(?)
Spinynorman was, back when he posted sometimes, bleedin' hilarious. Now he has a book out, which I should really get, even though it's not comedy(?)
divot
+0 -0
Wait, does he really? How does one find more information about said book?
Wait, does he really? How does one find more information about said book?
shinkusan
+0 -0
https://www.amazon.com/Mr-Shivers-Robert-Jackson-Bennett/dp/0316054682 BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
You just got linked at.
https://www.amazon.com/Mr-Shivers-Robert-Jackson-Bennett/dp/0316054682 BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
You just got linked at.
mtrott
+2 -0
Dear god, how my heart is breaking to watch this unfold. He was better suited to a life with two degenerate teddy bears.
Dear god, how my heart is breaking to watch this unfold. He was better suited to a life with two degenerate teddy bears.
wiliamthepleasr
+0 -0
If you think Cornelius is degenerate, you have pretty high standards. I mean, the bear contemplated suicide when he got a tattoo. What chance do the rest of us have?
If you think Cornelius is degenerate, you have pretty high standards. I mean, the bear contemplated suicide when he got a tattoo. What chance do the rest of us have?
cdtm
+0 -0
He's also a total baddass, which makes him a degenerate by default. Straight laced folks simply cannot win the baddass games.
He's also a total baddass, which makes him a degenerate by default. Straight laced folks simply cannot win the baddass games.
dans
+0 -0
Is Mrs. Philippemom aware she owns a pimp hat? If her walk is any indication, she is very aware.
Is Mrs. Philippemom aware she owns a pimp hat? If her walk is any indication, she is very aware.
i_love_kate
+15 -0
Mrs. Philippe's techniques for hat maintenance:
#1: Buy a regular hat.
#2: Walk through some heavy shrubbery until desired effect is achieved.
Mrs. Philippe's techniques for hat maintenance:
#1: Buy a regular hat.
#2: Walk through some heavy shrubbery until desired effect is achieved.
edwardstark
+0 -0
Well then. My hangover is gone but the crushing depression is back.
Well then. My hangover is gone but the crushing depression is back.
philophobe
+2 -0
The line between
Philippe and Roast Beef has
ne'er seemed so razor-thin.
POETRY! GET USED TO IT!
The line between
Philippe and Roast Beef has
ne'er seemed so razor-thin.
POETRY! GET USED TO IT!
nullzero
+2 -0
Now watch Roast Beef drive in to the rescue, with his deeper understanding of these matters and in full disagreement with Teodor's foolish intentions.
Now watch Roast Beef drive in to the rescue, with his deeper understanding of these matters and in full disagreement with Teodor's foolish intentions.
puguglypress
+1 -0
One comes from
Circumstances. One is five. Both have
their pain played for laughs.
One comes from
Circumstances. One is five. Both have
their pain played for laughs.
strike_reyhi
+0 -0
This summer....
This summer....
ph3r
+1 -0
In a world where an otter is five...
In a world where an otter is five...
shinkusan
+0 -0
He's a resurrected serial killer. His partner's a bird. They're cops.
He's a resurrected serial killer. His partner's a bird. They're cops.
puguglypress
+0 -0
what could possibly go wrong
what could possibly go wrong
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
You have taken poetic license and turned it into a license to kill....poetry, Mr. Bond.
You have taken poetic license and turned it into a license to kill....poetry, Mr. Bond.
royale
+2 -0
Jesus christ, woman, this is just absurd now.
Jesus christ, woman, this is just absurd now.
neonfreon
+0 -0
has phillipe watched TV before? this could be really bad!
i'm assuming steve will knock any strip now.
has phillipe watched TV before? this could be really bad!
i'm assuming steve will knock any strip now.
puguglypress
+0 -0
MIKE Says: "Move Over"
MIKE Says: "Move Over"
erk070
+1 -0
Yes, it was on the cover of one of the magazines.
Yes, it was on the cover of one of the magazines.
tonk
+1 -0
This storyline is actually being guest-written by Hubert Selby Jr.
This storyline is actually being guest-written by Hubert Selby Jr.
mockereo
+0 -0
whoosh goes that reference over my head
whoosh goes that reference over my head
rowboat
+0 -0
Yeah, that reference proves to me that I am, in fact, too lazy to use google.
Yeah, that reference proves to me that I am, in fact, too lazy to use google.
mockereo
+0 -0
same. I really feel like we see eye-to-eye.
wanna cyber?
same. I really feel like we see eye-to-eye.
wanna cyber?
fineoakstructure
+2 -0
Not on the 'bar, fellas.
Not on the 'bar, fellas.
rowboat
+0 -0
What's that fineoak? I have mockereo's dick in my ear and cannot hear you.
What's that fineoak? I have mockereo's dick in my ear and cannot hear you.
rowboat
+0 -0
Either I'm deaf in the other or there's a third dick at this party. Stay tuned for the scintillating cumclusion.
Either I'm deaf in the other or there's a third dick at this party. Stay tuned for the scintillating cumclusion.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
More like sin-tell-ating.
More like sin-tell-ating.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
Marion, Harry, Tyrone, Sara, and Phillipe
Marion, Harry, Tyrone, Sara, and Phillipe
cdtm
+0 -0
How old is Phillipe's mother anyways? She's more like a grandmother than a mother..
Either she had Phillipe at a very late age, or she's been aging while Phillipe remained five.. Which is actually the saddest thing, staying young while everyone gets older..
How old is Phillipe's mother anyways? She's more like a grandmother than a mother..
Either she had Phillipe at a very late age, or she's been aging while Phillipe remained five.. Which is actually the saddest thing, staying young while everyone gets older..
stereo
+0 -0
It worked out okay for Peter Pan.
It worked out okay for Peter Pan.
cdtm
+0 -0
That's because his frends didn't get old too.
Robin Williams touched upon what might happen if his friends all grew up.
That's because his frends didn't get old too.
Robin Williams touched upon what might happen if his friends all grew up.
cdtm
+0 -0
*Smacks head* That'd be a good synopsis in Bizarro World... Yeah, Peter was the one who grew up in said movie.
Time to cut back on the rum..
*Smacks head* That'd be a good synopsis in Bizarro World... Yeah, Peter was the one who grew up in said movie.
Time to cut back on the rum..
mockereo
+0 -0
time to cum back on the rut
time to cum back on the rut
mockereo
+0 -0
time to cut rack on the bum
time to cut rack on the bum
neonfreon
+0 -0
time to roomba back on the tums
time to roomba back on the tums
johnnyrocker
+0 -0
Everyone! Stop cumming on the rug.
Everyone! Stop cumming on the rug.
plummet
+1 -0
You mean the rug that I...
... boned?
You mean the rug that I...
... boned?
plummet
+0 -0
You are now visualizing me doing Ray's arm/hand-waving Bone-dance
You are now visualizing me doing Ray's arm/hand-waving Bone-dance
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
NOW I am.
NOW I am.
rowboat
+0 -0
Plummet, you don't look like a 20-year-old male. Do you Party?
Plummet, you don't look like a 20-year-old male. Do you Party?
jaminspoon
+0 -0
rhyme to put back all the plums
rhyme to put back all the plums
ph3r
+0 -0
THESE KNIVES
THESE KNIVES
smallblackdog
+0 -0
did they touch him... inappropriately
did they touch him... inappropriately
rowboat
+0 -0
She's 65. She'll always be 65.
She's 65. She'll always be 65.
m3tanoia
+0 -0
Ray Smuckles has abandoned his child
Ray Smuckles has abandoned his child
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Chubbies to the first person to photobugger a picture of Ray as Daniel Planeview declaiming to that effect.
Chubbies to the first person to photobugger a picture of Ray as Daniel Planeview declaiming to that effect.
hamscout
+9 -0
Things haven't been as fun since "[IMGS OFF]" came to town, but...
I ABANDONED MY BOY!
Things haven't been as fun since "[IMGS OFF]" came to town, but...
I ABANDONED MY BOY!
ratacattt
+0 -0
I don't want to be mean but I'm glad that stuff like this isn't forced upon me anymore. I'd say that unless an image gets chubbies from the majority of the people who give out any chubbies at all on the page, it should remain as a link and not be displayed inline. When displayed inline, it shows up every fucking time you refresh the page, and these images turn assetbar into some kind of television. assetbar is so much better since images were disabled.
I don't want to be mean but I'm glad that stuff like this isn't forced upon me anymore. I'd say that unless an image gets chubbies from the majority of the people who give out any chubbies at all on the page, it should remain as a link and not be displayed inline. When displayed inline, it shows up every fucking time you refresh the page, and these images turn assetbar into some kind of television. assetbar is so much better since images were disabled.
shinkusan
+0 -0
I so desperately disagree. I liked it when images were all over all willy-nilly, especially Hamscout's shenanigans. If there was a crazy spammer, you just markd him spam. The GOOD stuff gave nice visual breaks and sometimes I see hilarious stuff I wouldn't click on if it was a link, cause it sounds dumb.
I so desperately disagree. I liked it when images were all over all willy-nilly, especially Hamscout's shenanigans. If there was a crazy spammer, you just markd him spam. The GOOD stuff gave nice visual breaks and sometimes I see hilarious stuff I wouldn't click on if it was a link, cause it sounds dumb.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
(Hint: ratacattt was a crazy spammer)
(Hint: ratacattt was a crazy spammer)
shinkusan
+0 -0
He does have no status, no class.
He does have no status, no class.
shinkusan
+0 -0
She
She
shinkusan
+0 -0
It
It
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
THEM!
THEM!
puguglypress
+0 -0
Oh. I see. Ratacatt was just doing us a FAVOR.
Oh. I see. Ratacatt was just doing us a FAVOR.
puguglypress
+0 -1
Faggot.
Faggot.
ratacattt
+0 -0
well, marking stuff as spam never had an effect, so it's nice that you have typed up a paragraph for us there, and normally, contained within a paragraph is some coherent idea, but apparently, you're an idiot who likes to watch TV?
well, marking stuff as spam never had an effect, so it's nice that you have typed up a paragraph for us there, and normally, contained within a paragraph is some coherent idea, but apparently, you're an idiot who likes to watch TV?
shinkusan
+1 -0
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT ;-;
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT ;-;
wiliamthepleasr
+0 -0
As if your semicolons could express more sadness than your constantly dilating, unblinking eye.
As if your semicolons could express more sadness than your constantly dilating, unblinking eye.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
Oh I thought that was a dude who was getting high oh man I was way off
Oh I thought that was a dude who was getting high oh man I was way off
mockereo
+0 -0
ah i missed your photobuggery hamscout. i regret i can give only a v-chub
ah i missed your photobuggery hamscout. i regret i can give only a v-chub
ph3r
+0 -0
Ray drinks Beef's (or pretty much anybody's) milkshake.
There Will Be Wood
In Theaters October 1st
Ray drinks Beef's (or pretty much anybody's) milkshake.
There Will Be Wood
In Theaters October 1st
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Cartliage head as Eli is inspired.
"And as long as I have teeth I will bite you. And if I have no teeth, I will gum you..."
Cartliage head as Eli is inspired.
"And as long as I have teeth I will bite you. And if I have no teeth, I will gum you..."
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Question:Who can't spell Cartilage?
(hint: it was me, I can't)
Question:Who can't spell Cartilage?
(hint: it was me, I can't)
jaminspoon
+0 -0
Man don't be so harsh to your fellow self, you were a different man. The lag between posts changes a dude.
A different comrade_tom for a different generation.
Who knows what was going through your mind.
Man don't be so harsh to your fellow self, you were a different man. The lag between posts changes a dude.
A different comrade_tom for a different generation.
Who knows what was going through your mind.
notdavidbowie
+0 -0
Hmm... what sort of coward would abandon a dying child?
Hmm... what sort of coward would abandon a dying child?
neonfreon
+1 -0
airwolf all hoverin outside
airwolf all hoverin outside
jean-paul
+0 -0
Maybe this is just how otters are as parents.
Maybe this is just how otters are as parents.
jean-paul
+2 -0
Nope.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1256564/I-otter-ly-trust-Mum-The-adorable-image-baby-otter-taking-nap-mothers-tummy-swims-bay.html
Nope.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1256564/I-otter-ly-trust-Mum-The-adorable-image-baby-otter-taking-nap-mothers-tummy-swims-bay.html
xi
+0 -0
OH MAN. Philippe completely deserves belly-naps! This woman is just awful!
OH MAN. Philippe completely deserves belly-naps! This woman is just awful!
thegoblins
+0 -0
I'm about six years older than my sister. When she was two or three, I used to pick her up as she was sleeping and put her on my tummy and fall asleep that way. Like a space heater.
I'm about six years older than my sister. When she was two or three, I used to pick her up as she was sleeping and put her on my tummy and fall asleep that way. Like a space heater.
shelbydavis
+0 -0
Girls are weird.
Girls are weird.
thegoblins
+0 -0
And I'm a weird girl.
And I'm a weird girl.
cypher
+1 -0
And thank God for 'em.
And thank God for 'em.
sarsbar
+0 -0
This is Hell.
This is Hell.
lefthome
+0 -0
This better be some sort of fever dream that otters get when they pass into adulthood.
This better be some sort of fever dream that otters get when they pass into adulthood.
hamscout
+1 -0
I've GOT it!
Every year, just after his birthday, Philippe is regenerated anew as a fresh five-year-old. Like a phoenix from the flame, he emerges naive from the sofa.
That's why the gang is always horrible to him on his birthday--they know he'll never remember it after the transformation.
I think his mother is experiencing some kind of "Otter Pon farr ", until Steve shows up...
I've GOT it!
Every year, just after his birthday, Philippe is regenerated anew as a fresh five-year-old. Like a phoenix from the flame, he emerges naive from the sofa.
That's why the gang is always horrible to him on his birthday--they know he'll never remember it after the transformation.
I think his mother is experiencing some kind of "Otter Pon farr ", until Steve shows up...
hamscout
+0 -0
Also, that laurel wreath on her hat is from the first Olympics.
She is immortal!
Also, that laurel wreath on her hat is from the first Olympics.
She is immortal!
granularsilica
+0 -0
Earth to Hamscout, your last transmission was garbled, or else space sickness has set in and NOTHING IS REAL.
Earth to Hamscout, your last transmission was garbled, or else space sickness has set in and NOTHING IS REAL.
ngazin
+0 -0
I've felt this way.
I've felt this way.
xi
+0 -0
I currently feel this way... and I feel bad, because I can always go and get drunk. Philippe does not have this luxury.
I currently feel this way... and I feel bad, because I can always go and get drunk. Philippe does not have this luxury.
neonfreon
+0 -0
yes he does
yes he does
shelbydavis
+4 -0
He drinks water. He gets VERY nice on that stuff.
He drinks water. He gets VERY nice on that stuff.
tragicone
+0 -0
he's got the depression
he's got the depression
maltese
+0 -0
i think my brain completely glossed over those magazine panels...nothing to grab on to
"Easy Eggs!"
i think my brain completely glossed over those magazine panels...nothing to grab on to
"Easy Eggs!"
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
She just got back from church and she's off to gossip. The Bible speaks against that.
Throw ME fer a loop, Missus P.
Alternatively, she never married that other guy, eh?
She just got back from church and she's off to gossip. The Bible speaks against that.
Throw ME fer a loop, Missus P.
Alternatively, she never married that other guy, eh?
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Vlad?
Vlad?
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Doubly alternatively:
Philippe is hella gonna find some way into trouble with this much time alone.
Doubly alternatively:
Philippe is hella gonna find some way into trouble with this much time alone.
theirateturk
+0 -0
Philippe's mom is hot
Philippe's mom is hot
johnnyrocker
+1 -0
No.
No.
mockereo
+0 -0
Correct.
Correct.
notdavidbowie
+3 -0
I wanna cum.
I wanna cum.
mockereo
+0 -0
AAAAAAAAH someone give this man some chubbies! I can't and it needs to be done!
AAAAAAAAH someone give this man some chubbies! I can't and it needs to be done!
mr-siegal
+0 -0
ok
ok
mockereo
+0 -0
thank you for your calm, reasonable response. it really calmed me down from my excited state
thank you for your calm, reasonable response. it really calmed me down from my excited state
troy_convers
+1 -0
"Those expensive coffee places where Men go." What she forgot to add is that the waitresses serve it while giving you a table dance.
More than one type of grinding going on in these sorts of coffee shops.
"Those expensive coffee places where Men go." What she forgot to add is that the waitresses serve it while giving you a table dance.
More than one type of grinding going on in these sorts of coffee shops.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
Haha, man jokes like that are the simple pleasures in life. I think they get overlooked by the more cynical crowd.
Haha, man jokes like that are the simple pleasures in life. I think they get overlooked by the more cynical crowd.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Feminism's fault.
Feminism's fault.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
Damn.. Epiphany. There might not be anything that you can't say that about and have it be totally at least nearly true.
Damn.. Epiphany. There might not be anything that you can't say that about and have it be totally at least nearly true.
johnnyrocker
+0 -0
what
what
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Am %u2026you %u2026what %u2026are %u2026we is %u2026a Dethklok employeeeeee?
Am %u2026you %u2026what %u2026are %u2026we is %u2026a Dethklok employeeeeee?
stereo
+0 -0
Which - Do you - Most - Can't - The least?
Which - Do you - Most - Can't - The least?
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Never a bad job and always a good.
Never a bad job and always a good.
damn
+0 -0
pro
pro
misterchurch
+0 -0
I finally de-lurked to rail against the bowl of sad Onstad's served up today. Then I learned of Futanari and Fake TV's, so it's a wash. I guess.
I finally de-lurked to rail against the bowl of sad Onstad's served up today. Then I learned of Futanari and Fake TV's, so it's a wash. I guess.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
I -knew- of futa but I never knew its name before yesterday.
I -knew- of futa but I never knew its name before yesterday.
ratacattt
+0 -1
https://midconet.net/achewoodtest
You may use the above link to automatically read multiple strips, thereby allowing your new assetbar account to make as many comments as you like. (New assetbar accounts aren't allowed to make multiple comments until they've "read" an ungodly number of strips.)
As a side note, it sure is nice how assetbar leads you to believe you are allowed to make comments, and then dumps your comment after you type it, giving you a message saying that you're not allowed to make comments and to please try again tomorrow. Of course people find this combination of ineptitude and arrogance to be infuriating. It's too bad that there are pieces of shit in this world who write software that manifests no respect for the efforts of other people. This means you, assetbar folks. I'm not sure what Onstad sees in them, but whatever.
https://midconet.net/achewoodtest
You may use the above link to automatically read multiple strips, thereby allowing your new assetbar account to make as many comments as you like. (New assetbar accounts aren't allowed to make multiple comments until they've "read" an ungodly number of strips.)
As a side note, it sure is nice how assetbar leads you to believe you are allowed to make comments, and then dumps your comment after you type it, giving you a message saying that you're not allowed to make comments and to please try again tomorrow. Of course people find this combination of ineptitude and arrogance to be infuriating. It's too bad that there are pieces of shit in this world who write software that manifests no respect for the efforts of other people. This means you, assetbar folks. I'm not sure what Onstad sees in them, but whatever.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Heh. I kinda had this weird thing going in my head that you weren't AIU, even in the face of all the evidence to the contrary. Guess this confirms it for my dumb ass. Welcome back sunshine.
Heh. I kinda had this weird thing going in my head that you weren't AIU, even in the face of all the evidence to the contrary. Guess this confirms it for my dumb ass. Welcome back sunshine.
ratacattt
+0 -0
thanks. yeah I know what you mean I do that sort of thing a lot. But hey, it probably means I'm a new more evolved AIU.
thanks. yeah I know what you mean I do that sort of thing a lot. But hey, it probably means I'm a new more evolved AIU.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Your new powers seem more focused. Does this mean you've evolved lasers ?
Your new powers seem more focused. Does this mean you've evolved lasers ?
ratacattt
+0 -0
just one laser. Ask me about it...
just one laser. Ask me about it...
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Just $10,000 up front?
Just $10,000 up front?
strike_reyhi
+0 -0
it's that one ray bought offa platinum reserve
it's that one ray bought offa platinum reserve
thinman
+0 -0
So, did...did Pam talk to Dan, or what?
My gut tells me that she did not....and that they will messily divorce.
So, did...did Pam talk to Dan, or what?
My gut tells me that she did not....and that they will messily divorce.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
ALT TEXT ruins it for all of us.
ALT TEXT ruins it for all of us.
mockereo
+0 -0
ALT TEXT: Sorry to ruin it for you Canal Vista fans, but in the season finale, Pam talks to Dan. About the appetizers he chose from the Olive Garden Finale Bar.
your gut was embarassingly wrong.
ALT TEXT: Sorry to ruin it for you Canal Vista fans, but in the season finale, Pam talks to Dan. About the appetizers he chose from the Olive Garden Finale Bar.
your gut was embarassingly wrong.
apolloin
+0 -0
And when one's gut is embarrassingly wrong there is much times of trauma. Old times, old crimes.
And when one's gut is embarrassingly wrong there is much times of trauma. Old times, old crimes.
thinman
+0 -0
Meh. My gut tells me that it thinks alt text is for fags.
And by fags he means [url=https://https://images.gocomics.com/images/doonesbury/strip/thecast/butts2.jpg/]this[/url]
Meh. My gut tells me that it thinks alt text is for fags.
And by fags he means [url=https://https://images.gocomics.com/images/doonesbury/strip/thecast/butts2.jpg/]this[/url]
thinman
+0 -0
And it also apparently meant 'UBB code = duuhuuuuurrrrr'
**shame**
And it also apparently meant 'UBB code = duuhuuuuurrrrr'
**shame**
defthammer
+0 -0
Philipe's mother had him when she was 60? It's a miracle.
Philipe's mother had him when she was 60? It's a miracle.
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
parn is a name. has to be. cuz dats what i read when i read 'will pa(rn)m talk to dan'
parn is a name. has to be. cuz dats what i read when i read 'will pa(rn)m talk to dan'
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Oh, fantastic.
Oh, fantastic.
coldfrog
+0 -0
This is a mom who forgot how to be a mom. I think it is pretty safe to say that soon, if not already, Phillipe is no longer five.
This is a mom who forgot how to be a mom. I think it is pretty safe to say that soon, if not already, Phillipe is no longer five.
teezee
+0 -0
Usually this sort of reunion involves the mother trapped perceiving the son as still a child, trying to recreate the way things were while he struggles to be the man he has become. Onstad appears to have taken Philippe's inability to age and turned this classic scene on its head. Bravo, but I am still left wondering who the second person in the vehicle is when Steve DeNeuve leaves. Also, what do burglars not say?
Usually this sort of reunion involves the mother trapped perceiving the son as still a child, trying to recreate the way things were while he struggles to be the man he has become. Onstad appears to have taken Philippe's inability to age and turned this classic scene on its head. Bravo, but I am still left wondering who the second person in the vehicle is when Steve DeNeuve leaves. Also, what do burglars not say?
stereo
+0 -0
It was the driver! Steve doesn't drive.
It was the driver! Steve doesn't drive.
tetsujin
+3 -0
Hey, guess what? You may not have picked up on this previously, but it turns out Philippe's return home wasn't everything he'd hoped!
Hey, guess what? You may not have picked up on this previously, but it turns out Philippe's return home wasn't everything he'd hoped!
ph3r
+0 -0
Denying -anybody- garlic bread is punishable by death (or should be).
Denying -anybody- garlic bread is punishable by death (or should be).
r1pp3r
+0 -0
I wonder if she smells of (a) pee, (b) lavender, (c) otter, or (d) any combination of the previous.
I wonder if she smells of (a) pee, (b) lavender, (c) otter, or (d) any combination of the previous.
tetsujin
+0 -0
Are you suggesting that Philippe's mom engages in golden showers with the other otters in the neighborhood?
Are you suggesting that Philippe's mom engages in golden showers with the other otters in the neighborhood?
jeffspaulding
+0 -0
other otter's urethra offers offend
other otter's urethra offers offend
r1pp3r
+0 -0
I love the smell of otter in the morning. It reminds me of
I love the smell of otter in the morning. It reminds me of
mr-siegal
+0 -0
anotter thing?
anotter thing?
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
beaver
beaver
r1pp3r
+0 -0
it comes to me now: water vole
it comes to me now: water vole
mockereo
+0 -0
don't forget mothballs. or is that just assumed all old people smell like mothballs... so these are in addition to that
don't forget mothballs. or is that just assumed all old people smell like mothballs... so these are in addition to that
dacapn
+0 -0
and aspercreme
and aspercreme
ratacattt
+0 -0
nice avatar. A little high brow and intellectual, but still okay.
nice avatar. A little high brow and intellectual, but still okay.
mockereo
+1 -0
so we shall do this again?
YES. LET'S.
so we shall do this again?
YES. LET'S.
ratacattt
+0 -0
okay here goes
the guy has a fucking sports team logo as his fucking avatar. Only fucking ignorant redneck uneducated idiots have sports teams as a primary component of their identity.
okay here goes
the guy has a fucking sports team logo as his fucking avatar. Only fucking ignorant redneck uneducated idiots have sports teams as a primary component of their identity.
mockereo
+2 -0
while i agree with the point in general, two things make me disagree. One, I don't think of my assetbar avatar as being a primary component of my identity. Its just some dumb gif I found somewhere. Two, I like watching football, and i don't think he should be hated on for liking sports, or generalized at for having a sports avatar.
big generalizations based on such small pieces of information are not good. The Daily Show just taught me that tonight. "Fox, go fuck yourself"
while i agree with the point in general, two things make me disagree. One, I don't think of my assetbar avatar as being a primary component of my identity. Its just some dumb gif I found somewhere. Two, I like watching football, and i don't think he should be hated on for liking sports, or generalized at for having a sports avatar.
big generalizations based on such small pieces of information are not good. The Daily Show just taught me that tonight. "Fox, go fuck yourself"
ratacattt
+0 -0
So, because you don't think of your avatar as a primary component of your identity, then it stands to reason that no one else does either? Why, oh why, didn't I see that brilliant point of logic? Oh, because it's idiotic and non sequitur.
People with sports teams logos and themes as avatars, bumper stickers, tshirt, sweatshirt, and jacket adornments, couch covers, framed wall posters, desktop backgrounds, screen savers, bobble heads, cell phone backgrounds and ring tones, and tattoos on their man boobs generally think of these sorts franchises in some way shape or form as a part of their identity.
Or maybe he just picked that logo because he thought it was cute. It was a toss up between a sports team logo and a polar bear doing something cute.
idiot.
So, because you don't think of your avatar as a primary component of your identity, then it stands to reason that no one else does either? Why, oh why, didn't I see that brilliant point of logic? Oh, because it's idiotic and non sequitur.
People with sports teams logos and themes as avatars, bumper stickers, tshirt, sweatshirt, and jacket adornments, couch covers, framed wall posters, desktop backgrounds, screen savers, bobble heads, cell phone backgrounds and ring tones, and tattoos on their man boobs generally think of these sorts franchises in some way shape or form as a part of their identity.
Or maybe he just picked that logo because he thought it was cute. It was a toss up between a sports team logo and a polar bear doing something cute.
idiot.
pmbarrett
+0 -0
a guy you don't know likes the raiders. or he doesn't. fuck's it matter to you?
a guy you don't know likes the raiders. or he doesn't. fuck's it matter to you?
tekende
+0 -0
I'm seeing this as a sort of cultural/political debate show where our hosts ratacattt and mockereo pick a topic and debate back and forth on it. Occasionally they'll bring guests onto the show to liven things up.
I'm seeing this as a sort of cultural/political debate show where our hosts ratacattt and mockereo pick a topic and debate back and forth on it. Occasionally they'll bring guests onto the show to liven things up.
granularsilica
+0 -0
An animal sacrifice, such as a kitty crush (in the news lately) might liven things up even more.
An animal sacrifice, such as a kitty crush (in the news lately) might liven things up even more.
ryder-p-moses
+1 -0
Oh snap big judgement time from the menopausal-housewife-friendly classic-rock-radio Hunter S. Thompson knockoff lovable funny papers criminal avatar!
Oh snap big judgement time from the menopausal-housewife-friendly classic-rock-radio Hunter S. Thompson knockoff lovable funny papers criminal avatar!
mockereo
+0 -0
okay the point i was trying to get at was the generalizations about all people who display sports logos. The meaning is not universal for everyone, and the people who like a sports team enough to display its logo shouldn't be lumped into the same category.
And then you generalized again. I feel like my point was not absorbed.
okay the point i was trying to get at was the generalizations about all people who display sports logos. The meaning is not universal for everyone, and the people who like a sports team enough to display its logo shouldn't be lumped into the same category.
And then you generalized again. I feel like my point was not absorbed.
mr-siegal
+1 -0
as opposed to a degenerate, untrustworthy comic book character........sorry, I wasn't thinking straight for a minute.
as opposed to a degenerate, untrustworthy comic book character........sorry, I wasn't thinking straight for a minute.
ratacatttt
+1 -0
yeah but i'm a big old douche so what about that?
yeah but i'm a big old douche so what about that?
ratacattt
+0 -0
fuck you I will kill you!!!
fuck you I will kill you!!!
jaminspoon
+0 -0
he will do it. I saw him kill a man just so that he would die.
he will do it. I saw him kill a man just so that he would die.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
for those of you scoring at home, the cat is threatening to kill a dude who is impostering him with 4 t's in his name when clearly 3 t's will suffice.
for those of you scoring at home, the cat is threatening to kill a dude who is impostering him with 4 t's in his name when clearly 3 t's will suffice.
r1pp3r
+0 -0
Admitting to reading Doonesbury is so very middle-class doncha think? So ... petit-bourgeois.
Admitting to reading Doonesbury is so very middle-class doncha think? So ... petit-bourgeois.
ratacattt
+0 -0
I used to read Doonesbury but I quit when they signed a deal with Slate back when Slate was owned (and overtly so) by Microsoft. Yes, I used to be / still am in some ways petit-bourgeois, in the modern usage of the phrase. But I am also a revolutionary. I'll burn this whole fucking place down
I used to read Doonesbury but I quit when they signed a deal with Slate back when Slate was owned (and overtly so) by Microsoft. Yes, I used to be / still am in some ways petit-bourgeois, in the modern usage of the phrase. But I am also a revolutionary. I'll burn this whole fucking place down
desert_donkey
+0 -0
phillippe's mom is a fucking bitch. i mean come on now, you don't see your kid forever and now you just to stay in your rut ?
plus he's filthy rich. why is he not straight pimpin' the latest video games and iPhones and all that other annoying modern convenience shit?
phillippe's mom is a fucking bitch. i mean come on now, you don't see your kid forever and now you just to stay in your rut ?
plus he's filthy rich. why is he not straight pimpin' the latest video games and iPhones and all that other annoying modern convenience shit?
dacapn
+1 -0
bro shes old bro
bro shes old bro
desert_donkey
+2 -0
she's an old whore! phillippe is young / she is old.. she was out banging otters havin' a good time and now she just wants to get her dotage on?
i'm not havin' it. make mirkins out of both of them.
she's an old whore! phillippe is young / she is old.. she was out banging otters havin' a good time and now she just wants to get her dotage on?
i'm not havin' it. make mirkins out of both of them.
pmbarrett
+2 -0
it is funny that you want them to be merkins and it is funny that you think we have the power to make them merkins.
it is funny that you want them to be merkins and it is funny that you think we have the power to make them merkins.
r1pp3r
+0 -0
Even the rich are sad, and have parents whose wee-control isn't all it should be.
I AM SAD FOR ALL THE SAD RICH PEOPLE
Even the rich are sad, and have parents whose wee-control isn't all it should be.
I AM SAD FOR ALL THE SAD RICH PEOPLE
plummet
+1 -0
HAPPY 4/20 ASSETBAR!!!
HAPPY 4/20 ASSETBAR!!!
stereo
+1 -0
4 SMOKE WEED
20 GOTO 4
4 SMOKE WEED
20 GOTO 4
lennyx
+0 -0
Poor Phillipe. I can really relate. This is exactly how it went for me when i returned home to live with mom, but then again, i was thirty.
Poor Phillipe. I can really relate. This is exactly how it went for me when i returned home to live with mom, but then again, i was thirty.
pumpinpedal
+0 -0
This is the saddest arc so far, by far.
This is the saddest arc so far, by far.
granularsilica
+0 -0
Fresh strip needed. Comments got all Manfleshy and mom-hater (hatter?). Signing off.
Fresh strip needed. Comments got all Manfleshy and mom-hater (hatter?). Signing off.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
hater/hatter made me come up with a funny...thing. Pun.
The preference between a ship and a metal worker:
schooner than lather.
I'll turn it into a joke sometime today. I'll share when I have.
hater/hatter made me come up with a funny...thing. Pun.
The preference between a ship and a metal worker:
schooner than lather.
I'll turn it into a joke sometime today. I'll share when I have.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
Let it stew, brother. You'll know when the time is right.
Let it stew, brother. You'll know when the time is right.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
It's brown, flush it down.
It's brown, flush it down.
mockereo
+0 -0
it is my first time reading this comment, so it is yellow. Ergo, let it mellow.
it is my first time reading this comment, so it is yellow. Ergo, let it mellow.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
I had this whole thing about "if it's puce, let it loose" but I took my own advice and weighed the matter heavily.
In the end, I drank myself into unconciousness.
I had this whole thing about "if it's puce, let it loose" but I took my own advice and weighed the matter heavily.
In the end, I drank myself into unconciousness.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
It's black. Call Dr. Andretti.
It's black. Call Dr. Andretti.
jaminspoon
+0 -0
But that doesn't rhy... Oh. Oh dear.
But that doesn't rhy... Oh. Oh dear.
daidai
+5 -0
Hey Assetbar, maybe I'm being an asshole but I'd love some of your help.
As some of you know, I'm an actor (or at least I want to be) -- its the only thing I care about in my life. I've been acting and singing since I was a little kid, but being in college and doublemajoring I've had very little time for outside auditions for agencies or professional work.
Well, as some of you might know Glee is having an online audition. Yeah, I hate that show too. But you know what, its a hell of a job opportunity. I am MORE THAN WILLING to "sell out" and join a campy show if it means jumpstarting my career and living the only life I've ever been willing to live. Working on a show like Glee, even as an extra, is a ton of pay and a GREAT thing to have on a resume.
I submitted an online audition with a song and a (really awkward hastily thrown together and bullshitted) introduction speech. You can see it at
https://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=531126086
I'd love it if you guys out there with a myspace would vote for me. It'd mean a hell of a lot. If you guys think this is a ridiculous way to ask for votes -- I agree.
But goddamnit there is absolutely fucking NOTHING I want more than to make it as an actor. I'll do motherfucking anything to get my shot at a live callback with the acting director. From there, I'll let my talent do the work and see what happens. But for this first round of the audition I need votes and I need help.
Any you could give me would be more appreciated than you will ever know.
If I get this job, I hereby swear to get a tattoo of Nice Pete on my left asscheek.
Do what you will Assetbar. Sorry if you find this shitty.
Hey Assetbar, maybe I'm being an asshole but I'd love some of your help.
As some of you know, I'm an actor (or at least I want to be) -- its the only thing I care about in my life. I've been acting and singing since I was a little kid, but being in college and doublemajoring I've had very little time for outside auditions for agencies or professional work.
Well, as some of you might know Glee is having an online audition. Yeah, I hate that show too. But you know what, its a hell of a job opportunity. I am MORE THAN WILLING to "sell out" and join a campy show if it means jumpstarting my career and living the only life I've ever been willing to live. Working on a show like Glee, even as an extra, is a ton of pay and a GREAT thing to have on a resume.
I submitted an online audition with a song and a (really awkward hastily thrown together and bullshitted) introduction speech. You can see it at
https://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=531126086
I'd love it if you guys out there with a myspace would vote for me. It'd mean a hell of a lot. If you guys think this is a ridiculous way to ask for votes -- I agree.
But goddamnit there is absolutely fucking NOTHING I want more than to make it as an actor. I'll do motherfucking anything to get my shot at a live callback with the acting director. From there, I'll let my talent do the work and see what happens. But for this first round of the audition I need votes and I need help.
Any you could give me would be more appreciated than you will ever know.
If I get this job, I hereby swear to get a tattoo of Nice Pete on my left asscheek.
Do what you will Assetbar. Sorry if you find this shitty.
instantkarma
+0 -0
Going to vote for the Nice Pete tattoo. You better honour this binding contract.
Going to vote for the Nice Pete tattoo. You better honour this binding contract.
machineelf
+0 -0
Quote:
Yes, I know BBCode doesn't do quotes any more.
Quote:
I need help.
Yes, I know BBCode doesn't do quotes any more.
machineelf
+0 -0
Now I just look like a dick.
Seriously though daidai, if you have really scrutinized your potential as a human being and your wishes and desires, and you truly and seriously want to be an actor, then fucking go for it. You have my support to audition on Myspace for a Fox TV show. I clicked on the link but I don't know how to vote for you. (Sidenote: I haven't visited Myspace in years but goddamn is it still ugly.) Are you 20 y.o. Chris from Charlotte, NC? Would you like a gold star? Or perhaps a pink heart or a blue diamond?
Now I just look like a dick.
Seriously though daidai, if you have really scrutinized your potential as a human being and your wishes and desires, and you truly and seriously want to be an actor, then fucking go for it. You have my support to audition on Myspace for a Fox TV show. I clicked on the link but I don't know how to vote for you. (Sidenote: I haven't visited Myspace in years but goddamn is it still ugly.) Are you 20 y.o. Chris from Charlotte, NC? Would you like a gold star? Or perhaps a pink heart or a blue diamond?
gladi8orrex
+1 -0
act in videos. put on website. peeps'll get to you bro you aint gotta suck up to fuck nuts u aint wanna to. strud ur stuff online do scenes from bronson all
'my names charles b_____. and i always wanted to be famous' into a vid recorder.
u good word'll get around bro. get startarted spare time
act in videos. put on website. peeps'll get to you bro you aint gotta suck up to fuck nuts u aint wanna to. strud ur stuff online do scenes from bronson all
'my names charles b_____. and i always wanted to be famous' into a vid recorder.
u good word'll get around bro. get startarted spare time
ratacattt
+1 -0
exactly. I didn't see this comment before I posted my above comment. Gladi8orrex knows the game.
exactly. I didn't see this comment before I posted my above comment. Gladi8orrex knows the game.
ratacattt
+0 -0
you need to post this as a frist psot because many many people on here don't scroll through all the comments. Also, you need to subscribe to tomgreen.com. Watch the show he did called the sandwich special, among others. in your working career, it's likely you will enjoy more success in this new medium as opposed to trying to work for the corporate machine.
you need to post this as a frist psot because many many people on here don't scroll through all the comments. Also, you need to subscribe to tomgreen.com. Watch the show he did called the sandwich special, among others. in your working career, it's likely you will enjoy more success in this new medium as opposed to trying to work for the corporate machine.
cailetshadow
+0 -0
For some reason assetbar won't show up my chubbies at the moment, but imagi-chubby for frothing earnestness. I signed up for myspace to give you a star.
(And now I will un-sign)
For some reason assetbar won't show up my chubbies at the moment, but imagi-chubby for frothing earnestness. I signed up for myspace to give you a star.
(And now I will un-sign)
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Quote:
Tell ya what, sign right here and I'll even throw in this nice piano and some faux talent to play it.
Quote:
I am MORE THAN WILLING to "sell out" and join a campy show if it means jumpstarting my career and living the only life I've ever been willing to live.
Tell ya what, sign right here and I'll even throw in this nice piano and some faux talent to play it.
granularsilica
+0 -0
That site sucked -- multiple versions echoing -- had to turn the computer off to escape.
That site sucked -- multiple versions echoing -- had to turn the computer off to escape.
gladi8orrex
+9 -0
I wrote a super awesome pome but was sadly 2 gute. i pute in secret fault but i will whip somethin up here, str8 up no edit time is 9:41 ima rip dis shit form off ma dome.
here we go.
AAAAAAND i'm goin', off'a teh dome--
ma words is flowin', expectant mother
showin'
rhyme baby inside
growin'
fuck dark haired wilson
i only like owen
rappin' 'bout ma undyin'--
unlike the mayan--
love of azn chix,
dreamin', fantasysin',
for we(cks)eks
but das personal.
i m kinda whipped wit dat so i stopped but for reals erry1time i go sleep is i say to self 'i m go bed to ma azn frend' who is imaginary. she is verdi nice n watch likes watch movies lie i do
To feel: summer's heat
To eat: a meal.
lovingly prepared.
To leave me like this
Scared.
Is as far from bliss.
I will ever be in my life,
Hurry, I beseech thee.
my asian wife
I wrote a super awesome pome but was sadly 2 gute. i pute in secret fault but i will whip somethin up here, str8 up no edit time is 9:41 ima rip dis shit form off ma dome.
here we go.
AAAAAAND i'm goin', off'a teh dome--
ma words is flowin', expectant mother
showin'
rhyme baby inside
growin'
fuck dark haired wilson
i only like owen
rappin' 'bout ma undyin'--
unlike the mayan--
love of azn chix,
dreamin', fantasysin',
for we(cks)eks
but das personal.
i m kinda whipped wit dat so i stopped but for reals erry1time i go sleep is i say to self 'i m go bed to ma azn frend' who is imaginary. she is verdi nice n watch likes watch movies lie i do
To feel: summer's heat
To eat: a meal.
lovingly prepared.
To leave me like this
Scared.
Is as far from bliss.
I will ever be in my life,
Hurry, I beseech thee.
my asian wife
extortshorties
+1 -0
This is my favorite of yours so far. Honestly, if, someday, some magazine asked me to list the top ten funniest things, "gladi8orrex's use of italics for comedic effect" would be on there, most likely in the top 5.
I've read Achewood for like a bazillion trillion years and only posted like four times, but it's 5 AM and I'm extremely tired so I'm just poppin' in to say YOU ARE MY FAVORITE AND I REALLY LIKE YOUR POSTS
This is my favorite of yours so far. Honestly, if, someday, some magazine asked me to list the top ten funniest things, "gladi8orrex's use of italics for comedic effect" would be on there, most likely in the top 5.
I've read Achewood for like a bazillion trillion years and only posted like four times, but it's 5 AM and I'm extremely tired so I'm just poppin' in to say YOU ARE MY FAVORITE AND I REALLY LIKE YOUR POSTS
jeffspaulding
+2 -0
And now the winner in the category best rhyme for growin' :
Quote:
And now the winner in the category best rhyme for growin' :
Quote:
fuck dark haired wilson
i only like owen
i only like owen
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
ma dick gets big errytime i read praise abot me. no joke.
thx pro
ma dick gets big errytime i read praise abot me. no joke.
thx pro
plummet
+0 -0
GJ!
GJ!
neonfreon
+1 -0
Do you think Onstad has paid off his college loan debt by now?
Do you think Onstad has paid off his college loan debt by now?
granularsilica
+0 -0
When has anyone ever needed a fresh hat?
When has anyone ever needed a fresh hat?
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
A baseball cap can hold the average puke.
A baseball cap can hold the average puke.
neonfreon
+1 -0
Thursday Fun Fact: The Ohio Otter Cap Company makes slight adjustments to their assembly line to produce otter body bags during rabies outbreaks.
Thursday Fun Fact: The Ohio Otter Cap Company makes slight adjustments to their assembly line to produce otter body bags during rabies outbreaks.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
You said a mouthful there, bucko. I'd guess about 75% of all baseball caps hold average pukes.
You said a mouthful there, bucko. I'd guess about 75% of all baseball caps hold average pukes.
thegoblins
+0 -0
You guys... someone left the cake out in the rain.
You guys... someone left the cake out in the rain.
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
___ ..//
_/ |====o-0".',',',','---------D
/U.s.A.\ ''\\
(o-o-o-o-)
___ ..//
_/ |====o-0".',',',','---------D
/U.s.A.\ ''\\
(o-o-o-o-)
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
man y it mess up when u cop-place ascii pics. ridiculous
man y it mess up when u cop-place ascii pics. ridiculous
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
___ ..//
_/ |====o-0".',',',','---------D
/U.S.A.\ ''\\
(o-o-o-o-)
___ ..//
_/ |====o-0".',',',','---------D
/U.S.A.\ ''\\
(o-o-o-o-)
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
SHIT
SHIT
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
FUCK IT
FUCK IT
cpnglxynchos
+0 -1
ONCE MORE WITH FEELING!!
Srsly. It'll work. Else, I'll give up 'shopping stuff for a month.
ONCE MORE WITH FEELING!!
Srsly. It'll work. Else, I'll give up 'shopping stuff for a month.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
this was a test-lame given purely at random, cp'n. Do not be offended.
My chubbies had just vanished on this page, so I...
I'M SORRY
this was a test-lame given purely at random, cp'n. Do not be offended.
My chubbies had just vanished on this page, so I...
I'M SORRY
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
(eyes narrow)
We are fighting so hard.
(eyes narrow)
We are fighting so hard.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Pam will never speak to Dan again.
Not after last week.
Pam will never speak to Dan again.
Not after last week.
ashcrexl
+0 -0
I made an account just so I could read Manflesh's infamous comments. So far, things are not going well for me.
I made an account just so I could read Manflesh's infamous comments. So far, things are not going well for me.
Oh, Phillipe. I just want to hug you.
I know... look how tiny his eyes are with gigantic bags underneath... I just feel so bad for him.
A comment left by dr_manflesh_desires_anal_play_immediately was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by blastradius, luckypyjamas, desert_donkey)
Dr. Manflesh, I have never known whether to think of you as a horrifyingly disturbed individual, or the hero that the internet deserves so righteously. Now I realize. You are both. Godspeed, sir.
He is not the hero we want, not the hero we need. But he is the hero we deserve.
So we'll hate him. Because he can take it.
...said Captain Janeway, loins aquiver, lube in hand.
https://www.Ilikewherethisthreadisgoing.com
I think you and Dr Manflesh have a Date With Destiny
I wrote that comment before I saw the link and recoiled in horror ...
Funny, I'm in a computer lab, and I knew enough not to click it. I have no idea, is there sound with the link? I mean, by the time anyone can answer, I'll be back home, I guess. (Lube in hand?)
Destiny doesn't work on Mondays, and she's not into dress up anyway.
Certainly not dressup like this.
this website did not give me a boner. no chubby for you.
Face it, if other guys' boners give you a boner ...
...you must be in Communist Russia.
Or a truck stop bathroom.
...or in the bedroom of your loving homosexual partner engaging in consensual acts.
You might be a redneck if other guys' boners give you a boner.
In Communist Assetbar, chubby gets you.
No, in Soviet Assetbar, chubby gets distributed equally along peasants on base of need!
Touche. I will give you my chubby to atone for the bourgeois corruption of my thought.
Oh sherief, you big hot tranny mess!
I hovered with trepidation over that link, wondering what horrors, visual or otherwise, awaited me. However, it turned out to be a short video in which a fully clothed girl played with a fake rubber dick in a casual manner. I've seen more shocking things painted on the side of vans.
I'm glad you revealed that. I was afraid it was going to be something like meatspin . oh laaaaawdy no.
And to be honest, the most shocking thing I've seen painted on the side of a van was some anime cartoon, but then again, I don't live in Reno.
I was going to just read the comments from you guys to find out how horrible of a link it was without having to actually see it.
But then I read hatstand_mcq's comment as "a fully clothed girl played with a rubber DUCK in a casual manner" and it just sounded so weird that I had to click the link.
But yeah, it was definitely a dick.
I know it's a fake dick at all but could she at least act like she cares how it feels. I don't look for much in porn but I at least want them to care whether it's good or not.
I feel like the way she bends it over would actually be somewhat painful.
Sounds like you'd give it a try, though. (Hint: It's not possible.)
I assumed for this experiment that she was enjoying the pain. Y'know, C&BT and all that.
Still not something you want to do at home, kids.
The music made it so hard for me to get wood to this
jesus christ, that MUSIC
THAT FUCKING MUSIC
forgot to add that after I muted it, I quite enjoyed it
Different strokes, i guess.
I had a much easier time reaching orgasm after i had cranked it on the 5.1 surround.
The music makes it work. If you squint you can make believe it's hygiene film from the '50s.
"Your giant schlong and you"
no, same strokes. repeated.
I LOVE YOU
as an aside, I imagine that this is the same size as the dick through which Harry Kim grunts in pain as Torres rams it up his ass to the hilt again, a new record for Harrys ass, he's certain. (https://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua40XQ0w#comment_29)
Manflesh you are literally the best poster on Assetbar. I mean that.
Holy crap that chick is hung.
Have my retarded baby, Dr. Manflesh. Or let me have yours.
Why did I click that link at work? It clearly contained both "shemale" and "futanari". This is going to come back to haunt me.
You dumbass. You should have known better.
Such as: see my above post.
Scenario:
ARIZONA, NOON - Somewhere deep in the retrenchant bowels of a modest nondescript workplace, YOUR WORKPLACE, in the deepest backest back of the server room... No daylight will enter here, where all the dead monitors and crippled office chairs broken by girthed women lie in final rest. Beneath the roar of HVACs and Server Racks, a small lonely terminal covered in a sifting of dust beeps modestly, quickens with life, flashes a solitary green led; the terminal's 80's era beige plastic case briefly illuminated with a halo of lime jello light...
The Censor Terminal awakens! His Porn Light! Action will be taken!
Without delay, without exception or question, he issues a flurry of commands, commands this modest but driven terminal lives only to enact, and the inbound data is collected and logged, and more yet is then parsed and disseminated to and from Sources.. With a quickness that only his double-threaded mildly shielded serial cable can provide, Connections Are Made and requests are submitted, pending, completed.
A brief history of time begins to accrue from RAMs and buffers, from mindless blind server nodes endlessly singing their idiot tune: the song of network traffic from the maddened world outside the walls, sung to faceless meatbag drones collecting nectar for the Queen, his Queen, even as they cry out for more. He does not worry about their tactless, blabbering packets. He has a sole function, and he performs this function with the deliberate precision of a marksman, of an executioner, of a Datamath.
Mm, yes. His unspoken hero, his most respected rolemodel: the ti-2500 Datamath. Without ego or couth, he lives his life to model it as the 2500. Efficient, compact, secretly beautiful. A more elegant machine for a more civilized age. He does not waste more than 1.222¯ picoseconds with rewarming this indulgence, however, before he is back on task, and molding that task as clay to it's final completion.
Of note, on the small brown table beside this lonely terminal, a small Genicom dot matrix printer from 1989 (one that has not needed to be refilled with ink or a spool of paper in nearly 12 years) hums to life at his command, at his terse greetingless summons, and begins to run simple diagnostics. After 15 minutes of warming up, she will go on to print one brief line of text across a log sheet, a long endless roll of paper that extends over the aligning tray on top directly into a wastebin directly behind and underneath. She will power down with the faintest and most indiscernible of sighs, and sleep, and dream. Beyond The Task, she does not dare talk to him, and he does not deign to acknowledge her. Although this printer has a tale all her own; a longing for color, every possible CMYK spectrum, ocean sized splashes of them pouring from her sopping wet ink-soaked cloth ribbon, the color writhing and colliding in the most beautiful Belousov-Zhabotinsky swirls... Another, and even more intimate: a well-worn but long-since-lived dream of when she was new and desired, when she was in the daylight. Of the crisp firm tug that would tear the paper from the roll along her trim lip without warning or permission. Forcefully, but skilled. Soon after, the hole-punched feed edges of the paper being torn away with a brisk zippered sound like the gasp of a pleasured woman. The low manly grunt of the dark shadowed stranger as he would read, never a name, never a greeting, never anything but his goal, his need, as he appraised her tightly spaced NLQ postscript, and found there the satisfaction he sought, the release. And then gone. Never so much as even hinting that she existed beyond how they used her, and her left wondering why, and if she secretly never wanted them to, and what that made her, and did she secretly want that too?
Yes, she has a tale all her own, but the story to be told is not hers.
Not yet.
The terminal, however, still bathed in 555 timer lime, collects his data, accrues, calculates and packages it like an efficient spider who has trapped a moth within his net. No matter the distance of time he knows, the dance is endless because meatbags will always desire more meat, and the spider knows he needs only wait for the next moth to stupidly blunder in. With every ounce of processor power he possesses, he saves his data, a masterpiece of who and when, and where and occasionally how often, in .rtf format, the truest format for a masterpiece, and he pauses for the utmost nanosecond, a hedonism that he will later spend delicious microseconds firmly and vigorously chastising himself for, but he pauses like an artiste, no like the paintbrush itself, hovering, and with a final master stroke he fires his package, his charge, his honor itself off into the nether to the appropriate agent of adjudication, of judgment. After all, it isn't his job to judge. No.
No.
His task completed, he shudders imperceptibly (to anyone without a multimeter), begins his high compression backup, and sleeps. Deep and dark, with no dreams.
Above, an automated email arrives in your HR department's inbox. A large orange haired woman with so many cats lingers on it with a disapproving shake of her head and forwards it to your boss. She sips her coffee and considers calling Facilities about her chair.
Below, the HVACS roar on.
Turn to page 86 if you immediately get fired.
Turn to page 105 if you don't.
Pg. 86
Your boss opens the email with a frown that deepens gradually.
Soon after, a different email arrives in your inbox: I want to see you in my office immediately. Right now.
Your boss is incredibly disappointed in you. Was it worth it? Chicks with dicks? That phase is supposed to end when you are like 12, asshole. Besides, he has seen hotter shit painted on the sides of vans for christsakes. Hope you get some goddamn taste in the unemployment line, you freak.
You have been fired!
Pg. 105
Your boss opens the email with a frown that deepens gradually.
Soon after, a different email arrives in your inbox: I want to see you in my office immediately. Right now.
Your boss offers you a beer from his minifridge! It is an Icehouse but you do not decline. He explains that he was not shocked that you were caught looking at porn, but was able to quantify the situation immediately as soon as he saw the referral from https://m.assetbar.com! Yes, he reads Achewood! He mentions that achewood is the sort of thing that leaders read. This intrigues you. You speak together for several minutes about Steve DeNeuve, and how Onstad must have meant Svenhard as a type of driving maneuver and probably only used the word Svenhard because he thought it sounded more like a cool driving maneuver than a type of danish. Afterwards, he pats you on the back and says that you have the sort of stuff he's looking for in a department head, and he would love to promote you to the position. He cannot, however, understand why the fuck you would click on a Dr. Manflesh link ever. He hands you your pinkslip and just frowns. Frowns.
You have been fired! Somewhat less immediately, though!
Hellzicious yes.
MADD respect due.
"It is an Icehouse but you do not decline."
Loved it.
I lol'd so hard I choked a little on my Mickey's Ice that I am "enjoying" right now. (I ain't got a lot of scratch lying around this week. Don't judge me!)
Too late. Terrible beer judgment made. Sentence: 10 years in the cubes, or throwing it away and getting a damn Guinness.
My god that's wonderful.
Holy Chubs, Batman!
Until this comment garners more chub than the horrifying shemale bullshit that spawned it, I will just frown. Frown.
There are several inaccuracies here relating to my work experience.
1) My office consists of 3 people, including myself.
2) The server is my boss's personal computer.
3) My boss is a hysterical, man-hating, racist socialite who has fired and re-hired me three times so far.
So p 86 will be the most likely option. Like a mythical phoenix, though, that shit don't faze me.
IMGATRTSBNWITD
I may get around to reading this someday, but not when I'm this drunk.
I'm never too drunk for bb code.
[i]INTDFBC[/]
ironic
I've coined a portmanteau for "more ironic." From now on you may refer to such things as "moronic."
Were it that I had a chubby left to give, sadly this is not the case.
Fortunately I had one saved for just this purpose.
To quote Mad Dog Tannen, ya thought wrong, dude.
Jesus, i've seen copies of the Shahnameh shorter than this.
this is...this is Williams-Sonoma printer porn!
Fragment. Consider Revising.
Heh... Many chubbies to you sir.
dr. manflesh: you are a bastard. i clicked that link. fuck you. good day sir
and furthermore it is with great pride that i bestow upon this horrific comment and link, your first lame. that was me. fuck you. good day
Really, though, did you expect a manflesh-supplied link to be anything other than less-than-savory?
i thought he was gone for good. apparently he (or she, or he/she) is back in a big way.
Surprised by a Manflesh link? The only thing that comes to mind is the conclusion of the story told by the old Indian in Natural Born Killers : "Bitch, you knew I was a snake."
...TROLOLOLOLO
What I don't understand is how one would not carefully hover over a link from Manflesh to reveal the insidious URL in the status bar before even thinking about clicking. That's like jumping off a cliff and just assuming there is water at the bottom.
LA LA LA LA LA! LA LA LA! HO HO HO HO HO!
Oops, I omitted a LA LA LA.
No Order of the red banner of labour 1971 for you IMPOSTER!
The guy's name is Dr. Manflesh. I would've been shocked maybe if his name was something like "bunnykins McGee" But then again, maybe not.
True. The day missbee links to futanari there will be (justified) rioting in the (metaphorical, internet thread) streets.
Haha, you said futanari. Haha! You're a weeaboo ! Hahahahaha!
Chubby because you didn't say "silly japanese dickchicks". mad props, J-S.
Otter-child domestic tragedy; shemale masturbation. You have mastered the feng shui of the Internet.
Soothing!
have i just been... Dick Rolled?
You wouldn't get this from - any other guy
Manflesh just wants to show us what he's feeling.
Maybe it was Dr Manflesh in person; I am too scared to sleep now.
Nice avatar-comment synergy. BTW, I'd love to see the live Dick Rolling of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.
Not realizing this was Dr. Manflesh, I clicked this link in a coffee shop. Damn you, sir.
OK, I've already made two comments about how I knew better not to click the link as I'm in a computer lab at school. But 1. there's only one row of users behind me and 2. I'm at Stony Brook. Here goes?
OK, I just glanced at the people behind me. They are totally not in the mood for chicks with dicks.
haha, it's like those live action tentacle movies or fuckedupfacials.