iandorrinson
+1 -0
Williams is totally being a cock!
Williams is totally being a cock!
changuitotuerto
+4 -0
to a stranger, no less
to a stranger, no less
usversusthem
+7 -0
Yeah, but all bets are off if it's a stranger pretending to be not a stranger under the guise of elephant costuming. Frankly, this is more Ray and Teodor teaming up to be a cock to a stranger in the first place, as far as I'm concerned.
Yeah, but all bets are off if it's a stranger pretending to be not a stranger under the guise of elephant costuming. Frankly, this is more Ray and Teodor teaming up to be a cock to a stranger in the first place, as far as I'm concerned.
gormster
+5 -0
Tag team cockery.
Tag team cockery.
tekende
+7 -0
1am Friday on Cinemax.
1am Friday on Cinemax.
salvar
+0 -0
Skinemax
Skinemax
fallow_fields
+0 -0
Haha! More like WINemax.
Haha! More like WINemax.
maximus
+0 -0
Maximax
Maximax
belgand
+0 -0
I found you usually had to stay up a bit later to get to the even remotely good stuff. Just be sure that the listing shows both "Nudity" and "Strong Sexual Content" or you're going to end up waiting around for the good part forever. Even if it has Shannon Tweed in it.
I found you usually had to stay up a bit later to get to the even remotely good stuff. Just be sure that the listing shows both "Nudity" and "Strong Sexual Content" or you're going to end up waiting around for the good part forever. Even if it has Shannon Tweed in it.
professorhazard
+1 -0
Williams is totally being a cat! That, or he has progeria and is somehow the size of a teddy bear.
Williams is totally being a cat! That, or he has progeria and is somehow the size of a teddy bear.
stereo
+0 -0
I think if someone with progeria lived to 100, they would be so old that the size is appropriate.
I think if someone with progeria lived to 100, they would be so old that the size is appropriate.
avatar
+0 -1
the thing about cat size human size was only in the beginning when Onstad was fleshing out the strip. now the cats are people size.
the thing about cat size human size was only in the beginning when Onstad was fleshing out the strip. now the cats are people size.
randyleepublic
+0 -0
That guy is the underground's cookery supply mogul. He *is* a cat. OK, I'll spell it out: he is not Chuck Williams the human. Get it?
That guy is the underground's cookery supply mogul. He *is* a cat. OK, I'll spell it out: he is not Chuck Williams the human. Get it?
avatar
+0 -0
I think he's a human. His assistant Randi looks human in the strip two installments ago, so the general vibe I get is he's in human world. I haven't been keeping up in the blogs, but in the strip, I haven't seen much mention of any distinction between the above/below ground in the longest time. It seems like the two might have sort of merged.
I think he's a human. His assistant Randi looks human in the strip two installments ago, so the general vibe I get is he's in human world. I haven't been keeping up in the blogs, but in the strip, I haven't seen much mention of any distinction between the above/below ground in the longest time. It seems like the two might have sort of merged.
professorhazard
+0 -0
There was a Crisis on Infinite Aches.
There was a Crisis on Infinite Aches.
scorpio_nadir
+1 -0
Williams is totally a coot. Coots may be cocks.
Williams is totally a coot. Coots may be cocks.
smallblackdog
+0 -0
How can you say that about someone wearing an elephant suit? fie..
How can you say that about someone wearing an elephant suit? fie..
redblazevii
+1 -0
Teodor is entirely disheartened by that malicious cane-thonk.
Teodor is entirely disheartened by that malicious cane-thonk.
quazifuji
+0 -0
Despite his costume being equally capable of thonkery.
Although I suppose the exclamation point does add a level of maliciousness that the elephant-thonk lacks.
Despite his costume being equally capable of thonkery.
Although I suppose the exclamation point does add a level of maliciousness that the elephant-thonk lacks.
professorhazard
+0 -0
It was lazy to use "thonk" twice. Onstad will realize this in retrospect.
It was lazy to use "thonk" twice. Onstad will realize this in retrospect.
mattsolo
+48 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
quazifuji
+0 -0
That is some intense thonkery you've got going there. I approve.
That is some intense thonkery you've got going there. I approve.
quazifuji
+1 -0
I would like to make the disclaimer that by thonkery I merely mean the act of making a thonk noise, and not anything else that it could be construed to mean that would give my comment a far more awkward meaning.
I would like to make the disclaimer that by thonkery I merely mean the act of making a thonk noise, and not anything else that it could be construed to mean that would give my comment a far more awkward meaning.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
He is a bass player. Your disclaimer is futile.
He is a bass player. Your disclaimer is futile.
joechrist
+1 -0
Chubby for making me laugh more than the actual strip.
Chubby for making me laugh more than the actual strip.
plummet
+0 -0
the more you look at it the funnier it gets
the more you look at it the funnier it gets
tekende
+0 -0
This deserves at least 15 chubbies. The Arbiter of Chubbies has spoken.
This deserves at least 15 chubbies. The Arbiter of Chubbies has spoken.
pwnchu
+0 -0
and at most, 50 chubbies!
Thonk!
and at most, 50 chubbies!
Thonk!
avatar
+0 -0
what, is assetbar gonna turn into some online version of China where a committee decides for us what's acceptable?
[IMGS OFF]
what, is assetbar gonna turn into some online version of China where a committee decides for us what's acceptable?
[IMGS OFF]
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Chairman Tekende is reviewing your dossier, Comrade.
Chairman Tekende is reviewing your dossier, Comrade.
srikamaraja
+1 -0
HERMAN T. ZWEIBEL. If laudanum-tinged ice-water still flows through the fetid collection of ashes you call a body, I demand a rebuttal to this criticisme most foul! Far be it from me to question the where-withal of your mercantile proclivities!
HERMAN T. ZWEIBEL. If laudanum-tinged ice-water still flows through the fetid collection of ashes you call a body, I demand a rebuttal to this criticisme most foul! Far be it from me to question the where-withal of your mercantile proclivities!
zweibel
+3 -0
As the longtime publisher of The Onion news-paper, it is my duty and unrestrained pleasure to inform you spittle-soaked readers that I have sold The Onion and all of its various holdings to a syndicate of industrious China-men from the deepest heart of the Orient. One of their representatives oozed and crawled from his dank hut to visit me in person at my bedside last week, and make known his superiors' desire to expand their clammy clutch into the Western world. After subjecting me to a good 20 minutes of infernal bowing and other assorted chinky-dinkery, he offered to pay me what I've been assured is an appropriately absurd parcel of riches to take this tiresome publication off my feeble hands for good.
Naturally, I accepted his heathen bargain without the slightest twinge of regret, and why on earth not? When my ancestor Friedrich Siegfried Zweibel founded The Mercantile-Onion in 1756, he did so with the express purpose of fleecing its porridge-brained readers out of as much precious capital as could be wrung from their grubby, desperately toiling fingers, and I say bully and bully again to that. I may be a news-paper-man through and through, but I still have enough sense in my 141-year-old skull to abandon some silly centuries-old loyalty to the periodical page when there are spacious coffers to be stocked.
Oh, how heavenly it shall be to never again hear the ungodly shriek of a printing press, or breathe the insufferable stench of a news-room full of unwashed scribes churning out mindless pap on the subject of photo-play actresses and their adopted African brood. And as far as the whimpering clods who have the temerity to call themselves "readers" are concerned, I do not suppose I shall miss their ilk in the slightest. Why, just imagining their pallid, toothless faces fills me with such colossal rage that at this very moment my nurse-maid is administering to me a near-lethal dose of laudanum just so I may find the composure to reach the end of this missive.
Any-way, I wish you all the best of luck making sense of the dis-jointed drivel contained in this inaugural issue of the Chinese Onion. If the new owner-ship does not suck the very blood from your veins, they'll surely dizzy you into stupefied obedience with their unnatural black Orient arts. Oh, and in accordance with the contractual terms of the buy-out, let me remind you all that Yu Wan Mei Fish Time is the best Fish Time, perfect eating for you and me and so delicious. That is all
As the longtime publisher of The Onion news-paper, it is my duty and unrestrained pleasure to inform you spittle-soaked readers that I have sold The Onion and all of its various holdings to a syndicate of industrious China-men from the deepest heart of the Orient. One of their representatives oozed and crawled from his dank hut to visit me in person at my bedside last week, and make known his superiors' desire to expand their clammy clutch into the Western world. After subjecting me to a good 20 minutes of infernal bowing and other assorted chinky-dinkery, he offered to pay me what I've been assured is an appropriately absurd parcel of riches to take this tiresome publication off my feeble hands for good.
Naturally, I accepted his heathen bargain without the slightest twinge of regret, and why on earth not? When my ancestor Friedrich Siegfried Zweibel founded The Mercantile-Onion in 1756, he did so with the express purpose of fleecing its porridge-brained readers out of as much precious capital as could be wrung from their grubby, desperately toiling fingers, and I say bully and bully again to that. I may be a news-paper-man through and through, but I still have enough sense in my 141-year-old skull to abandon some silly centuries-old loyalty to the periodical page when there are spacious coffers to be stocked.
Oh, how heavenly it shall be to never again hear the ungodly shriek of a printing press, or breathe the insufferable stench of a news-room full of unwashed scribes churning out mindless pap on the subject of photo-play actresses and their adopted African brood. And as far as the whimpering clods who have the temerity to call themselves "readers" are concerned, I do not suppose I shall miss their ilk in the slightest. Why, just imagining their pallid, toothless faces fills me with such colossal rage that at this very moment my nurse-maid is administering to me a near-lethal dose of laudanum just so I may find the composure to reach the end of this missive.
Any-way, I wish you all the best of luck making sense of the dis-jointed drivel contained in this inaugural issue of the Chinese Onion. If the new owner-ship does not suck the very blood from your veins, they'll surely dizzy you into stupefied obedience with their unnatural black Orient arts. Oh, and in accordance with the contractual terms of the buy-out, let me remind you all that Yu Wan Mei Fish Time is the best Fish Time, perfect eating for you and me and so delicious. That is all
salvar
+1 -0
Think, thank, thonk.
Think, thank, thonk.
srikamaraja
+0 -0
Thunkstanter.
Thunkstanter.
miaou
+0 -0
Tell 'em bitches how to wear a thonk...
Tell 'em bitches how to wear a thonk...
theirateturk
+0 -0
Remove the original Thonk and Thonk! and you have yourself a deal!
Remove the original Thonk and Thonk! and you have yourself a deal!
ike
+0 -0
People call him out on laziness if he repeats anything. Thonk is a good sound.
People call him out on laziness if he repeats anything. Thonk is a good sound.
professorhazard
+0 -0
I call any writer out on laziness if they repeat something to the degree that I notice it. It's not a mortal sin or anything, it's just lazy.
I call any writer out on laziness if they repeat something to the degree that I notice it. It's not a mortal sin or anything, it's just lazy.
wozzeck
+1 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
stereo
+17 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
professorhazard
+0 -0
Put down that gun, Steve Zissou!
Put down that gun, Steve Zissou!
fpage
+7 -0
Chuck's going to have to get rid of that cane before he goes on, otherwise all the efforts of elephant-anonymity will be for naught.
Chuck's going to have to get rid of that cane before he goes on, otherwise all the efforts of elephant-anonymity will be for naught.
elzilcho
+0 -0
I was just thinking that, you need to be chubbied for visibility
I was just thinking that, you need to be chubbied for visibility
history
+1 -0
I more think the cane is misleading...I think that is not Chuck at all in that elephant suit. Could it be....Connie?
I more think the cane is misleading...I think that is not Chuck at all in that elephant suit. Could it be....Connie?
changuitotuerto
+3 -0
Teodor has a terrible case of the dignities.
Teodor has a terrible case of the dignities.
never_die
+0 -0
it's awesome the way Chuck Williams works a cane.
he mans that shit.
it's awesome the way Chuck Williams works a cane.
he mans that shit.
desert_donkey
+0 -0
i sure hope elephant costumes don't give me diarhea.
THONK!!
i sure hope elephant costumes don't give me diarhea.
THONK!!
fattybeaver
+9 -0
This is win-win no matter what Teodor does. But since he never wins I wonder how he'll fuck it up.
This is win-win no matter what Teodor does. But since he never wins I wonder how he'll fuck it up.
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
your avi is a win-win.
every time you say something, we win.
we just win win win.
your avi is a win-win.
every time you say something, we win.
we just win win win.
wozzeck
+0 -0
Winningly, I say.
Winningly, I say.
scorpio_nadir
+2 -0
The obvious-from-a-mile-away lose for Teodor is for the old man to drop dead in his elephant suit.
Promises of publication go pffft in a pachyderm suit.
The obvious-from-a-mile-away lose for Teodor is for the old man to drop dead in his elephant suit.
Promises of publication go pffft in a pachyderm suit.
fermatprime
+0 -0
He'd still become the founder of Williams-Sonoma, right?
He'd still become the founder of Williams-Sonoma, right?
stereo
+0 -0
Only if his erotica is better than nothing... at... all.
Only if his erotica is better than nothing... at... all.
scorpio_nadir
+1 -0
What if Chuck turns out to be Liebot? You know the mendacious cyborg has a penchant for aping old men in costumes.
What if Chuck turns out to be Liebot? You know the mendacious cyborg has a penchant for aping old men in costumes.
srikamaraja
+0 -0
Hats off to scorpio_nadir. I wanted to do the pachyderm alliteration, but the pills, they stop me.
Hats off to scorpio_nadir. I wanted to do the pachyderm alliteration, but the pills, they stop me.
scorpio_nadir
+1 -0
Sir, age has likewise clouded my aptitude for alliteration, and to think it was once my strong suit.
And speaking of strong suits, Whew! Get a whiff of that Elephant in his pajamas!
Paging Captain Spaulding?
Sir, age has likewise clouded my aptitude for alliteration, and to think it was once my strong suit.
And speaking of strong suits, Whew! Get a whiff of that Elephant in his pajamas!
Paging Captain Spaulding?
srikamaraja
+0 -0
A pusillanimous pachyderm proffers pedantic pamphletry primarily pertaining to post cibum prattle.
A pusillanimous pachyderm proffers pedantic pamphletry primarily pertaining to post cibum prattle.
narenial
+0 -0
Chuck Williams' crusty pustules doth itch and burn beneath his bulky bulging bedizenment.
Chuck Williams' crusty pustules doth itch and burn beneath his bulky bulging bedizenment.
plummet
+0 -0
i see you have a thing for older men
i see you have a thing for older men
drskradley
+0 -0
That is the second greatest piece of insight I've ever come across from a bouncing set of titties. Well done.
That is the second greatest piece of insight I've ever come across from a bouncing set of titties. Well done.
the_clarkness
+0 -0
Teodor loses the contest, and the book gets published...in Ray's name. Chuck thinks it's Ray in the elephant suit after all.
Teodor loses the contest, and the book gets published...in Ray's name. Chuck thinks it's Ray in the elephant suit after all.
mystkmanat
+0 -0
Mmm, hot dog cereal...
Mmm, hot dog cereal...
quazifuji
+0 -0
It goes great with molecular frippery and mother sauces.
It goes great with molecular frippery and mother sauces.
guikey
+1 -0
Please don't flip my molecules.
Please don't flip my molecules.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I offer a grand sum of thruppence to the man that photobuggers a water molecule over the head of Robert Fripp.
I offer a grand sum of thruppence to the man that photobuggers a water molecule over the head of Robert Fripp.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Somehow it would still be pedantic and joyless.
Somehow it would still be pedantic and joyless.
smilebuddha
+1 -0
But people still have sex with your mother.
But people still have sex with your mother.
smilebuddha
+0 -0
Awww, I keed. I keed .
Awww, I keed. I keed .
scorpio_nadir
+1 -0
Thri'penny for Frippery? Dastardly, Sirrah!
Thri'penny for Frippery? Dastardly, Sirrah!
srikamaraja
+0 -0
Are they anything like Cowboy Sauce?
Are they anything like Cowboy Sauce?
nice-on-water
+0 -0
Do it up, T-bag!
Do it up, T-bag!
westsider8
+0 -0
Luckily, Teodor saw through Chuck's weak attempt at convincing him to throw the contest. T's already a step ahead of the game. This elephant is gonna fly like Dumbo.
Luckily, Teodor saw through Chuck's weak attempt at convincing him to throw the contest. T's already a step ahead of the game. This elephant is gonna fly like Dumbo.
avatar
+0 -0
saw through? As in it being a ruse to test Tedor's ethic, like that time the porn king tested Tedor by casting him in a gay love scene?
saw through? As in it being a ruse to test Tedor's ethic, like that time the porn king tested Tedor by casting him in a gay love scene?
westsider8
+0 -0
Dude, it's like we share a brain.
Dude, it's like we share a brain.
avatar
+0 -0
It can't be, I'm a vegetarian...
I'm also thinking that maybe Williams wised up to the ruse after he saw the cook book manuscript.. maybe getting Tedor to throw the contest is a sort of spy vs. spy ruse... Maybe even provoking Tedor's pride is part of the counter-ruse.?
It can't be, I'm a vegetarian...
I'm also thinking that maybe Williams wised up to the ruse after he saw the cook book manuscript.. maybe getting Tedor to throw the contest is a sort of spy vs. spy ruse... Maybe even provoking Tedor's pride is part of the counter-ruse.?
cdumas
+0 -0
These elephants should be wearing green suits.
These elephants should be wearing green suits.
cdumas
+5 -0
Because nothing flicks my bean like Babar reading filthy, filthy she-porn.
Because nothing flicks my bean like Babar reading filthy, filthy she-porn.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
the name is Dumas.
and what you said is totally a thing.
the name is Dumas.
and what you said is totally a thing.
hamscout
+65 -0
My thoughts exactly...
[IMGS OFF]
My thoughts exactly...
[IMGS OFF]
tekende
+0 -0
The Arbiter of Chubbies hereby declares that this piece of Photoshop buggery deserves at least 23 chubbies. Chubby away, denizens.
The Arbiter of Chubbies hereby declares that this piece of Photoshop buggery deserves at least 23 chubbies. Chubby away, denizens.
hatstand_mcq
+3 -0
Much as I love Master Hamscout's work, I will not chubby yet another unwelcome penetration of my childhood by the crooked finger of photoshop. Not today.
Much as I love Master Hamscout's work, I will not chubby yet another unwelcome penetration of my childhood by the crooked finger of photoshop. Not today.
hamscout
+11 -0
PROGRAM NOTE:
Out of deep respect for the wishes of hatstand_mcq,
hamscout will refrain from posting his Madeline cake farts photo.
PROGRAM NOTE:
Out of deep respect for the wishes of hatstand_mcq,
hamscout will refrain from posting his Madeline cake farts photo.
gormster
+1 -0
oh my god
do it
oh my god
do it
smilebuddha
+1 -0
Man, that pachyderm's packin' .
Man, that pachyderm's packin' .
philophobe
+0 -0
I think... I think I just gave this delightful image its 23rd chubby, only after which did I see your Chubby Arbitrage.
This makes me feel Weird.
I think... I think I just gave this delightful image its 23rd chubby, only after which did I see your Chubby Arbitrage.
This makes me feel Weird.
tekende
+0 -0
Good job, son. Your country's proud of you.
Good job, son. Your country's proud of you.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Look at that Buggery up there. Over 23 Chubbies, your authority... it is challenged!
Look at that Buggery up there. Over 23 Chubbies, your authority... it is challenged!
octafish
+0 -0
No, no, no, no need for a coup. The Junta is still in contol. tek said at least 23 chubbies . Return to you homes. Crisis over.
No, no, no, no need for a coup. The Junta is still in contol. tek said at least 23 chubbies . Return to you homes. Crisis over.
woodenteeth
+3 -0
*throws Molotov at octafish* Where's my goddamn Rage Against The Machine CDs!
*throws Molotov at octafish* Where's my goddamn Rage Against The Machine CDs!
notcool
+4 -0
Yeaaaaah!
Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherfucker down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it!
[IMGS OFF]
Yeaaaaah!
Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherfucker down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it!
[IMGS OFF]
heccibiggs
+0 -0
I am interested to see how a Harold and Kumar reference will go down on Assetbar.
I am interested to see how a Harold and Kumar reference will go down on Assetbar.
wolfensti
+0 -0
I , for one, would like to welcome this developpment
I , for one, would like to welcome this developpment
notcool
+0 -0
Sometimes, you gotta do a thing, y'know?
Sometimes, you gotta do a thing, y'know?
rowboat
+0 -0
I don't even know the reference. That's how fucking cool I am.
I don't even know the reference. That's how fucking cool I am.
cracklewater
+0 -0
Dude has a liquorice allsort as a mic!
The best type too...
Dude has a liquorice allsort as a mic!
The best type too...
stripedassedape
+0 -0
damn and all cold rockin' bug-eyed Sam Jackson too; V-chub!
damn and all cold rockin' bug-eyed Sam Jackson too; V-chub!
avatar
+0 -0
it's only a matter of time before someone photoshops a ding dong onto this guy
it's only a matter of time before someone photoshops a ding dong onto this guy
avatar
+0 -0
wait, was that sex toy strapped to the elephant's tummy originally? Did it get added later? If it was there all along, I somehow missed it.
wait, was that sex toy strapped to the elephant's tummy originally? Did it get added later? If it was there all along, I somehow missed it.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Everyone! avatar mentally erases strap on dildos sub-consciously! The effect is only temporary! I charge you all to draw your own conclusions in regards to this man's character!
Everyone! avatar mentally erases strap on dildos sub-consciously! The effect is only temporary! I charge you all to draw your own conclusions in regards to this man's character!
avatar
+2 -0
*Hisssss*
*Hisssss*
srikamaraja
+1 -0
Oh, buck up, you worm.
By the way, is that a ribosomal subunit in your avatar, or are you just happy to membrane-bind me?
Oh, buck up, you worm.
By the way, is that a ribosomal subunit in your avatar, or are you just happy to membrane-bind me?
deus
+0 -0
OH good graces me! damn thats awsome! I had the same idea to use Babar in something though....just...not like that...NOT LIKE THAT!
OH good graces me! damn thats awsome! I had the same idea to use Babar in something though....just...not like that...NOT LIKE THAT!
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Hamscout, Hamscout, Hamscout:
Williams-Sonoma-Achewood Cookbook Page!
Hamscout, Hamscout, Hamscout:
Williams-Sonoma-Achewood Cookbook Page!
professorhazard
+0 -0
Do you think saying his name three times summons him from the dark world he makes his home, ready to do your bidding? The man already produced Babar with a strap-on.
Do you think saying his name three times summons him from the dark world he makes his home, ready to do your bidding? The man already produced Babar with a strap-on.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
The Babar porn was done after I had summoned the Dark One. Maybe if I Edwell, Edwell, Edwell it all up in this place...
The Babar porn was done after I had summoned the Dark One. Maybe if I Edwell, Edwell, Edwell it all up in this place...
woodenteeth
+0 -0
or: Echidna Boy, Come To My Rescue/Entertainment!
or: Echidna Boy, Come To My Rescue/Entertainment!
hamscout
+0 -0
[imh]https://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll179/jesscmess/2009%20Achewood/072309_WlmSnmaOnstad.jpg[/img]
Sorry for the delayed response to the 'ham signal'...
Ironically, I was cooking...
[imh]https://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll179/jesscmess/2009%20Achewood/072309_WlmSnmaOnstad.jpg[/img]
Sorry for the delayed response to the 'ham signal'...
Ironically, I was cooking...
hamscout
+21 -0
Cookin' up a batch of FUCK YOU, ASSETBAR!
[IMGS OFF]
And the LINK , in case there is more Asset-revenge.
Cookin' up a batch of FUCK YOU, ASSETBAR!
[IMGS OFF]
And the LINK , in case there is more Asset-revenge.
woodenteeth
+1 -0
I really, really want to say: "The cream sauce addition to this photo shop is just gravy".
Forgive me The Lord.
I really, really want to say: "The cream sauce addition to this photo shop is just gravy".
Forgive me The Lord.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
There is no forgiveness for trying to airbrush a masterpiece with droll wittery.
Hope the chuckle sees you through your Circumstances of Purgation.
HaND
There is no forgiveness for trying to airbrush a masterpiece with droll wittery.
Hope the chuckle sees you through your Circumstances of Purgation.
HaND
newspaperdrone
+0 -0
Today's recipe: Chicken!
Also, a chubby for you. Treasure it.
Today's recipe: Chicken!
Also, a chubby for you. Treasure it.
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
reply to the alt text:
well no duh. the guy is nearly one-hundred years old. he could care less about what a young whelp has to...
saaaaaaayyyy ...what if that's what all this is about ??
reply to the alt text:
well no duh. the guy is nearly one-hundred years old. he could care less about what a young whelp has to...
saaaaaaayyyy ...what if that's what all this is about ??
layzerblade
+1 -0
Y'know, this arc is merely good, not great, on Achewood terms. But it feels like Onstad's pushing himself here, while in the LN/Wales arc it felt like he was coasting. I take this as a sign that something great will come soon enough.
Y'know, this arc is merely good, not great, on Achewood terms. But it feels like Onstad's pushing himself here, while in the LN/Wales arc it felt like he was coasting. I take this as a sign that something great will come soon enough.
swordsower
+0 -0
What could be better than Sapphic Erotica contest? Sapphic erotica tournament?
What could be better than Sapphic Erotica contest? Sapphic erotica tournament?
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Tag team Sapphic erotica.
Tag team Sapphic erotica.
tekende
+0 -0
2am Friday, following Tag Team Cockery on Cinemax.
2am Friday, following Tag Team Cockery on Cinemax.
narenial
+0 -0
And then . . . Philadelphia.
And then . . . Philadelphia.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
you are funny.
i like you.
you are funny.
i like you.
avatar
+2 -0
if Onstad is to be believed, as he recounts it in interviews, he doesn't ever seem to say he pushes himself, does he? He did say he pushes himself with regards to trying to avoid discontinuity, saying that character X hates bananas and then having him masturbate with a banana a year later, sort of thing. Otherwise, Onstad has always described the process as one of just kinda letting the characters take the strip where they may, never planning into the future, just writing it strip by strip. Obviously, this approach is going to produce a number of duds and disappointments, but I really like this approach, of allowing the characters to be as alive as possible, this approach of sort of not 'simulating' or approximating the characters in his mind, but actually 'emulating' them as accurately as possible, because it results in a strip that is alive and has a life of it's own, which in the long run, has potential to produce stuff that couldn't be produced if each arc was planned too far in advance.
if Onstad is to be believed, as he recounts it in interviews, he doesn't ever seem to say he pushes himself, does he? He did say he pushes himself with regards to trying to avoid discontinuity, saying that character X hates bananas and then having him masturbate with a banana a year later, sort of thing. Otherwise, Onstad has always described the process as one of just kinda letting the characters take the strip where they may, never planning into the future, just writing it strip by strip. Obviously, this approach is going to produce a number of duds and disappointments, but I really like this approach, of allowing the characters to be as alive as possible, this approach of sort of not 'simulating' or approximating the characters in his mind, but actually 'emulating' them as accurately as possible, because it results in a strip that is alive and has a life of it's own, which in the long run, has potential to produce stuff that couldn't be produced if each arc was planned too far in advance.
morbo
+0 -0
people with plans often have boring lives
people with plans often have boring lives
layzerblade
+4 -0
I recall an interview where he said something to the effect that he spends nine hours on a strip, three in writing alone, and he keeps a long backlog of unused strip ideas. It's clear just from the style of Achewood that he lets the characters speak for themselves, and lets the story go in unexpected directions, but it's silly to extrapolate from that that he doesn't plan his arcs at all. It seems to me that, going into the Wales arc, Onstad thought he would get out more quickly, and he thought he'd have something more interesting to do while he was there. And it was painful to see him flounder, partly because it felt like it must have been painful for him to write in that position. And here he is, back in form, and that makes me glad.
That's right, fellas, it's...
Overempathize with a Cartoonist Who Doesn't Know You Thursday!
I recall an interview where he said something to the effect that he spends nine hours on a strip, three in writing alone, and he keeps a long backlog of unused strip ideas. It's clear just from the style of Achewood that he lets the characters speak for themselves, and lets the story go in unexpected directions, but it's silly to extrapolate from that that he doesn't plan his arcs at all. It seems to me that, going into the Wales arc, Onstad thought he would get out more quickly, and he thought he'd have something more interesting to do while he was there. And it was painful to see him flounder, partly because it felt like it must have been painful for him to write in that position. And here he is, back in form, and that makes me glad.
That's right, fellas, it's...
Overempathize with a Cartoonist Who Doesn't Know You Thursday!
srikamaraja
+0 -0
The characters, they are the thing become real again.
The characters, they are the thing become real again.
tekende
+0 -0
In this strip, two adorable-looking elephants discuss cookbooks and erotic fiction. That is good to see. It's something we don't see enough in this day and age.
In this strip, two adorable-looking elephants discuss cookbooks and erotic fiction. That is good to see. It's something we don't see enough in this day and age.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
In my day you couldn't walk into an Erotic Zoo without an elephant waving his trunk around saying a-whayhay hay!
In my day you couldn't walk into an Erotic Zoo without an elephant waving his trunk around saying a-whayhay hay!
srikamaraja
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
Stay out of the Zooniverse.
[IMGS OFF]
Stay out of the Zooniverse.
professorhazard
+0 -0
I am nearly one hundred years old. What do I care if two elephants discuss alginates.
I am nearly one hundred years old. What do I care if two elephants discuss alginates.
octafish
+1 -0
You know, I speak a little jive, and that isn't jive, leg 'er down a smack 'em yak 'em, sheeeeet.
You know, I speak a little jive, and that isn't jive, leg 'er down a smack 'em yak 'em, sheeeeet.
expellens
+0 -0
Young people talk smack. Old people talk jive .
Young people talk smack. Old people talk jive .
geysershitdick
+6 -0
J. Vincent J. Lemoni, feline real estate developer, previously mentioned here and here .
J. Vincent J. Lemoni, feline real estate developer, previously mentioned here and here .
geysershitdick
+1 -0
Oh, and also in these blogicles:
https://raysmuckles.blogspot.com/2004_12_01_archive.html
https://charleysmuckles.blogspot.com/2004/10/where-i-been-yall.html
https://www.achewood.org/raysplace.php?date=08192003&allnav=
Oh, and also in these blogicles:
https://raysmuckles.blogspot.com/2004_12_01_archive.html
https://charleysmuckles.blogspot.com/2004/10/where-i-been-yall.html
https://www.achewood.org/raysplace.php?date=08192003&allnav=
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
huh. i forgot that little bit.
i just figured he was some sort of super great guy and deserved to have stuff named after him.
The J. Vincent J. Lemoni Memorial Turnpike
The J. Vincent J. Lemoni Medical Center
J. Vincent J. Lemoni: The Breakfast Cereal.
the key suffix here is 'moni' which is only a pluralization of 'monies' which the guy hella had.
huh. i forgot that little bit.
i just figured he was some sort of super great guy and deserved to have stuff named after him.
The J. Vincent J. Lemoni Memorial Turnpike
The J. Vincent J. Lemoni Medical Center
J. Vincent J. Lemoni: The Breakfast Cereal.
the key suffix here is 'moni' which is only a pluralization of 'monies' which the guy hella had.
lateadopter
+0 -0
I think the grammatical way to say that is "a which the guy had hell."
I think the grammatical way to say that is "a which the guy had hell."
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Jesus, I haven't seen GSD since before I had pubics. And he brings the research
Jesus, I haven't seen GSD since before I had pubics. And he brings the research
srikamaraja
+0 -0
Daddy is going to kill [hedonismbot] for sure.
Daddy is going to kill [hedonismbot] for sure.
rumblefish
+3 -0
Bets on who is actually in the Chuck Williams elephant suit?
a: Ray
b: Cornelius
c: Todd and forty other squirrels
Bets on who is actually in the Chuck Williams elephant suit?
a: Ray
b: Cornelius
c: Todd and forty other squirrels
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
oh dogg don't even...
oh dogg don't even...
woodenteeth
+1 -0
Please let it be c). A Sapphic Rodent Borg.
*splut*
Please let it be c). A Sapphic Rodent Borg.
*splut*
octafish
+5 -0
You will be f-f-f-frickin' a-sssss-imilated.
You will be f-f-f-frickin' a-sssss-imilated.
philophobe
+0 -0
I don't know exactly how you plan to imilate my ass, but I'm pretty sure it ain't no friendly walkabout.
Might be a bit of a Commodore thing going on, though.
I don't know exactly how you plan to imilate my ass, but I'm pretty sure it ain't no friendly walkabout.
Might be a bit of a Commodore thing going on, though.
tekende
+2 -0
Your t-t-t-technological an' biological dist-t-t-tinctivensss will be added to our own, j-j-jerkwad!
Your t-t-t-technological an' biological dist-t-t-tinctivensss will be added to our own, j-j-jerkwad!
drskradley
+0 -0
Res-s-s-sistance is f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fuckin' futile, assmunch!
Res-s-s-sistance is f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fuckin' futile, assmunch!
drskradley
+0 -0
(that really should've been "frikkin'". I have failed you.)
(that really should've been "frikkin'". I have failed you.)
srikamaraja
+0 -0
drskradley is an asshole and a jerkwad! Well, then! That 'splains it!
drskradley is an asshole and a jerkwad! Well, then! That 'splains it!
morypcaina
+6 -0
'Ssimilatin' Dick Bought This Collective
'Ssimilatin' Dick Bought This Collective
dracer2
+6 -0
d: Lie bot. I aint like there isn't precedent in the Uncle Cullpepper fiasco.
d: Lie bot. I aint like there isn't precedent in the Uncle Cullpepper fiasco.
scorpio_nadir
+1 -0
Well crap. Here's a notion of Liebot already a half day before Liebot appeared to me in a vision of gibbering and clacking.
Well crap. Here's a notion of Liebot already a half day before Liebot appeared to me in a vision of gibbering and clacking.
lateadopter
+0 -0
And several seconds before I gibbered and clacked the same response. Seems like The Lie Bot Convergence is upon us.
And several seconds before I gibbered and clacked the same response. Seems like The Lie Bot Convergence is upon us.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
But....gibbering and clacking is So Much Fun For the Whole Family!
But....gibbering and clacking is So Much Fun For the Whole Family!
lateadopter
+1 -0
Lie Bot.
Lie Bot.
hatstand_mcq
+2 -0
I call bullshit on Careme's sauces. Allemande is just a Veloute with egg yolks carelessly mixed in. That's not a base sauce. Dickhead. The fourth mother sauce is, and always will be, Hollandaise. I've just come off a 16 hour shift and I'm all riled up about sauces on the internet.
I call bullshit on Careme's sauces. Allemande is just a Veloute with egg yolks carelessly mixed in. That's not a base sauce. Dickhead. The fourth mother sauce is, and always will be, Hollandaise. I've just come off a 16 hour shift and I'm all riled up about sauces on the internet.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
You're saying things I don't understand and consider kinda trivial and you're angry about it. I often get angry about trivial things. I think perhaps Assetbar is the Morroco of Pedants.
You're saying things I don't understand and consider kinda trivial and you're angry about it. I often get angry about trivial things. I think perhaps Assetbar is the Morroco of Pedants.
shelbydavis
+1 -1
You mean the Mecca of Pedants.
...oops.
You mean the Mecca of Pedants.
...oops.
woodenteeth
+4 -0
You have not seen Casablanca. Morocco, the place where random pricks go to escape prosecution and various types of persecution.
You have not seen Casablanca. Morocco, the place where random pricks go to escape prosecution and various types of persecution.
rowboat
+2 -0
Man knows what he means, and he means to put your dick in the dirt.
Man knows what he means, and he means to put your dick in the dirt.
woodenteeth
+2 -0
rowboat, please present me this man's penis... I have a meaning to put into action.
rowboat, please present me this man's penis... I have a meaning to put into action.
drskradley
+1 -0
DIRRTY.
DIRRTY.
shelbydavis
+0 -0
Well, then... I suppose it's off to Casablanca I go, to save my member from woodenteeth's persecution and/or prosecution...
But sorry, I really thought you were setting up a bit of a metahumour blank for someone else to fill in, woods!
Well, then... I suppose it's off to Casablanca I go, to save my member from woodenteeth's persecution and/or prosecution...
But sorry, I really thought you were setting up a bit of a metahumour blank for someone else to fill in, woods!
srikamaraja
+0 -0
The man who owned Napoleon Bonaparte's penis died in May 2007... where could it be now?
The man who owned Napoleon Bonaparte's penis died in May 2007... where could it be now?
morypcaina
+1 -0
erect was I ere I sawt cere
...shit
erect was I ere I sawt cere
...shit
philophobe
+0 -0
Huzzah for historical palindromes adapted to include boners.
Huzzah for historical palindromes adapted to include boners.
drskradley
+0 -0
But going by Augustus Hill from Oz , there were/are at least [b]three[b] dicks in boxes going around, all claiming to Napoleon's.
Quote:
But going by Augustus Hill from Oz , there were/are at least [b]three[b] dicks in boxes going around, all claiming to Napoleon's.
Quote:
"When Napoleon died in Exile, the doctors cut off his dick. They put his dick in an ornate jar and gave it to his priest; don't ask me why. Over the years, Napoleon's dick was sold and sold again to the highest bidder. To this day, at least three people claim to own Napoleon's dick.
But you see, it's not important who owns the real dick. The big question is, well... who the fuck do those other two dicks belong to?"
But you see, it's not important who owns the real dick. The big question is, well... who the fuck do those other two dicks belong to?"
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I approve of being known of as "woods". As my possession of this state is indeed in the plural form.
hey-o!
I approve of being known of as "woods". As my possession of this state is indeed in the plural form.
hey-o!
narenial
+0 -0
*gasp!*
You two started without me . . . for shame!
*gasp!*
You two started without me . . . for shame!
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I'm sorry Mistress.
I'm sorry Mistress.
instinctsage
+0 -0
I want to see Teodor bust out his dance move in the elephant suit.
I want to see Teodor bust out his dance move in the elephant suit.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
TOMORROW: BINGO
TOMORROW: BINGO
henry_pussycat
+0 -0
Achewood should be just elephants. 1
Achewood should be just elephants. 1
mystkmanat
+0 -0
Man, who could have guessed that Onstad could draw such rad elephants? They completely made my day.
Man, who could have guessed that Onstad could draw such rad elephants? They completely made my day.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
ugly men on toilets and elephants...
huh.
ugly men on toilets and elephants...
huh.
deus
+0 -0
Wait wait wait.....
WHY the elephant suits?
Wait wait wait.....
WHY the elephant suits?
newspaperdrone
+0 -0
The question you should be asking is 'why NOT the elephant suits?'
The question you should be asking is 'why NOT the elephant suits?'
rumblefish
+26 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
avatar
+0 -0
A comment left by avatar was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by fakead, Wozzeck, Lumus, greatjob)
A comment left by avatar was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by fakead, Wozzeck, Lumus, greatjob)
emosexy
+0 -0
wtf...seriously. Your cat sounds like a 25-year old gamer who lives in his parents basement and eats his own semen. Naaaassttyyyyyy....
wtf...seriously. Your cat sounds like a 25-year old gamer who lives in his parents basement and eats his own semen. Naaaassttyyyyyy....
avatar
+0 -0
what? Where do you get that from! He eats MY semen, not his own , you sicko!
what? Where do you get that from! He eats MY semen, not his own , you sicko!
salvar
+1 -0
You know, most people just use a rag . Or tissues, or a sock, or something. Why a glass? Is a rag not classy enough for you? Is it a champagne flute ?
You know, most people just use a rag . Or tissues, or a sock, or something. Why a glass? Is a rag not classy enough for you? Is it a champagne flute ?
rumblefish
+1 -0
I'm assuming that the cat chooses the type of glass in advance and leaves it discretely by avatar's bedside.
I'm assuming that the cat chooses the type of glass in advance and leaves it discretely by avatar's bedside.
pygmalion00
+0 -0
So THAT'S what dignity looks like...the episode of The Simpsons where Kirk and Luanne Van Houten get divorced always left me wondering.
So THAT'S what dignity looks like...the episode of The Simpsons where Kirk and Luanne Van Houten get divorced always left me wondering.
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Huh. I guess you didn't go to Gudger College, then.
Huh. I guess you didn't go to Gudger College, then.
avatar
+6 -0
So I guess the idea behind an effective tampon commercial is that you have to communicate the idea that the tampon is guaranteed not to fall out of your cooter no matter how you twist your legs about and gyrate your hips, without actually saying this, because, it's taboo to talk about cooters and foreign objects being inserted into them.
[IMGS OFF]
So I guess the idea behind an effective tampon commercial is that you have to communicate the idea that the tampon is guaranteed not to fall out of your cooter no matter how you twist your legs about and gyrate your hips, without actually saying this, because, it's taboo to talk about cooters and foreign objects being inserted into them.
[IMGS OFF]
wolfensti
+0 -0
It's big in Japan i see.
It's big in Japan i see.
jar
+0 -1
I hear cheerleader-themed tampon parties are big in Japan.
I hear cheerleader-themed tampon parties are big in Japan.
wolfensti
+0 -0
i meant Tampon, but whatever floats your boat, jar.
i meant Tampon, but whatever floats your boat, jar.
avatar
+0 -0
not Tampopo?
not Tampopo?
cdumas
+0 -0
No. We're out grilling yam sausages.
No. We're out grilling yam sausages.
guikey
+0 -0
Q: What do you call the tampon police?
A: The tamPOPO!
Q: What do you call the tampon police?
A: The tamPOPO!
i_love_kate
+4 -0
I hear radioactive lizards are big in Japan.
I hear radioactive lizards are big in Japan.
smilebuddha
+0 -0
Cheap Trick. And Spinal Tap.
Cheap Trick. And Spinal Tap.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Are you citing previous instances of this joke? Don't worry, I wasn't labouring under the delusion that I'd created anything new and exciting.
Are you citing previous instances of this joke? Don't worry, I wasn't labouring under the delusion that I'd created anything new and exciting.
smilebuddha
+0 -0
I merely state the Truth. And when you find things like "[Cheap Trick] have often been referred to in the Japanese press as the "American Beatles,", well ...
I merely state the Truth. And when you find things like "[Cheap Trick] have often been referred to in the Japanese press as the "American Beatles,", well ...
neonfreon
+0 -0
that is not the truth.
that is not the truth.
smilebuddha
+0 -0
B-But the Internet told me so! Is the Internet a liar ?
B-But the Internet told me so! Is the Internet a liar ?
stereo
+4 -0
My penis is big, in Japan.
My penis is big, in Japan.
falseprophet
+0 -0
You've got the moon,
You've got the cheese,
You've got the whole damn nation on their knees .
You've got the moon,
You've got the cheese,
You've got the whole damn nation on their knees .
tekende
+0 -0
pow pow pow
pow pow pow
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
S-tyle
S-tyle
srikamaraja
+0 -0
I have waited so long for these Identical Elephants.
I have waited so long for these Identical Elephants.
terebikun
+0 -0
I heard from a guy that Williams-Sonoma is working with Achewood on the next Achewood cookbook.
I heard from a guy that Williams-Sonoma is working with Achewood on the next Achewood cookbook.
i_love_kate
+1 -0
I am interested in your views and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. I trust that you will occasionally make use of red lettering in your headlines for emphasis.
I am interested in your views and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. I trust that you will occasionally make use of red lettering in your headlines for emphasis.
wolfensti
+0 -0
[https://www.timecube.com/]There yah go[/url]
[https://www.timecube.com/]There yah go[/url]
wolfensti
+1 -0
Friggin hell, i,m educated stupid
Friggin hell, i,m educated stupid
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Also, did anyone else perceive the two panels after Chuck declares that the costumes "lack ventilation" to depict Teodor quietly suffocating to death?
Also, did anyone else perceive the two panels after Chuck declares that the costumes "lack ventilation" to depict Teodor quietly suffocating to death?
avatar
+0 -0
probably not. are you married? Have a girl friend? How does she cope?
probably not. are you married? Have a girl friend? How does she cope?
wolfensti
+0 -0
I'd dare posit that he may love a certain "Kate"
I'd dare posit that he may love a certain "Kate"
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Is your source on this reliable?
Is your source on this reliable?
neonfreon
+0 -0
nobody else did, everyone else immediately recognized it as a failed hand shake attempt.
actually i skipped over those two panels until i read your comment and then went back and decided that's whats going on
nobody else did, everyone else immediately recognized it as a failed hand shake attempt.
actually i skipped over those two panels until i read your comment and then went back and decided that's whats going on
avatar
+0 -0
actually I didn't see the handshake attempt by Tedor until now. All I saw was Tedor being so obtuse as to not know what to respond to the elephant suit design criticism.
actually I didn't see the handshake attempt by Tedor until now. All I saw was Tedor being so obtuse as to not know what to respond to the elephant suit design criticism.
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
THIS WHOEL FUCKIN' MESS OF A BOARD LACKS BALLSCK
i am unhappy
time 3 fix dis shit. eery1, gimme ur quickest knock-out times. mine is 3 seconds. from seat, 2 stand, 2 uppercut 2 makin' break 4 door.
don't b embarassed 2 say ur times i got lucky an' dis ain't a contest so dun b 'fraid 2 share
THIS WHOEL FUCKIN' MESS OF A BOARD LACKS BALLSCK
i am unhappy
time 3 fix dis shit. eery1, gimme ur quickest knock-out times. mine is 3 seconds. from seat, 2 stand, 2 uppercut 2 makin' break 4 door.
don't b embarassed 2 say ur times i got lucky an' dis ain't a contest so dun b 'fraid 2 share
maximus
+1 -1
If you do something long enough, even something that you don%u2019t like, that you might even hate, you could begin to do it well enough to make everyone else think you love it. You could even fool yourself if you%u2019re not careful, I know. I%u2019m very good at fooling myself.
When I was around sixteen I decided that I was going to become a great concert violinist. See, I was given the violin at the age of five as a present for taking castor oil and I made the best of a bad situation but at sixteen I decided that I was going to really try. Take four or five lessons a week, practice seven or eight hours a day from this tremendous teacher who had just come over from Germany. I say %u201CI decided%u201D. That%u2019s a lie. Roger decided...
Maybe you know someone like Rog? I use to think he was the greatest thing that had happened to the piano since Walter Bezinking. He wasn%u2019t but I thought so. But there was one thing about him, a tragic character flaw. Something in his smile.
His teeth...
I told him about it. He didn%u2019t know what to say. Oh, he had a game, by the way, that he played with me. He had me go to the piano and strike a chord. And then with his back turned on the other side of the room he%u2019d name all the notes. I%u2019d start with simple chords like a C chord or an F chord, and then I%u2019d get a distended eleventh chord or an augmented seventh or
a perverted twenty-seventh ... Still he%u2019d name all the notes until I wanted to lean on the piano. He had me on my bloody knees in front of his superiority.And I hated him for having absolute pitch...
But then, knowing that he%u2019d gone too far, he became kindly.There are certain kinds of kindness that are like fish hooks. He said, %u201CYou know, you could become the Swedish Jascha Heifetz.%u201D I love that kind of talk. It transported me from that living room. I was carried by his flattery to some huge stage, something that would make Carnegie Hall seem tre son tine...
And there, in what was larger than Death Valley, I was playing the closing measures of some impossibly difficult concerto, as if it were nothing at all. Thousands upon thousands of people, listening like so many hushed cabbage heads. As the last few notes sang out with incredible purity and died away...
Then there was a silence after, very much like the quiet that must have followed the Gettysburg Address, and then the audience went mad: %u201CBravo! Encore!%u201D and the applause sweeping across the stage and I there bowing in the warmth of the footlights, turning every now and then toward Roger, who accompanied me, just to let a little bit of the applause glance off to show him that I could be magnanimous with power.
And then after a half hour of this %u201CBravo!%u201D and %u201CEncore!%u201D I broke my rule against playing encores which I made at the age of eight and played %u201CThe Old Folks at Home%u201D just to make my mother happy...
I%u2019ll never forget the way it was there in Roger%u2019s living room. I%u2019ll never forget the bay window and the sunshine and the potted fern that his mother loved so well and Roger, the way he slithered past me, past the potted Adder%u2019s tongue that his mother loved so well, through the undulating sunshine with its dust climbing like a Brownian movement towards madness, over to the upright piano.
And as he played his favorite composition there in the twilight %u201CThe Moonlight Sonata%u201D I saw, as if for the first time, his teeth...
And something inside of me sagged. I said, %u201CSee ya%u2019 Rog%u201D and I put my violin in its case, I slammed the front door, I walked the long sidewalk home not stepping on cracks, and I told F. Drucci, cement contractor 1927, "I%u2019m through with music!"
I've often wondered if F. Drucci, cement contractor 1927 wanted to lay cement sidewalk like -- crazy.
If you do something long enough, even something that you don%u2019t like, that you might even hate, you could begin to do it well enough to make everyone else think you love it. You could even fool yourself if you%u2019re not careful, I know. I%u2019m very good at fooling myself.
When I was around sixteen I decided that I was going to become a great concert violinist. See, I was given the violin at the age of five as a present for taking castor oil and I made the best of a bad situation but at sixteen I decided that I was going to really try. Take four or five lessons a week, practice seven or eight hours a day from this tremendous teacher who had just come over from Germany. I say %u201CI decided%u201D. That%u2019s a lie. Roger decided...
Maybe you know someone like Rog? I use to think he was the greatest thing that had happened to the piano since Walter Bezinking. He wasn%u2019t but I thought so. But there was one thing about him, a tragic character flaw. Something in his smile.
His teeth...
I told him about it. He didn%u2019t know what to say. Oh, he had a game, by the way, that he played with me. He had me go to the piano and strike a chord. And then with his back turned on the other side of the room he%u2019d name all the notes. I%u2019d start with simple chords like a C chord or an F chord, and then I%u2019d get a distended eleventh chord or an augmented seventh or
a perverted twenty-seventh ... Still he%u2019d name all the notes until I wanted to lean on the piano. He had me on my bloody knees in front of his superiority.And I hated him for having absolute pitch...
But then, knowing that he%u2019d gone too far, he became kindly.There are certain kinds of kindness that are like fish hooks. He said, %u201CYou know, you could become the Swedish Jascha Heifetz.%u201D I love that kind of talk. It transported me from that living room. I was carried by his flattery to some huge stage, something that would make Carnegie Hall seem tre son tine...
And there, in what was larger than Death Valley, I was playing the closing measures of some impossibly difficult concerto, as if it were nothing at all. Thousands upon thousands of people, listening like so many hushed cabbage heads. As the last few notes sang out with incredible purity and died away...
Then there was a silence after, very much like the quiet that must have followed the Gettysburg Address, and then the audience went mad: %u201CBravo! Encore!%u201D and the applause sweeping across the stage and I there bowing in the warmth of the footlights, turning every now and then toward Roger, who accompanied me, just to let a little bit of the applause glance off to show him that I could be magnanimous with power.
And then after a half hour of this %u201CBravo!%u201D and %u201CEncore!%u201D I broke my rule against playing encores which I made at the age of eight and played %u201CThe Old Folks at Home%u201D just to make my mother happy...
I%u2019ll never forget the way it was there in Roger%u2019s living room. I%u2019ll never forget the bay window and the sunshine and the potted fern that his mother loved so well and Roger, the way he slithered past me, past the potted Adder%u2019s tongue that his mother loved so well, through the undulating sunshine with its dust climbing like a Brownian movement towards madness, over to the upright piano.
And as he played his favorite composition there in the twilight %u201CThe Moonlight Sonata%u201D I saw, as if for the first time, his teeth...
And something inside of me sagged. I said, %u201CSee ya%u2019 Rog%u201D and I put my violin in its case, I slammed the front door, I walked the long sidewalk home not stepping on cracks, and I told F. Drucci, cement contractor 1927, "I%u2019m through with music!"
I've often wondered if F. Drucci, cement contractor 1927 wanted to lay cement sidewalk like -- crazy.
rowboat
+0 -0
V-lame for copy-and-pasting.
Dick.
V-lame for copy-and-pasting.
Dick.
maximus
+0 -0
yeah I don't do it enough to remember how badly assetbar mangles text
yeah I don't do it enough to remember how badly assetbar mangles text
rowboat
+0 -0
Assetbar is a total whiny girl about text.
Assetbar is a total whiny girl about text.
stereo
+0 -0
2 1/2 hours into a Lord of the Rings movie I had enough and conked out the guy in the seat in front of me. He was irritating me since about 40 minutes in, eventually it just got too much. Not proud.
2 1/2 hours into a Lord of the Rings movie I had enough and conked out the guy in the seat in front of me. He was irritating me since about 40 minutes in, eventually it just got too much. Not proud.
avatar
+0 -0
it were Roger? This explains his teeth?
it were Roger? This explains his teeth?
maximus
+0 -0
Okay - who did this on Wikipedia:
"Williams featured prominently in a storyline in the webcomic Achewood in which he participated in an sapphic erotica fiction-writing competition while dressed as an elephant after complications resulting from having agreed to use erotic copy in his catalog to better target trophy wives."
Okay - who did this on Wikipedia:
"Williams featured prominently in a storyline in the webcomic Achewood in which he participated in an sapphic erotica fiction-writing competition while dressed as an elephant after complications resulting from having agreed to use erotic copy in his catalog to better target trophy wives."
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
it'll be gone by morning, i'm sure.
i'm also pretty sure that might hurt the brand if it sticks around for too long, or if the wrong newsgroup finds it and blows everything out of proportion, giving Achewood too much (bad) press...leading to some lawsuit or something.
out of proportion, indeed.
it'll be gone by morning, i'm sure.
i'm also pretty sure that might hurt the brand if it sticks around for too long, or if the wrong newsgroup finds it and blows everything out of proportion, giving Achewood too much (bad) press...leading to some lawsuit or something.
out of proportion, indeed.
stereo
+0 -0
Wait, Williams-Sonoma is an actual company? I thought it was like Achewater.
Wait, Williams-Sonoma is an actual company? I thought it was like Achewater.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Stereo is clearly pre-menopausal.
Stereo is clearly pre-menopausal.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
My quickest in a paid match was at 3:40-something. It was my second match ever, and he was a not-so-good wrestler, and I knew striking (TKD!). It was really a knockout-knockout, but a TKO was good enough to pay my rent that month.
My quickest in a paid match was at 3:40-something. It was my second match ever, and he was a not-so-good wrestler, and I knew striking (TKD!). It was really a knockout-knockout, but a TKO was good enough to pay my rent that month.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Stripper, Wrestler, Pervert.
Please continue adding to this list. I'm constantly suprised.
Stripper, Wrestler, Pervert.
Please continue adding to this list. I'm constantly suprised.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
It wasn't actually wrestling (I got my ass kicked twice, both by wrestlers. I did 5 matches in a local MMA thing to make ends meet. It was thonk or be thonk. Also, I was never a stripper. That was a horrible lie.
It wasn't actually wrestling (I got my ass kicked twice, both by wrestlers. I did 5 matches in a local MMA thing to make ends meet. It was thonk or be thonk. Also, I was never a stripper. That was a horrible lie.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
It was actually a pretty plausible lie for some reason.
The reason is: I'm Gullible.
It was actually a pretty plausible lie for some reason.
The reason is: I'm Gullible.
rowboat
+0 -0
Next he will reveal that he was never actually a pervert.
Next he will reveal that he was never actually a pervert.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
My dreams would be dashed .
My dreams would be dashed .
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Finally, he will reveal that his real name is Dash Riprock.
So, it works after all.
Finally, he will reveal that his real name is Dash Riprock.
So, it works after all.
avatar
+1 -0
So, it can't be that hard to get a job in a baby food factory, even if you're just a janitor.
Likewise, it can't be that hard to get ahold of a dead fetus. Worst case scenario, you read the obits and you go dig up a grave. Although, as you are about to see, the embalming fluid would be a problem. Probably, then, the next easiest way to get ahold of a dead fetus that hasn't been embalmed yet is from a funeral home. Worst case scenario, you intercept a hearse on it's way from a hospital. I'll bet the back door of the hearse isn't even locked, especially in the midwest. You pull up behind the hearse at a stop light, you toss a smoke or flash grenade as a distraction, pop open the back door, cut the baby casket free from any ropes with your already ready knife, and toss it into your vehicle like a foot ball, and you're off. Is someone gonna chase you down in a frickin' hearse? I don't think so. At the same time as you remove the coffin or plastic supermarket bag as the case may be, toss a smoke grenade into the hearse for good measure. Wear disposable gloves and a hair net just to be safe, so as to not leave any prints or genetic material behind, and to not get any seepage of dead person fluid on you.
Okay, you've got your job at the baby food factory, and you've got you a dead baby fetus. Now the fun part. This is where you get to create. You'll need a cutting board, and a good sharp knife, and some creativity. You might also need a sewing kit. And you're gonna need one of those sports drink systems that you wear on your back.
[IMGS OFF] Basically, you have to get this dead baby into one of the horse grinders at the baby food factory -- without anyone seeing you, and without drawing attention on the camera system, if they have one. This will take a little creativity.
Cut the baby fetus up into manageable chunks, and puree each chunk in a food grinder. Dump the baby puree into a large pot until you have the entire baby fetus liquefied in the pot. Mix in a preservative - the cheapest and easiest to obtain preservative is simply a handful of salt.
pour the puree into the camelbak drink system. The drinking tube that normally goes in your mouth needs to be extended with some plastic tube from a hardware store and rerouted down the sleeve of your shirt. (make sure to wear a long sleeve shirt.) Make sure that you get the version of the Camelbak that has a battery operated pump which pumps the drink for you.
Weak the camelbak under your shirt and also wear a fuzzy sweater so the bulk is not so apparent.
Now all you do is, during lunch break at your next shift, discretely slip on the modified camelbak 'drink system' in a restroom. You might be tempted to keep the camelbak in the break-room fridge, but don't do this! Although you are correct in thinking that the lower temperature will help preserve the baby puree against spoilage, there is the problem that the lower temperature will also change the viscosity of the puree, making it harder to pump for a drink system that is already going to be challenged enough as it is by this thick puree.
Now all you have to do is discretely walk up to the horse grinder, lay your hand on the lip of the giant grinding bowl as the horses are dumped in, and with your other hand, activate the camelbak drink system. It will quickly void it's self of it's contents, pumping the puree out the tube which terminates under the palm of your hand, mixing in with the horse puree.
Obviously, if you can get a job nearer to the end of the assembly line, this is ideal. As the empty baby food jars whizz by, ideally you will be able to simply hold your hand over the processing of jars, and activate the drink system, possibly even filling some of the jars entirely if the line moves slowly enough and/or the drink system is fast enough, and if you move your hand along with the line so as to follow a particular jar for as long as possible. As the jars proceed under the filler which squirts a pre-measured amount of horse puree into each jar, all that will happen is that the horse puree will overflow from the already full jars, and the jars are subsequently capped by the cap machine. It's a little messy, but by the time the jars get boxed and to the store, most of the excess puree will simply have fallen off. Any that is left will be then be dried on and not very noticeable to the end consumer and/or the person stocking the shelves.
So, it can't be that hard to get a job in a baby food factory, even if you're just a janitor.
Likewise, it can't be that hard to get ahold of a dead fetus. Worst case scenario, you read the obits and you go dig up a grave. Although, as you are about to see, the embalming fluid would be a problem. Probably, then, the next easiest way to get ahold of a dead fetus that hasn't been embalmed yet is from a funeral home. Worst case scenario, you intercept a hearse on it's way from a hospital. I'll bet the back door of the hearse isn't even locked, especially in the midwest. You pull up behind the hearse at a stop light, you toss a smoke or flash grenade as a distraction, pop open the back door, cut the baby casket free from any ropes with your already ready knife, and toss it into your vehicle like a foot ball, and you're off. Is someone gonna chase you down in a frickin' hearse? I don't think so. At the same time as you remove the coffin or plastic supermarket bag as the case may be, toss a smoke grenade into the hearse for good measure. Wear disposable gloves and a hair net just to be safe, so as to not leave any prints or genetic material behind, and to not get any seepage of dead person fluid on you.
Okay, you've got your job at the baby food factory, and you've got you a dead baby fetus. Now the fun part. This is where you get to create. You'll need a cutting board, and a good sharp knife, and some creativity. You might also need a sewing kit. And you're gonna need one of those sports drink systems that you wear on your back.
[IMGS OFF] Basically, you have to get this dead baby into one of the horse grinders at the baby food factory -- without anyone seeing you, and without drawing attention on the camera system, if they have one. This will take a little creativity.
Cut the baby fetus up into manageable chunks, and puree each chunk in a food grinder. Dump the baby puree into a large pot until you have the entire baby fetus liquefied in the pot. Mix in a preservative - the cheapest and easiest to obtain preservative is simply a handful of salt.
pour the puree into the camelbak drink system. The drinking tube that normally goes in your mouth needs to be extended with some plastic tube from a hardware store and rerouted down the sleeve of your shirt. (make sure to wear a long sleeve shirt.) Make sure that you get the version of the Camelbak that has a battery operated pump which pumps the drink for you.
Weak the camelbak under your shirt and also wear a fuzzy sweater so the bulk is not so apparent.
Now all you do is, during lunch break at your next shift, discretely slip on the modified camelbak 'drink system' in a restroom. You might be tempted to keep the camelbak in the break-room fridge, but don't do this! Although you are correct in thinking that the lower temperature will help preserve the baby puree against spoilage, there is the problem that the lower temperature will also change the viscosity of the puree, making it harder to pump for a drink system that is already going to be challenged enough as it is by this thick puree.
Now all you have to do is discretely walk up to the horse grinder, lay your hand on the lip of the giant grinding bowl as the horses are dumped in, and with your other hand, activate the camelbak drink system. It will quickly void it's self of it's contents, pumping the puree out the tube which terminates under the palm of your hand, mixing in with the horse puree.
Obviously, if you can get a job nearer to the end of the assembly line, this is ideal. As the empty baby food jars whizz by, ideally you will be able to simply hold your hand over the processing of jars, and activate the drink system, possibly even filling some of the jars entirely if the line moves slowly enough and/or the drink system is fast enough, and if you move your hand along with the line so as to follow a particular jar for as long as possible. As the jars proceed under the filler which squirts a pre-measured amount of horse puree into each jar, all that will happen is that the horse puree will overflow from the already full jars, and the jars are subsequently capped by the cap machine. It's a little messy, but by the time the jars get boxed and to the store, most of the excess puree will simply have fallen off. Any that is left will be then be dried on and not very noticeable to the end consumer and/or the person stocking the shelves.
avatar
+0 -0
I've got to retract the above write-up. It was late, I was drunk and not thinking straight. Obviously, the easiest, by far the easiest, way to get ahold of a dead baby is to kidnap one that's still alive! The damn things are everywhere!
I've got to retract the above write-up. It was late, I was drunk and not thinking straight. Obviously, the easiest, by far the easiest, way to get ahold of a dead baby is to kidnap one that's still alive! The damn things are everywhere!
notcool
+3 -0
Avatar, you are so very, very close to getting what I lovingly call the "Lennie Chubby" then going on my ignore list forever.
Avatar, you are so very, very close to getting what I lovingly call the "Lennie Chubby" then going on my ignore list forever.
avatar
+1 -0
I remember reading somewhere where they (pedo scientists) did a study where the determined that a baby can get an erection immediately after it's born.
I remember reading somewhere where they (pedo scientists) did a study where the determined that a baby can get an erection immediately after it's born.
zoot
+0 -0
(long time reader, first time commentor.)
Given an insane leader, communism and facism work out to much the same thing in the end. But, there has never actually been a real communist state in the Marxist sense however-communism being the natural end to a historical process, rather than a power-grab by someone tired of the aristocracy *cough* Lenin *cough*. On a less pedantic note, an elderly man in a cute elephant costume being cross with Teodor is pretty darned cute.
(long time reader, first time commentor.)
Given an insane leader, communism and facism work out to much the same thing in the end. But, there has never actually been a real communist state in the Marxist sense however-communism being the natural end to a historical process, rather than a power-grab by someone tired of the aristocracy *cough* Lenin *cough*. On a less pedantic note, an elderly man in a cute elephant costume being cross with Teodor is pretty darned cute.
juggalo
+0 -0
hello Zoot,
if you wish to make additional comments, you must click [url="https://midconet.net/achewoodtest/"]this link[/url] first to read more strips... you have to read a few hundred strips before you are allowed to make more comments.
hello Zoot,
if you wish to make additional comments, you must click [url="https://midconet.net/achewoodtest/"]this link[/url] first to read more strips... you have to read a few hundred strips before you are allowed to make more comments.
juggalo
+0 -0
hello Zoot,
if you wish to make additional comments, you must click this link first to read more strips... you have to read a few hundred strips before you are allowed to make more comments.
hello Zoot,
if you wish to make additional comments, you must click this link first to read more strips... you have to read a few hundred strips before you are allowed to make more comments.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
hello Zoot,
if you wish to make additional comments, you must click this link first to read more strips...you have to read a few hundred strips before you are allowed to make more comments.
hello Zoot,
if you wish to make additional comments, you must click this link first to read more strips...you have to read a few hundred strips before you are allowed to make more comments.
aperson
+0 -0
When I stab myself in the nuts with a sharp twig, it always seems to hurt, but that says nothing about the original Marxian theory of nut-stabbing.
Nut-stabbing is the natural end to a historical process. You just need to do it properly. That's what I tell myself anyway.
By the way, AIU, if you want to post more... oh somebody else said it already.
When I stab myself in the nuts with a sharp twig, it always seems to hurt, but that says nothing about the original Marxian theory of nut-stabbing.
Nut-stabbing is the natural end to a historical process. You just need to do it properly. That's what I tell myself anyway.
By the way, AIU, if you want to post more... oh somebody else said it already.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
two thonks and a thump.
two thonks and a thump.
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
ivebeenupseventeenhoursthisisthesortofthingonewouldteetabotbutiaintgonnadothatwaitichangedmymindandamatweetdisasofnahsobearwitmeindisdatistoosaydatimgontweetabotdatdenmebegetsumsleepscratchdatgonnaridedisotmanmamineisallovetehplaceatarondabotnahimgetsecondwindisyiprevoslysaysrtarchdatsoplzbhive
ivebeenupseventeenhoursthisisthesortofthingonewouldteetabotbutiaintgonnadothatwaitichangedmymindandamatweetdisasofnahsobearwitmeindisdatistoosaydatimgontweetabotdatdenmebegetsumsleepscratchdatgonnaridedisotmanmamineisallovetehplaceatarondabotnahimgetsecondwindisyiprevoslysaysrtarchdatsoplzbhive
gladi8orrex
+0 -0
wow, what the fuck
wow, what the fuck
maximus
+0 -0
It took the power of Assetbar itself to finally truncate you, gladi.
It took the power of Assetbar itself to finally truncate you, gladi.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
i've been up seventeen hours this is the sort of thing one would tweet about but i ain't gonna do that wait i changed my mind and am'a tweet this as of now so bear with me in this that is to say that i'm gonna tweet about that (and) then maybe get some sleep scratch that gonna ride this out man my mind is all over the place at a round about nah i'ma get second wind is why i previously say scratch that so please behave.
(phew!)
i've been up seventeen hours this is the sort of thing one would tweet about but i ain't gonna do that wait i changed my mind and am'a tweet this as of now so bear with me in this that is to say that i'm gonna tweet about that (and) then maybe get some sleep scratch that gonna ride this out man my mind is all over the place at a round about nah i'ma get second wind is why i previously say scratch that so please behave.
(phew!)
nice-on-water
+0 -1
Teodor's pretty tall for a stuffed bear. Or Chuck's pretty short for an almost one hundred year old CEO.
Teodor's pretty tall for a stuffed bear. Or Chuck's pretty short for an almost one hundred year old CEO.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
yes.
yes.
nice-on-water
+0 -0
Thanks.
Thanks.
ishuta
+0 -0
i think i'm gay
i think i'm gay
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
i'm not sure what you mean.
i don't know if what you're saying means anything.
i'm not sure what you mean.
i don't know if what you're saying means anything.
ishuta
+0 -0
i think i want a dick in my mouth
i think i want a dick in my mouth
ishuta
+0 -0
i want to die
someone kill me oh god
i want to die
someone kill me oh god
ishuta
+1 -0
"eye" don't think so!
"eye" don't think so!
wolfensti
+0 -0
ohhh, freaky
ohhh, freaky
avatar
+0 -0
ishuta are you really 12? I'll give you instructions for how to kill yourself but only if you'll do it on a web cam.
ishuta are you really 12? I'll give you instructions for how to kill yourself but only if you'll do it on a web cam.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
that's what i'm sayin'!!
that's what i'm sayin'!!
ishuta
+0 -0
oh my god
michael jackson is dead
oh my god
michael jackson is dead
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I want to lame this, but every forty-one hours or so I stop and say the same thing.
I want to lame this, but every forty-one hours or so I stop and say the same thing.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
and the other seven are spent having nightmares about it?
and the other seven are spent having nightmares about it?
plummet
+0 -0
micheal jaxin was a great man
micheal jaxin was a great man
avatar
+0 -0
It was a journey on an endless lake of frustration. I turned my mind inside out, rinsed it, and put it back in place. I went through seven rings of hell and came back. And then I got it. The enlightenment came instantaneously. One moment I understood nothing, and the next moment everything clicked into place. ... I've achieved an almost divine state of mind, an instantaneous enlightenment experience that turned my view of Twitter on its head in less than a single second.
It was a journey on an endless lake of frustration. I turned my mind inside out, rinsed it, and put it back in place. I went through seven rings of hell and came back. And then I got it. The enlightenment came instantaneously. One moment I understood nothing, and the next moment everything clicked into place. ... I've achieved an almost divine state of mind, an instantaneous enlightenment experience that turned my view of Twitter on its head in less than a single second.
belgand
+0 -0
So if Chuck Williams is Peter and Julia is Jesus who is God? James Beard? Is this strictly an American pantheon or does Escoffier have a shot at the title? Frankly, I see him more as Iupiter to Careme's Saturn, but what have you. Is there no veneration of Mary (Irma S. Rombauer)?
So if Chuck Williams is Peter and Julia is Jesus who is God? James Beard? Is this strictly an American pantheon or does Escoffier have a shot at the title? Frankly, I see him more as Iupiter to Careme's Saturn, but what have you. Is there no veneration of Mary (Irma S. Rombauer)?
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
Exhibit C: The Gentlemanly Shoulder Thing
Exhibit C: The Gentlemanly Shoulder Thing
freerhi
+0 -0
lol
lol
It is a folly to design elephant suits with no ventilation.
It is not, however, folly to design elephant suits that are so hilarious looking.
Someone should tell the Republicans this.
Wasn't Hitler right wing? Tell them yourself...perhaps in the mode of dance.
Aren't 'left' and 'right' inherently parliamentary positions to take? If we include those governments that eschew representation, perhaps we must devise some sort of x-y axis of government...
The ball, she has got rolling.
Look, if I want to live in a cold war model of power where there are only two choices and no other axes of consideration, you better let me be. Anyway, I've got no time for you. I've got a brand new presidential library to build, isn't that right Dick?
I am sorry history. I majored in You and could not help my-self.
I share your affliction. I love history and have multiple degrees in it. These degrees give me no financial gain, but do allow me to pretend to be witty on the internet. Never apologize for majoring in history. You know more than they do, act like it!
Or, you know, at least be snotty when you hand them food out the little window.
I can now make terrible and biting jokes about anyone's nationality, sometimes going back thousands of years. This is useful when drunk around intellectuals.
Sadly, I may have to scale back to an associate's degree, as finance necessitates I spend several years handing people food out of a little window.
Y'know, so I can get a Biology degree.
Quote:
Y'know, so I can get a Biology degree.
Could...could that work experience be transferred to a degree as a Residential Criminology Technician?
I'm sure it could.
Take this, sucka!
Done.
on notcool's graph I am a moderate leaning slightly to the left. On yours, I am just barely a conservative libertarian. Guess I'm a fluctuating middleman?
Respectively, I am far left, and liberal libertarian.
Man, these tests are way off. I've never been a librarian!
Yes, the National Socialist Party was right wing.
C'mon, are you really asking that? He was further to the right than, say, Stalin, but he was not right wing.
In the model of political power in question, the 'right' was for people who did not believe in representation. Monarchy. Oligarchy. Theocracy.
Hitler was a Fascist, which is pretty much the edge of the right wing scale. One man, one rule. That's right wing. They called the party socialist, sure, but certainly that was not the way they ruled the country. They shut down the representative body of Germany. Burnt the building down if I remember right. Stalin also has this duality. His rhetoric was left, but his actions and rule were solidly to the right. The most left leaning government would technically be communism, but that has never existed. Currently, the most left governments are in Scandinavia. Your most right wing right now is probably Kim Jong Il in North Korea...despite the socialist name.
Of course, as srikamaraja noted above, this parliamentary model doesn't work as well today, but for WWII this is what was used. Find an American Goverment book from as late as the 80s and you'll see what I'm talking about.
A comment left by tekende was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by history, ppccd, riotdejaneiro, Bartleby, gilbertguiles)
History proposed a scale, he didn't say if one end or the other or the middle or was good or bad. Go ahead and propose an alternate paradigm, but don't be a troll.
Thank you Avatar, this is indeed the case. I never passed judgement on good and evil. I never said the left is good. This is just the political scale that has been used for a very long time. To adress your argument elsewhere as well tekende, Stalin was not on the left, despite his claim to being communist. Stalinism was way right on the political scale too.
Representative Democracy (i.e. what we have here in the US) is just slightly left of center on the scale. And for the record, that suits me fine. My personal opinion is that extremes to both the right and left are not good things.
Fascism = right-wing isn't even a controversial labeling. Everyone studying or discussing politics--including, as far as I know, right-wingers--considers fascism to be a right-wing extremist movement. I say this is a libertarian type with more sympathy for the right than the left. As history observes, maybe the label isn't perfect, but it's not some damnable slur on the American conservative movement to call Nazis right-wing.
The Socialist thing in the party name was a trendy label at the time, and it had nothing to do with their actual government. This is widely acknowledged. Also, it made possible the contraction "Nazi," and you'd be hard-pressed to find a more badass nickname for a bunch of crazy racist murderers than that.
I find fascism to have more in common with left-wing politics than right. Yes, there's the nationalism and militarism that are more traditionally associated with the right, but fascism hinges on state control of the economy, which is much more of a left-wing thing than right-wing.
I disagree, Communism is much put much more control on the economy than Fascism.
In other news , i always find it funny when people are all flustered about government control of the economy, as if it was the worst of all things. Norwegian and the Nordic contries have really good rating for the level of life, yet they are more socialistic.
They also have tiny populations and are relatively unimportant on a global scale.
Also there's all kinds of different ways one could rate quality of life, and like political polls, those ratings can be easily skewed one way or another.
This is a good point. Socialism has only been put into practice on a small scale in a very limited set of cultural and economic variables. For instance, does anyone actually think it would work in a country as geographically large and as diverse as the US? How about a country like Canada?
The cultural and economic diversity may prevent socialism from being implemented because of political reasons, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't work. But would it actually work? Well, it might not work, no pun intended, but it would still be cheaper than the system we got going on now. In the long run, it's the only way to break an entire segment out of poverty... what... do we think the entire lower class is going to spontaneously innovate and capitalize it's way out of the distinct consumption patterns and social patterns of poverty? Yet, this is exactly the idea of right-wing economic politics.
The U.S. economic and political landscape is what, the most active and prosperous free markets in the world, and that's not a good thing. The right wing politics is rooted in fanatical ideology. Left wing political ideology is too, but to a lesser extent. That's why left wing politics is always at a competitive disadvantage. It's easy to argue against fanaticism when your arguments are themselves extremist and fanatical, especially if the population is ignorant and superstitious and uneducated. It's quite another thing to true to use objective and logical and scientific reasoning against extremist ideas. It's an apples to oranges situation. It's like trying to fight a fire with confetti.
they hav very low pop. cannit really compare cuz pres o norsway is basically a typical mayor and he does mayoral tings.
Hitler's Germany vs. Stalin's Russia was not an ideological war between two diametrically opposed political stances. In their own forms of nationalism, for instance, they had a lot of the same values, even as they measured themselves against each other.
this implies no endorsement from tekende (but one from me):
[IMGS OFF]
let the snarking commence!
Fuck Johan Goldberg with a copy of Mein Kampf.
No seriusly, the guy is the king of inductive logic.
Here, here
[IMGS OFF]
what a maroon!
[IMGS OFF]
Yes I read dinosaur comics today too. We are aware of that script.
I didn't read dinosaur comics today. I'm not aware of that script. But that doesn't stop me hating you.
The first time I looked at this, the panel displayed made total sense in the context of this discussion, and I didn't realize it was the random panel script.
Same here.
And Rowboat, what's up with the dino-hate ?
I don't hate dinosaur comics. I don't generally read it, but I don't hate it. I hate the fake poster t-rex.
Chubby for using the word "maroon". I haven't heard that in years .
i know, right?
hey guys maroon is actually a racist term
just so you know
It is worth noting that the nations of Scandinavia all have a monarchy, a state religion, or both.
no. that is not worth noting etall
indeed. Take Norway for instance. Ostensibly Christianity is the official religion of the state, yet, it's hella more secular of a country in it's policies and attitudes than, say, the U.S., which is ostensibly a secular country, but which elects nut cases like Bush and Palin to offices, who in turn co-mingle government and church policy as much as they can get away with.
Tekende: Arbiter of chubs and Dictatorial Decorum.
That elephant design has some serious heritage chops in Achewood: OG elephant pepper cover .
Also looks kinda like it's a cut and paste from a previous comic, maybe pre-Achewood. Don't know why I think that, but I do.
gah
this strip made me think of this for some reason: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DS5h3cX8sHI