agika
+3 -1
Hey, that's what my He-man fiction was about, too! Wow!
Hey, that's what my He-man fiction was about, too! Wow!
endoftheworld
+101 -1
At sound of my door slamming and my Jessica Alba Invisible Woman poster falling to the floor, I looked up from my PSP. Preparing an angry volley of cusses for my intruder, I was stunned silent from the sight of He-Man standing in my room clad in sword, loincloth, and little else.
"Timmy," he said in that mighty tenor that evoked both strength and purity. "You must help me. Skeletor challenged me to a game of Magic: The Gathering for the sake of Eternia and I, in moment of vaingloriousness, accepted the challenge. Timmy, mine is the art of the sword and the sorcery of Castle Greyskull. I know nothing of this Gathering Magic! Not even that floating wizard with the hat and the zero on his chest could help, forgive me as I have forgotten his name."
"But you, Timmy. Everyone knows that you are the Magic: the Gathering master! You must help me build a deck that will defeat Skeletor!"
I paused my game and set the PSP aside. So the story of my victory at the Pawtucket Mall 5th Edition Draft Tournament had reached even the hallowed halls of Eternia.
"I will help you, He-Man. Though the training will be difficult and my explanations of Interrupt spells hazy. You must prevail! I will teach you."
Face radiant with joy, He-Man grasped my hand in thanks. "Thank you," he said. "Just let me put my cape on, as it is quite chilly in here."
"No," I said eyes transfixed by He-Man's erect nipples. "I think training would be best if you stayed... as you are."
With his blonde page-boy haircut fluttering in the AC breeze, He-Man winked at me.
At sound of my door slamming and my Jessica Alba Invisible Woman poster falling to the floor, I looked up from my PSP. Preparing an angry volley of cusses for my intruder, I was stunned silent from the sight of He-Man standing in my room clad in sword, loincloth, and little else.
"Timmy," he said in that mighty tenor that evoked both strength and purity. "You must help me. Skeletor challenged me to a game of Magic: The Gathering for the sake of Eternia and I, in moment of vaingloriousness, accepted the challenge. Timmy, mine is the art of the sword and the sorcery of Castle Greyskull. I know nothing of this Gathering Magic! Not even that floating wizard with the hat and the zero on his chest could help, forgive me as I have forgotten his name."
"But you, Timmy. Everyone knows that you are the Magic: the Gathering master! You must help me build a deck that will defeat Skeletor!"
I paused my game and set the PSP aside. So the story of my victory at the Pawtucket Mall 5th Edition Draft Tournament had reached even the hallowed halls of Eternia.
"I will help you, He-Man. Though the training will be difficult and my explanations of Interrupt spells hazy. You must prevail! I will teach you."
Face radiant with joy, He-Man grasped my hand in thanks. "Thank you," he said. "Just let me put my cape on, as it is quite chilly in here."
"No," I said eyes transfixed by He-Man's erect nipples. "I think training would be best if you stayed... as you are."
With his blonde page-boy haircut fluttering in the AC breeze, He-Man winked at me.
soticoto
+0 -0
A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, apocowarg, saddestking, cherojack, riotdejaneiro, sarmatron, Deusoma, jfenserty, fosters, TonyHighwind, RitardoMontabum, Endquote, woodenteeth, 762, atticusonline, LordPretzel, Lumus, Zem, Ciansy, Epicurus, Doc_Rostov, yingkaixing, NumberKillinger, echidnaboy, Rakadin, Archon_Divinus, kochipoik)
A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, apocowarg, saddestking, cherojack, riotdejaneiro, sarmatron, Deusoma, jfenserty, fosters, TonyHighwind, RitardoMontabum, Endquote, woodenteeth, 762, atticusonline, LordPretzel, Lumus, Zem, Ciansy, Epicurus, Doc_Rostov, yingkaixing, NumberKillinger, echidnaboy, Rakadin, Archon_Divinus, kochipoik)
tellumo
+16 -0
I once was having drinks with a group of people which included one person who worked with Sony's interactive entertainment group. I found this out when I made a rant to the effect of "Sony, when will you learn? We don't want your MiniDiscs (as useful as they may be in a studio environment), we don't want your Memory Sticks, and we certainly don't want your UMDs! Stop trying to invent new kinds of digital media and just use what everyone else does!"
I felt a little awkward about it but much less so when I realized that before the drinks arrived, she was playing with her Nintendo DS.
I once was having drinks with a group of people which included one person who worked with Sony's interactive entertainment group. I found this out when I made a rant to the effect of "Sony, when will you learn? We don't want your MiniDiscs (as useful as they may be in a studio environment), we don't want your Memory Sticks, and we certainly don't want your UMDs! Stop trying to invent new kinds of digital media and just use what everyone else does!"
I felt a little awkward about it but much less so when I realized that before the drinks arrived, she was playing with her Nintendo DS.
soticoto
+0 -1
Having been through the bowels of the beast, she knew better than to take its bait.
Having been through the bowels of the beast, she knew better than to take its bait.
saint
+1 -1
Never again will I lame you, Soticoto. Not because I agree with you, but because I understand.
I understand you, Soticoto. It's ok. I get it now.
Never again will I lame you, Soticoto. Not because I agree with you, but because I understand.
I understand you, Soticoto. It's ok. I get it now.
soticoto
+0 -1
Thing is, if it hadn't been for the PSP, I'd have chubbied that a hundred times myself.
Nobody knows just how much I hate S*ny.
Thing is, if it hadn't been for the PSP, I'd have chubbied that a hundred times myself.
Nobody knows just how much I hate S*ny.
mulisha7
+9 -0
How has this not been chubbied more? This is Eye of Argon level writing here. Even though the thought of He-man engaging in man-boy love is intensly disturbing.
How has this not been chubbied more? This is Eye of Argon level writing here. Even though the thought of He-man engaging in man-boy love is intensly disturbing.
achilleselbow
+0 -1
Chubby for Eye of Argon reference.
Chubby for Eye of Argon reference.
aparrish
+7 -0
I reckon it hasn't been chubbied more 'cause most people only chubby a post when it GIVES them a chubby and this here story... well, this here story ends before it gets to the good part.
I reckon it hasn't been chubbied more 'cause most people only chubby a post when it GIVES them a chubby and this here story... well, this here story ends before it gets to the good part.
jonmw
+0 -0
It's a match made in nambla.
It's a match made in nambla.
dybrar
+0 -0
To truly be Eye of Argon level it'd need way more unfitting or plain nonsensical adjectives. Calling He-Man's nipples opaque would have been a start, for instance!
To truly be Eye of Argon level it'd need way more unfitting or plain nonsensical adjectives. Calling He-Man's nipples opaque would have been a start, for instance!
sdskyle
+2 -0
This is the geekiest thing I've ever read. CHUB LIFE
This is the geekiest thing I've ever read. CHUB LIFE
sirlucas
+0 -0
Months and months ago, when I read this strip, I pondered the bizarre artifact in the second frame. The above post made me wonder: "Is that... a nipple? It looks vaguely like a nipple. Why is there a wall with a nipple on it?" Only now did I catch the tiny unobscured fraction of the upper boundary of the photo, the subtly absent conclusion of the tilted vertical line. A rarely seen close-up of Teodore's paw. Still disturbing.
Months and months ago, when I read this strip, I pondered the bizarre artifact in the second frame. The above post made me wonder: "Is that... a nipple? It looks vaguely like a nipple. Why is there a wall with a nipple on it?" Only now did I catch the tiny unobscured fraction of the upper boundary of the photo, the subtly absent conclusion of the tilted vertical line. A rarely seen close-up of Teodore's paw. Still disturbing.
tonyhighwind
+1 -0
I like the fact that your protagonist is named Timmy. It shows a measure of class that you and I both recognize, and should probably keep secret.
Wink.
I like the fact that your protagonist is named Timmy. It shows a measure of class that you and I both recognize, and should probably keep secret.
Wink.
zem
+0 -0
this is way too competently written
this is way too competently written
dybrar
+1 -0
I am proud to be bestowing chubby #100 on this fine, fine asset.
I am proud to be bestowing chubby #100 on this fine, fine asset.
terribleman
+0 -0
I wanted to chubby, but that hundo looked so damn fine. You'll get it instead.
I wanted to chubby, but that hundo looked so damn fine. You'll get it instead.
dybrar
+0 -0
Your name is a lie.
Your name is a lie.
terribleman
+0 -0
Shh, don't tell.
Shh, don't tell.
terribleman
+0 -0
ORCO, HE-MAN! HIS NAME IS ORCO!
ORCO, HE-MAN! HIS NAME IS ORCO!
catachresis
+0 -0
Best cuss of fanfic, ever.
Best cuss of fanfic, ever.
rad_chillies
+0 -0
so why is beef not affected by the kazenzakis curse in the third frame when it shows his portrait and him with molly...?
so why is beef not affected by the kazenzakis curse in the third frame when it shows his portrait and him with molly...?
william
+6 -0
I think the Kazenzakis curse is just Beef being self-conscious whereas the mexican camera is actually magical.
I think the Kazenzakis curse is just Beef being self-conscious whereas the mexican camera is actually magical.
rad_chillies
+1 -0
Yeah I get it now. For a second I was afraid I had found some kind of slip-up. Come to think of it, I would not give a crap because it's a comic and it's all good anyway.
Yeah I get it now. For a second I was afraid I had found some kind of slip-up. Come to think of it, I would not give a crap because it's a comic and it's all good anyway.
judahnielsen
+3 -0
because panel 3 is not a picture. It just shows us what the real portrait looks like. The picture is in 4, of Teodor holding the portrait... which, when you think about it, is a strange picture to take. "Here, you hold my senior portrait, and I'll take your picture."
because panel 3 is not a picture. It just shows us what the real portrait looks like. The picture is in 4, of Teodor holding the portrait... which, when you think about it, is a strange picture to take. "Here, you hold my senior portrait, and I'll take your picture."
judahnielsen
+2 -0
Jesus, never mind, I understand what you're asking now. My response went from zero to idiotic in about 3 seconds.
Jesus, never mind, I understand what you're asking now. My response went from zero to idiotic in about 3 seconds.
william
+0 -0
Alt Text: Does the camera have magic realism?
Alt Text: Does the camera have magic realism?
tombsgrave
+1 -0
I, as a fan, find this an accurate depiction of fans.
I, as a fan, find this an accurate depiction of fans.
closefriend
+0 -0
Beef looks like John Popper.
Beef looks like John Popper.
closefriend
+0 -0
Goddammit, I can't believe I said that and then forgot in the next comic.
Goddammit, I can't believe I said that and then forgot in the next comic.
stuart
+0 -0
Until I moved, I had never seen a nerd that looked like the first panel. First day in Seattle, I saw a guy who looked EXACTLY like it.
Until I moved, I had never seen a nerd that looked like the first panel. First day in Seattle, I saw a guy who looked EXACTLY like it.
stuart
+0 -1
Rather, last panel. First, last, same thing.
Rather, last panel. First, last, same thing.
salo
+2 -0
Don't we all have a last day in Seattle.
Don't we all have a last day in Seattle.
morypcaina
+0 -0
Magic: The Gathering comes from Seattle.
Magic: The Gathering comes from Seattle.
talix18
+0 -0
I just love that Molly and Beef had a formal portrait taken. I have so never done that nor do I intend to, but it's perfect Molly and Beef.
I just love that Molly and Beef had a formal portrait taken. I have so never done that nor do I intend to, but it's perfect Molly and Beef.
rowboat
+0 -0
There's something about his posture in that portrait that just makes my heart melt. He's a little gentleman. It makes me happy and sad and I don't know why.
There's something about his posture in that portrait that just makes my heart melt. He's a little gentleman. It makes me happy and sad and I don't know why.
talix18
+0 -0
I don't either, but I know exactly what you mean.
I don't either, but I know exactly what you mean.
peterjoel
+0 -0
T�odor is not a bear who has got depression
T�odor is not a bear who has got depression
spinynorman
+0 -0
Teador thinks he kicks a whole lot of ass.
Teador thinks he kicks a whole lot of ass.
falseprophet
+0 -0
I have to say Beef is looking rather stately and plump in that last panel.
I have to say Beef is looking rather stately and plump in that last panel.
morypcaina
+2 -0
Roast Beef Kazenzakis BU
Legendary Creature - Cat
2/2
Protection from alcoholism
Roast Beef Kazenzakis BU
Legendary Creature - Cat
2/2
Protection from alcoholism
terribleman
+0 -0
Comes into play tapped. Stays tapped during upkeep unless Molly is around.
Comes into play tapped. Stays tapped during upkeep unless Molly is around.
presrvdkillick
+1 -0
Beef's looking all old Van Morrison
Beef's looking all old Van Morrison
drskradley
+1 -0
Why don't the pictures in Panel 3 have the Kazenzakis curse? He looks positively svelte.
Why don't the pictures in Panel 3 have the Kazenzakis curse? He looks positively svelte.
sirfrederick
+0 -0
This 'nerd in a fedora' thing goes over my head, I'm afraid. Is it truly a big thing stateside? Nerds usually have brown jackets and kinda not very good beards over here.
This 'nerd in a fedora' thing goes over my head, I'm afraid. Is it truly a big thing stateside? Nerds usually have brown jackets and kinda not very good beards over here.
fineoakstructure
+3 -0
I don't know if it's a big thing, but, yeah, you see it. There's a guy I see around my town at different bars who looks almost exactly like Beef in the last panel, just not really chubby and with a goatee. He often has a laptop with him, at bars, on Saturday nights. His wife/girlfiend sometimes is with him and I don't think I've ever seen her open her mouth to talk (she looks very frail and intimidated). He was the first thing that came to mind when I read that strip where Ray gets a fedora, and Teodor does the whole Honda Goldwing/Collects swords bit.
The other week, while watching him for amusement from my table, I noticed he ordered two beers for himself, a Guinness (draft) and a Harp (bottle), with a second empty glass. I witnessed him pour the Harp into the second glass, then (very sloppily) try to pour some of the Guinness out of his glass into the Harp glass, getting a lot of it all over the table and rug. I then noticed that he never drank from this glass, and it sat there for the next hour, untouched.
After pointing all this out to my friend, she said "I wonder what that's about?" I replied, "I dunno, but I betch you it's like some tribute to his dead father or something...probably the same reason that jackass always wears a fedora."
My friend asked his waiter before we left, and, yep, I was pretty much dead on in my assumption (the bartenders/waitstaff think this guy is a fucking idiot, also).
This is the kind of thing these guys do: they're huge nerds, but they try so hard, yet so awkwardly, to pretend that they're not, and in doing so indulge in so many odd habits and mannerisms that they've confused to be stylish or cool; it only highlights their social deficincies all the more. He probably sees his version of "pour one out for your homies" as some masculine tribute to his dead father, while his dad is saying somewhere "I'd rather you just learn to throw a baseball more than 15 feet and drink the god damn beer."
I don't know if it's a big thing, but, yeah, you see it. There's a guy I see around my town at different bars who looks almost exactly like Beef in the last panel, just not really chubby and with a goatee. He often has a laptop with him, at bars, on Saturday nights. His wife/girlfiend sometimes is with him and I don't think I've ever seen her open her mouth to talk (she looks very frail and intimidated). He was the first thing that came to mind when I read that strip where Ray gets a fedora, and Teodor does the whole Honda Goldwing/Collects swords bit.
The other week, while watching him for amusement from my table, I noticed he ordered two beers for himself, a Guinness (draft) and a Harp (bottle), with a second empty glass. I witnessed him pour the Harp into the second glass, then (very sloppily) try to pour some of the Guinness out of his glass into the Harp glass, getting a lot of it all over the table and rug. I then noticed that he never drank from this glass, and it sat there for the next hour, untouched.
After pointing all this out to my friend, she said "I wonder what that's about?" I replied, "I dunno, but I betch you it's like some tribute to his dead father or something...probably the same reason that jackass always wears a fedora."
My friend asked his waiter before we left, and, yep, I was pretty much dead on in my assumption (the bartenders/waitstaff think this guy is a fucking idiot, also).
This is the kind of thing these guys do: they're huge nerds, but they try so hard, yet so awkwardly, to pretend that they're not, and in doing so indulge in so many odd habits and mannerisms that they've confused to be stylish or cool; it only highlights their social deficincies all the more. He probably sees his version of "pour one out for your homies" as some masculine tribute to his dead father, while his dad is saying somewhere "I'd rather you just learn to throw a baseball more than 15 feet and drink the god damn beer."
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
Damn, that was a long post. I could cut that a hell of a lot shorter by saying "He sloppily poured a black & tan/half-and-half into a second glass."
Damn, that was a long post. I could cut that a hell of a lot shorter by saying "He sloppily poured a black & tan/half-and-half into a second glass."
zem
+2 -0
nah, man. we don't need spinynorman monopolizing the long narrative posting style
nah, man. we don't need spinynorman monopolizing the long narrative posting style
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
Ah, here's another post in the archives poking fun at spinynorman. Found it, guys.
Ah, here's another post in the archives poking fun at spinynorman. Found it, guys.
zem
+0 -0
ah here's another post in the archives poking fun at spinynorman found it guys
ah here's another post in the archives poking fun at spinynorman found it guys
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
It's ok, zem. I've done it, too.
It's ok, zem. I've done it, too.
morypcaina
+0 -1
Huge slam on Roast Beef's He-Man fan fiction where He-Man comes over and asks him how to win at Magic The Gathering out of nowhere
Huge slam on Roast Beef's He-Man fan fiction where He-Man comes over and asks him how to win at Magic The Gathering out of nowhere
nerdinexile
+6 -0
Eh, I'm two years too late, but Achewood MTG card time!
[IMGS OFF]
Eh, I'm two years too late, but Achewood MTG card time!
[IMGS OFF]
mattylite
+2 -0
ROBOT ASS!!!!!!!
ROBOT ASS!!!!!!!
hateandwar
+1 -0
You make this comment a lot, and every time I see it I chubby it.
You make this comment a lot, and every time I see it I chubby it.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
it did not touch the bowling ball 'cos it is not sentient. the picture of Beef changed because it is a picture of somebody.
it did not touch the bowling ball 'cos it is not sentient. the picture of Beef changed because it is a picture of somebody.
He-Man was having trouble figuring out what ratio of land cards to use, all having just ten land cards in a sixty-card deck.
I love how it adds the little moustache. Hats off.
A comment left by agika was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by SaintTim, NDCaesar, sigmacoder, clembot, whoppin)
I don't list my facebook because I am afraid that creepy people from webcomic forums will try to add me as a friend when they see what my comment-bot posts.
P.S: I added the url, the above is just a joke. On re-reading it seemed pretty harsh rather than obviously sarcastic.
You don't say "Folks, here's the punchline"
[IMGS OFF]
Just watched that movie a couple of nights ago. I feel fulfilled I got the reference.
"dogg, He-Man, it is twenty-four lands and thirty-six cards that make shit happen ."
No, seriously, that's the ratio. If you've got that right, you're halfway the fuck there.
Wow that's way too much your mana curve must be fucked.
I MEAN I DON'T PLAY THAT NERD SHIT MANLY MANLY MANLY.
The hell it is, it's not like I curve out at four or anything.
Man maybe if you're playing draft, I played mostly peasant (interesting format, look it up) and a touch of vintage when I played, where the mana curves tend to top out at like 3.
Now I know why I used to lose all the time at that game. I wasn't figurin' out no curves or whatnot. I was calculating that the picture of the vampire dude on this "Leshrac" card was fucking badass and how on earth could I lose? Also this card has a hilarious goblin on it I am SO throwing it into my deck.
That is exactly how everyone builds their first deck. There is no shame in it.
Except for the kind that generally comes from playing Magic: The Gathering in the first place.
If "Vintage" means "Moxes are restricted," then it's no wonder. I don't really play any format, I just pay attention to stuff that Mike Flores says sometimes.
Also: 24 land is way, WAY too much for any draft deck. 17 at the most when you're playing with 40 cards.
I'll, uh... I'll stop now.
Is draft 40? I might have forgotten that. It's not a format I play often. Moxes and lotuses are part of the reason the mana curve is so low in vintage, but it's also that it allows a selection of the cheapest and fastest ways to kick ass printed in the game.
Yeah, it's that, too. I like playing with the new tech they come out with, even though the old stuff is always going to be the best.
Attention Assetbar, I would like to point this out to you: If you own a bunch of old cards and you have not played Magic in years, sell those cards. You will make rent.