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Time is the only magic Tuesday, September 4, 2007 • read strip Viewing 197 comments:

A comment left by locuscosecant was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mysterymeat1001, straw, lamboyster, silver_lake, ppccd, riotdejaneiro, Spoon, Thorfinn, whoper, Moraiat, Courtland, equinn2006, prius_chaser, TheLoneliestMonkey, NDCaesar, MortisInvictus, TheBoneOrchard, DigDugz, d3athcann0n, rajib, missania, ketamind, aHatOfPig, Magb, retinarow, Doc_Rostov, carterst)

A comment left by locuscosecant was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by St_Elmos_Fire, lamboyster, greatwhitehope7, silver_lake, ppccd, Spoon, Unfun, smog, Thorfinn, Vondicus, GregChant, Courtland, equinn2006, TheLoneliestMonkey, tehloki, MortisInvictus, d3athcann0n, rajib, Goosey, missania, ketamind, Lokiamis, clintisiceman, greyfield, Dainbramage, carterst, veck, Appers, Darthemed)

A comment left by slab64 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, NeoNaoNeo, JoeldeBunchastu, mania3, werthog42, dracer2, scraggg, Audhumla)

How can you not like this comic
Hell, just the way that Teodor types in panel 8 got a laugh from me.

Tap Tap
...Tap

And then it's all
PING

You see? That means your baby is still alive!

Seriously? Fuck.

And when you're dying he'll be still alive!

Not if I kill him first...

A comment left by rhino was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by apocowarg, Spoon, cathaoir, sncether, krisos, Albatross)

A comment left by saint was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by randombeing, Norrec, lamboyster, gsail11, Jhunter, ghoti, Zem, TheSoulBear, ASaltySalute4, aikennubbles, slalvation)

A comment left by slalvation was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by NeoNaoNeo, DirePhoenix, scraggg)

A comment left by saint was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Norrec, lamboyster, Spoon, StoatLad, redion, ceilingface, sevenarts, mashisoyo, jfenserty, Feste, sardoniclaconic, _cheesekayke, 762, mustconcentrate, Nodal, logic, Zem, TheSoulBear, DirePhoenix, MrPoopytime, NumberKillinger, aikennubbles, junkiejames, ocean)

Oh, well, if John Knowles and Saint don't think Sarcasm is funny, I'd better change my ways immediately.

Oh wait I just remembered: I think it's hilarious!

A comment left by saint was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, Norrec, Spoon, pwb, sevenarts, mashisoyo, Picnick, farqussus, mustconcentrate, aHatOfPig, Zem, TheSoulBear, MrPoopytime, Doc_Rostov, NumberKillinger, Aiglos, echidnaboy)

I guess I just assumed that if you found something disinteresting, you didn't think it was funny. Given that I only intend humor when I use sarcasm, I guess what you're saying is that your post was completely pointless, since you were criticizing my humor for lacking elements that you do not feel are necessary to humor.

A comment left by saint was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by BAVARIOUS, farqussus, HolyQ)

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, Spoon, NeoNaoNeo, mashisoyo, jfenserty, Feste, Fermatprime, atticusonline, Sleaw, HolyQ, BrianNotBrian, TheSoulBear, DirePhoenix, NumberKillinger)

:O

Gentlemen, gentlemen! Let us not be divided by petty infighting. It is a little thing, let it slide. Do not be a Pat. Do not go into a mania.

...and to you, sir. a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

*gunshot*

mmmmmm whatcha say...

Oh well. At least I have had a good life.

-_-

Baryonyx... you appear to be named after a dinosaur that catches fish with its wicked claws.

You do not suck.

The most awesome dinosaur. They actually proved it, using science.

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, Rhadamanthus, NeoNaoNeo, 7th_shot, BrianNotBrian, ghoti, DirePhoenix)

telling people they suck? lame, man. lame. i don't care if they do or not. telling people they suck is one of the most immature, *bleh* insults that a 12-year-old can muster. Sad that it's coming from a 23-year-old, I must say.

Slalvation, I do not think you suck. Sincerely.

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, Rhadamanthus, NeoNaoNeo, 7th_shot, BrianNotBrian, DirePhoenix, Doc_Rostov)

hey, have you ever thought about getting thrown down a staircase? because I would just love to make that a reality.

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, apocowarg, Rhadamanthus, 7th_shot, hoboninja, BrianNotBrian, DirePhoenix, Doc_Rostov)

A comment left by saint was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by MajorDovi, hoboninja, Zem, Doc_Rostov)

Hold the phone a second! Considering the scene from which that cultural reference originated, and our respective roles in the conflict, wouldn't I be shooting you?

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, Rhadamanthus, 7th_shot, hoboninja, Doc_Rostov)

DO NOT have a FUCKING flame war RIGHT UNDERNEATH my ACHEWOOD! THANK you.

Woah a reference to an SNL sketch oh my god this is the cutting edge YOU ARE THE LIVING END

Must not be a lot to LOOK FORWARD TO ha ha nevermind.

Saint, I've read a lot of your posts on here, and I have to conclude . . . you're kinda a dick. Sorry, but its the way it is. Don't let it get you down.

That's funny saint, I always just sort of assumed the protest of people who are weak was expressed via more or less exactly this thing that you're doing here.

A comment left by saint was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, Rhadamanthus, Spoon, Cypher, fosters, farqussus, hoboninja, ghoti, Doc_Rostov, NumberKillinger, slalvation)

Red pens are for teachers. Surely you have to know SOMETHING to be a teacher.

Saint doesn't have a weak mind. He has an incredibly powerful mind, but is choosing to use it to bicker in an insignificant web forum. Even those people with weak minds can see the stupidity of THAT.

I would agree that Saint is at least average in intelligence, but I would have to see some proof of the "incredibly powerful" claim.

I mean, knowing what "flabbergasted" means does not automatically make you into Nikola Tesla.

OMG!!!! Whut r Flabergested?!!!

I love coming back to posts months later.

No, I can't say I'm Tesla. I don't even claim to be highly intellectual. I was just an idiot with a thesaurus and too much time on his hands.

Also you don't know the difference between 'breech' and 'breach.' Not that it matters; neither would be correct in your previous post. You picked the one that was hilariously completely wrong, though.

Who are you to say saint's pants did NOT feel provoked?

I have to admit, in the midst of all that I chubbed pretty much all the posts you made having a go at other people... at least up until the point where I got involved simply for the sake of revelling in the verbal abuse.
Votes were too heavily sided against you, y'know? I mean petty squabbling ought to happen for its own sake... and not really have to account for stupid things like the votes of the public.

breach*

A comment left by lucidaconsole was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by dri-ft, ppccd, Johnnyrocker, mattfish, dracer2, J-Man)

Just wait until Manflesh comes around.

Or just go to every other site on the internet ever.

Oh, come on. Onstad Harry/Ron slash would be the best quality Harry/Ron slash in the history of internet.

A comment left by dr_manflesh_desires_anal_play_immediately was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by wharfrat, rolotonybrowntown, chris80x, ShiroBen, dug, atticusonline, Wolfslice, biff, Nictusempra)

That's the spirit.

A comment left by lucidaconsole was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by justdan, hikikomori, Wolfslice)

Isn't this strip an endorsement of Manflesh's comments, making it the one time that he should get immunity to lames?

- Proud to chubby the lowering of the cultural bar

They have called for Dr. Manflesh

Dr. Manflesh has come

As have I.

Correct.

Still am!

A comment left by luckyg was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by silver_lake, SSDDR, nicklon, al_batross, shoinan, Padijun, Doc_Rostov, J-Man, biff, Nictusempra)

A comment left by soticoto was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by al_batross, atticusonline, Doc_Rostov)

I'm still not sure why everyone hates on him - I was extremely amused by the Calvin/Hobbes debacle :D

Compare to the Voyager scatfest...
Also awesome, but not being able to chubb it due to the spam-markings was disappointing.

that's kind of sad, seeing they're all copy-pastes.

Harry Potter, welcome to the Jay North years.

Is that a punchline I see?
Why, I believe it is.

Wow, check out the date of this strip.

Am I truly looking at future Harry Potter in the future? I've gotta sit down, this shit is deep.

A future strip on the future. I'll use this concept as a means of clearing my mind in yoga.

A comment left by jawsh was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, lauralou, YossarianLives)

I cried with laughter

A comment left by skizm699 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Zefiel, silver_lake, shoinan, qwerty, STUART)

I find it mysterious that it would be cliche to say that, though I think I have heard people saying that they didn't get jokes in a way that seemed like a Thing. I don't really understand and maybe someone would explain it to me.

Sadly I think this might be another Harry Potter fan-fiction that Phillipe may be too young to read. No wacky stoner-giant antics for the little otter this time.

There's no age for stoned-half-giant antics, dude. Those MUST be enjoyed by those.

Don't forget these two:

https://achewood.com/index.php?date=09012005
https://achewood.com/index.php?date=08082005

OH GOD AN EARLY STRIP

WOO!

I don't think i get it, but it's still the best Harry Potter fan fiction pretty much ever.

Harry and his pals have made so much money presumably from the books and movies, that their lives have become a blur of drugs and hedonism, and they dragged poor Hagrid down with them.

"She just took delivery of that large brown Barracuda" sounds uniquely dirty to me

I thought it was a euphemism for taking a dump, myself.

ahhhhhhhh layin some cable

I guess it's just because I don't see Hermione as a classic car person. This is what she bought:

[IMGS OFF]

Dang, you can see the leaf springs that comprise the rear suspension. That car is so old school, you'll get speeding tickets written on papyrus.

So old school the horn plays Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring ?

That photo looks like it was taken by the man himself. Could that be his own personal car?

Corvettes still use leaf springs.

...Or alternatively...she got a car.

philistine.

A comment left by qwerty was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mortshire, jocelynthepink, grayfox, dj)

Teodor is kind of smarmy?

I dunno what that even means, it just sounds right.

Smarmy.

Don't get it? Ron is "dicey" about eating because he's constantly on amphetamines and the fact Harry "remembers" Ron being there (of which he became unsure sometime between Ron diving in the pool and surfacing) would suggest he's on LSD (especially if he has an apetite, maybe MaryJane). Hagrids problems are all too clear. 4 years later, fame and pubesence have made a mess of these boys...

Harry already went through puberty. It was the plot of Book 4

Puberty tends to last for more than "one book".

For some, a lifetime.

The ravages of puberty leave no one unscathed.

I totally forgot how books aren't allowed to chronicle events over more than a year.

Also, yes, Harry Potter is terrible.

I'm getting a very strong Less Than Zero vibe from this as well.

What a nice surprise.

A comment left by rawk5tar was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by stormypinkness, lamboyster, silver_lake, HonestTom, qleblat, Overmedicated, solobuttons, mortshire, equinn2006, DigDugz, Jesus, Boyd, sncether, Mastronaut)

The joke is that these characters from children's books are now extremely messed up. You only need the most basic cultural awareness to get the joke.

A comment left by straw was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by lamboyster, equinn2006, krisos)

A comment left by gormster was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by stormypinkness, tekende, lamboyster, Spoon, Steerpike66, ShiroBen, byronic, mctanuki, mistlethrush, NigelChaos, Mastronaut, biff)

You are getting lamed, not because I hate HP but because it hardly need defending. 'Poor Death Star of children's lit, stop ragging on the book that sold a trillion copies and made it's author the richest being in the galaxy.' Defend Gormenghast, defend some lesser known obsession. But don't defend Disney; it doesn't need your help.

I know, I was trying to make a joke about people who will defend them to the death an get really uptight about it, but I'm not sure I executed it that well. I couldn't think of an onomatopoeia for deep breathing, either.

an onomatopoeia for deep breathing

*hufflepuff*?

The "other" school.

The Badger of Mediocrity.

Gormenghast is brilliant . Titus Groan was pretty good, but Titus Alone seemed like Peake had realised how fucking beautiful his words are and got hella self-conscious about it.

That being said, i love Harry Potter in a way that will call for intervention eventually. I also still read Roald Dahl. My teachers wonder why i tend to spell things british-y.

Teodor's computer goes PING! like a typewriter.

Awesome.

Do they have Burger King in the UK?

Yes, we do.

Yes. King Ralph went to one.

King... Ralph? Are you from Alberta?

Best response EVER.

Burger King's a British company, bud.

Otherwise it would be Burger President, duh.

Touche!

Although for a brief period in the 17th century it was known as "Burger Lord Protector", and ketchup was considered a Papist atrocity.

Man, I have so many questions about hamburgers and I don't really know where to begin.

To be followed by 'Burger Majesty Restored' a period of opulent luxury in which all buns overflowed with a divine belevolence and cornucopia of pickles, lettuce, tomatoes and secret sauce unseen in the world before then.

Outstanding! And don't forget the years of the Burger Regent.

Then there was that whole thing before WW1 where the king had an affair with an American hot dog and had to abdicate.

Hot dog? I'd think the proper comparison would be a sloppy joe.

I don't doubt it. I often accidentally pull into a BK, assuming that I'm pulling into a BP what with the smell and all.

BP = Burnished Perineum?

A comment left by lauralou was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by autrepoupee, DigDugz, SenseiHollywood)

We also have Simon Le Cowell, but we're not proud of that.

What, you're proud of the Internet and television?

But not, as such, in Australia. I believe there it is "Hungry Jack's" due to issues with someone else already owning the name.

For some reason I keep thinking of the scene from "A Scanner Darkly" where they are all talking about the bike.

I'll buy that bike from you for 50 dollars. No questions asked.

Dammit! It was 18 speed! 6 x 3 = 18!

I know, man... I know.

Albino lizard sons of bitches!

This was deeply disturbing. Awesomely deeply disturbing.

So he really had jumped into the pool...

Thanks Chris for the weekend surprise!

Poor Hagrid, some people were just not cut out for fame and all the pressures.

I'm guessing *ping* is the sound of Teodor posting on alt.potter.fanfic. Nice dual monitor too.

i wish Teodor's head wasn't blocking the second monitor so we could see Ray drag a motorcycle over Mt. Everest.

oh, teodor. how i love you.

that last panel. i love how thats always a thing for onstad, the last panel making the comic.

As if a broken laptop will really have impact on their hideous lives.

A comment left by luckyg was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by equinn2006, behka, LocusCosecant)

Yeah, this is cool and all, but I'm still holding out to get to read Philippe's Harry Potter legends.

Cornelius should write some Harry Potter erotic fan-fic. He'd be good.

I concur.

I'm pretty sure Dr. Manflesh has already handled this.

That wasn't supposed to sound dirty, but the spirit of Retardo came upon me just now.

Oh, that's even worse.

But Vlad's version would be a lot funnier.

watch it be the greatest work of literary fiction ever written...
"Would you like some Bertie Bott's, Phillippe?" Harry asked.

"WOULD I!" exclaimed Phillippe.

I'm glad that some people can appreciate how cool that would be. :D

A comment left by sharksarecoming was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mysterymeat1001, straw, qleblat, jlynes, smog, Spenham, equinn2006, hikikomori, _cheesekayke, lucidaconsole, augeno13, Son_Of_Selleck, behka, Ihmgard, nutmeg, Boredom_Man, Adjakz, dj)

A comment left by justdan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, lucidaconsole, LocusCosecant)

CHUBBIED.

CHABLIS.

Don't worry. Who hasn't accidentally sucked a cock in his time?

Listen, as long as your balls didn't touch you are good.

Don't let my pepper touch the rim, lolcatdeluxe.

ahahaha. sharksarecoming is the new asherdan.

FIVE FIVE FIVE FIVE FIVE

twenty-five.

Hagrid falling into a pool and throwing a laptop into a spa is the funniest thing that's ever happened.

You haven't lived much, have you. (I mean, come on, Lyle made a football roll 3 feet by puking )

Yes!

This is all out of one of those brat pack movies from the eighties with Rob Lowe, James Spader and Robert Downey Jr. as Hagrid. Maybe Molly Ringwald as Hermione.

I think you may just be thinking of the film version of Less Than Zero which was not a good film, but was a great book. It did have Robert Downey Jr. and James Spader, but not the rest.

this would have made a MUCH better epilogue than the one in the actual book, s'all i'm sayin'.

i have a thing i do where i pretend the epilogue was never written

What happened in the epilogue

*SPOILER ALERT*


In a shocking turn of events, everyone important lives happily ever after.


*END SPOILER ALERT*

A comment left by euphemisms was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by GSurge, nicklon, wellknell, shoinan)

Good!

"I'll make the payment for your milkshake."

What an odd way to phrase a thing.

He is off his tits.

perfect.

bret easton ellis and that dumb broad from harry potter collaborated and teador was a bear-on-the-wall

Why did someone lame this? This is a good comment. I wish I had a chubby for it.

"No, Harry smiled" as internal dialogue.

Onstad just owned all of fanfic in one panel.

I clearly don't know enough about the drug culture.

What is the "ping" about?

Aah! I see you have the machine that goes 'ping'. This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to, and that way, it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.

Meaning of Life: sadly underrated. Probably my favorite Python.

Do we look like the type of fellows who would creep into a person's tent at night, anesthetize them, tissue-type them, and then amputate a leg and run away with it?

Typewriters. They have bells.

Maybe he pressed the wrong key...like f13 or something and that's just not allowed, hence the warning ping...

The scar on Harry's forehead began to ache. It was a sure sign that he and Ron would be receiving an invitation to another club opening.

I like this one a lot... It's biting me.

I still contend that the idea of having "too much money" is false.

True. It's all in how you spend the money, not how much you have.

This is PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT.

Something about this reminded me of a Larry Clark film. I think I need to shudder a little now.

Weekend Blogs (Friday - Monday)

Ray: On the plane to Australia!
Pat: Soytopia: Opening Morning!

Chubby this woman!

In panel 8, Teodor's eyes betray a definite sense of guilt at having to virtually destroy a perfectly good laptop for the good of his fan-fic.

I wish I could give this one a 10. I wish I could take back like 1/2 my 5's. This is an elite classick.

I FUCKING HATE HARRY POTTER!!

no more Merrill Lynch

i found this strip to be very odd... my dad works for merrill lynch. [he never read any of the harry potter books.]

Toss in a few rather stilted popular music references, and you've got yourself Harry Potter via Bret Easton Ellis.

Sorry to be a Dick, but this strip seemed like a total riff on 'Less Than Zero', which reminded me once again how I'd rather re-read Pynchon's 'Crying of Lot 49' about five times more than I'd like to re-read Ellis, whose 'gritty suburban dystopic realism' (TM) has always seemed a bit mannered and forced to me.

This concludes today's "Hey, I'm A Dick" episode. Tune in next time, when I explain how I'd rather dry-hump a stack of Anne Rice vamporn to the point of incurring dozens of paper-cuts than give those cursed Twilight books the time of day.

"I'll make the payment for your milkshake" had me laughing so hard my roommates had to come see what the matter is.

They had never heard of Achewood, but are starting to read it because of this strip.