agika
+1 -1
Suicide counselor, eh? Well, that stuff is pretty hardcore, I have to admit.
Suicide counselor, eh? Well, that stuff is pretty hardcore, I have to admit.
setzkin
+12 -0
What is even more hardcore, is the fact that the place had a suicide counselor staffed there.
What is even more hardcore, is the fact that the place had a suicide counselor staffed there.
invidious
+1 -0
They're usually only called into play when the checker provides the customer with his or her inevitably astronomical grocery total. The place isn't snidely referred to as "Whole Paycheck" for nothin'.
They're usually only called into play when the checker provides the customer with his or her inevitably astronomical grocery total. The place isn't snidely referred to as "Whole Paycheck" for nothin'.
afrothunder
+0 -0
Chubbied for the Streetlight Manifesto avatar.
Chubbied for the Streetlight Manifesto avatar.
carbonation
+0 -0
What is even more hardcore is the fact that Ray just straight up does not give a fuck about where you are and are not allowed to light cigarettes.
What is even more hardcore is the fact that Ray just straight up does not give a fuck about where you are and are not allowed to light cigarettes.
deimosrising
+3 -0
Did the cute clerk chick understand her mistake? It is not clear
Did the cute clerk chick understand her mistake? It is not clear
snatch22
+9 -1
Honestly, I'm 20 years old and I have a fairly sophisticated sense of humor, but fart jokes just crack me up. And this was the cream of the crop of fart jokes.
Honestly, I'm 20 years old and I have a fairly sophisticated sense of humor, but fart jokes just crack me up. And this was the cream of the crop of fart jokes.
niggar
+61 -0
...a fairly sophisticated sense of humor, which is why your avatar is currently a pair of breasts.
...a fairly sophisticated sense of humor, which is why your avatar is currently a pair of breasts.
pepperhittherim
+29 -0
There's nothing funny about a rude pair of titties.
There's nothing funny about a rude pair of titties.
pogo
+0 -0
A comment left by pogo was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by solongoldbean, thehelmet, fmercury)
A comment left by pogo was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by solongoldbean, thehelmet, fmercury)
woodenteeth
+3 -0
Over-stuffed like a turkey and sometimes taking on a similar bent shape.
Over-stuffed like a turkey and sometimes taking on a similar bent shape.
ragnarok_engine
+14 -0
All with the little pop-out nubs letting you know they're done.
All with the little pop-out nubs letting you know they're done.
belgand
+4 -1
Sadly breasts have about the same rate of success with popping out as those crappy little nubs that don't pop half the time. Some ladies just don't really nip very much and some others just can't keep the damn things down. This is a shame. There ought to be a program to teach ladies how to nip harder and more frequently.
Sadly breasts have about the same rate of success with popping out as those crappy little nubs that don't pop half the time. Some ladies just don't really nip very much and some others just can't keep the damn things down. This is a shame. There ought to be a program to teach ladies how to nip harder and more frequently.
belgand
+4 -2
What does it say about me then that I find the breasts rather dull, pedestrian, and uninteresting, but I think the bra is really cute?
What does it say about me then that I find the breasts rather dull, pedestrian, and uninteresting, but I think the bra is really cute?
selbencoirlo
+11 -0
I was going to say;
"That you are gay or female but probably not both?"
But I decided it would be disingenuous,
as I do not find those breasts especially intriguing myself.
Perhaps if they had a face of a woman above them
with an expression that was all, like,
"Look at my breasts,"
I would be more intrigued.
Anonytits are not my cup of tea.
I was going to say;
"That you are gay or female but probably not both?"
But I decided it would be disingenuous,
as I do not find those breasts especially intriguing myself.
Perhaps if they had a face of a woman above them
with an expression that was all, like,
"Look at my breasts,"
I would be more intrigued.
Anonytits are not my cup of tea.
kaithekender
+0 -0
But what if they had a face of a man above them?
What then?
But what if they had a face of a man above them?
What then?
selbencoirlo
+2 -0
Does this man look like a woman?
If not
it is a war between harsh reality and the power of dreams
Total boner killer
Does this man look like a woman?
If not
it is a war between harsh reality and the power of dreams
Total boner killer
terribleman
+0 -0
Obviously, you're not a Breast Man .
Obviously, you're not a Breast Man .
belgand
+0 -0
I believe that by merely mentioning Omaha I am able to successfully prove that I am, in fact, a member of that esteemed club. I would not dare say more in such a public forum.
There's a difference between being a connoisseur of mammaries and someone willing to get a starched collar over just any convenient pair of flabby funbags that happens to fall under his eye.
I believe that by merely mentioning Omaha I am able to successfully prove that I am, in fact, a member of that esteemed club. I would not dare say more in such a public forum.
There's a difference between being a connoisseur of mammaries and someone willing to get a starched collar over just any convenient pair of flabby funbags that happens to fall under his eye.
terribleman
+0 -0
Touché, my dear fellow.
Touché, my dear fellow.
scorpio_nadir
+2 -0
Did someone say Circus Penis?
Did someone say Circus Penis?
rawk5tar
+1 -0
And username is snatch
And username is snatch
atilla
+0 -0
With a poor literary pun thrown in, just for good measure.
With a poor literary pun thrown in, just for good measure.
benhendry
+1 -0
The first thing my 3 month old niece consistently laughs at is fart noises. It's a thing.
The first thing my 3 month old niece consistently laughs at is fart noises. It's a thing.
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
its really sad that the only time when men and women find bodily functions humurous(together) is if the woman is in fact, an infant?
its really sad that the only time when men and women find bodily functions humurous(together) is if the woman is in fact, an infant?
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
**humorous
**humorous
kaithekender
+0 -0
I don't know man
My ex used to giggle whenever I farted near her
And my roommate's mother farts hell of noisy and laughs about it as well
Perhaps you have not met the right woman yet?
I don't know man
My ex used to giggle whenever I farted near her
And my roommate's mother farts hell of noisy and laughs about it as well
Perhaps you have not met the right woman yet?
hateandwar
+5 -0
Also your username is a dirty parody of a well known novel.
Also your username is a dirty parody of a well known novel.
relaxing
+29 -0
Snatch-22 follows the story of Boobsarrian, a nymphomaniac, and her fellow prostitutes at a whorehouse in Nevada. The madame had created a strict bureaucracy wherein girls would not have to fuck if they were diagnosed nymphomaniacs, but not fucking would prove that they were not in fact nymphos.
Snatch-22 follows the story of Boobsarrian, a nymphomaniac, and her fellow prostitutes at a whorehouse in Nevada. The madame had created a strict bureaucracy wherein girls would not have to fuck if they were diagnosed nymphomaniacs, but not fucking would prove that they were not in fact nymphos.
snatch22
+2 -0
The offer, Dwight, was for one (donkey) punch, which I absorbed. I had no idea there%u2019d be a second (donkey) punch, so %u2026 catch-22.
Like I said. Sophisticated.
The offer, Dwight, was for one (donkey) punch, which I absorbed. I had no idea there%u2019d be a second (donkey) punch, so %u2026 catch-22.
Like I said. Sophisticated.
stereo
+7 -0
The decapitation scene left me wanting more, and the dead mice were barely a footnote in the tumultuous tent threesome. As a gorephile, I would not rent again.
The decapitation scene left me wanting more, and the dead mice were barely a footnote in the tumultuous tent threesome. As a gorephile, I would not rent again.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
You have issues . Hilarious, hilarious issues. Take this chubby.
You have issues . Hilarious, hilarious issues. Take this chubby.
belgand
+17 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
hateandwar
+0 -0
God yes
God yes
shutup_shutup
+0 -0
Brain broken by awesome.
Brain broken by awesome.
joestork
+0 -1
Wow... this is so reminiscent of that scene from The Shining ... with the guy in the bear suit... even the color palette is similar. Creepy.
And also, lol, rofl, omg, etc.
Wow... this is so reminiscent of that scene from The Shining ... with the guy in the bear suit... even the color palette is similar. Creepy.
And also, lol, rofl, omg, etc.
belgand
+2 -0
Is that Madame Madame Madame Madame? Of course she has to be Madame. She's the only Madame Madame Madame they've got!
I also wonder how Milo works out. I strongly suspect that he has created an industry that basically requires him to jerk off alone in a closet without being watched and profit.
Is that Madame Madame Madame Madame? Of course she has to be Madame. She's the only Madame Madame Madame they've got!
I also wonder how Milo works out. I strongly suspect that he has created an industry that basically requires him to jerk off alone in a closet without being watched and profit.
fattypneumonia
+0 -0
For GOD'S SAKE PEOPLE, leave this man's chubbies right at 22!
For GOD'S SAKE PEOPLE, leave this man's chubbies right at 22!
william
+1 -0
Alt Text: Not quite Quang Duc, but not quite the 60s, either
Alt Text: Not quite Quang Duc, but not quite the 60s, either
petro
+0 -0
Not quite Norman Morrison either.
Not quite Norman Morrison either.
boredom_man
+0 -0
More like Norman Mailer, I'd say.
More like Norman Mailer, I'd say.
tombsgrave
+2 -1
"...like oak-tree roots" makes the whole thing sound like a deadly fire attack from a fantasy video game. Which made me laugh even harder.
"...like oak-tree roots" makes the whole thing sound like a deadly fire attack from a fantasy video game. Which made me laugh even harder.
neitherman
+4 -0
Rabid Treant uses Fire 3!
Rabid Treant uses Fire 3!
closefriend
+2 -1
Ray wants to be done with this damn war. If only everyone were like Leo Fontanette...
Ray wants to be done with this damn war. If only everyone were like Leo Fontanette...
deancain29
+0 -0
the last panel is the best thing in the world.
the last panel is the best thing in the world.
taidje_khan
+1 -0
There is nothing more terrible than a health person fault. They are some of the unhealthiest people around.
There is nothing more terrible than a health person fault. They are some of the unhealthiest people around.
godfatherofsouls
+0 -0
Healthy body sick mind
[too hectic too hectic]
Healthy body sick mind
[too hectic too hectic]
lost_buoy
+0 -0
Health person double-fault?
Health person double-fault?
terribleman
+0 -0
It's not their fault.
It's not their fault.
presterjohn
+1 -0
Ray is lucky even when he's engulfed in flaming flatulence - imagine the dirty looks the cute clerk chick would have shot him if he successfully lit up in the Whole Foods.
Ray is lucky even when he's engulfed in flaming flatulence - imagine the dirty looks the cute clerk chick would have shot him if he successfully lit up in the Whole Foods.
c_dizzle
+0 -0
Why oh why do so many attractive people work/shop at Whole Foods? I'll never understand it, but I'll always shop there.
Why oh why do so many attractive people work/shop at Whole Foods? I'll never understand it, but I'll always shop there.
molesticide
+2 -0
i run register at an organic food mart, I WILL LET YOU IN on a secret.
the people there intentionally hire attractive young men/women to do things that the public will see. it is one of their goals.
i still don't know WHY, but, if it gets customers as it apparently does, then its doing its job.
i run register at an organic food mart, I WILL LET YOU IN on a secret.
the people there intentionally hire attractive young men/women to do things that the public will see. it is one of their goals.
i still don't know WHY, but, if it gets customers as it apparently does, then its doing its job.
c_dizzle
+0 -0
those cheeky bastards!
those cheeky bastards!
soticoto
+0 -0
What you just said is true of all employers anywhere and everywhere in the world... pretty much.
What you just said is true of all employers anywhere and everywhere in the world... pretty much.
c_dizzle
+0 -0
If you ever took the time to compare an average Ralphs employee to one from Whole Foods, you'd realize how wrong you are in that regard.
This ain't Abercrombie vs American Apparel...this is coupons/foodstamps, muthafucka.
(Though, now that I think about it, the diffrences between AF and AA models AND employees are also pretty discernable).
If you ever took the time to compare an average Ralphs employee to one from Whole Foods, you'd realize how wrong you are in that regard.
This ain't Abercrombie vs American Apparel...this is coupons/foodstamps, muthafucka.
(Though, now that I think about it, the diffrences between AF and AA models AND employees are also pretty discernable).
hateandwar
+0 -0
Damn, look at all the strife caused by the cute clerk chick at Whole Foods. Is it safe to assume it's the same girl who grossed Pat out with her armpit hair and inadvertently jilted Teodor?
Damn, look at all the strife caused by the cute clerk chick at Whole Foods. Is it safe to assume it's the same girl who grossed Pat out with her armpit hair and inadvertently jilted Teodor?
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
A friend's sister works at the Abercrombie HQ in Columbus, OH. They actually pay two guys to stand around in the lobby and throw a football to each other.
The sister went out on a date with one of these guys, and was surprised that he was a bit dim.
Normally, I wouldn't buy this story, but the sources are pretty reliable.
A friend's sister works at the Abercrombie HQ in Columbus, OH. They actually pay two guys to stand around in the lobby and throw a football to each other.
The sister went out on a date with one of these guys, and was surprised that he was a bit dim.
Normally, I wouldn't buy this story, but the sources are pretty reliable.
belgand
+0 -0
Wait, some dudes out there are playing catch professionally? Not even in a sporting context, but just catch ? I cannot handle this.
Wait, some dudes out there are playing catch professionally? Not even in a sporting context, but just catch ? I cannot handle this.
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
It is a job that is probably not recession proof.
It is a job that is probably not recession proof.
belgand
+1 -0
Idiocy and corporate excess have always proven remarkably resilient. Almost as much as upper-management salaries. It doesn't matter if they have to lay off almost everyone else the guys at the top aren't going to take a cut in their lifestyle just because of the economy. If it's a matter of your job whether the CEO is spending $4,000 or only 3,000 on dinner I'd start updating your resume.
Idiocy and corporate excess have always proven remarkably resilient. Almost as much as upper-management salaries. It doesn't matter if they have to lay off almost everyone else the guys at the top aren't going to take a cut in their lifestyle just because of the economy. If it's a matter of your job whether the CEO is spending $4,000 or only 3,000 on dinner I'd start updating your resume.
soticoto
+0 -0
I work at a corporate law firm... in marketing.
The "Events Girls" aren't called that for nothing. I swear the job has a minimum bust-size requirement.
I work at a corporate law firm... in marketing.
The "Events Girls" aren't called that for nothing. I swear the job has a minimum bust-size requirement.
pogo
+0 -0
Young, attractive people are obviously healthier than normal, and so make us want to eat the same stuff they do (or eat them, if we can).
Young, attractive people are obviously healthier than normal, and so make us want to eat the same stuff they do (or eat them, if we can).
terribleman
+0 -0
Like killing deadites!
Like killing deadites!
xiaomimi
+19 -0
Today's Blogs
Mr. Bear: Opening the new pub.
An extended conversation between Mr. Bear and Ray is truly a thing of beauty, every time. They play so strangely off one another.
Today's Blogs
Mr. Bear: Opening the new pub.
An extended conversation between Mr. Bear and Ray is truly a thing of beauty, every time. They play so strangely off one another.
tekende
+1 -0
"RAY, RAY, A HUNDRED RAYS, ONE THOUSAND RAYS."
"RAY, RAY, A HUNDRED RAYS, ONE THOUSAND RAYS."
terribleman
+0 -0
My T-shirt would have been even cooler!
My T-shirt would have been even cooler!
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
Please God not another Choppy McShenanigan's Garlic and Sushi Conglomo-bar in the neighborhood!
Please God not another Choppy McShenanigan's Garlic and Sushi Conglomo-bar in the neighborhood!
sandswipe
+4 -0
Fived for the homeopathic foot powder in panel 1.
For those who don't know, homeopathy is basically the practice of watering down medicines to make them more effective, to the point where not a single molecule of the actual thing that can cure you is left and you're literally just drinking a glass of water. If it worked, all water would still have the qualities of dinosaur piss, or at least the piss of billions of fish in the ocean. It violates the entire established knowledge of chemistry.
sciencebasedmedicine.org
Fived for the homeopathic foot powder in panel 1.
For those who don't know, homeopathy is basically the practice of watering down medicines to make them more effective, to the point where not a single molecule of the actual thing that can cure you is left and you're literally just drinking a glass of water. If it worked, all water would still have the qualities of dinosaur piss, or at least the piss of billions of fish in the ocean. It violates the entire established knowledge of chemistry.
sciencebasedmedicine.org
pogo
+2 -1
Well, you've got the theroy right, but I don't think you water down the [i]medicine[/], dude, you water down the poison or the thing you think causes the disease. The theory goes that exposing yourself to the shadow of the disease-causing agent will build immunity, which is sort of like the immunity we get from exposure to bacteria and viruses, except homeopathy, as you point out, is B-O-O-O-O-G-U-S
Well, you've got the theroy right, but I don't think you water down the [i]medicine[/], dude, you water down the poison or the thing you think causes the disease. The theory goes that exposing yourself to the shadow of the disease-causing agent will build immunity, which is sort of like the immunity we get from exposure to bacteria and viruses, except homeopathy, as you point out, is B-O-O-O-O-G-U-S
zem
+0 -0
fuck! I hit lame accidentally, I'm sorry, forgive me
fuck! I hit lame accidentally, I'm sorry, forgive me
pogo
+1 -0
Typical day at the healthy food store!
Typical day at the healthy food store!
stubob
+0 -0
Fived for fart-induced PTS.
Fived for fart-induced PTS.
tangles
+0 -0
damn, i've been an achewood-o-phile goin on two years now (this account was made in the midst of a weird ass 'shroom trip that ended badly... something about the tangles of life's tapestry or some nonsense), and still hitting the random button can give me a strp i've never seen, bring a grin to my face, sittin on the porch of my sober-living halfway house in a town i've never been in before tryin' to get life restarted or back on track or whatever listening to a bob dylan song and smoking the last cigarette of the night... hmm, i'm prattlin again
damn, i've been an achewood-o-phile goin on two years now (this account was made in the midst of a weird ass 'shroom trip that ended badly... something about the tangles of life's tapestry or some nonsense), and still hitting the random button can give me a strp i've never seen, bring a grin to my face, sittin on the porch of my sober-living halfway house in a town i've never been in before tryin' to get life restarted or back on track or whatever listening to a bob dylan song and smoking the last cigarette of the night... hmm, i'm prattlin again
heccibiggs
+2 -0
So this was three months ago and, uh, I hope everything's going okay for you...
So this was three months ago and, uh, I hope everything's going okay for you...
atticusonline
+9 -0
Stop that. You know this man is no longer alive.
Stop that. You know this man is no longer alive.
cpnglxynchos
+2 -0
philippes are so confusing...
philippes are so confusing...
stonecrab
+0 -1
I am crying from laughin' too hard. Good thing i wasn't drinkin' anything - woulda come outta my nose.
I am crying from laughin' too hard. Good thing i wasn't drinkin' anything - woulda come outta my nose.
mocktopus
+0 -0
First Achewood to make me "LOL" out loud.
First Achewood to make me "LOL" out loud.
re5urgam
+0 -0
Did you really laugh out loud out loud I want to know did you.
Did you really laugh out loud out loud I want to know did you.
terribleman
+0 -0
Maybe he just straight up said "lol", which incidentally is the WORST thing it is possible to say.
Maybe he just straight up said "lol", which incidentally is the WORST thing it is possible to say.
vampirotica
+0 -0
what does a health person fart smell like anyway?
what does a health person fart smell like anyway?
I just read this strip three times consecutively and it made me giggle, in a different place, each time.
I giggled through my knee at panel 3.