methadone
+3 -0
you can hear keillor's voice in that so well
you can hear keillor's voice in that so well
untilyouaresonude
+123 -0
Keillor: "This portion of A Prairie Home Companion brought to you by Liquid Banjo- the drink that's guaranteed to put hair on your chest whether you want it or not. Now, here's the Guy's Shoes Band with "Here Comes a Special Boy""
Keillor: "This portion of A Prairie Home Companion brought to you by Liquid Banjo- the drink that's guaranteed to put hair on your chest whether you want it or not. Now, here's the Guy's Shoes Band with "Here Comes a Special Boy""
lrosetw8
+4 -0
that made me choke on my own saliva it was so funny
that made me choke on my own saliva it was so funny
swatson
+0 -0
Ewwww.
Ewwww.
heccibiggs
+4 -0
What, you've never done that before? Shit that happens to me all the time.
What, you've never done that before? Shit that happens to me all the time.
chachibenji
+0 -0
You may want to see a -cologist of some sort for that. o:
You may want to see a -cologist of some sort for that. o:
stoatlad
+0 -0
Straight up nailed it.
Straight up nailed it.
fattypneumonia
+0 -0
fuck that's perfect.
fuck that's perfect.
deimosrising
+3 -0
What's interesting about this one is which authors Teodor picks. Ray goes straight for the alcoholic, manly authors (as someone commented on the last strip). Is Teodor being ironic? Or is this really what he digs on?
What's interesting about this one is which authors Teodor picks. Ray goes straight for the alcoholic, manly authors (as someone commented on the last strip). Is Teodor being ironic? Or is this really what he digs on?
mr_pete
+16 -0
Maybe he's trying to make sure the watch has Literary Capabilities, and not just Manly Overcompensating. Some dude says he only reads Hemmingway, Hammett, and MacDonald, and I start thinking the gentleman doth protest too much.
Maybe he's trying to make sure the watch has Literary Capabilities, and not just Manly Overcompensating. Some dude says he only reads Hemmingway, Hammett, and MacDonald, and I start thinking the gentleman doth protest too much.
chaesar
+14 -0
Teodor is so NPR.
Teodor is so NPR.
chaesar
+9 -0
He probably sets an alarm on Saturdays to make sure he doesn't miss Car Talk.
He probably sets an alarm on Saturdays to make sure he doesn't miss Car Talk.
zem
+31 -1
Well, shit. No one should miss Car Talk.
Well, shit. No one should miss Car Talk.
bixschmix
+2 -0
I was thinking "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me."
I was thinking "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me."
tekende
+0 -0
Worst name for a program ever. Anytime someone says it, it makes me wish to punch something/one.
Worst name for a program ever. Anytime someone says it, it makes me wish to punch something/one.
pogo
+0 -0
I know I do. Gotta have my weekly fix of Cambridge (our fair city) humor.
I know I do. Gotta have my weekly fix of Cambridge (our fair city) humor.
lacrimus
+6 -1
Garrison Keillor is my absolute hero. I would buy a watch that dictated my life in his voice.
Garrison Keillor is my absolute hero. I would buy a watch that dictated my life in his voice.
thegrayhoodie
+0 -0
True that!
True that!
retinarow
+0 -0
I did!
I did!
epicurus
+4 -0
I cannot get ENOUGH watch strips. I could read these for about two hours straight before I batted an eye.
I cannot get ENOUGH watch strips. I could read these for about two hours straight before I batted an eye.
closefriend
+5 -0
Tony Robbins feels very strongly that Ray needs a bloody mary.
Speaking of NPR, this watch should have Michael Chabon or Sarah Vowell.
Tony Robbins feels very strongly that Ray needs a bloody mary.
Speaking of NPR, this watch should have Michael Chabon or Sarah Vowell.
endoftheworld
+2 -0
Sarah Vowell's prose is nice but her voice sounds like a fourth grader giving a book report.
Sarah Vowell's prose is nice but her voice sounds like a fourth grader giving a book report.
scifigrl47
+0 -0
I thought she did well as Violet in The Incredibles. Pixar casts the weirdest people, but it always works.
I thought she did well as Violet in The Incredibles. Pixar casts the weirdest people, but it always works.
ovenface
+0 -0
how about some allan chartock or pat bradley? most unintentionally hilarious, or at least i can't stop laughing when i hear pat's voice.
how about some allan chartock or pat bradley? most unintentionally hilarious, or at least i can't stop laughing when i hear pat's voice.
evolume
+0 -0
A comment left by evolume was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by professorhazard, snowman, Jesler729, equinn2006, Stonecrab, fullofkrap, Jeet, Arbys, theplaidknight, allknowingpants, retinarow, dropkickpikachu, pogo)
A comment left by evolume was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by professorhazard, snowman, Jesler729, equinn2006, Stonecrab, fullofkrap, Jeet, Arbys, theplaidknight, allknowingpants, retinarow, dropkickpikachu, pogo)
peppermint
+26 -0
Yeah, I was listening to him last week, and he was all like "Minnesota is so fucking awesome! Fuck you!" for a half hour straight. Then he broke a whiskey bottle over a table and tried to stab the thirteen year old fiddle player.
Yeah, I was listening to him last week, and he was all like "Minnesota is so fucking awesome! Fuck you!" for a half hour straight. Then he broke a whiskey bottle over a table and tried to stab the thirteen year old fiddle player.
vaseline
+3 -0
fuck, i should pick up one of his books.
fuck, i should pick up one of his books.
bixschmix
+16 -0
fuck, i should stab a thirteen year old fiddle player.
fuck, i should stab a thirteen year old fiddle player.
dreamerman91
+1 -2
Garrison Keiller: a great man, and the anti-achewood
Garrison Keiller: a great man, and the anti-achewood
arbys
+0 -0
I think this is my favorite strip outside of any of the major story arcs.
He just captures Keillor's voice so well.
I think this is my favorite strip outside of any of the major story arcs.
He just captures Keillor's voice so well.
pa_ass_nts
+1 -0
Watch strip authors I would like to see include: Don Delillo, HP Lovecraft, William S Burroughs
Watch strip authors I would like to see include: Don Delillo, HP Lovecraft, William S Burroughs
killerlimpet
+3 -0
Chuck Pahlaniuk, Edgar Allen Poe, Carl Sagan.
Chuck Pahlaniuk, Edgar Allen Poe, Carl Sagan.
el_connor
+2 -0
Those would be good to hear.
Wonder if the watch can do William Blake or even Anthony Burgess (with the Clockwork Orange language)
Those would be good to hear.
Wonder if the watch can do William Blake or even Anthony Burgess (with the Clockwork Orange language)
i_love_kate
+3 -0
Isaac Asimov, Iain M. Banks, Terry Pratchett.
Footnotes in there the size of a man's, well, foot.
Isaac Asimov, Iain M. Banks, Terry Pratchett.
Footnotes in there the size of a man's, well, foot.
soticoto
+0 -0
Ambrose Bierce? ... How about Aleister Crowley?
Ambrose Bierce? ... How about Aleister Crowley?
i_love_kate
+1 -0
Heh, what?
Heh, what?
thegrayhoodie
+1 -0
Ambrose Bierce would the the tits.
Ambrose Bierce would the the tits.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Yes, he would.
Yes, he would.
belgand
+0 -0
Ray, upon reaching the toilet, as so tired and hung over that he passed out again knocking his head on the toilet and merely imagined the bloody mary. When he wakes up nine hours later he missed an opportunity to go ride dirt bikes with Lyle.
Ray, upon reaching the toilet, as so tired and hung over that he passed out again knocking his head on the toilet and merely imagined the bloody mary. When he wakes up nine hours later he missed an opportunity to go ride dirt bikes with Lyle.
charchar
+1 -0
Anybody here familiar with Poppy Z. Brite? All eating up the pretty boys, all erotic and terrifying. I would so love technology if she narrated my life.
Also: Why has no-one said Neil Gaiman?
Anybody here familiar with Poppy Z. Brite? All eating up the pretty boys, all erotic and terrifying. I would so love technology if she narrated my life.
Also: Why has no-one said Neil Gaiman?
tekende
+0 -0
Poppy Z Brite is okay, but she cannot write women.
Neil Gaiman's great, but I can't really think of a particular way to imitate his style. I can't really think of what his style even is.
Poppy Z Brite is okay, but she cannot write women.
Neil Gaiman's great, but I can't really think of a particular way to imitate his style. I can't really think of what his style even is.
charchar
+0 -0
You could write Gaiman writing an homage to Lovecraft. Maybe eventually rip a whole in the Universe and we'd all en up in SEGMENTATION FAULT
You could write Gaiman writing an homage to Lovecraft. Maybe eventually rip a whole in the Universe and we'd all en up in SEGMENTATION FAULT
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Rip a whole... enchilada?
Rip a whole... enchilada?
autrepoupee
+1 -0
Iain Banks doubtlessly he's the beeest. I throw JG Ballard into the ring along with Faulkner.
Iain Banks doubtlessly he's the beeest. I throw JG Ballard into the ring along with Faulkner.
stormagnet
+1 -0
TOM Robbins
TOM Robbins
professorhazard
+0 -0
Douglas Adams.
Douglas Adams.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Whoopsy-daisy! Sorry, everybody!
Whoopsy-daisy! Sorry, everybody!
godfatherofsouls
+20 -0
Beef's watch is stuck on Kafka.
Beef's watch is stuck on Kafka.
belgand
+0 -0
Not quite. His oppression comes from inside not external forces or the whims of the universe.
Not quite. His oppression comes from inside not external forces or the whims of the universe.
soticoto
+0 -0
Poe, maybe?
Poe, maybe?
faedrus
+0 -0
Camus?
Camus?
quantumcasaba
+1 -1
I would love to read all of those as well. Particularly Lovecraft I think.
How about authors we would not like to see narrating Ray's life:
Ayn Rand
I would love to read all of those as well. Particularly Lovecraft I think.
How about authors we would not like to see narrating Ray's life:
Ayn Rand
pa_ass_nts
+1 -2
Arundhati Roy, Alice Sebold, Ian McEwan (most of the time), Derrida, Ezra Pound... the list goes on
Arundhati Roy, Alice Sebold, Ian McEwan (most of the time), Derrida, Ezra Pound... the list goes on
pa_ass_nts
+0 -0
A comment left by pa_ass_nts was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mxh, TheLoneliestMonkey, EndOfTheWorld)
A comment left by pa_ass_nts was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by mxh, TheLoneliestMonkey, EndOfTheWorld)
pa_ass_nts
+0 -0
Good lord, what happened there? Comments disappearing then showin' back up all over the damn place! Sorry College.
Good lord, what happened there? Comments disappearing then showin' back up all over the damn place! Sorry College.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Regardless, I will solidly agree with your apparently contentious choices.
Regardless, I will solidly agree with your apparently contentious choices.
dovey
+0 -0
Jean-Paul Satre
Jean-Paul Satre
belgand
+0 -0
Sartre would be hella rude.
Sartre would be hella rude.
belgand
+0 -0
An Ayn Rand narrated life would merely make me feel like a loser rather than the heroic, pure archetype depicted in my watch.
An Ayn Rand narrated life would merely make me feel like a loser rather than the heroic, pure archetype depicted in my watch.
quantumcasaba
+1 -0
Oh god, Alice Sebold's would be told from the viewpoint of one of the long-forgotten AIBOs.
And manatees should never touch Achewood. Heh.
Oh god, Alice Sebold's would be told from the viewpoint of one of the long-forgotten AIBOs.
And manatees should never touch Achewood. Heh.
tbtabby
+2 -0
If I had such a watch, and it had a Douglas Adams setting, I would not only never take it off, I would never stop reading the entries.
If I had such a watch, and it had a Douglas Adams setting, I would not only never take it off, I would never stop reading the entries.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
That would probably make the entries pretty boring, tbh. Also meta.
That would probably make the entries pretty boring, tbh. Also meta.
jugglinfreak
+0 -0
Does anyone else think that Onstad catches the styles of authors/performers perfectly? Beautifully done.
Does anyone else think that Onstad catches the styles of authors/performers perfectly? Beautifully done.
mattylite
+4 -0
ME. (I DO)
ME. (I DO)
milkpants
+0 -0
ray's automatic diary is printed on shit tickets
ray's automatic diary is printed on shit tickets
waldo913
+0 -0
Anyone else find that the comments on this strip are devolving into a literary dickwaving competition of sorts?
...Maybe I'm just in a pissy mood.
Anyone else find that the comments on this strip are devolving into a literary dickwaving competition of sorts?
...Maybe I'm just in a pissy mood.
jollysaintpete
+1 -0
surely you have noticed before now that dickwaving is a staple of assetbar?
surely you have noticed before now that dickwaving is a staple of assetbar?
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
YES.
YES.
belgand
+7 -0
Chubby Lame Mark as Spam Dickwave *Ignore User*
Chubby Lame Mark as Spam Dickwave *Ignore User*
ramenramenramen
+0 -0
Holy fuck I used to love listening to Garrison Keiller when I was a kid.
Holy fuck I used to love listening to Garrison Keiller when I was a kid.
A comment left by overmedicated was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ted0phile, stormypinkness, straw, Tinhand, UntilYouAreSoNude, ishuta, divot, possums, karljw, Smallberries, jhunt, riotdejaneiro, Dezufnocosem, Dusty, cryztal, mattbeetee, puadxe, EM2, 7th_shot, songbirdspectre, anticitizen, Jhunter, Kleptonis, Weretrout, prius_chaser, NDCaesar, Sal, Sargasm, AJESTERONLY, atticusonline, Mnemon, Kennisiou, mustconcentrate, Carrot, idsyen, fmercury, regrepsnefpoh, suprememongoose, Wulvaine, Methadone, clembot, Wite_Rabit, scraggg, retinarow, slalvation, Appers, wehavemagnums)
Perhaps, but in retrospect it may have been the first one that was excessive. This one is golden.
Dude, you just totally warped the fabric of space-time.
And yet I completely understand what was meant.