jdhenry105
+1 -0
Beef = <3
Beef = <3
heyoo
+5 -1
If something is equal to being less than another thing, isn't it just simply less than that thing?
If something is equal to being less than another thing, isn't it just simply less than that thing?
ghede
+6 -0
Actually, that is similar to the c symbol for less-than-or-equal-to. Beef is Less than or equal to three.
Actually, that is similar to the c symbol for less-than-or-equal-to. Beef is Less than or equal to three.
soticoto
+3 -0
Whereas Philippe == 5.
Whereas Philippe == 5.
anomalous3
+44 -0
I've had dreams like that...
It's great how you think Beef is being asinine and sarcastic. And then you realize that he's not.
I've had dreams like that...
It's great how you think Beef is being asinine and sarcastic. And then you realize that he's not.
aperson
+2 -2
I just remembered I had exactly that dream two nights ago. Huge robotic, or possibly besuited alien invaders just mowing people down. Damn those unstoppable bastards. I managed to run away.
I just remembered I had exactly that dream two nights ago. Huge robotic, or possibly besuited alien invaders just mowing people down. Damn those unstoppable bastards. I managed to run away.
invidious
+0 -0
This is why I no longer watch the Terminator movies right before bed.
This is why I no longer watch the Terminator movies right before bed.
greenkoolayd
+0 -0
wuss.
wuss.
fattypneumonia
+0 -0
Bee-suited alien invaders?
Bee-suited alien invaders?
abe
+1 -0
Beef-ism.
Beef-ism.
fuckyoufriday
+0 -0
So good.
So good.
achewoodno1fan
+1 -0
who doesnt
who doesnt
tombsgrave
+2 -0
Roast Beef's dreams are like my own. I appreciate that.
Roast Beef's dreams are like my own. I appreciate that.
tellumo
+6 -0
Alt text: you can always reboot unless it is a virus
Reminds me of what one of my CS professors said to my operating systems class in college. He was asking us about what one could do about a locked-up process (actually one with a single locked-up thread), and everyone was coming up with all kinds of elegant solutions like "restart the locked thread" and the like and the professor said he was thinking simpler: "reboot the machine."
hey, it works.
Alt text: you can always reboot unless it is a virus
Reminds me of what one of my CS professors said to my operating systems class in college. He was asking us about what one could do about a locked-up process (actually one with a single locked-up thread), and everyone was coming up with all kinds of elegant solutions like "restart the locked thread" and the like and the professor said he was thinking simpler: "reboot the machine."
hey, it works.
zapatos
+8 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
tellumo
+0 -0
Not quite like that, but you get a chubby anyway.
And also, today, I follow my CS professor's advice. I don't have time to mess around with fancy stuff. The computer works for me, not the other way around.
Not quite like that, but you get a chubby anyway.
And also, today, I follow my CS professor's advice. I don't have time to mess around with fancy stuff. The computer works for me, not the other way around.
spectre
+0 -0
A comment left by spectre was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dezufnocosem, tetrisattack, farqussus, yingkaixing, toughasnails001, peterjoel, STUART)
A comment left by spectre was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dezufnocosem, tetrisattack, farqussus, yingkaixing, toughasnails001, peterjoel, STUART)
zedpower
+35 -1
There are trucks, several stories tall. All around each are attached horizontally rotating wheels. Each wheel bears six L-shaped, crimson-stained blades. They spin slowly enough to follow with the naked eye, but quickly enough to instantly bisect anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby.
Even if you run away far enough not to hear the screaming anymore, you can still look back and see the foul, red-tinted exhaust gas sitting on the scene like a shroud. And when you turn your back to the carnage, what's left of your hopes shatters as you see more machines coming from the other way.
There are trucks, several stories tall. All around each are attached horizontally rotating wheels. Each wheel bears six L-shaped, crimson-stained blades. They spin slowly enough to follow with the naked eye, but quickly enough to instantly bisect anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby.
Even if you run away far enough not to hear the screaming anymore, you can still look back and see the foul, red-tinted exhaust gas sitting on the scene like a shroud. And when you turn your back to the carnage, what's left of your hopes shatters as you see more machines coming from the other way.
straw
+9 -0
That's the gist of it, yeah
That's the gist of it, yeah
ntopp
+2 -0
Which I feel is more compelling than tripods.
Which I feel is more compelling than tripods.
farqussus
+3 -0
I always go to tiny, tiny, little brittle things like crystallised snowflakes being crushed and slammed between unfathomable massiveness. It recurs when I have a fever.
I always go to tiny, tiny, little brittle things like crystallised snowflakes being crushed and slammed between unfathomable massiveness. It recurs when I have a fever.
snowman
+1 -0
this is insane...this is exactly what i think of, and i really thought i was the only one...often if i'm very relaxed and sleepy, and like watching television or something, i will lightly grit my teeth (it's more like setting my teeth and flexing my jaw muscles) and sometimes that feeling will happen. But yes, if i'm feverish or doped up on cold medicine, it happens more often too. really, really weird that someone else thinks of this.
this is insane...this is exactly what i think of, and i really thought i was the only one...often if i'm very relaxed and sleepy, and like watching television or something, i will lightly grit my teeth (it's more like setting my teeth and flexing my jaw muscles) and sometimes that feeling will happen. But yes, if i'm feverish or doped up on cold medicine, it happens more often too. really, really weird that someone else thinks of this.
farqussus
+2 -0
I'm immensely relieved I'm not the only one. Sometimes I also have panic inducing episodes where the heads of people on television are alternately way too big and way too small.
I'm immensely relieved I'm not the only one. Sometimes I also have panic inducing episodes where the heads of people on television are alternately way too big and way too small.
snowman
+2 -0
Do you know anything about this phenomenon? I've always been really curious where that comes from. Additionally, often it seems like I'm just about to grasp what it means, or see some sort of visual image, but...I never do, it always remains just the hint of a scenario. Inconceivable, faceless hugeness just destroying something tiny and delicate and innocent. But the relationship between the two seems antagonistic, almost like they are somehow at war or something. Man, this is hard to articulate, and I feel like I'm starting to sound nuts, so I better sign off...
Do you know anything about this phenomenon? I've always been really curious where that comes from. Additionally, often it seems like I'm just about to grasp what it means, or see some sort of visual image, but...I never do, it always remains just the hint of a scenario. Inconceivable, faceless hugeness just destroying something tiny and delicate and innocent. But the relationship between the two seems antagonistic, almost like they are somehow at war or something. Man, this is hard to articulate, and I feel like I'm starting to sound nuts, so I better sign off...
farqussus
+1 -0
I didn't know it was a phenomenon. I've kept it to myself after too many frustrating attempts to explain it to people. Sometimes I get a visual accompaniment, though usually not something tangible.
Don't worry, you're no more nuts than I. Not that that is much help.
I didn't know it was a phenomenon. I've kept it to myself after too many frustrating attempts to explain it to people. Sometimes I get a visual accompaniment, though usually not something tangible.
Don't worry, you're no more nuts than I. Not that that is much help.
snowman
+1 -0
Yeah, I've pretty much stopped trying to explain it to people, too. I've only met one other person, ever, who had something similar, and that was fifteen years ago.
Yeah, I've pretty much stopped trying to explain it to people, too. I've only met one other person, ever, who had something similar, and that was fifteen years ago.
catgrl131
+3 -0
That happens to me too. The most recent occurence, though, was three years ago. I was at an older relative's house, and I was allowed to sneak away to the computer, and I was playing a game on Neopets (parental block) where you are a tiny jelly dinasaur, and you can only eat smaller jellies, and for each jelly you eat, you grow. So anyway, this huge jelly came along and my dino-jelly was tiny, and all of a sudden I got that feeling, and at the time, when I felt that sensation, the first word to pop into my head to describe it was "chewiness". I don't know why, but it felt like a chewy feeling. I kept trying to describe it to myself, but the closest I could come was that feeling when a kid loses a tooth, then bites down on a straw, and it feels like the tooth is still there and biting through the straw. But that wasn't completely accurate, and I keep trying to recreate the feeling, but it won't come back, and when I have it, I try to hold on to it to describe it, but it goes away as quickly as it came. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
That happens to me too. The most recent occurence, though, was three years ago. I was at an older relative's house, and I was allowed to sneak away to the computer, and I was playing a game on Neopets (parental block) where you are a tiny jelly dinasaur, and you can only eat smaller jellies, and for each jelly you eat, you grow. So anyway, this huge jelly came along and my dino-jelly was tiny, and all of a sudden I got that feeling, and at the time, when I felt that sensation, the first word to pop into my head to describe it was "chewiness". I don't know why, but it felt like a chewy feeling. I kept trying to describe it to myself, but the closest I could come was that feeling when a kid loses a tooth, then bites down on a straw, and it feels like the tooth is still there and biting through the straw. But that wasn't completely accurate, and I keep trying to recreate the feeling, but it won't come back, and when I have it, I try to hold on to it to describe it, but it goes away as quickly as it came. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
snowman
+1 -0
Yeah, see, this reinforces my theory that the feeling is somehow rooted to the feeling of teeth-on-teeth. Thanks for posting, this is legit fascinating to me for some reason.
Yeah, see, this reinforces my theory that the feeling is somehow rooted to the feeling of teeth-on-teeth. Thanks for posting, this is legit fascinating to me for some reason.
farqussus
+1 -0
Me too. There has always been a masticatory element to it.
Me too. There has always been a masticatory element to it.
caseyb3
+2 -0
If you follow the theory of dreams that has them as a recapitulation of past memories that your brain isn't quite sure whether to keep in storage or turf out, it could be that the normal violence of human life subtly evokes a lifetime full of conditioning to see machines as horrifying, violent, and dangerous - and yourself and all people as helpless to stop them as beef jerky is to stop you.
Long story short, your brain is trying to work out whether it has any use for a psychological coping mechanism for dealing with what happens when you run into an overtly predatory version of an SUV or combine. The reason you remember it is that your brain has elected to hang onto it, having been developed to solve the day-to-day problems of fragile, tree-dwelling simians on a landscape shared by lions and hippopotamoi. Watching over your shoulder for unstoppable killing machines just seems sensible to it.
If you follow the theory of dreams that has them as a recapitulation of past memories that your brain isn't quite sure whether to keep in storage or turf out, it could be that the normal violence of human life subtly evokes a lifetime full of conditioning to see machines as horrifying, violent, and dangerous - and yourself and all people as helpless to stop them as beef jerky is to stop you.
Long story short, your brain is trying to work out whether it has any use for a psychological coping mechanism for dealing with what happens when you run into an overtly predatory version of an SUV or combine. The reason you remember it is that your brain has elected to hang onto it, having been developed to solve the day-to-day problems of fragile, tree-dwelling simians on a landscape shared by lions and hippopotamoi. Watching over your shoulder for unstoppable killing machines just seems sensible to it.
gitarooman
+0 -0
I know I'm two years late to the party but I'm assuming this is a dream you are talking about, it's pretty vague though. If it is, and I'm understanding correctly, many many people have similar dreams. Now the field of dreams is not widely understood (in fact many if not most scientists disagree about the theory that dreams are your brains attempt to 'digest' things that happened on that day, or the related theory that applies to past memories), but dreams of feeling tiny, or relating to tiny things, followed by their destruction or just generally being overpowered by a much larger thing, nearly infinite in size and matter, is fairly common, especially in people who have 'family issues'. I've never had the dream, and the first time someone told me about it I had no idea what they were talking about and couldn't understand at all, not helped much by the fact that people who have the dream don't understand what it is or what is happening themselves, and have trouble communicating it because it seems to be more of a feeling than an event. But a lot of people, including myself, believe that the dream has to do with your birth. The feeling of being tiny, innocent, and peaceful, then being overpowered by something enormous and incomprehensible is theorized to be similar to, if not the same, as the feeling you have as you are pushed out of your mothers womb, into the hands of a doctor, and into the big wide scary world. None of you mentioned this, but the dream is supposed to be absolutely terrifying. The scariest dream you ever have in your life. If one of you had I would be more confident that I am talking about the right thing. However, I've never heard anyone connect it with teeth or grinding, and that is probably an unrelated issue. Correlation does not imply causation after all.
I know I'm two years late to the party but I'm assuming this is a dream you are talking about, it's pretty vague though. If it is, and I'm understanding correctly, many many people have similar dreams. Now the field of dreams is not widely understood (in fact many if not most scientists disagree about the theory that dreams are your brains attempt to 'digest' things that happened on that day, or the related theory that applies to past memories), but dreams of feeling tiny, or relating to tiny things, followed by their destruction or just generally being overpowered by a much larger thing, nearly infinite in size and matter, is fairly common, especially in people who have 'family issues'. I've never had the dream, and the first time someone told me about it I had no idea what they were talking about and couldn't understand at all, not helped much by the fact that people who have the dream don't understand what it is or what is happening themselves, and have trouble communicating it because it seems to be more of a feeling than an event. But a lot of people, including myself, believe that the dream has to do with your birth. The feeling of being tiny, innocent, and peaceful, then being overpowered by something enormous and incomprehensible is theorized to be similar to, if not the same, as the feeling you have as you are pushed out of your mothers womb, into the hands of a doctor, and into the big wide scary world. None of you mentioned this, but the dream is supposed to be absolutely terrifying. The scariest dream you ever have in your life. If one of you had I would be more confident that I am talking about the right thing. However, I've never heard anyone connect it with teeth or grinding, and that is probably an unrelated issue. Correlation does not imply causation after all.
gitarooman
+0 -0
Fear the mighty power of my run-on sentences!
Fear the mighty power of my run-on sentences!
origotoshi
+0 -0
That thing with things appearing too big or small is called macropsia/micropsia, respectively (also known as Alice in Wonderland syndrome). Happens to me sometimes too.
That thing with things appearing too big or small is called macropsia/micropsia, respectively (also known as Alice in Wonderland syndrome). Happens to me sometimes too.
heccibiggs
+24 -0
This was posted on another comic, but I feel it applies here...
[IMGS OFF]
This was posted on another comic, but I feel it applies here...
[IMGS OFF]
tekende
+2 -0
YES.
I am in love with that machine, and the beings who created it. It is truly fantastic.
YES.
I am in love with that machine, and the beings who created it. It is truly fantastic.
zedpower
+3 -0
The beings who created it...?
Oh, you mean Satan and his retinue of the damned. Right.
The beings who created it...?
Oh, you mean Satan and his retinue of the damned. Right.
tekende
+10 -0
Listen. You need to know that if I were ever in that machine's presence, my penis would harden and rise pretty quickly.
Listen. You need to know that if I were ever in that machine's presence, my penis would harden and rise pretty quickly.
zedpower
+8 -1
Actually this falls pretty squarely in the category of things which I do not need to know.
Actually this falls pretty squarely in the category of things which I do not need to know.
tekende
+5 -0
I'm afraid it doesn't. You needed to know. You just don't know why yet.
I'm afraid it doesn't. You needed to know. You just don't know why yet.
zedpower
+9 -0
O blest ignorance
Hold me fast to your bosom
'till the world is done
O blest ignorance
Hold me fast to your bosom
'till the world is done
steerpike66
+3 -0
You are a very heterosexual man, you know that?
You are a very heterosexual man, you know that?
tekende
+15 -0
I have known since I was twelve
I have known since I was twelve
landowmpg
+1 -0
Patrick Bateman having a conversation with Patrick Bateman terrifies me.
Patrick Bateman having a conversation with Patrick Bateman terrifies me.
ford
+2 -0
I have a list of the crazy shit i'm gonna do if i ever become extraordinarily rich (Sample: Build two wooden pirate ships with cannons, have a naval battle; buy a huge piece of land and a lot of earthmoving equipment and pretend its a sandbox; live in a tower with a circular elevator in the center, the entire wall of the elevator opens horizontally as a door). This machine just got on the list.
I have a list of the crazy shit i'm gonna do if i ever become extraordinarily rich (Sample: Build two wooden pirate ships with cannons, have a naval battle; buy a huge piece of land and a lot of earthmoving equipment and pretend its a sandbox; live in a tower with a circular elevator in the center, the entire wall of the elevator opens horizontally as a door). This machine just got on the list.
ford
+0 -0
I will use it to cut cars in half.
I will use it to cut cars in half.
tekende
+0 -0
But sir, the machine is so much bigger than that. So much bigger. You could cut buildings in half. Why stop at cars?
But sir, the machine is so much bigger than that. So much bigger. You could cut buildings in half. Why stop at cars?
farqussus
+0 -0
You love that machine
You love that machine
tekende
+3 -0
LOVE MACHINE
LOVE IT
LOVE MACHINE
LOVE IT
dusty
+1 -0
yes, the pieces this machine breaks things into as it cuts them are often larger than an entire car.
yes, the pieces this machine breaks things into as it cuts them are often larger than an entire car.
caseyb3
+1 -0
Use some kind of falsework to make a square elevator look round instead. It might not be quite the same, but you'll be kicking yourself for going for broke the fiftieth time you have to deal with elevator mechanics.
Elevator mechanics are basically like if what Pat thought about barbers were true - and he was being charitable. I cannot emphasize this enough: take whatever course your life requires to keep away from them.
Use some kind of falsework to make a square elevator look round instead. It might not be quite the same, but you'll be kicking yourself for going for broke the fiftieth time you have to deal with elevator mechanics.
Elevator mechanics are basically like if what Pat thought about barbers were true - and he was being charitable. I cannot emphasize this enough: take whatever course your life requires to keep away from them.
mikeronomicon
+0 -0
That is truly an apocolyptic piece of machinery if I have ever seen one. Chubbs!
That is truly an apocolyptic piece of machinery if I have ever seen one. Chubbs!
aperson
+5 -0
JESUS CHRIST TURN THE CAR ROUND
JESUS CHRIST TURN THE CAR ROUND
fineoakstructure
+1 -0
aperson's all caps posts are my favorite all caps posts
aperson's all caps posts are my favorite all caps posts
rachel
+1 -0
roast beef had planned on being awake in the likely event of crippling programming-related anxiety
roast beef had planned on being awake in the likely event of crippling programming-related anxiety
drskradley
+0 -0
Ray Smuckles gets very upset from breaking computer programs.
Ray Smuckles gets very upset from breaking computer programs.
relaxing
+1 -0
Hey, there's deadlines to be met! He's gotta ship four licenses to Phillipe about four strips later.
Hey, there's deadlines to be met! He's gotta ship four licenses to Phillipe about four strips later.
buttermoths
+0 -0
Considering drskradley's avatar, I totally read 'deadlines' as 'deadites'.
Considering drskradley's avatar, I totally read 'deadlines' as 'deadites'.
rowboat
+1 -0
Damn. Ray's inability to gracefully handle simple computer disasters hits too close to home. If I didn't have my own Roast Beef living down the hall I probably would never have even gotten this thing turned on. Also, though I didn't realize it the first time around, and I see that most of you live and die by "The Party," I think this was probably the first truly flawless arc.
Damn. Ray's inability to gracefully handle simple computer disasters hits too close to home. If I didn't have my own Roast Beef living down the hall I probably would never have even gotten this thing turned on. Also, though I didn't realize it the first time around, and I see that most of you live and die by "The Party," I think this was probably the first truly flawless arc.
charchar
+1 -0
This is why I never mess with computers, unless i've holy water and a spare geek ready. I mean, the computer *says* it's rebooted, but I just can't trust a machine that delivers porn and crayons in the same window.
This is why I never mess with computers, unless i've holy water and a spare geek ready. I mean, the computer *says* it's rebooted, but I just can't trust a machine that delivers porn and crayons in the same window.
molesticide
+1 -0
'just mowing us all down' is the line i always want to see when i'm reading through the archives.
when i see, that's when i know it's time to go do something productive/sleep.
'just mowing us all down' is the line i always want to see when i'm reading through the archives.
when i see, that's when i know it's time to go do something productive/sleep.
yingkaixing
+6 -0
I quoted the last panel in conversation with some non-Achewood luddites the other day. They nodded in solemn agreement. "That is what I see when I close my eyes," Johnny whispered.
I quoted the last panel in conversation with some non-Achewood luddites the other day. They nodded in solemn agreement. "That is what I see when I close my eyes," Johnny whispered.
kelsotimebomb
+0 -0
Chubbied for your PBF avatar.
Chubbied for your PBF avatar.
landowmpg
+0 -0
...Proceed.
...Proceed.
coco
+2 -0
Every day of Beef's life is the worst day of his life . . . (especially if he works at Initech).
Every day of Beef's life is the worst day of his life . . . (especially if he works at Initech).
doubleclef
+0 -0
Just mowing us all down...
Just mowing us all down...
tttt2
+1 -0
You do YES need to buy milk
You do YES need to buy milk
srikamaraja
+0 -0
These were my fever dreams as a toddler.
These were my fever dreams as a toddler.
For maximum effect, read this strip before turning in.