awko
+2 -0
It's ok to cuss as long it came from a viable source.
It's ok to cuss as long it came from a viable source.
heath
+1 -0
I horribly abused this fact when writing a paper on Bad Santa in college.
I horribly abused this fact when writing a paper on Bad Santa in college.
heath
+2 -0
OHHHHH SHIIIIIIIT!
OHHHHH SHIIIIIIIT!
ttagxamm
+5 -0
I did the same in my senior anthropology thesis on campus bathroom graffiti, "Talkin' Shit."
I did the same in my senior anthropology thesis on campus bathroom graffiti, "Talkin' Shit."
heath
+5 -0
My personal favorite from a campus bathroom:
"John Wayne Toilet Paper - rough as hell and takes no shit"
My personal favorite from a campus bathroom:
"John Wayne Toilet Paper - rough as hell and takes no shit"
ttagxamm
+2 -0
[eye level] "look up"
[three or four feet above level] "you're pissing on your shoes"
Also above urinal: "Please don't eat the big pink mint"
[eye level] "look up"
[three or four feet above level] "you're pissing on your shoes"
Also above urinal: "Please don't eat the big pink mint"
philipmarschall
+4 -0
[line drawn at eye level] if you can piss this high fire station 5 wants you
[line drawn at eye level] if you can piss this high fire station 5 wants you
lhmatt
+2 -0
my favorite....on right wall "look left", on left wall "look right"... on stall door "look behind you", wall behind toilet "AHHHHH"
my favorite....on right wall "look left", on left wall "look right"... on stall door "look behind you", wall behind toilet "AHHHHH"
saint
+1 -0
Here I sit, broken hearted.
Tried to shit and only farted.
Later on, I took a chance.
Tried to fart, and shit my pants.
Here I sit, broken hearted.
Tried to shit and only farted.
Later on, I took a chance.
Tried to fart, and shit my pants.
saint
+0 -0
true story.
true story.
ttagxamm
+2 -0
A classic of bathroom doggerel. Here's a variation from my research, ca. 1994:
Here I sit in tremendous pain
Giving birth to Saddam Hussein
A classic of bathroom doggerel. Here's a variation from my research, ca. 1994:
Here I sit in tremendous pain
Giving birth to Saddam Hussein
killerlimpet
+0 -0
A comment left by killerlimpet was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tommycrashwreck, dasilodavi, raynach)
A comment left by killerlimpet was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tommycrashwreck, dasilodavi, raynach)
cromar
+0 -1
You get a chubby for being so WTF.
You get a chubby for being so WTF.
oishii
+3 -0
You get the chubby that is deserved by all the people who have contributed to that graffiti.
You get the chubby that is deserved by all the people who have contributed to that graffiti.
killerlimpet
+0 -0
I contributed Depp and Appleseed.
I contributed Depp and Appleseed.
griggs_although
+0 -2
...Boned?
...Boned?
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, apocowarg, jerkface, atticusonline, Taidje_Khan)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, apocowarg, jerkface, atticusonline, Taidje_Khan)
griggs_although
+5 -1
more like ayn randInt(
more like ayn randInt(
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
imaginary chubby (out)
imaginary chubby (out)
saint
+1 -0
You get a chubby just for the taking the time to put this on record before some janitor winds up painting over it in a color that's two shades lighter than the rest of the stall.
You get a chubby just for the taking the time to put this on record before some janitor winds up painting over it in a color that's two shades lighter than the rest of the stall.
dtuba
+0 -0
John Bigbootie
John Small Berries
John Many Jars
John Bigbootie
John Small Berries
John Many Jars
heyman
+4 -0
Here I sit, buns a flexin, giving birth to another texan
Here I sit, buns a flexin, giving birth to another texan
rowboat
+0 -0
"ROBBY LAPTAD AND MATT PACE ARE ANAL INTRUDERS" I'm still trying to figure out who wrote that.
"ROBBY LAPTAD AND MATT PACE ARE ANAL INTRUDERS" I'm still trying to figure out who wrote that.
thesyndicate88
+0 -0
Few people qualify to be called 'Tough as the Dickens' quite like Philippe.
Few people qualify to be called 'Tough as the Dickens' quite like Philippe.
nikopol
+3 -0
It is because of his incredible ability to consume Subway sandwiches.
It is because of his incredible ability to consume Subway sandwiches.
pygmalion00
+5 -0
Anyone who survives getting hit by an Airwolf stunt missile while floating in an Igloo cooler has to be one of the Toughest SOBs on the planet.
Anyone who survives getting hit by an Airwolf stunt missile while floating in an Igloo cooler has to be one of the Toughest SOBs on the planet.
andrew_
+0 -0
A comment left by andrew_ was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Lolsworth, phthoggos, Jesler729, behka, CloseFriend)
A comment left by andrew_ was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Lolsworth, phthoggos, Jesler729, behka, CloseFriend)
retinarow
+0 -1
the terrified phillipe expression in your icon makes this even better.
the terrified phillipe expression in your icon makes this even better.
jordstar
+0 -0
His icon does that a lot!
His icon does that a lot!
apocowarg
+4 -0
LINK PROVING MY ACHEWOOD PROWESS. [url=https://achewood.com/index.php?date=07142006]Alright,pal,eat a dick![url]
LINK PROVING MY ACHEWOOD PROWESS. [url=https://achewood.com/index.php?date=07142006]Alright,pal,eat a dick![url]
apocowarg
+23 -0
my failure is funnier than my original joke.
my failure is funnier than my original joke.
lolsworth
+0 -0
Prowess well and truly proven
Prowess well and truly proven
nikopol
+4 -0
Whenever someone forgets that President Kennedy was shot, an Angel has it's wings clipped off by a passing 747.
Whenever someone forgets that President Kennedy was shot, an Angel has it's wings clipped off by a passing 747.
overmedicated
+20 -1
Presumably flown by JFK Jr.
Presumably flown by JFK Jr.
paperboy_2000
+0 -0
Every time a photo is taken, Lyle shoots a bird.
Every time a photo is taken, Lyle shoots a bird.
jlynes
+0 -0
When I read this comment, the first image that popped into my head was not that of Lyle shooting the bird at the camera, but drawing a gun and actually shooting a passing avian.
I don't know what this means.
When I read this comment, the first image that popped into my head was not that of Lyle shooting the bird at the camera, but drawing a gun and actually shooting a passing avian.
I don't know what this means.
mista_b
+1 -1
It means that in a stunning display of wit you have missed the blindingly obvious point of the pun.
Congrats!
Have a lady!
It means that in a stunning display of wit you have missed the blindingly obvious point of the pun.
Congrats!
Have a lady!
rowboat
+0 -0
How many goddamn llama avatars are there now?
How many goddamn llama avatars are there now?
straw
+0 -0
Don't be fooled. Me and mr_pete are the true originals.
Don't be fooled. Me and mr_pete are the true originals.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
POW!
"So long, soldier."
(yes, i do know it was Ray who said it first.)
POW!
"So long, soldier."
(yes, i do know it was Ray who said it first.)
retinarow
+1 -1
I had almost forgotten that President Kennedy got shot. Thanks, Phillipe.
I had almost forgotten that President Kennedy got shot. Thanks, Phillipe.
hellabosque
+0 -0
This was maybe the toughest anyone has ever been with me. I...need...I'm gonna go lay down.
This was maybe the toughest anyone has ever been with me. I...need...I'm gonna go lay down.
tim_simmons
+0 -0
[b] that is what a wimp would do [b]
[b] that is what a wimp would do [b]
tim_simmons
+4 -0
oh man . my first bbcode failure. here begins the downward spiral.
oh man . my first bbcode failure. here begins the downward spiral.
lucas
+0 -0
A comment left by lucas was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by blastradius, NeoNaoNeo, byronic, erix, werthog42, Boyd, sncether, Nictusempra)
A comment left by lucas was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by blastradius, NeoNaoNeo, byronic, erix, werthog42, Boyd, sncether, Nictusempra)
lucas
+0 -0
A comment left by lucas was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by blastradius, NeoNaoNeo, SuperLeahJane)
A comment left by lucas was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by blastradius, NeoNaoNeo, SuperLeahJane)
josher
+19 -0
This is not a befitting response to the "Get Tough" edition.
This is not a befitting response to the "Get Tough" edition.
retinarow
+7 -0
"Get Sentimental"
"Get Sentimental"
relaxing
+7 -0
"Get Innocuous"
"Get Innocuous"
miku224
+0 -0
A comment left by miku224 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by DR_MANFLESH_DESIRES_ANAL_PLAY_IMMEDIATELY, retinarow, SenseiHollywood)
A comment left by miku224 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by DR_MANFLESH_DESIRES_ANAL_PLAY_IMMEDIATELY, retinarow, SenseiHollywood)
gormster
+2 -0
Let's not do this.
Let's not do this.
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
chubbies all down the line.
chubbies all down the line.
rotating-dog
+0 -0
A comment left by rotating-dog was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by scrumpton, _cheesekayke, Conn, Quartzblade)
A comment left by rotating-dog was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by scrumpton, _cheesekayke, Conn, Quartzblade)
rowboat
+1 -0
Lucas found the Zoloft cabinet.
Lucas found the Zoloft cabinet.
straw
+2 -0
I just call it a liquor cabinet.
I just call it a liquor cabinet.
gormster
+0 -0
Liquor plus Zoloft equals massif funtimes.
Or, death. I don't know, why don't you find out?
Liquor plus Zoloft equals massif funtimes.
Or, death. I don't know, why don't you find out?
hellabosque
+0 -0
we love you too, lucas.
we love you too, lucas.
nikopol
+1 -0
Chubbied for MAD SINCERITY. You win for today, sir.
Chubbied for MAD SINCERITY. You win for today, sir.
cycerin
+2 -0
Cute as the Dickens.
Cute as the Dickens.
wae
+1 -0
Who could lame a guy like this? Saddam Hussein? Ebenezer Scrooge? I don't know.
Who could lame a guy like this? Saddam Hussein? Ebenezer Scrooge? I don't know.
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Spoon, Bourbonsamurai, hikikomori, Boredom_Man, retinarow, tokyogirl119, Mastronaut)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Spoon, Bourbonsamurai, hikikomori, Boredom_Man, retinarow, tokyogirl119, Mastronaut)
lateadopter
+3 -0
Read it ironically, then.
Read it ironically, then.
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Spoon, jeffduarte, Jar, cailetshadow)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Spoon, jeffduarte, Jar, cailetshadow)
lateadopter
+7 -0
So I am to shove it up my ass, but not in a friendly ironic way? I got confused there.
If you have quick-release hubs, lift the little lever and, if need be, turn the nut a bit with your fingers to loosen it enough for the wheel to come off. The derailleur is designed to move out of the way as the tire comes off. Just push the forward-most part of the derailleur toward the rear, and you'll see that it moves easily, loosening the chain at the same time. Then buy a patch kit. You may want to wait until you're sober; the glue fumes may interact badly with your blood alcohol content.
Oh, and fuck along now.
- Is it irony, or is it Memorex?
So I am to shove it up my ass, but not in a friendly ironic way? I got confused there.
If you have quick-release hubs, lift the little lever and, if need be, turn the nut a bit with your fingers to loosen it enough for the wheel to come off. The derailleur is designed to move out of the way as the tire comes off. Just push the forward-most part of the derailleur toward the rear, and you'll see that it moves easily, loosening the chain at the same time. Then buy a patch kit. You may want to wait until you're sober; the glue fumes may interact badly with your blood alcohol content.
Oh, and fuck along now.
- Is it irony, or is it Memorex?
dr_manflesh_desires_anal_play_immediately
+13 -1
if the wheel isn't quick-release (and if it's an italian frame from the heyday of italian steel frames, it probably isn't) then you will need a 15mm wrench (or just an adjustable wrench) to loosen the axle nuts. the rear derailleur will probably be more of a pain in the ass to get out of the way than lateadopter makes it sound like, if this is your first time doing it. you will want as much slack in the chain as possible so shift to the smallest cogs on both the front and rear before loosening the axle nuts.
using a patch kit:
don't get the self-adhering patches, they work okay but the older-school kind with a separate tube of rubber cement sticks better. you should be able to get a patch kit with ten patches, a little tube of rubber cement, and a little square of sandpaper for under five dollars. the way it works is that, once you have the wheel out of the rear triangle and you've pulled off the tire, find the puncture on the tube. this is easier if you inflate the tube some and then listen/feel for where air is coming out. rough up the rubber around the puncture using the piece of sandpaper, in an area about the size of the patch; you don't want to thin the rubber, just give it some texture, so the adhesive will stick to it better. then spread some rubber cement over that roughed-up area, give it a few seconds to dry a little, then mash that patch down over the cement. press it on there in the center and then smooth it out from the center to the edges. it's important that there not be any little raised "tunnels" under the patch where it's pressed down unevenly, because air will leak out through those. anyway, after you've done this, fit the tube's valve back through the hole drilled in the wheel rim for the valve, put the tire on over the limp tube, and then put a little bit of air in the tube, so it will stay inside the tire and you can work the tire back on to the rim as one piece, instead of doing the tube and tire separately. you may need tire levers to do this (these are available in a set of three for about $3 from any bike shop) but you can usually do it with your hands, and that's a better way to do it, since you won't ever accidentally poke a new hole in the tube with a tire lever if you just use your hands to put the tube and tire back on to the rim. you will stretch the tube and tire over the rim beginning in one spot, then working your way around the wheel. it can be pretty hard at first but you will figure it out.
of course if there is a piece of glass or steel or something still stuck in your tire, it will re-puncture the tube as soon as you ride again, so you should do your best to try to locate the source of the flat in your tire. if it's still embedded in the tire, dig it out of there. small holes in your tire are okay but if it's big enough for the inflated tube to poke through, you should probably replace the tire soon. until then you can get away with sticking something thin between the tube and the hole in the tire, like a square of rubber cut from another old tube. in emergencies some people use a folded dollar bill.
if this bike is running on real old tires, the tires can be all dried up or rotting and in either case they will be very prone to flats. it's worth investing in a pair of new tires if that's the case. michelin pro race 2 tires are the ultra-sweet road/track racing tires but if you are commuting or riding on roads with potholes and glass it's worth investing in something tougher, like the soma everywears, which i ride on my main commuting bike. either way you can get away with about $40/tire, maybe a little more for the michelin and a little less for the somas, if you scour ebay (for new tires, don't buy used ones!) and the cheapo online retailers like probikekit.com and jensonusa.com. if you need cheaper tires get cheaper tires but it's worth it to invest at least $60 in a decent pair of tires for a road bike, you will ride smoother and with less resistance and with less flats.
if the wheel isn't quick-release (and if it's an italian frame from the heyday of italian steel frames, it probably isn't) then you will need a 15mm wrench (or just an adjustable wrench) to loosen the axle nuts. the rear derailleur will probably be more of a pain in the ass to get out of the way than lateadopter makes it sound like, if this is your first time doing it. you will want as much slack in the chain as possible so shift to the smallest cogs on both the front and rear before loosening the axle nuts.
using a patch kit:
don't get the self-adhering patches, they work okay but the older-school kind with a separate tube of rubber cement sticks better. you should be able to get a patch kit with ten patches, a little tube of rubber cement, and a little square of sandpaper for under five dollars. the way it works is that, once you have the wheel out of the rear triangle and you've pulled off the tire, find the puncture on the tube. this is easier if you inflate the tube some and then listen/feel for where air is coming out. rough up the rubber around the puncture using the piece of sandpaper, in an area about the size of the patch; you don't want to thin the rubber, just give it some texture, so the adhesive will stick to it better. then spread some rubber cement over that roughed-up area, give it a few seconds to dry a little, then mash that patch down over the cement. press it on there in the center and then smooth it out from the center to the edges. it's important that there not be any little raised "tunnels" under the patch where it's pressed down unevenly, because air will leak out through those. anyway, after you've done this, fit the tube's valve back through the hole drilled in the wheel rim for the valve, put the tire on over the limp tube, and then put a little bit of air in the tube, so it will stay inside the tire and you can work the tire back on to the rim as one piece, instead of doing the tube and tire separately. you may need tire levers to do this (these are available in a set of three for about $3 from any bike shop) but you can usually do it with your hands, and that's a better way to do it, since you won't ever accidentally poke a new hole in the tube with a tire lever if you just use your hands to put the tube and tire back on to the rim. you will stretch the tube and tire over the rim beginning in one spot, then working your way around the wheel. it can be pretty hard at first but you will figure it out.
of course if there is a piece of glass or steel or something still stuck in your tire, it will re-puncture the tube as soon as you ride again, so you should do your best to try to locate the source of the flat in your tire. if it's still embedded in the tire, dig it out of there. small holes in your tire are okay but if it's big enough for the inflated tube to poke through, you should probably replace the tire soon. until then you can get away with sticking something thin between the tube and the hole in the tire, like a square of rubber cut from another old tube. in emergencies some people use a folded dollar bill.
if this bike is running on real old tires, the tires can be all dried up or rotting and in either case they will be very prone to flats. it's worth investing in a pair of new tires if that's the case. michelin pro race 2 tires are the ultra-sweet road/track racing tires but if you are commuting or riding on roads with potholes and glass it's worth investing in something tougher, like the soma everywears, which i ride on my main commuting bike. either way you can get away with about $40/tire, maybe a little more for the michelin and a little less for the somas, if you scour ebay (for new tires, don't buy used ones!) and the cheapo online retailers like probikekit.com and jensonusa.com. if you need cheaper tires get cheaper tires but it's worth it to invest at least $60 in a decent pair of tires for a road bike, you will ride smoother and with less resistance and with less flats.
rotating-dog
+8 -0
Acheworld presents: DIY Bike Repair. $5 (does not meet).
Acheworld presents: DIY Bike Repair. $5 (does not meet).
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
imaginary chubby. my second. that'll teach me to show more discretion.
imaginary chubby. my second. that'll teach me to show more discretion.
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
thanks for the advice. unfortunately i over-inflated the inner tube and exploded it. bit of a bummer but what the hell.
thanks for the advice. unfortunately i over-inflated the inner tube and exploded it. bit of a bummer but what the hell.
saint
+0 -0
that's what she said?
that's what she said?
bixschmix
+0 -0
*SPLUT*
*SPLUT*
jackparsons
+0 -0
Get tube liners. Yeah, they're lame and make you work harder. But I stopped getting flats.
Now I won't go near a bike since I got into motorcycles.
And whatever you do don't get spandex duds and ride around Palo Alto or Onstad and me will take turns attempting to kill you because we hate Bike F*cks.
Get tube liners. Yeah, they're lame and make you work harder. But I stopped getting flats.
Now I won't go near a bike since I got into motorcycles.
And whatever you do don't get spandex duds and ride around Palo Alto or Onstad and me will take turns attempting to kill you because we hate Bike F*cks.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Also, if you want to find out where the puncture is exactly, which you do, you could try putting it underwater so you can find it from the bubbles.
Also, if you want to find out where the puncture is exactly, which you do, you could try putting it underwater so you can find it from the bubbles.
wae
+3 -0
You can join Ebenezer and Saddam: two cunts who are From History.
You can join Ebenezer and Saddam: two cunts who are From History.
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, SuperLeahJane, loneal, atticusonline, Jar, Nictusempra)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, SuperLeahJane, loneal, atticusonline, Jar, Nictusempra)
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, josher, atticusonline, retinarow)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, josher, atticusonline, retinarow)
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
le_chien_manquee
+0 -0
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
A comment left by le_chien_manquee was marked as spam and excluded. le_chien_manquee: What a douche. (reported by Zefiel, Dezufnocosem, lateadopter)
gormster
+0 -0
What the FUCK
What the FUCK
mista_b
+2 -0
That is why you have the option to " *Ignore User* "
I am sorry, le chien manquee or whatever the fuck your name was, nobody cares.
That is why you have the option to " *Ignore User* "
I am sorry, le chien manquee or whatever the fuck your name was, nobody cares.
audhumla
+0 -0
What I find funny is that at least as of right now a few of them have not been marked as spam. Apparently "oh my word. sono scozzese, forza scozia etc... blah blah blah" is legitimate, while "SOAR ALBA" is not.
What I find funny is that at least as of right now a few of them have not been marked as spam. Apparently "oh my word. sono scozzese, forza scozia etc... blah blah blah" is legitimate, while "SOAR ALBA" is not.
jamb23
+1 -0
Awww man, Philippe inadvertantly zinged soccer again.
It's really fun, honest.
Awww man, Philippe inadvertantly zinged soccer again.
It's really fun, honest.
bourbonsamurai
+0 -0
Oh, man, that bit about the MLS president just slayed me. That is exactly what my friends who are american EPL fans sound like.
Oh, man, that bit about the MLS president just slayed me. That is exactly what my friends who are american EPL fans sound like.
paperboy_2000
+1 -0
Hard facts of life: Burn victims, jail, pig sticking, hemorrhoids, and soccer boosterism.
Hard facts of life: Burn victims, jail, pig sticking, hemorrhoids, and soccer boosterism.
theargentinian
+0 -0
I didn't forget Philippe... why the ### at the bottom?
I didn't forget Philippe... why the ### at the bottom?
boredom_man
+3 -0
That's the way one ends a press release. Perhaps Phillipe received one and thought the hash marks looked like a good thing to put in his newspaper itself.
That's the way one ends a press release. Perhaps Phillipe received one and thought the hash marks looked like a good thing to put in his newspaper itself.
xerol
+0 -0
I have done this before with my childhood newspapers.
I have done this before with my childhood newspapers.
neonaoneo
+0 -0
Hah, Ray was in a library. The more you know.
Hah, Ray was in a library. The more you know.
hard_promises
+6 -0
There is only ever one diagnosis at the Todd Todd Todd Todd Todd T. Squirrel Medical School.
There is only ever one diagnosis at the Todd Todd Todd Todd Todd T. Squirrel Medical School.
flazisismuss
+1 -1
I've always wondered where to stab a pig. Thanks, Philipe! These are the sorts of quality journalistic lessons one can glean from the Philippe Times, and not from the LA Times, which has never told me where to stab a pig.
I've always wondered where to stab a pig. Thanks, Philipe! These are the sorts of quality journalistic lessons one can glean from the Philippe Times, and not from the LA Times, which has never told me where to stab a pig.
foetus_punch
+3 -1
Actually, I recently learned how to efficiently butcher a pig. First, restrain it's legs and mouth. A dying animal can be quite dangerous. Next, stick a long, wide knife into the pig's neck, just above the wind pipe, and pull up. You can then use a bucket to catch the blood for use in blood pudding (a sausage made of congealed blood and fat), or just let it bleed. Once the pig is dead (which should occur within seconds, or instantly if the spine is cut), cover it in hay and light it on fire, burning off any skin and hair. Then use your knife to scrape of anything that remains. You know have a pig ready for butchering. And remember! The same advice can apply to humans, for all you aspiring cannibals out there!
Actually, I recently learned how to efficiently butcher a pig. First, restrain it's legs and mouth. A dying animal can be quite dangerous. Next, stick a long, wide knife into the pig's neck, just above the wind pipe, and pull up. You can then use a bucket to catch the blood for use in blood pudding (a sausage made of congealed blood and fat), or just let it bleed. Once the pig is dead (which should occur within seconds, or instantly if the spine is cut), cover it in hay and light it on fire, burning off any skin and hair. Then use your knife to scrape of anything that remains. You know have a pig ready for butchering. And remember! The same advice can apply to humans, for all you aspiring cannibals out there!
duskbringer
+7 -0
Sometimes I'm angry or jealous (I'm no therapist) that I wasn't there to see things like Ray throwing a lamp, but then I realise I'm just reading a comic on the internet and I'm probably pretty drunk while I'm doing it. However, there's still an ugly little part of me that won't let go.
Sometimes I'm angry or jealous (I'm no therapist) that I wasn't there to see things like Ray throwing a lamp, but then I realise I'm just reading a comic on the internet and I'm probably pretty drunk while I'm doing it. However, there's still an ugly little part of me that won't let go.
terrainasaur
+0 -0
i can identify with this sentiment. i badly wanted to see that lamp thrown.
i can identify with this sentiment. i badly wanted to see that lamp thrown.
rotating-dog
+4 -1
Stabbing a pig may be easy as pie, but doing it while also on the phone to your mother with peppercorns in your mouth, now there's the ultimate 20s dare.
Stabbing a pig may be easy as pie, but doing it while also on the phone to your mother with peppercorns in your mouth, now there's the ultimate 20s dare.
dallovich
+1 -1
Philippe looks so evil in that picture, that it almost makes you think that he shot JFK! It would be ok as long as he missed.
Philippe looks so evil in that picture, that it almost makes you think that he shot JFK! It would be ok as long as he missed.
shoinan
+2 -0
That particular Performaniac was rough until the fire.
That particular Performaniac was rough until the fire.
ttagxamm
+1 -0
And, at least according to google image search, he smooth in a way that makes me a little uncomfortable .
And, at least according to google image search, he smooth in a way that makes me a little uncomfortable .
professorhazard
+4 -0
Ray's lunch or beer with Dornheim has left him feeling outclassed, causing him to feel he must learn a trade skill like pig-stabbing. The stress has exacerbated the bee-sting on his Gentleness.
Ray's lunch or beer with Dornheim has left him feeling outclassed, causing him to feel he must learn a trade skill like pig-stabbing. The stress has exacerbated the bee-sting on his Gentleness.
saturnbeads
+0 -0
It doesn't surprise me at all that Lyle has that photo album.
It doesn't surprise me at all that Lyle has that photo album.
barthexderosa
+1 -0
Is Philippe throwin' gang signs there?
Is Philippe throwin' gang signs there?
ashoykh
+4 -0
i was sitting on the El waiting for my stop and some guy was flashing gang signs at me. later I realized that he was deaf.
i was sitting on the El waiting for my stop and some guy was flashing gang signs at me. later I realized that he was deaf.
coolbreeze3
+0 -0
Friday Facts with Philippe. . . nothing quite like it.
Friday Facts with Philippe. . . nothing quite like it.
boscostacy
+0 -0
This is the first we've heard from T-t-todd since his head exploded. Are his returns from the grave just getting less and less notable?
This is the first we've heard from T-t-todd since his head exploded. Are his returns from the grave just getting less and less notable?
phy
+3 -0
They've installed a revolving door for him, right next to Jean Grey's.
They've installed a revolving door for him, right next to Jean Grey's.
postblank
+3 -0
Nah, Hell's style strikes me more as putting up a turnstile and handing out swipe cards. Todd of course would just jump it to feel all hard.
Nah, Hell's style strikes me more as putting up a turnstile and handing out swipe cards. Todd of course would just jump it to feel all hard.
mastronaut
+3 -0
Oh man I ran out of chubbies, but you totally get one. They have a revolving door and it just has the Marvel logo on it.
Oh man I ran out of chubbies, but you totally get one. They have a revolving door and it just has the Marvel logo on it.
gussiejives
+0 -0
Philippe should probably stop going to Todd for news stories. It's not healthy.
Philippe should probably stop going to Todd for news stories. It's not healthy.
jlynes
+0 -0
Is it wrong that I consider a fictional talking stuffed otter to be a better reporter than any of the real ones?
Is it wrong that I consider a fictional talking stuffed otter to be a better reporter than any of the real ones?
shoinan
+4 -0
What, better than the real talking stuffed otters?
What, better than the real talking stuffed otters?
killerlimpet
+1 -0
With the possible exceptions of Greg Palast and Robert Fisk.
With the possible exceptions of Greg Palast and Robert Fisk.
pacman8326
+2 -0
So, does this mean Todd is alive again following his head explosion?
So, does this mean Todd is alive again following his head explosion?
thatcrazycommie
+1 -0
Ooh, good catch. I had been wondering exactly how dead Todd was. It probably took him until today to solve his riddle.
Ooh, good catch. I had been wondering exactly how dead Todd was. It probably took him until today to solve his riddle.
zedpower
+3 -0
The riddle was:
"What is a heart attack?"
Fortunately for Philippe, the answer was fresh in Todd's mind.
The riddle was:
"What is a heart attack?"
Fortunately for Philippe, the answer was fresh in Todd's mind.
pygmalion00
+0 -0
I'm awaiting the day when Ray, Teodor and Beef start a hardcore band that spawns the opposite of the straight-edge lifestyle.
I'm awaiting the day when Ray, Teodor and Beef start a hardcore band that spawns the opposite of the straight-edge lifestyle.
ttagxamm
+0 -0
Let's hope not the utter opposite . Though I imagine Todd would have loved touring with the Murder Junkies.
Let's hope not the utter opposite . Though I imagine Todd would have loved touring with the Murder Junkies.
juanclaudius
+0 -0
The opposite of straightedge is crust-punk.
The opposite of straightedge is crust-punk.
pygmalion00
+0 -0
You have enlightened me, and for this I thank you.
You have enlightened me, and for this I thank you.
seanbad
+2 -0
I am now imagining a baguette with a mohawk. I may make a drawing of this later, using a Program.
I am now imagining a baguette with a mohawk. I may make a drawing of this later, using a Program.
rowboat
+1 -0
Actually, in some places straightedge and crust punk have become almost indiscernible. If you look past the clothes and sniff past the smell, they're just about shaking hands and moving in together, at this point. The end is near.
Actually, in some places straightedge and crust punk have become almost indiscernible. If you look past the clothes and sniff past the smell, they're just about shaking hands and moving in together, at this point. The end is near.
phthoggos
+2 -0
BEST JOKE OF THIS STRIP:
a) that is actually pretty much the worst place you could possibly stab a pig
b) Frederick Hottingsall-Clidgerreigh
c) stabbing a couch cushion with a zucchini
d) asking important questions about blood
REVOLUTIONARY LIFE LESSON TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS STRIP:
You can still do it even if you do it wrong.
BEST JOKE OF THIS STRIP:
a) that is actually pretty much the worst place you could possibly stab a pig
b) Frederick Hottingsall-Clidgerreigh
c) stabbing a couch cushion with a zucchini
d) asking important questions about blood
REVOLUTIONARY LIFE LESSON TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS STRIP:
You can still do it even if you do it wrong.
jesler729
+0 -0
Oh cool, thanks.
Oh cool, thanks.
idiotcircus
+0 -0
i'll go ahead and vote F) questions concerning the interruption of 'rhoid rage
i'll go ahead and vote F) questions concerning the interruption of 'rhoid rage
imitationcrab
+0 -0
I just realized Ray is pretending the couch is a giant pig. That is so great
I just realized Ray is pretending the couch is a giant pig. That is so great
spinynorman
+0 -0
The many dangers of hardcore music.
The many dangers of hardcore music.
thatcrazycommie
+0 -2
Today's Dr. McNinja features some ... INCREDIBLE DEATH . I wonder if it was a deliberate Achewood reference; he did the Cartilage Head thing once.
Today's Dr. McNinja features some ... INCREDIBLE DEATH . I wonder if it was a deliberate Achewood reference; he did the Cartilage Head thing once.
miku224
+0 -0
I would thoroughly enjoy a link to the Cartilage Head reference.
I'm not challenging you or anything, I'd just like to see it.
I would thoroughly enjoy a link to the Cartilage Head reference.
I'm not challenging you or anything, I'd just like to see it.
thatcrazycommie
+0 -0
Good on you for asking, little man.
Good on you for asking, little man.
miku224
+1 -0
Thanks! I really should have remembered, but that page is dominated in my mind by "Scabies is gross. This is a medical FACT."
Thanks! I really should have remembered, but that page is dominated in my mind by "Scabies is gross. This is a medical FACT."
professorhazard
+1 -0
[IMGS OFF]
He looks like he's slipping on money.
[IMGS OFF]
He looks like he's slipping on money.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
my first attempt at bbcode:
Whoops! My bad.
my first attempt at bbcode:
Whoops! My bad.
cailetshadow
+7 -0
That pig DARES you to stab it. Look at its eyes. It drew that X itself.
That pig DARES you to stab it. Look at its eyes. It drew that X itself.
moissanite
+0 -0
You'd think Roast Beef would have more tact describing an explosion to a 5 year old otter.
You'd think Roast Beef would have more tact describing an explosion to a 5 year old otter.
afkpuz
+0 -0
It is cute that Philippe is starting to pick up on and use some of the odd syntax everyone else uses around the house.
It is cute that Philippe is starting to pick up on and use some of the odd syntax everyone else uses around the house.
paperboy_2000
+0 -0
What Philippe is trying to say is that your burn scars make you a bad drummer.
What Philippe is trying to say is that your burn scars make you a bad drummer.
ralgnar
+1 -0
Voted 5 in honor of President Kennedy. 11/22 never forget.
Voted 5 in honor of President Kennedy. 11/22 never forget.
snark
+0 -0
I wish I could mark this one lame.
I wish I could mark this one lame.
namdnas
+0 -0
It's probably a good sign for Beef's diminishing insecurities that he doesn't have to prop himself up by taking any credit for a publication made by a 5 year old. Phillipe is five.
It's probably a good sign for Beef's diminishing insecurities that he doesn't have to prop himself up by taking any credit for a publication made by a 5 year old. Phillipe is five.
snark
+0 -0
A comment left by snark was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dovey, silver_lake, jacksonspecific, prius_chaser, Xerol, shinsengumi14, Boyd)
A comment left by snark was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dovey, silver_lake, jacksonspecific, prius_chaser, Xerol, shinsengumi14, Boyd)
philipmarschall
+0 -0
A comment left by philipmarschall was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by jacksonspecific, prius_chaser, Boyd)
A comment left by philipmarschall was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by jacksonspecific, prius_chaser, Boyd)
lastlarf
+0 -2
I like Phillipe, but I don't tend to find the Friday Facts funny.
When he is observing the other characters and giving us his own interpretation of their activites, that can be funny. When he is just making stuff up or people are lying to him, it is not.
I like Phillipe, but I don't tend to find the Friday Facts funny.
When he is observing the other characters and giving us his own interpretation of their activites, that can be funny. When he is just making stuff up or people are lying to him, it is not.
boredom_man
+5 -0
First, you don't deserve all these lames; you're expressing an opinion in a fully appropriate fashion. Second, you're wrong. That's pretty much exactly how a five-year-old acts, or would if you stripped out the human tendency to change.
First, you don't deserve all these lames; you're expressing an opinion in a fully appropriate fashion. Second, you're wrong. That's pretty much exactly how a five-year-old acts, or would if you stripped out the human tendency to change.
zefiel
+1 -0
Acheworld is a harsh mistress.
Acheworld is a harsh mistress.
snark
+0 -0
Yeah, awesome how disagreement seems to deserve censorship around here.
Yeah, awesome how disagreement seems to deserve censorship around here.
donward2
+0 -0
I want to see Ray throw the lamp.
I want to see Ray throw the lamp.
thatcrazycommie
+0 -0
Where the heck does Phillipe get those graphics every week?
Where the heck does Phillipe get those graphics every week?
vincentkv
+2 -0
He's "Smooth" as in "with all the girls" or as in "from all his grafts"?
He's "Smooth" as in "with all the girls" or as in "from all his grafts"?
flash1087
+3 -0
I was wondering myself, it conjures the image of some completely hairless 20-something bopping about rhythmically in a solid red t-shirt to a song about cleaning up your room.
I was wondering myself, it conjures the image of some completely hairless 20-something bopping about rhythmically in a solid red t-shirt to a song about cleaning up your room.
oishii
+0 -0
I personally think that being able to use something the size of a cantaloupe half as a toilet is a good skill. It could be handy, you never know.
I personally think that being able to use something the size of a cantaloupe half as a toilet is a good skill. It could be handy, you never know.
megamummy
+0 -2
Alright i flinally signed up
i got a drawing on my wall:
it reads-
Hungry?
*guy getting shot at, catching a break behind a
deteriorating wall*
.. EAT A DICK, sucka!"..
anyways maybe its a policatal thing
im usually a little dizzy to desern these t'ings
Alright i flinally signed up
i got a drawing on my wall:
it reads-
Hungry?
*guy getting shot at, catching a break behind a
deteriorating wall*
.. EAT A DICK, sucka!"..
anyways maybe its a policatal thing
im usually a little dizzy to desern these t'ings
zefiel
+4 -0
I?m very glad you took the time to sign up.
I?m very glad you took the time to sign up.
thatcher
+1 -0
Did Todd inform Philippe on heart attacks from the grave?
Did Todd inform Philippe on heart attacks from the grave?
biff
+2 -0
Heart attacks from the grave do suck.
Heart attacks from the grave do suck.
checkmatejones
+0 -0
The cat is uncertain as to his promise. It is unsure whether he will take fiscal responsibility for the lamp.
The cat is uncertain as to his promise. It is unsure whether he will take fiscal responsibility for the lamp.
pr0ncess
+0 -0
ALERT: SomethingAwful is totally ripping off Philippe's style. There's this new column which reads just like a loser trying to be Philippe. It even ends "Also, hug somebody. Just make sure they want to be hugged before you hug them."
https://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/week-zack-1.php
(Nobody is going to read my comment because it's already too late :( but I couldn't let this pass unmentioned.)
ALERT: SomethingAwful is totally ripping off Philippe's style. There's this new column which reads just like a loser trying to be Philippe. It even ends "Also, hug somebody. Just make sure they want to be hugged before you hug them."
https://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/week-zack-1.php
(Nobody is going to read my comment because it's already too late :( but I couldn't let this pass unmentioned.)
sabalpalm
+0 -0
Oh, you're right. How utterly strange.
Oh, you're right. How utterly strange.
luckypyjamas
+0 -0
so i have actually read every one of these friday facts, all the little articles, and this was the first one that i noticed the notes up at the top
"never forget that president kennedy got shot"
that's something for me to go back and look at. go through the archives again
it's like christmas came early
so i have actually read every one of these friday facts, all the little articles, and this was the first one that i noticed the notes up at the top
"never forget that president kennedy got shot"
that's something for me to go back and look at. go through the archives again
it's like christmas came early
towl
+0 -0
Comment left by towl ignored.
Comment left by towl ignored.
snack2deadly
+0 -0
heh wut
heh wut
skoora
+0 -0
Fire victims are always smooth, baby.
Fire victims are always smooth, baby.
steerpike66
+0 -0
Philippe's got a set on him.
Philippe's got a set on him.
themacktruck
+0 -0
Has "eat a dick" been said before by Todd? I say it far too often and that would explain where I picked it up.
Has "eat a dick" been said before by Todd? I say it far too often and that would explain where I picked it up.
invidious
+0 -0
I dunno, but more cardiologists need to explain heart attacks like Todd does.
I dunno, but more cardiologists need to explain heart attacks like Todd does.
possums
+0 -0
"Questions About Blood" does sound like a good name for a 'hardcore' band.
"Questions About Blood" does sound like a good name for a 'hardcore' band.
terebikun
+0 -0
I wrote an essay for a linguistics class on swearing in modern culture, and I have to say that Philippe shows more journalistic integrity than the vast majority of news sources out there.
I wrote an essay for a linguistics class on swearing in modern culture, and I have to say that Philippe shows more journalistic integrity than the vast majority of news sources out there.
chachibenji
+0 -0
"As the dickens" is such a strong conjunctive which should really be used more often by more tuff fellas.
"As the dickens" is such a strong conjunctive which should really be used more often by more tuff fellas.
radarjammer
+0 -0
Tough as the dickens!
Tough as the dickens!
atticusonline
+0 -0
Guys, please don't forget about JFK being shot. come on guys.
Guys, please don't forget about JFK being shot. come on guys.
fuckacidpolice
+0 -0
A comment left by overmedicated was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, o2b, madnes, riotdejaneiro, Spoon, JTTuba, kylank, sharksarecoming, Pseudochron, hcaz, Johnnyrocker, ketamind, erix, ravindra108, Brosaurus, retinarow, Audhumla, greyfield, trawser, Mastronaut, Milo)
no, 'rhoid rage.
As in hemorrhoid. There's a precedent for it.
A comment left by shoinan was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ShemmJacc, Thorfinn, sean1058, Vondicus, SixtySwine, Pseudochron, snidedk, TheLoneliestMonkey, Fcannon, nutmeg, cailetshadow, Boyd, sncether, AtlanticCity, w_t_f, Pigs)
A comment left by shemmjacc was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Thorfinn, eatmorekix, pitseleh)
man do not go to the wikipedia page on hemorrhoids there are some aful things there
wrongtown there is nothing awful there even once
You both are wrong somehow!
Shut up Buttland!
Using a Squat Toilet can help prevent haemorrhoids!
Chubbied for spelling it right
... I suddenly realised that somewhere earlier today I spelt the same word VERY incorrectly. =(
*spelled
"Spelt" is perfectly acceptable
only in "europe"
"The American Society of Colon & Rectal Surgeons is silent regarding the therapeutic value of squatting."
A comment left by w_t_f was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by kylank, Carpetbag, TheLoneliestMonkey)
May we all see the day when Ray's Gentleness is the only raging asshole we encounter in Acheworld.
Naturally, that will be a different day for everyone.
I ashamed to say that, this morning, I logged on here to discover I could have a rare stab at making the first comment... and I couldn't think of anything. Bugger.
A comment left by ashoykh was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Spoon, mcowgill, kylank, TheLoneliestMonkey, idiotcircus)
but only if it is about Slipknot .
I am all for laming Slipknot even when not mentioned in the first post. They make me ashamed to be from Iowa.
They make me ashamed to be a person.
They make me ashamed to be a rope
The band, or the supervillain?
I think I'd miss Pat if he wasn't in it.
In Acheworld, not in Ray's Gentleness. I don't think any of the parties involved would enjoy such a situation.
this is still better than the idea for the new Maylene and the Sons of Disaster album: furtively slamming two chickens together whilst bellowing in and out of a screeching falsetto.
Man, I don't know, that sounds like a pretty sweet album.
well, I guess in comparison to their self-titled debut and the follow up, II. In both it's just the sound of frontman Dallas stabbing a panther. The concept for their new sound is just so hick-ish in comparison to their bad-ass woodsmen roots.
I can't tell if that's better or worse than the metal band that has parrot as it's lead singer. Hatebeak
Really? Wow. How about this: a band with a genre listed as NINTENDOCORE. It's hardcore rock with an Atari-esque synthesizer bit underlying every track. They're called HORSE the Band...pretty intriguing. I just got the CD a couple days ago, and it's really weird.
I regret having to Chubb you as you are Often Wrong... but Horse The Band are totally sweating Win from all pores.
Funnily enough, I first heard of them due to their Bunnies track being used for a rather disturbing music video at NewGrounds. Can't remember the link.
True story: I accidentally ended up with a HORSE the Band song in my download folder after a bout of searching for bestiality horse porn. They are now one of my favorite bands. I shared this fact with the guitarist when I saw them at Warped Tour, but for some reason he was less excited about this than I would have expected.
Horse porn is killing live music.
[url= https://www.myspace.com/beak666]Hatebeak has a myspace[/url]
DAMN IT ALL
Comment left by towl ignored.
Comment left by towl ignored.
DIAF
Australia blog: Ray has nailed everything about Queensland (including their ridiculous beer) except for its distance from Sydney.
I have to say, Ray seems to have a bit of trouble with distances and passage of time, from his four day (viz. sixteen hour) flight from LA to Sydney to his not eating anything on the twelve hour drive from Sydney to Brisbane. Okay, the Ferrari would've cut that down to something like eight hours (ignoring the speed cameras) but damn, that's still a long time to go without eating.