If you appreciate Achewood, please support Chris Onstad (shop; gallery art.)
Long Condoms Thursday, July 3, 2003 • read strip Viewing 80 comments:

A comment left by william was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Contrasoma, greatwhitehope7, nighttoad, Thorfinn, JTTuba, mortshire, gmagnido, milkpants, AllieJen, godfatherofsouls, nipsy43, fakedaisies, fmercury, usversusthem, poot, Madoushi, Mastronaut)

ye shall one day cease to be a fumbling boy, and become a learned man.

It's your avatar that really makes this comment.

when she starts singin, dogg

OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH SWEET MYSTERY OF LIFE AT LAST I'VE FOOOOUUND YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUU!!

Hey, Molly...who's condoms were these?
Zey were....MAH BOYFRIEND'S!

Is that a Merry Widow reference? It sounds familiar...

Young Frankenstein. But close..

HAHAHAAHAAA!!!
Chubby chubby chubby

>^..^<

molly's so down for a roll in ze hay

It is a common thing to know that women beatbox at the highest decibel that can be attained while getting rodneyed

It is common

This is perhaps most basic.

I ride with Rodney.

I ride with Rodney. Rodney and I doubt that you know what that means, though.

Rodneyed!!!

rodneyed. how charmingly quaint.

makin' whale music, dogg

I guess "Shakespeare In Love" was fiction then, dogg

A comment left by retardo was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ShemmJacc, Dovey, TVsIan, UntilYouAreSoNude, apocowarg, mcmahone, jstegall, jlynes, Overmedicated, snowman, gothfae, Gompo, snatch22, Girdag, barfighting, apricotta, TheLoneliestMonkey, mira, ravindra108, biznart, suprememongoose, nutmeg, Wulvaine, Hexjumper, empy, yingkaixing, FunkMessiah, stormagnet, Mastronaut, lizjones)

Shut the hell up Retardo, shut the hell up! You are not a real gay man!

This deserves an awkward silence or two.



I am a tumbleweed.

*cough

caw!

( cricket chirp )

You just answered your own question.

If you had to use the largest condoms available without prescreption, you'd know all about the yelling.

For when you're...

Hella yellin' about the sex!

Maaaaaaan...

Well, with the need for a condom that big, the finish would be more like a gunshot, and may, in fact, rupture the eardrums of everyone in a 30 yard radius.

So just how many free earplugs does that box contain?

Exactly enough.

I know this feeling far, far too well.

I have a prescription. It's more curse than gift, really.

Prescription condoms? That is mega nasty man. That is dog shit.

Yeah I have a prescription for bullshit too.

You guys are missing the best part, "Triple-Reservoir End!!!" Is so naaaaasty.

In the penultimate panel Beef's head begins to detach

Which one?

Penultimate is a fancy way of saying "next to last". Beef's head is not seated fully on his shoulders.

I fully understand his word choice. I was confused, however, as to which of Beef's heads was detaching.

I apologize for casting doubt on your vocabulary skills and I stand corrected.

Neat Word Alert: Antepenultimate ( adj. ) preceding the second to the last.

I've been waiting to bust out that dubloon since ninth grade.

Man, c'mon. Now I'm gonna have to use that word, and I'm gonna get beat up. You ass clown.

"Odyssey" condoms. get it. Odyssey was set a few years after the TROJAN war.

Please use flash cards.

Latinists prefer "Aeneid" condoms, the slogan for which is "Of arms and the man . . . and a few other body parts too."

This comment made my day. Thank you, Sir.

"Going to see a man about a famous urinating horse which I am considering buying." I've used that, and nobody ever gets it. It's pretty awkward.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/See_a_man_about_a_horse

I never knew.

it's a risky way of excusing oneself.

It's true, it's risky. It's downright dangerous.

I've always preferred the ever-classy, "Dude, I gotta pee like a pregnant woman!"

How can you even talk about risky?

I always just use "I gotta piss like a racehorse!"

which if you have ever witness a race horse just let loose. You know what I mean.

At the conclusion of Tom Waits' 1975 live album Nighthawks at the Diner, Waits excuses himself saying he must see a man about a dog.

Done for the night. Bookmarking to get back here.

Great, now I have a bookmark for "Long Condoms".

Haha, I just relabel it "Achewood" every time.

Once, I forgot to bookmark it before I closed the browser, but I remembered that it was the comic called "cyber punk", so I wrote it down on a post-it, which caused my brother to write "loser" in response.

It wasn't the first time we'd had a conversation through a post-it note.

that wasn't just a story-- that was poetry.

Matt is King of Losers! BOW DOWN!!

the free earplugs make it

I bet Beef is regretting the "horse" comment now.

beef's head floats away from his body upon the discovery.

The terrible truth is revealed: In Heaven, everyone is Rayman.

I feel for Roast Beef. The bar has been set high.

Huh, who knew Molly used to date Mantonio

A comment left by paco was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by phthoggos, Thorfinn, radarjammer)

...Eww.

thanks Paco

The mouth of hell awaits, Paco.

HELLALINGUIS. Noun.

HELLALINGUIS' Debut album, "THE SHOKKER", set to drop on PRIME TIME RECORDS this fall.

I'm waiting for the ex who these belonged to to show up again and ruin Beefs engagement.

In heaven, everybody needs long condoms.


That's probably the worst thing you could find in a girl's bathroom.

Well, that or Valtrex. The pros/cons of this discovery would be based on the timing.

Wait! Are these GOD'S condoms?

God's wang is immeasurable and unknowable. At least that 's what the nuns in my Catholic school said, and they are married to him or some such. I wasn't paying much attention, to be honest.