whiteturtle
+0 -0
This is probably my favorite alt text ever. I am a fellow with strange woes, and I ain't touched a pipe in three years.
This is probably my favorite alt text ever. I am a fellow with strange woes, and I ain't touched a pipe in three years.
whiteturtle
+3 -0
definitely not a crack pipe. I didn't smoke crack. Don't think it was crack, internet, I never did crack except that one time on accident.
definitely not a crack pipe. I didn't smoke crack. Don't think it was crack, internet, I never did crack except that one time on accident.
mistlethrush
+0 -0
I'd question you about "accidentally" doing crack, except that happened to a friend of mine once. I was there too, so I know he ain't lying.
I'd question you about "accidentally" doing crack, except that happened to a friend of mine once. I was there too, so I know he ain't lying.
mira
+1 -0
HOW
HOW
mistlethrush
+3 -0
He worked at the Plaid Pantry, which is like 7-11 but worse. Some people were smokin' crack on the steps outside (classy) and when he went to kick them off he got a big whiff of crack smoke. We spent the next thirty minutes trying to figure out what had happened and if he was really on crack. Fortunatly, this hadn't been his first experience with the drug, so we were pretty confident.
Moral: Don't work a convenience stores unless you like crack, in which case you should totally go for it.
He worked at the Plaid Pantry, which is like 7-11 but worse. Some people were smokin' crack on the steps outside (classy) and when he went to kick them off he got a big whiff of crack smoke. We spent the next thirty minutes trying to figure out what had happened and if he was really on crack. Fortunatly, this hadn't been his first experience with the drug, so we were pretty confident.
Moral: Don't work a convenience stores unless you like crack, in which case you should totally go for it.
daidai
+0 -0
Teacher at my school needed some extra scratch and took a side job at a convenience store.
Robbed the FIRST DAY.
Quit the third day.
Teacher at my school needed some extra scratch and took a side job at a convenience store.
Robbed the FIRST DAY.
Quit the third day.
hamscout
+7 -0
(second day was for crack-smokin')
(second day was for crack-smokin')
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Why find out?
Why find out?
whiteturtle
+34 -0
Explanation:
My roommate and I were four hours drunk at 2 am, and we decided to stumble around the neighborhood. (It is a moderately small city, so there was little fear of murderings.) We found a man from circumstances working on his truck in an alley and started up a convo. It turned to politics, and since it was 2004 at the time, and myself a poli-sci major, I wanted to pick this poorman's brain about why anyone would vote for Bush ever ever. After about 15 minutes, my roommate grew bored and stumbled home to pass out. I continued to drunkenly chat with the guy, speaking too loudly about freedoms and taxes and etc.
The convo eventually hit a lull and the man said to me "Do you smoke?" and, being a habitually smoker of the green stuff at the time, assumed that was what he meant, and replied in the affirmative. He led me into his home, which was probably one block from my house, so I was unconcerned in any way.
Walking up the stairs, I began to grow uneasy: the walls of the stairwell were hastily nailed down unpainted plywood and there was a strong smell of disinfectant.
We walked up the stairs to his apartment, which started with his kitchen. It was completely bare except for a small radio that very softly played a conservative talk station, but not one of the usual FM angry ones, one of the AM racist ones. The only other visible room of his house was his living room, which contained no less than five full grown rottweillers, highly agitated as though expecting something, held back by only a child-safety gate.
When the man pulled out the crack, I felt it behooved me to follow along.
Explanation:
My roommate and I were four hours drunk at 2 am, and we decided to stumble around the neighborhood. (It is a moderately small city, so there was little fear of murderings.) We found a man from circumstances working on his truck in an alley and started up a convo. It turned to politics, and since it was 2004 at the time, and myself a poli-sci major, I wanted to pick this poorman's brain about why anyone would vote for Bush ever ever. After about 15 minutes, my roommate grew bored and stumbled home to pass out. I continued to drunkenly chat with the guy, speaking too loudly about freedoms and taxes and etc.
The convo eventually hit a lull and the man said to me "Do you smoke?" and, being a habitually smoker of the green stuff at the time, assumed that was what he meant, and replied in the affirmative. He led me into his home, which was probably one block from my house, so I was unconcerned in any way.
Walking up the stairs, I began to grow uneasy: the walls of the stairwell were hastily nailed down unpainted plywood and there was a strong smell of disinfectant.
We walked up the stairs to his apartment, which started with his kitchen. It was completely bare except for a small radio that very softly played a conservative talk station, but not one of the usual FM angry ones, one of the AM racist ones. The only other visible room of his house was his living room, which contained no less than five full grown rottweillers, highly agitated as though expecting something, held back by only a child-safety gate.
When the man pulled out the crack, I felt it behooved me to follow along.
mistlethrush
+3 -0
That sounds like a series of poor decisions cumulating in one enormous poor decision, the mother of all others.
But you seem to be fine, so I applaud you for getting all your bad choices out of the way early in your life. Now you can be super smart when you're old.
That sounds like a series of poor decisions cumulating in one enormous poor decision, the mother of all others.
But you seem to be fine, so I applaud you for getting all your bad choices out of the way early in your life. Now you can be super smart when you're old.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
That is true only if you think this is the first time I have ever told this story, and if you think it has never gotten me free drinks and sexy looks at the bar for the telling of it.
That is true only if you think this is the first time I have ever told this story, and if you think it has never gotten me free drinks and sexy looks at the bar for the telling of it.
mistlethrush
+0 -0
I think those are pretty smart decisions, to be honest.
I think those are pretty smart decisions, to be honest.
whiteturtle
+15 -0
I cherish my worst decisions, the are like the little grain of dirt at the center of the pearl of my personality.
I cherish my worst decisions, the are like the little grain of dirt at the center of the pearl of my personality.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I am soooo using this line. Chubby for you sir... keep up the dirty work.
I am soooo using this line. Chubby for you sir... keep up the dirty work.
tommycrashwreck
+0 -0
Agreed. Whiteturtle, fella, you know how to say something in a way that makes strangers want to rip off your sentences.
Agreed. Whiteturtle, fella, you know how to say something in a way that makes strangers want to rip off your sentences.
daidai
+0 -0
Is it more common then I think for people to actually use up all of their bad decisions early in life?
I've gone clean because of a couple of bad experiences, but does that happen often? I have friends who have seen people die from stupid habits -- but they still shoot up, apparently learning nothing.
Is it more common then I think for people to actually use up all of their bad decisions early in life?
I've gone clean because of a couple of bad experiences, but does that happen often? I have friends who have seen people die from stupid habits -- but they still shoot up, apparently learning nothing.
daidai
+0 -0
Woah, sorry I'm apparently in a bad mood.
Ignore this.
Woah, sorry I'm apparently in a bad mood.
Ignore this.
mistlethrush
+1 -0
I'm hopin' it's the case, because otherwise I've gotten these bruises and ugly paintings for nothing.
And I'm sorry about your friends, that must be super awful. Glad you made it out.
I'm hopin' it's the case, because otherwise I've gotten these bruises and ugly paintings for nothing.
And I'm sorry about your friends, that must be super awful. Glad you made it out.
daidai
+0 -0
Its really just two or three of them, and they aren;t really my friends anymore. Honestly I don't even know why I made that comment -- something put me in a temporary bad mood, which was immediately lifted as I found a picture of a Japanese-person-filled vending machine for a later post.
Its really just two or three of them, and they aren;t really my friends anymore. Honestly I don't even know why I made that comment -- something put me in a temporary bad mood, which was immediately lifted as I found a picture of a Japanese-person-filled vending machine for a later post.
mistlethrush
+0 -0
God bless vending machines. I feel guilty about using change with real people, so they let me use up aaaaaaaall my dimes.
God bless vending machines. I feel guilty about using change with real people, so they let me use up aaaaaaaall my dimes.
talix18
+0 -0
I know for my part, I still make a good number of bad decisions (and am at best in the middle of my life). Since I got clean, though, the consequences of the bad decisions aren't nearly as awful as they used to be.
I know for my part, I still make a good number of bad decisions (and am at best in the middle of my life). Since I got clean, though, the consequences of the bad decisions aren't nearly as awful as they used to be.
thorfinn
+0 -0
Talix18 hopes to live to the ripe old age of 214.
Talix18 hopes to live to the ripe old age of 214.
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
my friend has a similar story involving a crack house in New York City and a tape recorder she was carrying around to document stuff, and then explaining that she's not a narc that the tape recorder is for artistic purposes.
my friend has a similar story involving a crack house in New York City and a tape recorder she was carrying around to document stuff, and then explaining that she's not a narc that the tape recorder is for artistic purposes.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
oh my god that is an absolute nightmare and a half.
isn't that an episode of The Shield?
oh my god that is an absolute nightmare and a half.
isn't that an episode of The Shield?
davey-boy
+1 -0
Everybody is Hunter Thompson. No one likes a tourist, and would probably get offended of anyone documenting their squalorous conditions.
Everybody is Hunter Thompson. No one likes a tourist, and would probably get offended of anyone documenting their squalorous conditions.
sirhirammaxim
+1 -0
in search of respect by philippe bourgois
in search of respect by philippe bourgois
jia
+0 -0
word up, good book (incidentally, i met the guy and he has a surprisingly nasal, squeaky voice - nothing like the gruff measured calmness which i imagined coming from a dude who hung out with crack dealers in east harlem).
word up, good book (incidentally, i met the guy and he has a surprisingly nasal, squeaky voice - nothing like the gruff measured calmness which i imagined coming from a dude who hung out with crack dealers in east harlem).
bixschmix
+0 -0
That is a badass book.
That is a badass book.
bixschmix
+0 -0
But I always wondered about his wife. Who's like, "Sure honey, let's move to Spanish Harlem with our newborn for a couple years!"?
But I always wondered about his wife. Who's like, "Sure honey, let's move to Spanish Harlem with our newborn for a couple years!"?
tekende
+0 -0
Who isn't?
Who isn't?
c_dizzle
+0 -0
I was going to chubby the moment i saw, "...man from circumstances." but opted not to, as too many people try talkin' like Onstad to get a head, here. Then I read the analysis of the AM vs FM radio stations. Proper chubby.
I am - however - curious as to said racist:angry::AM:FM correlation.
I was going to chubby the moment i saw, "...man from circumstances." but opted not to, as too many people try talkin' like Onstad to get a head, here. Then I read the analysis of the AM vs FM radio stations. Proper chubby.
I am - however - curious as to said racist:angry::AM:FM correlation.
whiteturtle
+1 -0
I feel it is a mainstream/underground kind of a thing. Not that all conservatives are racist, or even all conservative talk show hosts, but there is a deadly strain that speaks coded language in the mainstream and lets fly with the hate the moment they are by themselves. I have only ever found the worst of it on AM radio.
I feel it is a mainstream/underground kind of a thing. Not that all conservatives are racist, or even all conservative talk show hosts, but there is a deadly strain that speaks coded language in the mainstream and lets fly with the hate the moment they are by themselves. I have only ever found the worst of it on AM radio.
pogo
+0 -0
You and Bukowksi should hang. I drank cheap wine and sang in an alley under similar circumstances.
You and Bukowksi should hang. I drank cheap wine and sang in an alley under similar circumstances.
perilon
+0 -0
the last two weeks of my life were drinking cheap wine and hanging in alleys
i was in spain on a choir tour
the last two weeks of my life were drinking cheap wine and hanging in alleys
i was in spain on a choir tour
octafish
+0 -0
So, also some singing?
So, also some singing?
perilon
+0 -0
singing about nostalgia
hella satisfying
singing about nostalgia
hella satisfying
sn0wman
+1 -0
Condolences on it being your last two weeks, man. Glad it was a good time.
Condolences on it being your last two weeks, man. Glad it was a good time.
spinynorman
+43 -0
There was a time when I was hammered downtown and I had a bottle of Dickle burning up my pocket. I had about a pint of tequila in me and the world didn't look too many shades of right, so I was sitting in some alley watching the glitterati and the smokehounds wander from bar to bar. Some old homeless guy did a careening dance towards me, stopped, and said, "Everything sand."
I didn't say anything. Then he said, "You know?"
"What?" I said.
"Everything sand," he said.
"Everything, huh?" I said.
"Yeah," he said, and nodded. "Got it clutched to your chest. Little handful of moments. Hold it real tight, all these little seconds, and you run around all over the place and it slips through your fingers. Your fingers, just crying time, slipping through like sand. That the way it be."
I nodded and was kind of disturbed at how much sense that made. "That's so," I said.
He took in a deep breath, eyes wide as saucers, and let it out. "You know it is damn near impossible for a man to get his drink on these days," he said to me.
I just looked at him and thought to myself, Well, goddamn, I guess this is going to happen, and then I pulled out the bottle of Dickle. He raised an eyebrow at it and I nodded, and then he sat down next to me and we drank the rest of the bourbon in the alley and put the world to rights.
Man stank like you wouldn't believe. When some cops ambled by and told us to clear out he talked them down pretty slick, though.
There was a time when I was hammered downtown and I had a bottle of Dickle burning up my pocket. I had about a pint of tequila in me and the world didn't look too many shades of right, so I was sitting in some alley watching the glitterati and the smokehounds wander from bar to bar. Some old homeless guy did a careening dance towards me, stopped, and said, "Everything sand."
I didn't say anything. Then he said, "You know?"
"What?" I said.
"Everything sand," he said.
"Everything, huh?" I said.
"Yeah," he said, and nodded. "Got it clutched to your chest. Little handful of moments. Hold it real tight, all these little seconds, and you run around all over the place and it slips through your fingers. Your fingers, just crying time, slipping through like sand. That the way it be."
I nodded and was kind of disturbed at how much sense that made. "That's so," I said.
He took in a deep breath, eyes wide as saucers, and let it out. "You know it is damn near impossible for a man to get his drink on these days," he said to me.
I just looked at him and thought to myself, Well, goddamn, I guess this is going to happen, and then I pulled out the bottle of Dickle. He raised an eyebrow at it and I nodded, and then he sat down next to me and we drank the rest of the bourbon in the alley and put the world to rights.
Man stank like you wouldn't believe. When some cops ambled by and told us to clear out he talked them down pretty slick, though.
daidai
+5 -0
Ah, the 'homeless philosopher'.
A man so filled with ideas, with theories, with metaphors, and with zest that he can spend hours forgetting the basic human needs and ponder the world for what it is.
A man whose comprehension is as striking and poingnant as his own scent, finding and discovering things anew daily for the entirety of his majestic existance.
A man with endless ability to teach, but with unsurmountable walls based on simple financial differences barring him from creating expansion of the human mind throughout the world.
A man with ideas so incredible that implementation on a grand scale could correct problems which humanity has learned to accept through repeated failure of lesser solutions.
A man with one hell of a love for booze.
Ah, the 'homeless philosopher'.
A man so filled with ideas, with theories, with metaphors, and with zest that he can spend hours forgetting the basic human needs and ponder the world for what it is.
A man whose comprehension is as striking and poingnant as his own scent, finding and discovering things anew daily for the entirety of his majestic existance.
A man with endless ability to teach, but with unsurmountable walls based on simple financial differences barring him from creating expansion of the human mind throughout the world.
A man with ideas so incredible that implementation on a grand scale could correct problems which humanity has learned to accept through repeated failure of lesser solutions.
A man with one hell of a love for booze.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
This is just fucking great. This whole thread. I had to make my feelings on this asset known. It's pretty much why I'm a member here.
This is just fucking great. This whole thread. I had to make my feelings on this asset known. It's pretty much why I'm a member here.
madnes
+0 -0
Seconded.
Seconded.
wilto
+0 -0
Was this... Was this all you, Norman? This is solid .
Was this... Was this all you, Norman? This is solid .
pogo
+0 -0
Wait ... sand in an hourglass ... isn't that "Days of Our Lives"? The dude was quoting a soap opera!? What a dumb drunk.
Wait ... sand in an hourglass ... isn't that "Days of Our Lives"? The dude was quoting a soap opera!? What a dumb drunk.
spinynorman
+1 -0
I'm pretty sure he had picked it up from some bible crazy hobo. They can pack some crazy rhetoric from time to time. He discussed Jesus at great length with me and eventually and told me Jesus would kick my ass, because Jesus had kicked his ass more than once, but he had had it coming.
Who doesn't.
I'm pretty sure he had picked it up from some bible crazy hobo. They can pack some crazy rhetoric from time to time. He discussed Jesus at great length with me and eventually and told me Jesus would kick my ass, because Jesus had kicked his ass more than once, but he had had it coming.
Who doesn't.
tekende
+0 -0
Jesus is known locally as a raw dude who will kick asses when necessary. Everyone remembers that time he just totally wrecked a temple and kicked a bunch of dudes out for selling shit and ripping people off in the temple.
Jesus is known locally as a raw dude who will kick asses when necessary. Everyone remembers that time he just totally wrecked a temple and kicked a bunch of dudes out for selling shit and ripping people off in the temple.
howwedo
+0 -0
That's actually a metaphor in Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure.
The "everything is sand", I mean. Not Jesus kicking peoples asses when they have it coming.
That's actually a metaphor in Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure.
The "everything is sand", I mean. Not Jesus kicking peoples asses when they have it coming.
hamscout
+0 -0
...Dust
...Wind
...Dude!
...Dust
...Wind
...Dude!
invidious
+0 -0
I read some of spinynorman's posts and I'm embarrassed to be me. Have a chubby, my good man.
I read some of spinynorman's posts and I'm embarrassed to be me. Have a chubby, my good man.
pogo
+0 -0
Yeah, I try to make fun of him, but he is obviously inspired bby the ghost of Voltiare or Oscar Wilde or both. I am not worthy to tease the hem of his raiment.
Yeah, I try to make fun of him, but he is obviously inspired bby the ghost of Voltiare or Oscar Wilde or both. I am not worthy to tease the hem of his raiment.
spinynorman
+1 -0
I really want to stress that I did not drink any bourbon after the homeless guy
I mean, it was fun and novel and all, but still, dude's face was like a jungle where bacteria goes to be sacrificed to their gods
I really want to stress that I did not drink any bourbon after the homeless guy
I mean, it was fun and novel and all, but still, dude's face was like a jungle where bacteria goes to be sacrificed to their gods
margargaret
+0 -0
That also happened to a friend of mine. Apparently, it is pretty common to "accidentally" smoke crack.
That also happened to a friend of mine. Apparently, it is pretty common to "accidentally" smoke crack.
lateadopter
+6 -0
The alt-text harkens back to this strip from a year ago. Was it really that long?
Anyway, that's what I wanted to write about before dickless came along. Is that shit contagious? Man, I think my dick is shrinking just because I saw that first post.
The alt-text harkens back to this strip from a year ago. Was it really that long?
Anyway, that's what I wanted to write about before dickless came along. Is that shit contagious? Man, I think my dick is shrinking just because I saw that first post.
charchar
+10 -0
I am a proud Dickless-American. Do you think it is rad to have sexism, lateadopter?
I am a proud Dickless-American. Do you think it is rad to have sexism, lateadopter?
lateadopter
+3 -0
My apologies to the genetically dickless. No offense was intended. Studies have shown that they are constitutionally stronger than those who are supposed to have dicks. In any case, the latter should also have the balls to refrain from first-posting.
My apologies to the genetically dickless. No offense was intended. Studies have shown that they are constitutionally stronger than those who are supposed to have dicks. In any case, the latter should also have the balls to refrain from first-posting.
hedonismbot
+6 -1
Sexism is not a right, it is hilarious. It is rad. I pity all you shoeless babymachines with your shamecaves. You may envy our mighty godsticks until you shrivel off to wherever it is that you people go when you turn old or unattractive.
Sexism is not a right, it is hilarious. It is rad. I pity all you shoeless babymachines with your shamecaves. You may envy our mighty godsticks until you shrivel off to wherever it is that you people go when you turn old or unattractive.
falseprophet
+5 -0
...in that elegant, classical way.
...in that elegant, classical way.
loneal
+0 -0
J...Jon Stewart? What happened to you?
J...Jon Stewart? What happened to you?
lateadopter
+0 -0
No, I think that's Nice Pete's father.
No, I think that's Nice Pete's father.
autrepoupee
+17 -1
"until you shrivel off to wherever it is that you people go when you turn old or unattractive."
A Clinton fundraiser?
HEYOOOOO
"until you shrivel off to wherever it is that you people go when you turn old or unattractive."
A Clinton fundraiser?
HEYOOOOO
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -0
Chubbied within one minute of posting because it was just that good.
Chubbied within one minute of posting because it was just that good.
synnah
+0 -0
Good spot!
Good spot!
missbee
+0 -0
Way to mention the Stoned Lightening reference before I got to.
You jerk .
Way to mention the Stoned Lightening reference before I got to.
You jerk .
spinynorman
+4 -0
Poems regularly come out of my face, often at the worst times. It's actually sort of embarrassing. The doctors are trying, but, you know, there's really not enough research.
Poems regularly come out of my face, often at the worst times. It's actually sort of embarrassing. The doctors are trying, but, you know, there's really not enough research.
i_love_kate
+3 -0
The science is ahead of the funding.
Oh, God, I'm such a fraud. This is so empty.
The science is ahead of the funding.
Oh, God, I'm such a fraud. This is so empty.
whiteturtle
+14 -0
"Here is your burger, sir, than you for- Oh my god, what is that dangling from your face...it's disgusting!"
"I...I think it's a sestina...oh my god, I am so sorry."
"Why is it dripping...oh my god...just go."
"I'm sor-"
"GO!"
"Here is your burger, sir, than you for- Oh my god, what is that dangling from your face...it's disgusting!"
"I...I think it's a sestina...oh my god, I am so sorry."
"Why is it dripping...oh my god...just go."
"I'm sor-"
"GO!"
daidai
+2 -0
There's a reason Emily Dickinson didn't go outside folks.
That's it.
There's a reason Emily Dickinson didn't go outside folks.
That's it.
loneal
+0 -0
Favorite quote from Eavan Boland when I took her poetry class (imagine in Irish accent): "Emily Dickinson...had a basket...that she used to lower gingerbread...to the children."
Favorite quote from Eavan Boland when I took her poetry class (imagine in Irish accent): "Emily Dickinson...had a basket...that she used to lower gingerbread...to the children."
pogo
+0 -0
The docs, or course, ain't poets, they're plumbers and butchers.
The docs, or course, ain't poets, they're plumbers and butchers.
dkittels
+0 -0
It started out in 3-4 territory but I 5'd it for the last panel.
(it is classic Beef)
It started out in 3-4 territory but I 5'd it for the last panel.
(it is classic Beef)
andersmn
+0 -0
4th panel did it for me. You must shake Italian!!
4th panel did it for me. You must shake Italian!!
nickrnot
+0 -1
May is Mental Health Awareness Month!
Thanks Beef! Thanks Onstad!
May is Mental Health Awareness Month!
Thanks Beef! Thanks Onstad!
hipjiverobot
+0 -0
Cola has been shown to cause depression in mice.
Cola has been shown to cause depression in mice.
whiteturtle
+7 -0
Beef is a CAT
Beef is a CAT
neonaoneo
+0 -1
Achewood is a COMIC
Achewood is a COMIC
neonaoneo
+0 -0
A comment left by neonaoneo was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, atom, JTTuba, hoboninja)
A comment left by neonaoneo was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, atom, JTTuba, hoboninja)
neonaoneo
+0 -0
A comment left by neonaoneo was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, atom, JTTuba, DrSkradley, hoboninja)
A comment left by neonaoneo was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, atom, JTTuba, DrSkradley, hoboninja)
lux
+1 -0
How does changing your avatar to ONE guy make you talk to yourself as if you were two? We got some inverse avatar-insanity ratios going here.
How does changing your avatar to ONE guy make you talk to yourself as if you were two? We got some inverse avatar-insanity ratios going here.
neonaoneo
+0 -1
It is what it is
It is what it is
spinynorman
+0 -0
And you yam what you yam
And you yam what you yam
whiteturtle
+1 -0
yukita yukita yuk
yukita yukita yuk
daidai
+0 -0
Er...Popeye your grammar is miserable .
Er...Popeye your grammar is miserable .
drskradley
+0 -0
Popeye brings up childhood neighbourhood politics for me.
1. My sister was banned from watching Popeye because she started talking like him in regular conversation without trying to be funny (she was at that phonetically developmental age).
2. My mother used Popeye to convince me to eat spinach, and beyond all logic, it somehow worked.
3. The 3 Stooges were banned in our neighbourhood because one kid hit another kid on the head with a hammer.
That last one actually has nothing to do with Popeye, but Popeye always reminds me of it.
I don't care what people say, Shemp was alright. He was no Curly, of course, but he was relatively funny in his own right - although he was essentially the same as Moe. Larry is my favourite, now that I'm older and can further appreciate the guy that gets his ass kicked all the time.
Popeye brings up childhood neighbourhood politics for me.
1. My sister was banned from watching Popeye because she started talking like him in regular conversation without trying to be funny (she was at that phonetically developmental age).
2. My mother used Popeye to convince me to eat spinach, and beyond all logic, it somehow worked.
3. The 3 Stooges were banned in our neighbourhood because one kid hit another kid on the head with a hammer.
That last one actually has nothing to do with Popeye, but Popeye always reminds me of it.
I don't care what people say, Shemp was alright. He was no Curly, of course, but he was relatively funny in his own right - although he was essentially the same as Moe. Larry is my favourite, now that I'm older and can further appreciate the guy that gets his ass kicked all the time.
lux
+0 -0
Yare what you yare
Yare what you yare
pogo
+0 -0
Hello pixel puss!
Hello pixel puss!
hipjiverobot
+0 -0
But doing lab tests on cats would be humane.
Also for future reference I realized Roast Beef is a cat and I am furthermore not an idiot.
But doing lab tests on cats would be humane.
Also for future reference I realized Roast Beef is a cat and I am furthermore not an idiot.
lateadopter
+0 -0
No, you are a potato. You may not be tomorrow, though, so hang in there.
No, you are a potato. You may not be tomorrow, though, so hang in there.
hipjiverobot
+0 -0
I just realized that i meant to say inhumane.
I'll get back to you on that whole idiot thing.
I just realized that i meant to say inhumane.
I'll get back to you on that whole idiot thing.
wotown
+0 -0
"This is just cola" bumps this from a 4 to a 5. Good to see the taste of fame and fortune haven't changed Beef.
"This is just cola" bumps this from a 4 to a 5. Good to see the taste of fame and fortune haven't changed Beef.
higuma
+4 -0
All Final Fight 2 in the little room in the back. All beating ass with Haggar.
All Final Fight 2 in the little room in the back. All beating ass with Haggar.
whiteturtle
+1 -0
One of those NeoGeo machines with Bust-a-Move and Metal slug on it. If you play the music to Bust-a-Move to me when I am not expecting it, I get a nostalgia seizure.
One of those NeoGeo machines with Bust-a-Move and Metal slug on it. If you play the music to Bust-a-Move to me when I am not expecting it, I get a nostalgia seizure.
falseprophet
+0 -0
All linin up your quarters on the top of the board to announce who's got Next
All linin up your quarters on the top of the board to announce who's got Next
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Beat-up old Captain Commando machine, and everyone who's in the know puts their coins in the player 2 slot because the attack button for player 1 gets jammed all the time.
Beat-up old Captain Commando machine, and everyone who's in the know puts their coins in the player 2 slot because the attack button for player 1 gets jammed all the time.
falseprophet
+3 -0
Next best thing is playing as Captain Commando in Marvel vs. Capcom and when you play that game it is always your first character and Wolverine versus some other douchebag's first character and Wolverine Because everyone wants to be the goddamn Wolverine but they ain't got the stones to back it up
Then some six year old kicks your ass with Megaman and Chun-Li and all hell breaks loose.
Next best thing is playing as Captain Commando in Marvel vs. Capcom and when you play that game it is always your first character and Wolverine versus some other douchebag's first character and Wolverine Because everyone wants to be the goddamn Wolverine but they ain't got the stones to back it up
Then some six year old kicks your ass with Megaman and Chun-Li and all hell breaks loose.
baryonyx
+0 -0
All picking Iron Man because he's a fucking armored robot suit and should rule but all his moves you can figure out by button-mashing are pretty lame.
All picking Iron Man because he's a fucking armored robot suit and should rule but all his moves you can figure out by button-mashing are pretty lame.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Technically it is War Machine but he yeah is basically a clone of Iron Man from Marvel Super Heroes .
[IMGS OFF]
But James Rhodes is his own man.
[IMGS OFF]
"Next time, baby."
Technically it is War Machine but he yeah is basically a clone of Iron Man from Marvel Super Heroes .
[IMGS OFF]
But James Rhodes is his own man.
[IMGS OFF]
"Next time, baby."
tekende
+0 -0
YES. YES.
YES. YES.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Dude this is probably as good a time as any to mention this I don't know if I mentioned it before but back in September I actually met Terrence Howard
I went to this comics convention in nearby Maryland known as SPX or the Small Press Expo which is basically all about indie comics and stuff like that and as I was getting my cash at the ATM, he he walks by, a suit in his arms, and asks everyone in line but no one in particular for directions
But everyone just kind of stared at him and it was clear he was getting no help from us. I said, "Sir, can I shake my hand."
He nodded towards his arms and said "My hands are kind of full, bro."
Undaunted, I said, "Can I...can I bow to you?"
Clearly this man was sick of my rappin mush but he just said "Uh...how bout I just give you a pound" which we commenced to do and he was on his way.
I was struggling to figure out what Terrence Howard was doing at SPX later. Maybe he was there to promote Iron Man ? But there is nothing small press about that.
I later saw him fully dressed in a tux, standing out of the way while a man took a picture of a new Bride with her associated Maids. "Oh shit," I thought. "Did Terrence Howard just marry a white lady? "
That evening's IMDB search showed me that I was wrong and that Terrence Howard has been married for some years to a woman of Our Mutual Race and they have produced the appropriate consistent offspring as a result so he was probably just some other gentleman's groomsman but man.
Now as a final disclaimer I am saying that I do not judge other black people for marrying outside the race in fact I would have to be the first person on the chopping block if such a thing is a real offense but when you are dealing with a man with Terrence Howard's Blackitude there are things like this that will surprise you whether you are a Vietnam vet who has spent the last thirty years in strip clubs trying out all the drinks on the menu and being on a first name basis with each individual vagina or a baby boy just seeing his penis for the first time But this is assetbar I know and accept that most of you probably cannot relate to this situation due to your whiteness but that is my story and that is how it must be told.
Dude this is probably as good a time as any to mention this I don't know if I mentioned it before but back in September I actually met Terrence Howard
I went to this comics convention in nearby Maryland known as SPX or the Small Press Expo which is basically all about indie comics and stuff like that and as I was getting my cash at the ATM, he he walks by, a suit in his arms, and asks everyone in line but no one in particular for directions
But everyone just kind of stared at him and it was clear he was getting no help from us. I said, "Sir, can I shake my hand."
He nodded towards his arms and said "My hands are kind of full, bro."
Undaunted, I said, "Can I...can I bow to you?"
Clearly this man was sick of my rappin mush but he just said "Uh...how bout I just give you a pound" which we commenced to do and he was on his way.
I was struggling to figure out what Terrence Howard was doing at SPX later. Maybe he was there to promote Iron Man ? But there is nothing small press about that.
I later saw him fully dressed in a tux, standing out of the way while a man took a picture of a new Bride with her associated Maids. "Oh shit," I thought. "Did Terrence Howard just marry a white lady? "
That evening's IMDB search showed me that I was wrong and that Terrence Howard has been married for some years to a woman of Our Mutual Race and they have produced the appropriate consistent offspring as a result so he was probably just some other gentleman's groomsman but man.
Now as a final disclaimer I am saying that I do not judge other black people for marrying outside the race in fact I would have to be the first person on the chopping block if such a thing is a real offense but when you are dealing with a man with Terrence Howard's Blackitude there are things like this that will surprise you whether you are a Vietnam vet who has spent the last thirty years in strip clubs trying out all the drinks on the menu and being on a first name basis with each individual vagina or a baby boy just seeing his penis for the first time But this is assetbar I know and accept that most of you probably cannot relate to this situation due to your whiteness but that is my story and that is how it must be told.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Please make the following edits:
paragraph 3, line 2: "shake my hand" to "shake your hand"
And that is all.
Please make the following edits:
paragraph 3, line 2: "shake my hand" to "shake your hand"
And that is all.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Ebonics Glossary:
POUND, NOUN. MEANS GREETING A BROTHER BY LIGHTLY TAPPING HIS FIST WITH YOUR OWN; NOT GAY. SYNONYMS: "SOME DAP, FISTOLINGUS"
Ebonics Glossary:
POUND, NOUN. MEANS GREETING A BROTHER BY LIGHTLY TAPPING HIS FIST WITH YOUR OWN; NOT GAY. SYNONYMS: "SOME DAP, FISTOLINGUS"
falseprophet
+0 -0
"WAIT. SHIT.
FISTOLINGUS
NOT GAY.
"WAIT. SHIT.
NOT GAY.
falseprophet
+4 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
tekende
+1 -0
Hang on, I keep hearing things, and I thought it would be best to ask you directly. Are you gay?
Hang on, I keep hearing things, and I thought it would be best to ask you directly. Are you gay?
bixschmix
+0 -0
I also heard that rumor. Perhaps you could make a sign addressing it.
I also heard that rumor. Perhaps you could make a sign addressing it.
tekende
+0 -0
The sign will be that life is awesome.
The sign will be that life is awesome.
tekende
+1 -0
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
echidnaboy
+2 -0
*~* falseprophet's feelings on his lifestyle are: Confused *~*
*~* falseprophet's feelings on his lifestyle are: Confused *~*
hamscout
+0 -0
I gave him my heart, and he gave me a pen.... is
I gave him my heart, and he gave me a pen.... is
cromar
+0 -0
Ah right. I thought you were in Britain or something and that he was being kind of an ass. All "screw you kid, here's a dollar. Now get outta here."
Ah right. I thought you were in Britain or something and that he was being kind of an ass. All "screw you kid, here's a dollar. Now get outta here."
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
WOOP DAT TRICK WOOP DAT TRICK WOOP DA-
WOOP DAT TRICK WOOP DAT TRICK WOOP DA-
hedonismbot
+2 -0
Sit down racing machine that smells like farts. Parmesan made of cardboard. Greasetraps with dead rats in them. Making out in the back with some chick and being careful your braces don't get stuck together. Steve Miller on the sound system 24/7. I can feel my gums getting seared already...
Sit down racing machine that smells like farts. Parmesan made of cardboard. Greasetraps with dead rats in them. Making out in the back with some chick and being careful your braces don't get stuck together. Steve Miller on the sound system 24/7. I can feel my gums getting seared already...
norrin
+4 -0
I was thinking more old school even: Double Dragon.
Incidently, the Double Dragon is now what I call the meal I have when I get a Double Quarter Pounder from McDonalds and a Double Whopper from BK.
I was thinking more old school even: Double Dragon.
Incidently, the Double Dragon is now what I call the meal I have when I get a Double Quarter Pounder from McDonalds and a Double Whopper from BK.
dapooka
+0 -0
Nahhh... let's go real old school: All trackball sitdown black-and-white football game where the players are nothing but Xes and Os.
Of course, no one (besides maybe Pogo) knows whereof I speak. I'm feeling hell of ancient right now.
Nahhh... let's go real old school: All trackball sitdown black-and-white football game where the players are nothing but Xes and Os.
Of course, no one (besides maybe Pogo) knows whereof I speak. I'm feeling hell of ancient right now.
dapooka
+0 -0
There it is.
In every pizza parlor and skating rink in the U.S. circa 1983.
Hell of Ancient.
There it is.
In every pizza parlor and skating rink in the U.S. circa 1983.
Hell of Ancient.
cromar
+0 -0
I was always partial to Centipede with my pizza.
I was always partial to Centipede with my pizza.
hamscout
+2 -0
we had sit-down versions of Joust and original Donkey Kong (that's where Mario came from, kiddies!).
we had sit-down versions of Joust and original Donkey Kong (that's where Mario came from, kiddies!).
dapooka
+0 -0
Ah yes, I knew him when he was Jumpman.
Ah yes, I knew him when he was Jumpman.
binlaggin
+0 -0
Oh man, when I was 6, I loved me some Jumpman on the C-64. Also, Jumpman Jr.--hell of hard.
Oh man, when I was 6, I loved me some Jumpman on the C-64. Also, Jumpman Jr.--hell of hard.
octafish
+1 -0
Galaga, was the Australian classic, maybe paired with a Hyper-Olympics* machine that no one touched except that one guy....
Later on of course they where replaced with Gauntlet (red warrior is about to die) and Double Dragon, the Double Dragon all, yellow and Blue because the speaker magnets have screwed up the Cathode Ray Tube.
Did anyone else use a loop of line trimmer cord to rack-up free credits?
*Hyper Olympics was Track and Field in the states.
Galaga, was the Australian classic, maybe paired with a Hyper-Olympics* machine that no one touched except that one guy....
Later on of course they where replaced with Gauntlet (red warrior is about to die) and Double Dragon, the Double Dragon all, yellow and Blue because the speaker magnets have screwed up the Cathode Ray Tube.
Did anyone else use a loop of line trimmer cord to rack-up free credits?
*Hyper Olympics was Track and Field in the states.
nosearmy
+2 -0
Double Dragon is what they call you after eating that because what comes from both ends is a terrifying substance.
Double Dragon is what they call you after eating that because what comes from both ends is a terrifying substance.
norrin
+0 -0
I wonder if I suggest a photoshop of my avatar puking that stuff back out, would it be produced?
I am suggesting this.
I wonder if I suggest a photoshop of my avatar puking that stuff back out, would it be produced?
I am suggesting this.
numberkillinger
+0 -0
please supply a picture of your other end.
please supply a picture of your other end.
pogo
+0 -0
Ahem, maybe that is a picture of his other end!
Ahem, maybe that is a picture of his other end!
edwell
+21 -0
[IMGS OFF]
Some even got on Mayor McCheese and the Burger King!
[IMGS OFF]
Some even got on Mayor McCheese and the Burger King!
octafish
+0 -0
I am so glad I still had a chubby for this. I think you may have just snatched todays MVP from the King of Fighters gladi8orrex.
I am so glad I still had a chubby for this. I think you may have just snatched todays MVP from the King of Fighters gladi8orrex.
davey-boy
+0 -0
Not the Mayor!
Fantastic work. The Munchian handface was more than enough to secure a chubby on any post you would make.
Not the Mayor!
Fantastic work. The Munchian handface was more than enough to secure a chubby on any post you would make.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Veeeerrrrrrrrrtual Chubby. I totally sang that I was so happy about this post.
Veeeerrrrrrrrrtual Chubby. I totally sang that I was so happy about this post.
norrin
+0 -0
Success. Thanks and a chubby my good man.
Success. Thanks and a chubby my good man.
pogo
+0 -0
Damn, I just realized you are prob'ly gonna use that as your official avataricon from now on!
Damn, I just realized you are prob'ly gonna use that as your official avataricon from now on!
higuma
+2 -0
I guess Final Fight is hella poignant to me because that's what I was playing when I had my once-in-a-lifetime god-of-the-machine experience. You know the one; we've all been there. Playing on a single quarter for fifteen, twenty, thirty, forty-five minutes. A small crowd of greasy preteens gathers around, slack-jawed and glassy-eyed with awe. The enemy cannot bring you down . And of course back in the day it was just mashing the attack button as fast as possible, but it still felt special.
I guess Final Fight is hella poignant to me because that's what I was playing when I had my once-in-a-lifetime god-of-the-machine experience. You know the one; we've all been there. Playing on a single quarter for fifteen, twenty, thirty, forty-five minutes. A small crowd of greasy preteens gathers around, slack-jawed and glassy-eyed with awe. The enemy cannot bring you down . And of course back in the day it was just mashing the attack button as fast as possible, but it still felt special.
perilon
+0 -0
chubbied for "hella poignant"
always the best phrase
chubbied for "hella poignant"
always the best phrase
hoboninja
+1 -0
A normal man would die if they ate that. You sir, are mighty.
A normal man would die if they ate that. You sir, are mighty.
hellofyellin
+0 -0
I love you. That is so terrible it is awesome.
I love you. That is so terrible it is awesome.
foea
+0 -0
My god, are you like 8 feet tall?
My god, are you like 8 feet tall?
westsider8
+17 -0
The haiku Beef's face produced:
Desolate pizza.
Death is but oregano
Sprinkled on fun times.
The haiku Beef's face produced:
Desolate pizza.
Death is but oregano
Sprinkled on fun times.
pstress
+0 -0
Death spices up fun times?
Death spices up fun times?
neonaoneo
+0 -0
Hells up with Roast Beef
All saddin' on our parlour
BLOO BLOO BLOO BLOO BLOO
Hells up with Roast Beef
All saddin' on our parlour
BLOO BLOO BLOO BLOO BLOO
neonaoneo
+0 -0
Ok so my haiku ain't as tight
Ok so my haiku ain't as tight
synnah
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
pogo
+1 -0
Thanks, you've ruined the word "chubby" forever.
Thanks, you've ruined the word "chubby" forever.
synnah
+0 -0
It's like the holocaust, man. You can't deny it happened.
It's like the holocaust, man. You can't deny it happened.
trevor328
+0 -0
That's what we need up in this joint--more haiku.
Washing shit off dishes.
The wife clamors bout her stinkeye.
I wish I was dead.
That's what we need up in this joint--more haiku.
Washing shit off dishes.
The wife clamors bout her stinkeye.
I wish I was dead.
davey-boy
+0 -0
Ooooh, so close. The first line, however, was six counts instead of five. Plates could have substituted nicely for dishes.
You recite poor verse
I deliver unto you
A punch to the face.
Ooooh, so close. The first line, however, was six counts instead of five. Plates could have substituted nicely for dishes.
You recite poor verse
I deliver unto you
A punch to the face.
daidai
+1 -0
No more Haiku-fights
You are Haiku-ruining
My poor Haiku-life
No more Haiku-fights
You are Haiku-ruining
My poor Haiku-life
thorfinn
+0 -0
I can write haiku
Watch me as I write haiku
I'm writing haiku
Watch me as I write
more haiku about haiku
I'm a haiku god
I write haiku well
Mine are the finest haiku
In all of the land
I'm the haiku champ
You can't step to my haiku
So don't even try
I can write haiku
Watch me as I write haiku
I'm writing haiku
Watch me as I write
more haiku about haiku
I'm a haiku god
I write haiku well
Mine are the finest haiku
In all of the land
I'm the haiku champ
You can't step to my haiku
So don't even try
trevor328
+0 -0
You don't have to be such a poetry nazi.
It's about meter and sound units, not just syllables. The length of my lines was a stylistic choice, it flows nicely.
You don't have to be such a poetry nazi.
It's about meter and sound units, not just syllables. The length of my lines was a stylistic choice, it flows nicely.
trevor328
+1 -0
Haiku:
Rules
are made to be broken.
So fuck you.
Haiku:
Rules
are made to be broken.
So fuck you.
hamscout
+0 -0
why are mommy and
daddy fighting did I make
them divorce again?
why are mommy and
daddy fighting did I make
them divorce again?
evilawesome
+3 -2
12:34 EvilAwesome OH SHIT NEW ACHEWOOD
12:35 EvilAwesome MOVE PEOPLE MOVE
12:35 EvilAwesome FIRST COMMENT POSTED SIX MINUTES AGO
12:35 Dezufnocosem OH SHIIIIIIIIIIT
12:35 EvilAwesome TO THE TREEEEEEEEEEES
12:36 mira I love beef.
12:36 pootleynautch It is a wonderful meat
12:34 EvilAwesome OH SHIT NEW ACHEWOOD
12:35 EvilAwesome MOVE PEOPLE MOVE
12:35 EvilAwesome FIRST COMMENT POSTED SIX MINUTES AGO
12:35 Dezufnocosem OH SHIIIIIIIIIIT
12:35 EvilAwesome TO THE TREEEEEEEEEEES
12:36 mira I love beef.
12:36 pootleynautch It is a wonderful meat
mistlethrush
+1 -2
are you really posting chat transcripts in here
are you really posting chat transcripts in here
evilawesome
+8 -0
my very first lames.
only haiku can express
the pain in my heart.
my very first lames.
only haiku can express
the pain in my heart.
daidai
+0 -0
I've never seen you post before, but this first impression tells me that I like your style .
I've never seen you post before, but this first impression tells me that I like your style .
achilleselbow
+0 -0
A Plus Plus Poster Would Read Again!!!
A Plus Plus Poster Would Read Again!!!
neonaoneo
+0 -0
Where is this chat I want a slice
Where is this chat I want a slice
mira
+0 -0
slashnet #achewood of the irc variety
slashnet #achewood of the irc variety
baryonyx
+0 -0
Someone remind me how to get this thing.
Someone remind me how to get this thing.
mira
+0 -0
I think we found the easiest way was to go to mibbit.com, select "slashnet" and /join #achewood
but that's hearsay, because I use mIRC and have never touched mibbit before.
I think we found the easiest way was to go to mibbit.com, select "slashnet" and /join #achewood
but that's hearsay, because I use mIRC and have never touched mibbit before.
synnah
+0 -0
You speak the truth.
You speak the truth.
baryonyx
+1 -0
Yeah, I figured it out and downloaded mIRC and I'm actually talking to you RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIIIIT.
Yeah, I figured it out and downloaded mIRC and I'm actually talking to you RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIIIIT.
perilon
+0 -0
Never saw a push-button cigarette machine till I just went to clubs in Spain on a visit. Must be a European thing of lower-class establishments? Which lends hella verisimilitude to this strip.
Never saw a push-button cigarette machine till I just went to clubs in Spain on a visit. Must be a European thing of lower-class establishments? Which lends hella verisimilitude to this strip.
mira
+5 -0
they used to be fairly common in the US actually, when more people smoked. I think they started getting removed because of that whole lack of age-restriction thing
[IMGS OFF]
they used to be fairly common in the US actually, when more people smoked. I think they started getting removed because of that whole lack of age-restriction thing
[IMGS OFF]
norrin
+0 -0
Have you seen what the Japanese put in vending machines? They just don't give a fk.
Have you seen what the Japanese put in vending machines? They just don't give a fk.
daidai
+13 -0
[IMGS OFF]
People. They put people in vending machines.
[IMGS OFF]
People. They put people in vending machines.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
This is what the Romans called a "Hole of Glory"
This is what the Romans called a "Hole of Glory"
falseprophet
+1 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
hedonismbot
+7 -0
In Tokyo you can use a machine to get a tiny plastic egg filled with a man who wants to buy schoolgirl underwear in the streets.
In Tokyo you can use a machine to get a tiny plastic egg filled with a man who wants to buy schoolgirl underwear in the streets.
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -0
I don't want the underwear, I just want the little tiny eggsized man.
I don't want the underwear, I just want the little tiny eggsized man.
hedonismbot
+1 -0
Do you have enough schoolgirl underwear? Are you sure you couldn't take one more bite? It's very rude to not finish your plate in Japan. (PS-They watch you pee)
Do you have enough schoolgirl underwear? Are you sure you couldn't take one more bite? It's very rude to not finish your plate in Japan. (PS-They watch you pee)
mjfitzge
+0 -0
oh they give a fuck. and they are doing something about it .
oh they give a fuck. and they are doing something about it .
mjfitzge
+0 -0
son of bitch. take out the slash at the end of the url.
i was seriously batting 1.000 lifetime on successful bbcode posts up to this point. something like 8 for 8 or 9 for 9. damn.
son of bitch. take out the slash at the end of the url.
i was seriously batting 1.000 lifetime on successful bbcode posts up to this point. something like 8 for 8 or 9 for 9. damn.
kickstart
+0 -0
Chubbied for nostalgia. Valhalla Restaurant and Lounge, just off I-35. Kumla on Wednesday nights. Pulling the cigarette machine's knobs and then having your dad get mad at you for it. York Peppermint Patties and toothpicks for the ride home.
Chubbied for nostalgia. Valhalla Restaurant and Lounge, just off I-35. Kumla on Wednesday nights. Pulling the cigarette machine's knobs and then having your dad get mad at you for it. York Peppermint Patties and toothpicks for the ride home.
margargaret
+7 -0
My grandfather once told me a story about those cigarette machines, which may be of interest to the Assetbar community. Back in the 60s or whenever, he used to come up with schemes for making more money to supplement his income as a supervisor as Exxon. He and a friend bought some cigarette machines and sold them around town. However, the price of cigarettes went down 2 cents, so their machines were shorting people. They either couldn't afford, ar didn't know how to fix this, so my grandfather invented some sort of device for inserting two cents into the clear plastic slip of the cigarette packs. They did this manually for all of the cigarettes. This business was unsuccessful.
My grandfather once told me a story about those cigarette machines, which may be of interest to the Assetbar community. Back in the 60s or whenever, he used to come up with schemes for making more money to supplement his income as a supervisor as Exxon. He and a friend bought some cigarette machines and sold them around town. However, the price of cigarettes went down 2 cents, so their machines were shorting people. They either couldn't afford, ar didn't know how to fix this, so my grandfather invented some sort of device for inserting two cents into the clear plastic slip of the cigarette packs. They did this manually for all of the cigarettes. This business was unsuccessful.
riazm
+0 -0
In before saddest thing.
Though this is,
of course,
the saddest thing.
In before saddest thing.
Though this is,
of course,
the saddest thing.
endoftheworld
+0 -0
My uncle's car dealership had one in the bodyshop back in the eighties. It's more of a relic of a bygone era than a class thing.
My uncle's car dealership had one in the bodyshop back in the eighties. It's more of a relic of a bygone era than a class thing.
nosearmy
+0 -0
I'm sorry, perilon, you are too young to have encountered this machine in daily American life. These were once the social centers around which lives like Showbiz's revolved.
I'm sorry, perilon, you are too young to have encountered this machine in daily American life. These were once the social centers around which lives like Showbiz's revolved.
perilon
+0 -0
you know you're on an internet forum when dudes 5 and 7 years your senior school you on bygone eras !
Showbiz all furtively scrounging the quarters on top of the board in order to gruffle another slice of pie
you know you're on an internet forum when dudes 5 and 7 years your senior school you on bygone eras !
Showbiz all furtively scrounging the quarters on top of the board in order to gruffle another slice of pie
ummagumma
+0 -0
When I was 5 or so, I remember seeing those vending machines in most family restaurants. Usually they were in the front entryway, completely unsupervised. There was nothing stopping any 10-year-old from buying a pack of smokes. And this was only 20 years ago. It's amazing how much attitudes have changed about smoking in such a short time.
BTW, many small-town Pizza Huts haven't changed a bit, aside from no longer having the cigarette machines. My local one even serves beer in those amber pebbled plastic tumblers!
When I was 5 or so, I remember seeing those vending machines in most family restaurants. Usually they were in the front entryway, completely unsupervised. There was nothing stopping any 10-year-old from buying a pack of smokes. And this was only 20 years ago. It's amazing how much attitudes have changed about smoking in such a short time.
BTW, many small-town Pizza Huts haven't changed a bit, aside from no longer having the cigarette machines. My local one even serves beer in those amber pebbled plastic tumblers!
dizkord
+0 -0
oh in fact uh yes basically when i read this comic a pizza hut was the thing that i envisioned all sit down tabletop ms pac man slash space invaders and cigarette machine much as you can still find in uhm suburban and rural areas to this day sometimes even with like a wednesday all you can eat pizza and pasta buffet
oh in fact uh yes basically when i read this comic a pizza hut was the thing that i envisioned all sit down tabletop ms pac man slash space invaders and cigarette machine much as you can still find in uhm suburban and rural areas to this day sometimes even with like a wednesday all you can eat pizza and pasta buffet
neonfreon2
+0 -0
i'm 25 and you're making me feel old because you hadnt seen one of these before you left the country. my friends and i used to ride our bikes to one halfway across town, in the back of a chinese restaurant, when we were 14.
i'm 25 and you're making me feel old because you hadnt seen one of these before you left the country. my friends and i used to ride our bikes to one halfway across town, in the back of a chinese restaurant, when we were 14.
johnnyc
+0 -0
They loved a pizza joint in a Hard Neighbourhood.
They loved a pizza joint in a Hard Neighbourhood.
cromar
+1 -0
Man... every Pizza Hut where I live was like this when I was a kid. They still are, too, except you can't drink or smoke in them no more .
Man... every Pizza Hut where I live was like this when I was a kid. They still are, too, except you can't drink or smoke in them no more .
nosearmy
+0 -0
I went to a pizza party where we all obtained the sunglasses from the Back to the Future II promotion.
I went to a pizza party where we all obtained the sunglasses from the Back to the Future II promotion.
hamscout
+0 -0
Recently? (Not surprised)
Recently? (Not surprised)
falseprophet
+1 -0
I totally want to see Teodor open up a pizza parlor because then he will have to shift back into Party Mode - Supreme Martini Formation with the jive Roaring '20s hair and who knows...
My God, The Party. That was the first story arc. Remember when Teodor had lady troubles?
Remember when we gave a shit?
I totally want to see Teodor open up a pizza parlor because then he will have to shift back into Party Mode - Supreme Martini Formation with the jive Roaring '20s hair and who knows...
My God, The Party. That was the first story arc. Remember when Teodor had lady troubles?
Remember when we gave a shit?
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Hahaha this strip is amazing. I like Beef here more than I have for a while.
I don't know, maybe that's not true. He just feels more familiar. He's more superdepressed than he has been for ages. It must be that Molly makes him happy (well, happier), and nearly cheating on her has brought him down again.
I haven't read through all the comments so it's possibly someone's already said this.
Hahaha this strip is amazing. I like Beef here more than I have for a while.
I don't know, maybe that's not true. He just feels more familiar. He's more superdepressed than he has been for ages. It must be that Molly makes him happy (well, happier), and nearly cheating on her has brought him down again.
I haven't read through all the comments so it's possibly someone's already said this.
eatmorekix
+0 -0
or perhaps all continuity from the former arc has been abandoned completely. this bothers me. resolution IS the final part of Freytag's pyramid! the audience craves satisfaction!
you'll have to excuse me. my nerves are raw from an art history exam. i liked today's strip, anyway.
or perhaps all continuity from the former arc has been abandoned completely. this bothers me. resolution IS the final part of Freytag's pyramid! the audience craves satisfaction!
you'll have to excuse me. my nerves are raw from an art history exam. i liked today's strip, anyway.
pogo
+0 -0
Actually his depression level is fairly consistent, but we've just seen him on a temporary manic peak with the card fame. It's somehow comforting to have him back.
Actually his depression level is fairly consistent, but we've just seen him on a temporary manic peak with the card fame. It's somehow comforting to have him back.
echidnaboy
+4 -0
In panel 3, Beef feels so alienated that he turns into a puppet.
In panel 3, Beef feels so alienated that he turns into a puppet.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Man that is Charlie Brown Syndrome or C.B.S. it's symptoms include pinin' after little red haired girls and not having any relevant programming for the past fifteen years Ain't you had no sensitivity training?
Man that is Charlie Brown Syndrome or C.B.S. it's symptoms include pinin' after little red haired girls and not having any relevant programming for the past fifteen years Ain't you had no sensitivity training?
napoleonofcrime
+0 -0
Charles Brown Syndrome sufferers are actually those people that never seem to let your words sink into their brains. You speak clearly and concisely, and all they hear is the muffled trumpet of a Peanuts authority figure.
Charles Brown Syndrome sufferers are actually those people that never seem to let your words sink into their brains. You speak clearly and concisely, and all they hear is the muffled trumpet of a Peanuts authority figure.
baryonyx
+0 -0
Beef came down with the flu and was bedridden partway through the filming of this strip. That's why panels 10 and 11 were cut and they resorted to a mannequin to finish shooting panel 3.
Beef came down with the flu and was bedridden partway through the filming of this strip. That's why panels 10 and 11 were cut and they resorted to a mannequin to finish shooting panel 3.
lucidz
+0 -0
Considering what happened the last time Beef got all pumped up on sauce and ended up with Chivas on the brain, I'm not surprised he's elected for carbonated nonalcoholic beverages.
Considering what happened the last time Beef got all pumped up on sauce and ended up with Chivas on the brain, I'm not surprised he's elected for carbonated nonalcoholic beverages.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
Did you not read that arc? There were no repercussions whatsoever for Beef's near-infidelity. His memories of the event were retconned out existence.
Did you not read that arc? There were no repercussions whatsoever for Beef's near-infidelity. His memories of the event were retconned out existence.
d3athcann0n
+0 -0
beef in panel 3
beef in panel 3
d3athcann0n
+0 -1
dang^^^^^^
dang^^^^^^
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Beef is either lapping or doing an awkward drink/talk combo in the last panel. I can't decide which. For the life of me, I can't decide.
Also, left-handed high five? Audible shudder!
Beef is either lapping or doing an awkward drink/talk combo in the last panel. I can't decide which. For the life of me, I can't decide.
Also, left-handed high five? Audible shudder!
catgrl131
+1 -0
I think we just caught him in the midst of c O la.
I think we just caught him in the midst of c O la.
nabeel84
+0 -0
WHO PUTS SALAD DRESSING ON PIZZA THAT JUST DOESN'T MAKE AND SENSE
WHO PUTS SALAD DRESSING ON PIZZA THAT JUST DOESN'T MAKE AND SENSE
nabeel84
+0 -0
WHO PUTS SALAD DRESSING ON PIZZA THAT JUST DOESN'T MAKE any SENSE
WHO PUTS SALAD DRESSING ON PIZZA THAT JUST DOESN'T MAKE any SENSE
perilon
+4 -0
never dipped your pizza pie slice in ranch dressing,
never lived
never dipped your pizza pie slice in ranch dressing,
never lived
thorfinn
+0 -0
There is nothing more delicious than a pizza with like 8 different meats drowned in hot sauce (Preferably Cholula or Tapatio, but Tabasco will do in a pinch) and ranch dressing. It is the pizza equivalent of an orgasm.
There is nothing more delicious than a pizza with like 8 different meats drowned in hot sauce (Preferably Cholula or Tapatio, but Tabasco will do in a pinch) and ranch dressing. It is the pizza equivalent of an orgasm.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
You described exactly how I eat my pizza. Exactly. Tapatio is god's blood, full of divine favor, and distilled for human consumption.
You described exactly how I eat my pizza. Exactly. Tapatio is god's blood, full of divine favor, and distilled for human consumption.
perilon
+0 -0
i never had and tapatio yet
i have had sriracha
i never had and tapatio yet
i have had sriracha
whiteturtle
+1 -0
They are like if you had two long lost cousins that were hot sauces, and they kind of look like each other, but they met one time, and they didn't really hit it off because one spoke spanish and the other one spoke Thai and it was kind of awkward for everyone.
They are like if you had two long lost cousins that were hot sauces, and they kind of look like each other, but they met one time, and they didn't really hit it off because one spoke spanish and the other one spoke Thai and it was kind of awkward for everyone.
thorfinn
+0 -0
The cock sauce is good on some things, but other hot sauces, like Tapatio, are better for pizza. Cock sauce is delicious on taquitos, for example.
The cock sauce is good on some things, but other hot sauces, like Tapatio, are better for pizza. Cock sauce is delicious on taquitos, for example.
lux
+0 -0
A fine drizzle is usually better than a large dollop. There is a Sexy Losers strip detailing how to glaze a bird with it, but anyone 18 and up can find their way there.
A fine drizzle is usually better than a large dollop. There is a Sexy Losers strip detailing how to glaze a bird with it, but anyone 18 and up can find their way there.
hedonismbot
+2 -0
I love the way I can feel cock sauce going all the way down my throat. I lick it off my fingertips. I enjoy a little bit on my Mexican, but I prefer putting tons and tons on my Japanese.
I love the way I can feel cock sauce going all the way down my throat. I lick it off my fingertips. I enjoy a little bit on my Mexican, but I prefer putting tons and tons on my Japanese.
cromar
+0 -0
I am totally into that, except for with the Japanese.
I am totally into that, except for with the Japanese.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Perhaps you haven't met my friend. I cannot pronounce his first name, so I refer to him as B. Ukake
Perhaps you haven't met my friend. I cannot pronounce his first name, so I refer to him as B. Ukake
cromar
+0 -0
No, we've met... [/i]unfortunately[/i]. *cue 70's sitcom music*
No, we've met... [/i]unfortunately[/i]. *cue 70's sitcom music*
perilon
+0 -0
cock sauce black bean burger = what I have lived on lo these past 8 months
cock sauce black bean burger = what I have lived on lo these past 8 months
perilon
+0 -0
there was supposed to be a plus sign in there but apparently BBcode don't even know that operator
there was supposed to be a plus sign in there but apparently BBcode don't even know that operator
iseedeadpixels
+0 -0
BBcode hates on plus signs.
BBcode hates on plus signs.
autrepoupee
+3 -0
whoa whoa whoa
is EVERYONE going to talk about cock sauce like it is not a hilarious name?
whoa whoa whoa
is EVERYONE going to talk about cock sauce like it is not a hilarious name?
tekende
+0 -0
Everyone except hedonismbot, it seems.
Everyone except hedonismbot, it seems.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I think she has me on ignore because I'm a terrible person.
I think she has me on ignore because I'm a terrible person.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
who said that? must've been the w i n d . . .
actually I just thought your post was serious. I am a bit of a dullard.
who said that? must've been the w i n d . . .
actually I just thought your post was serious. I am a bit of a dullard.
pogo
+0 -0
Well, there's a cock right on the label, so ...
Well, there's a cock right on the label, so ...
nbgreene
+0 -0
im confused. are we talking about "love snot" here?
im confused. are we talking about "love snot" here?
thorfinn
+0 -0
We are talking about Sriracha hot sauce, which has a rooster on the label and is referred to, by many people, as "cock sauce". Except hedonismbot, who I believe was talking about baby batter.
We are talking about Sriracha hot sauce, which has a rooster on the label and is referred to, by many people, as "cock sauce". Except hedonismbot, who I believe was talking about baby batter.
cromar
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
flazisismuss
+0 -0
They're talking about a yummy hot sauce originally from Thailand called Sriracha. The kind we get in the USA is from Rosemead, CA - a really shitty town. It is widely available in every ethnic restaurant in Southern California, and apparently elsewhere now. It has a picture of a rooster on the front. It makes nearly everything taste better. I knew a dude who claimed that he almost married the heiress to the cock sauce fortune, but he was worried that she would kill him, because she was both bipolar and jealous, and he was a habitual liar.
They're talking about a yummy hot sauce originally from Thailand called Sriracha. The kind we get in the USA is from Rosemead, CA - a really shitty town. It is widely available in every ethnic restaurant in Southern California, and apparently elsewhere now. It has a picture of a rooster on the front. It makes nearly everything taste better. I knew a dude who claimed that he almost married the heiress to the cock sauce fortune, but he was worried that she would kill him, because she was both bipolar and jealous, and he was a habitual liar.
thorfinn
+0 -0
That makes me think of this girl I knew who almost married Ronnie Tot, heir to the Weiner Tots empire. Her father, who loved Weiner Tots, was absolutely elated, but then the marriage fell through for some reason. Wait a second, that's nobody I knew, that was Kelly from "Married with Children". My story is completely irrelevant here, apart from you reminding me of an awesome TV show.
That makes me think of this girl I knew who almost married Ronnie Tot, heir to the Weiner Tots empire. Her father, who loved Weiner Tots, was absolutely elated, but then the marriage fell through for some reason. Wait a second, that's nobody I knew, that was Kelly from "Married with Children". My story is completely irrelevant here, apart from you reminding me of an awesome TV show.
octafish
+0 -0
So this island of yours, is it near the beach?
So this island of yours, is it near the beach?
paperboy_2000
+0 -0
"You got your cock sauce on my weiner tots!"
"You got your weiner tots in my cock sauce!"
Seriously though, Sriracha is delicious. Cube one chicken breast. Cook in frying pan with thinned sriracha sauce. Wrap in flour tortilla and consume. Cheese slice or sour cream optional. Excellent bachelor cooking.
"You got your cock sauce on my weiner tots!"
"You got your weiner tots in my cock sauce!"
Seriously though, Sriracha is delicious. Cube one chicken breast. Cook in frying pan with thinned sriracha sauce. Wrap in flour tortilla and consume. Cheese slice or sour cream optional. Excellent bachelor cooking.
randyleepublic
+0 -0
Tapatio is ok. Cholula is better. BUT, if you want the real, Huichol!! That is the double down shizzy. All checking out mexi-groceries cause only the good ones carry it. You'll thank me...
Tapatio is ok. Cholula is better. BUT, if you want the real, Huichol!! That is the double down shizzy. All checking out mexi-groceries cause only the good ones carry it. You'll thank me...
the_voice
+0 -0
It is mainly a thing of crusts but you're right.
You adorable pig.
It is mainly a thing of crusts but you're right.
You adorable pig.
dapooka
+0 -0
I used to work at a pizza place where high school girls would come in and ask for a slice of pizza without the cheese and a diet coke.
That made sense to me until they would proceed to ask for a side of ranch for dipping.
"May I exhange your fat for differently-flavored fat, miss?"
I used to work at a pizza place where high school girls would come in and ask for a slice of pizza without the cheese and a diet coke.
That made sense to me until they would proceed to ask for a side of ranch for dipping.
"May I exhange your fat for differently-flavored fat, miss?"
hamscout
+0 -0
Now they can go to Toppers!
(If you have not had this, you should have it, oh yes garlic butter yes!)
Now they can go to Toppers!
(If you have not had this, you should have it, oh yes garlic butter yes!)
maximus
+0 -0
ohhhh yyyyyyyyeeeaaahhhhhhhhhh....
(shudder)
ohhhh yyyyyyyyeeeaaahhhhhhhhhh....
(shudder)
daidai
+0 -0
Blind people. Because they think it's cheese.
(No they don't because they don't)
Blind people. Because they think it's cheese.
(No they don't because they don't)
pogo
+0 -0
The old joints served salads, too.
The old joints served salads, too.
abendsonnen
+1 -0
When I was little, I didn't like a fuss to be made about me when I was crying. I said, "I'm not crying! I'm...I'm...sadding!"
I am glad that Ray uses it as a verb too.
When I was little, I didn't like a fuss to be made about me when I was crying. I said, "I'm not crying! I'm...I'm...sadding!"
I am glad that Ray uses it as a verb too.
perilon
+0 -0
w00t deadjectival inflectional morphology
all linguistics major ftw
w00t deadjectival inflectional morphology
all linguistics major ftw
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Heart-wrenching.
Heart-wrenching.
perilon
+0 -0
my first v-chub ever goes to you
my first v-chub ever goes to you
parkman47
+0 -1
this is the most brilliant thing onstad has ever written
this is the most brilliant thing onstad has ever written
davey-boy
+0 -0
Aw, who lamed that? I thought it was a good strip, too.
Aw, who lamed that? I thought it was a good strip, too.
tekende
+0 -0
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -0
Tekende, I feel like Onstad is losing you.
Are you drifting away? What can we do to save you?
Tekende, I feel like Onstad is losing you.
Are you drifting away? What can we do to save you?
tekende
+0 -0
Are you honestly going to tell me Onstad has not written anything better than this strip?
Are you honestly going to tell me Onstad has not written anything better than this strip?
whiteturtle
+0 -0
Well, this strip is no "I'm Full of Bees", but it is still quality work.
Well, this strip is no "I'm Full of Bees", but it is still quality work.
tekende
+0 -0
Not everything can be as great as "I'm Full of Bees," my friend.
(Like only ten people know what the hell we're talking about! hee hee!)
Not everything can be as great as "I'm Full of Bees," my friend.
(Like only ten people know what the hell we're talking about! hee hee!)
octafish
+0 -0
Sp... Sp... Sparklehorse?
Sp... Sp... Sparklehorse?
thegoodwillgirl
+1 -0
No, I will not tell you that he has not written anything better.
But I will tell you that it is good!
I try not to quote the strips, but how can you tell me that "a poem came outta his face" did not make you laugh, even on the inside?!
No, I will not tell you that he has not written anything better.
But I will tell you that it is good!
I try not to quote the strips, but how can you tell me that "a poem came outta his face" did not make you laugh, even on the inside?!
tekende
+0 -0
Mang, I never said it was bad.
Mang, I never said it was bad.
thegoodwillgirl
+0 -0
Oh man. This is so my fault.
The whole time, I thought that your response was to davey-boy saying that the strip was good. I now realize that it was to parkman47 saying it was the best thing Onstad has ever written.
I am sorry tekende, I hope you will not hold my inability to read threads correctly against me.
Oh man. This is so my fault.
The whole time, I thought that your response was to davey-boy saying that the strip was good. I now realize that it was to parkman47 saying it was the best thing Onstad has ever written.
I am sorry tekende, I hope you will not hold my inability to read threads correctly against me.
tekende
+0 -0
It's okay, thegoodwillgirl. You are a good person.
It's okay, thegoodwillgirl. You are a good person.
pogo
+0 -0
Those knives!
Those knives!
parkman47
+0 -0
for me, he hasn't - this strip touches a special chord with me...
everyone is entitled to an opinion. i feel that of every strip, from the beginning to now, this one has appealed to me in more ways than any other.
sorry you felt the need to mark my comment lame because you can't respect an opinion
for me, he hasn't - this strip touches a special chord with me...
everyone is entitled to an opinion. i feel that of every strip, from the beginning to now, this one has appealed to me in more ways than any other.
sorry you felt the need to mark my comment lame because you can't respect an opinion
achilleselbow
+0 -0
The thing is you've only read 107 strips, so you're not really qualified to say it's the greatest thing he's ever written. Trust us, read more, I can 100% guarantee that you'll like plenty of other strips better.
The thing is you've only read 107 strips, so you're not really qualified to say it's the greatest thing he's ever written. Trust us, read more, I can 100% guarantee that you'll like plenty of other strips better.
parkman47
+0 -1
wow, i've read how many strips?
107?
re-read what i wrote
i didn't join this board to call anyone ignorant, or illiterate, but uh, if you couldn't read what i wrote above, then you may seem like the latter
people like you and anyone else that caused me grief in this short thread are the reasons what internet forums are completely fucking stupid. that's why i avoiding registering for assetbar as long as i could stand it.
wow, i've read how many strips?
107?
re-read what i wrote
i didn't join this board to call anyone ignorant, or illiterate, but uh, if you couldn't read what i wrote above, then you may seem like the latter
people like you and anyone else that caused me grief in this short thread are the reasons what internet forums are completely fucking stupid. that's why i avoiding registering for assetbar as long as i could stand it.
catgrl131
+0 -0
Looks like some one needs some hugs! *cough* andcapitalization *cough*
Looks like some one needs some hugs! *cough* andcapitalization *cough*
parkman47
+0 -0
i don't believe in hugs
i don't believe in hugs
fineoakstructure
+0 -0
achilleselbow, you should know by now that the number of strips read as rendered by assetbar doesn't mean shit (people can read strips without being logged into assetbar, and newbies can use alreadyinuse's script/bot whatever to trump up their assetbar count, etc.)
achilleselbow, you should know by now that the number of strips read as rendered by assetbar doesn't mean shit (people can read strips without being logged into assetbar, and newbies can use alreadyinuse's script/bot whatever to trump up their assetbar count, etc.)
tombsgrave
+1 -0
I'm now nostalgic for my childhood pizzeria AND depressed! Thanks, Roast Beef!
I'm now nostalgic for my childhood pizzeria AND depressed! Thanks, Roast Beef!
flazisismuss
+2 -0
"A palace of woes where the living buy bread from the already dead." I love it. Just replace "buy" with "steal" and I think we've got a new California state slogan. Somebody call Arnold!
"A palace of woes where the living buy bread from the already dead." I love it. Just replace "buy" with "steal" and I think we've got a new California state slogan. Somebody call Arnold!
relaxing
+1 -0
Replace "steal" with "dumpster-dive".
Replace "steal" with "dumpster-dive".
sdskyle
+22 -2
I been real sad lately, too. I feel kind of like my life is a homemade pizza and like, the dough is made from scratch but whoever made the dough didn't activate the yeast so the bread never rose and like we put all the toppings and made a great sauce but the dough was just like a flat piece of crumminess and that's all people notice is how sad and crummy the dough is even though the sauce was all prepared the night before so the herbs absorbed into the tomato sauce and the cheese is freshly shredded organic mozzarella made from a local farm and all the veggies were like fresh and local, too. But like, once we realized the dough wasn't gonna work out, all these expensive perfect toppings were just an expensive waste and like you could have gotten a dang boboli crust and people would have appreciated you more but no, you spent hours and hours on this and it's just crummy. Then I think about owning a pizza parlour like in this strip and I just get real sad cuz I'm sure there would be lots of days where the pizza just kind of disappoints.
Like, your special is a whole wheat flaky crust topped with a creamy garlic and goat cheese sauce and finished with prosciutto and homegrown ramps and you recommend it to someone who felt like something different from the usual pepperoni but they can't appreciate the work that went into the pie and you hear them mutter under their breath "I should have just gone to Papa John's!" after their first bite and you die a little on the inside and just zone out for a while kneading some dough before you realize you've shed a couple tears and they're dripping into the dough and the waitress is calling another order and you wish each little pizza you made was a whole new world you could run to when you wanted to escape the sadness. And you start making this pizza and you imagine yourself on a little world and you're happy for a minute just running around on the crust, swimming in the sauces and stuff before you realize that you're still sad, but now you've pushed yourself away from everyone and you're just sad and alone, making pizzas.
I been real sad lately, too. I feel kind of like my life is a homemade pizza and like, the dough is made from scratch but whoever made the dough didn't activate the yeast so the bread never rose and like we put all the toppings and made a great sauce but the dough was just like a flat piece of crumminess and that's all people notice is how sad and crummy the dough is even though the sauce was all prepared the night before so the herbs absorbed into the tomato sauce and the cheese is freshly shredded organic mozzarella made from a local farm and all the veggies were like fresh and local, too. But like, once we realized the dough wasn't gonna work out, all these expensive perfect toppings were just an expensive waste and like you could have gotten a dang boboli crust and people would have appreciated you more but no, you spent hours and hours on this and it's just crummy. Then I think about owning a pizza parlour like in this strip and I just get real sad cuz I'm sure there would be lots of days where the pizza just kind of disappoints.
Like, your special is a whole wheat flaky crust topped with a creamy garlic and goat cheese sauce and finished with prosciutto and homegrown ramps and you recommend it to someone who felt like something different from the usual pepperoni but they can't appreciate the work that went into the pie and you hear them mutter under their breath "I should have just gone to Papa John's!" after their first bite and you die a little on the inside and just zone out for a while kneading some dough before you realize you've shed a couple tears and they're dripping into the dough and the waitress is calling another order and you wish each little pizza you made was a whole new world you could run to when you wanted to escape the sadness. And you start making this pizza and you imagine yourself on a little world and you're happy for a minute just running around on the crust, swimming in the sauces and stuff before you realize that you're still sad, but now you've pushed yourself away from everyone and you're just sad and alone, making pizzas.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
Metaphor: Completed
Metaphor: Completed
alreadyinuse3
+0 -1
what the hell? are you gonna shoot yourself in the head and then the bloody chunks of brain are like a sauce on the pizza dough? Oh no!! Too much! Too much sauce! Now you've ruined it!
what the hell? are you gonna shoot yourself in the head and then the bloody chunks of brain are like a sauce on the pizza dough? Oh no!! Too much! Too much sauce! Now you've ruined it!
margargaret
+0 -0
Do other people get sad because you cried in their pizza? The whole restaurant is crying and a hypoerbolic wave of tears gushes out of the doors.
Mexican magical realism!
Do other people get sad because you cried in their pizza? The whole restaurant is crying and a hypoerbolic wave of tears gushes out of the doors.
Mexican magical realism!
abendsonnen
+0 -0
This made me incredibly woebegone.
Chubbied.
This made me incredibly woebegone.
Chubbied.
whiteturtle
+2 -0
Lake Achewood: Where all the men are hella depressed, all the women are cats with breasts, and all the children are from circumstances.
Lake Achewood: Where all the men are hella depressed, all the women are cats with breasts, and all the children are from circumstances.
nbgreene
+0 -0
oh man when i broke up with my girlfriend i was totally a pizza too
oh man when i broke up with my girlfriend i was totally a pizza too
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, HamScout, loneal, binlaggin, ElZilcho, achilleselbow, Genkisudo)
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, HamScout, loneal, binlaggin, ElZilcho, achilleselbow, Genkisudo)
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, HamScout, loneal, binlaggin, ElZilcho, achilleselbow, Genkisudo)
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, HamScout, loneal, binlaggin, ElZilcho, achilleselbow, Genkisudo)
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, HamScout, loneal, ElZilcho, achilleselbow, Genkisudo)
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, HamScout, loneal, ElZilcho, achilleselbow, Genkisudo)
tekende
+3 -0
Now that I know you would prefer I ignore you, I never, ever will.
Now that I know you would prefer I ignore you, I never, ever will.
achilleselbow
+2 -0
Or...you could just try not to be such a fucking tool. But I see you enjoy your little perceived martyrdom.
Or...you could just try not to be such a fucking tool. But I see you enjoy your little perceived martyrdom.
alreadyinuse3
+0 -1
that's a pretty sweeping generalization
that's a pretty sweeping generalization
tekende
+0 -0
How is that a sweeping generalization? Do you know what sweeping generalization means?
You don't, do you.
How is that a sweeping generalization? Do you know what sweeping generalization means?
You don't, do you.
achilleselbow
+1 -0
Shh, he's smarter than all of us because he doesn't watch TV.
Shh, he's smarter than all of us because he doesn't watch TV.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Of course. EVERYONE EVERYWHERE knows what that is. Duh
Of course. EVERYONE EVERYWHERE knows what that is. Duh
hamscout
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
GENERALIZATION!
[IMGS OFF]
GENERALIZATION!
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, HamScout, Genkisudo)
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, HamScout, Genkisudo)
davey-boy
+0 -0
Boring people have feelings too, you know. I do not think I can boast a single independant thought throughout my lifespan, but honestly, who are you to demand we entertain you, out of arguements sake?
Boring people have feelings too, you know. I do not think I can boast a single independant thought throughout my lifespan, but honestly, who are you to demand we entertain you, out of arguements sake?
alreadyinuse3
+1 -2
well uhh... I can't remember out of where that particular demand originated. I'm not even sure what this argument is about.
but yeah don't get me wrong I don't mind boring people when I said boring up there I meant evil boring or self-centered boring. or shallow boring. I suppose even those people have feelings too, but, they are also evil and self-centered, so, I guess, being around them is like walking on egg shells or something. I dunno. all the evil boring people are on my ignore list now so they are already fading from my memories.
hmm but yeah, like, I am not too original myself either. Not many people are I guess. Everyone is original in their own way. Everyone has their own special niche.
obviously you must have some gears turning a little funny or you wouldn't be reading achewood.
plus you're canadian. By definition you are special just because of that.
well uhh... I can't remember out of where that particular demand originated. I'm not even sure what this argument is about.
but yeah don't get me wrong I don't mind boring people when I said boring up there I meant evil boring or self-centered boring. or shallow boring. I suppose even those people have feelings too, but, they are also evil and self-centered, so, I guess, being around them is like walking on egg shells or something. I dunno. all the evil boring people are on my ignore list now so they are already fading from my memories.
hmm but yeah, like, I am not too original myself either. Not many people are I guess. Everyone is original in their own way. Everyone has their own special niche.
obviously you must have some gears turning a little funny or you wouldn't be reading achewood.
plus you're canadian. By definition you are special just because of that.
davey-boy
+0 -0
A little sensitive on the boring issue. Many of my friends are boring. You wouldn't believe how many conversations I have to have about car stereos. That was not an Achewood reference, I mean literally.
While you did not issue any demands in a literal sense, you did have yourself a little scream into the abyss, there, and I thought perhaps you demanded satisfaction of some kind.
A little sensitive on the boring issue. Many of my friends are boring. You wouldn't believe how many conversations I have to have about car stereos. That was not an Achewood reference, I mean literally.
While you did not issue any demands in a literal sense, you did have yourself a little scream into the abyss, there, and I thought perhaps you demanded satisfaction of some kind.
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, HamScout, Genkisudo)
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, HamScout, Genkisudo)
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, KaMeT, loneal, cromar)
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, KaMeT, loneal, cromar)
whiteturtle
+0 -0
((((((((huuuuuugggs)))))))
just because you can think it, doesn't mean its so!
((((((((huuuuuugggs)))))))
just because you can think it, doesn't mean its so!
cromar
+1 -0
I DO NOT LIKE READING
I DO NOT LIKE READING
davey-boy
+0 -0
Nah, don't worry. I see the inherent metahumour, now that I know to look for it. You just seem to come on a little strong is all. The school girl thing, for example. I see the humour in sneaking a horrifying concept into a speech seemingly intended to show pathos, though you could have done as well with a more familiar, if less inspired, trope such as incest or murder.
If ever you are in Edmonton for whatever reason, give a shout, and a destination. I am good like that.
Nah, don't worry. I see the inherent metahumour, now that I know to look for it. You just seem to come on a little strong is all. The school girl thing, for example. I see the humour in sneaking a horrifying concept into a speech seemingly intended to show pathos, though you could have done as well with a more familiar, if less inspired, trope such as incest or murder.
If ever you are in Edmonton for whatever reason, give a shout, and a destination. I am good like that.
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
but.... but I want to know where you live Davey...
heh. um well anyway, yeah, the downside to all my ranting is that now it's impossible to know how much of me is sane and how much is wacko and conceited and arrogant... and I'm sure that most people would not want to meet me because they'd be turned off just knowing that there are seeds of arrogance and self-agrandisement in me somewhere.
but yeah, there was some honest arguing and bickering in all of this at times, and man, I tell ya, that is just lame in the end. I shouldn't do that. It's like yelling at someone who cut you off in traffic. Yelling at someone who cut me off on the information superhighway.
yesterday I tailgated this guy who was pulling away from a stop light to avoid slowing down too much, just to save gas and because I'm lazy. At the next stoplight, I had already forgotten about it, because it seemed like no big deal to me, but he pulled along side, and complained that I came up on him rather fast. I was confused and didn't know what he was talking about, and I apologized and said I must have had a moment of inattention. And he's like 'yeah, and you would have hit me if I didn't move and you would have killed me too.' And he had this little tiny dog he was holding. He was driving an expensive looking car. a little rag top deal. what is it about dog people? They just aren't as nice as cat people I think. I've never had anyone with a cat in their car yell at me before. So anyway, next thing he says is "you're a fucking nimrod" or something. I don't remember the particular insult, just that he prefaced it with "fucking." Maybe it was moron. "you're a fucking moron." and I'm like, in a surprised voice "calm down sir..." and he repeats himself "no! you're a fucking moron and you shouldn't be driving" and I just kinda looked at him like uhhh... ya know not hostile or anything, just like, gee sorry guy I can't quite follow your reasoning there kind of surprised and a little shocked that he would say that. I mean, he was a sort of santa clause looking guy. A little stocky, had a beard. in his late 50s. All the stocky guys I've known with beards in their late 50s are pretty reasonable. usually by that age in life you mellow out a bit. So then the light changed and he drove away, and as he did I remembered his license plate, and I'm like, oh, he's talking about the last light... that's the guy I tail gated. and he was so over-hyping it. I didn't almost hit him, I didn't come up fast... the distance slowly closed between us as he was pulling from the light and I was approaching, until I had to hit the brakes to slow down a bit, and we coasted at the same speed for a second until his acceleration caught up with my deceleration and then I was able to get back up to speed again. He was in a tiny car and I'm in a 1 ton van, so, I guess it might have been somewhat intimidating for him to look in his rearview mirror and see nothing but the front grill of my huge vehicle that close to him. So like, gee, okay, for future reference maybe I won't tailgate people in small vehicles so closely. It was nice of him to let me know that. Until he got all obscene about it. Anyway. What can ya do. That sort of thing used to really bother me, but I've mellowed out a lot over the years. What can I say. In general, I suppose this country is a little bit more hyper and aggressive in it's interpersonal interactions sometimes. And now we have a generation of soldiers coming back from a war too. That isn't going to help mellow things out any.
maybe that is why the people on assetbar are mean to me sometimes. maybe they are war vets who have post traumatic issues. Or maybe they are actually in iraq right now. Maybe if they used that energy for stopping terrorists instead of flaming people on the internet then we could have a nicer internet and the war could be over sooner and they could all go home. oh well. what can you do. you can't make people do what's best for themselves.
but.... but I want to know where you live Davey...
heh. um well anyway, yeah, the downside to all my ranting is that now it's impossible to know how much of me is sane and how much is wacko and conceited and arrogant... and I'm sure that most people would not want to meet me because they'd be turned off just knowing that there are seeds of arrogance and self-agrandisement in me somewhere.
but yeah, there was some honest arguing and bickering in all of this at times, and man, I tell ya, that is just lame in the end. I shouldn't do that. It's like yelling at someone who cut you off in traffic. Yelling at someone who cut me off on the information superhighway.
yesterday I tailgated this guy who was pulling away from a stop light to avoid slowing down too much, just to save gas and because I'm lazy. At the next stoplight, I had already forgotten about it, because it seemed like no big deal to me, but he pulled along side, and complained that I came up on him rather fast. I was confused and didn't know what he was talking about, and I apologized and said I must have had a moment of inattention. And he's like 'yeah, and you would have hit me if I didn't move and you would have killed me too.' And he had this little tiny dog he was holding. He was driving an expensive looking car. a little rag top deal. what is it about dog people? They just aren't as nice as cat people I think. I've never had anyone with a cat in their car yell at me before. So anyway, next thing he says is "you're a fucking nimrod" or something. I don't remember the particular insult, just that he prefaced it with "fucking." Maybe it was moron. "you're a fucking moron." and I'm like, in a surprised voice "calm down sir..." and he repeats himself "no! you're a fucking moron and you shouldn't be driving" and I just kinda looked at him like uhhh... ya know not hostile or anything, just like, gee sorry guy I can't quite follow your reasoning there kind of surprised and a little shocked that he would say that. I mean, he was a sort of santa clause looking guy. A little stocky, had a beard. in his late 50s. All the stocky guys I've known with beards in their late 50s are pretty reasonable. usually by that age in life you mellow out a bit. So then the light changed and he drove away, and as he did I remembered his license plate, and I'm like, oh, he's talking about the last light... that's the guy I tail gated. and he was so over-hyping it. I didn't almost hit him, I didn't come up fast... the distance slowly closed between us as he was pulling from the light and I was approaching, until I had to hit the brakes to slow down a bit, and we coasted at the same speed for a second until his acceleration caught up with my deceleration and then I was able to get back up to speed again. He was in a tiny car and I'm in a 1 ton van, so, I guess it might have been somewhat intimidating for him to look in his rearview mirror and see nothing but the front grill of my huge vehicle that close to him. So like, gee, okay, for future reference maybe I won't tailgate people in small vehicles so closely. It was nice of him to let me know that. Until he got all obscene about it. Anyway. What can ya do. That sort of thing used to really bother me, but I've mellowed out a lot over the years. What can I say. In general, I suppose this country is a little bit more hyper and aggressive in it's interpersonal interactions sometimes. And now we have a generation of soldiers coming back from a war too. That isn't going to help mellow things out any.
maybe that is why the people on assetbar are mean to me sometimes. maybe they are war vets who have post traumatic issues. Or maybe they are actually in iraq right now. Maybe if they used that energy for stopping terrorists instead of flaming people on the internet then we could have a nicer internet and the war could be over sooner and they could all go home. oh well. what can you do. you can't make people do what's best for themselves.
the_dude
+0 -0
more?!?
more?!?
tekende
+1 -0
See, now, there are some good examples of sweeping generalizations.
See, now, there are some good examples of sweeping generalizations.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
YES
YES
the_dude
+0 -0
dude i have read some very big, very boring books, (like imagine crime and punishment, but twice as long and half as funny.) and i couldnt get beyond the first sentince. booooooooooo-ring
dude i have read some very big, very boring books, (like imagine crime and punishment, but twice as long and half as funny.) and i couldnt get beyond the first sentince. booooooooooo-ring
history
+0 -0
Two posts in one day's strip for me...I guess I'm getting sucked into these forums more now.
In reply to this: While inuse has used a very shocking example to make his point, his assertion about honesty holds fairly true. Let's take an example from the strip instead of school girls. Roast Beef does what inuse says in most strips: "there is no such thing of course, but by completely honest, I mean a stream of consciousness that shies away from nothing, that lets it all hang out, that expresses every whim, idea, thought, emotion. Of course it comes out looking like sheer lunacy." This is Beef's character, and why he is so popular with the readers. Beef says things we either like to see said, or would like to say ourselves. For evidence, look at the reactions to Beef comics in assetbar. These reactions are full of attempts to imitate Beef or just express that they love what Beef says. I would assert, and perhaps inuse would agree, that it is because Beef is honest.
Whether inuse has been playing off that concept from the start, or whether he just stumbled across honesty as a way to shock more people, I am not qualified to answer.
Two posts in one day's strip for me...I guess I'm getting sucked into these forums more now.
In reply to this: While inuse has used a very shocking example to make his point, his assertion about honesty holds fairly true. Let's take an example from the strip instead of school girls. Roast Beef does what inuse says in most strips: "there is no such thing of course, but by completely honest, I mean a stream of consciousness that shies away from nothing, that lets it all hang out, that expresses every whim, idea, thought, emotion. Of course it comes out looking like sheer lunacy." This is Beef's character, and why he is so popular with the readers. Beef says things we either like to see said, or would like to say ourselves. For evidence, look at the reactions to Beef comics in assetbar. These reactions are full of attempts to imitate Beef or just express that they love what Beef says. I would assert, and perhaps inuse would agree, that it is because Beef is honest.
Whether inuse has been playing off that concept from the start, or whether he just stumbled across honesty as a way to shock more people, I am not qualified to answer.
lux
+2 -0
You could, um, go find another forum to piss people off in.
You could, um, go find another forum to piss people off in.
history
+0 -0
I never have a problem with people who like to martyr themselves. Survival of the Fittest at work. I would love to use the phrase Social Darwinism, but that has too many nasty racist connotations to it, and skin tone has nothing to do with Survival of the Fittest on any level. So, I need a new term for people who are so socially inept that they knock themselves out of any social acceptability. Any suggestions?
I never have a problem with people who like to martyr themselves. Survival of the Fittest at work. I would love to use the phrase Social Darwinism, but that has too many nasty racist connotations to it, and skin tone has nothing to do with Survival of the Fittest on any level. So, I need a new term for people who are so socially inept that they knock themselves out of any social acceptability. Any suggestions?
pogo
+0 -0
"Alreadyinuse" seems like a good one to start with.
"Alreadyinuse" seems like a good one to start with.
cromar
+0 -0
Hee hee... I love it when you guys fight.
Hee hee... I love it when you guys fight.
dapooka
+0 -0
In an event expected by everyone except him/herself, the comments posted by alreadyinuse[X] have the exact opposite effect than what is intended.
In an event expected by everyone except him/herself, the comments posted by alreadyinuse[X] have the exact opposite effect than what is intended.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
See, but what you are doing is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, by pretending to "keep it real" you are just driving people away like you expect them to, just so you don't get hurt and so that you are "right". You will never find love that way, you are just like Dr. Gregory House.
Thanks a lot handface picture craze: you made alreadyinuse uncomfortable enough to apply his realworld emotional problems onto the internet.
See, but what you are doing is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, by pretending to "keep it real" you are just driving people away like you expect them to, just so you don't get hurt and so that you are "right". You will never find love that way, you are just like Dr. Gregory House.
Thanks a lot handface picture craze: you made alreadyinuse uncomfortable enough to apply his realworld emotional problems onto the internet.
alreadyinuse3
+0 -1
maybe I just am bored with boring idiotic posts and the people who so consistently make these posts? Is that an emotional problem? Is there a pill I can take for that? Is there a drug? Crack maybe?
maybe I just am bored with boring idiotic posts and the people who so consistently make these posts? Is that an emotional problem? Is there a pill I can take for that? Is there a drug? Crack maybe?
davey-boy
+0 -0
You seem all angry and sad, and although you are being a dick right now, I cannot help but feel I have failed you in some small way. What is the matter? How may I help?
Have you read anything good lately that you would like to discuss in depth?
You seem all angry and sad, and although you are being a dick right now, I cannot help but feel I have failed you in some small way. What is the matter? How may I help?
Have you read anything good lately that you would like to discuss in depth?
whiteturtle
+0 -0
That's...that's not what I am talking about, see you are coming from a place that assumes your view of reality is always the correct one. No one can assume that, ever.
Please accept this completely unpatronizing ((((((((((huuuuuuuuuuug)))))))))))))
That's...that's not what I am talking about, see you are coming from a place that assumes your view of reality is always the correct one. No one can assume that, ever.
Please accept this completely unpatronizing ((((((((((huuuuuuuuuuug)))))))))))))
alreadyinuse3
+0 -2
well thanks and all and yes you have all failed me but not any more than I fail myself every day so *shrug* so no no one has failed me. Except maybe the selfish evil self-absorbed people in the world. But they have their own problems anyway.
uhhh... but like, saying that you can't ever assume that your view of reality is always correct is in fact your own uncompromising view of reality. uncompromising insistence on compromise is a contradiction in terms.
well thanks and all and yes you have all failed me but not any more than I fail myself every day so *shrug* so no no one has failed me. Except maybe the selfish evil self-absorbed people in the world. But they have their own problems anyway.
uhhh... but like, saying that you can't ever assume that your view of reality is always correct is in fact your own uncompromising view of reality. uncompromising insistence on compromise is a contradiction in terms.
whiteturtle
+1 -0
(((((((((huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugg)))))))))))))))!
(((((((((huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugg)))))))))))))))!
alreadyinuse3
+0 -2
wow I have been hugged by a giant man eating ape on the internet. And did I feel warm and fuzzy inside as a result? Yes. yes I did.
yeah Davey I am all about screaming into the abyss I guess. Some day when I am famous this thread will be worth as much as Warhol's soup cans.
oh how long until my eraticism is universally recognized as art? oh well. Pretty soon I'm sure. Pretty soon.
wow I have been hugged by a giant man eating ape on the internet. And did I feel warm and fuzzy inside as a result? Yes. yes I did.
yeah Davey I am all about screaming into the abyss I guess. Some day when I am famous this thread will be worth as much as Warhol's soup cans.
oh how long until my eraticism is universally recognized as art? oh well. Pretty soon I'm sure. Pretty soon.
neonaoneo
+0 -1
I love how you're completely melting down but still getting NO LOVE WHATSOEVER from Assetbar.
It is justice
I love how you're completely melting down but still getting NO LOVE WHATSOEVER from Assetbar.
It is justice
autrepoupee
+0 -0
Oh, everybody gets it, it's just sort of tired at this point.
The fake psycho thing, you aren't cut out for it. You can't just throw around WORDS WORDS SEX ATTACK AGAINST ANIMAL XTREME WORDS WORDS and expect to get a laugh anymore.
I'm all for gimmicks, and a well-crafted troll. Or hell, even a guy occasionally just screaming at the internet about his love of ladydangles.
You started off well enough, I was most certainly a fan, but you've gone ahead and wore this character to the ground. Maybe start a fresh, or just take a little break?
Sure, it's a gag. We all get it. It's just not that funny.
Oh, everybody gets it, it's just sort of tired at this point.
The fake psycho thing, you aren't cut out for it. You can't just throw around WORDS WORDS SEX ATTACK AGAINST ANIMAL XTREME WORDS WORDS and expect to get a laugh anymore.
I'm all for gimmicks, and a well-crafted troll. Or hell, even a guy occasionally just screaming at the internet about his love of ladydangles.
You started off well enough, I was most certainly a fan, but you've gone ahead and wore this character to the ground. Maybe start a fresh, or just take a little break?
Sure, it's a gag. We all get it. It's just not that funny.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
...AAAAND SLAM !
...AAAAND SLAM !
davey-boy
+0 -0
Compromise is disappointments giddy little sister. You know a good compromise has occurred when the situation is resolved, and no one is happy.
Compromise is disappointments giddy little sister. You know a good compromise has occurred when the situation is resolved, and no one is happy.
pityparty
+0 -0
please post names of people in your ignore list, i'll microwave the popcorn
please post names of people in your ignore list, i'll microwave the popcorn
irondave
+0 -0
I implore people not to feed the troll, though I understand both the antagonism and attempts at compassion. There is a risk of losing something that makes this particular internet location special.
I implore people not to feed the troll, though I understand both the antagonism and attempts at compassion. There is a risk of losing something that makes this particular internet location special.
mira
+2 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
margargaret
+0 -0
I'm not sure that he is a troll. I think he might actually be mentally ill.
I'm not sure that he is a troll. I think he might actually be mentally ill.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
and unfortunately there is no way for an internet forum to truly address something like that. It is very unlikely that he would respond to honest concern with anything other than more treatises on what art is.
and unfortunately there is no way for an internet forum to truly address something like that. It is very unlikely that he would respond to honest concern with anything other than more treatises on what art is.
irondave
+0 -0
You are both correct, and I stand by my advice.
You are both correct, and I stand by my advice.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
He's already admitted as much when he shared that story about getting fired and being on mental disability because he was forwarding stupid emails at work. Maybe his therapist told him to find an internet forum to use as an outlet. We could be preventing murder right now!
He's already admitted as much when he shared that story about getting fired and being on mental disability because he was forwarding stupid emails at work. Maybe his therapist told him to find an internet forum to use as an outlet. We could be preventing murder right now!
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I agree with whiteturtle. An internet forum is pretty pointless for anyone with advanced mental illness. Something IS better than nothing however and you were valiant in your attempts so far. He's not a Troll, he's a fairly smart guy with an unfortunate disability.
I agree with whiteturtle. An internet forum is pretty pointless for anyone with advanced mental illness. Something IS better than nothing however and you were valiant in your attempts so far. He's not a Troll, he's a fairly smart guy with an unfortunate disability.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
The sad part is he's actually convinced he's the smartest person on here, even though we have people who are at Oxford and Yale. He really thinks that his long self-conscious diatribes make him some kind of genius artist when all it is is just self-indulgent attention-grabbing, and that people hate him because they can't understand his use of amazing words like 'meta' when in reality they just think he's pathetic and trite. Dostoyevsky he is not.
The sad part is he's actually convinced he's the smartest person on here, even though we have people who are at Oxford and Yale. He really thinks that his long self-conscious diatribes make him some kind of genius artist when all it is is just self-indulgent attention-grabbing, and that people hate him because they can't understand his use of amazing words like 'meta' when in reality they just think he's pathetic and trite. Dostoyevsky he is not.
pogo
+0 -0
You MUST stop repsponding to alreadyinuse. He feeds on punishment and attention. If we all ignore him for a couple days, he will surely die.
You MUST stop repsponding to alreadyinuse. He feeds on punishment and attention. If we all ignore him for a couple days, he will surely die.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Yup, attention is the nourishing fluid of the internet parasite.
Yup, attention is the nourishing fluid of the internet parasite.
hamscout
+0 -0
Is...is alreadyinuse a Tamagotchi?
Is...is alreadyinuse a Tamagotchi?
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by yearsinhotclaws, tekende, cromar)
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by yearsinhotclaws, tekende, cromar)
seren_tremio
+1 -0
LOVE CLITS
LOVE THEM
LOVE CLITS
LOVE THEM
yearsinhotclaws
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Ah! There you went. Let's dust off the fourth button one more time...
Ah! There you went. Let's dust off the fourth button one more time...
loneal
+0 -0
Hey, that was me! That was me being condescending!
Hey, that was me! That was me being condescending!
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Honestly I left after I told him off in that one post, took a break for the next strip, and had a very productive weekend. Did some shit go down afterwards? I haven't bothered to look back.
Honestly I left after I told him off in that one post, took a break for the next strip, and had a very productive weekend. Did some shit go down afterwards? I haven't bothered to look back.
loneal
+1 -0
No, I just called him honey. It was condescending. On the upside, I got a shout-out as "that one chick who called me honey." That's not bad, really, as far as things I've been called go. It's got a kind of bluesy ring to it.
No, I just called him honey. It was condescending. On the upside, I got a shout-out as "that one chick who called me honey." That's not bad, really, as far as things I've been called go. It's got a kind of bluesy ring to it.
falseprophet
+10 -0
I am working on it...
that one chick used to call me honey
now,
she only calls when she wants some money
soon's i start down those tracks
she sings the siren song that sucks me back
oh
baby used to give me chubbies
hey
she used to say that my jokes were funny
now the only time she laughs
is when she sees me comin' up her path
[chorus]
oh
i must be out my mind
to keep on bitin' her lines
to let her get my hopes up every single time
i guess that i'm insane
cause when she calls my name
i do the same ol' things thinkin' that she'll change
like gettin' down on my knees
and saying "baby please;
i'll give you all the blood thatcha need me to bleed"
but as i make my case
man, i just lose my place
when she puts on that lace
and her hand upon her face
...except it's kind of weak firstly because making 'honey' and similar words the end-rhymes placing the emphasis on the first syllable doesn't sound very bluesy.
I am working on it...
that one chick used to call me honey
now,
she only calls when she wants some money
soon's i start down those tracks
she sings the siren song that sucks me back
oh
baby used to give me chubbies
hey
she used to say that my jokes were funny
now the only time she laughs
is when she sees me comin' up her path
[chorus]
oh
i must be out my mind
to keep on bitin' her lines
to let her get my hopes up every single time
i guess that i'm insane
cause when she calls my name
i do the same ol' things thinkin' that she'll change
like gettin' down on my knees
and saying "baby please;
i'll give you all the blood thatcha need me to bleed"
but as i make my case
man, i just lose my place
when she puts on that lace
and her hand upon her face
...except it's kind of weak firstly because making 'honey' and similar words the end-rhymes placing the emphasis on the first syllable doesn't sound very bluesy.
loneal
+0 -0
It was strong enough to make me laugh so hard I had a coughing fit.
It was strong enough to make me laugh so hard I had a coughing fit.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
This is exactly the kind of thing I save my chubbies for.
This is exactly the kind of thing I save my chubbies for.
bixschmix
+0 -0
As do I, my friend, as do I.
As do I, my friend, as do I.
tekende
+0 -0
This is wonderful! V Chub!
This is wonderful! V Chub!
catgrl131
+1 -0
OH BABY, I AIN'T GOT NO CHUBBIES
OH HONEY NOW CHUBBIES GON' COME LOOKIN' FOR YOU
OH BABY, I AIN'T GOT NO CHUBBIES
OH HONEY NOW CHUBBIES GON' COME LOOKIN' FOR YOU
nbgreene
+1 -0
i feared my local pizza parlor/middle school hang out spot. i was so scared of seeing girls from my class there.
"oh fuck its kara"
i went in there recently and i was still a little scared.
"you are 26 dude... you are 26 this should not be scary"
i feared my local pizza parlor/middle school hang out spot. i was so scared of seeing girls from my class there.
"oh fuck its kara"
i went in there recently and i was still a little scared.
"you are 26 dude... you are 26 this should not be scary"
varnish
+5 -0
This is a fairly accurate description of the staff at most restaurants, though it leaves out the trio of twenty-something jackasses who are just working there until they win the lotto, and spend every break talking about their shitty, shitty car,
This is a fairly accurate description of the staff at most restaurants, though it leaves out the trio of twenty-something jackasses who are just working there until they win the lotto, and spend every break talking about their shitty, shitty car,
daidai
+2 -0
And the high school kid whose parents forced them into getting a job -- and they experience the bottom of society for the first time and start to feel way better about themselves.
And the high school kid whose parents forced them into getting a job -- and they experience the bottom of society for the first time and start to feel way better about themselves.
bradypalvarez
+0 -0
I LOVE TOM WAITS
I LOVE TOM WAITS
spinynorman
+0 -0
Hey, who's going to his tour? I'm taking off work tomorrow to buy tickets.
Hey, who's going to his tour? I'm taking off work tomorrow to buy tickets.
tekende
+0 -0
Why is everything you say so perfectly keyed to that avatar?
Are... are you Tom Waits?
Why is everything you say so perfectly keyed to that avatar?
Are... are you Tom Waits?
varnish
+0 -0
I already explained this. Life will continue to disappoint you, day after day.
I already explained this. Life will continue to disappoint you, day after day.
tekende
+0 -0
I don't remember your explanation. I am going to continue to believe that you are either a) Tom Waits or b) some guy who's made it his life goal to perfectly emulate Tom Waits on the internet.
I don't remember your explanation. I am going to continue to believe that you are either a) Tom Waits or b) some guy who's made it his life goal to perfectly emulate Tom Waits on the internet.
bixschmix
+0 -0
You know what is most disappointing to me? Tom Waits is coming to my town... and the cheapest tickets are $700.
Now THAT is the saddest thing. (I know it's overused but goddamnit I'm gonna say it anyway!)
You know what is most disappointing to me? Tom Waits is coming to my town... and the cheapest tickets are $700.
Now THAT is the saddest thing. (I know it's overused but goddamnit I'm gonna say it anyway!)
kamet
+0 -0
That hurts. I am sorry for you.. because he will be near, and you (as I would) will be unable to attend, due to excessive, wanky ticket prices. I hurt for you.
That hurts. I am sorry for you.. because he will be near, and you (as I would) will be unable to attend, due to excessive, wanky ticket prices. I hurt for you.
pogo
+0 -0
Seven hundo? That's ridiculous.
Seven hundo? That's ridiculous.
tekende
+0 -0
Seven fucking hundred?
Aw, shit. He's coming to my state. If the tickets are anything near that, there's no way I'll be able to go.
Seven fucking hundred?
Aw, shit. He's coming to my state. If the tickets are anything near that, there's no way I'll be able to go.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I'm going. You can tag along in this giant, vodka-filled watermelon I'm taking.
(subtext-You once admitted living int he same state as me, so I've taken the time to look up your home and steal some of your toenails so I assume you will want to go to a concert with me and neck.)
I'm going. You can tag along in this giant, vodka-filled watermelon I'm taking.
(subtext-You once admitted living int he same state as me, so I've taken the time to look up your home and steal some of your toenails so I assume you will want to go to a concert with me and neck.)
tekende
+0 -0
That's fantastic, but if the tickets are going to cost $700 there is absolutely no way I can go. $700 is like half the money I make in a month. No can spare it.
That's fantastic, but if the tickets are going to cost $700 there is absolutely no way I can go. $700 is like half the money I make in a month. No can spare it.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
That's the whole beauty. I will buy my ticket, then smuggle you inside a giant, liquor soaked fruit! You get to hear Tom Waits for free, and all it costs you in swimming in melon-flavored vodka and the times that I have sex with the watermelon. I should warn you I have sex with watermelons like, all the time. But it's FUCKING TOM WAITS!!! You can't turn this down. Wear something lacy.
That's the whole beauty. I will buy my ticket, then smuggle you inside a giant, liquor soaked fruit! You get to hear Tom Waits for free, and all it costs you in swimming in melon-flavored vodka and the times that I have sex with the watermelon. I should warn you I have sex with watermelons like, all the time. But it's FUCKING TOM WAITS!!! You can't turn this down. Wear something lacy.
kamet
+1 -1
Reoow. Psuedo chubb for being a fruit fucker.
[IMGS OFF]
Reoow. Psuedo chubb for being a fruit fucker.
[IMGS OFF]
tekende
+1 -1
V chub for Penny Arcade.
V chub for Penny Arcade.
bixschmix
+0 -0
You don't want to neck with Tekende... you'll end up in a coma. At least that's what I've heard.
You don't want to neck with Tekende... you'll end up in a coma. At least that's what I've heard.
tekende
+0 -0
Rumors of my significant others entering comas have been greatly exaggerated, my dear.
I hope.
Rumors of my significant others entering comas have been greatly exaggerated, my dear.
I hope.
bixschmix
+0 -0
I lied! They were only $100! I'M GOING TO SEE TOM WAITS!
I lied! They were only $100! I'M GOING TO SEE TOM WAITS!
spinynorman
+0 -0
I just bought tickets for $204.21. I never thought I would see him alive.
I AM GOING TO SEE TOM WAITS IN MY HOME TOWN ON MY GODDAMN BIRTHDAY
SURELY THIS IS PROVIDENCE
I just bought tickets for $204.21. I never thought I would see him alive.
I AM GOING TO SEE TOM WAITS IN MY HOME TOWN ON MY GODDAMN BIRTHDAY
SURELY THIS IS PROVIDENCE
bixschmix
+0 -0
Wow, your birthday? That's amazing. I'm just going on... a Sunday night.
BUT TO SEE TOM FUCKING WAITS
Wow, your birthday? That's amazing. I'm just going on... a Sunday night.
BUT TO SEE TOM FUCKING WAITS
octafish
+1 -0
Tom Waits for no man.
Tom Waits for no man.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
The painful conversations I have had during smokebreaks are perfectly summed up in this asset.
The painful conversations I have had during smokebreaks are perfectly summed up in this asset.
eatmorekix
+0 -0
the accidental comma at the end of this post makes it look like daidai was just completing your thought.
the accidental comma at the end of this post makes it look like daidai was just completing your thought.
daidai
+0 -0
I was. Or at least I could say I was if I hadn't capitolized "And" like a stupid idiotface .
I was. Or at least I could say I was if I hadn't capitolized "And" like a stupid idiotface .
woodenteeth
+0 -0
... and then you started a sentence with Or. It's not your daidai.
... and then you started a sentence with Or. It's not your daidai.
daidai
+0 -0
Wh...what?
Wh...what?
catgrl131
+1 -0
Like "It's not your day"? Yeah, you can just call me The Punmaster.
Like "It's not your day"? Yeah, you can just call me The Punmaster.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Thanks for the catch catgrl, sorry for the horrific pun daidai.
Thanks for the catch catgrl, sorry for the horrific pun daidai.
pogo
+0 -0
Oh, is it horrific pun day? Well crash my Hyundai.
Oh, is it horrific pun day? Well crash my Hyundai.
hamscout
+1 -0
absolutely true. all of it. The movie 'Waiting' is more real than folks know.
My 'Hut' experience also featured two managers who were highschool friends, who put nasty things into a pizza of a girl who had picked on them in school.
also, a wastrel delivery driver who asked an attractive pizza-orderer if she wanted to "take it out in trade"...
finally, a mullet-headed, camaro-driving gent who told his fiance that if the only available wedding dates conflicted with the opening of deer hunting season or a Packer game, they would not get married .
absolutely true. all of it. The movie 'Waiting' is more real than folks know.
My 'Hut' experience also featured two managers who were highschool friends, who put nasty things into a pizza of a girl who had picked on them in school.
also, a wastrel delivery driver who asked an attractive pizza-orderer if she wanted to "take it out in trade"...
finally, a mullet-headed, camaro-driving gent who told his fiance that if the only available wedding dates conflicted with the opening of deer hunting season or a Packer game, they would not get married .
varnish
+0 -0
C'mon, man. You've got to admit, deer season is pretty important. And Lord knows that while he was off at camp, the fiance probably went over to the cities to shop and had a brief, awkward liason with some marketing asshole from Milwaukee. And good for her.
C'mon, man. You've got to admit, deer season is pretty important. And Lord knows that while he was off at camp, the fiance probably went over to the cities to shop and had a brief, awkward liason with some marketing asshole from Milwaukee. And good for her.
hamscout
+1 -0
yep. or heading to the local strip club, which always seems to feature the Chippendale dancers during the hunting season...
Hunters' widows, my ass ...
yep. or heading to the local strip club, which always seems to feature the Chippendale dancers during the hunting season...
Hunters' widows, my ass ...
bixschmix
+0 -0
I knew people who did that with the pizza at Chuck E. Cheese. Never, ever eat there.
I knew people who did that with the pizza at Chuck E. Cheese. Never, ever eat there.
davey-boy
+0 -0
Tom Waits, now there is a name I hadn't heard for a while and now am hearing all day, for whatever reason.
Tom Waits, now there is a name I hadn't heard for a while and now am hearing all day, for whatever reason.
nevlik
+1 -0
Thank god I don't work THERE anymore. The only saving grace at that job was a) being too tall to wear the goddamn dog suit, b) stealing pre-made pizzas for home use, and c) being fired.
I am now in technical support and have more self respect
Thank god I don't work THERE anymore. The only saving grace at that job was a) being too tall to wear the goddamn dog suit, b) stealing pre-made pizzas for home use, and c) being fired.
I am now in technical support and have more self respect
tbtabby
+0 -0
I'm glad Beef doesn't let nostalgia cloud his view of the past. I can tolerate his attitude a lot longer than the attitudes of people who yearn for "a more innocent time" when segregation was legal, an alcoholic senator kept the nation in the grip of paranoia, and children dropped like flies from sunstroke every summer.
I'm glad Beef doesn't let nostalgia cloud his view of the past. I can tolerate his attitude a lot longer than the attitudes of people who yearn for "a more innocent time" when segregation was legal, an alcoholic senator kept the nation in the grip of paranoia, and children dropped like flies from sunstroke every summer.
medzamor
+2 -0
Onstad captures the sights, the sounds--and the smells--of the 1970s sad pseudo-Italian Pizza place, but the outstanding question is of course the crust. Deep dish so thick you tore up the roof of your mouth eating eat, paving the way for the hot cheese and sauce to further the damage? Or thin crust whose bottom was dusted with corn meal that was often not ground finely enough, making the whole experience more akin to toppings on sandpaper?
Were these clapped out places really "parlors," however? Rather once dignified Italian places that lost their immigrant clientele and sense of place? This to contrast with the Shakey's model of linking a Gay-90s theme to pizza, as if those somehow were the most natural combination in the world.
Onstad captures the sights, the sounds--and the smells--of the 1970s sad pseudo-Italian Pizza place, but the outstanding question is of course the crust. Deep dish so thick you tore up the roof of your mouth eating eat, paving the way for the hot cheese and sauce to further the damage? Or thin crust whose bottom was dusted with corn meal that was often not ground finely enough, making the whole experience more akin to toppings on sandpaper?
Were these clapped out places really "parlors," however? Rather once dignified Italian places that lost their immigrant clientele and sense of place? This to contrast with the Shakey's model of linking a Gay-90s theme to pizza, as if those somehow were the most natural combination in the world.
whiteturtle
+1 -0
That is how Spinal Tap earned the reputation for being one of England's loudest pizzas.
That is how Spinal Tap earned the reputation for being one of England's loudest pizzas.
pogo
+0 -0
They were all fronts for the Mafia, reporting thousands in revenue as they laundered drug and vice money. Then came Pizza Hut.
They were all fronts for the Mafia, reporting thousands in revenue as they laundered drug and vice money. Then came Pizza Hut.
maximus
+0 -0
SSSSHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEYYY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Player Piano!
All you can eat laminated-cardboard quality pizza!
Insufficiently Dried Iceberg Lettuce!
Root Beer and Crushed Ice!
Hormone-induced nausea!
Chlorine-bleached hair!
Childhood Migraines!
Watching other people slow dance!
Sketchbooks!
Rick Wakeman!
PPPPIIIINNNBBBBAAALLLLL!!!!!!!!!!
SSSSHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEYYY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Player Piano!
All you can eat laminated-cardboard quality pizza!
Insufficiently Dried Iceberg Lettuce!
Root Beer and Crushed Ice!
Hormone-induced nausea!
Chlorine-bleached hair!
Childhood Migraines!
Watching other people slow dance!
Sketchbooks!
Rick Wakeman!
PPPPIIIINNNBBBBAAALLLLL!!!!!!!!!!
irondave
+0 -0
We had a Shakey's in my hometown. I think I remember when it opened. It was so dark inside, and there was indeed a player piano and a guy with a banjo. Later, it was much lighter inside and had brass railings and mock Tiffany lighting fixtures. It was there for years, but it's gone now.
We had a Shakey's in my hometown. I think I remember when it opened. It was so dark inside, and there was indeed a player piano and a guy with a banjo. Later, it was much lighter inside and had brass railings and mock Tiffany lighting fixtures. It was there for years, but it's gone now.
hellofyellin
+0 -0
I need your avatarpic like water.
I need your avatarpic like water.
fattybeaver
+0 -0
I wish phil was there drinking water and talking about old times too. Maybe about how he almost went to disney world.
I wish phil was there drinking water and talking about old times too. Maybe about how he almost went to disney world.
dapooka
+0 -0
Ye gods - how many jiggle-avataricons do you have Fatty?
Ye gods - how many jiggle-avataricons do you have Fatty?
pogo
+0 -0
And imagine his archive, all jiggly and stuff in a matrix of infinite dimension.
And imagine his archive, all jiggly and stuff in a matrix of infinite dimension.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Enough to form THAT kind of team
Enough to form THAT kind of team
fattybeaver
+0 -0
I would no doubt get the most valuable penis award.
I would no doubt get the most valuable penis award.
margargaret
+0 -0
<--This is just grape juice.
<--This is just grape juice.
paperboy_2000
+2 -0
Alcoholic co-owner of the pizza parlor, more concerned with his business than his kids. Waitress balancing the pies on one arm cause she lost the other in a car wreck as a teenager. Mural of the Italian countryside on the wall growing more jumbled and inaccurate as the painter's brain lost its slow battle with Alzheimer's.
Funky Winkerbean has seriously fucked with Beef's head.
Alcoholic co-owner of the pizza parlor, more concerned with his business than his kids. Waitress balancing the pies on one arm cause she lost the other in a car wreck as a teenager. Mural of the Italian countryside on the wall growing more jumbled and inaccurate as the painter's brain lost its slow battle with Alzheimer's.
Funky Winkerbean has seriously fucked with Beef's head.
maximus
+0 -0
plus this one time at band camp...
plus this one time at band camp...
pogo
+0 -0
Re the alt text: Caffeine is a drug
Re the alt text: Caffeine is a drug
usversusthem
+0 -0
I'm glad I'm not the only one who realized this. I guess it's maybe the type of thing you're more aware of when you've never accidentally smoked crack. Or even been drunk.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who realized this. I guess it's maybe the type of thing you're more aware of when you've never accidentally smoked crack. Or even been drunk.
catgrl131
+1 -0
Oh, yay! High five for us folks who are just clean as a shiny brass whistle!
Oh, yay! High five for us folks who are just clean as a shiny brass whistle!
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I'm a person just like you
But I've got better things to do...
I'm a person just like you
But I've got better things to do...
usversusthem
+0 -0
Minor Threat is actually completely listed as one of my favourite bands in my AssetBar Profile. My main attraction however is that Out of Step (the LP) is awesome in terms of vocalizing the pain and frustration that arise from withering friendships, sort of perfectly straddling the line between anger and sadness. The earlier, balls-out angrier, straight-edgier stuff I don't find as interesting.
Minor Threat is actually completely listed as one of my favourite bands in my AssetBar Profile. My main attraction however is that Out of Step (the LP) is awesome in terms of vocalizing the pain and frustration that arise from withering friendships, sort of perfectly straddling the line between anger and sadness. The earlier, balls-out angrier, straight-edgier stuff I don't find as interesting.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
So are either you or catgrl actually sXe? I knew a lot of people who were back when I was into the 'scene' and I thought it was kind of lame at the time, but then when I ended up at college surrounded by drunken fratholes whose idea of a good time to brag about the next day was puking in the bathroom sink, which wouldn't get cleaned till Monday when the janitors came back, and I suddenly understood its appeal as a statement against that kind of culture. I have trouble committing to abstract codes of conduct though - I enjoy a good cider or cocktail once in a while, and I think hallucinogenics are rad.
So are either you or catgrl actually sXe? I knew a lot of people who were back when I was into the 'scene' and I thought it was kind of lame at the time, but then when I ended up at college surrounded by drunken fratholes whose idea of a good time to brag about the next day was puking in the bathroom sink, which wouldn't get cleaned till Monday when the janitors came back, and I suddenly understood its appeal as a statement against that kind of culture. I have trouble committing to abstract codes of conduct though - I enjoy a good cider or cocktail once in a while, and I think hallucinogenics are rad.
usversusthem
+0 -0
In the sense that I don't drink, do drugs, smoke, or have casual sex, yeah, I'm straight edge. When I stumbled across the term/idea, though, it was more something that described how I lived at the time anyway.
I try not to be too much of a douche about it, but something about that sort of lifestyle sits very wrong with me. I never really felt comfortable with the idea of needing to change how I interact with or perceive the world. I think it also has a lot to do with my general distrust of losing any measure of control over my actions.
And if I enjoyed the taste of alcohol then I might drink socially, but I really don't and I always find there are better, and usually cheaper options as far as drinks go.
In the sense that I don't drink, do drugs, smoke, or have casual sex, yeah, I'm straight edge. When I stumbled across the term/idea, though, it was more something that described how I lived at the time anyway.
I try not to be too much of a douche about it, but something about that sort of lifestyle sits very wrong with me. I never really felt comfortable with the idea of needing to change how I interact with or perceive the world. I think it also has a lot to do with my general distrust of losing any measure of control over my actions.
And if I enjoyed the taste of alcohol then I might drink socially, but I really don't and I always find there are better, and usually cheaper options as far as drinks go.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I've found that out of all those things, the casual sex proscription is the easiest to follow and the hardest to break.
Maybe the straight edge thing is more visible in the American scene? (I surmise you're British because you said "university" instead of "college" in your comment below) I mean I remember in high school it was pretty much the norm if you were into that kind of music, though I think most people predictably dropped it after they went to college.
I've found that out of all those things, the casual sex proscription is the easiest to follow and the hardest to break.
Maybe the straight edge thing is more visible in the American scene? (I surmise you're British because you said "university" instead of "college" in your comment below) I mean I remember in high school it was pretty much the norm if you were into that kind of music, though I think most people predictably dropped it after they went to college.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Britain's got a huge binge drinking culture, (to such an extent that we gave George best a second liver, possibly the dumbest investment of all time), so sadly I think people who forswear intoxicants etc feel marginalised.
I personally think intoxicants are rad though.
Britain's got a huge binge drinking culture, (to such an extent that we gave George best a second liver, possibly the dumbest investment of all time), so sadly I think people who forswear intoxicants etc feel marginalised.
I personally think intoxicants are rad though.
pogo
+0 -0
Wha...your shiny ass whistles?
Wha...your shiny ass whistles?
catgrl131
+1 -0
Why, yes![IMGS OFF]
Why, yes![IMGS OFF]
pogo
+0 -0
You are indominable, which only makes a fool like me try harder.
You are indominable, which only makes a fool like me try harder.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
DO I MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE?
DO I MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE?
usversusthem
+0 -0
No, my friends who go clubbing make me uncomfortable. You, I can't even really fathom your existence. Anything past weed pretty much doesn't register as real to me... and this is after a whole year of university. I think I might be doing this wrong.
No, my friends who go clubbing make me uncomfortable. You, I can't even really fathom your existence. Anything past weed pretty much doesn't register as real to me... and this is after a whole year of university. I think I might be doing this wrong.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I have done Illicit Things. I also used to drink caffeine. Please note the past tense. That drug made me super cranky. Phillipe tells me I should have water.
I have done Illicit Things. I also used to drink caffeine. Please note the past tense. That drug made me super cranky. Phillipe tells me I should have water.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
woah man, I get real nice on that stuff.
woah man, I get real nice on that stuff.
octafish
+0 -0
Love is a drug.
Love is a drug.
cromar
+0 -0
Love is the drug I am thinking of.
Love is the drug I am thinking of.
loneal
+0 -0
Alternately: Blue now is the color, love the drug I'm needing.
Alternately: Blue now is the color, love the drug I'm needing.
octafish
+0 -0
Oh I was totally thinking Roxy Music when I typed that.
Oh I was totally thinking Roxy Music when I typed that.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
HELL YEAH ROXY MUSIC ON ASSETBAR
who woulda thunk it.
we've got a great cross-sectional going, assetgang.
HELL YEAH ROXY MUSIC ON ASSETBAR
who woulda thunk it.
we've got a great cross-sectional going, assetgang.
margargaret
+0 -0
YES
YES
loneal
+0 -0
Apparently there are lots of songs that figure love as a drug.
Apparently there are lots of songs that figure love as a drug.
tekende
+0 -0
Like Gomez's amusing and catchy "girlshapedlovedrug."
Like Gomez's amusing and catchy "girlshapedlovedrug."
featurelessvoid
+0 -0
Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a medicine .
Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a medicine .
perilon
+0 -0
In this strip: Beef is actively working on gaining inspiration for the blokes to accept as clients for his home for wrecked-up dudes and women who been messed with, just as he was proactive lately about his card line. Dude is on a hella poignant roll.
In this strip: Beef is actively working on gaining inspiration for the blokes to accept as clients for his home for wrecked-up dudes and women who been messed with, just as he was proactive lately about his card line. Dude is on a hella poignant roll.
gladi8orrex
+8 -0
LO l theordel an ray be VE ez T alkin' H app Y . roo S t boffs all g E tt 'em down cuz he' L ls woe sad an eery F ink. LOL
whiteturtle
+1 -0
Why does it say "love thyself", rex? Why? You are an engima getting totally fucked by a riddle in the back of a broken-down mystery.
Why does it say "love thyself", rex? Why? You are an engima getting totally fucked by a riddle in the back of a broken-down mystery.
octafish
+0 -0
He is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma, covered in Ranch dressing. Love thyself indeed. I'm off to love myself right now, excuse me.
Churchill comes up a lot in Assetbar huh? He is eminently quotable, but a piss poor Lord of the Admiralty.
He is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma, covered in Ranch dressing. Love thyself indeed. I'm off to love myself right now, excuse me.
Churchill comes up a lot in Assetbar huh? He is eminently quotable, but a piss poor Lord of the Admiralty.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Aye got it right there,
Seriously Winston, what the fuck was up with Gallipoli?
Aye got it right there,
Seriously Winston, what the fuck was up with Gallipoli?
daidai
+0 -0
Wait. Fuckin' shit now I gotta go look at all his past posts and see if they spell anything.
I don't like it when people notice things that spark my curiosity!
Wait. Fuckin' shit now I gotta go look at all his past posts and see if they spell anything.
I don't like it when people notice things that spark my curiosity!
margargaret
+0 -0
This post must have taken so long to compose. NOT AN UNUSED BRACKET INSIGHT. You are a master of your craft sir.
This post must have taken so long to compose. NOT AN UNUSED BRACKET INSIGHT. You are a master of your craft sir.
binlaggin
+0 -0
"Bracket Insight" is exactly right.
"Bracket Insight" is exactly right.
tekende
+3 -0
Fantastic. Almost, almost as good as [-o-]<---TIE fighter.
Fantastic. Almost, almost as good as [-o-]<---TIE fighter.
hellofyellin
+0 -0
<-0-> <----- Darth Vader's TIE fighter.
<-0-> <----- Darth Vader's TIE fighter.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
It looks like a space-travelling vagina to me. But I'm no judge of where you put your junk.
It looks like a space-travelling vagina to me. But I'm no judge of where you put your junk.
loneal
+0 -0
Gladi8orrex: Dark horse candidate for poster of the week.
Gladi8orrex: Dark horse candidate for poster of the week.
whiteturtle
+1 -0
Apollo, why dost thou burn this candle at both ends?
Apollo, why dost thou burn this candle at both ends?
daidai
+0 -0
He's damn funny, like him or hate him. His funny:not funny ratio is like 6:1, and that is better than a lot of people's.
He's damn funny, like him or hate him. His funny:not funny ratio is like 6:1, and that is better than a lot of people's.
octafish
+0 -0
Funny or no, eight hours later and he hasn't gotten a lame yet, thats got to be a record for him!
Funny or no, eight hours later and he hasn't gotten a lame yet, thats got to be a record for him!
cromar
+0 -0
L ots O f L ove g8r!
possums
+0 -0
Nailed it with the push-button cigarette machines. Where else do you see those?
Nailed it with the push-button cigarette machines. Where else do you see those?
margargaret
+0 -0
hipster bars
hipster bars
whiteturtle
+1 -0
oh, wine wine
oh, wine wine
margargaret
+0 -0
https://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/ae/ChubbChubbsOneSheet.jpg/200px-ChubbChubbsOneSheet.jpg&imgrefurl=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_ChubbChubbs!&h=296&w=200&sz=21&hl=en&start=6&um=1&tbnid=6czhW3JN0lWpjM:&tbnh=116&tbnw=78&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dchubbchubbs%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26hs%3DUIl%26sa%3DG
https://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/ae/ChubbChubbsOneSheet.jpg/200px-ChubbChubbsOneSheet.jpg&imgrefurl=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_ChubbChubbs!&h=296&w=200&sz=21&hl=en&start=6&um=1&tbnid=6czhW3JN0lWpjM:&tbnh=116&tbnw=78&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dchubbchubbs%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26hs%3DUIl%26sa%3DG
margargaret
+0 -0
FUCK
FUCK
featurelessvoid
+3 -0
oh, whine whine
oh, whine whine
cromar
+0 -0
Come to think of it... they are all over the place around here. They're in every other bar, restaurant, club, etc. Midwest for the win(?)
Come to think of it... they are all over the place around here. They're in every other bar, restaurant, club, etc. Midwest for the win(?)
whiteturtle
+0 -0
right-on, my grain/livestock producin' brotha.
right-on, my grain/livestock producin' brotha.
loneal
+0 -0
I live in California, and I did not know cigarette vending machines existed until today. I basically didn't even know cigarettes existed until fifth grade, when they told us that anyone who smoked was going straight to hell, and that if you meet someone who smokes, you should never talk to that person again because they forsook human contact when they chose their precious cancer sticks and they are only getting what they deserve. One time my mom smoked a cigarette at a party, and I had to hide away and cry for her tar-coated soul for, like, a half hour.
I live in California, and I did not know cigarette vending machines existed until today. I basically didn't even know cigarettes existed until fifth grade, when they told us that anyone who smoked was going straight to hell, and that if you meet someone who smokes, you should never talk to that person again because they forsook human contact when they chose their precious cancer sticks and they are only getting what they deserve. One time my mom smoked a cigarette at a party, and I had to hide away and cry for her tar-coated soul for, like, a half hour.
woodenteeth
+1 -0
Religion is the Drug that I'm thinking of... totally fucks with kids heads and makes them hallucinate crazy destinies for their parents and others.
Religion is the Drug that I'm thinking of... totally fucks with kids heads and makes them hallucinate crazy destinies for their parents and others.
loneal
+0 -0
This was entirely secular education, it just used very religious-sounding rhetoric.
I would also say that, judging by my dad's insistence that I can still repent and go to heaven, religion fucks with adults' heads and makes them hallucinate crazy destinies for their children and others.
This was entirely secular education, it just used very religious-sounding rhetoric.
I would also say that, judging by my dad's insistence that I can still repent and go to heaven, religion fucks with adults' heads and makes them hallucinate crazy destinies for their children and others.
cromar
+0 -0
Not religion... California ...
Not religion... California ...
davey-boy
+0 -0
The alternative to religion, by which I am referring to spiritualism as a whole, is conceeding to an eventual eternity of perpetual oblivion. Or, getting on with your day to day life.
The alternative to religion, by which I am referring to spiritualism as a whole, is conceeding to an eventual eternity of perpetual oblivion. Or, getting on with your day to day life.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Getting On With It. Religion facebook status perhaps?
Getting On With It. Religion facebook status perhaps?
flazisismuss
+0 -0
I loved the ambiance of crappy pizza joints, and I don't even like pizza. They seemed to bubble out of a country where the land was cheap and the labor cheaper. That was a place where a viable business model involved keeping a dark, dank hall with multiple employees open all afternoon for the kids to split one $5 pie and play free pool all day. Somehow they made money. Nobody's parents worried or wondered where we were. That was a much better country. Unlike the pizza joints of today, they were quiet as tombs when nobody was feeding the jukebox, still except for the sound of pool being played badly.
I loved the ambiance of crappy pizza joints, and I don't even like pizza. They seemed to bubble out of a country where the land was cheap and the labor cheaper. That was a place where a viable business model involved keeping a dark, dank hall with multiple employees open all afternoon for the kids to split one $5 pie and play free pool all day. Somehow they made money. Nobody's parents worried or wondered where we were. That was a much better country. Unlike the pizza joints of today, they were quiet as tombs when nobody was feeding the jukebox, still except for the sound of pool being played badly.
senorspoof
+3 -0
I'm sure they make pizza here.
[IMGS OFF]
I'm sure they make pizza here.
[IMGS OFF]
whiteturtle
+4 -0
Link looks like he just shit his pants.
Link looks like he just shit his pants.
senorspoof
+4 -0
[IMGS OFF]
And for the "repeating lines from the comic joke...
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
And for the "repeating lines from the comic joke...
[IMGS OFF]
senorspoof
+0 -0
Oh dear lord, I hath sinned against BB code. LAME ME A THOUSAND TIMES, A MILLION TIMES.
alternatively, click "open new window" on the blue box.
Oh dear lord, I hath sinned against BB code. LAME ME A THOUSAND TIMES, A MILLION TIMES.
alternatively, click "open new window" on the blue box.
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, loneal, lux, Doc_Rostov)
A comment left by alreadyinuse3 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, loneal, lux, Doc_Rostov)
alreadyinuse3
+0 -2
and we will put the not-nice people in cryostasis to preserve them for the time in the future when they have the technology to transplant cat brains into humans. just nice cats of course.
and we will put the not-nice people in cryostasis to preserve them for the time in the future when they have the technology to transplant cat brains into humans. just nice cats of course.
catgrl131
+1 -0
What has anyone done to spark this rage? What have we said that was so hurtful? Quotes would be better than a vague sense of resentment.
What has anyone done to spark this rage? What have we said that was so hurtful? Quotes would be better than a vague sense of resentment.
blueloggy
+0 -0
You're starting to kind of freak me out, alreadyinuse. I say this as someone who is a nice person.
You're starting to kind of freak me out, alreadyinuse. I say this as someone who is a nice person.
randyleepublic
+0 -0
This is so weird; I don't need to ignore him. It's like now I just start reading a comment, a little synapse closes, %u201Cehh?%u201D, I glance at the avatar, and without even thinking about it, my eyes slide right down past the comment, past the replies, the follow ups, the replies to the follow ups, and only stop when they sound the all-clear cause the avatars change. I may miss some of you-all's clever replies, but I can't help it. I love to read, but not that stuff. It%u2019s oil that makes my eyes water.
This is so weird; I don't need to ignore him. It's like now I just start reading a comment, a little synapse closes, %u201Cehh?%u201D, I glance at the avatar, and without even thinking about it, my eyes slide right down past the comment, past the replies, the follow ups, the replies to the follow ups, and only stop when they sound the all-clear cause the avatars change. I may miss some of you-all's clever replies, but I can't help it. I love to read, but not that stuff. It%u2019s oil that makes my eyes water.
randyleepublic
+0 -0
Derr.
Derr.
randyleepublic
+0 -0
I don't want to subject you kind folks to one of my software rants. But, what stupid fucking jackass would create a comment system where normal text characters escape? What crap. Last time, I promise.
Sorry.
I don't want to subject you kind folks to one of my software rants. But, what stupid fucking jackass would create a comment system where normal text characters escape? What crap. Last time, I promise.
Sorry.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I think it only happens when you try to paste from another program like Word.
I think it only happens when you try to paste from another program like Word.
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
yeah word has those 'curley' quotation marks that don't work, so pasting from word is a no-no unless you have those turned off, but accent marks won't work regardless of if you type them or paste them.
yeah word has those 'curley' quotation marks that don't work, so pasting from word is a no-no unless you have those turned off, but accent marks won't work regardless of if you type them or paste them.
cromar
+0 -0
NO HI ASCII/UNICODE ON ASSETBAR
NO
NO HI ASCII/UNICODE ON ASSETBAR
NO
alreadyinuse3
+0 -0
once I did a test post to see if I could post characters with accents and it worked so I did my post only to find out that when you post, the client-side javascript renders your post faithfully, whereas the server-side php program chops it up for everyone else.
by the way blue and randy, I laughed so hard at your posts here I had saliva going down my windpipe and really had to make an effort to keep from choking. don't worry I'm really a nice guy. I think.
once I did a test post to see if I could post characters with accents and it worked so I did my post only to find out that when you post, the client-side javascript renders your post faithfully, whereas the server-side php program chops it up for everyone else.
by the way blue and randy, I laughed so hard at your posts here I had saliva going down my windpipe and really had to make an effort to keep from choking. don't worry I'm really a nice guy. I think.
toiletstore
+1 -0
Notice how Chris differentiates the cola from beer by making the top part of the liquid in Ray and Teodor's glass white, to indicate foam.
That's it for this edition of "The Science of Achewood".
Notice how Chris differentiates the cola from beer by making the top part of the liquid in Ray and Teodor's glass white, to indicate foam.
That's it for this edition of "The Science of Achewood".
falseprophet
+0 -0
Tomorrow's recipe: chicken!
Tomorrow's recipe: chicken!
lawbot
+0 -0
Beef's awareness is just heightened by having had money. Good save, Onstad.
Beef's awareness is just heightened by having had money. Good save, Onstad.
cmr
+0 -0
wow, that is exactly the pizza parlor of the 1980s.
wow, that is exactly the pizza parlor of the 1980s.
busbum00
+0 -0
Don't even get Roast Beef on the hard stuff. He'll be sadding it up worse than Joy Division.
Don't even get Roast Beef on the hard stuff. He'll be sadding it up worse than Joy Division.
whiteturtle
+3 -0
LARV
LARV WILL TEAR US APART
AGAIN
IS MY TIMING THAT FLAWRED?
LARV
LARV WILL TEAR US APART
AGAIN
IS MY TIMING THAT FLAWRED?
duskbringer
+0 -0
Oh please, can someone with skill make an animated .gif of Ian Curtis dancing, only with Roast Beef's head?
Oh please, can someone with skill make an animated .gif of Ian Curtis dancing, only with Roast Beef's head?
usversusthem
+1 -0
Who's more legit? The cursed man, or the people on the internet making fun of the cursed man? Dead souls chasing each other down the same drain, dude.
Who's more legit? The cursed man, or the people on the internet making fun of the cursed man? Dead souls chasing each other down the same drain, dude.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
but...but i love joy division :( I mock with love! With LOVE!
but...but i love joy division :( I mock with love! With LOVE!
epicurus
+2 -0
This is beautiful. I could really see the parlor as Teodor and Ray described it (I've been there!) and then when Roast Beef started exposing the dirty and depressing innards, that was true too, and the two visions became one, and it was perfect.
This is beautiful. I could really see the parlor as Teodor and Ray described it (I've been there!) and then when Roast Beef started exposing the dirty and depressing innards, that was true too, and the two visions became one, and it was perfect.
morypcaina
+0 -0
Roast Beef has been to Friendly's.
Roast Beef has been to Friendly's.
octafish
+0 -0
My feeling on this strip are conflicted.
The nostalgia for the 1980's is strong but that nostalgia comes with a side order of paranoia and immpending doom. Like many in the eighties I was convinced that the world would end in a terrible nuclear firestorm. There are a lot of things that encouraged this fear. Threads , Wargames , Defcon 4 the Mad Max films, The Day After , Ronald Reagan, and Raymond Briggs' When the Wind Blows , but of all these things I blame Sting the most. My status explains why.
I remember at age 7 asking my mother how old I would be in the year 2000, because that is when I thought the world would end. I remeber thinking 25 was pretty old, I only started to get my shit together in 2000, sometimes I wonder if it was because as a child I thought I had no future. I still get nostalgic for aspects of my childhood, velcro sneakers, Monkey, Totem Tennis etc. However if I dwell on them for too long I remember this horrible fear. So try to teach your kids not to fear. I dunno, play 'em some Blue Oyster Cult or something.
Octafish end self indulgence now.
My feeling on this strip are conflicted.
The nostalgia for the 1980's is strong but that nostalgia comes with a side order of paranoia and immpending doom. Like many in the eighties I was convinced that the world would end in a terrible nuclear firestorm. There are a lot of things that encouraged this fear. Threads , Wargames , Defcon 4 the Mad Max films, The Day After , Ronald Reagan, and Raymond Briggs' When the Wind Blows , but of all these things I blame Sting the most. My status explains why.
I remember at age 7 asking my mother how old I would be in the year 2000, because that is when I thought the world would end. I remeber thinking 25 was pretty old, I only started to get my shit together in 2000, sometimes I wonder if it was because as a child I thought I had no future. I still get nostalgic for aspects of my childhood, velcro sneakers, Monkey, Totem Tennis etc. However if I dwell on them for too long I remember this horrible fear. So try to teach your kids not to fear. I dunno, play 'em some Blue Oyster Cult or something.
Octafish end self indulgence now.
pogo
+0 -0
Speaking of the fear of nuclear firestorms, you should have lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis. There used to be nuclear tipped Nike missles near my house, aimed north to stop Russian bombers.
Speaking of the fear of nuclear firestorms, you should have lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis. There used to be nuclear tipped Nike missles near my house, aimed north to stop Russian bombers.
hobbes557
+0 -0
Octafish shouldn't be having terrible memories of potential nuclear armageddon, they should having neon meat dreams.
Octafish shouldn't be having terrible memories of potential nuclear armageddon, they should having neon meat dreams.
dutch
+0 -0
5 for the ninth panel and for roast beef harshin' a couple guys' buzz
5 for the ninth panel and for roast beef harshin' a couple guys' buzz
skoora
+0 -0
Ray, you fool, poems don't come from your face, they come from your soul .
Ray, you fool, poems don't come from your face, they come from your soul .
brisk87
+0 -0
I know exactly the pizza place that Teodor is talking about. It is called Alexander's, and is located in Eagle River, WI. They do not offer the use of plates of any kind.
I know exactly the pizza place that Teodor is talking about. It is called Alexander's, and is located in Eagle River, WI. They do not offer the use of plates of any kind.
pogo
+0 -0
Snaps for Eagle River! I hang near Minoqua, mostly.
Snaps for Eagle River! I hang near Minoqua, mostly.
hamscout
+0 -0
Hell yes, Minoqua! My Grandparents owned a cottage up there-
There's some ramshackle restaurant off the road that still serves drinks in mason jars...
Hell yes, Minoqua! My Grandparents owned a cottage up there-
There's some ramshackle restaurant off the road that still serves drinks in mason jars...
pogo
+0 -0
Northern Wisconsin, or "Up North" as we call it, can be so retro-cool.
Northern Wisconsin, or "Up North" as we call it, can be so retro-cool.
randombeing
+0 -0
And there it is. The first perfect strip of 2008.
And there it is. The first perfect strip of 2008.
coogs
+0 -0
NO
NO
daidai
+0 -0
If this strip isn't perfect then it is damn close.
Panels 4, 6, 8, and 9 all made me laugh out loud -- which isn't something most strips can do.
It isn't even something that many strips can do, but this strip did it four times.
If this strip isn't perfect then it is damn close.
Panels 4, 6, 8, and 9 all made me laugh out loud -- which isn't something most strips can do.
It isn't even something that many strips can do, but this strip did it four times.
rawk5tar
+0 -0
Truth all comin out of your face
Truth all comin out of your face
tekende
+0 -0
I disagree. This is not a terrible strip, but I don't think it's really all that great.
I disagree. This is not a terrible strip, but I don't think it's really all that great.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I think everyone should have to pick like 5 favorite strips at most and then hold their peace unless they actually think that the current strip is better than one of those. Saying "this is the greatest thing ever" on EVERY FUCKING STRIP is a crime against language and all that is good and decent.
I think everyone should have to pick like 5 favorite strips at most and then hold their peace unless they actually think that the current strip is better than one of those. Saying "this is the greatest thing ever" on EVERY FUCKING STRIP is a crime against language and all that is good and decent.
loneal
+0 -0
But elbox! Saying something is a crime against language and all that is good and decent is also a crime against language!
But elbox! Saying something is a crime against language and all that is good and decent is also a crime against language!
achilleselbow
+0 -0
%u041E%u0447 %u043D%u043E %u043D%u043E%u0442 %u044B%u043E%u0443 %u0442%u043E%u043E!
Oh no, not you too!
I had my characters set to Russian and typed the above line without realizing it, so I decided to leave it to see how it would turn out...
%u041E%u0447 %u043D%u043E %u043D%u043E%u0442 %u044B%u043E%u0443 %u0442%u043E%u043E!
Oh no, not you too!
I had my characters set to Russian and typed the above line without realizing it, so I decided to leave it to see how it would turn out...
pogo
+0 -0
Well, I hope you're happy. Cyrillic looks like shit in Assetbar.
Well, I hope you're happy. Cyrillic looks like shit in Assetbar.
pogo
+0 -0
Yes, the same person saying every strip is a 5 is a crime, for some person to find each strip the best is logically possible.
Yes, the same person saying every strip is a 5 is a crime, for some person to find each strip the best is logically possible.
comrade_tom
+0 -0
Hear Hear!
*waves a piece of paper in a flabbilly angry way, akin to a 19th century parliamentarian.
Hear Hear!
*waves a piece of paper in a flabbilly angry way, akin to a 19th century parliamentarian.
baryonyx
+0 -0
I am this man sometimes. My friends will be goofing around having the darndest time and I'm just like, "You lose your balance right now and fall through that screen door, slashing your wrist on the glass. You die of bloodloss before the ambulance arrives, and the rest of us all have to go to your funeral in a month."
I am this man sometimes. My friends will be goofing around having the darndest time and I'm just like, "You lose your balance right now and fall through that screen door, slashing your wrist on the glass. You die of bloodloss before the ambulance arrives, and the rest of us all have to go to your funeral in a month."
tommythebrat
+0 -0
My friends would say Roast Beef has it all wrong about cooks. They say that beinga chef is the new rock and roll! Though that is basically because they get away with being drunk and on drugs and shit.
My friends would say Roast Beef has it all wrong about cooks. They say that beinga chef is the new rock and roll! Though that is basically because they get away with being drunk and on drugs and shit.
octafish
+0 -0
Being a chef is not working in a pizza parlor.
Being a chef is not working in a pizza parlor.
tommythebrat
+0 -0
True. Cooks aren't very rock and roll at all.
True. Cooks aren't very rock and roll at all.
cromar
+0 -0
Some cooks are very rock and roll. Sometimes they get fired for coming in after a night of bingeing on cocaine and liquor.
Some cooks are very rock and roll. Sometimes they get fired for coming in after a night of bingeing on cocaine and liquor.
whiteturtle
+0 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
whiteturtle
+0 -0
this risotto is SHIT!
this risotto is SHIT!
comrade_tom
+0 -0
I've WANKED a better creme brule than that, you're a FUCKING disgrace!
I've WANKED a better creme brule than that, you're a FUCKING disgrace!
nbgreene
+0 -0
ITS STONE COLD
ramsey is SO hard
ITS STONE COLD
ramsey is SO hard
pogogogo
+1 -0
I could love this strip for the last panel alone but it's all good
I could love this strip for the last panel alone but it's all good
spaceseeker51
+0 -0
Roast Beef - I don't know if he's being horribly depressing, or just an extreme realist in this situation. Then again, he could bring down a discussion about fuzzy kittens - "their mama's just going to abandon them to their own fate after 6 months, physically abusing them for getting in her personal space, just watching as some absuive back-alley tomcat date-rapes her youngest daughter the first time she goes into heat".
Roast Beef - I don't know if he's being horribly depressing, or just an extreme realist in this situation. Then again, he could bring down a discussion about fuzzy kittens - "their mama's just going to abandon them to their own fate after 6 months, physically abusing them for getting in her personal space, just watching as some absuive back-alley tomcat date-rapes her youngest daughter the first time she goes into heat".
vonnegut7
+2 -0
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
pogo
+0 -0
Welcome, but the "eye" thing is overdone. (I know, I did it for a while myself. Mine has subdural bleeding.)
Welcome, but the "eye" thing is overdone. (I know, I did it for a while myself. Mine has subdural bleeding.)
phy
+0 -0
He could always switch to hand face, that's a nice bandwagon.
He could always switch to hand face, that's a nice bandwagon.
hamscout
+0 -0
Or cold cuts!
Or cold cuts!
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Handface is over. We are all going back to older pictures, or brand new ones with no meaning. In about a week there will be a rash of hastily phone-cammed genital images, then we will all sober up and get jobs.
Handface is over. We are all going back to older pictures, or brand new ones with no meaning. In about a week there will be a rash of hastily phone-cammed genital images, then we will all sober up and get jobs.
octafish
+1 -0
Last of the handface pics, it'd be a shame to blow it up.
Last of the handface pics, it'd be a shame to blow it up.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
ooohhhh V8 reference nice.
also reference to the best Front End Loader album of all time... kind of...
ooohhhh V8 reference nice.
also reference to the best Front End Loader album of all time... kind of...
paperboy_2000
+0 -0
Oh, man. No way is that a coincidence. That is just evidence that AssetBar hates you. It hates us all. Welcome to the club.
Did he just rhyme 'shot in the gut' with 'Kurt Vonnegut'?
Oh, man. No way is that a coincidence. That is just evidence that AssetBar hates you. It hates us all. Welcome to the club.
Did he just rhyme 'shot in the gut' with 'Kurt Vonnegut'?
drmemory
+0 -0
I can get even sadder on hot chocolate.
And shame on Ray for not even knowing what's in his friend's glass.
I can get even sadder on hot chocolate.
And shame on Ray for not even knowing what's in his friend's glass.
clayaiken
+0 -1
sorry to be a downer, but how come these keep getting such high ratings? onstad, where are you these days?
sorry to be a downer, but how come these keep getting such high ratings? onstad, where are you these days?
randyleepublic
+1 -0
Dude, he is quite obviously stressing on the financial side of his equation. I hope he is either writing a real novel, comedy, or screenplay. The man needs scratch. He's got a kid, and lives here in chingville. T-shirts and love from us don't quite cut it, me-thinks.
Dude, he is quite obviously stressing on the financial side of his equation. I hope he is either writing a real novel, comedy, or screenplay. The man needs scratch. He's got a kid, and lives here in chingville. T-shirts and love from us don't quite cut it, me-thinks.
puguglypress
+0 -0
I didn't even consider this. Yeah, his genius is obviously feeling a little wasted on an online comic strip. You can tell that he wants to do more.
I didn't even consider this. Yeah, his genius is obviously feeling a little wasted on an online comic strip. You can tell that he wants to do more.
desert_donkey
+0 -0
wow. the first four panes hit home like the smell of fresh cut grass. good stuff, man, good stuff. the rest was good, but dark.
wow. the first four panes hit home like the smell of fresh cut grass. good stuff, man, good stuff. the rest was good, but dark.
arelladawn
+0 -0
Beef not being drunk at all makes this the mo' betta.
Beef not being drunk at all makes this the mo' betta.
xerol
+0 -0
I thought T already had mad scratch from the mp3 of his butt on the internet.
I thought T already had mad scratch from the mp3 of his butt on the internet.
jaspers
+0 -0
"This is just cola." Man, Beef depresses so hard he looks like he wishes he was an alcoholic so there would be some sense to his melancholy madness.
"This is just cola." Man, Beef depresses so hard he looks like he wishes he was an alcoholic so there would be some sense to his melancholy madness.
deeds
+0 -0
I believe this was the first Achewood strip I ever read and I liked it.
I believe this was the first Achewood strip I ever read and I liked it.
rowboat
+2 -0
You know, this isn't the absolute best Achewood strip, but I'd be hard-pressed to think of a better one to start someone out on. Pretty neatly sums up a lot of important themes.
You know, this isn't the absolute best Achewood strip, but I'd be hard-pressed to think of a better one to start someone out on. Pretty neatly sums up a lot of important themes.
lovelibeam
+0 -0
This is my favorite strip.
This is my favorite strip.
bulk_vanderhuge
+0 -0
How long has it been since the OnStar settlement, and T hasn't opened this pizza parlor yet? I am looking forward to the continuation of continuity. ..Or did he lose that money while I wasn't watching?
How long has it been since the OnStar settlement, and T hasn't opened this pizza parlor yet? I am looking forward to the continuation of continuity. ..Or did he lose that money while I wasn't watching?
soticoto
+0 -0
This comment is as the skunge at the bottom of the bottle... all sitting on the bottom... wondering what the hell all the other comments higher up are about, not really getting anything on account of the crushing pressure from above.
And all I wanted to say was that I've always lived near an Italian Pizzeria run by genuine Italians... and that is the only sorta pizza place anyone ever got to go to.
This comment is as the skunge at the bottom of the bottle... all sitting on the bottom... wondering what the hell all the other comments higher up are about, not really getting anything on account of the crushing pressure from above.
And all I wanted to say was that I've always lived near an Italian Pizzeria run by genuine Italians... and that is the only sorta pizza place anyone ever got to go to.
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Let me balance out the extreme lameness of this "first post" bull crackers with this:
https://shmorky.com/achewoodtestb.swf
Good god that's awesome. I can't help but imagine it as the intro to an Achewood cartoon on Adult Swim. I know other people have mentioned something like this, but it probably won't happen because it takes more than one writer to produce a whole episode every week and Onstad seems to have trouble coming up with content regularly as it is. Too bad.
Plus no voice actor could suit the personality of this sordid and motley lot.
I once had a dream about an animated Achewood movie. The voice actor for Spongebob did the voice of Philippe. It was a most Terrible dream and I awoke with some sense of relief that it wasn't reality.
Chubby for keeping your sanity after such an ordeal.
[IMGS OFF]
I hastily chubbied that buggery!
That is the hastiest of buggery, made by weakest of photoshoppers... And I love you for it.
It wasn't even made in Photoshop! I made it in... MS Paint. It was the only thing available at work.
so old school! i remember making vulgar things in middle school with pictures of classmates and political religous or cutural figures on ms paint and getting caught and sent to detention. good times, good times
Getti' busted for drawin' Ramona Quimby doin' the Principal!
You really should've used comic sans.
HE WANTS TO TASTE THE FUCKING CURB!
That's because only one year ago, ya'll didn't have me. I probably could voice the whole lot, save Molly and Philipe. I seen too much of the hella sad side of life to lend voice to that obstinately optimistic otter.
need a tissue?
Hubris is hella homo, dogg.
Whoa cool!
that was fucking amazing.
Amazing!
Yes! Yes! More! More!
Prehaps Onstad could cpntract some of these talented Assetbar people to cobble together a pilot.
cpntract - the NEW way to spell contract!
The Russian way to spell it. Imagine it on a dilapidated metal sign in the background of the Zangief stage.
Zangief wants you to learn his impossible combo moves.
Sounds like logical follower of "pwned": "HAHAH I TOTALY GOTZ U UNDER CPNTRACT!!1 LOL"
i see my name has a few of you flustered...
All he has to do is have someone animate some of the stories he's already told here. And the pilot could be a lot of the short non-sequiters from Year One.
Sigh.. my kingdom for a chubby to give you.
Hehe. I opened that while listening to BBC News and then left my desk for a while before it had loaded. When I got back I forgot that I had opened it, and thought that there was some cool new BBC News feature where they play music in the background while reading the news.
A.W.E.S.O.M.E. did you make that!? that was utterly amazing.
FUCK YOU EDWELL, PROFESSORHAZARD IS MY NEW FAVORITE POSTER.I LOVE YOU BOTHAs mentioned in THE FUTURE, it is likely an artifice of Flash animator "Shmorky".
Shmorky is usually hit or miss. This is one of the times where it was thouroughly enjoyable.
Hit or miss or... not. He didn't deserve to feel the quick-fingered and gossipy wrath of Todd Goldman.
aw damn my upstream comment. read b4 posting
Mesmerizing. I love the way the background shakes as Philippe collides with the wall.
Man. We gotta stop lame-ing every dogg that says "first." Just ignore it like a true plater.
Bring that up on a new strip where someone is going to read it. Only a few of us troll the old ones.
where did you find this/did you make it/is there more/make more, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!
People who didn't chubby this probably didn't check the link. Wonder if Onstad's seen it?
Why do people call it like that? It is silly, and I've never understood it.
watch ray's eyebrows during this comic, especially panels 5-8. The brows say it all
no - that's Aardman
That's just irresponsible.
Cola caffeine affects Beef poorly. Back on the Chivas for you, dawg. It made you happier about life. Yep, most def, Beef needs to be an alcoholic.
But drinking Chivas made Beef's arm muscles deflate in a way that stops me from enjoying the comics immediately thereafter I MEAN EVEN RAY'S NEIGHBOR HAD CONTINUITY REGARDING HIS FACELIFT GODDAMN
A comment left by professorhazard was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Dovey, shaggy23, RedMasaki, Omegatron)
That's fine, 'cause that's okay.
Speaking of arms, Beef has a serious case of Action Figure Arm (AFA) in panel three.
Maybe that's a plastic stand-in for Beef, who ran off-screen to vomit when he realized that fossil fuels are finite and thousands of babies will freeze to death in the night without them.
"look, could you just shuffle the Plastic Beef in for the next scene... come ON man I need some Me Time... you KNOW I need this sometimes... well fuck you I'll put him in there... come on you attractive bastard get into place..."
He's just wearing a shit in that picture. He took it off once he realized how silly it made him look.
A shit? Shirt. I think not eating for all of today in favor of playing video games was, in retrospect, a bad call.
Don't wear a shit, fankjankler. Wearing a shit is silly.
Man we don't know how long of a period of time was in between those comics. Beef probably returned to the inaction that comes with depression for a couple weeks, thus deflating his arms.
It's not hard to imagine.
beef's vision of the pizza parlor reminds me of the bakery where i work.
edit: the bakery that i work at. sorry for not ending the original sentence in a preposition.
'which I work at' would be more pleasing.
A comment left by lateadopter was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by nbgreene, flaxplus, pursesnatcher, quaga, nickrnot, RogueCheddar, retinarow, gowerski, hardelicious)
Hey Pat, I understand your disapproval but you ain't got to go around being a dick to a stranger.
A comment left by lateadopter was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by William, hedonismbot, nickrnot, cailetshadow, hardelicious)
A comment left by gowerski was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Promac, ShineALight, lateadopter, neitherman)
They're mine damnit.
you're succumbing to the first stage of the irritating internet elitist: hating on a disliked but perfectly ignorable thing
nickrnot i am not talking about you ok, i am just talking about "first post"
we cool g
He shouldn't have yelled at him. That was uncalled for.
A comment left by nickrnot was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, blastradius, snitchy, lateadopter, Doc_Rostov, NumberKillinger, colorlessness, motts, wotown)
Believe me, all the variations of "I'm gonna be ironic about the first post because I know it's annoying but I still want to post first" have been done, and have been lamed. Just stop.
A comment left by nickrnot was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by straw, morypcaina, lateadopter, rustmouth, Boredom_Man, NumberKillinger)
It used to be (until maybe a month or two ago) that no one treated the first post as anything special around here. What matters is saying something worthwhile, or having the judgment to hold your peace.
Please take your "firstie" attitude back to the wilds of the internet where it belongs. You are adding no information to this party.
If you don't want to hear it from me, take it from this guy .
If you don't want to hear it from him, what are you doing here?
okay, i think i understand.
nickrnot, you were trying to be facetious, weren't you? not so much an actual first post post, as a "god damn, people who post first suck" kind of first post post, right?
Apology not accepted.
I have used up my lame allotment and am forced to do something nice for a change, but rest assured that were this not the case, you would be lamed so hard that your children would feel it 20 years from now.
I demand to know who chubbied this man! Your punishment will be less severe if you just admit it right now.
I gave him his second. I assumed he was being all ironic and postmodern and shit. Why you guys got to be such cynics? Maybe he was just willing to take the risk of laming for the sake of some real, stop-and-think humour. I respect that.
Also, taking advantage of the high comment placement to post my feelings on the strip, I enjoyed the humour and the simple espousal of some good, old Achewood values. But on the other hand, I kind of filed the dialogue under "things that sound like what the characters would say." Not inspired.
There is absolutely no tolerance for first posting around here, earnest or otherwise. Even the ironists get the fusilladed, just for preventing the concept of first posting from drifting to the backs of our minds.
First Post should be reserved for those who know what the fuck to do with it. If you crumble under pressure, pass it on to the next guy. And the next. Until you aren't too afraid to be funny anymore.
The worst first posts tend to be the best remembered, though. What was that recent one that everyone keeps quoting...? "LOVE... SLITS?"
LOVE BRITS!
LOVE EM!
MOIST!
Love Clits is memorable in it's simplicity.
Kind of like that 'Portal' game from half a year ago had some genuinely funny lines, but mostly, people would just quote that god damned 'The cake is a lie' bit over and over, whenever cake was mentioned. Particularily on birthdays, but any damn old time, even devoid of context.
It is people like this that let people like Will Ferral believe that bellowing on top of your lungs is adequate enough of a joke to relay for the upteen-hundredth time.
Fuck you, internet.
This is called the Family Guy audience
NO! Achillesheel! Don't listen! I can't take it anymore!
Not only am I gonna disagree with you, neonaoneo...I'm gonna eat your nose.
See what you did, you god damned Trotskite?
Is so Family Guy audience thing to do do
Alright FINE I'll give you a proper GLaDOS quote.
"I would just like to point out you have been given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party, which all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends, because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall. Not. Be. Mourned. That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny too."
Reminds me of Derek and Clive, minus the cusses.
You saw this bloke the other day?
Derek and clive....
What a pair of cunts.
fantastic stuff though particuliarly the gleeful anarchism of the early stuff when it was just two chaps pretending to be a lot less wealthy and enducated than they were, and a LOT more profane, before it got all personal and ugly.
Oh, baryonyx, I bet you think you're so smart with the GLaDOS quotes. Well, "you're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?"
that last level just before the boss, where the flames come in, I basically crapped myself out of fear. Everything was basically so harmless for the whole game up til that point.
You both miss the whole point of existential cheer. Huzzah!
This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: Huge success .
I absolutely love that song, does anyone know where I can get a good file of it?
I hope this works
I'm being so. sincere. right now: it worked.
you are a gentle and kind soul for doing this thing
And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm still alive.
I feel fantastic and I'm still alive.
And while you're dying I will be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
Still alive.
still alive
And your gratitude is appreciated.
I particularly like this animation...
the cake is a lie
Well fuck you too.
only if its right proper
A right, proper fuck you, walrus.
hey guess what! billy corgan wants his avatar back.
I too love the slits, particularly the track Slits Tradition and their old cover of I Heard it on the Grapevine .
Wait you're not talking about those slits are you? You wash your mouth out with soap, RIGHT NOW!
Wheel about, bring the port guns on .... FIRE!!!
It certainly sounds like what the characters "would" say, but my opinion on this and similar strips is that it serves to strengthen their personalities, reinforce who they actually are, to serve as a catalyst for strips in which happens plot development and character enhancement, so I'm quite chuffed to see things go down completely as normal every once in a while.
Agreed, a classic strip in the raw, and especially nice "history" of pizza joints for those old enough to remember them, or those lucky enough to still have them like that.
I did/ it made me laugh. i gave you a chubb too
You, sir, are easily amused.
This is called the Family Guy Audi-- is shot