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Circumstances of the Heart. Thursday, September 11, 2008 • read strip Viewing 581 comments:

A comment left by daidai was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by kylank, InspectorGadget, DarkerNorm, lara501375, habnabit)

A comment left by daidai was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by kylank, InspectorGadget, DarkerNorm, lara501375, halnewcome)

A comment left by daidai was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by meddle, kylank, InspectorGadget, DarkerNorm, lara501375, Panserbjorne)

A comment left by daidai was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by kylank, InspectorGadget, DarkerNorm, lara501375, clembot)

Your avatar has turned what could have been an annoying spam session into something genuinely awesome. Am strongly considering breaking out the HTML to spell "RAY" out of Gothic Dance animations.

A comment left by desert_donkey was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Norsef, cretin, daidai, kylank, twohundredninety, grayestnova, Jhunter, NDCaesar, SkiddyFisk, Lumus, thebarbarian, newspaperdrone, clintisiceman, OnePaperTiger, deblacquiere, Appers)

What is your avatar from? I find it absorbing, yet vaguely disturbing.

I concur: I recognize it, but cannot place it. Please divulge!

It's Fezgig from Jim Henson's "The Dark Crystal."

Thanks fineoak!

Oh man, somebody recently replied to a Dark Crystal post I finished, about the horse-animals which looked like Ray and Butter's surreal helicopter.

They were creepy fucking animals.

all kickin' through robo-beetles.

Ah, the Dark Crystal. You have led to so many sleepless nights for me.

Well, you and my alcoholic mother. I been working some rough chuckles lately.

chubby for an avatar of the best batman scene ever.

A comment left by daidai was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Norsef, kylank, ActualTaunt, rachel)

What a silly song.
I like it, of course. But it is still very silly.

But it's not by the Beatles or the Beach Boys! What business have you liking that song.

I like Donovan as well.

Everyone, go to Youtube and listen to "Atlantis" right now.

Here, I'll provide the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_JTV9E3J48
I love this song.
It gets better halfway through, though.
And my musical tastes are expanding!
Yay!

If you can enjoy this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfNb1w7pVcA
You can join the ranks of the Musically Eclectic. I'll leave a Pabst on the porch for you.

Fast and bulbous, also tapered.

I run on beans... I run on laser beans...

On a barely related, but no less musical note:
After hearing Archie Shepp play on Frank Zappa's You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 I decided to look him up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKb8DpevNbI

He's good stuff.

A squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous, got me?

Yes. Just dig it. That's right, the Mascara Snake. Fast and bulbous. Tight also.

Thank you, but I am not underage, and do not currently like this song as much as you do.

Sorry.
But I give you a chubby for offering to expand my world (in regards to the music and the alcohol, which I have never tried before.)

early records much more worthy, you can keep your damn pabst

I prefer the earlies too, Spotlight Kid counts as early in my book. I also like his late stuff (Shiny Beast to Ice Cream For Crow). But the ultimate is Safe As Milk for me. Stand alone, it's like the Mecca of blues/garage rock.

Nice, but I prefer this version: Donovan-Atlanta .

I was so happy when I finally got that reference. I was like "Oh! Donovan!"
And my family was like "Wha . .. ?"
True story.
Also, I love the line "and the other so-called gods of our legends, though gods they were".
It is a very nice song, though. Really.

I have to admit being extremely partial to Donovan as well.

Donovan -- the British Dylan? Discuss.

I actually met Donovan at a show in Omaha one time. He was only like five feet tall and most of that was hair. He was drinking a Heineken and being a total douchebag. He ignored me completely and just talked to the girl I was there with, looking her over with a practiced lechery. Afterwards, we yelled at him across the bar "Sorry about 'Don't Look Back', it made you look like a jerk!"

Now look, Donovan has every right to look at your lady with sexy intent. He's Donovan, and that's just fine.

Don't Look Back made everyone in it look like a jerk.

A lot of celebs are jerks.
Look at John Lennon.

I still like him, though.

His daughter was my babysitter when I was a kid.

Ione Skye?

I think she married the main guy from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
*checks*
Yes, she did.
Unless he had another daughter.

Yes, it was Ione Skye.

She also married Ad-Rock of The Beastie Boys, which led to one my my favorite lines:

Ad-Rock's down with the Ione
Listen to the shit cuz both of them is boney
Gotta do it like this like chachi and joani
'Cuz she's the cheese and I'm the macaroni


My name's Ad-Rock and I'm a Scorpio
Don't ask me cuz I just don't know
Somethin Somethin Somethin
Chillin with Mario

I love it when you spaz out all alone.

A-D-R-O-C-K
I use the microphone like Picasso use clay

A fine example of how quickly the Beastie Boys descended into mediocrity.

Is that Beastie Boys lyric a reference to the Red Hot Chili Peppers in any way? I ask because Mr. Bungle has a song called Squeeze Me Macaroni, and there's been a feud between Mr. Bungle singer Mike Patton and Anthony Kiedis for maybe almost 20 years now.

Good line either way.

No, it's a reference to his own wife.

Kiedis' feud is with Patton 'stealing his schtick' even though everyone in the late eighties stamped around with long hair.

(They may not know Dylan!)

One time I touched Neil Young's arm. On purpose. I actually asked him if I could, and he giggled and proffered it.

His arm hair was a delicate silver color.

Basically, by seranading woman with banjo, you are saying she is worst song played on ugliest guitar.

No, you are literally performing a worst song on the ugliest guitar.

is that Daidai as in "To Life" from Fiddler on the Roof ?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vvr8AjT0aD0

Just tell me that you didn't just lame yourself. It's just a typo, honey. It's not life.

You can't lame or chubby yourself, it must have been someone else.

(Dammit, I just lamed myself. I...I need to go change.)

Oh god, I lamed all over the bathroom floor! Traumarama!

I'm writing you a prescription for your lame shivers.

"Doctor, when I pee, I come."

"Really? Is that a bad thing for you?"

"No...not at all...I just...I just want to know if it could kill me."

"No...it shouldn't."

"It shouldn't or it won't?"

"It shouldn't. Modern medicine is a crap shoot at best. Do you want some sort of...drug?"

"You can make me stop coming when I pee?"

"Sure, a simple sedative will do it."

"But the pee/coming might not kill me."

"Yeah, it might not."

"Yeah, ok, thanks."

"You want the sedative?"

"Fuck no."

Even bad sex is . . . . pretty good.

I'm sorry. Where do you arrive?

dopamine island

Just turn left at Seratonin Straits

Man, I sooo resemble those remarks!

Why'd you have to do a thing, dogg? Your avatar is so awesome, too.

The Achewood First Post Police placed daidai under close watch.

... but Lietenant habnabit had a personal connection to this case, he respected daidai and wished he didn't have to do what he must... stay tuned.

That's tough. I remember when I was under Close Watch.

Or am I still?

We trust you ever since you've been tagged.

You really should stop scratching at it.

Hey, is my probationary period over? I haven't seen any trolls lately. And I'm off the sauce, mostly.

"And what would you like to do to the whole world pogo?"

Google was no help with your reference. Five obscurity points. Next play?

I believe that was Donald Sutherland in Backdraft. He was an arsonist/pyromaniac who was up for parole. He looked completely sane until Robert De Niro asked him that question and then started ranting about burning the planet earth with living fire.

Yes, that's what I thought, too. I finally got one!

You are both...
CORRECT!
Show them what they've won loneal...

Wow, they've won her? How will they both, oh ... nevermind.

For whatever reason (no good one), I assumed you might have been a Donald Sutherland fan.

Woodenteeth has a crush on loneal and wants her to fit in with his impressions of the perfect woman pass it on.

You wanted me to post on new comics, this is what you get: grade-school.

I'm going "what?"

So was I! Comment First, Slap Head Later.

So's your mum...

and your face.

Tooth, I really like Sutherland, way back from *MASH* days, but haven't tried to see everything he's ever been in, like I did when I fell for Renee Z (that's over now).

"Tooth". I like it. As an Australian, any contraction of a name is a welcome thing.

Glad I was right about you being a fan... and as far as my obscure reference goes... well, you know, just thought, that if I pitched that curve ball and it stuck I might get picked up for the big leagues.

Better than Woodsy. Or Woodo. Which is about as imaginative as most Aussies get.

Tooth tells the truth. (Just playin' with your name.)

David Blane can't even hold his breath for 9 minutes.

Okay, people? David Blaine is not just an idiot. He is also a magician/illusionist and he is actually very, very good. Ignore all his stupid stunts, watch his television show. I'm talking about stuff like: he asks someone to think of someone they love, really hard, then pulls up his sleeve and there is a tattoo of their face on his arm. I don't know how he does it, but damn it is impressive.

Temporary tattoos I think.

Prolly.

Dogg, haven't you seen the "revealing the street magician's secrets" show? They totally busted all of his "best tricks", including that one.

The only thing that David Blaine is the "David Blaine of" is being good at selling his same old parlor tricks to a network, and making their cash disappear .

I like Blaine not because of his magic, but because of his stunts.

He is just plain awesome. You can not disagree with this.

Watch me.

People like going to magic shows because they are interesting and fun to watch . A dude sitting in a tank of water is neither of those things. It is just a dude sitting in a tank of water. Any other circumstances, you'd pull the guy out, but this one's douchey enough to do it for attention.

That is funny, because it was interesting and fun to watch for me.
I mean, the guy almost died .

I disagree with this. Blaine is crud.
Derren Brown on the other hand is extremely awesome.

One word: Mindfreak!

THAT. GUY. IS. A. DOUCHE.
Look at me with my goddam try-hard emo/metal look. FAIL.

Looks aside, he is a great magician with an interesting stage persona. The music ain't bad either.

Oh man I saw him live, and I went up on stage, and he read my mind, and oh my God the entire show was the most mindfuckingly awesome thing I've ever experienced.

Derren Brown: MindFuck

They're illusions , Hamscout.

Right, like the guy in a 3000 dollar suit would care what you call it...

COME ON!!

Still, where did the lighter fluid come from?

I just get bitchy when I see a trick revealed as simple mechanics.
I want to believe in magic!

...or, maybe I'm still cranky that my brother got picked to go up on stage with Penn and Teller, and I didn't.

I mean come on !!
He couldn't hit a giant wheel with a dart for the damn trick!!
What kind of a... *grumble grumble bitch and moan*

Did he at least hit Penn?

God, I hope that awful man gets pegged by a dart in a room.

To quote Chris Rock, David Blaine is a trickless magician.

a scentless apprentice?

The book that song refers to is quite good, and the recent movie with Dustin Hoffman wasn't bad either.

go awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

man, did I love that dude's pipes' raucousness...

I always hurt myself singing along. Even twelve years of smoking did no good.

A rural juror?

Urban Fervor?

Urbane Fever?

Your father Werner was a burger server in Santa Barbara when he spurned your mother Verna for a curly-haired surfer named Roberta. Did that hurt her?

Blerg glerg glerg blerg glerg?

Bob Loblaw's Law Blog?

Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb!!

The best, absolute BEST, thing about Bob Loblaw is that Scott Baio would normally pronounce "Law" compleeetely differently. Possessing the same accent as him, I find this amusing.

Oh goddamn. Thank you Bawbwa Wawltaws.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, Ru ral Jur or.

The trees were awesome .

I think Liz says that at one point...

I love the analogies Achewood uses, like setting your house on fire so that you can finally meet the neighbors. That is awesome.

What? A discussion of the strip? What about daidai's stupidity? Or someone else's age? No really, to get married so you can keep up with your best friend, what a nice thought. Dumb, but nice.

It's a constant worry as I march toward middle-age and my miserable friends who are paired up and co-habitating whine when I mention a fun night out.

Meaning I want what they have and they want what I have. There really should be a guide book.

"Meaning I want what they have and they want what I have. There really should be a guide book".

There is always the communist manifesto..

Yeah, I was the "never-married guy" until I was 44, always going, "C'mon, your wife can spare you for one night!" Now I'm married and my friends are all, "Geeze, Dude, take off the leash for one night!" The main problem for Ray is not marriage. It's the Tina. Hell, ask Molly -- they used to be roomies.

I'm not married but I'm in a pretty serious relationship, and there are times where this exchange actually happens:

"Bye, hon, I'm going out drinking for fifteen hours."

"Okay. ...wait, what? Fifteen hours ?"

"Yeah. I penciled it in on your calendar three days ago, remember?"

"What? I don't think I'd... Oh huh, there it is. What do you know. 'Boozing, 7 PM to 10 AM.' ...hey, are you still good for having dinner with Karla on Tuesday?"

"God, is she the one dating the corporate lawyer?"

"You know it."

"Ugh. All right."

"Bye! Don't lost a toe."

"No promises."

I guess that's what love is.

I constantly worry about getting married, whether my biological clock is running out, whether she was really the one and I should have popped the question...

Of course, I'm just on the tail end of the bad part of puberty, so it's really more so just neurotic ramblings whilst I delicately carve an elegant ring out of my girlfriends fingerbone.

Hey FP, that sort of thing will probably never stop, since us guys can theoretically impregnate a women until they day of our death (or after with frozen sperm) it's hard to ever know if we're done, if this is the last one, if we should settle down. I'm settling, BTW, but only after multiple fuckups.

Hey Pogo. Is that avatar you have really a picture of you, or just a celebrity I don't know? Sorry, important to me.

I seriously, legitimately worry about this shit, at the age of sixteen. I am not looking forward to the next thirty years of my lonely looking life.

If it's that important to you...

Thank me later.

Mail-order tail? Let's hope no one is that desparate.

Yulia! I will send away for Yulia! It says she is a tender modest lady...just what I need! It is a perfect...marriage! And soon, her fingers will make a perfect...addition! Can I thank you now?

Please allow 2-3 business days for thankings.

I'm the minor celeb in the picture, when I was a magazine editor (Hamscout has created the magazine elsewhere.)

Pogo your face soothes me like Vapo-rub on my troubled chest. You look like you are going to enter a plane to Guatemala, but first you are giving me, your son, a smile to give my trembling chubby cheeks courage. You will bend down and take my hand in yours and say "C'mon, Oliver, cheer up. I'll be back before you know it." Of course you would not use any demeaning names like Sport, or Champ. You would truly treat me as an equal.

Is it bad that your picture makes me see an idealized father figure?

Pogo's face in that picture would make me comfortable trusting him with money

I'll tell you a post office box to send your money to.

No, son, I consider it an honor to evoke such emotions. Now don't tell your mother where I went, alright my equal?

Foetus_punch:

I hold your hand in mine, dear,
I press it to my lips.
I take a healthy bite
From your dainty fingertips.

My joy would be complete, dear,
If you were only here,
But still I keep your hand
As a precious souvenir.

The night you died I cut it off.
I really don't know why.
For now each time I kiss it
I get bloodstains on my tie.

Im sorry now I killed you,
For our love was something fine,
And till they come to get me
I shall hold your hand in mine.

TOM LEHRER

LOVE TOM LEHRER
LOVE HIM
MACABRE

See also: The Masocism Tango

Well, the link's right, but I spelled it wrong.
So, you get a laugh, and I still can't get a job using my English degree.
*feh*

At least ya' got the degree! You should now be able to flip hamburgers and clean convience stores with contentment.

ahem , that's: convenience stores.

*gains back some self-respect* Thanks!
You keep setting 'em up, lechatbotte, and I'll keep knocking them down...

I feel as though I would have enjoyed Tom Lehrer more if I hadn't in as much had him shoved down my throat by an English Teacher of yore. He also force fed me some Neil Gaiman, but he's terrible anyway, so no great loss.

Also, I appreciate the french pun in your name and picture.

Out of curiosity, which Gaiman did he make you read?

American Gods, otherwise known as "I went to a mythology course at the community college now where's my pen." I understand that many people like him quite a bit, and I'm sure he could be interesting to some, but...not for me. No way.

Beef is insane with sass

Riding the Sassmobile .

To sass school

With a side of sass.

Some of the sass even got on the mayor.

He described it as "utterly sassy."

Oh NO! Leeloo used her multipass and left us for the beaches!

She will be missed.

The multi sass , you say? I'd be interested in hearing more about that!

Okay, you just have to sass class every Tuesday at the Community Center

Sassercise at the senior center after the group Early Bird Special breakfast at the diner .

I'll be in the corner, stretching with my "Sass-Master 2000".

Popularized by Tony "Sass" Little.

Stop... saying sass!

Ironically you're giving us sass.

Drive me in the Volvo of Sass.

Bite my shiny metal sass.

No .

Everyone dance like there's

SASS

IN

YOUR

PANTS

YES!

When this all started we were onto half this stuff, and the other half is pure, refined Onstad/Achewood GOLD. (Excuse me, I'm going to go light my house on fire.)

Heed his wisdom, Ray. Taco Bell does not have a special menu for "Dudes Stuck in an Ill-Advised Marriage."

I think Church's Chicken does, but that's beside the point.

I'll take the 6-piece henpecked meal with a side of cuckold sauce.

Don't forget the honeydew desert.

or the bitter resentment slaw and the honey-butter biscuits of regret.

Is you avatar weird al masturbating, if so stop please

Whereas Adam West may run into the distance with a smoking bomb for as long as he can...

He has to! There are nuns and ducks, everywhere he looks!

"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb..."

solid 5 all the way

Amazing how this follows the Modern Gentleman's Flowchart. Ray don't need any chains.

A comment left by alreadyinuse was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by chaobell, jlaw, apocowarg, kylank, ummagumma, cuntpills69, odei, equinn2006, Vee, Lumus, muddgirl, foetus_punch, vorrishnikov, skiddysmith)

Ray has a punctured rectus sheath, toxic shock from a tampon in the belly button, and a bloodstream full of truth serum. What do you want him to do, a triple lutz?

A comment left by alreadyinuse was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by jlaw, apocowarg, daidai, kylank, nice-on-water, cuntpills69, odei, nathunder, miche, Lumus, mystkmanat, vorrishnikov, clintisiceman)

you're getting way too bent out of shape over a comic on the internet.

When did Scott McCloud become such a dick?

Gotta disagree with ya'!

This has never been a strip as easily defined or pigeonholed as "Action" or any such. The dialog, with its quirks and odd usages has always been much more the thing, which shows up in the comments here as constant quotes from former strips.

I laughed outloud at work reading this one, and the alttext sealed the deal. Solid Gold, 5 (since there is no higher) exactly-the-reason-I-stay-tuned-in Achewood.

You are welcome to disagree!

DON'T SAY THAT HE IS TROLLING YOU FOOL

A comment left by lechatbotte was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by tekende, kendieatsbabies, IronDave, echidnaboy)

Lechatbotte, you are okay. I just hope you realize that most of our generation, especially the Internet-dwelling portion is far too cynical and jaded to be moved by your inspirational speeches, your appeals to common humanity, or your cute cat impersonations. We have spent far too much time looking at pictures of distended anuses and being tricked into watching Rick Astley videos. There is no hope.

Cynicism and resignation are not specific to any generation! They are as old as language itself. I think they were the first two words of Sumerian that were translated. (I made that up.)

It is ALWAYS counterintuitive to speak of things actually making a difference, or being what they seem. You want to be moved. I hear it! But you don't trust it. I will land flat on some of the readership, but who knows who may be brought alive, if only enough to hope for the possibility of possibility?

The machinery of being human is designed for one purpose only: Survival. This we are expert at! How do I know? 'Cause we're all here! Cynacism and resignation are good for surviving life. But if you ever want to really live, you gotta give 'em up! And I don't care what your age or technological awareness, that ain't normal for a human to do! But it is the only door available to go from surviving life to thriving and living life.

I have commited my life to bringing this about for everyone I can. Commitments like that call me to choose against the resigned asshole I otherwise would be, and make a difference. There only is no hope when you say so. Good news, you can always say differently.

(He called my cat impersonations cute!)

PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

kitty!

Meow?

Our bodies are given life from the midst of nothingness. Existing where there is nothing is the meaning of the phrase, "form is emptiness." That all things are provided for by nothingness is the meaning of the phrase, "Emptiness is form." One should not think that these are two separate things...oh, *cough*, sorry, I mean: Meow!

nono, it's
"He thinks I'm cuuuuuuute!!!" [flips in the air]

Now, now. Chat Botte' has love enough for everyone!

(But he is a little confused by a dude with a girl cat avatar, and a lady with a boy cat one. He will only be briefly deterred by this from making a complete arse of himself with both of them, ultimately ending up in a catnip induced coma wondering how it all went sooo wrong.)

Wanna come up and see my etchings (on tuna can lids)?

PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I'll bring some catnip-jazz cigarettes!

CAN'T GET RID OF THE BOMB! TO MANY ADORABLE CATS!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Toooooo.....maaaannnnyyy......caaaaaaaat.....iconnnnsssss.....AGGGGHHHH

Clarisse thinks Rudolph's cute!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Dad! Please calm down!

Remember what Dr. Finkelstein said!

RRRR RRRRR! That just makes me SO mad! SO so mad!!! FRITTATA!!!!

Wow, a pussy fest!

I'm imagining this rap stage, and lech gets up, does some mouth stuff, blaat-ba-ba-blaat, ratta-tat-tat:
I say cynicism and resignation
are not specific
to any generation!

What is this "rap" of which you speak?

I didn't read any of that apart from "Thank you for reading." I was like, "No problem."

That's cool. I'd rather be skipped then skimmed.

Yup.

Yeah, I don't think I could have said it better than vorrishnikov. Like I hope you live in a place that is dark 18 hours of the day. And please don't offer any alternative excuses, that's just awkward for everyone.

Are you really entertaining his presence?

Yeah, don't talk to alreadyinuse, it just encourages him. It is like every children's horror story: Your belief makes him stronger .

He's the first poster I've ever ignored.
I guess I'm all grown up now.

And covering your head with the bedsheets of Irreverent Sarcasm will force him back into the Closet of Ignore-dom.

DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU PICTURE? JESUS! CLICK ON THE COMIC BELOW TO SEE IT IN FULL SCREEN MODE

Comment left by garcon ignored.

Not bad, but you should have had Dromiceiomitina say something.

A hearty ignore! Fuck off now.

Comment left by garcon ignored.

Off of your mother's bed.

...I jumped after our sexual romp.

BOOM.

shackalacka?

lacka boom boom.

BOOM! Shake shake shake the room?

Look, I've said this already. All I want to do is a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom. And maybe shake the rump. Is that too much to ask, goddammit? We came all this way, after all.

tick tick
tick tick
BOOM

AAAAAhhh!!!

SHAKE EVERYYBODY SING IT NOW SHAKE ONE MORE TIME I SAY SHAKE EVERYBODY SAY IT NOW SHAKE

Ooh aah just a little bit ooh aah a little bit more.

GAO GAO GAH OOH BUGGA BUGGA
GAO GAO GAH BOO SHIGGA BUGGA
What do you expect, a rrrrubber biscuit?

Hilarious!

Duly noted. And now he is the also my first ignore. Dang, but that felt good. %u2665

...note to self: hearts don't work here.

Note: %u2665 equals "heart" in BB Code.

AIU has popped more ignore cherries than hedonismbot has with rape cherries.

Yum! I like cherries!
Are they better than masochio?

(That's a good pun, SJE! Have a chubby!)
(Thanks, friends! I try so hard to impress you! I love you guys.)
(We love you too.)
*hug*

Aww, that's so cute! *Squishhug*

Stacks OOOOOONNNNNN!

GROUP HUG!

Okay, but I warn you: I have all kinds of shit on my hands.

(What would Kate say?)

I love kate

I kinda sorta like Kate, as well.

She's fine in her own right, I suppose, but I wouldn't say that I necessarily love the girl.

Although you do. DOUBLE TALK.

In my defense, the girls didn't know it was rape at the time I was doing it.

In their defense, they were mostly on Ambien

Comment left by garcon ignored.

Whiteturtle wrote: "Yeah, don't talk to alreadyinuse, it just encourages him. It is like every children's horror story: Your belief makes him stronger."

I believe in all of you, including AIU. And I am fully self-expressed. So I will decline your request, and talk to him whenever I feel inclined. It is my hope that it will make him stronger (something I think we'd all pull for if we got what that really entailed). But thank you for asking.

Let me opportune this communication to acknowledge you for some of the brilliance I have seen you generate in the short time you have been back. It has been a wonder to behold. I can see how clearly you were missed while not internetable. Thank you!

Ok, that's it.

You say one more stupid thing, lechatbotte, and I'm IGNORING YOU and I'm advising everyone else to do the same.

Trolls is trolls, you can't change them by TALKING TO THEM.

It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pain or pity or remorse.

But if it bleeds, we can kill it, right?

I agree but I'm not going to treat lechabotte the same as a troll. He's just being optimistic, not trolling.

Hey y'all. Heard my name being mispronounced.

So, if I get ya' straight, guitarhero buddy, you're saying that what you don't get must be stupid? And that you will get me to heel with threats of being ignored? Man, I sure remember being young and thinking I knew it all!

Now I'm older, I really get that I don't know much, and that knowing really isn't a very powerful place to be. I hope you'll try "getting" this next part (not understanding it, just "getting it).

Trolls is trolls. And they can be found in the same place as cats in boots. Story books!

But this is not a story book! This is your one and only life. Every moment is precious. None of them come back again. Every time you dehumanize another human being to any degree, you destroy workability for yourself now, and into the future. What does it mean? Just more and more things on your list of what you want in life get pushed further and further away from today, and closer and closer to that "someday" that comes two days after you're pushing up daisies. You really don't have time for it!

Also, I'm not here to change anything, or anyone. The more you change things, the more they haven't really changed. I'm here to have a conversation. In the end, the only two things that we ever really have in life are the eternal millisecond that is "right now" and the conversations we fill those "nows" with. There is nothing else!

And these words we use have power like we don't even begin to realize sometimes. When you say, "Troll!", you create something. Then you resist it, and it gains power and persists. When I say, "No, human being.", then I create something else. Then I accept him just the ways he is and just the ways he ain't.

Now, one of two things will happen. If he really is a human being who wants to shock, terrorize, cause fear, feel all powerful and cool because of what he can do here, he ain't going to get what he needs from being accepted and loved. He will leave. A feared and ignored "troll" is much more powerful than a loved and accepted misbehavin' youth!

But if instead he is (and I believe this to be so) a young man dealing with what it is to be human in the best ways he knows how, treating him with love and respect will inspire him to live up being "human", instead of down to being a "troll". Chubbies and lames, a gentle nudge ("That was a bit over the line."), honest requests ("please don't do that anymore.") - we can't help but see more of the brilliance that he possess, and less of the bored playing around to see what will happen. But this only works if he is sincerely accepted and loved!

Either way, he wins, the community wins, life itself wins.

I know your smart, Guitarhero. I've read your posts. I get why a lot of this may sound like hoowie. It sure don't jive with what the world's been teaching ya'! Just try it on. You don't have to believe it, or accept it or anything. Just try it. It either works, or it don't.

Authentically: if you ignore me into the JIA, and all the people I love here turn their back on me, it really wouldn't arrive for me as a harm. I'm still in the conversation, even if all I can do is be the listener. And I'll still leave cat paw prints all over the place so that if anyone ever unignores me, they can have a laugh. Who I am doesn't require you to hear it for me to be it.

Invidious has made an assessment of what a real troll would be like. No human being is made of such stuff. You give away too much power when you make someone a troll.

Nice-on-water thinks I'm just optimistic. There is some of that, but really, I'm not being optimistic about any of you. I just see you differently then you see yourselves. It is not optimistically. It is who you really are. And who I really am. If you choose to see what I see, you can not help but be what I am.

I hate to whip out the tl;dr, but I only searched for my name. Honestly, some things don't deserve the amount of thought we give them.

Agreed! I just rate life as being one thing worth it.

I'm not your buddy, pal.

Some people don't want to play "south park references".

But I never get to!

Also, as far as I'm concerned lechatbotte is a troll because his posts are always INSANELY LONG and have nothing to do with any conversation ever in the history of conversations and are also unnecessary.

I'm not going to get into the LCB debate (not a troll, just wordy), but I wanted to point out that little buddy-pal-friend-etc thing is NOT a South Park thing by origin. It greatly predates South Park. It is classic. It is welcome. It just needs to be set up better than up above.

GuitarHero:

Look around, buddy: most of my posts are one or two line zingers. I'm not afraid to expound when needed. Feel free to skip any of it that don't suit ya'!

All of it? There's a word for that: IGNORE.

If ya' wish. Such things hurt you worse than they do me. Either way, I'll keep on enjoying you just the way you are!

Comment left by straycatrut ignored.

What the flock? This is way too heavy for Internets. Sound like a youth pastor or some sort of new age stuff. Keep 'em short, make a joke, and move on. The urge to save our fellow beings is a good one, but don't bore them to death in the process. Serve as an example, rather than droning on and on.

Not a youth paster, nor a new age guru, and I'm not sure I like being compared to one!

But really, (egads!) did I actually drone? Euh.

Oh my eyes and limbs, what do you want? Oh my lungs and liver, what do you want? Oh goroo, goroo!

All I wanted to know is if you wanted to buy a jacket?

(And I never thought of you as a tosspot who would make a deal with the devil, but if that's what your trying to say. . . .)

oh god.. crushed.. under lengthy diatribe... must read whole thing to survive...

Not a diatribe, but yeah a bit long. (It didn't feel that long writing it, then I hit "post" and found out I'd written the great American novel. Sorry about that!)

So, did you survive? I hope it wasn't too brutal. . .

PROTIP: The alt text is implying that Ray would eventually want Tina to go out like Sylvia Plath .

Ray is no Ted Hughes. He dosn't have it in him to write something a beautiful as Crow or as touching as The Iron Man . The Crow and Iron Man maybe.

The Iron Crow?

Thank you octafish, may I have another.

Well, as of this moment, you're on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!

*GASP*

...Crab Louie?

It is a lettuce-based cold salad with crab meat.

That sounds delightful compared to my meal in front of me, which I can't really name (there's a name for it, but it's not exactly what it should be).

My University cafeteria salsbury steak with lima beans which appear to have something in them that I can only pray is bacon say Hi.

(I'm so scared it isn't bacon)

I had a lo mein type thing...I think. They had corndogs but as I walked past them I gagged at the thought of eating it, especially from a college (university) cafeteria.

My caf is good.

Topped the list in the country.

Don't look it up, stalkers.

I will find it and I will go to it and I will eat the food from it .

I work there as well.

Please do not get me fired.

Oh no, now I definitely gave away too much information.

Oh goddamn. Oh godDAMN .

My mother, Jane Higsby who lives at 312 Punett Road, Derry, NH, will be very upset with me, indeed.

I will find that house and I will go to that house and I will eat the food from that house.

No!!!

Well, at least call her up and ask her if you can come over. I mean, she might as well be prepared.
603-523-2989

I will call that number and I will find the location of that number and I will eat the food at that number's location.

Nice-on-water: He likes food?

Tune in next time to find out, on

Celebrity Stories

Hi Tina, yeah no I'm not going to be home for dinner... What? No, I am not being buried alive again... If you must know, I'm going bowling with Beef tonight, but the thing is I'm swamped at work... I know I'm the boss but listen... Yeah Tina you're not listening... Yeah, no... but... I wish I was buried alive ... Oh nothing, I said Phish always ferried... the Jive? ...No Honey I was talking to Lyle not you... Yeah I'll see you tonight... No I'll be late... Yeah after bowling Beefs goingtolockmeinaglasscoffinandsuspendmefromacraneandI'll bethereforthreeweeksbye! *click*

hush

Hush?

Thought I heard her calling my name now

Chee chop a woman and nawp nawp s'blain now.

Hush?

Oh maaaaan, thank you very much for that flashback. V-chubby chubby chub.

What's this from?

from what is still the greatest show of all time.

It slant rhymes with "Duffy the Sandpiper Shaver".

I was reminded of this guy.


Jump on his a-head!

Where do I know this image from?

Nothing worth remembering.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that's a goomba from the super mario brothers movie (thank you, sparhawk, for jogging my memory). I haven't seen it since I was about 5 years old so I honestly don't know whether it's as bad as people say.

YES.
Thank you!
You are right.

It's worse than people say. It is a movie so bad that it is not possible under current linguistics to sufficiently describe its awfulness.

Unfortunately, it was released before it was cool to like really awful movies.

It's ten times better than Dante's Peak . That's how bad it is!

That's supposed to be a Goomba. How the hell is that a Goomba? Did you try throwing a shell at it? What happened? Did he turn flat? No, he didn't. He just stood there letting the blonde girls into the club and getting potato chip crumbs in your hair.

...Fuck out my face.

Why shave a sandpiper? Wouldn't it be easier to pluck it?

Thanks for the terrifying memories.

I watched this episode of Buffy for the first time yesterday and it was both terrifying and really really really good.

Hush!

Though I heard her calling my name now...

Agh! NO. That was a terrible Batman story. Just awful.

It was like the whole show was like a joke or something.

Arg! NO. The Hush story. No one really dislikes the Adam West Batman. Tekende I didn't really like it either, but you say hush I say Dr. Thomas Elliot. It is how I roll.

What I want to know is what Ray was doing drinking Long Island Iced Tea. I mean, damn. Is he even allowed to be a homeboy anymore? I need to go get the rulebook. Brb, folks.

Unless he begins to it is clever and gunny to go around ordering drinks with dirty names then I say let him be.

at my college bar, they served Long Islands to female patrons in a curvy glass with a cherry, and to male patrons in a standard pint glass with no cherry. So I think it is OK for dudes to drink, as long as it's in the proper glass.

Tina ordered it for him. Homeboy's major drink is whatever his skirt buys for him.

Long Island Iced Teas are a completely excellent choice for any right thinking lady or fellow. They have all the main boozes in and are mainly booze! a dash of coke to finish up so lol

I burned down my house to cook my Hot Pocket. That's like marrying Tina twice.

So that is what Talking Heads were going on about.

Aaaaaah-AH!
Hun-ger
::dao dao::
You need I need to pla-CATE it
::dao::

etc

How'd the Hot Pocket turn out?

Ah, you know those things always cook uneven, even with the pocket. You know how they do.

The pocket all bursting on one end, the cheese running out into a congealed pool on the plate. You know the pocket will be dry on the inside and you think "Should I just eat the cheese? What does that make me if I peel the cheese off and eat it? Who am I?"

Then you take a few tortilla chips and use them to scoop the cheese up so that you aren't a guy eating melted microwave cheese with his bare fingers.

Fuck Hot Pockets.

Actually I would just inspect it at eye-level for a few seconds then slide the whole thing out of the pocket, into my mouth in one piece, feel the intense heat, run around the kitchen screaming, then when it finally cools I chew it 3 or 4 times then swallow it all in one huge biley chunk of pepperoni, mozzarella, and crispy crusty tender flaky crust.

The only way to enjoy a Hot Pocket. See box for enjoying Lean Pockets.

1) Microwave for 2 minutes
2) remove sleeve
3) drop in toilet
4) call for takeout

Ugh... did I eat that or just... rub it all over my face?

Dammit, Steve !

I was praying that you would do this, Elbox, and I guess you heard my prayers.

Is it your birthday?

If only someone had heard your prayers that whole time you were trapped in hedonismbot's basement.

Don't tell me my whistlin' is good.

Whistlin's dead.

And we both

Know that.


Winkler does rule man, that's good stuff.

5) ???

Oh God but do I regret it.

Oh, hey, Tina. Sorry I haven't been home. I'm calling from the Mariana Trench. Yeah. They got me doin' crazy research down in here. All fishes and what not. Well, I wish I coulda been home for our anniversary. I'll make it up to you once I finish ascending back to the surface in my yellow submarine. I been livin' in this thing. Man, I miss you baby.

If you're low on cash this month I put a couple hundos in the bottom drawer of my tool cabinet. They're in the drill where the battery should go.

Love ya baby. Gotta go scrape the inside of the Earth some more. Findin' all kinds of aliens and even some of Hitler's DNA down here.

Hitler's DNA just gets everywhere. And it's a bugger to get out.

FUCK TINA

good arc though ... so far?

It would be better if it didn't seem like today wraps it up. Ray and Beef need to confront the hell out of Tina.

It don't say "the end" at the end, so ?

Ah, but we all learned from the piano/soul-selling episode that it's not as clear as that, didn't we?

Reason for the ? instead of being sure.

People sometimes use the ? as an instrument of tone rather than punctuation, which, while linguistically DICK, is still quite effective.
Eg: "I have to go to the store."
"I thought you already went."
"Uh, no?"
That's what I thought you were doing.

True 'nuf?

Maybe?

Assetbar loves using it for all sorts of things cabr?n

This is my first arc since I discovered the comic, I think.
I mean, the first that I watched evolve from the beginning.

Well arc this, probie. (I've been watching DVDs of "Rescue Me")

Denis Leary is a god.

A shitty god who shits crappy comedy and overcompensates by yelling and talking about eating whales.

Fuck Dennis Leary.

Yes.

But I must say I authentically like his rants, even when they are way off!

Very true, but what I've seen of "Rescue Me," I've liked. Leary's comedy act, though, is fucking horrible.

C. K. Louis is awesome, by the way.

Leary shows us the scabby cancerous side of life, full of infidelity, drunkeness and bile, but funny at the same time -- galllows humor, life suck so bad it's got to be made fun of.

Yeah, I'm glad Onstad has them at least address the shit they got up to. Like, other than the GOF and a couple other really significant arcs, they usually just trail off and come back the next day like nothing happened, all but wearing the same outfit and cracking a trademark joke, asking what Uncle Jesse's doing with that guitar! Silly!

...that turned into a bitchy bitch-man comment.

not really. i 2'd it.

Everyone hates Tina so freaking much. I was sort of hoping Molly would stop being the only mainstay female character in Achewood with this arc.

The difference is that Tina sucks ass. There is practically nothing about here remotely amicable except, perhaps, that she "keeps it real" -- if you're into that sort of thing.

I think it should be revealed that Todd is a female.

I suppose it would explain why he don't wear no gunny sack.

Well nobody is saying Tina is going to move in with you, she'd just be another character in the comic, one that has potential to make funny situations.

Tina is a bitch, but a bitch can be a good character. These new Tina strips are hilarious! What a bitch!

That might still happen?

By the time of their first anniversary it%u2019s all txt messages:
PENGUIN PECKED PHONE SO HARD. MIC OUT. 3 MORE WEEKS TILL RB COMES WITH THE AIRWOLF. MONEY=OVEN. RAY

hm, '

Dude and apostrophe catastrophe.

Watch out where the huskies go...

Rare Zappa reference. Dynamo Hum.

Coincidence: I am now listening to "The Gumbo Variations." WEIRD!

Now I kind of want to get married so I can have classy dinner parties with my friends where we talk about current events and the state of the economy. Oh how I wish to take a boat trip to France and have my children be best friends with the offspring of my friends. MARIA I AM GOING TO MARRY YOU IMMEDIATELY. It is a good idea because a cat convinced me.

Hey, is your name a reference to that one Russian Communist newspaper? (Thank you, Lenin biography I read in 9th grade!)

Also: v-chub.

In some ways yes, in some ways no. HOPE THAT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION.

Read: "I don't know what you're talking about."

More like: "The name was chosen in part as a reference to the Soviet publication and also for more aesthetic and personal reasons." YOU DON' KNOW ME SPECCER! But it is okay because you made me smile.

It just means "truth".

%u041C%u043E%u043B%u043E%u0434%u0435%u0446!

Laming myself for finding out assetbar doesn't accept Cyrillic. The hard way. :(

ALSO YOU CAN'T LAME YOURSELF JESUS FUCK ARGHHH.

Don't get down on yourself, pravda! You've taught me so much.

Cyrillic? CYRILLIC?!? This shit won't render a plus sign and does apostrophes only grudgingly. What in the HELL made you think it might do Cyrillic? I'm going to get a drink.

Look at what your hubris has wrought.

As a guy who is taking Russian, high five!

"Privyet, menyah zavoot Behriohneeks."

Damn. I remember that relationship. Making excuses not to go home, David Blaine looking like a god damn ballet dancer compared to my hackneyed, drugged to the eyeballs, phone-off, city-based misadventures.

You know what, this prostitute is totally coked up, she thinks that she can talk to her dead boyfriend through a medium, this conversation is entirely necessary at 4 am on a busy street in The Cross.

when its ma ice creme it does melt
win it dribbal it get on amb elt
i ciry as ma treat melts 2 da ground
on da otter han ma soup gets cold
ovr tim it tast bad an when i sip i scold
why can dis not b da otter way around?

a quix pome, jusa quix 1 abot fute cuz i am hunbly. arbies on da way tho that stuff is gute

and momint ub silnece 4 dose huey dieted on 9/11 01

...

gba eerybdy

*Bows head*

A comment left by akarroa was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by gladi8orrex, Lumus, Crater12)

i see what you're doing and i'm honest when i say i know you'll mistranslate something hilarious.

..that day is not today.

I..I really was trying...;-;

Screw you, cabjptchkds, I lolled. Not quite as much as I did at "stringy old mind," but that don't matter none.

a moment of silence for those who died on 9/11/01.

...

God bless America, everybody.

Comment left by garcon ignored.

Were you hugged enough as a child?

Thank you for that insensitive rant. This is not the place to discuss whether or not America was justified in Iraq.
This is a place to respect those who died on 9/11.

And America rocks. Maybe this administration is terrible, but America still rocks

OH GOD HE'S BEING IRREVERENT.

He's a troll. Don't even acknowledge him. Please.

I didn't even realize he was a troll until after I commented. I figured that he was just someone who was a little too upset about the war and wanted to voice his opinions.
I'll ignore him.
Won't cha forgive me, father? 'Cause I have sinned. Please?

Actually although AIU has hella trolled in the past, as Garcon he wasn't really trolling, he was ranting. The difference being that he isn't just trying to get a rise out of you, he is saying what he thinks about a subject (albeit aggressively). Auto-ignore did an excellent job of preventing the board being spammed to shit, but I don't like that I have to unignore garcon manually because everyone reflexively ignores him (although it is certainly a price I'm willing to pay, since the only reason he chilled out is thanks to auto-ignore).

or perhaps my jerk tolerance is way high.

That second one.

I'm with ya' NumberKillinger. This was a rant, and I've done no better somedays. I'm not particularly aligned with it, but hella admire the passion!

I consider it trolling because I really don't think he said that just to express his opinion without getting a rise out of someone.

Comment left by garcon ignored.

I hate to agree with him, but he has a point, though a horribly made one. This may not be the place for a political discussion, but appending "God Bless America" to "respect for those who died" every time someone mentions 9/11 is already a political move, even if it's an unintentional one. We can all agree that it is a bad thing that those 3000 people died, not because they were Americans, but because they were people. To attempt to tie that sentiment to some sort of religiously-tinged patriotism is offensive both to the memory of the dead and to the people that would still like to pretend we don't live in a theocracy.

America neither rocks or sucks. Like most other countries, it is an arbitrarily bounded territory of land where a bunch of completely different and unrelated people and groups live under a common ruling body. You can have opinions on the government, the people, or perhaps the Constitution, but "America" as a whole is a fake idea.

You're absolutely right.

BUT

Let's please not get into this. This is supposed to be a somewhat smarter-than-average forum (from my experience), and let's keep it that way.

"The gall of that newcomer nice-on-water"

Nice gall you've got there. Still achilleselbow's post there was a smarter-than-average comment on another comment that was completely below-par. Quite frankly I haven't agreed as much with a post as much as that one. Achilleselbow has my approval .

...and now my Chuppie.

AND MY AXE

Clichecles, what news from the north?

CLICHECLES
LOVE THEM?

irateturk's girlfriend sure loved them

STORY AT 11

Oh hee man. CHUB.

I do agree. He said it well.

I was actually surprised at my level of jingoism.
I'm not usually like that. I guess I was saying that to get him mad.
And I'm in a good mood today, anyway.
Sorry to disappoint you, mr. Woodenteeth.

You dissapointed me? No no no... I got the idea that Achilles was responding to some kinda troll that I have on Ignore. Your post was benign. Like you were barracking for USA at the Olympics. Which is just fun times.

Especially considering that best case scenario, the comments which would follow would only piss off almost everybody who reads them for one reason or another.

My wife just had her gall bladder out!
Not funny, not cool, and not acceptable in my Rockin' U.S. of freakin' A.

(God bless it.)

This is true, but I myself wasn't trying to tie that in religiously. I just think that America is overall a good country, and I would rather live here than any other country. I like more things about America than I hate.
Also, I was just trying to annoy garcon.
I am an atheist, by the way, and I never say "God Bless" anything . And Christian fundamentals who say that God is on our side annoy me too.

You think that America is a granfalloon, and I guess I agree with you. But as a place, and a government, it is good enough for me.

Garcon views me as a jingoistic red-necked moron who holds positive feelings for something for no good reason. But just because I didn't give a reason why I like America doesn't actually mean I have no good reason. Garcon is simply assuming I'm a moron.

My point is that I feel like I mischaracterized myself, and my feelings towards America are pro, and garcon needs to learn how to deal with people better.

Atheist-five!

Atheist-Five, Assemble!

Form of . . .Richard Dawkins!

Power of... Pragmatism!

Ho, my more resolute comrades! It is I, Agnostico!

::everyone snickers and walks away::

Yea, it's kind of funny. For a lot of us who are dissatisfied with things about America, it's purely an ideological matter. It horrifies me to think about the war, Guantanamo, hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqi civilians, tax dollars being used to overthrow democratically elected rulers in Latin America and elsewhere, and the people who want to ban evolution along with abortion and stem cell research. But all it does is horrify me. I don't have friends or family in the military or in Iraq, and my field of work is somewhat insulated from the dismal economy. Despite my best efforts, I have yet to knock anyone up, and if I do have kids they probably won't be going to school in Kansas. So yea, for my immediate life, America's a pretty good place and I appreciate that. I just know there are a lot more people both inside and outside the country for whom America's policies haven't been so great, and this is what bothers me. If only I could learn to be completely apathetic.

Apathy rocks .


I'm interested in apathy.

Sorry. Your application to our group has been declined.

I guess. I really don't care; I'm just following orders.

You have a cartoonish view of the world. Appropriate to a cartoon message board, come to think of it.

As opposed to your view, which I'm sure is extremely well-thought-out and informed.

I'm one of your cartoons, man, how could my views be informed and well-thought-out? I don't even listen to public radio.

You have it a little backwards, my friend . All I've done is state my opinions in as nuanced and rational a manner as I could. I made no assumptions about your views or anyone else's - you are not a part of my cartoon show ! But of course you simply glaze over what I say, because you already decided long ago that I fit into your general archetype of those brainwashed hippies you have spent much of your life disdaining and whom you think you have completely figured out. You're right on man, I'm just another silly leftist brainwashed by academia. Hey, did you know that we like to sit at Starbucks and wear Che Guevara shirts that we bought for $20 while ranting about the evils of capitalism? Oh and we all totally worship Obama like he's some kind of god even though we hate religion? Isn't that hilarious? It's like...it's like we all think we're nonconformists, but we're conforming to each other!

But not you, no. You're much too smart for this, and I'm sure you love making these very original and clever critique on those right-wing blogs with flippantly cynical names that you sometimes visit. Oh yes, we're just a bunch of silly youth following a fad. And because you are older and therefore have an infinitely more wise and non-cartoonish view of the world - the kind that comes not from any particular knowledge but good ol' fashioned experience - it's not even worth it for you to make a logical rebuttal to any one of my points. Rather, you will just sit back from the keyboard with a wry smile and chuckle at my naivete.

Feels pretty good to be you, doesn't it Dave?

My feeling for a long time has been that everyone needs "someone" to look down his or her nose at. I figured out recently that mine is "Disaffected Youth." So, full marks for perspicacity.

Who is yours?

I like to alternate. The Bible-thumping, flag-waving, pro-war rednecks are too easy of a target, though that doesn't make their existence any less real or the fact that they vote any less scary. Then you have the basic knee-jerk hippie liberals who embrace a whole slew of contradictory positions, such as being for women's rights but unwilling to criticize other cultures where they are not valued, being for illegal immigration but against the corporations that thrive on it, and disliking organized religion but embracing the latest eastern spirituality fad, all this combined with a misguided optimism and faith in "the people". And then you have the self-styled libertarians and college Republicans who love to think of themselves as independent-minded rebels against all those liberal sheep with their peace slogans and stupid folk music. They are very eager to prove that their decision to conform and follow the standard business path is actually the pinnacle of nonconformity, which they do by wearing suits to every class and quoting Ayn Rand incessantly. And the cycle goes on and on, each group one-upping the other.

I would like to think that during my life I've progressed through the second and third stages to where I am now, which is that of a cynical Socialist realist whose ideal form of government is enlightened despotism. But this is beside the point, which is that ALL political attitudes are formed around a desired self-image and in opposition to an undesired caricature. Which is why I consciously try to do nothing but state each of my positions as clearly as I can without resorting to the common trope of making assumptions about the unstated worldviews of imaginary opponents. Of course, I can do the latter as well.

So, back to the point, which of my stated positions struck you as cartoonish?

Whew! Can't wait to hear what you think once you actually have lived a little.

Thank you!

First, I congratulate both AIU and Achilleselbow for well stating a view that may or may not be recieved popularly. I call it risking it all on authenticity.

Two quotes sum up my view:

"The United States of America has the worst form of government on earth, except for all the others."

"Apathy is a small man's premature death."

Ach: be glad you feel, think and care. It's what makes ya' human! I invite you to inquire into what is lacking, the absence of which makes the difference in this country being all that you envision it capable of being, and then stand in the spot of being about that happening. If everyone took the time to do that, what would this country and the world look like?

Kansas is a decent state to get a public education in.

What the hell!? Aaaah. I see. It's a general site with the state selection.

God is on the side with the bigger battalions.

big, firm battalions

Battalions, love 'em!

BATTALIONS, LOVE EM
BELLICOSE

But...

Garcon is a troll.

Everyone arguing about this makes me want to move to my own country, or sit in a corner and cry.

Move to your own country? Thereby seperating yourself from a country that insults you because they believe themselves to be a collective group called a country. Do you only let people into your new country that don't believe is actually a country?

Cry harder!

www.lol@allualls.com/blogabotit

The voice of reason.

This was my first chubber for glad. It felt good. I can see why all the rest of you do it so much.

A BLOO BLA BLOOOOOO!
BLOOO BLOOOOOO!

You're wrong. It rocks. Exhibit A: USC Cheerleaders.
You're too cool for school, I don't know why you bother.

America is the greatest idea humans have had to date, aside from Obamanation, of course. But really, self-rule by the people, equality under the law, how can you beat that?

Ever since Pogo changed his avatar it feels like he must have stumbled upon Donald, tasselled loafer of corporate bonhomie and cigar expertise.

The Trumpster? That Donald? I know it appears to be a change, but I actually used this avatar right after the handface weekend because it was available from my last job (magazine editor). I always wanted to be the "real" me on this board, but quickly reallized who that could fuck up my email and shit, so I remain anomynous, but showing me real face. Also, the suit and stuff freaks out the young men here, and that's funny. And of course, "Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man."

Pogo! You un-ignored me! {sob}

You can't tell us the magazine title without blowing your cover, but I am slightly intrigued nonetheless.

Yes, I'm giving you a chance, even though during my last binge, I did think trollishly of you. The mag was an obscure one, only covering one state.

It it's not Wyoming Titty Aficionado I'll be disappointed.

Sorry Pogo, but I had to share your triumphant ascent to publishing...


Aw yeah, them titties be hangin' proud! It was great gig, but I couldn't afford to keep paying them to let me be editor.

You are the most unorthodox 59-year-old.

Thanks. I try. (Actually, I can't seem to help it.)

Yeah, I hate to admit it myself, but this is one time I kinda agree with the troll. But you express your opinion much more thoughtfully and cogently, Achilles. My feelings on your post here are pro.

"So in conclusion this has been my ideas about current, political events. I hope you enjoyed reading my essay and you are armed with knowledge to better light up the dark corners of ignorace. Thank you. The end."

I had a feeling this would be lamed. But it was already too late.

Don't Stay Awake and Comment, kids

*bows head as well*
I didn't even realize that was today . . . .

I know this feeling.

I know this

when it's my ice cream it does melt.
when it dribbles it gets on my belt.
i cry as my treat melts to the ground
on the other hand my soup gets cold.
over time it tastes bad and when i sip it's cold.
why can this not be the other way around..?

a quick poem. just a quick one about food 'cos i'm hungry. arby's on the way though. that stuff is good.

Alternatively,

"Other times it tastes bad and when I sip I scold."

Just an alternative interpretation.

it is a good thing Ray is so rich to handle all the medical bills he racks up.

also...how do you possibly test 'positive' for a food..?

srsly.

They find some of the proteins in your blood from the food that you ate.

I am pulling this completely out of my ass, but I've been informed that if your urine smells funny after a rich restaurant meal, it's from the proteins in the food that you ate.

I don't make a habit of smelling my urine after or before a meal, rich or not.

Man, you need to make a practice of it. You might be insufficiently hydrated.

"So, we noted the color and viscosity. It was a brighter yellow, and a thicker brew than what we expected. Its bouquet had a warm high note of a protein-rich, spicy meal, with a low garlic note and a tannic hint. We suspect that its production lacked sufficient water, and had ingredients consistent with too much Crab Louie, alcohol and tea. This vintage will not age well."

You can't avoid it if you're as near to it as you should be when you pee.

Well, my penis is just so enormously long that I'm generally nowhere near my urine.

Sometimes I have to go into the ladies' room just to make sure I'm at a proper distance to make sure my pee lands in a toilet in the mens' room.

Poor!

I have the same problem. Sometimes I have to go into your bedroom while I'm doing your mom.

Rhapsodic ribald riposte!

Unless you're peeing fine wine, and I ain't met that dude yet!

Beef speaks Truth!

Man Onstand has a real boner for Sodium Pentothal, this is like the sixth reference to it by name .

Also I love that last panel so much FUCK

Really?
I have to read the archives again.

He's lying, I only saw one other reference. Still, 2 is damn near a lot, considering.

It's in the blogs extensively, mostly Mr. Bear's.

Aw damn. Apologies.

For those not interested in scouring Cornelius' blog posts for the reference (like me, it would seem), Mr. Bear found a vial of sodium pentothal in a hidden drawer in his bar, and he and Roast Beef decided to secretly try it on Ray to see what kind of stuff he would say.

The result was markedly different from this strip, but I don't think we need to fault Onstad for continuity, do we?

There are like 9 or 10 Beatles references.

The Beatles: Bigger Than Sodium Pentothal? A Retrospective

Hilarious!

I love Ray's smile in panel 1, it's like he just hit a home run, doggie.

i can't begin to describe how much i think that this is the best way to describe it.

Isn't that same look he had on his face when he got beaned in the face during Stoned Lightning?

THANK YOU FOR EXPLAINING THE JOKE :|

I WASN'T SURE IF YOU GOT IT. THERE'S A FORK IN THE ROAD THAT SEPARATES SUBTLETY AND COMPLETE AMBIGUITY ON THE ROAD OF LINGUISTICS. YOU WOULD DO WELL TO TREAD THEM WITH CARE.

FUCK I AM PLAYING THE DICK NOW :(((((((

nice-on-water does a :(((((((, do you:
1) Put him on Ignore
2) Lame him
3) Keep scrolling and not wrack your brain for a third option which is somehow vaguely and ironically related to a previous strip while still assuring the fairly benign nice-on-water that you meant no real insult from the joke.

Maybe he was going to write something, but he forgot to write it and close all the parentheses.

I believe that everyone is basically good.

he forgot to write "HUUUUUUUGZZ))))))))):" on the other side.

Maybe it means I am so sad I sprouted more mouths with which to display my sorrow.

I want to respond but there are so many potential traps. I probably already fell into one. Touche, you bastard. Hecka respect. Scroll on.

Shh...shh, go to sleep little one. It's Christmas tomorrow...shh...shh, that's it. Mommy's little baby.

I too often feel immense sadness and dejection after playing the dick. See here .

On a related note, I just realized that Large Hardon Collider is a highly inadvisable game you could play with friends while inebriated.

Play it like the ugliest guitar.

I can't stop trying to figure out what your icon is doing. He's either scratching his chin.. or fellating a carrot...

Who said it's a carrot?

It looks clear to me that he is bullemic and has chosen a rather precarious location to do the deed .

Kamet has done some things of which she is not proud.

Although the basketball team speaks of her with hushed reverence...

I had the weirdest vision of Leeloo Dalas at the head of her own Basketball Team Army, not unlike Helen of Troy's own crazy situation.

Inducing vomit?

was that a Fast Times at Ridgemont High reference?
If so, awesome .

Since when do I look like a carrot?



Pleeeease Assetbar.

Please...it needs to get dressed.

I don't feel like I have a whole lot of options here.

So, Doc, is this a kind of vegetable Rosache?

'Cause if it is, I really like the picture of the carrots shaped like the letter "P" and an elephant.

Rorschach or Roseacre?

Rosicrucian?

HOLY SHIT THERE ARE WAY TOO FUCKING MANY ANIMATED AVATARS ON THIS PAGE

GIVIN ME A GODDAMN SEIZURE

WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE REPLYING TO THEIR OWN POSTS TOO.


AND TOO MUCH FUCKING CAPSLOCK

animated avatars are in, they are the new pink.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I HOPE THIS IS NOT TOO ANNOYING LOL.
(I'm kidding. I like you. Have a hug.)

F4 will freeze those avatars cold.

Actually, that doesn't seem to work. Try F-you.

Can you please remind me what your avicon if from?
That pig is so familiar and menacing.

And now that I have finally asked you, I see that you have already answered my query further on down the page.

It's cerebus.

drskradleys bass?

drskradley has a fish named cerebus?

There's nothing so odd about that. Kemel Attaturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul.

(At least it wasn't a Holy Grail quote.)

i

get

it

some of those are my fault.

Am I missing something but how is Tina not a good match for Ray. Someone link me to some previous shit because I cannot recall.

[img]https://img518.imageshack.us/my.php?image=tinasucksqy8.jpg[/i]

1: Tina refers to herself as a "diva". Fuck that.

2: Tina hit Roast Beef. You do not do that. Ray does not like that. See Great Outdoor Fight.

3: Tina sucks.

4: Tina has the same sunglasses worn by the fat ladies in Farside comics.


That's all the reasons I need.



DAMN YOU ASSETBAR



:(

Uh-oh.
joestork is gunna killl youuu . . . .

cerebus does not like the dancing cat

cerebus thinks that you are ALL out to get cerebus.

Hmm... achewood and cerebus... the two great chauvinistic masterpieces of comic fiction, right?

But then joe stork is from the land of comicdom's first genderqueer protagonist.

Discuss? I... think not.

I don't know what you are talking about, but I wikid Cerebus, and it seems interesting.

Are there any strips online?

I guess there might be sample pages. cerebus is like a one hundred million page long graphic novel that started in the 70s. Not much online, I don't think.

But you should check it out. one of the greatest things ever written, IMHO, before the author went totally insane halfway through.

Would that moment be before or after he introduced an elvish character that spoke like Foghorn Leghorn?

No, that level of insanity is par for the course with cerebus. I'm thinking of the generally accepted tipping point: the misogynistic screed in issue #186.

That's when he went all bobby fischer. Not to say there aren't highlights in the later stuff but... yeesh.

oddly enough, I am about to launch a blog wherein a friend and I review all 300 issues of Cerebus one at a time. Keep a look out.

Do you mean Joe Stork, purveyor of progeny to prince and proletariat from Coconino County, or is there some other trendy underground comix guy called Joe Stork that I'm not cool enough to get?

...that sits atop his perch on the Enchanted Mesa...

Goddamn what a great fucking comic.

hell yes I'm talking about Krazy Kat, the ambiguously gendered one. my wording was kind of garbled.

btw, I've said it before but: Achewood = Modern Day Krazy Kat

no gags, just a bunch of weird animals hanging out, talking funny.

Yes. Oh God, that's so dead on. Seriously, they compliment each other in the slim ways that the other can't deliver on: Krazy Kat is never raunchy or colloquial, and Achewood is never mysteriously beautiful and innocent (maybe the Phillipe Kidnapped? arc approached that).

If the marabou slippers fit baby, a diva got to pronounce that shit .

I thought she called herself a diva because she had a Diva Dam.

I think she had a Diva Dam because she calls herself a diva. Get your causation right.

I think she had it because she loves liking assholes. I've been wrong about women on that point before though.

Well, I meant licking assholes, but the idea translates well enough. Nobody wants tapeworms of the throat.

I envy your ability to escape spelling errors on Assetbar unscathed.

But I am very upset with the image you just put in my head.

Better than ear herpes

What if she had a Diva Dam and she calls herself a Diva? No causation. No relation. Just both things happen to simultaneously be so.

Beats the hell out of getting a post hoc, ad hoc headache.

If you're saying the situation is one of correlation rather than causation, I express my affirmation.

Also: Masturbation.

I don't know anyone who uses a dental dam when touching themselves.

Then you haven't seen Shakespeare as it is meant to be played...

(?!). (I really don't think he's doing it right.)

Correlation may form a relation, even if it's other than causation. They may not be correlated in the least, and yet still be so. Call it causation, it is post hoc illogic. Call it correlation, it is ad hoc . Niether one really follows the rules. Both may be true, but logic says we don't have the info here to know.

(Please read it in Leonard Nimoy's voice.)

While Tina and Ray are similar people in many ways (i.e., "a match"), it does not follow that they should get married. This illogic is the cause of a huge number of marital failures.

Plus if Tina never enters the strip again, it leaves more room for Cornelius.

. . . and Phillippe, and Lie-bot, and Vlad, and T-T-T-Todd, and Pat, and . . . .

It's been a hella long time since we seen T-T-T-Todd.
More Todd please. Love that squirrel. (gratuitous post)

Chucklebot should drop a few rough ones on us, too.

"Gooood Tiiimes!"

With a hearty "What it is, you rock and roll faggots!"

I'm not sure how I feel about Achewood strips making use of footnotes. I do not think I would read a webcomic by David Foster Wallace.

(Shameless request for Edwell to illustrate the above)

The last Achewood comic published in his life possessed a footnote containing a somewhat oblique joke. O cosmic coincidence....

Doesn't Ray's cap having ear holes kind of defeat the point of him wearing a cap in the first place? Or have his ears been sterilised?

Oh man, a Fuck You Friday is coming! I can't wait for the strip, so go fuck yourselves, kids.

Did anybody mention yet that your current avacon (which I assume is you) looks like George Bush or possibly one of his advisors whose name I can't think of right now?

(Anybody know who I'm thinking of?)

Paul Wolfowitz without the Dumbo ears? Or a less frightening version of Rumsfeld? I dunno, all old people kinda look the same to me.

Younger, happier Rummie!

It's me, as much as any photo of a protean image clown can be me, and that was my generic business magazine editor look. Once old guys start combing their hair back and the gray starts, it all begins to blur. In fact, I look a little like you.

i am awash with relief