lacrimus
+0 -1
Ramses Smuckles respects robots.
Ramses Smuckles respects robots.
1
+3 -0
at least a robot can't get any of the kids pregnant, right?
at least a robot can't get any of the kids pregnant, right?
spinynorman
+3 -0
We're developing that technology.
We're developing that technology.
rateoforange
+2 -0
You mean turkey basters?
You mean turkey basters?
u235
+0 -0
You know how hard it is to get a robot to correctly position a turkey-baster, and to squeeze that baster with the right amount of force, at the right time? This isn't some high-school computer club project.
You know how hard it is to get a robot to correctly position a turkey-baster, and to squeeze that baster with the right amount of force, at the right time? This isn't some high-school computer club project.
foea
+0 -0
If making a baby was that difficult, there would be no trailer parks.
If making a baby was that difficult, there would be no trailer parks.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
More god damned dirty lies about me being neutered. This is defamation sir!
More god damned dirty lies about me being neutered. This is defamation sir!
d-pad
+1 -0
I'm curious as to how that came up. Did Ramses just go over and tell him that out of nowhere, or were they having a conversation that just naturally led there?
I'm curious as to how that came up. Did Ramses just go over and tell him that out of nowhere, or were they having a conversation that just naturally led there?
gmm
+0 -0
He respects the robots, and yet comes off as a little bit racist against robotkind. The man truly is a mystery.
He respects the robots, and yet comes off as a little bit racist against robotkind. The man truly is a mystery.
phy
+1 -0
He's not racist, he just believes in a very strong teacher's union and is against automation of an ancient and noble profe- ok yeah he's kind of a racist.
He's not racist, he just believes in a very strong teacher's union and is against automation of an ancient and noble profe- ok yeah he's kind of a racist.
falseprophet
+0 -2
No no no Ramses is not talkin about "his schools" as in the schools that his people, the cats of flesh and blood, attend, he is actually just gettin in a plug for his latest side-project called Ramses Luther's Cuffs n' Cookin' Martial Arts and Culinary Charter School for Children, located off Route 1 between XXX Live Nudes XXX and Lysander's Rib Shack where you can specialize in
- kickin asses
- dough hook attachments
- kickin asses with dough hook attachments
So you see guys this is not about racism this is just about Ramses wantin to preserve his people's way of life and robots would eventually start teachin children about math and logic and Big Bang Theory and us down South believe God created the Earth in seven days by saying that he did, not by havin sex with the universe that is mega-nasty man that is dog shit.
Teachin is a job that should not be outsourced to Robot Russia man we got enough Ferrignos takin our jobs
No no no Ramses is not talkin about "his schools" as in the schools that his people, the cats of flesh and blood, attend, he is actually just gettin in a plug for his latest side-project called Ramses Luther's Cuffs n' Cookin' Martial Arts and Culinary Charter School for Children, located off Route 1 between XXX Live Nudes XXX and Lysander's Rib Shack where you can specialize in
- kickin asses
- dough hook attachments
- kickin asses with dough hook attachments
So you see guys this is not about racism this is just about Ramses wantin to preserve his people's way of life and robots would eventually start teachin children about math and logic and Big Bang Theory and us down South believe God created the Earth in seven days by saying that he did, not by havin sex with the universe that is mega-nasty man that is dog shit.
Teachin is a job that should not be outsourced to Robot Russia man we got enough Ferrignos takin our jobs
octafish
+0 -0
I can't believe you are intolerant, look at what happens to Ferrignos when they are detained by your USCIS, it's inhumane.
I can't believe you are intolerant, look at what happens to Ferrignos when they are detained by your USCIS, it's inhumane.
eatmorekix
+8 -0
last night in bed when i was half-asleep i was thinking about this for some reason. if robots ever got human enough, and there was a crusade for their civil rights, it would make me feel weird. and then wouldn't that make me as bad as people who deny other minority groups equal rights? but robots , man, the whole idea is that they ain't really human. i was getting really torn up about it, in that way that things make you vaguely distressed when you're partly drunk. then i was like, well what would qualify "human enough," and what makes "human" human , and then my boyfriend told me he didn't believe in free will and i got kind of belligerent.
i got a c in cognitive science.
last night in bed when i was half-asleep i was thinking about this for some reason. if robots ever got human enough, and there was a crusade for their civil rights, it would make me feel weird. and then wouldn't that make me as bad as people who deny other minority groups equal rights? but robots , man, the whole idea is that they ain't really human. i was getting really torn up about it, in that way that things make you vaguely distressed when you're partly drunk. then i was like, well what would qualify "human enough," and what makes "human" human , and then my boyfriend told me he didn't believe in free will and i got kind of belligerent.
i got a c in cognitive science.
professorhazard
+3 -0
I just don't want them goddamn clickers dating our women.
I just don't want them goddamn clickers dating our women.
eatmorekix
+0 -1
https://www.theonion.com/2056-06-22/opinion/1
https://www.theonion.com/2056-06-22/opinion/1
pogo
+0 -0
Okay, those are Asimov's three laws.
Okay, those are Asimov's three laws.
eatmorekix
+0 -1
https://www.theonion.com/2056-06-22/opinion/1
https://www.theonion.com/2056-06-22/opinion/1
loneal
+3 -0
Eatmorekix is extremely adamant that robots not be allowed to finger her wife.
Eatmorekix is extremely adamant that robots not be allowed to finger her wife.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I think we all know loneal's stance on doing it with robots.
I think we all know loneal's stance on doing it with robots.
loneal
+0 -0
My feelings on this sexual activity are: involuntarily pro.
My feelings on this sexual activity are: involuntarily pro.
falseprophet
+14 -0
Once you go steel
You don't forget how it feels
Once you go steel
Their dicks are your meals
Once you go 'bot
You jump back in the cot
Once you go 'bot
You cum a whole lot
Once you go 'droid
With flesh, you're annoyed
Once you go 'droid
Your pink will stay floyd
Once you go plastic
Your pussy's elastic
Once you go plastic
Faaaaaaaantastic
Once you go steel
You don't forget how it feels
Once you go steel
Their dicks are your meals
Once you go 'bot
You jump back in the cot
Once you go 'bot
You cum a whole lot
Once you go 'droid
With flesh, you're annoyed
Once you go 'droid
Your pink will stay floyd
Once you go plastic
Your pussy's elastic
Once you go plastic
Faaaaaaaantastic
aliiis
+0 -0
My feelings on this asset are extremely pro
But also, thanks for making me never think of 'Pink Floyd' in the same way ever again
My feelings on this asset are extremely pro
But also, thanks for making me never think of 'Pink Floyd' in the same way ever again
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I'm going to sing that softly in public places everywhere I go. Thank you, mysterious prophet from the east
I'm going to sing that softly in public places everywhere I go. Thank you, mysterious prophet from the east
falseprophet
+0 -0
Awesome. It wasn't my intent to make it a song when I started writing it, it was just that I had a lot of riffs on
"Once you go black
You don't go back"
in my head, and they rhymed with each other. What sort of melody do you have in mind, pray tell?
Awesome. It wasn't my intent to make it a song when I started writing it, it was just that I had a lot of riffs on
"Once you go black
You don't go back"
in my head, and they rhymed with each other. What sort of melody do you have in mind, pray tell?
davey-boy
+0 -0
Diamonds in the Mine? Needs a chorus though.
Diamonds in the Mine? Needs a chorus though.
rowboat
+0 -0
I guess I can sort of see that. Impressed by the reference, none the less.
I guess I can sort of see that. Impressed by the reference, none the less.
pogo
+0 -0
You know, I've always wondered about that ditty. Where does one never go back to, Cleveland?
You know, I've always wondered about that ditty. Where does one never go back to, Cleveland?
thebaddoctor
+0 -0
This is perhaps simultaneously the most awesome and disturbing thing I have read on this page.
Awesturbing?
This is perhaps simultaneously the most awesome and disturbing thing I have read on this page.
Awesturbing?
lateadopter
+1 -0
Get on falseprophet
And you'll never get off it
Get on falseprophet
And you'll never get off it
falseprophet
+0 -0
So the BLACK man is an OBJECT huh?!!!??!
*~* Note that falseprophet has used the same arrangement of ?'s and !'s as in the title of The Roots's memorable LP, Do You Want More?!!!??! *~*
So the BLACK man is an OBJECT huh?!!!??!
*~* Note that falseprophet has used the same arrangement of ?'s and !'s as in the title of The Roots's memorable LP, Do You Want More?!!!??! *~*
_cheesekayke
+0 -0
That is amazing.
That is amazing.
octafish
+0 -0
Is this testing whether I'm a robot, or a lesbian?
More human than human baby!
Is this testing whether I'm a robot, or a lesbian?
More human than human baby!
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Man what.
Man what.
eatmorekix
+0 -0
man i am so sorry dudes i don't know how that happened
man i am so sorry dudes i don't know how that happened
hamscout
+1 -0
I'm sorry! Did I make you hit the button too many times?
I'm sorry! Did I make you hit the button too many times?
gyrate
+0 -0
And how do you feel about dobermans marrying hookers?
And how do you feel about dobermans marrying hookers?
usversusthem
+1 -0
I hate to pain on your rarade eatmorekix, but that is basically the plot of The Second Renaissance, Parts 1 & 2 from The Animatrix. It's a very tasteful treatment of the subject, also.
I hate to pain on your rarade eatmorekix, but that is basically the plot of The Second Renaissance, Parts 1 & 2 from The Animatrix. It's a very tasteful treatment of the subject, also.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
i enjoy those two pieces entirely.
chubby for you.
i enjoy those two pieces entirely.
chubby for you.
pogo
+0 -0
You might enjoy the Isaac Asimove Robot novels. The Will Smith version of "I Robot" was nothing like the book. (I was going to say something like it was a botch abortion, but thought better of it.)
You might enjoy the Isaac Asimove Robot novels. The Will Smith version of "I Robot" was nothing like the book. (I was going to say something like it was a botch abortion, but thought better of it.)
pogo
+0 -0
"Asimov" and "botched" (it was getting late)
"Asimov" and "botched" (it was getting late)
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I can't believe I still haven't got onto his Robot books. Foundations novels and short stories kick ass, though.
I can't believe I still haven't got onto his Robot books. Foundations novels and short stories kick ass, though.
awko
+0 -0
Lyle should know of many a way to open a non-twist beer. Surely he's got a lighter or a belt buckle or failing that, he's always got his teeth.
Lyle should know of many a way to open a non-twist beer. Surely he's got a lighter or a belt buckle or failing that, he's always got his teeth.
professorhazard
+10 -0
It does paint Lyle in a particularly amateur-drinker light.
Now help me open this bottle of Amateur Drinker Light.
It does paint Lyle in a particularly amateur-drinker light.
Now help me open this bottle of Amateur Drinker Light.
aliiis
+0 -0
Well, doesn't he usually drink whisky or 'bourbon', which generally is a screwcap affair? Why should he know how to open weak, American beers?
Well, doesn't he usually drink whisky or 'bourbon', which generally is a screwcap affair? Why should he know how to open weak, American beers?
professorhazard
+3 -0
Lyle should be able to drink anything that is theoretically capable - not just guaranteed capable - of causing inebriation, including the contents of the rain barrel outside of a brewery.
Lyle should be able to drink anything that is theoretically capable - not just guaranteed capable - of causing inebriation, including the contents of the rain barrel outside of a brewery.
octafish
+1 -0
Even the wankers on the sidewalk wouldn't drink that!
Even the wankers on the sidewalk wouldn't drink that!
professorhazard
+1 -0
I mean, his drinking buddy is Todd. That pretty much sums it up.
He probably usually uses Todd to open his bottles.
I mean, his drinking buddy is Todd. That pretty much sums it up.
He probably usually uses Todd to open his bottles.
i_love_kate
+2 -0
"Todd! I think I just saw some cocaine go into this bottle!"
"F-f-f-f-fuck g-g-give it to me! *crack* Wait th-th-there's no cocaine in this bottle! You got me again Lyle, ya douche!"
"Better luck next time, pal."
"Todd! I think I just saw some cocaine go into this bottle!"
"F-f-f-f-fuck g-g-give it to me! *crack* Wait th-th-there's no cocaine in this bottle! You got me again Lyle, ya douche!"
"Better luck next time, pal."
sirhan_duran
+0 -0
big fat (v) chub
big fat (v) chub
pogo
+1 -0
Oh I don't know if Lyle would stoop to messy means just to open a damn beer when he's all dressed up like that. He was always pictured with a bottle a Jack Daniels in his hand. I think he's a hard drinker, sure, but not a desperate drunk.
Oh I don't know if Lyle would stoop to messy means just to open a damn beer when he's all dressed up like that. He was always pictured with a bottle a Jack Daniels in his hand. I think he's a hard drinker, sure, but not a desperate drunk.
ntopp
+11 -0
Ramses gives away his DS, copy of Nintendogs still inside, all hella classy.
Ramses gives away his DS, copy of Nintendogs still inside, all hella classy.
theirateturk
+1 -2
It's clear that she is giving him some money. You can see by the hang dog look in his eyes.
It's clear that she is giving him some money. You can see by the hang dog look in his eyes.
eatmorekix
+0 -0
i thought he was just handing her his phone number.
i thought he was just handing her his phone number.
theirateturk
+0 -1
TO WHOEVER LAMED ME: YOU ARE CLEARLY INEXPERIENCED IN THE FIELD OF ROMANTIC LOVE. EVEN A LEVIATHAN SUCH AS RAMSES SMUCKLES WILTS WITHOUT THE LOVE OF HIS BELLE.
TO WHOEVER LAMED ME: YOU ARE CLEARLY INEXPERIENCED IN THE FIELD OF ROMANTIC LOVE. EVEN A LEVIATHAN SUCH AS RAMSES SMUCKLES WILTS WITHOUT THE LOVE OF HIS BELLE.
c_dizzle
+0 -1
I lamed you again, turk. I lamed you for spite and your caps-lock-for-emphasis mindset.
I lamed you again, turk. I lamed you for spite and your caps-lock-for-emphasis mindset.
theirateturk
+0 -0
A comment left by theirateturk was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by c_dizzle, mortshire, fuzzyrobot)
A comment left by theirateturk was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by c_dizzle, mortshire, fuzzyrobot)
daidai
+1 -0
You remind me of every single Youtube comment ever.
You remind me of every single Youtube comment ever.
c_dizzle
+0 -0
yeaaaah, "emo faggots," for the win.
yeaaaah, "emo faggots," for the win.
theirateturk
+2 -2
"FOR THE WIN"
"FOR THE WIN"
theirateturk
+1 -0
hey if im not welcome here i'll leave never to return THIS IS A PROMISE
hey if im not welcome here i'll leave never to return THIS IS A PROMISE
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Nah man, you're about as welcome here as your girlfriend is in the men's locker room.
Nah man, you're about as welcome here as your girlfriend is in the men's locker room.
professorhazard
+1 -0
Now show us them titties
Now show us them titties
nickgranger
+0 -0
A comment left by nickgranger was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Contrasoma, purplehaze, ntopp, rascaldom, sneakymarco, clintisiceman, flynn)
A comment left by nickgranger was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Contrasoma, purplehaze, ntopp, rascaldom, sneakymarco, clintisiceman, flynn)
clintisiceman
+2 -0
Except that Mark McGrath is the opposite of everything that a man should be.
Except that Mark McGrath is the opposite of everything that a man should be.
pityparty
+1 -0
This Mark McGrath?
This Mark McGrath?
purplehaze
+10 -0
That is probably the worst thing I have seen all day.
That is probably the worst thing I have seen all day.
hamscout
+3 -0
Minutes spent searching on Google Images: 12
Minutes spent loading image onto Photobucket account: 2
Making someone throw up in their mouth on an internet forum...
priceless
Minutes spent searching on Google Images: 12
Minutes spent loading image onto Photobucket account: 2
Making someone throw up in their mouth on an internet forum...
priceless
achilleselbow
+2 -0
Insert obligatory mega nasty/dog shit comment.
Insert obligatory mega nasty/dog shit comment.
contrasoma
+3 -0
Mark McGrath has a full set of false teeth. A friend met him at a record label party in LA. Later, when McGrath had fallen asleep, my friend stole his copy of a Clash biography he'd only gotten twenty pages into.
Mark McGrath has a full set of false teeth. A friend met him at a record label party in LA. Later, when McGrath had fallen asleep, my friend stole his copy of a Clash biography he'd only gotten twenty pages into.
loneal
+3 -0
Oh my God, I thought Mark McGrath was the hottest thing ever when I was thirteen. Looking at this picture now, I see that being thirteen was not a good enough excuse.
Oh my God, I thought Mark McGrath was the hottest thing ever when I was thirteen. Looking at this picture now, I see that being thirteen was not a good enough excuse.
stereo
+1 -0
Eyes, nose, ears, he's got it all! At $0.38 per month, this model is a true whale of a bargain!
For your convenience his initials have been etched upon him. Never again will you wonder upon which breast you may legally lay your head; which nipple you may playfully tweak.
Eyes, nose, ears, he's got it all! At $0.38 per month, this model is a true whale of a bargain!
For your convenience his initials have been etched upon him. Never again will you wonder upon which breast you may legally lay your head; which nipple you may playfully tweak.
loneal
+0 -0
Judging by this picture, the dude holds the record for world's tiniest nipples. I can imagine why he'd have to write up contracts with nipple-contact clauses. His feelings on those assets are: they're valuable.
Judging by this picture, the dude holds the record for world's tiniest nipples. I can imagine why he'd have to write up contracts with nipple-contact clauses. His feelings on those assets are: they're valuable.
pogo
+0 -0
"As useless as tits on a bull" came to mind.
"As useless as tits on a bull" came to mind.
octafish
+0 -0
What did you do ? You are a gorilla? What did you DO ?
What did you do ? You are a gorilla? What did you DO ?
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Man, Stereo's redefining the boundaries of acceptable Assetbar attention-grabbing with his userpic, there.
Man, Stereo's redefining the boundaries of acceptable Assetbar attention-grabbing with his userpic, there.
thegoblins
+0 -0
How did you make that happen?!! It's huuuuuuge.
How did you make that happen?!! It's huuuuuuge.
aperson
+0 -0
{secret handshake}
{secret handshake}
gyrate
+0 -0
Clearly there is a man who watched Song of the South one too many times as a child.
Clearly there is a man who watched Song of the South one too many times as a child.
davey-boy
+7 -0
Not seen; the bottle cap does a perfect spiral through the head of one of the patrons picking the bits of beef from his entres.
Not seen; the bottle cap does a perfect spiral through the head of one of the patrons picking the bits of beef from his entres.
davey-boy
+1 -0
Science will be busy figuring this out for a while.
Science will be busy figuring this out for a while.
ntopp
+0 -0
Missed this post.
Chubbied. Respect.
Missed this post.
Chubbied. Respect.
talix18
+1 -0
Entrees? Entrails? ...entrees.
Entrees? Entrails? ...entrees.
gowerski
+8 -0
"It was all for naught, as it was a Mexican Magical Realism camera, and Beef will destroy all the files of him looking like a punk rock Brezhnev.."
"It was all for naught, as it was a Mexican Magical Realism camera, and Beef will destroy all the files of him looking like a punk rock Brezhnev.."
semiquaver
+0 -0
Oh my god. An alt-text post. With proper quotation marks and everything. How retro is that?
Oh my god. An alt-text post. With proper quotation marks and everything. How retro is that?
numberkillinger
+7 -0
The man is so old school, he drives a school bus with gothic etc etc blah blah
The man is so old school, he drives a school bus with gothic etc etc blah blah
echidnaboy
+20 -1
Six months ago has made a phone call to today
Six months ago has made a phone call to today
mo_rose
+0 -0
And theres me opening up IE just to read it.
And theres me opening up IE just to read it.
featurelessvoid
+0 -0
Firefox 3 can display lengthy alt texts properly.
Firefox 3 can display lengthy alt texts properly.
mystkmanat
+0 -0
What? I have Firefox 3, and I can never read the full alt texts! Firefox, why are you havink such dickness?
What? I have Firefox 3, and I can never read the full alt texts! Firefox, why are you havink such dickness?
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
is ff3 good? i am disliking having to update 2 every other dang day 'cos of stupid command-line URL firing fixes.
is ff3 good? i am disliking having to update 2 every other dang day 'cos of stupid command-line URL firing fixes.
loneal
+1 -0
Yeah, I guess it is pretty good, but you know I ain't got no sense of computers. It has the Awesome Bar, which lives up to its name pretty well, but other than that, it hasn't really revolutionized my browsing experience.
It fucks up Assetbar something fierce. When you hover over an avicon, the little popup display box appears like fifty times all tiled over itself, and then that big block won't go away until you navigate away from the page. Sometimes it covers the reply button or similar, which is really inconvenient. However, hovering your mouse over an avicon is necessary to get rid of those big random chunks of black or gray that sometimes randomly appear on Assetbar. It's a trade-off concocted by Beelzebub himself.
Also, RIP my cool swoopy tab-switching add-on that isn't compatible with FF3.
Yeah, I guess it is pretty good, but you know I ain't got no sense of computers. It has the Awesome Bar, which lives up to its name pretty well, but other than that, it hasn't really revolutionized my browsing experience.
It fucks up Assetbar something fierce. When you hover over an avicon, the little popup display box appears like fifty times all tiled over itself, and then that big block won't go away until you navigate away from the page. Sometimes it covers the reply button or similar, which is really inconvenient. However, hovering your mouse over an avicon is necessary to get rid of those big random chunks of black or gray that sometimes randomly appear on Assetbar. It's a trade-off concocted by Beelzebub himself.
Also, RIP my cool swoopy tab-switching add-on that isn't compatible with FF3.
loneal
+0 -0
That is a Rest In Peace, not an enthusiastic onomatopoeia.
That is a Rest In Peace, not an enthusiastic onomatopoeia.
davey-boy
+0 -0
Are you certain? Because I was fully prepared to rip your cool, swoopy tab switching add-on that wasn't compatible with FF3.
Are you certain? Because I was fully prepared to rip your cool, swoopy tab switching add-on that wasn't compatible with FF3.
falseprophet
+11 -0
Some have argued that FF3 is the best in the series, with its truly compelling storyline and its ability to push the 16-bit hardware to its limits. Perhaps the last great RPG of the 16-bit generation before the onset of 32-bit, with the exception of Chrono Trigger .
Some have argued that FF3 is the best in the series, with its truly compelling storyline and its ability to push the 16-bit hardware to its limits. Perhaps the last great RPG of the 16-bit generation before the onset of 32-bit, with the exception of Chrono Trigger .
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
awesome. chubbisimo!
awesome. chubbisimo!
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
also, Chrono Cross , Trigger 's follow up has incredible, awesome music. the intro song and 'Dream of The Shore Bordering Another World' are my favorites from it.
also, Chrono Cross , Trigger 's follow up has incredible, awesome music. the intro song and 'Dream of The Shore Bordering Another World' are my favorites from it.
deusoma
+0 -0
Although the music is in fact slamming, ''Chrono Cross'' has so many damn dudes in the group that character development is basically limited to giving each character a different bizarre speech impediment.
Although the music is in fact slamming, ''Chrono Cross'' has so many damn dudes in the group that character development is basically limited to giving each character a different bizarre speech impediment.
deusoma
+0 -0
Wow, did I just try to italicize Wikipedia-style? Yes, yes I did. What a douche.
Wow, did I just try to italicize Wikipedia-style? Yes, yes I did. What a douche.
aki
+0 -0
Opera too!
Opera too!
expellens
+0 -0
that's some old school trollin' for chuppies... George Clinton used to get [i] RUDE[/] chupps just for tellin' the netscape 2.1 cats the alt-text score.
that's some old school trollin' for chuppies... George Clinton used to get [i] RUDE[/] chupps just for tellin' the netscape 2.1 cats the alt-text score.
expellens
+1 -1
FUCK YOU RUDE assetbar! aw, my first clenched assetbar fist. Take a picture, ladies.
FUCK YOU RUDE assetbar! aw, my first clenched assetbar fist. Take a picture, ladies.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
HUGE slam on the General Secretary out of nowhere.
HUGE slam on the General Secretary out of nowhere.
plummet
+1 -0
The RLS Bottle-Cap opening method is banned in six states
The RLS Bottle-Cap opening method is banned in six states
maximus
+5 -1
It is strange to see Ray so passive.
Family: reminding you of the fragility of your ego since 27,360 BC
It is strange to see Ray so passive.
Family: reminding you of the fragility of your ego since 27,360 BC
semiquaver
+0 -0
Fifteenth! And it would be silly not to speculate about exactly where that bottle cap was going right about now. Bets?
Fifteenth! And it would be silly not to speculate about exactly where that bottle cap was going right about now. Bets?
i_love_kate
+3 -0
It's on its way to being lodged in the throat of a communist sympathiser twenty-six miles away.
It's on its way to being lodged in the throat of a communist sympathiser twenty-six miles away.
hamscout
+8 -0
*gasp*
I vould haff liked to haff seen..
...Hannah Montana
*dies*
*gasp*
I vould haff liked to haff seen..
...Hannah Montana
*dies*
falseprophet
+2 -0
Yes I would have liked to have seen Hannah Montana dies too.
Yes I would have liked to have seen Hannah Montana dies too.
davey-boy
+0 -0
A 'Hunt for Red October' reference. Slick.
A 'Hunt for Red October' reference. Slick.
hamscout
+0 -0
To be fair, it was a "Frisky Dingo" reference, in which they parodied Red October.
My feelings on both of these assests are: pro .
To be fair, it was a "Frisky Dingo" reference, in which they parodied Red October.
My feelings on both of these assests are: pro .
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Frisky Dingo. That shit be varied in its humour output.
Frisky Dingo. That shit be varied in its humour output.
octafish
+0 -0
...I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that?
...I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that?
octafish
+0 -0
Well then, in winter I will live in... Miley Cyrus. Actually, I think I will need two wives.
Well then, in winter I will live in... Miley Cyrus. Actually, I think I will need two wives.
professorhazard
+0 -0
I miss the simple joy of fishing.
I miss the simple joy of fishing.
hamscout
+0 -0
Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan.
Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan.
professorhazard
+0 -0
YOUR AVERAGE "ROOSKIE" don't take a dump without a plan, HamScout.
Please watch the movie one hundred more times.
YOUR AVERAGE "ROOSKIE" don't take a dump without a plan, HamScout.
Please watch the movie one hundred more times.
hamscout
+0 -0
btw, professorhazard:
your strip kicks ass.
btw, professorhazard:
your strip kicks ass.
professorhazard
+0 -0
I was going to kill myself for my Hunt for Red Faced Failure, but then you made me feel better. You're my favorite pork product, HamScout.
I was going to kill myself for my Hunt for Red Faced Failure, but then you made me feel better. You're my favorite pork product, HamScout.
kamet
+0 -0
"Lennie giggled with happiness. George raised the gun, and brought it close to the back of Lennie's head.
"An' live on the fatta the lan'," Lennie said dreamily.
George pulled the trigger."
"Lennie giggled with happiness. George raised the gun, and brought it close to the back of Lennie's head.
"An' live on the fatta the lan'," Lennie said dreamily.
George pulled the trigger."
octafish
+0 -0
Jezus, why'd you have to bring me down with an Of Mice and Men quote, sniff. I was all a Scottish Pensioner, Frankenfurter, and a Kiwi all-rounder playing Russians and you had to bring up Lennie and George, now make with the funny or I won't let you tend the rabbits. Sniff.
Jezus, why'd you have to bring me down with an Of Mice and Men quote, sniff. I was all a Scottish Pensioner, Frankenfurter, and a Kiwi all-rounder playing Russians and you had to bring up Lennie and George, now make with the funny or I won't let you tend the rabbits. Sniff.
mystkmanat
+0 -0
them rabbits sure is soft and purty.
them rabbits sure is soft and purty.
professorhazard
+3 -0
Teodor "experimented" with Communism a few years ago. It will be lodged in his throat - in the past.
Teodor "experimented" with Communism a few years ago. It will be lodged in his throat - in the past.
dirian
+0 -0
https://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua2R15d8
https://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua2R15d8
professorhazard
+0 -0
You got the hell out of that reference!
Up top!
You got the hell out of that reference!
Up top!
gyrate
+2 -0
I was a Communist sympathiser once. This guy was all "I'm a Communist" and I was all "I'm sorry to hear that."
I was a Communist sympathiser once. This guy was all "I'm a Communist" and I was all "I'm sorry to hear that."
davey-boy
+2 -0
Nice to see Blister made it afterall.
Nice to see Blister made it afterall.
darleen
+0 -0
Thank goodness those two dead cats went to that dead squirrel's party. :)
Thank goodness those two dead cats went to that dead squirrel's party. :)
echidnaboy
+0 -0
A match made in a dead squirrel's apartment
A match made in a dead squirrel's apartment
lbf
+0 -0
T�odor's passivity and attire are getting me down. The dude has just given up.
T�odor's passivity and attire are getting me down. The dude has just given up.
eatmorekix
+1 -0
he's such a fucking nebbish. i want to give him an enormous wedgie.
he's such a fucking nebbish. i want to give him an enormous wedgie.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Teodor is slowly becoming George Costanza.
Teodor is slowly becoming George Costanza.
hamscout
+1 -0
Teodor, did you at least shower?
It didn't take!
Teodor, did you at least shower?
It didn't take!
professorhazard
+1 -0
Teodor would drape himself in velvet, were it socially acceptable.
Teodor would drape himself in velvet, were it socially acceptable.
rascaldom
+0 -0
I plan to use the construction "he's such a fucking [adjective]" all the time now. Unless "nebbish" is the only noun with that particular suffix?
I plan to use the construction "he's such a fucking [adjective]" all the time now. Unless "nebbish" is the only noun with that particular suffix?
loneal
+1 -0
It is a noun given to us as a gift to us by Yiddish. Hey, look, there's another noun with that suffix.
It is a noun given to us as a gift to us by Yiddish. Hey, look, there's another noun with that suffix.
c_dizzle
+0 -0
Oooh, new assetbar side-project: guess the goyim .
I give it 15 seconds of survival.
Oooh, new assetbar side-project: guess the goyim .
I give it 15 seconds of survival.
aliiis
+0 -0
Hooray, yes, and the adjective would be 'nebbishy' am I right? (I am a yid, just not very well-schooled. I probably would have called T a pisher. But emk is absolutely right.)
Hooray, yes, and the adjective would be 'nebbishy' am I right? (I am a yid, just not very well-schooled. I probably would have called T a pisher. But emk is absolutely right.)
rascaldom
+0 -0
OH SHHHIIIII-
OH SHHHIIIII-
featurelessvoid
+6 -0
"Radish" and "fish" would like to have a word with you. That word is "rubbish."
"Radish" and "fish" would like to have a word with you. That word is "rubbish."
rascaldom
+0 -0
WHY DID I NOT THINK ABOUT THINGS FOR MORE THAN TWO SECONDS WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. SHIT
WHY DID I NOT THINK ABOUT THINGS FOR MORE THAN TWO SECONDS WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. SHIT
gyrate
+1 -0
Phillipe is rad, but you are merely radish.
Phillipe is rad, but you are merely radish.
lbf
+1 -0
I am touched that you have managed to hit my two erogenous zones at once, which are my desire to learn exotic English slang and my jewish envy. Also, I went to Vlad's School of Charm.
I am touched that you have managed to hit my two erogenous zones at once, which are my desire to learn exotic English slang and my jewish envy. Also, I went to Vlad's School of Charm.
abendsonnen
+0 -0
In panel four, Lyle looks like a baby whose bubba got taken away.
In panel four, Lyle looks like a baby whose bubba got taken away.
lonestar52
+2 -0
Damn Robo-sexual agenda, always trying to sneak into my schools.
Damn Robo-sexual agenda, always trying to sneak into my schools.
delzhand
+0 -0
I lost a bit of respect for Ramses when I found out he's a closet robophobe.
I lost a bit of respect for Ramses when I found out he's a closet robophobe.
randyleepublic
+1 -0
OK now, I'm just thinking out loud, but let's say that Ramses is around town for a bit. What happens when he encounters Nice P? Who wins that Bucketball game?
'Course by then Pat will probably have whined to Pete about how Ramses treated his punk ass. I think Pete will find Ramses was justified, so no need to "hit the court".
OK now, I'm just thinking out loud, but let's say that Ramses is around town for a bit. What happens when he encounters Nice P? Who wins that Bucketball game?
'Course by then Pat will probably have whined to Pete about how Ramses treated his punk ass. I think Pete will find Ramses was justified, so no need to "hit the court".
hatstand_mcq
+1 -0
Pat will murmur aloud that he wishes something bad would happen to Ramses. Nice Pete will hit Ramses in the face with the motor out of an old gramophone, and leave him in the woods. There is a complicated power dynamic in that house.
Pat will murmur aloud that he wishes something bad would happen to Ramses. Nice Pete will hit Ramses in the face with the motor out of an old gramophone, and leave him in the woods. There is a complicated power dynamic in that house.
red-barchetta
+0 -0
Nice Pete would have better sense than to mess with Ramses.
Nice Pete would have better sense than to mess with Ramses.
phy
+0 -0
The way a dingy coyote smells a change in the air when the mountain lion comes down to the village.
The way a dingy coyote smells a change in the air when the mountain lion comes down to the village.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Ramses would basically be doing the town a service by breaking Nice Pete in half.
Ramses would basically be doing the town a service by breaking Nice Pete in half.
featurelessvoid
+0 -0
B-b-but! Nice Pete is a vital member of society. He takes kids to the ice cream shop.
B-b-but! Nice Pete is a vital member of society. He takes kids to the ice cream shop.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
I thought Roast Beef imagined himself as fat, not as having caterpillars for eyebrows.
I thought Roast Beef imagined himself as fat, not as having caterpillars for eyebrows.
expellens
+0 -1
Why is T-t-todd wearing a farkin' POPE hat? Did suckin' dick make him the 13th apostle?
Why is T-t-todd wearing a farkin' POPE hat? Did suckin' dick make him the 13th apostle?
skoora
+0 -0
Why isn't Blister yelling?
Why isn't Blister yelling?
skoora
+1 -0
Shit, never mind, he is. Don't read Achewood at 3:30 AM, kids.
Shit, never mind, he is. Don't read Achewood at 3:30 AM, kids.
expellens
+0 -0
I'm hell of reading Achewood at 3:30, and I'm not even doing the cocaine ...so sad I won't have a business proposal for a waterfall Macaroni Grill in the morning.
fuck
I'm hell of reading Achewood at 3:30, and I'm not even doing the cocaine ...so sad I won't have a business proposal for a waterfall Macaroni Grill in the morning.
fuck
expellens
+0 -0
he's sad that Teodor's still got "piss holes in the snow" eyeballs for his epic catering fail.
he's sad that Teodor's still got "piss holes in the snow" eyeballs for his epic catering fail.
bungdeetle
+31 -0
expellens
+0 -0
Mexican magical Beef got some mad licks.
Mexican magical Beef got some mad licks.
postblank
+0 -0
Beef's signature edition Gibson is made with the knowledge that kids rock too damn hard to need a neck pickup. You won't mistake them for jazz cats playing that beast .
Beef's signature edition Gibson is made with the knowledge that kids rock too damn hard to need a neck pickup. You won't mistake them for jazz cats playing that beast .
bungdeetle
+0 -0
Also, Brezhnev is still alive. He currently lives in Mexico and plays lead guitar and vocals for his band CCCP.
Also, Brezhnev is still alive. He currently lives in Mexico and plays lead guitar and vocals for his band CCCP.
i_love_kate
+1 -0
But what about Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs?
But what about Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs?
featurelessvoid
+1 -0
They feel fine.
They feel fine.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Combined Community Codec Pack?
Combined Community Codec Pack?
darleen
+0 -2
That is soooo freaking me out. Why would you even do a thing? :(
Chubby for creativity though. :)
That is soooo freaking me out. Why would you even do a thing? :(
Chubby for creativity though. :)
purplehaze
+0 -1
Pretty good, but Les Pauls suggest bluesy "classic" rock more than punk.
Pretty good, but Les Pauls suggest bluesy "classic" rock more than punk.
sabbac
+0 -0
Johnny Thunders, Steve Jones and Mick Jones beg to differ
Johnny Thunders, Steve Jones and Mick Jones beg to differ
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
i beg that the latter two last names should differ.
but probably not in the way you think i mean it...
i beg that the latter two last names should differ.
but probably not in the way you think i mean it...
purplehaze
+0 -0
Man, Johnny Thunders played Les Paul Juniors. That doesn't even count.
Man, Johnny Thunders played Les Paul Juniors. That doesn't even count.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Maaan why you even got to have a giant isopod avataricon.
Maaan why you even got to have a giant isopod avataricon.
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Shit, I did not even notice that. Now I will never stop noticing it.
Thanks, I Love Kate. Thanks.
Shit, I did not even notice that. Now I will never stop noticing it.
Thanks, I Love Kate. Thanks.
professorhazard
+0 -0
It just wants some Doritos!
It just wants some Doritos!
bungdeetle
+0 -0
>:}
>:}
eatmorekix
+0 -0
oh man is so good. the ears triangles on top of the head, like cat ears...it is So excellent. i'm assuming you used a picture of billie joe armstrong for the base there.
oh man is so good. the ears triangles on top of the head, like cat ears...it is So excellent. i'm assuming you used a picture of billie joe armstrong for the base there.
phy
+0 -0
Billie Joe Armstrong being more kind of a punk Gorbachev, ostensibly representing punk but fomenting policies that will see its eventual downfall and transformation into kleptocratic numetal.
Billie Joe Armstrong being more kind of a punk Gorbachev, ostensibly representing punk but fomenting policies that will see its eventual downfall and transformation into kleptocratic numetal.
catjumpjohn
+0 -0
Would you say the same about the Ramones, because they essentially played the same type of music (at least with early Green Day)?
Would you say the same about the Ramones, because they essentially played the same type of music (at least with early Green Day)?
expellens
+1 -0
The Man with Blood on His Hands can only pass a note to Mrs. Smuckles. He knows things even a dough hook, or even a perfect spirally thrown beer bottle can't. She would let him spell "sandwiches" any way he wants.
The Man with Blood on His Hands can only pass a note to Mrs. Smuckles. He knows things even a dough hook, or even a perfect spirally thrown beer bottle can't. She would let him spell "sandwiches" any way he wants.
johnmatrix
+0 -0
A comment left by johnmatrix was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by hellaurie, d3athcann0n, Panserbjorne)
A comment left by johnmatrix was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by hellaurie, d3athcann0n, Panserbjorne)
johnnylandmine
+0 -0
cool fanfic
cool fanfic
professorhazard
+0 -0
brah
brah
skoora
+0 -0
Who lames this? Anarchists bent on destroying Assetbar society by laming good posts?
Who lames this? Anarchists bent on destroying Assetbar society by laming good posts?
featurelessvoid
+0 -0
I wasn't one of the lamers (er, lame-granters), but I think I can understand where they're coming from. Fanfic is a slippery slope. Once the fanfic starts, it's only a matter of time before people start writing stories full of hot, uncensored cat-on-otter action.
I wasn't one of the lamers (er, lame-granters), but I think I can understand where they're coming from. Fanfic is a slippery slope. Once the fanfic starts, it's only a matter of time before people start writing stories full of hot, uncensored cat-on-otter action.
kamet
+1 -0
That needs to be filed in the Cultural bin.
That needs to be filed in the Cultural bin.
falseprophet
+0 -0
You're a sweetheart.
You're a sweetheart.
edwell
+0 -0
Meanwhile, on the Assetbar of five years from now...
Meanwhile, on the Assetbar of five years from now...
edwell
+96 -0
aliiis
+0 -0
I save my chubbies for edwell
I save my chubbies for edwell
octafish
+0 -0
I chubbied this expecting my chubby to push it to like 4 or 7 or 59 chubbies and instead its a lonely 1. Hell this deserves a chubby for beefodor slash alone, m/c fanfic deserves so much more. P.S. when will my assetbar look like this and feature an edit function? Must I wait 5 years?
I chubbied this expecting my chubby to push it to like 4 or 7 or 59 chubbies and instead its a lonely 1. Hell this deserves a chubby for beefodor slash alone, m/c fanfic deserves so much more. P.S. when will my assetbar look like this and feature an edit function? Must I wait 5 years?
loneal
+0 -0
Beefodor not only captures that slashfic mindset perfectly, but it also looks like Beef Odor, which is almost as icky as Molly having sex with Chucklebot.
Beefodor not only captures that slashfic mindset perfectly, but it also looks like Beef Odor, which is almost as icky as Molly having sex with Chucklebot.
aliiis
+0 -0
Chucklebot!! Oh snap, that is so much funnier than Cornelius!
Chucklebot!! Oh snap, that is so much funnier than Cornelius!
doc_rostov
+0 -0
"Yes, Chucklebot. Give me those rough chuckles."
*~*My feelings on this idea are: emphatically disturbed.*~*
"Yes, Chucklebot. Give me those rough chuckles."
*~*My feelings on this idea are: emphatically disturbed.*~*
delzhand
+0 -1
I wonder - is it Beef/odor as in Teodor and Beef, or is it merely beef odor, as in a smell?
The world may never know. Or care.
I wonder - is it Beef/odor as in Teodor and Beef, or is it merely beef odor, as in a smell?
The world may never know. Or care.
flynn
+0 -0
this is a work of art
this is a work of art
flynn
+0 -0
edwell, i can't tell you how much it pains me that your work work will never be appreciated by a larger audience than this, or how awesome i find that in and of itself. it's like being there with those 40 other people at the Sex Pistols Lesser Free Trade Hall gig. it's a thing that makes a man feel good about where he is.
edwell, i can't tell you how much it pains me that your work work will never be appreciated by a larger audience than this, or how awesome i find that in and of itself. it's like being there with those 40 other people at the Sex Pistols Lesser Free Trade Hall gig. it's a thing that makes a man feel good about where he is.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I'm glad you showed the restraint not to add any current posters into this. I can just imagine what manflesh would do to these people.
I'm glad you showed the restraint not to add any current posters into this. I can just imagine what manflesh would do to these people.
professorhazard
+3 -0
I was a little disappointed that no recognizable posters appeared, with avatars sporting hook-hands and eye patches (to denote the rough chuckles of the five years that have passed) grumbling about the good old days of Acheworld, when pogo was still alive.
I was a little disappointed that no recognizable posters appeared, with avatars sporting hook-hands and eye patches (to denote the rough chuckles of the five years that have passed) grumbling about the good old days of Acheworld, when pogo was still alive.
d-pad
+0 -0
I always assumed most current assetbar posters would die in or around 2011, which is when I assume the edit feature will be introduced. Those who don't go into shock immediately will spend the rest of their days hovering over each and every post they've made, forgoing food and sleep in order to fix the odd typo or grammatical error, lest they look a fool.
I always assumed most current assetbar posters would die in or around 2011, which is when I assume the edit feature will be introduced. Those who don't go into shock immediately will spend the rest of their days hovering over each and every post they've made, forgoing food and sleep in order to fix the odd typo or grammatical error, lest they look a fool.
pogo
+0 -0
The bad fanfic posters drove out the good, I guess.
The bad fanfic posters drove out the good, I guess.
bixschmix
+0 -0
There are no good fanfic posters. Of this I am certain.
There are no good fanfic posters. Of this I am certain.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Chis Onstead writes pretty good Achewood fan fiction.
Chis Onstead writes pretty good Achewood fan fiction.
davey-boy
+0 -0
Aside from the chubby-on-principle you recieve, I am happy you didn't stoop to having a recognizable poster among the rubbish. Pure class.
Aside from the chubby-on-principle you recieve, I am happy you didn't stoop to having a recognizable poster among the rubbish. Pure class.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
JINX!
JINX!
davey-boy
+0 -0
Well fuck me and my inability to read through two-hundred posts in an hour. Kudos to hedobot.
Well fuck me and my inability to read through two-hundred posts in an hour. Kudos to hedobot.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
my favorite part is the self-righteous fan-fiction writer who thinks those who write about the animals take it a BRIDGE TOO FAR
There are so many of those people.
Pokemon fan fiction, certainly, but NOTHING involving trainers AND Pokemon! Keep Misty with Brock, and Starmi with Geodude!
" "delcatty never looked so pretty as she did the night of the harvest dance, " thought blastoise aloud"
my favorite part is the self-righteous fan-fiction writer who thinks those who write about the animals take it a BRIDGE TOO FAR
There are so many of those people.
Pokemon fan fiction, certainly, but NOTHING involving trainers AND Pokemon! Keep Misty with Brock, and Starmi with Geodude!
" "delcatty never looked so pretty as she did the night of the harvest dance, " thought blastoise aloud"
stereo
+0 -0
Oh lord, save me from that horrid delcatty/Ash porn.
I think I saw this actually happen on assetbar once already
Oh lord, save me from that horrid delcatty/Ash porn.
I think I saw this actually happen on assetbar once already
i_love_kate
+0 -0
[complete nerd]Hot Skitty on Wailord Action!
[/complete nerd]
[complete nerd]Hot Skitty on Wailord Action!
[/complete nerd]
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Edwell, you make me fly. Like, up in the sky. It may sound selfish, but I'm actually quite glad that you've never thought to turn your incomparable genius to the fields of, say, oncology or kitten-preservation.
Edwell, you make me fly. Like, up in the sky. It may sound selfish, but I'm actually quite glad that you've never thought to turn your incomparable genius to the fields of, say, oncology or kitten-preservation.
charchar
+0 -0
This is dead-on in a way that pains me for recognising it as such. Bravo, Edwell.
Bravo
This is dead-on in a way that pains me for recognising it as such. Bravo, Edwell.
Bravo
pogo
+0 -0
Wait, what if Edwell is ..... Onstad!??!
Wait, what if Edwell is ..... Onstad!??!
professorhazard
+0 -0
This may anger those of low mind, but I think Edwell is considerably more talented, graphically, than Onstad.
This may anger those of low mind, but I think Edwell is considerably more talented, graphically, than Onstad.
doc_rostov
+0 -0
Hard to say. Edwell has never posted much in a graphical sense beyond particularly well-done Photoshop manipulations of artwork produced by others. As someone with experience in both art and image editing, I'd say the latter is a lot easier (by several degrees of magnitude) than the former. He is probably better than Onstad at using Photoshop, and it's likely he has some artistic talent, but there's no way to really gauge the comparative quality from the work heretofore posted.
Or, wait. Is that what you meant? Drat, I'm exhausted.
Hard to say. Edwell has never posted much in a graphical sense beyond particularly well-done Photoshop manipulations of artwork produced by others. As someone with experience in both art and image editing, I'd say the latter is a lot easier (by several degrees of magnitude) than the former. He is probably better than Onstad at using Photoshop, and it's likely he has some artistic talent, but there's no way to really gauge the comparative quality from the work heretofore posted.
Or, wait. Is that what you meant? Drat, I'm exhausted.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I'm with Rostov (as usual). Shooping is a talent to be sure, but shooping well can be done by anyone, with a few months of practice. Both men have remarkable creative minds though, and seem to be able to express hilarious-ass ideas through their chosen medium.
I'm with Rostov (as usual). Shooping is a talent to be sure, but shooping well can be done by anyone, with a few months of practice. Both men have remarkable creative minds though, and seem to be able to express hilarious-ass ideas through their chosen medium.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I'd thought this on a number of occasions. I'd like to see him spawn a completely original story line. Uninspired by an EDWELL EDWELL EDWELL chant.
Hence we NEED to see an Edwell standalone comic. That shit would rule.
I'd thought this on a number of occasions. I'd like to see him spawn a completely original story line. Uninspired by an EDWELL EDWELL EDWELL chant.
Hence we NEED to see an Edwell standalone comic. That shit would rule.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
I think Edwell should basically start a new project where he takes existing webcomic characters and juxtaposes them with situations and characters from other webcomics, satirizing the genre as a whole through detournement. A man can dream.
I think Edwell should basically start a new project where he takes existing webcomic characters and juxtaposes them with situations and characters from other webcomics, satirizing the genre as a whole through detournement. A man can dream.
skoora
+0 -0
This is a great post, but with the Blake reference, it becomes art.
This is a great post, but with the Blake reference, it becomes art.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
It wasn't me, but the second part is trying way too hard. Reads like an episode of South Park.
It wasn't me, but the second part is trying way too hard. Reads like an episode of South Park.
johnmatrix
+0 -0
I figured some people wouldn't like it because it's out of character for Phillipe. And it's not really the out-of-character way Onstad writes him, like being a selfish brat or showing surprising intelligence. It's more planned out and malicious than Phillipe is known to be.
I figured some people wouldn't like it because it's out of character for Phillipe. And it's not really the out-of-character way Onstad writes him, like being a selfish brat or showing surprising intelligence. It's more planned out and malicious than Phillipe is known to be.
plummet
+0 -0
cool story, bro
cool story, bro
theirateturk
+1 -0
I have this same relationship with my father except I'm Ramses and he is Ray
I have this same relationship with my father except I'm Ramses and he is Ray
paby
+1 -0
Lyles still sweating
Lyles still sweating
red-barchetta
+0 -0
I do the same thing in a tux, damned maniacal contraptions they are.
I do the same thing in a tux, damned maniacal contraptions they are.
snidedk
+0 -1
your red barchetta appears to be an impreza.
your red barchetta appears to be an impreza.
red-barchetta
+0 -0
It's true, but being a RUSH fan I decided to use some creative license.
It's true, but being a RUSH fan I decided to use some creative license.
woodenteeth
+2 -0
This is a bit exruciating. That's a bit of a tired old plot device to delay Ray before he gets to talk to Ramses.
...and Lames.
This is a bit exruciating. That's a bit of a tired old plot device to delay Ray before he gets to talk to Ramses.
...and Lames.
i_love_kate
+1 -1
I think you're okay. I was spared the lames when I pointed out that the entire Gravity Train arc was basically lacking in inspiration and novelty.
I think you're okay. I was spared the lames when I pointed out that the entire Gravity Train arc was basically lacking in inspiration and novelty.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Thanks for bringing me back down, whoever you are.
Thanks for bringing me back down, whoever you are.
thegoblins
+1 -0
Ramses can be the life of the party without breaking out of a scowl.
Ramses can be the life of the party without breaking out of a scowl.
i_love_kate
+2 -2
That is probably the best opening of a beer bottle throuhgh exhalation that I have ever seen! Not only did the cap not suffer any bending or denting, as if it had been crowbarred off by the most skillful of pixie catburglars, but the foam also took a split second to gush out, as the complete subtlety of the action took it completely unawares!
I'm giving it a 5/5. We'll have to hear Beer Bottle Opening Monthly's verdict, of course. I'd send it to them, but I'm sure they have their own sources.
That is probably the best opening of a beer bottle throuhgh exhalation that I have ever seen! Not only did the cap not suffer any bending or denting, as if it had been crowbarred off by the most skillful of pixie catburglars, but the foam also took a split second to gush out, as the complete subtlety of the action took it completely unawares!
I'm giving it a 5/5. We'll have to hear Beer Bottle Opening Monthly's verdict, of course. I'd send it to them, but I'm sure they have their own sources.
deusoma
+0 -0
I think the best part of the whole bottlecap thing is that Lyle is just thinking about his predicament. Neither he or Ramses says a single word about it, he just knows .
I think the best part of the whole bottlecap thing is that Lyle is just thinking about his predicament. Neither he or Ramses says a single word about it, he just knows .
c_dizzle
+0 -0
Why are you two acting so flabbergasted. The dude pays attention. He pays attention . Teacher told him to one day in school.
...Beats me, man. Beats me why most dudes suck.
Why are you two acting so flabbergasted. The dude pays attention. He pays attention . Teacher told him to one day in school.
...Beats me, man. Beats me why most dudes suck.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
What a weird comment to garner two lames.
What a weird comment to garner two lames.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
I'm thinking you might have yourself a troll. Kinda like loneal's. Which is hilarious and means you Achilles and loneal can all have Poketroll fights. Oh... and I gave you a chubby cause I thought it largely unfair.
I'm thinking you might have yourself a troll. Kinda like loneal's. Which is hilarious and means you Achilles and loneal can all have Poketroll fights. Oh... and I gave you a chubby cause I thought it largely unfair.
loneal
+0 -1
Mine abandoned me. =( =( =(
Mine abandoned me. =( =( =(
professorhazard
+0 -0
There there, loneal. I'll lame you.
There there, loneal. I'll lame you.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
What a guy.
What a guy.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
don't let that dreamboat leave dock ~~~~swoon~~~~
don't let that dreamboat leave dock ~~~~swoon~~~~
falseprophet
+13 -0
He had only stopped by for their usual coffee, perhaps a brief conversation about feminism, ribbing in the form of accusations to one another of how they had both failed to uphold their ideals. He would call her a slut and she would call him a chode and they would both laugh it off, watch a BBC adaptation of a Jane Austen novel and make fun of it along the way.
But when he walked in through loneal's door that night, professorhazard found her asleep on her sofa, an empty box of tissues on the coffee table. He picked up the remote and turned on the television, and the sound of Jim Lehrer's Southern twang announcing the news of this Friday roused her suddenly. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes and in the light from the television professorhazard finally noticed the redness around them.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," she said.
"What's the matter," he stated more than asked.
He sat down beside her, keeping his distance, thinking of pamphlets he'd read in eighth grade health class so many years ago that said the worst thing you can do in a situation where a woman is telling you she has been recently raped is to make physical contact in an attempt to comfort her but wait why am I assuming she has been raped my mind is full of soap operas and Lifetime original movies pay attention and listen to her man...
"Lainestin left me," she said.
Professorhazard couldn't deny how glad he felt, though he hid it well. Lainestin was probably the worst thing that had ever happened to her. It was lainestin who took every thing she said -- every proudly held conviction she had that had made professorhazard proud to know her -- and twisted it into a lie. At many a party had he stood by and watched her lovingly lean on his shoulder while all he could do was stare into space and sip a PBR. Never paid any attention to her, always too busy with his "art" -- the paintings derivative of Van Gogh that filled up their garage not being sold but what did professorhazard know about art he was an engineer "it's just not your training" as lainestin would say and loneal nodding, looking at professorhazard for just a brief second thinking that he had a point before thoughts of lainestin laming her crept into her mind reminding her whose she was though of course she would never put it that way their love was a poison and lainestin was an arrogant, selfish prick just dragging her down and professorhazard knew it but nothing could be more arrogant than to speak up about it right? Try to step in and live loneal's life for her? Surely she would hate that. But inaction accomplished nothing and so did thinking that being a friend meant never calling someone on their bullshit.
But she looked up at him and then away and he felt her shame, not just from letting him see her in such pain but the mixture of desire and despair behind it.
He had suppressed his lust for her for so long. That alone was not enough to move him forward but now it was the thinking that it was more her need than his own desire that enabled him, had him thinking of himself not as an agent but as a means to her reclaiming some sense of identity, her orgasm only a reminder that she was alive and that she belonged to herself.
And so when he pulled her clothes off he told himself that his arms were now an extension of her body, and as he lamed her softly thinking damn how is lainestin such a fool to leave such a tight comment behind lamed her softly thinking that he was no different than anything in her bedroom nightstand that she would use after any break-up, licking her the way she would have licked the rocky road ice cream she'd kept for previous depressing occasions. He very nearly chuckled into her pussy upon remembering how she hated herself for having this ice cream crutch for it was such an obvious cliche for a woman left broken by a man to resort to comfort food, letting go of control of her body both sexually and nutritionally due to the whims of missing-dick syndrome.
Professorhazard lamed the tight wetness of her comment felt her tightening and pulling distracting him making him stop thrusting but no don't stop for that would ruin the illusion she must not let it seem like her body wants the lame but it must continue on like a scene in a movie from the forties first the passionate kiss then the inevitable slap, a sin committed eagerly and recanted on the deathbed.
He lamed her and his body belonged with hers, belonged to her and that thought kept his dick hard and his balls big and round. He must prolong the illusion that he is here to help her masturbate never mind the nails digging into his back remember her eyes are closed she must be thinking of the fool who left her well let her think whatever she wants to think and the good long cock will provide for if he actually lets himself think that she is thirsting for him then he will catch feelings just as so many hoes in so many rap songs catch feelings then how will he give her her revenge on men if I have to be that for her I will be that for her.
He held her down and lamed her and came inside and she kissed and licked his face and then buried her face in his shoulder and he knew they would not look at each other no he would get hard again and lame her again and fill the wet tightness of her comment and then he would leave before morning but when he did all that and didn't leave before morning he decided she was renting him yes he was a rental for her and so he lamed her again as the sun rose and as she showered he was certain it was time for him to go but it was like she heard him creeping off and she shouted over the noise of the water "Are you hungry" and he responded "Yes" and since they had managed to talk without looking each other in the face it was okay and by the time she was dressed he was already in the car staring straight ahead waiting and when she climbed in they drove without talking to iHop said nothing to each other had the Rooty Tooty Fresh n' Fruity came back and said nothing and in bed this time just as she turned her head towards him closed her eyes again and he lamed her well that afternoon and the rental continued past the return date and knew that yes this is fine I will let her objectify me if I can be that for her I will be that for her if I can be that for her I will be that for her if I can be that for her I will be that for her if I can be that for her I will be that for her...
He had only stopped by for their usual coffee, perhaps a brief conversation about feminism, ribbing in the form of accusations to one another of how they had both failed to uphold their ideals. He would call her a slut and she would call him a chode and they would both laugh it off, watch a BBC adaptation of a Jane Austen novel and make fun of it along the way.
But when he walked in through loneal's door that night, professorhazard found her asleep on her sofa, an empty box of tissues on the coffee table. He picked up the remote and turned on the television, and the sound of Jim Lehrer's Southern twang announcing the news of this Friday roused her suddenly. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes and in the light from the television professorhazard finally noticed the redness around them.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," she said.
"What's the matter," he stated more than asked.
He sat down beside her, keeping his distance, thinking of pamphlets he'd read in eighth grade health class so many years ago that said the worst thing you can do in a situation where a woman is telling you she has been recently raped is to make physical contact in an attempt to comfort her but wait why am I assuming she has been raped my mind is full of soap operas and Lifetime original movies pay attention and listen to her man...
"Lainestin left me," she said.
Professorhazard couldn't deny how glad he felt, though he hid it well. Lainestin was probably the worst thing that had ever happened to her. It was lainestin who took every thing she said -- every proudly held conviction she had that had made professorhazard proud to know her -- and twisted it into a lie. At many a party had he stood by and watched her lovingly lean on his shoulder while all he could do was stare into space and sip a PBR. Never paid any attention to her, always too busy with his "art" -- the paintings derivative of Van Gogh that filled up their garage not being sold but what did professorhazard know about art he was an engineer "it's just not your training" as lainestin would say and loneal nodding, looking at professorhazard for just a brief second thinking that he had a point before thoughts of lainestin laming her crept into her mind reminding her whose she was though of course she would never put it that way their love was a poison and lainestin was an arrogant, selfish prick just dragging her down and professorhazard knew it but nothing could be more arrogant than to speak up about it right? Try to step in and live loneal's life for her? Surely she would hate that. But inaction accomplished nothing and so did thinking that being a friend meant never calling someone on their bullshit.
But she looked up at him and then away and he felt her shame, not just from letting him see her in such pain but the mixture of desire and despair behind it.
He had suppressed his lust for her for so long. That alone was not enough to move him forward but now it was the thinking that it was more her need than his own desire that enabled him, had him thinking of himself not as an agent but as a means to her reclaiming some sense of identity, her orgasm only a reminder that she was alive and that she belonged to herself.
And so when he pulled her clothes off he told himself that his arms were now an extension of her body, and as he lamed her softly thinking damn how is lainestin such a fool to leave such a tight comment behind lamed her softly thinking that he was no different than anything in her bedroom nightstand that she would use after any break-up, licking her the way she would have licked the rocky road ice cream she'd kept for previous depressing occasions. He very nearly chuckled into her pussy upon remembering how she hated herself for having this ice cream crutch for it was such an obvious cliche for a woman left broken by a man to resort to comfort food, letting go of control of her body both sexually and nutritionally due to the whims of missing-dick syndrome.
Professorhazard lamed the tight wetness of her comment felt her tightening and pulling distracting him making him stop thrusting but no don't stop for that would ruin the illusion she must not let it seem like her body wants the lame but it must continue on like a scene in a movie from the forties first the passionate kiss then the inevitable slap, a sin committed eagerly and recanted on the deathbed.
He lamed her and his body belonged with hers, belonged to her and that thought kept his dick hard and his balls big and round. He must prolong the illusion that he is here to help her masturbate never mind the nails digging into his back remember her eyes are closed she must be thinking of the fool who left her well let her think whatever she wants to think and the good long cock will provide for if he actually lets himself think that she is thirsting for him then he will catch feelings just as so many hoes in so many rap songs catch feelings then how will he give her her revenge on men if I have to be that for her I will be that for her.
He held her down and lamed her and came inside and she kissed and licked his face and then buried her face in his shoulder and he knew they would not look at each other no he would get hard again and lame her again and fill the wet tightness of her comment and then he would leave before morning but when he did all that and didn't leave before morning he decided she was renting him yes he was a rental for her and so he lamed her again as the sun rose and as she showered he was certain it was time for him to go but it was like she heard him creeping off and she shouted over the noise of the water "Are you hungry" and he responded "Yes" and since they had managed to talk without looking each other in the face it was okay and by the time she was dressed he was already in the car staring straight ahead waiting and when she climbed in they drove without talking to iHop said nothing to each other had the Rooty Tooty Fresh n' Fruity came back and said nothing and in bed this time just as she turned her head towards him closed her eyes again and he lamed her well that afternoon and the rental continued past the return date and knew that yes this is fine I will let her objectify me if I can be that for her I will be that for her if I can be that for her I will be that for her if I can be that for her I will be that for her if I can be that for her I will be that for her...
snidedk
+0 -0
Is this our first Assetbarista slashfic?
Is this our first Assetbarista slashfic?
tekende
+0 -0
No, but it is certainly the best. I am laughing really hard right now.
No, but it is certainly the best. I am laughing really hard right now.
loneal
+0 -0
Admit it. You're secretly Dr. Manflesh.
PS Whyyyyyyyyy
Admit it. You're secretly Dr. Manflesh.
PS Whyyyyyyyyy
falseprophet
+0 -0
Sorry, I'm not manflesh. There are people on Assetbar who can attest to me even having heated Words with manflesh on #achewood when I showed my comic strip and he made fun of my manga art style. If I were going to have an argument with myself I'd dig up much deeper demons than that I tell you what.
Guess you're just going to have to live with the fact that there are two individuals on assetbar with the writing skills that can simultaneously fill the holes on your body.
Sorry, I'm not manflesh. There are people on Assetbar who can attest to me even having heated Words with manflesh on #achewood when I showed my comic strip and he made fun of my manga art style. If I were going to have an argument with myself I'd dig up much deeper demons than that I tell you what.
Guess you're just going to have to live with the fact that there are two individuals on assetbar with the writing skills that can simultaneously fill the holes on your body.
loneal
+0 -0
Guess so!
I hope Lainestin reads this and sees what he's missing. We could have had post-coital IHOP, Lainestin! Do you hear me? Post-coital IHOP!
Guess so!
I hope Lainestin reads this and sees what he's missing. We could have had post-coital IHOP, Lainestin! Do you hear me? Post-coital IHOP!
professorhazard
+0 -0
Man, this is the second erotic fan fic you have written about me.
Just sayin'.
Man, this is the second erotic fan fic you have written about me.
Just sayin'.
loneal
+0 -0
That you know of.
That you know of.
professorhazard
+0 -0
loneal, why doth thou burn this candle at both ends?
loneal, why doth thou burn this candle at both ends?
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
Cuz she don't know a fig about burnin candles.
Cuz she don't know a fig about burnin candles.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Is this the first one that you're referring to?
Is this the first one that you're referring to?
professorhazard
+0 -0
THAT'S THE ONE
THAT'S THE ONE
autrepoupee
+0 -0
oh yes, a thousand times yeeeeeeeeeees !!
~~~post swoon tremors~~~
oh yes, a thousand times yeeeeeeeeeees !!
~~~post swoon tremors~~~
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Hilarious. Though the swap from third to first person in the third paragraph threw m - oh for god sake stop analysing and just read for once in your life...
Hilarious. Though the swap from third to first person in the third paragraph threw m - oh for god sake stop analysing and just read for once in your life...
falseprophet
+0 -0
No no it's fair it's fair. That caliber of stream-of-consciousness may require more practice before I achieve Maximal Narrator-Character Cognitive Synergy.
But when that day comes, I shall be a god and this world will become as clay in my fist.
No no it's fair it's fair. That caliber of stream-of-consciousness may require more practice before I achieve Maximal Narrator-Character Cognitive Synergy.
But when that day comes, I shall be a god and this world will become as clay in my fist.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
Make a pot! Make a pot!
Jesus all behind you helping you mold the clay. Sexy.
Make a pot! Make a pot!
Jesus all behind you helping you mold the clay. Sexy.
octafish
+0 -0
*sings*
Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh, 'Wait for me, wait for me'
'I'll be coming home, wait for me!'
*sings*
Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh, 'Wait for me, wait for me'
'I'll be coming home, wait for me!'
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
Unchained Melody all in the background, Jesus all lookin like Patrick Swayze. ...... though I guess I've always thought of Patrick Swayze as Jesus.
Unchained Melody all in the background, Jesus all lookin like Patrick Swayze. ...... though I guess I've always thought of Patrick Swayze as Jesus.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Jesus has hell of cancers ravaging his once beautiful frame
Jesus has hell of cancers ravaging his once beautiful frame
kamet
+0 -0
kickstart
+0 -0
put it on black velvet and you've got yourself a customer.
put it on black velvet and you've got yourself a customer.
techiebabe
+0 -0
Dammittall, I wish I still had chuppies to give out. I am giving you a virtual one so hard right now.
Dammittall, I wish I still had chuppies to give out. I am giving you a virtual one so hard right now.
aliiis
+0 -1
I ran out of chubs. I was going to lame this for old times' sake (falseprophet, I trust you have not forgotten that you were the first man to lame me), but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I can't lame Art.
I ran out of chubs. I was going to lame this for old times' sake (falseprophet, I trust you have not forgotten that you were the first man to lame me), but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I can't lame Art.
falseprophet
+0 -0
I haven't aliiis. And your comment still feels unbelievable .
I haven't aliiis. And your comment still feels unbelievable .
tekende
+0 -0
"He very nearly chuckled into her pussy" is just so fantastic. Too great for descriptors. Well done, sir. Well done.
"He very nearly chuckled into her pussy" is just so fantastic. Too great for descriptors. Well done, sir. Well done.
professorhazard
+0 -0
I was working some smooth chuckles.
~ OR ~
I'm just trying to get inside giving her head.
I was working some smooth chuckles.
~ OR ~
I'm just trying to get inside giving her head.
woodenteeth
+0 -0
oooohhhhh massive V-chub for Choice 2).
oooohhhhh massive V-chub for Choice 2).
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
"the whims of missing-dick syndrome" is great. And I am reminded that I need to buy ice cream.
"the whims of missing-dick syndrome" is great. And I am reminded that I need to buy ice cream.
falseprophet
+0 -0
If I repurpose this for publication maybe I should change it to "phantom dick syndrome." Just a notion...
If I repurpose this for publication maybe I should change it to "phantom dick syndrome." Just a notion...
loneal
+1 -0
If you repurpose this for publication, I will find you and give you missing-dick syndrome.
If you repurpose this for publication, I will find you and give you missing-dick syndrome.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Goddamn loneal's working some rough chuckles these days.
What's wrong?! Can't a dude make some money or start a fiction career? I would change the names to protect the innocent and use actual words like 'copulate' and 'fuck' instead of lame so it's not like anyone who is not of assetbar would ever trace it back to you.
Or is it just that you want this story with your name in it to have and to hold for as long as you both shall live, something that belongs to you and your beloved internet friends printing it out and hiding it under your pillow for those times when the world is just too wet from all the rain and you need to remember that for one comic strip thread for one special comic strip thread you were the star all eyes were on you like the Mother who popped pills and was going to be On Television in Drugs Are Really Bad For You and you will remember Great Handface Weekend and affix captions to all your memories like the end credits of an '80s teen movie, all lettin you know that the geeks (achilleselbow) went on to get laid a bunch of times, the jocks (lawbot) became janitors, the bimbo (blarghamagarky)* winds up with a really good job in the media but divorced twice childless by the age of 33, the ethnic kid ( *~* GUESS WHO? *~* ) with the least number of lines but each one packed with the right amount of cool to make him authentic but not enough to make him an interesting character that steals the dramatic spotlight from the brownhairedwhiteboymaincharacter (tekende) winds up dying of AIDS becuase teh moovie is socailly relavent And The Rest (professorhazard, Mary Ann) Are Here On Gilligan's Isle?
*Okay I admit I only used her name because I don't see her post here anymore so she won't get pissed and recuse the hotsex I imagine she will someday appropriate
when we meet by chance
beneath the moonlight in France,
two lost wayward souls
seeking shelter from the cold,
baby close your eyes
and accept my prize
at first it feels troublin'
but pretty soon I'm bubblin'
all over your face
after i fill up ya space.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me sometimes.
Goddamn loneal's working some rough chuckles these days.
What's wrong?! Can't a dude make some money or start a fiction career? I would change the names to protect the innocent and use actual words like 'copulate' and 'fuck' instead of lame so it's not like anyone who is not of assetbar would ever trace it back to you.
Or is it just that you want this story with your name in it to have and to hold for as long as you both shall live, something that belongs to you and your beloved internet friends printing it out and hiding it under your pillow for those times when the world is just too wet from all the rain and you need to remember that for one comic strip thread for one special comic strip thread you were the star all eyes were on you like the Mother who popped pills and was going to be On Television in Drugs Are Really Bad For You and you will remember Great Handface Weekend and affix captions to all your memories like the end credits of an '80s teen movie, all lettin you know that the geeks (achilleselbow) went on to get laid a bunch of times, the jocks (lawbot) became janitors, the bimbo (blarghamagarky)* winds up with a really good job in the media but divorced twice childless by the age of 33, the ethnic kid ( *~* GUESS WHO? *~* ) with the least number of lines but each one packed with the right amount of cool to make him authentic but not enough to make him an interesting character that steals the dramatic spotlight from the brownhairedwhiteboymaincharacter (tekende) winds up dying of AIDS becuase teh moovie is socailly relavent And The Rest (professorhazard, Mary Ann) Are Here On Gilligan's Isle?
*Okay I admit I only used her name because I don't see her post here anymore so she won't get pissed and recuse the hotsex I imagine she will someday appropriate
when we meet by chance
beneath the moonlight in France,
two lost wayward souls
seeking shelter from the cold,
baby close your eyes
and accept my prize
at first it feels troublin'
but pretty soon I'm bubblin'
all over your face
after i fill up ya space.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me sometimes.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Oooo! Oooo! Am I the ethnic kid? I bet I am
Oooo! Oooo! Am I the ethnic kid? I bet I am
achilleselbow
+0 -0
You and yearsinhotclaws are the two comic relief characters who stand in the corner at the party and make perverted comments about the other characters, or hatch some harebrained scheme to put a camera in the girls' bathroom which fails spectacularly but just at the right moment so as to indirectly further or resolve the plot.
You and yearsinhotclaws are the two comic relief characters who stand in the corner at the party and make perverted comments about the other characters, or hatch some harebrained scheme to put a camera in the girls' bathroom which fails spectacularly but just at the right moment so as to indirectly further or resolve the plot.
loneal
+0 -0
I like how you idolize yearsinhotclaws for being all offensive, but how off-Assetbar, he's one of my favorite people to (e-)talk to and is pretty much the epitome of nice.
(Am I blowing your cover as an abrasive jerk, yearsinhotclaws? I am sorry if I am blowing your cover.)
I like how you idolize yearsinhotclaws for being all offensive, but how off-Assetbar, he's one of my favorite people to (e-)talk to and is pretty much the epitome of nice.
(Am I blowing your cover as an abrasive jerk, yearsinhotclaws? I am sorry if I am blowing your cover.)
octafish
+0 -0
I feel like I would like to be the offended elderly man grasping my chest as the main characters streak down the street after "the party" gets out of hand.
Of course Pogo is cross dressing and playing my wife, as I have a minor heart attack he lecherously checks out the male cast's members.
I feel like I would like to be the offended elderly man grasping my chest as the main characters streak down the street after "the party" gets out of hand.
Of course Pogo is cross dressing and playing my wife, as I have a minor heart attack he lecherously checks out the male cast's members.
stereo
+0 -0
I want to be nice to yearsinhotclaws but I'm not sure how, can you guys help me out
I want to be nice to yearsinhotclaws but I'm not sure how, can you guys help me out
pogo
+0 -0
What's my motivation? Have you been a good husband?
What's my motivation? Have you been a good husband?
tekende
+0 -0
Damn, now I'm dying of AIDS? This past week was even worse than I thought, apparently.
Damn, now I'm dying of AIDS? This past week was even worse than I thought, apparently.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
No no, falseprophet is dying of AIDS. You are the brown-haired main character. Unless of course you knew this and were making fun of falseprophet's Escher-esque sentence construction.
No no, falseprophet is dying of AIDS. You are the brown-haired main character. Unless of course you knew this and were making fun of falseprophet's Escher-esque sentence construction.
falseprophet
+0 -0
elbox is correct -- in this little vignette, my character is dying of AIDS.
elbox is correct -- in this little vignette, my character is dying of AIDS.
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
No, keep it "missing-dick syndrome". I think it's much more apt and effective. "phantom" brings to my mind the "phantom pains" that amputees sometimes get--implying that your character once had a dick but lost it but still feels like she has it. A very different meaning from "missing-dick", which I think here is much more apropos. and funnier.
No, keep it "missing-dick syndrome". I think it's much more apt and effective. "phantom" brings to my mind the "phantom pains" that amputees sometimes get--implying that your character once had a dick but lost it but still feels like she has it. A very different meaning from "missing-dick", which I think here is much more apropos. and funnier.
octafish
+0 -0
S.M.A.K.I.B.B.F.B.*
Smoke Me A Kipper I'll Be Back For Breakfast.
S.M.A.K.I.B.B.F.B.*
Smoke Me A Kipper I'll Be Back For Breakfast.
loneal
+0 -0
You are a true friend, professor.
You are a true friend, professor.
bungdeetle
+1 -0
Ramses didn't really blow it away. The cap, sensing from Ramses' ice cold breath that it would be best to leave, flew away. The foam, sensing the cap's fear, was reluctant to leave the bottle.
Ramses didn't really blow it away. The cap, sensing from Ramses' ice cold breath that it would be best to leave, flew away. The foam, sensing the cap's fear, was reluctant to leave the bottle.
aliiis
+0 -0
This comment and this giant isopod avapic together? Oh assetbar, would that I could chubby this twice!
Lickle giant isopod wants you to teeeckle heees tuuuummmy, yeeeees!
This comment and this giant isopod avapic together? Oh assetbar, would that I could chubby this twice!
Lickle giant isopod wants you to teeeckle heees tuuuummmy, yeeeees!
bungdeetle
+0 -0
^w^
^w^
ethelthefrog
+0 -0
*shudder*
*shudder*
bungdeetle
+0 -0
^w^
^w^
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Okay, good.
Okay, good.
pogo
+0 -0
TROLL ALERT *too many iiis*
TROLL ALERT *too many iiis*
aliiis
+0 -0
I say, what the chuffing hell are you going on about?
I say, what the chuffing hell are you going on about?
pogo
+0 -0
Temporary insanity, sorry.
Temporary insanity, sorry.
achilleselbow
+2 -0
Agent Pogo! My office, now!
*door slams*
You're a loose cannon, Pogo! Accusing one of the favorite Assetbar babes of being one of you know who's proxies? Did you even think to run a basic profile check first? 226 comments, Pogo, 226 fucking comments! Jesus Christ, man!
*sigh*
Look, Pogo, I know you've been effective in the past. Hell, that's why I bailed you out of that mess you were in with Internal Affairs. You're good at what you do. I respect that. And we need agents like you keeping vigilance. But if we're gonna start rounding up innocent people...well, shit, then he's already won.
Agent Pogo! My office, now!
*door slams*
You're a loose cannon, Pogo! Accusing one of the favorite Assetbar babes of being one of you know who's proxies? Did you even think to run a basic profile check first? 226 comments, Pogo, 226 fucking comments! Jesus Christ, man!
*sigh*
Look, Pogo, I know you've been effective in the past. Hell, that's why I bailed you out of that mess you were in with Internal Affairs. You're good at what you do. I respect that. And we need agents like you keeping vigilance. But if we're gonna start rounding up innocent people...well, shit, then he's already won.
pogo
+2 -0
It's the drinking, boss. I know I need to cut back, hell, cut it out, I guess. But I won't whine, I know how the chicks hate the whiney types. Aliiis just didn't sound like herself, and I really miss her fatty beaver imitation iconavatar. *Sigh* Anyway, I also shot a man just to watch him die. I suppose that has to go on my permanent record as well.
It's the drinking, boss. I know I need to cut back, hell, cut it out, I guess. But I won't whine, I know how the chicks hate the whiney types. Aliiis just didn't sound like herself, and I really miss her fatty beaver imitation iconavatar. *Sigh* Anyway, I also shot a man just to watch him die. I suppose that has to go on my permanent record as well.
dapooka
+0 -0
Pure gold. Chubbies to each of you.
Pure gold. Chubbies to each of you.
leon
+13 -0
i had a dream last night that Ramses wrote a full-length graphic novel about his own experience in the great outdoors fight, but had left the cover blank except for the title "a Fine Piece of Literature" because at that point in the dream i thought ramses's initials were FPL then i realized they were not, so the title changed to "Real Life Story"
then i made the unfortunate but but understandable decision of opening the book, saw ramses face staring me down from the inside jacket, and i was scared awake
i had a dream last night that Ramses wrote a full-length graphic novel about his own experience in the great outdoors fight, but had left the cover blank except for the title "a Fine Piece of Literature" because at that point in the dream i thought ramses's initials were FPL then i realized they were not, so the title changed to "Real Life Story"
then i made the unfortunate but but understandable decision of opening the book, saw ramses face staring me down from the inside jacket, and i was scared awake
hellofditties
+0 -0
If this is true, I am so impressed by your subconcious.
If this is true, I am so impressed by your subconcious.
margargaret
+0 -0
You too?
You too?
qingofchina
+0 -0
A comment left by qingofchina was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by leon, hedonismbot, gowerski)
A comment left by qingofchina was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by leon, hedonismbot, gowerski)
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Don't truuuust me
I'm a total dickface liar
My dick tells lies
Just like my son of a bitch face
Don't truuuust me
I'm a total dickface liar
My dick tells lies
Just like my son of a bitch face
woodenteeth
+0 -0
oh yeah,
he is...
good.
oh yeah,
he is...
good.
kickstart
+0 -0
I'm alone in these woods that we call life
You're a perfect wife
For a dead man
But that's not me
I'm alone in these woods that we call life
You're a perfect wife
For a dead man
But that's not me
farqussus
+0 -0
That's pretty bad
That's pretty bad
professorhazard
+1 -0
UNRELATED COMMENT: I just had scrambled eggs with Ray's "Rad Chilies" fine garlic hot sauce. It is a combination that I recommend to everybody.
My feelings on these eggs are: Pro
UNRELATED COMMENT: I just had scrambled eggs with Ray's "Rad Chilies" fine garlic hot sauce. It is a combination that I recommend to everybody.
My feelings on these eggs are: Pro
stereo
+0 -0
My feelings on your breath are: Con
My feelings on your breath are: Con
professorhazard
+0 -0
theirateturk's ex-girlfriend wasn't complaining when I was playing her like a didgeridoo.
theirateturk's ex-girlfriend wasn't complaining when I was playing her like a didgeridoo.
plummet
+0 -1
cool story, bro
cool story, bro
thorfinn
+0 -0
theirateturk's ex-girlfriend is a TS? This is the only way I can imagine you doing the thing you just said you did.
theirateturk's ex-girlfriend is a TS? This is the only way I can imagine you doing the thing you just said you did.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
He was commenting on her wind-tunnel-esque vagooner. He's saying the girl takes a ton of pipe.
He was commenting on her wind-tunnel-esque vagooner. He's saying the girl takes a ton of pipe.
loneal
+0 -0
Stereo, we need to have a talk about you being a gorilla.
Stereo, we need to have a talk about you being a gorilla.
foea
+0 -0
It's only a skin. He was told by the agency that it'd improve his chances of getting the job.
It's only a skin. He was told by the agency that it'd improve his chances of getting the job.
stereo
+0 -0
I saw an opportunity, I took it.
Now I am a gorilla.
The only condition was that I had to promise to stay away from Lyle.
I saw an opportunity, I took it.
Now I am a gorilla.
The only condition was that I had to promise to stay away from Lyle.
pogo
+0 -0
I am CON on extra large icon things.
I am CON on extra large icon things.
hedonismbot
+1 -0
Then you won't like my new handfacecock avatar
Then you won't like my new handfacecock avatar
pogo
+0 -0
You have a large face?
You have a large face?
fallow_fields
+0 -0
haha beef's face... so good.
>_<
I used to be terrible for blinking right at the exact second when the camera snapped the picture
haha beef's face... so good.
>_<
I used to be terrible for blinking right at the exact second when the camera snapped the picture
professorhazard
+1 -1
It is also a common problem for Earl Hickey.
It is also a common problem for Earl Hickey.
sje46
+0 -1
Hey, I just wanted to say that I recently discovered this strip and that I love it. I found it a couple of updates ago, when Roast Beef got married, and I am currectly reading through the archives. I'm somewhere in late 2003. Anyways I think Roast Beef is awesome, and I feel reallly bad for ray in this one.
Hey, I just wanted to say that I recently discovered this strip and that I love it. I found it a couple of updates ago, when Roast Beef got married, and I am currectly reading through the archives. I'm somewhere in late 2003. Anyways I think Roast Beef is awesome, and I feel reallly bad for ray in this one.
techiebabe
+0 -0
Oooo, fresh meat. Welcome! *points down the basement stairs* There's...um...a party down there. Y..yes...yes, a party. Come join us!
Oooo, fresh meat. Welcome! *points down the basement stairs* There's...um...a party down there. Y..yes...yes, a party. Come join us!
loneal
+0 -0
We're playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Only it's not a tail. Or a pin.
We're playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Only it's not a tail. Or a pin.
techiebabe
+0 -0
Shh, Loneal, stop screamin' baby.
Shh, Loneal, stop screamin' baby.
kamet
+0 -0
This thread made me laugh uncontrollably.
This thread made me laugh uncontrollably.
hedonismbot
+1 -0
It made me do something very different than laugh. But I did to it uncontrollably. Twice!
It made me do something very different than laugh. But I did to it uncontrollably. Twice!
kamet
+0 -0
I think they're starting to like the basement treatment, Hedo.. you're gonna have to switch your game up to keep'm interested.
I think they're starting to like the basement treatment, Hedo.. you're gonna have to switch your game up to keep'm interested.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Well, the house if pretty big, but the wife won't let me keep any trophies in the backyard where the neighbors could see them, and the attic has a coupla ladies from the Scarygoround forums already...
Well, the house if pretty big, but the wife won't let me keep any trophies in the backyard where the neighbors could see them, and the attic has a coupla ladies from the Scarygoround forums already...
kamet
+0 -0
Perhaps turn them into some sort of wall-art?
Perhaps turn them into some sort of wall-art?
techiebabe
+0 -0
How did I miss you in the SGR forums...
How did I miss you in the SGR forums...
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I post on a totally different persona over there. I'm nice, and respectful, and treat women like equals. It's a limey comic, so it seems more fitting really. They are such fun little people over there.
Trainy train!
I post on a totally different persona over there. I'm nice, and respectful, and treat women like equals. It's a limey comic, so it seems more fitting really. They are such fun little people over there.
Trainy train!
techiebabe
+0 -0
Wait...wife!? You told me it was just me, and Loneal, and the other four girls! Now you're saying you have a wife? What the HELL, man? (Loneal, I think I now know why he forgot to feed you last week.)
Wait...wife!? You told me it was just me, and Loneal, and the other four girls! Now you're saying you have a wife? What the HELL, man? (Loneal, I think I now know why he forgot to feed you last week.)
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Yes wife, and no, she prefers the OTHER kind of girls, so she won't be playing with you. You should be thankful, she's got a mean streak and her hands are cold . Like I said, it's a big house, and if there isn't someone crying in every room in feels kinda empty you know. If you are feeling unloved, I'll introduce you to the other girls if you want. Be careful with the redhead, she's not actually a girl in the technical sense.
Yes wife, and no, she prefers the OTHER kind of girls, so she won't be playing with you. You should be thankful, she's got a mean streak and her hands are cold . Like I said, it's a big house, and if there isn't someone crying in every room in feels kinda empty you know. If you are feeling unloved, I'll introduce you to the other girls if you want. Be careful with the redhead, she's not actually a girl in the technical sense.
techiebabe
+0 -0
*purr*
*purr*
leon
+3 -0
man what so you started achewood with the strip of roast beef getting married
youve ruined everything now you will read all of the past comics knowing beef finds true love man you wont be able to take him seriously AT ALL
man what so you started achewood with the strip of roast beef getting married
youve ruined everything now you will read all of the past comics knowing beef finds true love man you wont be able to take him seriously AT ALL
sje46
+1 -0
What? I take Roast Beef mad serious,man, and I give him mad props for getting such a wonderful woman.
What? I take Roast Beef mad serious,man, and I give him mad props for getting such a wonderful woman.
leon
+0 -0
NO WHAT YOU DUN GET ITT
NO WHAT YOU DUN GET ITT
sje46
+0 -1
I don't get what? What is this nonsense you speak?
I don't get what? What is this nonsense you speak?
mystkmanat
+1 -0
the first strip i ever read was the one where Beef proposed to Molly. I feel you, sje46.
the first strip i ever read was the one where Beef proposed to Molly. I feel you, sje46.
rowboat
+0 -0
Woah! Sje post #1. I'm in the future, so I know the significance of this.
Hint: There are a few more to come!
Woah! Sje post #1. I'm in the future, so I know the significance of this.
Hint: There are a few more to come!
sje46
+0 -0
I should go to your first post and make fun of you!
No, I am too kind for that.
I should go to your first post and make fun of you!
No, I am too kind for that.
rowboat
+0 -0
I beginning to realize that things which I consider to be good-natured jokes sound to you like bad-natured jokes. We must meet in the middle eventually.
Believe it or not, I'm not unkind.
I beginning to realize that things which I consider to be good-natured jokes sound to you like bad-natured jokes. We must meet in the middle eventually.
Believe it or not, I'm not unkind.
sje46
+0 -0
Haha, don't worry. I knew that you weren't trying to be mean.
Haha, don't worry. I knew that you weren't trying to be mean.
rowboat
+0 -0
This conversation made me realize that I didn't even remember my first post, so I went back and checked. It was boring. I used to actually talk about the strip!
For your consideration .
This conversation made me realize that I didn't even remember my first post, so I went back and checked. It was boring. I used to actually talk about the strip!
For your consideration .
loneal
+0 -0
Is Ray in panel 13 copied and pasted from Ray in panel 10? More importantly, is Ray in panel 10 copied and pasted from Ray in panel 9?
Is Ray in panel 13 copied and pasted from Ray in panel 10? More importantly, is Ray in panel 10 copied and pasted from Ray in panel 9?
threep
+0 -0
Onstad got shit to do, son.
Onstad got shit to do, son.
kamet
+0 -0
Topiaries (topiarys?) do not make for good picture backgrounds. Is that whale... mounting the dolphin?!
Topiaries (topiarys?) do not make for good picture backgrounds. Is that whale... mounting the dolphin?!
gladi8orrex
+13 -2
to am gran dod i says, thansk 2 u
to ma garn man i syas, u were so close lol
to ma dod i says, thx 4 teeshin's me
to me bro i says, u will neveh dit deh thrown lol
to ma sis i says, u mad me wear dresses as young man i never forgive u
to ma son i says, keep ur heels down when u ride ur horse
an 2 ma wife... lol das none of ur dbusissness
to am gran dod i says, thansk 2 u
to ma garn man i syas, u were so close lol
to ma dod i says, thx 4 teeshin's me
to me bro i says, u will neveh dit deh thrown lol
to ma sis i says, u mad me wear dresses as young man i never forgive u
to ma son i says, keep ur heels down when u ride ur horse
an 2 ma wife... lol das none of ur dbusissness
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
ewe chet, ewe darety scoondrell. Auh kin sey ewe lookin aught yeh hoonds. Auh hoop at ewe geht coot chetin und geht ah zehroo.
ewe chet, ewe darety scoondrell. Auh kin sey ewe lookin aught yeh hoonds. Auh hoop at ewe geht coot chetin und geht ah zehroo.
hamscout
+0 -0
Is this glad's Assetbar Oscar (Astors?) acceptance speech?
Is this glad's Assetbar Oscar (Astors?) acceptance speech?
octafish
+0 -0
Gladiator Rex dude, the last two lines are from Gladiator. A return to form I think. Though when he was "explaining" the strip was the magical heyday we all long for.
Gladiator Rex dude, the last two lines are from Gladiator. A return to form I think. Though when he was "explaining" the strip was the magical heyday we all long for.
sirhan_duran
+0 -0
holy shit! i always thought his name was just techno-latin gibberish
holy shit! i always thought his name was just techno-latin gibberish
professorhazard
+0 -0
Unrelated, but are you constantly hunted by your evil twin, duran_sirhan?
Unrelated, but are you constantly hunted by your evil twin, duran_sirhan?
octafish
+0 -0
Unrelated as well but have you heard of the islamic new-romantic band Qur'an Qur'an?
Unrelated as well but have you heard of the islamic new-romantic band Qur'an Qur'an?
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
Is that sort of like "Rochelle, Rochelle," or am I confusing that with "The Tempest"?
Is that sort of like "Rochelle, Rochelle," or am I confusing that with "The Tempest"?
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
I fail. At everything. My comment would be relevant if you had been talking about plays, though. Only you weren't. This is what I get for not eating all day and posting after just finishing a school research paper on the USA PATRIOT Act.
I fail. At everything. My comment would be relevant if you had been talking about plays, though. Only you weren't. This is what I get for not eating all day and posting after just finishing a school research paper on the USA PATRIOT Act.
professorhazard
+0 -0
A young woman's erotic journey from Milan to Minsk?
Teodor is so ashamed to be seen with it at the video store.
A young woman's erotic journey from Milan to Minsk?
Teodor is so ashamed to be seen with it at the video store.
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
You got the hell out of that reference!
Breast Attack on Fuck Mountain is much more racy, perhaps he is afraid that people will learn he has fantasies about makin it with Bette?
You got the hell out of that reference!
Breast Attack on Fuck Mountain is much more racy, perhaps he is afraid that people will learn he has fantasies about makin it with Bette?
octafish
+0 -0
Bette was not in the film, only in the stage musical. Until she was taken out at the softball game that is. Am I remembering that correctly?
Bette was not in the film, only in the stage musical. Until she was taken out at the softball game that is. Am I remembering that correctly?
professorhazard
+0 -0
You are remembering that correctly.
You are remembering that correctly.
sirhan_duran
+0 -0
not for a long time now
a cheer for ambiguous replies down at the bottom of a reply tree
not for a long time now
a cheer for ambiguous replies down at the bottom of a reply tree
kelissamunz
+0 -0
I really want to see what St. Hoppy's speech patterns look like.
Like if his font is a Biblical Gothic script or something.
I really want to see what St. Hoppy's speech patterns look like.
Like if his font is a Biblical Gothic script or something.
gwillikers
+0 -0
Goddamn am I happy Ramses Luther is back.
On another note, did anybody catch Achewood in this month's Gentleman's Quarterly? Or rather, has anybody read GQ... ever?
Goddamn am I happy Ramses Luther is back.
On another note, did anybody catch Achewood in this month's Gentleman's Quarterly? Or rather, has anybody read GQ... ever?
loneal
+0 -0
Is that what GQ stands for? I guess that is the same kind of gentleman that attends "gentleman's clubs." Titles of nobility went through puberty on their way from England to America.
Is that what GQ stands for? I guess that is the same kind of gentleman that attends "gentleman's clubs." Titles of nobility went through puberty on their way from England to America.
hamscout
+0 -1
I picked up a couple in high school, thinking I could learn a thing or two about cool. (It was like a slightly-more refined version of Stuff/Blender/Maxim.)
I stopped buying them after their "style corner" said: "No one looks good in a fedora anymore-no one."
FUCK YOU, GQ!!
...I love my hat...
I picked up a couple in high school, thinking I could learn a thing or two about cool. (It was like a slightly-more refined version of Stuff/Blender/Maxim.)
I stopped buying them after their "style corner" said: "No one looks good in a fedora anymore-no one."
FUCK YOU, GQ!!
...I love my hat...
hedonismbot
+2 -0
Do you also love seborrhoeic dermatitis and Kraftwerk?
Do you also love seborrhoeic dermatitis and Kraftwerk?
hamscout
+0 -1
No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I... Oh! Oh, good! Almost, that time, almost.
*removes boxing glove, puts ice back in freezer*
I... Oh! Oh, good! Almost, that time, almost.
*removes boxing glove, puts ice back in freezer*
davey-boy
+0 -0
True enough, I like mine as well. I am just tired of seeing kids where them with backpacks, sneakers and wallet chains.
True enough, I like mine as well. I am just tired of seeing kids where them with backpacks, sneakers and wallet chains.
meddle
+2 -0
Yeah, I know how you feel; I had to give up wearing mine when I kept seeing them on people who fuck up with homophones.
Yeah, I know how you feel; I had to give up wearing mine when I kept seeing them on people who fuck up with homophones.
davey-boy
+3 -0
I see what you did their.
I see what you did their.
octafish
+0 -0
Bravo!
Bravo!
professorhazard
+0 -0
Your take on people who fail at life has now entered my personal lexicon, as it succinctly sums up its subject matter.
Your take on people who fail at life has now entered my personal lexicon, as it succinctly sums up its subject matter.
hatstand_mcq
+0 -0
I dislike GQ for assuming that I am interested in a product just because it has leather trimming. Every edition seems to be suggesting that I buy some rubbish like a �2000 special edition zippo with Frank Sinatra's face embossed on the leather case, which is soaked in cologne. They don't know me.
I do agree with them about the fedora though. Sorry.
I dislike GQ for assuming that I am interested in a product just because it has leather trimming. Every edition seems to be suggesting that I buy some rubbish like a �2000 special edition zippo with Frank Sinatra's face embossed on the leather case, which is soaked in cologne. They don't know me.
I do agree with them about the fedora though. Sorry.
hamscout
+0 -0
a hatstand with a HUGE slam on fedoras out of nowhere!
a hatstand with a HUGE slam on fedoras out of nowhere!
ajthesecond
+0 -0
little known fact: if done properly you can open beer with your teeth. You shift your jaw slightly to the left and put your canine in the middle of the cap (acts as the fulcrum) - you use the two teeth you shifted it over to brace and then you simply tilt the bottle up. Taught to me by an aussie ex-navyman on my 21st bday
little known fact: if done properly you can open beer with your teeth. You shift your jaw slightly to the left and put your canine in the middle of the cap (acts as the fulcrum) - you use the two teeth you shifted it over to brace and then you simply tilt the bottle up. Taught to me by an aussie ex-navyman on my 21st bday
octafish
+0 -0
My sister loves people like you.
She makes dental prosthesis.
You are her lifeblood.
My sister loves people like you.
She makes dental prosthesis.
You are her lifeblood.
hamscout
+0 -0
My coworker's spouse was on David Letterman once, opening a beer bottle with his belly button.
My coworker's spouse was on David Letterman once, opening a beer bottle with his belly button.
jonmw
+0 -0
DURING PANEL 8:
The bottlecap flies into Teodor's mouth and he chokes on it.
DURING PANEL 8:
The bottlecap flies into Teodor's mouth and he chokes on it.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Man, we covered that possibility.
Man, we covered that possibility.
octafish
+0 -0
Who here thinks Ramses has male pattern baldness? Like in a cool Ed Harris /Michael Ironside/HST way not in a lame Ron Howard/Mao Zhe Dong/Brittney Spears way.
Who here thinks Ramses has male pattern baldness? Like in a cool Ed Harris /Michael Ironside/HST way not in a lame Ron Howard/Mao Zhe Dong/Brittney Spears way.
akadriver
+0 -0
Ray must have got it from somewhere. Ramses doesn't fret about monk dimin', though.
Ray must have got it from somewhere. Ramses doesn't fret about monk dimin', though.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
It is why he is always wearing that hat, I'm sure.
It is why he is always wearing that hat, I'm sure.
loneal
+0 -0
Octafish, you are lucky lawbot isn't hanging around here recently. He would not tolerate that kind of slander about Britney.
Octafish, you are lucky lawbot isn't hanging around here recently. He would not tolerate that kind of slander about Britney.
octafish
+0 -0
I was looking for a third not good balding head that everyone would recognize so I GI'ed "worst celebrity balding", the first 40 odd hits were for Ms Spears. I actually feel sorry for her, not in a way that I really care about though, just in a sort of celebrity cautionary tale, like Michael Jackson or Amy Winehouse.
I was looking for a third not good balding head that everyone would recognize so I GI'ed "worst celebrity balding", the first 40 odd hits were for Ms Spears. I actually feel sorry for her, not in a way that I really care about though, just in a sort of celebrity cautionary tale, like Michael Jackson or Amy Winehouse.
davey-boy
+0 -0
As long as he doesn't have the ponytail, I am down.
As long as he doesn't have the ponytail, I am down.
lux
+0 -0
Male pattern badassness, maybe.
Male pattern badassness, maybe.
metsfan78
+0 -0
oh my god what a fucking cliffhanger, took me a while but ray better talk to ramses or i will flip a shit
oh my god what a fucking cliffhanger, took me a while but ray better talk to ramses or i will flip a shit
i_love_kate
+1 -0
When flipping shits, do you use the old flick-of-the-wrist, or do you chicken out and use a spatula?
When flipping shits, do you use the old flick-of-the-wrist, or do you chicken out and use a spatula?
pogo
+0 -0
Frankly, my der, I don't give a damn.
Frankly, my der, I don't give a damn.
rowan
+0 -0
I don't want Robots teaching in my schools either
I don't want Robots teaching in my schools either
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
My mother is scared of electrical can-openers.
The idea of robots teaching at schools is beyond her comprehension. My feelings on this are pro, as she is paranoid about enough things as it is, without worring about artificial inteligence going awry and slaughtering whole classes of pre-schoolers because the programmer accidently wrote a zero instead of a one...
My mother is scared of electrical can-openers.
The idea of robots teaching at schools is beyond her comprehension. My feelings on this are pro, as she is paranoid about enough things as it is, without worring about artificial inteligence going awry and slaughtering whole classes of pre-schoolers because the programmer accidently wrote a zero instead of a one...
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
man, emergence would absolutely play hell on their programming...
i really can't see a robot not going on a few Columbines* before being stopped by an EMP grenade by cool-looking SWAT Swift Halt Or Critical Knowledge (aka SHOCK)*Troops.
*RIP friend & Columbine victim Lauren Townsend
man, emergence would absolutely play hell on their programming...
i really can't see a robot not going on a few Columbines* before being stopped by an EMP grenade by cool-looking SWAT Swift Halt Or Critical Knowledge (aka SHOCK)*Troops.
*RIP friend & Columbine victim Lauren Townsend
professorhazard
+1 -0
Hey, it's the guy whose icon was screen-shotted from my website, before I changed it.
Hey, it's the guy whose icon was screen-shotted from my website, before I changed it.
hamscout
+0 -0
I screen-shotted from a website once,
but it was hardly photogenic...
I screen-shotted from a website once,
but it was hardly photogenic...
kamet
+0 -0
***it was PORN
***it was PORN
hedonismbot
+0 -0
Mmmmm. Ham porn.
Mmmmm. Ham porn.
hamscout
+0 -0
(don't tell fatfatcat...)
(don't tell fatfatcat...)
fatfatcat
+0 -0
I love ham
I love ham
i_love_kate
+0 -0
This appears to have become the consensus view.
This appears to have become the consensus view.
kamet
+0 -0
Ham is definitely the word on the street. All the kids are turning into "Hamheads".. or as the kids say, "Hammies."
Ham is definitely the word on the street. All the kids are turning into "Hamheads".. or as the kids say, "Hammies."
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
Is McDonald's going to start handing out little plastic police officers in their Happy Meals?
Is McDonald's going to start handing out little plastic police officers in their Happy Meals?
hedonismbot
+0 -0
I'm told some men enjoy ham-oriented erotica
I'm told some men enjoy ham-oriented erotica
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
If you push the button on the policeman's back, he says "You're under arrest for a victimless crime, hooker!" and vibrates until you press the button again.
If you push the button on the policeman's back, he says "You're under arrest for a victimless crime, hooker!" and vibrates until you press the button again.
hamscout
+0 -0
I'm all in for the merchandising...
When you squeeze it, you hear the ham conversation from Pulp Fiction...
I'm all in for the merchandising...
When you squeeze it, you hear the ham conversation from Pulp Fiction...
kamet
+0 -0
I don't dig on swine.
I don't dig on swine.
octafish
+0 -0
I don't eat dog either.
I don't eat dog either.
aliiis
+1 -0
I do not love ham. I am a jew.
I do not love ham. I am a jew.
hamscout
+0 -0
...and I'm already married.
C'est la vie!
...and I'm already married.
C'est la vie!
catgrl131
+0 -0
Hey, welcome to the Jew Crew. We meet on thursdays. Bring cake.
Hey, welcome to the Jew Crew. We meet on thursdays. Bring cake.
loneal
+0 -0
This is hamscout's machine elf stalker.
This is hamscout's machine elf stalker.
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
I am confused as to what my job description entails. Do I stalk machine elves, or Hamscout?
~ thanks, me.
I am confused as to what my job description entails. Do I stalk machine elves, or Hamscout?
~ thanks, me.
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
i am so crazy you could sense my upcoming comment and posted a relvant comment two whole minutes before , thus alerting the community to the impending stupidity that is me
i am so crazy you could sense my upcoming comment and posted a relvant comment two whole minutes before , thus alerting the community to the impending stupidity that is me
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
three minutes. three minutes . i am sorry that i am stupid, loneal. so sorry.
three minutes. three minutes . i am sorry that i am stupid, loneal. so sorry.
loneal
+0 -0
Syrupykeyboard, I don't really know what happened here, but I forgive you. Rest assured you are not the stalker to whom I was referring. Now say a couple rosaries or whatever it is them papists do.
Syrupykeyboard, I don't really know what happened here, but I forgive you. Rest assured you are not the stalker to whom I was referring. Now say a couple rosaries or whatever it is them papists do.
professorhazard
+0 -0
I read that as "rapists", and I'm not sorry!
I read that as "rapists", and I'm not sorry!
syrupykeyboard
+1 -0
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid I'm not sorry...
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid I'm not sorry...
octafish
+0 -0
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
davey-boy
+0 -0
I'm not certain, though if you stroll through my part of town, you can get most anything you want, sweet thing.
I'm not certain, though if you stroll through my part of town, you can get most anything you want, sweet thing.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Me neither!
Me neither!
thegoblins
+0 -0
Is this a reference to Howl, or am I just a crazy?
Is this a reference to Howl, or am I just a crazy?
loneal
+0 -0
It's a reference to "America," which is also by Allen Ginsberg.
It's a reference to "America," which is also by Allen Ginsberg.
octafish
+0 -0
So you are crazy I guess.
So you are crazy I guess.
thegoblins
+0 -0
AAAAH I'm a crazy. Or at least...I'm a person who gets my beat poems mixed up. Same thing.
AAAAH I'm a crazy. Or at least...I'm a person who gets my beat poems mixed up. Same thing.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Dear PEERS
As it is late Sunday, these comments will soon be lost to time like tears in the rain, so forgive me this message to those who might give a shit.
Recently, I have begun working with some amount of vigor on a comic over at my website . Not unlike Achewood, I have adopted the fashion of simply showing the latest comic on the main page (although I have, thus far, avoided the total ripoff pleasure of self-commentary through alt text), so if you'd like to read it from the first page, click here . Anyways, we're up to the fifth page now, and I think things are really coming along. Since I love Achewood and you guys do too, I consider your opinions to be totally valid, since for the most part we like the same things. Thus, some feedback on how it is coming along would be most appreciated.
Please note that this is in no way an attempt to steal any thunder from Achewood. It is merely an attempt to see if people whose opinions I respect think my work cuts the mustard - or the cheese. Ho ho ho, a fart joke.
Dear PEERS
As it is late Sunday, these comments will soon be lost to time like tears in the rain, so forgive me this message to those who might give a shit.
Recently, I have begun working with some amount of vigor on a comic over at my website . Not unlike Achewood, I have adopted the fashion of simply showing the latest comic on the main page (although I have, thus far, avoided the total ripoff pleasure of self-commentary through alt text), so if you'd like to read it from the first page, click here . Anyways, we're up to the fifth page now, and I think things are really coming along. Since I love Achewood and you guys do too, I consider your opinions to be totally valid, since for the most part we like the same things. Thus, some feedback on how it is coming along would be most appreciated.
Please note that this is in no way an attempt to steal any thunder from Achewood. It is merely an attempt to see if people whose opinions I respect think my work cuts the mustard - or the cheese. Ho ho ho, a fart joke.
davey-boy
+0 -0
Interesting, I had visited your site earlier today through you profile, and now you direct link it.
I had interpereted it as an abandoned work before, so that's nice to know.
Onstad usually posts his new stuff on Monday, so I wouldn't worry too much on this being lost to the ages.
Interesting, I had visited your site earlier today through you profile, and now you direct link it.
I had interpereted it as an abandoned work before, so that's nice to know.
Onstad usually posts his new stuff on Monday, so I wouldn't worry too much on this being lost to the ages.
professorhazard
+0 -0
The first page was an abandoned work for several months. Lately, however, it has been updating at about a page a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
The first page was an abandoned work for several months. Lately, however, it has been updating at about a page a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
featurelessvoid
+0 -0
So far, so good. First and foremost, I like the art style of the comic itself, although the low-res (and, frankly, low-rent) retro styling of the navigational menu on the left is incongruous with the cartoon. With regard to the comic itself, though, I thought the 2nd through 4th strips did good job of building the drama. The cinematography, so to speak, works well; your use of close-ups and choice of "camera angles" were great. I can't tell whether this cartoon is going to be funny or serious (or both); I think you could reasonably go in either a comedic or a dramatic direction from here. The moment of truth, I suppose, will arrive when you introduce some dialogue.
So far, so good. First and foremost, I like the art style of the comic itself, although the low-res (and, frankly, low-rent) retro styling of the navigational menu on the left is incongruous with the cartoon. With regard to the comic itself, though, I thought the 2nd through 4th strips did good job of building the drama. The cinematography, so to speak, works well; your use of close-ups and choice of "camera angles" were great. I can't tell whether this cartoon is going to be funny or serious (or both); I think you could reasonably go in either a comedic or a dramatic direction from here. The moment of truth, I suppose, will arrive when you introduce some dialogue.
pogo
+0 -0
I agree, the rest of the site looks like an old Atari game, but the strip shows real promise.
I agree, the rest of the site looks like an old Atari game, but the strip shows real promise.
professorhazard
+0 -0
It's "old Nintendo game", pogo. You know, the system that looks like a dick.
I'd say the site design turns on as many people as it turns off; possibly more of column A than column B. But hey, you like the comic, and that's what matters.
It's "old Nintendo game", pogo. You know, the system that looks like a dick.
I'd say the site design turns on as many people as it turns off; possibly more of column A than column B. But hey, you like the comic, and that's what matters.
falseprophet
+0 -0
I find your images intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
I find your images intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
professorhazard
+0 -0
And because you said that, my wife has decided to figure out how to make an RSS feed.
And because you said that, my wife has decided to figure out how to make an RSS feed.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
hurray for your wife! i had a dickens of a time figuring out how to view the previous comics...and as i had an idea of it just now i realized that's what the arrows on the bottom of the comic are for. not just to look cool, but for NAVIGATIOOOON!!
the end.
(also i like it*.)
*the comic.
hurray for your wife! i had a dickens of a time figuring out how to view the previous comics...and as i had an idea of it just now i realized that's what the arrows on the bottom of the comic are for. not just to look cool, but for NAVIGATIOOOON!!
the end.
(also i like it*.)
*the comic.
professorhazard
+0 -0
That's a beautiful story, through which I will infer that the arrows are probably okay as is(?).
That's a beautiful story, through which I will infer that the arrows are probably okay as is(?).
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
'saul good.
'saul good.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Huh. I wonder what other Assetbarians besides Tekende and now the Prof. have webcomics of their own. I keep planning to start one with my friend and we have a few strips outlined, but we've run into some delays in agreeing on a good name and finding/making a website, since both of us have no sense of coding.
Huh. I wonder what other Assetbarians besides Tekende and now the Prof. have webcomics of their own. I keep planning to start one with my friend and we have a few strips outlined, but we've run into some delays in agreeing on a good name and finding/making a website, since both of us have no sense of coding.
snidedk
+0 -0
falseprophet's got one called Lucky and Guy.
falseprophet's got one called Lucky and Guy.
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Oh right, I am actually in the Facebook group for that, totally forgot. Okay so that's three. I think Loneal should start a comic starring an anthropomorphic vagina.
Oh right, I am actually in the Facebook group for that, totally forgot. Okay so that's three. I think Loneal should start a comic starring an anthropomorphic vagina.
loneal
+0 -0
You know how I do.
You know how I do.
hedonismbot
+1 -0
Like we need another furry-based comic...
Like we need another furry-based comic...
professorhazard
+0 -0
Hey, I didn't know either of these people were in the webcomics game.
- MINUTES LATER... -
Wait, falseprophet is a dude named Lindsay?!
Wait, flaseprophet is [b]BLACK ?!
I really gotta start paying attention
Hey, I didn't know either of these people were in the webcomics game.
- MINUTES LATER... -
Wait, falseprophet is a dude named Lindsay?!
Wait, flaseprophet is [b]BLACK ?!
I really gotta start paying attention
professorhazard
+0 -0
I'd tell BBCode "fuck you right in the butt", but it was my own mistake.
I'd tell BBCode "fuck you right in the butt", but it was my own mistake.
professorhazard
+0 -0
Also, spelling. You know what, I'm skipping today. We have all wanted to skip a day.
Also, spelling. You know what, I'm skipping today. We have all wanted to skip a day.
professorhazard
+0 -0
To make it up to falseprophet, I have emblazoned his website with my website's banner. Enjoy your splatting blue footprints.
To make it up to falseprophet, I have emblazoned his website with my website's banner. Enjoy your splatting blue footprints.
falseprophet
+0 -0
Man that is almost ad revenue YES.
Man that is almost ad revenue YES.
tekende
+0 -0
Nice, I like it. Also--ROBOT ON A BICYCLE. AWESOME.
Also, to any curious folk, my own webcomic has not updated in many months, and I don't know that it ever will again. I have no plans for it at the time.
Nice, I like it. Also--ROBOT ON A BICYCLE. AWESOME.
Also, to any curious folk, my own webcomic has not updated in many months, and I don't know that it ever will again. I have no plans for it at the time.
professorhazard
+0 -0
And here and I just added it to my bookmarks!
And here and I just added it to my bookmarks!
bray
+1 -0
'Scuse me, T. I got to see a man about a famous urinating Dad which I'm considering buying.
'Scuse me, T. I got to see a man about a famous urinating Dad which I'm considering buying.
professorhazard
+1 -0
What's the status, morning flatus
What's the status, morning flatus
cpnglxynchos
+1 -0
sorry, man. that one completely fell apart.
sorry, man. that one completely fell apart.
cpnglxynchos
+0 -0
can anybody tell me why i frequently see new members with same avatars?
is it just people thinking of a better name than the first? *shrug*
can anybody tell me why i frequently see new members with same avatars?
is it just people thinking of a better name than the first? *shrug*
loneal
+0 -0
I guess there's a handful of default avatars, one of which will be assigned to you if you don't upload your own.
I guess there's a handful of default avatars, one of which will be assigned to you if you don't upload your own.
i_love_kate
+0 -0
I got a guy with a guitar. I didn't really feel like it spoke of me as a person, so I quickly resorted to...
Crap, what was my avataricon before the Handfacepic debacle?
I got a guy with a guitar. I didn't really feel like it spoke of me as a person, so I quickly resorted to...
Crap, what was my avataricon before the Handfacepic debacle?
howl
+0 -0
A blurry black-and-white photo? Small white figures on a black background? I never figured out what it was exactly.
A blurry black-and-white photo? Small white figures on a black background? I never figured out what it was exactly.
autrepoupee
+0 -0
i thought it was some people under a blanket of staaaars!
i always imagined the stars were writing out "I Love Kate"!
i thought it was some people under a blanket of staaaars!
i always imagined the stars were writing out "I Love Kate"!
i_love_kate
+0 -0
Oh, yeah, it was just a shot from the video for Losing my Religion. Man, did that not convey well?
Oh, yeah, it was just a shot from the video for Losing my Religion. Man, did that not convey well?
howl
+0 -0
evidently not.
evidently not.
galskap
+0 -0
Does anyone know what Tedor is saying????
I would really like to know. He has to be saying something.
Does anyone know what Tedor is saying????
I would really like to know. He has to be saying something.
irondave
+4 -0
He is saying "First Post."
He is saying "First Post."
kamet
+0 -0
My kingdom for a chubby for you, irondave.
My kingdom for a chubby for you, irondave.
hedonismbot
+0 -0
gotcha covered
gotcha covered
achilleselbow
+0 -0
Check the comments for that strip. Someone ran it through a program to decipher it and posted the results.
Check the comments for that strip. Someone ran it through a program to decipher it and posted the results.
dangelder
+0 -0
"Shivering anus!"
"Shivering anus!"
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
"Shiver me anus! Thar be pisses'a eight thar, boy'o."
"Shiver me anus! Thar be pisses'a eight thar, boy'o."
achilleselbow
+0 -0
It just occurred to me that that strip is kind of like The Aristocrats, but even more like the Russian joke about the bootsmann (naval officer):
The bootsmann stepped out the hatch on the deck, stumbled upon an anchor and flopped flat. "You fucking buggered fucked-up shitty cunt, rotting in motherfucking dick-and-balls filthy hell of fuckedness!" said the bootsmann, and then swore profusely .
It just occurred to me that that strip is kind of like The Aristocrats, but even more like the Russian joke about the bootsmann (naval officer):
The bootsmann stepped out the hatch on the deck, stumbled upon an anchor and flopped flat. "You fucking buggered fucked-up shitty cunt, rotting in motherfucking dick-and-balls filthy hell of fuckedness!" said the bootsmann, and then swore profusely .
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
The fourth Indiana Jones movie did not help the popularity of fedoras. no. *tear*
Why, Spielberg, why? *sob*
The fourth Indiana Jones movie did not help the popularity of fedoras. no. *tear*
Why, Spielberg, why? *sob*
octafish
+1 -0
syrupykeyboard
+1 -0
Well, yes. I guess there IS that. "I just wanna stick my head in and go 'bluh bluh bluh!'"
Well, yes. I guess there IS that. "I just wanna stick my head in and go 'bluh bluh bluh!'"
hamscout
+0 -0
Wait, did octafish change this photo since it was posted?
Currently, it looks nothing like boobies...
Wait, did octafish change this photo since it was posted?
Currently, it looks nothing like boobies...
loneal
+0 -0
Well, it kinda looks like a big cash boobie. But only kinda.
Well, it kinda looks like a big cash boobie. But only kinda.
hamscout
+1 -0
* googles *
LONEALS CASH BOOBIES COME ON SHOW ME THE MONEY
* googles *
LONEALS CASH BOOBIES COME ON SHOW ME THE MONEY
syrupykeyboard
+0 -0
I am sorry that my arousal to the smell of crisp green confuses you, hamscout. But, hey-- to some people, money can mean HELLA boobies; ya know, someone elses......getting their own..........I've said too much. I haven't said enough.
I am sorry that my arousal to the smell of crisp green confuses you, hamscout. But, hey-- to some people, money can mean HELLA boobies; ya know, someone elses......getting their own..........I've said too much. I haven't said enough.
brokeaccount
+0 -0
THAT'S ME IN THE CORNER, TRYING TO LEARN, HOW, TO, PLAY, LOSING MY RELIGION, ON THE MANDOLIN.
THAT'S ME IN THE CORNER, TRYING TO LEARN, HOW, TO, PLAY, LOSING MY RELIGION, ON THE MANDOLIN.
pogo
+0 -0
That's me in the spot ... light
That's me in the spot ... light
puguglypress
+0 -0
u've said 2 much
u've said 2 much
rustmouth
+0 -0
OK, so who's got the salt to photoshop us a "punk rock Brezhnev"
OK, so who's got the salt to photoshop us a "punk rock Brezhnev"
octafish
+0 -0
Uhhhm, that would be bungdeetle I believe who did it 4 days ago about halfway down the page.
Uhhhm, that would be bungdeetle I believe who did it 4 days ago about halfway down the page.
captainpeepers
+0 -0
Out of all the dead Welsh, only St. Hoppy has a halo. Blister has a halo as well.
using basic Algebra we conclude...
Out of all the dead Welsh, only St. Hoppy has a halo. Blister has a halo as well.
using basic Algebra we conclude...
bizarro8mybaby
+0 -0
the obvious question is...
How does Ramses open a twist-off beer?
the obvious question is...
How does Ramses open a twist-off beer?
Beef's face is my happiness.
Poor Lyle. Whatever manhood he thought he had, it was finally stolen by Ramses at the reception.
A comment left by tibcoolbreeze was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by c_wiz, Professorbun, mrsmuckles, alejandroadam)
Well, the man's been known to do interesting things with beer bottles.
A comment left by techiebabe was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by radishes, littlefatdog, rateoforange, Phenalphaline)
You've a low mind, techiebabe. Still gonna give you mad delayed v-chubbs for teh corn-eatin' kitty, btw.
Oh dear, I must be talking to hedonismbot too much, then.
You should see how I cork a wine bottle
...with my penis
oh dear. why would hedonismbot cork a wine bottle with your penis?
Because his is sharper?
this conversation is not going in the way that i think it should be going
Your statement is at extreme odds with the spirit of your avatar
THINK AGAIN
I love me some hairy Scotchman, yes I do.
I MUST KNOW WHAT THIS IS FROM.
Fear the dreadful imperative of my capslock key. Please?
Zardoz.
Oh, that one you were discussing before where he's the last fertile man in the future, or something? Sweet.
The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life, and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill!
OH MY GOD MY BAND TOTALLY USED THAT SAMPLE IN A SONG. WHAT.
I think there's something wrong with assetbar, this Zardoz post isn't showing the million Chubbies it should have
ZARDOZ
ZARDOZ
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
YOU ARE RUINING OUR INTELLECT, HEDONISMBOT.
...which is a shame, because dick, vag, and cornhole jokes are the basis of all good comedy routines.
See, that's not the first thing that would occur to me as something interesting per se, but perhaps you find such things more interesting than I do.
Actually, it's because you don't recall Carl Veldt.
...perfect spiral, scientists are still figuring it out...
A comment left by keir was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by Deusoma, techiebabe, mystkmanat, Smoke)
Keir is here to tell you about how to be a better person, according to him.
women are sluts lol
ESPECIALLY THE ONES WITH BASKETBALL TEAMS AMIRITE?
theirateturk speaks from painful personal experience.
KEEP PUSHING ME I DARE YOU MOTHER FUCKER KEEP DOING IT
I'm told you can hear the wind whistle through your ex when she walks. Is this true? It's just something heard once. Sounds like something that's be true
I've heard you can play "Hot Cross Buns" on her, during a deep kiss.
Is it Hilarious?
[x] Yes
[ ] No
I hear she wanted to get buried in a Y-shaped coffin.
....and then she still put out.
my great uncle once told me about he was in a strip club in veitnam and i guess if you put a beer bottle on the stage platform the girl would come over and insert it without using her hands , anyway he said he accidentally set his ice cold beer on the stage, a girl came over and shoved it right up her cooter and i guess she didnt like it cause he still has a dent in his head were she broke the bottle on him. true story.
H-H-Huh!
TOLD YOU SO
I never got the whole "picking things up with your vagina" gag. Is it supposed to be sexy? Are dudes looking for a lady that could crush their wangus like a couple of V8 cans?
Or is it just showing off all that kegelling they've done?
Don't get me started on vaginas that smoke!
Their breath is atrocious.
It's like kissing an ashtray.
Would the filtered-cigs/sucking on Kotex joke be TOO redundant here?
This is a perfect question for an old-timer like me. Yes, Another Doll, it is all about the tightness. A penis is not actually all that sensistive in the touch or warmth department, but it can really feel pressure, being basically a balloon filled with blood. So the tight twat wins the praise. [Sidenote: Women who have only delvireed children through Cesarian operations tend to maintain tightness all their lives. Discuss the implications.]
Quote:
and there, with one fell swoop, went the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality
I can make mine into a little (giant) balloon giraffe
It's for the best, girls are a lot hotter anyway.
Which brings up a question:
If the above disturbing comment from Pogo indicates a male's preference for vaginas, what of a bi/lesbo/whathaveyou lady's preference?
I would assume that, for the chicks what do other chicks, it would come down to look, taste, and cleanliness (all three of which are surely interconnected). This is going from my personal taste in punani, when thought from a purely no-dick-involved perspective.
Not sayin' that that's all a fella or a dame would be looking for - obviously, the actual person is most important, don't split hairs with me. Nonetheless, surely a preference must enter into all participating individual's minds, with some worried about it more than others.
From a purely girl's bits perspective: what do the femmes that prefer, prefer?
I'm just gonna go ahead and ruin it for the other side of sexuality by pointing out that your average vagina is, in a manner of speaking, a mucus-secreting balloon.
ALRIGHT THEN FUCK IT
reptiles only for me i guess
I have some relevant anime if you're interested.
Possibly the creepiest post ever written on Acheworld.
I try, thanks for the respect.
Because of the blood? How did we all think it worked? Ethylene glycol?
This was not even the creepiest post Pogo has written, let alone in all of Assetbar. Personally I nominate AIU, on his relationship to Ed Gein. No, I'm not going to go find it and post link.
Quote:
I've always imagined a workforce of little dudes turning a crank, which raises a crane-like mechanism.
The image complicates arousal somewhat, yes.
D-dad?
The idea is that vaginas are awesome
Go on....
Interesting things resulting in death . Sheesh.
A comment left by ntopp was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by KilroyWasHere, sirhan_duran, apocowarg, gladi8orrex, JTTuba, Jesler729, dizneedave, Bophur, SaintTim, DESTROY_YOU, snidedk, woodenteeth, thebaddoctor, Crater12, sigmacoder, miseryandthesun, coldfrog, mendenbar, SelbenCoirlo, campincarl, biff)
Interesting things resulting in death . Sheesh.
A comment left by ntopp was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by KilroyWasHere, sirhan_duran, apocowarg, gladi8orrex, JTTuba, Jesler729, Amul, dizneedave, Bophur, DESTROY_YOU, snidedk, loneal, thebaddoctor, Crater12, sigmacoder, miseryandthesun, coldfrog, mendenbar, SelbenCoirlo, campincarl, biff)
The heck? I only hit the button once, officer. I swear. This was a set up! You got the wrong man! You can't stop the signal! HACK THE PLANET!!
*hauled away in handcuffs*
YOU HACKED THE GIBSON
I like how they alternate having one chubby and one lame each.
we doin' this
Somebody fucked it up.
But it's still even! We doin' this!
I appreciate what you're doin' there, but I was kind of hoping not to have an ever-increasing number of lames based on an assetbar-specific glitch, if at all possible.
Man, you've gotten 22 chubbies out of this mess! Do you know how many people in this place would kill a man for 22 chubbies?
To be completely honest, I would kill 22 men for the one chubby.
Hello officer, I would like to report a multiple homicide. >:[
Wouldn't that be a multiple chubicide?
I admit it. I fucked it up - I increased each positive integer to two after loneal's comment.
I... I... just couldn't resist turning it into some sort of absurd symmetry.
It's actually still symentrical.
There are strange things afoot at the Circle K
If only it gave you four chubbies instead of one, I would die a happy man
there was this outta the way bar in Camarillo called "Gold Street". inside, it resembled the bar in patrick swayze's ass kicking flick "Roadhouse".
the bartendar was the spitting image of Huey Lewis. He wore this sweatband which made appear more 80's than someone who already looks like Huey should go for.
anyways, he'd do this cool thing whereby he's open your twist off bottle with his forearm. he'd just jam into the muscle, flex and twist.
he was big too. could prolly kick huey's, ramses and swayze's ass all at once.
That bottle cap is going to end up in Pat's plate of faux-fu (it's for the tofu intolerant). Pat doesn't eat tofu because it's production is threatening the habitat of the red-legged snipe in Virgiia. The red-legged snipe feeds primarily on the green armor beetle. An armor beetle once flew into Pat's hair, so he's now aligned with the snipe.
Chubby for aligned with the snipe .
One good thing about only drinking hard cider and Mike's Hard Lemonade-type drinks is that they are always twist-offs.
Even better, shots have no lids at all.
A comment left by professorhazard was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by loneal, radishes, Dallovich)
Yeah, chicks who drink those things are usually pretty good in the sack. I'm betting Elbrox can give some mighty head after a few of those.
Interesting-Talent-That-I've-Picked-Up-Recently #13:
With some leverage and a slight tolerance for pain, one can open a beer bottle with one's wedding ring. Doesn't even scratch the ring, honest injun.
yes but is the stone still in place?
wifey might think you got rid of the rock for some rock, knowhatimean?
Only crappy little bullshit men get wedding bands with gemstones in them. Gotta go old school: Gold. Round. Done and done.
Exactly. Like a man would wear. People who wear stones on their fingers need to be mobsters, pimps, and women.
Uh, no, this isn't my ring, really, I'm just holding it for a mobster pimp friend.
Lady friend. Mobster pimp lady friend.
I read that as "monster pimp friend". Which would be a pretty interesting friend to have.
Remember that time Godzilla and Shaft had a baby?
I wish!
What about those redneck onyx signets? Those are technically stones and are pretty manly, in a hideous kind of way.
That's the best and most accessible sort of manly.
is that really a thing?
i guess it makes all sorts of sense. you ain't want some jaggedy-ass piece of pressure-formed coal around whilst poking at the insides of computers or cars...
my feelings on this asset are pro.
Mine's made from tungsten, kinda like this...
With a scratch-proof finish that withstands radiation,
a lump of tungsten could fall through Earth's atmosphere,
without being destroyed!
...I bought it for the purdy color.
Ramses is officially the coolest cat that ever did live. Not only did he steal the show at (my opinion) the greatest story arc ever (GOF), but he just stole a man's girl by looking at him and blew the top off a beer bottle. Is there nothing the Man with Blood on his Hands can't do?
Which "man's girl" are you speaking of? If you mean Sondra, we've been given no indication that she's been involved with anyone post-Ramses. I imagine that after you ride with Rodney, just any old carburetor salesman from Tupelo with an interest in model trains won't exactly cut the mustard.
He stole her away from Lyle. The cad.
Lyle was sitting next to her, yes. Does that mean she was his "girl"? Somehow I don't think so.
Absent any further information, I am going to stick with the idea that their proximity was coincidental, and not indicative.
Are you uncomfortable with the idea that Sondra and Lyle might be...
Fuckin'
It's not a matter of uncomfortable . It's more a matter of cognitive dissonance .
Sondra is far too cultured and feminine to willingly interact with someone who projectile vomits as a sport.
With someone who is a Registered Asshole .
Have you met a lot of women?
What are they like?
They go weak in the knees for Registered Assholes.
Is that what I've been doing wrong?
Probably.
Naw man. I mean I guess some of them do, but I think that is for the most part a groundless stereotype. Do not get me started on the guys who complain about how they are so nice and how come the jerks always get the girl, because those guys are almost always jerks who give themselves too much credit.
Really? The way I've always understood it is that the self-proclaimed "nice guys" are usually just spineless sycophants, blindly throwing their convictions and desires under the bus in order to engender some level of harmony within the relationship, when in actuality they're making themselves some of the least desirable men in existence.
I think the whole "chicks dig assholes" cliche comes from the fact that women (and, let's face it, men too) are attracted to confidence, and confidence is easily mistaken for assholism. The reverse holds true as well, which is why some people really do end up with total jerks.
I just know what other women have told me, though... since you actually deal with these sorts of guys I imagine you've probably got one up on me.
I don't think we're contradicting each other. I would just add that becoming a "spineless sycophant" makes you undesirable not just because you lack the attractive force of confidence, but also because you usually end up being all passive aggressive and clingy while simultaneously congratulating yourself for being morally superior to other men. What's really annoying is that those "nice guys" often also see themselves as morally superior to their desired girl, whom they view as cruelly leading them on (when they might well just be seeing what they want to see) and as using them for conversation/emotional support without sleeping with them (as if a platonic friendship were a carefully plotted punishment). A dude who does that is not the same as the stereotypical asshole who cheats, beats, or mistreats, but he is still a brand of asshole, which is the real reason he doesn't get dates.
No, now that you put it that way I can see that we're saying pertty much the same thing, though I've never looked at it in those terms before.
Next time I talk to one of "those guys" whining about being lonely, I think I'll share this perspective with them. Every guy knows one of "those guys" and we hate listening to them spill angst everywhere too.
I know I shouldn't post this, but while we're being honest, as one of "those guys" I feel a great urge to say screw you both and may your genitals rot off in the midst of your confidence-inspired fucking. But I won't say it.
It's a Will Someone Please Fuck Elbox...
I'm sorry, I can't go through with this. This feels so empty.
Ya.. I'm gonna speak up too. As a chick who's only ever dated "Nice" guys- No guy is ever as "nice" as he believes himself to be. Every guy (and chick, I'll be honest) either hides that asshole bit of their personality, or doesn't quite realize their asshole-ness.. it only comes out through time, and through the test of a relationship. So therefore, everyone is nice, everyone is an asshole, and the world all balances out.
GOOOOD TIIIIITS
What she said. I concur.
Usually, it comes with encounters with dudes with reasonably attractive girlfriends, whom they tell one to many insensetive jokes about that are grudgingly tolerated.
Though the fact that the 'nice guy' cannot find a girl themselves falls under either of your explanations.
Most nice guy whine-whine types are just passive aggressive fellows, who aren't really funny enough to be a jerk.
There are plenty of legitimately nice people who are alone, but the reason isn't because they're too nice. More than likely, they're just boring as hell.
Also, this guy is single and looking ladies, so line up smallest to tallest.
Yikes.
He's like a real-life, less literary Nice Pete.
I am very, very scared.
Word.
https://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml
This one is good.
There's a lot of good shit there.
Sometimes I will call my own cats "cool cats" just because they're my buddies, and it takes me a second to realize they are also literal cats.
OK Squeeze fan, cool your boots.
"Tempted" is such a weak song in comparison yet it's that much more popular! But...but I'm glad that Squeeze scored such a big hit. Good for them.
Give me the one-two punch of "Pulling Mussels (from the Shell)" and "Another Nail for My Heart" any time.
Basically anything sung by Tilbrook is good with me. "Tempted" just always seemed so terribly out of place.
I definitely call my dog who is named Judy J-Dog.
It started out non-ironic, but I'm not so sure anymore.
I literally did not even realise that was Lyle.
Good to have you back with us
Some other people had trouble recognizing him a few strips ago, too. I do not understand this. Lyle's mouth setup is unmistakable. It looks like a mustache with a big tongue hanging out. Whenever a dude looks like he is constantly sticking his tongue out at everyone, that dude is Lyle.
Or Einstein.
You, loneal, and Falseprophet are basically the last monuments of the handface era on AssetBar.
oi.
eatmorekix is still a handfacebabe as well, I do believe!
But also yay, I was wondering where hecci had got to.
But also yeah, I find Lyle's hair horrifying.
woodenteeth, we're not female, we don't count.
though I guess falseprophet isn't female either. Maybe it's just that we're not memorable.
MAKE IT A COOL SWITCHING GIF!!
that's where the sun makes note of your face.
I guess I've somehow not pieced together the hands faces creating a handface in some avatars.
That era is still riding strong, I guess.
DAMMIT ASSETBAR MY PLUS SIGN! YOU HUNGRY ASS!
Last of the HandFace Avarcons, it'd be a shame to blow it up.
Mad Max reference. Sneaky.
In a loose association the Front End Loader album "Last of the V8 Interceptors" is one of my favourite of all time... and probably the only reason I got the reference.
Yeah, I figure I got to change it pretty soon, but elbox says I probably get undeserved chubbies from people who like what's goin' on in that picture, and it feels like a fool move to cut off a source of chubby revenue.
You could always go the fattybeaver route.
Seconded
Jeez, man, I'm standing right here . This must feel a little awkward for you, huh?
i think i'm finally gonna join the Tekende fan club.
yup.
ha, I'd forgotten that thing even existed. I guess you've all been wondering what happened to the monthly newsletter, huh.
Missed you terribly.
yeah, kinda brought me down there... USE YER TEETH BOY.
I'm surprised that one of Molly's brothers is trying this with a digital camera. I would have guessed they'd use one of those oldstyle cameras that you have to stand still for 10 minutes or else it blurs.
Bleddyn finally got with the times , baby.
Did you go look up his name?
Chubby for the effort.
What effort? That's Arwel, not Bleddyn. See for yourself.
Not only is it digital, its one of those Mexican realism ones. I guess the image has to be printed to show the realism though
Molly codes. Bleddyn is into digital photography. Taffy is a video game genius...
I see a thread.
You spend three hundred years in Heaven, you're gonna pick up some hobbies.
No one up there can code in Assembly, though. It's all, ching chong, wing wong.
You'd think people in Heaven would be good at assembly. They'd be all peering into the near-infinitely unfathomable workings of the universe written into the fabric of every piece of baryonic matter and deciding that code that looks like your cat walked across your keyboard is mice-nuts in comparison.
Having self taught myself x86 ASM in college, I just HAD to chubby this. It really is all ching chong, wing wong. Screwed me up for life. They need a recovery program for ex-ASM coders..
Repne scasb
An anagram for "pener scabs." Interesting. Very interesting.
"preen c bass"
"Preen his ass, C Bass!"
"bans creeps" as well. But what do you do when they just register new accounts"?
bans crepes
brass pence
Spence's bra
Spence's Bar
scab preens / scabs preen
peens crabs
(is peen a verb, or just the round end of a hammer?)
Ben scrapes
Ben's spacer
Bern's space/paces/scape/capes
acne rep's B.S.
P. been crass
(as in Diddy?)
cpr been ass!
(decide for yourself if that means anything; maybe the course was no good, or the guy died)
You should try it now, with the hojillion SIMD and float instructions. It's like programming a normal language with your feet without looking
it's a hellish language and that sort of thing has no business being in Heaven.
a first post which in four hours has not generated chubbies or lames is truly a unique accomplishment. Chubbied for you, good sir :)
Remarkable, isn't it? I almost feel like chubbying it, but that would defeat the purpose....